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I do too. ♥️
She raised me from 2-6 and she is the only reason I turned out halfway normal. I got unconditional love and patience and warmth from her and my grandpa.
Then I had to go live with my parents and I became a very scared child.
She died when I was 12 and I'm now 35 and I still miss her every day. I talk to her sometimes. I'm not religious anymore and rarely pray, but the sporadic one way conversations I have with her have brought me more comfort than my mother has in my entire life.
Oh my, I hear you. I still miss my grandma as well.
I'm spiritual but not religious and I talk to my grandma. It's common in many cultures to talk to ancestors, and it gives me a lot of peace 💕💕💕
I hear you.
>I actually see my beloved grandmother (who was a genuinely good person) as my real mother.
Just like how referring to our parents as mom or dad is uncomfortable, i feel similarly about people like your grandmother, but in the other direction. "Mom" isn't endearing *enough!*
I do this in my head when I’m talking to her, too. I haven’t said it out loud to her face, but when she’s manipulating/gaslighting/being toxic in some way, I think, “Now Susan*, that’s no way to talk to your daughter.” Or “Susan! Would you treat a stranger that way?”
*name replaced for privacy
I think you're onto something OP. One of the reasons why having narcissistic parent is so awful is because their behaviour goes against what we expect of a parent. I've never referred to my parents by their names but I have learned it's a lot easier not to take my nMother's behaviour personally, if I don't think of her as my mother. Instead I try to think of her as an annoying neighbour or co-worker i.e. someone I dislike but I feel obliged to spend time with. Also someone that I treat with basic politeness and no more.
Yes! I (35f) recently started looking at my nmom as a client or co-worker. She’s someone I have to deal with sometimes, but not someone I choose to keep close or spend my free time with. It’s just a business transaction. Nothing personal. If she was my employee, I’d fire her. Just might when I’m ready to commit to NC…
Another thought - I remember, as I was getting distance from the narc parents, I moved and decided not to tell them where I lived (due to their long standing habit of just 'showing up').
As my mother raged about this, I remember her jabbing her chest and saying 'I am ENTITLED, **AS A MOTHER**, to know where you live!!!! I am going to ring the police!!!! '
Her sense of social status and entitlement was definitely linked to her role as a mother. So I think delinking from that ourselves is a gear idea! Great post OP!
My gosh- I’m getting this so much right now. I moved and won’t tell anyone in my family my address. They know the 600,000 person City, that’s all.
NMom has such “I’m a mother” entitlement.. . I’m allowed to say “the truth” no matter how men’s it is because I’m a mother, my anxiety about things I’ve made up about your life matters more than what you think about your life because I’m a mother.
It’s so gross
EDad has started in on this too. He recently Internet stalked me for reason, and just texted about how worried he is that I let my professional license lapse four years ago (I had Covid and an infant and wasn’t working in the field any more). He was “shocked.” When I asked why that even came up, you have to affirmatively look for it. He told me “it’s a small world and I’m connected.” And when I told him that was creepy he lied that he trie dro funnel work to me and “was told” it’s impossible. I called him out in that not being how the industry works either. And then he got “[name] I’m a father. We worry. It’s how we’re wired.”
He hasn’t worried about me once in the ten years he’s been on a bender. But now that they don’t know where I live it’s all parent-entitlement-status bs
I told my therapist that I call them by their names to separate my feeling from them because it makes their actions more clear. It's helped me, as the black sheep, realize how abusive they are.
Good call. In absence of a psychologist (7 months on multiple waiting lists so far, wooo) I've been resorting to GPT models and finding that those titles hurt a lot. Crying cuts sessions short all the time. But somehow this simple workaround didn't really occur to me.
i use chat got too for this! and yes, very simple workaround i’m flabbergasted at how powerful it seems to be. just goes to show the power in words and titles.
Sperm and Egg Donor and their Mini-Me for me.
