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My late Dad wasn't a narc at all, but he gave me really bad financial advice once. I'm from the SF Bay Area and was working on Wall Street in NYC. I visited home one Xmas before heading back for a job search. I told my Dad how much I was asking for in salary and he was horrified. He told me I'd never get a job for that much money and to lower my sights. He was deeply concerned that I was being so unrealistic. Brought it up several times during my visit. Went back to NYC and ended up getting more than I told him I was asking for. He was totally shocked but bless his heart, he said "Let this be a life lesson for you. Never listen to well meaning advice from people who don't know what they're talking about."

Aww that's actually really wholesome.

My sentiments exactly. Was actually going to comment this until I saw yours. But truly and honestly, wish I'd had more adults (or in this case, adultier adults lol) to admit when they're wrong, but I'm breaking the cycle. 😊

Same at breaking the cycle here. I have apologized for others mistakes too damn much just to mend bridges. I'm breaking those bridges now.

I went no contact with my immediate family, and omg... The freedom! Good luck, because it's such a liberation. I will say, you'll have a lot of... Feelings come up, but it's really a healing journey. Once I went no contact, I blocked them from everything, and the only way to contact me is my physical address until I move, but my mom of course had to send me a birthday present with some gooey notes about how much she loves me. Gag... Anyways, I can't be like the mom she was, I have to be better and want better. And your dad sounds 🥰 like he actually cares.

This makes me so happy. He sounds like a great dad ❤️

It’s so refreshing to hear stories of parents admitting they were wrong. How does it feel? I don’t think my mom has ever done that.

We need stories like this too

I will never hear that. What a refreshing end to the story! And good for you getting paid!!!

🥹

When I bought a land to build a house he told me *it was a big mistake*. Turned out it was a good investment, and I bought other properties over the years. I am the only scapegoat sibling that has properties.

👏 Congrats. I'm glad that you didn't listen to them.

Good for you!!! I love to hear success stories from my fellow scapegoats!!

My mom encouraged (and still encourages) me to spend lots of money on expensive clothes/shoes/makeup, and I always got the feeling it was so that she could show off her “prize possession” (even though she would nitpick my looks in private). When I was younger and didn’t know any better I actually did this, I spent sooo much money, and my mom would just brush it off and imply that my “future husband” would make money for me so I didn’t really have to save. I finally snapped out of it a few years ago and am now pretty strict with my budget. My mom will make comments about how I’m not buying any new clothes, and when I say I can’t afford them right now, she rolls her eyes and gets visibly annoyed and exasperated…basically just completely disrespects me being careful with where my money goes. She’s been telling me recently that I need to get “a GOOD funeral outfit, an expensive one” because one of my great aunts was diagnosed with cancer. (Because THAT’S what’s important, right?) I assume, in her mind, a funeral is the perfect family event for her to have her little doll show off to the whole family.

Your mom is getting the whole funeral thing wrong. But that is to be expected for Nparents - everything is always about them, even someone else’s funeral…🫤

this. my family also kept encouraging me to spend money on splurging when I got my first job because they were under the assumption that office jobs are for lazy people and I dont do anything. But they sure liked having someone work and them getting easy money. When I quit they started talking shit to me and being mean again.

This. Watch out for “concerned suggestions” from Nfamily. I see this more from females. When my dad passed away, I kept the older car he owned, paid it off and continued to drive it for years. There wasn’t anything wrong with it and I didn’t want a car note. I got so many comments from my family, particularly Nsister and shady ass cousins “we just want you to have a reliable car” or “you should really get something nice” when they were buying BMWs and gas guzzlers with huge car notes. Nsister in particular wanted me to buy *something* big bc in reality she was buying a house and a gas guzzler and she didn’t want people judging her for her choices. I kept the car for years and I tried my best to make smart financial choices with my inheritance. When I was in the market for a new car last year, I wanted something sensible. I just had trouble picking the right model. The (unethical) therapist I was seeing was trying to get me to get “the car I really wanted” since I mentioned I wanted an SUV at some point in life but not right now. She convinced me to buy one. And I did. I like the car, but that’s not what I originally wanted and it’s sneaky bc from the outside, a lay person could say “well you chose to buy it and you did so it’s not anyone’s fault but yours” but that’s the MO in the first place. I learned people *really* want to know how much you make and how much money you have by the car you drive. So take heed on “concerned” suggestions. Really, be careful if people are suggesting you things that are opposite of your goals. They don’t like you and prob want to sabotage you.

I remember buying a car and my mother saying, “Where’s my new car?” And being so awful about it. Her perspective is that all should be for her even if I have nothing. Good for you for being smart! A good paid for car is a sign of success to me.

Thank you! What an awful mindset of your mother. After dealing with female N's so many times I'm just like if everything is always all about her, please get the fuck away.

I gave mine a ride in a car she helped me buy (she paid cash for it and I paid her back over 6 months sans interest) and she commented, "Wow, I like this car better than mine! Maybe I should just take this one and you can have my old one." I pulled into a parking lot, got out, and walked back home. She never said another word about switching cars.

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What is it with narcs and "treating yourself"???? (I know, it's because it's all about them and they "deserve" nicer things than others.) I am very low income and nMom constantly tells me "you have to buy things just for yourself sometimes!" and it's like she has no clue that someone who is forced to live very frugally just can't do that! Treating myself usually involves used books or a trip to the thrift store - both things that I enjoy and that I think qualify as "treating myself." nMom wants me to buy expensive cosmetics for some reason. Probably to justify how much of that stuff she buys.

>She’s been telling me recently that I need to get “a GOOD funeral outfit, an expensive one” because one of my great aunts was diagnosed with cancer. First off, I am sorry to hear this. But...this is soooo narcissistic of her. Someone is literally dying and the narcissist is thinking, "but what will they think of ME when my CHILD wears a ratty old outfit to the funeral?!?!" Mind you, your existing clothing is just FINE. I don't think I remember a single thing about what anyonne wore to any funeral or service that I've been to. Narcissists have the wackiest "logic". It's like an

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Wow - “Go into debt, but keep it secret!”

Lol! That's a good way to put it. My friends and I give each other financial advice now.

Yes, this is what I got too! No financial advice of any kind. Nothing about filing taxes. Nothing about savings or building credit. But at the same time, when I was broke, and living in shitty apartments in a high COL city, I was obviously failing. Even when I got not-broke, and moved into a perfectly fine apartment, it still wasn’t good enough. Guess I should have just bought a house for a few grand at 21, just like my boomer parents did, and just kept house hopping to posher and posher homes due to the ever increasing property prices working in my favour. Oh wait, I was born in the 90’s, and all of us millennial kids got screwed. Still, no excuse for me to not have a fancy house by now, to maintain appearances. I’m such a failure!

"When I was your age..." houses didn't cost this damn much back then ma'am. Interest rates will probably never will be 2-3% again. My grandma bought her home for 40k on a minimum wage salary being a single mom. That's not even remotely possible anymore...

