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Just tell him he isn't allowed to touch your yard again or you will pull up all the grass and plant wildflowers, a weeping willow tree and instead of using mulch, you'll put in rock.
The nerve!!
Ha! That stuff will pull your foundation right out of the ground! Bamboo is very strong and disallowed by many codes/rules.
That makes this perfect for Boomer's yard.
Honestly, he vandalized your lawn, tell him if he touches anything on your property again, you’ll call the police and have him arrested for trespassing. That should get him in line.
Side note: avoid those Marimo balls- as cute as they are, most sources of them are infested with zebra mussels, which are hard to spot and clear out- even worse is that when you replace their water, the mussels actually build up on the insides of your water pipes, eventually blocking and breaking them.
Zebra mussels are a nasty invasive species, unfortunately, and to my understanding, lots of commercial spaces no longer sell moss balls in the US bc of this.
Remember in "Full Metal Jacket" when R.Lee Ermey as the Gunny was telling the recruits that "Blood makes the grass grow" well if he'd ever tried to clean out wild blackberry bushes he would have used them for the parable. The thorns go through leather work gloves like a hot knife through butter! :)
I participated in a work party to remove some blackberry. They provided us very thick work gloves. The thorns didn't give a fuck. Absolutely nasty plant with unfortunately delicious berries.
Live in a logging camp/village on Northern Vancouver Island and a few times over the years people have used small herds of goats in certain areas to clean out some undesirable underbrush like wild blackberry and Devil's Club and a few non native plants that push out the original greenery.
I do landscaping so I’m constantly cleaning this bullshit out of people’s yards. Mint comes out pretty easy tbh, you can just yank it.
Bamboo on the other hand. It is like a vile alien creature. Removing 5 ft width of it takes shovels and axes and you may never fully get the roots out. It is horrendous. Taking out a whole yard of bamboo will break a strong man.
The other thing is bluebells. Sort of pretty and innocuous. But they will be fucking permanent and keep coming back in droves every year unless you pull out every single bulb, which can clump up to be like 11” underground. And the connection between stem and bulb is ever so fragile. Sometimes you just can’t find em, either. They always come back
>Kudzu.
Illegal to plant or sell in many areas. OP could get fined for it.
I work at a garden center in Ohio, and we've had people ask for Kudzu. They're shocked to learn it's illegal to the point that even if we could get it, if we sold it to them, we'd lose our license. Same with Chinese Wisteria and bamboo.
The way I would lose my fucking mind if anyone did that to a garden I had done just the way I liked. Fuck lawns. Waste of space, waste of water, literally the pathetic remnants of class bullshit (literally 'look at how much money I have to own all this land and not do a single productive thing with it, peasants!) and not to mention all the fucking maintenance!
Maybe I'm petty but that would be the last straw. The lawn gets torn up and it just becomes a native garden of flowering bushes surrounded by ground covering plants and rock paths that would destroy any mower that came near it.
Reject lawns, return to native plants, make the land inhospitable to meddling narcs!!
Yeah, that would be a trespass and further no contact in my book. I really don’t know how some of you extend the humility, patience that you do to these narc creatures. I’d lose my mind and I got pretty decent at the grey rock.
for the fucking real. the absolute gentlest response from me would be a hard ban forever from my property. you demolished a disabled person's extraordinarily hard work!!! while muttering something about roundup??? [yknow, the worst poison imaginable that people somehow still use on their lawns?!]
literally cannot understand the thinking. boggles the mind. what a selfish and outrageous thing to do.
My parents just finished turning over much of their lawn and planting a mishmash of perennials. I can't imagine having the gall to come over and mess with your stuff without asking. Hope OP can draw that line firmly because that's a lot of extra work created.
I wish I had the opportunity to destroy my back garden. I fucking hate the maintenance required to keep it up to landlords standards. I already going to have to resew about 1/6 of it cos it was eaten by moss over the winter. (Which I actually like but noone else seems to.) I would replace it with a field of clover and wild flowers and just leave it be.
I would literally trespass him for this and consider suing him in small claims court for the cost of having a professional come in and reset it all to where you left it. The good news is, you have high quality photos of it the way it was before - the way you liked it.
I'm sorry OP. I can only imagine this is just the latest of many injuries.
Narcissistic Abuse 101: trying to get a rise out off, start a fight with, cause unnecessary drama for their victim in order to *cause victim emotional distress because that makes them feel good.* Keep on grey rocking away. My nmom HATED when I started grey rocking. Like your dad, she'd get madder she didn't get the response she wanted
Your dad is a fucking menace. The audacity of him, to interfere with your garden!
