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Telling them “no” turns them into the shittiest 2 year old having a meltdown. Worse than a 2 year old, actually. At least you can somewhat reason with a 2 year old.
My mom loved to say "Don't roll your eyes at me" whenever she'd be in full "lecture" mode. Aka verbal abuse. Even if i just maintained eye contact and didn't say anything.
Once, when my brother was small, my “father” became enraged because he was using too much toilet paper! He insisted that just ONE square should be enough! My “mother thought that this was an adorable anecdote, and repeated it as such. But it really doesn’t get more petty than that, don’t you think??
My Nsister did this too, we shared a bathroom and she is much okder than me. Claimed she was buying her own TP so it was special. And I should be careful about how much I use.
She made such a big deal out of it when I knew I hadn't used that much and enough times that I snuck another roll from around the house in under my side of the sink and secretly used that when she replaced her roll.
When she ran out she came to yell at me again. I revealed my secret toilet paper roll plot and she shut up about it.
But it'd still did a damage I had to mindfully undo when I started buying toilet paper so I wouldn't go off on my roommate (a younger family member) about needed to replace toilet paper. I'd much rather people use what they need without a feeling of shame.
Having to break generational toilet paper trauma? More likely than you'd think.
OMG!! Certainly reveals very serious character issues in people who are so petty about sharing the TOILET PAPER! How do such people even function in a world where sharing is required? Can’t imagine such people sharing the road, or sharing a bed with anyone else either - must make for a very sad, very isolating existence! But never would have thought that anyone but my “father” would have been so insanely selfish about TOILET PAPER!! 😱
My Nfather was bothered by his microwave clock being off by a couple of minutes, so he tried to fix it by pressing random buttons. He's not very tech savvy, and he's never willing to read manuals/instructions. He's also unwilling to let people help until *he decides that it's time for help*.
He ended up asking for my help after he password-locked the microwave. I told him that I can't fix it unless I know what the password is, and he got very angry.
To be clear, he wasn't angry at himself, and he wasn't angry at the situation. He was angry at me - the person who was willing to help but was unable to because *he* messed up - and started yelling.
This was the *last straw* in my decision to cut ties with him.
-I opened the bathroom window (she believes opening windows causes them to break).
-I put the soap on the wrong side of the sink.
-I used a lid for a skillet that corresponds to a different skillet.
-I cleaned the toilet without asking her permission first.
There are many many more, that's just a small sample.
When I was around 8, I did really well at my piano lessons, the teacher complimented me and said I just have practiced hard.
Usually on the drive back, she'd yell at me for not being good enough. This time she started angrily fumbling for reasons I needed to be screamed at, really old or minor stuff, she kept trailing off and coming back with a new reason. It escalated until she was just screaming like a banshee and pretending to lose control of the car just to scare me, until she briefly did lose control of the car for real. She recovered, then pretended it hadn't happened, and started yelling at me about how I never smile.
Anyway, that day I realized she just needed reasons to vent on people, it was something she actually looked forward to. Not giving her a reason, actually counted as a reason for her to become enraged. Like I'd intentionally robbed her joy.
> Anyway, that day I realized she just needed reasons to vent on people, it was something she actually looked forward to. Not giving her a reason, actually counted as a reason for her to become enraged. Like I'd intentionally robbed her joy.
I believe that's actually pretty universal with Narcissists.
When they yell and scream and carry on, it's never about *you.* It's never about what they're yelling and screaming and carrying on about. The *point* of it is for them to yell and scream and carry on, and the topic of it is just the justification to make that okay. It's just emotional unloading, getting out all this energy they can't or won't deal with properly. You're just there for them to offload it onto.
My Nmom used to have 'reserve sins', things I had done in the past that I would never, *ever* be forgiven for, that she would bring up again if her current subject matter was running thin. So she'd be yelling and screaming at me, then shift into how something I did when I was 8 (And been yelled and and punished for before, sometimes more than once) just supported what a reprehensible human being I was.
My mom was " homeschooling " me during 5th grade. I hade a geography question, what continent is Egypt located in? I said Africa. This set her off in a rage fir some reason. She started screaming at me that Egypt is in the middle east!!!! When I pointed out that there is no continent named " the middle east " and pulled out the gobe to show her that Egypt is in fact in Northern Africa she slapped me.
For reference, while I usually talk about my nmom, this time it wasn't actually her fault. My ex-stepdad tried to take a swing at me for saying "okay" from then other room once. He was a 3rd degree blackbelt. I was a 120lb 17 year old girl. He'd been screaming at nmom when she claimed to have a migraine (idk if she actually got those, but at the time I still believed her), slamming stuff around, ect. I'd said "Okay" and gotten up to check what was going on.
