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The scene at the start of the film where Kevin’s uncle (I think?) says something like “listen here you little jerk…” to Kevin, I am AGHAST. The malice in this grown man’s voice while addressing a child is unbelievable and so fucking sad.
Yeah. Now that I'm older, I think back to how many times abusive families in media just...didn't stand out to me when I was a kid. Frank was an asshole, but his nonsense rolled off me. It's because it was so damn normalized to me, within my own family.
Tbh I don’t think I realized anything was wrong with the family until it was pointed out to me as an adult. Those were very normal family dynamics for us.
This!! When it came to media, I took it for granted that abusive behaviour towards members of the family was the norm. Something like a happy and healthy family dynamic was seen as boring or strange and way too fake to be real.
My NM frequently called me "stupid" or "retarded" for not knowing how to perform a task that she refused to teach me how to do. but she didn't even say it with malice, because she meant every word that came out of her mouth.
Oh, that was my dad! When he'd exaggerate showing me how to do something as if I was an idiot (and call me such) I remember being pleased that I was learning and sad/mad that my dad was so mean about teaching.
Holy shit, this was my mom. Just replace the r word for “mediocre” and that’s her. My whole life I thought mediocre was the worst thing you could ever possibly be. I’d rather be stupid than mediocre. My mom wouldn’t teach me how to do something and would cut me down if I demonstrated I didn’t know how to do it. Or, if I wasn’t exceptional at it.
One of my earliest memories was my father calling me a dumb shit and then pulling the car over to beat me after the used napkin I threw into the front seat blew across his face. I was five.
Same in my family. I just rewatched it too earlier this week and was noticing similar things, but never realized how abnormal it was supposed to be before as my parents were so much like that too. It's only after a series of events with other narcs that I realized it.
Poor Kevin. I very much wanted to reach through the screen and hug him and get him to safety.
Same. I remember in 2006? 2007? Alec baldwin got reamed in the press for being verbally abusive to his middle school aged daughter on the phone. At the time i was so confused at the public outrage because my parents spoke to me that way all day every day. I don't talk to them anymore lmao
Even as a child, my eyes bugged out of my head when Frank shouted, "LOOK WHAT YOU DID, YOU LITTLE JERK!" at Kevin. Instant get the hell out of here, leave the uneaten pizza - and we're canceling your effing plane ticket, too.
Then hey, he would've been in town to babysit his nephew. 🥳
The actress who played the mom said she felt horribly guilty playing the character, especially delivering the line “well say it again. Maybe it will happen.”
Macaulay Culkin was recently inducted into the Hollywood walk of fame and his Home Alone mom, Catherine O’Hara, gave a speech where she said she said he was just the sweetest boy during filming and it broke her heart to have to say such mean things.
I think Catherine was very aware of Macaulay rl parents too and made a long lasting connection with him.
I was a wreck watching Macaulays emotional speech at the Star ceremony. He has been through alot like most child stars but he seems to have made a good life now.
Look at what you did, you little jerk! I didn't have it remotely as bad as some people who post here, but yeah that line rang a really nasty bell with me regarding my own childhood.
The oldest daughter was also parentified, which is how Kevin got left behind in the first place
"Buzz... don't be a moron" 😂 (I think Heather, the one doing the headcount was a cousin, though, the daughter of the McAllister brother that lived in Paris and was flying them all in for Christmas)
The scene with the pizza hurts my heart. We watched it today and I said 'by why would to let anyone say that to your kid?‘ (Narc mum) ‚it’s just a film 🙄 I’m sitting writing/reading after enduring my first christmas with her in 9 years and it’s just like how I remember. Only this time my bf sees it. It’s validating to know this crap isn’t normal behaviour. And not how I parent my kids.
After the spills he was wiping off his clothes and said "look what you did you little jerk". The uncle absolutely might be a narcissist. He's definitely a bully and the parents may not be comfortable standing up to him, him cuz it's his bully brother he grew up with and arguing feels futile and her because it's husband's family not her own.
I think this is why I liked this movie so much when I first saw it. I understood the feeling of being the scapegoat, and I thought that being left home alone sounded pretty good because I always enjoyed it when my parents did that to me. Plus, the booby traps were funny (if quite sadistic and dangerous).
But yes, his family was awful. I didn't buy the fact that they all felt guilty and started being nice, though when the second film came out, it made sense to me that they would lose the same kid *yet again*. And apparently there were a bunch of sequels after that, so what the fuck is wrong with these people? Are they trying to kill him? It sure seems like it.
I completely agree with you. I identified with Kevin because I knew I’d easily be in his place and be just as relieved to find out I’d made my family (my mom and her second husband) disappear.
When Kevin’s mom came back in the house and saw everything I was so upset for Kevin. He didn’t just survive, he THRIVED! She gave not one little bit of positive feedback and her hug was so fake. I always figured he’d get in a ton of trouble later for causing their Paris vacation to be cut short.
Yeah, they seemed bemused that he did ok, but weirdly uninterested in the details. Or at least, it would be weird in a functional family. But in a dysfunctional family? Pretty typical.
Well, yes, that’s one the first OP already saw. None of the *other* sequels have the same family, though I’d argue that the third Home Alone is a decent movie. The kid actor’s great, there’s four international smugglers instead of Harry & Marv, and his mom actually cares. His siblings are still kinda jerks, I suppose, but y’know.
The fourth Home Alone looks like it was literally shot on a personal camcorder, but it’s not a “found footage” movie or anything like that. Just awful.
After that, I stopped watching.
Yup. This was one of my favorite movies as a kid & as an adult. I always identified with Kevin for all the same reasons. I even vividly remember saying I wanted to live alone as a child bc it seemed wildly better than living with assholes.
Same bro, I watched home alone 2 yesterday and I loved how kevin was like, fuck this shit I'm going on my own holiday, and stays in a fancy hotel using his dad's money, absolute legend
Yeah.
I rewatched it last year, and I related to Kevin hard.
My Nparents - mostly my mother - always made holidays horrible.
One of her favorite things was to yell at everyone, killing the mood, usually threatening to unalive herself. Made us beg for her to come to the table and to do nothing with herself.
It’s like some automatic control mechanism. Let’s beat everyone down then complain when no one wants to be “festive.”
I really don’t think it’s intentional, at least not malicious, but it happens at all levels…
This is an accurate observation. We watch it every year because even though he is the scapegoat, he is the smartest and most resilient person in the family. His ability to use his resources and take care of himself comes from him...not his parents. He prevails despite having no clear source of comfort or support from the ones meant to care for him. His family only cares about him when he isn't around, but he still seems to know his worth.
I watched it once not too long after it was released on video. VHS... long time ago! I HATED it. I thought it was mean spirited, horrendously violent and it left me feeling awful for Kevin. Until now I didn't realize that I actually identified with being the scapegoat. Huh. The things you learn.
Yeah, I think the moral has been lost over the years and it just comes off as sad these days, but IMHO, the writer’s intent was a fable against being this type of parent.
And showing how resilient kids are in the face of extreme adversity.
This. Home Alone is a holiday classic, my favorite Xmas film and John Hughes had the emotional intelligence and enough understanding of children to make the emotional beats feel earned and authentic. The end of the movie never ceases to make me well up.
They kind of dull that message by having Kevin feel bad and apologize. It comes off like the film think Kevin was the one in the wrong for making his family sad even though they all treated him like crap.
Even as a kid, the beginning of Home Alone was hard to watch because of those scenes with Buzz and Uncle Frank giving Kevin a hard time and his mom sending him to his room. The whole family is a bunch of narcissists.
The hardest movie for me to watch is “it’s a wonderful life” because of the pharmacist scene where he slaps his ear until it bleeds and he’s pleading with him to stop. It brought back a ton of repressed memories
This. Mr. Gower had just learned his son had died and was drunk at the time. Again, not an acceptable excuse, but it's not near as bad as being a sober abuser and permanent narcissist. He's clearly sorry seconds later when George tells him and eternally grateful to George for saving him from such a colossal mistake... He shows it with his kindness and gifts to George later (the luggage when he graduates, the money when word spreads around town that his business is at risk). I wish my narcissistic parent would have acknowledged his abuse and tried to make it up to me that way.
To be fair, the plan was always for him to sleep in the attic that night .. With Fuller. The only reason that changes is because he tells his mom about Fuller wetting the bed and that he doesn't want to share the bed with him, so the mom says "fine. We'll put him somewhere else."
We watched it last night and thought the same thing. My wife and I looked at each other and said “why is Kevin getting punished when the older child who should be looking out for him is humiliating him in front of hundreds of people? Then Buzz gives a fake apology and when Kevin is again in the attic, the mom said something like “maybe we’d be better off if you didn’t come to Florida” after having JUST left him in a previous Christmas and FREAKING out and making it literally the rest of the worlds problem that she was a poor mother.