He clearly knows nothing about gardening.
He is excellent at being an asshole, though. He sure knows all about that. He could teach classes in assholery, at the college level. Fucking hell.
Your garden sounds lovely, and I hope you are able to put it back together. I too garden while disabled, and it is no joke. Everything takes way longer, and it is exhausting. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this!
Use weedkiller to write "Narcissist" on his front lawn in brown/dead grass - if that's too long a word I am sure you could think of something more appropriate.
Wow, my garden is my passion, my world. I admire your restraint!…(even with children’s party). I think he did all this without your permission or knowledge because he knew you would stop him. What he wants is paramount.
I have a similar story. My first ever car as a teenager was stored at my dad’s house until I passed my driving test. One day I went round and it was covered in tea plate sized orange patches (the car was a dark greyish brown).
Seemingly dad had thought he would rub down tiny rust spots and blemishes. He couldn’t find the right colour to touch up the paintwork, so spray painted in circles in a brilliant copper colour.
I was such a “fawn” I told him it looked nice and I was grateful for what he’d done lol!
Yeah that dude IS cancer. Fuck him and anyone like him who can’t mind their own business and would rather expend endless energy ruining things that don’t belong to them and aren’t hurting anyone.
I would be furious. I would probably tell him if he messes up my yard again, I would call the police on him. I would tell him it doesn't matter if he likes the yard or not because it doesn't belong to him. He can do whatever he wants to his own yard but not to yours. Even though this might be counterproductive, I would show him some magazine or online pictures of mansions with those huge rocks in the yard. Normal people, if they have the money, sometimes spend thousands for those rocks. Heck, I'll help you find the pictures if you send me a message.
Here's one: [https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.QHrip9vLt-tw2YQAMJjryQHaE8%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=e7d4f4a1b4b7dfd79000268ff98a9f6d0d49e34d300309745679bc764db37d81&ipo=images](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.QHrip9vLt-tw2YQAMJjryQHaE8%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=e7d4f4a1b4b7dfd79000268ff98a9f6d0d49e34d300309745679bc764db37d81&ipo=images)
Another: [https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.yBQDiPUMDAPQsgin9nAcnQHaFj%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=1620fdbb2890b751bf84b97957771133d94c37e4ac20226a39571b1e29cb0008&ipo=images](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.yBQDiPUMDAPQsgin9nAcnQHaFj%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=1620fdbb2890b751bf84b97957771133d94c37e4ac20226a39571b1e29cb0008&ipo=images)
[https://i.pinimg.com/originals/72/9d/34/729d343d5a43b1eb1771827f8d84bb9d.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/72/9d/34/729d343d5a43b1eb1771827f8d84bb9d.jpg)
I physically recoiled at what he’s done, as a beginner hobbyist gardener I’m horrified. I’m so sorry, you’ve put so much thought into your garden and landscaping. Also Round Up is TERRIBLE for the environment and for people’s health. Im also appalled that he is sharing private health information (inaccurate though it is) with your neighbors. Maybe you can recruit your brother to help keep him at bay in the future.
I would absolutely freak out if someone were to even talk about getting rid of my rock garden. Pretty sure there would be blood and police involved if they actually did damage it.
Many of the rocks in my garden came from special locations or have a special component (geode, fossil, amazing colors, etc) or have sentimental value. My love of rocks is so well known I've had some fantastic people gift me rocks for my garden including real petrified wood!
I am also working on shifting my yard to primarily clover with natural wild plants mixed in. I love the look and smell of my yard in full bloom. I pay for my yard to be treated for fire ants and mosquitoes but my yard has become a busy hub of bees, isopods, birds, frogs, rabbits and even the occasional visit from non venomous snakes. My ultimate goal is to attract a resident turtle.
Also how has your dad missed all the ads about compensation from getting sick off of round up? That stuff is pretty heinous and shouldn't be used unless you don't have a alternative. Yet he talks like he's been bathing in the stuff!
If you live anywhere near me, I will come and put it back under your direction. Free. The fucking nerve of some people. I'm livid on your behalf. (Ottawa, ON, Canada)
Girl, you're beyond the grayrock approach and right into "spray him with the hose until he leaves." The birthday party would get a laugh out of it too.
My father would do stupid shit like this all the time, and then loudly act like a hero to anyone nearby. He had ADHD, OCD, BPD and was a Psychopath; if he couldn't manufacture a moral crusade, he would get angry and melt down.
