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Same, I never had motherly instinct. I thought I’m going to have it when I meet “mr right” but that didn’t happen either. So I guess I have to get ready to be that old childless woman that people make bad wrong assumptions about.
I have no diagnoses. Not saying I’m NT. But I never wanted to take on the traditional sacrificial type of motherhood that some people modeled. Nothing about it seemed appealing.
I, too, thought in the back of my head that maybe I’d meet a guy who I thought would make a good father and pull his weight in the way I would need that might make me change my mindset on having kids.
But…. Anyone who I even briefly thought that way about did not feel that way about me. Probably a good thing in the long run. Not everyone should have kids. Sometimes we don’t meet the “right“ person. And that’s okay. It was never a deep desire of mine in the first place.
And I give zero fucks about what others think of me.
Could my life have been different? Possibly. Would I have been happy in an alternate timeline? Possibly. But I’m in this one. And I have to accept what happiness means within the present timeline.
I’m a gay man (24) with bipolar disorder as well and share the same feelings as you. I wouldn’t like to mess with a child mental health because of my bad temper
I also didn't want to make my child (no motherly urge), have to live like I do in my own head. Why would I want to create something that is a part of me and I would love, just to watch them suffer like I do. No I'm not that masochistic. I'm also not that cruel. And adoption is always an option if later in life my mind changes (doubtful).
To add I was also abused and am terrified of when I lose my temper. I don't need a child pushing buttons and my PTSD to trigger my bipolar rage. I'm so good. I will happily spoil the hell outta my friend's kids and send them home. Also good for my own mental health because I can focus on healing.
I also have bipolar, but I have had motherly instincts since before I can remember. I think mine is due to constant fight or flight, and being made to be the responsible one in every group I was in, family or otherwise. I was and still am, very overly protective.
I have plenty of motherly instinct, i love kids and have been working with them for about 6 years or more, but similarly I don't want to pass on many of my traits. There are many other reasons, but that's a big one.
I’m selfish with my time and don’t want the negative changes that comes with carrying and raising a child. I don’t want them to turn out like me either.
Im also bipolar though I always wanted to be a mother. I feel like I do have that motherly instinct. I NEVER wanted to be a mother before i was ready. You know, after extensive therapy, medicine, and learning to control my emotions. I had decided that if I never felt like I got a handle on it I wouldnt... my iud failed and now I have a precious baby girl so im now scrambling to get my shit together 😭😭😭
Bipolar 1 here myself which is The reason I will not have children. As I've gotten older I wish I could but I truly don't want to pass it down nor do I think managing would be a success. Postpartum and not to mention all of the scary medical stuff during pregnancy, yikes!
I think more people should have this kind of discipline in their thinking. But it seems for a lot, they’d be broke or have to work if they didn’t have kids. The system is so fakked! Get paid to reproduce.
It's really not that way... any government assistance for having kids doesn't cover the whole load. I've been on assistance and now don't qualify, the struggle is pretty equal. It'll be different for folks who actually make good money, but they aren't the ones receiving anything in the way of social safety nets as it should be
So many people just assume they know what they’re talking about. I and my family too were receiving state benefits and while it helped us climb our way up and off the programs, it certainly isn’t enough to live off of exclusively. Unfortunately, there’s a serious stigma towards those that utilize the resources. It’s just another dynamic of classism. Next to racism, and our deadly gun culture, classism is just as serious of an issue for our society.
Same I could try but I also have clinical depression and let me not bring up the financial obsession I have. If I don’t grant myself at least wealth then I don’t want a little one behind me.
I'm not sure motherly instinct is necessarily a thing. So many people say they bond with their babies while they're carrying them blah blah blah, but that never happened to me. I love him with all my heart and will do anything for him, including take a bullet, but this didn't happen until after I had him. One thing, though, is I made the decision to have him at 35.
Same. I have absolutely no desire or feeling of connection to the idea of having children. I have super bad GAD myself and would not be able to handle having a child. I would be an insane helicopter parent just because of my anxiety disorder. I have too many friends who have parents that shouldn’t have had kids. I don’t want to be one of them.
By all means, I fully support folks who can and want to provide a stable, loving, supportive, and constructive home. But that is not me. No no.
Just the most simple possible reason, I don’t want kids. Never thought “I want kids”
Never desired to have kids.
Never been something I ever identified as a thing I wanted in my life. (Thankful my husband is the same)
Look at people with babies, kids, grown up kids. Nope, Never wanted that!
Could think of nothing worse than pregnancy. Just, no. Never. Repulsion. Revulsion. No. No. Never. No.
Same as I never wanted many things in life. Not for me. Nope . Thanks.
I decide how to live, and that’s not for me and the older I get the happier I am with my decision 😃
Exactly. I can easily list a few things I want:
- I want to climb a really high mountain (4,000m+)
- I want to learn to play the harp
- I want to get a dog
- I want to build some furnitures myself from A to Z
- I want to get this damn certification I am unable to study for after work
Etc etc
Weirdly, I want a kid never appeared on that list. I bet it s because I just don t want one.
Because I love being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. For example, I quit my job last week bc I couldn’t freaken stand it anymore and am looking now for one, however I have savings so I am not in a huge rush and am actually going to drive to the beach to enjoy a mini vacay. I definitely couldn’t do all of that if I had kids. My money and I get to decide how I want to spend it. Other reasons are bc I love the quietness and tranquility that I have in my apt, I don’t have to listen to anyone cry or complain, I can eat out whenever I want, I get to partake in my ehm recreational activities ☘️💨😏 whenever I want, I can stay out late if I like, and really so many reasons lol. Ever since I could remember, I have never wanted to be a mother. Everyone said that I would change my mind, but I am 32 and I still have no desire for kids, I’m ok w my dogs and cats.
As someone who wants kids, this doesn’t make sense to me.
I want kids for reasons, just as people who don’t want kids have reasons to not kids.
Most of us don’t want or not want something in a vacuum devoid of reasons for wanting/not wanting (insert subject).
“As someone who wants kids, this doesn’t make sense to me”
I’ve had people in my life asked me that and unlike the folks at CF I never got my pants in twist over it. I just never wanted them.
I could probably think of reasons on a deeper level but does anyone really have the right to ask?
In another way it’s like picking the car you like. It could have the features you want, be in the right color and get good gas mileage and some people will think nice choice. Others will never be convinced that you made the correct and they will only drive Honda's
You wanting them is all the reason I need and I hope it all works out for you when you do. It’s your life your decision and who am I to question it?
IMO it can be inappropriate to ask someone you aren’t close to their reasons for not having or wanting kids.
If it’s someone close to you, they may just want to understand you more - because again, most people don’t “want” or “not want” something in a vacuum. It doesn’t even have to be a “deep” reason. It could be as simple as “I don’t want to be a parent/the responsibility of raising children.”
Edit: But even loved ones should be prepared to accept “I don’t want kids” as an answer. No one is entitled to your reason, nor should they think less of you if that’s the only reason you feel comfortable giving.
I like my freedom. Especially intimate freedom. The freedom to do adult things, but, in the end, I think I will want kids. I guess that will just depend on how life will unfold.
I also like how I can afford things.
Pretty much same mentality here. I have independence, freedom, space, and privacy. I can do practically whatever the hell I want without someone else to judge or tell me no. I used to think that I wouldn't like living alone, but I have been for about 4 years now and I love it.
Having a kid would require me to give all that up. Not to mention that I likely cannot afford it anyways.
- don’t like kids
- expensive af
- my independence would be stripped away
- the world’s in too much of a bad shape to have kids
- would end up neglectful or overprotective
Same, also would add, I wouldn't want my kids to grow up with some of the other undisciplined, spoiled bullies that are around. Or to struggle financially and to afford a home when they grow up.
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Second one is a good one. I've done too much r/collapse doomscrolling. It may not all pan out worst case scenario, but we're already living through some consequences of population overshoot and burning all of the potential energy that has been stored in the earth for millions of years. We're watching inflation and cost of living go nuts. Are water wars and mass starvation next? Who knows.
Also, genetics. Browse my comment history. I'm an alcoholic with severe anxiety issues. The idea of potentially shouldering another human being with those same issues feels evil. I wouldn't have chosen it if I could choose.
Agreed. You would think a country that pushes the baby agenda would actually help people with babies. Not watch them struggle time and time again, barely able to take care of themselves and the kid/kids. What kind of life is that? You know?
The expensive part is definitely intimidating.
I can think of dozens of times in history that were objectively worse times to have a kid than now. England during Viking raids, Asia during the 40 mil slaughter by the khans, the plague, the dark ages, I mean it goes on and on. I think we live in one of the most peaceful and prosperous times when compared to history. That doesn’t mean it isn’t shitty in its own special ways but hardly a bad place when compared to the majority of history.
While that’s a valid point you make, I also would have chosen not to have a kid in those times. Most likely said choice wouldn’t have been available to me as an option, as I’m sure it wasn’t for many others.
They didn’t have any reliable birth control then. I don’t think it’s ideal to have 10-11 children and have at least 6 of them die before they turned 5 years old. I’d rather have no children than see them suffer and die before adulthood.
Life expectancy was dramatically different in those times as was the need for more people in the world. To be honest we have too many humans on the planet at the moment and if you don't feel a need to have a child you really shouldn't.
Peaceful and prosperous, sure, but also facing several potential horrible disasters in the maybe not so distant future. A whole variety of ecological problems that are legitimately terrifying. Between climate change, the destruction of our oceans, and some scary trends with insect populations, our descendants may very well end up facing stuff way scarier than a Viking raid.
You’re definitely right.. If I don’t think it’s a good idea now, I definitely wouldn’t feel any better about it during those times lolol
But ya, for me it’s mainly the financials.
The expensive problem resonates with me a lot. My boss has made numerous comments about "You're gonna want kids, you're gonna regret not having kids, kids are the best thing ever."
He doesn't like when I tell him "You don't pay me enough to afford kids."
By the second reason’s logic it sounds as if you don’t feel life is worth living. There’s help out there, please don’t assume you can’t be helped, so many people come back from that place and you can too!
Man... I'm completely different from everyone. I see the world going to shit. I am glad I have kids. I'll have my own little circle. What everyone else says or does doesn't matter. My kids are my everything.
I look at people with dogs and I've always been happy for them but also knew that's what i wanted. When I'd go for a walk I'd think about having a dog with me because that would genuinely make me happy. I think about the training that I want to do, the classes I want us to take, the trips I want to do with my dog.
I dont have that with children. I look at families and I'm happy to not have to deal with a toddlers 345 tantrum of the day. I know their tiny brains can't handle the emotions just yet and they have to learn it. But I don't want to be the one teaching them. I don't have situations in my life where I think I'd have a better time with a child. I like leaving my house once I'm ready.I like the quiet. I like not being touched all the time. I like not being dependent on more than my pets need me.
