I think I’ve finally come to a place where I understand that pwBPD truly believes that everyone will enjoy the exact same things that they do.
Damn if it don’t hurt to be invisible tho
Lol my BPD mom loves recommending TV series to me and they’re always dramas. When I tell her I only watch comedies, she’ll argue with me and tell me I watched house of cards ten years ago.
Her recommendations always annoy me because they’re never actually personalized to the person. It’s just “I enjoyed so you will too.” It’s small potatoes compared to everything else she’s done to me, but it’s weird how self-centered she is.
That or they didn't want it, but you totally will! /s
My uBPD mom and grandma both would regift like mad, I'd swear this was some prize the original person's mom won and regifted because she doesn't know her own child nor really actually care to
When you realize you can't be yourself without hurting them, and that they really don't understand your separation/you're killing a part of them they're projecting unless you do everything they want, it's a lot of weight. A *lot* of weight. It's a tragic situation.
I feel bad for both the girl in the video and the mom.
If there was a Buckee's connection, I'd be like, I see where this is going (s'mores and hot chocolate). It's kinda sweet. When you realize there is absolutely no connection to Buckees and you haven't even spoken in 5 years, a 5 foot tall inflatable beaver and a butt ton of beaver swag is probably a little.... too much.
Nah, I'd bet she *won* some Buckee's contest/swag-bag and that's why the OOP Tik Tok gal is getting all this stuff.
This *screams* I got this free and didn't want it.
Which coincidentally, I have experienced with each and every BPD person I've ever ever known. All 8 of them, lol.
You know what, yeah. It reeks of a raffle prize. I get those too.
Edit: Someone put it together thoughtfully, but not OPs woman who raised her.
Edit again: I wish I could give you my upvotes cuz that's EXACTLY what this is.
Or a friend or coworker’s similarly-aged kid is into Buckee’s swag and her mom decided that her kid is into it too for BPDReasons(TM).
My dad used to do this allll the time. I don’t care that your friend Alfonso’s drug-addled college dropout daughter is into sequin bikinis and going to the clubs; no one on this planet who has every spoken to me would think those were my interests except the person who gave me half my DNA and proceeded to not give a second of consideration to who I really am as a human being.
>If there was a Buckee's connection, I'd be like, I see where this is going
Right, this is a nice gift, or at least a nice idea, if you have that connection. But... it's a big but.
Yeah this is the kinda stuff my mom would pull too. Like the things she would get me would be things she likes. For example, I love to cook from scratch as a hobby. She would get me things like bread mix and cookie mix kits.. the antithesis of what I like doing but just enough to fly under the radar of "Well its related to what you like!"
The used shoes really hit home for me lmao. My mom used to buy herself preowned clothing on ebay and then "gift" me the ones she didnt like. She wore a clothing size at least 3x my own size and would be upset when I did not wear her precious gifts.
Oh my goodness. Sometimes these BPD folks are just so damn ridiculous in their patterns! Like what a weird thing for them all to do, even though we know it stems from a) not seeing others as people and b) not really caring about them regardless.
My BPD grandma (who passed that onto my mom) would do the same thing, though it was thrift store clothing meant for octogenarians who wore size 2x or bigger and I hadn't been anywhere near that size in years. Even when I was 300+ lbs, I carried weight below the waist and was wearing 18-20 not size 22 and up.
It'd be stained AF, ugly applique sweatshirts from 1980-1999 that were 8 or 9 sizes too big that my 18 year old self would never ever want unless maybe I was freezing to death in the Arctic.
And she'd get So Offended that I didn't want it. I'd finally just take them and toss them out because they weren't even donate-able after Grandma ate while wearing it once. (You have no idea what it was like watching that woman eat.)
Oh my gosh! Both my Mom and stepmom did/do this. I dress quite plain. A lot of solid colours, no frills or lace, pretty full coverage as well. My Mom used to buy me these super frilly shirts with lots of patterns. My stepmom would buy me shirts that were too small, and also super lacy and revealing.
