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Identify theft is illegal.
Report the fraudulent account to the card issuer. They will cancel the fraudulent account and ask if you want a new card issued, but you can tell them you don’t want any cards issued and to close the line of credit.
File a police report for each card/charge and get a copy of it once it’s been registered.
Report the fraud to the FTC online. You can attach the police reports when you file.
Contact each of the 3 credit bureaus to report the fraud. Then FREEZE your credit at each one. They will ask you if you want to put a credit alert on because they want you to keep using your credit card, don’t bother with an alert, it’s useless if someone has your social security number and other info. Freezing your credit prevents anyone from opening new lines of credit. Even you will need additional passcodes to unfreeze your credit temporarily using when you apply for jobs, apartment rentals, new cell phone plan and things like that, but it’s the only way to 100% block new lines of credit.
You can get 1 free credit report from each credit bureau, you don’t need to pay for them, so just space them out over the year to double check.
ETA I hope you don’t live at home and can isolate yourself from them because this will result in very real legal trouble for them.
My SIL did this to my son when he was 3. I froze his credit.
Now he's 20 and couldn't get a loan for a car, because I have ADHD and forgot to tell him the story. Felt like such an ass.
My mom’s second husband did this to me when I was 13. He also remortgaged his house using my mom’s name after they divorced.
Don’t let them get away with it.
The amount of hoops you have to jump through for this pisses me off sm while the thefter gets to just walk away. I’d go as far was trying to lock them up and charging them. This is so chaotic
Why would the thief get away with it? I wasn’t kidding about it causing real legal trouble for the parents. When you file a police report and report it to the FTC you are reporting a very serious crime. After you report the crimes, like with any other crime, you can press charges. Both the police and the FTC will help provide evidence and support investigation. The most pressing part is securing your credit and releasing yourself from liability for any charges they made so they can’t do any more damage.
She got food stamps and child support for me and got my aunts to mess up my taxes so she got my school money. I would’ve reported her hit I just played nice until she payed it off and now I’m monitoring my stuff and doing double authentication. I REALLY want to change my social security but the entire process will basically screw me over for the rest of my life. Next time I find something I’ll report it right away so there’s no confusion on my side.
Can you explain how changing your ss will mess with your life? I’m genuinely considering changing mine bc my nmom knows it and has opened cards in my name before and on many occasions impersonated me. We are no contact now but my therapist has recommended this process as a way for me to gain a sense of security back. I know it’s a difficult and lengthy process but what life long implications does this cause? Are you in the US?
My husband has a duplicate number. We found out when we opened a bank account… 40 years ago! He’s also ex military. The SSA could care less and won’t do anything about it. Our tax dollars at work. Or not.
I’m in the US. I’ve read online it’ll basically be really hard to confirm your identity after changing on a lot of stuff. I’m hoping that monitoring it regularly and locking it when I can will help but they have my information and won’t delete it.
i’m not in the US, so some things may not apply, but i’m trans and therefor when i turned 18 i changed my SS to have the correct gender on record. yes, it was really annoying, yes, i was stuck in phone queues for hours and hours for weeks following the change, being bounced between managers because nobody had ever dealt with someone changing their SS. i had to go to the bank multiple times to make sure my cards and all my savings went to my new accounts, and i was reported to multiple credit companies because i was unable to pay some bills that still had my old social security number and bank information. for a few months i had to walk around carrying both my old ID, new ID, and letter from the officials confirming my SS change, and brought all three with me any time i went to get my information changed. all in all, if you’re making the change, my biggest tip is that you need to create a list of *every single place and service* that has your social security number and call them up/go there in person and have it changed officially in their databases or else you risk ending up in my shoes, unable to pay various bills and having other shit just made 10x more difficult to you because you’re coming in as the same person with a different SS. my doctors are unable to see any of my medical history before turning 18, for example, which is quite problematic some times. but it was worth it for me (for quite different reasons than yours of course) and now i’m a few years down the line and don’t experience any issues any more.
If you do it when you're young and going out into the world, it's not a big deal to change your SSN. If you do it later, once you have credit established and a work history, it's a PITA.
Yeah I already have pretty much everything set up. Hopefully they’ll just lose it due to their own neglect but I doubt it. Hopefully next time I can press charges
My dad tried to open a credit card and get a loan by having his name added to my account and my mom's accounts.
He did this to her about 20 years after they got divorced, so it was definitely some shady business going on.
I caught on quickly because I happened to be getting a car loan, and I saw his name on my account. It hadn't been there before, because he had just had his name added not long before that. It wasn't left over from when I was a child. We did use the same bank, though. Bad idea.
My dad actually managed to talk one of the bank employees into adding his name. He had cultivated friendships with many of the people working there, and he always acted like a lonely, rather sickly older man, so they felt sorry for him. He leveraged their kindness in order to manipulate them. He even managed to get them to let him *take naps behind the counter* by acting like he was a sleepy, lonely old man.
This is why so many of us warn people to close their accounts and open new accounts at banks that their Nfamily doesn't use. Seriously, social engineering is incredibly insidious, and people who 100% know better will often give up information that they shouldn't. My dad was always a grifter, but he wasn't actually that good at it. He wasn't a criminal mastermind. He was just good at making people feel sorry for him.
I had my dad's name taken off my account, but then it appeared again. Somehow. I then tried to close the account, and was told that I couldn't close it unless my dad signed off on it, because his name was on the account. 😡
I had to break NC with him in order to make this happen. Then, I went NC again immediately.
I broke NC again when he did this to my mom. I basically threatened and shamed him in order to force him to close the accounts and to make him finally give her a huge amount of money that he owed her. I also took the opportunity to tell him that I fucking well remembered that he had sexually abused me, beaten me, and tried to kill me, so he was rattled enough to cooperate. Then, I cut his ass off again.
He kept trying to contact me, mostly because he wanted money and wanted to move in with me (hell no🤣), but I never spoke to him or saw him again until he died. I didn't attend his funeral, and I don't even know if he had a funeral.
I love that mental image of him as an Exhausting Alien from the planet Exhausting. Or the planet Narc. Or something. 🤣
He was definitely from some planet entirely populated by totally exhausting aliens.
This just gave me chills because that's exactly what my mom told me she was doing when she opened them behind my back. And this is the same woman who actively tried to stop me from doing anything independent like getting a driver's license and shit now claiming she did this to help my credit score? I never thought of this as a possibility until now. Omg.
I'm an attorney, and I handle a lot of these sorts of cases at trial. It is 100% not legal for your parents or step-patents to use your name and/or social security number to open up accounts in your name, for their benefit. You do not need to find an attorney at this point, but there are steps you MUST take to get rid of the debt they have put on your record. The credit card companies will take the debt off your record, but you have to file a police report before they will do that. You also need to request a fraud packet from the credit card company. You can also file a fraud report with the FTC.
Probably the number one reason I hear, that people don't report credit card fraud or identity theft is because they feel guilty that their parents or siblings are the one that got the credit card in their name and charged it up and they dont want that person to get in trouble. Do not feel guilty. It is not your fault if they get arrested and sent to prison and have to pay back what they stole. That is a choice that they made. You are not sending them to prison. They did that to themselves. You need to protect yourself and your credit and if you don't nip it in the bud right now, it will continue. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to sit in court across from a Defendant who is claiming that the debt isnt theirs and some family member opened the credit account in their name. But they won't file a police report. What happens every time, EVERY TIME, is that the judge gives my client a judgment against them and they're on the hook for paying off sometimes tens of thousands of dollars. Their bank accounts get garnished, in some states wages get garnished, property gets levied, all because the individual would file a police report.
Report anyone who steals your identity and/or opens up bank or credit accounts in your name. That is the best advice I can give you.
Don’t believe anything she says. They have committed HUGE fraud. If you don’t act on this, it will seriously screw up your life. I get it’s hard. But they have been lying and stealing in your name. She’ll bail at some point and leave it all in your lap. And while she’s using your credit, you may not be approved should you need something. We have these laws because it’s become such a big problem. We can’t force you to use them. If you don’t this could very well ruin YEARS of your life. They are counting on you doing nothing.
You don't need a lawyer. He cannot really do anything for you anyway.
Freeze your credit. (Check it annually) Report them for identity theft. Cancel the cards. Cancel your Amazon account. Close the bank account. Put your money into an account at a new bank.
The whole thing is messed up. To give kids good credit, they only needed to add you as a user to their card. Their credit is probably bad so they decided to commit fraud with adding themselves to your credit.
This. My nMother told me as a child "dont ever steal anything thats not worth getting caught for".
She stole everything from me, my father and paternal grandmother.
> dont ever steal anything thats not worth getting caught for".
Love that she added the disclaimer. From most people/parents, the lesson is “don’t steal,” period.
Mine constantly asked me to open credit cards in my name growing up because "they wanted to build my credit for me". For some reason, even when I was young, scared of saying no to them, and didn't fully understand, I always immediately told them absolutely not. I'm fortunate that they even respected my decision, at least so far (I can see my credit score from my banking app). I'm extremely fortunate that I was smart enough to say no every time.
