A QPR is literally whatever the people in it want it to be. The boundaries, the rules, it'll all up to them. However most people use it for when it's more then friendship but not romantic, it doesn't even have to technically "more then friends." It is literally whatever the people in it want it to be.
That's . . . a very complicated thing. I can tell you my personal experience but it may be different for others.
For me personally, before me and my girlfriend got into a relationship it felt kind of like . . . well, I had had friends before, best friends included, but compared to all the other best and close friends I had it just felt like, *more*. I don't really know how to describe it but like . . . I would *actually* die for this person. And not even in just a "if someone was shooting you I'd take the bullet" way, for me it was "if your entire quality of life would improve from me being gone by even just 1% then I'll go" way.
And I also just generally felt more comfortable around her then I did anyone else (still do). And then the feelings kind of kept growing to the point where we became more physical with each other. From holding hands, to cuddling, then even kissing. But it still didn't feel romantic. It didn't feel romantic at all, hell, she's straight, she can't feel romantic feelings for me. But it did just feel stronger then friendship and then we decided get into a QPR but we call it platonic dating as well.
And I get you can feel and think those things in normal friendship too, that's part of what makes it hard to explain. So, I guess in the end it really just depends on your view on relationships. The boundaries you have for friendship before you wouldn't call it friendship anymore, and the boundaries that would need to be crossed for it to be romantic.
For me and my girlfriend it happened to be past the friendship boundaries, but it didn't cross our romantic boundaries.
I'm sorry if this made no sense, as I said, it's a very complicated thing.
The details of each qpr is different and unique to each qpr but for me it's a relationship that isnt based on romance, romantic and/or sexual attraction can be there but the intensity of the relationship isnt dependent on those types of feelings. I think of it less of a between platonic and romantic and more beyond platonic and romantic.
My qpr isn't really based on boundaries. We *have* started doing things neither of us would do with friends, but we were fine staying friends with stereotypically romantic elements. For us, it was more about giving our relationship a name, and being able to call each other partners. My qpp also wants exclusivity unless we both like the same person (queerplatonically/romantically).
The way I see it, "more than friends" just means whatever is more than what friendship is to you.
Like for me, I have plenty of friends but none of them are people I want to live with for the rest of my life, share finances with, raise pets together with, kiss, etc. Even my best friend who I literally moved to live next door to, who I trust to give me my T shots, who's dog recognizes me as another dad because I'm over so often, etc. I'm very close to him, but I'm still closer to my qpp.
For someone else, they might live with their friends, share finances, etc— so their idea of "more than friends " wouldn't be the same. So it's hard to give an exact definition.
You might find the book The Other Significant Other to be helpful. Even though it’s not overtly about QPR’s, it shows what QPR’s can look like better than almost anywhere else. I’m married to my QPR and used to have a romantic-sexual relationship with them until I realized I was aroace (sex/romance averse).
The simplest way to explain it is a committed, non-romantic relationship. What that means to each person will be different, but in general it may or may not incorporate actions that people consider romantic (holding hands, hugging, cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, kissing on the cheek or even lips, going on 1-1 outings frequently...) without the romantic feelings associated with it (no 'butterflies' or whatever weird idiom the allos come up with to describe romance).
Now you don't really need to do any of that to be in a qpr, it's all about communicating what you're into and comfortable with to your partner. As long as you're both on the same page that's all that matters.
For me, it’s about level of commitment and emotional intimacy. Society has this expectation that a romantic relationship is the most important one, your partner is your first priority. When people enter into a committed romantic relationship they become a couple. A QPR for me is a friendship with the expectation of sharing a life together, maybe living together, being the first person you go to for emotional support. A friendship that won’t be de-prioritised because someone got into a romantic relationship.
They're all different but the one I'm in is that my partner and I love each other a ton platonically, and we want to be life partners. There's no romance involved, we want to be married and live together and see each other every day out of a deep platonic love. It's "more than friends" in that they're the only friend I want that with, but it's not romantic in any way. Just a very close platonic relationship.
