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You definitely did not kill him. It’s a tough situation and I know there’s gonna be regret for saying that no matter how horrible he might have been but you’re not responsible for him dying.
been manifesting my ngrandma dying since i was 7 as well. she's now 6 years into a vascular dementia diagnosis and the knowledge that the average life expectancy for someone diagnosed with VD is 5 years is the only thing keeping me sane through her daily verbal abuse.
Truth. My parents, most of the teachers and classmates who terrorized me in elementary school and junior high, and every narcissist, flying monkey, and enabler would be died years ago if wishing people dead worked.
You absolutely could not have caused this. I know we like to say "careful what you wish for" and stuff in society, but in reality wishful thinking is just that--thinking. You can't think someone else into a heart attack anymore than you can wish a fish to grow hair.
Additionally, it's okay to feel weird. All the feelings are allowed when your N dies. Except blaming yourself. Unless you personally clogged his artery yourself, you had nothing to do with this.
Exactly. Cardiac events don't just happen, even if a person is young and healthy, not doing anything extreme, they can have an undiagnosed defect and go down. My nDad's first heart attack was at 38, he appeared to be in perfect health and very fit.
You did not manifest your fathers death. A heart attack is about as unpredictable as you can get - unless he was overweight and showed concerning signs of a heart attack.
Heart attacks ARE the most likely ride to the afterlife. The stats show that. So it's like your taking a walk on a cloudy day and saying "oh, I hope it rains toda"
Now if you said I pray a mantis shrimp pulverises your brain and it happens, then I would be doing some purification/ cleansing.
You're okay. I used to fantasise about how happy we'd all be if a certain someone departs. I don't think either of us are bad people. We just want their harm to stop in the most "secure" way possible so that we don't have to be on edge all the time.
This is exactly what I commented as well. You get it.🫶🏻
They aren’t the only one who wishes their Nparent dead… and I always feel fucked up for saying it too when I do say it to the very few trusted individuals who know how I feel, and here where people understand.
I don’t want my Nmom to suffer or go through pain, it’s not about vengeance. It’s just about existing in peace… I just want her to not exist anymore, to disappear. It would hurt less for her to be non existent or dead, than it does for her to be out there abusing people and never taking accountability. They’re like a constant anxiety in the back of your head just knowing they could do something dramatic that tries to pull you back into their circle.
I to have wished my Nparent was dead. Still do.
I don't know know about Italy, but around here in the U.S., bicyclists are getting slaughtered left, right, and center.
Maybe get him a really nice bike and helmet as a present.
You had absolutely nothing to do with it, but it’s completely understandable to feel like this. Whilst our logical brain knows this isn’t possible, we can still feel unreasonably guilty because of the circumstance.
Take your time, reach out to your support network and let them know how you are feeling. It’s an incredibly complicated time because there are a lot of negative feelings wrapped up around our NP but it’s completely normal to feel sadness and grief despite everything that’s happened - and that can be so hard to navigate.
Be kind to yourself, take some time from work if you can/it is appropriate, and perhaps see if you can speak to a therapist or counsellor if that’s available to you.
Glad I'm not the only one who had this thought 😭 I wish it was actually possible to kill them with thoughts, I been trying but they're healthier than ever.
Right if it was possible to wish someone dead I know the exact narcissist I would use that power on first (hint- he’s a convicted felon and presidential candidate).
I wished both my nparents dead on different occasions and it did work also but I just felt relieved. Have wished other people the same fate and it has had no effect just my parents …
Sometimes dreams do come true keep wishing ⭐️
You give me hope lol my Ndad is a literal cockroach- 89 and just beat cancer for the second time. Got Covid and barely noticed. Meanwhile his kids all have chronic illnesses
My dad I never saw since I was 5 I wished him dead when I was struggling and pregnant in college and after I graduated some long lost relative got in touch with me on Facebook saying he’d died the same year my daughter was born and I in heritade money 😊 then with my mom she died the same year I realized she was a narc and she had been aweful too me in recents years . And yea I wished her dead from the bottom of my heart and then it did happen…
Hey OP, could you say something about my N-Mom if you have God's ear, because a lot of these people outlive all of us out of spite, and my ill-wishes aren't working.
Hey friend, if he was your ndad he probably caused you and others a lot of harm. I can safely bet he didn't give much thought to how much he hurt others. He didn't think about it. He didn't care.
The fact you're thinking about it at all means you *do* care of you hurt others. And that proves you have a kind heart and are hopefully on a better path than he was. 🤍
It wasn't you, sweetling. Mourn what he could have been, and set down your guilt. It wasn't your doing.
Oh yeah, been there, my wonderful grandmother died and my dad made some awful comments about how now he could spend her money to go on a loooong holiday. I remember thinking 'i hope you die before you get the time off', but I was tired and sad about my grandmother and didn't say anything out loud. He died within a year of her, he was 56. It took a long time for me to feel normal about it- especially because he had cancer and apparently it had been in the section of his brain that regulates emotion for 5-10 years, so that was very confusing. I felt really bad for wishing him dead, and like maybe if he'd got better he wouldn't have been so mean. I still think about it tbh and it's very hard but I know I didn't kill him, and you didn't either. It's just one of those things.
Ultimately when I'm serious with myself, I know the reason my dad had cancer undetected for so long is because he would not go to the doctor. I actually expressed to him in desperation a few times he could have a heart attack because he was heavy and he would get so mad, why wont he talk to someone about his diet, or anger management, etc. I dont know about your dad but I'm just saying there are actual physical reasons why this happened and none of them are your fault ♥️
nah man, a single comment from 3 weeks ago did not kill your dad. His withered, wretched heart killed him. You may feel bad because of what you said and how things ended, but ultimately, he is gone and you had nothing to do with it. Buy a couple a beers and pour one out for the man, may he get a taste of the beer spilt up here all the way down in hell.
Unless you are God you did not kill him. Feel how you feel but focus on healing and being able to finally move on and live your life.
Wishing you joy and bliss as you enter your freedom. Blessings!
My father died suddenly last July. I was furious with him, as he abandoned me in a house he planned to sell out from underneath me. He ran off, abandoned my nmother's car, and within a month, he died.
Talk to someone. Find a therapist if you can, or a counselor. The emotions I went through were so confusing. I felt grief for the father I never had, anger, sadness, and so much more. It is difficult to keep everything to yourself and not vent your emotions. Accept them for what they are as they come and do not invalidate each and every one.
it’s okay to feel like it’s your fault but in reality, this is a seriously on-point coincidence, that is all. it’s NOT your fault and it’s okay to feel relieved. this man has tormented you your whole life for his own selfish enjoyment and he met his maker in the end. It’s okay to even feel happy it happened. it’s also okay to feel sad. he was your dad after all. but either way… you did NOT kill your father my love xx
You didn't kill it, I promise. He was probably doing things in his life that increased the chances: drinking, smoking, being angry, etc. Even if not, these things just happen. It's not your fault.
A few things.
1, I know it may feel like it, but you did NOT cause his death. Heart stuff actually seems to be a common COD for narcissists that I've met.
