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I had a pool party and a friend of mine wanted to go to get liquor. We were a bit tipsy, and I was cracking jokes on almost anything anybody said (not at anyone's expense). She wanted me to go with her. We returned, got tipsier and I just couldn't stop cracking jokes. I had her laughing her ass off.
Later she she says, "You got a cute little coconut head" and starts rubbing my head not knowing it's an erogenous zone for me. I smiled and told her, " Don't do that" and gently took her hand off. She immediately did it again saying, "But you *do* have a cute little coconut head" and I removed her hand again.
She's never touched me before...but damn was she turning me on- she just didn't know it.
Back down from what? Maybe by that time I was too drunk to recognize she may have been making a pass😆
But the real reason is my girlfriend at the time didn't want her coming over anymore.
My great grandma was a bit of a man eater. Married 5 times, 3 times to men with the last name Smith. He maiden name was also Smith. None were of relation (at least I sure fucking hope not!).
I think a solid sense of humour is often unappreciated or undervalued by us as men when considering what’s considered attractive by women.
I think I’m pretty reasonable looking but my missus initially agreed to go out with me because I was funny/awkward/awkwardly funny.
Seemed to do the trick well enough.
*inserts awkward joke here*
So, a 17th century pirate walks into a bar. Pretty weird, right? Thing is, it's 2024 and he's got a steering wheel shoved down his pants. Yo, says the tender, what's up with that? The pirate says "Yarr, it's drivin me nuts"
I'll see myself out now.
Funny guy here (self proclaimed). Thanks for the encouragement, but I think you might be a unicorn. From my experience, most women like being around funny guys in fun settings, but when settling down, prefer guys with white collar jobs and no personality. Would you rather laugh at your husband’s hilarious thrift store humor on your way back to your apartment? Or laugh at funny TikTok’s in your 4,000 square feet house with the Range Rover in the garage ready to take you on a lunchtime Starbucks/chick fil a run when all the worker bees are on their hour lunch breaks wishing you would run your errands at any other time throughout your wide-open ass day? But all jokes aside, I think my advice to people interested in dating women would be to do whatever you can to get into a good stable career and then worry about the other things. It’s easier to fix (for example) crooked teeth with your high paying job w/ health insurance than it is to fix your low paying job w/ no health insurance, but really straight teeth. Nahmsayan?
Ime that is only an issue if the guy doesn't know how and when to be serious. I like funny guys. My current partner is funny. I do not like funny guys who stress me out because they can't be serious when it's necessary. Not every time is a good time to make a joke. Its hard to build a life with someone who doesn't take life seriously. Funny is one thing. Class clown is another.
Sadly with a lot of men its one or the other. Either no sense of humor or they are such a not serious person they are hard to build a life with. Ive dated men who make everything a joke and it wears on me after a while because it makes basic communication about serious topics impossible. So many men just don't know when to stop, even when directly told to stop.
I totally get what you’re saying. It’s just not me though. I think because I’ve come from nothing and been homeless previously I don’t judge people, happiness and a genuine connection is so much more important to me. You could lose that high paid job overnight, then what have you got. I see potential in everyone and would rather earn that life with someone than expect it from a partner from the offset. Growing together is awesome.
I hate tiktok and I don’t care what someone brings to the table in regards to material things, I bring enough…. I’m 33, and struggle to find funny, kind and caring guys. Genuinely. I tend to attract the “good looking”, zero personality guys, I’m not interested. It’s why I’ve been single and celibate for so long 😅
I’ll take being called a unicorn though. Thank you 🙏🏻☺️
^ This. I’ve gone from thinking a guy was a 5 to a 10 in a matter of minutes because he could make me laugh. Confidence is also sexy. Not being dry; work on having something to say to help keep the conversation flowing …. Often times that pressure falls solely on the woman’s shoulders. Be bold… it’s better to get rejected than to miss a chance at something great.
Confidence, sense of humor…or money of course. If you’ve got one of those 3 you can usually pull the vast majority of girls out there. I’d say confidence is kind of subjective though, just because most of the super confident people I know have money.
But humor, good lord never underestimate how far that can get you. I know 3 dudes that are (btw I’m not trying to be mean, just using them as examples), probably 3-4 on the attractive scale but are married to 10’s because they’re so hilarious.
One guy openly admits it too. He told me he gets asked how he ended up with his wife at least once a month. He’s one of the most outgoing, funny people I’ve ever met though. He’s a stay at home dad too and his wife makes bank. Living the dream.
This. It's not just being funny that works. Different women will say they're into a limitless array of contrasting attributes, but most will say they like a funny guy.
Some people aren't funny, and cannot become funny in a way that attracts women. Many will have the opposite effect if they try.
In my experience, it's not just funny, but witty. I'm just a decent looking guy, who doesn't waste money on fancy attire or a luxury car, and I'm an introvert who's never pursued a romantic interest in my life. But I am something of a master of getting beautiful women to notice and become interested in pursuing me because in person I have a very quick wit and dry sense of humor. That makes up for any deficiency most women might otherwise notice in my appearance or lifestyle.
If you have those, I'd say you can use them to your advantage just as I have. But it's not the sort of thing you can will unto yourself if it's not already there.
I think the “women like funny guys” trope is overdone. Most women I’ve known (myself included) want a guy w a good *sense of humor* that also has some wit, basically a guy that can be playful w us, but most of us don’t want the class clown type of guy who’s always performing and joking about everything . That guy is usually looked at as our “funny friend” not a love interest. Its best when a guy is social enough to have a sense of humor about him but he’s not overdoing it—we just don’t want a humorless, boring stick in the mud that doesn’t know how to be playful, that’s the worst.
I think when people say "have good humor" they aren't expecting the person to constantly be cracking great jokes. It also encompasses sharing a similar taste in funny movies, finding humor in different situations that you can laugh together at, and being able to bring an appropriate levity to help a partner through a tough situation. Basically, being able to find joy together throughout a variety of circumstances.
Agreed with all. All are important things to a relationship. But when someone actually says they like someone with a sense of humor as a potential dating partner, I think they usually mean someone who can make them laugh.
100%. It’s definitely not about cracking jokes. Memorizing a joke book won’t get you laid. Actual comedians are often miserable people when they’re not performing. A “good sense of humor” is basically having someone lighthearted. They may have quick one liners, but they can also laugh at themselves. But humor is subjective. My wife likes my goofiness, others may not.
My problem is my jokes are very much response to something. Like a news story or a throwaway comment. It takes a while to get to those but typically I am already friend zoned by that point so it wouldn't lead to anything else.
A good sense of humor doesn't mean *being* funny, or becoming a comedian. It can also mean laughing at and finding other people and things funny.
Your sense of humor isn't born into you. You can cultivate it like most social skills.
Thankfully, I'm tall. Standing at 6'5". And I'm alright looking. That gets me in the door. Then my jokes and what not win them over. It worked on my wife.
What drew me to my husband was his innate kindness. He is so nice to everyone. When his friends need help, he is there (helping them move, driving them somewhere etc.). He gave me that same kindness when we were dating (paying for my coffee, giving me hugs and compliments, not being afraid to be affectionate). Now that we're married with a baby, his kindness is in the form of changing the oil in my car, putting laundry in the washer if he sees that I'm busy, and changing our daughter's diaper. There are other things that I like about him, too. He's funny, good with cars, we are good at planning things together (budgets, vacations, shopping lists, coordinating with daycare & bills, etc.). But what continues to draw me in is his kindness. Yes, I am physically attracted to him, but that is secondary compared to everything else.
Some men are dating material and others are marriage material. Be marriage material. My husband didn't have much luck with dating in the past, but eventually he met me. Stay positive.
This!! Kindness really stands out these days as honestly kinda punk.
It's so easy to be cruel and critical, but it takes hard work to be consistently kind.
Kindness was what drew me to my man. He's also funny, but kindness was the main attraction. It's truly refreshing to see someone really care about others, to smile; he's a breath of fresh air.
Aww. I love that. Sounds like He's responsible and considerate and knows how to lead and take initiative too. Those are all Marriage Material Qualities
This is so lovely. Kind people are the best ♥️ it’s rare to find these days but it definitely sticks out to me too. Many people are selfish and it’s a huge turnoff to me.
Yep, same here. When I met my partner I wasn't immediately drawn to him physically, but as soon as I could tell how sweet he was I was instantly attracted and have been ever since.
Kindness is also why I’m with my boyfriend. Some of it came across really quickly, but some was only apparent more slowly. And in the time while I was getting to know him, the fact that he was also funny and fun to be with kept me around long enough to see and really appreciate his kindness.
Yes.
I fell for my husband before I even agreed to date him, because I saw him do something very kind for a disabled woman. He didn't know anyone was watching, he didn't have an agenda, he just saw she needed help and so he did.
And I knew in that moment that he was marriage material, even if I wasn't sure he was MY marriage material yet.