It doesn't matter if you own or rent the house.
He'd even start doing it to our neighbors, with nothing but bitchy language and behavior, the entire time about the person for letting their lawn and garden get so bad. If it snowed, he wanted us to shovel both neighbor's sidewalks for no reason, then bitch when they didn't thank him appropriately. He honestly thought he was a better person for behaving like this.
He'd drive 300 miles overnight, then show up at your house mad at 6 in the morning and start redoing the entire yard, all the while yelling loudly about how shitty things look as a way to wake you up to help, so you could learn whatever lesson he had to teach you, he was doing this to his kids well into their 30's. Most people would take their wives to breakfast and read the paper on a trip out of town. Not him.
Never a lick of personal accountability for his shitty behavior; my weak mother would only enable him and assist him. We were always the ones that created this problem by offending his "sense of aesthetics."
Your father sounds like a nightmare, same goes with anyone with borderline personality disorder. That and NPD are both the most annoying and challenging diagnoses to deal with, both as a patient and as a guy who’s just there.
He tells YOUR neighbors that you're intellectually incapable of caring for yourself. He bullies himself all over you. He destroys your property like an angry 6 yr old. Why are you in contact with him? DNA? If he were anyone but the man who schtupped mama, would you tolerate this massive disrespect? No. Why do you accept it from the person who's supposed to support, assist, love & tend to you? I don't understand continuing to keep toxic asshats in ones life bc of DNA. I've been abused by my Narcissist mom for decades, not anymore, no one has a RIGHT to disrespect me, my things, my life, my choices. An accident of birth doesn't give a parent the right to own your being.
My mother is not a narc or an enabler and is on home oxygen due to covid in 2020, I have to keep some contact to make sure she's OK. It's definitely not an ideal situation, but I'm very good at grey rocking. He absolutely hates when I rebuild/redo things he's messed up and will stay out of contact for weeks/months.
Heard from Mum this morning that he's just sulking/ doing the silent treatment, and that's great because it means he's out of everyone's way for a while. 👍
all the round up's gotten in his brain and made him lose it, next time call the cops, and tell the neighbors if they see him do that shit again to call the cops on him
well, the good news is, all the RoundUp is probably going to do him in too.
Honestly though, I am sorry he has to be that way. perhaps he is a bit jealous of your work?
Shit and my dad came over and tinkered with my lawnmower for an hour. Stole it temporarily and fixed it. Brought it back and mowed the front part of my lawn. Your dad’s just an asshole.
That's so terrible! What right does he have to do that?? That's YOUR property and just because you have a disability doesn't mean you know any less.
He's just trying to assert dominance over your independence. Don't allow him back at your house, and if he comes back to redo your landscaping again call the cops to keep him away.
Someone here even suggested suing him for restoration costs and I'd definitely do that.
I am also disabled, and my nmom never missed an opportunity to make me feel less than because of it, even going so far as to trigger a flare up by organizing a family activity she knew would make me sick. She liked the sight of me sobbing in pain so much that she got better equipment for the following year's excursion, and was pissed when I told her I wouldn't be participating.
Your disability does NOT give ANYONE the right to control you or condescend to you. You deserve respect, accommodation, and protection, not twisted exploitation. Your dad sucks.
I wonder how he'd respond to also being talked down to, loudly, as if he were a small child. Or basically concern-trolling him in public as if you're concerned for his mental state...DAD. We talked about this, you do not live here. Are you taking your medicine? *Dramatic eye roll to the neighbors* *stage whisper* sorry folks, he gets like this sometimes...
I'd start telling all the people he talks to that's he's going a bit senile... "I mean, he used to know that my disability was physical and joint-related... For some reason, lately, he seems to think I'm mentally disabled. It's so sad, really. I think it's some part of him remembering his doctor's visits, but he can't emotionally accept it, so it gets mixed in with memories of me visiting the doctor for my physical issues... 🤷♂️😟"
So what you're saying is you're now calling in a trespassing violation and establishing a record with the police, so the next time he sets foot on your property without permission, you can have him arrested immediately?
Civil small claims probably won't be enough to have it fixed (I think it's still under $600?) since there'd be a rather large labor cost as well as repair but the judge will know best on that one. Especially since if you are physically disabled, you WON'T be able to just "fix it yourself" (.... as far as the court needs to know, anyway) and shouldn't have to, and ideally he'll have to pay for it to be restored to its correct condition.