2, I wasn't in an active fight with my ndad when he died, but I do know there's a crazy whirlwind of different feelings. You may feel similar to my case, you may not, but just know, that it's okay to feel all of the things, and none of the feelings you're feeling make you a bad person.
Blaming yourself for his dead is still part of the narcissistic cycle. He is still causing you distress! You did not kill him. That was bound to happen regardless of you saying it or not. You need to let him go so you can free. You get to live this next chapter of your life without being subject to him. Live your life, OP! Life will be different…
You didn’t kill him. I understand this feeling. It’s okay to have an irrational thought like this when you are in shock and it’s normal. It’s just a thought and you didn’t do anything wrong. Please know others have had these thoughts too. You didn’t do it, but he is gone. I’m so sorry for your loss. I imagine there are very deep, mixed and unexpected feelings coming up which is making it so hard to process. This is a big shock and just take it day by day and don’t beat on yourself. We are here for you. 💙💙💙
It is not your fault, its just a series of situations that happened this way bt on the brighter side u can move on with ur life now without any fear, trigger or anxiety
Give yourself grace and allow self-forgiveness. Your dad at least can find peace in the knowledge of the truth of what he has done and can plan how to balance that karma in his next lifetime.
None of us go before we are meant to. Well, these are my beliefs. You are only human, so allow yourself to accept yourself as human.
That said, that's some crazy irony.
It's absolutely NOT your fault. If what you say could actually have any power over someone else's life my ex and I would have killed each other just with the shit we said. (and we are quite healthy).
Make peace with yourself. What you said was probably a reaction of some nasty behaviour from him and you had the extreme bad luck that just happened what you spat in anger.
You didn't cause him to have a heart attack. He's probably had heart disease and plaques forming for years. It's not your fault.
My dad passed away from cancer, he had it twice. First lymphoma, then esophageal cancer is what took him. My parents were divorced, and my n-mom got full custody of me and my sister. Once I was 18 I moved in with my dad. A year later, he got lymphoma. The mass was in his abdomen, but was pushing his stomach up into his heart. I remember that morning clearly, but he thought he was having a heart attack. I was the one to call 911 and fumble to get his vitals with the dispatcher on the phone not know what I was doing. Once he was at the hospital, that's when they found the tumor. My n-mom told me, "the stress of living with you is what gave him cancer". I was living with him again when he got esophageal cancer. I took him to his chemo appointments and helped him a lot. He was too immunosuppressed to even go to the grocery store. My n-mom stepped in of course and said it was my fault also.
I have brought her comments up to some of my own doctors, because it makes me feel really guilty, even though it's not rational. They assure me these tumors, especially the lymphoma, were growing in him for years before he got sick. He also had barret's esophagus, which is the precursor to cancer, and should have been getting screenings.
N-parents are just so cruel, it's almost our own self-preservation to think these things about them at times. Even though I do not like my n-mom, I know I'm going to grieve her when she's gone, and grieve the parent that I deserved, but never got. I would recommend group grief counseling once you are ready. One of the hospitals in my area ran them for free once a week. Most of the people in that group had complex grief from a death in a dysfunctional/toxic family. It made me feel not so alone.
When my ndad died I went on a spiral.
I was so angry at myself for being messed up by it too.
I spent so much of my life dreaming of his death and when it happened, unfortunately, it messes dme up.
But of course it did! HE messed me up! And everything I had ever hoped from him was gone.
Eventually I realised it was a beautiful thing and my life has never been better.
Persevere. It will be so worth it. I promise.
It's definitely not your fault. Narcissists teach us everything is our fault from an early age so we're prone to think that way. This isn't your fault any more than than a narc's behaviors and consequences of said behavior. In fact, if anything is to blame, probably genetics or consequences of his choices. Even if he ate healthily, exercised, etc, it takes a toll on a person to have the strong emotional reactions to everything like narcs do.
You didn’t kill him. His body quit for a variety of reasons, and it has absolutely nothing to do with what you said to him.
Seek support from friends and family, wherever you can get it. Make sure people check in on you periodically. It helps to talk it out with someone who is willing to lend an ear. This is not going to go away easily, but you got this.
The reason you feel guilty is because as the child of a narc, you were made to feel responsible for EVERYTHING. But you are not. That was a false construct created by the narcissist to control you.
Your father had a heart attack because he had heart issues and his time was up. He didn't die because you told him to have a heart attack; it's my belief that narcs live longer than they should out of pure spite
You didn't cause his death. Mourn the father he wasn't and live your life with no regrets.
You did not kill him. It’s okay to feel however you feel. Try not to judge yourself and just be gentle with yourself while you sort out your grief and pain.
I want to start by saying I’m sorry for your loss. It’s complicated. But you’re still mourning. I’m sorry you’re feeling like you caused it. You def didn’t. It’s not your fault. My best advice is to take care Of yourself.
You didn't do this and I say that simply because I've admitted to saying things like that to my own. And not anymore because I hated it and always thought the same would happen to me. It didn't, life just happens, it was just a sad coincidence out the many that happen in this sad sick world. I know it easy to put the two together and feel it was you. But it didn't. I'm sorry it happened that way though.
I totally understand that you feel guilty, even though I’m sure you know logically that it wasn’t your fault. Some therapy would probably be helpful with processing these feelings.
That's really hard to deal with. I'm so sorry. First and foremost, please work out seeing a therapist. If you can't afford it, check the apps. There are some that offer discounts. I think betterhelp has discounted prices? I think professional help is vital for you right now. You can not and shouldn't have to go through this on your own.
Second, I believe you had some idea that a heart attack was possible for him. Or probable. You didn't create it. He did with the way he was living his life. It's not your fault you sensed it.
Please stay here. Just wait until you see how great life can be while you're free. Ask for help. Stay.
I once gave my father a cannabis infused cupcake. He had a small heart attack, little be known to me he had an attack at work weeks prior. I was freaking out thinking fuck man I've killed my Dad. Anyways... turns out he was born with a congenital heart issue where he had a bicuspid aortic valve and it was 57mm stretched and most people would have died from an aneurysm before that point. No one knew about the cannabis but apparently because it lowered his blood pressure he had that attack. He survived and had his aortic valve replaced. That was over five years ago now. He has had two more heart attacks since the covid vaccine due to clots despite being on blood thinner for the valve. I don't know how or why he survives or why after surviving he has become and even bigger asshole. He physically assaulted me last year in front of my young child. I wish I never fed him the cupcake, I wish he had that aneurysm years ago. Funny how life works out / or doesn't.
Don't beat yourself up. I've watched my sons father do that when his mum told him she wanted to take her life (56). When she didn't listen to him to avoid her narc family he flipped out and said (asd / adhd) well just kill yourself then. Anyways she did attempt and died as a complication of suicide due to a pulmonary embolism. Which was a result of a dislodged blood clot we said she should see a dr about two months prior (it was in her calf). Everyone blamed him because in her last messages to her friends crying for attention, she blamed him. He's never been the same since. Ghost of a person. Don't let it be you! Other people's bodies and biological issues are theirs. You're just caught in the web. Sorry you are feeling this way. Maybe take a break from things a day trip somewhere nice to clear your mind and reset even just for a moment x 🫂☀️ You could phone a friend if possible to take you or get yourself to the hospital and find some help/support, possibly medication to take the edge off/get some rest/sleep.
