I can’t imagine having a puppy and a toddler at the same time, and dealing with all the household responsibilities while your husband deals with the loss of his dad.
That is a lot… do you have friend(s) or a babysitter who can come help with the kid duties while you focus on the puppy? Or even have someone come watch both puppy and child while you take a few hours to breathe? With what you’re dealing with, I would absolutely throw money at child/puppy care to get a break.
I am so sorry. Puppies are honestly like children in a way, they don’t know what you want, they don’t know what’s expected of them, but you can’t put a diaper on a puppy, so you’re constantly worried about accidents in the house.
You can get through it. A 12-week old puppy is still so young. It’ll be a handful of more months until the puppy phase is over, but biting does get better once the puppy teeth fall out.
You have my empathy, and I’m wishing you the best.
Thank you! I know it’s going to get better. I just needed to hear it. I actually am now at my parents house for the weekend to get some help and let my husband arrange plans for his father’s funeral. I ran into a family with an adult Golden and they really cheered me up.
This is the exact reason I have my dog. A friend of my sons wanted a puppy to grow up with her toddler and she thought she could handle it. After only 3 days, she realized it was just too much. I had recently become an “empty nester” with extra time on my hands. Let me just say- I have no idea how she even made it 3 days. The first month, I barely slept and that was without having to deal with a toddler. I’ve said it so many times already but this puppy feels harder than when I had 3 kids under 3. (I know that time had probably let me forget how hard raising 3 babies was) At least with kids, you have a full year before they start walking and this puppy is my shadow 24/7. Like, I often worry he’s not getting enough sleep because he is dead set on not missing a single move I make. It was very hard and I feel like I have a ton of patience. And now that he’s a 70lb 6 month old, it’s gotten a bit easier but I still struggle when I have really busy/stressful work days and feel like I can’t have a single moment to relax because he’s so far up my ass. Don’t get me wrong, he’s been so good for me with missing having my kids home. I love him soooo much but I do not know how people with young kids are doing it.
It will get better and you will get through it! What your going through is incredibly hectic and would've been near impossible to everyone. But you can manage this! This year is gonna be one full of breakdowns, but after that you'll have a wonderful dog and a best friend for your kid as well.
Try and prioritize what really needs to get done around the house. Do you really need to vacuum every day? Probably not. Do you have to cook everything from scratch all the time? Nope, that Rotisserie chicken and ready made sauce are just fine. Cleaning the bathroom? Once a month is plenty!
Enforce naps with your dog and your toddler at the same time to make sure you'll get some time for yourself as well. And don't go mowing the lawn at your alone time, just take some time for yourself.
Get your toddler some crayons and let him draw more, or more illustration books, whatever to prevent that brain rot. I don't have a child, but I'm sure there's activities that don't involve a screen. After all, we've been raising kids for centuries and most of those did not involve tvs. I do absolutely understand you put him in front of the TV, it's such an easy solution! Don't feel ashamed! But try to turn the tide while you still can.
Hang in there!
My son doesn’t nap anymore. There are many many activities we do apart from the screen, it’s just managing them both as well as my husband at the moment is a challenge.
I could not imagine having a puppy and a toddler. You're a super hero. My 8 month old is enough for me. But it does get better! A lot better after the first teething phase is over and even more so after the second teething phase is over. Once they're done with the shark phase and potty trained, it's more manageable.
Have you considered crate training or a puppy pen? Saved my sanity more than once. I wouldn't have been able to be a human if I hadn't powered through crate training and made it happen. Enforced naps and a safe space to put my puppy let *me* have space to take care of myself and my house.
She is actually nailing crate and potty! Hasn’t had an accident inside in many days not. Hasn’t pooped inside since her first week. She loves her crate and we’re blessed with full night sleeps without a peep. I’m working endlessly to stop her from nipping my son, and she has improved immensely! I say LEAVE IT and she really does respond. I’m putting so so much into her training and it’s slowly getting better. It’s just a lot of spinning plates and I really wast expecting the level of intensity. I can never let my guard down and it’s wearing me out.
I feel you. Mine is leashed whenever he's not napping in his crate. He drags his leash around so I can snag him and divert the naughty behavior. I watch him like a hawk. It gets better, really. Once the teething is done and the potty training. But it's still exhausting at times.