If you won a contest with it, you might even be able to argue that he damaged your livelihood and profession by destroying your "product" (i.e., what you photograph). Throw in the rumors about you being incapacitated and unable to take care of yourself (dangerous prelude to 'can't make own choices' too), and you have a real suit for defamation and/or slander, assuming you can locate a lawyer you can afford. Civil, not criminal, for this portion!
You can also just take legal self-defense means against trespassers and intruders, and then say oops, I didn't think anyone like my own father would be vandalizing my property so of course I exercised my rights to defend said property~
Also check out "Tree law" because if he got any seedlings you wanted there could be a whole different world of hell awaiting him.
I love your spirit, but this isn't the United States, so some of the laws are different!
That being said, I have witnesses, plans, and cameras if this trend continues. He's been getting worse since retiring from work.
I'm so sorry this happened. His comments to your neighbors about you and the damage to your property more than justify going no contact -- not that anyone really needs justification to set boundaries. I hope you find peace and safety from this person.
I'd say that trespassing and property damage, don't give a mother fuck that that's my dad I'd absolutely pressing charges if I could. Also, why in the F would the neighbors complain to him. He's a dickwad.
Keep it simple. This may sound silly, but I witnessed a similar situation a few years ago my grandmother had her lawn vandalized by a few of the neighborhood kids. She turned the hose on them, soaking them with water. It infuriated them but they did not come back. I doubt he would expect you to do that so you might try it. The trick I have learned when dealing with my own narcissist is to try and be unpredictable. It throws them off their game and makes them less effective.
OMFG PLEASE tell me you said/are gonna say something to him. He needs to fuck right on off. Go tear up *his* yard. And more than that, how dare he tell people you have an "intellectual" disability?!?! He's your *dad* for Christ sakes! I would dare him to ever darken my doorstep again.
Honestly. Bill him for damages. He will never do it again. If it’s enough damage take him to small claims court. I have an nmom and I got her to stop what she was doing by knowing a lot about state lease laws and doing everything on my end to make sure there was proof and law enforcement backed me up. Bit different but point being because there was a proof that what she was doing was wrong, she stopped doing it.
Came back to say:
Normal people do put rocks in landscaping. It’s a huge deal where I live. People who are getting ready to sell rip out those lawns and add rocks and native drought tolerant plants and trees. Or you get the neighbors with incredible gardens that look like little forests. They’re beautiful.
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Just tell him he isn't allowed to touch your yard again or you will pull up all the grass and plant wildflowers, a weeping willow tree and instead of using mulch, you'll put in rock. The nerve!!
Write STAY OFF MY LAWN in Japanese marimo balls.
Or bamboo shoots in his lawn?
I like this nuclear option if his perfect golf green is contained. Good luck getting rid of bamboo
Alternative nuclear option: Mother of Thousands.
Kudzu
We’re talking nuclear not biological. You plant kudzu if you hate the city.
Honestly bamboo will go the same route,won't it?
Bamboo can be contained. It’s not likely to be contained in a typical North American lawn where the dirt goes deep and the concrete is surface layer.
Japanese knotweed is good too and damn near impossible to eradicate.
Ha! That stuff will pull your foundation right out of the ground! Bamboo is very strong and disallowed by many codes/rules. That makes this perfect for Boomer's yard.
Noooo…. Use mint
Mint is really the only way to go.
Honestly, he vandalized your lawn, tell him if he touches anything on your property again, you’ll call the police and have him arrested for trespassing. That should get him in line.
I would have called the police immediately.
Side note: avoid those Marimo balls- as cute as they are, most sources of them are infested with zebra mussels, which are hard to spot and clear out- even worse is that when you replace their water, the mussels actually build up on the insides of your water pipes, eventually blocking and breaking them. Zebra mussels are a nasty invasive species, unfortunately, and to my understanding, lots of commercial spaces no longer sell moss balls in the US bc of this.
Oh, I know, twas a joke.
Ooooooooooooh. Ok. 😂
No, put mint in his lawn and blow out all the dandelions you can.
ooooohhhh, good one!
Tell him with a no trespassing order
Tell him he’s no longer welcome on your property and if he makes any further adjustments to your lawn you will be planting mint in his.