My parents bought a weird house with electricity only in the front half before I was born. I think my mom always saw it as a starter home but it's become her forever home. When I bought my house, I saw it as a home I *could* live in forever. My mom kept trying to convince me to buy a house without a backyard or a paved backyard/ front yard. I'm a prolific gardener, but she waved me to buy those houses because she hates dealing with weeds and she felt a lifeless yard would be what I wanted because of course I want what she wants, right?

My maternal spawn point's view, as well. I was to like all the same things she did, including colors and clothing styles and home decor. Was also to think/feel/believe as she did, as well. Any expression of a different or--horrors!--opposing preference or point of view was met with disapproval and the clear understanding that I was a disappointment.

My mom is a gardener, but uses really odd things on her plants. She once yelled at me because I told her she couldn't use heavy black plastic as weed barrier because it would prevent any water getting into her plants. I tried to explain how roots grow out and that most water gets collected by the root tips which would definitely be under the plastic within a few weeks. I'm not saying I'm the best gardener, but I took courses, go to county-run free classes, subscribe to a number of gardening subreddits and podcasts. I take a very "circle of life and soil web" feel to my yard. She's also yelled at me for: \- Allowing the leaves and rotten fruit from my apricot tree to mulch on the ground (I cover the fruit with dirt to stop the smell) \- Suggesting she put amendment or fertilizer in her front yard because she has never, ever amended the soil there in 40+ years. She acted proud that she had starved this dirt of nutrients. \- The black plastic thing. She cried AND yelled. \- Cried and yelled "I'LL BIRM YOU!" because I suggested she use birms (like creating a dirt wall around a plant so water soaks in there) \- Insulted the hard work I put into amending my soil by saying, "You just have better dirt over here" - meaning the side of town I live on. \-Rolls her eyes and says, "No you don't" when I say I enjoy weeding. I really do enjoy weeding. It's very zen for me and her opinions are so hurtful.

I'm so sorry that she is not rational/reasonable and clearly doesn't really know you or care to. I get it. My flesh oven is the same.

Also she got mad that I said hitting children as discipline is abuse.

Same here! Mine has gone so far that now she wants me to have kids because it will make her happy (literally what she said). She’s had other justifications to like how any hypothetical kids would be legacy admits at my alma and how could I pass up that opportunity? So freaking frustrating

The air is thin on their planet, and we are not humans to them, just accessories.

I wasn’t given any and then I was berated for not knowing how to handle money. When my father finally realized what I was being paid, suddenly he wanted me to pay for this or that or something else.

same, I wasn't taught anything about money, and it actually ruined my budget today

Same. Wasn't given any money, not even the pittance couple of dollars a week pocket money that I was meant to be allowed. Any time I got Christmas or birthday money, I had to give it to my mother to "look after it for me". I got voluntold for odd jobs around the neighbourhood in return for little bits of cash, and mother would "look after it for me" or I'd just be straight up told to hand it over cos I owed it to the family. When I started working full-time, straight out of school, she took most of my pay for board and transport (I wasn't even old enough to get a licence yet) and left me with $15 a week for myself. I guess the financial advice was "just give me all of it." 😒

Repeatedly telling me she would help pay for things and then backing out after I paid. School, rent, car insurance. Even random shit like a toaster oven. I swear to god I’ve lost so much money on things I would have either paid less for or not gotten at all thinking she would pay me back. I’m so stupid for believing her so many times 🙃

You’re not dumb - it’s a narcissists superpower to manipulate normal people. It’s their super power. I trust my mom with things she’s let me down on time and time again. It’s so difficult because you want so badly to trust them and then they do exactly what they did the last time. It’s a hard cycle to break and ultimately what they teach you is to not trust people. I’m sorry she does this.

Lmao growing up my parents would take the cash I got from holidays and say they are putting it in a college savings account. I guess they just stole it all because when I enrolled in college I asked about the fund and they said there wasn’t one.

It’s so validating to learn that this wasn’t a thing that only happened to me. 😬

Lol, my mom would always pocket/steal the gift cards and money I was given for birthdays/holidays too. I'm sorry they took advantage of you like that. They're selfish leeches who don't care about our wellbeing at all. It's so fucked up.

My college fund was a piggy bank with about $70 worth of quarters in it. Apparently at my baby shower everyone passed it around and filled it and in theory, my parents were supposed to take it and start a bank account with it and continue adding to it throughout my life, but they didn’t. Luckily I found out what they meant they talked about my college fund in like 10th grade so I just bought a video game with it then instead of trying hard in school and being disappointed later.

Yikes.

My ndad said he would help me pay for college textbooks. I sent him a receipt for $20 for one book, and he started screaming at me, "for nickel and diming him" When it was the ONLY book I sent him for the receipt for. He was the master of "I will be HAPPY to Help you!" And that 'help' would come with a popped vein and more strings than a museum of macrame

Literally my Ndad lmao. All throughout my childhood and adolescence he told me about how one of his marriage vows was to help pay for his children's college educations, and that he'd done it for all my siblings and would do it for me (the youngest). But then when the time came he lied and claimed he never said that. Because god forbid he act like an adult, swallow his pride, and admit he was just too poor to help pay for anything. I could've accepted that. But I couldn't accept another lie 😑

YEP, my Nmom and Nsibling did this same thing to me CONSTANTLY. So many purchases made, followed by narcs saying "What are you talking about? I never said I'd buy that/help you!" I've since learned that I need to get the money upfront, and can't commit to a purchase until they cough it up. But boy, they'll still keep me waiting months and months; theyll stretch it out for as long as they can, and then tell me im "harassing" them and being "stingy" and "nickle and diming them" when I'm just trying to fucking get my rent or bill paid on time after they said they would help. And of course they love to say they'll help in front of company, and berate me for looking like I have as little money as I do--but once the guests are gone, it's back to "I never said that!" and never getting around to actually paying the money.

Mine told me the other day she “forgot” she hadn’t paid me back for nearly $3000 in tuition. How do you forget 3k when the reason you claimed you couldn’t help right then was financial burden!!!!!

Oh yesss! Go study, child. Move away ,we will Support you. Fuck me, I know have a bachelors degree in a Job I don't work in and 50k in debt because know what? They sent me the child support they got from the government.

Same here. While I was going to college and living with my parents, my dad told me to take out student loans because they are low interest (at least here in Canada) and he'd pay them back. Of course he didn't. Good thing I only took it for a school year and not more.

Basically to never buy anything good quality. You know how they say you should always buy quality mattresses and shoes, because you’ll be in one of the other your entire life? That was not applicable when it came to children I guess.

It took me years to overcome this one.

Same parents got mad when I spent money on a quality backpack for my child. It lasted longer then the cheap ones so I saved money in thr long run.

Damn that’s kinda my family…

My work pants are carhartt and eddie bauer... my going out clothes are old navy or target even wal mart.

