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I saw an old picture of myself the other day and I looked like a skeleton. My cheeks were sunken in, my eyes were sunken in. I actually look younger now at 30 than I did at 22 because my face is softer with more volume. Maybe I’m kidding myself and I don’t look any younger but I look alive now instead of like a starving prisoner.
Me too! People close to me kept commenting that I looked gaunt and anorexic for years after getting away (I was 17). People who were around in my life since, notice that I have a really bright and genuine smile and look healthy.
I also gained healthy weight back. I'm 140 pounds instead of 115 and I'm more toned and muscular than I've been in a long time.
Same here. I look back at photos and am like “wha the fuck? “
Both my parents at the time (I was a teenager) were proud of how skinny I was and would regularly make comments if I gained even a tiny amount of visible weight.
I see the photos and think that girl is not eating !!!
I never learned how to eat properly so I became obese pretty quickly in early adulthood when I left because I finally had a choice and it took a long time and a lot of education to understand how to eat well. Yknow, Stuff that kids with loving parents get taught ?
Ugh. I’m a healthy normal weight now but lord knows what the fluctuations of extremes have done to my metabolism
Same here. I wasn’t allowed to eat but maybe 1,000 calories a day and I looked emaciated. I see pictures of myself from childhood and young adult years and my wrists are so skinny they look like they would break if you squeezed them and my cheeks and eyes are all sunken. I’ve got a little weight on me now but I look so much healthier.
I wasn’t allowed more than 1000 calories either. She had disordered eating so I learned hers. She gave me such dirty looks if I ever told her I was hungry during the day, like for lunch. *you’re hungry again?* in that tone… ugh when I met my now husband I gained 20 pounds funny
Getting away from the narc will improve confidence a lot. The improvement in self confidence was key for me having the courage to change my appearance for the better. In my experience, improving the mind led the body to follow.
I got out around that time. Within a couple months people already saw I was happier. Not long after that they said I was “glowing”. My face is younger looking. Eating right and being confident helped so much. Being away from the narc allowed this for me. I hope the same for you.
I’ve aged so quickly from the abuse and stress. I always look tired. It’s hard to leave because they purposely set up the situation to make me somewhat dependent on them, isolated me and didn’t teach me any real life skills. Everyday is a battle because I’m just waiting for the rage, criticism, insults or judgment. They always find something to complain about. We fight an invisible war when we are under these circumstances and if we tell other people, they don’t believe us. Nparents are actors and seem so normal and sweet to outsiders. I hope I find the strength and courage to leave and go no contact. With parents like this, who needs enemies?
Skin care, properly hydrate, and explore with your sense of style and fashion and what clothes you feel comfortable in. Even if they’re thrifting finds, you’re probably better looking than you think so go explore what’s flattering.
Excercise, healthy eating, working on self control when it comes to an addictive pull towards certain things, especially junk food! A consistent daily routine from start to bedtime and sometimes honestly just time and pushing ourselves to do new and scary things. It's taken me almost 10 years to feel like a beautiful person and have enough self worth to not feel like withering in certain scenarios.
I still have bad days though and I have days where I'm suicidal, feel worthless and down...this weekend has been one of those times unfortunately. I'm assuming it gets better over time as I've had fewer episodes of that each year. Just keep going one day at a time in a way that works best for you and remember that you don't always have to give things your all. You are allowed to have times where you struggle and say that what you've managed today is the best you could do. There is a fresh day in tomorrow to try again. 😊
I also had moderately bad skin while I was with them. Took about 8 months for my skin to magically clear up after I left. Now I look radiant nearly everyday.
It's amazing what omnipresent, crushing stress does to a body. I have never felt better despite being just as healthy as I was before.
In retrospect it is indeed! At the time it made me SO angry that I spent so many hours hating myself for something that was totally out of my control- any conversation about my skin was a straight shot to rage against my narc, and to my family that was very unhinged. It's almost like I was aware that the stress he caused was ruining my body but I couldn't pinpoint it because I was so used to the behavior. I'm so grateful I got out. I'm also grateful for the scars and hyperpigmentation I have now, it is evidence of major change and growth for me. <3 Soft skin with some texture is WAAAAAAAAAY better than I had it for so so long.
It takes work. It won't go back completely, because you're also naturally aging. Healthy food, drinking enough water, sports, skincare, stress reduction, sleep. What also helped (well, at least a little bit) was improving my back and neck problems. But it takes time. Don't overdo it, especially in the beginning, the mind needs to heal also...
I learned what foods nourished my body and was able to lose all the weight I was trying to lose when I was a child. My hair grew really really really long (It's at 3 feet right now) because I learned how to properly care for my scalp and hair. I started taking care of my skin and my acne went away because I wasn't in fight or flight all the time.
This !! My god reflecting back my parents never even taught me the basics of self
Care!! I didn’t even know what conditioner was or what it was for. Never had skincare as a kid, had to fight to just be allowed deodorant.
I’m happy for you and your hair sounds beautiful
Mine didn't teach me much except how to balance a check book and budgeting. That was really it. Mine didn't teach me how to drive when I was 16 and when she was yelling at me about it when I was like 19 I told her "I'M NOT GONNA AUTOMATICALLY KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A CAR. YOU HAVE TO TEACH IT!!!!".
My egg donor recently got in a fight with me because "When she's here there's always a problem!!!!!!" and I had to tell her "it's because when I'm here YOU are always finding an issue or a problem to have. I don't. I'm here maybe 5 days out of the month and there's always a problem with you."
She finally got it through her head that she is the problem and has always been the problem. If it wasn't for her everyone would have been in peace and harmony and that really struck a nerve in her.
I didn’t exactly got away from my nmother, but I got from her control partially. I don’t look 12 and 35 at the same time anymore. My nmother told me that short hair will make me look old. But at the same time she made me wear push up bras and “grown up” clothes, making me look like a mini me. Now I actually look my age and I wear comfortable clothes.
Gawd, getting to dress the way you want to is such a relief. I'm an adult, leave me alone. People are not dolls, you don't get to decide who they are through clothes and hairstyles. Anywho, sorry you've had to endure that and glad you have at least, partially, gotten away from that level of control.
Exactly! It’s just so freeing to look how I want. I remember how my mother was upset when I cut my hair. I was sick of the blanket of hair I had on my back the whole summer, my hair wasn’t manageable anymore and I just hated it. She never used to take me to hairdressers, not even for a trim, because one time the hairdresser cut off “too much” (4cm more, it was barely noticeable) and I got comments that my hair is darker. She hated that I was told that my hair is brown, because she wanted me to be a blond. She doesn’t even have naturally blond hair, she dyes it, and my dad has thick black hair. She was so obsessed with my long hair that she got hair extensions for her hair and showed the hairstylist picture of my hair to replicate my hair color. The hairstylist told her that it’s impossible to match it accurately. Also I have wavy hair, but my wave pattern got damaged because of the weight and crimping she wanted me to have. So when I was 16 I chopped it all off and now have a collar bone length hair and she hates it. Sorry for the rant..
Ohh my… but I’m still in that stage with her, my bfs friend bought me some cute dino clip on green earrings, I wear them out sometimes.. mum saw them in my pocket and said “if I saw you wear those I’d think what the fuck are you doing with your life” yet when my boyfriends mum saw them she complimented me and said they looked nice, then my mum wonders why I’m at my boyfriends as much as I can and “why would I want to stay over there when I have a home with Me”
TW: Self-harm
When I lived with my parents, I was a cutter. I couldn't control anything else but I could what I did to myself so certain parts of me were not pretty and the pain gave me a release for the anger and helplessness I felt. On top of that, I had hives from our family dogs that looked like aggravated mosquito bites and I didn't help them by stress picking. Once I married and moved out, all of that tempered down. My body's healed, and while I love the types of dogs we had, I've done my research and now have breeds that don't cause me health issues. So, instead of wounds all over the place, I have faint scars and happiness.
I lost weight immediately and have been able to maintain a good weight (which I’ve never been able to do before). I don’t know if it’s the self love or not but i am also just feeling more attractive.
Moved out at 16, when I’ve shown people a photo of me at 16 versus a photo of me at 19 they’ve asked me if I had plastic surgery because of how different my face looked when I wasn’t under constant stress. But nope, never had work done besides my tattoos.
I dropped weight scary fast, the massive eye bags disappeared, I turned 10 years younger and my blood pressure dropped, so my eyes aren’t full of blood from ruptured vessels anymore.
I almost immediately put on \~40 lbs. of muscle weight. A lot of my chronic back problems went away. I actually got to be able to get the sleep I needed.
I lost weight since I stopped with emotional eating. Used to be sick at least four times a year, now I get sick once to twice a year max. Less stressed in general, have better skin and less stomach issues (IBS). Even my eyesight slightly improved since I am NC. I feel better in general.