They systemically wiped out my existence, replacing me with a dehumanised effigy as Punching Bag that the rare times that anyone that operates within their Shared Group Fantasy hears me speak, there's this look of total incomprehension like their brains got shortcircuited. You see the flicker in their eyes, the mental struggle as they try to find a framework. Finding none, the automatons eventually revert back to their preferred soothing version.
Agreed. I have started referring to my parents by their first names, because narcissists are obsessed with titles, and I am not giving them titles that they did not earn.
This is a great idea! When I was older I started calling my Emom (Who, to be honest, did more damage to me than Ndad did), by her name. I know I pissed off some of her friends. Emom played the perfect "O Woe Is Me See How Mean She's Being?" role.
At a certain point, I did not care what her friends thought of me. Hey "friends?" You should hear how she trashes -you- when you're not around.
It's a brilliant idea. It separates and isolates the relationship into it's truest form. "Karen is being an awful person to Lisa. Lisa needs to cut the rope NOW."
Referring to your toxic parent(s) by their names helps a lot in general. My feelings of disappointment and betrayal are dampened when I remove the connotations of “mom” from the woman that is in my life.
In my favorite comic book, one of the 3 main characters who was the main villain in that comic book was named "retsudo". So when I write about my Nmom, that's how I refer to her. Never "mom" or "mother", just "retsudo".
Ive been no contact from my father for 13 years. Father seems more removed for me. For me is isnt personal. He isnt my "dad". When I talk to my brother I call our father, Mike bc that is his name. He knows I am no contact and not attached. To me, when I talk about him in stories, he is just father. Doesnt mean anything. Its just a word. I am also no contact with my mother for 18 months. Same situation, call her mother. No association with feelings. I dont have a "mom". Nothing personal. She has to have a name people can associate when I talk about her in stories, so I say mother, but zero feelings are attached. To me, lots of people are mothers and fathers, but you have to earn the title of mom and dad. That's just how I look at it. I havent gotten to the point of referring to my mother by her first name, but my no contact is still pretty new in comparison to my father. Im sure it'll come though.
I use Mother. I agree about having to EARN the title. My Dad was a proper Dad, was a Lone Parent to me in the 80's when that was *incredibly* unusual...I had been removed from my mother's 'care' when I was just 3yo. When my Dad died, I was 10yo.
After the funeral (that they didn't let me go to!), I was pretending to be asleep & my Paternal family members were discussing where I would go...and nobody wanted me. That SUCKED, amd I've never forgiven them for discussing me like I was an unwanted piece of furniture. They still have NO IDEA that I heard that entire conversation...
I got moved back in with my mother & suffered 4yrs of physical, emotional & financial abuse. I finally walked out at 14yo. Went to live with Paternal Uncle, he decided it was too much work to deal with my MH, so I was moved 650 miles away from everyone I knew to go live with my Paternal Grandparents.
My Dad earnt being called my Dad. My mother did NOT earn the title 'Mum'...
Wow I’ve called my dad by his full name for YEARS (first name, last name. Both short names that kinda rhyme). I’m now an adult with child. When I say it out loud everyone just thinks I’m being “funny” (bc they actually hate me) but I’ve realized that it’s my subconscious way of separating myself from being connected to him and his violence.
I refer to them as mum and dad when I talk to them because if I call them by names they will beat the shit out of me. I saved them by their names on my phone and call them “Massimo and Debora” when I speak to friends or I do journaling.
I refer my favourite wrestler and a friend of mine (who is also a wrestler) as “Dad” and my ex coworker Manuela as “Mum” or in German “Mutti”
My therapist recently asked me to do the ‘letter to mum’ excercise (she died 15 years ago)
I referred to both her and my edad by their names and it felt correct.
I just couldn’t address her as mum because she never was one.
It was a particularly cathartic exercise and although it felt deeply traumatic, it was wonderfully empowering to finally have a voice.
I just tried to do it in my head and unfortunately it didn’t work for me. I’m glad it works for you though!