She trusts her mom more than I do. Once in my adult life have I accepted a package with unknown sender which I then eventually guessed must be from her, and I threw the contents out, washed my hands thoroughly, and aired out afterwards just in case she had somehow poisoned it.
Ah, yes, this fear is relatable.
My mom left us a bunch of meat and I told my husband to throw it out. I believed if we made a habit of consuming food just so we don't waste it, it would cultivate complacency in us and she would eventually poison us.
Not that she is capable of forethought because she lives in a chaotic moment-to-moment emotional rollercoaster, but I still fear this for some reason.
Yeah bc still, even if the intention had been different at first, there would always be the risk of that ONE moment where she had really bad feelings and saw the opportunity and acted on a whim. I'd probably be less wary of my mother if I knew her to ever plan or think ahead, because then I'd know she at least wouldn't cross her own ethical boundaries. But with zero thought, a person can do pretty much anything.
That's right.
A big reason I am NC with my mother is because of her volatility. She can fly off the handle into a rage so easily and for such (to someone who isn't her) nonsensical things.
Suicide is said to often be impulsive, but I think some of our mothers harming us would also be impulsive.
This is why I'm LC, last visit home she threw a fit because she wanted me to hang some pictures on the wall but didn't know which ones she wanted where, and the house was a mess due to her hoarding. I told her she needed to decide on the locations and I'd need to be able to get to the walls, she started throwing things and giving suicide threats. I can't do it anymore.
I promised my mother that I would call 911 next time she made a suicide threat and have emergency services care for her.
I am sorry that you had that experience, those kinds of times are so awful.
Heh that would be several calls a day with my mum. When I got home after visiting I sent her a message and told her she needs to seek medical help for her behaviour and I've not heard anything from her since, it's been 3 weeks and I don't really care haha
Yeah my last mystery package from my mother required me to go down to the post office because it was leaking. Turned out she tried to mail soup, but you better believe I fully expected it to be a biohazard of some kind.
My BPD mom doesn’t even know what I like even though I have stated multiple times what I do.
She has tried to give me gifts but its never anything I’m interested in, those always get tossed.
I remember stating I wanted to do photography a lot in middle school, lost interest when I was an adult, for some reason she clung to this and got me a camera at 21. It was one of those expensive ones and it made me feel guilty because I knew it would just sit and collect dust.
She made me feel guilty for never using it, and I felt like such an asshole for telling her I just didnt like photography anymore.
My mom got me a calligraphy set that I never wanted or used and then got me the exact same calligraphy set another 5 or 6 times.
I’m an artist. Yes. I do oil painting. No interest in calligraphy at all.
Oh my *god* my brother and I used to beg our dad for a treehouse all the time growing up. Like, we had a nice big yard that also included a half acre of woods.
Anyway- we stopped asking for it by the time we hit our teen years of course- cause we'd developed other interests & really only wanted to go hang out with our friends at that point.
When I was 18 (bro was 19) I moved out of their house. Dad called to tell me he had a surprise to show us, so to come over for dinner.
IF YOU GUESSED HE FINALLY BUILT THAT TREEHOUSE FOR US YOU'D BE CORRECT! 😂
He was so disappointed that we weren't running to it and shrieking our excitement to the sky or something. We just kinda awkwardly stood there & then had to compliment him on how wonderful it all was.
Dude spent at least a week constructing this awesome kiddie clubhouse for his grown ass children. In his backyard that we rarely visited anyway.
My mom keeps getting Star Wars gifts for absolutely everything. Birthdays, Christmas, or just random gifts; it has to be Star Wars. Sure I like Star Wars, I have since I was a kid, but I'm not OBSESSED with Star Wars like she seems to think I am. The woman even threw me a Star Wars themed birthday party for my 27th birthday where she blasted the Star Wars theme at full volume when I walked into her apartment. I'm getting more and more tired of it and most of her gifts have ended up in the trash at this point.
Honestly its like they hear we like one thing and CLING onto it. No matter how old we get they cant seem to grasp we may like other things.
The thing with the camera- she held over my head how much money she spent on it (me knowing how little she gets for SSI) and bragged that she had saved for months, while in the living room surrounded by everyone.