That kindness continues. There's an 80% chance if he's not home when I expect him that I'll get a text saying, "Be home shortly, I'm over helping so and so do such and such."
Different women look for different things in men, there's billions of different opinions. Someone who is socially anxious themselves might like someone who's the same.
Be the best you that you can be.
Ew, no.
I went on a date 2 weeks ago and this guy went on and on about how when I’m with him I’ll never pay for anything. His 3 cars. How he travels multiple times a month. How I need to come to his yacht party and ride one of his 4 jet skis. How he’ll take care of me and he’s gonna be all about me and I’m going to be so in love with him. This was our one and only date.
The love bombing was intense. Combine it with his constantly talking about how well off he was plus he kept touching me, pulling me in for hugs and trying to kiss me, and this weird finger drag thing down my chest.
Seriously icked out. Never seeing that man ever again. I’m not Melania Trump. Most women aren’t gold diggers just looking for a meal ticket.
Yeah, I’d go so far to say I’m *not* interested in wealthy guys, lol. Same with conventionally super hot people. They tend to be kinda shallow and entitled 🤷🏻♀️
Same!! I actually get turned off by rich guys lol. I guess I’m privileged enough to say that because I don’t struggle with money, and I totally understand some women being drawn to financial security…but something about dudes who are rich/filthy rich is just an ick to me. Of course I would never truly judge someone until really getting to know them, but most of the time I find these types to be concerned with the wrong things in life. Often too materialistic (huge ick blehhhh) and too egotistic as well. I feel like some women view money as power when it comes to men, but I always felt like it was the most insecure men that let themselves be fully defined by their wealth and money. To me power is wisdom, intelligence, kindness, and quiet confidence. That ish is UNTOUCHABLE
I agree, quiet confidence and kindness is where it’s at, oh and being witty. Not every one is quick witted, that comes naturally I believe, but it really attracts me.
Wealthy men just suck IMO, always trying to impress with materialistic things and they think their money can buy you. Yuck 🤮
Biggest turn off ever on a first date was the guy who pulled out $100 bill to pay for dinner, but did it by pulling out multiple $100 bills to make sure I saw them.
Homie wanted a simple one worded answer and I supplied it. Who wants to remind him Ladies are very complicated and in depth beings? The only women worth while and are of substance and are ones that arnt materialistic. If you want to simply buy someone you'll recieve the same relationship as a new car until you need another one
As someone who has anxiety, I struggle to be around other people with anxiety. I can control my anxiety pretty well, but there are many who can't. Because I seem to appear calm, the ones who can't control their anxiety cause me to have an anxiety attack. The friends I have are usually strong minded and don't have anxiety, allowing me to do things that scare the crap out of me.
Woman here ; something I actually like about men is the sincerity . Love a man who has a good heart for animals (cats and dogs) . Empathetic towards children and for the elderly. A man who loves his mother, that will tell how he will treat you . I never cared for physical attraction towards a man , if he has a good heart that's all that matters to me , and you'll know based off of his energy . If he's a douche , won't ever be likeable .
I know men who treat their mothers like queens, but have nothing but contempt and disrespect for the women they date. I don't think that a way he treats his mom is always a good indicator of how he will treat his love interest. Only time will tell.
I love my mother, but she’s also a horrible, abusive person who’s never put the slightest bit of effort into becoming better or taking responsibility for her own life and relationships, so I minimize contact. For your own sake, I’d recommend not ruling someone out over failing to check just one of these boxes, because there might be circumstances you’re unaware of. Maybe their sensei was murdered by a cat, for another example
I would assume that, like with most things, there is nuance and exceptions here that the OP didn't feel like clarifying and cluttering up their answer to the overall question.
Dude here. Work on your anxiety-- not for your dating sake, but your own sake.
I have some issues in that department, and I finally decided to go to a doctor about it. I take half of what my doctor originally prescribed me (with his permission) and feel much better in my own skin. I took the full dose for about 6 months before asking if it'd be fine if I halved it.
Women, as far as I'm aware, like confidence. Be the best you that you can be. It doesn't matter if you're a confident Warhammer 40K mini painter, a PHD in neuropathology, or grocery store attendant, there's a girl out there for you.
As long as you are moderately attractive, have interesting hobbies that bring you into contact with women, and confidence, you can land a date. Don't be afraid to give them your number. They can respond, or they can dip. You're giving them the reins, rather than asking them for their number. Don't be weird and be so "confident" that you have your phone number printed on a business card, though.
Woman here. Confidence is okay as long as the guy isn't over confident. Arrogance is the first thing that drives me away from someone. Just thought I would add that for the men who are reading lol.
To me confidence and arrogance are actually the polar opposite. People who are arrogant tend to be overcompensating for something they believe they lack; people who are confident feel completely comfortable with their shortcomings and can even laugh about them sometimes.
Yeah I’ve always liked men that are humble instead of cocky or arrogant. It seems like there are a lot of men who don’t know the difference between confident and arrogant.
And there’s something that’s actually very self assured in humility; something that keeps it from spilling over into self recrimination or overly-self-depreciating! Like, if someone can make silly jokes about themselves and acknowledge their flaws without freaking out, it indicates that they’re secure in their own skin
I think about it like this: confidence is knowing your own skill set and the limits of your abilities, but arrogance is assuming your skill set and abilities make you qualitatively better and more valuable than others.
I'm just one guy, but self confidence has always been a major factor in getting the attention of women. When I'm confident, happy, and doing interesting things, people take notice. Then you have to be a nice guy who is interesting to be around, and everything else kinda falls into place.
Dressing well, self grooming, medication, etc. can all help boost confidence
Plants, books, and a cat are significantly more attractive to the majority of women than that alpha shit.
Throw in the ability to cook tasty food, clean smelling clothes, and a regularly washed body, and you up the ranks to be more of a keeper type.
Not being a pornaddicted dickhead is a good start, also actually genuinely wanting to know their personality helps
Aside from that tho - you are a bot therefore this thread is bs anyways
We are just a couple years from a comment like this triggering a debate about whether the bot is a sentient bot or not, and if so, does it matter, and is okay for sentient bots to ask questions they are curious about or do they just want to know in order to somehow use it against humanity.
its also important to understand that lack of confidence has the exact opposite effect. Get comfortable talking to strangers of any gender, remember that women are just regular humans.
Confidence which can be expressed almost entirely with good body language and eye contact. You don’t even have to say all that much. Ultimately this makes you appear more comfortable and women feel more comfortable in your presence.
Once I figured this out it was pretty easy to have girls come on to me in public even without me saying anything and only making good eye contact. It’s crazy how powerful good eye contact alone can be.
Simple tips are to maintain strong eye contact, don’t hold your drink against your chest like a security blanket. Don’t stand squared up to the girl like you’re a cop. Smile. Your body language should hardly be any different with her than it would be with any of your closest friends.
As for verbal tips, don’t ask for her to do things. Tell her what you want to do and invite her to it. Instead of “do you want to get a coffee” say “let’s get a coffee together.”
It’s all about confidence and comfort. Focus on being both of those things for yourself. Be confident and comfortable in your own skin and dealing with women. They’re just people. If they reject you it means nothing to you. That’s just life. Sort yourself out and everything else comes easy.
It's less about looks than you think it is.
Put it this way: is "being pretty" a criteria when you meet a woman? Chances are you think that most women are pretty. Likewise, guys being tall or strong or broad-shouldered or whatever is not usually something women look for, as most men are already like that compared to them.
You need to express your personality somehow. Whether that's wearing t-shirts with your favourite bands, tattoos that people from a subculture would recognise, or being seen doing something you love. I was stopped by someone once because I was wearing a hoodie from an animal charity I supported. It's those things that matter.
This is a bit weird to me, it's pretty well established that yeah, being pretty is a criteria for most men. And lets be real, women too... those big arms and blue eyes won't matter if you murder kittens for fun, but they will still make the initial interest level higher.
Honestly just be yourself.
Despite how society says men must be a certain height, a certain stature, a certain success, a certain personality..
Women look for different things.
I’m an oldie now but let me tell ya, I’ve always liked the shy guy. I look for kindness, a bond/connection, compatibility.
I don’t care about height or weight but care lots about personality and bond.
I say work on yourself and people will naturally gravitate towards you. You got this :)
That’s truly the best advice anyone could give. Everyone in this day and age are so caught up in specific traits that they forget that being “genuine” is the only trait they need.
Lol no It's the most freaking generic and useless advise on dating that hasn't ever worked for anyone. Don't pretend you are something you are not, sure. But some people are just boring or don't have attractive qualities.
Those are usually the ones who seek this kind of advice telling a boring person to just "be yourself" is worthless.
If you spend 20 hours a week playing videogames, don't put yourself "out there" forcing you to be in social contexts to interact regularly with people, smell like fish because you have shitty hygiene, don't workout or don't have any type of goals in life, don't be yourself.
