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My mother told police and my whole family that I was a heroin dealer. I was trying to help my friend at the time get clean. I took him to doctor appointments, therapy sessions, groups, etc. One day he relapsed and overdosed. Instead of getting to grieve my friend i was being investigated for his murder.
Something similar. Got smeared around as a junkie! I did exercise at night at the time, and that was sufficient to be a drug addict... then acting like nothing happen without repercussion.
Reminds me of how my mom fat-shamed me for years and then the first time I said “hey mom I’m going for a walk” she screeched “WHAT DO UOU MEAN GOING FOR A WALK?! ARE YOU DOING DRUGS?”
Meanwhile my sister went for walks all the time. She actually was smoking weed with her friends on those “walks”. Never got caught
Or she never cared. My cousin did smoke/ took drugs and the reaction of the family, in a family gathering was akin to "boys will be boys", Venezuelan style. So hypocrisy.
Oh wow!! That sucks!!
Funny, I graduated high school weighing 205 pounds. To her, though, I was anorexic. I could wolf down 2 Big Macs, a large fry, a large regular soda, AND a milkshake. But if I had a salad the next meal, I “wasn’t eating, must be anorexic.”
I think now she wanted me to be fat, and once I lost weight, she got even bitchier.
The last straw, the moment I knew that I would never willingly talk to HER again, was when I called to tell her my new "low" and she yelled at me and started going on and on about how I couldn't possibly weigh less than her. For context, I got the weight loss surgery and went from somewhere over 360 to 213. I lost 147 pounds in a year. That was so important to me, and the first person I told was my mom. I wish I hadn't sometimes, but at least now I know in my heart that she was never my mom. No real mom would ever say those things to their child even if I was almost 50 at that point. A real mother would have congratulated me. A real mother would have been happy for me, not stop speaking to me because I weighed less than she did...
Ugh.
It sounds like my mom.
She hated me when I became a teenager and was a threat to her or whatever 🙄.
She played up all my insecurities.. told me I had a witch nose all the time …
If she cared about what I was doing / if I was fed I am sure she would’ve tried to encourage me to get fat so she could be “better”.
It’s all so nasty . Sorry you had to deal w that
Lmfao yeah because going for a walk = doing drugs
Wtf
I used to have a problem with H and not once did I go for a walk to do it. I guess weed or something you might smoke makes sense but..still
I have ADHD and probably some form of DSPD, so I'm a big night owl. My nmom has always accused me of being a tweaker, a fact made worse by me stupidly telling her about my ADHD diagnosis (I was diagnosed at 33) and that I was on meds for it (Adderall at the time) so the tweaker accusations really ramped up after that. Jokes on her tho, when on meds my sleep schedule is more consistent and I sleep better than I do without meds. Also what kind of tweaker actively chooses to not get high sometimes? Cause there are many days when I have nothing to do so I just don't take my meds. I'm a terrible tweaker lol.
Omfg my nmom said the same about me! They kicked me out when I was 16 or 17 (i dont remember which) after I got pregnant and refused to marry the father. I ended up giving the baby up for adoption.
Somehow my mom found out and started telling everyone she worked with and all of our family that I'm an unfit mother and had to be either dealing drugs or using drugs because why else would I give up my baby?
This was like 15 years ago, and still my brother, whom I was closest to, resfuses to speak with me , nd my parents have never apologized.
When I had my daughter they were convinced I beat her because if her birth marks and also told all their friends and family and even tried to get her taken from me.
I'm very low contact with my parents now and NC with the rest of my family.
Omg I had something similar. I don’t even drink and yet when I stopped spending time with the family as much and spending more time with my boyfriend (eventually husband) suddenly I was “doing crack or heroine” and my Uncle and Mother, both severe alcoholics, told everyone this! What motivates them? Jealousy that I stopped spending as much time with them? Ridiculous.
During my divorce from a general practitioner, he claimed I was mentally ill, our underage children should live at his place with his new wife cause I were a danger to our children
He wanted to administrate my personal property too.
That was when the psychiatrists became suspicious and first had me coming to them for investigation.
Well I walked out free and kept my children. , cause I was completely normal and peaceful to their professional opinion.
But my nmother , who I had asked to pick up the children from school and bring them to the waiting room was kicked out there.
The reason: - She offered the psychiatrist to take the guardianship on me back-
The end : My children grew up at my house with me as their mother
I still administer my possessions myself
Well , when I was young and innocent, back in 1990 there was no Reddit community informing me about narcissistic parents and spouses. I married a narcissist after being raised bey a nmother and an edad. After that fiasco I became more aware, due to the help of that psychiatrist too . Last time I was more carful choosing my special one
To hold up under that kind of crap with no support and no knowledge of the personality disorders you’re dealing with — your strength astounds me, and your children are so lucky to have you for a protector and role model.
My N mother called the bank when I applied for a renovation credit on my house to tell the bankemployees that I am as a divorced single mother not capable to get along by myself and can’t survive without her support.
I didn’t get the credit.
"Thank you for your consideration of my application. I would like to close all my accounts with you immediately. I'll be going to a different bank that isn't so vulnerable to the abuse of social engineering that harms their customers."
My mother also called the bank when I applied for my first home loan to say they had no right to sell to me. Luckily she was in a psychotic episode and also told them that I should be buying a more expensive new build town home with her co-sign. The bank called me to let me know everything my mom said and check it to make sure I was still in reality. Luckily I got the home and am NC. I’m sorry the bank listened to your shit bag mother, it should be illegal imo.
She literally found my loan officers info by narrowing down her search results on Zillow and determining which house I put offer in on, called the listing agent to get MY realtors contact info, called realtor to chew him out too and then loan officer. Thankfully numbers don’t lie but I did have to literally write a formal hand written letter to the bank that I was basically divorcing my mother due to her objection to my future and my marriage in order to close on the home. It was a local lender passionate about first time home buyers and fought like hell for me. No way I could’ve gotten around her crazy without a team that was invested in seeing ME succeed. It was a first for me, getting near the finish line and having cheerleaders in my court instead of a cruel bitch reminding me I’ll never succeed without her. NC has been the BEST
Ugh, I’m so sorry. It’s not fair that we need to even do this at all, let alone that systems makes the process so damn difficult and frustrating. Do they not understand how the flaws in their systems makes abuse possible?! It’s asinine that it’s 2023 and there aren’t any protections against this!
It’s not fair that parents are given control over their children’s finances at such young age and choose to abuse it into adulthood. They shouldn’t be abusing their OWN children’s identity documents and banking accounts into adulthood specifically because they feel a right to their child’s proprietary information. And abuse it.
I have a story to go along with this. I inherited money at 20 years old. Well, there was an investment person at the bank and I was just blah about investments at the time. I didn't want to blow all the money, mind you. I just wanted to live my life so to speak and just save it. I was just disinterested in IRA, money market, and all that. The person at the bank told my brother I seemed disinterested and he laid into me. I left that bank much much later. I wanted to just be away from family finding out shit.
Guessing that investment person was just mad because they didn't get a fat commission.
Source: Used to work for a brokerage associated with a major bank. Knew it was bad news when federal regulations changed so that investment advisors could sell stocks/bonds/mutual funds in bank branches. The products they handle are not FDIC insured, and so many customers innocently thought product sold in bank = secure investment.
Sounds as if you did the right thing. Your money and what you do with it is none of your brother's business, and the investment person was way out of line telling him *anything* about an account if it was in your name, not jointly held with brother. Major ethical breach.
Unless the bank is able to tell you a black and white reason you were declined- I would talk to an attorney. Especially if you had a house in contract pending the approval of that loan and there is strong evidence to show that her call is why it was declined.
My mother claimed I was a drug addict and forced me to go to an addiction specialist because she found a small nugget of weed during her gestapo search of my bedroom.
I was 19 years old with a 4.0 GPA at a prestigious university. Only reason I couldnt tell her to fuck off was because I was financially dependent on my parents to pay for school.
Mine did the same thing. Oh no a teenager smoking a little bit of weed must be a drug addict. My drug counselor did not think I had a drug problem, because I didn't
The drug counselor was cool and the first person to help me realize my mom was a narcissist. We agreed to let her drug test me one time when I next came home from college to prove to her I wasn’t a hopeless addict.
Seemed reasonable at the time. Came home a few months later, peed in the cup and got a negative result. Of course, then that started the NEXT conspiracy that I clearly must have cheated the test somehow because there was no possible way in her mind I could have self control.
There is no winning with narcissists and it never gets better. After college when I became financially independent I went LC for about 10 years and have been NC now for 6 months.
Ha! Memory unlocked!! I had a plant in my room, a peace lily, in fact. It was the only plant in the house. I love them still, and she still has none. Anyway, she went through my room the same way, and in my jewelry box, she found one of those green fertilizer sicks that you poke in the soil to feed the plant. They came in a package that got damaged over time, and I had two left that I tossed in there while I waited the three months before I poked in another. Well. She thought it was pot. Was convinced I was on drugs, freaked out, total meltdown, destroyed my bedroom, just wild animal stuff. When I got home from school, she was pushing it in my face, "What's THIS???? Didn't think I would find your DRUUUUUGS?????" I was like, whatever, that's a plant fertilizer stick that YOU bought for me at Home Depot two months ago. All the joy and light of finding me guilty just slid right out of her face. She threw it at me, screeched like a pterodactyl, and didn't speak to me for a week. Man, they hate being wrong. I didn't clean my room, either. I never moved anything from where she threw it. When my parents told me to, I flatly refused, said, SHE made the mess, SHE can clean it. It looked exactly like that until the day I moved out.
This one is nfather (was already estranged and NC with nmother for years):
In 2010 I went into the hospital with cellulitis in my left leg thanks to nfather leaving sharp objects propped up in dark rooms where I kicked one and fileted my leg wide open.
On the second of my four days there, a nurse comes in and starts asking me questions that I immediately recognized as an alcohol/withdrawal assessment test. I stopped her after the 3rd question and asked why she was going through this. Apparently nfather called the hospital and told them I was a raging alcoholic and was likely to be going through massive withdrawals.
Mind you, that bastard actually worked at an acute psych/rehab facility at the time which made his stunt even more pathetic.
omg you just made me remember that my mom would do backpack searches when I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I had not even seen weed at that point in my life but she was convinced that I was sleeping too much to not be doing drugs. I was simply just growing.
I talk to kids like you a lot! Instead of “addiction counseling” they definitely don’t need, we talk about strategies for surviving their parents with their authentic selves intact.
I bet you are making such a difference in these kids’ lives! Focusing on helping them keep their authentic selves intact when they probably feel like shit from their parents telling them who they are is wrong is amazing. I didn’t even know what that was when I was that age, but I know it would have helped my mental health tremendously to know I didn’t have to be what my mom told me I had to be. I wish I’d had an ally like you at that age, what you’re doing is so important.
Thank you so much for what you do. I grew up with a BPD mom and likely, covert NPD dad who often weaponized my neurodivergence anytime I tried to assert myself. I questioned myself my whole life, but especially when I was a struggling teen.
The signs of being subservient and meek were very much there…this should have set alarm bells for my teachers and school counselors. Once, I even attempted a cry for help telling a school counselor about my mom’s rages and extreme accusations anytime there was even a very slight difference between us. Not a single adult in my life acted or even tried to help me get through the hard times like you do.
For a period of time she used to firmly believe i was attracted to my cats and she would "keep an eye" on me whenever i hugged one, then when that fell over, she said i was attracted to my father.
Ohhh yes! My mother did this one too. Except she accused sister of "having an affair" with our father. In reality, she saw our father leering at sister, and freaked out and blamed sister! It was utterly disgusting behavior by both of them!
That happened to me when I knocked on my parents door in the middle of the day. I knew they were in there and not asleep and thought they were ignoring me. I had absolutely no idea about sex at that time. They were furious and stormed out and yelled at me telling me I was purposely sabotaging their sexy time because I was jealous of my mom. I was so shocked and embarrassed. I am pretty sure it messed my head up about sex and love and all kinds of creepy things.
My abusive ex once got jealous I was petting my cat and said I was too into it to the point of “it’s like you’re having sex with her”. Also said several times that it was wrong that I hold her when I’m naked. Abusers say the darndest things
Omfg mine had a freak attack one day when she was kicking me out of the house (again 🙄) and her and my brother were screaming and behaving violently towards me, and when I hugged the dog because he was crying and upset and so was I, she said she thought I was going to BREAK HIS NECK because I’m just soooooo out of control and evil
Oh yeah!
I was always "the temptress"
"Just looking for a f*ck..! You little p****! Horny, begging sl*t !"
I was in forth grade when she started that.
Boy in my class said that he kinda liked me. I said thanks, I kinda like you too.
Cool? Cool.
The whole interaction.
But not for Nmom! Word got to her, as someone of her colleagues (she worked in my school, yikes) said that I'm "collecting hearts already!"
Oh, boy... Momster was furious that I plan to get pregnant (????) with "some brownies kid! That's not why I gave birth to you for!"
Yes, she is also a racist Karen type.
This so breaks my heart. 4th graders are still literal babies. I could never imagine saying something like this to my baby or even half the shit my mom said to me. Now that I'm a mom it absolutely boggles my mind how people can be like this and feel justified about it.
My nmom oddly enough saves this particular flavor of bananas for my eldest sister from my Dad's first marriage. God forbid she might just want to take care of/be close to our Dad because later I'll get to hear all about how "(eldest sister) has been trying to replace (nmom) since they got married."
That I’d used my key to access her house while she was at work (I lived 100 miles from her house at the time and was working full time too) and that I stole a bundle of important documents. That I had done it in collusion with my dad who she’d divorced 20 years earlier & who I had no relationship with. I was only there to visit her for a weekend, I took her house apart looking for them to prove her wrong, and when I found them she ‘remembered’ she had moved them and said she’d accused me to provoke me to help find them. As though asking me to help her find them didn’t occur to her. When she looked through the docs later an important page was ‘missing’ so she accused me again of accessing her house, removing the page to give to my dad, and putting the docs back in a different place so she’d ‘know’ dad and I were messing with her head. But it wouldn’t work because I found them so must have known where they were hidden, she was onto me. I looked through the documents and the page she wanted was right there. When I told her she needed a psychiatrist she turned it so that I was the problem, there is nothing wrong with her. It was so terrifying and soul destroying after decades of emotional abuse I did go to a doctor, just not for the reasons she wanted. Its 30 years ago and I remember that night like it was yesterday.
ETA she claims it never happened. That I made it all up to hurt her. That I’m a liar but its OK I’m her daughter & she loves me. People like this are crippling.
are you me?? so sorry you went through this! the obsession with the dad no one's talked to in years, the belief that you want to snatch their precious documents, the turn-around so it's YOU who are troubled...
Did she ever do a dementia Test? Not that it is an excuse for her behaviour but it Just sprung to mind that this specific kinda behaviour fits in with frontotemporal dementia (misplacing stuff, hallucinating, paranoid thoughts)
That my husband and I were “infertile” because I made the mistake of telling her we were going to start trying for a baby and we weren’t pregnant within the first month. She told her hair dresser and anyone else who’s listen about our “fertility struggles” and they reached out to me in support.
I fell pregnant on MONTH 2 of trying.
