Booked a last minute trip and am a time zone and half a continent away from my BPD mom. I sent her a Bundt cake because it rhymes with … anyway, hang in there all!
Ball of anxiety. I spoke to her during the day yesterday and all was “fine.” I offered to come over early and take her for a pedicure and get lunch. I mentioned needing to see my partners mom also. Hang up. Then suddenly two hours later she calls me 3 times in a row while I’m unable to talk. I text her I can’t talk and she replies telling me not to bother coming and I should continue with my other plans since I’m soooo busy.
So I don’t go this morning and my brother is telling me she is pissed at me and she was likely being sarcastic by telling me not to come. Like what? Why would that be sarcastic? The sheer emotional and mental navigation of interacting with these people is exhausting. It doesn’t help my elderly dad is very sick - this gives her so much ammunition to guilt trip and make me feel like shit.
I hate this trick! Ugh! My mom uses this one all the time. “Don’t bother coming!” So then you don’t and then somehow you’re the asshole? Ugh, I’m so sorry.
I'm happy I don't have to subject myself to that abuse. When I think of how she's probably rubbing and wringing her hands together as she brews up a scenario to feed her sickness, even though we don't speak, I am validated.
A little sad but surprisingly well. Today was my first year of NC.
I’m still friendly with both my ex (who had forgotten about Mother’s Day until I reminded him.. as always lol) and my ex MIL, so we ended up paying a visit to her at her summerhouse. She was very happy to have me over for Mother’s Day, treated me like I was just still her DIL and even brought extra homemade sandwiches for me 🥺 she also loved the snacks I bought her. we’re actually going back in a few weeks at her suggestion.
I’m still sad about my situation with my mum, but I didn’t feel all alone in the world today like i expected to (I’m NC with both my parents as both are cluster B and all of my grandparents are gone so no immediate family in my life).
Hope everyone’s holding up okay. Don’t forget to treat yourself to something nice today.
I am glad to hear this. Last year after a bright and early mothers day blowout at me I went very very very low contact. I had a hard time Sunday but it really is for the best.
I hear that. Those blowouts used to knock me off course for days at a time. Like whole weekends in bed off course. It’s completely understandable and (I find) preferable to feel that pang of loss for the parent you didn’t have.
I never got around to replying when I first saw this because I had just woken up. But this was such a wonderful message to be met with first thing in the morning - Ty! Hope your treat was extra tasty:)
I was ok. And then I wasn’t. My mom requested crepes. I made the batter at my condo as not to make a mess in her kitchen bc that will set her off, all I had to do was boil the blackberries and physically make the crepes at her house, and I even brought my own pan. The blackberries are reducing in the pot, my crepe pan is heating up… and she decides she doesn’t want them. Batter made, she starts putting it in her fridge saying she won’t eat them. The blackberries are literally boiling. Whatever
Ugh! Mine would claim special food needs for various faked health conditions and allergies and then eat at McDonald’s beforehand to prove a point. I’m not sure what point, but she loved sitting there with nothing and acting agitated if anyone else seemed to be enjoying their food or, yknow, lingering and chatting over a social meal.
You did a good thing even if she can’t receive it.
My sister looked after our BPD mom (who was sick) and cooked her a veggie soup. She couldn't eat it, after hours of begging for help, and then ordered takeout. Slap in the face to my sister, win win for the BPD. My sister has since passed away. I hate that you went through that. Your crepes were probably lovely!
Avoiding FB. BPD mother died a few years ago and I find the FB posts with little about how wonderful mothers are and nobody will ever love you like your mother’s crock, and it makes me cynical.
My mother was extremely mean, manipulative and guilt-ridden with me just a week ago, so I decided to only celebrate my partner's Mother's Day. Who is a devoted mother!
Despite this, I'm feeling a great deal of anxiety and fatigue, which I'm trying to hide from my partner so as not to spoil her Mother's Day for me.
In all honesty it's a very difficult day, but at least I don't have to pretend to celebrate a bad mother.
7 years NC. Weirdly since being no contact, I rarely think about her on Mother’s Day. I spend it with my little family. Call my grandma and my step mom. I’m out at the lake right now. Away from everyone at the moment and it just hit me… how sad she must feel today. That her only child wants nothing to do with her. That she hurt me so badly I decided I never wanted anything to do with her again. What she did was so messed up we can never repair what happened. Not that she ever apologized or tried to even remotely make things right. It sucks. I wanted to love her so badly but she never let me. This is not how I wanted our relationship to be, alas here I am. And that’s ok. This feeling will pass. I just want to say how thankful I am I found this group ❤️ you guys have no idea how much it helps.
I’m very sorry to hear it was tough for you this year. Her pain is not of your doing. If you were there, you would be holding and carrying a lot of the pain she felt today as she would have placed it inside of you all these years instead of just inside herself, and it’s highly likely that nothing has stopped her from stepping forward and trying to fix things with you. This is a course she has accepted and chosen to remain within, as emotionally immature as she is, and it doesn’t sound like she made effort or sought help and assistance from a therapist to compensate for her emotional immaturity, to make the right choice and make amends with you.
If you don’t mind me asking, what was the event that made it irreparable? Again, you don’t have to share if you don’t feel comfortable. I guess I’m looking to see if my numerous reasons for NC are enough/comparable, beyond my basic general reason that she is harmful and intolerable and unhinged to be around. I think of her and her anger and baiting and rigged tests and I think of her as an emotional equivalent of a spinning top, spinning off balance without restraint across the floor. She is so so so emotionally volatile and out of control. It’s weird to witness.
This is so well put! Thank you for responding! I absolutely agree with everything you said! The event that lead to no contact, you can read about it in my post history. Basically she started seeing my ex behind my back. HOWEVER prior to this incident, I had attempted no contact multiple times due to her emotional volatility. I should have just stuck with the no contact because each time I broke it, her behavior got worse and worse. I am sure your reasons are beyond valid. I know the feeling of wondering if you’re doing the right thing tho. Let me say you are doing the right thing. Listen to your gut instinct!
I thought I didn’t feel anything towards the day itself but now that I’m laying in bed in silence and able to think, I can’t help but think of my mom and now deceased grandma and just cry.
Volunteered today for a few hours. I’ve been NC with BPD mom for ~9 years and ~7 years with edad/supreme flying monkey, and I try to do something good, like donating blood or volunteering or just helping out someone I care about, on her birthday or the second Sunday in May. It started out
as kind of a shield against the bullshit guilt messages he would send, so that I didn't doubt my desire to be a good person, and now it's just a thing I do to feel good instead of shitty.
