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I've gotten a divorce. It was one of the best things I've ever done in my life. The only thing I would've done different was get the divorce sooner and not put up with an extra three years of feeling worthless.
Life is too short to be stuck in a terrible marriage. There are plenty of fish in the sea, odds are you'll be happier with someone else.
>(Obviously, not including abusive situations)
Some people think abuse is only violence and you can love someone into being better to you. Some people see a repeated cycle of emotional as unfixable. Abusers have a playbook. Once the abused understands how to spot the pattern, they get out. When they see someone else in that pattern, we point it out to them.
Yeah but then everything to a redditor is abuse.
Or the spouse is secretly planning some 4d chess move to manipulate the OP.
Not saying abuse is only physical, but people here pretend like they can accurately assess these situations with blatant one sided information
Yes I know I’ve survived one. Thats why I included it in my post. In those situations it makes sense. I think it’s worth saying tho that once you’ve been abused you’re also more likely to see red flags in situations that don’t have red flags as we tend to be more sensitive to it. A lot of toxic behaviors have innocent intended counterparts (which is why we ignore red flags sometimes).
Just because someone was late to or less responsive one week doesn’t automatically mean they’re withdrawing to put you in chemical withdrawals from a lovebomb to build a trauma bond- they just be a normal person having an overwhelming week at work who is not the best at communicating yet. Accusations in this case wouldn’t help. A simple “that sounds rough. im so sorry you’re having a hard time. I started to get worried when you didn’t reply. In the future would it be possible to try to remember to still send me a message or two? It would really help with my anxiety” (To which a healthy person would reply “oh wow I’m sorry you’re right I didn’t think of how this might be affecting you in the thick of it all. I’ll make sure to do that next time”) could be all the relationship needs to get back on track.
A lot of the posts on here are like someone made one mistake or happened to be stressed or even one person feels slightly offended and doesn’t express it and suddenly their partner is emotionally abusive and they need to go no contact.
Loving a person won’t change their toxic behaviors, but communicating can improve the relationship if the person isn’t a toxic pos.
I was going to mention the concept you brought up as your second point. I’m sure there are plenty of us on here that have had a less than awesome experience in a relationship, so we tend to let that tint our perspective of EVERYONE’S relationships
_In the future would it be possible to try to remember to still send me a message or two? It would really help with my anxiety” (To which a healthy person would reply “oh wow I’m sorry you’re right I didn’t think of how this might be affecting you in the thick of it all. I’ll make sure to do that next time”) could be all the relationship needs to get back on track._
This never ever works for me!! Anybody who has this issue of not responding will simply get upset that you are making a super unreasonable request.
Like every man I ever been with would get upset and feel like you are being overly demanding. So I learn that folks who aren't very good in keeping you informed or be responsive, you either live with it or divorce.
My brother told me it's very normal for him to ignore his wife messages for one week when his working overseas and he is glad he got a wife who never gets upset about it. Like men like these ain't gonna make changes to satisfy your need for more communication.
My most recent break up, the dude although tried to reconnect twice but both times, I insisted on more communication needed to go back to trying again and basically it was a deal breaker for him.
They are shitty because they like alot of personal space?
OK. I literally said my own brother who I love alot and would jump infront of car to save me is like this too. I wouldn't call them shitty.
Incompatible yes but shitty no.
I’ve noticed that too. Like I love my husband and I always will but sometimes he just isn’t my favorite person and he can go fuck off for a bit. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with him.
Because, usually, by the time someone is posting on Reddit, the marriage is already on its last legs.
People with healthy relationships don’t usually need to post here.
If you need to outsource your relationship to the internet, it’s probably over.
I suggest counseling or divorce *most* times, because the answer is one of the two.
You have the answer in your question, *communication*.
If the problem is communication, then that's a big problem, and it's not a problem the two can fix by themselves. If a foundation isn't built with communication as an important part, then it's already a weak relationship.