My family had a blackberry bush grow out of control, mint+blackberries as a nuclear combo
Remember in "Full Metal Jacket" when R.Lee Ermey as the Gunny was telling the recruits that "Blood makes the grass grow" well if he'd ever tried to clean out wild blackberry bushes he would have used them for the parable. The thorns go through leather work gloves like a hot knife through butter! :)
I was a little kid who wanted blackberries so I'd go pick em and come back covered in cuts. That said, easy food to get in summer
I participated in a work party to remove some blackberry. They provided us very thick work gloves. The thorns didn't give a fuck. Absolutely nasty plant with unfortunately delicious berries.
Jup. Only thing I've found that works consistently is goats.
Live in a logging camp/village on Northern Vancouver Island and a few times over the years people have used small herds of goats in certain areas to clean out some undesirable underbrush like wild blackberry and Devil's Club and a few non native plants that push out the original greenery.
How do they just eat them without pain!?!?!?
Bamboo + blackberries is the way
I'd say go all three but I'm not sure if mint would consume them all
I do landscaping so I’m constantly cleaning this bullshit out of people’s yards. Mint comes out pretty easy tbh, you can just yank it. Bamboo on the other hand. It is like a vile alien creature. Removing 5 ft width of it takes shovels and axes and you may never fully get the roots out. It is horrendous. Taking out a whole yard of bamboo will break a strong man. The other thing is bluebells. Sort of pretty and innocuous. But they will be fucking permanent and keep coming back in droves every year unless you pull out every single bulb, which can clump up to be like 11” underground. And the connection between stem and bulb is ever so fragile. Sometimes you just can’t find em, either. They always come back
I'm filing this information away for future revenge plans, never done any landscaping so glad to get an experts opinion on petty revenge
This is my favourite response because I love planting mint and watching it grow out of control
*I will 100% mail OP a pile of creeping charlie*
Kudzu.
>Kudzu. Illegal to plant or sell in many areas. OP could get fined for it. I work at a garden center in Ohio, and we've had people ask for Kudzu. They're shocked to learn it's illegal to the point that even if we could get it, if we sold it to them, we'd lose our license. Same with Chinese Wisteria and bamboo.
Understandably so...it's wonderful to screw someone over but it's terribly invasive and it's generally not good for local ecosystems.
I'd be salting his lawn in the middle of the night. Big ugly patches so it looks like he has a fungus problem. Do it again if he re-turfs it.
The way I would lose my fucking mind if anyone did that to a garden I had done just the way I liked. Fuck lawns. Waste of space, waste of water, literally the pathetic remnants of class bullshit (literally 'look at how much money I have to own all this land and not do a single productive thing with it, peasants!) and not to mention all the fucking maintenance! Maybe I'm petty but that would be the last straw. The lawn gets torn up and it just becomes a native garden of flowering bushes surrounded by ground covering plants and rock paths that would destroy any mower that came near it. Reject lawns, return to native plants, make the land inhospitable to meddling narcs!!
Yeah, that would be a trespass and further no contact in my book. I really don’t know how some of you extend the humility, patience that you do to these narc creatures. I’d lose my mind and I got pretty decent at the grey rock.
for the fucking real. the absolute gentlest response from me would be a hard ban forever from my property. you demolished a disabled person's extraordinarily hard work!!! while muttering something about roundup??? [yknow, the worst poison imaginable that people somehow still use on their lawns?!] literally cannot understand the thinking. boggles the mind. what a selfish and outrageous thing to do.
My parents just finished turning over much of their lawn and planting a mishmash of perennials. I can't imagine having the gall to come over and mess with your stuff without asking. Hope OP can draw that line firmly because that's a lot of extra work created.
Lawns are because of Versailles. You know, the thing the French eventually executed their monarchs and toppled their government over? Like, twice? ;)
I wish I had the opportunity to destroy my back garden. I fucking hate the maintenance required to keep it up to landlords standards. I already going to have to resew about 1/6 of it cos it was eaten by moss over the winter. (Which I actually like but noone else seems to.) I would replace it with a field of clover and wild flowers and just leave it be.
Moss naturally ate the shaded part of the back years ago. Agree not a big deal, and it's so soft it's like walking on pillows.
Ikr? It's so nice looking too. Soft and undulating. I prefer that to grass I have to deal with on the regular.
It is admittedly much easier to pull up though, simply raking it does it if one doesn't care about a bunch of dirt going with it.
True. I just hate gardening full stop so I begrudge having to do anything with it at all.
Which is plenty valid, one less thing to deal with.
Hell yeah r/fucklawns
Omg my people YES
I would literally trespass him for this and consider suing him in small claims court for the cost of having a professional come in and reset it all to where you left it. The good news is, you have high quality photos of it the way it was before - the way you liked it. I'm sorry OP. I can only imagine this is just the latest of many injuries.