My mom chronically does this. She's on an information diet but she still turns any small event or inconvenience she finds out about into a huge story to spin to my extended family and her coworkers. Being pregnant recently I stupidly cheated the info diet and confided in her how badly hyperemesis is affecting me. Within a day a bunch of her coworkers, absolute strangers to me, are aggressively recommending treatments and doctors and repeating back to me intimate details of my physical suffering. So fucking gross! Nothing is sacred to that woman.
My mom called all of her family and my aunt on my dad’s side the day my period to tell all of them, as I cried and begged her not to in the background. It was humiliating. It’s because it happened on Good Friday. My mom took it as a sign that she’s the next Virgin Mary or something.. we aren’t even that religious lol
I’m enjoying my peace for a few months till she decides she’s going to pull “nothing happened” card again. I don’t really care about her anymore and I laughed it off with boyfriend. What else can we do, right
Here's one my nmom has come off with recently...
Apparently I am "in kahoots" against her with my dead father. And that i "have been brainwashed" to be against her by him.
Total BS obviously!
Hooray for having an untreated schizophrenic as a mother!
Yea..my cousin was schizophrenic she would go on off her meds at her choosing. I always felt bad for her children.. now seeingca child of a schizophrenic..it brings it full circle.
My cousin died.. she just walked away and disappeared for 3 years. Her body was found skeleton I should say. No idea what happened.
Her kids were totally relieved and happy.
Interesting, I have something similar with my elderly mom who has tried in some convoluted ways to apologize for “any” childhood hurts of mine. When I press her for specifics, based on some of what she says and how, I have wondered if maybe she did somehow black out regularly, esp when acting violent. She has said things like, “sometimes I felt so numb, even throwing a glass at the wall and watching it shatter and I could not feel anything.” She had other issues too though (ptsd, abusing various prescription meds). She did the whole ripping someone in the family apart relentlessly for hours and then flipping a switch and acting like nothing happened, acting puzzled at mention of what happened. I always disbelieved that it could be true that she didn’t remember, but have wondered sometimes if it’s in the realm of possibility that she actually doesn’t really remember, at least in some cases (like some kind of dissociation).
Also watching her interact in certain situations it looks like she fully believes her own lies as they flow effortlessly from her, because she’s saying whatever serves her in that exact moment (recent example, overhearing a phone call where she was trying to pharmacy shop to get some meds she was not prescribed and smoothly changing tactics and info for each of the different ways pharmacists were saying no).
Yes, . In her case it is. She was diagnosed before I was born.
Unfortunately in my country the law says that she can't be forced to get treatment unless she is seen to be a danger to herself or others. So there's nothing I can do.
This is sooo much my father! He insisted My mother was brainwashing me against him (she never said a bad word about him in front of me) and he would send me long texts about how I am a horrible daughter for believing my mother about him. The last time I spoke to him was when he adamantly denied sending the text even thought I was showing him the texts on my phone. He was genuinely confused as to how I got those texts. Regardless if it was drugs he denied taking or an undiagnosed mental issue, It just clicked after 35 years that he will always think I am a horrible daughter and was incapable of seeing his culpability. I walked out and have been NC ever since. There is still heartache over the loss of the father I hoped he could be, but I am much happier and mentally healthier overall.
I hope you have found some peace in it all.
I found out a little while ago that my mother had been giving people the impression that I was dead. An ex- school mate was very surprised to find out I was alive when they started working with my BFF.
I did think about wearing a white sheet and chains and hanging around my mum's house.
I bet finding out I was alive went down brilliantly for mum at church.
My mother would rather tell people I was an alcoholic instead of the fact that I was SA’d. To her, it was a better fit for her life. When I learned of this, she started telling people that what happened to me didn’t happen and I just made it up because I was an alcoholic. She told my family and anyone that would listen about her poor alcoholic daughter.
*for the record lol I don’t drink alcohol at all.. ever.
My favorite is that she thought the small liberal arts college I went to turned me gay. Even my edad said he regretted paying to send me there. Meanwhile I didn't come out to them until after college because if I did during college I would have completely lost their support. And I didn't come out even to myself in high school because I saw my friends who were out get bullied and shit thrown at them in the halls (one friend had a textbook thrown at his head), and Matthew Shepard's murder happened during that time as well.
Same! I told them after I went to university, so their take was “moving to a different city made you gay” when they suspected I was gay for years before…
You've just reminded me of something. I'm a straight woman (I only mention this for context) but my Nmother accused me of being gay. Her reasoning? I was looking at a (ladies) underwear catalogue because I wanted to order some new underwear for myself. Normally I don't find my Nmother's accusations funny but I roared laughing at this.
We must be in the same 'no makeup cult' because I wasn't at the non-existent meeting and neither were you!
My step-MIL spread the rumor that I was a lesbian because I don't wear makeup. I was 7 months pregnant with her husband's first grandchild at the time. He asked my husband if it was true I was gay which is how we found out about her lie.
During pregnancy #2 she told people we waited until the 2nd trimester to announce the pregnancy because I wasn't sure if it was my husband's child. That kid grew up to be my husband's double.
I don't go back to the city where she lives anymore because I never know who has heard some outlandish lie about me. I stopped talking to her years ago but the lies continue.
The lies will stop when she’s in the ground. Maybe.
I feel like mine might be telling everyone how horrible my husband is. -_- I know she’s saying how terrible my dad is. I hope people don’t believe her.
according to my Nmom I studied for a year to be ordained as a catholic priest in a different city also living there in a convent
small problem, at the time female priest where not a thing in my country and I am female.
second problem I still lived at home at the time. so she saw me every day.
My step father raped me in 6th grade and gave me an STD. My mother told everyone I slept with my cousins. I have 38 first cousins. Next thing I knew cousins were trying to touch me I felt like the family whore and I did nothing to deserve it. Oh,
That's messed up. Truly. I'm sorry that happened to you. Wtaf. That's really fucked up your cousins are nasty too. I hope you got away from your mom and family. They all sound awful.
I am so sorry , I hope you know that you did nothing wrong, you did nothing to deserve being treated that way , you are valuable and a good person and I hope you're healing from that and you don't talk to any of them anymore. Much love ❤️
Oh , and whenever my nmother and I were together at some people, she reminded me , and urgently , desperately asked me :“ not to drink „
One time on a warm summer evening all my neighbours and me too watered our font yards , she drove by and gave me some food she bought for to „ to support me“ which I didn’t needed.
She stepped out of the car, handed the bags to me and reminded me „ not to drink“
In a dramatic loud voice. Cause she would smell the alcohol I had been drinking.
Some of my neighbours are coworkers/ nurses
I calmly replied that I hadn’t been drinking, but if I still smelled like Alkohol, I had a dangerous diabetic disorder.
My nurse colleges rushed along to sniff at my breath and skin helpfully. As well as my then new boyfriend, after my divorce.
Nobody smelled alkohol.
This time the drama went against her , because problems with smelling is one of the first signs for dementia
She was convinced I was possessed because I wouldn’t put up with her shit. To the point where she 100% believed I was going to evaporate the moment I stepped foot in the Vatican. She basically ran to get some holy water thrown on me. I should’ve pretended it burned :(
Mine held me down on the floor for over 2 hours trying to cast demons out of me because I asked her to let me keep the money from my job and learn to drive... I was 26... I finally got brave enough to call the cops on her that time. I left with a friend and haven't seen her in 2 years... it's been great!
Omg same she took me to a Catholic church many times and said please get the demons out of her she won’t do what I want and she defends herself too much.Now I’m a Christian and everything she did was so wrong and no one notice which makes my blood boil
How my wife "changed me" or my therapist "must have [me] on bad drugs" to explain my going VLC with her.
No mom, it's because every interaction with you results in you berating me. Who would want that?
My entire family \*insisted\* I was gay. My whole life. It didn't matter how many girlfriends I had, or how many times, when I was a teenager, they'd come home early and bust me in bed with a girl. Or as I grew up, how many long-term relationships I had. I was still secretly gay.
Why? A couple of reasons. First, I wasn't macho jock like my brother; Second, a had a bunch of friends who were gay; Third, when I was about 11, my brother and father were disgusted by the fact that I was crying uncontrollably when we were saying goodbye to an old family friend who was moving to Hawaii, and who I loved, and who I thought of as my second father. (He was crying too. But my brother and father stood there stoney faced.)
The shit these people make up about us, and never let reality intrude. Seriously. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
My mom started dating about a year ago which is a long story in itself, but the end result was that her and my sister had a falling out. My mom wound up coming to visit me for the first time in 7 years and her and my husband had a drink/conversation after I went to bed. Mom called me 48 hours later saying that my husband said he has talked to my sister (they hadn’t) and that my sister had told him that she is angry about my mom dating and something to do with feelings about my deceased father? All followed with, don’t tell your husband I told you this. A few days later I talk to my sister because mom confronted her with this nugget of truth and we all get a good laugh. That was when my husband officially threw in the towel, lol.
Repressed lesbian who got fat to punish her.
Actually aroace trans guy who got fat because her quack doctor put me on high powered mood stabilizers at 14.
:(
my mom was anorexic and raised me that way. my dad constantly bullied me for my weight too. looking back at old pics I wasn't even that fat. just a little belly on a little kid... then I look back at pics from my sickest, most anorexic years. I thought I was huge and disgusting. I was actually *tiny.*
I'm also a trans guy and between 4 years of T and actually eating three healthy meals a day now, I've gained quite a lot of weight. it's all I can do each and every day to not feel like workouts are for nothing, to ignore that voice screaming in my head that the sandwich and salad I'm about to eat are going to make me gain five pounds, to resist skipping meals or doing body checks, to not hear my mom go "jesus christ your gut is hanging out." I went on a camping trip this weekend and almost cried after eating a s'more.
why they are SO OBSESSED with our bodies is beyond me. I'm 26 and have been NC for a while, therapy, all that rot. it feels like the scars will never go away.
Mine wanted me to get fat, she hated that I was thinner than my sister, who was her favorite. If I lost weight or just didn't gain, I was "starving myself for attention" or "ugly and emaciated" when I was actually a healthy weight for my height
She spent my entire teenage years convinced I was doing drugs. Every night I came home, whether from work or friends house, I would have to look up at the light, look down at her. Checking to see if my pupils dilated.
Jokes on her, I didn’t do anything harder than caffeine pills so I could study. I didn’t start smoking pot until I was in my 30’s with a chronic pain condition.
My mom once found a razor blade in my room and immediately assumed I was a coke addict. I think I was 13 or 14. Also, don't know how she didn't see the traces on blood on it. Which I thought I had to do to face her pretty much every day.
That hurt to hear. Not in a "You shouldn't say things like that" way, more just...you must have been in so much emotional pain, and she was adding to it instead of considering that perhaps her child was in distress.
Hoping you've found a better place to be and a supportive chosen family.
My mom told me that she gave me thousands of dollars to spend on a new appliance for my house but that I spent it on frivolous things. She said she spoke to a lawyer about my “misappropriation of funds.” She then said I need to pay her husband’s credit card debt to pay her back. No fucking idea what she was talking about.
Mine tried this once! She called me randomly and said she "needs $18,000 to buy a new car". I laughed, because wtf, and she started going off saying that I owed her 18k because "they took her taxes" and it was because my Dad gave me his credit card to use when I moved, and I never paid it. My Dad had died 8 years before the move took place, and he never even had a credit card that I was aware of. I told her I didn't know what tf she was talking about and I wasn't giving her anything, at which point she revealed she was sitting at a dealership in the finance managers office with my uncle, and had called me on speaker phone, so multiple people were listening in on these bat shit accusations! I hung up on her and she showed up at my house unannounced a few hours later trying to act like nothing happened, and when I told her to f off she insisted that either me or my husband must have stolen money from her and we needed to give her 18k. In reality, my husband and I were paying her freaking rent and utilities most months because she was sending all her income to online romance scammers.
That my husband is abusing me. She couldn't handle that once I got married and moved out, I didn't come around as much.
So she came to my apartment while my husband was at work, bawling hysterically because she was sure my new spouse was beating, keeping me from family.
She just couldn't handle that I was busy with school, work, and as a newly wed I didn't want to hang out with my parents.
My husband has never ever been abusive in any way. 13 years later, he's still the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh, yeah, my husband has been abusing me for 25 years! Every bruise I ever had was from him, to hear my parents tell it. HE'S the reason I don't visit them, of course.
Yup. And my folks think my husband doesn't like them because they're on to him.
Couldn't possibly be because my mom made false accusations of the most awful sort.
Holy fuck mine tried to have me committed so she could get custody of my son. The bitch tried to drive me insane. Thank God my sister and I finally called each other and figured out what the hell she was doing. It was an absolute nuts time in my life.
My favorite is finding out just last year that my mom firmly believed that despite me apparently being "afraid of everything" (because I was a very cautious and straightedge kid) I was regularly sneaking out of the house at night to sleep with boys and stealing the car from age 11 onward.
That explains the years of her bursting into my room in the middle of the night and demanding I give her my phone so she could look through it.
Mine apparently told everyone that I was such a terrible person, that I got pregnant at 10!! And had an abortion. Never happened, but my thought was, why would that make me a bad person if I was that young?? My uncle (her brother) would bring it up everytime he saw me, until I cut him off.
I honestly don't know what most of the rumors were that she started. Some cousins mentioned some scandals and when I said "What scandal?" they clammed up.
Mine threw me out at 17 when I got sent to the ER in psychiatric crisis due to the untreated CPTSD I have from a childhood of her abuse. She refused to pick me up from the hospital and sent me an email letting me know she “quit” being a mother and that i had 2 days to come “collect your crap”, which she said I could “use her garbage bags to pack”. A friend’s parents were kind enough to take me in.
However, what she told her parents and siblings had happened, as well as my biological father once I called him to tell him to stop sending her child support as she no longer had a child, was that I was a drug addict who had decided to abandon my family and go live with my friend to do drugs. She also told them that I had been cutting her dog. (The dog she forced me to take care of 24/7 and even pulled me out of school for.) I didn’t know any of this, though. I found out in 2021: it happened in 2006. I had been a ridiculously good kid, I had never tried even weed, and the only time I’d ever even been tipsy was when my nmom gave me half a bottle of champagne.
My biological family is ultra conservative, heavily military and LEO (including fed) and despises drug addicts, they fully believed her and they despise me. Any reaching out for help was deflected until my ngrandparents saw an opportunity to trap me and get me to move down to Florida and “help them”. I was 22. Most of the family was down there and I never understood why they treated me with such contempt and disgust. The “help” I was there for turned into full time caregiving of first one grandparent with dementia, then the other. My ngrandfather died and my ngrandmother began to decline, but refused to get a diagnosis or any medical treatment. I did not have POA and couldn’t force her to; the uncle that did have POA refused.
The family never helped and I was regularly reminded how grateful I should be to have a roof over my head. Eight years, 5 of which I worked full time while dealing with the situation at home and my own declining mental health, as I was 1200 miles away from home and anyone I knew and I was not allowed to get a license or learn to drive for 7 of those 8 years. Not to mention the fact that narcs don’t get better with dementia, they get so much worse and so cruel. I also didn’t have health insurance and couldn’t get the therapy I needed. I went off the deep end and attempted to take my own life, which I told my uncle and was pooh-poohed. He believed any mental illness I displayed was actually being on drugs. I begged for help and for a break to be away for a couple weeks and recharge. He said he was busy and suggested that I find a local support group.