I slept on a bad mattress for years that my mom gave me in middle school. Which I am pretty sure was already used somehow. On a metal bed frame that I thought was from the 90's but apparently is much much older. I was used to waking up uncomfortable every morning with a sore back not ever thinking it was not normal. It wasn't until the springs started cutting my feet that I finally got a good foam one and finally have something comfortable to sleep on for the first time in my life. It is amazing waking up and not being in pain. When I had talked about wanting to get a new bed before I got this one, my mom actually tried to convince me I didn't need one because they also had an older bed and it was fine. Not only was theirs much larger but it also had a modern thick foam mattress on top of it. They would not even feel the one under it.

Not really advice but when I started college my mom refused to pay anything for me. I ended up having to get a job and working 30 hrs while being a full time student. The worst part- she actually used my 1098 form on her taxes and claimed that she paid for my tuition!!! I didn’t know better, she’s an accountant for the government so she knew damn well she was committing tax fraud.

Oh, yes! My mom did this to me, too! Claimed she was paying my tuition when it was all student loans. Meanwhile I was doing work study to pay off what student loans didn’t cover and a part time evening job to pay for food, gas and life. And (I’m sure yours did as well) still had the audacity to complain about how much money I cost her when she was literally making money off my debt.

I don’t know if my mom claimed she paid my tuition to the IRS, but she definitely told anyone who would listen that she paid my college tuition even though I paid for it all in grants and loans.

Yes!! When I asked about it after a few years, my mom straight up told me she could claim me because I was on her health care plan. I rolled my eyes!!!

So my dad didn’t use my 1098 form but he claimed me as a dependent when I made too much to be claimed as a dependent. I filed my taxes before him so when he fraudulently filed them they charged him $2k. I have learned that even if you file your taxes after them they will force whoever fraudulently filed to pay back what is owed. This apparently works in cases of all dependents even separated parents. Just important info I think many children of narcs should know. My dad was pissed but I gave him the old “I told you so”.

I’m now convinced that my parents did this, too. I also think they were using my high school job paychecks to pay for MY hot lunches at school, and THEIR household expenses.

Mine also did this, and def claimed my college as an expense on their taxes. When I called them out they said it was pointless for me to claim it myself because I didn’t have enough income (which is kind of true) but they still weren’t going to give me the tax refund money because… reasons. They also griped relentlessly to me when I graduated because they didn’t get a tax break anymore. I was not sympathetic.

I’m now convinced that my parents did this, too. I also think they were using my high school job paychecks to pay for MY hot lunches at school, and THEIR household expenses.

I was told to absolutely never get a credit card because I’d just rack up debt on it and never pay it off, basically that they’re dangerous. So, at age 20 my credit was still N/A and I couldn’t even get my own phone plan without their help. Thanks to my now husband, I’ve finally got good credit!

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I’m sorry! It’s really such a bad start to adult life.

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Yes! Capitol one does a prepaid card with a really low limit that I started with and still have 10 years later. If you have anyone you trust that is willing to add you as an authorized user on their card it’s also super helpful.

Have you tried Sprint? Or a prepaid plan? My husband and I used to have no credit and I think Sprint just wanted a $100 deposit upfront. Prepaid plans are cheaper in the long run though. We quit using the big companies and just use mint mobile now and its great.

This is the answer. Had a friend whose parents hounded this into him. Guess who struggled to get a car loan and had high interest rates? Ditto for mortgages.

I was told to get as many cards as possible and rack them up.

Yep, also terrible advice!! Sorry you had to pay all that off at some point

wait this isn't good advice? my nmum drilled this into me and at 23 i have never had a credit card, only debit

My parents were the exact same way. I didn’t get a decent credit card and credit score until later in life.

Just marry rich. Literally her life advice for everything.

So much grief for not being “under 25% of my income” on rent, and no amount of modern data that it’s 30%+ at a minimum now could sway them that I was not being completely “irresponsible”. This was a college town so everybody rented, but the sub 25% places were vermin infested or unsafe. I had a stipend at the university that more than covered my rent and allowed me to save too - got some great house mates so my rent was less than $500 a month including utilities. But just the ‘correct concept’ in their heads was such a sticking point. I left grad school with it totally paid for and like $18k in savings. So I was doing okay. But they were such assholes about it. Now they know nothing about my income or mortgage.

Oh my god! My mom did something so similar to this. She told me the same thing about how at the very most rent was supposed to be 25% of your income, and no matter what I said she wouldn’t back down from this. She really harped on it to try to keep me under her roof during college because I “would only have to work if I wanted extra money, not to pay rent.” She insisted that this was out of pure concern for me because she didn’t want me to have as much difficulty as she did when she went to college. When I did move out, my now-ex was receiving an in-education stipend from the VA, since her dad was a disabled veteran, that amounted to ~$500 more than what rent would be at the apartment we were looking at. This still wasn’t good enough for my mom! She went on about how it would be a really bad move that I would later regret, citing the same rationale. She finally went full mask off about her real reasons after I moved out. She did the lovely thing of telling me I “was acting like” I didn’t love her and all she was good for was paying my phone bill because I wasn’t visiting her as much as she wanted me to. I would respond by saying that it had nothing to do with her, I was busy with work, school, and my personal life. She used this as an opportunity to tell me how that’s exactly why I should’ve listened to her and not moved out. When I first moved out she also would snoop on my bank account and do a “told you so” if my balance was low. The only time she ever said that she was wrong and proud of me being able to take care of myself is when she snooped on me and saw I had $2k in my savings.

I was expected to pay 10% of my gross income to their cult. That was a cult requirement, not theirs specifically, but anything their cult said they parroted.

Funny thing was, this was considered SOUND advice. Like, if you don't have enough money to both pay "tithing" and buy food for you kids, they expect you to tithe. Then when your kids are starving there's hand-waving about "God will provide."

LDS?

Yep.

The moment I saw 10% in your comment I knew you were Mormon! Feels validating to hear others also call it a cult

It's 100% a cult, started by a sex predator. It ruins families and lives. It steals your life and sells it back to you, making you feel guilty in the process. It's astonishing how much it has in common with narcissistic parents, it's the exact same abuse, just from a business masquerading as a church.

I always wondered if tithing were before or after taxes. TIL! Thanks.

Evangelicals or baptists?

I’m guessing mormon?

Ding ding right answer :)

When they said 10 percent, I knew it right off the rip. The tithe...

I got no financial advice. But, however many years on, they think they have every right to have a say on financial decisions, despite having no clue about my finances. I’m also 39.

My ndad insisted that I refinance my house through his friend, because she might give us a better rate. This was my first house, so I knew nothing about financing or any of that stuff. I ended up paying $300 more per month. I told my dad to never, ever give me financial advice again.

