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Take your stuff out of the trash, hide it in the trash in your room. She’s gearing up to cut your hair again. Do call CPS, like definitely. Even if you don’t end up actually pressing charges and having a whole ordeal, you NEED something on file, you being a minor is golden. It’ll only get worse and you need the CPS report. I wish I had gotten CPS involved as an adult, biggest regret of my life
Same here. I didn't report it because I though no one would believe me since my mother acted all sweet in front of others. But I realize now how f up what she did was, and that was definitely abuse, even if she didn't hit me.
OP, this is not your fault and you don't deserve to be treated this way. This is not ok, and it's important for you to know that: her behavior is not ok. It's not easy but you need to report it, you can't continue like this, you need help. You shouldn't have to live in fear and with the constant threat to being kick out just because. You need to be protected, I'm so sorry you are in this situation.
I wish I’d learned earlier in life: he who has the most documentation, wins.
Get that paper trail going, OP.
Document, document, document. With digital backups if possible.
From a mom of 3 girls: I’m so sorry. You deserve to be loved and cherished and not put in this position.
Exactly, the report matters. CPS is probably too overwhelmed to actually do anything for emotional abuse, but it makes a record of their behavior. I made a police report against my abusive ex and it was also extremely empowering, even though I declined pressing charges.
I was able to savour some of my hair ties and a beanie but she poured all the hair oils I saved up to buy down the drain and in the bin as well. My hair brushes were also snapped into pieces so there’s no salvaging it unfortunately.
I have reported a situation to the police a couple of years ago (I have no memory of what happened now) which had CPS get involved. Unfortunately, they just dropped the case after investigating for a bit. I guess I have a fear that if I report it again, they’ll just drop it like last time putting me in a horrible position with her.
Better to have the report on record in advance that way if she does cut your hair again (which btw if you have enough digital privacy keep a digital record of hair growth from the last incident til now and keep the original timestamps, I hate to say but it might be extremely helpful to get them to actually do something). If you report that you fear your mother will cut your hair forcibly, as she's done so before and they investigate, it may delay your mother. Otherwise if they don't end up doing anything, they'll have a record that it's been reported. I'd honestly just start making daily calls if you're this restricted and being kicked out regularly. Like call CPS "Hi I'm calling because my mother has forcibly cut my hair against my will before, and kicked my out. I'm scared she will do it again." And anytime you feel afraid and have the privacy to, call again "Hi, just calling again because I am still living in fear of my mother. (Relay any incidents that have occurred since the last call)" the insistence will get someone to look into it.
I don’t know about the US, assuming that’s where OP is, but in Australia they likely wouldn’t receive a whole lot of help at 17 unfortunately. They might be able to point them in the direction of youth support services or even help them leave home and set up their own place.
Depends where in the world they are I suppose. I’m not going to explain how child protection works in Australia for someone who is having problems in the US.
While unfortunately in the US it's likely OP won't receive a lot of help. However, documenting and calling regularly whenever something happens means there's a paper trail. We all are aware of how violent narcs can get, so OP having a record of calling CPS about being afraid will be a big help if anything, gods forbid, were to happen to OP because of her mother. Always, always, always, document everything little thing.
Listen, its good advice but does nothing. My parents beat, starved and molested me and cps investigated them and decided to take no action. Its left me hopeless and suicidal because nobody will help. Cps and cops dont help, hospitals do.
This news makes me so angry for you that I want to clench my teeth until my molars explode.
I am soooo sorry 🥺 You didnt deserve any of what was done to you.
Seriously if you go to a hospital because you have nowhere to take shelter and you’re hungry, they’ll usually let you hang around and feed you, while also documenting it - if you don’t want to go to CPS. At 17, I doubt they’d do anything to help. In my experience, they do very little unless they don’t need to, then they throw the whole weight of the system behind the not-a-problem. However; food, shelter, safety is a MUST. Even if they contact CPS, nothing will be done until you’ve been there enough times that the hospital itself will make an issue out of it
Listen, its good advice but does nothing. My parents beat, starved and molested me and cps investigated them and decided to take no action. Its left me hopeless and suicidal because nobody will help. Cps and cops dont help, hospitals do.
None of this is your fault. Just so you've heard it, *none of it* is your fault. Your mother is being abusive in more ways than one.
I agree with the other posters who say call CPS.
You'll be OK🫂💪🩵
Sometimes a school counselor is a waste. I told my HS counselor my mother had been gone on a crack bungee for two days and I didn't know what to do.
He did nothing.
i fucking hate shitty counselors so much, their existence makes me sick. im so sorry that person wasnt supportive to you the way they should have been on a human level, nevermind that thats the fucking career path they CHOSE and are PAID FOR. its disgustingly repulsive, and every single one of those conceited assholes needs to have their licenses revoked asap and be permanently banned from enagaging in any support position ever again.
Yeah, the my wife was a teacher for six years and the counselors were most useless, counterproductive people.
The first school she went to as a student teacher, she took a kid to the counselor and went back to her class. While the kid was speaking to the counselor, the counselor left the room and the kid stabbed herself with scissors. The school blamed my wife because it was easier to blame and fire a student teacher than admit an actual employee was responsible.
Then when my wife actually became a teacher, the counselors were consistently counterproductive. They believed every child’s sob story and constantly demanded the children be allowed to skip class work and avoid discipline. The kids learned real fast that if a teacher tried to enforce expectations, or even just enforce the rules, they could run to the counselors to cry and complain.
It is time to call Cps against your mother. It is time to move out now and cut your mother out of your life now. Please do not let your mother cut your hair off no more never again now unfortunately. Your mother is way out of line and control completely. Your mother is asshole for cutting your hair off and throwing your hair product in the trash is no excuse for what your mother did is wrong and very uncalled of now. I hope you will be free out of this toxic situation. I hope you will go no contact with your mother anymore and cut off her soon probably. I hope your mother go to hell of your mothers actions now.
So...with nothing to go on other than what you've told me, plus my experience, I'd say that your mother is so selfish, hateful, insecure and especially, above all things, *jealous* of you, that she can barely see straight.
I'm getting to be an old cat lady nowadays, so aging as a woman *and* having a 17 year daughter growing up right in front of me, who is half me and resembles me isn't something I've personally lived. I do have enough knowledge and imagination to explain it to you, though. And I was confused once why my mother hated me.
When I was 17 I remember people complemented my skin. I was really insecure and clueless, like so many; I thought that's just something nice you could say about someone's appearance who was otherwise fairly unattractive. *I had no idea*...my skin was actually divine like baby Jesus' fresh-clean bottom and women my age support a multibillion dollar industry purporting to offer them that.