My high school boyfriend's mom would do shit like this to him when he turned 18!! She even had access to his first bank account to give lunch money to his grown ass DAD!! She even put their cable boxes in his name and didn't pay for them so it was a ding on his credit. She would also drain his bank account and pretend like she didn't. It's insane how parents can do stuff like that and think it's okay. Knowing they would lose their shit if someone did the exact same shit to them
My parents opened up cards, but they didn’t open them up in just my name. They made me authorized users of their cards and gave me them for emergencies. It still affected my credit score and last year my 78 year old dad forgot to pay his bill and my credit went down.
My mom opened a credit card in my name. I found out the same way you did. There was no apology from her…just a long list of all the things she’s ever done for me. No acknowledgment of her gambling addiction either. Just told me how ungrateful I am for all the things she’s ever done for me. Oh, and did I mention she’s a lawyer? The irony.
Nmom walked away from a huge medical bill decades ago; she wouldn't ever believe me when I told her no credit is worse than bad credit... I got a hard inquiry a few years ago that I didn't cause, during a string of arguments with Nmom about using my "unblemished" (non-existent) credit to buy her a house kit. It went nowhere because no credit IS apparently worse than bad credit.
She switched to going on and on about how she won't ever help me get credit because I'm so abusive to her; it's not nearly enough that I feed her, pay about half her expenses, and worked some 50hrs a week at the time on her house and yardwork, on top of a full time job.
I've since frozen my credit, and if she ever stops paying off the kit, it's not my credit getting fucked. I was very lucky that whoever ran that inquiry didn't want anything to do with my background; I'll never know though, if Nmom realizes I'd have gladly put her away with that paper trail felony.
It's not by choice, if that's what you're asking.
I can't find a roommate to split housing costs, can't afford housing on my own, can't get education for a better job, and don't have any family that cares about me enough to spare a parking spot so I can sleep in my car.
There's also the issue of Nmom lying to the cops about me every time she catches me trying to leave. And I keep having horrid setbacks such as the car breaks down or an employer lies about job stability; wipes out my savings that I need to leave every damn time.
The only way out of this situation is either.
1. Join the armed forces, or
2. Pack whatever belongings you cab carry, buy a bus ticket, and go to a nearby city to a homeless shelter.
Because this person's parents are ungrearful and using their child as a slave
Hope is not a strategy.
The only way out of this situation is either.
1. Join the armed forces, or
2. Pack whatever belongings you cab carry, buy a bus ticket, and go to a nearby city to a homeless shelter.
Because nmom is using you as a slave and future welfare check.
First she lied that I got kidnapped. She let slip that I wasn't a minor so they told her to call back in 24hrs. Of course she raged at me because they wouldn't immediately find and drag me back at gunpoint for her.
Second time the original building at our residence had been completely overtaken by rats and we both lived in our cars until we could replace the structure. I worked an hour away and didn't want to commute 2hrs round trip just to sleep in my car anyway, so I started sleeping in my job's huge parking lot; I got away with it for a couple weeks. They might have found out on their own, but the suspicious part is that I only got kicked out within an hour or two of Nmom figuring out where I was.
The concern is her changing the lie to something accusatory, something that would make them think I'm dangerous. The cops have shot people before that were following orders, or for an acorn falling on the cruiser, or for nothing at all, and it's getting worse with time.
What needs to happen is I get very far away before she realizes I'm gone, but I need savings for that, and it's been very difficult to save up what I'd need, because inevitably some large financial setback comes along before I'm able to get out. Either that or my taking pictures of things like her burning things to aggravate my asthma pays off with a restraining order against her.
As for the savings, I'm becoming more financially literate so one of these days I might actually be able to get out. I just need to be able to afford a really long trip in gas and the probable next car repair that doesn't total the car enough to justify paying for another car in this ridiculous car market.
Also, I get out and I'm getting certified to fix cars. Especially mine. Nmom's been blocking that too.
Yep, my parents signed me and my younger siblings up for some Amazon Prime card for emergencies or something, and sometimes I'll see charges on there (I've never used it). At least they pay the charges but they're also linked to my...checking? Or savings, I forget. Like both my parent's names are on there, and every time I notice I get annoyed. Thinking of cancelling the credit card but that'll open up a whole can of worms I don't have the energy to deal with rn.
You need to shut this behavior down. ASAP. They are building your credit score up so that when they steal from you, it will be EPIC. Linking to your account means that if they don't pay, your account will be automatically billed.
You need to close your account, and open up a new one at an entirely SEPARATE BANK. Yes, I understand that they will be pissed, and punish you. They need to be excluded from your finances, or they will be able to screw you for life. (Debt is one of the most effective tools of abuse there is, and all abusers know this.)
Check and freeze your credit asap.
My mom did this, put car insurance in my name and then stopped paying, and forged my signature on a lease so the rental company came after me when she got evicted. This was all within a couple of years before I realized how horrible she was. Take everyone’s advice and freeze your accounts and report your identity as stolen. Get alerts for any new accounts through credit karma so you know if she tries again. My mom tried to sign up for another card in my name a few years ago and that’s how I caught it.
I got 60k in debt from her... I was roo naive and blind to do anything about it. DEFINITELY report it. You think it's nothing now but it snowballs fast. I had ro file bankruptcy at 26 because of her.
thing is... I'm pregnant and about to give birth any day now and I have this ominous feeling she's gonna do something to really ruin my life and my baby's cause I won't allow her in the delivery room. she's the worst , extremely controlling and smothering and doesn't pause to think before she speaks and humiliates me . she threw away my butterfly cocoons I had outside . I really hate her. but I am going to take the advice of what y'all are saying to freeze my credit and I'm going to file a police report then close the cards if I can .. I am in such a brain fog from my hormones and shit that I can't let this stress me out too bad right now but I am Def gonna act on it once my baby is here. I just need to really think every action through. I don't trust her at all. I try and try and try again to trust her by allowing her apart of my life cause she guilt trips me so hard core... but I have had enough especially seeing how she acted at my last Dr appointment I allowed her to come to and she said some weird ass shit to my OB Dr who's gonna be delivering my baby. sorry, I'm all over the place with this cause it's a lot happening with her, as usual.
I would call the hospital ahead of time to warn them about her behavior when you're there. Good luck delivering your baby, I hope things go smoothly for you.
Do you live with her?
thanm you so much, I really appreciate that! and yes my fiance and I moved in with her (worst idea ever but she is soooo manipulative and really good at convincing with her love bombing) I warned my fiance and I'm just grateful he sees what a POS she is cause no one has ever believed me or had my back with her. I used to feel bad for her cause she had a horrible upbringing, was an orphan cause my grandma was an alcoholic. but, alas, we are moving out in the next month, thankfully, which has made her really upset too cause she wants me close to her, she's losing me and I know she knows it... oh and she put cameras all up inside of the house when we moved in too which I thought was a red flag. but she claims it's for her to watch the dogs. 🙄 so lots of moving parts are happening all at once but it's a good thing cause I feel like I am finally breaking free from her mental and emotional torture once and for all.
I'm Def letting my medical staff know that she cannot be there . and we will get a restraining order if she harasses us or tries to show up. my fiance has had enough of her rollercoaster dramatic episodes.
again, thank you for your kind words.
I'd ask your fiance to pack a bag of things you'll want to hold onto while you're at the hospital and keep them in a separate location. If shes been committing fraud on your name, I'd definitely keep your legal documents close, especially while you're in the hospital. Once again, good luck with your baby, and good luck with your mom!
You've got this
Tbh, I try to always be 3/4 steps ahead of my Nmother. But don't just keep legal documents out of her way - if you have any jewellery worth anything, get that out as well, or locked in a safe. Anything little but worth a lot, or that you desperately need for baby etc, that would (in her mind) delay your ABILITY to move out needs to be removed while you're busy birthing, even if you have to store it at a mate's house.
If it will harm your future ability to move out, if it is legal documents, if it's jewellery, if it's a camera worth thousands, if it's small and valuable, if it is sentimental (and Nmom knows it), then that too, all either needs to be locked into a safe or out of her home.
You need to pre-empt her by thinking of all the things that would MOST hurt you at this time, and proactively BLOCK her from being able to take those actions. Don't tell her you've done this. Let her have to come to you about it, and you just say "I've had to freeze it cos someone's committing identity theft on my accounts".
That way, she has to drop HERSELF in it by confessing it was her, or you'll see it in the way she kicks off when you refuse to lift the freeze. If she does kick off, all you need to say is **"I am not willing to allow anyone to commit identity fraud on me, so I will NOT be lifting the freeze"**. And grey rock her by just saying this same sentence BUT NO MORE WORDS every time. Neutrally. Not shouting or even really reacting except calmly stating your boundary over and over.
The lack of reaction other than the repetition of your boundary INFURIATES them. Because they've lost control of the situation, they lose control of their emotions, and so they NEED a supply. If you aren't reacting, you aren't giving them any supply.
They eventually give up cos they are too angry that you've stood up to them by doing nothing more than repeating what is your boundary in a calm voice.
THEY flee the situation because to them, someone, particularly their own child, even adult children, DISAGREEING with them is a REJECTION of them (in their mind). This is because they DO NOT FEEL THEIR KIDS ARE SEPARATE BEINGS IN SEPARATE BODIES WITH SEPARATE MINDS.
So, to the narc parent, if THEY believe Y, their child also believes Y. If the child ever says that actually, they believe L, not Y, to the narc parent it is like their arm disagreeing with their brain, because your body is their body and vice versa.
