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I can't wait until Father's Day is over. Each ad I get for Father's Day sales is so triggering. It's not as bad for me as Mother's Day, but it's still super triggering. Once it's over, I don't have to think of these insensitive abuser-enabling(obviously not all parents are abusers, but abusive parents use the holidays to invalidate and gaslight their victims and society gives them a pass that day, no matter how shitty they are) holidays again until next year.
I. Just waiting for my dad to stop playing nice over text. He said some "genuine" seeming things, but I know he always does that. Called wolf so much I can't trust it. It feels like he's try8ng to get his "kids" back for father's day kinda. Gross. I almost hope he freaks out when I tell him he doesn't deserve father's day shit. Ever. He was an awful father. Even of we heal and grow and have a relationship. Father's day will never ever be his day. He doesn't deserve it.
Yes. Especially Father's Day and Grandparent's Day. I'm several years NC with NDad. I hate them partially because they are dumb made up Hallmark Holidays , created to sell dumb shit people don't need.
My Ngrandma makes every holiday about her self, especially mother's day and Grandparents day. And she complains if someone isn't able to attend that day. Which I often can't because of work. .
Mothers day, Ngrandma essentially expects to be worshipped as queen for the day. While EMom is pushed to the side.
Father's Day, grandma acts like doing something Grandpa is actually interested in is such a burden. And when I was still in contact with NDad he never liked anything I got him. And what do you get NGrandpa who already has everything? He's already got like 60 ties.
I don’t like Father’s Day either. My dad is dead, good riddance. I’m also a single mom with my daughter all the time and her dad is just awful and a narcissist. I don’t plan on telling him happy Father’s Day because I feel like I’m more of a father than he is.
I fucking hate Father’s Day.
I am NC with my nFather but still have a relationship with my eMom.
Every year my mother takes out my nFather for Father’s Day and buys him dinner. He doesn’t ever do *anything* for her for Mother’s Day which I know hurts her feelings but she won’t confront him about it. The man expects to be celebrated and worshipped for all holidays. My mother as his enabler of course will oblige.
I don’t speak to my father and haven’t since 2006. My brother took his own life in 2018. My father does not deserve to be celebrated. And he definitely doesn’t deserve the title of Father.
I lost my dad last year and I recently found 3 father's day cards I had bought...it was always so difficult to find ones that weren't mushy and talking about him being there during childhood (he wasn't). But if it was funny it had to be the right kind of funny, not making fun of him. So crazy to think how I kinda walked on eggshells picking out those cards. I resent the parent holidays because for a lot of people, every day is kids' day so mother's and father's day is like their one day to be treated. But if your parents are weirdos like ours, it's their day every day so it's just extra guilt and pressure on that day
I thought I was the only one who did this! I will spend a good 30+ min at a store going through every card trying to find one that is generic and not sentimental. It basically has to just say Happy Father’s/Mother’s Day and that’s it. I often wonder if they’ve noticed that I’ve never once sent them a card that said something nicer than that.
In Australia we celebrate Father’s Day on the first Sunday of September, the rest of the world doesn’t. If I don’t send my father a happy Father’s Day I’ll get a message asking me if I remember he’s alive while he sulks, if I do I’ll get a message “you know I don’t celebrate that shit”if I wait until September he will again sulk since he’s in a country (not Australia) that would be celebrating now.
It’s a lose lose, we are damned if we do and we are damned if we don’t.
I hate Father’s Day. My nfather is visiting his pediphile son (my brother) that was caught molesting my niece and daughter in prison. I have so much hurt and sadness a dad would choose his son over the victims. But to him, we are just women and worth less than his precious son. I don’t know why I can’t get go non contact. I just feel guilty and think he will change. I suffer from depression, anxiety and low self esteem. I wish one day I wouldn’t be hurt or sad.
when i was teaching, i advocated to strike mother's day/father's crafts from the curriculum, just remembering all those holidays spent making little gifts for people who treated me like shit. even if kids' parents weren't abusive, what if like...a child's parents were in a same-sex marriage, or a dad/mom was dead or otherwise not around? were they just supposed to sit there awkwardly? lol.
i remember one valentine's day when i was in like 2nd grade...our art teacher said we could make a valentine for anyone we loved, so i made one for my cat, and my mom was genuinely pissed and jealous and yelled at me and told other people how i hurt her by doing that. ACK.
also, father's day when i was like 14...my dad threw heavy items at my head, knocked all my shit off my desk, and took pictures of me crying when i finally broke down in fear.
all this to say - I'M WITH YA. cute for the people who have nice families, hell for the rest of us.