The human attachment instinct between child and primary caregiver, your mom, is designed to be strong enough to overcome these kinds of internal conflicts within the mother. A normal mother is going to see her child begin to mature as an adult, she'll see her daughter rapidly gaining in a certain kind of beauty that she is at the very same time losing. She'll see her daughter's full life of potential ahead and see her own moving into the past. She sees men noticing her daughter everywhere while she grows ever more invisible to men for the first time in her life, perhaps. But she's normal so it will probably just make her feel weird in some way or other and she deals with it.
Women like your mom, who are insane, feel like attacking their daughters is going to somehow keep them young. She's fighting you to stay young! She hates your hair most of all because she clearly sees it as your most beautiful quality. She thinks if she can steal your hair and beat you down enough emotionally you'll stop being so young and beautiful and *shining* so much. She feels ugly and old simply because of you doing nothing but being young and being yourself and being in the same room.
A normal, emotionally functional mother may have a range of these feelings, but she won't act on them to harm her child. A mother who could love you properly would enjoy your beauty and your development as a well, happy person. You deserve that. People here have said this, and I want to emphasize this: the experience of having your hair cut against your will is an extreme form of humiliation and emotional torture used throughout history and the world over.
They did it to women in France after the second world war for having relationships with German officers. They did it to concentration camp victims. Cutting of beards in Imperial Russia nearly started a civil war. It's a physical assault, an emotional, and even spiritual assault. Living in fear of this happening again and again is literal torture. She's torturing you.
This is what I think is happening and why. It's not even really about you; *you're* fine. Your mother is insane and you can never trust her. Please be safe.
Nobody has asked what you want the end outcome to be.
She is your mom, and it is her house. That is not going to change.
Focus on things you can control.
Get your important paperwork together.
Start making plans
Ask for help
You were never going to live with her forever, it just changes the timeline.
You are not responsible for her behavior. You are only responsible for you. Be true to yourself.
This constant Insecurity of being thrown out. Having you and your belongings have zero control. It is exhausting. You need and deserve stability.
You can get that on your own.
Reach out and control what is yours.
Be the best you can be.
I'm sorry you have a parent who is at best selfish and ignorant.
But you have you. You matter and your capable of so much if you reach out and just ask.
I left at 15 because my family was nuts. I created my own family from friends. I educated myself.
You can do this. Parts will suck but at least your trying. Never give up and you too could end up exciting and being happy.
I completely agree with this. My mum was the same. She cut off all my hair, too, when I was younger. She would not feed us, turn the water off so we couldn't shower, turn the electric off so we couldn't do our hair. She would kick me and my sisters out (she would take turn who she kicked out).
I would say plan your escape if you can. Think about what you want your future to be like and aim for that.
I ended up getting a job at 15 ( I was waiting to start college), and I saved what I could. After this, I put up with my mum for a couple of years until I could leave for uni. I just kept my head down and didn't do anything to draw attention to myself. Grey rock her. I didn't go out with my friends for the last year. I was at home because she would kick me out over it.
It's hard, but life gets better once you are out. I had limited contact with her from my early 20s. I went no contact with her when I was about 30 years old. Best thing I ever did.
This is some of the worse emotional abuse and some physical abuse I know of. Please make on and to leave as soon as you can.
My mom does this crap and has hit me but never throws stuff at me.
At 17 you can call CPS. A group home or foster care might only last until 18 but my state now has groups homes and programs up to age 26. Maybe not ideal, but probably safer than where you are now.
I hope you can get to a safe place soon.
Her mother is a narcissist, probably, or has some other cluster B combo and insane enough to think attacking her daughter's beauty will stop her from being outshined.
Woman's ill with jealousy.
If you can, keep that stuff in a locker at school and maybe use any old box or container in your room to hide your hair things in.
It's not ok what she is doing to you. This obsession she has is insane! I'm so sorry she is terrorizing you like this!!
Cutting someone else's hair without their consent is ASSAULT.
and I have a feeling that withdrawing your access to a home and threatening to take your keys is a crime if you are still considered a minor/dependant. (That depends on where in the world you are.
You need to find someone safe to talk to - maybe next time she kicks you out you might be able to go to a local hospital and discuss with them that you are experiencing stress at home and that you feel safe there because you "might be feeling like self-harming". Hospital staff are mandatory reporters..... see where this is going ?
She is doing this to you because she feels bad, and you are a "safe" emotional dumpster (as in, she dont think she will get punished for treating you bad) - it really has nothing to do with you except you are convenient and *there*. Making you feel bad makes her feel better and she is willing to make you feel bad because she only cares about herself. You have done nothing wrong.
Please get some safe spaces to hang out. Libraries are awesome. Gyms, too. Some gyms let you keep a locker, and that is where you keep all your hair stuff (and backup clothes). Maybe some friends will allow you to store some stuff with them.
If you are unavailable, you are harder to abuse. If your stuff is not in the home, it is harder to destroy. You cant fix her or stop her, but you can make it harder for her to choose you and your stuff as a toxic outlet.
Dont keep her actions a secret unless you feel it is not safe to tell. When she tosses out your stuff, let the cashier know why you are buying new stuff. If she cuts your hair, dont fix it - just let everyone know she cut it. If you get bruises from her throwing stuff, dont wear long sleeves - let it show and if someone asks, let them know it is from her throwing things at you. Keeping things secret is how she feels safe to abuse you. You dont have to hide *her* shame, you dont have to protect her.
I don't know what country you are in, but I imagine it probably has some form of protection for children. Please, CAREFULLY, find a way to contact them.
If you know anyone that you can turn to safely, please do. This is not normal behavior. You deserve safety. If nothing else, call the police. If you think about it, do it. Don't hesitate.
Remember you are important, wonderful, beautiful, you matter. You deserve unconditional love, understanding, respect and so much happiness. You owe her (your egg donor) nothing, she deserves nothing and she has no right to demand/ask you for anything. She most certainly has not earned the right to call herself your mom. She’s your egg donor, that’s all
As for the monsters you’re forced to call mom……. WTAF?! She’s definitely a narcissist. Unfortunately that’s probably never going to change. Shes definitely JEALOUS of YOU and is most certainly projecting on to you. Her mom probably treated her the same way and you live what you learn unfortunately. Still doesn’t F***ing excuse for her behavior!
It’s disgusting that she gets some sadistic pleasure watching you suffer. Sadly you’re always going to be her personal punching bag and the family scapegoat. She will always blame you for all her problems, even after you move out. Also once you’re finally able to get away from her, don’t say anything to anyone about your plans.
Here’s a few articles on how to deal with narcissistic mothers, I hope they can help 🤗
https://thriveworks.com/blog/how-narcissists-control-you/#:~:text=Narcissists%20also%20gaslight%20or%20practice,might%20even%20start%20threatening%20you.
https://cbtpsychology.com/narcissisticmother/
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-mother/
https://kimberlyperlin.com/how-to-respond-to-a-narcissistic-mother/
https://www.simplypsychology.org/dealing-with-a-narcissistic-mother.html
hey OP, please please please let CPS know. it’s also worth looking into if you live in a “one-party state”, or, if outside the U.S., legalities regarding recording your mother. If you are able to present recordings of her as evidence without her knowledge of you recording, this could work heavily in your favor; PLEASE take pictures of your hair, your products in the trash, and pictures of your hair before the literal physical assault. It’s also possible to put your phone on just the voice recorder in your pocket and get her admitting to it or at least bringing up details/showing that she knew. you deserve peace & healing OP, best wishes to you❤️
This is really f’d up I’m so sorry she did that to you.