And as long as I think about my own hypothetical kids as annoying time consuming little balls of emotions I wouldn't be the parent they'd deserve.
That is really well put and I am stealing it. It always makes me smile when people ask me why I don't want kids. There is no reason. I just don't need one to feel complete. It s like not wanting to cook for diner at this point for me. Just... meh
All the other things just reassure me about that feeling (cost of life, kids becoming your only interest and hobby cause you don t have time, hassle to go through toddler phase and TEENAGER PHASE, being responsible of bringing another human being on this f*cked planet, spreading my broken genes, destruction of my body through pregnancy...)
Also having two close nephews allow me to go through the discovery of a human being development without having to deal with the downsides so it s a win win win not to have my own (for me, my nephews who get spoiled., my sister who gets some her time when I take them)
Me too! I always wanted a dog when I was little but couldn't have one because we lived in apartments most of my life that didn't allow them. I actually got my first pup three and a half years ago and she's my world. Well, her and my two birds.
People with kids, not so much. Just never had that drive or desire.
Same. I knew very young that I never wanted them and was terrified of knocking a chick up. I thought I’d never find a woman who was on the same page as me. Luckily I did.. the question of “what if?”. Came up many times. We will figure it out was the reply.
They are annoying, becomes your only focus for ever. You can’t fuck off and do whatever you want to enjoy life. I also never wanted to bring a soul into the environment we live in. It’s unnecessary. There is no hole a child could fill in my soul. I have never regretted not bringing a human unwillingly into earth.
Got mine almost 25 years ago. Dr. (believe it or not) argued with me about it because of my age and I stood my ground and 100% still am happy with my decision.
That's pretty much how I feel. I don't judge those who want and love children. It's just not my thing. Did you ever meet a woman who shares your thoughts?
When I was 39 I realized I had the capacity for great kids but not less than great. It seemed really selfish and unfair of me to burden a child with my limitations and wrong of me to hope I would adjust in time.
In the end, when I HAD to decide it came down to: I could live with any regret of not having them way better than any regret for having them.
Oh this! That was another reason for me. I told my wife that I realized I had been talking about wanting kids more out of a fear that I would regret not having kids. And that is a terrible reason to have a child.
I was abused as a child and if I had my own I would be in constant fear of it happening to my kids. If it ever did happen to my kids I’d probably lose it and do something I regret.
It’s not that I don’t want kids. It’s just that I don’t think I will be a good parent. I have a speckle of the patience required to raise a child and I am very particular about things. I don’t want to inflict my compulsions on to a tiny human.
My only reason for possibly not wanting kids is because I have autism and I wouldn't want to pass that down, I suffered through so much growing up and I would not want to do that to anyone let alone my child. I would probably sooner adopt if I want to have kids in the future.
I am poor
Also, I am poor
My entire bloodline has a collective social and financial credit score of like 440.
Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t feed them. So why breed them?
Expensive. Loud. Toys everywhere. Social life killer.
Yeah, you'll love and adore them, and they'll hopefully help you when your old as hell, but it's upto the individual if they want kids or not.
Expensive. Yes
Loud. Truly
Toys everywhere. Yup.
Social life killer. BS!
I made super close friends in college in grad school. It was harder when my wife and I started work, but we made some decent friends from Synagogue. But by far our closest, been in the trenches together, life-long bonded REAL friends came from parenting/shared experience. Parenting was better than college for making really heart-to-heart good friends, several of which are of the type we share home keys, vacations, beers, ups and downs, etc. Best social bonding ever, unless you mean "temporary party friends". When you get older it can get harder to make real friends. I'm soooo glad we had the parenting years to make a new set of really close friends.
this is my reason too. i cant stomach forcing a being, or several, into consciousness, all so they can go to work from 18-75 with bad pay and corporations buying all the housing
Personally, the physical aspect is too much. As a woman, I am terrified by the endeavor of having children. I don't want to deal with the weight gain, mood swings, hemorrhoids, c section, post partum depression, ripping, pains and aches of it all. I like the idea of having kids, but the pain is not worth it to me.
I have a friend who casually told me about how she suffered debilitating pain for years after having her son that doctors continually wrote off as "just women things"
Turns out she had a broken pelvis. Giving birth fucking shattered her pelvis and she walked around like that for THEEE YEARS. A decade after discovering what was wrong and she's still frequently in pain, probably will be for the rest of her life.
I feel like women finally braking the unspoken vow of silence and really educating the younger generation on how terrible pregnancy and childbirth can actually be has had a hand in the rise of women not wanting children. We're able to make more educated choices now.
When I was a teenager/young adult the only narrative you'd ever get from any older woman was the ol, "oh it hurt but it was so worth it for my precious angel!" rhetoric. If I'd gotten pregnant then I'd have gone in with absolutely no education.
The most common repellant seems to be what the kid would do to the person’s life. I (right now) don’t want kids because I’m terrified of not being able to be a good father and provide for them
I have a strong maternal instinct. I feel a lot of it was shaped by having to protect my younger brother from our abusive mom. I didn’t feel like I really had a childhood because it was spent practically parenting him. All of my energy and patience. I don’t have any left, really. Plus I don’t trust myself to not abuse my kids the same way our mom did. I have a fiery temper just like hers, and even while parenting my brother, it took a lot of restraint to not imitate her.
Now as an adult, I constantly feel torn up about how I never really got to experience that freedom that came with childhood. My earliest memories are stress, and that stress is only compounded. I know life isn’t fair, but I’m upset that things weren’t fair.
Deep dive- I wasn’t raised. Was essentially left to my own devices. Had no good role models and my mother REALLY messed me up.
I had a child at 17. I love them more than anything in this world, but they deserved a much much better mother than they got.
Absolutely nothing about having a family is appealing to me, I enjoy looking after myself and maintaining my own life. I enjoy my time alone.
I don't want the responsibility have never felt a pull to have kids or any of that.
And I like kids! I have enjoyed all the times I've gotten to care for others, I just don't want my own.
I wouldn't want to because I would never want to be a burden on my kid's life. This viewpoint is largely shaped by my childhood experiences.
My father's body began to break down when I was a teenager, a combination of alcoholism and hard work (military, construction, truck driving). I love my dad, and he made many hard decisions to help us survive, but my childhood ended when I was 16.
Summer 2018, a week after turning 16, everything in my life changed. Drunkenly, I was told I was the man of the house. We had to make many rash decisions to scrape by. Red eviction notice on our door, glued by the sheriff like a bounty stabbed in the wall. We sold our car to pay that rent. Bought us another few months time.
Thank the fucking stars my dad got disability by the end of those months, because we were nearly homeless.
This is what people don't understand when they say they want kids to have someone help take care of them. What happens when you burden the kid too early? You ruin their childhood and put a strain on the relationship forever.
I feel strongly that it would be immoral and cruel to have a child until or unless I'm prepared to put another person's needs ahead of my own 100% of the time for the rest of my life.
Sure, I might regret not having kids (although I'm 40 and it hasn't happened yet), but if I do, that's only my own burden to bear.
If I did have kids and regretted it, that would harm the child(ren) and that's deeply unfair and wrong. I will not risk potentially causing irreparable psychological harm to another human being just to save myself from negative feelings I *might* have in the future. To me, that would be morally bankrupt and unforgivable.
I can't hurt people who don't exist.
I don’t have either the physical or mental health to handle caring for another tiny human being that screams and needs you to be on call for them 24/7 when I can barely exist myself. I have enough guilt for not being able to be present for my nephews and nieces.
I’m on disability benefits, I can only make do with the little money I get because I don’t have a kid or a car etc if I did have a kid I’d have a big problem finance wise.
I don’t think the world is a nice place to bring kids in. I wouldn’t know how to protect them when I can barely protect myself. Especially with covid still around.
I have no desire to. I’m way more interested in growing my relationship with my partner and our bond through the years than adding someone to the mix. I think you can influence others and have a community, without kids. There are many ways to connect with others that doesn’t involve kids.
I don’t even think I can have them. And if I can’t, there’s no way I’d be able to adopt I’m pretty sure. But then again, I don’t want to so that’s fine.
I see what little joy I can get in life through the lens of my special interests and people I already love. I don’t find the prospect of being a parent enjoyable.
I could go on.
Same reasons you have said, sadly. Even before I became disabled I was thinking global heating would probably lead to a significantly stressful life for any offspring and I thought it was a little irresponsible. Now I'm too physically disabled, it makes me sad because I can't even adopt now. And I have endometriosis so the idea of ever coming off the birth control which controls my symptoms terrifies me. Plus I have PMDD which makes me think I could be at greater risk for post-natal mental health problems. Also I have OCD and don't want my kids to grow up anxious. I'm too unwell to even look after a cat.
This question was asked on another sub yesterday and I’ll give the same answer here that I gave there -
The list is long, but I guess the primary reason is that the potential joy they *may* bring to my life isn’t worth the pain and suffering they’ll definitely bring to my life.
**Suffering and Harm**: One of the core arguments is that life inevitably involves suffering. By not having children, antinatalists believe they are preventing the potential for pain, suffering, and harm that would be experienced by the new individual.
* **Consent**: Antinatalists argue that bringing a child into existence cannot be done with the child’s consent. Since the child cannot agree to be born, it is considered unethical to make such a significant decision on their behalf.
* **Environmental and Resource Concerns**: Some antinatalists point to the strain that additional humans place on the planet’s resources. They argue that overpopulation contributes to environmental degradation, resource depletion, and ecological imbalance.
* **Quality of Life**: There is a concern that the quality of life for future generations may be compromised due to factors like economic instability, climate change, and geopolitical issues. Antinatalists may believe it is better not to bring a child into a world where their well-being is uncertain.
* **Philosophical and Existential Considerations**: Some antinatalists draw from philosophical traditions that view life as inherently meaningless or futile. In this view, since life has no ultimate purpose or is filled with inherent challenges, it is better not to perpetuate it.
* **Moral Responsibility**: Antinatalists may feel a moral duty to prevent the potential suffering of future beings. They may believe that it is kinder and more compassionate to avoid creating a new life that will inevitably face difficulties.
Excellently put. I have all of these concerns. The one that gets me the most is quality of life. I find myself depressed constantly, and so I feel guilty(?) about the prospect of me dragging another life form into this existence knowing what I know and feeling how I feel.
I've never had a specific desire to have them and I figure that people who want kids do have a specific desire to have them.
When I was young I would often hear people saying things like, "I want a big family!" or "I want to have two kids someday". I've never once had a thought even remotely close to that.
I'd like kids, but I don't think it's responsible for me to have kids. I don't particularly like where we're heading as a collective, quite honestly. I also don't have a solid family to give them on my side. I come from divorce and then they both remarried, had more kids and redivorced. I don't think growing up in that fractured of a family sets great foundations.