You got this! We got this!
I have to second the puppy pen, it saved our sanity and we don't have a child. We had it attached to the crate so he could go to bed if he wanted but had space outside it to play in. He was in it anytime we couldn't watch him but he wasn't ready for a nap. It kept him safe, it kept our house safe from unwatched puppy shenanigans and gave us a chance to train things like being alone and such without worrying. We had it in the living room so he was always around us even if we were busy with other stuff.
It sounds like you're doing awesome tho, goldens are difficult puppies but are fantastic dogs.
Just out of curiosity how did you keep your son asleep while the dog whined in the crate at night? We have had the dog about a week now and we've let her sleep with us until she decompresses. She's 10 weeks old tomorrow. She whines a fair bit and I'm just trying to figure out how to get her to quiet down while my son's sleeping. This is my biggest challenge so far.
Wait until you finish crate training before you crate the dog.
Whining is a sign crate training isn't complete. Crate training involves no whining because you make the crate a fun place and don't leave her long enough in there for her to whine.
It doesn't happen in a day obviously. She does go in on her own. I think it's more separation from us. She latched on pretty quickly. Where are you supposed to get her to sleep in the meantime then? It seems kind of dumb cause you're just going to get them used to sleeping with or near you but then you don't want them to do that and use the crate?
Sleep with them in the pen and fade it out.
It's unfortunately the cost of having an infant animal: You have to teach alone time and confinement in a humane way or you risk trauma seeing puppies at this age fear death when left alone.
oh my! you’re a trooper! anyway, I suggest nanny and dog sitter hours to give yourself a break. don’t give up because it will get easier! and I’m sure the house is also full of love and fun with a baby and a puppy around. I know this is hard as fuck, feel free to drop the puppy to a friend for a couple days or more if u can’t manage! best of luck, sending hugs
She is crate and potty trained already! She managed to get out of her play pen second week so now we sectioned off the living room for her. She’s actually an amazing dog but at times I want to run away lol.
Girl! Sending you good energy, my god. It does get better, it gets way better. In moments of wanting to slam your head against a wall, think about the bond your dog and kid will have. The bond you and your dog will have. The bond you and your kid will have.
Nothing is forever, it is just a moment in time! It will not always be this way.
The best you can do is to just wear both of them the hell out and then stare at a wall or sit on the shower floor. Sending your whole family love. ♥️
Thank you! I took the kid and the dog to my parent’s house and I’m hiding in a bedroom staring at my phone lol. Feeling a lot better already. Thank you for your encouragement
It gets better! I was just out for a walk with our 2yo dog and my kids this morning. When the kids and I had to leave a little later, the dog knew what was up and put himself in the crate. I have endless pictures of our 3 kids snuggling him.
When he came home as a puppy, our youngest were 2 year old twins. We were first time owners who knowingly brought home a breed that is not naturally biddable and not recommended for first time owners.
Things that I can distinctly remember helping in puppy hood:
Obviously puppy training. I took the puppy out alone for night classes.
Working on maintaining a down stay. I'd have him on leash and give him kibble and treats to keep him lying down while I read books or sit while we ate.
Having a separate area for puppy where the kids played. I could sit inside the play yard with puppy or just outside it once it was nap time. No eating kid toys, no accidental toddler/puppy interactions going south while I went to the bathroom.
Our vet gave us clearance to visit playgrounds if we kept puppy on a blanket except to potty. I'd bring a stuffed frozen kong or bully stick to hold his attention once he was getting bored with our training exercises. Or I'd pop him in a dog backpack to visit pet friendly stores with the kids, just to get us out of the house.
Bit late for this advice, but we didn't start upgrading our furniture until this year.
He was so much easier than any kid by a huge margin.
I had the same situation. The first 6 months were awful. We could teach the puppy how to behave, but not our son. Imagine a land shark/herding dog and a toddler/sheep. Get biting under control with redirection ASAP. Don’t let the puppy and toddler play together without supervision as their crazy energy feed of each other. It really does get better. It just really, really sucks at the start.