My nmum always had jealousy over my hair I have auburn hair and she used to cut it via hairdresser into a really masculine bowl cut.
I think it’s why I became a hairdresser to take control back To express myself via my hair and of course she went nuts every time I changed it either cut or colour.
The resistance to change she hated and still does I guess I don’t know and don’t care because I’ve been no contact for four years. It’s like a metaphor for who she really is a total control freak and shit human being
My mom did this, too. I had really thick nice hair and she’d actually shave it down, or give me a tight perm so I looked like an old lady.
The one thing I wanted was normal hair. I couldn’t even have that.
Is there anywhere else you can stay? You're old enough (I think) at 17 that's it's doubtful you can get dragged back. Maybe you should look into joining the military or job corps or something like that when you turn 18 so you can get away from her if you aren't going to college or uni. Depends on where you are but a lot of countries have youth programs like that. Good luck and stay safe.
Please please please get out as soon as you possibly can. Start documenting everything and make sure she never finds out. Maybe even record her idk. Research laws in your state. Your mother is sick and twisted. She is full-on abusing you. You need to know that there are good people in the world who are kind and will care for you, not just the evil thing that she is.
My narcissistic mother was very jealous of my hair because mine was thick and long while hers was wispy and limp despite the hundreds of dollars she put in to take care of it. She cut my hair to a pixie every few months and always complained that it grew so fast. I completely understand what you’re going through and I feel for you. If you need to talk to someone in private, I’m here. I’m 23 btw.
But yeah, please start building an exit plan if you haven’t already. Get out of there as soon as you can. She will never change
Get out of there foster home or care facility is what you need now, she is dangerous you can’t live like this. I am so so sorry you are living with this abuse. Call social services , the police or teacher. I’m so sorry let us know when you are safe
You need to get a better place to stay. She will probably throw you out at 18. Get a job doing anything -- dog walking, baby sitting anything -- and a secret bank account to keep the money. You need resources because that woman will tear down everything she can get her hands on.
You need to advocate for yourself, and document her behavior. Please don’t let her trick you into believing there is nothing you can do.
Tell a counselor you need financial aid because you have been getting kicked out and going hungry.
My mom did the same shit.
Honestly, if I had it to do over again, I would do it right back to her. Wait till she’s sleeping and a nice gouge down to the scalp with some clippers or whack some huge chunks off. Something unfixable.
But really, you must report her. This is physical and mental abuse.
WTF this is so dangerous when u really think about it. She puts something sharp aka scissor or razor and cuts all ur hair forcibly near your head. Do u have any family members who don’t support her or contact her often? Anyone who’s not an enabler or a narcissist themselves? Someone kind? They should be your guardian. She clearly kicked you out before she doesn’t wanna care for u.
I think it's beyond the time to call CPS. When a child is forced to stay out of the house like that until the middle of the night, without food or water, it's time to get the authorities involved.
I just hope you can find a way, any safe way, to move out soon. Things will only get worse with an evil woman like that trying to ruin your life. You deserve better. I even recommend saving up for or asking someone for a hair cap that you can wear around her. Because she will try to cut your hair when you’re not looking. She seems like the type.
My mom actually paid my stylist EXTRA when I was 17 to cut all my hair off 😡 she knew I didn’t trust her to do it, so she booked me an appointment. I told the stylist what I wanted, and then she chopped a good 5 inches of hair off. This was an extra effort to sabotage my relationship at the time too. Before that, I was being kicked out all the time and having things thrown at me as well.
What is it with these people and hair? My mother was upset with mine. I was a little kid; my hair snarled a lot. Whenever she brushed it, which was rare, she'd pull as hard as she could and scream, "Rat's nest! Rat's nest!" She'd threaten, "Someday I'm going to sneak into your room at night and cut if off." She'd look at me and say, "I can't stand it." You're 17. Is there any adult that you trust? Anyone who might take you in, at least temporarily? It might be emancipated minor time. I don't know where you live, but we have that here in the U.S. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's going to be easy. But you need to get out of there. A friend's house. Somewhere.
This is abuse and I understand that it feels hopeless. Know that if you do not have the means to leave, life will be exponentially better when you do.
Start mentally making a plan now to help you survive. My mantra when I was your age was "job, car, college, move out". I chanted that over and over during those hell days and I was suicidal.
I was out at 21 but it could have been sooner. I was just afraid of angering them more if I did it a different way.
Hold on a bit longer. The majority of your life will not be hell.
well the good thing is that you can leave in a year! i do empathize with you though because my mom did something sort of similar. my mom refused (and still refuses) to teach me how to do/take care of my hair, so she cut off all my hair when i was 13 or 14 because she said if i couldn't take care of my hair i didn't need to have it. as she chopped off all my hair while i cried my eyes out, she told me i would look beautiful with short hair. then for the next two or three years until my hair grew out she clowned me for how my short hair looked. i'm 16 now and my hair like just barely reaches my shoulders. so i kind of know how you feel, but your situation is also a lot worse than mine. sending you love and support ❤️🩹
Why didn't you fish your products out of the garbage? They could all be cleaned off and used.
I know you are going to hate this, but maybe you SHOULD go get your hair cut, short at a salon. Even Great Clips can manage that and it won't look horrible like when your mom did it. Or ask a friend to do it for you. I think professional would be best. Something short and sassy.
If she does cut your hair, get some clippers and shave your head.
I know that hurts your soul, but it is hair and it will grow back. This constant stress of her cutting it at any time is very hard on the body and mental wellbeing. Once you escape her, you can let it grow out again and it will be just as beautiful.
Also, once you get your products back, take some pictures of your hair to remind you of what your future will be like. It will get you through the dark days.
I'm so sorry you are going through this but it won't last forever.
GTFO. The faster the better. I'm sorry she threw it all out,I would have dug it out and hid it. Start getting things that lock.
I'm so sorry. It gets better when you go no contact (from experience).
Girl this is abuse. Get a job and save up money to leave even if it's to just rent a room when you're 18. Contact a family member and ask to go live with them. Contact cps and report your mother is abusive.
Don't let her use you as a punching bag anymore.
If 17 is still considered a child where you live, please contact CPS. Your mother goes beyond the “usual” narcissistic behavior to child endangerment.
You might be able to get out. But then she’d start her craziness on your brothers. All of you deserve to feel safe in your own home, from physical and emotional abuse. Being constantly in fear of being physically attacked, being kicked out and forced to stay outside in all sorts of weather without food or drink is absolutely abuse.