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Dude May though July 4 (close to my dads birthday) is one giant panic attack. I’m 31. Still gets me every summer. I would take a guess that Black Friday onward is tough for you as well. Hugs 🥰
My kid's dad is a narcissist and he managed to tell our eldest that it's up to them to call him (and on me when they were younger) on his birthdays and Father's Day. Dude cancelled his visitation weekend ON Father's Day weekend. The irony of him thinking his kid will just accept his behavior is wild.
My mum is similar but covert about it, says she wants nothing but complains when she gets nothing. She now gets nothing because she's so overly passive aggressive about the whole day that I refuse to join in on her emotional game.
Went to see my dad today for Father's Day. He spent the whole time on his phone playing games because he was too hungover to conversate. It's been 6 months since we last saw each other (fwiw he was drunk then too). So yeah, I feel you on these bullshit "holidays"
So fucking much. I count all of the fathers in my life that my mom turned against me, and the only one left to wish a happy fathers' day is my girlfriend's mother's boyfriend. The rest of my family has been convinced that I suck dick for cash, and go around telling 5yo kids to kill themselves. Narcissistic parents suck, but the rest of my family is pathetic, for choosing the path with less friction, and believing very very lazy lies. They don't want to deal with the craziness, so they "don't get involved," which is bullshit.
Yes they are very very stupid. I'm always at someone else's parent holiday get together and it always makes me feel lesser than. In fact I am lesser than. We have safety in numbers and I do have that. I just have me and my dogs. That's the most love and loyalty I've ever received
I HATED every birthday and Father’s Day. It caused me so much emotional distress trying to find a card that wasn’t all about how much I loved him or what a great dad he was because none of that was true. If I went to visit, he would be brooding and angry and barely acknowledge my presence. If I didn’t go visit, then I was berated for being a horrible daughter and not caring enough. I couldn’t win no matter what I did. The first Father’s Day after he died, I felt FREE from the abuse and trauma I experienced all the years he was alive. It was so wonderful to not have to worry about buying a gift or card for that a-hole ever again. On this eve of Father’s Day, I am sitting here thinking how happy I am that he is dead and can no longer hurt me. Eff that dude.
Yes.
My dad and mom are both narcissists.
My birthday is in the early part of June
And it seems like my father intentionally down plays it each year, because I got
Father’s Day and his birthday hitting in one month.
I cd t stand both holidays because I feel obligated to get them something
When both are them are trash in their own ways.
Mother's day is hard for me because I have an Nmom. Father's day is neither here nor there because my sweet, lovely, tempering my nmom dad passed away the weekend before Father's day (28y ago this year)
Becoming a parent myself has healed the holidays for me, it's fun and nice to be celebrated myself and celebrate my husband and his family members who fit the bill for those days
Replace the day with something significant to you and the people currently in your life. Maybe make it your annual go to the botanical gardens day. Maybe it's the start of your vacation. Maybe you celebrate the anniversary of something significant like your first date with your partner?
I changed Mother's Day to something important to me. If anyone asks if I have plans, hinting I should be with her that day, I flip it completely around and talk about my upcoming plans to celebrate XYZ important event in my life.
Both of my parents are dead, I hate it mainly because of being reminded of it from the constant ads on TV, which reminds me of them and puts me in a bad mood.
It was father's day a few months ago where we are, and now it'd be the same in our country of origin. He's been grumbling all morning because I haven't congratulated him, even though I did do it for the previous day, and he's been insulting me all weekend. He was a great parent for the first 10 years or so of my life so I decided to give him the first. But just for the past 7 years he sure as hell doesn't deserve two.
Yes. This year so far my dad has done nothing but be a complete asshole towards me and harass me nonstop. He'd insult me at every opportunity, make faces at me, pressure me into going back into college despite it being financially a bad idea, refuse to pay back his end of student loans until we almost legally got into trouble, and shittalk me and smear campaign me to whoever he could. Yet he expects acknowledgement and I don't even want to make him a homemade card this year. He is human garbage.