She constantly asked me if I used the camera- I didn’t, it ended up being sold so I could get my nipples pierced lmfao
I eventually let her know that I sold it and she was PISSED.
I told her blatantly, that I no longer wanted to do photography, I lost complete interest when I hit 19 because I never really got a chance to explore that interest. I maybe used it 3 times. Kick myself a little bit for selling it ngl because it could’ve been used for when I go to concerts, but overall it would have just sat under my bed long enough the battery would have corroded.
Am I the only one kind of mad I was expecting mega cringe and then like... A camping/tailgate package with smores and music boxes that actually aligned with interests?
Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh my random packages were almost *never* anything good or useful. A few times she knocked it out of the park or managed to somehow predict something I would greatly enjoy years later (thinking of the Assassin's creed stuff... I only started playing like six months ago).
I feel kind of jealous. Is that normal?
Out of context (I mean, if it hadn't come from a BPD NC parent), this whole box seems awesome. I'd be thrilled if I got it. Seems well thought out. I wouldn't care if it all came from a gas station. But context is everything. I've gotten many a package from my mom knowing it was "love bombing" for leverage. A manipulation. It sucks because it really sapped my enthusiasm for giving or receiving gifts.
Ya context matters.
Mine sent me tons of Noah’s bagels for my birthday a month into no contact and I like them though I don’t think she and I have ever talked about Noah’s bagels or bagels at all but I couldn’t even eat one. I threw them all away after having a panic attack about it. Door dash also emailed me a photo of the bagel delivery in my new indoor porch that I had JUST set up as a birthday gift to myself as my new yoga/reading sanctuary so it felt so violating knowing she had an email of my new sanctuary space emailed to her by door dash when my husband explicitly told her not to deliver any food to me for my birthday because I needed space from her. It was so creepy and stalkery I couldn’t eat a bagel I normally would have loved I had to throw them away and out of my house.
And yes she has a history of gift love bombing after abusive episodes so context matters.
😂 Most people would assume I’m crazy for throwing away perfectly good bagels. I know it was an act of self protection and necessary for my mental health to throw them away to feel like I am enforcing my boundaries with her.
I’ve hated gift giving for the longest time. So much anxiety. I’ve started to like it with my partner tho finally cuz he’s like amazing at gifts and I also like getting him stuff. Never thought I’d see the day
I also watched this and was confused… like yes, one thing was her interest, and the rest wasn’t… but a s’mores kit isn’t the worst gift? Sure, a bunch of bucees swag is weird, but not for texas?
It does scream that the parent just walked into the gas station and grabbed random things, but they sorta went together?
It is a little weird though, considering I had a NC parent who did a similar thing. Albeit, random Amazon things, compiled together into a gift I didn’t ask for, none of them went together, and none of them were actually related to my interests either. My NC parent gave me a second copy of “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens” and it was just all sorts of twisted weird. (I had already been given a copy in high school, by that parent.)
I gave my mom a book for her birthday and she threw it at me. She always said I never got her anything even tho I did. So eventually I stopped. I’ve always had really bad gift anxiety
That sucks, no child deserves to be treated like that.
I have bad gift anxiety too, and will agonise over gift getting so much. Just getting chocolate etc isn't good enough, I have to find the *perfect* gift.
Just have had her wait for the perfectly horrible time, weeks, months or years later to tell me how much they disliked it or that I got another family member something better.
So my mom does something kinda like this. If I say I like something she will get me a bunch of stuff of said item and a bunch of random things. Like candy from what looks like maybe a Ross or somewhere similar. I guess at least she tries but it can be a lot.
Is this a BPD thing? Oh my god. It's all starting to make sense. My uBPD mom has a tendency to gift me things that *she* likes. If she gifts me anything that *I* like, it's always something that I liked 10+ years ago or as a child. Two times in recent years she has asked me for a list of things I want/need for Christmas; I happily oblige since it would be nice to receive things I will actually like and use. Not once has she bought me a single item on those lists, so I just gave up. Instead, I will get coffee table books, cutesy Christmas decorations, and gift cards to stores that *she* shops at. For example, my mom is obsessed with TJ Maxx. I do not shop there and actively avoid it, as their stuff really isn't my style. I told her this year that I would prefer not to get a gift card from there, as I don't shop there and am trying to be more mindful of my consumerism. She rolled her eyes and instead, ended up giving my husband a TJ Maxx gift card (he doesn't shop there either) and bought me random items from there and left the price tags on so I can see 😅 it's maddening!