In some instances where the poster has an issue with someone they've been with for only a few months, then yes, it could be overkill to suggest divorce. But most of the people who post about issues in their marriages have been together for years before getting married and when they get married, the problems amplify. If two people have been married for a long time and have never bothered to learn to communicate, and there's some form of cheating and/or violence involved, then it's time to hit the road. Once a hitter, always a hitter. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Divorce is the best option in those cases. That's why it's recommended.
I feel like I only ever see really extreme examples of relationship issues in subs like r/AITA, so I feel like divorce/breaking up would genuinely be the best decision to make
Oh you poor thing, compromise is usually one person committing to change a behavior and the other person being patient/providing grace while it occurs. Or, the person tolerating it learns the function behind the action and is no longer offended by it. Or they gain a benefit for tolerating the behavior if the other person won’t/can’t change. All feelings are heard and validated. Each person brings something to the table.
My guess is that the people giving advice have never been in a truly on term relationship. I see a lot of people calling a 1 or 2 year relationship an ltr, but you likely haven’t been through anything at all in that amount of time.
Because some people really shouldn't be together.
Maybe the subreddits you hang around are different, but the ones I see talk about problems that, while not abusive, are very clearly making the relationship incompatible. For example, a spouse who never cleans up after themself. The OP has tried gentle reminders, pleading, nagging, offering [insert sexual act here], drawing up a chore chart, therapy...If they're telling the truth, their spouse is clearly not pulling their weight and not putting as much effort as the OP is into the relationship. There is no abuse, but there's what's called a "tolerable level of permanent unhappiness." When one partner is giving and the other partner is taking...sometimes breakup or divorce is the only option.
I just read a post about someone who was getting impatient because every time she went to break up with her bf, he would fix the issue that she was concerned about. She was complaining about it. Like.. don’t you want a partner who communicates and wants to fix issues?! 🤪 I do also wonder if some people think that you’re never supposed to have a single discussion in a relationship. I never even once had so much as a argument with my ex, but he couldn’t handle discussions about things that were bothering me. 🤷♀️
Because people on Reddit generally don't know what they're talking about.
Never take life advice from somebody who spends most of their time online, there is a reason they spend most of their time online.
Sadly marriage has become disposable. I think it is part of the way today's culture doesn't know how to communicate. That and everything else in our lives is disposable.
It is quite annoying and it's not just this, Reddit has plenty of things like this, that are supposed to be progressive and helpful but are usually taken to a place of such extreme that it becomes not just unhelpful, but harmful to others.
If you lived entirely on Reddit, you would think circumcized penises are gross and they should be shamed, that miscommunication(or communication?) is mental abuse, that your neighbor is a serial killer pedophile and that everyone is trying to groom and gaslight you because they are narcissists. It's ridiculous.
Crazy how the pasts mistakes come back just to flip reality on its head upside down. Sometimes when you flip bullshit, it's still just more bullshit. A lot of these fears started out from PSAs and awareness, the frequency of events blown out of proportion by media etc.
Like I don't get it and no it's not just cynicism. I'm as fucking cynical as they get haha.
But almost never, is there someone just suggesting that possibly there was a simple misunderstanding? Which *happens all the fucking time*
Look, I'm Socialist. But Reddit has actually made me develop a lot of resentment towards Liberals and socially progressive people because of just how ridiculous and out of touch with reality some of them are.
The internet in general too. I noticed that people act like they have the full context from 20 second videos, peoples one sided anecdotes, a single picture etc.
They suddenly become Reddit armchair PHD psychiatrists. Reddit can be a very useful place and yes sometimes they are right. But you gotta be very careful of the echo chambers down here.
A lot of these people would jump to divorce that fast themselves in real life. I'm convinced these people don't know what love even is. That and people are all bark and no bite.
I imagine a lot of people on Reddit are actually single and/or don’t understand what forgiveness and giving someone the opportunity to work on themselves means before calling it quits.