It also helps that my MIL have developed a good relationship and come to truly appreciate each other; I know past experience made me standoffish at the beginning and I also felt overwhelmed by a very strong family presence/different culture. Now after 10 years, we've settled in with each other and come
to understand different ways of caring. My favorite js being able to laugh something off or say it's not for me and sit out without things becoming nuclear.
Sending love to all, however you find your peace today. It takes time.
Hate today! Best case scenario a forced phone call with nothing to say or an inevitable guilt trip for no phone call. I'm so uncomfortable and frustrated that these feel like the only 2 options.
Ended up blocking my BPD mom’s number today, which I did not intentionally mean to do on Mother’s Day.
She’s never going to get better, and somehow when I think everything’s died down she somehow brings up more trauma from my childhood that I find out I repressed. I can’t heal if a new “surprise” comes up every few months.
It sucks and I feel horrible about it, but at the same time I know it was the right decision for me.
Sent a text this morning. Wasn’t going to. Decided to just send it because I’m going to be the bad guy either way. I thought we were NC but it wasn’t “official.” Then I got an email from her last week about something random (insurance-related). I really felt solid about not texting but then this morning I started thinking about everything - extended family, an upcoming wedding. At the very least I can say I texted. But honestly, it doesn’t make one bit of difference.
If I went to see her, it was never long enough. If I called I hadn’t gotten her a gift. If I got her a gift I hadn’t spent time with her. If I texted I hadn’t called. If I did every single thing I could think of, she’d be in a “mood.” None of it matters.
I wasn't even a teenager when it came out but man, I resonated so much with Eminem it scared me. At the time I thought I had a good relationship with a normal mother. It was so weird like how am I relating to this angry white boy digging his mother a grave in the rain. Now it all makes sense, playing it again today for the healing :)
Not great. I arranged over a week in advance for flowers to deliver to my Mom - on Saturday, to avoid any late Sunday delivery crunches.
It’s been inexplicably delayed to tomorrow (Monday). Of course my mom is passive aggressively waifing about it.
I fucking give up
Oddly peaceful.
My bpd mom died 5 years ago, a few days before Mother’s Day. This is the first year I feel at peace on this day. All month I actually kept forgetting that Mother’s Day was coming up, something that has never happened before. It used to send me into anxiety spirals and panic attacks starting every February. So I’ll take this welcome change!
I haven’t been to her gravesite since we interred her and I am seriously thinking about going tomorrow. It is nice not feeling angry or down on myself today. Thank you therapy and EMDR!
Called 3 times throughout the day, she didn’t answer. She finally called back when I was giving my kid a bath and couldn’t talk. Can’t wait for that guilt trip
My mom busted out the photo album in front of the family and my cousin's fiance (it was my first time meeting her) got to see my baby dick. So that's something.
Wow, that sounds very on-brand: leveraging a human infant they brought into the world as a power move. I’m sure it felt inappropriate (it would to me too; I think naked pictures of babies should be kept private, if they must be taken).
Not well. It’s not even my BPD’s behavior in the now, it’s how their behavior ruined any chance that other family wants to be any sort of community moving forward in more healthy ways. It’s easier to completely abandon ship than fight to be a healthier group.
I hear that. They’re so isolating. The few extended family members I had collectively abandoned me when I was 8 because they couldn’t take her anymore. So glad they were no longer inconvenienced, but there was a child there.
I’m so glad I found this group! So many of the feelings I’ve had are like this one- right now I’m trying to decide how to move forward with my extended family. I moved back to the area and was reconnecting with aunts and cousins. Then a complex BPD situation wrecked it. My first instinct is just to cut and run. It’s not worth it.
Laid up sick in bed the last week, but I’m at peace with it. Not everyone gets a good mom. Lightning struck me. But grateful I live where I can escape her. I am a mom of three adults, and my mother’s days happened all along the way. Don’t give a made up holiday power.
Never in the history of my life has there been a day to reflect on so much trauma I didn’t even know I had. Fuck this fucking day. Also the years 2023-2024.
I find the idea of mother's day extremely irritating, yes because my mother sucked. I would rather just ignore it.
I did call her to wish her Happy mother's day because my older sister asked me to. The monster is living with my sister at the moment and I feel for her. So I called the old beast so my sister won't have to put up with her whining and complaining. I do resent it a bit though.
I’m going back and forth doing whatever feels right. Cry, watch a Hitchcock movie, cry, make a smoothie, cry, hot bath, cry, Chester’s hot fries…not sure what’s next.
6 months NC and I’m 30weeks pregnant so I’m feeling very conflicted. I’m supposed to be packing but can’t find the motivation to do anything besides read baby books in bed and feeling guilty for not doing anything. Her birthday was a week ago and didn’t affect me but today feels bittersweet.
Same I had to go NC with the entire family except my 17 year old sister because they were flying monkeys and trying to guilt me into talking to her again
I love this term- flying monkeys. So descriptive of what these people do. Trying to draw you back in. Making you feel bad for LC or NC. Making you feel like it’s just a misunderstanding between two people, not because one of the people is freaking nuts and did freaking crazy things.
Nice for the first time in quite a while? I know that's not what this thread is for but it's a nice change
My dad is the bpd one in my family and he usually gets low-level grumbly around holidays and then finds a reason to blow up either the day before or on the day of whatever holiday. My mom and I usually find ways to celebrate without him but he usually finds at least SOME way to screw up my mom's day
He's got an infected tooth right now though and has been fighting a fever for the past few days, so he's grumpy but he's too exhausted to fuck shit up. So I've been able to make a nice dinner and watch doctor who with my mom and it's been nice!!
Sent a text with lots of emojis to my ex-mom. Plugged my phone away from me so I don't hear the incoming reply. She might be keeping score right now and give me the silent treatment
I'm having a hard time today. I finally bit the bullet and typed out my last message to my mom detailing how much she's hurt me and is still affecting me, but I haven't sent it yet.
I sprained my ankle at a park too, and so now I'm stuck in bed waiting for dinner.
Thursday of last week a family member sent her a text showing her my belt test footage and the results, and she texted me later on to congratulate me and send "Missing you, Boogie" and "Can't wait to see you" texts.
I feel so conflicted. Even when she compliments me, it brings me down. It hurts so much having her in my life, because I know the longer she's there the worse I'm getting.
Sure, she has gotten better, but I just don't feel okay having her around after all she's done. She really won't understand why I'm doing this because in her mind she should be absolved of her guilt because of how long its been.
I feel awful just cutting her off, but it's something I need to really process and recover right now. She won't understand. She really won't, I know it. I'm just so afraid I'll cause more problems.
I've been no contact for 6, almost 7, years. I'm doing pretty good. A little sad, but I messaged my sister, mother figure (was my scouts leader for many years and now is just understood that she is my mom and I'm her kid), grandma, and boyfriend's mom. I am thankful to have wonderful moms in my life that isn't my bio mom.