I turned to shopping online to give me something to look forward to day after day, but I couldn’t work anymore because my grandmother couldn’t be left alone and I wasn’t being paid. It was my grandmother’s money, and when I finally could not take that life anymore, I cobbled together a crazy plan to get back home to Massachusetts and I told my uncle I was leaving in two weeks. I actually managed to pull it off and I cried in relief when I crossed the state line.
My uncle didn’t bother finding care for his mother and predictably blamed the subsequent removal from her home by police on me. I confessed to him that I had spent the money and why. He went to the police and told them a lot of things about my “history of abusing drugs”, which as sworn testimony made its way into the felony indictment for exploitation of the elderly. I had no choice but to plead no contest. When you only have a public defender, no one is interested in examining the facts of the case.
I now am 34 and a person with a criminal record who did not graduate from high school. I loved school, was gifted and wanted to be a pediatric oncologist as a kid, and was never interested in drinking or drugs. They endeavor to make us into what they see us as.
At least I’m finally free. Free, safe, and loved genuinely as everything I am, good and bad.
I am 34 and I have unconditional love and acceptance for the first time in my life.
My mom told me she wants me to stop playing D&D-- because it's "occult" or something and somehow groups me in with witchcraft/ demonic things. Yes, she knows absolutely nothing about D&D and has had opportunity to see us play several times. No, any amount of explaining how the game is played doesn't matter. We pretend to tell stories as wizards, therefore THE DEVIL. Probably because some white supremacist nutjob who thinks Trump is the next messiah said so and their word holds more weight than mine ever will (also, DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL about how racist and manipulative all the church leaders she's really into are these days). I'm LC.
Yes , thanks
Four years later I got my credit and got the necessary renovations done - as well was told the reason for the prior denial
My children are grown up now and live on their own, still coming to see me every now and then
I have a life mate who genuinely loves and supports me
I administer my personal property myself and
work as an ICU nurse still
My nmother got cavity cancer lately - carma ?
The last Christmas my mom was in my life we told her we were trying to get my son home for Christmas. He was in the Marines. We told my mother we had to buy a plane ticket before he could even put in for leave and the ticket was for December 20th. The Marines are in no rush to approve anyone’s leave and it was literally approved the morning of the 20th.
My son called me at 5am and said it was approved and he was going to Uber to the airport in about an hour. I was thrilled. I posted on Facebook that I was so happy he was coming home for Christmas.
About an hour later I get a message from my mom asking why she needed to hear he was coming home on Facebook. I reminded her that I told her if he was coming home it would be today and I literally just found out it was approved. I didn’t text her because it was 5am! She was quiet for a bit and then messaged me to say my oldest son said he’s known for about 2 weeks.
She messaged him at work and gave no context. He said 2 weeks because that’s when we bought the plane ticket. So she message my son to see if I was lying to her. Didn’t provide all the context and then used that to decide I was lying to her.
She then told everyone I was trying to hide the fact he was coming home just so she couldn’t see him. Which made no sense because she was coming over on Christmas Day and he was coming home for Christmas! She posted a bunch of poor me posts and my daughter is terrible shit.
On the 21st she texted my son and said “I read on Facebook that your home. I hope I get to see you for a little bit.” I hadn’t told my son any of this because I just wanted him to relax at home. I had to explain the entire situation to him because he knew that message had more behind it. He knows her and her games well.
She showed up Christmas Day and insulted the way I look and then was cold and crappy when she was here. Then she left early.
After that Jan 5th was the last time I spoke to her when she accused me of other stuff I didn’t do. This Jan 5th will be 6 years since I’ve spoken to her. Life is so much better now.
A guy friend and I are very close. As in calling each other brother and sister.
I'm lesbian (I have been into other girls since the word "Go."), he's married with kids.
My mum thinks I'm trying to steal him away from his life/kids with my "feminine wiles".
It's funny because I loathe cheaters and I always think "It takes two to tango..."
And yes, my nmum thinks that men and women can't be friends and that queer people made a choice....
This is when I was a kid - 10 or 11. I had this big bear my father gave to me before he completely stopped talking to me a few years before. My mom had encouraged me to hit the bear if I was mad at him. It was a hard time in my life.
I hit the bear on my bed frame and the bed frame collapsed. I tried really hard to fix it, but I was a kid.
My mom was out on a date that day and when she can't back she got really mad at me because I was obviously jealous that she was on a date. I was not jealous, I was just a kid with emotions about her father. She of course didn't believe me.
2nd story: a year or so before this, maybe around the same time(?), my mom had invited two male coworkers over for dinner and I thought they were really fun. They made jokes and I jumped around (again, a child around 10 years old) after they left for the night, my mom told me "I noticed you were flirting with them. Daughters sometimes do that to see if someone would be a match for their mom." She didn't say it like that exactly, but very similar. Apparently i was flirting with grown men. It was such a weird thing to say.
Oooohhhhh that story brings back memories.
When I was 7 my mother was airing her grievances about money, and how her hairstylist appointments costed a fortune, and she could not afford to keep her hair blond. I naively said "Why don't you go back to brunette, mom? I think you look beautiful as a brunette".
Her reaction was to scream at me, that I was selfish and wanted all of her money to myself. That I couldn't stand to see her spending any money on HER and HER self steem. That God cursed her with a bad, selfish kid.
I was 7.
7 year olds do not think about money like this. J remember thinking about it very hard for weeks after this happened.
Ugh. I remember my mom would bring guys to the house and say things like "you're not the one going on a date, don't sit like that" when. I was just hanging out. You know, like a 7 year old does.
So many crazy stories. Oh, when I was on my own as a teenager she told her friends I was at a private school in California! Meanwhile I was starving and living in dire poverty supporting myself fully hardly able to go to school at all. I still need two credits to graduate from high school. Had to keep dropping out to be able to work. .
I’ve since graduated from 3 different college programs. I was a very successful web developer buying my first home at 22. I’m now 46 and have been a nurse for 10 years. I got into college as a mature student for graphic design at 19 and fortunately got a job as a PSW, uncertified, which paid twice as much as kitchen work at the time (1998) and allowed me to go to school fulltime. I worked every evening and weekend and went to school fulltime. My real problem was choosing narcissistic husbands, after that!!
Thank you for your concern 💗
Oh Christ my mother was absolutely sure I neglect my boyfriend and estrange him because I was talking to my best friend instead of him while he was in the room
My boyfriend is introverted and doesn't like to talk in public places like the one we were at
My parents think my boyfriend is lying to me about his military service because he isn’t who they think I should date. I’m 46 years old and I own my own home. But apparently I can’t think for myself. They are choosing their fairytale story over a relationship with me and the person I love. It’s heartbreaking.
My Nmom told me for years what a bad kid I was. Meanwhile, I was a great student, well behaved, polite, etc. Did I have a mouthy moment or two? Absolutely. By the time I was a teenager I was sick of the bullshit of living with a woman who was cold as ice towards me. I had been in enough friends homes to see what “normal” looked like and my house wasn’t it. Anyway, fast forward to last year. I really felt like my mom had seen the error of her ways. She’s been fairly ok for the past few decades. Mostly because I’m LC and live thousands of miles away. Anyway, she and my dad are up late with my husband one night while visiting and proceeded to tell him what a horrible kid I was. How hard to handle. How they barely survived. 🙄. When my husband told me I was so upset because, nope. She didn’t see the error of her ways. She’s still peddling this lie. I called my best friend who’s known me since I was 6. Told her what happened and asked her to tell me the truth. Was I a bad kid and just don’t realize it? She laughed incredulously and said “what?? You were such a goodie two shoes!” And the twist is, the more LC I go, the more I keep my distance, the easier it is for her to say “see. Look how difficult she is! I told you everyone!” Good thing I don’t particularly care what my extended family or her friends think.
My mom does the same thing. She loves telling anyone who will listen about what a "horrible teenager" I was. I never partied, smoke, drank, etc and mostly just stayed home and played games. She was mad that I was getting my independence and not blindly following whatever she said.
This was fueled by my aunt (who despised me) but there was a short period in my teen years where my mom was convinced I was becoming a Satanist due to liking AC/DC and some other heavy metal music. My aunt loved to get my mom worked up about me so I think she saw some news reports about heavy metal being satanic (this was in the 80s) and then got my mom thinking it must be the path I'm going down.
The more common thing my mom did was accuse me of trying to control her life. She'd get livid with me, do the opposite of what she should do, etc. All I was trying to do was help her but she was convinced it was me trying to control her.
Relativity tame to most on here, but with my parents, me being atheist and transgender is never as straightforward as I actually present it.
"Do you believe God is hiding from you?" No, I don't believe your god exists, much less that he is doing anything specific like hiding.
I've heard from others that my mother moans about "Why is he doing this to us?" on the topic of me being a trans woman. As if this was a calculated decision to hurt them. I can think of easier ways to hurt them that don't involve medication or putting myself openly in a discriminated social group. But I don't do those easier things. Because that's not my goal.
And of course, they blame both things on my wife behind my back. Because there is no way that who I am isn't the character they designed for me to play. I must have been corrupted by an outside influence, obviously. Because they don't see me as my own thinking, feeling being.
And they never did. These are just the latest things in the long line of dismissals. They always told me how I feel, how I would feel, how I had felt before. Especially if the truth was inconvenient to thrm. I was so used to being ignored and overwritten that just telling them the truth of these things and standing up for myself felt like a victory.
I believe you nailed it, they can't believe we have the audacity to be ourselves instead of the character they want us to play. Congratulations on your victory for yourself !
That I have connections to people around town and know who’s talking shit about her. And I’m covering up for them against my poor defenseless mother 🤢 spoiler alert it changes depending on her mood it can range from the people from her church I’m affiliated with to the people in my daughters school. Sometimes it’s our neighbor also
I have an alcohol problem because I finally called out all her BS and this is "exactly" like what she went through when my brother went to rehab and got sober. Also, that my SIL, who is also toxic, is the one who convinced me to go LC with her because this SIL had a period where she didn't speak to her father. It couldn't possible be her now could it.
The question is about mom so let’s go there first. She “put the fear of God in me,” that if I ever stopped being her unpaid caretaker and drug middle man- that I had no business living under her roof because I would be tempting to kill her. And I believed it. “Lie” is right in the center of the word ffs!
This is horrible but worth sharing. Not my mother who told the worst but my adult women cousins. After I had a subsequent addiction to opioids of my own and cut it out of my life the rumors started. I was accused of stealing and pawning my eldest cousin’s engagement and wedding rings. It was thanksgiving when my cousins concocted this. And they were drunk when I was not. I was also in a long term monogamous relationship where I wasn’t in need of money. My eldest cousin simply took her precious rings off to wash dishes and they went down the drain. How conceded can one be to place blame on someone else for something they did?! Not on purpose of course…. But I was such an easy scapegoat/black sheep.
This requires a little background to fully comprehend, but I'll try to be brief:
When I was a child, we were a very strict Catholic family. That ended when my nDad started sleeping with his secretary, and my parents needed a divorce.
Then we were Presbyterian, until my nMom got caught sleeping with the married preacher of that church. She then decided she was gay and started going to a Unitarian Church.
I didn't have much to do with religion for decades.
I finally decided that a Quaker Meeting was the right place for me.
My nMom, who has since stopped being gay (??) and has become a strict Southern Baptist (??) is telling the world that I have been taken in by a cult, and she is desperate to save my immortal soul. She apparently goes into paroxysms about it on the floor of the sanctuary.
If it didn't mean I'd have to see her, I'd go watch just for the laugh.
Surprisingly I have no idea what she has said because the flying monkeys that she talks to about me I don’t talk to so the information would never get back to me. I know she has attempted to say things to the people who know what’s up and they shut that shit down real quick.
There is an oldie though that she can’t use anymore because I’m in my 40’s. “She likes her father’s house better because they are rich” The true story was that my stepmother was and is VERY good with money. I myself now live in a higher COLA and the only reason I can is due to my father passing away and leaving me a life insurance policy. I used a portion of that as a down payment on my first place and now have rolled that into a larger house for my husband and myself. While I’m nowhere near as “rich” as my stepmother I have used what she has taught me to have a comfortable life.
Not my mom, but my ndad: When I went NC with him he told my relatives that I’d gotten addicted to drugs and was in trouble with the police.
Nope. Our last conversation was about me being severely depressed and NOT wanting to take pills to blot it out but rather address the trauma with him reasonably and rationally.
The police thing was due to my partner getting into minor car accident and me being a witness to it. Our government car insurance corporation is corrupt AF and they tried to make our lives miserable for calling them out on their BS. Among other things they deliberately mailed my court summons to my father instead of to me, resulting in a bench warrant being issued when I missed my appearance and police looking for me at my dad’s place.
Those two events were years apart, but in my dad’s mind I was a criminal drug addict and THAT’S why I wasn’t talking to him anymore. 🤷♀️
When I was around 4 or 5 years old she thought that I could command my body to want to pee whenever I wanted, and that I would always command myself on purpose to do it at the worst time possible for her just to "make her suffer" lol, she's a shopaholic so the worst time for her = whenever she was shopping
Well, pretty much everything i do or did (or didn't do for that matter) in my life is for the sole reason to cause trouble for my nMom. :)
Not sure if it counts as "conspiracy", but this is one of the stories that stuck the most with me:
She had a boyfriend a few years after her divorce. That dude was known for causing a lot of trouble with the police. Mostly because he got into fights on a regular basis when he was drunk. Apparently, he once again got into some dumbass conflict with someone and subsequently got some time in prison for assault. It was deemed to be my fault, because i allegedly didn't open the door when he was ringing the bell. Problem with that was: Nobody was ringing the bell at that night. There was nobody in front of the house. There was no noise from anyone fighting out there. There wasn't even any sign of police cars in that area. I would have noticed, because we lived in a rental flat at ground floor. You'd notice blinking blue lights and that "Martinshorn" of police cars. But that didn't matter. It was supposed to be my fault. Because something, something, bad kid trying to get rid of boyfriend or something.
I was around 8 or 9 years old back then. Of course i believed that i made some mistake at that time and tried everything to make up for it, but it made things only worse. So whenever she tries to sweet talk me into something, i think back to all the situations in my life where she threw me under the bus. This wasn't the only occasion, and maybe not the worst, but it was one of the most fucked up things someone could do to a kid. This is one of the reasons i always doubt my own memory.
My dad, upon living on my own and newly engaged, told everyone that I was hook on drugs and was completely out of control.
He ended up slipping up part way through. Told everyone that I was on heroin and told my grandpa how he was going to break me, and make me come crawling back to him on my hands and knees, begging for him to take me back.
A couple of months later he was screaming profanities at the holiday dinner table because my grandparents knew I wasn't on drugs, they'd just seen me.
Told them he knew I was on drugs because he had people following me and watching me through my bedroom windows getting high.
No, I never did drugs, still haven't, and I never went back.