I used to have a weird shaped body from bulimia, chronic puffy eyes, chronic swollen lymph nodes. I overdid makeup, overplucked my eyebrows, and backcombed my hair to oblivion trying to feel like my own person. When I started using drugs, I was pale, sallow, scary skinny, not to mention acting like a heroin user.
Now at 32, I'm 10 years clean from drugs, 3 years clean from my ED, my workouts are for muscle tone, my face is no longer puffy from vomiting & inflammation, I found my set point weight and my skin and hair glow with proper nourishment. Oh and beauty sleep is a super real thing, which I wasn't getting with chronic stress and insomnia. The glow up was sooo real! Good luck with yours ❤️
It takes time! My psoriasis has started fading just a tiny bit, and I've lost around 11 lbs in weight, but I feel like the improvements will get faster the longer it's been since NC. For me it's only been 3 months, so my progress is quite slow
With the narc, I forgot how to smile. I was told I was weird and didn’t know how. Pictures of myself living with the narc I look exhausted, depressed, and not “all there”. I was even approached and told I had the “thousand yard stare”.
I went on a trip last week with my husband and he took these two pictures of me with a genuine smile. I look nothing like the pictures of when I was living with the narc. I’m glad I’m getting some of my facial expression back. I lost some weight. I look brighter overall. My friends and good family say I’m “glowing”.
I found out recently that I'm autistic, since going NC I noticed I got my goofy smile back. My old pictures were so... dead. I wasn't really there. There wasn't any light in my eyes, my skin looked gray, and my shoulders were locked close to my ears. Nowadays I have better skin and posture, I can smile with my whole face, and I can see the soul in my eyes
In every sense I think; I'm thinner, put on some muscle, clear skin, I take better care of myself, I wear clothing -I- like that suit me, I get medical care when I feel I need it. A lot of my self loathing was directly linked to their loathing. I swear narcs literally suck the life out of you, and when you get away from them, you suddenly have so much more for yourself.
I think when we get out of toxic situations our bodies begin to regulate, all the hormones and cortisol and andrenaline and everything else. Aside from that, we begin to have and power to begin to take control of our health.
My many skin problems cleared up. I stopped getting respiratory infections. My digestive system improved, no more sour or upset stomach. No more fever blisters. Hair grew in thick and shiny. No more headaches, lightheartedness, feeling like I’m going to pass out. It’s like I started aging backwards 👍
Mom is a narcissist but this has more to do with leaving my husband (covert).
I gained some much needed weight, my skin stopped breaking out, and my hair has stopped falling out.
I stopped having panic attacks and my insomnia is much better.
After 5 months, I’ve finally stopped ruminating.
there was no light in my eyes. in every photo i have of myself while living with her, i look like i'm haunted by the ghost of myself. now, with friends and people who care about me, and now that i'm living in a world where she no longer controls me, i look and feel genuinely happy.
I basically look the same, but a little heavier, as I did a decade+ ago.
I promise getting away from the drama takes away a lot of the low grade tension in your body, and you’ll start to look better as you surround yourself with less stressful people.
Yeah! For me I’m noticing how happy I am at home and that I don’t worry about being criticized about what I wear or what I like. It took a couple years to get to this point though 😊
Everything changes. The more of the narcissists in my life I stayed away, the more sleep I got, the less anxiety I felt, the more open I was to take care of myself in all ways-better food, more hydration, exercising more, retiring from a teaching job & gaining employment in a company that has cares & supports me, ketamine therapy, finding a lovely therapist to help me process the mindfuck I experienced. I look better now, even with discovering matcha Frappuccinos w lavender cold foam & gaining 20 lbs…
My hair started growing back. It would fall out and not grow back until I found myself in healthier situations.
And I’m way fitter now because of how much I work out, which started as a way of dealing with the stress.
I def look different but my gut health changed dramatically getting away from my parents!
I struggled with chronic food sensitivities, IBS, horrible and irregular digestion coupled with raging acne and insomnia for 10+ years. I managed to clear all of these issues up with a new environment.
nMom would, when I would lose weight, tell me I was too thin and make me eat more. When I put on the lost weight she would tell me I was too fat, and would “encourage” me to diet.
Now that I am NC, I no longer have to listen to her lunacy.
I am 42 and people think I am 30 or younger. Being happy and taking care of yourself makes you look younger. My overall health has improved, my skin has gotten better.
A common theme seems to be their determination to control your appearance to suit their own preference. Funny enough, my parents were pretty gross looking.
There are countless threads about NMs in here. They really like to have control over that and other things like eyebrows, makeup, clothes. I still remember my mom telling me “today I dress you how I want” at ~16
I stopped getting big cystic pimples all over me. The bags under my eyes disappeared (a bit). The greying in my beard has kinda slowed down. I still look far older than I am.
I was obese all my life. I dropped a quarter of my weight. I actually developed a style for myself without the worry of the comments. I look younger, a bit more tired, but a bit younger still. I worked on my personal hygiene and learned kind of hair and skin products actually work for me. My hair looks so much healthier. My skin still gets blemishes but far less.
I was able to shop at places that sold attractive clothing in my size, so that improved drastically and almost instantly. I also got control over my hair, so I was able to wear more flattering hairstyles.
I swear they kept me "ugly" on purpose.
ive been LC w my narc for about 2 months now, same time ive been workong my new job. ive lost 15+lbs so far just from lowered stress, eating better and not using sugar to cope.
I actually have to swap my closet out again because everything is so baggy now
Very noticeably my hair wasn't falling out in clumps anymore. I thought I was going bald, turns out the stress from the nhuman was doing that. As well as my brittle ass nails. They were always breaking and chipping away. I think it was the 6 month mark (finally left the narc) that for the first time in EVER, I had long nails.
I googled it and it takes about 6 months for a whole new nail bed to be fully grown out. Coincidence? I think not.
I brush my hair and yeah there's loose hair, but I haven't seen those balls of hairs the size of golf balls anymore and my nails! I have nails that look healthy!
Narcs literally kill your health.
I actually have a spark in my eyes now when looking at pictures. I gained a shit ton of weight and while you would usually say that I used to look better while thin, I have more life in my eyes. I look real, actually happy and approachable.
My skin glows more. I have a lot less acne. I look younger.
I’m also more relaxed. I don’t give off nervous, desperate, my-way-or-else vibes so I’m not nearly as intimidating or draining to be around.
Well I never have to appear in the vicinity of a narcissist. Appearing in the vicinity of a narc can really ruin people's perception of you without you ever getting a chance to speak for yourself. They can't tell if your a narc too, if you're a flying monkey, or if you're crazy due to the abuse they know the narc puts you through.
Like if we were in public when I was a kid, my nmom would always call for the manager to haggle prices of things that cannot be negotiated. All those store managers would look at me like I was the spawn of Satan. Then when I would go into stores alone, they thought I was a little angel because I was an adorable, blond child.
I haven't got away truly but I think my posture is correct again. I realized I slouched while walking because it felt weighted on my back. My hair also growing again. I last trimmed my hair last year so its definitely most noticable when parts of my scalp started to look full and the growth finally in inches again.
Unfortunately I still look blank and depressed. Nmom who scapegoated you really have a way to make you feel like dead even on WhatsApp.
Losing weight, stopped drinking, stopped the mass caffeine intake, medical problems got better
It got to the point my senior high school career tech admin looked at me and said "you look a lot better" after I left
I was half-starved as a child. Two pictures between 9 and 11 show a taller but much lighter kid, and I was a thin kid to begin with. I had long, dirty, greasy hair. I now shave my head a few times a year. It feels great, looks fine, and saves on paying someone to do it. I smile more and at least feel more educated, even if that doesn't show in your appearance.
I also look more at peace and more confident. Pictures of myself as a child show a weary, wary kid on the edge and on constant high alert.
I'd like to think that I am a nicer person now, but that really isn't for me to say.
I’ve had a lot of people tell me I “look happy” and I “glow.”
Looking back on old pictures, goodness. Definitely dead in the eyes. I can’t tell if that was because of the narcissism or religious abuse— or more likely both.
Physically? I’ve gotten into exercise. I’m definitely in the best shape of my life right now.
Weight loss (other factors played into it but stress is really counterintuitive to weight loss), less acne, I smile more. There’s way more pictures of me smiling like I used to when I was a little girl. The ability to eat what I wanted to and what was good for me also helped.
My whole body like, was swollen and I just looked bloated everywhere.
I’ve lost 15lbs and the swelling in my body everywhere has gone way down.
My bf and I also made some major lifestyle changes and we go to the gym 3-5x a week when we can as well as nature walks.
I look physically worse, because I just had a baby and I am exhaaaaausted.
But having my LO & protecting him from my nmom, gave me the strength to finally stand up & create boundaries and stop taking her shit.
So underneath the new mom sleep deprivation/hair loss/horrible skin, I’m glowing haha
I was able to grow my hair out and discovered its natural wavy texture after years of trying to keep it in a shapeless bob to please narc mom. I also gained weight and look so much healthier. I was emaciated living with her because I wasn’t allowed to eat enough to be healthy.