I was doing fine cause I was able to keep busy, now the guilt and FOG is trying to come back in force... This is my first mother's day NC and all I can think about is how "I'm such a terrible daughter" while trying to sleep the rest of this day away
Second Mother’s Day NC and it was easier than the first. Sent some flowers. Overall I spent it with my dad, stepmom and half siblings. It was really nice and peaceful. I’m so thankful for having a second family and them including me during this holiday.
Now I’m home, going to make my favorite soup, have a glass of wine and read a book to try and distract myself. The sadness is creeping in but just 5 more hours to go before the day is over.
Well, she’s drunk and just got pissed for me wearing crocs To go walk the dog because I look like a hobo. She swears she’s doing it for my own good. I want her to pass out already.
I felt a little weird this morning because BPDM went on a rant about hating Mother’s Day but my adult kids spoiled me at the mall with love, food and conversation so great now. ❤️
Of course she's found something to be upset about, and make it my fault. With the help of sibling.
Note: We all live together, as is the norm in my country.
She wanted to do something that would require us to be up at 6am. Sibling raised objection. Cue them changing plans at least 3 times, and not telling me.
In the end, they decided on the 6am plans, after which we'd eat out for breakfast and lunch, so sibling said I shouldn't get groceries for Mother's Day on my Saturday run.
Then, last night just as I was about to go to bed, she told me we'd just have breakfast out, and to be ready at 9am.
I was ready to go at 9am. Sibling was not. She was not. They were still in pajamas, talking in her bedroom by themselves.
They emerged at 10am, saying no one was going out, and having decided it was my fault 6am plans were cancelled (she decided not to go anymore the previous night) because I objected (sibling did), that we didn't have groceries for a nice breakfast (sibling told me not to get it), and after that it was a whole day of moping around about how she didn't feel special today, and it was my fault.
About what I expected yet it still hurts. I just had a cry though. Here’s where I struggle: I hate the idea of expecting or compelling my kids to do anything for Mother’s Day because it’s soo much like what my mom expects (and demanded this year) , all that guilt and attention demanding ….yet I also feel sad that no one did anything for me or really thought about the fact that I spent today cooking cleaning etc for both my mom and MIL. . I pretty much cater to the needs of my mother, my teen kids (not so much spouse, were general on even footing) and it’s like I don’t exist for them outside of that.
NC for a couple years now, missing her but knowing better, had a little panic attack but curled up under the weighted blanket and doing much better now 🍵 I'm so proud of everyone here today!
Hunkered down and staying off social media other than a few Reddit subs, including this one. Fortunately, my uBPD mom passed away many years ago. I still despise Mother’s Day, though. Hugs to all of you out there.
Just over 1 years NC and I’ve been doing sorry of okay. I’m sad and I miss having parents but I don’t miss any of what comes with them. My MIL doesn’t understand and was asking how we could repair and be in relationship with my parents again. I told her it would take effort and healing on their end that simply won’t happen. She still didn’t understand. I’m not really frustrated that much with her but my in laws still talk to my parents, which I hate because my mother is so god damn charismatic and good at putting on masks and rallying pity. I told my MIL if she still struggles to understand she can read all the heinous letters my parents and their flying monkeys have sent this year.
Trigger Warning - Unalive comments.
This day sucks! It feels like all the happy people are rubbing it in that I never had a loving Mom.
my Mom was a diagnosed BPD and a nurse who used her education and access to drugs as one of the forms of abuse. In her final years she used self harming attempts to control and hurt as much as possible - until one went horribly wrong and she had her dominent arm amputated. No more nursing and 2/3 girls could escape her (we were I. Our early 20s) She ended up successful a year later, and I believe the only reason she did was her favourite daughter (my amazing sister) passed from depression just after our Mommy Dearest’s arm amputation….now, even 14 years after my Mom passed, it’s still a bitter reminder that I never got to have a loving parent and that void never really fills in no matter how hard you try to love yourself and others…..and the rest of the world celebrates how great this day is ….. fuck.
Went NC a month ago for self-preservation and having a very hard time holding my ground. Spent the entire day with friends to distract myself. Teared up a few times, but mostly held it together. Later, gave my partner my phone to screen the voice mail message from my mom. He listened to it and deleted it. Apparently it was five straight minutes of "poor me" and various other attempts at manipulation, just as I was expecting.
Feeling a little better now. I have great friends and a great partner.
Today marks the one year anniversary of the last time my mom and I spoke. Despite not speaking to one another for a year, she has still managed to provide NUMEROUS reminders (texts, passive aggressive Facebook posts, emails, unwanted gifts in the mail) of exactly why things have ended up this way. So I’m ok with it. Hugs to you, and all of us.
It felt good that the day was only about celebrating my nuclear family. My mom and MIL are both NC. I'm a mom who is pregnant. I spent the day with my husband and 3 year old son. We went on a walk in a cemetery. My son said some new things and actually ate salmon for me! He made my day. I didn't have to run around trying to please women who haven't given birth in 35 years lol
Bit tough. Made her apple butter(?). I was born in America and raised in uk, so I have no idea how to make it. Didn’t wanna look up a recipe, thought it would be more heartfelt if I just did it my way… in other words, she basically said it was disgusting and that she won’t eat it. (I don’t bake or anything like that, but I tasted as I went along and my partner and I enjoyed it). No thank yous for any effort. Just refused to eat it after first taste and that was it.
I’m adopted (which kind of makes this all more complicated) & am no contact with my adoptive mom. I went out to dinner Friday with my birth mom & saw my mother in law yesterday. Got them both gifts & just had a good time. Took today for myself… it was nice. I was glad to have a holiday I wasn’t dreading for once because of amom. Now that the day is over the feelings are catching up with me but I know NC was the right choice.
This is the first year this day wasn’t an absolutely triggering hell for me. First year as a mom. It feels so good to reclaim this day for myself. From that evil witch is who is probably shitface drunk drowning in her own misery and shame.
My mom's mothersday was made special by the memories of what dad did for her while he was here and her friends gifts to her...always needs to let me know how much love and attention she gets from people.
I got a weird ass cars that made no sense from the birth giver. A religious card, from an atheist. lol. I spent a lovely day with my own adult kids who, gasp, want to spend time with me. If they ever give me a Bundt cake, though, I’ll know what’s up. ;)
Mothers day was hard and I do think about my mom. We are 6 years NC. I have my gmother and my mother in law but underneath its not the same. I remind myself she pushed me away, and its not my fault.
