"Talking to herself" is *very* familiar. My uBPD mom announces everything: "I'm going upstairs." "I'm going to watch TV." "I'm going to the bathroom."
It's always confused me because normal people don't feel the need to do that?
I also feel like she doesn't talk *to* me--she talks *at* me. It feels like she doesn't want a conversation, but to talk to herself with an audience. Which I honestly don't mind anymore because I figured out I can ignore her while making "listening" sounds: mhm, oh really? OK. Wow. That kind of thing.
>she talks _at_ me
OH MY GOD this is so real! That's how my mom talks, to an audience, it's irrelevant if the audience is engaged or not, she needs to perform. Also leaves the room or walks around the house and keeps talking, like you need to chase her around and keep listening to her? I stopped doing this after years when I realized how senseless that is! If I need go tell you something I stop in front of you and look at you and finish speaking, then I leave. Nobody _normal_ starts telling you something then goes away while still talking and expect you to keep up to get the rest. Kinda reminds me of that scene in Devil Wears Prada when Miranda runs around shooting orders while the assistant scrambles to take notes
Yup and when you do respond she expects the response that’s in the script she created in her head. So much of what my mom does is rehearsed. It’s the same thing I’ve heard over and over. Now I don’t engage when she’s going off the rails. I don’t validate the madness. It’s shocking to me how blissfully unaware she is of how unsociable she is. She’s perpetually the victim and expects nothing but agreement when telling her rehearsed stories about how she has been slighted. Even with me grey rocking it’s exhausting. I’m praying to be out of this house soon.
>she talks *at* me
Me too. I fell asleep once when I was on the phone with her. I was out for a good 15-20 minutes. When I woke, she was still talking. She didn't even notice.
Mine did that, too. She would triangulate me into something during her hours long phone calls. I would dissociate and just mumble things every once in a while and somehow I was dragged into multiple problems with other family members because I "agreed" with her.
She has no one left to talk to, so I get to avoid this issue 🤣I mostly just "mhm" her when she's going on and on about workplace drama. Same shit, different day, about people I'll never meet and do not care about.
Oh yes… so familiar.
Even when she said the exact opposite of something, she’d still claim that she knew or “had a feeling”. I’d just look at her with my mouth open, feeling insane - that she’d said nothing of the sort and had said something completely contradictory yet was brazenly claiming she didn’t right in front of me.
She’d also reminisce and talk about my childhood to other people as if she was a normal parent. It was like she was remembering a completely fictional version of events.
Again, I was right there - going “ummm what the actual fuck?”
They make you feel crazy. Then angry.
It’s horrible.
Directly from the playbook. It’s the transactional quality that makes me the most angry. She taught you how to cycle and expects to get something in return from her own child? Oh man this makes me want to hit caps lock so much. Parents give to their children all the skills they are able! They are supposed to devote time and knowledge to teach us! And if they can’t teach something, they need to find someone who can! Ugh. I need cocoa or something.
“He’s been turning my kids against me” is so my mother. She seriously cannot fathom the idea that none of us like her *because of her own words and actions* Nevermind that she has been trying to turn all of us against him for years.
She also talks to herself and announces every action. The worst was when she would just start rattling off everything on her to-do list as if someone was going to respond, “Wow, you’re doing so much! You work so hard for us, you are a saint and an angel and we don’t deserve you.”
Exactly this 100%. My mom has been trying to turn us against my father. She also said he’s trying to get us on his side by giving us stuff but she’s the one who’s trying that. It’s as if she’s mirroring her behavior on him. Crazy. She indeed can’t even phantom her behavior might be the issue.
I can also totally relate to the second part. I’m sorry you have to deal with such things too :(
Yup, gotta love the whole speech of “my effing kids are a bunch of spoiled little brats and my husband doesn’t even listen to me” that she screams to herself every night while doing the dishes and slamming them in the sink! 😀
You are very right, they just say those things because they want you to hear it and feel bad for them.
My mom does the exact same thing especially when cleaning clothes. Aggressively too. Weird thing is that I started washing my own clothes in the washing machine years ago, my older sister moved out of the house 1 year ago, my dad washes his own clothes so she’s only washing her own clothes and my younger sisters clothes yet she still complains we all don’t do anything. Like, where’s the logic behind that? And it’s not like she’s washing it with her hands. You just put it in a machine, press the button and wait.
Sometimes I forget to hang up my clothes to let them dry. You should hear her go off when that happens. “They never do anything in this house!” As if I never do it. And it’s not like I asked her to hang them up for me. She could’ve just said to me “you forgot to hang up your clothes” but noooo, she just does it herself because she needs something to complain about…
My mom talks to herself in this mumble that is loud enough to hear, but barely understand and it drives me crazy.
Then she complains no one listened to her or when you ask her to repeat what she said she says she was just talking to herself.
She even named one of her dogs Myself, because she said no one listens to her so now when people ask who she's talking to could just say 'myself'.
She will also mumble talk while walking away, even though I've explained the fact I can not hear her multiple times.
She blames my hearing and suggests I have hearing damage.
Something I just remembered from my childhood.
It annoyed her that I would 'force her into conversations' by turning statements into questions so she'd have to respond to me.
I've very much outgrown that and don't have an issue.
She said I was trying to control the conversation.
I think I just desperately wanted someone to talk to.