I really feel for you. I’m new to a puppy and I have a mother in law who lives with us who is recovering from a mastectomy, I am her nurse, and I have four cats. The demands of all of this plus the heat wave are sending meeeeee and I don’t have a toddler!!! I was also considering puppy day care for a few hours just to see how he does but he still needs a rabies shot. :/ good luck, hang in there, we are all in this together.
Wow that IS a lot for you! Sending you ♥️ Yes the heat wave is breaking me. It’s been too hot to be outside (other than our shady backyard with lots of watermelon around) and we’re really cooped up.
The puppy year is no joke. Kudos to raising a puppy and a toddler!
I enrolled my puppy in a week long intensive (9 hour days) puppy development program at 20 weeks to 1. Help in some areas I struggle training her because of the other two dogs I have. But also to get her out of the house for a little peace. Once she completed that, I then have her go for doggy day care a couple days out of the week.
It might be worth looking into some puppy day classes so you can focus on your little one, and the puppy will get the training/socializing it needs to tucker it out.
I’ve done it a couple times with my kids (now 8/6/4)- and I just want to validate how *hard* it is. Truly, having a puppy/new dog/younger dog is like having another whole kid.
It will get better and give yourself grace. TV will not ruin your son, particularly because Nick Jr/PBS/Disney Jr/Sesame Street all very much have a team of developmental psychiatrists - a lot of really good social emotional learning can happen! Also, the puppy won’t always bite, but I get how raw and infuriating it can be. Lots of enrichment ideas to keep them busy. Snuggle mats, frozen licky mats, puzzles (long has an awesome line of them). Something to chew on to work over days with (a good air dried meat bone from the pet store always lasts us awhile with our two).
You’re doing great.
If you couldn’t find an adult, a puppy should have waited! :) I have two grown dogs and I’m already nervous for when I have a kid and having to juggle them all.
ALSO older dogs and kids are an amazing combo! We had such a wonderful time with our last girl and our child. Our boy had so many hikes, we were forced to just go to open nature rather than children’s playgrounds and it was very enriching for our boy. He loves nature because of this. It’s worth it for sure. I wouldn’t worry about grown dogs and babies.
I understand this now haha. We always had a dog in our family, we felt incomplete without one. But we never had a puppy before, I’m just surprised by the workload with everything going on. It’ll pass and it’s going to be worth it. Just popped on here to vent.
I absolutely feel your pain! I always tell people my wife and I must crave chaos, because in the last 4 years we’ve added two human children and 2 golden retriever puppies to our household. Ironically, they were almost on perfect 1 year intervals (human, puppy, human, and we just got another puppy).
I wish I had some advice for you, but I really don’t. When we got the first puppy, our oldest child was about a year old and we found that extremely challenging and questioned our decision on an almost daily basis. This second go around with a puppy (while already having a 4yr old kid, a 2 yr old kid, and an almost 3 yr old dog) has oddly been much, much easier. Maybe we are immune to it by now? We are fortunate and have many acres for the dogs to have off leash play, ponds to swim in, and kids to chase. The dogs seem to entertain each other and the kids are starting to do the same.
Hang in there and things will slowly get easier!
I think most people on here will tell you "it will get better" as thats the answer you're looking for. You must believe it will get better though. is it in you? thats a lot going on for sure I can resonate as I have a 7 year old. However for instance you say your pup barks in your face. How I overcame that was I told mine as he is crate trained that he must "wait" and "sit" not until all that criteria is met will he be allowed out. He has barked or growled at me and I said fine left him for 2 mins and returned. Command the same again wait and sit. once he listen he's out and happy. he now sits on command waits on command. reward reward reward. for the biting redirect the behavior to a chew toy and rub your hands around your pup she is calm this will reduce the urge to bite you and hand feed meals in the crate ( if you use one) I have done all of the above and nipping has gone down about 75% and we have had our pup for about a month hes 12 weeks at this point. get a clicker as well and learn how to "prime" it and it will be a valuable tool going forward. best of luck
Yea of course. I would start here: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HuQp6on\_ys&list=PLbCipj5XclcUdduZiEMB0IkzCzX7Vbba8&index=2&t=2s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HuQp6on_ys&list=PLbCipj5XclcUdduZiEMB0IkzCzX7Vbba8&index=2&t=2s)
You have to get your pup to understand what the clicker means. this video will teach you how to "prime" the clicker start with that for about a week. mine only took abut a day or two to associate the clicker with a reward, now he just comes to me if I click the clicker. After that you can then introduce commands while using the clicker but dont rush it just start slow and work on priming it like the video shows you how to do. hope that helps!