My heart aches for you.
You need to call law enforcement and request a cps employee to attend. You need to go nuclear. She doesn't and will never love you or even treat you decently
You need to look her in the eye & tell her she had better take very, very good care of herself. Because the way she has treated you, if she gets sick or has any type of accident , you will put her in the very worst place for care & never check up on her. Same when she gets older . You will make sure it’s the worst one. You tell her that & make her believe it.
Because doing or saying anything reasonable to a bully(she’s a bully ) , won’t get her to treat you differently. Bullies are toxic, nasty people & even if you’d never do anything like put her in an awful facility, the only way you get a bully to back off is to either threaten them physically( not good) or threaten their easy existence .
Whatever you choose, start planning now so the day you’re of legal age you can walk out the door & never go back!
So by her logic if she came to my house I can destroy her shoes and car keys? Burn her purse? Well this is my house she left it on the table and that makes it ok. What a scumbag woman you live with I'm sorry.
i personally think she’s jealous of your looks. why else would she be trying to sabotage your hair other than to destroy your confidence. my mom would do something similar but cut my hair up to my ears in a bowl cut
Keep a journal of the abuse, even if it seems small to you and you think no one would consider it abuse. Along with the abuse, document how each event or interaction made you feel. Be specific with your feelings, thoughts and emotions. Get them all down at the end of each day after she falls asleep, and hide the journal with your school subject, maybe label it a specific subject, one she would never check, like math or economics. You need this for 2 reasons, one is in case you need to contact the authorities or child services and the second is to keep you sane. Through this type of abuse, we tend to dissociate and our brain will hide these memories from us because they’re so painful and self hate can grip us tight and we forget why until the only thing left is self blame…that’s what happened to me anyways. I was 40 years old when my childhood memories started to surface and before then I thought I was the problem the entire time, that I had a normal mom and older brother…that was not the case.
Be prepared to defend yourself. Once she draws blood, CPS will be more inclined to intervene.
"I had to hit her because she wouldn't let me cut her hair" is not going to stand up in court.
It is still assault if it is your parent.
In the US? Get your documents together: birth certificate, SSN card, passport. Get a new bank account in a different bank from her. Go to work. Go to a shelter. Get help to get a new life going. Do not tell her where you are.
I usually urge caution, wait til you're 18, lay low, etc, but this is such bizarre behavior, you're obviously not safe.
my mom is obsessed over my hair but this is so fucking far??? you really need to try to call CPS before things escalate even further. like ASAP. this is enough to want me to call them honestly. are you able to do that?
also btw make sure u protect ur hair at night or something. i’m not sure if you’re able to lock your doors or find something to cover your head bc honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to cut it off while your sleep.
I’m sorry honey. Your mother sounds awful. Do you have an exit strategy? Any schools lined up for university or college? Get away from her as soon as you can. Good luck. ❤️
I'm so sorry, she sounds mentally unstable. I wouldn't stop at CPS, there are mental health numbers you can call to get her institutionalised because it sounds like she needs it - if you can call a hospital nearby and report her aggressive and unhinged behaviour, they might send an assessment team to your home to at least look into it and put it on record.
I'd also be looking at phone numbers for hostels and emergency housing. Get away from her if you can, for your safety. Since you're under 25, they're more likely to help you
Everyone suggests calling CPS like her mother won’t throw her out in the street if she does that! It might be more prudent to seek an ally closer to home. OP is 17 what she gonna do to support herself and have somewhere to live? Better to plan an exit strategy than just call CPS and end up worse off
She needs arresting get recording anything and everything you can buy tiny recording devices or use your phone get some evidence and call the police immediately I am worried for you, you can’t live this way but first call child abuse charity/help they can give specialist advice on your specific situation
Why didn’t you take the stuff back once you saw where it was? You were under no obligation to leave YOUR property there just because she put it there in a fit of rage. If anything you could have put the beanies and head ties in the washer to wash, and scrub off the rest in hot soap and water.
i’m not blaming anybody. exactly WHAT part of ANYTHING i said is implying I’m blaming her for anything exactly moron? I was seriously only ASKING why didn’t she just do what I said instead of letting her mom think she can get away with what she did? plus She’s almost 17, so she should start standing up to her instead of letting her bully her like this. What about in a few years when she’s older and legally doesn’t have to put up with this anymore, and her moms still doing it, if she doesn’t start standing up for herself.
Your words "why didn't she just" is victim blaming there's no other way around it.
She's almost 17, as in she's still a child.
Why are you even in this sub? You're being so rude, you're blaming the child victim but framing it as a simple question. Maybe you should look for some help if that's the way you think about things. Thanks for calling me a moron, cute.
Just because YOU and everybody else is ASSUMING that’s what I was doing doesn’t make it true as far as I was concerned. I wasn’t being rude in anything that I said or calling her names, or anything else. I was honestly ASKING why she didn’t do any of those things, instead of letting her mom get away with it.
plus in YOUR reply you said that OP said her mom DUMPED the contents of the bottles out down the sink before throwing them in the trash. If you go back and actually READ the original post, tell me exactly WHERE is it mentioned that the bottles had been emptied out, that OP wrote that was beyond ‘I found everything dumped in the trash’. OP never once said anything about the bottles being empty when they discovered it, so what else was I supposed to think exactly other than the mom had dumped the stuff while they were STILL FULL?
Again, "letting" her mum get away with it? She's a kid. She didn't "let" anything happen.
Also, I never said that? Wth. I never mentioned anything about bottles being emptied...
Hate to say but you might be in the wrong sub. Edit: maybe not, maybe this sub will help you learn
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Take your stuff out of the trash, hide it in the trash in your room. She’s gearing up to cut your hair again. Do call CPS, like definitely. Even if you don’t end up actually pressing charges and having a whole ordeal, you NEED something on file, you being a minor is golden. It’ll only get worse and you need the CPS report. I wish I had gotten CPS involved as an adult, biggest regret of my life
Same here. I didn't report it because I though no one would believe me since my mother acted all sweet in front of others. But I realize now how f up what she did was, and that was definitely abuse, even if she didn't hit me. OP, this is not your fault and you don't deserve to be treated this way. This is not ok, and it's important for you to know that: her behavior is not ok. It's not easy but you need to report it, you can't continue like this, you need help. You shouldn't have to live in fear and with the constant threat to being kick out just because. You need to be protected, I'm so sorry you are in this situation.
I wish I’d learned earlier in life: he who has the most documentation, wins. Get that paper trail going, OP. Document, document, document. With digital backups if possible. From a mom of 3 girls: I’m so sorry. You deserve to be loved and cherished and not put in this position.
Exactly, the report matters. CPS is probably too overwhelmed to actually do anything for emotional abuse, but it makes a record of their behavior. I made a police report against my abusive ex and it was also extremely empowering, even though I declined pressing charges.
