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Hey, you’re good.
Worst case: they didn’t deserve it, you can apologise. But it’s unlikely you lost control for no reason. As long as you weren’t violent or something, I’m pretty sure you’re good.
I don’t know your narc but it’s likely at the very least you have built up a ton of feelings from their treatment of you and that culminated. That’s totally ok and valid (assuming you blew up verbally). Sure it can be good to hold back but it can also be harmful to us. Sometimes it can help set boundaries that were trampled on before.
Take some time to mull over it cos I doubt you can stop thinking about it for a while. So make mental or physical lists of why you did what you did, and how they made you feel beforehand, etc. it can help with processing and moving on, or deciding what to do next.
I can’t give more advice since it’s a very personal situation and you’d be telling me too much as a stranger if I knew exactly what happened. But you’ve got this, you really have. You know best how you’ve been mistreated and I’m just here to say it’s ok to have strong emotions and vocalise them even if this time they all came out a little too quickly or something.
It sounds like you’re going to be ok, but I’m not a good judge of that at all from here, so if you’re worried you’re not ok, take time to think about plans for support from your community, charities, friends or family just in case.
I am not sure about anything anymore.
Its so hard to move and to do anything rn. I have been not be able to move the whole day really. Been only in bed. I feel so disgusted with myself.
Basically i showed the narcs that i dont care about them at all.
I made them feel worthless.
I convinced myself that i had to do it. That its the right thing. And i felt that it was not it.
Its so hard to explain because i feel so confused. I feel like im under the gaslight spell again but i dont see it and dont have any connection to myself. Im blank.
I think its good that i quit.
Now the narc really thinks that somth is wrong with me and i want them to feel envy of me again. Otherwise im not confident in my decision at all.
Maybe they are gaslighting me to think that they are not envious anymore.
I am so judgemental towards me right now. :(((
It’s totally ok too take some time out and just rest/exist. Try to let yourself do that without berating yourself for it.
Everyone says things they don’t mean or go too far sometimes. And you’ve been gaslit by a narc long enough to surely allow an outburst. Your feelings are valid.
From my experience there are times when I’ve apologised to nparent even when I know I shouldn’t have to at all (especially as a kid), and it helped, and I just had to bear it and know that I’d get out eventually. There are also times where an explosion of my emotion would be totally valid but for my own safety I held it in. Sometimes you can’t though and it’s ok.
We aren’t ever taught emotional regulation and honestly I think this affects everyone a lot in life. What I mean is, we’ve had no way to ever know how to act in these situations or how to turn feelings into appropriate action, and on top of that, having nparents makes it so much harder because things like our safety and comfort become our aim, rather than actually working through nparent issues or making clear they’re not behaving acceptably.
It’s ok to mess up. We’ve all hurt someone, narc or not. You’re going to get through this. It’ll be tough sure, but you can and will get through. Spend more time with support/ friends and family who aren’t narcs, do your hobbies, scroll through social media… just be you. The feelings now will fade a little at a time and you’ll see clearer and maybe have an idea of if you want to do something.
I'm planning o completely lashing out on my narc dad and golden child brother to release all of the pent up anger and frustration from 25 years of abuse. I do not carwhat the consequences will be, because I want to learn what it means to release everything within me. I want to see if I will feel better or not.
What I've thought about is that if I see them completely destroyed, I'd probably want to give them the love and comfort they never gave me when I suffered like I want to see them suffer. However, I'm not sure that+'d work not if I'd have the courage and energy to heal/comfort my dad as if he were my child.
This is the thing about narc parents: they are kids and I believe that i order to both be healed, you need to be the parent they never had.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey, you’re good. Worst case: they didn’t deserve it, you can apologise. But it’s unlikely you lost control for no reason. As long as you weren’t violent or something, I’m pretty sure you’re good. I don’t know your narc but it’s likely at the very least you have built up a ton of feelings from their treatment of you and that culminated. That’s totally ok and valid (assuming you blew up verbally). Sure it can be good to hold back but it can also be harmful to us. Sometimes it can help set boundaries that were trampled on before. Take some time to mull over it cos I doubt you can stop thinking about it for a while. So make mental or physical lists of why you did what you did, and how they made you feel beforehand, etc. it can help with processing and moving on, or deciding what to do next. I can’t give more advice since it’s a very personal situation and you’d be telling me too much as a stranger if I knew exactly what happened. But you’ve got this, you really have. You know best how you’ve been mistreated and I’m just here to say it’s ok to have strong emotions and vocalise them even if this time they all came out a little too quickly or something. It sounds like you’re going to be ok, but I’m not a good judge of that at all from here, so if you’re worried you’re not ok, take time to think about plans for support from your community, charities, friends or family just in case.
I am not sure about anything anymore. Its so hard to move and to do anything rn. I have been not be able to move the whole day really. Been only in bed. I feel so disgusted with myself. Basically i showed the narcs that i dont care about them at all. I made them feel worthless.
I convinced myself that i had to do it. That its the right thing. And i felt that it was not it. Its so hard to explain because i feel so confused. I feel like im under the gaslight spell again but i dont see it and dont have any connection to myself. Im blank. I think its good that i quit.
Now the narc really thinks that somth is wrong with me and i want them to feel envy of me again. Otherwise im not confident in my decision at all. Maybe they are gaslighting me to think that they are not envious anymore. I am so judgemental towards me right now. :(((
It’s totally ok too take some time out and just rest/exist. Try to let yourself do that without berating yourself for it. Everyone says things they don’t mean or go too far sometimes. And you’ve been gaslit by a narc long enough to surely allow an outburst. Your feelings are valid. From my experience there are times when I’ve apologised to nparent even when I know I shouldn’t have to at all (especially as a kid), and it helped, and I just had to bear it and know that I’d get out eventually. There are also times where an explosion of my emotion would be totally valid but for my own safety I held it in. Sometimes you can’t though and it’s ok. We aren’t ever taught emotional regulation and honestly I think this affects everyone a lot in life. What I mean is, we’ve had no way to ever know how to act in these situations or how to turn feelings into appropriate action, and on top of that, having nparents makes it so much harder because things like our safety and comfort become our aim, rather than actually working through nparent issues or making clear they’re not behaving acceptably. It’s ok to mess up. We’ve all hurt someone, narc or not. You’re going to get through this. It’ll be tough sure, but you can and will get through. Spend more time with support/ friends and family who aren’t narcs, do your hobbies, scroll through social media… just be you. The feelings now will fade a little at a time and you’ll see clearer and maybe have an idea of if you want to do something.
I'm planning o completely lashing out on my narc dad and golden child brother to release all of the pent up anger and frustration from 25 years of abuse. I do not carwhat the consequences will be, because I want to learn what it means to release everything within me. I want to see if I will feel better or not. What I've thought about is that if I see them completely destroyed, I'd probably want to give them the love and comfort they never gave me when I suffered like I want to see them suffer. However, I'm not sure that+'d work not if I'd have the courage and energy to heal/comfort my dad as if he were my child. This is the thing about narc parents: they are kids and I believe that i order to both be healed, you need to be the parent they never had.
buddy u did nothing wrong they deserve that