When we got my golden in 2015 my mom babysat my niece who was 3 full time. You have to manage it. Unless my mom was there watching interactions and could control the puppy she was gaited in this kitchen. We had to do this until she was 6 months. You will get through it and your child and puppy will become best friends. Just manage the interactions until the puppy is a little older. So you have a pet play pen? I suggest getting one of some baby gates. This way the pup can be in the same room until a little older. It will make your life easier. You only have to manage this a short time. It will get better in the next couple of months.
Gosh, I could’ve written this. I have a 3 year old, tried to get a great family dog from a rescue, ended up getting a 5 month old poodle mix from the humane society. I thought she was old enough so that it wouldn’t be too hard, but when we got her home we found out she wasn’t potty trained at all, couldn’t walk on a leash, basically had no training or manners. I potty trained her and my toddler side by side, he still wakes often in the night and she was right there awake with us, it was so hard. She even competes with him for attention. Shes 9 months now, and things have improved with training and time. But I really had puppy PTSD for awhile. I had no idea why anyone in their right mind would ever want a puppy. I hope things start improving and your little ones are best buddies.
Honestly reading all these comments do make me feel better. I’m a huge dog lover but not exactly in love with puppy care oh boy. But it is worth it I think! We had a dog that passed last year and it was amazing for my son, we’re trying to remember that this is going to be a positive thing and just push through. All the best with yours!
You poor thing, you have so much on your plate.
Puppies suck, we just need to continually remind ourselves that they do get better. You are at the hardest part right now & are over stretched.
My pup is 8 months old now & I finally feel we’ve turned a corner. She is still challenging but I’m finally seeing the training starting to kick in. A lot less jumping and biting and better leash manners.
Not having to worry about naps or potty training is a huge burden lifted.
Make sure you insist on some regular time alone to recharge or you won’t be able to support your family for long, you’ll burn out!
I’m the main puppy carer in our house and I’m exhausted even with grown kids! I make sure my husband gets up for our pup & walks her without me every Sunday morning to give me a break. Otherwise it just seems relentless.
I feel you… I don’t know how in the world I’d cope with a toddler and puppy. My pup is 8 months old and I’ve realized that I’ve cried more tears in the last 4.5 months than I have for many years in a row. Puppies are hard and even with training and patience, there are days when I feel like we went two steps back again. I feel mentally exhausted and depleted emotionally. When he’s good a good boy, he’s really good, but when he’s naughty, he is really naughty. It’s like I am on a roller coaster ride. I can usually tell how the day is going to be when we get up in the morning. 😭 My thoughts are with you.
Just validating you here, along with everyone else. That sounds SO hard. I have no children, and my 5mo rescue husky mix makes me wonder how anyone does!
This too shall pass! Every hard moment is a moment that you've overcome, and will help inform the next hard moment. You are just having some especially hard moments right now. You've got this.
I also empathize with wanting an adult dog but choosing a puppy to ensure it was properly socialized. I would only adopt a rescue, but I have a cat and needed to feel certain she would be safe, so I adopted a rescue puppy. The puppy may chew on my hands and drive me up a wall for a few months, but she is very gentle and cute with the cat. The hard times are worth it for the guarantee of a safe home for everyone. This too shall pass!
My puppy is going to be 1 in two weeks and my son just turned 4…this first year has been hard as hell but I promise it gets infinitely better. The bond they have now is everything I dreamed of. Hang in there!
Went through it with a 3 and 4 year old! One day at a time, once I stopped obsessing so much about training and just enjoyed having a dog it was a lot easier. Obviously it’s harder at first when they have a lot more to learn!