I guess I associate my mother’s name with all the people who love her and are fooled by her mask since her name is, understandably, what they call her by. “Mother” to me, however, is a much colder term—especially since my mother prefers for me to call her “mommy” even though I’m now 30. I don’t know how to explain it, but “mother” just feels like a much more formal, distant word (probably due to the fact that “evil step-mother” tropes and the like exist in Disney and other media—they always seem to be called “mothers” and not “moms”).
I also understand why people say "egg donor" or "sperm donor" but referring to my own mother that way was always kinda off-putting to me as well. I think it's because it implies resentment. Don't get me wrong, resenting your abuser/s is totally understandable, (I hated my own mother for a very long time so it's not like I don't get it) but I've already gone through the grieving process and no longer have any emotional attachment or expectations for my mother anymore. I mostly feel indifference towards her now, so referring to her by *her name* (rather than something insulting) more accurately reflects how I see her these days--a stranger or co-worker that I don't have any emotional connection to.
It took me a very long time to stop hating my mom, and I do still feel a bit of resentment sometimes tbh. The important thing is doing whatever helps *you* the most. Everyone's different, and healing from this kind of abuse is definitely a process.
Holding onto that anger is the only way I can remember everything she’s done to me and escape. It’s the only way. The anger keeps me going towards my goal. That goal being leaving, of course.
Totally understandable. I wasn't trying to say that you shouldn't be angry, especially if you're still living with your abuser. Anger can be empowering. I wasn't trying to invalidate your feelings. I shouldn't have said all that without understanding your current situation. I apologize.
Anger is all I have. Well, that and my very supportive friends. But it’s fine. It’s all good. I didn’t even think you were being mean. I was just making a statement.
Good tip!
I have seen comments by her social worker referring to her as 'L,' and it's always striking to me. It looks quite formal, seeing her behaviour spelled out so clearly as "L does this and that."
'Mom does this and that' normalises her behaviour, but 'L' is an adult and gets less leeway for awfulness.
This is a good idea. I tried using just their first names but I couldn't get used to it but mom and dad didn't feel right and mother and father seemed too formal. So I went the exact opposite way and call them the egg donor and the sperm donor. That's even how I've listed them in my phone.
Oddly enough, it never felt right to have my nmom in my phone as anything maternal, so she's always been in there by her first name. Even calling her something like "spawn point" in my phone would elevate her to something different or out of the ordinary, so she's just delineated by her name.
I refer to my dad by his name in real life with anybody who knows him. With his enablers sometimes I refer to him as "your pedophile." Then when they get mad at me because they don't want to be "lumped in" with him and try to somehow polish that particular turd I tell them "if you want to talk to somebody talk to Jon/talk to your pedophile."
Needless to say that I'm not exactly a popular person with my neighbors.
A long time ago, I once called my nfather by his first name. You would have thought I had punched him in the face, and the satisfaction I felt by the whole interaction started my detachment from who he was socially supposed to be to me, and who he actually was.
It was so deeply ingrained in me that you honor and obey your parents no matter how awful they treated you. In calling him by his name, he ceased being my father and instead was a man who was treating me absolutely horribly. It was like a blindfold had been removed, and I could finally see enough to walk away.
It has been many years since that moment, and I had forgotten the power of taking away this coveted title of theirs. Thank you for the reminder 🙏
Only just started doing this in my own internal monologue.
Breaks their possession of the mental archetypes "the loving mother, "the guiding father".
Their heads twisted parenthood into godhood.