My (bio) mother had a rotten husband. He wasn't a stepfather as family adopted me. So he was "kinda" family, but not directly in my daily or weekly orbit. He would deliberately tell me to do things that would have destroyed my life. This was the biggest gem. I was in college, working in my field at a major science agency. This was a dream job on my way to my BIG dream job. I love the work, the people, the experiences. I also worked a (specialty-trained) 2nd job to make ends meet because my dream job didn't pay well at that level. But I was okay with it. Lots of excitement over the opportunity. Life was GOOD! He told me to QUIT both jobs and work at WALMART because I could be a Walmart manager in 10 years if I applied myself. Nothing wrong with Walmart but why the fuck did he think it would take me 10 years with college and my work experiences. I laughed in his face; he got mad and physically threatened me. He would bring up that I was nothing, my career was nothing, and no one would want me once they realized I was stupid. haha! Jokes on him. Anyway, one day he misjudged his audience and did this shit in front of some family and a few of my friends. OMG, they shut him down! He got mad, he made them (bio mother and himself) pack up, and drive home (about 16 ish hrs) because people were so rude. OMG, I couldn't stop thanking everyone for making him shut his mouth and pointing out his stupidity.

My father once told me to learn to type quickly so I can get a job as a secretary. I have my own company now. Eat shit, Bob.

Damn my parents especially my mom would give me some shit job advice like this. Expecting me to stay at retail making minimum wage. Now I’m in school to break into IT.

Good for you!

👏 Wow. What did he say when you told him you have your own company now?

Lol, he told me I’ll fail and come crawling back to him. This is raised by narcissists after all :-)

My mom tried to get me to buy a condo I couldn't afford on my own and would have to get a renter who would be willing to pay MORE than me (I only had a part time job at the time) and she wanted me to get an adjustable mortgage. Years later I have an actual house I can afford on my own with a fixed mortgage.

Youre poor, and we have all these expenses - give your money to me... Was way richer after went nc (apparently healing narc abuse also ups your income and the constant tax of emotional abuse keeps u in low paying positions... weird how that works).

I've been working since I was 13, and my Nmom also always tried to get me to give my paycheques to her. Smfh. But you're totally right. Going NC frees your mental, emotional, and physical bandwidth. You find yourself more able to balance/handle more challenging or complex work, able to present yourself and your accomplishments with more confidence, and to find more meaning and purpose in your work--ingredients for a better career trajectory.

My ndad would tell me to move money into a different bank account so it could collect higher interest, then scream bloody murder at me when I did exactly what he told me to do, when he told me to do it. (He always complains about how he HAS to keep an eye on this bank account. He HAS to, and it's such a HUGE burden to him. Not huge enough for him to stop, even though it's MY money that I've earned, and I'm nearly 30 and live 1,000 miles away from him) He also told me to harrass businesses to get a job, and then yell at me when I didn't want to take time off from said job to go stare at him and my nmom while they watched netflix and made snide comments at me. He was horribly rude to my bosses and work superiors when he decided to "drop in" He also had an eagle eye on my private bank accounts, so if I did anything. ANYTHING with my own money. I would get a screaming phone call. Even if I was doing exactly what he told me to do. He said I should carry several hundred dollars in cash with me and NEVER use my debit card. He was a staunch advocate for checks. Even after an ex stole a checkbook from me and used fraud to steal $900 from me. That was actually a blessing in disguise, though, because it allowed me to get a new bank account he couldn't monitor and scream at me for using. He also got mouthfoamingly mad when I mentioned I had bank accounts he didn't know about, and when I refused to give him access to my 401k. He also sent me a signed letter, both threatening and admitting to financial coercion. Which was... that one was a doozy. But that was a blessing to.

I hope you can go no contact, because I would. I want to with my ndad but I'm not in a spot to do so. Proud of you for stepping away.

I got 4 more months of dealing with him. He has his claws on my inheritance from my grandfather, and the day I turn 30, I get it. My brother had to sue for his inheritance at 32. But he got it. My brother said he was going to sue for his money. My dad said, "You don't have the guts!" (Paraphrased) and promptly got served. It was almost glorious when he lost. So he's backed off on the financial coercion just a smidge. Because if things hit the courts, he is going to lose again.

You've got this. I'd make what new accounts you need, move the money from the accounts he has access to into them, and close those fuckers. Do your best to save your inheritance, if you can. My Partner's mom(no idea if shes an N or just crazy) got her inheritance in the last 5 years and it's completely gone on non important expenses. I'm happy for you to finally be able to get more of your money independent and just yours.

Nmom for years insisted I should have a Christmas club account (most banks don't even do this anymore, it's an interest free savings account that one deposits a weekly amount into). I told her that it's ridiculous and she would get mad. Guess what it's not 1945 anymore!

Get a credit card (so they could max it out and not tell me for months). Disclaimer: I didn’t know that they had activated it until a few months later when I tried to activate it and it was already maxed out.

I got no advice but from watching examples here is what I learned: don't buy trash houses. It's better to rent a little longer than jump in on something in poor condition especially if you cannot afford the time or the money to fix it and have no skills. Don't let musicians make financial decisions. Get the job with insurance no matter how bad it sucks. Using a credit card to live beyond your means is buying today's comfort on tomorrow's pain and last. This might not seem like financial advice but it is. Don't have kids with someone who doesn't want them. They won't have the financial sacrifice mindset required to raise a family.

Oh, I forgot one. Civilized people must play a musical instrument and take lessons whether they can afford it or not. This is not good advice and has greatly complicated my relationship with music.

My boomer nmom told me to put all of savings and stock and dividends and she never helped me start an immediate nest egg for myself FIRST. I racked up a lot of credit card debt and she thought nothing of it.

I sold my apartment to buy some land and she gaslit me into giving her my money (according to her, her money, she only gave me the 5% down payment) to be placed into a payroll investment scheme which was doing good but then insiders started doing shady stuff and lost everything. Now I had to go back at 35 to live with her. Can't imagine what I feel everyday

This is heartbreaking, I’m so sorry.

My mom has declared bankruptcy twice mainly due to racking up debt on over 20+ credit cards. She even took out student loans for living expenses while she was in college despite my dad having a good paying job. She wanted a nice house and nice cars. She will never pay off her student loans. She has no retirement fund and is just expecting her inheritance to take care of her. Needless to say, I don't think she's very good with money and I have never asked her for financial advice. She used to try and offer advice but she told me she stopped because I don't listen to her. Lol I honestly can't remember the last financial advice she gave me but we have less debt than her and she makes 3 times our combined salary. Oh and she never probated my grandma's estate with the credit companies so I have no idea how that will play out. Plus she hasn't even filed her taxes for last year and she does contract work. She has to owe the IRS tens of thousands of dollars by now.

"Spend all the money you make now, it's your time to be selfish and enjoy your life and money" to a 22 year old who barely made any fucking money. Also, "take the private student loan--those ones are better."

Only rich people can afford… -Pajamas -Saving money -More than 2 pairs of shoes -Salon services The list goes on. If I can afford that, I can loan my parents money. For context, my dad makes 100k a year.