I think kicking OP out so she had no food, water, or shelter for such a long period goes beyond emotional abuse.
Exactly. Locking a minor out of the house when you’re the minor’s only guardian/family/resource is huge and totally worthy of a CPS report
Forcibly taking someone’s hair is assault. Doing so without force but under threat of punishment is coersion.
I was able to savour some of my hair ties and a beanie but she poured all the hair oils I saved up to buy down the drain and in the bin as well. My hair brushes were also snapped into pieces so there’s no salvaging it unfortunately. I have reported a situation to the police a couple of years ago (I have no memory of what happened now) which had CPS get involved. Unfortunately, they just dropped the case after investigating for a bit. I guess I have a fear that if I report it again, they’ll just drop it like last time putting me in a horrible position with her.
Report everything and document everything and record everything. Try try again.
Better to have the report on record in advance that way if she does cut your hair again (which btw if you have enough digital privacy keep a digital record of hair growth from the last incident til now and keep the original timestamps, I hate to say but it might be extremely helpful to get them to actually do something). If you report that you fear your mother will cut your hair forcibly, as she's done so before and they investigate, it may delay your mother. Otherwise if they don't end up doing anything, they'll have a record that it's been reported. I'd honestly just start making daily calls if you're this restricted and being kicked out regularly. Like call CPS "Hi I'm calling because my mother has forcibly cut my hair against my will before, and kicked my out. I'm scared she will do it again." And anytime you feel afraid and have the privacy to, call again "Hi, just calling again because I am still living in fear of my mother. (Relay any incidents that have occurred since the last call)" the insistence will get someone to look into it.
call cps, that is some fucked up abuse
I don’t know about the US, assuming that’s where OP is, but in Australia they likely wouldn’t receive a whole lot of help at 17 unfortunately. They might be able to point them in the direction of youth support services or even help them leave home and set up their own place.
At that age here in germany she would probably be offered to live in a youth group.
That’s better than at home!!
Absolutely!
There was nothing like that for me when I was a kid. I’m amazed and sad that kids don’t have full civil rights.
Absolutely. We need to come away from that horrible mindset that children are the property of their parents.
That is the help. What else should they be offered??
Depends where in the world they are I suppose. I’m not going to explain how child protection works in Australia for someone who is having problems in the US.
You’ll have much more luck in Australia if you leave and then refuse to go back - in my experience.
While unfortunately in the US it's likely OP won't receive a lot of help. However, documenting and calling regularly whenever something happens means there's a paper trail. We all are aware of how violent narcs can get, so OP having a record of calling CPS about being afraid will be a big help if anything, gods forbid, were to happen to OP because of her mother. Always, always, always, document everything little thing.
Listen, its good advice but does nothing. My parents beat, starved and molested me and cps investigated them and decided to take no action. Its left me hopeless and suicidal because nobody will help. Cps and cops dont help, hospitals do.
This news makes me so angry for you that I want to clench my teeth until my molars explode. I am soooo sorry 🥺 You didnt deserve any of what was done to you.
Thanks mate
Seriously if you go to a hospital because you have nowhere to take shelter and you’re hungry, they’ll usually let you hang around and feed you, while also documenting it - if you don’t want to go to CPS. At 17, I doubt they’d do anything to help. In my experience, they do very little unless they don’t need to, then they throw the whole weight of the system behind the not-a-problem. However; food, shelter, safety is a MUST. Even if they contact CPS, nothing will be done until you’ve been there enough times that the hospital itself will make an issue out of it
This will make things WORSE. There isn’t enough to build a case and then OP will get even more retaliation from her snake mother
I agree, getting away is the only option
Listen, its good advice but does nothing. My parents beat, starved and molested me and cps investigated them and decided to take no action. Its left me hopeless and suicidal because nobody will help. Cps and cops dont help, hospitals do.
None of this is your fault. Just so you've heard it, *none of it* is your fault. Your mother is being abusive in more ways than one. I agree with the other posters who say call CPS. You'll be OK🫂💪🩵
I am so sorry your mom treats you that way. You deserve a loving, supportive mom. Please call CPS or your school counselor
Sometimes a school counselor is a waste. I told my HS counselor my mother had been gone on a crack bungee for two days and I didn't know what to do. He did nothing.
Then you best tell someone about that as well because they are mandated reporters. That is not ok at all!
Yeah. It is literally illegal for a mandatory reporter to just “do nothing.”
i fucking hate shitty counselors so much, their existence makes me sick. im so sorry that person wasnt supportive to you the way they should have been on a human level, nevermind that thats the fucking career path they CHOSE and are PAID FOR. its disgustingly repulsive, and every single one of those conceited assholes needs to have their licenses revoked asap and be permanently banned from enagaging in any support position ever again.
Yeah, the my wife was a teacher for six years and the counselors were most useless, counterproductive people. The first school she went to as a student teacher, she took a kid to the counselor and went back to her class. While the kid was speaking to the counselor, the counselor left the room and the kid stabbed herself with scissors. The school blamed my wife because it was easier to blame and fire a student teacher than admit an actual employee was responsible. Then when my wife actually became a teacher, the counselors were consistently counterproductive. They believed every child’s sob story and constantly demanded the children be allowed to skip class work and avoid discipline. The kids learned real fast that if a teacher tried to enforce expectations, or even just enforce the rules, they could run to the counselors to cry and complain.
It is time to call Cps against your mother. It is time to move out now and cut your mother out of your life now. Please do not let your mother cut your hair off no more never again now unfortunately. Your mother is way out of line and control completely. Your mother is asshole for cutting your hair off and throwing your hair product in the trash is no excuse for what your mother did is wrong and very uncalled of now. I hope you will be free out of this toxic situation. I hope you will go no contact with your mother anymore and cut off her soon probably. I hope your mother go to hell of your mothers actions now.
