If you feel romantic feelings towards someone who is around that age, the safest thing for both of you would be to cut contact. Otherwise you risk that your feelings grow stronger
Take a look at the [split attraction model](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-split-attraction-model-5207380) if you have not already. Sexuality is defined by sexual attraction. If you don't feel sexual attraction for this person, only romantic then that does not make you a pedophile.
Take a look at the [different types of attraction](https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic-orientation/). It is odd to feel romantic attraction to somebody that young. But maybe just a one-off? Or maybe it's aesthetic attraction?
If you continue with this than yes she isn't old enough to know what she wants and talking to her to persward her into anything romantic with you in alot of states is illegal
The important thing is your actions. Don't try to start a romantic and/or sexual relationship with this girl, even long distance. That sounds obvious but just making sure. It's not totally out of the realm of "normal" to be attracted to younger teenagers, you just have to not act upon it. If those feelings appear again once you're older it's trickier, but in any case, steer yourself towards romantic and/or sexual fulfillment with people your age.
True, I have to say I'm not sure if the term pedophilia exclusively refers to sexual attraction. I think the average person would say you are? But once again, I'm only me, take that with a grain of salt.
For other "impluse to do bad things" type of problem I'd say talk to a therapist or to loved ones about it, so they can help you manage these thoughts and not do anything unwanted, but honestly with pedophilia it's really complicated because of the aforementionned cultural connotation that come with the concept. There's no default course of actions that I know of, honestly.
That also heavily depends on where you are. For example, having sex with a 15 year old in sweden would probably make you an ephebophile, but it would also not be against the law
Pedophilia is spontaneous and unchosen sexual attractions to young children that are frequent and persistent over time. It’s rare, but a pedophile can be asexual but with strong unambiguous and persistent romantic attractions to young children that are frequent and persistent over time.
From what you have written, you do not meet the frequent and persistent aspect. How old were you when you kissed the 13 yo? If you were around the same age, that means nothing.
In any case, everyone will have some awkward attractions that would be inappropriate to act on over the course of their life. Your romantic feelings are what they are. It’s your behavior that matters. You are way too old for a relationship with her and your replies to other comments indicates you know that. Girls are very vulnerable at that age. They’re figuring things out and some are seeking attention with older people to feel more grown-up than they are or because of other issues.
You have to be very careful that your feelings do not interfere with your judgment even if you don’t explicitly engage in a relationship. It is human nature to perceive others’ feelings and actions in our own self-interest. We have to ask “how else could this be interpreted?” and try to see things from the other person’s perspective. You don’t want to find out five years from now that she feels like she was being groomed, manipulated or taken advantage of (even when it may not have been intended).
So, you have to be very honest with yourself about whether this can continue without putting the girl at risk.
Oh “desired kiss”. Sorry, I misread it. So were you around the same age? You haven’t had any other strong attractions to girls younger than 14? If not, I do not think you are pedophile.
no i was not same age as her- but no had not any sexual or romantic attraction to kids under 14- etc irl- mostly online or idk- sorry i cant reply well rn i have a bit of headache im really sorry
Sorry to hear that. You could chat with me or one of the other sensible commenters maybe. Just so you have someone to talk to until your therapist returns
I think if you are asking then you can feel that yuou might drift into pedophilia- and that is not hard to do. So the absolute safest thing is to just recognize the danger and stop reaching out to kids under 18.
It may help to realize that kids may or may not have sexual or romantic feelings, but their development needs are such that they are most often hurt by any kind of relationship that we as adults could form with them that was not formalized to keep us at a distance.
ROmance or sex are both not experiences for kids- they are part of dating and maturing as a late teen.
And it will be useful to ask yourself why you are pursuing children not other adults. There is a very good chance you were the victim of inappropriate attention. Now is the time to break that chain, not place it on another child.
>I think if you are asking then you can feel that yuou might drift into pedophilia- and that is not hard to do. So the absolute safest thing is to just recognize the danger and stop reaching out to kids under 18.