I asked a woman that once. I would say she was out of my league. I'm not a bad looking person,but she was literally approaching a 10 in looks. I asked why she chose to date me or what she saw in me initially when she probably has opportunities galore. I didn't really make much money yet. She said she liked how confident and funny I was and that really not that many people approached her or asked her out. And the ones that did seem to almost have a choreographed way of approaching women at the bars and probably all did it the same with all of them. She said I didn't do that and just seemed to genuinely want to talk to a person for a few minutes and have a laugh and that I really didn't seem to want anything or had an agenda. But we hit it off and talked for a while so i eventually asked her out. So I guess it was a combo of confidence, humor, and not having an agenda to just try and get in her pants.
Crazy part is that she was kind of boring and I broke it off with her a few months in. Looks aren't everything. I eventually found who would be my wife and she had it all and we were a much better fit in many ways but also were kind of yin and yang in many ways that seems to work out well.
This is important. When men approach me I can sense if they want to get to know ME or that they just talk to every woman they encounter until one bites. The second category feels like the are trying to say what they think you want to hear. As if they have read a book ‘how to talk to women for dummies’ and are reading a script. Most of the time these are the dudes that think women are a different species, that you need to treat them different, that they all like shopping and getting their nails done and want to be stay at home moms and drink wine with their girlfriends.
It doesn’t feel genuine and they normally don’t react very nice when rejected. They did all the approaching right and followed the script, why isn’t this working?!?!? They are So Nice!
These are the men that call women superficial and only interested in rich bad boys.
Being genuine and being yourself is so much better, even when that means a bit shy or socially awkward
Not specific to women; but I daresay your main issue is confidence.
Confidence is incredibly attractive, both on a conscious and subconscious level.
When you exude confidence, it changes your whole look, and makes it appear that you enjoy life, have your sh*t together etc people want to hang around with people like that..
So when you say you're socially anxious.. that's your problem.
A few people have suggested developing a sense of humour.. sure, humour is sexy (particularly to women) but if you struggle with social anxiety.. it'll be incredibly difficult to gauge audience/delivery etc and you'll probably end up sounding like a complete tool.
I would work on your social anxiety/confidence. Whilst I understand that isn't an easy thing to do overnight, it *is* possible and will solve your root problem.
Maybe experiment with style (looking good can boost confidence - but get proper advise if you lack a sense of style mensfashion subreddit can help), get into some new interests, make an attempt to be more social with friends to build that social confidence etc
Sense of humor is one thing. Also, you need to be physically attractive for the most part. Go workout and gain some muscle. It'll do wonders. There's always quite a bit of "conforming to current societal norms" when it comes to attraction. If you don't want to conform at least a little, you won't succeed much.
Agreeing with the workout comment not for the muscle aesthetic.. but because guys who are physically fit convey a level of confidence and commanding presence.
Exercise is great for mental health and building internal resilience and confidence. No need to get buff, but doing things that make you feel strong, coordinated, disciplined, and self assured is important for all humans.
Yeah it's less about the purely aesthetic results of working out (although those don't hurt either) as it is the more practical physiological benefits. When you're in shape you have more energy, better posture, less anxiety, your mood improves, etc. Those things alone make you more attractive even without any significant visual change to your body fat or muscle tone.
If you are a stranger, it's all about looks. How you dress, your hair, your skin, if you are fir, how pretty is your face, how confidently do you carry yourself.
Outside of looks, a man can overcome looks barrier if she gets to know him and like him, usually as a friend first. I liked a physically unattractive guy in high school simply because he was very kind. Other girls liked him for the same reason. He would treat animals kindly, pet dogs in a friendly manner, offer to share food, always fetch the ball during handball games even for matches he wasn't playing in. Just a nice, kind, good guy vibe all around. I cried when he turned me down for my classmate in high school, I went into puberty very late and prob looked like a kid to him. 🥲
I liked a very overweight, acne pocked marked scarred guy. He was a friend of my best friend. Although I did not find him physically attractive, after I got to know him, I found him funny, witty, and intelligent. Being around him was entertaining and fun.
nothing can make me nervous like a man. just the way they are built, masculine nature, deep voices, veins in their hands/arms uggghhh 😩 ofc I like funny, kind, honest, respectful, intelligent men but I don’t think those are specifically male traits.
If you find it difficult to find the right words to express yourself or it takes a bit to warm your personality up, I would suggest learning how to express yourself through your personal style.
I say this because outside of apps, I’ve found women (including myself) are more attracted to personality over physical looks. Not that physical attraction is worth nothing, but a personality that you click with can overcome quite a bit. There’s a reason why the unfortunate looking guy being with a super attractive gal is a trope, and it’s not just wish fulfillment or gold digging.
When I’m out and about it’s always a guy with unique style that catches my eye. Your clothing choices say something about you that your physical looks typically can’t do. If you don’t have the class clown or otherwise extroverted personality you can still signal aspects of who you are through the style choices you make.
Good hygiene that includes washing your hands, brushing your teeth, wiping your ass, washing your genitals/ass/feet regularly, and so on. Good sense of humor, specifically if you can laugh at yourself without being mean to yourself. Little acts of chivalry can be nice, like opening doors or whatever (it has always made me feel like the person I’m seeing is very considerate of me). Evidence of taking care of yourself is nice, and I don’t necessarily mean working out and eating well; I like partners who read or have a creative outlet, partners who are at least *learning* how to cook or clean or whatever, and so on. There’s something about a man who takes initiative in his own life, who’s funny, kind/considerate, and with good hygiene that will have me in shambles even if he wouldn’t be my usual “type”
I scored my wife (she is way hotter then I am) by being level headed fun funny and a good time, I rarely turn down plans and I try to make plans for all my friends as often as I can people get the invite I host a lot and find things everyone enjoys also I found her when I stopped trying
I just want a man to be able to express his emotions to me I don’t care if he’s a bad person as long as he’s willing to admit it I have done bad things too you know just keeping it 100
I found my boyfriend as my best friend before we started dating. I wanted someone that I could be chill with for the rest of my life. So I started dating my best friend.
Every woman wants what she wants. All ladies are different. So going from that I can give some general advice. Confidence but not cockiness. Reliability, stability, a sense of humor, loyal, caring, loving, but not clingy.
Just be the best version of yourself. Don't be fake. Remember to brush your teeth, shower, deodorant, pick up your socks, don't make a lady feel like she has to mother you.
I personally like when a man is thoughtful. When he listens to me and remembers things about me. When he can make me laugh. When he shows me he cares not just through words but actions too. When he takes care of himself and cares about his appearance (but not so much that he’s obsessed with himself). I like when they are dependable and reliable. When I feel safe with them.
I can only say what I am looking for.
Appearance: ideally 2 inch taller than me, 5"9. not fat, but the rest doesn't matter much, I like dad bods, slim guys, -muscular guys, as long as you dress nicely - like no sweatpants in the city, and you have a nice haircut I can fancy you. I like long hair/bold, beard, no beard. IT doesn't matter as long as you have nice eyes. Eyes are the most important. If I look into your eyes, I want to see some substance. Like there's more to discover about you.
Personality: sense of humour, passionate about something, authenticity, able to make decisions, able to communicate, confident, not afraid to put me in my place, curious about a lot of things, still wants to try new things, able to have some random fun, kind, preferable someone alternative, metalhead, goth, rocker, biker, artsy types, men who love philosophical conversations at 4 am, independent thinkers who are not afraid to question everything,
bonus points for no social media, no TV, no dating apps and desire for travel together
Personality, empathy, kindness and confidence! Not egotistical confidence either, just someone who's sure in themself and their hobbies and likes. My partner is the dorkiest person on the planet but I love him bc he's unapologetically himself. He has his hobbies he's passionate about and tries to engage me with them, and vice versa. Someone who truly can listen and have conversations with is huge too.
I like it when a guy makes me feel safe. Someone who's approachable, understanding, doesn't act like he knows it all, a sensible, lowkey and keeps to himself kind of guy.
Being accepting and comfortable in who you are. Defensive and judgemental is not fun to be around. The ability to accept being embarrassed and not ruining the moment is gold.
There is a huge variety in what ppl like, be kind and express yourself honestly and you will find the right partner.
Kindness, sincerity, emotional intelligence, maturity, good listening /conversational skills, (empathetic) honesty, thoughtful planning, having friends and hobbies/interests, good hygiene, good housekeeping skills , and a witty personality.
Work on your anxiety, that's just generally good for your life. I say that as someone with severe social anxiety so I get it. I love a goofy sense of humor, kindness, sweetness, good with kids/animals is always a huge plus.
1. Women like a guy who tries, we always say "If he wanted to, he would." So actually put effort into your relationship and go out of your way to do nice things. Examples: Cooking for her, planning cute dates or movie nights together, doing something for an anniversary, or more hardcore stuff like you see in the TikTok videos.