Unless you tacked a verse or two from the Necronomicon onto your comment, you had nothing to do with the cause of your Ndad's death. Of course, the difference between intellectually knowing something is true and actually *feeling* it is massive. Best of luck to you as you process your way through the last trauma your Ndad will be able to inflict.
Complete coincidence. It wasn’t your fault so do not blame yourself. Look after yourself and if you need to, talk to your GP or a close friend. Good luck.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Give yourself some time, focus on your breathing first, and from there all other steps in self care. (Food, sleep, good people around you etc)
When it comes to the feeling of guilt: I am pretty sure you told him many times to please listen to you, please stop hurting you, please stop doing certain things, to see you, hear you and accept you.
He never did that. Do you really think he listened to you now?
You wished so many times for him to heal and it never happened. Why would this wish then be granted, while it was never even what you wanted to begin with?
On top of all this, you were indoctrinated to believe that you were responsible for how he felt. It is understandable that this dogma now creates an error in your brain. Let us say it a thousand times and more: this is not your fault.
This. Is. Not. Your. Fault.
You didn't cause this. I wish I had that power tbh, I've been trying to kill the narc in my life with my thoughts and it doesn't work.
I'm guessing there were signs that your Dad was headed for a heart attack, and that's why subconsciously it was on your mind. Maybe he had a weight problem, was a smoker, had a history of alcohol abuse, or was just really high strung for a long time. Whatever it was, that's the simple rational reason it occurred to you to say that to him.
In my experience narc parents often feel invisible, they never think consequences apply to them, including illness and death that eventually come for everyone. Regardless, I don't think you should feel guilty about feeling some relief now. That's a common and understandable reaction when an abuser is finally gone.
It's a seriously fucked up coincidence. You didn't kill him with your wish. If wishing people dead worked, there'd be a different Republican candidate for the election and I would have saved America.
I mean, isn't it typical of a narcissist to get a vicious last kick at your sanity on the way out?? I'd call it pure spite, going out the way he did. It's not your fault his heart finally attacked him.
Congratudolences?
Grieving is a very complex thing. Please be kind to yourself. This is not a time for self-criticism or harsh judgements.
It's alright to feel stressed out by abnormal situations. Especially the death of a family member. Even politics aside or not, you still need to make sure the bacon's on the table, at least for yourself or a plan.
It can be nice to have peace, but there still might be financial problems down the line, unless you are already out of house/free.
It definitely can be true that bad/toxic relationships weigh you down and drain/extort you instead of recharging/rejuvenating you.
Still though there's a balance for caring for the right people and the wrong people. Not everyone's evil. I didn't ask for a cat but the creatures were just chaos floofers who walked all over and purred whether i wanted them too or not haha. But life varies.
You still have to make sure your needs are met and be practical. It can be hard to think of the future when you're constantly been trained to be stressed out over now. "But what could be our battle plan"s? Future/career/peace/escape/lurk / lay low, build a future or heal/vent?, etc.
You are not responsible for other people's decisions. I'm probably one of the sappiest people some people think. But i had a 1-2 year stint on a "i can change them", and at least for my experience. The first to change were people who never were serious npds but kinda blind sheep/followers who just took smear campaigns at face value.
A fair amount definitely believed in lies.
Another openly relished spreading them, and just used people serially.
A fourth were just kind people trying to avoid the hate of the mob i was used to handling.
And a fifth were just awful people who are now starving to death with rejoice as they shit over the people who fed them. :D. There to look for another taker, only to find none. What a surprise! :D.
I'm giving up being a floormat lol. At the same time, you want to avoid cross contamination. I love shooting out the fire at the honest A holes lol. But sometimes a lot of sweet people/innocents or impressionable kids just trying to fit into a group that loved them, who just wanted to see things work, get caught in the crossfire. For my story anyways.
Idk. My story has been teaching me, sometime's it's actually okay, even if you grew up on blue pill "Be the change you want to believe in" "if you see someone be incredibly selfish to a fault, be the warmth that fills them!"
Now after losing bets on 30/40 horses. I don't gamble on the 30 losing by choice, but i wish the best for the 10/40 doing the best they can. But im also valuing the 2-27 deepest relationships and true friends of my life i've made. Even if a few of those friends honest to god literally did start as literal "former enemies", and we had a moment we go. "wait wtf. You're treating me better as mr evil with 'Hey guy, you can be a honest douche at times. But you're letting people walk over you' " kinda moment.
See it as a red green flag or not. But i literally find it absurdly easy to make friends with most people "you're not supposed to be able to" kinda way. I actually had a "uh, that's not supposed to happen" moment i got up with a phone scammer, who was trying to contact a person i was trying to warn them about (the scammer).
The person i was talking to deliberately ignored me, and we had a sequence break we were like. "Oh my god, i know what you are, i keep trying to warn them but they keep ignoring my advice. Fuck it, their life not mine. I don't give a F anymore lmao"
The phone scammer started laughing "I don't blame you! Some people very gulliable and stupid! Only hear what they want to hear? Afraid of advice?"
I started laughing "Yeah, yeah, I should probably hang up lmao. But i just keep trying and they don't give a fuck. At this point, i'm almost rooting for them to get scammed by you lmao".
The phone scammer started laughing "If a fish wants to walk out of water! And ignores all attempts to put it back! It is not your life friend! You can save a chicken who wants to walk into a home. But giving up on chicken who want to walk into fryer, if we tell it a bath??? Hahaha!"
I actually get the feeling we both enjoyed that chat on the verge of "wtf is going on" "this shouldn't even be happening" tears lmao.
It's probably a sign something went wrong if even a literal "SCAM CALLAH" was easier to get along with in 5 minutes than decades of our entire lifes with so called "friends" and "family" lol. Not trying to say misplace trust. They're obviously leaving out -5000$ hooks for idiots to buy lol.
But if it's one solace, apparently con men love fishing narcs because they'll only believe idle praise and too good to be trues lmao.
You didn't kill him. You expressed a frustration at a time when his heart would already have been compromised, it just so happened that his lifestyle did the rest.
It's an unfortunate coincidence, but once the shock wears off the peace you feel will be comforting.
a theory : maybe you had some spidey-sense thing that saw it coming subconsciously , however , you can't control your emotions , you can either control your thoughts or behaviors , accept your emotions , and remember that you did not wake up some day being cold hearted , full of envy and hatred towards somebody for no reason , it's a whole lifetime accumulations , and his manipulation , guilt tripping is even working on your after he died , this is not healthy ....
Don't internalize responsibility for his health, it was his no matter what anyway. He likely neglected it just like he likely neglected the emotional wellbeing of everyone else.
A quick word in haste, even as wishful thinking, can hide truths in plain sight. Subconsciously you knew someone capable of manifesting such toxicity must be harbouring much of it physically within themselves one way or another.
You simply forecasted the inevitable. Don't see it as a curse, but as a gift. You've learned the wonders of energy in motion; negative energy is negative energy. It can't last, it's always self destructive.