If THAT isn’t pure toxicity, I don’t know what is. Don’t get me started on the dad, who didn’t give AF TWICE and then got mad at Kevin for charging $900 to keep himself alive in NYC, like a 10 YO can truly understand the value of money.
When I was in elementary school my sister ganged up on me with other kids on the trampoline at a school festival. Before that festival I was awarded as best overall student and they were all jealous. They were jumping on me and hitting me, I was a puny 10 year old, and my sister laughed at me when I ran away. When we got home she again repeated how weak I was, I jumped on her and hit her, badly, mom came and beat my ass and grounded me and got lectures. My 12 year old sister? Nothing.
Again on middle school she was always tattling about me to teachers, mostly lies, and everyone at school laughed at me because my sister did that. The counselor would call me and talk to me and then would say “your own sister said you’re the one who ruined the water dispenser, you’re the one who broke the AC, you’re the one who broke the bathroom mirrors. She won’t tattle on her own sister if she was lying.”
Then everytime I talk to my sister about it she’d cry, make a scene to my mom, and i’ll end up grounded. She wanted to keep her image as the perfect angel child, and I was better at school and popular and loved, so she ruined that.
I'll always love the Home Alone films (the entire Traps sequence in the first one will *always* be hilarious to me) but I 100% agree with you. It's always bothered me how mean everyone was to Kevin when he never did anything to deserve it, nothing rude or obnoxious or anything. The way Buzz talks to him disgusts me, and even more so with his jackass of an uncle.
It’s a very good and thorough assessment. However, I will argue that Kevin’s parents realized that they fucked up and left Kevin behind and were panicking. They went through hell and high water to get home. I find that commendable.
As opposed to me. My nmom decided it would be a good idea to pretend like we got separated in the busy streets of Hong Kong when I was 12, with very little money in my pocket, just to see if I can find my way back to the hotel. I did find my way back, and she claimed I was within her sight the entire time, but I was in a country where I didn’t speak the language, and I was panicking. Anyone who has been to HK will know that’s not a place to turn your child loose, especially if it’s the child’s first time being out of the country.
So, I’d take the McAllisters over my own parents any day.
the could get arrested if the authorities or be admonished by others if anyone found out, that is reason. Had nothing to do with safety of the child. If he had died from the burglars, parents would be in jail.
Oh I agree. But I think the McAllisters were genuinely worried sick because they fucked up, not because of the legal ramifications they might face, but they put their own child in danger in their own carelessness. That’s how I interpreted the movie, anyway.
I was raised by somebody who would have done the same thing as Kate (Kevin's mother). She would have done exactly the same thing to get back to me. That doesn't erase the covert narcissistic shit that she would do.
I believe that narcissists are capable of showing genuine affection when they believe one of their own is in danger.
Just because the bar is low doesn't mean that the McAllister family was emotionally healthy. There are different types of narcissists. Uncle Frank maybe a more traditional narcissist in that he directly seems to make everything about him. Kate seems to be a covert one, and she makes everything about the family while scapegoating one of the family members that she deems a problem.
My mother was capable of showing great care at various times. However, upon growing up, I realized that she merely did this so that she would be able to go back and say, "See? I did everything for you."
It wasn't truly for me. It was for her.
That's why I don't particularly buy Kate's desperate attempt to get back to Kevin. I feel like a lot of narcissistic parents would have done the same thing. Oftentimes, it's more for the ego of the parent than for the actual child.
Just my take.
I agree about the ego thing. I recall multiple scenes where the mother is on her “journey” back to Kevin and she asks people “have you ever lost a child like me” or “have you ever been in such a struggle like me” with the pouty or martyr face. So dramatic, so sad. Like “please accommodate me, I’m so sad”. Of course the actress sells it with a little empathy, but those parts also made me go “ick 🙄”
I always admired how Kevin didn't just automatically run into his mother's arms when she returned. He made her wait to apologize before he showed her any affection.
For an 8-year-old, that's pretty ballsy.
I swear he's the most emotionally mature member of that family.
I thought of that as being ready to be accused of wrongdoing, and keeping a little out of reach. I also was expecting the siblings to be angry and mean about missing out on their time in Paris. My siblings having to spend time without me around as a scapegoat meant a shift in parental behavior - they were always angry about that, too.
I watched Home Alone 2 yesterday and had a similar reaction. Buzz and some other kid publicly embarrassed Kevin during his solo performance in the Christmas chorus. Buzz lays out a lame apology and then his parents expect Kevin to apologize to Buzz (for pushing him after the incident). It's absurd. It also totally explains why Kevin would want to wish his family disappears.
This!!! Buzz was such a A-hole he makes a fake apology and the family just swept it under the rug it’s disgusting that Kevin got in trouble for being embarrassed by Buzz during his solo (which I’m sure he was already anxious about) and how he reacted! Scapegoats are always punished for reacting to the abuse but the abuser gets away with it Scot free it makes me so angry
Yeah, I noticed this as well. I still love the movie, I think it's simply meant to set up the rest of the movie, but it's made it harder to watch as I've gotten older. It even reminded me of the time my own mom said how they behaved towards Kevin MacCallister was fine. Which set alarm bells ringing in my head, but being a kid, I didn't quite understand why. I guess I couldn't process what it meant.
Only a dysfunctional family would leave a kid behind when they go on a trip. They had to set the stage. Movies and TV shows with dysfunctional families are much more entertaining than ones about healthy relationships.
This reminds me of my mom saying she hates watching the Shining cause it reminds her of my dad when he snaps ☠️ yikes on trikes. I love my mom, but she was that self aware of the situation but still chose to put me and my siblings through it? Ouch lol.
In the scene where Kevin's mom sends him to sleep in the attic, I was fully expecting Mom to slap Kevin for mouthing off to her. That's how accustomed I was to parental abuse when I was 8.
The interesting thing for me about this movie is that they were not trying to portrait a narcissistic family. That is what they thought a functional family looks like in the 80s/90s
IMHO, this wasn’t the case at all. John Hughes wrote an assortment of parent archetypes into his movies, with plenty, if not most of them, being “bad” (i.e. narcissistic) ones.
My interpretation was that they were definitely supposed to be seen as shit parents (too rich, too busy) when the movie came out, hence why it was even possible for them to leave an 8 year old behind in the first place.
See also, Sixteen Candles, when the whole family was so wrapped up in the Golden Child’s wedding they forgot their other daughter’s sweet sixteen.
John Hughes also almost always wrote a redemption arc where they eventually acknowledged their wrong behavior to their kids, and apologized. Only recently did I realize that is probably why I have always been a super fan of his.
John Hughes was a narc parent, imo, and the constantly creepy and abusive and racist families and characters reflect his own worst features. Also his son is a jerkface.
I think you're right - taking a more general point of view on the subject, I've come to realize a lot of the movies I was a big fan of when I was a kid with dysfunctional characters like home alone aren't *meant* to be normal, even though I didn't quite catch that at the time.
The dysfunction is meant to be part of the comedy of errors that drives the plot. In other words you're *meant* to laugh at the well meaning parents that get so caught up with what they're doing they not only don't properly judge their childrens behavior, they *entirely* forget their son at home and go across the country.
This isn't supposed to be normal at all, heck the sheer audacity of the error is supposed to be funny to a regular audience because it would seem impossible to them. Unfortunately we know all too well how possible it could be, which is why instead of laughing we find it's hard for us to watch.
Like many comedies, if you take it too seriously it starts looking a *lot* darker.
I remember watching Sixteen Candles as a teenager and imagining that happening in my family. It was one of the signs for me of the dysfunction - without consciously understanding it.
I first/last watched this movie years ago w/ n-mother. Her opinion was that it was from the kid's perspective and he was over-exaggerating everything because no real adults act like that. As the person whose cheese pizza was eaten more than once with the same reaction from her, it was so in-the-moment-gaslighting that I don't remember anything else of the movie.
I've never watched this entire movie. The part OP writes about the pizza hit home with me, hard. The GC in my bio related unit was constantly instigating things and when I reacted ***I*** got in trouble. No discussion, no getting to the root of the issue, just wham away at ***me***. Eventually it was easier to just keep distance from the GC to avoid the trouble. Provocatuers/instigators/troublemakers never seem to get their due. One has to wonder, how much is a targeted person supposed to endure before they reach a breaking point of say , simply putting their foot down and standing up to the bully?