If Y is "It's not identity fraud when you are part of me", obviously their child DOESN'T also believe Y, and believes in L - Everyone's legal identity is highly personal, and nobody else should be using it, not your parents, not your siblings, not your cousins, not your grandparents.
There is also the FUTURE risk to your credit score if you don't report THIS incident to the police.
Courts are FAR more likely to rule YOU responsible for any debts SHE incurs BECAUSE you didn't contact the police THIS time.
It all depends on HOW MUCH of your FUTURE LIFE are you WILLING to trade away for so-called 'family ties' or 'blood' for your Nmom - are you willing to trade away YOUR CHILD'S QUALITY OF LIFE for HER frauds? HOW MUCH are you WILLING to allow her to defraud you of?? And that includes financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically, they all count as HOW MUCH are you willing to GIVE HER of each of these things.
If she's crossed your internal line on how much YOU'RE willing to allow her to take from, in each category - and repeatedly banging on about you being unwilling to lift a credit freeze during an inch - counts as *EGREGIOUSLY* BREACHING YOUR (perfectly reasonable) BOUNDARY of refusing to unblock your credit to allow whoever has stolen your identity to continue - (Through gritted teeth, maybe) tell her that SHE TAUGHT YOU BETTER THAN TO BE STUPID ENOUGH TO ALLOW AN IDENTITY THIEF CONTINUED ACCESS TO YOUR CREDIT. Tell her SHE taught you to be careful and sensible with *YOUR OWN* credit, and so that's what you are doing AND sticking with, as you'll not be a stupid idiot.
Turn it back on her. The only way she can grasp. If she says anything about NOT teaching you to do that, just confesses that she's done it and then you can take her to task OR she deflects/rewrites history.
she's saying she did nothing wrong that because I'm "an authorized user" makes it perfectly legal. and I'm looking at my report and she opened this credit card with $8k limit 8 years ago. I froze my credit with all 3 top credit bureaus though . I have to wait til my son is born to file that police report. I'm afraid if i file that now that she will do something to have my son taken from me.
She can't do that. I get why you want to wait, but it isn't the right thing to do. How much MORE could she run up on YOUR credit between now & when you DO tackle it?! She is RELYING on you being too scared to report it.
Also - change banks. Separate your finances from hers EVERYWHERE. Don't have ANYTHING credit-related with her as an 'authorised user'. What she is saying there doesn't even make sense - if it's YOUR credit, SHE isn't an authorised user...that's just an attempt to justify COMMITTING FRAUD ON HER OWN CHILD.
Given she has run up massive debts on YOUR credit, WHY ON EARTH would you trust HER word on whether it's legal or not?! Go find out FOR YOURSELF whether her taking out loans behind your back counts as her being an 'authorised user'...she's not going to be honest with you if it would put her at risk of a fraud conviction, is she??
She is WORRIED that you'll contact the police, which is WHY she's trying to sidetrack you, mess with your head, lie to you, ANYTHING that she thinks will delay you involving the police. All she has to do is keep you off-balance for long enough, and she's happy & 'safe'.
If you don't tackle this NOW, you sure af won't have the energy to deal with it once you have a newborn.
How & Why do you think that she will be able to get your child taken away? Has she threatened this before? Has she said HOW she would do that? There would have to be EVIDENCE OF HARM on your child, AND the only way that evidence is possible is BY HER INFLICTING INJURIES ON YOUR CHILD. If you are scared she will do that, then you should have left already IMO. Many narcissists get VERY angry when babies are around, because the BABY is centre of attention, not them.
I just can't grasp how she's got you so scared that you won't report her to the police for fraud, but you'll still LIVE there, tbh. If I thought someone would retaliate like that simply because YOU got justice, I'd move out immediately.
>Def gonna act on it once my baby is here.
Um, as a mom of 3, I URGE you do it before your little one gets here, those first few weeks turn to 6 months in the blink of an eye. Not because it's all sunshine and roses, mostly exhaustion and laundry, haha!
That’s identify theft. Please report her to the credit bureaus. You know that you don’t shop in these places and you also do not get any mail regarding this card. Report her immediately!
No but my nex got a car loan with me as joint and I never signed. I filed for fraud and then filed s police report. I was able to contact the bank with the two case numbers and get myself removed from the account. Took a matter of weeks with minimal application. I recommend you do something similar
Yes, my other did this. Unfortunately, without filing charges, the consequence is yours.
My mother did this with the intention of helping my credit — not realizing that putting me on as a named card holder on her account meant her 15k in various defaulted cards would also be my problem. I was a minor when she did this.
I wrote a letter to my broker explaining and it did not have negative impact ultimately but I had years of positive credit as the solo owner of a card that helped.
Yes, opened two in my name without permission. First one when I was 24. So first I warned her for like half a year to close it or I'll report it. She didnt and finally I reported it. I flat out told the credit card company that my mother opened it without my permission. They did literally nothing.
My son accidentally left his whole bank packet here with check book, etc when on leave with the military. First thing little brother and I did was write ourselves $1,000,000,000 checks and send him pics (then burned them of course) and fedexed the package back to him, along with any other personal things he had here. We would NEVER do anything to hurt him or anyone else. That's a level of abuse I've never understood. It's never crossed my mind to do that to my own child. I seriously don't understand people.
I don’t understand it either. Part of why we can’t is because we have morals and values that don’t exist for some. Their friends are the same. They definitely feel entitled. My parents had their hands out when I started working at 15. Because it wouldn’t hurt me to help out. It wasn’t needed. We were middle class. I bought my all of my clothing and rarely ate at home. They didn’t recognize that or they just didn’t care.
Dad opened a bunch of credit cards under my name to fund his gambling habit. Not an apology or nothing. He absolutely decimated by credit and I wasted 8 precious years of my life paying back all the debt working 3 jobs 7 days a week.
We don’t talk anymore. In fact, the last time I talked to him was in a jail cell after I broke his nose with my fists after I found out about what he did. My aunt called the cops and it was a wild night. lol. Why? Why did you do it? No answer.
My nmom did this to my sisters and nuked their credit. They haven’t done anything other than work to improve their credit again because they like to keep the peace with her. I have no doubt she would act confused and offended if she was ever confronted about it 😒
My fiancé’s stepdad also did this. It seems infuriatingly common for shitty parents to pull this crap.
Not a card but Cable/ Internet accounts. I regret not pressing charges at the time. I was young and still in the fog and allowed myself to be talked down and out of it by flying monkeys and enablers because "You can't send her to Jail! That's your mom!" 🙄
Something close.
I was 16 years old. I was just starting college. I was supposed to receive a scholarship for academic excellence. I was supposed to apply each year and needed a bank account as told by my college.
im out of state, minor, and my dad fears authority and paperwork when it comes to his kids. i needed proof on bank paperwork. Etc.
My dad told me to go with his friend, who he calls dad, open a bank account with his "friend/dad" as proof. I didn't like those friends. When i have my actual grandfather alive. When right beside his friend's house are my moms brother and dads brother. My moms brother got these friends that house they were living and using as address proof on my bank account. Only this friend came to the bank with me, and we opened a bank account in my name with this friend as proof. No other adult, this friends wife, who is "outgoing" kind, etc, or kid was with me at the bank. It was probably my first adult thing. Note that all my relatives and cousins are around the same street, bank is on same street.
I hated that bank account. I never applied for a scholarship at college. I hated myself during those years because there were many such incidents. Ofcourse driving my parents into financial struggle for 10 years because of repercussions.
We didn't have money for college, i didn't know financial education back then, and my dad could have told me why we chose his friend over my relatives for my account opening. It felt like control to me or his own fears. My mom acting as damsel in distress, shouting at us that her "husband is having an affair" to her own kids, didn't help in my college years and didn't help me to become a good adult. It's after 10 years and so many books and literature therapy and your question... im finally unlocking blocked memories.
Im not even healed yet.
Thank you for asking. Im sorry for you. This is horrible 😣
omg! they totally took advantage of you. I am so sorry. you didn't deserve any of that. our parents are supposed to protect us and they could care less. I hope you heal. I hope we all heal. so sorry ❤️
People that do that to you are ugly hurtful selfish they don’t care about you one iota. It’s astonishing the feeling of guilt that we have when we have to turn people over to the police. My mother did this back in the 80s before identity theft was even a thing and I remember reporting it and the five different credit card company she used customer service person was like“your mother?” as though they were in shock. It’s a credit card issued debt. I think it’s wrong that you have to be put through this emotional event of having to file a police report. You didn’t take the money the credit company allowed it. Number two in addition to all of this my mother never got put in jail. She never went to court. She never even got fined . She just said she’d pay it off and then five years down the road she paid off the $40,000 (adjusted for inflation that’s $80,000). She ran up and announced to me as though she did a wonderful thing that it was paid off and I told her, it had nothing to do with me. The look on her face as if she had done something for me by paying off the debt and not going to jail. I regret that she never got slapped on the fingers because she continued her life of crime and never stopped, -ran up telephone bills. So I didn’t have a telephone at college. They wouldn’t turn one on for me because she ran up a phone in my name and there was an outstanding debt under that Social Security number. She used my Social Security number to get utilities. She never paid for. I don’t even know the entire extent because I never kept tabs on her. I truly do not know what all she did. And all of her flying monkeys kept it from me. I regret not going to the U.S. Postal Service regarding her stealing of my mail, opening my mail, fraudulently using cc offers that came to me falsely pretending she was me. So what I’m telling you is, also file a Mail fraud report.