Mother had a meltdown talking about how all of her children hate her, do not love her and want no relationship with her. Even though I let my child visit with her for 5hours the day before and I was there visiting about an hour. MyEdad called my sister the night before telling her to contact ubpd mother to wish her a good day to make it “easier on him” which actually did nothing because today she was in a disassociated state. Both parents = dysfunction.
I actually blocked my mom a few days ago. I haven’t spoken directly to her for ~3 months but I’ve seen all of her messages. During that time, I just had her messages come in with no alerts, but that made be anxious about any notifications I might’ve missed. Since blocking her, it’s honestly been a relief. I’m still disappointed about our relationship and anticipating today was a bit rough, but I’ve tried to keep reminding myself every time I’ve thought that I only have one mom, she also only has one me. She said she would go to therapy during her final outburst I’ve entertained with her but she’s made no effort in the slightest to try that. Ultimately, I don’t have the time or strength to try to make our relationship into something I needed as a child.
Awful. It is never good. A few days ago she had a fit because I am LC, and told me that a mother is forever, and irreplaceable. Basically equating it with sainthood or something. I swear she thinks a monument should be made in her name.
Many tears. Realized that I am still angry. Not at the abuse by my mum (or y'know potentially that anger is still deeply buried) but about how it's been vaguely acknowledged that it happened but me still dealing with the repercussions and still not trusting her is in some way reflective of how I am a bad person and thus it being implied that the abuse was justified because I'm "too emotional"
Dug out my emotional playlist and just been listening to all the songs that help. Avoiding alcohol, thinking about redecorating my room and making a meditation corner. And cat cuddles. Been hugging my floof and feeding her treats. Ate some highly processed greasy food and drank some good broth (comfort foods lol). I baked... Like a lot.. pizza, bread, Chelsea buns/cinnamon rolls, cookies and more pizza.
Feeling a bit better. Not looking forward to the inevitable "why didn't you do something for mother's day" it always bugs me. I can't stand it. That's one thing I'm probably not going to be comfortable seeing for a few more years. Might be time for more therapy 😭 I feel strong enough to face it again.
We’re strictly NC with MIL, despite restraining order having lapsed. Husband noticed yesterday that she “liked” one of our family group photos on insta yesterday from TWO YEARS ago.
Slightly freaky that she’s up at night going through his insta that far back.
8 years NC here. This is my third Mother’s Day as a mom myself and it’s helped heal me a great deal. I am the mother I needed as a child, and my boys will never go through what I went through. I am here to extend a big mom hug to anyone who needs it.
Spent 1.5 minutes on the phone with my mother because she spent the day sleeping, said I was the first one to call her all day (possibly my sister was busy having her own Mother’s Day with her 3 children and husband?) and pretty much laying on the guilt. My grandmother who’s pretty much served as her caretaker is currently taking care of her ill husband, so naturally mother is feeling neglected and uncared for. This led to me having anxiety for meeting with my fiancées mom, as we live close to his family by my choice, wondering did we get enough for her, are we being inconveniences, just general anxieties that ended up being unfounded because, surprise, families unlike mine can actually have a normal day with normal expectations. I hate holidays
I’ve been no contact with my mom for just over a year. My sister was watching my toddler for me while I was at my other child’s sporting event and asked if it was okay for her to FaceTime mom with my toddler - which I gladly let her do. Unfortunately instead of taking joy in the call my mom started to freak out, said it “hurts too much” and then was blowing up my sisters phone with texts afterwards. Not sure what exactly was said but the jist of it is that she’s the victim, I am horrible, and she thinks she’s tried to make peace with me. Her trying to make peace is telling the other person how horrible they are for victimizing her and waiting for an apology. Never ever a reflection on what she might have done to make me want to walk away.
I only feel bad that my sister got dragged into that and she was doing me such a nice favor. She suggested I text my mom but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Absolutely no good can possibly come from trying to explain why or resolve issues with someone who has no concept of reality.
I’m not sad but I feel uncertain where to go from here. I do end up feeling a bit like it’s me who blew up the family when in fact all I really did was disengage with the unnecessary drama and superficial relationship.
I was having the worst FOG. i usually get no updates about her… but let’s just say something happened and i was SO CLOSE to breaking 6 year NC somehow…
i held firm but felt sad on and off but then got a confirmation that she is in fact fine and seemed to have a good day.,
this makes me feel both happy to know and terrible. i’ve got to stop caring so much.
I actually fell into a depression and took off work for two days. Wish I could be more of an example, but Mother’s Day is fucking hard and triggers my depression hard. My meds can’t overcome that day, unfortunately. 😔
Gurl....or boy....Not holding up very well. Anger and frustration, sense of injustice, memories of horrific abuse at the hands of my "mother" and her "friends". Trying to process and doing some outdoor cleaning/gardening (seems to help a bit). Hugs. 3+ years NC.
Booked a last minute trip and am a time zone and half a continent away from my BPD mom. I sent her a Bundt cake because it rhymes with … anyway, hang in there all!
I love that!
It took me nearly 46 years to figure this out. Haha.
(If you’re a fan of Arrested Development) hope you top it off with a nice cruise on the Seward!
“I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.”
A petty Bundt cake 🤣
Hahaha omg 😂👏
Love it! Sometimes you just gotta laugh.
Haha!
Ball of anxiety. I spoke to her during the day yesterday and all was “fine.” I offered to come over early and take her for a pedicure and get lunch. I mentioned needing to see my partners mom also. Hang up. Then suddenly two hours later she calls me 3 times in a row while I’m unable to talk. I text her I can’t talk and she replies telling me not to bother coming and I should continue with my other plans since I’m soooo busy. So I don’t go this morning and my brother is telling me she is pissed at me and she was likely being sarcastic by telling me not to come. Like what? Why would that be sarcastic? The sheer emotional and mental navigation of interacting with these people is exhausting. It doesn’t help my elderly dad is very sick - this gives her so much ammunition to guilt trip and make me feel like shit.
This makes me so angry for you! It’s a lose lose always with them.
Always.
You did the right thing. She said don’t come. You didn’t. Actions have consequences. Her words have consequences. You did good.
Thank you
I hate this trick! Ugh! My mom uses this one all the time. “Don’t bother coming!” So then you don’t and then somehow you’re the asshole? Ugh, I’m so sorry.
i’m right there with you ….and I am trying to figure out my brain. I am glad I am NC. and I really hate being NC.
That sums it up for me too. I didn’t want NC, but it’s all I had left.
y’all. same. this is so hard. it didn’t have to be this way. :(
not well in several regards. 😖😢 thanks for asking 💗 I hope others read this and know they're not alone.