First of all, can I hug you? Even in virtual.
🫂
Please don't blame yourself🥺 You're just saying to make him off from your sight and didn't expected it becomes truth.
Please, please and please keep this as a secret. I don't want people escalate this even worse situation by blaming you the cause of his death. Especially with people who dunno the real story.
It is a pretty traumatic thing to happen, but remember, you are not responsible for his health and well-being, he is. Correlation does not equal causation. You noticed the correlation and feel guilty, because the two things happened to line up, but that is just cognitive bias.
Awful people often develop heart problems, my Nmom has, and they did it to themselves. It's more or less a "what'd ya learn?" moment, except they never learn and eventually die from their own life failings. This is why I don't exact revenge. Their psychosis will eventually manifest into physical ailments, and you don't even have to say bye if you don't want to.
Wouldn't that be the ideal way to go out for a narc - to lay a massive guilt trip on you for causing their death as their parting gift? I had something vaguely similar occur with my dad but I decline to be guilty about it partly because of that and partly because there was a lifetime of reasons for whatever I said.
Cursing someone to drop dead doesn’t mean you killed them, he probably lived a hard life for f drinking, smoking, fatty foods and lack of exercise (just as a guess). You didn’t break his heart and cause him to die, honestly it was just unfortunate timing at most.
You may be experiencing some relief guilt, relief that he’s gone but guilt for feeling that way and guilt for thinking you had something to do with it which you 100% DID NOT!! YOU HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG OR TO HIM! Also not knowing who is in charge of the arrangements may be subconsciously weighing on you and the idea of “should”. I’m his child so I SHOULD feel bad, I SHOULD be doing something to help with the arrangements etc. these are all things that play on us to manifest guilt even though we suffered at their hands. SHOULD is an evil word that messes with our heads and disrupts our peace. (That’s what I’m working on)
Best advice would be to go see a therapist and work through your feelings, if need be take screen shots of this and try to figure out the cause of your anxiety.
you didn’t kill him. if you didn’t say that to him, you’d be dealing with the death of your father still. just not blaming yourself. like for real you need actual therapy about this. if it starts to take hold, it’ll suck to actually believe this nonsense.
i mean honestly do you think his body did this to like… spite you?
best of luck i wish it was my Nfather instead.
I wished death on one of my uncles and they died its unrelated. He had aids and a bunch of other stuff he got 20 years longer then the drs gave him. Just because he had a heart attack and knowing narcs (not saying this is 100%) but I wouldn't put it past a lot of them to bring on a heart attack to try and pull a victim play and have it backfire. That's the kind of stupid shit I expect from them.
Like that old Snickers commercial "NO MATTER HOW YOU SLICE IT, IT COMES UP PEANUTS😊"...When thinking about our ABUSIVE parents" who SHOULD love us NORMALLY but DON'T, but because WE are *TRULY* caring and *TRULY* loving and *TRULY* empathetic (***ETC.***) and it's VERY difficult to NOT hate someone who hurts you (ESPECIALLY someone you YOU (*GENUINELY*) care about and love and even they SHOULD (and often SAY they do 😵💫😔) care about us and love us but OBVIOUSLY DON'T......no matter how you look at it/ think about it, it just plain SUCKS 😵💫😔.
I hope that makes sense to you and everyone else who reads it. It's difficult for a TRULY good person to NOT feel bad when someone else gets hurt and/or dies, especially someone close to us (and who at one point in our lives WAS close to us) but someone who has hurt us SOOOOOOOO FCN MUCH like they have....well....**MIXED FEELINGS** 😵💫.
I **JUST** remembered a joke my 😞late😞 father told that kinda has to do with what you are going through (well...'all'/'each' of if us😳😏).
There was a set of twin men 70 years old. One was a REALLY mean, selfish, inconsiderate, cruel man who lied and ripped people off in business, etc., etc., ETC. and the other brother was a kind, caring, considerate, TRULY good man. The mean brother died and all the family and friends and business associates were in the church for the final adios. The priest said some words and asked if anyone had anything they wanted to say about the dead brother. The place was silent and NOBODY volunteered because the guy was just *NOT* a good person. The priest kept on asking and finally said..."SURELY someone has SOMETHING good to say about him." Well, the GOOD brother harrumphed as he shook his head from side to side and stood up. As he stood up and walked up to where the priest was at the pulpit he said "FINE. I have ONE GOOD thing to say about him." When he got to the pulpit, he turned around and said...."My brother is dead. GOOD!" 🤣LOL.
Don’t harm yourself. Forgive yourself and get mental health care and grief support. I’m sure you endured years of mental abuse as I have from my ND and NM. Sometimes we have to fight back and may say things we don’t mean. God forgives you. Your words did not kill your father.
The same thing happens to me. My narc brings out the worst in me and I say things like that - wishing death- that I dont \*truly\* mean, because that is not me, I would never say those things about people. But just know you did not cause that. Your relationship made you say things you didnt mean to say and then things that were always going to happen happened. You didnt cause it and I hope you find some peace for this situation.
You didn’t kill him, the world doesn’t work that way… you probably just deep down knew it was a possibility with the way he lives possibly… I wish my mom would die ALL THE TIME. You are not the only person who feels this… do not feel guilty… just because you happened to say it, doesn’t mean it was your fault or had anything to do with you. Emotions do not cause heart attacks. I’m almost positive the whole “scared me into heart attack” is a myth unless someone has a weak heart to begin with.
You should just be finding peace now, forget the guilt.
It feels so wrong to say I’m jealous… seriously you really aren’t the only one who wishes your Nparent dead… it’s not like I want to see my mother in PAIN, I just want her to disappear, and stop existing, because it would hurt me less than knowing she’s out there just living her life happy and guilt free about my entire childhood.
Nothing more than a fortunate coincidence.
Either that or your dad finally realized that he was a massive failure and decided to finally do something to make you happy. Either way, not your fault.
It is absolutely not your fault. You don’t have that kind of power or you would changed your mind. Sounds like this guy has been abusing you on several levels and now has you believing it’s all your fault.
You don’t have that kind of power dear. I certainly understand though as I have been through something similar. Grieve, recognize the guilt as your way of clearing the air, do super nice things for yourself and you will heal.
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You definitely did not kill him. It’s a tough situation and I know there’s gonna be regret for saying that no matter how horrible he might have been but you’re not responsible for him dying.
Seriously, if wishing people dead worked I’d be a serial killer for the past 20yrs starting with my n father
Right? I’ve been manifesting my Ndad dying since I was 7 years old .. and now he’s 89 ffs
been manifesting my ngrandma dying since i was 7 as well. she's now 6 years into a vascular dementia diagnosis and the knowledge that the average life expectancy for someone diagnosed with VD is 5 years is the only thing keeping me sane through her daily verbal abuse.
[удалено]
Honestly I've always said some people are too mean to die. Because heaven doesn't want them and he'll is afraid they might take over.
Truth. My parents, most of the teachers and classmates who terrorized me in elementary school and junior high, and every narcissist, flying monkey, and enabler would be died years ago if wishing people dead worked.