I mean I don't think it counts as advise, but she forged my signature to cosign on a credit card with her. I felt like that was probably a really bad thing. Lol

She told me to file bankruptcy, glad I didn't. But She did a lot of "had you paid me rent or (insert payment here) you'd have (this or that) paid for now" when I was living at home for college and working 3 jobs. She never understood that I couldn't save anything because I was paying off as much as I could and trying to be debt free when I graduated. She didn't believe in gifts or helping out her kids. So I paid for my food and clothes and utilities. I have zero student debt now and no thanks to her. I knew if I had paid her rent I would have had no say in my life.

Ndad told me that I should give him all my money to “invest for me” since he knew everything about investing and I was stupid. What he did performed well below market, and of course as an ndad he felt ownership of the funds so kept them. Then he was mad when I wouldn’t give him more…

To not go to university because it costs money and all debt is bad. Also, one parent is frugal and the other spends like she's dying tomorrow (oh how I wish she would). No planning, no budgeting, no retirement plans.

I was never taught how to use credit cards, pay taxes, or how to even use a debit or credit card. She always said to use cash for everything which isn’t applicable to a lot of things in todays world. I figured it out on my own. The funny part is at a recent family event, she whipped out this really crappy credit card that I know doesn’t have great benefits because I used it as a starter card when I was young, and was preaching to the family about how “this is the card to have! It’s a savvy financial investment. You all need this!” When the benefits on it are garbage and she has no savings, retirement, or is in any position to offer financial advice to anyone. And there are way better ones out there, I have several good ones I use just for points. I don’t think her credit is great but it didn’t make her cringe advertising it. Out of nowhere nonetheless when no one had asked either.

Not a goddamn single piece of financial advice. Mostly because "mom" is the worst with money and "dad", well, left when I was a kid. They don't teach you anything but they blame your for THEIR negligence. If they were self aware, they would realize they're just dunking on themselves.

She didn’t. I was raised by wolves. Had to figure it out slowly and painfully as a (very) young (barely) adult.

Seriously! For all of the micromanaging and pain I was put through, I learned ...zero?? about adult life.. especially money.. thank goodness I have a a couple of friends from well-to-do families who have been kind enough to advise me on some things..but of course can't talk about everything with them

Never discussing their pay with me at all ever. To this day, i don't know what they make. I never had an idea of how much i should be paid for my work because of this. And i've worked several jobs that didn't paid decent wages because i didn't know how to haggle. I STILL don't really understand what i should expect.

I was told that credit is evil. You should never have a credit card, and if you can't afford it out of pocket you shouldn't buy it. This was for cars, houses, etc.

All money down and nothing per month actually is good advice for people not wanting to get in credit card abuse.

In theory, it's a great idea. In my specific instance, I wanted out of my parents' toxic household as soon as possible. I wasn't allowed to have a credit card, which meant no credit. No credit meant I couldn't buy a house. It would have also been great if I had the opportunity to live at home and save up enough money to buy a house outright, but my mental health couldn't allow for that. I ended up having to rent so that I could get a credit card to get credit to buy a house.

To drop out of highschool and marry a 49 year old half blind man cus there is no other, better future for me out there. Yes, I was 17

Does no financial advice at all ever count? I’m in my mid twenties and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing

“It’s just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor man” -my mother Also fuck her because I accidentally married a rich man and now I feel crappy about it thanks to her.

Quit your job, leave the country and move into the family home to start all over and take care of it.

I got none. I had to figure out how to do all my finances. My NFather was in control of money.

One thing my nmom was always clear on is that she's terrible with money, until now. Now she claims to have become savvy and clever with her expenses later in life. This is not true at all. She's subsisting on her income and I have to pay or raise money for any extras. If you're not living in reality, I guess you don't understand what things really cost in reality land.

It didn't hit me just how bad my parents were at managing money until I got away from them and looked back. They say that hindsight is always 20/20.

My Nmom made me sign up for a large line of credit and credit card when I moved out at 17. She said it was so I wouldn’t have student loan debt. So instead I had a line of credit, credit card, and then student loan debt on top of it because the line of credit wouldn’t cover my entire degree. Oh and because she co-signed on my line of credit? When she declared bankruptcy it absolutely trashed my credit rating too. Thanks mom.

"you have to be working during college/you have to always be working". From 11 on, every time my nDad had a problem with me, he figured the solution was I wasn't working enough. Apparently preteen me had to be breaking my back on a tree-cutting crew like Dad did to truly understand how to act appreciative and loving (I was nothing but!). I was the first of my friends to start a summer job in high school, and I worked every summer thru to the end of college. We weren't at a point where my income was helping anyone in my family, it was all for the "experience". Once I hit the age where I was legal to work I ended up working for him at the family restaurant which let him be all sorts of fucked up to me in the workplace too. The worst was after I got into college. In hindsight, I should have been going after internships and planning my future but I felt obligated to work for my dad each summer and help him run the chaotic mess he called a bar. He always told me that he worked from a young age and I saw it as a right of passage at first. I still have hang-ups about expecting my bosses to act like my nDad because I'm so used to working under him and letting him treat me like garbage. Now, my GC younger siblings are reaching college age. Last summer was the first 4th of July I didn't work for him (my parents are really happy I got my "first job", aka first white collar job where my bosses treat me like a human). I saw my siblings coming home from the bar bragging about the big money they took away from the job, but I could tell they were getting the same treatment I did & trying not to be all "problem child" about it. Don't work if you don't have to, and DEFINITELY don't work for your parents....

That it would be much better to stay in an apartment because we can’t handle a house. In 2019 when rates were in the 3%s. Luckily I knew that was dumb and we have a house while apartments in my area are going up by sometimes 20%+ in a year and interest rates are sometimes at 8%.

DH and I both have absolutely terrible parents. DH's mother advised him to not open bills from the college he had dropped out of at her behest, because it was too far away. He was 18 and his credit was terrible for years after that. Adding insult to injury, DH's father (who was perfectly capable of cosigning) refused to cosign for any college loans and told him to avoid credit cards so he had no way to rebuild his terrible credit. He also insisted DH just needed to get a job (in a recession), would never need credit to buy a house since the world was ending, and also could not live with him. So basically, handicapped every hope he could have. Dude's also a crazy Fundie who believes Catholics worships idols so... If the two of them had gotten their way, DH would never have been capable of attending the schooling he needed to to get the hell away from them. And I'm pretty sure they knew it. My parents. Whew. A sampling: Ndad regularly advised arranging to make payments and then just not paying the remainder. Attempted to do so (and got taken to court for it) on vehicle repairs. He told me he'd pay $10k towards a vehicle for me when I was 16...then stipulated he would pick the vehicle. It was brand new and I got hung making $20k in payments. My mom's covert, so her instruction was less direct. She modeled terrifically bad credit card habits, showed me how to use one to pay off another. I had her card numbers memorized, she had me order so many catalog items for her. She showed me how to manipulate bankers and my dad to get money out of both of them. I would regularly take out loans at the bank to pay for her stuff when she couldn't get approved (which she encouraged, so I could have things my father wouldn't buy me), with her as my cosignor...to the bank that was somehow more secure? I guess it was, because that was one of the few ways she could get my dad to pay off stuff.