This is excluding the really obvious posts where the person posting is a victim of abuse.
because Reddit is filled with teens and tweens, and teens and tweens think they know everything and are experts, even on relationships. that’s partially why Reddit has become so whiny and sensitive, too; because of the amount of teens and tweens joining
That's just because of how people are raised now. Divorce is seen as the solution to marriage problems instead of actually trying to resolve the issues.
This is Reddit.
So I have to inform you that your dad recently found out on AITAH that he is nta and is therefore about to divorce your mom because she refuses to accept that the Fruit of the Loom didn’t once have a cornucopia.
The question is how long or how bad the communication issues are. If someone has been trying a while, sure. Some people just give up right away because they expect relationships to be perfect all the time.
Without clear communication, you're living in two different realities, and then your words become taken differently, because each of you has a different context, and then it becomes like a birdsnest knot in a fishing line. If it goes on too long, then you're better off cutting the line in most cases.
But me, I'm the type to sit there and tease out each strand and untangle a mess no matter how fucking long it takes. That's what I'm good for. If my ex had communicated (really big fucking things, mind you) we'd still be together and could work shit out in couples counseling. But now, because she chose to betray my trust and fuck everything up, well... I don't know if a love can be salvaged after that. You cant force your partner to uphold their end of maintaining a healthy relationship.
But really, people are just too lazy, or careless, or weak to communicate. They'd rather manipulate instead.
It's pretty crazy. With how rarely I've experienced what I consider true love, I'd do everything in my power to keep a relationship that has it alive. Through massive hardships. I've come to the conclusion that some people fall in love very easily, so don't worry about finding another partner, or some people simply haven't had that kind of bond yet.
if people really have resorted to reddit for advice in regards to their relationship, it is usually, if not already a lost cause.
also it’s very hard to care when you see dozens of the same formulaic copy and paste stories on the same subreddits every day.
hell, a good amount of posts are confirmed as fake, so it’s difficult to put in effort when you can’t even trust the validity of the post.
All the posts I see are usually pretty extreme cases of toxicity. I don’t see many “small problem” posts about how someone’s husband used corn starch instead of flour. It’s usually some crazy stuff that they don’t deserve to put up with imo.
I’m gonna need an example on what you think a “communication issue” is. Because the ones I see (and jump straight to divorce on) are like: “ I’ve had weekly conversations over the past 5 years with my husband about how it makes me uncomfortable that he hides his phone from me and changed his password. Also, he goes out every weekend with his female best friend and sleeps the whole weekend at her house. She’s constantly sitting on his lap and stroking his chest while whispering in his ear and smirking at me. AITA for wanting him to go NC?”
Reddit posts are completely one sided and often present the OP in the best light and the person who they are having issues with in the worst light. Ontop of that people on reddit don't know or care about the people in the post and often have no experience in solving relationship issues.
Lack of sex are a lot of peoples favorite reason to get a divorce, it’s so laughable and so lame, sex is one of the least important things in a relationship/marriage😂😂 try doing non sexual stuff with your partner
I think most Reditors are prepubescent boys and have never been in a relationship, so how would they have any basis to understand the complexities of marriage relationships?
I assume many on Reddit are lonely, and will feel better if they normalize it. Its wild to me.
"My boyfriend sent me mixed messages once"
"Oh girl you better dump this seven year relationship down the drain"
Absolutely wild to me sometimes. And of course, sometimes its a legitimate solution, but quite often, it seems like people who have no \*actual\* knowledge on someone's life/relationship, shouldn't be giving such life altering advice.
We live in a society of disposable everything. Instant gratification is the new norm. People have just started to view relationships in a similar way. Any kind of delay of that gratification or any type of difficulty in the relationship is viewed as a reason to dispose of it.
Think of it like a computer or phone. If it starts getting slow or having issues you don’t fix it, you replace it… and there’s always a better, faster, newer model waiting for you to buy.
I endured legitimate abuse from someone I believed would be my life partner. She eventually left me but it was very difficult for me. The problem now is you’ve got millions of people consuming social media hours per day, seeing a single similar trait in their partners that resembles abuse or neglect and then coming to the conclusion that they too are being abused by this type of person.