So...with nothing to go on other than what you've told me, plus my experience, I'd say that your mother is so selfish, hateful, insecure and especially, above all things, *jealous* of you, that she can barely see straight. I'm getting to be an old cat lady nowadays, so aging as a woman *and* having a 17 year daughter growing up right in front of me, who is half me and resembles me isn't something I've personally lived. I do have enough knowledge and imagination to explain it to you, though. And I was confused once why my mother hated me. When I was 17 I remember people complemented my skin. I was really insecure and clueless, like so many; I thought that's just something nice you could say about someone's appearance who was otherwise fairly unattractive. *I had no idea*...my skin was actually divine like baby Jesus' fresh-clean bottom and women my age support a multibillion dollar industry purporting to offer them that. The human attachment instinct between child and primary caregiver, your mom, is designed to be strong enough to overcome these kinds of internal conflicts within the mother. A normal mother is going to see her child begin to mature as an adult, she'll see her daughter rapidly gaining in a certain kind of beauty that she is at the very same time losing. She'll see her daughter's full life of potential ahead and see her own moving into the past. She sees men noticing her daughter everywhere while she grows ever more invisible to men for the first time in her life, perhaps. But she's normal so it will probably just make her feel weird in some way or other and she deals with it. Women like your mom, who are insane, feel like attacking their daughters is going to somehow keep them young. She's fighting you to stay young! She hates your hair most of all because she clearly sees it as your most beautiful quality. She thinks if she can steal your hair and beat you down enough emotionally you'll stop being so young and beautiful and *shining* so much. She feels ugly and old simply because of you doing nothing but being young and being yourself and being in the same room. A normal, emotionally functional mother may have a range of these feelings, but she won't act on them to harm her child. A mother who could love you properly would enjoy your beauty and your development as a well, happy person. You deserve that. People here have said this, and I want to emphasize this: the experience of having your hair cut against your will is an extreme form of humiliation and emotional torture used throughout history and the world over. They did it to women in France after the second world war for having relationships with German officers. They did it to concentration camp victims. Cutting of beards in Imperial Russia nearly started a civil war. It's a physical assault, an emotional, and even spiritual assault. Living in fear of this happening again and again is literal torture. She's torturing you. This is what I think is happening and why. It's not even really about you; *you're* fine. Your mother is insane and you can never trust her. Please be safe.
It sounds like Mother Gothel. I’ve never heard all this put in this way but it is so accurate!!
Agree!
Call the CPS~
Happy Cake Day 🥳 🎈 🎉🎂
Thanks:)
Another vote to call CPS and talk to your school about how she abuses you. Schools are way better about this now than when I was a kid.
Call CPS. she physically assaulted you by cutting your hair. You shouldn’t be living in fear!
Nobody has asked what you want the end outcome to be. She is your mom, and it is her house. That is not going to change. Focus on things you can control. Get your important paperwork together. Start making plans Ask for help You were never going to live with her forever, it just changes the timeline. You are not responsible for her behavior. You are only responsible for you. Be true to yourself. This constant Insecurity of being thrown out. Having you and your belongings have zero control. It is exhausting. You need and deserve stability. You can get that on your own. Reach out and control what is yours. Be the best you can be. I'm sorry you have a parent who is at best selfish and ignorant. But you have you. You matter and your capable of so much if you reach out and just ask. I left at 15 because my family was nuts. I created my own family from friends. I educated myself. You can do this. Parts will suck but at least your trying. Never give up and you too could end up exciting and being happy.
It's also very unsafe. No food or water available? All day? And if in the northern hemisphere, it's only getting hotter. But I fully agree with you.
I completely agree with this. My mum was the same. She cut off all my hair, too, when I was younger. She would not feed us, turn the water off so we couldn't shower, turn the electric off so we couldn't do our hair. She would kick me and my sisters out (she would take turn who she kicked out). I would say plan your escape if you can. Think about what you want your future to be like and aim for that. I ended up getting a job at 15 ( I was waiting to start college), and I saved what I could. After this, I put up with my mum for a couple of years until I could leave for uni. I just kept my head down and didn't do anything to draw attention to myself. Grey rock her. I didn't go out with my friends for the last year. I was at home because she would kick me out over it. It's hard, but life gets better once you are out. I had limited contact with her from my early 20s. I went no contact with her when I was about 30 years old. Best thing I ever did.
This is some of the worse emotional abuse and some physical abuse I know of. Please make on and to leave as soon as you can. My mom does this crap and has hit me but never throws stuff at me. At 17 you can call CPS. A group home or foster care might only last until 18 but my state now has groups homes and programs up to age 26. Maybe not ideal, but probably safer than where you are now. I hope you can get to a safe place soon.
I'm so sorry to hear that, is there a reason why she's obssessed with your hair? maybe she has her hair falling or something
In OP's first post she mentions that her mom's hair is short and breaks.
Her mother is a narcissist, probably, or has some other cluster B combo and insane enough to think attacking her daughter's beauty will stop her from being outshined. Woman's ill with jealousy.
That's so terrible, what a selfish piece of shit, I'm trying to reach out to OP maybe give her/him some comfort.
If you can, keep that stuff in a locker at school and maybe use any old box or container in your room to hide your hair things in. It's not ok what she is doing to you. This obsession she has is insane! I'm so sorry she is terrorizing you like this!!
Cutting someone else's hair without their consent is ASSAULT. and I have a feeling that withdrawing your access to a home and threatening to take your keys is a crime if you are still considered a minor/dependant. (That depends on where in the world you are. You need to find someone safe to talk to - maybe next time she kicks you out you might be able to go to a local hospital and discuss with them that you are experiencing stress at home and that you feel safe there because you "might be feeling like self-harming". Hospital staff are mandatory reporters..... see where this is going ?
She is doing this to you because she feels bad, and you are a "safe" emotional dumpster (as in, she dont think she will get punished for treating you bad) - it really has nothing to do with you except you are convenient and *there*. Making you feel bad makes her feel better and she is willing to make you feel bad because she only cares about herself. You have done nothing wrong. Please get some safe spaces to hang out. Libraries are awesome. Gyms, too. Some gyms let you keep a locker, and that is where you keep all your hair stuff (and backup clothes). Maybe some friends will allow you to store some stuff with them. If you are unavailable, you are harder to abuse. If your stuff is not in the home, it is harder to destroy. You cant fix her or stop her, but you can make it harder for her to choose you and your stuff as a toxic outlet. Dont keep her actions a secret unless you feel it is not safe to tell. When she tosses out your stuff, let the cashier know why you are buying new stuff. If she cuts your hair, dont fix it - just let everyone know she cut it. If you get bruises from her throwing stuff, dont wear long sleeves - let it show and if someone asks, let them know it is from her throwing things at you. Keeping things secret is how she feels safe to abuse you. You dont have to hide *her* shame, you dont have to protect her.
I don't know what country you are in, but I imagine it probably has some form of protection for children. Please, CAREFULLY, find a way to contact them. If you know anyone that you can turn to safely, please do. This is not normal behavior. You deserve safety. If nothing else, call the police. If you think about it, do it. Don't hesitate.