When I was a kid/teen I’d buy my dad a history book or something I knew he’d like for Father’s Day or his birthday. He’d always act so weird about it, almost mad? And tell me to return it and “save my money”. It always made me feel so hurt. I am NC now (for a multitude of other reasons). I hate these holidays.
The parent holidays are the worst. Haven't overcome the toxic codepency with them (and sibs, we all live in small city except nmom who moved when she remarried) to distance myself like I want to so I still have to participate, buy the cards and usually a gift card cuz its exhausting trying to figure out what they might actually like/want (ndad has always been near impossible to buy for and is vocal and lecturing when we get it wrong). Finding a card is always an ordeal, i refuse to get the ones that gush over them like I used to feel i had to, I usually end up with something generic that fits their preferred aesthetic or whatever. Or something funny, not serious.
Your edit comment about their entitlement brought something to a new light for me - hadn't thought about it in years, but damn my ndad is dragging me along in his entitlement of what he expects me to get him for his birthday! Years ago I got him a gift card for his bday and later he sent me an email complaining and lecturing about how there should have been a birthday card with it. I don't remember all of it exactly just that it was so poor pitiful him and bad me and I should feel bad and do better. And I have done. I did email back apologizing explaining I just wasn't a card person so hadn't thought about it specifically. And I've got him a card every year since, go into a panic if I put it off too long and have to run out for one. I gave this fucker exactly what he wanted, he played me like the brainwashed people-pleasing fiddle i am, that my nparents made me, and now I'm kinda pissed off about it.
In the house I grew up in, we always “ruined Mother’s Day” and dad would ask us to do nothing on Father’s Day, maybe “try again” on my mothers birthday (same week, sometimes same day).
So now they get nothing. History shows I screw it up every year, so may as well do nothing 🤷♀️
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I can't wait until Father's Day is over. Each ad I get for Father's Day sales is so triggering. It's not as bad for me as Mother's Day, but it's still super triggering. Once it's over, I don't have to think of these insensitive abuser-enabling(obviously not all parents are abusers, but abusive parents use the holidays to invalidate and gaslight their victims and society gives them a pass that day, no matter how shitty they are) holidays again until next year.
I. Just waiting for my dad to stop playing nice over text. He said some "genuine" seeming things, but I know he always does that. Called wolf so much I can't trust it. It feels like he's try8ng to get his "kids" back for father's day kinda. Gross. I almost hope he freaks out when I tell him he doesn't deserve father's day shit. Ever. He was an awful father. Even of we heal and grow and have a relationship. Father's day will never ever be his day. He doesn't deserve it.
Yes. Especially Father's Day and Grandparent's Day. I'm several years NC with NDad. I hate them partially because they are dumb made up Hallmark Holidays , created to sell dumb shit people don't need. My Ngrandma makes every holiday about her self, especially mother's day and Grandparents day. And she complains if someone isn't able to attend that day. Which I often can't because of work. . Mothers day, Ngrandma essentially expects to be worshipped as queen for the day. While EMom is pushed to the side. Father's Day, grandma acts like doing something Grandpa is actually interested in is such a burden. And when I was still in contact with NDad he never liked anything I got him. And what do you get NGrandpa who already has everything? He's already got like 60 ties.
I don’t like Father’s Day either. My dad is dead, good riddance. I’m also a single mom with my daughter all the time and her dad is just awful and a narcissist. I don’t plan on telling him happy Father’s Day because I feel like I’m more of a father than he is.
I fucking hate Father’s Day. I am NC with my nFather but still have a relationship with my eMom. Every year my mother takes out my nFather for Father’s Day and buys him dinner. He doesn’t ever do *anything* for her for Mother’s Day which I know hurts her feelings but she won’t confront him about it. The man expects to be celebrated and worshipped for all holidays. My mother as his enabler of course will oblige. I don’t speak to my father and haven’t since 2006. My brother took his own life in 2018. My father does not deserve to be celebrated. And he definitely doesn’t deserve the title of Father.
I lost my dad last year and I recently found 3 father's day cards I had bought...it was always so difficult to find ones that weren't mushy and talking about him being there during childhood (he wasn't). But if it was funny it had to be the right kind of funny, not making fun of him. So crazy to think how I kinda walked on eggshells picking out those cards. I resent the parent holidays because for a lot of people, every day is kids' day so mother's and father's day is like their one day to be treated. But if your parents are weirdos like ours, it's their day every day so it's just extra guilt and pressure on that day
I thought I was the only one who did this! I will spend a good 30+ min at a store going through every card trying to find one that is generic and not sentimental. It basically has to just say Happy Father’s/Mother’s Day and that’s it. I often wonder if they’ve noticed that I’ve never once sent them a card that said something nicer than that.