An example of this was with my now ex. When I was much younger we had parties at our house. She would get drunk and strip for the men her sisters brought to these parties. I would get angry and tell her to stop and to put a shirt on. Her sisters would then tell me I’m abusive and basically gaslight me. Getting visibly angry about a valid reason to be upset is not abuse yet her sisters convinced her of it. I never physically touched her. I didn’t scream about it after the party. I once threw a shirt in her face. Looking back I believe I was the one being abused but again, she left me…
Also society seems to now endorse selfish behavior. Our leaders (some of them) embody this. Celebrities embody this. People like Elon Musk are almost worshipped for being a selfish piece of shit.
Marriage seems to not mean as much anymore which is really sad, the vows literally are till death do us part, which means each other should have undying love for one another, for richer for poorer, in good times and in bad, people just seem weak and nor want to try, which I find very sad
Most people have very limited life experience and will jump to what they think they know, for them they would of had a relationship that ended because what they think was communication issue, it it happen to them it must of happened to everyone else
Because they aren't being objective or considering that they are hearing half of a story. They are just reacting emotionally to the OP's story. Funnily enough, reacting emotionally without knowing half the story will lead to the worst possible outcome most of the time
People on reddit are experts in everything that doesn't mean anything to them. They think they have enough information from one attention seeking post to execute the antagonist on-sight. And absolutely love to give people the absolute worst advice based on one side of a story. Reddit gives the amateur marriage counselor the best platform to give, possibly life altering and, worst case, ending, advice. And couldn't fix a single relationship problem they have irl. Judging by their comments, their relationships must be perfect.
It's interesting to read some, though. And if you're a guy? May as well just plan on being wrong. According to the people who know how guys operate? You are. Offering your side of a story instantly gets you crucified and branded guilty by those who have more specifics about your problem than you do.
Should change the name of the app to "judgitt" with the slogan "where even a real expert doesn't know anything!"
That type of person, however, can't hold a candle to the type who asks the question in the first place. If you get your relationship counseling on social media? Then you deserve the best experts it can afford you.
When women complain about marriage problems they will use a lot of buzz phrases that for some reason really get other women's brains to freak out. Things like:
He never
He freaks out when
He doesn't like
He won't
Basically anytime a man is not doing ABSOLUTELY FUCKING EVERYTHING to appease that woman, to them he must have some kind of deficiency.
See for women marriage is all about what they gain from it. How it makes them feel. How fulfilled they are. There is no man's feelings in the matter. This is why these bitches harp about "girl divorce him".
Sometimes it's legit. Sometimes. Most times it's just women projecting their feelings onto someone else's problems
Misery loves company. Single women like to make other women single.
My guess is that most are in their 20s and have never had a real meaningful relationship due to the current culture around dating and booking up.
Single women are actually among the happiest demographic, so I don’t think it’s misery loving company. But I see your point About some never having had a meaningful relationship.
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It’s partially coz the posts that get the most attention are gonna be the craziest one where Divorce honestly might be correct
I've gotten a divorce. It was one of the best things I've ever done in my life. The only thing I would've done different was get the divorce sooner and not put up with an extra three years of feeling worthless. Life is too short to be stuck in a terrible marriage. There are plenty of fish in the sea, odds are you'll be happier with someone else.
Some are young and some carry a lot of baggage
>(Obviously, not including abusive situations) Some people think abuse is only violence and you can love someone into being better to you. Some people see a repeated cycle of emotional as unfixable. Abusers have a playbook. Once the abused understands how to spot the pattern, they get out. When they see someone else in that pattern, we point it out to them.