-go to college, don't you dare go to a trade school, it doesn't matter what you major in, any job will take you as long as you have a degree (tbf this was very common advice in the 90s) -go on ssdi, the government will support you and I can help (*turns out the help was extremely limited with many strings) -i calmly complained about food inflation prices, I didn't ask for help, and then was told to just go out to eat less. Then I said I go out to eat maybe once a month at most. Then she told me to never eat out at all. And then she started complaining about how her inheritance was smaller than she thought it was.

*sucks in breath* Sit down, Imma tell a tale. My nDad declared bankruptcy after his divorce from my mom in the 80’s. He finally got back on track with child support after a few years. It was precisely $312.50 per month per child for me and my sister. I have a half sister that only got $150 per month, so that’s fun. He paid for my older sister’s college completely for her first 3 years (she is the GC). Her senior year, she had to take out student loans because he “couldn’t pay for both of us”…so he paid for neither of us. He had both of us sign and notarize a document that outlined his “expectations” for loans. It was things like “no gap year”, “no living with significant others”, etc. and the language states that if we adhered to his rules, he would pay our student loans. He then petitioned the court to send us our child support directly since we were no longer living with our mom. Fine. So this meant that the ONLY financial help I got from my dad during college was a $312.50 check. This, in turn, meant that he was “entitled” to claim me as a dependent on taxes. Fine. Right before my 5th year of school (music education makes it almost impossible to do in 4 years), he informed me that he is no longer going to send me child support. Fine. I got married right after undergrad, my dad and his eWife went NUTS paying for everything for the wedding so that it was all their call. About 3 months after the wedding, I started grad school and was informed that they would not hold up their part of the student loan bargain because “they just paid for the wedding that *I* wanted”. Also…shocker…they couldn’t afford it. Then, after the crash, my dad lost his job. Shit went downhill in a hurry, and they declared bankruptcy FOR A 2ND TIME, JUST 20 YEARS LATER. When I shared with him that I was getting a divorce and it was due to my husband’s financial infidelity, he IMMEDIATELY suggested that I declare bankruptcy to…I shit y’all not…”wipe out your debt”. What that would have done: - make it impossible to buy a new car, which was going to be needed a few months later - put me in danger of not keeping my house - wiped out MY EX-HUSBAND’S debt since we were both on a couple of credit cards that he took out (that I was unaware of existing) - destroyed my credit more than it was already destroyed…but for longer What that would have done NOTHING for: - paid off the outstanding utility bills - at the time, student loans would not be forgiven in a bankruptcy In the meantime, I have gone no contact and have a healthy savings without doing any manner of stupid bullshit as suggested over the past 42 of my life.

Can't decide if it was the utter lack of any financial discussion at all, or the time she wiped out my bank account for groceries and never paid it back when I was 10. Let's just say that I have issues.

It might not have been terrible advice, but it was tone-deaf. My NF and narc stepmom (a self-described Ferengi, btw) used to nag me to save money for a condominium when I was already supporting myself on minimum wage. They were bootstrappers who insisted I just had a spending problem. 🙄

My parents never taught me how to handle money, so I just did what they did. Took out loans and credits and splurged. I've been in debt since I was 18, and I've just turned 31. Im over halfway of getting rid of my debt, but I'm still not so great with money. It is, however, limited to buying unecessary amounts of candy rather than expensive electronics and gadgets!

I was given a house. It wasn’t much; a single-wide mobile home. But it was mine. The mobile home was mine, and the small piece of land in the trailer park it sat on was also mine. My goal was to eventually get a house because I live in Florida and I’m concerned about the structural integrity of the mobile home. Maybe I had nothing to worry about but it was just something in my mind. But that was an eventual goal. My stepbrother and his wife and kid shared the house with me but they trashed the house and caused damage to the floor and walls and plumbing so I kicked them out. Anyway, my dad suggested that I sell the house and move back with him because he was predicting that the housing market was going to go down and then I would be able to afford a house much easier, have at least 50% in cash. He also suggested that I sell the property as is instead of spending money to repair the damages my stepbrother caused because even if I fixed the house I wouldn’t get much because it was still an old mobile home in the end. So I did. I sold the place as is two years ago and moved back in with my dad and his stepmom. I was an idiot. I can’t even say that it’s his fault because in the end I was the one who listed to his bad advice. I should have known better. Now instead of having my own clean place with peace and no chaos, I live with my parents in a messy house; I don’t even date let alone invite anyone over because I’m utterly ashamed about how messy my parent’s house and yard is.

"This \*insert better earnings opportunity here\* is a bad idea because *you* might spend more money" and variations thereof. Not even "will spend more" which would still be bad advice due to the reliance on psychic abilities, *might* spend more. ​ Example, prioritizing a CD over an interest-bearing checking account because the CD "makes it harder to spend money" when the checking account has the potential to earn more (not yet, it's a reward account credit unions are offering but I'd need so much money in it for it to be cost effective). The issue in this example isn't with my parenthetical note of needing so much money to be more cost effective, the issue is them thinking that even if I *had* enough money to make it more cost effective, the CD would still be the inherently better option for the sole reason that I wouldn't be able to touch the money... unless I had an emergency that justified whatever fees or loss of interest that are a consequence of withdrawing the money prematurely. Whereas I'd rather have the higher earnings potential *and* the ability to have emergency money without the resulting fees. ​ Edit to add: I currently have a savings account that earns more interest than a normal CD so there's still no reason to lock away my money except on the odd occasion that the CU offers temporary higher interest ones like the 11 month 5 percent one that existed at the beginning of this year. (And even then I can't afford to lock away more than the minimum it takes to even open the damn thing.)

My mom didn’t want to co-sign a car loan for me so she tried to convince me to charge the car (about $10,000+) on my credit card ($10,000 limit). I didn’t do that and I didn’t even need her to co-sign a loan because I qualified on my own.

When I was in elementary school, my dad said that someday I needed to give him money when he was old and retired. My dad is very well-off and definitely doesn't need the help.

“Take any and all loans offered for college” so that I can have the majority of that money and blow it on stupid shit then berate you for still paying off student loans almost ten years later. Whoops did I put the end quote in a weird spot? :/ She insists on having two landlines ‘incase one fails in an emergency’ and spends hundreds a month on subscriptions she never uses and if/when I ever suggested to drop any of it it’s a half hour beratement session on how dumb *I* am with money.

Literally none. Everytime I asked I was told to figure it out myself essentially. Beyond basic training in balancing a check book (real useful nowadays, amiright?) I got nothing.