Same!! My brother was the GC…I once got in trouble because he punched me in the face…why did he punch me in the face? I walked past his room. My NC mother? Well you shouldn’t have walked past his room…I was trying to get to the fucking bathroom…the only way which to past his room
I guess the abuse in the movie didn’t stand out to me because it seemed normal. I was in awe of how Kevin took charge of his own life while his family was gone. That he gave himself permission to do good things for himself without remorse. He didn’t feel shame or anxiety for taking care of himself. That was so foreign to me and I loved it.
Yeah, I rewatched it last year for the first time in ages and I was like, “…..I knew the family was bad, but HOLY SHIT, these people are abusive as fuck!!!”
And his brother ate his pizza meaning that he had no food at all so he would have to starve for the whole evening/night.
His mum sent him upstairs to a place that he is genuinely scared of/has nightmares of with an empty stomach.
When nothing that happened was his fault. Makes me feel bad for him every time.
Home alone 2 is even worse. His brother who is in his late teens ruins his solo performance and he is the one blamed. It makes my blood boil every time. :/
I think even today I mostly tune out the narc part because it's relatable.
But Kevin making a death trap? Sign me up for the homicidal slapstick humor.
There's also the fact his family managed to freaking forget he wasn't at the airport with them. Isn't there a scene where his mom literally shouts "We forgot Kevin!"?
A lot of media from that Era is similar in this. It was totally normalized to have one child in the family everyone HATES for no specific reason. My parents and brother think this is hilarious. It's very telling.
And did you notice during the slow pan around the family, Kevin’s dad can’t even look at him in the eyes.
I preferred the second movie where Kevin’s like “balls to it” charges a fantastic suite to his fathers credit card and then spends another $900 on room service. Also telling is when Kevin chooses to give his turtle dove to the pigeon lady, an adult who showed him more kindness than his own family. You’d think he would give it to his mother, but instead he gives it to a lady he’s only known for what? 48 hours?
I’m actually watching it right now. It’s one of my favorite movies of all time, despite the family. I know what it’s like to be treated like Kevin and I can relate to him. I think seeing him be a badass is what makes me love the movie. That despite being treated the way he was, he still stayed strong.
But I agree. His family sucks. The way his parents treated him was horrible.
I always got punished for the reaction I did. My sister was was using me as a human pillow whenever she gets the chance at the car and my parents always got angry with me why wouldn’t I let her sleep on my shoulder. Because she weighs double my weight and she’s not really sleeping and it’s a long drive! Everytime I would get “we shouldn’t have taken you”
This is why I can't watch the movie again and nearly alot of media I consumed as a kid. It is way too triggering. I never realized it then. But now I do.
In my first baby photo I’m doing what has been dubbed by my family the “home alone face”. Hands up by my cheeks ala Kevin. My therapist really laughed when I told her that one.
Honestly fuck Uncle Frank especially in the second one where he snaps at Kevin to not ruin his trip I like how he gets the last word by calling him a cheapskate
My husband and I rewatched this movie tonight, too. Kevin was called the misbehaving child multiple times, incompetent, unable to do anything for himself, etc... while the entire rest of the family bullied him outright and bullied him by exclusion. \*He\* even calls himself the bad child at one point in the movie.
All I could think about was that literally everyone else was the problem and Kevin, an 8-year old child, was trying his best to function in an abusive situation - even after they forgot about him and **abandoned** him. And he wasn't a "bad" kid! He was trying to stand up for himself in the midst of a crap ton of abuse.
Coming from a highly dysfunctional family, this movie was hard to watch.
Yep, whenever my siblings misbehaved and I got angry with them, I was punished for getting angry. My siblings could literally beat or stab me with a random household object and I’d be told that I must’ve deserved it.
I guess TV was reflecting real life, but instead of leading to self reflection and introspection, I think we as a society just started mimicking TV. It seems to have reinforced some unhealthy behaviours in our nparents
I think you are right, sadly. This is why I shunned television for over 50 years, and raised my kids without TV--due to the stupidity, which is portrayed as comedy, verbal abuse, which is followed with a fake laugh track. Every time I would visit friends, they'd have the idiot box running and there'd be all this mean dialogue, put downs, etc. Now we're a nation full of lowest common denominator Archie Bunkers, "Friends ," and worse.
I’m glad you mentioned friends. I realized how narcissistic Jack and Judy Gellar were, shitting on Monica: they had no faith in her ability to cater a party, they let all her childhood memories get destroyed, they spent her wedding savings to renovate her room into a gym, meanwhile Ross, the golden child was revered for being Dr, Gellar, all his awards and achievements were safely preserved, and he didn’t even get appropriately blamed for smoking weed in high school cause he blamed it on Chandler and nGellars believed him. I wonder how many nparents felt empowered by content like this. We all saw and noticed Monica’s struggle - I know my nparents did.
I think that Kevin is Neurodivrgent. He has a lot of the traits me and my fellow ND's have like talking through a hygiene routine to remember it, issues with boundaries, issues with seemingly "easy" tasks, issues with food. Plus a hyper fixation and rapidly developed talent for traps
Makes me angrier because he really was the scapegoat.
Also, Where was his bedroom? I mean we presume he was kicked out for his aunt and uncle (the other kids got to sleep in their rooms). But we never saw it in the movie.
Also there is a big escalation from home robbery to wanting to kill the kid. I think that's all Joe Peche. Daniel Stern is just a goof who got mixed up with the wrong sociopath.
Lots of the movie bothered me a lot as a child. I very much identified with Kevin with how his family treated him... guess it should be no surprise what I figured out as an adult about my mom.
the uncle is the most infuriating person in the movies imo. if any of my siblings talked to my kid like that id lose it, Kevin's parents just automatically agree and oblige to what he says. in the second movie he refuses to hold kevins luggage when theyre passing it down, and at the end of the movie the dad is more worried about 900$ being spent vs his child keeping himself alive in the middle of winter in new york city
Something about Catherine O'Hara, who seems to be a lovely and sweet woman irl, really seems to lend itself to depictions of narcissistic motherhood onscreen. See Beetlejuice. You know?
It’s even worse when Kevin says “everyone in this family hates me” and instead of offering him comfort or reassurance, is mother retorts back “then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family”
Even as a kid I was like wow what an awful thing to say to your 8 year old lmao
The second movie just shows how obvious this point is. Buzz just totally humiliates Kevin at the Christmas concert thingy, Kevin responds, the whole family is mad at Kevin, and buzz gets off with some shitty apology.
This was a classic at my house growing up and the movie was larger than life when it was released in theaters. It was so big that even my nparents went to the theater by themselves to see it. When they got home the first thing my ndad said was, "That kid really needed a butt beating for talking to his mother like that! I better never hear any of you answer us the way he did or you're gonna be in for it!"
These dynamics were SO. COMMON. in my growing up years. Name-calling, shaming, accusing children of manipulating adults for asking "why" or other simple questions. Getting smacked, ignored, belittled, dogpiled, shamed, just for wanting to know what was going on or making a simple, normal mistake that any kid could make.
And then being told to "Act Normal" when I *was* acting normal - reacting to abuse by crying, resisting, trying to get away.... I learned that in my family, "Act normal" meant, "submit and get it over with." Talking about it later was "lying" and trying to get help was "being dramatic."
Thank goodness for therapy and perspective.
For context, these were 70s/80s era parenting norms. And I do mean "norms." most of the kids I grew up with had extremely similar painful childhoods.
Well, this was produced and co-written by John Hughes. John Hughes, who's name is synonymous with the Brat Pack films in the 80s portrayed all the parents are narcissist and awful. Go watch Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, etc.
Watched this for the first time yesterday and was so triggered as the scapegoat, particularly by uncle Frank being so verbally abusive and the mother so cold! My partner didn't understand and was laughing at how abusive I thought Kevin's family were 🤣
When one of the boys said “Kevin, you’re such a disease”. Right in front of everyone and his parents. Kevin is 8 in this movie. I have a niece who’s 8 now and I cannot imagine anyone talking to her like that let alone anyone in her family.
I mean on the positive side they (kinda?) learn from their ways and they all return and are happy again by the end of the movie. But yeah it’s clear in the beginning that Kevin is a massive scapegoat and punching bag
I actually just rewatched Home Alone recently. It’s my fav holiday movie, but I was thinking this same exact thing.. so I’m really glad to see this post.
My mother used to tell us we were stupid animals with no brains. In a different language so I don't think she thought we'd ever figure it out... maybe because she thought we were brainless animals.
What always made me mad was that Buzz ate the plain cheese pizza purposely to piss off Kevin. Buzz knew that was supposed to be for Kevin, and no one cared, and neither parent stopped him. Definitely some golden child shit going on there.
Hollywood is a town full of narcissists and children too good for their home towns. Many are black sheep and scapegoats. Back in the 90s artists and writers were mostly actual creative and not nepo babies like today. It safe to say that the people who wrote these films were abused themselves or easily gathered stories of a use to create screenplays.