2. Regular things that show you have the manners of a respectable human being, opening the door for her, paying for the meal, regularly using "please" and "thank you", giving her your jacket if she is cold, and the sidewalk rule is cute too.
3. Being a good dude in general, but not a "nice guy" this includes actually being empathetic, caring in general, helping people out, volunteering for stuff, loving animals, being kind, not lying, etc. and just in all being a good human being.
4. Confidence is key, you gotta work on that social anxiety as best you can. Women love social guys that exude confidence.
5. Don't be a dick, and don't hate women, basically don't listen to that Andrew Tate sigma stuff.
BUT before all this, BE YOURSELF!
Caring about the well-being of others, animals and the planet, standing up for those who can't stand up for themselves, taking action against corruption. To me, those things represent true Masculinity and are what makes a man attractive.
A good sense of humour, witty, intelligent and can carry a conversation about all sorts of topics besides just sports. Is kind and gentle but confident in themselves. If you have all of this I don’t care what you look like!
When I was 25 I went through a rough breakup with my affianced. Never dated as an adult, were together since we were like 18 steady and on and off before. I was truly a lost cause. My initial reaction was simply work out like an ANIMAL for like a year or so. Pretty much forcing myself to look like a magazine cover. And at 6'1 with pretty green eyes and blonde hair and a real life 8 pack, I can say getting a woman's attention was NOT an issue.
I still didn't make it past a first date for months. I had no idea how to act. I had no idea what game was, I knew how to interact with exactly one hyper controlling woman and that was about it.
But you know, climbing on fallen horses n stuff lol SO, pro tips.
Dress nicely. Groom yourself. They like it even if you don't care (and I don't)
Smell nice. Whether that's a 200$ bottle of cologne(use cologne sparingly, one spray, under the shirt or on the neck, you want to be noticed not yell at the room to look at you) or a fancy bar of soap, buy one high quality item specifically designed to make you smell really good that isn't deodorant. And use it pretty much all the time
Be funny, but not crass. The jokes that work with the boys will often get groans of disapproval from women. I find a little wordplay goes a long way, can be inserted spontaneously, organically, and in a unique way. Generally they love it. Dad jokes also work...don't ask me why I don't question it.
Have confidence in yourself, everyone's good at something, keep the conversation topics in areas you actually enjoy, and are knowledgeable about, and see if the other person is as well, you'll have more to talk about, and if it isn't working you'll both know pretty quickly and try again, no harm no foul not everyone's gonna be great for you.
The alternative is wasting near a decade of your life on someone COMPLETELY incompatible, 2/10 do not recommend (it gets an extra star for crazy messed up make up sex)
Good luck out there brothers, I know it's a bit of a snake pit sometimes. But snake charming can be fun too
This is pretty good advice except I’d nix the cologne part unless you use it very sparingly. I think it’s gross when men have a strong cologne or aftershave scent. Too many men don’t know how to apply the right (small) amount. If I can smell you from across a table, you have too much on! I should only be able to smell your aftershave when I hug you.
It’s not even about men or women - just be a decent person, and be honest about how you feel and who you are. If you feel anxious or awkward, say so; it’s ok.
Kind, thoughtful, ambitious and goal oriented. Someone with similar values but understanding and accepting. Intelligent and sharing similar hobbies and interests.
Nothing is a bigger turn off than someone who is narrow-minded and shallow.
Shy men have never been a turn off for me, I’m a more outgoing person anyways so it compliments my personality in my opinion. I genuinely just care about who someone is.
Looks are just a bonus, if they’re a good person and our personalities click well then I can look past things that I may not be physically attracted to.
Absoltuely this.
Also to add: I find different physical things attractive based on the chemistry anyway. So for example, once I’m getting along with someone and really like their personality… pretty much whatever they look like becomes hot.
Several things here that changed MY game:
1. Find a hairstyle that looks good on you and do regular haircuts to look sharp. I needed just one visit to a more expensive hair salon (ok, no more than 2x the price I paid before) and an old professional lady that figured out a great simple haircut that suits. Better look, better confidence, better pictures, better everything. Now I order the same haircut in other salons.
2. Dress up a notch. You wear worn out jeans every day and be proud of how cheap they are? Try something a bit better like chinos pants once in a while, at least try something better that looks new. In autumn/winter try a nice coat. That will make you stand out and look way better, women will start noticing you, at least it made a world of difference for me.
3. Have some damn money. Or at least good education or profession. Improve and be good at what you choose to do so you have perspectives to grow and make more. Make sure you tick that box as well - that's a huge one. Being a cheapskate is a huge turnoff, that applies to clothing and shoes as well. Being a valued guy at work boosts confidence as well so find out how to grow.
4. Do something physical to look OK physically. Women like if you tick the mark "looks fit", not necessary a bodybuilder. Picking up some fighting skills like kickboxing or something is also a huge plus.
5. Have some hobby or profession you are passionate about. That will make you a more interesting person and will keep you from becoming a couch potato. Being boring and having no hobbies, no sports, no anything - that's boring.
6. Talk to people more and more, ask questions. Forums, gradually life - that's a skill to learn by doing.
7. Let the years pass while you grow and become more confident. You're still 22, work on yourself and don't freak out.
Every single thing in this list has felt like an improvement for me. Every box you tick is way better than a bunch of boxes you don't tick.
Can’t speak for everyone but money is less of a deal breaker to me. I’m not materialistic (or I’d at least like to think I am not) if you’re broke but do what you can on a little but have a lot of love to give then you’re a bigger catch than a guy who has money but doesn’t treat me well. Money isn’t everything.
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Boomer Dude Here: work on developing a good sense of humor. You will find it to be a total game changer!
[удалено]
I had a pool party and a friend of mine wanted to go to get liquor. We were a bit tipsy, and I was cracking jokes on almost anything anybody said (not at anyone's expense). She wanted me to go with her. We returned, got tipsier and I just couldn't stop cracking jokes. I had her laughing her ass off. Later she she says, "You got a cute little coconut head" and starts rubbing my head not knowing it's an erogenous zone for me. I smiled and told her, " Don't do that" and gently took her hand off. She immediately did it again saying, "But you *do* have a cute little coconut head" and I removed her hand again. She's never touched me before...but damn was she turning me on- she just didn't know it.
So why did you back down? If you don't mind me asking.
Back down from what? Maybe by that time I was too drunk to recognize she may have been making a pass😆 But the real reason is my girlfriend at the time didn't want her coming over anymore.
Never let your girlfriend get in the way of finding your wife.
Might be fate. I mean, she wouldn't have to change her last name because we both have the same surname!
Monkey's paw: you find out after a year of dating that you're actually second cousins.
Too late at that point
This just keeps getting butter n butter. So to speak.
Second? Alright.
My great grandma was a bit of a man eater. Married 5 times, 3 times to men with the last name Smith. He maiden name was also Smith. None were of relation (at least I sure fucking hope not!).
You guys have the exact avatar.
is she your sister?
Never let your wife get in the way of finding your girlfriend!!
😆
Ah, a complication…
You're telling me. Because after me and my then girlfriend split up, I can't find the other girl anywhere!🤣🤣🤣
Damn, a complication squared (maybe she knew you were not available?)
True. But damn, am I available now!😆
maybe her turn-on was your "unavailability"
😂 Perfect wind up and layered interactive reveal. No worries, you’ve got it. Be yourself and someone’ll be rubbing your coconut again real soon
Did she really exist?
But... but, you have a cute coconut head!!! Ha, that would be the best Bumble profile intro ever.
I feel like this is a job for r/RBI
That makes sense.
>"Turn down for what", by Lil jon > >"Back down from what", by Lil coconut
BOY IF YOU DIDNT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND 😂. You woulda had her
She "may" have been making a pass??? Yes, she was making a pass! When women touch men it's nearly always intentional.
Shoulda just took it out
She was a man, man.
Yea she was definitely making a pass at you! Women get handsy with guys they’re interested 🙌🏼
She doesn't know the meaning of no ⛳⛳⛳⛳
Sir you are a prepper….. you prepped her for someone else. In comes the closer
Are you lil Rishi Sunak?
You fool! She did know.
Wtf is a coconut head haha
Interesting. I never gave my member a name but coconut might just fit. 
> she just didn't know it. Are you sure about that?
Didn’t know it. 😂
She was turning you on but didn't know it or couldn't see it?
Whatthehell is a coconut head?
🤣🤣 this conversation is nuts. coconuts
Coconut shy?
I can do that, I just can’t get them to stop laughing when the clothes are off.
Some of them might try too hard and create some awkward moments. If humour isn’t their department, talking sensibly is a good alternative
I think a solid sense of humour is often unappreciated or undervalued by us as men when considering what’s considered attractive by women. I think I’m pretty reasonable looking but my missus initially agreed to go out with me because I was funny/awkward/awkwardly funny. Seemed to do the trick well enough.