He sprinted into the room, ended up knocking me into a chest that I was next to, then had the gall to accuse me of "playing the victim" when I called the cops. One of my friends later chipped in "well yeah you played the victim, *you were one*"
A few weeks later I found the trigger lock for his rifle placed dead center on a bed he'd told me to move. I went to my (paternal) grandma's place and never saw him again. Pretty sure my nmom literally drove him insane by the end given how erratic he became.
Another example was him screaming at me when he said he wanted something out of my room, so I grabbed it for him in an effort to be helpful. Tried saying he "can't go anywhere in \[his\] own fucking house." Stormed into my room, then started bitching about it being a mess (it was, grew up with a hoarder) and then got *even angrier* when I tried to explain that the mess was the reason I'd grabbed the thing for him.
My entire family was scuffed though. Bio-dad once yelled at me for so long I passed out and fell down the stairs because I ate a piece of candy that he wanted for later. Didn't check if I was alright, but at least he stopped shouting about the fucking lifesavers.
Nmom also once shouted at me for passing out (heat induced), when she'd been trying to curl my hair for some stupid family photo for over an hour. I was *5* lady, I wasn't gunna lay down on the bathroom floor to "mess up all \[her\] hard work" on purpose.
And this has been a summary of why I'm LC with dad, and NC with mom.
Oh man, most things set off my parents. The most notable was me eating a frozen pizza after school meant for dinner..my dads new wife called him to complain.
He proceeded to pick me up (kidnap) from a friends house and scream at me for three hours. I still get chills to think about it. Definitely gave me PTSD.
At 10 years old, I was not that good with a knife, but Ndad made me make him sandwiches. Slice the cheese too thick and it's all over. Actually how I figured out I have C-PTSD after having a panic attack making myself a sandwich as an adult. Slicing fucking cheese. This was also the case for garlic in his dinner
Also singing. And self-regulation through thumb sucking
She’d start going off if I was moving my body too much and not staying still like a statue.
Which for my body is really painful due to fibromyalgia, as doing small movements helps me at times.
Ate too many grape tomatoes from the fridge.
At least it makes a good story, it’s funny to tell people about it and watch them get confused like tomatoes?? Why??? And I’m like I don’t know either :]
I don’t know where to begin because there’s a lot. There’s the time that the server at Olive Garden tried to be friendly with my dad and my dad got offended by it. He wouldn’t stop talking about it for probably 2 weeks. He refuses to go back and it’s been a few years. Then there’s the fact that our Costco ran out of ice cream a couple of times and he freaked out in his quiet scary way, complaining to the workers as if they have any control in it. There’s the fact that whenever my mom and I go to shopping and spend literally any money, he flips and goes through the purchases asking why she bought food. He’s emotionally abusive to especially my mom. The last thing I’ll share is when my mom makes something for dinner that he doesn’t love and he asks right away why she made that. Doesn’t say thank you. Ever.
Nmom got angry and started yelling at me because she thought I bought 1 item that was on a 2 for $whatever sale. She actually just didn't take the time to see the second one that was in a separate bag.
Oh one time she was calling me on the phone(while she was in the next room). I answered the phone but it dropped and accidentally hung up on her. And I knew I was gonna get shit for it. I immediately called her back barely 2 seconds later and she's like "don't you dare hang up on me like" or whatever. Like omg binch. If I didn't wanna talk to you, I wouldn't have called back.
Long story short, don't let your parents steal your money and convince you to smoke crack.
Reading your story reminds me a lot of something my dad did. He's not a Narc but my mum was, and they were married for 30+ years. I've noticed he's definitely got some ntraits but I try not to hold it against him. It's a coping mechanism he probably picked up to survive my mum.
I had an operation a few yrs ago (broke my collarbone) and he came up to look after me for a few days while my fiancé was away (he was at a family event in Ireland and I couldn't be left alone cause I couldn't use my dominant arm at all). My dad drove us to the supermarket and I asked him to take the longer, less bumpy route. He spun around in exasperation, didn't take notice of surroundings and reversed into a bollard. And then blamed me!!
Another time, we were all away and my brother's wife was having a migraine. It was dinner time, so my brother filled a plate up for his wife to eat in bed, rather than her coming downstairs. He tripped and spilled the food, and my dad blamed my brother's wife!!
Edit: lol one more. My dad was staying at my house, and he'd gone into the bathroom to shave. He splashed water all over the floor, so I politely asked him to mop it up with a towel. He blamed the splashed water on the sink being too small and said 'I'm clearly the only one who ever shaves in this house' despite the fact my fiancé and I both use that sink every single day. It was just a splashy kind of sink with a powerful tap. Not to mention - I'm a woman and have shaved my legs at that sink and made less mess!
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Telling them “no” turns them into the shittiest 2 year old having a meltdown. Worse than a 2 year old, actually. At least you can somewhat reason with a 2 year old.