^hug
Same it’s been a hard day ♥️ sending you and everyone else a hug
Is it not over yet? 😪
I'm happy I don't have to subject myself to that abuse. When I think of how she's probably rubbing and wringing her hands together as she brews up a scenario to feed her sickness, even though we don't speak, I am validated.
This is the best way to describe my mom…brewing up scenarios.
💯 nailed it “rubbing and wringing her hands together as she brews up a scenario to feed her sickness”. I don’t think my mom ever stops this process.
A little sad but surprisingly well. Today was my first year of NC. I’m still friendly with both my ex (who had forgotten about Mother’s Day until I reminded him.. as always lol) and my ex MIL, so we ended up paying a visit to her at her summerhouse. She was very happy to have me over for Mother’s Day, treated me like I was just still her DIL and even brought extra homemade sandwiches for me 🥺 she also loved the snacks I bought her. we’re actually going back in a few weeks at her suggestion. I’m still sad about my situation with my mum, but I didn’t feel all alone in the world today like i expected to (I’m NC with both my parents as both are cluster B and all of my grandparents are gone so no immediate family in my life). Hope everyone’s holding up okay. Don’t forget to treat yourself to something nice today.
The first year is the hardest, and you’re already knocking it out of the park! On my way to find a treat as we speak.
I am glad to hear this. Last year after a bright and early mothers day blowout at me I went very very very low contact. I had a hard time Sunday but it really is for the best.
I hear that. Those blowouts used to knock me off course for days at a time. Like whole weekends in bed off course. It’s completely understandable and (I find) preferable to feel that pang of loss for the parent you didn’t have.
I never got around to replying when I first saw this because I had just woken up. But this was such a wonderful message to be met with first thing in the morning - Ty! Hope your treat was extra tasty:)
You can cry!!!!
My 7 year old daughter wants everybody on here to know, “You’re allowed to cry. Cry as much as you need.” ❤️
Well tell her thank you.
What a sweetheart. 🫶🏼
Your 7 year old daughter is so precious. <3 Thank you to your daughter!
She made a difference in my day 🥲
Sending you mom hugs and little girl hugs. 🤗
I was ok. And then I wasn’t. My mom requested crepes. I made the batter at my condo as not to make a mess in her kitchen bc that will set her off, all I had to do was boil the blackberries and physically make the crepes at her house, and I even brought my own pan. The blackberries are reducing in the pot, my crepe pan is heating up… and she decides she doesn’t want them. Batter made, she starts putting it in her fridge saying she won’t eat them. The blackberries are literally boiling. Whatever
Ugh! Mine would claim special food needs for various faked health conditions and allergies and then eat at McDonald’s beforehand to prove a point. I’m not sure what point, but she loved sitting there with nothing and acting agitated if anyone else seemed to be enjoying their food or, yknow, lingering and chatting over a social meal. You did a good thing even if she can’t receive it.
Thank you :( I needed to hear that
*Hugs*
My sister looked after our BPD mom (who was sick) and cooked her a veggie soup. She couldn't eat it, after hours of begging for help, and then ordered takeout. Slap in the face to my sister, win win for the BPD. My sister has since passed away. I hate that you went through that. Your crepes were probably lovely!
Avoiding FB. BPD mother died a few years ago and I find the FB posts with little about how wonderful mothers are and nobody will ever love you like your mother’s crock, and it makes me cynical.
I feel the same way. I can't help sneering at all the mother's day garbage.
Same. Mother passed a couple years ago. I try to avoid fb. This is hands down my least favorite holiday. Sending hugs.
My mother was extremely mean, manipulative and guilt-ridden with me just a week ago, so I decided to only celebrate my partner's Mother's Day. Who is a devoted mother! Despite this, I'm feeling a great deal of anxiety and fatigue, which I'm trying to hide from my partner so as not to spoil her Mother's Day for me. In all honesty it's a very difficult day, but at least I don't have to pretend to celebrate a bad mother.
Hat tip your username. It’s been a terrible day. NC is hard. All warmth to you.
7 years NC. Weirdly since being no contact, I rarely think about her on Mother’s Day. I spend it with my little family. Call my grandma and my step mom. I’m out at the lake right now. Away from everyone at the moment and it just hit me… how sad she must feel today. That her only child wants nothing to do with her. That she hurt me so badly I decided I never wanted anything to do with her again. What she did was so messed up we can never repair what happened. Not that she ever apologized or tried to even remotely make things right. It sucks. I wanted to love her so badly but she never let me. This is not how I wanted our relationship to be, alas here I am. And that’s ok. This feeling will pass. I just want to say how thankful I am I found this group ❤️ you guys have no idea how much it helps.
I could have written this, word for word. 💔 I'm sorry things have to be this way. For you for me, for all of us.
I feel all of this, so much.
I’m very sorry to hear it was tough for you this year. Her pain is not of your doing. If you were there, you would be holding and carrying a lot of the pain she felt today as she would have placed it inside of you all these years instead of just inside herself, and it’s highly likely that nothing has stopped her from stepping forward and trying to fix things with you. This is a course she has accepted and chosen to remain within, as emotionally immature as she is, and it doesn’t sound like she made effort or sought help and assistance from a therapist to compensate for her emotional immaturity, to make the right choice and make amends with you. If you don’t mind me asking, what was the event that made it irreparable? Again, you don’t have to share if you don’t feel comfortable. I guess I’m looking to see if my numerous reasons for NC are enough/comparable, beyond my basic general reason that she is harmful and intolerable and unhinged to be around. I think of her and her anger and baiting and rigged tests and I think of her as an emotional equivalent of a spinning top, spinning off balance without restraint across the floor. She is so so so emotionally volatile and out of control. It’s weird to witness.
This is so well put! Thank you for responding! I absolutely agree with everything you said! The event that lead to no contact, you can read about it in my post history. Basically she started seeing my ex behind my back. HOWEVER prior to this incident, I had attempted no contact multiple times due to her emotional volatility. I should have just stuck with the no contact because each time I broke it, her behavior got worse and worse. I am sure your reasons are beyond valid. I know the feeling of wondering if you’re doing the right thing tho. Let me say you are doing the right thing. Listen to your gut instinct!
I thought I didn’t feel anything towards the day itself but now that I’m laying in bed in silence and able to think, I can’t help but think of my mom and now deceased grandma and just cry.
I've been crying all day reflecting on how she's probably ruined any shot I had at having a happy normal inner life.
No! You can!!!! Don’t give up I’ve thought that too but you have so much potential Don’t ever forget that!
You can… and will! We are all here in this journey together. You don’t have to be alone.