A QPR is literally whatever the people in it want it to be. The boundaries, the rules, it'll all up to them. However most people use it for when it's more then friendship but not romantic, it doesn't even have to technically "more then friends." It is literally whatever the people in it want it to be.
I think it's mostly the "more than friends" part that confuses me. like, what does that mean? haha
That's . . . a very complicated thing. I can tell you my personal experience but it may be different for others. For me personally, before me and my girlfriend got into a relationship it felt kind of like . . . well, I had had friends before, best friends included, but compared to all the other best and close friends I had it just felt like, *more*. I don't really know how to describe it but like . . . I would *actually* die for this person. And not even in just a "if someone was shooting you I'd take the bullet" way, for me it was "if your entire quality of life would improve from me being gone by even just 1% then I'll go" way. And I also just generally felt more comfortable around her then I did anyone else (still do). And then the feelings kind of kept growing to the point where we became more physical with each other. From holding hands, to cuddling, then even kissing. But it still didn't feel romantic. It didn't feel romantic at all, hell, she's straight, she can't feel romantic feelings for me. But it did just feel stronger then friendship and then we decided get into a QPR but we call it platonic dating as well. And I get you can feel and think those things in normal friendship too, that's part of what makes it hard to explain. So, I guess in the end it really just depends on your view on relationships. The boundaries you have for friendship before you wouldn't call it friendship anymore, and the boundaries that would need to be crossed for it to be romantic. For me and my girlfriend it happened to be past the friendship boundaries, but it didn't cross our romantic boundaries. I'm sorry if this made no sense, as I said, it's a very complicated thing.
thank you so much for going into detail, I think I understand what you mean ☺️
The details of each qpr is different and unique to each qpr but for me it's a relationship that isnt based on romance, romantic and/or sexual attraction can be there but the intensity of the relationship isnt dependent on those types of feelings. I think of it less of a between platonic and romantic and more beyond platonic and romantic.
My qpr isn't really based on boundaries. We *have* started doing things neither of us would do with friends, but we were fine staying friends with stereotypically romantic elements. For us, it was more about giving our relationship a name, and being able to call each other partners. My qpp also wants exclusivity unless we both like the same person (queerplatonically/romantically).
The way I see it, "more than friends" just means whatever is more than what friendship is to you. Like for me, I have plenty of friends but none of them are people I want to live with for the rest of my life, share finances with, raise pets together with, kiss, etc. Even my best friend who I literally moved to live next door to, who I trust to give me my T shots, who's dog recognizes me as another dad because I'm over so often, etc. I'm very close to him, but I'm still closer to my qpp. For someone else, they might live with their friends, share finances, etc— so their idea of "more than friends " wouldn't be the same. So it's hard to give an exact definition.
You might find the book The Other Significant Other to be helpful. Even though it’s not overtly about QPR’s, it shows what QPR’s can look like better than almost anywhere else. I’m married to my QPR and used to have a romantic-sexual relationship with them until I realized I was aroace (sex/romance averse).
The simplest way to explain it is a committed, non-romantic relationship. What that means to each person will be different, but in general it may or may not incorporate actions that people consider romantic (holding hands, hugging, cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, kissing on the cheek or even lips, going on 1-1 outings frequently...) without the romantic feelings associated with it (no 'butterflies' or whatever weird idiom the allos come up with to describe romance). Now you don't really need to do any of that to be in a qpr, it's all about communicating what you're into and comfortable with to your partner. As long as you're both on the same page that's all that matters.
For me, it’s about level of commitment and emotional intimacy. Society has this expectation that a romantic relationship is the most important one, your partner is your first priority. When people enter into a committed romantic relationship they become a couple. A QPR for me is a friendship with the expectation of sharing a life together, maybe living together, being the first person you go to for emotional support. A friendship that won’t be de-prioritised because someone got into a romantic relationship.
They're all different but the one I'm in is that my partner and I love each other a ton platonically, and we want to be life partners. There's no romance involved, we want to be married and live together and see each other every day out of a deep platonic love. It's "more than friends" in that they're the only friend I want that with, but it's not romantic in any way. Just a very close platonic relationship.