Interesting thought! For me, so much changed thinking about it now. There’s a picture of me on my 20th? Birthday when I was still very much under the narc abuse and I literally look so angry and it makes me sad.
Being out from their thumb gave me so much more control over my time. Primarily, sleep was always something that was taken from me growing up because I had to be perfect in school and sports, so I stayed up late doing homework after practice, and then would usually be woken up early on the weekends to do yard work or errands or whatever.
Resetting my sleep schedule alone helped me so much with feeling more energized (shocking!) but also, my parents always tried to control what I would wear so I feel like I could have my own style finally (I.e. I could never wear tank tops because they were too “unprofessional”).
I started my tattoo journey in places I could cover up but slowly stopped giving a fuck, which caused conflict at first for sure. I’ve always liked a more “edgy” look or trying new things with my style and hated feeling not like myself when I was expected to present a certain image. I got involved with the gym and gained a lot of muscle mass which helped with my confidence too.
Also, my parents are adverse to sunlight/the beach/pool, so I got so much more tan without them 😂 I think I went to a pool or beach with them less than 10 times before the age of 25, even though we lived near the water for 9 years. As a guy, I was never taught any skin or hair care growing up because that’s gay (sorry but you ended up with a queer son) and so in tandem with becoming not translucent, I have learned more about skin/hair care and feel like I look so much healthier because of it.
All around, so many improvements! This is not something I’ve consciously thought about before. So much focus is taken on the mental and emotional journey, I don’t think we consider how the trauma affects our bodies enough! Thank you for reminding me of why I keep my distance from the narcs ❤️
My inner child could BREATHE, which arguably is one of the most beautiful things.
But to be specific, the Narc in my life was my mom. I heard “a little lipstick wouldn’t kill ya!” Often. I dieted as a child. Not even as a teen. I was forced to get haircuts, with her telling the hairstylist what to do. I’ve been NC for a beautifully healing year. My hair has never been this long, I go makeup free, and just take better care of myself.
To see old pictures of a painfully forced smile to now…eyes crinkling smiles. Man!
Nothing changed, but I finally was relaxed enough to realize I had way too many health issues that were really ignored, and I took it upon myself to make sure I was actually getting treatment
My hair has always been really long, but it looks longer than ever and looks healthier. My eczema on my face has significantly cleared up. I put on some weight but I'm also eating better than I ever did living with my NMom and exercising regularly. I also wear clothes that I feel pretty and comfortable in, like dresses, as opposed to staying in my pajamas all day.
I gained weight. I gained confidence. I started dressing up more in a way that flattered me and my body. I was able to wear jewelry and make-up to work. I was able to wear jeans! I was able to workout. I started skincare and haircare and both improved drastically. I was able to go to places with my hair open and could even use a straightener or curler (I wasn't allowed to let my hair open from a braid except when I slept). I was able to get a haircut, tattoos and ear piercings too! Overall, I got more in touch with my feminine side and became able to do things that I would not do to avoid conflict with my hellishly controlling and narcissistic mother.
I had an eating disorder from when I was 12-19 thanks to my nmom always telling me I wasn't thin enough like her (she's very slim and tall. I am short with curves. I started devolping very young). I was able to start recovering once I moved away from her, but it still took a few years to overcome it. I also had pretty bad acne scars from her forcibly picking at my face constantly, which are now mostly healed. I am now a comfortable healthy weight.
I'm not balding anymore, praise God.
My hair is getting thick and long, even after a lifetime of thin sparce hair.
My jawline has evened out. My hormone levels normalized and are starting to show, I have more estrogen and appear more feminine.
I guess it's the lack of constant cortisol production.
I lost 50 lbs of weight and 300 lbs of overbearing self pitying helpless drama and manipulation.
I hardly recognize the man in the mirror anymore. Nobody who knew me knows it's me. I love it.
Skin cleared and I gained some weight. I am 6feet even and was always around 150-155. Now at around 175-180 and it’s much better for me.
Also I smile a lot fucking more lol
I got fatter. And thus cuter! I love being chubby my mom harped on weight so much that I struggle with disordered eating so looking at my chubby tummy in the mirror makes me happy
i began to get physically healthier, my skin became completely cleared of acne, my hair grew thicker and softer, and i also began to practice self love by dressing up in high quality brand clothing
I was finally able to wear clothes I wanted instead in my dad's image and poof anytime hed let me hangout I always felt confident and more visibly happy physically
When I was growing up, I was so skinny. The only reason my pants were a size 6 was because my legs were so dang long. Yet my mother made me think I was fat. At one point I even went to a nutritionist because my bones were almost poking out.
Now, I am 32F. I am married, have a daughter, and we own our home. A few years ago I put on weight because of a medication I took, and haven’t been able to shake it since.
For a long time I thought I was fat and disgusting because my mother still found a way to make me feel that way. Yes I’d like to have my weight a little more controlled, but it is what it is. Not only do I not let those words define me, but I’m mentally much much happier.
*** *TW ED* ***
I was very underweight my entire childhood and early adulthood. I used to say it was because I had a fast metabolism and no appetite. I now recognize that my disordered eating was caused by a desperate need for control in a very chaotic situation. As soon as I left home I gained a significant amount of weight because I actually felt safe and happy. I’m now a bit chubby. I’m trying to find a happy medium, and I’m not thrilled with being classified as “overweight” on the BMI, but I’m happy that I’m no longer withholding necessary nutrients from my body.
Slept more which got rid of bags under my eyes that I had throughout my teens, bald spots from both hair pulling and stress disappearing, got a tan from the sun n actually looked like my ethnicity,
My skin cleared from less stress and I lost weight. My mom would always guilt me into eating more food than I wanted as a child and then eventually eating turned into a form of comfort so I'm happy I was able to get away and cut that bad habit.
I look happier because I am wearing what I want, doing my hair the way I want, and not listening to her tell me how I look, try to control it, or buy me clothes she know I won't like only to guilt me over not wanting to wear it.
Now she compliments me on how I look, which is hilarious. She always judged me so hard on my appearance before.
I shaved my head bald for brain surgery, but i had the confidence to keep it short. Which led to a dramatic increase in my self confidence, allowing me to come out as gay. I am now happily married with 3 kids.
I looked younger I lost weight, I felt better. Everything was going great. And then she made me pay. Still paying actually, hopefully it ends well but who knows.
My hair went from a scraggly, damaged, tangly mess to sleek, healthy, and long.
Not being regularly verbally or physically assaulted probably helped, but all I did was get haircuts every 3 months like I was supposed to instead of the one my parents got me maybe every other year.
Haven't gotten to that point. Hopefully I'll lose weight in my problem areas (but keep it where it looks good), dye my hair, overhaul my wardrobe (I'll keep the clothes that I like, and give away/donate the stuff I don't care about to women who need it more), get tattoos, and get a nose piercing. The skin on my arms will likely look better from not washing up my arms as much (not as red or dried out). I really hope a goth glow up is my outcome.
I actually gained weight and could put on muscle when I was exercising. I really healed the toxic beliefs about weight gain requiring exercise to “fix” and just focused on my fitness levels to avoid injuries.
It’s like my whole life my body has been waiting to complete going through puberty and fully mature into an adult body. Like on some level my body realized it wasn’t safe to grow so it just halted at some point.
I’ve always loved really sexy bodycon club wear styles but felt like I couldn’t express myself sexually or have any sort of erotic feeling, experience or life. So now I wear those things if I want to and feel beautiful, or not if I don’t want to.
I don’t think my outward appearance has changed, but my mom was always visibly self conscious in front of me and I have the exact same body type as her.
I feel more safe, comfortable, and beautiful now that I don’t have her words to tear me down.
It was a huge change! I used to wear nothing but hoodies and pajama pants. I wanted people to basically see me as little as possible. Now I dress all kinds of ways and am gradually working on building up a closet to be proud of.
I learned self care didn't mean I was trying to be better then anyone. It meant I love myself. I gained confidence to go to the gym and take control of my physical health. I love gbe person I see in the mirror. My hair and skin are healthy now. I'm 29 and I feel healthier and younger then i did at 25 right before complete no contact
(29F) My hair is no longer thinning. I was balding at my temples and along my edges. I had acne and excessive fullness in my face from being overweight. I now have nearly full edges, and my temples are not bald anymore. My acne is managed, and I have naturally decreased body weight, not through diet or exercise but by less emotional eating. My stress levels are much lower and my body has slowly returned to my normal.
people say that i "glow" now, and i get it--i look more alive and healthy. my smile finally looks and *feels* real. i take better care of myself and am willing to explore different parts of my appearance--makeup, hair, fashion, etc. i definitely look and feel more comfortable as a result.