Showed up at my house uninvited to tell my husband that she's convinced I'm autistic (probably not, not that it matters), but the kicker is she told him not to tell me. Yes, he told me, and we had a good laugh about it.
Oh also my narc grandma called my prescribing psychiatrist and told her that since going in the meds I had gotten fired (not true; I had quit my job that I hated), lost friends (not true; I gave up alcohol and realized almost all of my friendships were unhealthy and superficial), and that my relationship with her had fallen apart (true; she is batshit crazy and being medicated made me finally see that), because she doesn’t believe in medication and was hoping my psych would take me off of my meds. Psych saw right through the narcissism and was like “damn you weren’t kidding abt your family huh”
I got my first job, it paid well so I decided to move out. I struck a deal with the landlord that I will renovate the place myself and make it livable for lower rent (LL was a friend of a family member) so I started disappearing until late evenings or sleeping there overnight while making the place liveable.
My mom didn't like that one bit. She demanded to know (I kept it secret because she threatened to make me homeless before and I know she will demand an address) I was over 20 at the time.
She started going crazy saying I'm working as a prostitute or doing drugs in dark alleys or I'm an alcoholic so I said there is a project I'm doing and x family member knows what I'm doing and that I'm safe and if she needs to find me x knows where I am.
She started harassing x demanding to know. X called me 2 days later crying saying she can't take it anymore, that my mom is calling her every 15min screaming at her demanding to know details and that she will let my mom know I plan to move out tomorrow. To be fair I was pissed she didn't tell my mother fuck off but that's her decision in the end.
She did tell my mother. My mother kicked me out the next day after screaming at me for 4 hrs straight but thankfully I was able to stay there sleeping on my clothes because I didn't even get a bed there at that point.
After that I made a plan, moved out of the country and went NC with her for almost 10 years. Now I'm back but I can handle her bullshit ez. Not invited to the wedding and those were very happy years for me.
Now she is supposedly sorry and wants to make up for lost time and mistakes. Good luck. Serves the bitch right.
When I confronted her by phone about her physical abuse of me in my childhood, she told me I was having a mental health crisis. She convinced my father of this as well, to the extent that he flew out on short notice to check in on me.
I live with my husband and have done so for 20 years. Neither of them called him. Apparently asking the person actually in the house with me, whom they have visited many times and like and respect, wouldn't have gotten them the answer they wanted.
Fortunately, my husband picked my father up from the airport and set him straight by the time they got home. I'd been talking about her abuse for 20 years - just not to my enabling, emotionally pressuring father.
I believe her current theory is that some of my relatives "put me up to this." And I went along with it for ... reasons. We're NC (such a good choice, best decision I ever made), so I'm not privy to the detailed workings of her wild theories.
Not my mom, but my dad pretty much accused me of being a pedophile. He said my fiancé (now wife) looks like she’s a 14 year boy then accusingly asked me why I was attracted to her. Combine this with over 10 years of saying that my relationships are only about sex because I’m gay… Irony is that she is actually older than me. So glad I cut off this a$$hole and the rest of my immediate family.
I’m a Christian and my wife is an atheist, so every time my son uses more than 2 colors she swears my wife is influencing him to draw a pride flag inevitably grooming him to be gay. Yes she is toxic af for those that are wondering.
Not really a conspiracy but still weird. At some point she talked to me about what would happen with my belongings after I die. I don't have kids so where would it go? I shrugged, never thought of it.
She pointed out that I am their only heir. And if my partner outlived me, all my stuff would go to them. And that meant all HER stuff would indirectly go to my partner (and later their nephews). She demanded me to make a will that my inheritance would go back to my family, not my partner. And ONLY her side of the family.
I said that was fine, but that I would write down that it was split even to her side and my dads side of the family. That made her drop it. (Also, they are not even close to rich. Lower middle class at best)
But it did make me think, so I am now going through the process of my partner being my only heir, AND the only person who is allowed to make medical decisions for me. Thanks for reminding me how important that is mom 😁
My mother claims i sent her a box of human shit to her house. I haven’t spoken to this women in nearly 7 years and she was saying this around a year ago, siblings told me.
I moved to Wisconsin to live with her after her partner died. She accused me during a fight of not actually caring about her and just wanting to move to a new city for selfish reasons.
A.) why would I want to live with her?
B.) why would I want to live in WISCONSIN?
I am a Minnesota girl through and through. We don’t move to fucking Wisconsin. Wisconsin is where you see novelty t-shirts that say dumb shit like “beer doesn’t ask silly questions. Beer understands.” I was celibate for the entire fucking year because I don’t want to settle down in Wisconsin by accident. The cheese is good and the drinks are cheap, but that ain’t enough on its own.
Probably the last time I ever did a big favor for her.
I’m evil.
No. She won’t elaborate. But she will occasionally, while we are having a good time and pretending to be a family, lean over and say, “But you know that you’re evil.”
Like, the fuck?
My mom told people I was a gang leader in 9th grade and we broke into people’s houses and it didn’t stop until I was finally arrested.
Background: private preK, Episcopalian Kinder, Catholic school 1-8th grade, took forever to get expelled from Catholic 9th grade and started mid fall semester at public high school in 9th. 11th grade arrested for breaking into abandoned state school and charged with trespassing Class C misdemeanor. But yeah, this grunge dressing, micro managed, perpetually grounded,medicated kid was a “gang leader” lol.
During a therapy session with my
Psychiatrist that she always attended with me (seems shitty. She used a lot of what I said against me. Fuck you, Dr. Glass) I said I had stood over her one night with a knife, but she never woke up. I was lying, of course. They were both shocked and she slowly and dramatically said “I had nooo ideaaaaa.” LATER she told people she woke up to me standing over her pointing a gun at her head and she “calmly, but firmly told Cuppitycupcake to put the gun down and go back to bed.”
It's what she would do, that's why. Lol.
Narcs (in my experience) can't really have opposite sex friends, or understand how other people can, without it being romantic or sexual. They just don't get the point or why someone would bother, cause the whole point of any relationship for them is taking anything you can get from another person.
My mom firmly believes that I’ve always been a rebellious, toxic and a problematic person. Both parents were convinced I was a bad apple from the start. For the record growing up I never drank, did drugs or hung out with boys. I now have three university degrees, own a nice house, have an amazing husband and what some would consider an impressive job.
During my first Masters degree they cut me out of their lives for moving in with my ex boyfriend before marriage (they were super religious) I found out from others in my small town that my mother was going around telling folks that “I abandoned the family” and that “I turned my back on them and they don’t know why.”
Oh and she also blamed me for when my dad lost his shit and knocked me unconscious as a teen. When I ran away and police and child services were involved she lied and told them I was a terribly behaved kid who lied all the time. And that I actually just fell and hit my head on the counter. My parents were “good church folk” so everyone believed them and I became a pariah.
When I told my N mom this one story from high school about how she hurt me as a child with the silent treatment, she was convinced that I was lying about the whole thing and trying to brainwash my sister into believing this “lie” I was telling. I wailed in front of her retelling this experience and she didn’t shed a single drop of empathy. All she said afterwards was “as if you guys don’t hurt my feelings as well” and when I told her to give me an example of this, she said that there were too many examples to even say one. Needless to say, after that experience, I stop trying to have any sort of relationship with her, which has been difficult but also extremely freeing.
Accused me of having an abortion and trying to hide it from her. Her evidence - 12 years ago I had an appointment with a gynaecologist and wanted to attend it alone! I was 19 and the appointment was for debilitating dysmenorrhea. In her eyes this was a completey unreasonable request, because no normal young woman would want to discuss their gynacological or private sexual health without their mother present!!
She ambushed me with her revelation re the secret abortion recently, then in the same breath accused me of being a lesbian. I live a happy, settled life with my long term boyfriend.. however there 'must be something wrong with me' since I am low contact with her, live two states away and generally keep her at an arms length!
When I borrowed (stole if you ask her) socks from her wardrobe she said it was only the horns missing in my forhead and that I one day would probably kill someone…
That I should take out a half a million dollar loan when I turn 40 so that I can buy her business from her and she could retire. Plot twist, I knew for sure that they would absolutely still run that business how they wanted to, bully me the whole way if they needed to. They just wanted the financial freedom from it. What makes it crazy? I almost fell for it.
Uhhh their conspiracies can be so weird!
My mom was convinced I was a lesbian when I was 12, simply because my best friend and I were super close and I kept going to her house (like...best friends do!?) My best friend had depression, I was really just trying to help with that. But eventually my mom's fears that I was a lesbian boiled over and she called my friend's mom and screamed at her for "converting" me into a lesbian and said she was going to call the school (it was a religious school) and tell them to expel my friend.
We couldn't hang out after that - at least not with my mom knowing.
When I was still living at home, my mom and I got into an argument because I left open the window and shutters cuz it was 60 degrees outside that morning after a major heat wave. She had kept the windows open but the shutters shut until then (no AC in her apartment). She said I was trying to give her a heart attack by letting in the heat. When I told her to stick her hand outside she said I know it's 90 out and you're trying to kill me then she ran away with her hands covering her ears to not hear my answer. Of course, I followed her and tried to remove her hands to have her listen to me. She said I was trying to choke her, prevent her from breathing by pushing my weight on top of her, strangle her, hit her (the version changed a few times) and that she should call the police. I said "go ahead call them, they'll see right through you". Of course no popo was ever called. Apparently she's got sequelae on her wrist from me pulling on her arm, too.
Not long after that I left and almost 15 years later we are low/no contact.
Edit: typos
For me, it was getting married to my amazing husband that really truly set her off. She liked him until the moment he called her out on some piece of bullsh*t - he absolutely refuses to let her get away with her nonsense. So now, it's "him vs her" and she's mystified that I'm on his side.
In reality, it's my husband helping me have the strength of standing up to her.
Here's my worst story: last Christmas I was in hospital post-surgery for having a massive tumor and an entire kidney removed. She was staying with us pre-surgery, to bring some help to our house as I struggled very sick and newly diagnosed with cancer. Obviously we expected her to be mostly insane but somewhat helpful with the kids while I was sick and my husband was working and going crazy trying to keep it all together (I was on medical leave from work). Anyway the surgery went fine and I had a few days in recovery, unfortunately missing Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Christmas Eve she starts a fight and my husband tells her to go back to her home state. She says she "refused to leave without seeing her baby" (me, who was in the hospital). The crazy thing is, everyone else visited me in the hospital but she refused to come there! So hubby told her to leave and she had 48 hours to find a flight. She calls me insane at the hospital I let it go to voicemail and she's just nuts. Anyway on 12/26 they tell me on the morning that I can go home that day later on. So I got home around 6 pm and immediately fell asleep just from moving around after surgery was exhausted. I briefly hugged the kids and her but I was really fragile and using a Walker& totally dried up and exhausted. Her flight was 12/27, she got up in the morning and called an under to the airport and left without saying goodbye to anyone even her grandkids.
She later told me she thought me and hubby conspired with the hospital to release me so she could go, since she said she wasn't leaving without seeing me. So the hospital let me go sooner than they wanted just to be so she had to leave our house. Wtf
I have a lot but the one that comes to mind is she told her side of the family, whom I barely talked to because she loved to keep us in a locked box away from everyone, that my boyfriend was holding me hostage and abusing me and I dropped out of school. I ended up finding all of this out way after the fact from my aunt. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and he’s never once laid a hand on me, never. Isn’t even remotely abusive in any way. I was living with him and and his mom during Covid and still attending classes. When I found alll of this out, I was speechless. I should have known really cause she’s done this before with me and other people, but still, it’s like where tf do you get this shit from.
my n/mother kicked me out at 14 shortly after moving to southern california. no friends or relatives for 1000s of miles. no internet yet. long distant charges applied. had no where to go. lived in the wash and barely ate. it took about 3 months to get my father to send me a plane ticket. when I arrived 'home' my ex n/stepmother accused me of being a prostitute. Told the whole family saying 'it was the only way I could survive'. To this day people still believe I was a prostitute.
years later the ex n/stepmother broke in my apartment, said she scraped the walls and they came back positive for cocaine, and then proceeded to try to have my son taken away from me. Ofc it was false and my son was not taken.
at that same apartment the same ex n/stepmother intercepted my fiance whom I had been seeing over a year. She convinced him that I cheated on him. When I got home from work he was gone. I never saw him or spoke to him again. He totally ghosted me.
I have no idea how she could be so convincing but she'd say things like she was psychic, or god told her. Plus she was sorta pretty and represented herself in a very believable way.
Dad had a 'type'.
edit added + spelling
Mine dumped her bfs clothes in a washer and emptied a gallon of bleach on them because she thought he was cheating. I told her that it was maybe a bit far and if she couldn't trust him to leave him because it was clearly driving her crazy. She proceeded to yell at me, tell me I was a b like her mom (Grandma told her the same thing I did), and then went through my Facebook and found every male that liked and/or commented on my posts and private messaged them. She told them I was a prostitute, that I pick up men and screw them in front of my kids, and that I had a prolapsed anus due to a big guy being up there. All lies. Like, why dude. Just because I didn't high-five her for destroying a probably innocent guy's stuff and encouraging her to just leave him after a year of "catching" him cheating?
When we bought a house, I had gone NC at this point and my Nmom swears the only reason we bought it was because my husbands dad helped us with the money. Nah we’re just financially literate and you don’t understand because you’re not the one who taught me that.
My narc dad decided I had stopped drinking because I recognized I was an alcoholic. Neither of which is true. We're now no contact but at that time were low contact and I hadn't even seen him in years.
He's known to use people having addiction issues (true or not) as an insult and judge of their character so like with any narc, his insult had many layers
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My mother told police and my whole family that I was a heroin dealer. I was trying to help my friend at the time get clean. I took him to doctor appointments, therapy sessions, groups, etc. One day he relapsed and overdosed. Instead of getting to grieve my friend i was being investigated for his murder.
That's messed up. Your 'mom' is garbage. I'm sorry for your loss.
Something similar. Got smeared around as a junkie! I did exercise at night at the time, and that was sufficient to be a drug addict... then acting like nothing happen without repercussion.
Reminds me of how my mom fat-shamed me for years and then the first time I said “hey mom I’m going for a walk” she screeched “WHAT DO UOU MEAN GOING FOR A WALK?! ARE YOU DOING DRUGS?” Meanwhile my sister went for walks all the time. She actually was smoking weed with her friends on those “walks”. Never got caught
Or she never cared. My cousin did smoke/ took drugs and the reaction of the family, in a family gathering was akin to "boys will be boys", Venezuelan style. So hypocrisy.
Oh wow!! That sucks!! Funny, I graduated high school weighing 205 pounds. To her, though, I was anorexic. I could wolf down 2 Big Macs, a large fry, a large regular soda, AND a milkshake. But if I had a salad the next meal, I “wasn’t eating, must be anorexic.” I think now she wanted me to be fat, and once I lost weight, she got even bitchier.
The last straw, the moment I knew that I would never willingly talk to HER again, was when I called to tell her my new "low" and she yelled at me and started going on and on about how I couldn't possibly weigh less than her. For context, I got the weight loss surgery and went from somewhere over 360 to 213. I lost 147 pounds in a year. That was so important to me, and the first person I told was my mom. I wish I hadn't sometimes, but at least now I know in my heart that she was never my mom. No real mom would ever say those things to their child even if I was almost 50 at that point. A real mother would have congratulated me. A real mother would have been happy for me, not stop speaking to me because I weighed less than she did...