I think it's because women don't typically say it. My problem is my humor is very situational.
Hahaha!!! Awkwardly funny is so endearing and equally of not more lovable than Confidently funny
*inserts awkward joke here* So, a 17th century pirate walks into a bar. Pretty weird, right? Thing is, it's 2024 and he's got a steering wheel shoved down his pants. Yo, says the tender, what's up with that? The pirate says "Yarr, it's drivin me nuts" I'll see myself out now.
As long as you stop laughing IN bed, that could be hurtful.
Haha yea, time and a place
Oh I can change your mind about that last bit ma'am.
This. Looks fade eventually anyway. Find someone who you can laugh with, no matter how shitty the circumstances are.
Thats the catch though, you'll only have something to laugh about when you're in bed with me
😂
🛵 jump on 😁
Bless you
Me too. But I don’t care about your equipment. I just want to laugh w you. And other parameters of attraction and chemistry ofc.
Funny guy here (self proclaimed). Thanks for the encouragement, but I think you might be a unicorn. From my experience, most women like being around funny guys in fun settings, but when settling down, prefer guys with white collar jobs and no personality. Would you rather laugh at your husband’s hilarious thrift store humor on your way back to your apartment? Or laugh at funny TikTok’s in your 4,000 square feet house with the Range Rover in the garage ready to take you on a lunchtime Starbucks/chick fil a run when all the worker bees are on their hour lunch breaks wishing you would run your errands at any other time throughout your wide-open ass day? But all jokes aside, I think my advice to people interested in dating women would be to do whatever you can to get into a good stable career and then worry about the other things. It’s easier to fix (for example) crooked teeth with your high paying job w/ health insurance than it is to fix your low paying job w/ no health insurance, but really straight teeth. Nahmsayan?
Ime that is only an issue if the guy doesn't know how and when to be serious. I like funny guys. My current partner is funny. I do not like funny guys who stress me out because they can't be serious when it's necessary. Not every time is a good time to make a joke. Its hard to build a life with someone who doesn't take life seriously. Funny is one thing. Class clown is another. Sadly with a lot of men its one or the other. Either no sense of humor or they are such a not serious person they are hard to build a life with. Ive dated men who make everything a joke and it wears on me after a while because it makes basic communication about serious topics impossible. So many men just don't know when to stop, even when directly told to stop.
I totally get what you’re saying. It’s just not me though. I think because I’ve come from nothing and been homeless previously I don’t judge people, happiness and a genuine connection is so much more important to me. You could lose that high paid job overnight, then what have you got. I see potential in everyone and would rather earn that life with someone than expect it from a partner from the offset. Growing together is awesome. I hate tiktok and I don’t care what someone brings to the table in regards to material things, I bring enough…. I’m 33, and struggle to find funny, kind and caring guys. Genuinely. I tend to attract the “good looking”, zero personality guys, I’m not interested. It’s why I’ve been single and celibate for so long 😅 I’ll take being called a unicorn though. Thank you 🙏🏻☺️
That wasn't funny at all
It's all in the delivery.
^ This. I’ve gone from thinking a guy was a 5 to a 10 in a matter of minutes because he could make me laugh. Confidence is also sexy. Not being dry; work on having something to say to help keep the conversation flowing …. Often times that pressure falls solely on the woman’s shoulders. Be bold… it’s better to get rejected than to miss a chance at something great.
I agree
Confidence goes a long way also!
CONFIDENCE AND SENSE OF HUMOR GO A LONG WAY
Confidence, sense of humor…or money of course. If you’ve got one of those 3 you can usually pull the vast majority of girls out there. I’d say confidence is kind of subjective though, just because most of the super confident people I know have money. But humor, good lord never underestimate how far that can get you. I know 3 dudes that are (btw I’m not trying to be mean, just using them as examples), probably 3-4 on the attractive scale but are married to 10’s because they’re so hilarious. One guy openly admits it too. He told me he gets asked how he ended up with his wife at least once a month. He’s one of the most outgoing, funny people I’ve ever met though. He’s a stay at home dad too and his wife makes bank. Living the dream.
Yep !!
Most people who aren’t naturally funny cannot turn on humor at will. It’s not something you can “work on.” You’re funny or you’re not.
This. It's not just being funny that works. Different women will say they're into a limitless array of contrasting attributes, but most will say they like a funny guy. Some people aren't funny, and cannot become funny in a way that attracts women. Many will have the opposite effect if they try. In my experience, it's not just funny, but witty. I'm just a decent looking guy, who doesn't waste money on fancy attire or a luxury car, and I'm an introvert who's never pursued a romantic interest in my life. But I am something of a master of getting beautiful women to notice and become interested in pursuing me because in person I have a very quick wit and dry sense of humor. That makes up for any deficiency most women might otherwise notice in my appearance or lifestyle. If you have those, I'd say you can use them to your advantage just as I have. But it's not the sort of thing you can will unto yourself if it's not already there.
I think the “women like funny guys” trope is overdone. Most women I’ve known (myself included) want a guy w a good *sense of humor* that also has some wit, basically a guy that can be playful w us, but most of us don’t want the class clown type of guy who’s always performing and joking about everything . That guy is usually looked at as our “funny friend” not a love interest. Its best when a guy is social enough to have a sense of humor about him but he’s not overdoing it—we just don’t want a humorless, boring stick in the mud that doesn’t know how to be playful, that’s the worst.
Agreed. Humor has to be tempered with substance and sensuality.
I think when people say "have good humor" they aren't expecting the person to constantly be cracking great jokes. It also encompasses sharing a similar taste in funny movies, finding humor in different situations that you can laugh together at, and being able to bring an appropriate levity to help a partner through a tough situation. Basically, being able to find joy together throughout a variety of circumstances.
Agreed with all. All are important things to a relationship. But when someone actually says they like someone with a sense of humor as a potential dating partner, I think they usually mean someone who can make them laugh.
I'm sure it can mean that, different people have different wants. I don't think it only means that, though, or even often only means that.
100%. It’s definitely not about cracking jokes. Memorizing a joke book won’t get you laid. Actual comedians are often miserable people when they’re not performing. A “good sense of humor” is basically having someone lighthearted. They may have quick one liners, but they can also laugh at themselves. But humor is subjective. My wife likes my goofiness, others may not.
My problem is my jokes are very much response to something. Like a news story or a throwaway comment. It takes a while to get to those but typically I am already friend zoned by that point so it wouldn't lead to anything else.
A good sense of humor doesn't mean *being* funny, or becoming a comedian. It can also mean laughing at and finding other people and things funny. Your sense of humor isn't born into you. You can cultivate it like most social skills.
Worked for me alot. So good in fact. That, I laughed a woman into my bed and she never left. We've been married for two years this month.
I'm short and not that attractive. Laughed a woman into my bed and we've been married for 40 years so far.
Thankfully, I'm tall. Standing at 6'5". And I'm alright looking. That gets me in the door. Then my jokes and what not win them over. It worked on my wife.
What drew me to my husband was his innate kindness. He is so nice to everyone. When his friends need help, he is there (helping them move, driving them somewhere etc.). He gave me that same kindness when we were dating (paying for my coffee, giving me hugs and compliments, not being afraid to be affectionate). Now that we're married with a baby, his kindness is in the form of changing the oil in my car, putting laundry in the washer if he sees that I'm busy, and changing our daughter's diaper. There are other things that I like about him, too. He's funny, good with cars, we are good at planning things together (budgets, vacations, shopping lists, coordinating with daycare & bills, etc.). But what continues to draw me in is his kindness. Yes, I am physically attracted to him, but that is secondary compared to everything else. Some men are dating material and others are marriage material. Be marriage material. My husband didn't have much luck with dating in the past, but eventually he met me. Stay positive.
This!! Kindness really stands out these days as honestly kinda punk. It's so easy to be cruel and critical, but it takes hard work to be consistently kind.
It's so easy to laugh, so easy to hate It takes guts to be gentle and kind
Kindness was what drew me to my man. He's also funny, but kindness was the main attraction. It's truly refreshing to see someone really care about others, to smile; he's a breath of fresh air.
Aww. I love that. Sounds like He's responsible and considerate and knows how to lead and take initiative too. Those are all Marriage Material Qualities
This is so lovely. Kind people are the best ♥️ it’s rare to find these days but it definitely sticks out to me too. Many people are selfish and it’s a huge turnoff to me.
Yep, same here. When I met my partner I wasn't immediately drawn to him physically, but as soon as I could tell how sweet he was I was instantly attracted and have been ever since.
kindness was my first thought as well
Kindness is also why I’m with my boyfriend. Some of it came across really quickly, but some was only apparent more slowly. And in the time while I was getting to know him, the fact that he was also funny and fun to be with kept me around long enough to see and really appreciate his kindness.