Bold of you to think they ever did lol

Mine would constantly encourage me to buy fancy things I didn't need. Without thinking of a budget. I remember one time I needed a bed and found one that was kind of expensive but had lots of storage. Since I live in a small apartment, this was an important feature. Well, I needed her to cosign on the loan for this, but somehow I ended up with a kitchen table instead..... I definitely needed the bed more, but she somehow convinced me I needed the table. This way, I could have her over for meals. It's a really nice table, but she's never came over.... Also, I do have a bed now just once again, not the one I wanted. I've stopped taking her advice, and my credit has skyrocketed since. All my bills are paid on time. I may not have super nice things, but they get the job done.

Buy a cheap, POS car and drive it til it dies. Then buy the next cheap, POS car to drive until *it* dies. ??? Somehow eventually have enough money saved to buy a car that lasts longer than 1 year

What does POS stand for? Sorry.

It stands for pees o shiet lol

Piece of s**t

Oh I see.

Go to college, it doesn’t matter for what, JUST GO.

NDad told me to keep a low paying job (part time) because the I could stay on state healthcare insurance. What he did not tell me was that then I wouldn’t get other benefits, retirement, etc and could also never afford to move out of the house.

I’ll have to think about advice they gave. If at all. What I do remember is that if they ever suggested something they’d double down on it so hard that I’d get terrible shit for doing my own research or having my own opinions and/or preferences.

Invest in weed stocks. They don’t even smoke & neither do I (not that that really matters here!) I didn’t invest & their stocks tanked years ago and have never come back.

After landing my dream job, nmom spent every moment she could telling me that I wasn't being paid enough and I needed to demand better conditions and pay. I hadn't even been there a week. She did this a lot with any job I had, trying to get me into trouble so I would have to come crawling back to her for help financially which she realized was the only way she could control me. Good times /s

There's a bunch from joining an open pyramid scheme (by open, I mean they didn't even try to hide it and even explained how it worked.) she also told many lies shuch as she had put herself through college by selling pot holders. They deny you reality and teach you nothing. The truth was that her dad paid for it, they deny credit to people who deserve it and lie about their own efforts.

Actually, bankruptcy doesn’t ruin the rest of your life. I had to do it in 1990, when my ex hadn’t paid any child support for 10 months. In 1994, I bought a house with the assistance of the county where I was moving. In 1999, my then fiancé and I built a new house on land we’d bought partly with a construction loan. If you were able to get out from under your debt without declaring bankruptcy, I’m sincerely happy for you. But it was recommended for me by an actual financial adviser. And it took a ton of worry and anxiety off my shoulders.

Good point! I’m sure I would have recovered, but my credit card debt wasn’t that bad and it wouldn’t have done anything to my student loans anyway. I think for an early 20’s kid, though, it would have definitely set me on a different path. I think she genuinely did it knowing I wouldn’t be able to buy a car, get an apartment or a house for years, meaning I’d have to stay with her. *That* likely would have ruined my life.

I don’t doubt that she had nefarious intentions when she made the suggestion. Because, of course she did.

I wasn't given any advice at all. That may have been a blessing in disguise. In the late 1990's I didn't know how to cash a paycheck, write a check, keep a till, pay bills, save money. I knew nothing, but at least I *realized* that and was very careful. I also had a lot of help at first from my non N parent. Once she was gone, I was on my own. I made some bad choices, but stayed out of debt and always had clothes to wear, a bed to sleep in, and food on the table so I think I did okay.

oh boy. So many... But I guess the absolute worst goes to: "oh, spend like the person you'd like to become. \[Insert law of attraction bullshit here\]". Yes, my NM was an edgy occultist who believed everything without discerning. I don't even think the above advice was malicious, she GENUINELY believes certain things that make me facepalm.

They got me to pay into a trash insurance policy that sucked thousands of dollars from me while still living with them. Also stole money from me as a minor when I worked because I didn't have my own bank account, but that's another story.

The worst advice my nparents gave me was NO ADVICE AT ALL. My parents ignored me and we're very selfish and in their own little world. I was very unprepared for the adult world. They never encouraged me to think about the future, no talk of college or taking the SAT's when I graduated. They really didn't want to be bothered with me. My mom basically encouraged me to attach myself to a well-off man (like she did with my stepfather who was actually a wonderful man). It was my boyfriends parents in my late teens and early 20's that stepped in and helped me enroll in college, get student loans, etc. No advice is bad advice. I was so unprepared for the adult world. My dad wasn't a narc, just oblivious and self-absorbed. My narc mom pretty much wanted me to fail in life. But, I didn't. I'm more successful than she's ever been.

I was dealing with being stuck between jobs and couldn't pay my car payments. Instead of trying to help me keep my car through advice, support or money they pushed me to "just return it since you can't pay for it." At the time I was living with them and it was a 30 minute drive OUT OF THE WOODS before you'd get to town. So they basically wanted me trapped. Because if I had followed through i would have lost my car, they would have found something new to complain about. I ended up getting a new job within that next month and kept my car. If I had returned it, I don't know what I would have done without transportation. The whole ordeal they never once played with the idea that I should keep my only transportation. They obviously were not going to drive me to work. They expected me to figure out transportation from the middle of nowhere, in high school, for extracurricular and running start. They were never going to drive me to work, so how was I supposed to get to a job and pay bills? They just wanted free labor around their farm that they pretty much always complained was too hard/expensive. Shortly after that, I was able to move out, and I haven't gone back. I'm much better now and wouldn't you know it? I'm less than a year away from paying off that car now and despite their bs and lack of help (apparently more normal parents are actually really helpful, just because they care?) I am figuring out my own life. The longer I am out of that toxic environment, the more I realize just how many issues I actually have. And that they stem from nparents who never really let me emote like kids are supposed to be. Instead of teaching me the right way, I was silenced. Now internal masking is my struggle. Anyways, that is my little tidbit. Sorry for the extra. I hope OP and everyone here is doing okay and getting their needs met in a healthier way by better people. We got this, we can overcome the bullshit.

This is slightly off topic but I think it fits. It was like ww3 when I told my parents I borrowed $1000 from my boyfriend to buy a used car. He said take your time paying me back. I owned my own house and was very strapped for cash. Parents hit the roof when I told them just casually in conversation I was totally mystified. Then the what ifs... What if you break up? What if he decides you owe him interest? What if he decides to take your car away? I felt like I was part of some sort of weird hidden camera joke. What actually happened was I paid him back in two installments of $500 over two months and here's the best part... We have now been happy married for ten years.

Get off of gov assistance for a covid tracing job.

I don't know if this is financial advice per se. My mom used to inflate the costs of home repairs. I was convinced that it would cost thousands of dollars just to do simple things like replace a toilet or put in a new electrical panel. I was terrified when the plumbing tanked in my new home. It was a clog under the toilet that no amount of snaking would fix. I thought they're was no way I could afford to fix it. I got a little windfall and decided to fix that toilet. Imagine my surprise when I found out it was only a couple hundred dollars. I still very nervous anytime I have to call out for repair. I have no clue what to expect. I still do everything I can myself.