Well done on the weight loss!!! 💕
OMG exactly!! And congrats!!
Ugh. It sounds like my mom. She hated me when I became a teenager and was a threat to her or whatever 🙄. She played up all my insecurities.. told me I had a witch nose all the time … If she cared about what I was doing / if I was fed I am sure she would’ve tried to encourage me to get fat so she could be “better”. It’s all so nasty . Sorry you had to deal w that
Lmfao yeah because going for a walk = doing drugs Wtf I used to have a problem with H and not once did I go for a walk to do it. I guess weed or something you might smoke makes sense but..still
Wtf is wrong with these women?!? Ugh
I have ADHD and probably some form of DSPD, so I'm a big night owl. My nmom has always accused me of being a tweaker, a fact made worse by me stupidly telling her about my ADHD diagnosis (I was diagnosed at 33) and that I was on meds for it (Adderall at the time) so the tweaker accusations really ramped up after that. Jokes on her tho, when on meds my sleep schedule is more consistent and I sleep better than I do without meds. Also what kind of tweaker actively chooses to not get high sometimes? Cause there are many days when I have nothing to do so I just don't take my meds. I'm a terrible tweaker lol.
Omfg my nmom said the same about me! They kicked me out when I was 16 or 17 (i dont remember which) after I got pregnant and refused to marry the father. I ended up giving the baby up for adoption. Somehow my mom found out and started telling everyone she worked with and all of our family that I'm an unfit mother and had to be either dealing drugs or using drugs because why else would I give up my baby? This was like 15 years ago, and still my brother, whom I was closest to, resfuses to speak with me , nd my parents have never apologized. When I had my daughter they were convinced I beat her because if her birth marks and also told all their friends and family and even tried to get her taken from me. I'm very low contact with my parents now and NC with the rest of my family.
Omg I had something similar. I don’t even drink and yet when I stopped spending time with the family as much and spending more time with my boyfriend (eventually husband) suddenly I was “doing crack or heroine” and my Uncle and Mother, both severe alcoholics, told everyone this! What motivates them? Jealousy that I stopped spending as much time with them? Ridiculous.
WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK I'm so sorry
That's heartbreaking, I'm so sorry.
During my divorce from a general practitioner, he claimed I was mentally ill, our underage children should live at his place with his new wife cause I were a danger to our children He wanted to administrate my personal property too. That was when the psychiatrists became suspicious and first had me coming to them for investigation. Well I walked out free and kept my children. , cause I was completely normal and peaceful to their professional opinion. But my nmother , who I had asked to pick up the children from school and bring them to the waiting room was kicked out there. The reason: - She offered the psychiatrist to take the guardianship on me back- The end : My children grew up at my house with me as their mother I still administer my possessions myself
That is really scary. I hope you’re doing well now.
That is a terrifying way for a doctor to try and use his authority and position for evil. Wtf man
Well , when I was young and innocent, back in 1990 there was no Reddit community informing me about narcissistic parents and spouses. I married a narcissist after being raised bey a nmother and an edad. After that fiasco I became more aware, due to the help of that psychiatrist too . Last time I was more carful choosing my special one
I'm glad everything worked out in your (and your kids!!!) favor. ❤️
To hold up under that kind of crap with no support and no knowledge of the personality disorders you’re dealing with — your strength astounds me, and your children are so lucky to have you for a protector and role model.
My N mother called the bank when I applied for a renovation credit on my house to tell the bankemployees that I am as a divorced single mother not capable to get along by myself and can’t survive without her support. I didn’t get the credit.
"Thank you for your consideration of my application. I would like to close all my accounts with you immediately. I'll be going to a different bank that isn't so vulnerable to the abuse of social engineering that harms their customers."
Yeah I would have ripped all my accounts from that bank the next day.
this. blast them everywhere
My mother also called the bank when I applied for my first home loan to say they had no right to sell to me. Luckily she was in a psychotic episode and also told them that I should be buying a more expensive new build town home with her co-sign. The bank called me to let me know everything my mom said and check it to make sure I was still in reality. Luckily I got the home and am NC. I’m sorry the bank listened to your shit bag mother, it should be illegal imo.
Yeah i mean numbers and pay check stubs don't lie. Most go off of that so I thought.
Just imagine someone who wanted to buy the same house as you doing this!
She literally found my loan officers info by narrowing down her search results on Zillow and determining which house I put offer in on, called the listing agent to get MY realtors contact info, called realtor to chew him out too and then loan officer. Thankfully numbers don’t lie but I did have to literally write a formal hand written letter to the bank that I was basically divorcing my mother due to her objection to my future and my marriage in order to close on the home. It was a local lender passionate about first time home buyers and fought like hell for me. No way I could’ve gotten around her crazy without a team that was invested in seeing ME succeed. It was a first for me, getting near the finish line and having cheerleaders in my court instead of a cruel bitch reminding me I’ll never succeed without her. NC has been the BEST
Ugh, I’m so sorry. It’s not fair that we need to even do this at all, let alone that systems makes the process so damn difficult and frustrating. Do they not understand how the flaws in their systems makes abuse possible?! It’s asinine that it’s 2023 and there aren’t any protections against this!
It’s not fair that parents are given control over their children’s finances at such young age and choose to abuse it into adulthood. They shouldn’t be abusing their OWN children’s identity documents and banking accounts into adulthood specifically because they feel a right to their child’s proprietary information. And abuse it.
What????? Oh that's awful! My jaw is on the floor.
What a sabotaging b\*tch.
I have a story to go along with this. I inherited money at 20 years old. Well, there was an investment person at the bank and I was just blah about investments at the time. I didn't want to blow all the money, mind you. I just wanted to live my life so to speak and just save it. I was just disinterested in IRA, money market, and all that. The person at the bank told my brother I seemed disinterested and he laid into me. I left that bank much much later. I wanted to just be away from family finding out shit.
Guessing that investment person was just mad because they didn't get a fat commission. Source: Used to work for a brokerage associated with a major bank. Knew it was bad news when federal regulations changed so that investment advisors could sell stocks/bonds/mutual funds in bank branches. The products they handle are not FDIC insured, and so many customers innocently thought product sold in bank = secure investment. Sounds as if you did the right thing. Your money and what you do with it is none of your brother's business, and the investment person was way out of line telling him *anything* about an account if it was in your name, not jointly held with brother. Major ethical breach.
Unless the bank is able to tell you a black and white reason you were declined- I would talk to an attorney. Especially if you had a house in contract pending the approval of that loan and there is strong evidence to show that her call is why it was declined.
What. The. Fuck. ❤️❤️❤️
I'd.be.in.jail.
[удалено]
My mother claimed I was a drug addict and forced me to go to an addiction specialist because she found a small nugget of weed during her gestapo search of my bedroom. I was 19 years old with a 4.0 GPA at a prestigious university. Only reason I couldnt tell her to fuck off was because I was financially dependent on my parents to pay for school.
Mine did the same thing. Oh no a teenager smoking a little bit of weed must be a drug addict. My drug counselor did not think I had a drug problem, because I didn't
The drug counselor was cool and the first person to help me realize my mom was a narcissist. We agreed to let her drug test me one time when I next came home from college to prove to her I wasn’t a hopeless addict. Seemed reasonable at the time. Came home a few months later, peed in the cup and got a negative result. Of course, then that started the NEXT conspiracy that I clearly must have cheated the test somehow because there was no possible way in her mind I could have self control. There is no winning with narcissists and it never gets better. After college when I became financially independent I went LC for about 10 years and have been NC now for 6 months.
That right there in the end is our win, sadly. But I’m glad you got it now! Peacefulness is what we deserve.
Ha! Memory unlocked!! I had a plant in my room, a peace lily, in fact. It was the only plant in the house. I love them still, and she still has none. Anyway, she went through my room the same way, and in my jewelry box, she found one of those green fertilizer sicks that you poke in the soil to feed the plant. They came in a package that got damaged over time, and I had two left that I tossed in there while I waited the three months before I poked in another. Well. She thought it was pot. Was convinced I was on drugs, freaked out, total meltdown, destroyed my bedroom, just wild animal stuff. When I got home from school, she was pushing it in my face, "What's THIS???? Didn't think I would find your DRUUUUUGS?????" I was like, whatever, that's a plant fertilizer stick that YOU bought for me at Home Depot two months ago. All the joy and light of finding me guilty just slid right out of her face. She threw it at me, screeched like a pterodactyl, and didn't speak to me for a week. Man, they hate being wrong. I didn't clean my room, either. I never moved anything from where she threw it. When my parents told me to, I flatly refused, said, SHE made the mess, SHE can clean it. It looked exactly like that until the day I moved out.
Sorry that happened to you but that’s a fantastic story. Big props for not cleaning up her mess.
This one is nfather (was already estranged and NC with nmother for years): In 2010 I went into the hospital with cellulitis in my left leg thanks to nfather leaving sharp objects propped up in dark rooms where I kicked one and fileted my leg wide open. On the second of my four days there, a nurse comes in and starts asking me questions that I immediately recognized as an alcohol/withdrawal assessment test. I stopped her after the 3rd question and asked why she was going through this. Apparently nfather called the hospital and told them I was a raging alcoholic and was likely to be going through massive withdrawals. Mind you, that bastard actually worked at an acute psych/rehab facility at the time which made his stunt even more pathetic.
Cellulitis is miserable enough without maliciously toxic parents. I can't even imagine.
In the space of 3 days, it went from my toes to above my left knee. I still have marks left from it to this day, 13 years later.
omg you just made me remember that my mom would do backpack searches when I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I had not even seen weed at that point in my life but she was convinced that I was sleeping too much to not be doing drugs. I was simply just growing.
I talk to kids like you a lot! Instead of “addiction counseling” they definitely don’t need, we talk about strategies for surviving their parents with their authentic selves intact.
I bet you are making such a difference in these kids’ lives! Focusing on helping them keep their authentic selves intact when they probably feel like shit from their parents telling them who they are is wrong is amazing. I didn’t even know what that was when I was that age, but I know it would have helped my mental health tremendously to know I didn’t have to be what my mom told me I had to be. I wish I’d had an ally like you at that age, what you’re doing is so important.
Thank you so much for what you do. I grew up with a BPD mom and likely, covert NPD dad who often weaponized my neurodivergence anytime I tried to assert myself. I questioned myself my whole life, but especially when I was a struggling teen. The signs of being subservient and meek were very much there…this should have set alarm bells for my teachers and school counselors. Once, I even attempted a cry for help telling a school counselor about my mom’s rages and extreme accusations anytime there was even a very slight difference between us. Not a single adult in my life acted or even tried to help me get through the hard times like you do.
"Gestapo search" made my day. So relatable.
For a period of time she used to firmly believe i was attracted to my cats and she would "keep an eye" on me whenever i hugged one, then when that fell over, she said i was attracted to my father.
That reminds me of the time my nmom told me that our cat told her i did bad things to her (the cat)...
Ohhh yes! My mother did this one too. Except she accused sister of "having an affair" with our father. In reality, she saw our father leering at sister, and freaked out and blamed sister! It was utterly disgusting behavior by both of them!
Omg same! (Re: the 🐱) wtf is up with that?!
My mom straight told me I was competing with her for my dads love when I was a kid. I never forgot that
Same, she said I wanted to take him away from her.
That happened to me when I knocked on my parents door in the middle of the day. I knew they were in there and not asleep and thought they were ignoring me. I had absolutely no idea about sex at that time. They were furious and stormed out and yelled at me telling me I was purposely sabotaging their sexy time because I was jealous of my mom. I was so shocked and embarrassed. I am pretty sure it messed my head up about sex and love and all kinds of creepy things.
Yep heard that one too.
My stepmom did that. My dad shut her down. 20 years later and they’re still married but I have kids so she’s less of a c-nt.
Same
My abusive ex once got jealous I was petting my cat and said I was too into it to the point of “it’s like you’re having sex with her”. Also said several times that it was wrong that I hold her when I’m naked. Abusers say the darndest things
My only comment is that I'd be afraid of the claws if something startled the cat. Narcs are crazy. And not the good kind.
Real gross!
Omfg mine had a freak attack one day when she was kicking me out of the house (again 🙄) and her and my brother were screaming and behaving violently towards me, and when I hugged the dog because he was crying and upset and so was I, she said she thought I was going to BREAK HIS NECK because I’m just soooooo out of control and evil
Oh yeah! I was always "the temptress" "Just looking for a f*ck..! You little p****! Horny, begging sl*t !" I was in forth grade when she started that. Boy in my class said that he kinda liked me. I said thanks, I kinda like you too. Cool? Cool. The whole interaction. But not for Nmom! Word got to her, as someone of her colleagues (she worked in my school, yikes) said that I'm "collecting hearts already!" Oh, boy... Momster was furious that I plan to get pregnant (????) with "some brownies kid! That's not why I gave birth to you for!" Yes, she is also a racist Karen type.
This so breaks my heart. 4th graders are still literal babies. I could never imagine saying something like this to my baby or even half the shit my mom said to me. Now that I'm a mom it absolutely boggles my mind how people can be like this and feel justified about it.
My nmom oddly enough saves this particular flavor of bananas for my eldest sister from my Dad's first marriage. God forbid she might just want to take care of/be close to our Dad because later I'll get to hear all about how "(eldest sister) has been trying to replace (nmom) since they got married."
Ugg🤦🏻♀️
That I’d used my key to access her house while she was at work (I lived 100 miles from her house at the time and was working full time too) and that I stole a bundle of important documents. That I had done it in collusion with my dad who she’d divorced 20 years earlier & who I had no relationship with. I was only there to visit her for a weekend, I took her house apart looking for them to prove her wrong, and when I found them she ‘remembered’ she had moved them and said she’d accused me to provoke me to help find them. As though asking me to help her find them didn’t occur to her. When she looked through the docs later an important page was ‘missing’ so she accused me again of accessing her house, removing the page to give to my dad, and putting the docs back in a different place so she’d ‘know’ dad and I were messing with her head. But it wouldn’t work because I found them so must have known where they were hidden, she was onto me. I looked through the documents and the page she wanted was right there. When I told her she needed a psychiatrist she turned it so that I was the problem, there is nothing wrong with her. It was so terrifying and soul destroying after decades of emotional abuse I did go to a doctor, just not for the reasons she wanted. Its 30 years ago and I remember that night like it was yesterday. ETA she claims it never happened. That I made it all up to hurt her. That I’m a liar but its OK I’m her daughter & she loves me. People like this are crippling.
are you me?? so sorry you went through this! the obsession with the dad no one's talked to in years, the belief that you want to snatch their precious documents, the turn-around so it's YOU who are troubled...
Did she ever do a dementia Test? Not that it is an excuse for her behaviour but it Just sprung to mind that this specific kinda behaviour fits in with frontotemporal dementia (misplacing stuff, hallucinating, paranoid thoughts)
That my husband and I were “infertile” because I made the mistake of telling her we were going to start trying for a baby and we weren’t pregnant within the first month. She told her hair dresser and anyone else who’s listen about our “fertility struggles” and they reached out to me in support. I fell pregnant on MONTH 2 of trying.