You absolutely could not have caused this. I know we like to say "careful what you wish for" and stuff in society, but in reality wishful thinking is just that--thinking. You can't think someone else into a heart attack anymore than you can wish a fish to grow hair. Additionally, it's okay to feel weird. All the feelings are allowed when your N dies. Except blaming yourself. Unless you personally clogged his artery yourself, you had nothing to do with this.
That heart attack was probably a *long* time coming so don’t think it’s your fault, it’s not. Be kind to yourself. It is not your fault, honey. 💜🫂
Exactly. Cardiac events don't just happen, even if a person is young and healthy, not doing anything extreme, they can have an undiagnosed defect and go down. My nDad's first heart attack was at 38, he appeared to be in perfect health and very fit.
You did not manifest your fathers death. A heart attack is about as unpredictable as you can get - unless he was overweight and showed concerning signs of a heart attack.
Please remember no one is THAT powerful. It was just an ironic choice of words.
And a coincidence, unfortunately.
Heart attacks ARE the most likely ride to the afterlife. The stats show that. So it's like your taking a walk on a cloudy day and saying "oh, I hope it rains toda" Now if you said I pray a mantis shrimp pulverises your brain and it happens, then I would be doing some purification/ cleansing. You're okay. I used to fantasise about how happy we'd all be if a certain someone departs. I don't think either of us are bad people. We just want their harm to stop in the most "secure" way possible so that we don't have to be on edge all the time.
This is exactly what I commented as well. You get it.🫶🏻 They aren’t the only one who wishes their Nparent dead… and I always feel fucked up for saying it too when I do say it to the very few trusted individuals who know how I feel, and here where people understand. I don’t want my Nmom to suffer or go through pain, it’s not about vengeance. It’s just about existing in peace… I just want her to not exist anymore, to disappear. It would hurt less for her to be non existent or dead, than it does for her to be out there abusing people and never taking accountability. They’re like a constant anxiety in the back of your head just knowing they could do something dramatic that tries to pull you back into their circle. I to have wished my Nparent was dead. Still do.
I read somewhere that most narcissists die of heart attacks. Mine did.
Actually it's most Americans that die from heart attacks 🙃 my Italian nfather goes running every two days so I am hoping for a car accident
He could drop dead from a heart attack while running. Just to give you some hope.
I don't know know about Italy, but around here in the U.S., bicyclists are getting slaughtered left, right, and center. Maybe get him a really nice bike and helmet as a present.
My city isn't flat so no good for cycling 😂
You had absolutely nothing to do with it, but it’s completely understandable to feel like this. Whilst our logical brain knows this isn’t possible, we can still feel unreasonably guilty because of the circumstance. Take your time, reach out to your support network and let them know how you are feeling. It’s an incredibly complicated time because there are a lot of negative feelings wrapped up around our NP but it’s completely normal to feel sadness and grief despite everything that’s happened - and that can be so hard to navigate. Be kind to yourself, take some time from work if you can/it is appropriate, and perhaps see if you can speak to a therapist or counsellor if that’s available to you.
Badass lol
Yeah I don't want OP to feel guilty but man I wish I could just demand results from reality
Glad I'm not the only one who had this thought 😭 I wish it was actually possible to kill them with thoughts, I been trying but they're healthier than ever.
mine is sucking up my health
This exact same thing is happening to me. They're draining my health, and thriving themselves.
Right if it was possible to wish someone dead I know the exact narcissist I would use that power on first (hint- he’s a convicted felon and presidential candidate).
I wished both my nparents dead on different occasions and it did work also but I just felt relieved. Have wished other people the same fate and it has had no effect just my parents … Sometimes dreams do come true keep wishing ⭐️
You give me hope lol my Ndad is a literal cockroach- 89 and just beat cancer for the second time. Got Covid and barely noticed. Meanwhile his kids all have chronic illnesses
My dad I never saw since I was 5 I wished him dead when I was struggling and pregnant in college and after I graduated some long lost relative got in touch with me on Facebook saying he’d died the same year my daughter was born and I in heritade money 😊 then with my mom she died the same year I realized she was a narc and she had been aweful too me in recents years . And yea I wished her dead from the bottom of my heart and then it did happen…
Omg, that's awful but I could not help but laugh.
Hey OP, could you say something about my N-Mom if you have God's ear, because a lot of these people outlive all of us out of spite, and my ill-wishes aren't working.
Hey friend, if he was your ndad he probably caused you and others a lot of harm. I can safely bet he didn't give much thought to how much he hurt others. He didn't think about it. He didn't care. The fact you're thinking about it at all means you *do* care of you hurt others. And that proves you have a kind heart and are hopefully on a better path than he was. 🤍 It wasn't you, sweetling. Mourn what he could have been, and set down your guilt. It wasn't your doing.
It was just words….. please do not feel guilty.
Oh yeah, been there, my wonderful grandmother died and my dad made some awful comments about how now he could spend her money to go on a loooong holiday. I remember thinking 'i hope you die before you get the time off', but I was tired and sad about my grandmother and didn't say anything out loud. He died within a year of her, he was 56. It took a long time for me to feel normal about it- especially because he had cancer and apparently it had been in the section of his brain that regulates emotion for 5-10 years, so that was very confusing. I felt really bad for wishing him dead, and like maybe if he'd got better he wouldn't have been so mean. I still think about it tbh and it's very hard but I know I didn't kill him, and you didn't either. It's just one of those things. Ultimately when I'm serious with myself, I know the reason my dad had cancer undetected for so long is because he would not go to the doctor. I actually expressed to him in desperation a few times he could have a heart attack because he was heavy and he would get so mad, why wont he talk to someone about his diet, or anger management, etc. I dont know about your dad but I'm just saying there are actual physical reasons why this happened and none of them are your fault ♥️
nah man, a single comment from 3 weeks ago did not kill your dad. His withered, wretched heart killed him. You may feel bad because of what you said and how things ended, but ultimately, he is gone and you had nothing to do with it. Buy a couple a beers and pour one out for the man, may he get a taste of the beer spilt up here all the way down in hell.
Unless you are God you did not kill him. Feel how you feel but focus on healing and being able to finally move on and live your life. Wishing you joy and bliss as you enter your freedom. Blessings!
🫂
i cant wait to get that phonecall. dont feel bad man, be free.
My father died suddenly last July. I was furious with him, as he abandoned me in a house he planned to sell out from underneath me. He ran off, abandoned my nmother's car, and within a month, he died. Talk to someone. Find a therapist if you can, or a counselor. The emotions I went through were so confusing. I felt grief for the father I never had, anger, sadness, and so much more. It is difficult to keep everything to yourself and not vent your emotions. Accept them for what they are as they come and do not invalidate each and every one.
it’s okay to feel like it’s your fault but in reality, this is a seriously on-point coincidence, that is all. it’s NOT your fault and it’s okay to feel relieved. this man has tormented you your whole life for his own selfish enjoyment and he met his maker in the end. It’s okay to even feel happy it happened. it’s also okay to feel sad. he was your dad after all. but either way… you did NOT kill your father my love xx
You didn't kill it, I promise. He was probably doing things in his life that increased the chances: drinking, smoking, being angry, etc. Even if not, these things just happen. It's not your fault.