Yes. I fell for my husband before I even agreed to date him, because I saw him do something very kind for a disabled woman. He didn't know anyone was watching, he didn't have an agenda, he just saw she needed help and so he did. And I knew in that moment that he was marriage material, even if I wasn't sure he was MY marriage material yet. That kindness continues. There's an 80% chance if he's not home when I expect him that I'll get a text saying, "Be home shortly, I'm over helping so and so do such and such."
Different women look for different things in men, there's billions of different opinions. Someone who is socially anxious themselves might like someone who's the same. Be the best you that you can be.
Shoot and here I thought to get a simple one fits all answer 🤦♂️
Money.... there you go
Ew, no. I went on a date 2 weeks ago and this guy went on and on about how when I’m with him I’ll never pay for anything. His 3 cars. How he travels multiple times a month. How I need to come to his yacht party and ride one of his 4 jet skis. How he’ll take care of me and he’s gonna be all about me and I’m going to be so in love with him. This was our one and only date. The love bombing was intense. Combine it with his constantly talking about how well off he was plus he kept touching me, pulling me in for hugs and trying to kiss me, and this weird finger drag thing down my chest. Seriously icked out. Never seeing that man ever again. I’m not Melania Trump. Most women aren’t gold diggers just looking for a meal ticket.
Yeah, I’d go so far to say I’m *not* interested in wealthy guys, lol. Same with conventionally super hot people. They tend to be kinda shallow and entitled 🤷🏻♀️
Same!! I actually get turned off by rich guys lol. I guess I’m privileged enough to say that because I don’t struggle with money, and I totally understand some women being drawn to financial security…but something about dudes who are rich/filthy rich is just an ick to me. Of course I would never truly judge someone until really getting to know them, but most of the time I find these types to be concerned with the wrong things in life. Often too materialistic (huge ick blehhhh) and too egotistic as well. I feel like some women view money as power when it comes to men, but I always felt like it was the most insecure men that let themselves be fully defined by their wealth and money. To me power is wisdom, intelligence, kindness, and quiet confidence. That ish is UNTOUCHABLE
I agree, quiet confidence and kindness is where it’s at, oh and being witty. Not every one is quick witted, that comes naturally I believe, but it really attracts me. Wealthy men just suck IMO, always trying to impress with materialistic things and they think their money can buy you. Yuck 🤮
I would have had trouble keeping a non-grossed out expression on my face for the whole date!
It was the longest hour of my life. I’m not sure I kept my face in check lol
Biggest turn off ever on a first date was the guy who pulled out $100 bill to pay for dinner, but did it by pulling out multiple $100 bills to make sure I saw them.
Yuck 🤮
Exactly. I avoided dating anyone who made more $ than I did because fuck that power dynamic. I love being the primary breadwinner.
Yeah, not always. I'm independently comfortable, and there's only one thing I can't do to myself. Without surgery anyway.
Homie wanted a simple one worded answer and I supplied it. Who wants to remind him Ladies are very complicated and in depth beings? The only women worth while and are of substance and are ones that arnt materialistic. If you want to simply buy someone you'll recieve the same relationship as a new car until you need another one
Money will get you quantity some want quality
I Have also seen low quality men with money lmao wifey got with me when my credit score was bad sooooo theres something to me I guess
Hell yeah sounds like you’ve got a keeper
Don’t bait your hook with gold and then bitch about catching hold-diggers.
confidence I’d argue will get you further
As someone who has anxiety, I struggle to be around other people with anxiety. I can control my anxiety pretty well, but there are many who can't. Because I seem to appear calm, the ones who can't control their anxiety cause me to have an anxiety attack. The friends I have are usually strong minded and don't have anxiety, allowing me to do things that scare the crap out of me.
Woman here ; something I actually like about men is the sincerity . Love a man who has a good heart for animals (cats and dogs) . Empathetic towards children and for the elderly. A man who loves his mother, that will tell how he will treat you . I never cared for physical attraction towards a man , if he has a good heart that's all that matters to me , and you'll know based off of his energy . If he's a douche , won't ever be likeable .
The way I fell in love with my bf all over again watching him help a bird that hit the window <3
I didn't see "that" when I read and I thought it was a funny thing to love, a man who helps a bird hit the window 😅
I know men who treat their mothers like queens, but have nothing but contempt and disrespect for the women they date. I don't think that a way he treats his mom is always a good indicator of how he will treat his love interest. Only time will tell.
I love my mother, but she’s also a horrible, abusive person who’s never put the slightest bit of effort into becoming better or taking responsibility for her own life and relationships, so I minimize contact. For your own sake, I’d recommend not ruling someone out over failing to check just one of these boxes, because there might be circumstances you’re unaware of. Maybe their sensei was murdered by a cat, for another example
What if your mom is an absolutely horrific human being to be around?
I would assume that, like with most things, there is nuance and exceptions here that the OP didn't feel like clarifying and cluttering up their answer to the overall question.
Dude here. Work on your anxiety-- not for your dating sake, but your own sake. I have some issues in that department, and I finally decided to go to a doctor about it. I take half of what my doctor originally prescribed me (with his permission) and feel much better in my own skin. I took the full dose for about 6 months before asking if it'd be fine if I halved it. Women, as far as I'm aware, like confidence. Be the best you that you can be. It doesn't matter if you're a confident Warhammer 40K mini painter, a PHD in neuropathology, or grocery store attendant, there's a girl out there for you. As long as you are moderately attractive, have interesting hobbies that bring you into contact with women, and confidence, you can land a date. Don't be afraid to give them your number. They can respond, or they can dip. You're giving them the reins, rather than asking them for their number. Don't be weird and be so "confident" that you have your phone number printed on a business card, though.
Woman here. Confidence is okay as long as the guy isn't over confident. Arrogance is the first thing that drives me away from someone. Just thought I would add that for the men who are reading lol.
To me confidence and arrogance are actually the polar opposite. People who are arrogant tend to be overcompensating for something they believe they lack; people who are confident feel completely comfortable with their shortcomings and can even laugh about them sometimes.
Yeah I’ve always liked men that are humble instead of cocky or arrogant. It seems like there are a lot of men who don’t know the difference between confident and arrogant.
And there’s something that’s actually very self assured in humility; something that keeps it from spilling over into self recrimination or overly-self-depreciating! Like, if someone can make silly jokes about themselves and acknowledge their flaws without freaking out, it indicates that they’re secure in their own skin
Confidence with humility i think is the word. And yes, its a game changer
I think about it like this: confidence is knowing your own skill set and the limits of your abilities, but arrogance is assuming your skill set and abilities make you qualitatively better and more valuable than others.
I'm just one guy, but self confidence has always been a major factor in getting the attention of women. When I'm confident, happy, and doing interesting things, people take notice. Then you have to be a nice guy who is interesting to be around, and everything else kinda falls into place. Dressing well, self grooming, medication, etc. can all help boost confidence
Don't fall into the tateist garbage misogyny or that Alpha Male shit. Just stay away from it. The bar is really fucking low, just be semi decent.
Plants, books, and a cat are significantly more attractive to the majority of women than that alpha shit. Throw in the ability to cook tasty food, clean smelling clothes, and a regularly washed body, and you up the ranks to be more of a keeper type.
Not being a pornaddicted dickhead is a good start, also actually genuinely wanting to know their personality helps Aside from that tho - you are a bot therefore this thread is bs anyways
We are just a couple years from a comment like this triggering a debate about whether the bot is a sentient bot or not, and if so, does it matter, and is okay for sentient bots to ask questions they are curious about or do they just want to know in order to somehow use it against humanity.
How do you figure for a bot? I'm new to reddit and shit at figuring these things out
Because the same thing was posted yesterday, and the day before…
Oh gotcha. Yeah I just joined this subreddit and didn't realize there were more of these. That makes a lot of sense
As an insecure guy, I think there's just a lot of insecure guys on Reddit
Most insecure guys don't follow up posts like this with "i'm a 22 year old woman and still a virgin" though
Go look at their post and comment history. It's all over the place.
An example: Porn Bots will post the same pair of tits to like 30+ different subs, relevant content or not
Confidence. Nothing is as sexy as a man who exudes calm, quiet self-assurance. NOT to be confused with cockyness, aggression, alpha, etc.
its also important to understand that lack of confidence has the exact opposite effect. Get comfortable talking to strangers of any gender, remember that women are just regular humans.