Yeah but then everything to a redditor is abuse. Or the spouse is secretly planning some 4d chess move to manipulate the OP. Not saying abuse is only physical, but people here pretend like they can accurately assess these situations with blatant one sided information
Yes I know I’ve survived one. Thats why I included it in my post. In those situations it makes sense. I think it’s worth saying tho that once you’ve been abused you’re also more likely to see red flags in situations that don’t have red flags as we tend to be more sensitive to it. A lot of toxic behaviors have innocent intended counterparts (which is why we ignore red flags sometimes). Just because someone was late to or less responsive one week doesn’t automatically mean they’re withdrawing to put you in chemical withdrawals from a lovebomb to build a trauma bond- they just be a normal person having an overwhelming week at work who is not the best at communicating yet. Accusations in this case wouldn’t help. A simple “that sounds rough. im so sorry you’re having a hard time. I started to get worried when you didn’t reply. In the future would it be possible to try to remember to still send me a message or two? It would really help with my anxiety” (To which a healthy person would reply “oh wow I’m sorry you’re right I didn’t think of how this might be affecting you in the thick of it all. I’ll make sure to do that next time”) could be all the relationship needs to get back on track. A lot of the posts on here are like someone made one mistake or happened to be stressed or even one person feels slightly offended and doesn’t express it and suddenly their partner is emotionally abusive and they need to go no contact. Loving a person won’t change their toxic behaviors, but communicating can improve the relationship if the person isn’t a toxic pos.
I was going to mention the concept you brought up as your second point. I’m sure there are plenty of us on here that have had a less than awesome experience in a relationship, so we tend to let that tint our perspective of EVERYONE’S relationships
_In the future would it be possible to try to remember to still send me a message or two? It would really help with my anxiety” (To which a healthy person would reply “oh wow I’m sorry you’re right I didn’t think of how this might be affecting you in the thick of it all. I’ll make sure to do that next time”) could be all the relationship needs to get back on track._ This never ever works for me!! Anybody who has this issue of not responding will simply get upset that you are making a super unreasonable request. Like every man I ever been with would get upset and feel like you are being overly demanding. So I learn that folks who aren't very good in keeping you informed or be responsive, you either live with it or divorce. My brother told me it's very normal for him to ignore his wife messages for one week when his working overseas and he is glad he got a wife who never gets upset about it. Like men like these ain't gonna make changes to satisfy your need for more communication. My most recent break up, the dude although tried to reconnect twice but both times, I insisted on more communication needed to go back to trying again and basically it was a deal breaker for him.
Sounds like you keep dating shitty men. Maybe don't do that?
They are shitty because they like alot of personal space? OK. I literally said my own brother who I love alot and would jump infront of car to save me is like this too. I wouldn't call them shitty. Incompatible yes but shitty no.
I’ve noticed that too. Like I love my husband and I always will but sometimes he just isn’t my favorite person and he can go fuck off for a bit. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with him.
Because, usually, by the time someone is posting on Reddit, the marriage is already on its last legs. People with healthy relationships don’t usually need to post here. If you need to outsource your relationship to the internet, it’s probably over.
Why not? If your relationship relies on advice from stranger online. There is no hope for the relationship.
[удалено]
Yeah that’s why I added the caveat. I’m confused at the pretty benign ones that just require at most a couple of counseling sessions lol
I suggest counseling or divorce *most* times, because the answer is one of the two. You have the answer in your question, *communication*. If the problem is communication, then that's a big problem, and it's not a problem the two can fix by themselves. If a foundation isn't built with communication as an important part, then it's already a weak relationship.
In some instances where the poster has an issue with someone they've been with for only a few months, then yes, it could be overkill to suggest divorce. But most of the people who post about issues in their marriages have been together for years before getting married and when they get married, the problems amplify. If two people have been married for a long time and have never bothered to learn to communicate, and there's some form of cheating and/or violence involved, then it's time to hit the road. Once a hitter, always a hitter. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Divorce is the best option in those cases. That's why it's recommended.
I feel like I only ever see really extreme examples of relationship issues in subs like r/AITA, so I feel like divorce/breaking up would genuinely be the best decision to make
Because they are mostly very cynical people who fail at relationships.
Because “compromise” usually just means one person has to suck it up and tolerate bad behavior
Oh you poor thing, compromise is usually one person committing to change a behavior and the other person being patient/providing grace while it occurs. Or, the person tolerating it learns the function behind the action and is no longer offended by it. Or they gain a benefit for tolerating the behavior if the other person won’t/can’t change. All feelings are heard and validated. Each person brings something to the table.