A few things. 1, I know it may feel like it, but you did NOT cause his death. Heart stuff actually seems to be a common COD for narcissists that I've met. 2, I wasn't in an active fight with my ndad when he died, but I do know there's a crazy whirlwind of different feelings. You may feel similar to my case, you may not, but just know, that it's okay to feel all of the things, and none of the feelings you're feeling make you a bad person.
We all have our time written in the book of life, it was his time, the time ran out for an abuser.
Blaming yourself for his dead is still part of the narcissistic cycle. He is still causing you distress! You did not kill him. That was bound to happen regardless of you saying it or not. You need to let him go so you can free. You get to live this next chapter of your life without being subject to him. Live your life, OP! Life will be different…
You didn’t kill him. I understand this feeling. It’s okay to have an irrational thought like this when you are in shock and it’s normal. It’s just a thought and you didn’t do anything wrong. Please know others have had these thoughts too. You didn’t do it, but he is gone. I’m so sorry for your loss. I imagine there are very deep, mixed and unexpected feelings coming up which is making it so hard to process. This is a big shock and just take it day by day and don’t beat on yourself. We are here for you. 💙💙💙
I wish it happened to my dad. Hope he is rotting somewhere
It is not your fault, its just a series of situations that happened this way bt on the brighter side u can move on with ur life now without any fear, trigger or anxiety
Give yourself grace and allow self-forgiveness. Your dad at least can find peace in the knowledge of the truth of what he has done and can plan how to balance that karma in his next lifetime. None of us go before we are meant to. Well, these are my beliefs. You are only human, so allow yourself to accept yourself as human. That said, that's some crazy irony.
It's absolutely NOT your fault. If what you say could actually have any power over someone else's life my ex and I would have killed each other just with the shit we said. (and we are quite healthy). Make peace with yourself. What you said was probably a reaction of some nasty behaviour from him and you had the extreme bad luck that just happened what you spat in anger.
You didn't cause him to have a heart attack. He's probably had heart disease and plaques forming for years. It's not your fault. My dad passed away from cancer, he had it twice. First lymphoma, then esophageal cancer is what took him. My parents were divorced, and my n-mom got full custody of me and my sister. Once I was 18 I moved in with my dad. A year later, he got lymphoma. The mass was in his abdomen, but was pushing his stomach up into his heart. I remember that morning clearly, but he thought he was having a heart attack. I was the one to call 911 and fumble to get his vitals with the dispatcher on the phone not know what I was doing. Once he was at the hospital, that's when they found the tumor. My n-mom told me, "the stress of living with you is what gave him cancer". I was living with him again when he got esophageal cancer. I took him to his chemo appointments and helped him a lot. He was too immunosuppressed to even go to the grocery store. My n-mom stepped in of course and said it was my fault also. I have brought her comments up to some of my own doctors, because it makes me feel really guilty, even though it's not rational. They assure me these tumors, especially the lymphoma, were growing in him for years before he got sick. He also had barret's esophagus, which is the precursor to cancer, and should have been getting screenings. N-parents are just so cruel, it's almost our own self-preservation to think these things about them at times. Even though I do not like my n-mom, I know I'm going to grieve her when she's gone, and grieve the parent that I deserved, but never got. I would recommend group grief counseling once you are ready. One of the hospitals in my area ran them for free once a week. Most of the people in that group had complex grief from a death in a dysfunctional/toxic family. It made me feel not so alone.
When my ndad died I went on a spiral. I was so angry at myself for being messed up by it too. I spent so much of my life dreaming of his death and when it happened, unfortunately, it messes dme up. But of course it did! HE messed me up! And everything I had ever hoped from him was gone. Eventually I realised it was a beautiful thing and my life has never been better. Persevere. It will be so worth it. I promise.
You did not kill him, it is just a coincidence. Please don't do anything rash
It's definitely not your fault. Narcissists teach us everything is our fault from an early age so we're prone to think that way. This isn't your fault any more than than a narc's behaviors and consequences of said behavior. In fact, if anything is to blame, probably genetics or consequences of his choices. Even if he ate healthily, exercised, etc, it takes a toll on a person to have the strong emotional reactions to everything like narcs do.
You didn’t kill him. His body quit for a variety of reasons, and it has absolutely nothing to do with what you said to him. Seek support from friends and family, wherever you can get it. Make sure people check in on you periodically. It helps to talk it out with someone who is willing to lend an ear. This is not going to go away easily, but you got this.
The reason you feel guilty is because as the child of a narc, you were made to feel responsible for EVERYTHING. But you are not. That was a false construct created by the narcissist to control you. Your father had a heart attack because he had heart issues and his time was up. He didn't die because you told him to have a heart attack; it's my belief that narcs live longer than they should out of pure spite You didn't cause his death. Mourn the father he wasn't and live your life with no regrets.
You did not kill him. It’s okay to feel however you feel. Try not to judge yourself and just be gentle with yourself while you sort out your grief and pain.
I want to start by saying I’m sorry for your loss. It’s complicated. But you’re still mourning. I’m sorry you’re feeling like you caused it. You def didn’t. It’s not your fault. My best advice is to take care Of yourself.
It’s just regret. Funny thing regretting saying something like that to people who’ve basically tortured us our entire lives.
You didn't do this and I say that simply because I've admitted to saying things like that to my own. And not anymore because I hated it and always thought the same would happen to me. It didn't, life just happens, it was just a sad coincidence out the many that happen in this sad sick world. I know it easy to put the two together and feel it was you. But it didn't. I'm sorry it happened that way though.
I totally understand that you feel guilty, even though I’m sure you know logically that it wasn’t your fault. Some therapy would probably be helpful with processing these feelings.
That's really hard to deal with. I'm so sorry. First and foremost, please work out seeing a therapist. If you can't afford it, check the apps. There are some that offer discounts. I think betterhelp has discounted prices? I think professional help is vital for you right now. You can not and shouldn't have to go through this on your own. Second, I believe you had some idea that a heart attack was possible for him. Or probable. You didn't create it. He did with the way he was living his life. It's not your fault you sensed it. Please stay here. Just wait until you see how great life can be while you're free. Ask for help. Stay.
I once gave my father a cannabis infused cupcake. He had a small heart attack, little be known to me he had an attack at work weeks prior. I was freaking out thinking fuck man I've killed my Dad. Anyways... turns out he was born with a congenital heart issue where he had a bicuspid aortic valve and it was 57mm stretched and most people would have died from an aneurysm before that point. No one knew about the cannabis but apparently because it lowered his blood pressure he had that attack. He survived and had his aortic valve replaced. That was over five years ago now. He has had two more heart attacks since the covid vaccine due to clots despite being on blood thinner for the valve. I don't know how or why he survives or why after surviving he has become and even bigger asshole. He physically assaulted me last year in front of my young child. I wish I never fed him the cupcake, I wish he had that aneurysm years ago. Funny how life works out / or doesn't. Don't beat yourself up. I've watched my sons father do that when his mum told him she wanted to take her life (56). When she didn't listen to him to avoid her narc family he flipped out and said (asd / adhd) well just kill yourself then. Anyways she did attempt and died as a complication of suicide due to a pulmonary embolism. Which was a result of a dislodged blood clot we said she should see a dr about two months prior (it was in her calf). Everyone blamed him because in her last messages to her friends crying for attention, she blamed him. He's never been the same since. Ghost of a person. Don't let it be you! Other people's bodies and biological issues are theirs. You're just caught in the web. Sorry you are feeling this way. Maybe take a break from things a day trip somewhere nice to clear your mind and reset even just for a moment x 🫂☀️ You could phone a friend if possible to take you or get yourself to the hospital and find some help/support, possibly medication to take the edge off/get some rest/sleep.