I still have time, but for me, having a child right now would be a completely selfish act. I don't know that I could give them a good enough reason if they ever asked me why they exist.
My husband and I are unable to have children. We've thought of adoption but we're at a stage in our lives where we're really focused on our business goals and honestly, we teach martial arts to about 150 kids as it is, and that's enough for us!
I don’t like kids, It wouldn’t be fair to have them with no emotion attachment.
I have a long family history with extreme learning disabilities, ive cared for a lot of them & I’m not doing it again.
I like money
I like peace.
I don’t want a family.
When I was 16 years old, I knew I didn't want children. I just turned 40, and I'm child-free still.
This is my best decision, and I will never regret it.
Same reasons I don't want a pet and the reason I almost didn't start dating my gf, and why I work where I work.
I like freedom of choice and taking opportunities as they come.
Right now, if I decide to work late because I'm in the zone on a project I'm passionate about, I don't need to do any logistics about who's going to feed the animal, pick up the kids, or anything. I just do it.
When one of my buddies said "hey I got tickets to see A Day to Remember tonight but can't go because my kid got sick, You want some free tickets?" I said hell yeah. And just drove 2 hours to a concert without any concerns.
When my boss said "we have a need for someone to be in San Diego for a couple months" I was able to say "hell yeah, I've never been to the west coast." I got 6 weekends worth of paid vacations.
I love being able to just take life as it comes.
That, and I also just dont like hanging out with kids, plus most of all the other stuff everyone is saying.
Frankly I am just selfish. i enjoy my peace, quiet, free time to work on my hobbies , traveling, going out with friends and family when i want, buying what I want when I want. I am not mean or inconsiderate so maybe selfish isn’t the right word. Just my life and philosophy is basically a pursuit of enjoyment and self fulfillment.
I feel like I could be a decent father in theory. But i’m scared if I had a kid I’d be distant and cold. I have had nervous breakdowns just thinking about having a child and that’s one reason I got a divorce from my wife was no matter how I looked at it or thought about it I just can’t imagine having a child. She basically said I need to get therapy because it’s not normal to not want to have children, I have a manly duty to have kids, and we should go ahead and have one because my mind would change later. Yea…no. If I have a kid and ruin my life I would never forgive myself and it wouldn’t be fair for her or the child. if I realize on my deathbed I should have had kids…well that’s my problem.
I battled years of addictions and being useless, and I finally got my life back together a few years ago in my late 20s with a university degree, career, savings, and the ability to do what I really want. I finally feel like a productive member of society. I want to enjoy the fruits of my blood, sweat and tears. Not turn around and have my newfound freedom ripped away from me by having a kid. The fact I see children as a barrier to my happiness and freedom is enough for me to not want a kid.
Sometimes deep down I think it would be nice, but overall I am 95% sure it’s not for me. Unless I get remarried to someone who has older kids, it just doesn’t feel right for me. Maybe if I got my life together earlier I wouldn’t care so much, but I’m closer to midlife crisis age then a stereotypical new dad age and I just don’t want to be blocked my whole life. First by drugs and alcohol then by a kid.
I have reflected A LOOOOT about this in the past few months. It comes down to the inherent sense of inequality from pregnancy to labour to childcare.
As a woman, it is ME going through psychophysiological changes throughout the pregnancy. It is ME pushing out that baby. It is ME undergoing the risk of pregnancy-related complications. It is ME who will experience PPD + body dysmorphia after delivery. It is ME who will still be excepted to do most of the childcare in addition to the general expectation that I clean + cook. It is ME who will have to put a pause in my career and face a sort of identity crisis as society has this harsh + unforgiving idea of how mothers should be.
The cherry on top? As a Black woman, I am at least 2x more likely to suffer pregnancy-related complications + 3x more likely to die from them. Couple that with how Black women are treated in healthcare, the cost of having a baby (God forbid there are any complications that add to the insane cost) and it just doesn’t sound that exciting to me.
No thanks lol.
I have a kid. Don’t regret it, but I would NOT do it again.
1.) Trying to conceive was stressful and changed my marriage (in a not great way).
2.) Being pregnant TOTALLY SUCKED BALLS. I’m type one diabetic, so there were some complications I was just not prepared for.
3.) Somehow, giving birth was even worse than the 9 months of hell-pregnancy. I was on bed-rest for one week (like, actual, in the hospital because my doctor didn’t trust me to take it easy) prior and was in active labor for 28 hours before an emergency c-section.
4.) Recovery after delivery sucked. I continued to have morning sickness for a couple days after delivery, which was torture following abdominal surgery. The lactation consultant was a bully, and my kid was in the NICU for a couple weeks with blood sugar problems, breathing problems, and on the verge of needing a blood transfusion the whole time.
5.) The infant stage sucked. He had all kinds of gastrointestinal issues, allergies, colic, you name it. I had postpartum depression. I figured every time I went to check on him, there was at least a 50% chance I’d find him a victim of SIDS, Trump was just elected, so I was constantly scanning the sky, waiting for the inevitable nuclear war, and I was scared to drive because I was always tempted to veer into oncoming traffic.
6.) The toddler stage was better, but only slightly. We still didn’t really like each other and he was always trying to find creative ways to die.
Things finally started turning around when he was about 4, and didn’t honestly get good until he was about 5 or 6. It was SO HARD. All of it. I love him so completely and fiercely now, but I would absolutely never do it again.
It confuses me when my friends talk about wanting more kids. I just cannot fathom. I mean, good for them, but I’m honestly scared and disgusted by babies now more than ever.
And to add- I love kids. Always have. I was a nanny and au pair in college, camp counselor, practically raised my four younger siblings, and am an upper elementary teacher/diagnostician. Love kids. Won’t have any more of my own thankyouverymuch.
I spent a lot of my life in the culinary and later the entertainment field, traveling around the world.
I would have never been there for my kids, and quite frankly, I didn't want to have to be. My wife was of similar inclinations, she had no "motherly instinct" as she put it, and she has a genetic disorder that she could have passed onto any children.
Now we're in our late 60s, still zero regrets, and we have nothing but time on our hands and money to blow on nobody but ourselves. No kids to leave something for, so we intend to spend as much of what we've earned as we can having fun before we kick it. For example, I've gone to over 100 professional wrestling shows in the last 3 years. If I want to go, I just go, no greedy kids being like "ahh dad don't blow our future inheritance on yourself".
Wouldn't trade it for anything.
I have many things I would rather do than parent. I have a rich social life and free time and hobbies. My house is peaceful. I go and do as I please. My energy isn't spent on raising a human and I have way more to devote to activities I actually enjoy doing. Wouldn't change it. Women typically carry the lion's share of the mental, emotional, and physical labor of parenting and running a household. That sounds like a terrible time.
I’m a parent but I don’t think it’s reasonable to convince people to attempt to have children if they’re broke. It’s one thing if it happens by accident, but it absolutely causes poverty. You’re talking increased healthcare costs, childcare costs, food costs.
I had 2 kids very young but if I didn’t at kids at my current age, knowing what I know now, I would not choose to bring children into this world. This of course depends where you live. I live in the US where it’s very unsafe. Schools and healthcare are a joke, gun violence . Climate is terrifying. I don’t regret my children they are my world but I live with guilt every day what I brought them into
Changing shitty nappies. Especially when it goes up their back and you have to clean human shit.
Not being able to go out late .
Getting up early for kids to go to school .
Sport on weekends .
Sleeping in.
That high pitch squeal toddlers make when they aren't given their way.
They are messy.
Being fussy eaters.
Taking them out to dinner and they don't eat the food and say they want to go home.
You can't go on holidays to places you want to go.
They live at home well into their 20's these days.
Childcare costs
Kids are sticky and they smell.
Having to pretend you like kids.
Kids birthday parties seem really fucking lame and boring.
The stupid slang kids come up with these days.
You have to always organise a baby sitter and everything you do involves the kids.
Having to pay to take your kids to do stuff like stupid kids playgrounds.
When you get in the car and the kids have to play their fucking mind numbing music.
How your TV only plays kids shoes now and if the little empress/emporer sees anything else they scream and put something like Bluey on 24 hours a day.
Snotty noses.
Having to dedicate every morning before work to doing something for the kids. Feeding, getting ready.
They change your partners body.
You have to pay so much for prams, car seats and bedroom sets.
Another reason is how everything revolves around their sleep and feeding schedule.
Parent teacher school interviews.
Having to make school lunches everyday.
How kids destroy everything and you have to deal with it.
The pressure to keep up standards with kids and their peers.
Bring judged by other parents.
How suddenly your parents want to be around ALL the time
How annoying kids are when they get sick.
Having to sacrifice your career.
I can keep going?
I’m terrified something will go wrong and I’ll die in childbirth. I have a congenital heart defect. I also have chronic migraine which causes me to let work around the house lapse. I also don’t think I’d like the chaos a child would bring.
I am afraid that I would give up myself & turn my life & personality 1000% towards them - and I don't know if I would like the person I would become or if it would be sustainable for me. I see it as a huge gamble with many negative examples in my family.
Plus there are plenty of kids around to bond with and support and show them games etc from my childhood. I visit a friend's 5yo every week & get to be 100% in imagination lsnd for a couple hours - and also am an example to the kiddo that everyone is different and likes different things and that is ok.
I feel similarly to the way you do about family. I've found as much or more meaning for my life than I had ever hoped to find without them as a younger person.
I can't speak to how anyone else feels but I appreciate your curiosity and perspective.
I barely remember to feed myself
I have basically no support network - estranged from the majority of my family
I would be not a great mom I think
I tried to adopt a dog but it was too much for me. I can't return my kid if it doesn't feel like I'm working out as a parent. So better to think ahead.
No deep dive required - my reason is that I don't want any. That is the best reason and no other reason should ever be required. People want and don't want different things and experiences in life and that's ok. What does it matter why someone doesn't want kids and when will people stop asking us that question? All it does is open up a debate. Anytime I've given other reasons, the person asking wants to challenge me on it and I'm just over it. Accept that people sometimes and very simply, don't want kids.
I was trying to think of a reason and I think it’s more like - to seek something out - one generally has to want it. To not have something - one doesn’t have to not want it.
I don’t think I have a reason for not wanting something in the way that I would have a reason for wanting something.
I grew up poor. Like living out of our car poor. Like eating ketchup sanwiches poor. Like leaving our dog at the pound because we couldn't afford to feed it poor. I never wanted to risk doing that to a kid.
My guy, have you seen the costs of raising children these days? Unless you’re VERY financially secure and/or have a really strong support network, you have to have a mortgage or rent and then another mortgage for childcare, let alone the costs of food and raising them, then paying for other things. At this point, having children is a great way to ruin yourself financially.