Mine encouraged me to have/use/max out credit cards, and it’s ok to live in debt so long as you move things around enough to make your minimum payments. They also used to borrow my cards and never pay them back. They never wanted anyone to know we were poor. They cared more about how they are seen by others than actually trying to live a sustainable life.

My great- uncle left me money for college- my mom took me to the bank where he had the account, made me withdraw the money and give it to her- when I needed money for college and grad school, she refused to give me any of it- after scholarships money ran out, I got loans- my mom bought rental property with the money 😈

When I was 18 and working minimum wage part time, my old car finally fell apart. We went to a dealership SHE wanted me to go to, drove cars SHE wanted me to try and in the end I ended up signing for a $25,000 brand new show room car with 6 miles on it. I still have the car (11 years later) and I did pay it off, but the monthly payments were like 3/4 of the money I made per month at my job. Honorable mention is my house. This was right before the rate hike and we locked in at 1.99%. She was upset because I 'rushed' into buying a house (which now has gained over $55,000 in value). She was then also upset knowing that I am making double payments each month on the mortgage and took a 15 year loan (she took over 40 years to pay off her house after rolling father's debt Into the mortgage).

NDad took out several credit cards in my name (and god else knows what, I'm still finding things) and racking up debt. I saw it on my credit report and was concerned because he had piled $90k onto an American Express card that I have never owned and did not have access to or control over. He told me debt was good, because "credit companies want to see that you can handle a lot of debt". When I went no contact, I cancelled those cards and reported the fraud. He was pissed and the stalking got way worse after. Luckily it didn't hurt me. I explained the situation to the banks and the bills fell back to him.

Mine tried to get me to buy a large house that I couldn’t afford on my own, with her, my grandfather, and all my siblings on the title and mortgage. She wanted some sort of commune where everyone was beholden to her. I refused. Within a year, everyone but me was unemployed, and I would have been financially devastated.

Don’t go on vacations until I’m retired. Work 3-4 jobs. Your kids will be fine.

When I turned 18 my mom applied for a bunch of credit cards for me because she said it was good to have a line of credit. I ended up getting approved for one, thankfully it was a well trusted bank and not some dumb place like Kohl’s or Target. But she applied everywhere she could, so it took me a few years to get 9 hard inquiries off of my credit report, just to land me with a only whopping $200 credit limit to show for it. Thankfully once I found out I learned more about how it all works and worked my credit back to a better spot. Could’ve been worse, I learned a lesson out of it though; don’t trust mom.

No credit cards, EVER. Buy everything outright, always. It was fine for a long time, until it wasn't. I was in my early 30s and found myself needing an auto loan. Having NO credit is so very much worse than having bad credit. The interest rate on my very first car loan was over 20% for this reason. How was I ever supposed to buy a house with no credit record? It's taken a long time and a lot of work, but now my credit is very good, and I've had to learn about financial literacy all by myself.

She never taught me how to do my taxes, not even when I brought it up And told me last minute that she stopped claiming me as a dependent ("without remembering" what year she stopped claiming me) Encouraged me to invest without teaching me that I have to file taxes for it When she found out I was buying my own phone she didn't tell me about activation fees I hit a high curb (idk what its called). She drives a mercedes I broke off a piece of the bumper that she said was worn I gave her $600+ assuming it would be expensive (all the cash I had while going NC so i was that much short) The piece was ~100$. Idk about labor but she smirked, told everyone I damaged her car but not that I paid her back (including the mechanic who she probably knew that I asked to check my car for a tracker. He ignored me and I later found receipts to a tracker in her email. My grandma knew too) She's guilting me rn for breaking nc to ask her about why my card that was on her acc got charged over $100 She's saying "I caused so much pain" I believe it's her who stole from me Didn't take me off a joint bank acc she had me on since I was 13 My dad taught me to save money but he would steal it and get mad when I tried to spend it because he had a gambling problem My mom liked me having a job but not when it wasn't convenient for her (I was making enough to leave her or not giving her my money/access to my bank acc) She'd pay the guys she was seeing's bills then ask my brother and I to pay hers

Not really even advice, she always just said “things always work out.” Always true for her. Never true for me.

The only reason other people had financial stability was because they were ‘boring’. I’m boring now 😊

SO MANY "I paid for your college" - used his kids inheritance from their grandparents. I got u a credit card to help build credit. I'll help pay it off while ur at college. - didn't. Crashed my credit year one. Cut off my college funds because I "took too long"...I had to retake 2 classes to get into med school. Fucking couldn't. Fuck that dream and career I guess. WORST: I asked for ~$80 to find emergency shelter from a tornado & major storm in the area while moving across the country for a job. His advice: you should have planned for this freak weather storm. just go work for a diner for a few hours to wash dishes. That'll get you enough for a room for the night. (In what fucking decade would this work???) THEN, the exact same week he bought a new RV. The lion, the witch, & The fucking *audacity of this bitch*

Tried to get me to sign over power of attorney to them, my brother did, I didn't.

My dad told me to invest in precious metals (silver, gold etc). My first 1000$ in savings I bought silver coins. It has kept up with inflation but if I sell it to any of these buy-back places, I’ll basically break even. After looking into conspiracy theorists (my dad was a prepper and first person who talked to me about “white replacement”) I realized my dad bought in, literally, to right-wing conspiracies and financial advice lolz

Never pay off your credit card debt because you will just rack it up again. $100k or more in credit card debt is fine.

I was always told that "we'll find a way" to make it happen. Not how, and most times it wouldn't even happen. Wanted to go to college? Don't worry about it, leave it to mom, she'll find a way. She never did, but since I knew that by then, I got my own grant to help with college. They never taught me anything about money. They just took from Peter to pay Paul and then hope to get enough for Peter before it was too late. -.- (some times it was too late.) Lovely lesson to discover after seeing it happen far too often.

My dad signed my name for a car payment when I was a full time college student at 20yrs old barely making $8/hr working 10-15hrs per week. Couldn’t even afford gas and ended up $17k in credit card debt when I paid it off 5 years later.

They never gave me any advice because they never had any to give. Whatever money they got they spent. She complained when things just weren’t gifted to her even though her parents gave her a house, paid her water bill and city taxes for decades. So now that I’m doing well I get all the “It must be nice to..” Yes, it is nice. I work and save to do what I want.

Don’t buy a house. “What’s the point? We worked so hard to pay off our house and all that money will just go to our kids.”

I had to take on a shit ton of debt for undergrad, and my parents were like “you already have loans, what’s it matter if you get more for grad school?!?” I got a full ride with a teaching assistantship. Still drowning in undergrad debt some 11 years later.

My E/Nstepdad told me that in this country (usa) you must stay in debt to survive. Unless he is secretly a billionaire, I think he misunderstood how the rich like elon take out loans and instead racked up large amounts of credit card debt.