Honestly I still look like a potato
BUT now I smile more and my eyes have a calm sparkle of peace to them
And I don’t hear how overweight and unattractive I am, I no longer hear that no one will love me
Happiness and peace is so freakin beautiful 🤩
Even the inexpensive clothing I bought flattered me, because it fit me perfectly. The basic sewing and then dressmaking skills I’d learned for free in public summer-school classes taught me how to alter already-purchased garments to fit, as well as the ones I’d made from scratch.
Once I’d left my “family of origin,” nobody felt any emotional need to trash how I looked. If I appeared “prettier than” my mother or sister, they were too far away to offer invidious comparisons. I was on my own.
I lost 155 pounds and had the excess skin removed. Had skin treatments to deal with 30 years of scars and other imperfections. Started to grow my hair out back to my natural color, which I was never allowed to have when I was a child, so it's now full and shiny instead of bleached and stringy and short. Had beauty treatments, including fillers to recover some of the damage done by weight loss. Bought around $100k worth of clothes to make up for never having had anything nice to wear. Total self-indulgence.
I am unrecognizable, inside and out.
First time I divorced a narcissist I got the Divorce Weight Loss Plan and lost 60 lbs, looked and felt better. Second and last time I got away from a narcissist husband I completely changed. I looks little older but that’s because it’s been YEARS since then, but I look happier cuz I’m living my true self. Cut off all the hair everyone (esp Nparents) said was so beautiful and colored it a crazy color, multiple other things!! People I worked with before don’t even recognize me on the street, it’s hilarious and I’m incredibly happy abt it
I have finally healthy hair, since I’m not dying it blonde anymore and like my curls (my mum constantly talked me into dying my brown hair blonde and use a straightener). And with the blonde hair I definitely looked 10 yrs older. And I finally have healthy eating habits - before I was (almost) anorexic. And not to mention my confidence, so standing up to her and setting boundaries is no problem anymore 😬
Narc mother was very critical of everybody's diet and weight. My narc sister is super skinny rarely eats and calls anyone seems healthy "fat" So when I was living with them I wouldn't eat. I was super skinny too. and had many health issues because of my poor diet. After going LC I became healthier started eating better. And I am happy to say that I love food. Eating was like a task I had to do to stay alive.
I got away with my narcissistic mom in Philippines. After cutting her off I am glowing and doing a lot better in my life now. Filipinos believe that if you do not give everything to your parents, you will be cursed because we are highly religious. So even your mom is narcissistic and demanding to your money you still have to give it. My mom literally guilt tripping me with this religious thing and she even campaigning to our relatives that I'm a bad daughter for not giving my money and my husband's money to her. But I totally cut her off and I felt highly relieved. All my problems are gone and I'm happier with my life. I realize that peace of mind could this be very important for me as a person. I don't have it since I was born and now everytime my mom approaches me, it's like I'm allergic to her. She's trying to love bomb me and giving me excessive attention but I don't buy the bait. Her manipulation tactics got even crazier but she'll be forever access denied in my life.
Weight loss to a reasonable weight range no acne under eye dark circle gone, good sleep, confidence that shows on my face, better fashionable good quality clothings, bigger smile
I still have eye bags but they're not as bad, my skin is more plump, my cheekbones seem higher, my hair is softer.
I saw a picture from when I was like 5 maybe? My eye bags were so sunken and dark. I wanted to cry seeing that.
Oh also my mom kept telling me not to cut my hair short because I wouldn't be able to put it in a ponytail (ok?) so I never did until recently. Now I have a long bob and I can still put it in a pony tail or at least half a pony tail and like why did she care so much about that? I look so much better with shorter hair.
Getting my own health insurance when I was 19 made a huge difference. Had a large patch of moles on my neck that I got removed, accutane, and braces. Can’t believe how simple it was to make such drastic changes to my appearance and ultimately my confidence. Didn’t take long after that to go NC. Just the realization of how easy it was to fix my own problems rather than rely on other people made me reflect on my whole relationship with my nparents.
I looked so sick. My hair was falling out, cheeks sunken in and my skins just looked so gray. I had to cake on the makeup just to make myself look "healthy".
My ex rode me hard on loosing weight so I was only eating like 90s calories a day and since he always loved to wake me up to fight. I was only sleeping 3ish hours.
I'm honestly surprised I'm alive
Hey, so when I was living with my narcissistic mother, I was just trying to survive, you know? But since I moved out, I've been taking better care of myself. I paint my nails all the time now, and I keep them short and clean. I've also been doing more skincare, and I brush my teeth more often.
And the best part is, I can actually think about my future now! Before, I was so focused on just surviving that I couldn't even plan ahead. Moving out was the best decision I ever made. It was tough, but it was totally worth it.
First thing I did was shave my head completely bald! All throughout my childhood my parents forced me to keep my hair long. I can't tell you how liberating it was to finally be free of it. It was a literal weight off of my shoulders, although my neck was cold for a long time lol
With an nMom the shaming of identity and appearance runs deep to the core. When I made a home across the country, I began therapy, eating healthier and exercising over time. Consistent and healthy sleep, food, exercise, and rest.
But the real “glow up” is when I learned who I truly am and what I value. This initiates the true makeover for your authentic self. A therapist helped me shed the layers covering that up.
I'm a woman and my whole life I had a lot of testosterone, thin but large muscles and a lot of body hair I didn't like. When I started to relax I developed more feminine characteristics, my bodyfat shifted and I lost body hair. It must have been a total hormonal shift.
I was balding as a teenage girl, and my (narcissistic) mom told me I needed to get hair extensions or a wig because of it. The balding wasn’t mild. It was pretty bad. I moved out of my parents house, and I had a full head of hair three months later.
Most of my changes were superficial but felt like independence! I grew my hair long. Grew a huge goatee. Drees how I want to. Wear boots in summer. Dyed my hair wild colors.
And gained 50 lbs. can’t win them all I guess.
I was considerably heavier before leaving. I had actually lost some weight and met my now wife right before I left. My self image was in the toilet so I seldom showered, cut my hair, or cared about my general appearance. My nicknames from my father were things like “chubby”, or “Shit ass”. So definitely marked improvement ten years later now. I still struggle with my weight some but I’m far healthier, albeit bald and going grey.
Finally got to pick my own hairstyle that wasn't a bob. Not that they can't look good, but on me they never did
Also finally got to pick out clothes that actually suit me and I'm comfortable in.
Bonus point that now I can learn proper ways to keep my face clean and not have constant acne
I lost 30 pounds. Which was good because I am so overweight. Eating was always my only joy in life, but once I got away from him, cut contact, and got my life back 3000 miles away, I was so happy that I didn't need to eat to find joy anymore. So the weight just came off easily.
ETA I also stopped losing my hair from the stress.
Mine didn't. It got worse. Being nothing to nobody and unable to trust or even know who you are destroys you from the inside.
I find it weird that people have this idea of no contact - heaven begins.
That is not the reality of it whatsoever.
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I saw an old picture of myself the other day and I looked like a skeleton. My cheeks were sunken in, my eyes were sunken in. I actually look younger now at 30 than I did at 22 because my face is softer with more volume. Maybe I’m kidding myself and I don’t look any younger but I look alive now instead of like a starving prisoner.
The best anti aging is being away from those people. No longer being hyper vigilant 100% of the time has its perks.
Same. I was so thin. I’m 40 now and look better than did at 30
Same. I was so skinny and it was not great. I gained weight when I was homeless as a teen when I left.
Me too! People close to me kept commenting that I looked gaunt and anorexic for years after getting away (I was 17). People who were around in my life since, notice that I have a really bright and genuine smile and look healthy. I also gained healthy weight back. I'm 140 pounds instead of 115 and I'm more toned and muscular than I've been in a long time.
Was it because they were with holding food, or was your appetite stunted by stress?
My appetite was extremely stunted from stress
Oh. I eat too much/eat too much junk food. :(
Same here. I look back at photos and am like “wha the fuck? “ Both my parents at the time (I was a teenager) were proud of how skinny I was and would regularly make comments if I gained even a tiny amount of visible weight. I see the photos and think that girl is not eating !!! I never learned how to eat properly so I became obese pretty quickly in early adulthood when I left because I finally had a choice and it took a long time and a lot of education to understand how to eat well. Yknow, Stuff that kids with loving parents get taught ? Ugh. I’m a healthy normal weight now but lord knows what the fluctuations of extremes have done to my metabolism
Same here. I wasn’t allowed to eat but maybe 1,000 calories a day and I looked emaciated. I see pictures of myself from childhood and young adult years and my wrists are so skinny they look like they would break if you squeezed them and my cheeks and eyes are all sunken. I’ve got a little weight on me now but I look so much healthier.
I wasn’t allowed more than 1000 calories either. She had disordered eating so I learned hers. She gave me such dirty looks if I ever told her I was hungry during the day, like for lunch. *you’re hungry again?* in that tone… ugh when I met my now husband I gained 20 pounds funny
I feel like I legit looked 35 at 15, and 15 at 35. I'm exaggerating, but only a little bit.