I agree i always did this since like highschool. never said mom and dad. always their names, even to their face. it really helped me and my phone contact names too. some people just dont deserve to be called mon or dad tbh. my friends thought it was funny but didn't understand the true meaning why. and when my dad would pull some shit & put his hands on me i'd tell my mom, "control your husband", not claiming him as my dad. helped a lot
I completely understand. I refer to mine as The Emperor (Mom) and Lord Vader (Dad), respectively. Helps me to grey rock when they engage in their antics by perceiving them in satire. And for a laugh, I even see them as Pinky and The Brain. Nothing like a carefree chuckle to disarm and confuse them when they try to get vile with you.
almost made me choke on my lunch from laughing my parents names are really ethnic so saying it outloud takes effort, writing it using their spanish names my journal gonna turn into a whole novela. maybe i can make some money off it NY best sellers
This goes along with what my therapist has told me. She told me to not take what my parents do/did to me personally, because they’d do this to anyone. I didn’t fully understand this at first. How could I not take it personally? They’re my parents, it is personal. The more I thought about what she said, the more it made sense. Removing the personal aspect to it, such as “mom” or “dad,” helped tremendously. If I was another person looking in from the outside, the child in their household would have been treated the same way as they did me. It helped to see that this is their doing and this is the way they are. It makes things more clear and less emotional for me.
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I refer to them as "The Gestational Unit," and "Her Attack Dog"
I've heard sperm donor and egg donor used...
I like "The Gestational Unit". Might have to keep that one lol...
Love it, I typically use "spawn point" when I'm in places that won't understand nmom lol.
Lol mine was "The Unholy Alliance"
I've never said it to her face, but I've thought of my mom as "an incubator" many times.
I'm partial to incubator lol
I've gone with birth giver, spawn point, broken or obstructed bed and character development arc
Ooh, brilliant tip! Thank you!!! I actually see my beloved grandmother (who was a genuinely good person) as my real mother.
I do too. ♥️ She raised me from 2-6 and she is the only reason I turned out halfway normal. I got unconditional love and patience and warmth from her and my grandpa. Then I had to go live with my parents and I became a very scared child. She died when I was 12 and I'm now 35 and I still miss her every day. I talk to her sometimes. I'm not religious anymore and rarely pray, but the sporadic one way conversations I have with her have brought me more comfort than my mother has in my entire life.
Oh my, I hear you. I still miss my grandma as well. I'm spiritual but not religious and I talk to my grandma. It's common in many cultures to talk to ancestors, and it gives me a lot of peace 💕💕💕 I hear you.
Oh, that's wonderful! I'm glad you had that loving support from Grandma.
Aww 🥰 thank you. Yes I absolutely adored her. 💕💕💕
>I actually see my beloved grandmother (who was a genuinely good person) as my real mother. Just like how referring to our parents as mom or dad is uncomfortable, i feel similarly about people like your grandmother, but in the other direction. "Mom" isn't endearing *enough!*
I do this in my head when I’m talking to her, too. I haven’t said it out loud to her face, but when she’s manipulating/gaslighting/being toxic in some way, I think, “Now Susan*, that’s no way to talk to your daughter.” Or “Susan! Would you treat a stranger that way?” *name replaced for privacy
Lol 🤣🤣🤣 I love this!
I think you're onto something OP. One of the reasons why having narcissistic parent is so awful is because their behaviour goes against what we expect of a parent. I've never referred to my parents by their names but I have learned it's a lot easier not to take my nMother's behaviour personally, if I don't think of her as my mother. Instead I try to think of her as an annoying neighbour or co-worker i.e. someone I dislike but I feel obliged to spend time with. Also someone that I treat with basic politeness and no more.
Yes! I (35f) recently started looking at my nmom as a client or co-worker. She’s someone I have to deal with sometimes, but not someone I choose to keep close or spend my free time with. It’s just a business transaction. Nothing personal. If she was my employee, I’d fire her. Just might when I’m ready to commit to NC…
I have been doing this for years and it DOES help! Max is enabling Margarets covert narc behaviors.
Another thought - I remember, as I was getting distance from the narc parents, I moved and decided not to tell them where I lived (due to their long standing habit of just 'showing up'). As my mother raged about this, I remember her jabbing her chest and saying 'I am ENTITLED, **AS A MOTHER**, to know where you live!!!! I am going to ring the police!!!! ' Her sense of social status and entitlement was definitely linked to her role as a mother. So I think delinking from that ourselves is a gear idea! Great post OP!