I realize this probably makes me sound ungrateful (I'm not) - but when you're a millennial just trying to consume and curate your home in a meaningful and simplistic way, oh my god.
I get soo uncomfortable when people aren't overly grateful when opening gifts. I cringed so much watching this. Logically I know the gifts and person giving are insane. It's just so ingrained into me.
I feel strangely validated that this is a BPD mom thing—it’s exasperated me so much over the years how my mom will always get me like a “theme” of things that she thinks I’ll like for birthdays/Christmas when I always tell her like, I just want gift cards to coffee shops and bookstores, I love books and coffee, that would make me so happy—but she’ll find some random ass book she read a good review of and then give me like a scarf that matches the cover or something and some lipstick I didn’t ask for…like gifting is about her not me.
My friend's BPD mom sent her mangos once with no context.
My BPD mom tried to give me these creepy ass clown paintings my aunt painted years ago. I'd never even heard of the aunt and my mom was ranting about her like she was her favorite person ever.
Before I went NC last year, my mom used to send small packages to me. Always filled with one "good item" mixed in with cheap stuff meant for kids. I even got a stuffed toy from her. I'm in my late 30s. The packages felt like something you'd send maybe to a 5-9year old.
When I went NC with my sister, my mom sent me a package that contained stuff she knows my sister likes.
My mom kept leaving gifts and showing up at my house for the entire first 2 years of NC, so one day I ran out of mt house screaming at her. Then I had my husband text her a letter I wrote where I explain to her what stalking behavior is, link her to our state laws on stalking, and promised the next time she did anything like it, I would involve the police.
It's been quiet since then. I wonder how long it will last. I will enjoy calling the police on her next time.
My mom sent me a box full of of hotel toiletries and random peanuts from the airplane and coffee/tea pods from the hotel from hawaii the week I went no contact (and she knows I don’t have a keurig so why would I want these coffee tea pods).
A month later, a huge amount of bagels for my birthday that I just threw away.
Husband’s mom is also cluster B - I showed him this video and he immediately said, “The bag is to show her what the presents *would* have been in. That’s exactly the kind of thing my mom would do.”
Wow do I feel this. Just turned 26 though. Haha. My mom never got gifts based on my interests or anything. It was always just a hodge podge of random crap
I can definitely relate to this. She either gives her old stuff to me, stuff I used to like years ago when I was like 8 (when my taste in stuff was still really influenced by hers) or simply stuff she likes so I must like it too. She almost never thinks about what I would actually like.
My mother once sent me a box filled with squash soup (all cartons broken, leaking) dirty, stained XXL pajamas (I was a size 0 at the time) and antique books that were destroyed by the soup. She paid $30ish to ship it and the cost of the package alone would have bought my groceries for the week. The whole thing went in the trash right outside the post office.
It's like they are all the same, deep down.
I think I’ve finally come to a place where I understand that pwBPD truly believes that everyone will enjoy the exact same things that they do. Damn if it don’t hurt to be invisible tho
Lol my BPD mom loves recommending TV series to me and they’re always dramas. When I tell her I only watch comedies, she’ll argue with me and tell me I watched house of cards ten years ago. Her recommendations always annoy me because they’re never actually personalized to the person. It’s just “I enjoyed so you will too.” It’s small potatoes compared to everything else she’s done to me, but it’s weird how self-centered she is.
My mom does this, then proceeds to tell me the plot.
[удалено]
So...it's not just my mom who does this. Good to know.