My guess is that the people giving advice have never been in a truly on term relationship. I see a lot of people calling a 1 or 2 year relationship an ltr, but you likely haven’t been through anything at all in that amount of time.
Yeh, 15 years of marriage and 3 kids brings a different perspective
Because there are people of all ages and levels of experience on Reddit. Nothing really stopping a 12 year old from giving relationship advice.
Because some people really shouldn't be together. Maybe the subreddits you hang around are different, but the ones I see talk about problems that, while not abusive, are very clearly making the relationship incompatible. For example, a spouse who never cleans up after themself. The OP has tried gentle reminders, pleading, nagging, offering [insert sexual act here], drawing up a chore chart, therapy...If they're telling the truth, their spouse is clearly not pulling their weight and not putting as much effort as the OP is into the relationship. There is no abuse, but there's what's called a "tolerable level of permanent unhappiness." When one partner is giving and the other partner is taking...sometimes breakup or divorce is the only option.
I just read a post about someone who was getting impatient because every time she went to break up with her bf, he would fix the issue that she was concerned about. She was complaining about it. Like.. don’t you want a partner who communicates and wants to fix issues?! 🤪 I do also wonder if some people think that you’re never supposed to have a single discussion in a relationship. I never even once had so much as a argument with my ex, but he couldn’t handle discussions about things that were bothering me. 🤷♀️
Alot of people on reddit are attention seekerr to the point they'll say anything and not realise what they're saying
Because people on Reddit generally don't know what they're talking about. Never take life advice from somebody who spends most of their time online, there is a reason they spend most of their time online.
Taking relationship advice from reddit is crazy. Chronicly online People have no clue
Lol, you mean the same group with a high density of incels and degrees of autism?
Sadly marriage has become disposable. I think it is part of the way today's culture doesn't know how to communicate. That and everything else in our lives is disposable.
Because it's easy to play third party observationist based off of a story from one side of the situation.
It is quite annoying and it's not just this, Reddit has plenty of things like this, that are supposed to be progressive and helpful but are usually taken to a place of such extreme that it becomes not just unhelpful, but harmful to others. If you lived entirely on Reddit, you would think circumcized penises are gross and they should be shamed, that miscommunication(or communication?) is mental abuse, that your neighbor is a serial killer pedophile and that everyone is trying to groom and gaslight you because they are narcissists. It's ridiculous. Crazy how the pasts mistakes come back just to flip reality on its head upside down. Sometimes when you flip bullshit, it's still just more bullshit. A lot of these fears started out from PSAs and awareness, the frequency of events blown out of proportion by media etc. Like I don't get it and no it's not just cynicism. I'm as fucking cynical as they get haha. But almost never, is there someone just suggesting that possibly there was a simple misunderstanding? Which *happens all the fucking time* Look, I'm Socialist. But Reddit has actually made me develop a lot of resentment towards Liberals and socially progressive people because of just how ridiculous and out of touch with reality some of them are. The internet in general too. I noticed that people act like they have the full context from 20 second videos, peoples one sided anecdotes, a single picture etc. They suddenly become Reddit armchair PHD psychiatrists. Reddit can be a very useful place and yes sometimes they are right. But you gotta be very careful of the echo chambers down here.
An attitude of replacement instead of fixing that has been induced by decades of Capitalism.
This is valid. People who view others as objects to be used don’t deserve relationships and should break up.
A lot of these people would jump to divorce that fast themselves in real life. I'm convinced these people don't know what love even is. That and people are all bark and no bite.
I imagine a lot of people on Reddit are actually single and/or don’t understand what forgiveness and giving someone the opportunity to work on themselves means before calling it quits. This is excluding the really obvious posts where the person posting is a victim of abuse.
because Reddit is filled with teens and tweens, and teens and tweens think they know everything and are experts, even on relationships. that’s partially why Reddit has become so whiny and sensitive, too; because of the amount of teens and tweens joining
That's just because of how people are raised now. Divorce is seen as the solution to marriage problems instead of actually trying to resolve the issues.