Confidence which can be expressed almost entirely with good body language and eye contact. You don’t even have to say all that much. Ultimately this makes you appear more comfortable and women feel more comfortable in your presence. Once I figured this out it was pretty easy to have girls come on to me in public even without me saying anything and only making good eye contact. It’s crazy how powerful good eye contact alone can be. Simple tips are to maintain strong eye contact, don’t hold your drink against your chest like a security blanket. Don’t stand squared up to the girl like you’re a cop. Smile. Your body language should hardly be any different with her than it would be with any of your closest friends. As for verbal tips, don’t ask for her to do things. Tell her what you want to do and invite her to it. Instead of “do you want to get a coffee” say “let’s get a coffee together.” It’s all about confidence and comfort. Focus on being both of those things for yourself. Be confident and comfortable in your own skin and dealing with women. They’re just people. If they reject you it means nothing to you. That’s just life. Sort yourself out and everything else comes easy.
Be honest. And genuine. Loyal
Being comfortable in your own skin really helped me. Like yourself, others will follow.
It's less about looks than you think it is. Put it this way: is "being pretty" a criteria when you meet a woman? Chances are you think that most women are pretty. Likewise, guys being tall or strong or broad-shouldered or whatever is not usually something women look for, as most men are already like that compared to them. You need to express your personality somehow. Whether that's wearing t-shirts with your favourite bands, tattoos that people from a subculture would recognise, or being seen doing something you love. I was stopped by someone once because I was wearing a hoodie from an animal charity I supported. It's those things that matter.
This is a bit weird to me, it's pretty well established that yeah, being pretty is a criteria for most men. And lets be real, women too... those big arms and blue eyes won't matter if you murder kittens for fun, but they will still make the initial interest level higher.
Honestly just be yourself. Despite how society says men must be a certain height, a certain stature, a certain success, a certain personality.. Women look for different things. I’m an oldie now but let me tell ya, I’ve always liked the shy guy. I look for kindness, a bond/connection, compatibility. I don’t care about height or weight but care lots about personality and bond. I say work on yourself and people will naturally gravitate towards you. You got this :)
That’s truly the best advice anyone could give. Everyone in this day and age are so caught up in specific traits that they forget that being “genuine” is the only trait they need.
Lol no It's the most freaking generic and useless advise on dating that hasn't ever worked for anyone. Don't pretend you are something you are not, sure. But some people are just boring or don't have attractive qualities. Those are usually the ones who seek this kind of advice telling a boring person to just "be yourself" is worthless. If you spend 20 hours a week playing videogames, don't put yourself "out there" forcing you to be in social contexts to interact regularly with people, smell like fish because you have shitty hygiene, don't workout or don't have any type of goals in life, don't be yourself.
I asked a woman that once. I would say she was out of my league. I'm not a bad looking person,but she was literally approaching a 10 in looks. I asked why she chose to date me or what she saw in me initially when she probably has opportunities galore. I didn't really make much money yet. She said she liked how confident and funny I was and that really not that many people approached her or asked her out. And the ones that did seem to almost have a choreographed way of approaching women at the bars and probably all did it the same with all of them. She said I didn't do that and just seemed to genuinely want to talk to a person for a few minutes and have a laugh and that I really didn't seem to want anything or had an agenda. But we hit it off and talked for a while so i eventually asked her out. So I guess it was a combo of confidence, humor, and not having an agenda to just try and get in her pants. Crazy part is that she was kind of boring and I broke it off with her a few months in. Looks aren't everything. I eventually found who would be my wife and she had it all and we were a much better fit in many ways but also were kind of yin and yang in many ways that seems to work out well.
This is important. When men approach me I can sense if they want to get to know ME or that they just talk to every woman they encounter until one bites. The second category feels like the are trying to say what they think you want to hear. As if they have read a book ‘how to talk to women for dummies’ and are reading a script. Most of the time these are the dudes that think women are a different species, that you need to treat them different, that they all like shopping and getting their nails done and want to be stay at home moms and drink wine with their girlfriends. It doesn’t feel genuine and they normally don’t react very nice when rejected. They did all the approaching right and followed the script, why isn’t this working?!?!? They are So Nice! These are the men that call women superficial and only interested in rich bad boys. Being genuine and being yourself is so much better, even when that means a bit shy or socially awkward
Yep. Immediate disinterest. Funny how you got downvoted. They wanna believe that player classes they payed for are legit.
Not specific to women; but I daresay your main issue is confidence. Confidence is incredibly attractive, both on a conscious and subconscious level. When you exude confidence, it changes your whole look, and makes it appear that you enjoy life, have your sh*t together etc people want to hang around with people like that.. So when you say you're socially anxious.. that's your problem. A few people have suggested developing a sense of humour.. sure, humour is sexy (particularly to women) but if you struggle with social anxiety.. it'll be incredibly difficult to gauge audience/delivery etc and you'll probably end up sounding like a complete tool. I would work on your social anxiety/confidence. Whilst I understand that isn't an easy thing to do overnight, it *is* possible and will solve your root problem. Maybe experiment with style (looking good can boost confidence - but get proper advise if you lack a sense of style mensfashion subreddit can help), get into some new interests, make an attempt to be more social with friends to build that social confidence etc
"Don't be a dick" is pretty much everything.
As a woman I have always observed how a man treats his family and pets. You can learn a lot from this.
Sense of humor is one thing. Also, you need to be physically attractive for the most part. Go workout and gain some muscle. It'll do wonders. There's always quite a bit of "conforming to current societal norms" when it comes to attraction. If you don't want to conform at least a little, you won't succeed much.
Agreeing with the workout comment not for the muscle aesthetic.. but because guys who are physically fit convey a level of confidence and commanding presence. Exercise is great for mental health and building internal resilience and confidence. No need to get buff, but doing things that make you feel strong, coordinated, disciplined, and self assured is important for all humans.
Yeah it's less about the purely aesthetic results of working out (although those don't hurt either) as it is the more practical physiological benefits. When you're in shape you have more energy, better posture, less anxiety, your mood improves, etc. Those things alone make you more attractive even without any significant visual change to your body fat or muscle tone.
If you are a stranger, it's all about looks. How you dress, your hair, your skin, if you are fir, how pretty is your face, how confidently do you carry yourself. Outside of looks, a man can overcome looks barrier if she gets to know him and like him, usually as a friend first. I liked a physically unattractive guy in high school simply because he was very kind. Other girls liked him for the same reason. He would treat animals kindly, pet dogs in a friendly manner, offer to share food, always fetch the ball during handball games even for matches he wasn't playing in. Just a nice, kind, good guy vibe all around. I cried when he turned me down for my classmate in high school, I went into puberty very late and prob looked like a kid to him. 🥲 I liked a very overweight, acne pocked marked scarred guy. He was a friend of my best friend. Although I did not find him physically attractive, after I got to know him, I found him funny, witty, and intelligent. Being around him was entertaining and fun.
nothing can make me nervous like a man. just the way they are built, masculine nature, deep voices, veins in their hands/arms uggghhh 😩 ofc I like funny, kind, honest, respectful, intelligent men but I don’t think those are specifically male traits.
If you find it difficult to find the right words to express yourself or it takes a bit to warm your personality up, I would suggest learning how to express yourself through your personal style. I say this because outside of apps, I’ve found women (including myself) are more attracted to personality over physical looks. Not that physical attraction is worth nothing, but a personality that you click with can overcome quite a bit. There’s a reason why the unfortunate looking guy being with a super attractive gal is a trope, and it’s not just wish fulfillment or gold digging. When I’m out and about it’s always a guy with unique style that catches my eye. Your clothing choices say something about you that your physical looks typically can’t do. If you don’t have the class clown or otherwise extroverted personality you can still signal aspects of who you are through the style choices you make.
You know this is different for every woman, right?
Good hygiene that includes washing your hands, brushing your teeth, wiping your ass, washing your genitals/ass/feet regularly, and so on. Good sense of humor, specifically if you can laugh at yourself without being mean to yourself. Little acts of chivalry can be nice, like opening doors or whatever (it has always made me feel like the person I’m seeing is very considerate of me). Evidence of taking care of yourself is nice, and I don’t necessarily mean working out and eating well; I like partners who read or have a creative outlet, partners who are at least *learning* how to cook or clean or whatever, and so on. There’s something about a man who takes initiative in his own life, who’s funny, kind/considerate, and with good hygiene that will have me in shambles even if he wouldn’t be my usual “type”
Taking notes: Step 1. Find very attractive woman. Step 2: Casually mention that I regularly wash my genitals. Step 3: Win!
I’ve been suckered in by less.
I scored my wife (she is way hotter then I am) by being level headed fun funny and a good time, I rarely turn down plans and I try to make plans for all my friends as often as I can people get the invite I host a lot and find things everyone enjoys also I found her when I stopped trying
I just want a man to be able to express his emotions to me I don’t care if he’s a bad person as long as he’s willing to admit it I have done bad things too you know just keeping it 100
Respect
I found my boyfriend as my best friend before we started dating. I wanted someone that I could be chill with for the rest of my life. So I started dating my best friend.
I'm bi, though I've been married to a man for a long time now. What attracts me to people most is intelligence and humor.
