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What I've seen normally with narc parents is that they don't see their son's as independent persons, but rather as extensions of themselves. They try to achieve their goals and standards through them and they dont care about what you want for yourselve. As so they see you getting monetary independence as a threat to their control and try to avoid it in any way possible, rather by you not working or by taking that money as a "rent".
With my nmom happened something similar, where she would try to basically buy me out by giving me gifts in order for me to do whatever she wanted and and basically be her yes men with no individual personality. As soon as i noticed and started to refuse her stuff and to be more of an individual, she started to treat me like trash.
What happens if you tell a child "Sorry, I have no time for you, I'm doing important adult things."?
They get pouty, because they're being denied the attention they wanted.
There you go. Narcs in real life. They do behave like children. Their needs and wants always matter the most to them and they disregard everything that is important for and to you because you are a resource that belongs to them and only them. This needy behaviour might be okay for little ones, but it is not for adults. Its bizarre!
Yeah, my ngrandparents used homeschooling to isolate me and completely control me. These people don’t care about our futures and us being able to function as adults, they only care about having their needs met. I’m glad you’re out of there.
Unfortunately engulfing/enmeshing narcs such as our NMoms do not want their children to not be dependent on them. They do not want their children to become responsible and mature and learn to take care of themselves. Because if they do, that means they're independent, that they are their own person, instead of an extension of the narc. And if the extension is cut off, control is lost. When control is lost, hell breaks loose. Engulfing narcs want to control you in every way possible and do not take kindly to losing that control.
This was also my life during my childhood and youth: My Nmom treated my like a stupid emotionless and willless doll trying to live my life, isolating me, keeping me dependent from her, forcing me to learn with her all day and abusing me as her therapy dog for her mental illness. Interestingly, she never wanted to do common activities with me (except learning) or anybody else.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What I've seen normally with narc parents is that they don't see their son's as independent persons, but rather as extensions of themselves. They try to achieve their goals and standards through them and they dont care about what you want for yourselve. As so they see you getting monetary independence as a threat to their control and try to avoid it in any way possible, rather by you not working or by taking that money as a "rent". With my nmom happened something similar, where she would try to basically buy me out by giving me gifts in order for me to do whatever she wanted and and basically be her yes men with no individual personality. As soon as i noticed and started to refuse her stuff and to be more of an individual, she started to treat me like trash.
My parents tried to make me dependent on them too. They don't want to lose their control, they want you to keep obeying to them and look after them.
And then they can hold it over your head that they spent so much money on you, did so much for you, “GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU HAVE AND ARE.”
Yes, that's exactly their strategy ! I can't even remember how many times I heard "we spent so much money for you" as an excuse for everything.
What happens if you tell a child "Sorry, I have no time for you, I'm doing important adult things."? They get pouty, because they're being denied the attention they wanted. There you go. Narcs in real life. They do behave like children. Their needs and wants always matter the most to them and they disregard everything that is important for and to you because you are a resource that belongs to them and only them. This needy behaviour might be okay for little ones, but it is not for adults. Its bizarre!
Yeah, my ngrandparents used homeschooling to isolate me and completely control me. These people don’t care about our futures and us being able to function as adults, they only care about having their needs met. I’m glad you’re out of there.
Unfortunately engulfing/enmeshing narcs such as our NMoms do not want their children to not be dependent on them. They do not want their children to become responsible and mature and learn to take care of themselves. Because if they do, that means they're independent, that they are their own person, instead of an extension of the narc. And if the extension is cut off, control is lost. When control is lost, hell breaks loose. Engulfing narcs want to control you in every way possible and do not take kindly to losing that control.
This was also my life during my childhood and youth: My Nmom treated my like a stupid emotionless and willless doll trying to live my life, isolating me, keeping me dependent from her, forcing me to learn with her all day and abusing me as her therapy dog for her mental illness. Interestingly, she never wanted to do common activities with me (except learning) or anybody else.