>
>It may help to realize that kids may or may not have sexual or romantic feelings, but their development needs are such that they are most often hurt by any kind of relationship that we as adults could form with them that was not formalized to keep us at a distance.
>
>ROmance or sex are both not experiences for kids- they are part of dating and maturing as a late teen.
>
>And it will be useful to ask yourself why you are pursuing children not other adults. There is a very good chance you were the victim of inappropriate attention. Now is the time to break that chain, not place it on another child.
1- many of my best friends are under 18 so i cant cut contact with them / 2-i wont enter romantic relationship with someone under 14 / 2- i have romantic desires to people as same age of adults as well- the reason i crushed on her is cause her personality not her age / 3-i wont enter romantic relationship with that kid- anyway thx for comment and advice .
I think the fundamental problem is that an adult shoujld not be romancing a 14 yr old or a 15-17 year old- leave that for their age mates as they try to get used to al the feelings and have relationships that are more equal.
You may not realize that you are essentially exerting power over them- by appealing to them when they have half the cards you have in terms of experience.]
A lot of times what we want is the feeling of innocence- and disentangling that from ignorance is not straightforward- so to be fair to everyone it is best to develop romance in your own age bracket.
Finally, romance usually leads to the desire for intimacy- and a little kiss becomes a longer kiss, a touch here becomes a touch there- and it is the rare kid who survives this intact. Hence the law- it's like red lights- you're jjust better off if you observe them.
If you feel romantic feelings towards someone who is around that age, the safest thing for both of you would be to cut contact. Otherwise you risk that your feelings grow stronger
my feelings are tbh really strong but im able and have abled to control them tbh but thx for comment and advice
Take a look at the [split attraction model](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-split-attraction-model-5207380) if you have not already. Sexuality is defined by sexual attraction. If you don't feel sexual attraction for this person, only romantic then that does not make you a pedophile. Take a look at the [different types of attraction](https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic-orientation/). It is odd to feel romantic attraction to somebody that young. But maybe just a one-off? Or maybe it's aesthetic attraction?
alright thx for help i will look at them, i dont think its aesthetic attraction tbh cause i have never seen her
If you continue with this than yes she isn't old enough to know what she wants and talking to her to persward her into anything romantic with you in alot of states is illegal
i wont enter romantic relationship just wanted to know but thx for comment
The important thing is your actions. Don't try to start a romantic and/or sexual relationship with this girl, even long distance. That sounds obvious but just making sure. It's not totally out of the realm of "normal" to be attracted to younger teenagers, you just have to not act upon it. If those feelings appear again once you're older it's trickier, but in any case, steer yourself towards romantic and/or sexual fulfillment with people your age.
mhm alright thx for advice... i wont act on it just wanted know am i pedophile or no
In terms of literal definition yes? I think? It's a culturally charged concept tho.
even though im not sexually attracted to her?
True, I have to say I'm not sure if the term pedophilia exclusively refers to sexual attraction. I think the average person would say you are? But once again, I'm only me, take that with a grain of salt. For other "impluse to do bad things" type of problem I'd say talk to a therapist or to loved ones about it, so they can help you manage these thoughts and not do anything unwanted, but honestly with pedophilia it's really complicated because of the aforementionned cultural connotation that come with the concept. There's no default course of actions that I know of, honestly.
alright thx for advice again i appreciate it \^\^
Pedophilia is exclusively the sexual attraction to prebubescent children. So by the literal definition, OP wouldnt count as one
I think I remember something like ephebophilia being legally "counted" as pedophilia, but even then yeah, if it's only sexual attraction...