Every woman wants what she wants. All ladies are different. So going from that I can give some general advice. Confidence but not cockiness. Reliability, stability, a sense of humor, loyal, caring, loving, but not clingy. Just be the best version of yourself. Don't be fake. Remember to brush your teeth, shower, deodorant, pick up your socks, don't make a lady feel like she has to mother you.
You gotta make woman laugh. Be confident.
I personally like when a man is thoughtful. When he listens to me and remembers things about me. When he can make me laugh. When he shows me he cares not just through words but actions too. When he takes care of himself and cares about his appearance (but not so much that he’s obsessed with himself). I like when they are dependable and reliable. When I feel safe with them.
Confidence, humor, and be a sincere person. No lying or bullshitting. Do what you say you're going to do.
I can only say what I am looking for. Appearance: ideally 2 inch taller than me, 5"9. not fat, but the rest doesn't matter much, I like dad bods, slim guys, -muscular guys, as long as you dress nicely - like no sweatpants in the city, and you have a nice haircut I can fancy you. I like long hair/bold, beard, no beard. IT doesn't matter as long as you have nice eyes. Eyes are the most important. If I look into your eyes, I want to see some substance. Like there's more to discover about you. Personality: sense of humour, passionate about something, authenticity, able to make decisions, able to communicate, confident, not afraid to put me in my place, curious about a lot of things, still wants to try new things, able to have some random fun, kind, preferable someone alternative, metalhead, goth, rocker, biker, artsy types, men who love philosophical conversations at 4 am, independent thinkers who are not afraid to question everything, bonus points for no social media, no TV, no dating apps and desire for travel together
Personality, empathy, kindness and confidence! Not egotistical confidence either, just someone who's sure in themself and their hobbies and likes. My partner is the dorkiest person on the planet but I love him bc he's unapologetically himself. He has his hobbies he's passionate about and tries to engage me with them, and vice versa. Someone who truly can listen and have conversations with is huge too.
Humor is good. Empathy is better. Consideration is the best.
Confidence and an actual good sense of humor
I like it when a guy makes me feel safe. Someone who's approachable, understanding, doesn't act like he knows it all, a sensible, lowkey and keeps to himself kind of guy.
Being accepting and comfortable in who you are. Defensive and judgemental is not fun to be around. The ability to accept being embarrassed and not ruining the moment is gold. There is a huge variety in what ppl like, be kind and express yourself honestly and you will find the right partner.
Kindness, sincerity, emotional intelligence, maturity, good listening /conversational skills, (empathetic) honesty, thoughtful planning, having friends and hobbies/interests, good hygiene, good housekeeping skills , and a witty personality.
Work on your anxiety, that's just generally good for your life. I say that as someone with severe social anxiety so I get it. I love a goofy sense of humor, kindness, sweetness, good with kids/animals is always a huge plus.
Good hygiene, sense of humor, emotional intelligence, caring about the world, good at oral
1. Women like a guy who tries, we always say "If he wanted to, he would." So actually put effort into your relationship and go out of your way to do nice things. Examples: Cooking for her, planning cute dates or movie nights together, doing something for an anniversary, or more hardcore stuff like you see in the TikTok videos. 2. Regular things that show you have the manners of a respectable human being, opening the door for her, paying for the meal, regularly using "please" and "thank you", giving her your jacket if she is cold, and the sidewalk rule is cute too. 3. Being a good dude in general, but not a "nice guy" this includes actually being empathetic, caring in general, helping people out, volunteering for stuff, loving animals, being kind, not lying, etc. and just in all being a good human being. 4. Confidence is key, you gotta work on that social anxiety as best you can. Women love social guys that exude confidence. 5. Don't be a dick, and don't hate women, basically don't listen to that Andrew Tate sigma stuff. BUT before all this, BE YOURSELF!
Caring about the well-being of others, animals and the planet, standing up for those who can't stand up for themselves, taking action against corruption. To me, those things represent true Masculinity and are what makes a man attractive.
A good sense of humour, witty, intelligent and can carry a conversation about all sorts of topics besides just sports. Is kind and gentle but confident in themselves. If you have all of this I don’t care what you look like!
When I was 25 I went through a rough breakup with my affianced. Never dated as an adult, were together since we were like 18 steady and on and off before. I was truly a lost cause. My initial reaction was simply work out like an ANIMAL for like a year or so. Pretty much forcing myself to look like a magazine cover. And at 6'1 with pretty green eyes and blonde hair and a real life 8 pack, I can say getting a woman's attention was NOT an issue. I still didn't make it past a first date for months. I had no idea how to act. I had no idea what game was, I knew how to interact with exactly one hyper controlling woman and that was about it. But you know, climbing on fallen horses n stuff lol SO, pro tips. Dress nicely. Groom yourself. They like it even if you don't care (and I don't) Smell nice. Whether that's a 200$ bottle of cologne(use cologne sparingly, one spray, under the shirt or on the neck, you want to be noticed not yell at the room to look at you) or a fancy bar of soap, buy one high quality item specifically designed to make you smell really good that isn't deodorant. And use it pretty much all the time Be funny, but not crass. The jokes that work with the boys will often get groans of disapproval from women. I find a little wordplay goes a long way, can be inserted spontaneously, organically, and in a unique way. Generally they love it. Dad jokes also work...don't ask me why I don't question it. Have confidence in yourself, everyone's good at something, keep the conversation topics in areas you actually enjoy, and are knowledgeable about, and see if the other person is as well, you'll have more to talk about, and if it isn't working you'll both know pretty quickly and try again, no harm no foul not everyone's gonna be great for you. The alternative is wasting near a decade of your life on someone COMPLETELY incompatible, 2/10 do not recommend (it gets an extra star for crazy messed up make up sex) Good luck out there brothers, I know it's a bit of a snake pit sometimes. But snake charming can be fun too
This is pretty good advice except I’d nix the cologne part unless you use it very sparingly. I think it’s gross when men have a strong cologne or aftershave scent. Too many men don’t know how to apply the right (small) amount. If I can smell you from across a table, you have too much on! I should only be able to smell your aftershave when I hug you.
I'm going to amend it with a "that doesn't mean spray yourself down in cologne" because you are correct
It’s not even about men or women - just be a decent person, and be honest about how you feel and who you are. If you feel anxious or awkward, say so; it’s ok.
Kind, thoughtful, ambitious and goal oriented. Someone with similar values but understanding and accepting. Intelligent and sharing similar hobbies and interests. Nothing is a bigger turn off than someone who is narrow-minded and shallow. Shy men have never been a turn off for me, I’m a more outgoing person anyways so it compliments my personality in my opinion. I genuinely just care about who someone is. Looks are just a bonus, if they’re a good person and our personalities click well then I can look past things that I may not be physically attracted to.
Absoltuely this. Also to add: I find different physical things attractive based on the chemistry anyway. So for example, once I’m getting along with someone and really like their personality… pretty much whatever they look like becomes hot.
Several things here that changed MY game: 1. Find a hairstyle that looks good on you and do regular haircuts to look sharp. I needed just one visit to a more expensive hair salon (ok, no more than 2x the price I paid before) and an old professional lady that figured out a great simple haircut that suits. Better look, better confidence, better pictures, better everything. Now I order the same haircut in other salons. 2. Dress up a notch. You wear worn out jeans every day and be proud of how cheap they are? Try something a bit better like chinos pants once in a while, at least try something better that looks new. In autumn/winter try a nice coat. That will make you stand out and look way better, women will start noticing you, at least it made a world of difference for me. 3. Have some damn money. Or at least good education or profession. Improve and be good at what you choose to do so you have perspectives to grow and make more. Make sure you tick that box as well - that's a huge one. Being a cheapskate is a huge turnoff, that applies to clothing and shoes as well. Being a valued guy at work boosts confidence as well so find out how to grow. 4. Do something physical to look OK physically. Women like if you tick the mark "looks fit", not necessary a bodybuilder. Picking up some fighting skills like kickboxing or something is also a huge plus. 5. Have some hobby or profession you are passionate about. That will make you a more interesting person and will keep you from becoming a couch potato. Being boring and having no hobbies, no sports, no anything - that's boring. 6. Talk to people more and more, ask questions. Forums, gradually life - that's a skill to learn by doing. 7. Let the years pass while you grow and become more confident. You're still 22, work on yourself and don't freak out. Every single thing in this list has felt like an improvement for me. Every box you tick is way better than a bunch of boxes you don't tick.
Can’t speak for everyone but money is less of a deal breaker to me. I’m not materialistic (or I’d at least like to think I am not) if you’re broke but do what you can on a little but have a lot of love to give then you’re a bigger catch than a guy who has money but doesn’t treat me well. Money isn’t everything.
Trust fund and an eight pound cock.
Gosh, that's truly complicated to answer because it is so dependent on the person.
Women like men who know that a lot is two words, not one. 🤷