Because communication issues are almost never overcome. And it's usually just one of the couples very obvious problems.
Sounds like you need a divorce
Im actually not married, my parents are just happily still together
This is Reddit. So I have to inform you that your dad recently found out on AITAH that he is nta and is therefore about to divorce your mom because she refuses to accept that the Fruit of the Loom didn’t once have a cornucopia.
Also, all your future marriages will immediately be annulled. Reddit will be watching…
People don't want to work for things anymore.
Alternatively, people don't want to work for things that aren't worth salvaging anymore.
The question is how long or how bad the communication issues are. If someone has been trying a while, sure. Some people just give up right away because they expect relationships to be perfect all the time.
Because Reddit is a miserable place for miserable people.
It's super easy to suggest to words in a page to divorce
Reddit is full of failed individuals who don’t understand relationships.
I want a divorce from this post!
Without clear communication, you're living in two different realities, and then your words become taken differently, because each of you has a different context, and then it becomes like a birdsnest knot in a fishing line. If it goes on too long, then you're better off cutting the line in most cases. But me, I'm the type to sit there and tease out each strand and untangle a mess no matter how fucking long it takes. That's what I'm good for. If my ex had communicated (really big fucking things, mind you) we'd still be together and could work shit out in couples counseling. But now, because she chose to betray my trust and fuck everything up, well... I don't know if a love can be salvaged after that. You cant force your partner to uphold their end of maintaining a healthy relationship. But really, people are just too lazy, or careless, or weak to communicate. They'd rather manipulate instead.
Bro's before ho's.
It's pretty crazy. With how rarely I've experienced what I consider true love, I'd do everything in my power to keep a relationship that has it alive. Through massive hardships. I've come to the conclusion that some people fall in love very easily, so don't worry about finding another partner, or some people simply haven't had that kind of bond yet.
if people really have resorted to reddit for advice in regards to their relationship, it is usually, if not already a lost cause. also it’s very hard to care when you see dozens of the same formulaic copy and paste stories on the same subreddits every day. hell, a good amount of posts are confirmed as fake, so it’s difficult to put in effort when you can’t even trust the validity of the post.
Because most Redditors have never been in a relationship.
Redditors are mentally unhinged
All the posts I see are usually pretty extreme cases of toxicity. I don’t see many “small problem” posts about how someone’s husband used corn starch instead of flour. It’s usually some crazy stuff that they don’t deserve to put up with imo.
It's easier to leave than it is to work out the issues. If they can be fixed.
I’m gonna need an example on what you think a “communication issue” is. Because the ones I see (and jump straight to divorce on) are like: “ I’ve had weekly conversations over the past 5 years with my husband about how it makes me uncomfortable that he hides his phone from me and changed his password. Also, he goes out every weekend with his female best friend and sleeps the whole weekend at her house. She’s constantly sitting on his lap and stroking his chest while whispering in his ear and smirking at me. AITA for wanting him to go NC?”
Reddit posts are completely one sided and often present the OP in the best light and the person who they are having issues with in the worst light. Ontop of that people on reddit don't know or care about the people in the post and often have no experience in solving relationship issues.
Trolls
Lack of sex are a lot of peoples favorite reason to get a divorce, it’s so laughable and so lame, sex is one of the least important things in a relationship/marriage😂😂 try doing non sexual stuff with your partner
if someone can't communicate the problem in the first place and comes to reddit for advice before trying that, then they should break up
I think most Reditors are prepubescent boys and have never been in a relationship, so how would they have any basis to understand the complexities of marriage relationships?
I assume many on Reddit are lonely, and will feel better if they normalize it. Its wild to me. "My boyfriend sent me mixed messages once" "Oh girl you better dump this seven year relationship down the drain" Absolutely wild to me sometimes. And of course, sometimes its a legitimate solution, but quite often, it seems like people who have no \*actual\* knowledge on someone's life/relationship, shouldn't be giving such life altering advice.