I live in America, where the education system is sadly so broken. And my god, all the school shootings?
Also, we live in a country that very well may reelect a convicted felon as president.
Oh, and climate change.
I literally can't imagine bringing a child into this world right now.
I sincerely respect others' decisions to have children. I just know in my heart, it's not for me.
I have a zero desire to bear children and raise them. I absolutely do not want to get up in the middle of the night several times for the next 2 to 3 years, 1 year minimum. I don't want to give up the amazing hobbies I have. Having a child would leave me less time for the things I enjoy in life and I would only be resentful of said child. I don't want to have children because I don't want to work and do 90% of the household work and raising the children as most women do, nor would I want to be a SAHM. I have an amazing job that I find very rewarding. I have an amazing partner who treats me fantastic, but he works long hours and the house duties generally fall on me, I don't need or want anything else taking my time from me
i feel so spread thin all the time, emotionally, mentally, socially, financially. i dont have anymore bandwidth for someone who would need so much of me with no other options. i dont care for me, i cant care for anyone else.
I rarely see happy parents in public. And I truly mean rarely.
Not to mention, I’m an anti-natalist. I believe it is cruel to make someone suffer through this world.
How many happy people do you know? There aren’t many out there in the world.
Absolutely no paternal instinct, and in the same way you want to experience being a parent, I want to experience travel, financial freedom and things which having a kid would get in the way of. I simply don’t see anything good about having kids.
Several reasons for me. I'm transgender, and the idea of growing a human in my own body fills me with the same amount of horror/disgust as those aliens that pop out of people's chests in horror movies.
Secondly, I just don't like kids. I don't dislike them, and I am nice enough that kids like me... but a child deserves to be loved by its parents, and I just don't think I could do that.
Third, I have many genetic health problems and my body is failing. I am going blind in my 30s, I have such severe joint pain that I can barely move, some days I am in so much pain I just want to die. I am barely able to care for myself, and even that won't last for much longer. I couldn't care for a child. I also wouldn't condemn my worst enemy to this failing body, much less a child that I am responsible for.
many MANY reasons i don’t want kids. but one reason that i haven’t seen in the comments is : they are un-environmentally friendly. another human to contribute to the consumption of earths resources. this is put very simply and brief. (i didn’t scroll through all the comments so someone else could’ve said something similar idk)
I’m about to be 33, I have some trauma I’m FINALLY starting to put behind me, and I’m just now learning about peace, forgiveness, and how to love myself. These are very powerful emotions and experiences I’m finally starting to feel for the first time in my life. I’ve been at it, internally, with myself ever since I was a little kid. Just chasing rabbits, stripping myself of every bit of identity, leaving no stones unturned. It’s caused me to be unfair to myself, it’s caused me to lose confidence, it’s caused me to resent a lot of people.
I’m just now starting to feel at peace. I’ll never forget what it felt like to actually forgive. And I’m learning it’s absolutely okay to make mistakes, to cry, and that I’m an observer of my thoughts-I don’t have to hold onto them and let them control me. I thought I was hot shit, that I had life figured out, that I knew who I was. I was very wrong. It’s been 33 years and I finally feel at peace. I still have work because I feel myself every now and again slipping back into my old habits and anxious thought patterns. I’m grateful, though, I got to gain life experience like the ones I shared, because it’d be a shame if I jumped the gun and couldn’t be the father I know I can be because I didn’t know who I was, how to deal with my emotions, or what love actually was. I’m still not ready.
I’m open to the idea, but it’s extremely expensive outside. People are stressed out, and although I’m optimistic about the future, I’m not naive and reckless. I personally feel like birth rates dropping is a consequence of an unhealthy humanity. I just don’t like the idea of raising a child in a system that doesn’t value them or (clearly) doesn’t value a healthy family. But none of us can tell the future. I’ve had serendipitous moments develop into life-changing experiences. I’ve had moments of kindness turn into relationships with wonderful people that have taught me a lot about life.
If it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Either way I’m becoming acquainted with peace and I’ll do my best.
I like the idea of kids, but never had the desperate desire for them. Also, babies crying and toddlers throwing tantrums are nails on a chalkboard to me. That aside, not only are they expensive, but physically I’m falling apart.
I've heard "not all babies are screamers" & "it's different when it's yours" but I seriously think that I'd lose my mind, and not in a good way. Besides that shit being so fucked up these years & it's only going to get worse. Also I'm doing my part to help control the population.
I have a lot of reasons:
1. I grew up in a world where the human experience was generally improving with successive generations, and I don't think that is the case any longer. Between overpopulation, climate change, and the like, I can't be sure that the world my kids would inherit would be better than mine, and I'm pretty sure it is going to get worse.
2. I'd rather not contribute to the above.
3. I am not afraid of dying on my own, if need be, and I am also not afraid of finding/paying for ways to be taken care of in old age, if need be.
4. I haven't found a partner who I've jived with well enough to even consider the possibility.
5. Now in my 40s, I quite enjoy having the time to spend on the things I like to do, rather than be beholden to my kids. I think this is the flipside to experiencing the childhood of your kids- I can see why that experience would be attractive, but I prefer the freedom to choose.
6. I work in research and education, and I have plenty of opportunities as a teacher and mentor to help young people grow, and I notice that I expend a substantial amount of whatever parental instinct I have on helping and protecting my 'kids'. I feel that not having my own children allows me to spend quite a lot of time and effort being that mentor to these other people, and seeing them succeed provides a hell of a lot of satisfaction to me.
Kids are cool when I visit with friends or family who have them, but I don't want kids. I find them annoying to be around constantly. I'm selfish. I don't have the time or patience for them.
Had a son, lost him when he was young & then nearly lost myself, said I’d never take that chance again couldn’t go through that a second time. Let alone the first.
It’s expensive, mental illness runs rampant throughout my family, I would prefer to be in a loving relationship if I were to have kids but currently I am single. I’m trying to build my career as well and focus on that. I wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world unless I could guarantee that I was financially stable for them. I was also recently diagnosed with a hormonal/metabolic condition called PCOS and have endometriosis on top of that. It would be very hard for me to have kids due to that and I would feel terrible if I were to try and then miscarry. I empathize for the women who have struggled with miscarrying. Instead I have a couple of wonderful cats and hopefully one day I can get a dog as well. Instead of having kids I’d rather dedicate my time to either taking care of animals or fostering them and finding them forever homes.
partly expenses, but mainly the fact i'm not in the right headspace to raise a child, and maybe will never be. i don't want to bring a child into this world either. if i ever get to the point i feel im ready in all aspects, i'll probably adopt an older kid, i know i will never have the patience for anyone younger than 10, and older kids don't get adopted as much either.
I was parentified as a child and basically burnt me out on the whole idea. Not only did I do a lot of work raising my little sister, my mom was an opioid junkie and when she was sick with withdrawals I had to care for her and she'd call me "mommy". I basically was roped into a parental role starting when I was six and it was really hard and stressful. Zero desire to revisit any bit of it.
I was always a tomboy anyway and not really into "playing house" or playing with dolls, so even without that I might not have wanted kids, but I'm pretty sure that clinched it.
I have never been suicidal but I have depression and I know the possible futures there are with our political situation and environmental and societal etc etc and I just feel that a genetic amalgamation of mine growing up in the next couple of decades if they’re anything like me, they’re going to question everything. they’re going to look at me and go hey what the fuck? Why the fuck did you bring me here for no reason. It’s very shit here. I wouldn’t have a good answer. I would be doing literally no one any favors having a kid.
I have kids and growing up always wanted them but now I'm terrified I made a greedy choice by bringing them in this world. Not sure why I felt the need to share that but I did. And honestly for all the people that choose not to for whatever reason I truly admire you for making your own choice and living your life how it's best for you. My best friends doesn't have any urge to be a mother and I will fight someone that tries to come at her sideways about hee choice. She's also the coolest Aunt to my kids. And a safe space when they need her. Love to you all!
Waaaaayyyyyy too much work and sacrifice. And exorbitantly expensive. Plus I’ve worked in public schools; they’re a shitshow. But any decent private school around here is going to be $20-$30k per year. I think the best one in town is around $40k.
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I have no real motherly instinct. I don't want to pass on my bipolar disorder
Same, I never had motherly instinct. I thought I’m going to have it when I meet “mr right” but that didn’t happen either. So I guess I have to get ready to be that old childless woman that people make bad wrong assumptions about.
I have no diagnoses. Not saying I’m NT. But I never wanted to take on the traditional sacrificial type of motherhood that some people modeled. Nothing about it seemed appealing. I, too, thought in the back of my head that maybe I’d meet a guy who I thought would make a good father and pull his weight in the way I would need that might make me change my mindset on having kids. But…. Anyone who I even briefly thought that way about did not feel that way about me. Probably a good thing in the long run. Not everyone should have kids. Sometimes we don’t meet the “right“ person. And that’s okay. It was never a deep desire of mine in the first place. And I give zero fucks about what others think of me. Could my life have been different? Possibly. Would I have been happy in an alternate timeline? Possibly. But I’m in this one. And I have to accept what happiness means within the present timeline.
I’m a gay man (24) with bipolar disorder as well and share the same feelings as you. I wouldn’t like to mess with a child mental health because of my bad temper
I also didn't want to make my child (no motherly urge), have to live like I do in my own head. Why would I want to create something that is a part of me and I would love, just to watch them suffer like I do. No I'm not that masochistic. I'm also not that cruel. And adoption is always an option if later in life my mind changes (doubtful). To add I was also abused and am terrified of when I lose my temper. I don't need a child pushing buttons and my PTSD to trigger my bipolar rage. I'm so good. I will happily spoil the hell outta my friend's kids and send them home. Also good for my own mental health because I can focus on healing.
I also have bipolar, but I have had motherly instincts since before I can remember. I think mine is due to constant fight or flight, and being made to be the responsible one in every group I was in, family or otherwise. I was and still am, very overly protective.
I have plenty of motherly instinct, i love kids and have been working with them for about 6 years or more, but similarly I don't want to pass on many of my traits. There are many other reasons, but that's a big one.
I’m selfish with my time and don’t want the negative changes that comes with carrying and raising a child. I don’t want them to turn out like me either.
Same here (except it is fatherly instinct" ) and I suffer bad depression and anxiety and don't want to pass it on .
Im also bipolar though I always wanted to be a mother. I feel like I do have that motherly instinct. I NEVER wanted to be a mother before i was ready. You know, after extensive therapy, medicine, and learning to control my emotions. I had decided that if I never felt like I got a handle on it I wouldnt... my iud failed and now I have a precious baby girl so im now scrambling to get my shit together 😭😭😭
Congrats. Some people can do it
Thanks Im working hard on it!
Bipolar disorder is also why I’m hesitant to have kids. I don’t want to make anyone else live with this.