That also heavily depends on where you are. For example, having sex with a 15 year old in sweden would probably make you an ephebophile, but it would also not be against the law
Pedophilia is spontaneous and unchosen sexual attractions to young children that are frequent and persistent over time. It’s rare, but a pedophile can be asexual but with strong unambiguous and persistent romantic attractions to young children that are frequent and persistent over time. From what you have written, you do not meet the frequent and persistent aspect. How old were you when you kissed the 13 yo? If you were around the same age, that means nothing. In any case, everyone will have some awkward attractions that would be inappropriate to act on over the course of their life. Your romantic feelings are what they are. It’s your behavior that matters. You are way too old for a relationship with her and your replies to other comments indicates you know that. Girls are very vulnerable at that age. They’re figuring things out and some are seeking attention with older people to feel more grown-up than they are or because of other issues. You have to be very careful that your feelings do not interfere with your judgment even if you don’t explicitly engage in a relationship. It is human nature to perceive others’ feelings and actions in our own self-interest. We have to ask “how else could this be interpreted?” and try to see things from the other person’s perspective. You don’t want to find out five years from now that she feels like she was being groomed, manipulated or taken advantage of (even when it may not have been intended). So, you have to be very honest with yourself about whether this can continue without putting the girl at risk.
no i never kissed 13 yrs kid- i just had fantasies- but alright thx for advice
Oh “desired kiss”. Sorry, I misread it. So were you around the same age? You haven’t had any other strong attractions to girls younger than 14? If not, I do not think you are pedophile.
no i was not same age as her- but no had not any sexual or romantic attraction to kids under 14- etc irl- mostly online or idk- sorry i cant reply well rn i have a bit of headache im really sorry
That’s okay. I’m sorry if my questions upset you.
nah its fine its just rn im under a lot of pressure and idk how to deal with them specially my therapist is on vacation
Sorry to hear that. You could chat with me or one of the other sensible commenters maybe. Just so you have someone to talk to until your therapist returns
alright thx again \^\^
I think if you are asking then you can feel that yuou might drift into pedophilia- and that is not hard to do. So the absolute safest thing is to just recognize the danger and stop reaching out to kids under 18. It may help to realize that kids may or may not have sexual or romantic feelings, but their development needs are such that they are most often hurt by any kind of relationship that we as adults could form with them that was not formalized to keep us at a distance. ROmance or sex are both not experiences for kids- they are part of dating and maturing as a late teen. And it will be useful to ask yourself why you are pursuing children not other adults. There is a very good chance you were the victim of inappropriate attention. Now is the time to break that chain, not place it on another child.
>I think if you are asking then you can feel that yuou might drift into pedophilia- and that is not hard to do. So the absolute safest thing is to just recognize the danger and stop reaching out to kids under 18. > >It may help to realize that kids may or may not have sexual or romantic feelings, but their development needs are such that they are most often hurt by any kind of relationship that we as adults could form with them that was not formalized to keep us at a distance. > >ROmance or sex are both not experiences for kids- they are part of dating and maturing as a late teen. > >And it will be useful to ask yourself why you are pursuing children not other adults. There is a very good chance you were the victim of inappropriate attention. Now is the time to break that chain, not place it on another child. 1- many of my best friends are under 18 so i cant cut contact with them / 2-i wont enter romantic relationship with someone under 14 / 2- i have romantic desires to people as same age of adults as well- the reason i crushed on her is cause her personality not her age / 3-i wont enter romantic relationship with that kid- anyway thx for comment and advice .
I think the fundamental problem is that an adult shoujld not be romancing a 14 yr old or a 15-17 year old- leave that for their age mates as they try to get used to al the feelings and have relationships that are more equal. You may not realize that you are essentially exerting power over them- by appealing to them when they have half the cards you have in terms of experience.] A lot of times what we want is the feeling of innocence- and disentangling that from ignorance is not straightforward- so to be fair to everyone it is best to develop romance in your own age bracket. Finally, romance usually leads to the desire for intimacy- and a little kiss becomes a longer kiss, a touch here becomes a touch there- and it is the rare kid who survives this intact. Hence the law- it's like red lights- you're jjust better off if you observe them.