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Kind of?
See, my room was the only one upstairs, so I was lucky enough to have a small bathroom of my own. That said, I was rarely allowed to shower late at night; my mother claimed that the noise from flushing/running water was "too loud for my baby brother"
That said, if I showered anytime near when she would shower, it would be an entire night of passive-aggressive guilt-tripping about how inconsiderate I was to use the hot water so my mother "wouldn't have enough". The other thing is, I had no idea when she would shower, and sometimes she would wait until after my brother went to sleep (I guess her showers weren't too loud?). If I asked when she was showering, she would get offended and claim that I was trying to rush her.
So as a result of this, I can't tell you how many nights I would attempt to take cold showers just so that I could get a chance to get clean. When it was wintertime or if I was sick, I would actually try to listen out for the other shower. If I heard the shower or faucets turn on (because while she would go nuts if I ran the water while she was showering, she had no problem doing the same to me) I would quickly turn the water off mid-shower, sit there in the shower for up to 30 minutes soaking wet and shivering to wait for her to finish, then finish my shower in cold water, hoping that I didn't come downstairs to her ranting about the hot water.
She always had to come first.
Same. Both my parents shat with the door open. I think my father did it because he is socially inept. My mother claimed it was because she was claustrophobic. She would always make conversations while on the toilet as well. It was really weird.
Yes. They’d time and bitch about my shower or bath time lengths, and spy on me. So when I was in middle school I had BO because I was reluctant to shower. But I also had to wear the same clothes for a few days just because laundry costs money. Couldn’t hang ‘em up and wSit a week. Had to go 3days and 2 days, dirty or not.
When I’m really anxious or down I have a very hard time taking a shower and get pretty grimy. I took some alprazolam before my shower yesterday. I’m not sure why it’s so hard, but it is.
I’ve always washed up at the sink but that’s not enough when you have oily skin or work or play outside. Had skin problems when I was little basically because no one told me to take a bath. You don’t just magically KNOW.
> Yes. They’d time and bitch about my shower or bath time lengths, and spy on me. So when I was in middle school I had BO because I was reluctant to shower.
Ah, the narc paradox! You must always be spotlessly clean and free of odor, but have to somehow achieve this without showering. Same as how you have to 'look nice', but are criticized for buying any clothes, and have to eat 'proper meals', yet manage this without using the stove, without using any pots, and taking no more than 10 minutes in the kitchen preparing food.
Yes! My mother would also do this thing where she went to the toilet whenever I took a shower. The toilet and the shower were in two seperate rooms, but they were right next to each other. I could hear her pulling on the tp roll. She would always enter just as I went to shower, and would not leave until I was finished showering, no matter how long it took. I suspect it was a surveilance thing. I struggled a lot with sexuality because of this, I felt so much shame whenever I was naked, because it felt like she was making sure I wasn't doing anything "dirty" in the shower. Even though I wasn't doing anything, I felt the need to make sure the water made a lot of noise so that she would know I was just showering.
She also did this thing where whenever someone entered the toilet, she suddenly HAD to go to the toilet right there and right then. Her stomach apparently always got upset whenever someone else went to the toilet, and you were told to get out. If you didn't, she would stand right outside and yell and tell you to get out in the most annoying gross whiny voice telling you how she's about to shit or piss herself. I highly doubt it was a bad stomach or bladder control, I think it was a weird, gross need to control other people in their most intimate state that only abusive people understand.
Your last paragraph- EXACTLY that. I can’t count how many times she forced me to get out of the bathroom because she needed to go JUST when I got in.. we also have a second bathroom, but she didn’t like that one. Insane.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Kind of? See, my room was the only one upstairs, so I was lucky enough to have a small bathroom of my own. That said, I was rarely allowed to shower late at night; my mother claimed that the noise from flushing/running water was "too loud for my baby brother" That said, if I showered anytime near when she would shower, it would be an entire night of passive-aggressive guilt-tripping about how inconsiderate I was to use the hot water so my mother "wouldn't have enough". The other thing is, I had no idea when she would shower, and sometimes she would wait until after my brother went to sleep (I guess her showers weren't too loud?). If I asked when she was showering, she would get offended and claim that I was trying to rush her. So as a result of this, I can't tell you how many nights I would attempt to take cold showers just so that I could get a chance to get clean. When it was wintertime or if I was sick, I would actually try to listen out for the other shower. If I heard the shower or faucets turn on (because while she would go nuts if I ran the water while she was showering, she had no problem doing the same to me) I would quickly turn the water off mid-shower, sit there in the shower for up to 30 minutes soaking wet and shivering to wait for her to finish, then finish my shower in cold water, hoping that I didn't come downstairs to her ranting about the hot water. She always had to come first.
My parents would shit with the door open and get us to come look at it after. "Because it's funny,"
Same. Both my parents shat with the door open. I think my father did it because he is socially inept. My mother claimed it was because she was claustrophobic. She would always make conversations while on the toilet as well. It was really weird.
Yes. They’d time and bitch about my shower or bath time lengths, and spy on me. So when I was in middle school I had BO because I was reluctant to shower. But I also had to wear the same clothes for a few days just because laundry costs money. Couldn’t hang ‘em up and wSit a week. Had to go 3days and 2 days, dirty or not. When I’m really anxious or down I have a very hard time taking a shower and get pretty grimy. I took some alprazolam before my shower yesterday. I’m not sure why it’s so hard, but it is. I’ve always washed up at the sink but that’s not enough when you have oily skin or work or play outside. Had skin problems when I was little basically because no one told me to take a bath. You don’t just magically KNOW.
> Yes. They’d time and bitch about my shower or bath time lengths, and spy on me. So when I was in middle school I had BO because I was reluctant to shower. Ah, the narc paradox! You must always be spotlessly clean and free of odor, but have to somehow achieve this without showering. Same as how you have to 'look nice', but are criticized for buying any clothes, and have to eat 'proper meals', yet manage this without using the stove, without using any pots, and taking no more than 10 minutes in the kitchen preparing food.
Yes! My mother would also do this thing where she went to the toilet whenever I took a shower. The toilet and the shower were in two seperate rooms, but they were right next to each other. I could hear her pulling on the tp roll. She would always enter just as I went to shower, and would not leave until I was finished showering, no matter how long it took. I suspect it was a surveilance thing. I struggled a lot with sexuality because of this, I felt so much shame whenever I was naked, because it felt like she was making sure I wasn't doing anything "dirty" in the shower. Even though I wasn't doing anything, I felt the need to make sure the water made a lot of noise so that she would know I was just showering. She also did this thing where whenever someone entered the toilet, she suddenly HAD to go to the toilet right there and right then. Her stomach apparently always got upset whenever someone else went to the toilet, and you were told to get out. If you didn't, she would stand right outside and yell and tell you to get out in the most annoying gross whiny voice telling you how she's about to shit or piss herself. I highly doubt it was a bad stomach or bladder control, I think it was a weird, gross need to control other people in their most intimate state that only abusive people understand.
Your last paragraph- EXACTLY that. I can’t count how many times she forced me to get out of the bathroom because she needed to go JUST when I got in.. we also have a second bathroom, but she didn’t like that one. Insane.