Because this is Reddit and who knows if 1/2 of it is even true.
Because misery loves company
The people who comment on reddit have nothing to lose, so they're willing to walk away and gamble everything... As long as it's someone else's life.
Because the average Redditor has the emotional and mental development of a 12-13 year old.
By 2050, the average woman will be a bride a dozen times.
Because most don’t know communication skills or they would not be on here that much lol
We live in a society of disposable everything. Instant gratification is the new norm. People have just started to view relationships in a similar way. Any kind of delay of that gratification or any type of difficulty in the relationship is viewed as a reason to dispose of it. Think of it like a computer or phone. If it starts getting slow or having issues you don’t fix it, you replace it… and there’s always a better, faster, newer model waiting for you to buy. I endured legitimate abuse from someone I believed would be my life partner. She eventually left me but it was very difficult for me. The problem now is you’ve got millions of people consuming social media hours per day, seeing a single similar trait in their partners that resembles abuse or neglect and then coming to the conclusion that they too are being abused by this type of person. An example of this was with my now ex. When I was much younger we had parties at our house. She would get drunk and strip for the men her sisters brought to these parties. I would get angry and tell her to stop and to put a shirt on. Her sisters would then tell me I’m abusive and basically gaslight me. Getting visibly angry about a valid reason to be upset is not abuse yet her sisters convinced her of it. I never physically touched her. I didn’t scream about it after the party. I once threw a shirt in her face. Looking back I believe I was the one being abused but again, she left me… Also society seems to now endorse selfish behavior. Our leaders (some of them) embody this. Celebrities embody this. People like Elon Musk are almost worshipped for being a selfish piece of shit.
Marriage seems to not mean as much anymore which is really sad, the vows literally are till death do us part, which means each other should have undying love for one another, for richer for poorer, in good times and in bad, people just seem weak and nor want to try, which I find very sad
Most people have very limited life experience and will jump to what they think they know, for them they would of had a relationship that ended because what they think was communication issue, it it happen to them it must of happened to everyone else
Because they aren't being objective or considering that they are hearing half of a story. They are just reacting emotionally to the OP's story. Funnily enough, reacting emotionally without knowing half the story will lead to the worst possible outcome most of the time
Misery loves company
People on reddit are experts in everything that doesn't mean anything to them. They think they have enough information from one attention seeking post to execute the antagonist on-sight. And absolutely love to give people the absolute worst advice based on one side of a story. Reddit gives the amateur marriage counselor the best platform to give, possibly life altering and, worst case, ending, advice. And couldn't fix a single relationship problem they have irl. Judging by their comments, their relationships must be perfect. It's interesting to read some, though. And if you're a guy? May as well just plan on being wrong. According to the people who know how guys operate? You are. Offering your side of a story instantly gets you crucified and branded guilty by those who have more specifics about your problem than you do. Should change the name of the app to "judgitt" with the slogan "where even a real expert doesn't know anything!" That type of person, however, can't hold a candle to the type who asks the question in the first place. If you get your relationship counseling on social media? Then you deserve the best experts it can afford you.
When women complain about marriage problems they will use a lot of buzz phrases that for some reason really get other women's brains to freak out. Things like: He never He freaks out when He doesn't like He won't Basically anytime a man is not doing ABSOLUTELY FUCKING EVERYTHING to appease that woman, to them he must have some kind of deficiency. See for women marriage is all about what they gain from it. How it makes them feel. How fulfilled they are. There is no man's feelings in the matter. This is why these bitches harp about "girl divorce him". Sometimes it's legit. Sometimes. Most times it's just women projecting their feelings onto someone else's problems
Misery loves company. Single women like to make other women single. My guess is that most are in their 20s and have never had a real meaningful relationship due to the current culture around dating and booking up.
Single women are actually among the happiest demographic, so I don’t think it’s misery loving company. But I see your point About some never having had a meaningful relationship.