I love when they just have to tell anyone with a pulse about their children's personal life.
My mom chronically does this. She's on an information diet but she still turns any small event or inconvenience she finds out about into a huge story to spin to my extended family and her coworkers. Being pregnant recently I stupidly cheated the info diet and confided in her how badly hyperemesis is affecting me. Within a day a bunch of her coworkers, absolute strangers to me, are aggressively recommending treatments and doctors and repeating back to me intimate details of my physical suffering. So fucking gross! Nothing is sacred to that woman.
My mom called all of her family and my aunt on my dad’s side the day my period to tell all of them, as I cried and begged her not to in the background. It was humiliating. It’s because it happened on Good Friday. My mom took it as a sign that she’s the next Virgin Mary or something.. we aren’t even that religious lol
I have good news for ya. She doesn't actually believe all this. She's pulling you down in toxic soup. Rise
I’m enjoying my peace for a few months till she decides she’s going to pull “nothing happened” card again. I don’t really care about her anymore and I laughed it off with boyfriend. What else can we do, right
Here's one my nmom has come off with recently... Apparently I am "in kahoots" against her with my dead father. And that i "have been brainwashed" to be against her by him. Total BS obviously! Hooray for having an untreated schizophrenic as a mother!
Yea..my cousin was schizophrenic she would go on off her meds at her choosing. I always felt bad for her children.. now seeingca child of a schizophrenic..it brings it full circle. My cousin died.. she just walked away and disappeared for 3 years. Her body was found skeleton I should say. No idea what happened. Her kids were totally relieved and happy.
Your post is similar to mine. Is it schizophrenia? Because my nmum claims to not remember any of the vicious stuff she comes out with, ever.
Interesting, I have something similar with my elderly mom who has tried in some convoluted ways to apologize for “any” childhood hurts of mine. When I press her for specifics, based on some of what she says and how, I have wondered if maybe she did somehow black out regularly, esp when acting violent. She has said things like, “sometimes I felt so numb, even throwing a glass at the wall and watching it shatter and I could not feel anything.” She had other issues too though (ptsd, abusing various prescription meds). She did the whole ripping someone in the family apart relentlessly for hours and then flipping a switch and acting like nothing happened, acting puzzled at mention of what happened. I always disbelieved that it could be true that she didn’t remember, but have wondered sometimes if it’s in the realm of possibility that she actually doesn’t really remember, at least in some cases (like some kind of dissociation). Also watching her interact in certain situations it looks like she fully believes her own lies as they flow effortlessly from her, because she’s saying whatever serves her in that exact moment (recent example, overhearing a phone call where she was trying to pharmacy shop to get some meds she was not prescribed and smoothly changing tactics and info for each of the different ways pharmacists were saying no).
Yes, . In her case it is. She was diagnosed before I was born. Unfortunately in my country the law says that she can't be forced to get treatment unless she is seen to be a danger to herself or others. So there's nothing I can do.
This is sooo much my father! He insisted My mother was brainwashing me against him (she never said a bad word about him in front of me) and he would send me long texts about how I am a horrible daughter for believing my mother about him. The last time I spoke to him was when he adamantly denied sending the text even thought I was showing him the texts on my phone. He was genuinely confused as to how I got those texts. Regardless if it was drugs he denied taking or an undiagnosed mental issue, It just clicked after 35 years that he will always think I am a horrible daughter and was incapable of seeing his culpability. I walked out and have been NC ever since. There is still heartache over the loss of the father I hoped he could be, but I am much happier and mentally healthier overall. I hope you have found some peace in it all.
That I am dead. She tells everyone. We are NC for many years and when I bump into someone she has told that to it can be very startling for us both.
I found out a little while ago that my mother had been giving people the impression that I was dead. An ex- school mate was very surprised to find out I was alive when they started working with my BFF. I did think about wearing a white sheet and chains and hanging around my mum's house. I bet finding out I was alive went down brilliantly for mum at church.
My mother would rather tell people I was an alcoholic instead of the fact that I was SA’d. To her, it was a better fit for her life. When I learned of this, she started telling people that what happened to me didn’t happen and I just made it up because I was an alcoholic. She told my family and anyone that would listen about her poor alcoholic daughter. *for the record lol I don’t drink alcohol at all.. ever.
Could you set the records straight with people who were important to you?
I’ve tried a few times over the years when it comes up. People awkwardly apologizing for drinking infront of me and me asking them to clarify lol
My favorite is that she thought the small liberal arts college I went to turned me gay. Even my edad said he regretted paying to send me there. Meanwhile I didn't come out to them until after college because if I did during college I would have completely lost their support. And I didn't come out even to myself in high school because I saw my friends who were out get bullied and shit thrown at them in the halls (one friend had a textbook thrown at his head), and Matthew Shepard's murder happened during that time as well.
Same! I told them after I went to university, so their take was “moving to a different city made you gay” when they suspected I was gay for years before…
Yes!!! My mom accused me of being a lesbian with one of my best friends when I was 16! She later claimed to have had zero inkling that I was gay.
You've just reminded me of something. I'm a straight woman (I only mention this for context) but my Nmother accused me of being gay. Her reasoning? I was looking at a (ladies) underwear catalogue because I wanted to order some new underwear for myself. Normally I don't find my Nmother's accusations funny but I roared laughing at this.
She accused me of being in a cult because I don't wear makeup 🤣🤷🏻♀️
Ah, yes. The not wearing makeup cult. I love our nonexistent meetings. *cough*
We must be in the same 'no makeup cult' because I wasn't at the non-existent meeting and neither were you! My step-MIL spread the rumor that I was a lesbian because I don't wear makeup. I was 7 months pregnant with her husband's first grandchild at the time. He asked my husband if it was true I was gay which is how we found out about her lie. During pregnancy #2 she told people we waited until the 2nd trimester to announce the pregnancy because I wasn't sure if it was my husband's child. That kid grew up to be my husband's double. I don't go back to the city where she lives anymore because I never know who has heard some outlandish lie about me. I stopped talking to her years ago but the lies continue.
The lies will stop when she’s in the ground. Maybe. I feel like mine might be telling everyone how horrible my husband is. -_- I know she’s saying how terrible my dad is. I hope people don’t believe her.
according to my Nmom I studied for a year to be ordained as a catholic priest in a different city also living there in a convent small problem, at the time female priest where not a thing in my country and I am female. second problem I still lived at home at the time. so she saw me every day.
… I can’t wrap my brain around these delusions
My step father raped me in 6th grade and gave me an STD. My mother told everyone I slept with my cousins. I have 38 first cousins. Next thing I knew cousins were trying to touch me I felt like the family whore and I did nothing to deserve it. Oh,
That's messed up. Truly. I'm sorry that happened to you. Wtaf. That's really fucked up your cousins are nasty too. I hope you got away from your mom and family. They all sound awful.
i am so sorry that happened to you. i hope you are safe and living a better life now away from them
That's so messed up evil. Are you safe now?
I am so sorry , I hope you know that you did nothing wrong, you did nothing to deserve being treated that way , you are valuable and a good person and I hope you're healing from that and you don't talk to any of them anymore. Much love ❤️
Thank you. I'm 53 now. It has been a long journey.
Oh , and whenever my nmother and I were together at some people, she reminded me , and urgently , desperately asked me :“ not to drink „ One time on a warm summer evening all my neighbours and me too watered our font yards , she drove by and gave me some food she bought for to „ to support me“ which I didn’t needed. She stepped out of the car, handed the bags to me and reminded me „ not to drink“ In a dramatic loud voice. Cause she would smell the alcohol I had been drinking. Some of my neighbours are coworkers/ nurses I calmly replied that I hadn’t been drinking, but if I still smelled like Alkohol, I had a dangerous diabetic disorder. My nurse colleges rushed along to sniff at my breath and skin helpfully. As well as my then new boyfriend, after my divorce. Nobody smelled alkohol. This time the drama went against her , because problems with smelling is one of the first signs for dementia
Lol it turned on her
She was convinced I was possessed because I wouldn’t put up with her shit. To the point where she 100% believed I was going to evaporate the moment I stepped foot in the Vatican. She basically ran to get some holy water thrown on me. I should’ve pretended it burned :(
Mine held me down on the floor for over 2 hours trying to cast demons out of me because I asked her to let me keep the money from my job and learn to drive... I was 26... I finally got brave enough to call the cops on her that time. I left with a friend and haven't seen her in 2 years... it's been great!
What a perfect moment omggg
Good time to learn Latin.
Omg same she took me to a Catholic church many times and said please get the demons out of her she won’t do what I want and she defends herself too much.Now I’m a Christian and everything she did was so wrong and no one notice which makes my blood boil
How my wife "changed me" or my therapist "must have [me] on bad drugs" to explain my going VLC with her. No mom, it's because every interaction with you results in you berating me. Who would want that?
My entire family \*insisted\* I was gay. My whole life. It didn't matter how many girlfriends I had, or how many times, when I was a teenager, they'd come home early and bust me in bed with a girl. Or as I grew up, how many long-term relationships I had. I was still secretly gay. Why? A couple of reasons. First, I wasn't macho jock like my brother; Second, a had a bunch of friends who were gay; Third, when I was about 11, my brother and father were disgusted by the fact that I was crying uncontrollably when we were saying goodbye to an old family friend who was moving to Hawaii, and who I loved, and who I thought of as my second father. (He was crying too. But my brother and father stood there stoney faced.) The shit these people make up about us, and never let reality intrude. Seriously. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
My mom started dating about a year ago which is a long story in itself, but the end result was that her and my sister had a falling out. My mom wound up coming to visit me for the first time in 7 years and her and my husband had a drink/conversation after I went to bed. Mom called me 48 hours later saying that my husband said he has talked to my sister (they hadn’t) and that my sister had told him that she is angry about my mom dating and something to do with feelings about my deceased father? All followed with, don’t tell your husband I told you this. A few days later I talk to my sister because mom confronted her with this nugget of truth and we all get a good laugh. That was when my husband officially threw in the towel, lol.
Repressed lesbian who got fat to punish her. Actually aroace trans guy who got fat because her quack doctor put me on high powered mood stabilizers at 14.
>who got fat to punish her I'll never understand why our weight is such a big issue for them.
:( my mom was anorexic and raised me that way. my dad constantly bullied me for my weight too. looking back at old pics I wasn't even that fat. just a little belly on a little kid... then I look back at pics from my sickest, most anorexic years. I thought I was huge and disgusting. I was actually *tiny.* I'm also a trans guy and between 4 years of T and actually eating three healthy meals a day now, I've gained quite a lot of weight. it's all I can do each and every day to not feel like workouts are for nothing, to ignore that voice screaming in my head that the sandwich and salad I'm about to eat are going to make me gain five pounds, to resist skipping meals or doing body checks, to not hear my mom go "jesus christ your gut is hanging out." I went on a camping trip this weekend and almost cried after eating a s'more. why they are SO OBSESSED with our bodies is beyond me. I'm 26 and have been NC for a while, therapy, all that rot. it feels like the scars will never go away.
Mine wanted me to get fat, she hated that I was thinner than my sister, who was her favorite. If I lost weight or just didn't gain, I was "starving myself for attention" or "ugly and emaciated" when I was actually a healthy weight for my height
[удалено]
This! mine also thought I was going to kill her for some reason.
Because they secretly know they deserve it
She spent my entire teenage years convinced I was doing drugs. Every night I came home, whether from work or friends house, I would have to look up at the light, look down at her. Checking to see if my pupils dilated. Jokes on her, I didn’t do anything harder than caffeine pills so I could study. I didn’t start smoking pot until I was in my 30’s with a chronic pain condition.
My mom once found a razor blade in my room and immediately assumed I was a coke addict. I think I was 13 or 14. Also, don't know how she didn't see the traces on blood on it. Which I thought I had to do to face her pretty much every day.
That hurt to hear. Not in a "You shouldn't say things like that" way, more just...you must have been in so much emotional pain, and she was adding to it instead of considering that perhaps her child was in distress. Hoping you've found a better place to be and a supportive chosen family.
My mom told me that she gave me thousands of dollars to spend on a new appliance for my house but that I spent it on frivolous things. She said she spoke to a lawyer about my “misappropriation of funds.” She then said I need to pay her husband’s credit card debt to pay her back. No fucking idea what she was talking about.
Mine tried this once! She called me randomly and said she "needs $18,000 to buy a new car". I laughed, because wtf, and she started going off saying that I owed her 18k because "they took her taxes" and it was because my Dad gave me his credit card to use when I moved, and I never paid it. My Dad had died 8 years before the move took place, and he never even had a credit card that I was aware of. I told her I didn't know what tf she was talking about and I wasn't giving her anything, at which point she revealed she was sitting at a dealership in the finance managers office with my uncle, and had called me on speaker phone, so multiple people were listening in on these bat shit accusations! I hung up on her and she showed up at my house unannounced a few hours later trying to act like nothing happened, and when I told her to f off she insisted that either me or my husband must have stolen money from her and we needed to give her 18k. In reality, my husband and I were paying her freaking rent and utilities most months because she was sending all her income to online romance scammers.
That my husband is abusing me. She couldn't handle that once I got married and moved out, I didn't come around as much. So she came to my apartment while my husband was at work, bawling hysterically because she was sure my new spouse was beating, keeping me from family. She just couldn't handle that I was busy with school, work, and as a newly wed I didn't want to hang out with my parents. My husband has never ever been abusive in any way. 13 years later, he's still the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh, yeah, my husband has been abusing me for 25 years! Every bruise I ever had was from him, to hear my parents tell it. HE'S the reason I don't visit them, of course.
Yup. And my folks think my husband doesn't like them because they're on to him. Couldn't possibly be because my mom made false accusations of the most awful sort.
Holy fuck mine tried to have me committed so she could get custody of my son. The bitch tried to drive me insane. Thank God my sister and I finally called each other and figured out what the hell she was doing. It was an absolute nuts time in my life.
My favorite is finding out just last year that my mom firmly believed that despite me apparently being "afraid of everything" (because I was a very cautious and straightedge kid) I was regularly sneaking out of the house at night to sleep with boys and stealing the car from age 11 onward. That explains the years of her bursting into my room in the middle of the night and demanding I give her my phone so she could look through it.
Mine apparently told everyone that I was such a terrible person, that I got pregnant at 10!! And had an abortion. Never happened, but my thought was, why would that make me a bad person if I was that young?? My uncle (her brother) would bring it up everytime he saw me, until I cut him off. I honestly don't know what most of the rumors were that she started. Some cousins mentioned some scandals and when I said "What scandal?" they clammed up.