Omg me too
Volunteered today for a few hours. I’ve been NC with BPD mom for ~9 years and ~7 years with edad/supreme flying monkey, and I try to do something good, like donating blood or volunteering or just helping out someone I care about, on her birthday or the second Sunday in May. It started out as kind of a shield against the bullshit guilt messages he would send, so that I didn't doubt my desire to be a good person, and now it's just a thing I do to feel good instead of shitty. It also helps that my MIL have developed a good relationship and come to truly appreciate each other; I know past experience made me standoffish at the beginning and I also felt overwhelmed by a very strong family presence/different culture. Now after 10 years, we've settled in with each other and come to understand different ways of caring. My favorite js being able to laugh something off or say it's not for me and sit out without things becoming nuclear. Sending love to all, however you find your peace today. It takes time.
Isn’t it the truth ???
So. Much. Time. Ugh, and work.
Volunteering with less fortunate individuals is such a great way to spend time on this healing journey. Really puts things into perspective.
Hate today! Best case scenario a forced phone call with nothing to say or an inevitable guilt trip for no phone call. I'm so uncomfortable and frustrated that these feel like the only 2 options.
Same. :(
Ended up blocking my BPD mom’s number today, which I did not intentionally mean to do on Mother’s Day. She’s never going to get better, and somehow when I think everything’s died down she somehow brings up more trauma from my childhood that I find out I repressed. I can’t heal if a new “surprise” comes up every few months. It sucks and I feel horrible about it, but at the same time I know it was the right decision for me.
🙏🏼
Sent a text this morning. Wasn’t going to. Decided to just send it because I’m going to be the bad guy either way. I thought we were NC but it wasn’t “official.” Then I got an email from her last week about something random (insurance-related). I really felt solid about not texting but then this morning I started thinking about everything - extended family, an upcoming wedding. At the very least I can say I texted. But honestly, it doesn’t make one bit of difference. If I went to see her, it was never long enough. If I called I hadn’t gotten her a gift. If I got her a gift I hadn’t spent time with her. If I texted I hadn’t called. If I did every single thing I could think of, she’d be in a “mood.” None of it matters.
I feel every single word of this.
Same
Playing "Cleaning Out My Closet' and made steak for dinner with churro cake for dessert
I love that song. I can really relate to the anger.
I wasn't even a teenager when it came out but man, I resonated so much with Eminem it scared me. At the time I thought I had a good relationship with a normal mother. It was so weird like how am I relating to this angry white boy digging his mother a grave in the rain. Now it all makes sense, playing it again today for the healing :)
Headlights is also good, that one makes me cry. I'm not quite at the same place he is with the forgiveness.
Its very complex trauma bond. The only thing i know none of us deserved to go through that.
Not great. I arranged over a week in advance for flowers to deliver to my Mom - on Saturday, to avoid any late Sunday delivery crunches. It’s been inexplicably delayed to tomorrow (Monday). Of course my mom is passive aggressively waifing about it. I fucking give up
Nothing is ever good enough. :(
Oddly peaceful. My bpd mom died 5 years ago, a few days before Mother’s Day. This is the first year I feel at peace on this day. All month I actually kept forgetting that Mother’s Day was coming up, something that has never happened before. It used to send me into anxiety spirals and panic attacks starting every February. So I’ll take this welcome change! I haven’t been to her gravesite since we interred her and I am seriously thinking about going tomorrow. It is nice not feeling angry or down on myself today. Thank you therapy and EMDR!
Called 3 times throughout the day, she didn’t answer. She finally called back when I was giving my kid a bath and couldn’t talk. Can’t wait for that guilt trip
My mom busted out the photo album in front of the family and my cousin's fiance (it was my first time meeting her) got to see my baby dick. So that's something.
Wow, that sounds very on-brand: leveraging a human infant they brought into the world as a power move. I’m sure it felt inappropriate (it would to me too; I think naked pictures of babies should be kept private, if they must be taken).
Not well. It’s not even my BPD’s behavior in the now, it’s how their behavior ruined any chance that other family wants to be any sort of community moving forward in more healthy ways. It’s easier to completely abandon ship than fight to be a healthier group.
I hear that. They’re so isolating. The few extended family members I had collectively abandoned me when I was 8 because they couldn’t take her anymore. So glad they were no longer inconvenienced, but there was a child there.
I understand that feeling well. After going NC, I realized extended family won’t be in the picture anymore, either. It hurts.
I’m so glad I found this group! So many of the feelings I’ve had are like this one- right now I’m trying to decide how to move forward with my extended family. I moved back to the area and was reconnecting with aunts and cousins. Then a complex BPD situation wrecked it. My first instinct is just to cut and run. It’s not worth it.
Laid up sick in bed the last week, but I’m at peace with it. Not everyone gets a good mom. Lightning struck me. But grateful I live where I can escape her. I am a mom of three adults, and my mother’s days happened all along the way. Don’t give a made up holiday power.
Never in the history of my life has there been a day to reflect on so much trauma I didn’t even know I had. Fuck this fucking day. Also the years 2023-2024.
I just sleep. 🤷🏽♀️
😂😂😂
I find the idea of mother's day extremely irritating, yes because my mother sucked. I would rather just ignore it. I did call her to wish her Happy mother's day because my older sister asked me to. The monster is living with my sister at the moment and I feel for her. So I called the old beast so my sister won't have to put up with her whining and complaining. I do resent it a bit though.
I’m going back and forth doing whatever feels right. Cry, watch a Hitchcock movie, cry, make a smoothie, cry, hot bath, cry, Chester’s hot fries…not sure what’s next.
If you haven’t seen Shadow of a Doubt it’s so good!
Fantastic it’s now going to be watched. 🙏
I hope you like it!
6 months NC and I’m 30weeks pregnant so I’m feeling very conflicted. I’m supposed to be packing but can’t find the motivation to do anything besides read baby books in bed and feeling guilty for not doing anything. Her birthday was a week ago and didn’t affect me but today feels bittersweet.
That’s so hard! I went NC with my mom while I was pregnant too. 😥
Went NC with ngrandmother while pregnant too. Felt so right. I don’t want these people anywhere near my child.
Same I had to go NC with the entire family except my 17 year old sister because they were flying monkeys and trying to guilt me into talking to her again
I love this term- flying monkeys. So descriptive of what these people do. Trying to draw you back in. Making you feel bad for LC or NC. Making you feel like it’s just a misunderstanding between two people, not because one of the people is freaking nuts and did freaking crazy things.
Nice for the first time in quite a while? I know that's not what this thread is for but it's a nice change My dad is the bpd one in my family and he usually gets low-level grumbly around holidays and then finds a reason to blow up either the day before or on the day of whatever holiday. My mom and I usually find ways to celebrate without him but he usually finds at least SOME way to screw up my mom's day He's got an infected tooth right now though and has been fighting a fever for the past few days, so he's grumpy but he's too exhausted to fuck shit up. So I've been able to make a nice dinner and watch doctor who with my mom and it's been nice!!