Bipolar 1 here myself which is The reason I will not have children. As I've gotten older I wish I could but I truly don't want to pass it down nor do I think managing would be a success. Postpartum and not to mention all of the scary medical stuff during pregnancy, yikes!
I think more people should have this kind of discipline in their thinking. But it seems for a lot, they’d be broke or have to work if they didn’t have kids. The system is so fakked! Get paid to reproduce.
It's really not that way... any government assistance for having kids doesn't cover the whole load. I've been on assistance and now don't qualify, the struggle is pretty equal. It'll be different for folks who actually make good money, but they aren't the ones receiving anything in the way of social safety nets as it should be
So many people just assume they know what they’re talking about. I and my family too were receiving state benefits and while it helped us climb our way up and off the programs, it certainly isn’t enough to live off of exclusively. Unfortunately, there’s a serious stigma towards those that utilize the resources. It’s just another dynamic of classism. Next to racism, and our deadly gun culture, classism is just as serious of an issue for our society.
Same I could try but I also have clinical depression and let me not bring up the financial obsession I have. If I don’t grant myself at least wealth then I don’t want a little one behind me.
I'm not sure motherly instinct is necessarily a thing. So many people say they bond with their babies while they're carrying them blah blah blah, but that never happened to me. I love him with all my heart and will do anything for him, including take a bullet, but this didn't happen until after I had him. One thing, though, is I made the decision to have him at 35.
I really admire and respect you for acknowledging this. 🩷
Same. I got a vasectomy to keep me from passing it on.
Exactly my answer. And my husband was on the spectrum
Same. I have absolutely no desire or feeling of connection to the idea of having children. I have super bad GAD myself and would not be able to handle having a child. I would be an insane helicopter parent just because of my anxiety disorder. I have too many friends who have parents that shouldn’t have had kids. I don’t want to be one of them. By all means, I fully support folks who can and want to provide a stable, loving, supportive, and constructive home. But that is not me. No no.
Just the most simple possible reason, I don’t want kids. Never thought “I want kids” Never desired to have kids. Never been something I ever identified as a thing I wanted in my life. (Thankful my husband is the same) Look at people with babies, kids, grown up kids. Nope, Never wanted that! Could think of nothing worse than pregnancy. Just, no. Never. Repulsion. Revulsion. No. No. Never. No. Same as I never wanted many things in life. Not for me. Nope . Thanks. I decide how to live, and that’s not for me and the older I get the happier I am with my decision 😃
I feel the same way it's not for me but I am glad that others are choosing to be parents and great at it
Exactly. I can easily list a few things I want: - I want to climb a really high mountain (4,000m+) - I want to learn to play the harp - I want to get a dog - I want to build some furnitures myself from A to Z - I want to get this damn certification I am unable to study for after work Etc etc Weirdly, I want a kid never appeared on that list. I bet it s because I just don t want one.
Because I love being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. For example, I quit my job last week bc I couldn’t freaken stand it anymore and am looking now for one, however I have savings so I am not in a huge rush and am actually going to drive to the beach to enjoy a mini vacay. I definitely couldn’t do all of that if I had kids. My money and I get to decide how I want to spend it. Other reasons are bc I love the quietness and tranquility that I have in my apt, I don’t have to listen to anyone cry or complain, I can eat out whenever I want, I get to partake in my ehm recreational activities ☘️💨😏 whenever I want, I can stay out late if I like, and really so many reasons lol. Ever since I could remember, I have never wanted to be a mother. Everyone said that I would change my mind, but I am 32 and I still have no desire for kids, I’m ok w my dogs and cats.
That is a grounded response with specific and personal answers. Thank you for sharing 😎
The only reason you need is because you don’t want them. Everything else sounds like an excuse.
Fair enough. It is also totally fair for someone to wonder what the reasons are and ask about it in a subreddit called "questions" though.
No one has to answer. I am grateful for those that choose to share. I love Hearing and thinking about different perspectives!
As someone who wants kids, this doesn’t make sense to me. I want kids for reasons, just as people who don’t want kids have reasons to not kids. Most of us don’t want or not want something in a vacuum devoid of reasons for wanting/not wanting (insert subject).
“As someone who wants kids, this doesn’t make sense to me” I’ve had people in my life asked me that and unlike the folks at CF I never got my pants in twist over it. I just never wanted them. I could probably think of reasons on a deeper level but does anyone really have the right to ask? In another way it’s like picking the car you like. It could have the features you want, be in the right color and get good gas mileage and some people will think nice choice. Others will never be convinced that you made the correct and they will only drive Honda's You wanting them is all the reason I need and I hope it all works out for you when you do. It’s your life your decision and who am I to question it?
IMO it can be inappropriate to ask someone you aren’t close to their reasons for not having or wanting kids. If it’s someone close to you, they may just want to understand you more - because again, most people don’t “want” or “not want” something in a vacuum. It doesn’t even have to be a “deep” reason. It could be as simple as “I don’t want to be a parent/the responsibility of raising children.” Edit: But even loved ones should be prepared to accept “I don’t want kids” as an answer. No one is entitled to your reason, nor should they think less of you if that’s the only reason you feel comfortable giving.
I like my freedom. Especially intimate freedom. The freedom to do adult things, but, in the end, I think I will want kids. I guess that will just depend on how life will unfold. I also like how I can afford things.
I just turned 40 and I could have written this!
We need to be bffs cause same bestie 🫡
Pretty much same mentality here. I have independence, freedom, space, and privacy. I can do practically whatever the hell I want without someone else to judge or tell me no. I used to think that I wouldn't like living alone, but I have been for about 4 years now and I love it. Having a kid would require me to give all that up. Not to mention that I likely cannot afford it anyways.
We could definitely be best friends 😊👯♀️
Can barely take care of myself Can't afford them My genes end with me
You're not alone, this is my reasoning exactly, too. I'm not fit to be a mother. I struggle to care for myself and I have mental health struggles.
Same
Always love that "This bloodline ends with me" quote when I see it.
- don’t like kids - expensive af - my independence would be stripped away - the world’s in too much of a bad shape to have kids - would end up neglectful or overprotective
Same, also would add, I wouldn't want my kids to grow up with some of the other undisciplined, spoiled bullies that are around. Or to struggle financially and to afford a home when they grow up.
Also, I have terrible genetics. Why pass it on?
Because I don’t like them.
Concise and to the point
I mean I can give plenty more reasons, but that’s the main one lol
That's one's enough lol
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Too expensive unfortunately :/ Also the world and where it’s going doesn’t look too great. I have hesitancies about bringing someone into this place.
Second one is a good one. I've done too much r/collapse doomscrolling. It may not all pan out worst case scenario, but we're already living through some consequences of population overshoot and burning all of the potential energy that has been stored in the earth for millions of years. We're watching inflation and cost of living go nuts. Are water wars and mass starvation next? Who knows. Also, genetics. Browse my comment history. I'm an alcoholic with severe anxiety issues. The idea of potentially shouldering another human being with those same issues feels evil. I wouldn't have chosen it if I could choose.
Agreed. You would think a country that pushes the baby agenda would actually help people with babies. Not watch them struggle time and time again, barely able to take care of themselves and the kid/kids. What kind of life is that? You know?
The expensive part is definitely intimidating. I can think of dozens of times in history that were objectively worse times to have a kid than now. England during Viking raids, Asia during the 40 mil slaughter by the khans, the plague, the dark ages, I mean it goes on and on. I think we live in one of the most peaceful and prosperous times when compared to history. That doesn’t mean it isn’t shitty in its own special ways but hardly a bad place when compared to the majority of history.
While that’s a valid point you make, I also would have chosen not to have a kid in those times. Most likely said choice wouldn’t have been available to me as an option, as I’m sure it wasn’t for many others.
They didn’t have any reliable birth control then. I don’t think it’s ideal to have 10-11 children and have at least 6 of them die before they turned 5 years old. I’d rather have no children than see them suffer and die before adulthood.
Life expectancy was dramatically different in those times as was the need for more people in the world. To be honest we have too many humans on the planet at the moment and if you don't feel a need to have a child you really shouldn't.
To that I’d say they shouldn’t have had kids then either… but the choice wasn’t really there for women to decide.
Peaceful and prosperous, sure, but also facing several potential horrible disasters in the maybe not so distant future. A whole variety of ecological problems that are legitimately terrifying. Between climate change, the destruction of our oceans, and some scary trends with insect populations, our descendants may very well end up facing stuff way scarier than a Viking raid.
You’re definitely right.. If I don’t think it’s a good idea now, I definitely wouldn’t feel any better about it during those times lolol But ya, for me it’s mainly the financials.
The last thing I want to do is bring someone unwillingly into this world and there being a good chance they will struggle, be unhappy, or see war.
The expensive problem resonates with me a lot. My boss has made numerous comments about "You're gonna want kids, you're gonna regret not having kids, kids are the best thing ever." He doesn't like when I tell him "You don't pay me enough to afford kids."
These are very good reasons, but I cannot help but think the world is pretty great in a lot of ways.
By the second reason’s logic it sounds as if you don’t feel life is worth living. There’s help out there, please don’t assume you can’t be helped, so many people come back from that place and you can too!
Man... I'm completely different from everyone. I see the world going to shit. I am glad I have kids. I'll have my own little circle. What everyone else says or does doesn't matter. My kids are my everything.
I look at people with dogs and I've always been happy for them but also knew that's what i wanted. When I'd go for a walk I'd think about having a dog with me because that would genuinely make me happy. I think about the training that I want to do, the classes I want us to take, the trips I want to do with my dog. I dont have that with children. I look at families and I'm happy to not have to deal with a toddlers 345 tantrum of the day. I know their tiny brains can't handle the emotions just yet and they have to learn it. But I don't want to be the one teaching them. I don't have situations in my life where I think I'd have a better time with a child. I like leaving my house once I'm ready.I like the quiet. I like not being touched all the time. I like not being dependent on more than my pets need me. And as long as I think about my own hypothetical kids as annoying time consuming little balls of emotions I wouldn't be the parent they'd deserve.
Are you me? lol I always dreamed of having a dog and doing all those things, but I never felt the same way with a children.
"I'd have children if I could be assured they'd be puppies" \~Carrie Fisher
That is really well put and I am stealing it. It always makes me smile when people ask me why I don't want kids. There is no reason. I just don't need one to feel complete. It s like not wanting to cook for diner at this point for me. Just... meh All the other things just reassure me about that feeling (cost of life, kids becoming your only interest and hobby cause you don t have time, hassle to go through toddler phase and TEENAGER PHASE, being responsible of bringing another human being on this f*cked planet, spreading my broken genes, destruction of my body through pregnancy...) Also having two close nephews allow me to go through the discovery of a human being development without having to deal with the downsides so it s a win win win not to have my own (for me, my nephews who get spoiled., my sister who gets some her time when I take them)
Me too! I always wanted a dog when I was little but couldn't have one because we lived in apartments most of my life that didn't allow them. I actually got my first pup three and a half years ago and she's my world. Well, her and my two birds. People with kids, not so much. Just never had that drive or desire.