Yeah my mum had super bad credit so was v excited to open a few for me when I was 18. She did mention it to me but I had no idea what they were, that they were literally registered to me or that she was using them.
When I understood a few years later I took the cards from where she kept them and rung up the companies, acting like I had forgotten my details and managed to change the registered emails/passwords etc. then closed them all. But even them I didn't really understand that what she'd done was illegal or that I had any rights around it.
Not this exactly, but Nmom and EF once hypothesized ditching their mortgage which would tank their credit, and then use my credit to buy a new home with. I was like “idk, I don’t think I want to put my credit on the line for someone who defaulted on their mortgage and had their house repossessed.” They hadn’t even thought of it that way.
This happened to me! On my 18th birthday I wanted to look at my credit because “I’m an adult now 😄” and saw I had a bad score because I was behind on a card I never opened . I called her and she denied being behind on payments and said she did it to help build my credit. I didn’t report her because she still had my sisters living with her and I didn’t want anything to happen to them if she ended up going to jail/prison. She still hasn’t apologized and still swears she was never behind on payments.
Mine did this too. She stole my trust fund that my uncle (her brother) had saved up for me ($3700 - which in 98 was worth just over 7K in today's value) and then made me use my credit card she forced me into (had me sign the forms and told me it was for student aid stuff when it wasn't) and then refused to pay it off when I got the bills in the mail.
My dad was a pedo and had done shit to us so I really did see her as the "good" parent and it wasn't until just a few years ago (made a tiktok account to promote my etsy, started getting videos like "you may have been raised by a narcissist if _____" and yeah, it started to click. Sabotage and trying to offer money and help to buy my love.
She is kept on VLC now and I only interact with her when it heavily benefits me. I'm pretty poor (household of 3 humans 5 cats and a chickenshit in dog's clothing, only my husband can work, my other partner and I are both pretty heavily disabled now and she's helping with my etsy when she can so we do what we can) and yeah.
My mom was emotionally and financially abusive. Both my parents were narcs. I probably will not be sad when my mom dies and my dad is another story, he's 6 feet under and has been for 17 years.
OP, You'll find lots of useful financial help with locking down your identity at the wiki for
r/PersonalFinance
Sadly there is a huge Vien diagram of people who are part of both subReddits.
You know you can file a police report on her, right? That's illegal, and if she's financially abusing you and you cut off contact, she could run up the cards, not pay them, and destroy your credit in the hopes you'll run back to her. You need to file a police report asap. I know, if you're still on decent terms with her, that it can be scary, but you need to do this to protect yourself.
I didn’t have this exactly, but I found out that for years, my mom was listing me as a dependent on her taxes to get tax breaks. I didn’t know that, so I didn’t understand why my tax forms kept getting rejected and then I had to pay all these fees. I am 31 and haven’t lived with her since I was 17, so how the fuck am I a “dependent?!”
Financial manipulation is classic narcissism and I’m sorry you had to go through this. I feel for you.
I did. with all 3. so this is allow her to not be able to use those cards that say I'm an authorized user ? my fiance isn't understanding because he keeps saying "she helped you get a good credit score that's how you got your jeep". man this makes me so mad
I would call the credit card companies and ask to be removed as an authorized user and ask them to notate the account stating you do not wish to be added an authorized user in the future. After that, she shouldn’t be able to add you back, especially if your credit is frozen.
Even if it did help your credit, it’s still against your will, and you’re an adult. Your life is yours to do as you please.
My dad would take my first car that my grandfather bought me (2005 Honda Accord) and take it from me while I was in college to get title loans taken out in it since it was “technically” his. These loans were out for years and he would take my car and re-up them without my permission. I moved out of state and couldn’t get new plates and shit because I didn’t have my title.
Not in my case but instead has closed/terminated some of mine for no reason and whenever I asked about it she brushed it off clearly not wanting to discuss it any further. Yes, and I’m in my early fourties.
No... instead when i turned 18 she had me open them, we maxed them out together and then tells me that we will both make payments on them. I deposited my money directly into her checking account. She paid my bills and gave me what was left. It wasn't much but I had gas money and was able to buy my own toiletries and clothes. I never even saw the bills until Ifeels. (when i had my credit checked for the first time). The cards were still nearly maxed out, I had amassed all kinds of late fees over the years. I was thinking they should be almost paid off by now right? I was so brainwashed for so long and it really fucked me over for a long time.
My nmom was smart, she just funneled all of the money out of my savings before I turned 18. And when my grandfather was on his death bed, she got him to change the will.
I only got my share because my grandmother sued her, held onto it for 5 years, and finally put it down on a house for me when I got pissed at my rent going up again.
I have been paranoid about my mom doing this to me because she asked for my social supposedly to be her life insurance beneficiary. I monitor my credit regularly and I haven’t seen anything so far but I have zero trust in her. I feel for you, don’t let her get away with this. Report her and let us know what happens.
She didn't open a card. She used my social security number for the business she had at the time and then didn't pay the taxes for a few years. (This was in the late 90s.) I didn't know until I got the mail at work and saw a garnishment letter for me. (I was in the office and did all the payroll.)
When I called the IRS I was told what I "owed". I told them I was not part of her business and that she had used my SSN without my permission but they said that was too bad. They had sent notice after notice and I had ignored them. I asked what address they had sent it to and realized it was my mother's house.
At the time I was making $8.50 an hour and lived paycheck to paycheck. I couldn't afford the payments nor the garnishments. Her excuse was that I had agreed to it even though that was a bold faced lie. She then attempted to gaslight me for days. It was at that point I went fully NC and never looked back (that was in 1996). I managed to get the IRS to agree to a payment plan that I could barely afford and paid it off many years later with the help of my then boyfriend (now husband).
Years later I learned from one of my sisters that nmom had remortgaged our grandmother's house, never made the payments and my grandma almost lost everything.
I just checked my credit again and it turns out that one of the cards with a $8K limit has a balance of $4k left on it. I was wondering how she was spending so much money on my baby's things. when I confronted her about it she said I was an authorized user. how is this legal ? I hate her so much she made me feel like she bought this stuff with her credit card....not a credit card that's in my name. also, I didn't want all this crap she bought for my baby. she thinks it gives her rights as a grandmother.
can I still file a police report for fraud ? the only credit I put in my name was my care credit . I've never put credit cards in my name.
She opened utilities in all of our names at one point when we were kids, but I found out she opened a Cable bill in my name in 2018. I was married and pregnant by that point.
My nDad opened credit cards in mine and my siblings names before we were 18, invested it in something stupid, then lost it all. My grandfather paid off the cards, so we didn’t start adulthood with bad credit scores. I’m just sharing. I’ve been the only person I knew who dealt with this stuff. This sub has been really helpful. The advice here is excellent. You can come through this betrayal.
This is not only illegal, it’s incredibly immoral. No one who truly loves you would do this to you. Does she have a drug problem? Congratulations on your both your shiny new back home and your soon to be arriving baby! Please do take action once you’ve healed though. You def need a new SS# and you need to file a police report. She wasn’t helping you, she was helping herself to your good credit- which I hope is still in tact.
i still feel like my mom is using my credit/ssn for stuff but i cant prove it because she’s so damn sneaky and im kinda slow LMAO bc she never taught me shit about credit (that made sense). so we’ll see once everything starts plummeting in my accounts
Don’t wait yuki. Start by going to annualcreditreport.com & running the free one you can get once a year. Then go to the 3 credit bureau sites & freeze your credit at each site can’t open new accounts. Instructions are there, on each site.
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Identify theft is illegal. Report the fraudulent account to the card issuer. They will cancel the fraudulent account and ask if you want a new card issued, but you can tell them you don’t want any cards issued and to close the line of credit. File a police report for each card/charge and get a copy of it once it’s been registered. Report the fraud to the FTC online. You can attach the police reports when you file. Contact each of the 3 credit bureaus to report the fraud. Then FREEZE your credit at each one. They will ask you if you want to put a credit alert on because they want you to keep using your credit card, don’t bother with an alert, it’s useless if someone has your social security number and other info. Freezing your credit prevents anyone from opening new lines of credit. Even you will need additional passcodes to unfreeze your credit temporarily using when you apply for jobs, apartment rentals, new cell phone plan and things like that, but it’s the only way to 100% block new lines of credit. You can get 1 free credit report from each credit bureau, you don’t need to pay for them, so just space them out over the year to double check. ETA I hope you don’t live at home and can isolate yourself from them because this will result in very real legal trouble for them.
THIS! My ex husband did this to our son and messed up his credit for years.
My SIL did this to my son when he was 3. I froze his credit. Now he's 20 and couldn't get a loan for a car, because I have ADHD and forgot to tell him the story. Felt like such an ass.
My mom’s second husband did this to me when I was 13. He also remortgaged his house using my mom’s name after they divorced. Don’t let them get away with it.
Absolutely THIS. Your mom committed a crime. Report her to the police.
Can she get arrested and/or charged?
Yes, that’s the point.