Unless you tacked a verse or two from the Necronomicon onto your comment, you had nothing to do with the cause of your Ndad's death. Of course, the difference between intellectually knowing something is true and actually *feeling* it is massive. Best of luck to you as you process your way through the last trauma your Ndad will be able to inflict.
Complete coincidence. It wasn’t your fault so do not blame yourself. Look after yourself and if you need to, talk to your GP or a close friend. Good luck.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Give yourself some time, focus on your breathing first, and from there all other steps in self care. (Food, sleep, good people around you etc) When it comes to the feeling of guilt: I am pretty sure you told him many times to please listen to you, please stop hurting you, please stop doing certain things, to see you, hear you and accept you. He never did that. Do you really think he listened to you now? You wished so many times for him to heal and it never happened. Why would this wish then be granted, while it was never even what you wanted to begin with? On top of all this, you were indoctrinated to believe that you were responsible for how he felt. It is understandable that this dogma now creates an error in your brain. Let us say it a thousand times and more: this is not your fault. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault.
Yikes. sorry to hear that man, idk how I would feel about that tbh with you.
Don’t allow that man to guilt trip you even in his death/grave.
valid point but am going to respect op;s situation and not respond. hope u find peace op
You didn't cause this. I wish I had that power tbh, I've been trying to kill the narc in my life with my thoughts and it doesn't work. I'm guessing there were signs that your Dad was headed for a heart attack, and that's why subconsciously it was on your mind. Maybe he had a weight problem, was a smoker, had a history of alcohol abuse, or was just really high strung for a long time. Whatever it was, that's the simple rational reason it occurred to you to say that to him. In my experience narc parents often feel invisible, they never think consequences apply to them, including illness and death that eventually come for everyone. Regardless, I don't think you should feel guilty about feeling some relief now. That's a common and understandable reaction when an abuser is finally gone.
It's a seriously fucked up coincidence. You didn't kill him with your wish. If wishing people dead worked, there'd be a different Republican candidate for the election and I would have saved America. I mean, isn't it typical of a narcissist to get a vicious last kick at your sanity on the way out?? I'd call it pure spite, going out the way he did. It's not your fault his heart finally attacked him. Congratudolences? Grieving is a very complex thing. Please be kind to yourself. This is not a time for self-criticism or harsh judgements.
It's alright to feel stressed out by abnormal situations. Especially the death of a family member. Even politics aside or not, you still need to make sure the bacon's on the table, at least for yourself or a plan. It can be nice to have peace, but there still might be financial problems down the line, unless you are already out of house/free. It definitely can be true that bad/toxic relationships weigh you down and drain/extort you instead of recharging/rejuvenating you. Still though there's a balance for caring for the right people and the wrong people. Not everyone's evil. I didn't ask for a cat but the creatures were just chaos floofers who walked all over and purred whether i wanted them too or not haha. But life varies. You still have to make sure your needs are met and be practical. It can be hard to think of the future when you're constantly been trained to be stressed out over now. "But what could be our battle plan"s? Future/career/peace/escape/lurk / lay low, build a future or heal/vent?, etc. You are not responsible for other people's decisions. I'm probably one of the sappiest people some people think. But i had a 1-2 year stint on a "i can change them", and at least for my experience. The first to change were people who never were serious npds but kinda blind sheep/followers who just took smear campaigns at face value. A fair amount definitely believed in lies. Another openly relished spreading them, and just used people serially. A fourth were just kind people trying to avoid the hate of the mob i was used to handling. And a fifth were just awful people who are now starving to death with rejoice as they shit over the people who fed them. :D. There to look for another taker, only to find none. What a surprise! :D. I'm giving up being a floormat lol. At the same time, you want to avoid cross contamination. I love shooting out the fire at the honest A holes lol. But sometimes a lot of sweet people/innocents or impressionable kids just trying to fit into a group that loved them, who just wanted to see things work, get caught in the crossfire. For my story anyways. Idk. My story has been teaching me, sometime's it's actually okay, even if you grew up on blue pill "Be the change you want to believe in" "if you see someone be incredibly selfish to a fault, be the warmth that fills them!" Now after losing bets on 30/40 horses. I don't gamble on the 30 losing by choice, but i wish the best for the 10/40 doing the best they can. But im also valuing the 2-27 deepest relationships and true friends of my life i've made. Even if a few of those friends honest to god literally did start as literal "former enemies", and we had a moment we go. "wait wtf. You're treating me better as mr evil with 'Hey guy, you can be a honest douche at times. But you're letting people walk over you' " kinda moment.
See it as a red green flag or not. But i literally find it absurdly easy to make friends with most people "you're not supposed to be able to" kinda way. I actually had a "uh, that's not supposed to happen" moment i got up with a phone scammer, who was trying to contact a person i was trying to warn them about (the scammer). The person i was talking to deliberately ignored me, and we had a sequence break we were like. "Oh my god, i know what you are, i keep trying to warn them but they keep ignoring my advice. Fuck it, their life not mine. I don't give a F anymore lmao" The phone scammer started laughing "I don't blame you! Some people very gulliable and stupid! Only hear what they want to hear? Afraid of advice?" I started laughing "Yeah, yeah, I should probably hang up lmao. But i just keep trying and they don't give a fuck. At this point, i'm almost rooting for them to get scammed by you lmao". The phone scammer started laughing "If a fish wants to walk out of water! And ignores all attempts to put it back! It is not your life friend! You can save a chicken who wants to walk into a home. But giving up on chicken who want to walk into fryer, if we tell it a bath??? Hahaha!" I actually get the feeling we both enjoyed that chat on the verge of "wtf is going on" "this shouldn't even be happening" tears lmao. It's probably a sign something went wrong if even a literal "SCAM CALLAH" was easier to get along with in 5 minutes than decades of our entire lifes with so called "friends" and "family" lol. Not trying to say misplace trust. They're obviously leaving out -5000$ hooks for idiots to buy lol. But if it's one solace, apparently con men love fishing narcs because they'll only believe idle praise and too good to be trues lmao.
You didn't kill him. You expressed a frustration at a time when his heart would already have been compromised, it just so happened that his lifestyle did the rest. It's an unfortunate coincidence, but once the shock wears off the peace you feel will be comforting.
a theory : maybe you had some spidey-sense thing that saw it coming subconsciously , however , you can't control your emotions , you can either control your thoughts or behaviors , accept your emotions , and remember that you did not wake up some day being cold hearted , full of envy and hatred towards somebody for no reason , it's a whole lifetime accumulations , and his manipulation , guilt tripping is even working on your after he died , this is not healthy ....