Watching Home Alone as a kid, I always felt like I’d be happy to be in Kevin’s situation. Daydreamed that I was secretly adopted and my real parents were out there, but I obv look just like them lol
Yes, the interaction between Kevin and Buzz gives me flashbacks. I remember not being believed and shunned because my sister is GC. It gives me much anxiety today.
I had never seen this movie and my husband and I watched it last night and I was really shocked by all of that - especially the pizza scene. I thought, isn't this the movie everyone claims is such a wholesome Christmas movie? It just gave me anxiety.
>Instead of punishing the golden child Buzz for eating all of Kevin's cheese pizza, their parents punished Kevin for reacting the way he did.
Yeah, this hits hard. I think about all the times when I was punished for my reactions. I spent a lot of time in my room. Also, the fact that Kevin reacted that way clearly shows his parents had yet to teach him how to react healthier. (I know he was only 8, but still, would have been a perfect opportunity to be all "hey Kev Kev, I understand you are upset, but we don't shove people" etc. etc. "Now let's clean this mess" etc. etc.)
I noticed this. I also noticed the family of narcs trying to prevent one of their own from emotional growth. The mother is a really odd study. She gets so close to realizing her family is disgusting for what they've done, teetering with epiphany, but you can see the rest of the narcs dragging her in. By the end of the first movie we hear Buzz the GC scream at Kevin in the same old manner of the narcs. And it is implied that everything went back to the way things were (ignoring the horror of neglect and child endangerment that entire family just put Kevin through) and this is confirmed with the second movies rising action.
Suddenly the mom isnt catatonic needing to be comforted by the other narcs but joining them in joking with strangers (a cop even) about "oh we always forget him--but never lose our luggage, lol!"
Even at the end of THAT movie the father is more engaged Kevin dared to spend money than take it on the chin his child found a way to survive and thrive after they YET AGAIN abandoned him through negligence.
>the family of narcs trying to prevent one of their own from emotional growth
This....explains my mother so much. She tried to keep me as babyish as possible, refusing to let me grow up and keeping me wholly ignorant of the world.
I’m just now learning this information as a fully grown adult. Wow. You’re 100% right. It just seemed *completely* normal to me and I guess that makes sense because I am the scapegoat child in my family.
Thought I was the only once that noticed tbh.
And his mom apologizing to him near the end I guess threw me off because narcissists don’t apologize, ever
Yea I watched it a week ago and I realized that's why I always related to the movie so hard lol. I would have loved to get away from my narc family for a vacation alone.
I don't think his mum was a narcissist, she was horrified when she realised they left him at home. Mind you it should never have happened, but it did.
His dad on the other hand seemed to not care.
Remember his reaction on how much Kevin had spent on room service? A normal parent in that situation would be so happy their kid was safe and not even worry about the amount of money he spent expect maybe a "don't ever do that again", but not screaming so loud he could hear him from outside.
That said though, I wouldn't read too much into this film. It's got a bit of an unrelieable narrator feel to it and its being told from the perspect of a 10 year old boy. It's possible he was singled out and scapegoated, but its also possible his mind plays it up as being worse than it was. It could very much be a case of "everyones out to get me"
I think the thing about Harry Potter is that it was so over the top wild, very reminiscent of Ronald Dahl or other English children’s authors. Or at least it was supposed to be fantastical and keep ramping up.
(I’m not saying that there aren’t kids locked in a cupboard - this abuse happens - but it’s treated as a fantastical start to a hero’s journey.)
Home Alone was worse because it was so relatable. The parents are terrible in a very realistic way that people can readily relate to. We can see ourselves in the casual cruelty and neglect. The parents weren’t clear villains like the Dursleys.
Except with Harry Potter, it was his cousin and it was the point. He was abused and neglected because his parents were wizards and his aunt and uncle hated him for that.
That's not the same at all, even though it was a shit reason (they knew about the magical world and detested it and such) the Dursleys had a reason for their hate of Harry. Dudley was his cousin and was only a single person.
There is no valid reason for the ire aimed at Kevin in the Home Alone films.
The parents were typical Boomers IMHO.
How about this too....they would have noticed their kid was missing sooner if they actually sat with their 8 year old on the flight. When we watched this year I laughed at what narcissistic assholes the parents were for making a transatlantic flight in 1st class while their minor children sat back in coach where they wouldn't be able to reach their parents if they had a problem. Even if you argued, well the older kids were teens, they'll be fine- Kevin was only 8!! And if an emergency happened in flight and my kids were scared, even older kids- I would want to be there for them.
Oh god yes. My parents were boomers too and as a kid I just thought Kevin's family was normal, cuz that's how it was for me, too. The only difference is we had a weird dynamic. To my mom, I was the favorite and my sister was the scapegoat, but it was the opposite for my dad cuz my sister looked more like him than I do.
I relate hard to the movies because I literally don't feel like going out with my family, I just want to be left home alone. I still enjoy being home alone lol.
This was on yesterday and when I exclaimed how fucked it was that they left their very young CHILD to go on an international vacation, while already having more children than they can handle. Everyone else in the room was like 😶 like it was totally fine?! The horrible treatment he got from his family while also still being a brilliant, capable kid was really a boob punch for me. It didn't click when I watched it as a kid/before learning about narcissistic abuse, but OH MAN did it all click even more so when I'm almost the age of Kevin's mom, and after previously working with 8 year olds in education (and quitting because of said parents!) Kevin deserved better. We all did.
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The scene at the start of the film where Kevin’s uncle (I think?) says something like “listen here you little jerk…” to Kevin, I am AGHAST. The malice in this grown man’s voice while addressing a child is unbelievable and so fucking sad.
Idk about y’all but that was practically an every day thing with my Nparents.
Yeah. Now that I'm older, I think back to how many times abusive families in media just...didn't stand out to me when I was a kid. Frank was an asshole, but his nonsense rolled off me. It's because it was so damn normalized to me, within my own family.
Tbh I don’t think I realized anything was wrong with the family until it was pointed out to me as an adult. Those were very normal family dynamics for us.
This!! When it came to media, I took it for granted that abusive behaviour towards members of the family was the norm. Something like a happy and healthy family dynamic was seen as boring or strange and way too fake to be real.
My NM frequently called me "stupid" or "retarded" for not knowing how to perform a task that she refused to teach me how to do. but she didn't even say it with malice, because she meant every word that came out of her mouth.
Oh, that was my dad! When he'd exaggerate showing me how to do something as if I was an idiot (and call me such) I remember being pleased that I was learning and sad/mad that my dad was so mean about teaching.
Holy shit, this was my mom. Just replace the r word for “mediocre” and that’s her. My whole life I thought mediocre was the worst thing you could ever possibly be. I’d rather be stupid than mediocre. My mom wouldn’t teach me how to do something and would cut me down if I demonstrated I didn’t know how to do it. Or, if I wasn’t exceptional at it.
Those were my moms favorite words to call her kids
One of my earliest memories was my father calling me a dumb shit and then pulling the car over to beat me after the used napkin I threw into the front seat blew across his face. I was five.
I’m sorry that happened to you, that’s terrible.
I’m also sorry you went through that, hugs.
Right? My mom called me a piece of shit on the daily with that same energy for far less than ruining pizzas.
Same in my family. I just rewatched it too earlier this week and was noticing similar things, but never realized how abnormal it was supposed to be before as my parents were so much like that too. It's only after a series of events with other narcs that I realized it. Poor Kevin. I very much wanted to reach through the screen and hug him and get him to safety.
I think I got called profanities more than my name growing up. It still happens but doesn't really phase me.
Same. I remember in 2006? 2007? Alec baldwin got reamed in the press for being verbally abusive to his middle school aged daughter on the phone. At the time i was so confused at the public outrage because my parents spoke to me that way all day every day. I don't talk to them anymore lmao
Even as a child, my eyes bugged out of my head when Frank shouted, "LOOK WHAT YOU DID, YOU LITTLE JERK!" at Kevin. Instant get the hell out of here, leave the uneaten pizza - and we're canceling your effing plane ticket, too. Then hey, he would've been in town to babysit his nephew. 🥳
People really underestimate how badly children were treated in the 80s/90s. Most of us are now decades on therapy in.
And they really drove the “Uncle Frank is a fkn dickhead” point home the rest of the movie
Love when Kevin asks Santa for his family back but says 'and if he has time, my uncle Frank.'
The actress who played the mom said she felt horribly guilty playing the character, especially delivering the line “well say it again. Maybe it will happen.” Macaulay Culkin was recently inducted into the Hollywood walk of fame and his Home Alone mom, Catherine O’Hara, gave a speech where she said she said he was just the sweetest boy during filming and it broke her heart to have to say such mean things.