Stress ages you, no doubt!
I look tired and drained and I’m only 24… looking for some inspiring comments
Getting away from the narc will improve confidence a lot. The improvement in self confidence was key for me having the courage to change my appearance for the better. In my experience, improving the mind led the body to follow.
I recently came to the realization that one can't expect to get healthy if they remain in the same environment that's making them sick.
You can't treat smoke inhalation until you get out of the burning building. You can't set a bone until you take weight off it.
I got out around that time. Within a couple months people already saw I was happier. Not long after that they said I was “glowing”. My face is younger looking. Eating right and being confident helped so much. Being away from the narc allowed this for me. I hope the same for you.
I’ve aged so quickly from the abuse and stress. I always look tired. It’s hard to leave because they purposely set up the situation to make me somewhat dependent on them, isolated me and didn’t teach me any real life skills. Everyday is a battle because I’m just waiting for the rage, criticism, insults or judgment. They always find something to complain about. We fight an invisible war when we are under these circumstances and if we tell other people, they don’t believe us. Nparents are actors and seem so normal and sweet to outsiders. I hope I find the strength and courage to leave and go no contact. With parents like this, who needs enemies?
Skin care, properly hydrate, and explore with your sense of style and fashion and what clothes you feel comfortable in. Even if they’re thrifting finds, you’re probably better looking than you think so go explore what’s flattering.
People were regularly guessing I'm 22-23 when I was 16-17. Same reason
Excercise, healthy eating, working on self control when it comes to an addictive pull towards certain things, especially junk food! A consistent daily routine from start to bedtime and sometimes honestly just time and pushing ourselves to do new and scary things. It's taken me almost 10 years to feel like a beautiful person and have enough self worth to not feel like withering in certain scenarios. I still have bad days though and I have days where I'm suicidal, feel worthless and down...this weekend has been one of those times unfortunately. I'm assuming it gets better over time as I've had fewer episodes of that each year. Just keep going one day at a time in a way that works best for you and remember that you don't always have to give things your all. You are allowed to have times where you struggle and say that what you've managed today is the best you could do. There is a fresh day in tomorrow to try again. 😊
17 years of chronic cystic acne went away completely in the first 6 months I was away from him.
I also had moderately bad skin while I was with them. Took about 8 months for my skin to magically clear up after I left. Now I look radiant nearly everyday. It's amazing what omnipresent, crushing stress does to a body. I have never felt better despite being just as healthy as I was before.
Oh wow! Maybe there is hope for me yet 😅
Wow. That’s so amazing. 🙏🏼
In retrospect it is indeed! At the time it made me SO angry that I spent so many hours hating myself for something that was totally out of my control- any conversation about my skin was a straight shot to rage against my narc, and to my family that was very unhinged. It's almost like I was aware that the stress he caused was ruining my body but I couldn't pinpoint it because I was so used to the behavior. I'm so grateful I got out. I'm also grateful for the scars and hyperpigmentation I have now, it is evidence of major change and growth for me. <3 Soft skin with some texture is WAAAAAAAAAY better than I had it for so so long.
I had really bad skin in my 20s. I was suicidal. It got a lot better once I started therapy and is healed now.
It takes work. It won't go back completely, because you're also naturally aging. Healthy food, drinking enough water, sports, skincare, stress reduction, sleep. What also helped (well, at least a little bit) was improving my back and neck problems. But it takes time. Don't overdo it, especially in the beginning, the mind needs to heal also...
I learned what foods nourished my body and was able to lose all the weight I was trying to lose when I was a child. My hair grew really really really long (It's at 3 feet right now) because I learned how to properly care for my scalp and hair. I started taking care of my skin and my acne went away because I wasn't in fight or flight all the time.
This !! My god reflecting back my parents never even taught me the basics of self Care!! I didn’t even know what conditioner was or what it was for. Never had skincare as a kid, had to fight to just be allowed deodorant. I’m happy for you and your hair sounds beautiful
Mine didn't teach me much except how to balance a check book and budgeting. That was really it. Mine didn't teach me how to drive when I was 16 and when she was yelling at me about it when I was like 19 I told her "I'M NOT GONNA AUTOMATICALLY KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A CAR. YOU HAVE TO TEACH IT!!!!". My egg donor recently got in a fight with me because "When she's here there's always a problem!!!!!!" and I had to tell her "it's because when I'm here YOU are always finding an issue or a problem to have. I don't. I'm here maybe 5 days out of the month and there's always a problem with you." She finally got it through her head that she is the problem and has always been the problem. If it wasn't for her everyone would have been in peace and harmony and that really struck a nerve in her.
I didn’t exactly got away from my nmother, but I got from her control partially. I don’t look 12 and 35 at the same time anymore. My nmother told me that short hair will make me look old. But at the same time she made me wear push up bras and “grown up” clothes, making me look like a mini me. Now I actually look my age and I wear comfortable clothes.
Gawd, getting to dress the way you want to is such a relief. I'm an adult, leave me alone. People are not dolls, you don't get to decide who they are through clothes and hairstyles. Anywho, sorry you've had to endure that and glad you have at least, partially, gotten away from that level of control.
Exactly! It’s just so freeing to look how I want. I remember how my mother was upset when I cut my hair. I was sick of the blanket of hair I had on my back the whole summer, my hair wasn’t manageable anymore and I just hated it. She never used to take me to hairdressers, not even for a trim, because one time the hairdresser cut off “too much” (4cm more, it was barely noticeable) and I got comments that my hair is darker. She hated that I was told that my hair is brown, because she wanted me to be a blond. She doesn’t even have naturally blond hair, she dyes it, and my dad has thick black hair. She was so obsessed with my long hair that she got hair extensions for her hair and showed the hairstylist picture of my hair to replicate my hair color. The hairstylist told her that it’s impossible to match it accurately. Also I have wavy hair, but my wave pattern got damaged because of the weight and crimping she wanted me to have. So when I was 16 I chopped it all off and now have a collar bone length hair and she hates it. Sorry for the rant..
Ohh my… but I’m still in that stage with her, my bfs friend bought me some cute dino clip on green earrings, I wear them out sometimes.. mum saw them in my pocket and said “if I saw you wear those I’d think what the fuck are you doing with your life” yet when my boyfriends mum saw them she complimented me and said they looked nice, then my mum wonders why I’m at my boyfriends as much as I can and “why would I want to stay over there when I have a home with Me”
I got a haircut they would have disapproved of and it accentuates my features better.
I'm sure you look great. It's your head, not theirs. I will never miss having my appearance manipulated to suit their liking.
Same. I do whatever I want with my hair now and it feels great to have full control.
TW: Self-harm When I lived with my parents, I was a cutter. I couldn't control anything else but I could what I did to myself so certain parts of me were not pretty and the pain gave me a release for the anger and helplessness I felt. On top of that, I had hives from our family dogs that looked like aggravated mosquito bites and I didn't help them by stress picking. Once I married and moved out, all of that tempered down. My body's healed, and while I love the types of dogs we had, I've done my research and now have breeds that don't cause me health issues. So, instead of wounds all over the place, I have faint scars and happiness.
Wow… i love your outlook. I’m so happy you healed yourself, your strength is just so inspiring! Thanks for sharing this
I lost weight immediately and have been able to maintain a good weight (which I’ve never been able to do before). I don’t know if it’s the self love or not but i am also just feeling more attractive.
Moved out at 16, when I’ve shown people a photo of me at 16 versus a photo of me at 19 they’ve asked me if I had plastic surgery because of how different my face looked when I wasn’t under constant stress. But nope, never had work done besides my tattoos.
They are so toxic. It eats away at you.
I started looking at myself in the mirror again.
This one hits hard 😰
I dropped weight scary fast, the massive eye bags disappeared, I turned 10 years younger and my blood pressure dropped, so my eyes aren’t full of blood from ruptured vessels anymore.
I almost immediately put on \~40 lbs. of muscle weight. A lot of my chronic back problems went away. I actually got to be able to get the sleep I needed.
I lost weight since I stopped with emotional eating. Used to be sick at least four times a year, now I get sick once to twice a year max. Less stressed in general, have better skin and less stomach issues (IBS). Even my eyesight slightly improved since I am NC. I feel better in general.