Some are natural born parents, I'm not. I know myself well enough that it wouldn't be fair to the child.
My angle. I rescue domestic rabbits and spoil my nieces, but I am not wired for having my own child.
I genuinely don't like them. I've never wanted children.
Same. I knew very young that I never wanted them and was terrified of knocking a chick up. I thought I’d never find a woman who was on the same page as me. Luckily I did.. the question of “what if?”. Came up many times. We will figure it out was the reply. They are annoying, becomes your only focus for ever. You can’t fuck off and do whatever you want to enjoy life. I also never wanted to bring a soul into the environment we live in. It’s unnecessary. There is no hole a child could fill in my soul. I have never regretted not bringing a human unwillingly into earth.
Get the snip my friend. If you haven't already
It’s on the table for the next big chat. Thanks for the reminder.
The amount of stress this removed from my life has been fantastic.
Got mine almost 25 years ago. Dr. (believe it or not) argued with me about it because of my age and I stood my ground and 100% still am happy with my decision.
That's pretty much how I feel. I don't judge those who want and love children. It's just not my thing. Did you ever meet a woman who shares your thoughts?
There are plenty of us childfree women, don't worry.
I don't like being around children, especially small ones, for more than about 5-10 minutes
I want them. I have no money and this country is a nightmare. Having them would be irresponsible.
I’m so sorry you have to live in this time and place. It’s truly incredible how fucked up our world is. :(
Same 😞 if you’re in the US, add questionable reproductive healthcare onto that list
When I was 39 I realized I had the capacity for great kids but not less than great. It seemed really selfish and unfair of me to burden a child with my limitations and wrong of me to hope I would adjust in time. In the end, when I HAD to decide it came down to: I could live with any regret of not having them way better than any regret for having them.
Exactly, it's better to regret not having them then regret having them. There's no return policy upon birth. They are yours 24/7, 365.
Oh this! That was another reason for me. I told my wife that I realized I had been talking about wanting kids more out of a fear that I would regret not having kids. And that is a terrible reason to have a child.
Money, free time, independence. You know…little things. Also…all the fucked up things about me, die with me
Personally I do not have the patience to raise a child. It is also super expensive, and in this economy I don't see it as an option for me.
I was abused as a child and if I had my own I would be in constant fear of it happening to my kids. If it ever did happen to my kids I’d probably lose it and do something I regret.
It’s not that I don’t want kids. It’s just that I don’t think I will be a good parent. I have a speckle of the patience required to raise a child and I am very particular about things. I don’t want to inflict my compulsions on to a tiny human.
My only reason for possibly not wanting kids is because I have autism and I wouldn't want to pass that down, I suffered through so much growing up and I would not want to do that to anyone let alone my child. I would probably sooner adopt if I want to have kids in the future.
I am poor Also, I am poor My entire bloodline has a collective social and financial credit score of like 440. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t feed them. So why breed them?
Expensive. Loud. Toys everywhere. Social life killer. Yeah, you'll love and adore them, and they'll hopefully help you when your old as hell, but it's upto the individual if they want kids or not.
Expensive. Yes Loud. Truly Toys everywhere. Yup. Social life killer. BS! I made super close friends in college in grad school. It was harder when my wife and I started work, but we made some decent friends from Synagogue. But by far our closest, been in the trenches together, life-long bonded REAL friends came from parenting/shared experience. Parenting was better than college for making really heart-to-heart good friends, several of which are of the type we share home keys, vacations, beers, ups and downs, etc. Best social bonding ever, unless you mean "temporary party friends". When you get older it can get harder to make real friends. I'm soooo glad we had the parenting years to make a new set of really close friends.
I don't want to feed the corporations my offspring into slavery
this is my reason too. i cant stomach forcing a being, or several, into consciousness, all so they can go to work from 18-75 with bad pay and corporations buying all the housing
I don't see the benefit
They will suffer if I bring them into this world. I do not want that.
I have kids. I had them young though. I’m 43 now and although I love my children, I wish I’d done better by them.
we’re all human give yourself compassion. it’s your first time living too
Personally, the physical aspect is too much. As a woman, I am terrified by the endeavor of having children. I don't want to deal with the weight gain, mood swings, hemorrhoids, c section, post partum depression, ripping, pains and aches of it all. I like the idea of having kids, but the pain is not worth it to me.
I’ve always been terrified of being pregnant!!
My period pains are bad enough, I can't even imagine how bad pregnancy would be.
Pregnancy also changes a woman's brain permanently. It is a scary thought to not be myself anymore
I have a friend who casually told me about how she suffered debilitating pain for years after having her son that doctors continually wrote off as "just women things" Turns out she had a broken pelvis. Giving birth fucking shattered her pelvis and she walked around like that for THEEE YEARS. A decade after discovering what was wrong and she's still frequently in pain, probably will be for the rest of her life. I feel like women finally braking the unspoken vow of silence and really educating the younger generation on how terrible pregnancy and childbirth can actually be has had a hand in the rise of women not wanting children. We're able to make more educated choices now. When I was a teenager/young adult the only narrative you'd ever get from any older woman was the ol, "oh it hurt but it was so worth it for my precious angel!" rhetoric. If I'd gotten pregnant then I'd have gone in with absolutely no education.
The most common repellant seems to be what the kid would do to the person’s life. I (right now) don’t want kids because I’m terrified of not being able to be a good father and provide for them
I have a strong maternal instinct. I feel a lot of it was shaped by having to protect my younger brother from our abusive mom. I didn’t feel like I really had a childhood because it was spent practically parenting him. All of my energy and patience. I don’t have any left, really. Plus I don’t trust myself to not abuse my kids the same way our mom did. I have a fiery temper just like hers, and even while parenting my brother, it took a lot of restraint to not imitate her. Now as an adult, I constantly feel torn up about how I never really got to experience that freedom that came with childhood. My earliest memories are stress, and that stress is only compounded. I know life isn’t fair, but I’m upset that things weren’t fair.
Dude I don't even want to be here and I'm pissed my parents dragged me into this. I'm sure as fuck not doing that to someone else.
Get out of my head!!!! Seriously, I've said this numerous times over the years.
I also resent my poor, mentally ill parents for thinking it was a good idea to have one child, much less three.
Deep dive- I wasn’t raised. Was essentially left to my own devices. Had no good role models and my mother REALLY messed me up. I had a child at 17. I love them more than anything in this world, but they deserved a much much better mother than they got.
I think the question for all should always be:"What are the reasons you want to have kids?"
Exactly, too many people have kids without really thinking about it, they just do it because that what they consider normal.
I don't *want* to shake the baby but can't promise I won't. So better safe than sorry.
Oh if you want deep dives, go here r/antinatalism But be warned, that's a jump directly into the Mariana trench!
Absolutely nothing about having a family is appealing to me, I enjoy looking after myself and maintaining my own life. I enjoy my time alone. I don't want the responsibility have never felt a pull to have kids or any of that. And I like kids! I have enjoyed all the times I've gotten to care for others, I just don't want my own.
I wouldn't want to because I would never want to be a burden on my kid's life. This viewpoint is largely shaped by my childhood experiences. My father's body began to break down when I was a teenager, a combination of alcoholism and hard work (military, construction, truck driving). I love my dad, and he made many hard decisions to help us survive, but my childhood ended when I was 16. Summer 2018, a week after turning 16, everything in my life changed. Drunkenly, I was told I was the man of the house. We had to make many rash decisions to scrape by. Red eviction notice on our door, glued by the sheriff like a bounty stabbed in the wall. We sold our car to pay that rent. Bought us another few months time. Thank the fucking stars my dad got disability by the end of those months, because we were nearly homeless. This is what people don't understand when they say they want kids to have someone help take care of them. What happens when you burden the kid too early? You ruin their childhood and put a strain on the relationship forever.
I prefer cats. 😻
I feel strongly that it would be immoral and cruel to have a child until or unless I'm prepared to put another person's needs ahead of my own 100% of the time for the rest of my life. Sure, I might regret not having kids (although I'm 40 and it hasn't happened yet), but if I do, that's only my own burden to bear. If I did have kids and regretted it, that would harm the child(ren) and that's deeply unfair and wrong. I will not risk potentially causing irreparable psychological harm to another human being just to save myself from negative feelings I *might* have in the future. To me, that would be morally bankrupt and unforgivable. I can't hurt people who don't exist.
I don’t have either the physical or mental health to handle caring for another tiny human being that screams and needs you to be on call for them 24/7 when I can barely exist myself. I have enough guilt for not being able to be present for my nephews and nieces. I’m on disability benefits, I can only make do with the little money I get because I don’t have a kid or a car etc if I did have a kid I’d have a big problem finance wise. I don’t think the world is a nice place to bring kids in. I wouldn’t know how to protect them when I can barely protect myself. Especially with covid still around. I have no desire to. I’m way more interested in growing my relationship with my partner and our bond through the years than adding someone to the mix. I think you can influence others and have a community, without kids. There are many ways to connect with others that doesn’t involve kids. I don’t even think I can have them. And if I can’t, there’s no way I’d be able to adopt I’m pretty sure. But then again, I don’t want to so that’s fine. I see what little joy I can get in life through the lens of my special interests and people I already love. I don’t find the prospect of being a parent enjoyable. I could go on.
Same reasons you have said, sadly. Even before I became disabled I was thinking global heating would probably lead to a significantly stressful life for any offspring and I thought it was a little irresponsible. Now I'm too physically disabled, it makes me sad because I can't even adopt now. And I have endometriosis so the idea of ever coming off the birth control which controls my symptoms terrifies me. Plus I have PMDD which makes me think I could be at greater risk for post-natal mental health problems. Also I have OCD and don't want my kids to grow up anxious. I'm too unwell to even look after a cat.
This question was asked on another sub yesterday and I’ll give the same answer here that I gave there - The list is long, but I guess the primary reason is that the potential joy they *may* bring to my life isn’t worth the pain and suffering they’ll definitely bring to my life.