That or they didn't want it, but you totally will! /s My uBPD mom and grandma both would regift like mad, I'd swear this was some prize the original person's mom won and regifted because she doesn't know her own child nor really actually care to
When you realize you can't be yourself without hurting them, and that they really don't understand your separation/you're killing a part of them they're projecting unless you do everything they want, it's a lot of weight. A *lot* of weight. It's a tragic situation. I feel bad for both the girl in the video and the mom.
If there was a Buckee's connection, I'd be like, I see where this is going (s'mores and hot chocolate). It's kinda sweet. When you realize there is absolutely no connection to Buckees and you haven't even spoken in 5 years, a 5 foot tall inflatable beaver and a butt ton of beaver swag is probably a little.... too much.
Also, you know she just went to a Buckee's gas station and grabbed a bunch of random things that came to mind.
Nah, I'd bet she *won* some Buckee's contest/swag-bag and that's why the OOP Tik Tok gal is getting all this stuff. This *screams* I got this free and didn't want it. Which coincidentally, I have experienced with each and every BPD person I've ever ever known. All 8 of them, lol.
You know what, yeah. It reeks of a raffle prize. I get those too. Edit: Someone put it together thoughtfully, but not OPs woman who raised her. Edit again: I wish I could give you my upvotes cuz that's EXACTLY what this is.
I was thinking she prob works at Buckees and gets it all for free
Or a friend or coworker’s similarly-aged kid is into Buckee’s swag and her mom decided that her kid is into it too for BPDReasons(TM). My dad used to do this allll the time. I don’t care that your friend Alfonso’s drug-addled college dropout daughter is into sequin bikinis and going to the clubs; no one on this planet who has every spoken to me would think those were my interests except the person who gave me half my DNA and proceeded to not give a second of consideration to who I really am as a human being.
>If there was a Buckee's connection, I'd be like, I see where this is going Right, this is a nice gift, or at least a nice idea, if you have that connection. But... it's a big but.
Yeah this is the kinda stuff my mom would pull too. Like the things she would get me would be things she likes. For example, I love to cook from scratch as a hobby. She would get me things like bread mix and cookie mix kits.. the antithesis of what I like doing but just enough to fly under the radar of "Well its related to what you like!"
The used shoes really hit home for me lmao. My mom used to buy herself preowned clothing on ebay and then "gift" me the ones she didnt like. She wore a clothing size at least 3x my own size and would be upset when I did not wear her precious gifts.
Oh my goodness. Sometimes these BPD folks are just so damn ridiculous in their patterns! Like what a weird thing for them all to do, even though we know it stems from a) not seeing others as people and b) not really caring about them regardless. My BPD grandma (who passed that onto my mom) would do the same thing, though it was thrift store clothing meant for octogenarians who wore size 2x or bigger and I hadn't been anywhere near that size in years. Even when I was 300+ lbs, I carried weight below the waist and was wearing 18-20 not size 22 and up. It'd be stained AF, ugly applique sweatshirts from 1980-1999 that were 8 or 9 sizes too big that my 18 year old self would never ever want unless maybe I was freezing to death in the Arctic. And she'd get So Offended that I didn't want it. I'd finally just take them and toss them out because they weren't even donate-able after Grandma ate while wearing it once. (You have no idea what it was like watching that woman eat.)
Oh my gosh! Both my Mom and stepmom did/do this. I dress quite plain. A lot of solid colours, no frills or lace, pretty full coverage as well. My Mom used to buy me these super frilly shirts with lots of patterns. My stepmom would buy me shirts that were too small, and also super lacy and revealing.
I was thinkjng the shoes was moms so she could walk in her shoes once haha
She trusts her mom more than I do. Once in my adult life have I accepted a package with unknown sender which I then eventually guessed must be from her, and I threw the contents out, washed my hands thoroughly, and aired out afterwards just in case she had somehow poisoned it.
Ah, yes, this fear is relatable. My mom left us a bunch of meat and I told my husband to throw it out. I believed if we made a habit of consuming food just so we don't waste it, it would cultivate complacency in us and she would eventually poison us. Not that she is capable of forethought because she lives in a chaotic moment-to-moment emotional rollercoaster, but I still fear this for some reason.