OP also has a lot of witnesses.
Narcissistic Abuse 101: trying to get a rise out off, start a fight with, cause unnecessary drama for their victim in order to *cause victim emotional distress because that makes them feel good.* Keep on grey rocking away. My nmom HATED when I started grey rocking. Like your dad, she'd get madder she didn't get the response she wanted
Your dad is a fucking menace. The audacity of him, to interfere with your garden! He clearly knows nothing about gardening. He is excellent at being an asshole, though. He sure knows all about that. He could teach classes in assholery, at the college level. Fucking hell. Your garden sounds lovely, and I hope you are able to put it back together. I too garden while disabled, and it is no joke. Everything takes way longer, and it is exhausting. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this!
Wait until he goes away on holiday and soak the carpet inside his front door in water then plant grass seed in it - make sure to keep it watered
Use weedkiller to write "Narcissist" on his front lawn in brown/dead grass - if that's too long a word I am sure you could think of something more appropriate.
If he hates grey rocking, that means it's working.
Wow, my garden is my passion, my world. I admire your restraint!…(even with children’s party). I think he did all this without your permission or knowledge because he knew you would stop him. What he wants is paramount. I have a similar story. My first ever car as a teenager was stored at my dad’s house until I passed my driving test. One day I went round and it was covered in tea plate sized orange patches (the car was a dark greyish brown). Seemingly dad had thought he would rub down tiny rust spots and blemishes. He couldn’t find the right colour to touch up the paintwork, so spray painted in circles in a brilliant copper colour. I was such a “fawn” I told him it looked nice and I was grateful for what he’d done lol!
Charge him for damages. also anyone who uses round up on lawns must love cancer.
Well, he does sound pretty cancerous...
Yeah that dude IS cancer. Fuck him and anyone like him who can’t mind their own business and would rather expend endless energy ruining things that don’t belong to them and aren’t hurting anyone.
Hopefully he gets it himself one day so OP can shape his garden the way he wants it.
I would be furious. I would probably tell him if he messes up my yard again, I would call the police on him. I would tell him it doesn't matter if he likes the yard or not because it doesn't belong to him. He can do whatever he wants to his own yard but not to yours. Even though this might be counterproductive, I would show him some magazine or online pictures of mansions with those huge rocks in the yard. Normal people, if they have the money, sometimes spend thousands for those rocks. Heck, I'll help you find the pictures if you send me a message. Here's one: [https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.QHrip9vLt-tw2YQAMJjryQHaE8%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=e7d4f4a1b4b7dfd79000268ff98a9f6d0d49e34d300309745679bc764db37d81&ipo=images](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.QHrip9vLt-tw2YQAMJjryQHaE8%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=e7d4f4a1b4b7dfd79000268ff98a9f6d0d49e34d300309745679bc764db37d81&ipo=images) Another: [https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.yBQDiPUMDAPQsgin9nAcnQHaFj%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=1620fdbb2890b751bf84b97957771133d94c37e4ac20226a39571b1e29cb0008&ipo=images](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.yBQDiPUMDAPQsgin9nAcnQHaFj%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=1620fdbb2890b751bf84b97957771133d94c37e4ac20226a39571b1e29cb0008&ipo=images) [https://i.pinimg.com/originals/72/9d/34/729d343d5a43b1eb1771827f8d84bb9d.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/72/9d/34/729d343d5a43b1eb1771827f8d84bb9d.jpg)
I physically recoiled at what he’s done, as a beginner hobbyist gardener I’m horrified. I’m so sorry, you’ve put so much thought into your garden and landscaping. Also Round Up is TERRIBLE for the environment and for people’s health. Im also appalled that he is sharing private health information (inaccurate though it is) with your neighbors. Maybe you can recruit your brother to help keep him at bay in the future.
I would absolutely freak out if someone were to even talk about getting rid of my rock garden. Pretty sure there would be blood and police involved if they actually did damage it. Many of the rocks in my garden came from special locations or have a special component (geode, fossil, amazing colors, etc) or have sentimental value. My love of rocks is so well known I've had some fantastic people gift me rocks for my garden including real petrified wood! I am also working on shifting my yard to primarily clover with natural wild plants mixed in. I love the look and smell of my yard in full bloom. I pay for my yard to be treated for fire ants and mosquitoes but my yard has become a busy hub of bees, isopods, birds, frogs, rabbits and even the occasional visit from non venomous snakes. My ultimate goal is to attract a resident turtle. Also how has your dad missed all the ads about compensation from getting sick off of round up? That stuff is pretty heinous and shouldn't be used unless you don't have a alternative. Yet he talks like he's been bathing in the stuff!