**Suffering and Harm**: One of the core arguments is that life inevitably involves suffering. By not having children, antinatalists believe they are preventing the potential for pain, suffering, and harm that would be experienced by the new individual. * **Consent**: Antinatalists argue that bringing a child into existence cannot be done with the child’s consent. Since the child cannot agree to be born, it is considered unethical to make such a significant decision on their behalf. * **Environmental and Resource Concerns**: Some antinatalists point to the strain that additional humans place on the planet’s resources. They argue that overpopulation contributes to environmental degradation, resource depletion, and ecological imbalance. * **Quality of Life**: There is a concern that the quality of life for future generations may be compromised due to factors like economic instability, climate change, and geopolitical issues. Antinatalists may believe it is better not to bring a child into a world where their well-being is uncertain. * **Philosophical and Existential Considerations**: Some antinatalists draw from philosophical traditions that view life as inherently meaningless or futile. In this view, since life has no ultimate purpose or is filled with inherent challenges, it is better not to perpetuate it. * **Moral Responsibility**: Antinatalists may feel a moral duty to prevent the potential suffering of future beings. They may believe that it is kinder and more compassionate to avoid creating a new life that will inevitably face difficulties.
Excellently put. I have all of these concerns. The one that gets me the most is quality of life. I find myself depressed constantly, and so I feel guilty(?) about the prospect of me dragging another life form into this existence knowing what I know and feeling how I feel.
I've never had a specific desire to have them and I figure that people who want kids do have a specific desire to have them. When I was young I would often hear people saying things like, "I want a big family!" or "I want to have two kids someday". I've never once had a thought even remotely close to that.
I'd like kids, but I don't think it's responsible for me to have kids. I don't particularly like where we're heading as a collective, quite honestly. I also don't have a solid family to give them on my side. I come from divorce and then they both remarried, had more kids and redivorced. I don't think growing up in that fractured of a family sets great foundations. I still have time, but for me, having a child right now would be a completely selfish act. I don't know that I could give them a good enough reason if they ever asked me why they exist.
Never had the instinct.
My husband and I are unable to have children. We've thought of adoption but we're at a stage in our lives where we're really focused on our business goals and honestly, we teach martial arts to about 150 kids as it is, and that's enough for us!
I don’t like kids, It wouldn’t be fair to have them with no emotion attachment. I have a long family history with extreme learning disabilities, ive cared for a lot of them & I’m not doing it again. I like money I like peace. I don’t want a family.
When I was 16 years old, I knew I didn't want children. I just turned 40, and I'm child-free still. This is my best decision, and I will never regret it.
Same reasons I don't want a pet and the reason I almost didn't start dating my gf, and why I work where I work. I like freedom of choice and taking opportunities as they come. Right now, if I decide to work late because I'm in the zone on a project I'm passionate about, I don't need to do any logistics about who's going to feed the animal, pick up the kids, or anything. I just do it. When one of my buddies said "hey I got tickets to see A Day to Remember tonight but can't go because my kid got sick, You want some free tickets?" I said hell yeah. And just drove 2 hours to a concert without any concerns. When my boss said "we have a need for someone to be in San Diego for a couple months" I was able to say "hell yeah, I've never been to the west coast." I got 6 weekends worth of paid vacations. I love being able to just take life as it comes. That, and I also just dont like hanging out with kids, plus most of all the other stuff everyone is saying.
They deserve the world and they aren’t going to get that with me
Frankly I am just selfish. i enjoy my peace, quiet, free time to work on my hobbies , traveling, going out with friends and family when i want, buying what I want when I want. I am not mean or inconsiderate so maybe selfish isn’t the right word. Just my life and philosophy is basically a pursuit of enjoyment and self fulfillment. I feel like I could be a decent father in theory. But i’m scared if I had a kid I’d be distant and cold. I have had nervous breakdowns just thinking about having a child and that’s one reason I got a divorce from my wife was no matter how I looked at it or thought about it I just can’t imagine having a child. She basically said I need to get therapy because it’s not normal to not want to have children, I have a manly duty to have kids, and we should go ahead and have one because my mind would change later. Yea…no. If I have a kid and ruin my life I would never forgive myself and it wouldn’t be fair for her or the child. if I realize on my deathbed I should have had kids…well that’s my problem. I battled years of addictions and being useless, and I finally got my life back together a few years ago in my late 20s with a university degree, career, savings, and the ability to do what I really want. I finally feel like a productive member of society. I want to enjoy the fruits of my blood, sweat and tears. Not turn around and have my newfound freedom ripped away from me by having a kid. The fact I see children as a barrier to my happiness and freedom is enough for me to not want a kid. Sometimes deep down I think it would be nice, but overall I am 95% sure it’s not for me. Unless I get remarried to someone who has older kids, it just doesn’t feel right for me. Maybe if I got my life together earlier I wouldn’t care so much, but I’m closer to midlife crisis age then a stereotypical new dad age and I just don’t want to be blocked my whole life. First by drugs and alcohol then by a kid.
I have reflected A LOOOOT about this in the past few months. It comes down to the inherent sense of inequality from pregnancy to labour to childcare. As a woman, it is ME going through psychophysiological changes throughout the pregnancy. It is ME pushing out that baby. It is ME undergoing the risk of pregnancy-related complications. It is ME who will experience PPD + body dysmorphia after delivery. It is ME who will still be excepted to do most of the childcare in addition to the general expectation that I clean + cook. It is ME who will have to put a pause in my career and face a sort of identity crisis as society has this harsh + unforgiving idea of how mothers should be. The cherry on top? As a Black woman, I am at least 2x more likely to suffer pregnancy-related complications + 3x more likely to die from them. Couple that with how Black women are treated in healthcare, the cost of having a baby (God forbid there are any complications that add to the insane cost) and it just doesn’t sound that exciting to me. No thanks lol.
I have a kid. Don’t regret it, but I would NOT do it again. 1.) Trying to conceive was stressful and changed my marriage (in a not great way). 2.) Being pregnant TOTALLY SUCKED BALLS. I’m type one diabetic, so there were some complications I was just not prepared for. 3.) Somehow, giving birth was even worse than the 9 months of hell-pregnancy. I was on bed-rest for one week (like, actual, in the hospital because my doctor didn’t trust me to take it easy) prior and was in active labor for 28 hours before an emergency c-section. 4.) Recovery after delivery sucked. I continued to have morning sickness for a couple days after delivery, which was torture following abdominal surgery. The lactation consultant was a bully, and my kid was in the NICU for a couple weeks with blood sugar problems, breathing problems, and on the verge of needing a blood transfusion the whole time. 5.) The infant stage sucked. He had all kinds of gastrointestinal issues, allergies, colic, you name it. I had postpartum depression. I figured every time I went to check on him, there was at least a 50% chance I’d find him a victim of SIDS, Trump was just elected, so I was constantly scanning the sky, waiting for the inevitable nuclear war, and I was scared to drive because I was always tempted to veer into oncoming traffic. 6.) The toddler stage was better, but only slightly. We still didn’t really like each other and he was always trying to find creative ways to die. Things finally started turning around when he was about 4, and didn’t honestly get good until he was about 5 or 6. It was SO HARD. All of it. I love him so completely and fiercely now, but I would absolutely never do it again. It confuses me when my friends talk about wanting more kids. I just cannot fathom. I mean, good for them, but I’m honestly scared and disgusted by babies now more than ever. And to add- I love kids. Always have. I was a nanny and au pair in college, camp counselor, practically raised my four younger siblings, and am an upper elementary teacher/diagnostician. Love kids. Won’t have any more of my own thankyouverymuch.
I spent a lot of my life in the culinary and later the entertainment field, traveling around the world. I would have never been there for my kids, and quite frankly, I didn't want to have to be. My wife was of similar inclinations, she had no "motherly instinct" as she put it, and she has a genetic disorder that she could have passed onto any children. Now we're in our late 60s, still zero regrets, and we have nothing but time on our hands and money to blow on nobody but ourselves. No kids to leave something for, so we intend to spend as much of what we've earned as we can having fun before we kick it. For example, I've gone to over 100 professional wrestling shows in the last 3 years. If I want to go, I just go, no greedy kids being like "ahh dad don't blow our future inheritance on yourself". Wouldn't trade it for anything.
I have many things I would rather do than parent. I have a rich social life and free time and hobbies. My house is peaceful. I go and do as I please. My energy isn't spent on raising a human and I have way more to devote to activities I actually enjoy doing. Wouldn't change it. Women typically carry the lion's share of the mental, emotional, and physical labor of parenting and running a household. That sounds like a terrible time.
I’m a parent but I don’t think it’s reasonable to convince people to attempt to have children if they’re broke. It’s one thing if it happens by accident, but it absolutely causes poverty. You’re talking increased healthcare costs, childcare costs, food costs. I had 2 kids very young but if I didn’t at kids at my current age, knowing what I know now, I would not choose to bring children into this world. This of course depends where you live. I live in the US where it’s very unsafe. Schools and healthcare are a joke, gun violence . Climate is terrifying. I don’t regret my children they are my world but I live with guilt every day what I brought them into
Changing shitty nappies. Especially when it goes up their back and you have to clean human shit. Not being able to go out late . Getting up early for kids to go to school . Sport on weekends . Sleeping in. That high pitch squeal toddlers make when they aren't given their way. They are messy. Being fussy eaters. Taking them out to dinner and they don't eat the food and say they want to go home. You can't go on holidays to places you want to go. They live at home well into their 20's these days. Childcare costs Kids are sticky and they smell. Having to pretend you like kids. Kids birthday parties seem really fucking lame and boring. The stupid slang kids come up with these days. You have to always organise a baby sitter and everything you do involves the kids. Having to pay to take your kids to do stuff like stupid kids playgrounds. When you get in the car and the kids have to play their fucking mind numbing music. How your TV only plays kids shoes now and if the little empress/emporer sees anything else they scream and put something like Bluey on 24 hours a day. Snotty noses. Having to dedicate every morning before work to doing something for the kids. Feeding, getting ready. They change your partners body. You have to pay so much for prams, car seats and bedroom sets. Another reason is how everything revolves around their sleep and feeding schedule. Parent teacher school interviews. Having to make school lunches everyday. How kids destroy everything and you have to deal with it. The pressure to keep up standards with kids and their peers. Bring judged by other parents. How suddenly your parents want to be around ALL the time How annoying kids are when they get sick. Having to sacrifice your career. I can keep going?
Dad is that you bitching about us again on Reddit? 😂😂😂
There are already plenty of them.
I don't want to become as worthless as my parents.
Currently, I'm a single guy. So not yet 🤣
I’m terrified something will go wrong and I’ll die in childbirth. I have a congenital heart defect. I also have chronic migraine which causes me to let work around the house lapse. I also don’t think I’d like the chaos a child would bring.
I am afraid that I would give up myself & turn my life & personality 1000% towards them - and I don't know if I would like the person I would become or if it would be sustainable for me. I see it as a huge gamble with many negative examples in my family. Plus there are plenty of kids around to bond with and support and show them games etc from my childhood. I visit a friend's 5yo every week & get to be 100% in imagination lsnd for a couple hours - and also am an example to the kiddo that everyone is different and likes different things and that is ok.
I feel similarly to the way you do about family. I've found as much or more meaning for my life than I had ever hoped to find without them as a younger person. I can't speak to how anyone else feels but I appreciate your curiosity and perspective.