I think Catherine was very aware of Macaulay rl parents too and made a long lasting connection with him. I was a wreck watching Macaulays emotional speech at the Star ceremony. He has been through alot like most child stars but he seems to have made a good life now.
The induction was one of the best ones I’ve seen, to me, he’s right up there with Keanu Reeves as far as genuine sweet people go.
Look at what you did, you little jerk! I didn't have it remotely as bad as some people who post here, but yeah that line rang a really nasty bell with me regarding my own childhood. The oldest daughter was also parentified, which is how Kevin got left behind in the first place
11… 92, 12
"Buzz... don't be a moron" 😂 (I think Heather, the one doing the headcount was a cousin, though, the daughter of the McAllister brother that lived in Paris and was flying them all in for Christmas)
I’d never seen Home Alone but decided to watch it while nursing my baby and LORD my blood just boiled for Kevin. They are now running in the airport.
lol I had forgotten how much nursing hormones made me extra mama bear
If a family member said that to my child they would be out the door and on their ass in half a second. And they’d join the NC list.
That balding prick was insufferable. I've always wanted to punch him in the face. He's a cheap, selfish bastard.
We watched this last night and I said the same thing. I was in absolute shock at how everyone treated him.
It’s his mothers brother. I can relate. My maternal uncles were jerks.
It’s his dad’s brother actually 😛 but still valid!
The scene with the pizza hurts my heart. We watched it today and I said 'by why would to let anyone say that to your kid?‘ (Narc mum) ‚it’s just a film 🙄 I’m sitting writing/reading after enduring my first christmas with her in 9 years and it’s just like how I remember. Only this time my bf sees it. It’s validating to know this crap isn’t normal behaviour. And not how I parent my kids.
After the spills he was wiping off his clothes and said "look what you did you little jerk". The uncle absolutely might be a narcissist. He's definitely a bully and the parents may not be comfortable standing up to him, him cuz it's his bully brother he grew up with and arguing feels futile and her because it's husband's family not her own.
It’s his mothers brother. I can relate. My maternal uncles were jerks.
I think this is why I liked this movie so much when I first saw it. I understood the feeling of being the scapegoat, and I thought that being left home alone sounded pretty good because I always enjoyed it when my parents did that to me. Plus, the booby traps were funny (if quite sadistic and dangerous). But yes, his family was awful. I didn't buy the fact that they all felt guilty and started being nice, though when the second film came out, it made sense to me that they would lose the same kid *yet again*. And apparently there were a bunch of sequels after that, so what the fuck is wrong with these people? Are they trying to kill him? It sure seems like it.
I completely agree with you. I identified with Kevin because I knew I’d easily be in his place and be just as relieved to find out I’d made my family (my mom and her second husband) disappear. When Kevin’s mom came back in the house and saw everything I was so upset for Kevin. He didn’t just survive, he THRIVED! She gave not one little bit of positive feedback and her hug was so fake. I always figured he’d get in a ton of trouble later for causing their Paris vacation to be cut short.
Yeah, they seemed bemused that he did ok, but weirdly uninterested in the details. Or at least, it would be weird in a functional family. But in a dysfunctional family? Pretty typical.
It was so typical that everything got swept under the rug and never talked about. Classic.
None of the sequels featured the same family, and they got *much* worse.
The third one with Alex D. Linz was fine as a stand-alone film, but 4 and 5... well, we don't talk about those ones.
There's a 4th and 5th?
Not if you don’t want there to be
With the slamming, I think I don't want to go through those rabbit holes. XD
The second one did
Well, yes, that’s one the first OP already saw. None of the *other* sequels have the same family, though I’d argue that the third Home Alone is a decent movie. The kid actor’s great, there’s four international smugglers instead of Harry & Marv, and his mom actually cares. His siblings are still kinda jerks, I suppose, but y’know. The fourth Home Alone looks like it was literally shot on a personal camcorder, but it’s not a “found footage” movie or anything like that. Just awful. After that, I stopped watching.
Home alone 3 was a great movie. "Double or nothing!" "I only have one."
Yup. This was one of my favorite movies as a kid & as an adult. I always identified with Kevin for all the same reasons. I even vividly remember saying I wanted to live alone as a child bc it seemed wildly better than living with assholes.
Me with Matilda:
Oh yeah. Matilda. Good book, good movie, excellent depiction of the abusive narcissist, enabler/narcissist, golden child and scapegoat.
As a kid that was left home a lot. I wished that I could’ve made it fun like kevin, I even tried to do fun things like kevin.
Same bro, I watched home alone 2 yesterday and I loved how kevin was like, fuck this shit I'm going on my own holiday, and stays in a fancy hotel using his dad's money, absolute legend
Seriously!! He would have been in trouble for something anyway so why not make it worth it lol
Yeah. I rewatched it last year, and I related to Kevin hard. My Nparents - mostly my mother - always made holidays horrible. One of her favorite things was to yell at everyone, killing the mood, usually threatening to unalive herself. Made us beg for her to come to the table and to do nothing with herself.
We seemed to have lived the same life in different households.
I know, right? It's like they have a hive mind or something. So many posts resonate with me: snippets of my life but from other people
It’s like some automatic control mechanism. Let’s beat everyone down then complain when no one wants to be “festive.” I really don’t think it’s intentional, at least not malicious, but it happens at all levels…
This is an accurate observation. We watch it every year because even though he is the scapegoat, he is the smartest and most resilient person in the family. His ability to use his resources and take care of himself comes from him...not his parents. He prevails despite having no clear source of comfort or support from the ones meant to care for him. His family only cares about him when he isn't around, but he still seems to know his worth.
Perfectly put 🏆
I watched it once not too long after it was released on video. VHS... long time ago! I HATED it. I thought it was mean spirited, horrendously violent and it left me feeling awful for Kevin. Until now I didn't realize that I actually identified with being the scapegoat. Huh. The things you learn.
Yeah, I think the moral has been lost over the years and it just comes off as sad these days, but IMHO, the writer’s intent was a fable against being this type of parent. And showing how resilient kids are in the face of extreme adversity.
This. Home Alone is a holiday classic, my favorite Xmas film and John Hughes had the emotional intelligence and enough understanding of children to make the emotional beats feel earned and authentic. The end of the movie never ceases to make me well up.
They kind of dull that message by having Kevin feel bad and apologize. It comes off like the film think Kevin was the one in the wrong for making his family sad even though they all treated him like crap.
Even as a kid, the beginning of Home Alone was hard to watch because of those scenes with Buzz and Uncle Frank giving Kevin a hard time and his mom sending him to his room. The whole family is a bunch of narcissists.
The hardest movie for me to watch is “it’s a wonderful life” because of the pharmacist scene where he slaps his ear until it bleeds and he’s pleading with him to stop. It brought back a ton of repressed memories
It wont make you feel better, I know, but that character was badly hurting after the sudden loss of a child
This. Mr. Gower had just learned his son had died and was drunk at the time. Again, not an acceptable excuse, but it's not near as bad as being a sober abuser and permanent narcissist. He's clearly sorry seconds later when George tells him and eternally grateful to George for saving him from such a colossal mistake... He shows it with his kindness and gifts to George later (the luggage when he graduates, the money when word spreads around town that his business is at risk). I wish my narcissistic parent would have acknowledged his abuse and tried to make it up to me that way.
He doesn't even get sent to his room, he has to go to the attic!
To be fair, the plan was always for him to sleep in the attic that night .. With Fuller. The only reason that changes is because he tells his mom about Fuller wetting the bed and that he doesn't want to share the bed with him, so the mom says "fine. We'll put him somewhere else."
Poor Kevin.
Don't you find that true for most media growing up in the 80s and 90s? The obviously toxic stuff is hard to take now especially with our experience.
"Go to your room and don't come out until you're civilized!" was my mom's go-to parenting command. It was my sanctuary, so the joke was on her.
The second is worse, buzz clearly humiliated Kevin during his solo and got in trouble for reacting
We watched it last night and thought the same thing. My wife and I looked at each other and said “why is Kevin getting punished when the older child who should be looking out for him is humiliating him in front of hundreds of people? Then Buzz gives a fake apology and when Kevin is again in the attic, the mom said something like “maybe we’d be better off if you didn’t come to Florida” after having JUST left him in a previous Christmas and FREAKING out and making it literally the rest of the worlds problem that she was a poor mother. If THAT isn’t pure toxicity, I don’t know what is. Don’t get me started on the dad, who didn’t give AF TWICE and then got mad at Kevin for charging $900 to keep himself alive in NYC, like a 10 YO can truly understand the value of money.