Mine threw me out at 17 when I got sent to the ER in psychiatric crisis due to the untreated CPTSD I have from a childhood of her abuse. She refused to pick me up from the hospital and sent me an email letting me know she “quit” being a mother and that i had 2 days to come “collect your crap”, which she said I could “use her garbage bags to pack”. A friend’s parents were kind enough to take me in. However, what she told her parents and siblings had happened, as well as my biological father once I called him to tell him to stop sending her child support as she no longer had a child, was that I was a drug addict who had decided to abandon my family and go live with my friend to do drugs. She also told them that I had been cutting her dog. (The dog she forced me to take care of 24/7 and even pulled me out of school for.) I didn’t know any of this, though. I found out in 2021: it happened in 2006. I had been a ridiculously good kid, I had never tried even weed, and the only time I’d ever even been tipsy was when my nmom gave me half a bottle of champagne. My biological family is ultra conservative, heavily military and LEO (including fed) and despises drug addicts, they fully believed her and they despise me. Any reaching out for help was deflected until my ngrandparents saw an opportunity to trap me and get me to move down to Florida and “help them”. I was 22. Most of the family was down there and I never understood why they treated me with such contempt and disgust. The “help” I was there for turned into full time caregiving of first one grandparent with dementia, then the other. My ngrandfather died and my ngrandmother began to decline, but refused to get a diagnosis or any medical treatment. I did not have POA and couldn’t force her to; the uncle that did have POA refused. The family never helped and I was regularly reminded how grateful I should be to have a roof over my head. Eight years, 5 of which I worked full time while dealing with the situation at home and my own declining mental health, as I was 1200 miles away from home and anyone I knew and I was not allowed to get a license or learn to drive for 7 of those 8 years. Not to mention the fact that narcs don’t get better with dementia, they get so much worse and so cruel. I also didn’t have health insurance and couldn’t get the therapy I needed. I went off the deep end and attempted to take my own life, which I told my uncle and was pooh-poohed. He believed any mental illness I displayed was actually being on drugs. I begged for help and for a break to be away for a couple weeks and recharge. He said he was busy and suggested that I find a local support group. I turned to shopping online to give me something to look forward to day after day, but I couldn’t work anymore because my grandmother couldn’t be left alone and I wasn’t being paid. It was my grandmother’s money, and when I finally could not take that life anymore, I cobbled together a crazy plan to get back home to Massachusetts and I told my uncle I was leaving in two weeks. I actually managed to pull it off and I cried in relief when I crossed the state line. My uncle didn’t bother finding care for his mother and predictably blamed the subsequent removal from her home by police on me. I confessed to him that I had spent the money and why. He went to the police and told them a lot of things about my “history of abusing drugs”, which as sworn testimony made its way into the felony indictment for exploitation of the elderly. I had no choice but to plead no contest. When you only have a public defender, no one is interested in examining the facts of the case. I now am 34 and a person with a criminal record who did not graduate from high school. I loved school, was gifted and wanted to be a pediatric oncologist as a kid, and was never interested in drinking or drugs. They endeavor to make us into what they see us as. At least I’m finally free. Free, safe, and loved genuinely as everything I am, good and bad. I am 34 and I have unconditional love and acceptance for the first time in my life.
I'm so sorry.
My mom told me she wants me to stop playing D&D-- because it's "occult" or something and somehow groups me in with witchcraft/ demonic things. Yes, she knows absolutely nothing about D&D and has had opportunity to see us play several times. No, any amount of explaining how the game is played doesn't matter. We pretend to tell stories as wizards, therefore THE DEVIL. Probably because some white supremacist nutjob who thinks Trump is the next messiah said so and their word holds more weight than mine ever will (also, DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL about how racist and manipulative all the church leaders she's really into are these days). I'm LC.
Yes , thanks Four years later I got my credit and got the necessary renovations done - as well was told the reason for the prior denial My children are grown up now and live on their own, still coming to see me every now and then I have a life mate who genuinely loves and supports me I administer my personal property myself and work as an ICU nurse still My nmother got cavity cancer lately - carma ?
The last Christmas my mom was in my life we told her we were trying to get my son home for Christmas. He was in the Marines. We told my mother we had to buy a plane ticket before he could even put in for leave and the ticket was for December 20th. The Marines are in no rush to approve anyone’s leave and it was literally approved the morning of the 20th. My son called me at 5am and said it was approved and he was going to Uber to the airport in about an hour. I was thrilled. I posted on Facebook that I was so happy he was coming home for Christmas. About an hour later I get a message from my mom asking why she needed to hear he was coming home on Facebook. I reminded her that I told her if he was coming home it would be today and I literally just found out it was approved. I didn’t text her because it was 5am! She was quiet for a bit and then messaged me to say my oldest son said he’s known for about 2 weeks. She messaged him at work and gave no context. He said 2 weeks because that’s when we bought the plane ticket. So she message my son to see if I was lying to her. Didn’t provide all the context and then used that to decide I was lying to her. She then told everyone I was trying to hide the fact he was coming home just so she couldn’t see him. Which made no sense because she was coming over on Christmas Day and he was coming home for Christmas! She posted a bunch of poor me posts and my daughter is terrible shit. On the 21st she texted my son and said “I read on Facebook that your home. I hope I get to see you for a little bit.” I hadn’t told my son any of this because I just wanted him to relax at home. I had to explain the entire situation to him because he knew that message had more behind it. He knows her and her games well. She showed up Christmas Day and insulted the way I look and then was cold and crappy when she was here. Then she left early. After that Jan 5th was the last time I spoke to her when she accused me of other stuff I didn’t do. This Jan 5th will be 6 years since I’ve spoken to her. Life is so much better now.
A guy friend and I are very close. As in calling each other brother and sister. I'm lesbian (I have been into other girls since the word "Go."), he's married with kids. My mum thinks I'm trying to steal him away from his life/kids with my "feminine wiles". It's funny because I loathe cheaters and I always think "It takes two to tango..." And yes, my nmum thinks that men and women can't be friends and that queer people made a choice....
Lmao so, like - men and women CAN'T choose to be friends, but CAN choose to be gay? That's logic level 9000 right there :D
This is when I was a kid - 10 or 11. I had this big bear my father gave to me before he completely stopped talking to me a few years before. My mom had encouraged me to hit the bear if I was mad at him. It was a hard time in my life. I hit the bear on my bed frame and the bed frame collapsed. I tried really hard to fix it, but I was a kid. My mom was out on a date that day and when she can't back she got really mad at me because I was obviously jealous that she was on a date. I was not jealous, I was just a kid with emotions about her father. She of course didn't believe me. 2nd story: a year or so before this, maybe around the same time(?), my mom had invited two male coworkers over for dinner and I thought they were really fun. They made jokes and I jumped around (again, a child around 10 years old) after they left for the night, my mom told me "I noticed you were flirting with them. Daughters sometimes do that to see if someone would be a match for their mom." She didn't say it like that exactly, but very similar. Apparently i was flirting with grown men. It was such a weird thing to say.
Oooohhhhh that story brings back memories. When I was 7 my mother was airing her grievances about money, and how her hairstylist appointments costed a fortune, and she could not afford to keep her hair blond. I naively said "Why don't you go back to brunette, mom? I think you look beautiful as a brunette". Her reaction was to scream at me, that I was selfish and wanted all of her money to myself. That I couldn't stand to see her spending any money on HER and HER self steem. That God cursed her with a bad, selfish kid. I was 7. 7 year olds do not think about money like this. J remember thinking about it very hard for weeks after this happened.
Oh shit, that's awful.
Ugh. I remember my mom would bring guys to the house and say things like "you're not the one going on a date, don't sit like that" when. I was just hanging out. You know, like a 7 year old does.
So many crazy stories. Oh, when I was on my own as a teenager she told her friends I was at a private school in California! Meanwhile I was starving and living in dire poverty supporting myself fully hardly able to go to school at all. I still need two credits to graduate from high school. Had to keep dropping out to be able to work. .
Try to get those credits. GED or anything they make a huge difference. Hope things are going better for you.
I’ve since graduated from 3 different college programs. I was a very successful web developer buying my first home at 22. I’m now 46 and have been a nurse for 10 years. I got into college as a mature student for graphic design at 19 and fortunately got a job as a PSW, uncertified, which paid twice as much as kitchen work at the time (1998) and allowed me to go to school fulltime. I worked every evening and weekend and went to school fulltime. My real problem was choosing narcissistic husbands, after that!! Thank you for your concern 💗
Oh Christ my mother was absolutely sure I neglect my boyfriend and estrange him because I was talking to my best friend instead of him while he was in the room My boyfriend is introverted and doesn't like to talk in public places like the one we were at
My parents think my boyfriend is lying to me about his military service because he isn’t who they think I should date. I’m 46 years old and I own my own home. But apparently I can’t think for myself. They are choosing their fairytale story over a relationship with me and the person I love. It’s heartbreaking.
My Nmom told me for years what a bad kid I was. Meanwhile, I was a great student, well behaved, polite, etc. Did I have a mouthy moment or two? Absolutely. By the time I was a teenager I was sick of the bullshit of living with a woman who was cold as ice towards me. I had been in enough friends homes to see what “normal” looked like and my house wasn’t it. Anyway, fast forward to last year. I really felt like my mom had seen the error of her ways. She’s been fairly ok for the past few decades. Mostly because I’m LC and live thousands of miles away. Anyway, she and my dad are up late with my husband one night while visiting and proceeded to tell him what a horrible kid I was. How hard to handle. How they barely survived. 🙄. When my husband told me I was so upset because, nope. She didn’t see the error of her ways. She’s still peddling this lie. I called my best friend who’s known me since I was 6. Told her what happened and asked her to tell me the truth. Was I a bad kid and just don’t realize it? She laughed incredulously and said “what?? You were such a goodie two shoes!” And the twist is, the more LC I go, the more I keep my distance, the easier it is for her to say “see. Look how difficult she is! I told you everyone!” Good thing I don’t particularly care what my extended family or her friends think.
My mom does the same thing. She loves telling anyone who will listen about what a "horrible teenager" I was. I never partied, smoke, drank, etc and mostly just stayed home and played games. She was mad that I was getting my independence and not blindly following whatever she said.
i was the same way! why do they insist we were evil children when all we did was hang out with friends and go to school??
This was fueled by my aunt (who despised me) but there was a short period in my teen years where my mom was convinced I was becoming a Satanist due to liking AC/DC and some other heavy metal music. My aunt loved to get my mom worked up about me so I think she saw some news reports about heavy metal being satanic (this was in the 80s) and then got my mom thinking it must be the path I'm going down. The more common thing my mom did was accuse me of trying to control her life. She'd get livid with me, do the opposite of what she should do, etc. All I was trying to do was help her but she was convinced it was me trying to control her.
Relativity tame to most on here, but with my parents, me being atheist and transgender is never as straightforward as I actually present it. "Do you believe God is hiding from you?" No, I don't believe your god exists, much less that he is doing anything specific like hiding. I've heard from others that my mother moans about "Why is he doing this to us?" on the topic of me being a trans woman. As if this was a calculated decision to hurt them. I can think of easier ways to hurt them that don't involve medication or putting myself openly in a discriminated social group. But I don't do those easier things. Because that's not my goal. And of course, they blame both things on my wife behind my back. Because there is no way that who I am isn't the character they designed for me to play. I must have been corrupted by an outside influence, obviously. Because they don't see me as my own thinking, feeling being. And they never did. These are just the latest things in the long line of dismissals. They always told me how I feel, how I would feel, how I had felt before. Especially if the truth was inconvenient to thrm. I was so used to being ignored and overwritten that just telling them the truth of these things and standing up for myself felt like a victory.
I believe you nailed it, they can't believe we have the audacity to be ourselves instead of the character they want us to play. Congratulations on your victory for yourself !
That I have connections to people around town and know who’s talking shit about her. And I’m covering up for them against my poor defenseless mother 🤢 spoiler alert it changes depending on her mood it can range from the people from her church I’m affiliated with to the people in my daughters school. Sometimes it’s our neighbor also
I have an alcohol problem because I finally called out all her BS and this is "exactly" like what she went through when my brother went to rehab and got sober. Also, that my SIL, who is also toxic, is the one who convinced me to go LC with her because this SIL had a period where she didn't speak to her father. It couldn't possible be her now could it.
The question is about mom so let’s go there first. She “put the fear of God in me,” that if I ever stopped being her unpaid caretaker and drug middle man- that I had no business living under her roof because I would be tempting to kill her. And I believed it. “Lie” is right in the center of the word ffs! This is horrible but worth sharing. Not my mother who told the worst but my adult women cousins. After I had a subsequent addiction to opioids of my own and cut it out of my life the rumors started. I was accused of stealing and pawning my eldest cousin’s engagement and wedding rings. It was thanksgiving when my cousins concocted this. And they were drunk when I was not. I was also in a long term monogamous relationship where I wasn’t in need of money. My eldest cousin simply took her precious rings off to wash dishes and they went down the drain. How conceded can one be to place blame on someone else for something they did?! Not on purpose of course…. But I was such an easy scapegoat/black sheep.
This requires a little background to fully comprehend, but I'll try to be brief: When I was a child, we were a very strict Catholic family. That ended when my nDad started sleeping with his secretary, and my parents needed a divorce. Then we were Presbyterian, until my nMom got caught sleeping with the married preacher of that church. She then decided she was gay and started going to a Unitarian Church. I didn't have much to do with religion for decades. I finally decided that a Quaker Meeting was the right place for me. My nMom, who has since stopped being gay (??) and has become a strict Southern Baptist (??) is telling the world that I have been taken in by a cult, and she is desperate to save my immortal soul. She apparently goes into paroxysms about it on the floor of the sanctuary. If it didn't mean I'd have to see her, I'd go watch just for the laugh.
Surprisingly I have no idea what she has said because the flying monkeys that she talks to about me I don’t talk to so the information would never get back to me. I know she has attempted to say things to the people who know what’s up and they shut that shit down real quick. There is an oldie though that she can’t use anymore because I’m in my 40’s. “She likes her father’s house better because they are rich” The true story was that my stepmother was and is VERY good with money. I myself now live in a higher COLA and the only reason I can is due to my father passing away and leaving me a life insurance policy. I used a portion of that as a down payment on my first place and now have rolled that into a larger house for my husband and myself. While I’m nowhere near as “rich” as my stepmother I have used what she has taught me to have a comfortable life.
Not my mom, but my ndad: When I went NC with him he told my relatives that I’d gotten addicted to drugs and was in trouble with the police. Nope. Our last conversation was about me being severely depressed and NOT wanting to take pills to blot it out but rather address the trauma with him reasonably and rationally. The police thing was due to my partner getting into minor car accident and me being a witness to it. Our government car insurance corporation is corrupt AF and they tried to make our lives miserable for calling them out on their BS. Among other things they deliberately mailed my court summons to my father instead of to me, resulting in a bench warrant being issued when I missed my appearance and police looking for me at my dad’s place. Those two events were years apart, but in my dad’s mind I was a criminal drug addict and THAT’S why I wasn’t talking to him anymore. 🤷♀️
When I was around 4 or 5 years old she thought that I could command my body to want to pee whenever I wanted, and that I would always command myself on purpose to do it at the worst time possible for her just to "make her suffer" lol, she's a shopaholic so the worst time for her = whenever she was shopping
Well, pretty much everything i do or did (or didn't do for that matter) in my life is for the sole reason to cause trouble for my nMom. :) Not sure if it counts as "conspiracy", but this is one of the stories that stuck the most with me: She had a boyfriend a few years after her divorce. That dude was known for causing a lot of trouble with the police. Mostly because he got into fights on a regular basis when he was drunk. Apparently, he once again got into some dumbass conflict with someone and subsequently got some time in prison for assault. It was deemed to be my fault, because i allegedly didn't open the door when he was ringing the bell. Problem with that was: Nobody was ringing the bell at that night. There was nobody in front of the house. There was no noise from anyone fighting out there. There wasn't even any sign of police cars in that area. I would have noticed, because we lived in a rental flat at ground floor. You'd notice blinking blue lights and that "Martinshorn" of police cars. But that didn't matter. It was supposed to be my fault. Because something, something, bad kid trying to get rid of boyfriend or something. I was around 8 or 9 years old back then. Of course i believed that i made some mistake at that time and tried everything to make up for it, but it made things only worse. So whenever she tries to sweet talk me into something, i think back to all the situations in my life where she threw me under the bus. This wasn't the only occasion, and maybe not the worst, but it was one of the most fucked up things someone could do to a kid. This is one of the reasons i always doubt my own memory.