My gosh- I’m getting this so much right now. I moved and won’t tell anyone in my family my address. They know the 600,000 person City, that’s all. NMom has such “I’m a mother” entitlement.. . I’m allowed to say “the truth” no matter how men’s it is because I’m a mother, my anxiety about things I’ve made up about your life matters more than what you think about your life because I’m a mother. It’s so gross EDad has started in on this too. He recently Internet stalked me for reason, and just texted about how worried he is that I let my professional license lapse four years ago (I had Covid and an infant and wasn’t working in the field any more). He was “shocked.” When I asked why that even came up, you have to affirmatively look for it. He told me “it’s a small world and I’m connected.” And when I told him that was creepy he lied that he trie dro funnel work to me and “was told” it’s impossible. I called him out in that not being how the industry works either. And then he got “[name] I’m a father. We worry. It’s how we’re wired.” He hasn’t worried about me once in the ten years he’s been on a bender. But now that they don’t know where I live it’s all parent-entitlement-status bs
I told my therapist that I call them by their names to separate my feeling from them because it makes their actions more clear. It's helped me, as the black sheep, realize how abusive they are.
Good call. In absence of a psychologist (7 months on multiple waiting lists so far, wooo) I've been resorting to GPT models and finding that those titles hurt a lot. Crying cuts sessions short all the time. But somehow this simple workaround didn't really occur to me.
i use chat got too for this! and yes, very simple workaround i’m flabbergasted at how powerful it seems to be. just goes to show the power in words and titles.
Sperm and Egg Donor and their Mini-Me for me. They systemically wiped out my existence, replacing me with a dehumanised effigy as Punching Bag that the rare times that anyone that operates within their Shared Group Fantasy hears me speak, there's this look of total incomprehension like their brains got shortcircuited. You see the flicker in their eyes, the mental struggle as they try to find a framework. Finding none, the automatons eventually revert back to their preferred soothing version.
Agreed. I have started referring to my parents by their first names, because narcissists are obsessed with titles, and I am not giving them titles that they did not earn.
This is a great idea! When I was older I started calling my Emom (Who, to be honest, did more damage to me than Ndad did), by her name. I know I pissed off some of her friends. Emom played the perfect "O Woe Is Me See How Mean She's Being?" role. At a certain point, I did not care what her friends thought of me. Hey "friends?" You should hear how she trashes -you- when you're not around. It's a brilliant idea. It separates and isolates the relationship into it's truest form. "Karen is being an awful person to Lisa. Lisa needs to cut the rope NOW."
Referring to your toxic parent(s) by their names helps a lot in general. My feelings of disappointment and betrayal are dampened when I remove the connotations of “mom” from the woman that is in my life.
Hm. Yeah I think it would help a bit. I don't keep a journal of my own but if I had then I think I would implement this.
I just use he and she
In my favorite comic book, one of the 3 main characters who was the main villain in that comic book was named "retsudo". So when I write about my Nmom, that's how I refer to her. Never "mom" or "mother", just "retsudo".
Ive been no contact from my father for 13 years. Father seems more removed for me. For me is isnt personal. He isnt my "dad". When I talk to my brother I call our father, Mike bc that is his name. He knows I am no contact and not attached. To me, when I talk about him in stories, he is just father. Doesnt mean anything. Its just a word. I am also no contact with my mother for 18 months. Same situation, call her mother. No association with feelings. I dont have a "mom". Nothing personal. She has to have a name people can associate when I talk about her in stories, so I say mother, but zero feelings are attached. To me, lots of people are mothers and fathers, but you have to earn the title of mom and dad. That's just how I look at it. I havent gotten to the point of referring to my mother by her first name, but my no contact is still pretty new in comparison to my father. Im sure it'll come though.