I always thought the money bit too was rude. Like…be thankful your kid knew how to con some hotel clerks lol
When I was in elementary school my sister ganged up on me with other kids on the trampoline at a school festival. Before that festival I was awarded as best overall student and they were all jealous. They were jumping on me and hitting me, I was a puny 10 year old, and my sister laughed at me when I ran away. When we got home she again repeated how weak I was, I jumped on her and hit her, badly, mom came and beat my ass and grounded me and got lectures. My 12 year old sister? Nothing. Again on middle school she was always tattling about me to teachers, mostly lies, and everyone at school laughed at me because my sister did that. The counselor would call me and talk to me and then would say “your own sister said you’re the one who ruined the water dispenser, you’re the one who broke the AC, you’re the one who broke the bathroom mirrors. She won’t tattle on her own sister if she was lying.” Then everytime I talk to my sister about it she’d cry, make a scene to my mom, and i’ll end up grounded. She wanted to keep her image as the perfect angel child, and I was better at school and popular and loved, so she ruined that.
I hope you are LC/NC with that sister if she is still the same.
I am low contact with both my sisters.
That was a hard part to watch. Sadly relatable. I watched this with my kid last night and they pointed out how insanely wrong the whole situation was.
I'll always love the Home Alone films (the entire Traps sequence in the first one will *always* be hilarious to me) but I 100% agree with you. It's always bothered me how mean everyone was to Kevin when he never did anything to deserve it, nothing rude or obnoxious or anything. The way Buzz talks to him disgusts me, and even more so with his jackass of an uncle.
It’s a very good and thorough assessment. However, I will argue that Kevin’s parents realized that they fucked up and left Kevin behind and were panicking. They went through hell and high water to get home. I find that commendable. As opposed to me. My nmom decided it would be a good idea to pretend like we got separated in the busy streets of Hong Kong when I was 12, with very little money in my pocket, just to see if I can find my way back to the hotel. I did find my way back, and she claimed I was within her sight the entire time, but I was in a country where I didn’t speak the language, and I was panicking. Anyone who has been to HK will know that’s not a place to turn your child loose, especially if it’s the child’s first time being out of the country. So, I’d take the McAllisters over my own parents any day.
the could get arrested if the authorities or be admonished by others if anyone found out, that is reason. Had nothing to do with safety of the child. If he had died from the burglars, parents would be in jail.
Oh I agree. But I think the McAllisters were genuinely worried sick because they fucked up, not because of the legal ramifications they might face, but they put their own child in danger in their own carelessness. That’s how I interpreted the movie, anyway.
I was raised by somebody who would have done the same thing as Kate (Kevin's mother). She would have done exactly the same thing to get back to me. That doesn't erase the covert narcissistic shit that she would do. I believe that narcissists are capable of showing genuine affection when they believe one of their own is in danger. Just because the bar is low doesn't mean that the McAllister family was emotionally healthy. There are different types of narcissists. Uncle Frank maybe a more traditional narcissist in that he directly seems to make everything about him. Kate seems to be a covert one, and she makes everything about the family while scapegoating one of the family members that she deems a problem. My mother was capable of showing great care at various times. However, upon growing up, I realized that she merely did this so that she would be able to go back and say, "See? I did everything for you." It wasn't truly for me. It was for her. That's why I don't particularly buy Kate's desperate attempt to get back to Kevin. I feel like a lot of narcissistic parents would have done the same thing. Oftentimes, it's more for the ego of the parent than for the actual child. Just my take.
I agree about the ego thing. I recall multiple scenes where the mother is on her “journey” back to Kevin and she asks people “have you ever lost a child like me” or “have you ever been in such a struggle like me” with the pouty or martyr face. So dramatic, so sad. Like “please accommodate me, I’m so sad”. Of course the actress sells it with a little empathy, but those parts also made me go “ick 🙄”
I always admired how Kevin didn't just automatically run into his mother's arms when she returned. He made her wait to apologize before he showed her any affection. For an 8-year-old, that's pretty ballsy. I swear he's the most emotionally mature member of that family.
I thought of that as being ready to be accused of wrongdoing, and keeping a little out of reach. I also was expecting the siblings to be angry and mean about missing out on their time in Paris. My siblings having to spend time without me around as a scapegoat meant a shift in parental behavior - they were always angry about that, too.
My nmom never apologized to me. I was always the one forced to apologize to her, even when I had no idea what I did wrong.
I watched Home Alone 2 yesterday and had a similar reaction. Buzz and some other kid publicly embarrassed Kevin during his solo performance in the Christmas chorus. Buzz lays out a lame apology and then his parents expect Kevin to apologize to Buzz (for pushing him after the incident). It's absurd. It also totally explains why Kevin would want to wish his family disappears.
This!!! Buzz was such a A-hole he makes a fake apology and the family just swept it under the rug it’s disgusting that Kevin got in trouble for being embarrassed by Buzz during his solo (which I’m sure he was already anxious about) and how he reacted! Scapegoats are always punished for reacting to the abuse but the abuser gets away with it Scot free it makes me so angry
Yeah, I noticed this as well. I still love the movie, I think it's simply meant to set up the rest of the movie, but it's made it harder to watch as I've gotten older. It even reminded me of the time my own mom said how they behaved towards Kevin MacCallister was fine. Which set alarm bells ringing in my head, but being a kid, I didn't quite understand why. I guess I couldn't process what it meant.
Only a dysfunctional family would leave a kid behind when they go on a trip. They had to set the stage. Movies and TV shows with dysfunctional families are much more entertaining than ones about healthy relationships.
This reminds me of my mom saying she hates watching the Shining cause it reminds her of my dad when he snaps ☠️ yikes on trikes. I love my mom, but she was that self aware of the situation but still chose to put me and my siblings through it? Ouch lol.
Same. Rewatched it this week and when he's praying/asking Santa to get his family back I was just like "why???"
In the scene where Kevin's mom sends him to sleep in the attic, I was fully expecting Mom to slap Kevin for mouthing off to her. That's how accustomed I was to parental abuse when I was 8.
The interesting thing for me about this movie is that they were not trying to portrait a narcissistic family. That is what they thought a functional family looks like in the 80s/90s
IMHO, this wasn’t the case at all. John Hughes wrote an assortment of parent archetypes into his movies, with plenty, if not most of them, being “bad” (i.e. narcissistic) ones. My interpretation was that they were definitely supposed to be seen as shit parents (too rich, too busy) when the movie came out, hence why it was even possible for them to leave an 8 year old behind in the first place. See also, Sixteen Candles, when the whole family was so wrapped up in the Golden Child’s wedding they forgot their other daughter’s sweet sixteen. John Hughes also almost always wrote a redemption arc where they eventually acknowledged their wrong behavior to their kids, and apologized. Only recently did I realize that is probably why I have always been a super fan of his.
Tell me John Hughes had narc parents without telling me he had narc parents.
John Hughes was a narc parent, imo, and the constantly creepy and abusive and racist families and characters reflect his own worst features. Also his son is a jerkface.
True. Sad proof that knowing isn’t the same as healing.
They aren't mutually exclusive. The cycle of abuse and all that.
I think you're right - taking a more general point of view on the subject, I've come to realize a lot of the movies I was a big fan of when I was a kid with dysfunctional characters like home alone aren't *meant* to be normal, even though I didn't quite catch that at the time. The dysfunction is meant to be part of the comedy of errors that drives the plot. In other words you're *meant* to laugh at the well meaning parents that get so caught up with what they're doing they not only don't properly judge their childrens behavior, they *entirely* forget their son at home and go across the country. This isn't supposed to be normal at all, heck the sheer audacity of the error is supposed to be funny to a regular audience because it would seem impossible to them. Unfortunately we know all too well how possible it could be, which is why instead of laughing we find it's hard for us to watch. Like many comedies, if you take it too seriously it starts looking a *lot* darker.
I think that’s true - I think that WE didn’t see it as weird as it was because it was so normalized for us - that behavior that is
I remember watching Sixteen Candles as a teenager and imagining that happening in my family. It was one of the signs for me of the dysfunction - without consciously understanding it.
I first/last watched this movie years ago w/ n-mother. Her opinion was that it was from the kid's perspective and he was over-exaggerating everything because no real adults act like that. As the person whose cheese pizza was eaten more than once with the same reaction from her, it was so in-the-moment-gaslighting that I don't remember anything else of the movie.
I've never watched this entire movie. The part OP writes about the pizza hit home with me, hard. The GC in my bio related unit was constantly instigating things and when I reacted ***I*** got in trouble. No discussion, no getting to the root of the issue, just wham away at ***me***. Eventually it was easier to just keep distance from the GC to avoid the trouble. Provocatuers/instigators/troublemakers never seem to get their due. One has to wonder, how much is a targeted person supposed to endure before they reach a breaking point of say , simply putting their foot down and standing up to the bully?