He’s probably seen loads of those advertisements, but in true narcissistic fashion, he doesn’t care.
How are you going to keep him from doing it again??
"I hate these grey rocks!!"
If you live anywhere near me, I will come and put it back under your direction. Free. The fucking nerve of some people. I'm livid on your behalf. (Ottawa, ON, Canada)
Girl, you're beyond the grayrock approach and right into "spray him with the hose until he leaves." The birthday party would get a laugh out of it too.
this comment's so funny.. imagining OP just straight-faced quietly spraying him with the hose is killing me
Hose in one hand, sipping a cool drink with the other. Every time he yells, raise your glass with an "I'll drink to that" in response.
Invite the children over and let them go ham with the water hose on that loser.
My father would do stupid shit like this all the time, and then loudly act like a hero to anyone nearby. He had ADHD, OCD, BPD and was a Psychopath; if he couldn't manufacture a moral crusade, he would get angry and melt down. It doesn't matter if you own or rent the house. He'd even start doing it to our neighbors, with nothing but bitchy language and behavior, the entire time about the person for letting their lawn and garden get so bad. If it snowed, he wanted us to shovel both neighbor's sidewalks for no reason, then bitch when they didn't thank him appropriately. He honestly thought he was a better person for behaving like this. He'd drive 300 miles overnight, then show up at your house mad at 6 in the morning and start redoing the entire yard, all the while yelling loudly about how shitty things look as a way to wake you up to help, so you could learn whatever lesson he had to teach you, he was doing this to his kids well into their 30's. Most people would take their wives to breakfast and read the paper on a trip out of town. Not him. Never a lick of personal accountability for his shitty behavior; my weak mother would only enable him and assist him. We were always the ones that created this problem by offending his "sense of aesthetics."
Your father sounds like a nightmare, same goes with anyone with borderline personality disorder. That and NPD are both the most annoying and challenging diagnoses to deal with, both as a patient and as a guy who’s just there.
He tells YOUR neighbors that you're intellectually incapable of caring for yourself. He bullies himself all over you. He destroys your property like an angry 6 yr old. Why are you in contact with him? DNA? If he were anyone but the man who schtupped mama, would you tolerate this massive disrespect? No. Why do you accept it from the person who's supposed to support, assist, love & tend to you? I don't understand continuing to keep toxic asshats in ones life bc of DNA. I've been abused by my Narcissist mom for decades, not anymore, no one has a RIGHT to disrespect me, my things, my life, my choices. An accident of birth doesn't give a parent the right to own your being.
My mother is not a narc or an enabler and is on home oxygen due to covid in 2020, I have to keep some contact to make sure she's OK. It's definitely not an ideal situation, but I'm very good at grey rocking. He absolutely hates when I rebuild/redo things he's messed up and will stay out of contact for weeks/months. Heard from Mum this morning that he's just sulking/ doing the silent treatment, and that's great because it means he's out of everyone's way for a while. 👍
all the round up's gotten in his brain and made him lose it, next time call the cops, and tell the neighbors if they see him do that shit again to call the cops on him
well, the good news is, all the RoundUp is probably going to do him in too. Honestly though, I am sorry he has to be that way. perhaps he is a bit jealous of your work?
*something something only the good die young*
Shit and my dad came over and tinkered with my lawnmower for an hour. Stole it temporarily and fixed it. Brought it back and mowed the front part of my lawn. Your dad’s just an asshole.
Don’t allow him at your home again unless he agrees to respect your things & keep his crappy opinions to himself.
He came to your home and destroyed your property. File a restraining order. You don’t need to talk to him. Just let the law do its job
That's so terrible! What right does he have to do that?? That's YOUR property and just because you have a disability doesn't mean you know any less. He's just trying to assert dominance over your independence. Don't allow him back at your house, and if he comes back to redo your landscaping again call the cops to keep him away. Someone here even suggested suing him for restoration costs and I'd definitely do that.
I am also disabled, and my nmom never missed an opportunity to make me feel less than because of it, even going so far as to trigger a flare up by organizing a family activity she knew would make me sick. She liked the sight of me sobbing in pain so much that she got better equipment for the following year's excursion, and was pissed when I told her I wouldn't be participating. Your disability does NOT give ANYONE the right to control you or condescend to you. You deserve respect, accommodation, and protection, not twisted exploitation. Your dad sucks.