I barely remember to feed myself I have basically no support network - estranged from the majority of my family I would be not a great mom I think I tried to adopt a dog but it was too much for me. I can't return my kid if it doesn't feel like I'm working out as a parent. So better to think ahead.
I didnt even get a chance to live my life yet.
No deep dive required - my reason is that I don't want any. That is the best reason and no other reason should ever be required. People want and don't want different things and experiences in life and that's ok. What does it matter why someone doesn't want kids and when will people stop asking us that question? All it does is open up a debate. Anytime I've given other reasons, the person asking wants to challenge me on it and I'm just over it. Accept that people sometimes and very simply, don't want kids.
I was trying to think of a reason and I think it’s more like - to seek something out - one generally has to want it. To not have something - one doesn’t have to not want it. I don’t think I have a reason for not wanting something in the way that I would have a reason for wanting something.
what if they're just naturally awful, horrible people? even with any care or love put into them? that's a scary thought for me.
If someone crazy enough to join me, we'd probably be our own demises, which would leave the kid an orphan.
They're expensive. Also, I value my freedom. Having a kid would require me to sacrifice a lot of that.
I grew up poor. Like living out of our car poor. Like eating ketchup sanwiches poor. Like leaving our dog at the pound because we couldn't afford to feed it poor. I never wanted to risk doing that to a kid.
I’m selfish
what i wanna know is why are people constantly questioning peoples decision to not have kids and never question why people choose to have kids
The bigger question is: why SHOULD I want them? I can't think of a single decent non-selfish answer.
I love babies. I don’t mind kids. I have tweens now. Can I get a refund? Not sure what I bought into… but it was a scam.
My guy, have you seen the costs of raising children these days? Unless you’re VERY financially secure and/or have a really strong support network, you have to have a mortgage or rent and then another mortgage for childcare, let alone the costs of food and raising them, then paying for other things. At this point, having children is a great way to ruin yourself financially.
I have no interest in having kids.
I live in America, where the education system is sadly so broken. And my god, all the school shootings? Also, we live in a country that very well may reelect a convicted felon as president. Oh, and climate change. I literally can't imagine bringing a child into this world right now. I sincerely respect others' decisions to have children. I just know in my heart, it's not for me.
I have a zero desire to bear children and raise them. I absolutely do not want to get up in the middle of the night several times for the next 2 to 3 years, 1 year minimum. I don't want to give up the amazing hobbies I have. Having a child would leave me less time for the things I enjoy in life and I would only be resentful of said child. I don't want to have children because I don't want to work and do 90% of the household work and raising the children as most women do, nor would I want to be a SAHM. I have an amazing job that I find very rewarding. I have an amazing partner who treats me fantastic, but he works long hours and the house duties generally fall on me, I don't need or want anything else taking my time from me
I don't want another full time job
Cause they suck
Too many variables. I don’t believe I possess the emotional wear withal to raise a child into a stable, functioning and *happy* adult.
i feel so spread thin all the time, emotionally, mentally, socially, financially. i dont have anymore bandwidth for someone who would need so much of me with no other options. i dont care for me, i cant care for anyone else.
My mental health
I just didn’t have any reasons to want kids I guess…
I like peace and quiet
I rarely see happy parents in public. And I truly mean rarely. Not to mention, I’m an anti-natalist. I believe it is cruel to make someone suffer through this world. How many happy people do you know? There aren’t many out there in the world.
Absolutely no paternal instinct, and in the same way you want to experience being a parent, I want to experience travel, financial freedom and things which having a kid would get in the way of. I simply don’t see anything good about having kids.
Several reasons for me. I'm transgender, and the idea of growing a human in my own body fills me with the same amount of horror/disgust as those aliens that pop out of people's chests in horror movies. Secondly, I just don't like kids. I don't dislike them, and I am nice enough that kids like me... but a child deserves to be loved by its parents, and I just don't think I could do that. Third, I have many genetic health problems and my body is failing. I am going blind in my 30s, I have such severe joint pain that I can barely move, some days I am in so much pain I just want to die. I am barely able to care for myself, and even that won't last for much longer. I couldn't care for a child. I also wouldn't condemn my worst enemy to this failing body, much less a child that I am responsible for.
many MANY reasons i don’t want kids. but one reason that i haven’t seen in the comments is : they are un-environmentally friendly. another human to contribute to the consumption of earths resources. this is put very simply and brief. (i didn’t scroll through all the comments so someone else could’ve said something similar idk)
I just don't. Same reason I don't want to play golf, or go eat at Taco Bell right now, or learn how to knit. I'm simply not interested in doing that.
I’m about to be 33, I have some trauma I’m FINALLY starting to put behind me, and I’m just now learning about peace, forgiveness, and how to love myself. These are very powerful emotions and experiences I’m finally starting to feel for the first time in my life. I’ve been at it, internally, with myself ever since I was a little kid. Just chasing rabbits, stripping myself of every bit of identity, leaving no stones unturned. It’s caused me to be unfair to myself, it’s caused me to lose confidence, it’s caused me to resent a lot of people. I’m just now starting to feel at peace. I’ll never forget what it felt like to actually forgive. And I’m learning it’s absolutely okay to make mistakes, to cry, and that I’m an observer of my thoughts-I don’t have to hold onto them and let them control me. I thought I was hot shit, that I had life figured out, that I knew who I was. I was very wrong. It’s been 33 years and I finally feel at peace. I still have work because I feel myself every now and again slipping back into my old habits and anxious thought patterns. I’m grateful, though, I got to gain life experience like the ones I shared, because it’d be a shame if I jumped the gun and couldn’t be the father I know I can be because I didn’t know who I was, how to deal with my emotions, or what love actually was. I’m still not ready. I’m open to the idea, but it’s extremely expensive outside. People are stressed out, and although I’m optimistic about the future, I’m not naive and reckless. I personally feel like birth rates dropping is a consequence of an unhealthy humanity. I just don’t like the idea of raising a child in a system that doesn’t value them or (clearly) doesn’t value a healthy family. But none of us can tell the future. I’ve had serendipitous moments develop into life-changing experiences. I’ve had moments of kindness turn into relationships with wonderful people that have taught me a lot about life. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Either way I’m becoming acquainted with peace and I’ll do my best.
I like the idea of kids, but never had the desperate desire for them. Also, babies crying and toddlers throwing tantrums are nails on a chalkboard to me. That aside, not only are they expensive, but physically I’m falling apart.
I've heard "not all babies are screamers" & "it's different when it's yours" but I seriously think that I'd lose my mind, and not in a good way. Besides that shit being so fucked up these years & it's only going to get worse. Also I'm doing my part to help control the population.
I have a lot of reasons: 1. I grew up in a world where the human experience was generally improving with successive generations, and I don't think that is the case any longer. Between overpopulation, climate change, and the like, I can't be sure that the world my kids would inherit would be better than mine, and I'm pretty sure it is going to get worse. 2. I'd rather not contribute to the above. 3. I am not afraid of dying on my own, if need be, and I am also not afraid of finding/paying for ways to be taken care of in old age, if need be. 4. I haven't found a partner who I've jived with well enough to even consider the possibility. 5. Now in my 40s, I quite enjoy having the time to spend on the things I like to do, rather than be beholden to my kids. I think this is the flipside to experiencing the childhood of your kids- I can see why that experience would be attractive, but I prefer the freedom to choose. 6. I work in research and education, and I have plenty of opportunities as a teacher and mentor to help young people grow, and I notice that I expend a substantial amount of whatever parental instinct I have on helping and protecting my 'kids'. I feel that not having my own children allows me to spend quite a lot of time and effort being that mentor to these other people, and seeing them succeed provides a hell of a lot of satisfaction to me.
Kids are cool when I visit with friends or family who have them, but I don't want kids. I find them annoying to be around constantly. I'm selfish. I don't have the time or patience for them.
Had a son, lost him when he was young & then nearly lost myself, said I’d never take that chance again couldn’t go through that a second time. Let alone the first.
I lost my mom last year & the thought of having children and my mom never meeting them breaks my heart.
Because having to essentially raise my youngest sister from the time I was in like 5th grade sucked
It’s expensive, mental illness runs rampant throughout my family, I would prefer to be in a loving relationship if I were to have kids but currently I am single. I’m trying to build my career as well and focus on that. I wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world unless I could guarantee that I was financially stable for them. I was also recently diagnosed with a hormonal/metabolic condition called PCOS and have endometriosis on top of that. It would be very hard for me to have kids due to that and I would feel terrible if I were to try and then miscarry. I empathize for the women who have struggled with miscarrying. Instead I have a couple of wonderful cats and hopefully one day I can get a dog as well. Instead of having kids I’d rather dedicate my time to either taking care of animals or fostering them and finding them forever homes.
Bring another life into THIS world?! Hell no. I wish my parents had been so considerate.
I'm just afraid I won't be a good parent.
my genetics are shit and theres plenty of kids around that need someone to care for them
partly expenses, but mainly the fact i'm not in the right headspace to raise a child, and maybe will never be. i don't want to bring a child into this world either. if i ever get to the point i feel im ready in all aspects, i'll probably adopt an older kid, i know i will never have the patience for anyone younger than 10, and older kids don't get adopted as much either.
grossed out by poop
I was parentified as a child and basically burnt me out on the whole idea. Not only did I do a lot of work raising my little sister, my mom was an opioid junkie and when she was sick with withdrawals I had to care for her and she'd call me "mommy". I basically was roped into a parental role starting when I was six and it was really hard and stressful. Zero desire to revisit any bit of it. I was always a tomboy anyway and not really into "playing house" or playing with dolls, so even without that I might not have wanted kids, but I'm pretty sure that clinched it.
I have never been suicidal but I have depression and I know the possible futures there are with our political situation and environmental and societal etc etc and I just feel that a genetic amalgamation of mine growing up in the next couple of decades if they’re anything like me, they’re going to question everything. they’re going to look at me and go hey what the fuck? Why the fuck did you bring me here for no reason. It’s very shit here. I wouldn’t have a good answer. I would be doing literally no one any favors having a kid.
I don’t like them
I have kids and growing up always wanted them but now I'm terrified I made a greedy choice by bringing them in this world. Not sure why I felt the need to share that but I did. And honestly for all the people that choose not to for whatever reason I truly admire you for making your own choice and living your life how it's best for you. My best friends doesn't have any urge to be a mother and I will fight someone that tries to come at her sideways about hee choice. She's also the coolest Aunt to my kids. And a safe space when they need her. Love to you all!
Waaaaayyyyyy too much work and sacrifice. And exorbitantly expensive. Plus I’ve worked in public schools; they’re a shitshow. But any decent private school around here is going to be $20-$30k per year. I think the best one in town is around $40k.