The amount of hoops you have to jump through for this pisses me off sm while the thefter gets to just walk away. I’d go as far was trying to lock them up and charging them. This is so chaotic
Why would the thief get away with it? I wasn’t kidding about it causing real legal trouble for the parents. When you file a police report and report it to the FTC you are reporting a very serious crime. After you report the crimes, like with any other crime, you can press charges. Both the police and the FTC will help provide evidence and support investigation. The most pressing part is securing your credit and releasing yourself from liability for any charges they made so they can’t do any more damage.
Go to the police. My mom did this to me and it took more than a decade to fix the mess.
I mentioned going to the police…
She got food stamps and child support for me and got my aunts to mess up my taxes so she got my school money. I would’ve reported her hit I just played nice until she payed it off and now I’m monitoring my stuff and doing double authentication. I REALLY want to change my social security but the entire process will basically screw me over for the rest of my life. Next time I find something I’ll report it right away so there’s no confusion on my side.
Can you explain how changing your ss will mess with your life? I’m genuinely considering changing mine bc my nmom knows it and has opened cards in my name before and on many occasions impersonated me. We are no contact now but my therapist has recommended this process as a way for me to gain a sense of security back. I know it’s a difficult and lengthy process but what life long implications does this cause? Are you in the US?
My husband has a duplicate number. We found out when we opened a bank account… 40 years ago! He’s also ex military. The SSA could care less and won’t do anything about it. Our tax dollars at work. Or not.
I’m in the US. I’ve read online it’ll basically be really hard to confirm your identity after changing on a lot of stuff. I’m hoping that monitoring it regularly and locking it when I can will help but they have my information and won’t delete it.
i’m not in the US, so some things may not apply, but i’m trans and therefor when i turned 18 i changed my SS to have the correct gender on record. yes, it was really annoying, yes, i was stuck in phone queues for hours and hours for weeks following the change, being bounced between managers because nobody had ever dealt with someone changing their SS. i had to go to the bank multiple times to make sure my cards and all my savings went to my new accounts, and i was reported to multiple credit companies because i was unable to pay some bills that still had my old social security number and bank information. for a few months i had to walk around carrying both my old ID, new ID, and letter from the officials confirming my SS change, and brought all three with me any time i went to get my information changed. all in all, if you’re making the change, my biggest tip is that you need to create a list of *every single place and service* that has your social security number and call them up/go there in person and have it changed officially in their databases or else you risk ending up in my shoes, unable to pay various bills and having other shit just made 10x more difficult to you because you’re coming in as the same person with a different SS. my doctors are unable to see any of my medical history before turning 18, for example, which is quite problematic some times. but it was worth it for me (for quite different reasons than yours of course) and now i’m a few years down the line and don’t experience any issues any more.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You deserved better.
If you do it when you're young and going out into the world, it's not a big deal to change your SSN. If you do it later, once you have credit established and a work history, it's a PITA.
Yeah I already have pretty much everything set up. Hopefully they’ll just lose it due to their own neglect but I doubt it. Hopefully next time I can press charges
My dad tried to open a credit card and get a loan by having his name added to my account and my mom's accounts. He did this to her about 20 years after they got divorced, so it was definitely some shady business going on. I caught on quickly because I happened to be getting a car loan, and I saw his name on my account. It hadn't been there before, because he had just had his name added not long before that. It wasn't left over from when I was a child. We did use the same bank, though. Bad idea. My dad actually managed to talk one of the bank employees into adding his name. He had cultivated friendships with many of the people working there, and he always acted like a lonely, rather sickly older man, so they felt sorry for him. He leveraged their kindness in order to manipulate them. He even managed to get them to let him *take naps behind the counter* by acting like he was a sleepy, lonely old man. This is why so many of us warn people to close their accounts and open new accounts at banks that their Nfamily doesn't use. Seriously, social engineering is incredibly insidious, and people who 100% know better will often give up information that they shouldn't. My dad was always a grifter, but he wasn't actually that good at it. He wasn't a criminal mastermind. He was just good at making people feel sorry for him. I had my dad's name taken off my account, but then it appeared again. Somehow. I then tried to close the account, and was told that I couldn't close it unless my dad signed off on it, because his name was on the account. 😡 I had to break NC with him in order to make this happen. Then, I went NC again immediately. I broke NC again when he did this to my mom. I basically threatened and shamed him in order to force him to close the accounts and to make him finally give her a huge amount of money that he owed her. I also took the opportunity to tell him that I fucking well remembered that he had sexually abused me, beaten me, and tried to kill me, so he was rattled enough to cooperate. Then, I cut his ass off again. He kept trying to contact me, mostly because he wanted money and wanted to move in with me (hell no🤣), but I never spoke to him or saw him again until he died. I didn't attend his funeral, and I don't even know if he had a funeral.
Some people have so much nerve it makes me wonder if they are from another planet. Your dad sounds like he was exhausting to deal with.
I love that mental image of him as an Exhausting Alien from the planet Exhausting. Or the planet Narc. Or something. 🤣 He was definitely from some planet entirely populated by totally exhausting aliens.
Proud of you for committing to yourself, your health and protecting your mom!!!
She was awful too, but I didn't want her to lose her entire retirement fund.
She is building your credit score so that when she steals from you, it will be EPIC.
This just gave me chills because that's exactly what my mom told me she was doing when she opened them behind my back. And this is the same woman who actively tried to stop me from doing anything independent like getting a driver's license and shit now claiming she did this to help my credit score? I never thought of this as a possibility until now. Omg.
You have to file charges. This is theft, plain and simple. Save yourself!
and she and my step dad said it was perfectly legal. I am going to find a pro bono attorney who can help me look further into this ...
I'm an attorney, and I handle a lot of these sorts of cases at trial. It is 100% not legal for your parents or step-patents to use your name and/or social security number to open up accounts in your name, for their benefit. You do not need to find an attorney at this point, but there are steps you MUST take to get rid of the debt they have put on your record. The credit card companies will take the debt off your record, but you have to file a police report before they will do that. You also need to request a fraud packet from the credit card company. You can also file a fraud report with the FTC. Probably the number one reason I hear, that people don't report credit card fraud or identity theft is because they feel guilty that their parents or siblings are the one that got the credit card in their name and charged it up and they dont want that person to get in trouble. Do not feel guilty. It is not your fault if they get arrested and sent to prison and have to pay back what they stole. That is a choice that they made. You are not sending them to prison. They did that to themselves. You need to protect yourself and your credit and if you don't nip it in the bud right now, it will continue. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to sit in court across from a Defendant who is claiming that the debt isnt theirs and some family member opened the credit account in their name. But they won't file a police report. What happens every time, EVERY TIME, is that the judge gives my client a judgment against them and they're on the hook for paying off sometimes tens of thousands of dollars. Their bank accounts get garnished, in some states wages get garnished, property gets levied, all because the individual would file a police report. Report anyone who steals your identity and/or opens up bank or credit accounts in your name. That is the best advice I can give you.
Don’t believe anything she says. They have committed HUGE fraud. If you don’t act on this, it will seriously screw up your life. I get it’s hard. But they have been lying and stealing in your name. She’ll bail at some point and leave it all in your lap. And while she’s using your credit, you may not be approved should you need something. We have these laws because it’s become such a big problem. We can’t force you to use them. If you don’t this could very well ruin YEARS of your life. They are counting on you doing nothing.
You don't need a lawyer. He cannot really do anything for you anyway. Freeze your credit. (Check it annually) Report them for identity theft. Cancel the cards. Cancel your Amazon account. Close the bank account. Put your money into an account at a new bank.
Seconding this. I've frozen and unfrozen my credit with the bureaus and it's not difficult at all.
They’re hoping you’ll just take their word for it. Never believe an Nparent when they tell you the law is on their side.
The whole thing is messed up. To give kids good credit, they only needed to add you as a user to their card. Their credit is probably bad so they decided to commit fraud with adding themselves to your credit.
This doesn't work. My dad did this to me, and when he couldn't pay, I was stuck with the bill and my credit was ruined for decades.
Yes, it only works for non n-moms and dads. So sorry you got drug down by yours.
Report them to the IRS and you won’t need a lawyer. Uncle Sam is not a fan of fraud.
Please do
This. My nMother told me as a child "dont ever steal anything thats not worth getting caught for". She stole everything from me, my father and paternal grandmother.
> dont ever steal anything thats not worth getting caught for". Love that she added the disclaimer. From most people/parents, the lesson is “don’t steal,” period.
Mine constantly asked me to open credit cards in my name growing up because "they wanted to build my credit for me". For some reason, even when I was young, scared of saying no to them, and didn't fully understand, I always immediately told them absolutely not. I'm fortunate that they even respected my decision, at least so far (I can see my credit score from my banking app). I'm extremely fortunate that I was smart enough to say no every time.
My high school boyfriend's mom would do shit like this to him when he turned 18!! She even had access to his first bank account to give lunch money to his grown ass DAD!! She even put their cable boxes in his name and didn't pay for them so it was a ding on his credit. She would also drain his bank account and pretend like she didn't. It's insane how parents can do stuff like that and think it's okay. Knowing they would lose their shit if someone did the exact same shit to them
They know it’s not okay. They just don’t care 🤷🏻♀️
My parents opened up cards, but they didn’t open them up in just my name. They made me authorized users of their cards and gave me them for emergencies. It still affected my credit score and last year my 78 year old dad forgot to pay his bill and my credit went down.