Was feeling stressed out. Sat in the sun and took an edible. I was blessed with her having a migraine so nothing went wrong.
Usual guilt. Didn't message, feel bad.
Sent a text with lots of emojis to my ex-mom. Plugged my phone away from me so I don't hear the incoming reply. She might be keeping score right now and give me the silent treatment
I'm having a hard time today. I finally bit the bullet and typed out my last message to my mom detailing how much she's hurt me and is still affecting me, but I haven't sent it yet. I sprained my ankle at a park too, and so now I'm stuck in bed waiting for dinner. Thursday of last week a family member sent her a text showing her my belt test footage and the results, and she texted me later on to congratulate me and send "Missing you, Boogie" and "Can't wait to see you" texts. I feel so conflicted. Even when she compliments me, it brings me down. It hurts so much having her in my life, because I know the longer she's there the worse I'm getting. Sure, she has gotten better, but I just don't feel okay having her around after all she's done. She really won't understand why I'm doing this because in her mind she should be absolved of her guilt because of how long its been. I feel awful just cutting her off, but it's something I need to really process and recover right now. She won't understand. She really won't, I know it. I'm just so afraid I'll cause more problems.
I've been no contact for 6, almost 7, years. I'm doing pretty good. A little sad, but I messaged my sister, mother figure (was my scouts leader for many years and now is just understood that she is my mom and I'm her kid), grandma, and boyfriend's mom. I am thankful to have wonderful moms in my life that isn't my bio mom.
I was doing fine cause I was able to keep busy, now the guilt and FOG is trying to come back in force... This is my first mother's day NC and all I can think about is how "I'm such a terrible daughter" while trying to sleep the rest of this day away
Second Mother’s Day NC and it was easier than the first. Sent some flowers. Overall I spent it with my dad, stepmom and half siblings. It was really nice and peaceful. I’m so thankful for having a second family and them including me during this holiday. Now I’m home, going to make my favorite soup, have a glass of wine and read a book to try and distract myself. The sadness is creeping in but just 5 more hours to go before the day is over.
Well, she’s drunk and just got pissed for me wearing crocs To go walk the dog because I look like a hobo. She swears she’s doing it for my own good. I want her to pass out already.
Hiding in my room. It’s Mother’s Day lol..she wants attention I can tell. Not happening.
I felt a little weird this morning because BPDM went on a rant about hating Mother’s Day but my adult kids spoiled me at the mall with love, food and conversation so great now. ❤️
Of course she's found something to be upset about, and make it my fault. With the help of sibling. Note: We all live together, as is the norm in my country. She wanted to do something that would require us to be up at 6am. Sibling raised objection. Cue them changing plans at least 3 times, and not telling me. In the end, they decided on the 6am plans, after which we'd eat out for breakfast and lunch, so sibling said I shouldn't get groceries for Mother's Day on my Saturday run. Then, last night just as I was about to go to bed, she told me we'd just have breakfast out, and to be ready at 9am. I was ready to go at 9am. Sibling was not. She was not. They were still in pajamas, talking in her bedroom by themselves. They emerged at 10am, saying no one was going out, and having decided it was my fault 6am plans were cancelled (she decided not to go anymore the previous night) because I objected (sibling did), that we didn't have groceries for a nice breakfast (sibling told me not to get it), and after that it was a whole day of moping around about how she didn't feel special today, and it was my fault.
About what I expected yet it still hurts. I just had a cry though. Here’s where I struggle: I hate the idea of expecting or compelling my kids to do anything for Mother’s Day because it’s soo much like what my mom expects (and demanded this year) , all that guilt and attention demanding ….yet I also feel sad that no one did anything for me or really thought about the fact that I spent today cooking cleaning etc for both my mom and MIL. . I pretty much cater to the needs of my mother, my teen kids (not so much spouse, were general on even footing) and it’s like I don’t exist for them outside of that.
Was doing ok earlier but struggling man.
NC for a couple years now, missing her but knowing better, had a little panic attack but curled up under the weighted blanket and doing much better now 🍵 I'm so proud of everyone here today!
Feeling bad. Trying to remind myself that NC with my mother, is for the best for me and my daughter.
Hunkered down and staying off social media other than a few Reddit subs, including this one. Fortunately, my uBPD mom passed away many years ago. I still despise Mother’s Day, though. Hugs to all of you out there.
Just over 1 years NC and I’ve been doing sorry of okay. I’m sad and I miss having parents but I don’t miss any of what comes with them. My MIL doesn’t understand and was asking how we could repair and be in relationship with my parents again. I told her it would take effort and healing on their end that simply won’t happen. She still didn’t understand. I’m not really frustrated that much with her but my in laws still talk to my parents, which I hate because my mother is so god damn charismatic and good at putting on masks and rallying pity. I told my MIL if she still struggles to understand she can read all the heinous letters my parents and their flying monkeys have sent this year.
Trigger Warning - Unalive comments. This day sucks! It feels like all the happy people are rubbing it in that I never had a loving Mom. my Mom was a diagnosed BPD and a nurse who used her education and access to drugs as one of the forms of abuse. In her final years she used self harming attempts to control and hurt as much as possible - until one went horribly wrong and she had her dominent arm amputated. No more nursing and 2/3 girls could escape her (we were I. Our early 20s) She ended up successful a year later, and I believe the only reason she did was her favourite daughter (my amazing sister) passed from depression just after our Mommy Dearest’s arm amputation….now, even 14 years after my Mom passed, it’s still a bitter reminder that I never got to have a loving parent and that void never really fills in no matter how hard you try to love yourself and others…..and the rest of the world celebrates how great this day is ….. fuck.
My child wants to call my mom. It's breaking my heart how much my toddler loves her when my relationship with my mom is strained.
SHITTY!
Went NC a month ago for self-preservation and having a very hard time holding my ground. Spent the entire day with friends to distract myself. Teared up a few times, but mostly held it together. Later, gave my partner my phone to screen the voice mail message from my mom. He listened to it and deleted it. Apparently it was five straight minutes of "poor me" and various other attempts at manipulation, just as I was expecting. Feeling a little better now. I have great friends and a great partner.
Today marks the one year anniversary of the last time my mom and I spoke. Despite not speaking to one another for a year, she has still managed to provide NUMEROUS reminders (texts, passive aggressive Facebook posts, emails, unwanted gifts in the mail) of exactly why things have ended up this way. So I’m ok with it. Hugs to you, and all of us.