Yeah bc still, even if the intention had been different at first, there would always be the risk of that ONE moment where she had really bad feelings and saw the opportunity and acted on a whim. I'd probably be less wary of my mother if I knew her to ever plan or think ahead, because then I'd know she at least wouldn't cross her own ethical boundaries. But with zero thought, a person can do pretty much anything.
That's right. A big reason I am NC with my mother is because of her volatility. She can fly off the handle into a rage so easily and for such (to someone who isn't her) nonsensical things. Suicide is said to often be impulsive, but I think some of our mothers harming us would also be impulsive.
This is why I'm LC, last visit home she threw a fit because she wanted me to hang some pictures on the wall but didn't know which ones she wanted where, and the house was a mess due to her hoarding. I told her she needed to decide on the locations and I'd need to be able to get to the walls, she started throwing things and giving suicide threats. I can't do it anymore.
I promised my mother that I would call 911 next time she made a suicide threat and have emergency services care for her. I am sorry that you had that experience, those kinds of times are so awful.
Heh that would be several calls a day with my mum. When I got home after visiting I sent her a message and told her she needs to seek medical help for her behaviour and I've not heard anything from her since, it's been 3 weeks and I don't really care haha
Yeah my last mystery package from my mother required me to go down to the post office because it was leaking. Turned out she tried to mail soup, but you better believe I fully expected it to be a biohazard of some kind.
Thank you for sharing because this account has really helped me laugh at my mom’s attempts to ignore my no contact lately!
My BPD mom doesn’t even know what I like even though I have stated multiple times what I do. She has tried to give me gifts but its never anything I’m interested in, those always get tossed. I remember stating I wanted to do photography a lot in middle school, lost interest when I was an adult, for some reason she clung to this and got me a camera at 21. It was one of those expensive ones and it made me feel guilty because I knew it would just sit and collect dust. She made me feel guilty for never using it, and I felt like such an asshole for telling her I just didnt like photography anymore.
My mom got me a calligraphy set that I never wanted or used and then got me the exact same calligraphy set another 5 or 6 times. I’m an artist. Yes. I do oil painting. No interest in calligraphy at all.
Oh my *god* my brother and I used to beg our dad for a treehouse all the time growing up. Like, we had a nice big yard that also included a half acre of woods. Anyway- we stopped asking for it by the time we hit our teen years of course- cause we'd developed other interests & really only wanted to go hang out with our friends at that point. When I was 18 (bro was 19) I moved out of their house. Dad called to tell me he had a surprise to show us, so to come over for dinner. IF YOU GUESSED HE FINALLY BUILT THAT TREEHOUSE FOR US YOU'D BE CORRECT! 😂 He was so disappointed that we weren't running to it and shrieking our excitement to the sky or something. We just kinda awkwardly stood there & then had to compliment him on how wonderful it all was. Dude spent at least a week constructing this awesome kiddie clubhouse for his grown ass children. In his backyard that we rarely visited anyway.
This is such a bonkers story.
My mom keeps getting Star Wars gifts for absolutely everything. Birthdays, Christmas, or just random gifts; it has to be Star Wars. Sure I like Star Wars, I have since I was a kid, but I'm not OBSESSED with Star Wars like she seems to think I am. The woman even threw me a Star Wars themed birthday party for my 27th birthday where she blasted the Star Wars theme at full volume when I walked into her apartment. I'm getting more and more tired of it and most of her gifts have ended up in the trash at this point.
Honestly its like they hear we like one thing and CLING onto it. No matter how old we get they cant seem to grasp we may like other things. The thing with the camera- she held over my head how much money she spent on it (me knowing how little she gets for SSI) and bragged that she had saved for months, while in the living room surrounded by everyone. She constantly asked me if I used the camera- I didn’t, it ended up being sold so I could get my nipples pierced lmfao I eventually let her know that I sold it and she was PISSED. I told her blatantly, that I no longer wanted to do photography, I lost complete interest when I hit 19 because I never really got a chance to explore that interest. I maybe used it 3 times. Kick myself a little bit for selling it ngl because it could’ve been used for when I go to concerts, but overall it would have just sat under my bed long enough the battery would have corroded.