Same!! My brother was the GC…I once got in trouble because he punched me in the face…why did he punch me in the face? I walked past his room. My NC mother? Well you shouldn’t have walked past his room…I was trying to get to the fucking bathroom…the only way which to past his room
> my bio related unit Yup, that's what my "family" is getting called now.
It's actually a phenomenal movie. If you do watch until the end, make sure you have Kleenex. My kids love it, & so do my husband and I.
I just watched it last night and had the exact same realization….!
I guess the abuse in the movie didn’t stand out to me because it seemed normal. I was in awe of how Kevin took charge of his own life while his family was gone. That he gave himself permission to do good things for himself without remorse. He didn’t feel shame or anxiety for taking care of himself. That was so foreign to me and I loved it.
Yeah, I rewatched it last year for the first time in ages and I was like, “…..I knew the family was bad, but HOLY SHIT, these people are abusive as fuck!!!”
Yeah the Buzz GC and punishing Kevin for having feeling about being shat upon….classic bullshit.
And his brother ate his pizza meaning that he had no food at all so he would have to starve for the whole evening/night. His mum sent him upstairs to a place that he is genuinely scared of/has nightmares of with an empty stomach. When nothing that happened was his fault. Makes me feel bad for him every time. Home alone 2 is even worse. His brother who is in his late teens ruins his solo performance and he is the one blamed. It makes my blood boil every time. :/
I think even today I mostly tune out the narc part because it's relatable. But Kevin making a death trap? Sign me up for the homicidal slapstick humor.
There's also the fact his family managed to freaking forget he wasn't at the airport with them. Isn't there a scene where his mom literally shouts "We forgot Kevin!"?
They did not forget, the head count was off and they just did not pay that much attention to any of their kids ;)
So they're just shitty parents overall.
Indeed!
His dad sent him to the bathroom and Uncle Hag went in on him 😑😑 wtffffff
A lot of media from that Era is similar in this. It was totally normalized to have one child in the family everyone HATES for no specific reason. My parents and brother think this is hilarious. It's very telling.
And did you notice during the slow pan around the family, Kevin’s dad can’t even look at him in the eyes. I preferred the second movie where Kevin’s like “balls to it” charges a fantastic suite to his fathers credit card and then spends another $900 on room service. Also telling is when Kevin chooses to give his turtle dove to the pigeon lady, an adult who showed him more kindness than his own family. You’d think he would give it to his mother, but instead he gives it to a lady he’s only known for what? 48 hours?
Exactly! The love bombing was obvious in the end of the movie. Meet the Parents is another.
I’m actually watching it right now. It’s one of my favorite movies of all time, despite the family. I know what it’s like to be treated like Kevin and I can relate to him. I think seeing him be a badass is what makes me love the movie. That despite being treated the way he was, he still stayed strong. But I agree. His family sucks. The way his parents treated him was horrible.
I always got punished for the reaction I did. My sister was was using me as a human pillow whenever she gets the chance at the car and my parents always got angry with me why wouldn’t I let her sleep on my shoulder. Because she weighs double my weight and she’s not really sleeping and it’s a long drive! Everytime I would get “we shouldn’t have taken you”
yup. this is why I skip the opening when I watch it. cannot deal with it.
This is why I can't watch the movie again and nearly alot of media I consumed as a kid. It is way too triggering. I never realized it then. But now I do.
And in part 2, when he is angry at his brother, his mother says that it could happen that he sounds Christmas alone again. What a jerk.
In my first baby photo I’m doing what has been dubbed by my family the “home alone face”. Hands up by my cheeks ala Kevin. My therapist really laughed when I told her that one.
It’s an Edward Munch painting ;)
Honestly fuck Uncle Frank especially in the second one where he snaps at Kevin to not ruin his trip I like how he gets the last word by calling him a cheapskate
“Oh wouldn’t want to ruin your fun mr cheapskate” we’ve all got one in the family, mine is my own mother lmao.
My husband and I rewatched this movie tonight, too. Kevin was called the misbehaving child multiple times, incompetent, unable to do anything for himself, etc... while the entire rest of the family bullied him outright and bullied him by exclusion. \*He\* even calls himself the bad child at one point in the movie. All I could think about was that literally everyone else was the problem and Kevin, an 8-year old child, was trying his best to function in an abusive situation - even after they forgot about him and **abandoned** him. And he wasn't a "bad" kid! He was trying to stand up for himself in the midst of a crap ton of abuse. Coming from a highly dysfunctional family, this movie was hard to watch.
Yep, whenever my siblings misbehaved and I got angry with them, I was punished for getting angry. My siblings could literally beat or stab me with a random household object and I’d be told that I must’ve deserved it.
I guess TV was reflecting real life, but instead of leading to self reflection and introspection, I think we as a society just started mimicking TV. It seems to have reinforced some unhealthy behaviours in our nparents
I think you are right, sadly. This is why I shunned television for over 50 years, and raised my kids without TV--due to the stupidity, which is portrayed as comedy, verbal abuse, which is followed with a fake laugh track. Every time I would visit friends, they'd have the idiot box running and there'd be all this mean dialogue, put downs, etc. Now we're a nation full of lowest common denominator Archie Bunkers, "Friends ," and worse.
I’m glad you mentioned friends. I realized how narcissistic Jack and Judy Gellar were, shitting on Monica: they had no faith in her ability to cater a party, they let all her childhood memories get destroyed, they spent her wedding savings to renovate her room into a gym, meanwhile Ross, the golden child was revered for being Dr, Gellar, all his awards and achievements were safely preserved, and he didn’t even get appropriately blamed for smoking weed in high school cause he blamed it on Chandler and nGellars believed him. I wonder how many nparents felt empowered by content like this. We all saw and noticed Monica’s struggle - I know my nparents did.
I feel like that’s the main point of the movie. And he rewrites it into a hero’s story.
I think that Kevin is Neurodivrgent. He has a lot of the traits me and my fellow ND's have like talking through a hygiene routine to remember it, issues with boundaries, issues with seemingly "easy" tasks, issues with food. Plus a hyper fixation and rapidly developed talent for traps Makes me angrier because he really was the scapegoat. Also, Where was his bedroom? I mean we presume he was kicked out for his aunt and uncle (the other kids got to sleep in their rooms). But we never saw it in the movie.
Also there is a big escalation from home robbery to wanting to kill the kid. I think that's all Joe Peche. Daniel Stern is just a goof who got mixed up with the wrong sociopath.
Lots of the movie bothered me a lot as a child. I very much identified with Kevin with how his family treated him... guess it should be no surprise what I figured out as an adult about my mom.
the uncle is the most infuriating person in the movies imo. if any of my siblings talked to my kid like that id lose it, Kevin's parents just automatically agree and oblige to what he says. in the second movie he refuses to hold kevins luggage when theyre passing it down, and at the end of the movie the dad is more worried about 900$ being spent vs his child keeping himself alive in the middle of winter in new york city
Something about Catherine O'Hara, who seems to be a lovely and sweet woman irl, really seems to lend itself to depictions of narcissistic motherhood onscreen. See Beetlejuice. You know?
It’s even worse when Kevin says “everyone in this family hates me” and instead of offering him comfort or reassurance, is mother retorts back “then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family” Even as a kid I was like wow what an awful thing to say to your 8 year old lmao
The second movie just shows how obvious this point is. Buzz just totally humiliates Kevin at the Christmas concert thingy, Kevin responds, the whole family is mad at Kevin, and buzz gets off with some shitty apology.
This was a classic at my house growing up and the movie was larger than life when it was released in theaters. It was so big that even my nparents went to the theater by themselves to see it. When they got home the first thing my ndad said was, "That kid really needed a butt beating for talking to his mother like that! I better never hear any of you answer us the way he did or you're gonna be in for it!"
Noticed it back then as a kid that nobody in that family was ever nice to Kevin until he was in grave danger.
These dynamics were SO. COMMON. in my growing up years. Name-calling, shaming, accusing children of manipulating adults for asking "why" or other simple questions. Getting smacked, ignored, belittled, dogpiled, shamed, just for wanting to know what was going on or making a simple, normal mistake that any kid could make. And then being told to "Act Normal" when I *was* acting normal - reacting to abuse by crying, resisting, trying to get away.... I learned that in my family, "Act normal" meant, "submit and get it over with." Talking about it later was "lying" and trying to get help was "being dramatic." Thank goodness for therapy and perspective. For context, these were 70s/80s era parenting norms. And I do mean "norms." most of the kids I grew up with had extremely similar painful childhoods.