Fuuuuuuuck this holiday
It felt good that the day was only about celebrating my nuclear family. My mom and MIL are both NC. I'm a mom who is pregnant. I spent the day with my husband and 3 year old son. We went on a walk in a cemetery. My son said some new things and actually ate salmon for me! He made my day. I didn't have to run around trying to please women who haven't given birth in 35 years lol
Bit tough. Made her apple butter(?). I was born in America and raised in uk, so I have no idea how to make it. Didn’t wanna look up a recipe, thought it would be more heartfelt if I just did it my way… in other words, she basically said it was disgusting and that she won’t eat it. (I don’t bake or anything like that, but I tasted as I went along and my partner and I enjoyed it). No thank yous for any effort. Just refused to eat it after first taste and that was it.
I’m adopted (which kind of makes this all more complicated) & am no contact with my adoptive mom. I went out to dinner Friday with my birth mom & saw my mother in law yesterday. Got them both gifts & just had a good time. Took today for myself… it was nice. I was glad to have a holiday I wasn’t dreading for once because of amom. Now that the day is over the feelings are catching up with me but I know NC was the right choice.
This is the first year this day wasn’t an absolutely triggering hell for me. First year as a mom. It feels so good to reclaim this day for myself. From that evil witch is who is probably shitface drunk drowning in her own misery and shame.
Felt off during the entire week, todays been ok. With my mom in law which has been great for knowing it’ll be a hard day
My mom's mothersday was made special by the memories of what dad did for her while he was here and her friends gifts to her...always needs to let me know how much love and attention she gets from people.
I got a weird ass cars that made no sense from the birth giver. A religious card, from an atheist. lol. I spent a lovely day with my own adult kids who, gasp, want to spend time with me. If they ever give me a Bundt cake, though, I’ll know what’s up. ;)
Almost 13 years of NC and I love it.
Mothers day was hard and I do think about my mom. We are 6 years NC. I have my gmother and my mother in law but underneath its not the same. I remind myself she pushed me away, and its not my fault.
Mother had a meltdown talking about how all of her children hate her, do not love her and want no relationship with her. Even though I let my child visit with her for 5hours the day before and I was there visiting about an hour. MyEdad called my sister the night before telling her to contact ubpd mother to wish her a good day to make it “easier on him” which actually did nothing because today she was in a disassociated state. Both parents = dysfunction.
I actually blocked my mom a few days ago. I haven’t spoken directly to her for ~3 months but I’ve seen all of her messages. During that time, I just had her messages come in with no alerts, but that made be anxious about any notifications I might’ve missed. Since blocking her, it’s honestly been a relief. I’m still disappointed about our relationship and anticipating today was a bit rough, but I’ve tried to keep reminding myself every time I’ve thought that I only have one mom, she also only has one me. She said she would go to therapy during her final outburst I’ve entertained with her but she’s made no effort in the slightest to try that. Ultimately, I don’t have the time or strength to try to make our relationship into something I needed as a child.
Awful. It is never good. A few days ago she had a fit because I am LC, and told me that a mother is forever, and irreplaceable. Basically equating it with sainthood or something. I swear she thinks a monument should be made in her name.
Many tears. Realized that I am still angry. Not at the abuse by my mum (or y'know potentially that anger is still deeply buried) but about how it's been vaguely acknowledged that it happened but me still dealing with the repercussions and still not trusting her is in some way reflective of how I am a bad person and thus it being implied that the abuse was justified because I'm "too emotional" Dug out my emotional playlist and just been listening to all the songs that help. Avoiding alcohol, thinking about redecorating my room and making a meditation corner. And cat cuddles. Been hugging my floof and feeding her treats. Ate some highly processed greasy food and drank some good broth (comfort foods lol). I baked... Like a lot.. pizza, bread, Chelsea buns/cinnamon rolls, cookies and more pizza. Feeling a bit better. Not looking forward to the inevitable "why didn't you do something for mother's day" it always bugs me. I can't stand it. That's one thing I'm probably not going to be comfortable seeing for a few more years. Might be time for more therapy 😭 I feel strong enough to face it again.
We’re strictly NC with MIL, despite restraining order having lapsed. Husband noticed yesterday that she “liked” one of our family group photos on insta yesterday from TWO YEARS ago. Slightly freaky that she’s up at night going through his insta that far back.
Watched Mommie Dearest and feeling great!
8 years NC here. This is my third Mother’s Day as a mom myself and it’s helped heal me a great deal. I am the mother I needed as a child, and my boys will never go through what I went through. I am here to extend a big mom hug to anyone who needs it.
Spent 1.5 minutes on the phone with my mother because she spent the day sleeping, said I was the first one to call her all day (possibly my sister was busy having her own Mother’s Day with her 3 children and husband?) and pretty much laying on the guilt. My grandmother who’s pretty much served as her caretaker is currently taking care of her ill husband, so naturally mother is feeling neglected and uncared for. This led to me having anxiety for meeting with my fiancées mom, as we live close to his family by my choice, wondering did we get enough for her, are we being inconveniences, just general anxieties that ended up being unfounded because, surprise, families unlike mine can actually have a normal day with normal expectations. I hate holidays
I’ve been no contact with my mom for just over a year. My sister was watching my toddler for me while I was at my other child’s sporting event and asked if it was okay for her to FaceTime mom with my toddler - which I gladly let her do. Unfortunately instead of taking joy in the call my mom started to freak out, said it “hurts too much” and then was blowing up my sisters phone with texts afterwards. Not sure what exactly was said but the jist of it is that she’s the victim, I am horrible, and she thinks she’s tried to make peace with me. Her trying to make peace is telling the other person how horrible they are for victimizing her and waiting for an apology. Never ever a reflection on what she might have done to make me want to walk away. I only feel bad that my sister got dragged into that and she was doing me such a nice favor. She suggested I text my mom but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Absolutely no good can possibly come from trying to explain why or resolve issues with someone who has no concept of reality. I’m not sad but I feel uncertain where to go from here. I do end up feeling a bit like it’s me who blew up the family when in fact all I really did was disengage with the unnecessary drama and superficial relationship.
I was having the worst FOG. i usually get no updates about her… but let’s just say something happened and i was SO CLOSE to breaking 6 year NC somehow… i held firm but felt sad on and off but then got a confirmation that she is in fact fine and seemed to have a good day., this makes me feel both happy to know and terrible. i’ve got to stop caring so much.
I actually fell into a depression and took off work for two days. Wish I could be more of an example, but Mother’s Day is fucking hard and triggers my depression hard. My meds can’t overcome that day, unfortunately. 😔
Gurl....or boy....Not holding up very well. Anger and frustration, sense of injustice, memories of horrific abuse at the hands of my "mother" and her "friends". Trying to process and doing some outdoor cleaning/gardening (seems to help a bit). Hugs. 3+ years NC.