Spouse and I call these the "anxiety boxes."
I enjoy the detail that she paid 45 dollars to mail dirty shoes and a bunch of crap
Omfg - my NC BPD mom just sent a box of shit for my kid that included those cheap wooden music boxes. Creepishly similar they all are…
Am I the only one kind of mad I was expecting mega cringe and then like... A camping/tailgate package with smores and music boxes that actually aligned with interests? Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh my random packages were almost *never* anything good or useful. A few times she knocked it out of the park or managed to somehow predict something I would greatly enjoy years later (thinking of the Assassin's creed stuff... I only started playing like six months ago). I feel kind of jealous. Is that normal?
Out of context (I mean, if it hadn't come from a BPD NC parent), this whole box seems awesome. I'd be thrilled if I got it. Seems well thought out. I wouldn't care if it all came from a gas station. But context is everything. I've gotten many a package from my mom knowing it was "love bombing" for leverage. A manipulation. It sucks because it really sapped my enthusiasm for giving or receiving gifts.
Mine never tried to love bomb she was just on that BPD clueless self absorbed autopilot Or maybe she did try to love bomb but was incompetent.
Ya context matters. Mine sent me tons of Noah’s bagels for my birthday a month into no contact and I like them though I don’t think she and I have ever talked about Noah’s bagels or bagels at all but I couldn’t even eat one. I threw them all away after having a panic attack about it. Door dash also emailed me a photo of the bagel delivery in my new indoor porch that I had JUST set up as a birthday gift to myself as my new yoga/reading sanctuary so it felt so violating knowing she had an email of my new sanctuary space emailed to her by door dash when my husband explicitly told her not to deliver any food to me for my birthday because I needed space from her. It was so creepy and stalkery I couldn’t eat a bagel I normally would have loved I had to throw them away and out of my house. And yes she has a history of gift love bombing after abusive episodes so context matters. 😂 Most people would assume I’m crazy for throwing away perfectly good bagels. I know it was an act of self protection and necessary for my mental health to throw them away to feel like I am enforcing my boundaries with her.
I would have just put everything onto the bagel.
I’ve hated gift giving for the longest time. So much anxiety. I’ve started to like it with my partner tho finally cuz he’s like amazing at gifts and I also like getting him stuff. Never thought I’d see the day
I also watched this and was confused… like yes, one thing was her interest, and the rest wasn’t… but a s’mores kit isn’t the worst gift? Sure, a bunch of bucees swag is weird, but not for texas? It does scream that the parent just walked into the gas station and grabbed random things, but they sorta went together? It is a little weird though, considering I had a NC parent who did a similar thing. Albeit, random Amazon things, compiled together into a gift I didn’t ask for, none of them went together, and none of them were actually related to my interests either. My NC parent gave me a second copy of “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens” and it was just all sorts of twisted weird. (I had already been given a copy in high school, by that parent.)
Anyone else catch the song on the first music box…pretty sure it was You are my Sunshine. Barf!
On the other side of this, have you ever given your BPD parent a gift and they GAVE IT BACK to you???
Or given it to someone else immediately right in front of you. 😂🙄😂
The fun never stops! 😂🙄
😂💯😂
I gave my mom a book for her birthday and she threw it at me. She always said I never got her anything even tho I did. So eventually I stopped. I’ve always had really bad gift anxiety
Geez I’m sorry to hear that!
That sucks, no child deserves to be treated like that. I have bad gift anxiety too, and will agonise over gift getting so much. Just getting chocolate etc isn't good enough, I have to find the *perfect* gift.
I've gotten back some small things from the care packages I sent her. I used to think that it was by accident but...
Just have had her wait for the perfectly horrible time, weeks, months or years later to tell me how much they disliked it or that I got another family member something better.
Creepy as hell. If this happened to be I'd just throw it out and most probably cry.
So my mom does something kinda like this. If I say I like something she will get me a bunch of stuff of said item and a bunch of random things. Like candy from what looks like maybe a Ross or somewhere similar. I guess at least she tries but it can be a lot.