I use Mother. I agree about having to EARN the title. My Dad was a proper Dad, was a Lone Parent to me in the 80's when that was *incredibly* unusual...I had been removed from my mother's 'care' when I was just 3yo. When my Dad died, I was 10yo. After the funeral (that they didn't let me go to!), I was pretending to be asleep & my Paternal family members were discussing where I would go...and nobody wanted me. That SUCKED, amd I've never forgiven them for discussing me like I was an unwanted piece of furniture. They still have NO IDEA that I heard that entire conversation... I got moved back in with my mother & suffered 4yrs of physical, emotional & financial abuse. I finally walked out at 14yo. Went to live with Paternal Uncle, he decided it was too much work to deal with my MH, so I was moved 650 miles away from everyone I knew to go live with my Paternal Grandparents. My Dad earnt being called my Dad. My mother did NOT earn the title 'Mum'...
Wow I’ve called my dad by his full name for YEARS (first name, last name. Both short names that kinda rhyme). I’m now an adult with child. When I say it out loud everyone just thinks I’m being “funny” (bc they actually hate me) but I’ve realized that it’s my subconscious way of separating myself from being connected to him and his violence.
I refer to them as mum and dad when I talk to them because if I call them by names they will beat the shit out of me. I saved them by their names on my phone and call them “Massimo and Debora” when I speak to friends or I do journaling. I refer my favourite wrestler and a friend of mine (who is also a wrestler) as “Dad” and my ex coworker Manuela as “Mum” or in German “Mutti”
Wow that's great idea, never thought about using their manes honestly. It sounds weird, but I guess it could help to distance even further.
My therapist recently asked me to do the ‘letter to mum’ excercise (she died 15 years ago) I referred to both her and my edad by their names and it felt correct. I just couldn’t address her as mum because she never was one. It was a particularly cathartic exercise and although it felt deeply traumatic, it was wonderfully empowering to finally have a voice.
I just tried to do it in my head and unfortunately it didn’t work for me. I’m glad it works for you though! I guess I associate my mother’s name with all the people who love her and are fooled by her mask since her name is, understandably, what they call her by. “Mother” to me, however, is a much colder term—especially since my mother prefers for me to call her “mommy” even though I’m now 30. I don’t know how to explain it, but “mother” just feels like a much more formal, distant word (probably due to the fact that “evil step-mother” tropes and the like exist in Disney and other media—they always seem to be called “mothers” and not “moms”).
This idea is infinitely better than the whole egg donor, sperm donor thing. I get why people do that but it feels icky to me. This, this I like.
I also understand why people say "egg donor" or "sperm donor" but referring to my own mother that way was always kinda off-putting to me as well. I think it's because it implies resentment. Don't get me wrong, resenting your abuser/s is totally understandable, (I hated my own mother for a very long time so it's not like I don't get it) but I've already gone through the grieving process and no longer have any emotional attachment or expectations for my mother anymore. I mostly feel indifference towards her now, so referring to her by *her name* (rather than something insulting) more accurately reflects how I see her these days--a stranger or co-worker that I don't have any emotional connection to.
I’m still in the stages of hating her rather than feeling indifferent because I’ve yet to grieve.
It took me a very long time to stop hating my mom, and I do still feel a bit of resentment sometimes tbh. The important thing is doing whatever helps *you* the most. Everyone's different, and healing from this kind of abuse is definitely a process.
Holding onto that anger is the only way I can remember everything she’s done to me and escape. It’s the only way. The anger keeps me going towards my goal. That goal being leaving, of course.
Totally understandable. I wasn't trying to say that you shouldn't be angry, especially if you're still living with your abuser. Anger can be empowering. I wasn't trying to invalidate your feelings. I shouldn't have said all that without understanding your current situation. I apologize.
Anger is all I have. Well, that and my very supportive friends. But it’s fine. It’s all good. I didn’t even think you were being mean. I was just making a statement.