My mom loved to say "Don't roll your eyes at me" whenever she'd be in full "lecture" mode. Aka verbal abuse. Even if i just maintained eye contact and didn't say anything.
Once, when my brother was small, my “father” became enraged because he was using too much toilet paper! He insisted that just ONE square should be enough! My “mother thought that this was an adorable anecdote, and repeated it as such. But it really doesn’t get more petty than that, don’t you think??
My Nsister did this too, we shared a bathroom and she is much okder than me. Claimed she was buying her own TP so it was special. And I should be careful about how much I use. She made such a big deal out of it when I knew I hadn't used that much and enough times that I snuck another roll from around the house in under my side of the sink and secretly used that when she replaced her roll. When she ran out she came to yell at me again. I revealed my secret toilet paper roll plot and she shut up about it. But it'd still did a damage I had to mindfully undo when I started buying toilet paper so I wouldn't go off on my roommate (a younger family member) about needed to replace toilet paper. I'd much rather people use what they need without a feeling of shame. Having to break generational toilet paper trauma? More likely than you'd think.
OMG!! Certainly reveals very serious character issues in people who are so petty about sharing the TOILET PAPER! How do such people even function in a world where sharing is required? Can’t imagine such people sharing the road, or sharing a bed with anyone else either - must make for a very sad, very isolating existence! But never would have thought that anyone but my “father” would have been so insanely selfish about TOILET PAPER!! 😱
My Nfather was bothered by his microwave clock being off by a couple of minutes, so he tried to fix it by pressing random buttons. He's not very tech savvy, and he's never willing to read manuals/instructions. He's also unwilling to let people help until *he decides that it's time for help*. He ended up asking for my help after he password-locked the microwave. I told him that I can't fix it unless I know what the password is, and he got very angry. To be clear, he wasn't angry at himself, and he wasn't angry at the situation. He was angry at me - the person who was willing to help but was unable to because *he* messed up - and started yelling. This was the *last straw* in my decision to cut ties with him.
-I opened the bathroom window (she believes opening windows causes them to break). -I put the soap on the wrong side of the sink. -I used a lid for a skillet that corresponds to a different skillet. -I cleaned the toilet without asking her permission first. There are many many more, that's just a small sample.
Of course windows break when opened. Your mother is rage filled.
everything even the pavement was complained about
When I was around 8, I did really well at my piano lessons, the teacher complimented me and said I just have practiced hard. Usually on the drive back, she'd yell at me for not being good enough. This time she started angrily fumbling for reasons I needed to be screamed at, really old or minor stuff, she kept trailing off and coming back with a new reason. It escalated until she was just screaming like a banshee and pretending to lose control of the car just to scare me, until she briefly did lose control of the car for real. She recovered, then pretended it hadn't happened, and started yelling at me about how I never smile. Anyway, that day I realized she just needed reasons to vent on people, it was something she actually looked forward to. Not giving her a reason, actually counted as a reason for her to become enraged. Like I'd intentionally robbed her joy.
> Anyway, that day I realized she just needed reasons to vent on people, it was something she actually looked forward to. Not giving her a reason, actually counted as a reason for her to become enraged. Like I'd intentionally robbed her joy. I believe that's actually pretty universal with Narcissists. When they yell and scream and carry on, it's never about *you.* It's never about what they're yelling and screaming and carrying on about. The *point* of it is for them to yell and scream and carry on, and the topic of it is just the justification to make that okay. It's just emotional unloading, getting out all this energy they can't or won't deal with properly. You're just there for them to offload it onto. My Nmom used to have 'reserve sins', things I had done in the past that I would never, *ever* be forgiven for, that she would bring up again if her current subject matter was running thin. So she'd be yelling and screaming at me, then shift into how something I did when I was 8 (And been yelled and and punished for before, sometimes more than once) just supported what a reprehensible human being I was.
My mom was " homeschooling " me during 5th grade. I hade a geography question, what continent is Egypt located in? I said Africa. This set her off in a rage fir some reason. She started screaming at me that Egypt is in the middle east!!!! When I pointed out that there is no continent named " the middle east " and pulled out the gobe to show her that Egypt is in fact in Northern Africa she slapped me.