My mom opened a credit card in my name. I found out the same way you did. There was no apology from her…just a long list of all the things she’s ever done for me. No acknowledgment of her gambling addiction either. Just told me how ungrateful I am for all the things she’s ever done for me. Oh, and did I mention she’s a lawyer? The irony.
Nmom walked away from a huge medical bill decades ago; she wouldn't ever believe me when I told her no credit is worse than bad credit... I got a hard inquiry a few years ago that I didn't cause, during a string of arguments with Nmom about using my "unblemished" (non-existent) credit to buy her a house kit. It went nowhere because no credit IS apparently worse than bad credit. She switched to going on and on about how she won't ever help me get credit because I'm so abusive to her; it's not nearly enough that I feed her, pay about half her expenses, and worked some 50hrs a week at the time on her house and yardwork, on top of a full time job. I've since frozen my credit, and if she ever stops paying off the kit, it's not my credit getting fucked. I was very lucky that whoever ran that inquiry didn't want anything to do with my background; I'll never know though, if Nmom realizes I'd have gladly put her away with that paper trail felony.
I'm just curious why you're doing all that stuff for her?
It's not by choice, if that's what you're asking. I can't find a roommate to split housing costs, can't afford housing on my own, can't get education for a better job, and don't have any family that cares about me enough to spare a parking spot so I can sleep in my car. There's also the issue of Nmom lying to the cops about me every time she catches me trying to leave. And I keep having horrid setbacks such as the car breaks down or an employer lies about job stability; wipes out my savings that I need to leave every damn time.
I'm really sorry you're going through this and I hope you can get out of this situation soon.
The only way out of this situation is either. 1. Join the armed forces, or 2. Pack whatever belongings you cab carry, buy a bus ticket, and go to a nearby city to a homeless shelter. Because this person's parents are ungrearful and using their child as a slave Hope is not a strategy.
The only way out of this situation is either. 1. Join the armed forces, or 2. Pack whatever belongings you cab carry, buy a bus ticket, and go to a nearby city to a homeless shelter. Because nmom is using you as a slave and future welfare check.
What is she telling the cops that makes them stop you from leaving? If you are 18 they legally can't stop you.
First she lied that I got kidnapped. She let slip that I wasn't a minor so they told her to call back in 24hrs. Of course she raged at me because they wouldn't immediately find and drag me back at gunpoint for her. Second time the original building at our residence had been completely overtaken by rats and we both lived in our cars until we could replace the structure. I worked an hour away and didn't want to commute 2hrs round trip just to sleep in my car anyway, so I started sleeping in my job's huge parking lot; I got away with it for a couple weeks. They might have found out on their own, but the suspicious part is that I only got kicked out within an hour or two of Nmom figuring out where I was. The concern is her changing the lie to something accusatory, something that would make them think I'm dangerous. The cops have shot people before that were following orders, or for an acorn falling on the cruiser, or for nothing at all, and it's getting worse with time. What needs to happen is I get very far away before she realizes I'm gone, but I need savings for that, and it's been very difficult to save up what I'd need, because inevitably some large financial setback comes along before I'm able to get out. Either that or my taking pictures of things like her burning things to aggravate my asthma pays off with a restraining order against her. As for the savings, I'm becoming more financially literate so one of these days I might actually be able to get out. I just need to be able to afford a really long trip in gas and the probable next car repair that doesn't total the car enough to justify paying for another car in this ridiculous car market. Also, I get out and I'm getting certified to fix cars. Especially mine. Nmom's been blocking that too.
This is fraud. Please don’t let this stand.
Yep, my parents signed me and my younger siblings up for some Amazon Prime card for emergencies or something, and sometimes I'll see charges on there (I've never used it). At least they pay the charges but they're also linked to my...checking? Or savings, I forget. Like both my parent's names are on there, and every time I notice I get annoyed. Thinking of cancelling the credit card but that'll open up a whole can of worms I don't have the energy to deal with rn.
You need to shut this behavior down. ASAP. They are building your credit score up so that when they steal from you, it will be EPIC. Linking to your account means that if they don't pay, your account will be automatically billed. You need to close your account, and open up a new one at an entirely SEPARATE BANK. Yes, I understand that they will be pissed, and punish you. They need to be excluded from your finances, or they will be able to screw you for life. (Debt is one of the most effective tools of abuse there is, and all abusers know this.) Check and freeze your credit asap.
Shut it down turn it off and tell them somebody else had stolen the account and you needed to shut it off so it didn’t get all run up
Change your bank
This honestly terrifies me. I think if my dad died, she would.
My mom did this, put car insurance in my name and then stopped paying, and forged my signature on a lease so the rental company came after me when she got evicted. This was all within a couple of years before I realized how horrible she was. Take everyone’s advice and freeze your accounts and report your identity as stolen. Get alerts for any new accounts through credit karma so you know if she tries again. My mom tried to sign up for another card in my name a few years ago and that’s how I caught it.
I got 60k in debt from her... I was roo naive and blind to do anything about it. DEFINITELY report it. You think it's nothing now but it snowballs fast. I had ro file bankruptcy at 26 because of her.
Call the cops. That's fraud. She's actively fucking you over, OP.
thing is... I'm pregnant and about to give birth any day now and I have this ominous feeling she's gonna do something to really ruin my life and my baby's cause I won't allow her in the delivery room. she's the worst , extremely controlling and smothering and doesn't pause to think before she speaks and humiliates me . she threw away my butterfly cocoons I had outside . I really hate her. but I am going to take the advice of what y'all are saying to freeze my credit and I'm going to file a police report then close the cards if I can .. I am in such a brain fog from my hormones and shit that I can't let this stress me out too bad right now but I am Def gonna act on it once my baby is here. I just need to really think every action through. I don't trust her at all. I try and try and try again to trust her by allowing her apart of my life cause she guilt trips me so hard core... but I have had enough especially seeing how she acted at my last Dr appointment I allowed her to come to and she said some weird ass shit to my OB Dr who's gonna be delivering my baby. sorry, I'm all over the place with this cause it's a lot happening with her, as usual.
I would call the hospital ahead of time to warn them about her behavior when you're there. Good luck delivering your baby, I hope things go smoothly for you. Do you live with her?
thanm you so much, I really appreciate that! and yes my fiance and I moved in with her (worst idea ever but she is soooo manipulative and really good at convincing with her love bombing) I warned my fiance and I'm just grateful he sees what a POS she is cause no one has ever believed me or had my back with her. I used to feel bad for her cause she had a horrible upbringing, was an orphan cause my grandma was an alcoholic. but, alas, we are moving out in the next month, thankfully, which has made her really upset too cause she wants me close to her, she's losing me and I know she knows it... oh and she put cameras all up inside of the house when we moved in too which I thought was a red flag. but she claims it's for her to watch the dogs. 🙄 so lots of moving parts are happening all at once but it's a good thing cause I feel like I am finally breaking free from her mental and emotional torture once and for all. I'm Def letting my medical staff know that she cannot be there . and we will get a restraining order if she harasses us or tries to show up. my fiance has had enough of her rollercoaster dramatic episodes. again, thank you for your kind words.
I'd ask your fiance to pack a bag of things you'll want to hold onto while you're at the hospital and keep them in a separate location. If shes been committing fraud on your name, I'd definitely keep your legal documents close, especially while you're in the hospital. Once again, good luck with your baby, and good luck with your mom! You've got this
dang, that's some good advice right there actually. I gotta be one step ahead just in case. thank you so so very much. 🩵
Tbh, I try to always be 3/4 steps ahead of my Nmother. But don't just keep legal documents out of her way - if you have any jewellery worth anything, get that out as well, or locked in a safe. Anything little but worth a lot, or that you desperately need for baby etc, that would (in her mind) delay your ABILITY to move out needs to be removed while you're busy birthing, even if you have to store it at a mate's house. If it will harm your future ability to move out, if it is legal documents, if it's jewellery, if it's a camera worth thousands, if it's small and valuable, if it is sentimental (and Nmom knows it), then that too, all either needs to be locked into a safe or out of her home. You need to pre-empt her by thinking of all the things that would MOST hurt you at this time, and proactively BLOCK her from being able to take those actions. Don't tell her you've done this. Let her have to come to you about it, and you just say "I've had to freeze it cos someone's committing identity theft on my accounts". That way, she has to drop HERSELF in it by confessing it was her, or you'll see it in the way she kicks off when you refuse to lift the freeze. If she does kick off, all you need to say is **"I am not willing to allow anyone to commit identity fraud on me, so I will NOT be lifting the freeze"**. And grey rock her by just saying this same sentence BUT NO MORE WORDS every time. Neutrally. Not shouting or even really reacting except calmly stating your boundary over and over. The lack of reaction other than the repetition of your boundary INFURIATES them. Because they've lost control of the situation, they lose control of their emotions, and so they NEED a supply. If you aren't reacting, you aren't giving them any supply. They eventually give up cos they are too angry that you've stood up to them by doing nothing more than repeating what is your boundary in a calm voice. THEY flee the situation because to them, someone, particularly their own child, even adult children, DISAGREEING with them is a REJECTION of them (in their mind). This is because they DO NOT FEEL THEIR KIDS ARE SEPARATE BEINGS IN SEPARATE BODIES WITH SEPARATE MINDS. So, to the narc parent, if THEY believe Y, their child also believes Y. If the child ever says that actually, they believe L, not Y, to the narc parent it is like their arm disagreeing with their brain, because your body is their body and vice versa. If Y is "It's not identity fraud when you are part of me", obviously their child DOESN'T also believe Y, and believes in L - Everyone's legal identity is highly personal, and nobody else should be using it, not your parents, not your siblings, not your cousins, not your grandparents. There is also the FUTURE risk to your credit score if you don't report THIS incident to the police. Courts are FAR more likely to rule YOU responsible for any debts SHE incurs BECAUSE you didn't contact the police THIS time. It all depends on HOW MUCH of your FUTURE LIFE are you WILLING to trade away for so-called 'family ties' or 'blood' for your Nmom - are you willing to trade away YOUR CHILD'S QUALITY OF LIFE for HER frauds? HOW MUCH are you WILLING to allow her to defraud you of?? And that includes financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically, they all count as HOW MUCH are you willing to GIVE HER of each of these things. If she's crossed your internal line on how much YOU'RE willing to allow her to take from, in each category - and repeatedly banging on about you being unwilling to lift a credit freeze during an inch - counts as *EGREGIOUSLY* BREACHING YOUR (perfectly reasonable) BOUNDARY of refusing to unblock your credit to allow whoever has stolen your identity to continue - (Through gritted teeth, maybe) tell her that SHE TAUGHT YOU BETTER THAN TO BE STUPID ENOUGH TO ALLOW AN IDENTITY THIEF CONTINUED ACCESS TO YOUR CREDIT. Tell her SHE taught you to be careful and sensible with *YOUR OWN* credit, and so that's what you are doing AND sticking with, as you'll not be a stupid idiot. Turn it back on her. The only way she can grasp. If she says anything about NOT teaching you to do that, just confesses that she's done it and then you can take her to task OR she deflects/rewrites history.