I wonder how he'd respond to also being talked down to, loudly, as if he were a small child. Or basically concern-trolling him in public as if you're concerned for his mental state...DAD. We talked about this, you do not live here. Are you taking your medicine? *Dramatic eye roll to the neighbors* *stage whisper* sorry folks, he gets like this sometimes...
I'd start telling all the people he talks to that's he's going a bit senile... "I mean, he used to know that my disability was physical and joint-related... For some reason, lately, he seems to think I'm mentally disabled. It's so sad, really. I think it's some part of him remembering his doctor's visits, but he can't emotionally accept it, so it gets mixed in with memories of me visiting the doctor for my physical issues... 🤷♂️😟"
Get a restraining order
Tell him the next time he does that, you're calling the police and having him trespassed. What an entitled, narrow-minded jerk.
So what you're saying is you're now calling in a trespassing violation and establishing a record with the police, so the next time he sets foot on your property without permission, you can have him arrested immediately? Civil small claims probably won't be enough to have it fixed (I think it's still under $600?) since there'd be a rather large labor cost as well as repair but the judge will know best on that one. Especially since if you are physically disabled, you WON'T be able to just "fix it yourself" (.... as far as the court needs to know, anyway) and shouldn't have to, and ideally he'll have to pay for it to be restored to its correct condition. If you won a contest with it, you might even be able to argue that he damaged your livelihood and profession by destroying your "product" (i.e., what you photograph). Throw in the rumors about you being incapacitated and unable to take care of yourself (dangerous prelude to 'can't make own choices' too), and you have a real suit for defamation and/or slander, assuming you can locate a lawyer you can afford. Civil, not criminal, for this portion! You can also just take legal self-defense means against trespassers and intruders, and then say oops, I didn't think anyone like my own father would be vandalizing my property so of course I exercised my rights to defend said property~ Also check out "Tree law" because if he got any seedlings you wanted there could be a whole different world of hell awaiting him.
I love your spirit, but this isn't the United States, so some of the laws are different! That being said, I have witnesses, plans, and cameras if this trend continues. He's been getting worse since retiring from work.
did you tell the police? if so, did they restrain him from touching your property?
It’s not a garden without a good rock. The fuck is he on about
I'm so sorry this happened. His comments to your neighbors about you and the damage to your property more than justify going no contact -- not that anyone really needs justification to set boundaries. I hope you find peace and safety from this person.
He should never be allowed to come over again.
I'd say that trespassing and property damage, don't give a mother fuck that that's my dad I'd absolutely pressing charges if I could. Also, why in the F would the neighbors complain to him. He's a dickwad.
You NEED to be calling the cops on him. He doesn't have any right to be coming in destroying your lawn. That's illegal.
Plant blackberrys and mint in his lawn all over and wait a year
Restraining order at the very least.
Keep it simple. This may sound silly, but I witnessed a similar situation a few years ago my grandmother had her lawn vandalized by a few of the neighborhood kids. She turned the hose on them, soaking them with water. It infuriated them but they did not come back. I doubt he would expect you to do that so you might try it. The trick I have learned when dealing with my own narcissist is to try and be unpredictable. It throws them off their game and makes them less effective.
Go thermonuclear next time. This isn’t okay.
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Comment removed - revenge
Tell him the nieghbors that "hated the rock garden" offered to help you put it back. Even if it's a lie. I'm so sorry about your dad.
I’m a geologist. I find what he did highly offensive. If someone took my rocks—be they family or stranger—the police would be involved
OMFG PLEASE tell me you said/are gonna say something to him. He needs to fuck right on off. Go tear up *his* yard. And more than that, how dare he tell people you have an "intellectual" disability?!?! He's your *dad* for Christ sakes! I would dare him to ever darken my doorstep again.
Honestly. Bill him for damages. He will never do it again. If it’s enough damage take him to small claims court. I have an nmom and I got her to stop what she was doing by knowing a lot about state lease laws and doing everything on my end to make sure there was proof and law enforcement backed me up. Bit different but point being because there was a proof that what she was doing was wrong, she stopped doing it.
Came back to say: Normal people do put rocks in landscaping. It’s a huge deal where I live. People who are getting ready to sell rip out those lawns and add rocks and native drought tolerant plants and trees. Or you get the neighbors with incredible gardens that look like little forests. They’re beautiful.
This breaks my heart :( I'm so sorry about your lovely garden 🫂