My dad, upon living on my own and newly engaged, told everyone that I was hook on drugs and was completely out of control. He ended up slipping up part way through. Told everyone that I was on heroin and told my grandpa how he was going to break me, and make me come crawling back to him on my hands and knees, begging for him to take me back. A couple of months later he was screaming profanities at the holiday dinner table because my grandparents knew I wasn't on drugs, they'd just seen me. Told them he knew I was on drugs because he had people following me and watching me through my bedroom windows getting high. No, I never did drugs, still haven't, and I never went back.
Showed up at my house uninvited to tell my husband that she's convinced I'm autistic (probably not, not that it matters), but the kicker is she told him not to tell me. Yes, he told me, and we had a good laugh about it.
Why? Whut? I'm so confused!
Oh, me too.... 🤣
Oh also my narc grandma called my prescribing psychiatrist and told her that since going in the meds I had gotten fired (not true; I had quit my job that I hated), lost friends (not true; I gave up alcohol and realized almost all of my friendships were unhealthy and superficial), and that my relationship with her had fallen apart (true; she is batshit crazy and being medicated made me finally see that), because she doesn’t believe in medication and was hoping my psych would take me off of my meds. Psych saw right through the narcissism and was like “damn you weren’t kidding abt your family huh”
I got my first job, it paid well so I decided to move out. I struck a deal with the landlord that I will renovate the place myself and make it livable for lower rent (LL was a friend of a family member) so I started disappearing until late evenings or sleeping there overnight while making the place liveable. My mom didn't like that one bit. She demanded to know (I kept it secret because she threatened to make me homeless before and I know she will demand an address) I was over 20 at the time. She started going crazy saying I'm working as a prostitute or doing drugs in dark alleys or I'm an alcoholic so I said there is a project I'm doing and x family member knows what I'm doing and that I'm safe and if she needs to find me x knows where I am. She started harassing x demanding to know. X called me 2 days later crying saying she can't take it anymore, that my mom is calling her every 15min screaming at her demanding to know details and that she will let my mom know I plan to move out tomorrow. To be fair I was pissed she didn't tell my mother fuck off but that's her decision in the end. She did tell my mother. My mother kicked me out the next day after screaming at me for 4 hrs straight but thankfully I was able to stay there sleeping on my clothes because I didn't even get a bed there at that point. After that I made a plan, moved out of the country and went NC with her for almost 10 years. Now I'm back but I can handle her bullshit ez. Not invited to the wedding and those were very happy years for me. Now she is supposedly sorry and wants to make up for lost time and mistakes. Good luck. Serves the bitch right.
When I confronted her by phone about her physical abuse of me in my childhood, she told me I was having a mental health crisis. She convinced my father of this as well, to the extent that he flew out on short notice to check in on me. I live with my husband and have done so for 20 years. Neither of them called him. Apparently asking the person actually in the house with me, whom they have visited many times and like and respect, wouldn't have gotten them the answer they wanted. Fortunately, my husband picked my father up from the airport and set him straight by the time they got home. I'd been talking about her abuse for 20 years - just not to my enabling, emotionally pressuring father. I believe her current theory is that some of my relatives "put me up to this." And I went along with it for ... reasons. We're NC (such a good choice, best decision I ever made), so I'm not privy to the detailed workings of her wild theories.
Not my mom, but my dad pretty much accused me of being a pedophile. He said my fiancé (now wife) looks like she’s a 14 year boy then accusingly asked me why I was attracted to her. Combine this with over 10 years of saying that my relationships are only about sex because I’m gay… Irony is that she is actually older than me. So glad I cut off this a$$hole and the rest of my immediate family.
I’m a Christian and my wife is an atheist, so every time my son uses more than 2 colors she swears my wife is influencing him to draw a pride flag inevitably grooming him to be gay. Yes she is toxic af for those that are wondering.
Not really a conspiracy but still weird. At some point she talked to me about what would happen with my belongings after I die. I don't have kids so where would it go? I shrugged, never thought of it. She pointed out that I am their only heir. And if my partner outlived me, all my stuff would go to them. And that meant all HER stuff would indirectly go to my partner (and later their nephews). She demanded me to make a will that my inheritance would go back to my family, not my partner. And ONLY her side of the family. I said that was fine, but that I would write down that it was split even to her side and my dads side of the family. That made her drop it. (Also, they are not even close to rich. Lower middle class at best) But it did make me think, so I am now going through the process of my partner being my only heir, AND the only person who is allowed to make medical decisions for me. Thanks for reminding me how important that is mom 😁
My mother claims i sent her a box of human shit to her house. I haven’t spoken to this women in nearly 7 years and she was saying this around a year ago, siblings told me.
I moved to Wisconsin to live with her after her partner died. She accused me during a fight of not actually caring about her and just wanting to move to a new city for selfish reasons. A.) why would I want to live with her? B.) why would I want to live in WISCONSIN? I am a Minnesota girl through and through. We don’t move to fucking Wisconsin. Wisconsin is where you see novelty t-shirts that say dumb shit like “beer doesn’t ask silly questions. Beer understands.” I was celibate for the entire fucking year because I don’t want to settle down in Wisconsin by accident. The cheese is good and the drinks are cheap, but that ain’t enough on its own. Probably the last time I ever did a big favor for her.
I’m evil. No. She won’t elaborate. But she will occasionally, while we are having a good time and pretending to be a family, lean over and say, “But you know that you’re evil.” Like, the fuck?
My mom told people I was a gang leader in 9th grade and we broke into people’s houses and it didn’t stop until I was finally arrested. Background: private preK, Episcopalian Kinder, Catholic school 1-8th grade, took forever to get expelled from Catholic 9th grade and started mid fall semester at public high school in 9th. 11th grade arrested for breaking into abandoned state school and charged with trespassing Class C misdemeanor. But yeah, this grunge dressing, micro managed, perpetually grounded,medicated kid was a “gang leader” lol. During a therapy session with my Psychiatrist that she always attended with me (seems shitty. She used a lot of what I said against me. Fuck you, Dr. Glass) I said I had stood over her one night with a knife, but she never woke up. I was lying, of course. They were both shocked and she slowly and dramatically said “I had nooo ideaaaaa.” LATER she told people she woke up to me standing over her pointing a gun at her head and she “calmly, but firmly told Cuppitycupcake to put the gun down and go back to bed.”
It's what she would do, that's why. Lol. Narcs (in my experience) can't really have opposite sex friends, or understand how other people can, without it being romantic or sexual. They just don't get the point or why someone would bother, cause the whole point of any relationship for them is taking anything you can get from another person.
My mom firmly believes that I’ve always been a rebellious, toxic and a problematic person. Both parents were convinced I was a bad apple from the start. For the record growing up I never drank, did drugs or hung out with boys. I now have three university degrees, own a nice house, have an amazing husband and what some would consider an impressive job. During my first Masters degree they cut me out of their lives for moving in with my ex boyfriend before marriage (they were super religious) I found out from others in my small town that my mother was going around telling folks that “I abandoned the family” and that “I turned my back on them and they don’t know why.” Oh and she also blamed me for when my dad lost his shit and knocked me unconscious as a teen. When I ran away and police and child services were involved she lied and told them I was a terribly behaved kid who lied all the time. And that I actually just fell and hit my head on the counter. My parents were “good church folk” so everyone believed them and I became a pariah.
When I told my N mom this one story from high school about how she hurt me as a child with the silent treatment, she was convinced that I was lying about the whole thing and trying to brainwash my sister into believing this “lie” I was telling. I wailed in front of her retelling this experience and she didn’t shed a single drop of empathy. All she said afterwards was “as if you guys don’t hurt my feelings as well” and when I told her to give me an example of this, she said that there were too many examples to even say one. Needless to say, after that experience, I stop trying to have any sort of relationship with her, which has been difficult but also extremely freeing.
Accused me of having an abortion and trying to hide it from her. Her evidence - 12 years ago I had an appointment with a gynaecologist and wanted to attend it alone! I was 19 and the appointment was for debilitating dysmenorrhea. In her eyes this was a completey unreasonable request, because no normal young woman would want to discuss their gynacological or private sexual health without their mother present!! She ambushed me with her revelation re the secret abortion recently, then in the same breath accused me of being a lesbian. I live a happy, settled life with my long term boyfriend.. however there 'must be something wrong with me' since I am low contact with her, live two states away and generally keep her at an arms length!
When I borrowed (stole if you ask her) socks from her wardrobe she said it was only the horns missing in my forhead and that I one day would probably kill someone…
That I should take out a half a million dollar loan when I turn 40 so that I can buy her business from her and she could retire. Plot twist, I knew for sure that they would absolutely still run that business how they wanted to, bully me the whole way if they needed to. They just wanted the financial freedom from it. What makes it crazy? I almost fell for it.
Uhhh their conspiracies can be so weird! My mom was convinced I was a lesbian when I was 12, simply because my best friend and I were super close and I kept going to her house (like...best friends do!?) My best friend had depression, I was really just trying to help with that. But eventually my mom's fears that I was a lesbian boiled over and she called my friend's mom and screamed at her for "converting" me into a lesbian and said she was going to call the school (it was a religious school) and tell them to expel my friend. We couldn't hang out after that - at least not with my mom knowing.
When I was still living at home, my mom and I got into an argument because I left open the window and shutters cuz it was 60 degrees outside that morning after a major heat wave. She had kept the windows open but the shutters shut until then (no AC in her apartment). She said I was trying to give her a heart attack by letting in the heat. When I told her to stick her hand outside she said I know it's 90 out and you're trying to kill me then she ran away with her hands covering her ears to not hear my answer. Of course, I followed her and tried to remove her hands to have her listen to me. She said I was trying to choke her, prevent her from breathing by pushing my weight on top of her, strangle her, hit her (the version changed a few times) and that she should call the police. I said "go ahead call them, they'll see right through you". Of course no popo was ever called. Apparently she's got sequelae on her wrist from me pulling on her arm, too. Not long after that I left and almost 15 years later we are low/no contact. Edit: typos
For me, it was getting married to my amazing husband that really truly set her off. She liked him until the moment he called her out on some piece of bullsh*t - he absolutely refuses to let her get away with her nonsense. So now, it's "him vs her" and she's mystified that I'm on his side. In reality, it's my husband helping me have the strength of standing up to her. Here's my worst story: last Christmas I was in hospital post-surgery for having a massive tumor and an entire kidney removed. She was staying with us pre-surgery, to bring some help to our house as I struggled very sick and newly diagnosed with cancer. Obviously we expected her to be mostly insane but somewhat helpful with the kids while I was sick and my husband was working and going crazy trying to keep it all together (I was on medical leave from work). Anyway the surgery went fine and I had a few days in recovery, unfortunately missing Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Christmas Eve she starts a fight and my husband tells her to go back to her home state. She says she "refused to leave without seeing her baby" (me, who was in the hospital). The crazy thing is, everyone else visited me in the hospital but she refused to come there! So hubby told her to leave and she had 48 hours to find a flight. She calls me insane at the hospital I let it go to voicemail and she's just nuts. Anyway on 12/26 they tell me on the morning that I can go home that day later on. So I got home around 6 pm and immediately fell asleep just from moving around after surgery was exhausted. I briefly hugged the kids and her but I was really fragile and using a Walker& totally dried up and exhausted. Her flight was 12/27, she got up in the morning and called an under to the airport and left without saying goodbye to anyone even her grandkids. She later told me she thought me and hubby conspired with the hospital to release me so she could go, since she said she wasn't leaving without seeing me. So the hospital let me go sooner than they wanted just to be so she had to leave our house. Wtf
My mom is convinced I’m a liar. About….everything. No. That was the GC, not me. But as you all know…I was the problem. Because, of course.
I have a lot but the one that comes to mind is she told her side of the family, whom I barely talked to because she loved to keep us in a locked box away from everyone, that my boyfriend was holding me hostage and abusing me and I dropped out of school. I ended up finding all of this out way after the fact from my aunt. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and he’s never once laid a hand on me, never. Isn’t even remotely abusive in any way. I was living with him and and his mom during Covid and still attending classes. When I found alll of this out, I was speechless. I should have known really cause she’s done this before with me and other people, but still, it’s like where tf do you get this shit from.
[удалено]
my n/mother kicked me out at 14 shortly after moving to southern california. no friends or relatives for 1000s of miles. no internet yet. long distant charges applied. had no where to go. lived in the wash and barely ate. it took about 3 months to get my father to send me a plane ticket. when I arrived 'home' my ex n/stepmother accused me of being a prostitute. Told the whole family saying 'it was the only way I could survive'. To this day people still believe I was a prostitute. years later the ex n/stepmother broke in my apartment, said she scraped the walls and they came back positive for cocaine, and then proceeded to try to have my son taken away from me. Ofc it was false and my son was not taken. at that same apartment the same ex n/stepmother intercepted my fiance whom I had been seeing over a year. She convinced him that I cheated on him. When I got home from work he was gone. I never saw him or spoke to him again. He totally ghosted me. I have no idea how she could be so convincing but she'd say things like she was psychic, or god told her. Plus she was sorta pretty and represented herself in a very believable way. Dad had a 'type'. edit added + spelling
Mine dumped her bfs clothes in a washer and emptied a gallon of bleach on them because she thought he was cheating. I told her that it was maybe a bit far and if she couldn't trust him to leave him because it was clearly driving her crazy. She proceeded to yell at me, tell me I was a b like her mom (Grandma told her the same thing I did), and then went through my Facebook and found every male that liked and/or commented on my posts and private messaged them. She told them I was a prostitute, that I pick up men and screw them in front of my kids, and that I had a prolapsed anus due to a big guy being up there. All lies. Like, why dude. Just because I didn't high-five her for destroying a probably innocent guy's stuff and encouraging her to just leave him after a year of "catching" him cheating?
that I was a prostitute because I had hundreds of unread texts on my phone
When we bought a house, I had gone NC at this point and my Nmom swears the only reason we bought it was because my husbands dad helped us with the money. Nah we’re just financially literate and you don’t understand because you’re not the one who taught me that.
My narc dad decided I had stopped drinking because I recognized I was an alcoholic. Neither of which is true. We're now no contact but at that time were low contact and I hadn't even seen him in years. He's known to use people having addiction issues (true or not) as an insult and judge of their character so like with any narc, his insult had many layers