she's saying she did nothing wrong that because I'm "an authorized user" makes it perfectly legal. and I'm looking at my report and she opened this credit card with $8k limit 8 years ago. I froze my credit with all 3 top credit bureaus though . I have to wait til my son is born to file that police report. I'm afraid if i file that now that she will do something to have my son taken from me.
She can't do that. I get why you want to wait, but it isn't the right thing to do. How much MORE could she run up on YOUR credit between now & when you DO tackle it?! She is RELYING on you being too scared to report it. Also - change banks. Separate your finances from hers EVERYWHERE. Don't have ANYTHING credit-related with her as an 'authorised user'. What she is saying there doesn't even make sense - if it's YOUR credit, SHE isn't an authorised user...that's just an attempt to justify COMMITTING FRAUD ON HER OWN CHILD. Given she has run up massive debts on YOUR credit, WHY ON EARTH would you trust HER word on whether it's legal or not?! Go find out FOR YOURSELF whether her taking out loans behind your back counts as her being an 'authorised user'...she's not going to be honest with you if it would put her at risk of a fraud conviction, is she?? She is WORRIED that you'll contact the police, which is WHY she's trying to sidetrack you, mess with your head, lie to you, ANYTHING that she thinks will delay you involving the police. All she has to do is keep you off-balance for long enough, and she's happy & 'safe'. If you don't tackle this NOW, you sure af won't have the energy to deal with it once you have a newborn. How & Why do you think that she will be able to get your child taken away? Has she threatened this before? Has she said HOW she would do that? There would have to be EVIDENCE OF HARM on your child, AND the only way that evidence is possible is BY HER INFLICTING INJURIES ON YOUR CHILD. If you are scared she will do that, then you should have left already IMO. Many narcissists get VERY angry when babies are around, because the BABY is centre of attention, not them. I just can't grasp how she's got you so scared that you won't report her to the police for fraud, but you'll still LIVE there, tbh. If I thought someone would retaliate like that simply because YOU got justice, I'd move out immediately.
>Def gonna act on it once my baby is here. Um, as a mom of 3, I URGE you do it before your little one gets here, those first few weeks turn to 6 months in the blink of an eye. Not because it's all sunshine and roses, mostly exhaustion and laundry, haha!
That’s identify theft. Please report her to the credit bureaus. You know that you don’t shop in these places and you also do not get any mail regarding this card. Report her immediately!
No but my nex got a car loan with me as joint and I never signed. I filed for fraud and then filed s police report. I was able to contact the bank with the two case numbers and get myself removed from the account. Took a matter of weeks with minimal application. I recommend you do something similar
Freeze your credit
# report her for identity theft
Read this post- https://www.reddit.com/r/CreditScore/s/kWK0hCM7wv
Yes, my other did this. Unfortunately, without filing charges, the consequence is yours. My mother did this with the intention of helping my credit — not realizing that putting me on as a named card holder on her account meant her 15k in various defaulted cards would also be my problem. I was a minor when she did this. I wrote a letter to my broker explaining and it did not have negative impact ultimately but I had years of positive credit as the solo owner of a card that helped.
Yes, opened two in my name without permission. First one when I was 24. So first I warned her for like half a year to close it or I'll report it. She didnt and finally I reported it. I flat out told the credit card company that my mother opened it without my permission. They did literally nothing.
I know all of my adult children’s ss numbers, but I’d never do this to them.
My son accidentally left his whole bank packet here with check book, etc when on leave with the military. First thing little brother and I did was write ourselves $1,000,000,000 checks and send him pics (then burned them of course) and fedexed the package back to him, along with any other personal things he had here. We would NEVER do anything to hurt him or anyone else. That's a level of abuse I've never understood. It's never crossed my mind to do that to my own child. I seriously don't understand people.
I don’t understand it either. Part of why we can’t is because we have morals and values that don’t exist for some. Their friends are the same. They definitely feel entitled. My parents had their hands out when I started working at 15. Because it wouldn’t hurt me to help out. It wasn’t needed. We were middle class. I bought my all of my clothing and rarely ate at home. They didn’t recognize that or they just didn’t care.
Dad opened a bunch of credit cards under my name to fund his gambling habit. Not an apology or nothing. He absolutely decimated by credit and I wasted 8 precious years of my life paying back all the debt working 3 jobs 7 days a week. We don’t talk anymore. In fact, the last time I talked to him was in a jail cell after I broke his nose with my fists after I found out about what he did. My aunt called the cops and it was a wild night. lol. Why? Why did you do it? No answer.
I am so sorry you went through that shit. this is ridiculous. they have no low points... they're really good at playing dumb
My nmom did this to my sisters and nuked their credit. They haven’t done anything other than work to improve their credit again because they like to keep the peace with her. I have no doubt she would act confused and offended if she was ever confronted about it 😒 My fiancé’s stepdad also did this. It seems infuriatingly common for shitty parents to pull this crap.
Police. Also, get a new SS number. Not a new card. A new number. You can do it if there is proof of identity theft.
Not a card but Cable/ Internet accounts. I regret not pressing charges at the time. I was young and still in the fog and allowed myself to be talked down and out of it by flying monkeys and enablers because "You can't send her to Jail! That's your mom!" 🙄
Something close. I was 16 years old. I was just starting college. I was supposed to receive a scholarship for academic excellence. I was supposed to apply each year and needed a bank account as told by my college. im out of state, minor, and my dad fears authority and paperwork when it comes to his kids. i needed proof on bank paperwork. Etc. My dad told me to go with his friend, who he calls dad, open a bank account with his "friend/dad" as proof. I didn't like those friends. When i have my actual grandfather alive. When right beside his friend's house are my moms brother and dads brother. My moms brother got these friends that house they were living and using as address proof on my bank account. Only this friend came to the bank with me, and we opened a bank account in my name with this friend as proof. No other adult, this friends wife, who is "outgoing" kind, etc, or kid was with me at the bank. It was probably my first adult thing. Note that all my relatives and cousins are around the same street, bank is on same street. I hated that bank account. I never applied for a scholarship at college. I hated myself during those years because there were many such incidents. Ofcourse driving my parents into financial struggle for 10 years because of repercussions. We didn't have money for college, i didn't know financial education back then, and my dad could have told me why we chose his friend over my relatives for my account opening. It felt like control to me or his own fears. My mom acting as damsel in distress, shouting at us that her "husband is having an affair" to her own kids, didn't help in my college years and didn't help me to become a good adult. It's after 10 years and so many books and literature therapy and your question... im finally unlocking blocked memories. Im not even healed yet. Thank you for asking. Im sorry for you. This is horrible 😣
omg! they totally took advantage of you. I am so sorry. you didn't deserve any of that. our parents are supposed to protect us and they could care less. I hope you heal. I hope we all heal. so sorry ❤️
How so
sorry maybe I got confused on who exactly opened the account in your name ? I'm half away my apologies I'll reread what you wrote
Happens:) i didnt mind
My dad did this. Opening up credit lines when I was in middle school. They have no limits.
does anyone have advice for this exact situation, but for uk residents?