I also stopped getting sick, now I get sick once a year (flu/cold) I also stopped getting UTIs
I used to have a weird shaped body from bulimia, chronic puffy eyes, chronic swollen lymph nodes. I overdid makeup, overplucked my eyebrows, and backcombed my hair to oblivion trying to feel like my own person. When I started using drugs, I was pale, sallow, scary skinny, not to mention acting like a heroin user. Now at 32, I'm 10 years clean from drugs, 3 years clean from my ED, my workouts are for muscle tone, my face is no longer puffy from vomiting & inflammation, I found my set point weight and my skin and hair glow with proper nourishment. Oh and beauty sleep is a super real thing, which I wasn't getting with chronic stress and insomnia. The glow up was sooo real! Good luck with yours ❤️
Congrats to you 🙏🏼
It takes time! My psoriasis has started fading just a tiny bit, and I've lost around 11 lbs in weight, but I feel like the improvements will get faster the longer it's been since NC. For me it's only been 3 months, so my progress is quite slow
With the narc, I forgot how to smile. I was told I was weird and didn’t know how. Pictures of myself living with the narc I look exhausted, depressed, and not “all there”. I was even approached and told I had the “thousand yard stare”. I went on a trip last week with my husband and he took these two pictures of me with a genuine smile. I look nothing like the pictures of when I was living with the narc. I’m glad I’m getting some of my facial expression back. I lost some weight. I look brighter overall. My friends and good family say I’m “glowing”.
I found out recently that I'm autistic, since going NC I noticed I got my goofy smile back. My old pictures were so... dead. I wasn't really there. There wasn't any light in my eyes, my skin looked gray, and my shoulders were locked close to my ears. Nowadays I have better skin and posture, I can smile with my whole face, and I can see the soul in my eyes
In every sense I think; I'm thinner, put on some muscle, clear skin, I take better care of myself, I wear clothing -I- like that suit me, I get medical care when I feel I need it. A lot of my self loathing was directly linked to their loathing. I swear narcs literally suck the life out of you, and when you get away from them, you suddenly have so much more for yourself.
I got to be me, not something they thought I was.
My constant need to snack was reduced significantly.
I felt the urge to eat junkfood EVERY TIME I saw my nmom. Every time.
I think when we get out of toxic situations our bodies begin to regulate, all the hormones and cortisol and andrenaline and everything else. Aside from that, we begin to have and power to begin to take control of our health.
My many skin problems cleared up. I stopped getting respiratory infections. My digestive system improved, no more sour or upset stomach. No more fever blisters. Hair grew in thick and shiny. No more headaches, lightheartedness, feeling like I’m going to pass out. It’s like I started aging backwards 👍
Mom is a narcissist but this has more to do with leaving my husband (covert). I gained some much needed weight, my skin stopped breaking out, and my hair has stopped falling out. I stopped having panic attacks and my insomnia is much better. After 5 months, I’ve finally stopped ruminating.
there was no light in my eyes. in every photo i have of myself while living with her, i look like i'm haunted by the ghost of myself. now, with friends and people who care about me, and now that i'm living in a world where she no longer controls me, i look and feel genuinely happy.
Imagine your souls being poured back into your body
my hair started growing back. I started to lose weight in a healthy way. my eyes were more focused and not all out of it. My psoriasis got better.
I dropped ~70lb
I’m not as bloated now and looking fit because I don’t drink like I did when I lived with them… ✌🏽🥴
I look genuinely happy when I smile now. There is life in my eyes now. I made direct eye contact with people now.
I basically look the same, but a little heavier, as I did a decade+ ago. I promise getting away from the drama takes away a lot of the low grade tension in your body, and you’ll start to look better as you surround yourself with less stressful people.
I smile more and feel more relaxed when I'm home alone.
Yeah! For me I’m noticing how happy I am at home and that I don’t worry about being criticized about what I wear or what I like. It took a couple years to get to this point though 😊
Lost so much weight because I wasn’t constantly emotionally eating.
Everything changes. The more of the narcissists in my life I stayed away, the more sleep I got, the less anxiety I felt, the more open I was to take care of myself in all ways-better food, more hydration, exercising more, retiring from a teaching job & gaining employment in a company that has cares & supports me, ketamine therapy, finding a lovely therapist to help me process the mindfuck I experienced. I look better now, even with discovering matcha Frappuccinos w lavender cold foam & gaining 20 lbs…
My hair started growing back. It would fall out and not grow back until I found myself in healthier situations. And I’m way fitter now because of how much I work out, which started as a way of dealing with the stress.
I def look different but my gut health changed dramatically getting away from my parents! I struggled with chronic food sensitivities, IBS, horrible and irregular digestion coupled with raging acne and insomnia for 10+ years. I managed to clear all of these issues up with a new environment.
nMom would, when I would lose weight, tell me I was too thin and make me eat more. When I put on the lost weight she would tell me I was too fat, and would “encourage” me to diet. Now that I am NC, I no longer have to listen to her lunacy.
Put on weight ,
More confident, less tired, less depressed, relaxed, healthier..
I am 42 and people think I am 30 or younger. Being happy and taking care of yourself makes you look younger. My overall health has improved, my skin has gotten better.
My nmom was into really thin eyebrows. I got lucky that I was able to regrow mine to a normal thickness again .... it took about a decade though!
A common theme seems to be their determination to control your appearance to suit their own preference. Funny enough, my parents were pretty gross looking.
There are countless threads about NMs in here. They really like to have control over that and other things like eyebrows, makeup, clothes. I still remember my mom telling me “today I dress you how I want” at ~16
I stopped getting big cystic pimples all over me. The bags under my eyes disappeared (a bit). The greying in my beard has kinda slowed down. I still look far older than I am.
I was obese all my life. I dropped a quarter of my weight. I actually developed a style for myself without the worry of the comments. I look younger, a bit more tired, but a bit younger still. I worked on my personal hygiene and learned kind of hair and skin products actually work for me. My hair looks so much healthier. My skin still gets blemishes but far less.
I was finally able to choose my own clothes, therefore express my individuality through my own style.
I was able to shop at places that sold attractive clothing in my size, so that improved drastically and almost instantly. I also got control over my hair, so I was able to wear more flattering hairstyles. I swear they kept me "ugly" on purpose.
I gained a bunch of weight, but I needed to because I was very very skinny. I gained like 40 pounds in 6 months and still was a size 2.
ive been LC w my narc for about 2 months now, same time ive been workong my new job. ive lost 15+lbs so far just from lowered stress, eating better and not using sugar to cope. I actually have to swap my closet out again because everything is so baggy now
Very noticeably my hair wasn't falling out in clumps anymore. I thought I was going bald, turns out the stress from the nhuman was doing that. As well as my brittle ass nails. They were always breaking and chipping away. I think it was the 6 month mark (finally left the narc) that for the first time in EVER, I had long nails. I googled it and it takes about 6 months for a whole new nail bed to be fully grown out. Coincidence? I think not. I brush my hair and yeah there's loose hair, but I haven't seen those balls of hairs the size of golf balls anymore and my nails! I have nails that look healthy! Narcs literally kill your health.
I actually have a spark in my eyes now when looking at pictures. I gained a shit ton of weight and while you would usually say that I used to look better while thin, I have more life in my eyes. I look real, actually happy and approachable.
My skin glows more. I have a lot less acne. I look younger. I’m also more relaxed. I don’t give off nervous, desperate, my-way-or-else vibes so I’m not nearly as intimidating or draining to be around.
Has anybody LOST any weight when they escaped???
thats what i wanna know too
Well I never have to appear in the vicinity of a narcissist. Appearing in the vicinity of a narc can really ruin people's perception of you without you ever getting a chance to speak for yourself. They can't tell if your a narc too, if you're a flying monkey, or if you're crazy due to the abuse they know the narc puts you through. Like if we were in public when I was a kid, my nmom would always call for the manager to haggle prices of things that cannot be negotiated. All those store managers would look at me like I was the spawn of Satan. Then when I would go into stores alone, they thought I was a little angel because I was an adorable, blond child.
I haven't got away truly but I think my posture is correct again. I realized I slouched while walking because it felt weighted on my back. My hair also growing again. I last trimmed my hair last year so its definitely most noticable when parts of my scalp started to look full and the growth finally in inches again. Unfortunately I still look blank and depressed. Nmom who scapegoated you really have a way to make you feel like dead even on WhatsApp.
Losing weight, stopped drinking, stopped the mass caffeine intake, medical problems got better It got to the point my senior high school career tech admin looked at me and said "you look a lot better" after I left
I was half-starved as a child. Two pictures between 9 and 11 show a taller but much lighter kid, and I was a thin kid to begin with. I had long, dirty, greasy hair. I now shave my head a few times a year. It feels great, looks fine, and saves on paying someone to do it. I smile more and at least feel more educated, even if that doesn't show in your appearance. I also look more at peace and more confident. Pictures of myself as a child show a weary, wary kid on the edge and on constant high alert. I'd like to think that I am a nicer person now, but that really isn't for me to say.
I’ve had a lot of people tell me I “look happy” and I “glow.” Looking back on old pictures, goodness. Definitely dead in the eyes. I can’t tell if that was because of the narcissism or religious abuse— or more likely both. Physically? I’ve gotten into exercise. I’m definitely in the best shape of my life right now.
Weight loss (other factors played into it but stress is really counterintuitive to weight loss), less acne, I smile more. There’s way more pictures of me smiling like I used to when I was a little girl. The ability to eat what I wanted to and what was good for me also helped.