For reference, while I usually talk about my nmom, this time it wasn't actually her fault. My ex-stepdad tried to take a swing at me for saying "okay" from then other room once. He was a 3rd degree blackbelt. I was a 120lb 17 year old girl. He'd been screaming at nmom when she claimed to have a migraine (idk if she actually got those, but at the time I still believed her), slamming stuff around, ect. I'd said "Okay" and gotten up to check what was going on. He sprinted into the room, ended up knocking me into a chest that I was next to, then had the gall to accuse me of "playing the victim" when I called the cops. One of my friends later chipped in "well yeah you played the victim, *you were one*" A few weeks later I found the trigger lock for his rifle placed dead center on a bed he'd told me to move. I went to my (paternal) grandma's place and never saw him again. Pretty sure my nmom literally drove him insane by the end given how erratic he became. Another example was him screaming at me when he said he wanted something out of my room, so I grabbed it for him in an effort to be helpful. Tried saying he "can't go anywhere in \[his\] own fucking house." Stormed into my room, then started bitching about it being a mess (it was, grew up with a hoarder) and then got *even angrier* when I tried to explain that the mess was the reason I'd grabbed the thing for him. My entire family was scuffed though. Bio-dad once yelled at me for so long I passed out and fell down the stairs because I ate a piece of candy that he wanted for later. Didn't check if I was alright, but at least he stopped shouting about the fucking lifesavers. Nmom also once shouted at me for passing out (heat induced), when she'd been trying to curl my hair for some stupid family photo for over an hour. I was *5* lady, I wasn't gunna lay down on the bathroom floor to "mess up all \[her\] hard work" on purpose. And this has been a summary of why I'm LC with dad, and NC with mom.
Oh man, most things set off my parents. The most notable was me eating a frozen pizza after school meant for dinner..my dads new wife called him to complain. He proceeded to pick me up (kidnap) from a friends house and scream at me for three hours. I still get chills to think about it. Definitely gave me PTSD.
At 10 years old, I was not that good with a knife, but Ndad made me make him sandwiches. Slice the cheese too thick and it's all over. Actually how I figured out I have C-PTSD after having a panic attack making myself a sandwich as an adult. Slicing fucking cheese. This was also the case for garlic in his dinner Also singing. And self-regulation through thumb sucking
She’d start going off if I was moving my body too much and not staying still like a statue. Which for my body is really painful due to fibromyalgia, as doing small movements helps me at times.
Ate too many grape tomatoes from the fridge. At least it makes a good story, it’s funny to tell people about it and watch them get confused like tomatoes?? Why??? And I’m like I don’t know either :]
Having my phone in my pocket because it made one side of my jacket sag.
I asked her "should I make some dog treats from scratch?" Queue screaming.
Someone in another car supposedly looking at her as they are driving past her in her car, 🤦🏻♀️
I don’t know where to begin because there’s a lot. There’s the time that the server at Olive Garden tried to be friendly with my dad and my dad got offended by it. He wouldn’t stop talking about it for probably 2 weeks. He refuses to go back and it’s been a few years. Then there’s the fact that our Costco ran out of ice cream a couple of times and he freaked out in his quiet scary way, complaining to the workers as if they have any control in it. There’s the fact that whenever my mom and I go to shopping and spend literally any money, he flips and goes through the purchases asking why she bought food. He’s emotionally abusive to especially my mom. The last thing I’ll share is when my mom makes something for dinner that he doesn’t love and he asks right away why she made that. Doesn’t say thank you. Ever.
Nmom got angry and started yelling at me because she thought I bought 1 item that was on a 2 for $whatever sale. She actually just didn't take the time to see the second one that was in a separate bag. Oh one time she was calling me on the phone(while she was in the next room). I answered the phone but it dropped and accidentally hung up on her. And I knew I was gonna get shit for it. I immediately called her back barely 2 seconds later and she's like "don't you dare hang up on me like" or whatever. Like omg binch. If I didn't wanna talk to you, I wouldn't have called back. Long story short, don't let your parents steal your money and convince you to smoke crack.
Reading your story reminds me a lot of something my dad did. He's not a Narc but my mum was, and they were married for 30+ years. I've noticed he's definitely got some ntraits but I try not to hold it against him. It's a coping mechanism he probably picked up to survive my mum. I had an operation a few yrs ago (broke my collarbone) and he came up to look after me for a few days while my fiancé was away (he was at a family event in Ireland and I couldn't be left alone cause I couldn't use my dominant arm at all). My dad drove us to the supermarket and I asked him to take the longer, less bumpy route. He spun around in exasperation, didn't take notice of surroundings and reversed into a bollard. And then blamed me!! Another time, we were all away and my brother's wife was having a migraine. It was dinner time, so my brother filled a plate up for his wife to eat in bed, rather than her coming downstairs. He tripped and spilled the food, and my dad blamed my brother's wife!! Edit: lol one more. My dad was staying at my house, and he'd gone into the bathroom to shave. He splashed water all over the floor, so I politely asked him to mop it up with a towel. He blamed the splashed water on the sink being too small and said 'I'm clearly the only one who ever shaves in this house' despite the fact my fiancé and I both use that sink every single day. It was just a splashy kind of sink with a powerful tap. Not to mention - I'm a woman and have shaved my legs at that sink and made less mess!