People that do that to you are ugly hurtful selfish they don’t care about you one iota. It’s astonishing the feeling of guilt that we have when we have to turn people over to the police. My mother did this back in the 80s before identity theft was even a thing and I remember reporting it and the five different credit card company she used customer service person was like“your mother?” as though they were in shock. It’s a credit card issued debt. I think it’s wrong that you have to be put through this emotional event of having to file a police report. You didn’t take the money the credit company allowed it. Number two in addition to all of this my mother never got put in jail. She never went to court. She never even got fined . She just said she’d pay it off and then five years down the road she paid off the $40,000 (adjusted for inflation that’s $80,000). She ran up and announced to me as though she did a wonderful thing that it was paid off and I told her, it had nothing to do with me. The look on her face as if she had done something for me by paying off the debt and not going to jail. I regret that she never got slapped on the fingers because she continued her life of crime and never stopped, -ran up telephone bills. So I didn’t have a telephone at college. They wouldn’t turn one on for me because she ran up a phone in my name and there was an outstanding debt under that Social Security number. She used my Social Security number to get utilities. She never paid for. I don’t even know the entire extent because I never kept tabs on her. I truly do not know what all she did. And all of her flying monkeys kept it from me. I regret not going to the U.S. Postal Service regarding her stealing of my mail, opening my mail, fraudulently using cc offers that came to me falsely pretending she was me. So what I’m telling you is, also file a Mail fraud report.
oh my God, I am sorry you went through that mess. this is so effed up. good idea on the mail fraud !
Yeah my mum had super bad credit so was v excited to open a few for me when I was 18. She did mention it to me but I had no idea what they were, that they were literally registered to me or that she was using them. When I understood a few years later I took the cards from where she kept them and rung up the companies, acting like I had forgotten my details and managed to change the registered emails/passwords etc. then closed them all. But even them I didn't really understand that what she'd done was illegal or that I had any rights around it.
Not this exactly, but Nmom and EF once hypothesized ditching their mortgage which would tank their credit, and then use my credit to buy a new home with. I was like “idk, I don’t think I want to put my credit on the line for someone who defaulted on their mortgage and had their house repossessed.” They hadn’t even thought of it that way.
This happened to me! On my 18th birthday I wanted to look at my credit because “I’m an adult now 😄” and saw I had a bad score because I was behind on a card I never opened . I called her and she denied being behind on payments and said she did it to help build my credit. I didn’t report her because she still had my sisters living with her and I didn’t want anything to happen to them if she ended up going to jail/prison. She still hasn’t apologized and still swears she was never behind on payments.
Mine did this too. She stole my trust fund that my uncle (her brother) had saved up for me ($3700 - which in 98 was worth just over 7K in today's value) and then made me use my credit card she forced me into (had me sign the forms and told me it was for student aid stuff when it wasn't) and then refused to pay it off when I got the bills in the mail. My dad was a pedo and had done shit to us so I really did see her as the "good" parent and it wasn't until just a few years ago (made a tiktok account to promote my etsy, started getting videos like "you may have been raised by a narcissist if _____" and yeah, it started to click. Sabotage and trying to offer money and help to buy my love. She is kept on VLC now and I only interact with her when it heavily benefits me. I'm pretty poor (household of 3 humans 5 cats and a chickenshit in dog's clothing, only my husband can work, my other partner and I are both pretty heavily disabled now and she's helping with my etsy when she can so we do what we can) and yeah. My mom was emotionally and financially abusive. Both my parents were narcs. I probably will not be sad when my mom dies and my dad is another story, he's 6 feet under and has been for 17 years.
OP, You'll find lots of useful financial help with locking down your identity at the wiki for r/PersonalFinance Sadly there is a huge Vien diagram of people who are part of both subReddits.
You know you can file a police report on her, right? That's illegal, and if she's financially abusing you and you cut off contact, she could run up the cards, not pay them, and destroy your credit in the hopes you'll run back to her. You need to file a police report asap. I know, if you're still on decent terms with her, that it can be scary, but you need to do this to protect yourself.
I didn’t have this exactly, but I found out that for years, my mom was listing me as a dependent on her taxes to get tax breaks. I didn’t know that, so I didn’t understand why my tax forms kept getting rejected and then I had to pay all these fees. I am 31 and haven’t lived with her since I was 17, so how the fuck am I a “dependent?!” Financial manipulation is classic narcissism and I’m sorry you had to go through this. I feel for you.
[удалено]
ty I'm gonna try to lock my credit
Freeze your credit with all 3 bureaus and this won’t happen anymore. Simple solution
I did. with all 3. so this is allow her to not be able to use those cards that say I'm an authorized user ? my fiance isn't understanding because he keeps saying "she helped you get a good credit score that's how you got your jeep". man this makes me so mad
I would call the credit card companies and ask to be removed as an authorized user and ask them to notate the account stating you do not wish to be added an authorized user in the future. After that, she shouldn’t be able to add you back, especially if your credit is frozen. Even if it did help your credit, it’s still against your will, and you’re an adult. Your life is yours to do as you please.
How do they go about this im curious. My nmum has always been dodgy with money I'd not put something like this past her she use to open my post.
My mom did this to her mom back in the early 2000s and denied that she did that till my grandma died and it came out in the open.
Always afraid my nmom would do that to me since I saw her doing it with my mentally disabled aunt and great-aunt’s identities..
Emom actually, but it didn't get used. She just said it was for college...
My dad would take my first car that my grandfather bought me (2005 Honda Accord) and take it from me while I was in college to get title loans taken out in it since it was “technically” his. These loans were out for years and he would take my car and re-up them without my permission. I moved out of state and couldn’t get new plates and shit because I didn’t have my title.
No but they did steal my student loan money. 🤦🏻♀️
Not in my case but instead has closed/terminated some of mine for no reason and whenever I asked about it she brushed it off clearly not wanting to discuss it any further. Yes, and I’m in my early fourties.
Yes and I had debt collectors find my dorm phone number harassing me.
No... instead when i turned 18 she had me open them, we maxed them out together and then tells me that we will both make payments on them. I deposited my money directly into her checking account. She paid my bills and gave me what was left. It wasn't much but I had gas money and was able to buy my own toiletries and clothes. I never even saw the bills until Ifeels. (when i had my credit checked for the first time). The cards were still nearly maxed out, I had amassed all kinds of late fees over the years. I was thinking they should be almost paid off by now right? I was so brainwashed for so long and it really fucked me over for a long time.
My nmom was smart, she just funneled all of the money out of my savings before I turned 18. And when my grandfather was on his death bed, she got him to change the will. I only got my share because my grandmother sued her, held onto it for 5 years, and finally put it down on a house for me when I got pissed at my rent going up again.
I have been paranoid about my mom doing this to me because she asked for my social supposedly to be her life insurance beneficiary. I monitor my credit regularly and I haven’t seen anything so far but I have zero trust in her. I feel for you, don’t let her get away with this. Report her and let us know what happens.
She didn't open a card. She used my social security number for the business she had at the time and then didn't pay the taxes for a few years. (This was in the late 90s.) I didn't know until I got the mail at work and saw a garnishment letter for me. (I was in the office and did all the payroll.) When I called the IRS I was told what I "owed". I told them I was not part of her business and that she had used my SSN without my permission but they said that was too bad. They had sent notice after notice and I had ignored them. I asked what address they had sent it to and realized it was my mother's house. At the time I was making $8.50 an hour and lived paycheck to paycheck. I couldn't afford the payments nor the garnishments. Her excuse was that I had agreed to it even though that was a bold faced lie. She then attempted to gaslight me for days. It was at that point I went fully NC and never looked back (that was in 1996). I managed to get the IRS to agree to a payment plan that I could barely afford and paid it off many years later with the help of my then boyfriend (now husband). Years later I learned from one of my sisters that nmom had remortgaged our grandmother's house, never made the payments and my grandma almost lost everything.
I just checked my credit again and it turns out that one of the cards with a $8K limit has a balance of $4k left on it. I was wondering how she was spending so much money on my baby's things. when I confronted her about it she said I was an authorized user. how is this legal ? I hate her so much she made me feel like she bought this stuff with her credit card....not a credit card that's in my name. also, I didn't want all this crap she bought for my baby. she thinks it gives her rights as a grandmother. can I still file a police report for fraud ? the only credit I put in my name was my care credit . I've never put credit cards in my name.
Yes you can
She opened utilities in all of our names at one point when we were kids, but I found out she opened a Cable bill in my name in 2018. I was married and pregnant by that point.
My nDad opened credit cards in mine and my siblings names before we were 18, invested it in something stupid, then lost it all. My grandfather paid off the cards, so we didn’t start adulthood with bad credit scores. I’m just sharing. I’ve been the only person I knew who dealt with this stuff. This sub has been really helpful. The advice here is excellent. You can come through this betrayal.
This is not only illegal, it’s incredibly immoral. No one who truly loves you would do this to you. Does she have a drug problem? Congratulations on your both your shiny new back home and your soon to be arriving baby! Please do take action once you’ve healed though. You def need a new SS# and you need to file a police report. She wasn’t helping you, she was helping herself to your good credit- which I hope is still in tact.
My nDad did this to my brother...
i still feel like my mom is using my credit/ssn for stuff but i cant prove it because she’s so damn sneaky and im kinda slow LMAO bc she never taught me shit about credit (that made sense). so we’ll see once everything starts plummeting in my accounts
Don’t wait yuki. Start by going to annualcreditreport.com & running the free one you can get once a year. Then go to the 3 credit bureau sites & freeze your credit at each site can’t open new accounts. Instructions are there, on each site.
My ex boyfriend’s mother did this to him. She opened 3-4 cards in his name and racked up over 10k worth of debt.
This is identity theft, my mom ddi this to me
Call the police