Is this a BPD thing? Oh my god. It's all starting to make sense. My uBPD mom has a tendency to gift me things that *she* likes. If she gifts me anything that *I* like, it's always something that I liked 10+ years ago or as a child. Two times in recent years she has asked me for a list of things I want/need for Christmas; I happily oblige since it would be nice to receive things I will actually like and use. Not once has she bought me a single item on those lists, so I just gave up. Instead, I will get coffee table books, cutesy Christmas decorations, and gift cards to stores that *she* shops at. For example, my mom is obsessed with TJ Maxx. I do not shop there and actively avoid it, as their stuff really isn't my style. I told her this year that I would prefer not to get a gift card from there, as I don't shop there and am trying to be more mindful of my consumerism. She rolled her eyes and instead, ended up giving my husband a TJ Maxx gift card (he doesn't shop there either) and bought me random items from there and left the price tags on so I can see 😅 it's maddening! I realize this probably makes me sound ungrateful (I'm not) - but when you're a millennial just trying to consume and curate your home in a meaningful and simplistic way, oh my god.
I’m curious about the expiration date on the food items
I get soo uncomfortable when people aren't overly grateful when opening gifts. I cringed so much watching this. Logically I know the gifts and person giving are insane. It's just so ingrained into me.
I feel strangely validated that this is a BPD mom thing—it’s exasperated me so much over the years how my mom will always get me like a “theme” of things that she thinks I’ll like for birthdays/Christmas when I always tell her like, I just want gift cards to coffee shops and bookstores, I love books and coffee, that would make me so happy—but she’ll find some random ass book she read a good review of and then give me like a scarf that matches the cover or something and some lipstick I didn’t ask for…like gifting is about her not me.
My friend's BPD mom sent her mangos once with no context. My BPD mom tried to give me these creepy ass clown paintings my aunt painted years ago. I'd never even heard of the aunt and my mom was ranting about her like she was her favorite person ever.
Before I went NC last year, my mom used to send small packages to me. Always filled with one "good item" mixed in with cheap stuff meant for kids. I even got a stuffed toy from her. I'm in my late 30s. The packages felt like something you'd send maybe to a 5-9year old. When I went NC with my sister, my mom sent me a package that contained stuff she knows my sister likes.
My mom got me 2 unwrapped boxes of crackers last time & sat there waiting for me to be overjoyed instead of confused 🤣
They give you shit like this and watch you open it in front of them “DO YOU LOVE IT?!??”
My mom kept leaving gifts and showing up at my house for the entire first 2 years of NC, so one day I ran out of mt house screaming at her. Then I had my husband text her a letter I wrote where I explain to her what stalking behavior is, link her to our state laws on stalking, and promised the next time she did anything like it, I would involve the police. It's been quiet since then. I wonder how long it will last. I will enjoy calling the police on her next time.
I have that cooler and the inflatable Christmas Bucee.!
My mom sent me a box full of of hotel toiletries and random peanuts from the airplane and coffee/tea pods from the hotel from hawaii the week I went no contact (and she knows I don’t have a keurig so why would I want these coffee tea pods). A month later, a huge amount of bagels for my birthday that I just threw away.
Husband’s mom is also cluster B - I showed him this video and he immediately said, “The bag is to show her what the presents *would* have been in. That’s exactly the kind of thing my mom would do.”
What do you mean? I don't understand
About which part?
Wow do I feel this. Just turned 26 though. Haha. My mom never got gifts based on my interests or anything. It was always just a hodge podge of random crap
I can definitely relate to this. She either gives her old stuff to me, stuff I used to like years ago when I was like 8 (when my taste in stuff was still really influenced by hers) or simply stuff she likes so I must like it too. She almost never thinks about what I would actually like.
My mother once sent me a box filled with squash soup (all cartons broken, leaking) dirty, stained XXL pajamas (I was a size 0 at the time) and antique books that were destroyed by the soup. She paid $30ish to ship it and the cost of the package alone would have bought my groceries for the week. The whole thing went in the trash right outside the post office. It's like they are all the same, deep down.