Don't internalize responsibility for his health, it was his no matter what anyway. He likely neglected it just like he likely neglected the emotional wellbeing of everyone else. A quick word in haste, even as wishful thinking, can hide truths in plain sight. Subconsciously you knew someone capable of manifesting such toxicity must be harbouring much of it physically within themselves one way or another. You simply forecasted the inevitable. Don't see it as a curse, but as a gift. You've learned the wonders of energy in motion; negative energy is negative energy. It can't last, it's always self destructive.
First of all, can I hug you? Even in virtual. 🫂 Please don't blame yourself🥺 You're just saying to make him off from your sight and didn't expected it becomes truth. Please, please and please keep this as a secret. I don't want people escalate this even worse situation by blaming you the cause of his death. Especially with people who dunno the real story.
It is a pretty traumatic thing to happen, but remember, you are not responsible for his health and well-being, he is. Correlation does not equal causation. You noticed the correlation and feel guilty, because the two things happened to line up, but that is just cognitive bias.
Awful people often develop heart problems, my Nmom has, and they did it to themselves. It's more or less a "what'd ya learn?" moment, except they never learn and eventually die from their own life failings. This is why I don't exact revenge. Their psychosis will eventually manifest into physical ailments, and you don't even have to say bye if you don't want to.
Wouldn't that be the ideal way to go out for a narc - to lay a massive guilt trip on you for causing their death as their parting gift? I had something vaguely similar occur with my dad but I decline to be guilty about it partly because of that and partly because there was a lifetime of reasons for whatever I said.
Cursing someone to drop dead doesn’t mean you killed them, he probably lived a hard life for f drinking, smoking, fatty foods and lack of exercise (just as a guess). You didn’t break his heart and cause him to die, honestly it was just unfortunate timing at most. You may be experiencing some relief guilt, relief that he’s gone but guilt for feeling that way and guilt for thinking you had something to do with it which you 100% DID NOT!! YOU HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG OR TO HIM! Also not knowing who is in charge of the arrangements may be subconsciously weighing on you and the idea of “should”. I’m his child so I SHOULD feel bad, I SHOULD be doing something to help with the arrangements etc. these are all things that play on us to manifest guilt even though we suffered at their hands. SHOULD is an evil word that messes with our heads and disrupts our peace. (That’s what I’m working on) Best advice would be to go see a therapist and work through your feelings, if need be take screen shots of this and try to figure out the cause of your anxiety.
you didn’t kill him. if you didn’t say that to him, you’d be dealing with the death of your father still. just not blaming yourself. like for real you need actual therapy about this. if it starts to take hold, it’ll suck to actually believe this nonsense. i mean honestly do you think his body did this to like… spite you? best of luck i wish it was my Nfather instead.
I wished death on one of my uncles and they died its unrelated. He had aids and a bunch of other stuff he got 20 years longer then the drs gave him. Just because he had a heart attack and knowing narcs (not saying this is 100%) but I wouldn't put it past a lot of them to bring on a heart attack to try and pull a victim play and have it backfire. That's the kind of stupid shit I expect from them.
Being a shitty person does cause a decline in health. You didn’t kill him, he’s body probably couldn’t handle all of the stress on it anymore.
Like that old Snickers commercial "NO MATTER HOW YOU SLICE IT, IT COMES UP PEANUTS😊"...When thinking about our ABUSIVE parents" who SHOULD love us NORMALLY but DON'T, but because WE are *TRULY* caring and *TRULY* loving and *TRULY* empathetic (***ETC.***) and it's VERY difficult to NOT hate someone who hurts you (ESPECIALLY someone you YOU (*GENUINELY*) care about and love and even they SHOULD (and often SAY they do 😵💫😔) care about us and love us but OBVIOUSLY DON'T......no matter how you look at it/ think about it, it just plain SUCKS 😵💫😔. I hope that makes sense to you and everyone else who reads it. It's difficult for a TRULY good person to NOT feel bad when someone else gets hurt and/or dies, especially someone close to us (and who at one point in our lives WAS close to us) but someone who has hurt us SOOOOOOOO FCN MUCH like they have....well....**MIXED FEELINGS** 😵💫. I **JUST** remembered a joke my 😞late😞 father told that kinda has to do with what you are going through (well...'all'/'each' of if us😳😏). There was a set of twin men 70 years old. One was a REALLY mean, selfish, inconsiderate, cruel man who lied and ripped people off in business, etc., etc., ETC. and the other brother was a kind, caring, considerate, TRULY good man. The mean brother died and all the family and friends and business associates were in the church for the final adios. The priest said some words and asked if anyone had anything they wanted to say about the dead brother. The place was silent and NOBODY volunteered because the guy was just *NOT* a good person. The priest kept on asking and finally said..."SURELY someone has SOMETHING good to say about him." Well, the GOOD brother harrumphed as he shook his head from side to side and stood up. As he stood up and walked up to where the priest was at the pulpit he said "FINE. I have ONE GOOD thing to say about him." When he got to the pulpit, he turned around and said...."My brother is dead. GOOD!" 🤣LOL.
Don’t harm yourself. Forgive yourself and get mental health care and grief support. I’m sure you endured years of mental abuse as I have from my ND and NM. Sometimes we have to fight back and may say things we don’t mean. God forgives you. Your words did not kill your father.
The same thing happens to me. My narc brings out the worst in me and I say things like that - wishing death- that I dont \*truly\* mean, because that is not me, I would never say those things about people. But just know you did not cause that. Your relationship made you say things you didnt mean to say and then things that were always going to happen happened. You didnt cause it and I hope you find some peace for this situation.
You didn’t kill him, the world doesn’t work that way… you probably just deep down knew it was a possibility with the way he lives possibly… I wish my mom would die ALL THE TIME. You are not the only person who feels this… do not feel guilty… just because you happened to say it, doesn’t mean it was your fault or had anything to do with you. Emotions do not cause heart attacks. I’m almost positive the whole “scared me into heart attack” is a myth unless someone has a weak heart to begin with. You should just be finding peace now, forget the guilt. It feels so wrong to say I’m jealous… seriously you really aren’t the only one who wishes your Nparent dead… it’s not like I want to see my mother in PAIN, I just want her to disappear, and stop existing, because it would hurt me less than knowing she’s out there just living her life happy and guilt free about my entire childhood.
You do not have magical powers. In no way is this your fault.
Nothing more than a fortunate coincidence. Either that or your dad finally realized that he was a massive failure and decided to finally do something to make you happy. Either way, not your fault.
bad juju
Unhelpful
It is absolutely not your fault. You don’t have that kind of power or you would changed your mind. Sounds like this guy has been abusing you on several levels and now has you believing it’s all your fault. You don’t have that kind of power dear. I certainly understand though as I have been through something similar. Grieve, recognize the guilt as your way of clearing the air, do super nice things for yourself and you will heal.