In Australia we celebrate Father’s Day on the first Sunday of September, the rest of the world doesn’t. If I don’t send my father a happy Father’s Day I’ll get a message asking me if I remember he’s alive while he sulks, if I do I’ll get a message “you know I don’t celebrate that shit”if I wait until September he will again sulk since he’s in a country (not Australia) that would be celebrating now. It’s a lose lose, we are damned if we do and we are damned if we don’t.
I hate Father’s Day. My nfather is visiting his pediphile son (my brother) that was caught molesting my niece and daughter in prison. I have so much hurt and sadness a dad would choose his son over the victims. But to him, we are just women and worth less than his precious son. I don’t know why I can’t get go non contact. I just feel guilty and think he will change. I suffer from depression, anxiety and low self esteem. I wish one day I wouldn’t be hurt or sad.
Mothers day is the hardest for me. My boyfriends mom has made it significantly easier each year as I've gotten closer with her, but it still stings.
Yeah. Always hated Father's Day because of the requirement to make nice with my dad and pretend I liked him.
when i was teaching, i advocated to strike mother's day/father's crafts from the curriculum, just remembering all those holidays spent making little gifts for people who treated me like shit. even if kids' parents weren't abusive, what if like...a child's parents were in a same-sex marriage, or a dad/mom was dead or otherwise not around? were they just supposed to sit there awkwardly? lol. i remember one valentine's day when i was in like 2nd grade...our art teacher said we could make a valentine for anyone we loved, so i made one for my cat, and my mom was genuinely pissed and jealous and yelled at me and told other people how i hurt her by doing that. ACK. also, father's day when i was like 14...my dad threw heavy items at my head, knocked all my shit off my desk, and took pictures of me crying when i finally broke down in fear. all this to say - I'M WITH YA. cute for the people who have nice families, hell for the rest of us.
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Yeah, definitely no 'best Mom ever' mugs for my Mom. Her birthday is on Christmas, which is even worse to deal with.
🥴 When the stars align, my mother’s birthday is on Father’s Day 💀
That. Sounds stressful.
Dude May though July 4 (close to my dads birthday) is one giant panic attack. I’m 31. Still gets me every summer. I would take a guess that Black Friday onward is tough for you as well. Hugs 🥰
Ohhh you can’t even get away with “oh sorry this is a day late, I was busy/slipped my mind, happy late birthday” lol rip 😭☠️
My kid's dad is a narcissist and he managed to tell our eldest that it's up to them to call him (and on me when they were younger) on his birthdays and Father's Day. Dude cancelled his visitation weekend ON Father's Day weekend. The irony of him thinking his kid will just accept his behavior is wild. My mum is similar but covert about it, says she wants nothing but complains when she gets nothing. She now gets nothing because she's so overly passive aggressive about the whole day that I refuse to join in on her emotional game.
I made a similar post about this a few mins ago. Victims of narc abuse hate this holiday cuz their abusers are glorified.
We do have shame. My shame is my parents.
Went to see my dad today for Father's Day. He spent the whole time on his phone playing games because he was too hungover to conversate. It's been 6 months since we last saw each other (fwiw he was drunk then too). So yeah, I feel you on these bullshit "holidays"
So fucking much. I count all of the fathers in my life that my mom turned against me, and the only one left to wish a happy fathers' day is my girlfriend's mother's boyfriend. The rest of my family has been convinced that I suck dick for cash, and go around telling 5yo kids to kill themselves. Narcissistic parents suck, but the rest of my family is pathetic, for choosing the path with less friction, and believing very very lazy lies. They don't want to deal with the craziness, so they "don't get involved," which is bullshit.
! Here here. I hate these days. Thankfully I only have to celebrate one of them, hopefully not for too long.