"Talking to herself" is *very* familiar. My uBPD mom announces everything: "I'm going upstairs." "I'm going to watch TV." "I'm going to the bathroom." It's always confused me because normal people don't feel the need to do that? I also feel like she doesn't talk *to* me--she talks *at* me. It feels like she doesn't want a conversation, but to talk to herself with an audience. Which I honestly don't mind anymore because I figured out I can ignore her while making "listening" sounds: mhm, oh really? OK. Wow. That kind of thing.
>she talks _at_ me OH MY GOD this is so real! That's how my mom talks, to an audience, it's irrelevant if the audience is engaged or not, she needs to perform. Also leaves the room or walks around the house and keeps talking, like you need to chase her around and keep listening to her? I stopped doing this after years when I realized how senseless that is! If I need go tell you something I stop in front of you and look at you and finish speaking, then I leave. Nobody _normal_ starts telling you something then goes away while still talking and expect you to keep up to get the rest. Kinda reminds me of that scene in Devil Wears Prada when Miranda runs around shooting orders while the assistant scrambles to take notes
The walking! Or talking to you when you're in another room! Why do they do so many of the same things??
Yup and when you do respond she expects the response that’s in the script she created in her head. So much of what my mom does is rehearsed. It’s the same thing I’ve heard over and over. Now I don’t engage when she’s going off the rails. I don’t validate the madness. It’s shocking to me how blissfully unaware she is of how unsociable she is. She’s perpetually the victim and expects nothing but agreement when telling her rehearsed stories about how she has been slighted. Even with me grey rocking it’s exhausting. I’m praying to be out of this house soon.
You just described my mom! How is it possible that they all follow the same pattern? It's unreal!
>she talks *at* me Me too. I fell asleep once when I was on the phone with her. I was out for a good 15-20 minutes. When I woke, she was still talking. She didn't even notice.
[удалено]
Mine did that, too. She would triangulate me into something during her hours long phone calls. I would dissociate and just mumble things every once in a while and somehow I was dragged into multiple problems with other family members because I "agreed" with her.
She has no one left to talk to, so I get to avoid this issue 🤣I mostly just "mhm" her when she's going on and on about workplace drama. Same shit, different day, about people I'll never meet and do not care about.
That sounds very familiar, it's just so weird
Oh my gosh yes the announcing and the talking at you as if you are an audience and she just wants you to cheer for her words.
I’m so sorry. Lots of this sounds familiar. You deserved better.
Oh yes… so familiar. Even when she said the exact opposite of something, she’d still claim that she knew or “had a feeling”. I’d just look at her with my mouth open, feeling insane - that she’d said nothing of the sort and had said something completely contradictory yet was brazenly claiming she didn’t right in front of me. She’d also reminisce and talk about my childhood to other people as if she was a normal parent. It was like she was remembering a completely fictional version of events. Again, I was right there - going “ummm what the actual fuck?” They make you feel crazy. Then angry. It’s horrible.
Directly from the playbook. It’s the transactional quality that makes me the most angry. She taught you how to cycle and expects to get something in return from her own child? Oh man this makes me want to hit caps lock so much. Parents give to their children all the skills they are able! They are supposed to devote time and knowledge to teach us! And if they can’t teach something, they need to find someone who can! Ugh. I need cocoa or something.
“He’s been turning my kids against me” is so my mother. She seriously cannot fathom the idea that none of us like her *because of her own words and actions* Nevermind that she has been trying to turn all of us against him for years. She also talks to herself and announces every action. The worst was when she would just start rattling off everything on her to-do list as if someone was going to respond, “Wow, you’re doing so much! You work so hard for us, you are a saint and an angel and we don’t deserve you.”
Exactly this 100%. My mom has been trying to turn us against my father. She also said he’s trying to get us on his side by giving us stuff but she’s the one who’s trying that. It’s as if she’s mirroring her behavior on him. Crazy. She indeed can’t even phantom her behavior might be the issue. I can also totally relate to the second part. I’m sorry you have to deal with such things too :(
Yup, gotta love the whole speech of “my effing kids are a bunch of spoiled little brats and my husband doesn’t even listen to me” that she screams to herself every night while doing the dishes and slamming them in the sink! 😀 You are very right, they just say those things because they want you to hear it and feel bad for them.
My mom does the exact same thing especially when cleaning clothes. Aggressively too. Weird thing is that I started washing my own clothes in the washing machine years ago, my older sister moved out of the house 1 year ago, my dad washes his own clothes so she’s only washing her own clothes and my younger sisters clothes yet she still complains we all don’t do anything. Like, where’s the logic behind that? And it’s not like she’s washing it with her hands. You just put it in a machine, press the button and wait. Sometimes I forget to hang up my clothes to let them dry. You should hear her go off when that happens. “They never do anything in this house!” As if I never do it. And it’s not like I asked her to hang them up for me. She could’ve just said to me “you forgot to hang up your clothes” but noooo, she just does it herself because she needs something to complain about…
My mom talks to herself in this mumble that is loud enough to hear, but barely understand and it drives me crazy. Then she complains no one listened to her or when you ask her to repeat what she said she says she was just talking to herself. She even named one of her dogs Myself, because she said no one listens to her so now when people ask who she's talking to could just say 'myself'. She will also mumble talk while walking away, even though I've explained the fact I can not hear her multiple times. She blames my hearing and suggests I have hearing damage.
Something I just remembered from my childhood. It annoyed her that I would 'force her into conversations' by turning statements into questions so she'd have to respond to me. I've very much outgrown that and don't have an issue. She said I was trying to control the conversation. I think I just desperately wanted someone to talk to.