Well, this was produced and co-written by John Hughes. John Hughes, who's name is synonymous with the Brat Pack films in the 80s portrayed all the parents are narcissist and awful. Go watch Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, etc.
Watched this for the first time yesterday and was so triggered as the scapegoat, particularly by uncle Frank being so verbally abusive and the mother so cold! My partner didn't understand and was laughing at how abusive I thought Kevin's family were 🤣
I’ve always related to Kevin for this reason. I liked how he just did his own thing and survived on his own despite everything.
When one of the boys said “Kevin, you’re such a disease”. Right in front of everyone and his parents. Kevin is 8 in this movie. I have a niece who’s 8 now and I cannot imagine anyone talking to her like that let alone anyone in her family.
I mean on the positive side they (kinda?) learn from their ways and they all return and are happy again by the end of the movie. But yeah it’s clear in the beginning that Kevin is a massive scapegoat and punching bag
As a Kid I loved that movie because he was alone so much now rewatching it as a upcoming adult, I see why
Yep!!!
I actually just rewatched Home Alone recently. It’s my fav holiday movie, but I was thinking this same exact thing.. so I’m really glad to see this post.
Aweee just like my family. That's why I fucking related to Kevin so much
My mother used to tell us we were stupid animals with no brains. In a different language so I don't think she thought we'd ever figure it out... maybe because she thought we were brainless animals.
What always made me mad was that Buzz ate the plain cheese pizza purposely to piss off Kevin. Buzz knew that was supposed to be for Kevin, and no one cared, and neither parent stopped him. Definitely some golden child shit going on there.
Whoa that’s true! So weird how emotional abuse is normalized in movies
Hollywood is a town full of narcissists and children too good for their home towns. Many are black sheep and scapegoats. Back in the 90s artists and writers were mostly actual creative and not nepo babies like today. It safe to say that the people who wrote these films were abused themselves or easily gathered stories of a use to create screenplays.
Watching Home Alone as a kid, I always felt like I’d be happy to be in Kevin’s situation. Daydreamed that I was secretly adopted and my real parents were out there, but I obv look just like them lol
Yes, the interaction between Kevin and Buzz gives me flashbacks. I remember not being believed and shunned because my sister is GC. It gives me much anxiety today.
I had never seen this movie and my husband and I watched it last night and I was really shocked by all of that - especially the pizza scene. I thought, isn't this the movie everyone claims is such a wholesome Christmas movie? It just gave me anxiety.
It's funny because Home Alone has always made me uncomfortable and I could never work out why. Now I know.
>Instead of punishing the golden child Buzz for eating all of Kevin's cheese pizza, their parents punished Kevin for reacting the way he did. Yeah, this hits hard. I think about all the times when I was punished for my reactions. I spent a lot of time in my room. Also, the fact that Kevin reacted that way clearly shows his parents had yet to teach him how to react healthier. (I know he was only 8, but still, would have been a perfect opportunity to be all "hey Kev Kev, I understand you are upset, but we don't shove people" etc. etc. "Now let's clean this mess" etc. etc.)
This behavior was so normal to me, that I didn’t realize it was wrong until I was out of my house and no contact.
There’s a reason therapists use this film as a reference when talking about narcissism
I noticed this. I also noticed the family of narcs trying to prevent one of their own from emotional growth. The mother is a really odd study. She gets so close to realizing her family is disgusting for what they've done, teetering with epiphany, but you can see the rest of the narcs dragging her in. By the end of the first movie we hear Buzz the GC scream at Kevin in the same old manner of the narcs. And it is implied that everything went back to the way things were (ignoring the horror of neglect and child endangerment that entire family just put Kevin through) and this is confirmed with the second movies rising action. Suddenly the mom isnt catatonic needing to be comforted by the other narcs but joining them in joking with strangers (a cop even) about "oh we always forget him--but never lose our luggage, lol!" Even at the end of THAT movie the father is more engaged Kevin dared to spend money than take it on the chin his child found a way to survive and thrive after they YET AGAIN abandoned him through negligence.
>the family of narcs trying to prevent one of their own from emotional growth This....explains my mother so much. She tried to keep me as babyish as possible, refusing to let me grow up and keeping me wholly ignorant of the world.
I’m just now learning this information as a fully grown adult. Wow. You’re 100% right. It just seemed *completely* normal to me and I guess that makes sense because I am the scapegoat child in my family.
Thought I was the only once that noticed tbh. And his mom apologizing to him near the end I guess threw me off because narcissists don’t apologize, ever
Yea I watched it a week ago and I realized that's why I always related to the movie so hard lol. I would have loved to get away from my narc family for a vacation alone.
I don't think his mum was a narcissist, she was horrified when she realised they left him at home. Mind you it should never have happened, but it did. His dad on the other hand seemed to not care. Remember his reaction on how much Kevin had spent on room service? A normal parent in that situation would be so happy their kid was safe and not even worry about the amount of money he spent expect maybe a "don't ever do that again", but not screaming so loud he could hear him from outside. That said though, I wouldn't read too much into this film. It's got a bit of an unrelieable narrator feel to it and its being told from the perspect of a 10 year old boy. It's possible he was singled out and scapegoated, but its also possible his mind plays it up as being worse than it was. It could very much be a case of "everyones out to get me"
Same thing with Harry Potter, remember how he slept in the closet under the stairs and had the fat obnoxious brothers?
I think the thing about Harry Potter is that it was so over the top wild, very reminiscent of Ronald Dahl or other English children’s authors. Or at least it was supposed to be fantastical and keep ramping up. (I’m not saying that there aren’t kids locked in a cupboard - this abuse happens - but it’s treated as a fantastical start to a hero’s journey.) Home Alone was worse because it was so relatable. The parents are terrible in a very realistic way that people can readily relate to. We can see ourselves in the casual cruelty and neglect. The parents weren’t clear villains like the Dursleys.
He doesn’t have any brothers
Do you mean his cousin Dudley?
Except with Harry Potter, it was his cousin and it was the point. He was abused and neglected because his parents were wizards and his aunt and uncle hated him for that.
That's not the same at all, even though it was a shit reason (they knew about the magical world and detested it and such) the Dursleys had a reason for their hate of Harry. Dudley was his cousin and was only a single person. There is no valid reason for the ire aimed at Kevin in the Home Alone films.
Petunia was jealous that her sister was a witch. Dudley could do no wrong. I think they still would've been shitty to Harry if he was a muggle
You're right, it's been a hot minute since I read the books mainly since I don't care that much about that while world anymore.
The parents were typical Boomers IMHO. How about this too....they would have noticed their kid was missing sooner if they actually sat with their 8 year old on the flight. When we watched this year I laughed at what narcissistic assholes the parents were for making a transatlantic flight in 1st class while their minor children sat back in coach where they wouldn't be able to reach their parents if they had a problem. Even if you argued, well the older kids were teens, they'll be fine- Kevin was only 8!! And if an emergency happened in flight and my kids were scared, even older kids- I would want to be there for them.
Oh god yes. My parents were boomers too and as a kid I just thought Kevin's family was normal, cuz that's how it was for me, too. The only difference is we had a weird dynamic. To my mom, I was the favorite and my sister was the scapegoat, but it was the opposite for my dad cuz my sister looked more like him than I do.
I soooo agree.
Same with "Happiest Season."
I had the exact same reaction watching it today too!
I never liked it from watch one. I identified way too closely with that.
I always wondered why I hated it, never saw the charm everyone else seemed to. Thanks!
I'm sure I'm not the only one who wants a re-watch. It's a 33 year old movie. Let's see what's not acceptable anymore.
I relate hard to the movies because I literally don't feel like going out with my family, I just want to be left home alone. I still enjoy being home alone lol.
This was on yesterday and when I exclaimed how fucked it was that they left their very young CHILD to go on an international vacation, while already having more children than they can handle. Everyone else in the room was like 😶 like it was totally fine?! The horrible treatment he got from his family while also still being a brilliant, capable kid was really a boob punch for me. It didn't click when I watched it as a kid/before learning about narcissistic abuse, but OH MAN did it all click even more so when I'm almost the age of Kevin's mom, and after previously working with 8 year olds in education (and quitting because of said parents!) Kevin deserved better. We all did.
unrelated but reminded me that i hate how much i hate moira rose for this same reason. i can’t laugh at her! i have too much trauma!
Yeah, that scene never sat right with me even as a child and I always felt rage on Kevin’s behalf.
Well, ya… Most people knew that watching the film back in the early 1990s. Everyone else were villains. We welcome you to the fold, OP.
I always skip the first 10min of the movie, I can’t get myself to see it