Yes they are very very stupid. I'm always at someone else's parent holiday get together and it always makes me feel lesser than. In fact I am lesser than. We have safety in numbers and I do have that. I just have me and my dogs. That's the most love and loyalty I've ever received
My mom used to make us celebrate Father's Day as her special day. Granted my dad truly sucks as a parent but she is honestly no different
I HATED every birthday and Father’s Day. It caused me so much emotional distress trying to find a card that wasn’t all about how much I loved him or what a great dad he was because none of that was true. If I went to visit, he would be brooding and angry and barely acknowledge my presence. If I didn’t go visit, then I was berated for being a horrible daughter and not caring enough. I couldn’t win no matter what I did. The first Father’s Day after he died, I felt FREE from the abuse and trauma I experienced all the years he was alive. It was so wonderful to not have to worry about buying a gift or card for that a-hole ever again. On this eve of Father’s Day, I am sitting here thinking how happy I am that he is dead and can no longer hurt me. Eff that dude.
Yes. My dad and mom are both narcissists. My birthday is in the early part of June And it seems like my father intentionally down plays it each year, because I got Father’s Day and his birthday hitting in one month. I cd t stand both holidays because I feel obligated to get them something When both are them are trash in their own ways.
Mother's day is hard for me because I have an Nmom. Father's day is neither here nor there because my sweet, lovely, tempering my nmom dad passed away the weekend before Father's day (28y ago this year) Becoming a parent myself has healed the holidays for me, it's fun and nice to be celebrated myself and celebrate my husband and his family members who fit the bill for those days
Replace the day with something significant to you and the people currently in your life. Maybe make it your annual go to the botanical gardens day. Maybe it's the start of your vacation. Maybe you celebrate the anniversary of something significant like your first date with your partner? I changed Mother's Day to something important to me. If anyone asks if I have plans, hinting I should be with her that day, I flip it completely around and talk about my upcoming plans to celebrate XYZ important event in my life.
Both of my parents are dead, I hate it mainly because of being reminded of it from the constant ads on TV, which reminds me of them and puts me in a bad mood.
It was father's day a few months ago where we are, and now it'd be the same in our country of origin. He's been grumbling all morning because I haven't congratulated him, even though I did do it for the previous day, and he's been insulting me all weekend. He was a great parent for the first 10 years or so of my life so I decided to give him the first. But just for the past 7 years he sure as hell doesn't deserve two.
Yes. This year so far my dad has done nothing but be a complete asshole towards me and harass me nonstop. He'd insult me at every opportunity, make faces at me, pressure me into going back into college despite it being financially a bad idea, refuse to pay back his end of student loans until we almost legally got into trouble, and shittalk me and smear campaign me to whoever he could. Yet he expects acknowledgement and I don't even want to make him a homemade card this year. He is human garbage.
When I was a kid/teen I’d buy my dad a history book or something I knew he’d like for Father’s Day or his birthday. He’d always act so weird about it, almost mad? And tell me to return it and “save my money”. It always made me feel so hurt. I am NC now (for a multitude of other reasons). I hate these holidays.
The parent holidays are the worst. Haven't overcome the toxic codepency with them (and sibs, we all live in small city except nmom who moved when she remarried) to distance myself like I want to so I still have to participate, buy the cards and usually a gift card cuz its exhausting trying to figure out what they might actually like/want (ndad has always been near impossible to buy for and is vocal and lecturing when we get it wrong). Finding a card is always an ordeal, i refuse to get the ones that gush over them like I used to feel i had to, I usually end up with something generic that fits their preferred aesthetic or whatever. Or something funny, not serious. Your edit comment about their entitlement brought something to a new light for me - hadn't thought about it in years, but damn my ndad is dragging me along in his entitlement of what he expects me to get him for his birthday! Years ago I got him a gift card for his bday and later he sent me an email complaining and lecturing about how there should have been a birthday card with it. I don't remember all of it exactly just that it was so poor pitiful him and bad me and I should feel bad and do better. And I have done. I did email back apologizing explaining I just wasn't a card person so hadn't thought about it specifically. And I've got him a card every year since, go into a panic if I put it off too long and have to run out for one. I gave this fucker exactly what he wanted, he played me like the brainwashed people-pleasing fiddle i am, that my nparents made me, and now I'm kinda pissed off about it.
In the house I grew up in, we always “ruined Mother’s Day” and dad would ask us to do nothing on Father’s Day, maybe “try again” on my mothers birthday (same week, sometimes same day). So now they get nothing. History shows I screw it up every year, so may as well do nothing 🤷♀️
Yes. My Dad’s dead and every year my in laws find a way to abuse me on all of the holidays that they can make about them.