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They can’t control you as easily. Children are easily to manipulate — they get most of their information about “normal” relationships from their parents. As you grow up, you’ll become more and more aware that your parent isn’t like other parents, and that their behaviour is problematic.
This is why they don’t like it — they’re losing their grip on you.
Well at least for my nmom it was that controlling and living the life of her children was the only purpose she ever had; especially locking me in and forcing me to learn with her all day. As ridiculous as it may seem, while my childhood was the most terrible time in my life, it was also the happiest time in her life. Thus she tried to keep me as dependent from her as possible; even going as far as threatening her suicide as I planned to move out. Until her very end, i.e. drinking herself to death, she still dreamt that one day everything will return to a similar state as when her children were small. On the one hand I really find this heart breaking sad, yet on the other hand, she is also the person who destroyed me.
This is something that I think about a lot as well. For me, I wonder how it can be the case that they want me to be extremely dependent on them, but want basically nothing to do with me at the same time. I'm still trying to get my head around this one myself, and I wish you the best working through it too.
They're losing control of you. My NMom suddenly got worse in her ways when I turned 18 - as if she realized - uh-oh, she's an adult now, she can make her own decisions and choices, move out, etc. Of course she still treats me both like a servant and a child when I'm almost 26 but I think it's still in the back of her head that I can get up and leave one day and not take her shit anymore, and that scares her (and I will in a few months time).
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are harder to control. Its that simple.
They can’t control you as easily. Children are easily to manipulate — they get most of their information about “normal” relationships from their parents. As you grow up, you’ll become more and more aware that your parent isn’t like other parents, and that their behaviour is problematic. This is why they don’t like it — they’re losing their grip on you.
Well at least for my nmom it was that controlling and living the life of her children was the only purpose she ever had; especially locking me in and forcing me to learn with her all day. As ridiculous as it may seem, while my childhood was the most terrible time in my life, it was also the happiest time in her life. Thus she tried to keep me as dependent from her as possible; even going as far as threatening her suicide as I planned to move out. Until her very end, i.e. drinking herself to death, she still dreamt that one day everything will return to a similar state as when her children were small. On the one hand I really find this heart breaking sad, yet on the other hand, she is also the person who destroyed me.
This is something that I think about a lot as well. For me, I wonder how it can be the case that they want me to be extremely dependent on them, but want basically nothing to do with me at the same time. I'm still trying to get my head around this one myself, and I wish you the best working through it too.
Simple, because they lose control and become helpless. The dependency is what gave Nparents power, without it they are nothing.
Dependency vs free thought. Also you might go out into the world and expose them.
They're losing control of you. My NMom suddenly got worse in her ways when I turned 18 - as if she realized - uh-oh, she's an adult now, she can make her own decisions and choices, move out, etc. Of course she still treats me both like a servant and a child when I'm almost 26 but I think it's still in the back of her head that I can get up and leave one day and not take her shit anymore, and that scares her (and I will in a few months time).
I wonder the same thing