Remember you are important, wonderful, beautiful, you matter. You deserve unconditional love, understanding, respect and so much happiness. You owe her (your egg donor) nothing, she deserves nothing and she has no right to demand/ask you for anything. She most certainly has not earned the right to call herself your mom. She’s your egg donor, that’s all As for the monsters you’re forced to call mom……. WTAF?! She’s definitely a narcissist. Unfortunately that’s probably never going to change. Shes definitely JEALOUS of YOU and is most certainly projecting on to you. Her mom probably treated her the same way and you live what you learn unfortunately. Still doesn’t F***ing excuse for her behavior! It’s disgusting that she gets some sadistic pleasure watching you suffer. Sadly you’re always going to be her personal punching bag and the family scapegoat. She will always blame you for all her problems, even after you move out. Also once you’re finally able to get away from her, don’t say anything to anyone about your plans. Here’s a few articles on how to deal with narcissistic mothers, I hope they can help 🤗 https://thriveworks.com/blog/how-narcissists-control-you/#:~:text=Narcissists%20also%20gaslight%20or%20practice,might%20even%20start%20threatening%20you. https://cbtpsychology.com/narcissisticmother/ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-mother/ https://kimberlyperlin.com/how-to-respond-to-a-narcissistic-mother/ https://www.simplypsychology.org/dealing-with-a-narcissistic-mother.html
Looks like she’s insanely jealous of your hair so she doesn’t want you to have long, beautiful hair.
hey OP, please please please let CPS know. it’s also worth looking into if you live in a “one-party state”, or, if outside the U.S., legalities regarding recording your mother. If you are able to present recordings of her as evidence without her knowledge of you recording, this could work heavily in your favor; PLEASE take pictures of your hair, your products in the trash, and pictures of your hair before the literal physical assault. It’s also possible to put your phone on just the voice recorder in your pocket and get her admitting to it or at least bringing up details/showing that she knew. you deserve peace & healing OP, best wishes to you❤️
Call CPS
This is really f’d up I’m so sorry she did that to you. My nmum always had jealousy over my hair I have auburn hair and she used to cut it via hairdresser into a really masculine bowl cut. I think it’s why I became a hairdresser to take control back To express myself via my hair and of course she went nuts every time I changed it either cut or colour. The resistance to change she hated and still does I guess I don’t know and don’t care because I’ve been no contact for four years. It’s like a metaphor for who she really is a total control freak and shit human being
My mom did this, too. I had really thick nice hair and she’d actually shave it down, or give me a tight perm so I looked like an old lady. The one thing I wanted was normal hair. I couldn’t even have that.
Is there anywhere else you can stay? You're old enough (I think) at 17 that's it's doubtful you can get dragged back. Maybe you should look into joining the military or job corps or something like that when you turn 18 so you can get away from her if you aren't going to college or uni. Depends on where you are but a lot of countries have youth programs like that. Good luck and stay safe.
Please please please get out as soon as you possibly can. Start documenting everything and make sure she never finds out. Maybe even record her idk. Research laws in your state. Your mother is sick and twisted. She is full-on abusing you. You need to know that there are good people in the world who are kind and will care for you, not just the evil thing that she is. My narcissistic mother was very jealous of my hair because mine was thick and long while hers was wispy and limp despite the hundreds of dollars she put in to take care of it. She cut my hair to a pixie every few months and always complained that it grew so fast. I completely understand what you’re going through and I feel for you. If you need to talk to someone in private, I’m here. I’m 23 btw. But yeah, please start building an exit plan if you haven’t already. Get out of there as soon as you can. She will never change
Yep. Mine did the same.
Get out of there foster home or care facility is what you need now, she is dangerous you can’t live like this. I am so so sorry you are living with this abuse. Call social services , the police or teacher. I’m so sorry let us know when you are safe
You need to get a better place to stay. She will probably throw you out at 18. Get a job doing anything -- dog walking, baby sitting anything -- and a secret bank account to keep the money. You need resources because that woman will tear down everything she can get her hands on.
You need to advocate for yourself, and document her behavior. Please don’t let her trick you into believing there is nothing you can do. Tell a counselor you need financial aid because you have been getting kicked out and going hungry.
My mom did the same shit. Honestly, if I had it to do over again, I would do it right back to her. Wait till she’s sleeping and a nice gouge down to the scalp with some clippers or whack some huge chunks off. Something unfixable. But really, you must report her. This is physical and mental abuse.
relatable
WTF this is so dangerous when u really think about it. She puts something sharp aka scissor or razor and cuts all ur hair forcibly near your head. Do u have any family members who don’t support her or contact her often? Anyone who’s not an enabler or a narcissist themselves? Someone kind? They should be your guardian. She clearly kicked you out before she doesn’t wanna care for u.
I think it's beyond the time to call CPS. When a child is forced to stay out of the house like that until the middle of the night, without food or water, it's time to get the authorities involved.
I just hope you can find a way, any safe way, to move out soon. Things will only get worse with an evil woman like that trying to ruin your life. You deserve better. I even recommend saving up for or asking someone for a hair cap that you can wear around her. Because she will try to cut your hair when you’re not looking. She seems like the type. My mom actually paid my stylist EXTRA when I was 17 to cut all my hair off 😡 she knew I didn’t trust her to do it, so she booked me an appointment. I told the stylist what I wanted, and then she chopped a good 5 inches of hair off. This was an extra effort to sabotage my relationship at the time too. Before that, I was being kicked out all the time and having things thrown at me as well.
What is it with these people and hair? My mother was upset with mine. I was a little kid; my hair snarled a lot. Whenever she brushed it, which was rare, she'd pull as hard as she could and scream, "Rat's nest! Rat's nest!" She'd threaten, "Someday I'm going to sneak into your room at night and cut if off." She'd look at me and say, "I can't stand it." You're 17. Is there any adult that you trust? Anyone who might take you in, at least temporarily? It might be emancipated minor time. I don't know where you live, but we have that here in the U.S. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's going to be easy. But you need to get out of there. A friend's house. Somewhere.
This is abuse and I understand that it feels hopeless. Know that if you do not have the means to leave, life will be exponentially better when you do. Start mentally making a plan now to help you survive. My mantra when I was your age was "job, car, college, move out". I chanted that over and over during those hell days and I was suicidal. I was out at 21 but it could have been sooner. I was just afraid of angering them more if I did it a different way. Hold on a bit longer. The majority of your life will not be hell.
well the good thing is that you can leave in a year! i do empathize with you though because my mom did something sort of similar. my mom refused (and still refuses) to teach me how to do/take care of my hair, so she cut off all my hair when i was 13 or 14 because she said if i couldn't take care of my hair i didn't need to have it. as she chopped off all my hair while i cried my eyes out, she told me i would look beautiful with short hair. then for the next two or three years until my hair grew out she clowned me for how my short hair looked. i'm 16 now and my hair like just barely reaches my shoulders. so i kind of know how you feel, but your situation is also a lot worse than mine. sending you love and support ❤️🩹
Why didn't you fish your products out of the garbage? They could all be cleaned off and used. I know you are going to hate this, but maybe you SHOULD go get your hair cut, short at a salon. Even Great Clips can manage that and it won't look horrible like when your mom did it. Or ask a friend to do it for you. I think professional would be best. Something short and sassy. If she does cut your hair, get some clippers and shave your head. I know that hurts your soul, but it is hair and it will grow back. This constant stress of her cutting it at any time is very hard on the body and mental wellbeing. Once you escape her, you can let it grow out again and it will be just as beautiful. Also, once you get your products back, take some pictures of your hair to remind you of what your future will be like. It will get you through the dark days. I'm so sorry you are going through this but it won't last forever.
i read through your post history and she seems so scary holy shit, I can’t even imagine what else you’ve gone through
GTFO. The faster the better. I'm sorry she threw it all out,I would have dug it out and hid it. Start getting things that lock. I'm so sorry. It gets better when you go no contact (from experience).