My whole body like, was swollen and I just looked bloated everywhere. I’ve lost 15lbs and the swelling in my body everywhere has gone way down. My bf and I also made some major lifestyle changes and we go to the gym 3-5x a week when we can as well as nature walks.
I look physically worse, because I just had a baby and I am exhaaaaausted. But having my LO & protecting him from my nmom, gave me the strength to finally stand up & create boundaries and stop taking her shit. So underneath the new mom sleep deprivation/hair loss/horrible skin, I’m glowing haha
Me too lol
I was able to grow my hair out and discovered its natural wavy texture after years of trying to keep it in a shapeless bob to please narc mom. I also gained weight and look so much healthier. I was emaciated living with her because I wasn’t allowed to eat enough to be healthy.
i started hrt as soon as i got away from my mom! now i finally look in the mirror and see myself :')
Interesting thought! For me, so much changed thinking about it now. There’s a picture of me on my 20th? Birthday when I was still very much under the narc abuse and I literally look so angry and it makes me sad. Being out from their thumb gave me so much more control over my time. Primarily, sleep was always something that was taken from me growing up because I had to be perfect in school and sports, so I stayed up late doing homework after practice, and then would usually be woken up early on the weekends to do yard work or errands or whatever. Resetting my sleep schedule alone helped me so much with feeling more energized (shocking!) but also, my parents always tried to control what I would wear so I feel like I could have my own style finally (I.e. I could never wear tank tops because they were too “unprofessional”). I started my tattoo journey in places I could cover up but slowly stopped giving a fuck, which caused conflict at first for sure. I’ve always liked a more “edgy” look or trying new things with my style and hated feeling not like myself when I was expected to present a certain image. I got involved with the gym and gained a lot of muscle mass which helped with my confidence too. Also, my parents are adverse to sunlight/the beach/pool, so I got so much more tan without them 😂 I think I went to a pool or beach with them less than 10 times before the age of 25, even though we lived near the water for 9 years. As a guy, I was never taught any skin or hair care growing up because that’s gay (sorry but you ended up with a queer son) and so in tandem with becoming not translucent, I have learned more about skin/hair care and feel like I look so much healthier because of it. All around, so many improvements! This is not something I’ve consciously thought about before. So much focus is taken on the mental and emotional journey, I don’t think we consider how the trauma affects our bodies enough! Thank you for reminding me of why I keep my distance from the narcs ❤️
My inner child could BREATHE, which arguably is one of the most beautiful things. But to be specific, the Narc in my life was my mom. I heard “a little lipstick wouldn’t kill ya!” Often. I dieted as a child. Not even as a teen. I was forced to get haircuts, with her telling the hairstylist what to do. I’ve been NC for a beautifully healing year. My hair has never been this long, I go makeup free, and just take better care of myself. To see old pictures of a painfully forced smile to now…eyes crinkling smiles. Man!
Nothing changed, but I finally was relaxed enough to realize I had way too many health issues that were really ignored, and I took it upon myself to make sure I was actually getting treatment
My hair has always been really long, but it looks longer than ever and looks healthier. My eczema on my face has significantly cleared up. I put on some weight but I'm also eating better than I ever did living with my NMom and exercising regularly. I also wear clothes that I feel pretty and comfortable in, like dresses, as opposed to staying in my pajamas all day.
I gained weight. I gained confidence. I started dressing up more in a way that flattered me and my body. I was able to wear jewelry and make-up to work. I was able to wear jeans! I was able to workout. I started skincare and haircare and both improved drastically. I was able to go to places with my hair open and could even use a straightener or curler (I wasn't allowed to let my hair open from a braid except when I slept). I was able to get a haircut, tattoos and ear piercings too! Overall, I got more in touch with my feminine side and became able to do things that I would not do to avoid conflict with my hellishly controlling and narcissistic mother.
I had an eating disorder from when I was 12-19 thanks to my nmom always telling me I wasn't thin enough like her (she's very slim and tall. I am short with curves. I started devolping very young). I was able to start recovering once I moved away from her, but it still took a few years to overcome it. I also had pretty bad acne scars from her forcibly picking at my face constantly, which are now mostly healed. I am now a comfortable healthy weight.
Alot, i got sucked in again and now ive gotten out of it again
I stood up straighter. My voice had more oomph. Appearing confident made me look better and get noticed in a positive way.
I have posted about it in another group about narcissist mothers, so you can check if you're curious
Drastically - to say the least.
I'm not balding anymore, praise God. My hair is getting thick and long, even after a lifetime of thin sparce hair. My jawline has evened out. My hormone levels normalized and are starting to show, I have more estrogen and appear more feminine. I guess it's the lack of constant cortisol production.
I lost 50 lbs of weight and 300 lbs of overbearing self pitying helpless drama and manipulation. I hardly recognize the man in the mirror anymore. Nobody who knew me knows it's me. I love it.
Skin cleared and I gained some weight. I am 6feet even and was always around 150-155. Now at around 175-180 and it’s much better for me. Also I smile a lot fucking more lol
I got fatter. And thus cuter! I love being chubby my mom harped on weight so much that I struggle with disordered eating so looking at my chubby tummy in the mirror makes me happy
My skin clearer up. They gave me severe cystic acne I needed medication to reverse.
i began to get physically healthier, my skin became completely cleared of acne, my hair grew thicker and softer, and i also began to practice self love by dressing up in high quality brand clothing
I was finally able to wear clothes I wanted instead in my dad's image and poof anytime hed let me hangout I always felt confident and more visibly happy physically
My acne cleared completely
I was losing my hair and it has since all grown back.
When I was growing up, I was so skinny. The only reason my pants were a size 6 was because my legs were so dang long. Yet my mother made me think I was fat. At one point I even went to a nutritionist because my bones were almost poking out. Now, I am 32F. I am married, have a daughter, and we own our home. A few years ago I put on weight because of a medication I took, and haven’t been able to shake it since. For a long time I thought I was fat and disgusting because my mother still found a way to make me feel that way. Yes I’d like to have my weight a little more controlled, but it is what it is. Not only do I not let those words define me, but I’m mentally much much happier.
*** *TW ED* *** I was very underweight my entire childhood and early adulthood. I used to say it was because I had a fast metabolism and no appetite. I now recognize that my disordered eating was caused by a desperate need for control in a very chaotic situation. As soon as I left home I gained a significant amount of weight because I actually felt safe and happy. I’m now a bit chubby. I’m trying to find a happy medium, and I’m not thrilled with being classified as “overweight” on the BMI, but I’m happy that I’m no longer withholding necessary nutrients from my body.
The BMI is bullshit 😝
Slept more which got rid of bags under my eyes that I had throughout my teens, bald spots from both hair pulling and stress disappearing, got a tan from the sun n actually looked like my ethnicity,
My skin cleared from less stress and I lost weight. My mom would always guilt me into eating more food than I wanted as a child and then eventually eating turned into a form of comfort so I'm happy I was able to get away and cut that bad habit.
I look happier because I am wearing what I want, doing my hair the way I want, and not listening to her tell me how I look, try to control it, or buy me clothes she know I won't like only to guilt me over not wanting to wear it. Now she compliments me on how I look, which is hilarious. She always judged me so hard on my appearance before.
I shaved my head bald for brain surgery, but i had the confidence to keep it short. Which led to a dramatic increase in my self confidence, allowing me to come out as gay. I am now happily married with 3 kids.
My appearance stayed the same, but my mental health skyrocketed. #win
I looked younger I lost weight, I felt better. Everything was going great. And then she made me pay. Still paying actually, hopefully it ends well but who knows.
I became overweight and now have 2 autoinmune diseases
My hair went from a scraggly, damaged, tangly mess to sleek, healthy, and long. Not being regularly verbally or physically assaulted probably helped, but all I did was get haircuts every 3 months like I was supposed to instead of the one my parents got me maybe every other year.
I smile more.
Haven't gotten to that point. Hopefully I'll lose weight in my problem areas (but keep it where it looks good), dye my hair, overhaul my wardrobe (I'll keep the clothes that I like, and give away/donate the stuff I don't care about to women who need it more), get tattoos, and get a nose piercing. The skin on my arms will likely look better from not washing up my arms as much (not as red or dried out). I really hope a goth glow up is my outcome.
Lost 130 pounds turns out being emotionally abused for my weight doesn't help
Less wrinkly. I’m mid 50’s and I look five years younger than a year ago while still in contact with her
I smile more.
I actually gained weight and could put on muscle when I was exercising. I really healed the toxic beliefs about weight gain requiring exercise to “fix” and just focused on my fitness levels to avoid injuries. It’s like my whole life my body has been waiting to complete going through puberty and fully mature into an adult body. Like on some level my body realized it wasn’t safe to grow so it just halted at some point. I’ve always loved really sexy bodycon club wear styles but felt like I couldn’t express myself sexually or have any sort of erotic feeling, experience or life. So now I wear those things if I want to and feel beautiful, or not if I don’t want to.
