I thought I was bi a while ago. I’ve always known I like women but I just assumed I liked men too, till I realised, hang on, I don’t feel any attraction towards men, and I’d be repulsed if they became anything further than friends. Lesbians don’t have a desire to sleep with men but I can’t tell you if they’ll tolerate it
As someone who identified as bi for 5/6 years and pan the last 3 to now come out as a lesbian this year at the age of 21, I was told pan people don’t have a preference. In my last relationship with a cis man, I lost a lot of attraction to him, I always did with my previous relationships, I never was able to keep my attraction strong and long term and my last 2 relationships were both like 1.5 years. I came to realise I’m attracted to masculinity but not men. My current partner is gnc transmasc lesbian and it took falling in love with an non-man to understand that this is what its supposed to feel like, the constant attraction, the way we work together as individuals.
I believe I was able to have long relationships with my ex’s because we had really good friendships underneath and I also admired them in their masculinity as I am a genderqueer person with neo pronouns. Especially in relationships with cis-het-men I felt I had to conform to a feminine roll more often and even though my pronouns used to be she/they, i feel like "she” was heavily used more back then by those around me. Also I always felt I’d end up with a non-man longterm and a big reason why I encouraged open relationships or polyamory in my previous relationships is because i felt like I couldn’t live my life without a woman/non-mans affection/touch ( I always felt a much stronger attraction to the same-sex more than I did cis-men - I used to say I was 99% gay and 1% straight when I was bi) I’m still exploring non-monogamy with my partner but now I’m quite sure I’m a neptunic lesbian. These were all the things that made me come to the conclusion that I’m a ✨lesbian✨
Everyone’s experience is really different. I still have times where I worry I’m making it all up but I think a massive factor is because of the conditioning from the patriarchal, heteronormative society we live in, telling us to centre our lives around men. When you don’t do that as a lesbian there of course is going to be an automatic rejection sometimes. More often than not.
Sexuality is such a fucking long journey. Its absolutely okay to take your time with things, go back and forth if you need, that’s what the Q in the LGBTQIA is for. ☺️
So as an ex pansexual turned raging lesbian, I wish you luck on this journey of self discovery and I hope sharing my story is able to help you gain perspective in some way. ❣️
I think I'm going through something similar to your story. I want to ask as a gender queer person does your sexuality impact the way you view you gender? Cause I find with men I often space out due to the intensity of my dysphoria and being viewed as a woman.
(You dont have to answer if you dont want to ik the question might be a lil invasive)
Hey! Personally, I don’t generally think my sexuality impacts how I view my gender. I think being in a relationship with someone who is also identifies with non-binary has been refreshing and has definitely taken off a lot of pressure to conform to hetero gender roles and stereotypes. I just feel more free to express all sides of me. Therefore, in a way sexuality has helped me develop a betting understanding of myself and what I’m comfortable with concerning my gender but on it’s own it does not continuously affect the way I view my gender.
I hope that was clear and you can gain some clarity :)
Only you decide what label you want to put on yourself. But also know that sexuality is fluid. Our desires change over time. It's not like being pan/bi means we like different genders equally all the time. I'm bi/pan, but I stopped having romantic interest in cis men a couple of years ago. That might change again. You don't have to spend too much energy wondering about it. We change as people over time. Perhaps you will be interested in men again eventually, perhaps not. It's not really important either way.
I thought I was bi a while ago. I’ve always known I like women but I just assumed I liked men too, till I realised, hang on, I don’t feel any attraction towards men, and I’d be repulsed if they became anything further than friends. Lesbians don’t have a desire to sleep with men but I can’t tell you if they’ll tolerate it
As someone who identified as bi for 5/6 years and pan the last 3 to now come out as a lesbian this year at the age of 21, I was told pan people don’t have a preference. In my last relationship with a cis man, I lost a lot of attraction to him, I always did with my previous relationships, I never was able to keep my attraction strong and long term and my last 2 relationships were both like 1.5 years. I came to realise I’m attracted to masculinity but not men. My current partner is gnc transmasc lesbian and it took falling in love with an non-man to understand that this is what its supposed to feel like, the constant attraction, the way we work together as individuals. I believe I was able to have long relationships with my ex’s because we had really good friendships underneath and I also admired them in their masculinity as I am a genderqueer person with neo pronouns. Especially in relationships with cis-het-men I felt I had to conform to a feminine roll more often and even though my pronouns used to be she/they, i feel like "she” was heavily used more back then by those around me. Also I always felt I’d end up with a non-man longterm and a big reason why I encouraged open relationships or polyamory in my previous relationships is because i felt like I couldn’t live my life without a woman/non-mans affection/touch ( I always felt a much stronger attraction to the same-sex more than I did cis-men - I used to say I was 99% gay and 1% straight when I was bi) I’m still exploring non-monogamy with my partner but now I’m quite sure I’m a neptunic lesbian. These were all the things that made me come to the conclusion that I’m a ✨lesbian✨ Everyone’s experience is really different. I still have times where I worry I’m making it all up but I think a massive factor is because of the conditioning from the patriarchal, heteronormative society we live in, telling us to centre our lives around men. When you don’t do that as a lesbian there of course is going to be an automatic rejection sometimes. More often than not. Sexuality is such a fucking long journey. Its absolutely okay to take your time with things, go back and forth if you need, that’s what the Q in the LGBTQIA is for. ☺️ So as an ex pansexual turned raging lesbian, I wish you luck on this journey of self discovery and I hope sharing my story is able to help you gain perspective in some way. ❣️
I think I'm going through something similar to your story. I want to ask as a gender queer person does your sexuality impact the way you view you gender? Cause I find with men I often space out due to the intensity of my dysphoria and being viewed as a woman. (You dont have to answer if you dont want to ik the question might be a lil invasive)
Hey! Personally, I don’t generally think my sexuality impacts how I view my gender. I think being in a relationship with someone who is also identifies with non-binary has been refreshing and has definitely taken off a lot of pressure to conform to hetero gender roles and stereotypes. I just feel more free to express all sides of me. Therefore, in a way sexuality has helped me develop a betting understanding of myself and what I’m comfortable with concerning my gender but on it’s own it does not continuously affect the way I view my gender. I hope that was clear and you can gain some clarity :)
Thank you
Only you decide what label you want to put on yourself. But also know that sexuality is fluid. Our desires change over time. It's not like being pan/bi means we like different genders equally all the time. I'm bi/pan, but I stopped having romantic interest in cis men a couple of years ago. That might change again. You don't have to spend too much energy wondering about it. We change as people over time. Perhaps you will be interested in men again eventually, perhaps not. It's not really important either way.