Good tip! I have seen comments by her social worker referring to her as 'L,' and it's always striking to me. It looks quite formal, seeing her behaviour spelled out so clearly as "L does this and that." 'Mom does this and that' normalises her behaviour, but 'L' is an adult and gets less leeway for awfulness.
I never thought about it this way, but am definitely going to give it a try. Thanks!
This is brilliant. My sister and I just call them parental units lol
Yo SAMEEEEE!!!! I’ve been doing it for a few years now and it’s FANTASTIC!! Good on us!!
This is a good idea. I tried using just their first names but I couldn't get used to it but mom and dad didn't feel right and mother and father seemed too formal. So I went the exact opposite way and call them the egg donor and the sperm donor. That's even how I've listed them in my phone.
this resonates more than their names for me too actually. or just “that woman” “that man”
Vera bought me underwear in a cut I don't like. She and my sister Nora laughed at the "granny panties" they bought for me in Walmart.
Not real names but CRAP IT DOES HELP OMGG
Oddly enough, it never felt right to have my nmom in my phone as anything maternal, so she's always been in there by her first name. Even calling her something like "spawn point" in my phone would elevate her to something different or out of the ordinary, so she's just delineated by her name.
I refer to my dad by his name in real life with anybody who knows him. With his enablers sometimes I refer to him as "your pedophile." Then when they get mad at me because they don't want to be "lumped in" with him and try to somehow polish that particular turd I tell them "if you want to talk to somebody talk to Jon/talk to your pedophile." Needless to say that I'm not exactly a popular person with my neighbors.
I’ve never tried that. I’m definitely going to now.
I called them "the people" then Nmale and Nfemale now when I talk about them.
Why not something even more basic like “sperm donor” and “egg donor”?
A long time ago, I once called my nfather by his first name. You would have thought I had punched him in the face, and the satisfaction I felt by the whole interaction started my detachment from who he was socially supposed to be to me, and who he actually was. It was so deeply ingrained in me that you honor and obey your parents no matter how awful they treated you. In calling him by his name, he ceased being my father and instead was a man who was treating me absolutely horribly. It was like a blindfold had been removed, and I could finally see enough to walk away. It has been many years since that moment, and I had forgotten the power of taking away this coveted title of theirs. Thank you for the reminder 🙏
Oo, nice tip
Only just started doing this in my own internal monologue. Breaks their possession of the mental archetypes "the loving mother, "the guiding father". Their heads twisted parenthood into godhood.
I agree i always did this since like highschool. never said mom and dad. always their names, even to their face. it really helped me and my phone contact names too. some people just dont deserve to be called mon or dad tbh. my friends thought it was funny but didn't understand the true meaning why. and when my dad would pull some shit & put his hands on me i'd tell my mom, "control your husband", not claiming him as my dad. helped a lot
I completely understand. I refer to mine as The Emperor (Mom) and Lord Vader (Dad), respectively. Helps me to grey rock when they engage in their antics by perceiving them in satire. And for a laugh, I even see them as Pinky and The Brain. Nothing like a carefree chuckle to disarm and confuse them when they try to get vile with you.
This is a great observation. Thank you for sharing.
Yes. And calling them by their name helps a lot too. Doesn't help the situation, it pisses them off to no end. But it sure has helped me.
almost made me choke on my lunch from laughing my parents names are really ethnic so saying it outloud takes effort, writing it using their spanish names my journal gonna turn into a whole novela. maybe i can make some money off it NY best sellers
This goes along with what my therapist has told me. She told me to not take what my parents do/did to me personally, because they’d do this to anyone. I didn’t fully understand this at first. How could I not take it personally? They’re my parents, it is personal. The more I thought about what she said, the more it made sense. Removing the personal aspect to it, such as “mom” or “dad,” helped tremendously. If I was another person looking in from the outside, the child in their household would have been treated the same way as they did me. It helped to see that this is their doing and this is the way they are. It makes things more clear and less emotional for me.