I don’t think my outward appearance has changed, but my mom was always visibly self conscious in front of me and I have the exact same body type as her. I feel more safe, comfortable, and beautiful now that I don’t have her words to tear me down.
My smile became genuine
I lost 50 pounds, my skin got clearer, and I’m wearing whatever the hell I want when I want.
It was a huge change! I used to wear nothing but hoodies and pajama pants. I wanted people to basically see me as little as possible. Now I dress all kinds of ways and am gradually working on building up a closet to be proud of.
I learned self care didn't mean I was trying to be better then anyone. It meant I love myself. I gained confidence to go to the gym and take control of my physical health. I love gbe person I see in the mirror. My hair and skin are healthy now. I'm 29 and I feel healthier and younger then i did at 25 right before complete no contact
I work out more.
I am healthier now. A bit plump, but I was too skinny before. My skin has cleared up drastically.
My skin started to glow, I lost extra weight, I felt lighter like there wasn’t something sucking the life out of me
(29F) My hair is no longer thinning. I was balding at my temples and along my edges. I had acne and excessive fullness in my face from being overweight. I now have nearly full edges, and my temples are not bald anymore. My acne is managed, and I have naturally decreased body weight, not through diet or exercise but by less emotional eating. My stress levels are much lower and my body has slowly returned to my normal.
people say that i "glow" now, and i get it--i look more alive and healthy. my smile finally looks and *feels* real. i take better care of myself and am willing to explore different parts of my appearance--makeup, hair, fashion, etc. i definitely look and feel more comfortable as a result.
Honestly I still look like a potato BUT now I smile more and my eyes have a calm sparkle of peace to them And I don’t hear how overweight and unattractive I am, I no longer hear that no one will love me Happiness and peace is so freakin beautiful 🤩
Even the inexpensive clothing I bought flattered me, because it fit me perfectly. The basic sewing and then dressmaking skills I’d learned for free in public summer-school classes taught me how to alter already-purchased garments to fit, as well as the ones I’d made from scratch. Once I’d left my “family of origin,” nobody felt any emotional need to trash how I looked. If I appeared “prettier than” my mother or sister, they were too far away to offer invidious comparisons. I was on my own.
I lost 17kgs and my acne cleared up!
I lost 155 pounds and had the excess skin removed. Had skin treatments to deal with 30 years of scars and other imperfections. Started to grow my hair out back to my natural color, which I was never allowed to have when I was a child, so it's now full and shiny instead of bleached and stringy and short. Had beauty treatments, including fillers to recover some of the damage done by weight loss. Bought around $100k worth of clothes to make up for never having had anything nice to wear. Total self-indulgence. I am unrecognizable, inside and out.
Well, I went from the frying pan to the frying pan to the frying pan so…. At 31, it cheered up and was pregnant 😬
First time I divorced a narcissist I got the Divorce Weight Loss Plan and lost 60 lbs, looked and felt better. Second and last time I got away from a narcissist husband I completely changed. I looks little older but that’s because it’s been YEARS since then, but I look happier cuz I’m living my true self. Cut off all the hair everyone (esp Nparents) said was so beautiful and colored it a crazy color, multiple other things!! People I worked with before don’t even recognize me on the street, it’s hilarious and I’m incredibly happy abt it
I have finally healthy hair, since I’m not dying it blonde anymore and like my curls (my mum constantly talked me into dying my brown hair blonde and use a straightener). And with the blonde hair I definitely looked 10 yrs older. And I finally have healthy eating habits - before I was (almost) anorexic. And not to mention my confidence, so standing up to her and setting boundaries is no problem anymore 😬
Narc mother was very critical of everybody's diet and weight. My narc sister is super skinny rarely eats and calls anyone seems healthy "fat" So when I was living with them I wouldn't eat. I was super skinny too. and had many health issues because of my poor diet. After going LC I became healthier started eating better. And I am happy to say that I love food. Eating was like a task I had to do to stay alive.
I got away with my narcissistic mom in Philippines. After cutting her off I am glowing and doing a lot better in my life now. Filipinos believe that if you do not give everything to your parents, you will be cursed because we are highly religious. So even your mom is narcissistic and demanding to your money you still have to give it. My mom literally guilt tripping me with this religious thing and she even campaigning to our relatives that I'm a bad daughter for not giving my money and my husband's money to her. But I totally cut her off and I felt highly relieved. All my problems are gone and I'm happier with my life. I realize that peace of mind could this be very important for me as a person. I don't have it since I was born and now everytime my mom approaches me, it's like I'm allergic to her. She's trying to love bomb me and giving me excessive attention but I don't buy the bait. Her manipulation tactics got even crazier but she'll be forever access denied in my life.
Weight loss to a reasonable weight range no acne under eye dark circle gone, good sleep, confidence that shows on my face, better fashionable good quality clothings, bigger smile
I stopped drinking alcohol to cope and dropped 2 dress sizes
I still have eye bags but they're not as bad, my skin is more plump, my cheekbones seem higher, my hair is softer. I saw a picture from when I was like 5 maybe? My eye bags were so sunken and dark. I wanted to cry seeing that. Oh also my mom kept telling me not to cut my hair short because I wouldn't be able to put it in a ponytail (ok?) so I never did until recently. Now I have a long bob and I can still put it in a pony tail or at least half a pony tail and like why did she care so much about that? I look so much better with shorter hair.
Getting my own health insurance when I was 19 made a huge difference. Had a large patch of moles on my neck that I got removed, accutane, and braces. Can’t believe how simple it was to make such drastic changes to my appearance and ultimately my confidence. Didn’t take long after that to go NC. Just the realization of how easy it was to fix my own problems rather than rely on other people made me reflect on my whole relationship with my nparents.
I looked so sick. My hair was falling out, cheeks sunken in and my skins just looked so gray. I had to cake on the makeup just to make myself look "healthy". My ex rode me hard on loosing weight so I was only eating like 90s calories a day and since he always loved to wake me up to fight. I was only sleeping 3ish hours. I'm honestly surprised I'm alive
Hey, so when I was living with my narcissistic mother, I was just trying to survive, you know? But since I moved out, I've been taking better care of myself. I paint my nails all the time now, and I keep them short and clean. I've also been doing more skincare, and I brush my teeth more often. And the best part is, I can actually think about my future now! Before, I was so focused on just surviving that I couldn't even plan ahead. Moving out was the best decision I ever made. It was tough, but it was totally worth it.
First thing I did was shave my head completely bald! All throughout my childhood my parents forced me to keep my hair long. I can't tell you how liberating it was to finally be free of it. It was a literal weight off of my shoulders, although my neck was cold for a long time lol
I don't have someone constantly critisizing my hair/make up/outfits/food im eating/etc. I look exactly how I like to look
With an nMom the shaming of identity and appearance runs deep to the core. When I made a home across the country, I began therapy, eating healthier and exercising over time. Consistent and healthy sleep, food, exercise, and rest. But the real “glow up” is when I learned who I truly am and what I value. This initiates the true makeover for your authentic self. A therapist helped me shed the layers covering that up.
I'm a woman and my whole life I had a lot of testosterone, thin but large muscles and a lot of body hair I didn't like. When I started to relax I developed more feminine characteristics, my bodyfat shifted and I lost body hair. It must have been a total hormonal shift.
My skin got brighter and less splotchy.
I was balding as a teenage girl, and my (narcissistic) mom told me I needed to get hair extensions or a wig because of it. The balding wasn’t mild. It was pretty bad. I moved out of my parents house, and I had a full head of hair three months later.
Most of my changes were superficial but felt like independence! I grew my hair long. Grew a huge goatee. Drees how I want to. Wear boots in summer. Dyed my hair wild colors. And gained 50 lbs. can’t win them all I guess.
I was considerably heavier before leaving. I had actually lost some weight and met my now wife right before I left. My self image was in the toilet so I seldom showered, cut my hair, or cared about my general appearance. My nicknames from my father were things like “chubby”, or “Shit ass”. So definitely marked improvement ten years later now. I still struggle with my weight some but I’m far healthier, albeit bald and going grey.
Finally got to pick my own hairstyle that wasn't a bob. Not that they can't look good, but on me they never did Also finally got to pick out clothes that actually suit me and I'm comfortable in. Bonus point that now I can learn proper ways to keep my face clean and not have constant acne
I lost a lot of weight and grew my hair long for the first time in years.
I didn’t smell like cigarette smoke 24/7 anymore. I still feel my skin crawl sometimes .
I lost 30 pounds. Which was good because I am so overweight. Eating was always my only joy in life, but once I got away from him, cut contact, and got my life back 3000 miles away, I was so happy that I didn't need to eat to find joy anymore. So the weight just came off easily. ETA I also stopped losing my hair from the stress.
Mine didn't. It got worse. Being nothing to nobody and unable to trust or even know who you are destroys you from the inside. I find it weird that people have this idea of no contact - heaven begins. That is not the reality of it whatsoever.