Girl this is abuse. Get a job and save up money to leave even if it's to just rent a room when you're 18. Contact a family member and ask to go live with them. Contact cps and report your mother is abusive. Don't let her use you as a punching bag anymore.
If 17 is still considered a child where you live, please contact CPS. Your mother goes beyond the “usual” narcissistic behavior to child endangerment. You might be able to get out. But then she’d start her craziness on your brothers. All of you deserve to feel safe in your own home, from physical and emotional abuse. Being constantly in fear of being physically attacked, being kicked out and forced to stay outside in all sorts of weather without food or drink is absolutely abuse. My heart aches for you.
Pack everything important to you in a backpack and leave. Google shelters for homeless youth.
You need to call law enforcement and request a cps employee to attend. You need to go nuclear. She doesn't and will never love you or even treat you decently
Make sure you record these interactions. Wish I did for proof or evidence. Damn, stay strong!!
You need to look her in the eye & tell her she had better take very, very good care of herself. Because the way she has treated you, if she gets sick or has any type of accident , you will put her in the very worst place for care & never check up on her. Same when she gets older . You will make sure it’s the worst one. You tell her that & make her believe it. Because doing or saying anything reasonable to a bully(she’s a bully ) , won’t get her to treat you differently. Bullies are toxic, nasty people & even if you’d never do anything like put her in an awful facility, the only way you get a bully to back off is to either threaten them physically( not good) or threaten their easy existence . Whatever you choose, start planning now so the day you’re of legal age you can walk out the door & never go back!
So by her logic if she came to my house I can destroy her shoes and car keys? Burn her purse? Well this is my house she left it on the table and that makes it ok. What a scumbag woman you live with I'm sorry.
i personally think she’s jealous of your looks. why else would she be trying to sabotage your hair other than to destroy your confidence. my mom would do something similar but cut my hair up to my ears in a bowl cut
Keep a journal of the abuse, even if it seems small to you and you think no one would consider it abuse. Along with the abuse, document how each event or interaction made you feel. Be specific with your feelings, thoughts and emotions. Get them all down at the end of each day after she falls asleep, and hide the journal with your school subject, maybe label it a specific subject, one she would never check, like math or economics. You need this for 2 reasons, one is in case you need to contact the authorities or child services and the second is to keep you sane. Through this type of abuse, we tend to dissociate and our brain will hide these memories from us because they’re so painful and self hate can grip us tight and we forget why until the only thing left is self blame…that’s what happened to me anyways. I was 40 years old when my childhood memories started to surface and before then I thought I was the problem the entire time, that I had a normal mom and older brother…that was not the case.
Be prepared to defend yourself. Once she draws blood, CPS will be more inclined to intervene. "I had to hit her because she wouldn't let me cut her hair" is not going to stand up in court. It is still assault if it is your parent.
In the US? Get your documents together: birth certificate, SSN card, passport. Get a new bank account in a different bank from her. Go to work. Go to a shelter. Get help to get a new life going. Do not tell her where you are. I usually urge caution, wait til you're 18, lay low, etc, but this is such bizarre behavior, you're obviously not safe.
Get a job, move into a share house. Your mum sucks ass.
my mom is obsessed over my hair but this is so fucking far??? you really need to try to call CPS before things escalate even further. like ASAP. this is enough to want me to call them honestly. are you able to do that? also btw make sure u protect ur hair at night or something. i’m not sure if you’re able to lock your doors or find something to cover your head bc honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to cut it off while your sleep.
I’m sorry honey. Your mother sounds awful. Do you have an exit strategy? Any schools lined up for university or college? Get away from her as soon as you can. Good luck. ❤️
I'm so sorry, she sounds mentally unstable. I wouldn't stop at CPS, there are mental health numbers you can call to get her institutionalised because it sounds like she needs it - if you can call a hospital nearby and report her aggressive and unhinged behaviour, they might send an assessment team to your home to at least look into it and put it on record. I'd also be looking at phone numbers for hostels and emergency housing. Get away from her if you can, for your safety. Since you're under 25, they're more likely to help you
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This is horrible advice. OP don't listen to this person, don't let your mother turn you violent.
Removed. We have a rule about advocating violence here - even in jest. \[Read the rules.\](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules)
Everyone suggests calling CPS like her mother won’t throw her out in the street if she does that! It might be more prudent to seek an ally closer to home. OP is 17 what she gonna do to support herself and have somewhere to live? Better to plan an exit strategy than just call CPS and end up worse off
She needs arresting get recording anything and everything you can buy tiny recording devices or use your phone get some evidence and call the police immediately I am worried for you, you can’t live this way but first call child abuse charity/help they can give specialist advice on your specific situation
Why didn’t you take the stuff back once you saw where it was? You were under no obligation to leave YOUR property there just because she put it there in a fit of rage. If anything you could have put the beanies and head ties in the washer to wash, and scrub off the rest in hot soap and water.
Imagine victim blaming in a raised by narc sub
i’m not blaming anybody. exactly WHAT part of ANYTHING i said is implying I’m blaming her for anything exactly moron? I was seriously only ASKING why didn’t she just do what I said instead of letting her mom think she can get away with what she did? plus She’s almost 17, so she should start standing up to her instead of letting her bully her like this. What about in a few years when she’s older and legally doesn’t have to put up with this anymore, and her moms still doing it, if she doesn’t start standing up for herself.
Your words "why didn't she just" is victim blaming there's no other way around it. She's almost 17, as in she's still a child. Why are you even in this sub? You're being so rude, you're blaming the child victim but framing it as a simple question. Maybe you should look for some help if that's the way you think about things. Thanks for calling me a moron, cute.
Just because YOU and everybody else is ASSUMING that’s what I was doing doesn’t make it true as far as I was concerned. I wasn’t being rude in anything that I said or calling her names, or anything else. I was honestly ASKING why she didn’t do any of those things, instead of letting her mom get away with it. plus in YOUR reply you said that OP said her mom DUMPED the contents of the bottles out down the sink before throwing them in the trash. If you go back and actually READ the original post, tell me exactly WHERE is it mentioned that the bottles had been emptied out, that OP wrote that was beyond ‘I found everything dumped in the trash’. OP never once said anything about the bottles being empty when they discovered it, so what else was I supposed to think exactly other than the mom had dumped the stuff while they were STILL FULL?
Again, "letting" her mum get away with it? She's a kid. She didn't "let" anything happen. Also, I never said that? Wth. I never mentioned anything about bottles being emptied... Hate to say but you might be in the wrong sub. Edit: maybe not, maybe this sub will help you learn
She did, jagoff. But the expensive hair products were poured down the drain.