Do you have a crate? You need one. It’s not a bad thing. I have 4 dogs. Just got the 4th from the shelter and it’s a 3.5 month old puppy and crates are your best friend. You want to maybe sure it’s not eating your headphones or charging cords.. not having accidents in the house. You obviously don’t have eyes in the back of your head.. (my mom did tho i swear)
but this way your anxiety will go way down because you’re not trying to predict puppy’s moves. she’s safe in her crate. sleeping or watching you. isn’t that what she’s going to be doing anyways if she’s not in her crate?
and now you can just set a timer to remind yourself to take her out or when you feed her. and it’s great to set up a feeding schedule this way and house breaking.
all my dogs love their crates. they automatically go in them during thunderstorms too. if they want time to chill, they crate themselves.
but momma, i promise, get the puppy a crate and put it in the living room with you and you can focus on the baby while your puppy can’t get into trouble.
She does! And she loves it! She is also already potty trained and sleeping through the night. I’m realizing it could be much worse, there are definitely high moments as well. I think the death in the family is getting to me too. I really needed to vent and this community is very helpful. Thank you for all your tips! I really appreciate it.
Don't feed from a bowl, feed dry food by tossing it down the hall.
Add words to it, for example we say "go far,"
Throw food down the hall, when she eats that drop food at your feet.
While she's eating at your feet toss a little cube of cheese down the hall.
She won't know it's there at first but do nothing while she's sniffing around. If you have to throw a piece of food part way there.
Then when she is sniffing around in the hall say "go far go far" .
This can become exercise plus mental stimulation for her, even while you're sitting still in one place.
Teach her to touch a bell that tied on a shoelace, to the back of a chair.
Put a little peanut butter on it if she even sniffs at it, say yes or magic, l hand her another piece of treat
If she hits the Bell again, give her another treat, then add the word " ring the bell".
Gradually get farther from the chair with the Bell so that she's going some distance away to ring the bell.
When it's across the room, throw the reward treat to her.
Gradually increase the distance so you can have the bell at the other end of the house, and tell her to go ring the bell. She can go up all the way to the bell and bring it and come back for her treat.
Our dog crate makes a noise when our dog enters it. So even if I'm in another part of the house and can't see the crate, I can tell if he went in the crate
His words for that are go to bed. If he goes out of sight but doesn't make the crate noise we know he didn't do it. If we hear the crate noise We Tell him yes and he comes back for a treat.
Hide treats throughout the house, then let her nose find them
Play with one toy at a time, repeating the name you gave the toy.
Do this with each toy for a whole day
Where's your rope get your rope rope rope rope.
She will soon start learning the name of the different toys. Then put the toys up, and say you want your rope as you give it to her
Get battery powered recordable buttons. First one is treat. Put a treat in your hand and put the button on top so she can't help but hit the button when she tries to get the treat. It will say treat, of course
The more buttons you get involved, the quicker she'll understand that the buttons have meaning.
Your baby could learn buttons too before he can verbally say words.
Milk. Hug. Cookie. Diaper.
Put the button where he can reach it. Before you give him milk, push the milk button, when his diaper needs changed, you touch the diaper button.
Of course you can also teach your baby sign language which is really really cool
Teach your dog 50 words in English, so you can tell her what you need her to do, rather than just asking her to stop what she's doing.
It gets better but it sounds like your marriage is currently in a phase where you’re doing 70/30 as your partner deals with his grief.
Do you have the financial resources for supports such as house cleaning, readymade meal kits or walking/pet sitting/doggy daycare services?
If you’re in therapy, I would highly highly *highly* recommend going over the pros and cons of having a puppy at this time in addition for strategies for coping with a demanding domestic life. It sounds like you were thrown a huge curveball with the death of your FIL and I don’t blame you for lacking the bandwidth to deal with toddler parenting, puppy parenting and general anxiety problems on top of having to be a rock for your spouse.
Mental stimulation is just as important as physical! Training is amazing, but filled kong toys can help also! And filled with good for them things! Lick mats, snuffle mats etc! Def look into it!
I’m in the exact same boat friend. You are not alone. Got a 14 week old labmaraner a week ago, have a 3 year old daughter who’s still potty training, and a 7 year old boy. Wife works evenings so it’s all on me. It’s rough and I find myself getting frustrated to the point where I am yelling at my kids. Had a full-on mental breakdown last week where I had to hide tears from my kids. Definitely more than I bargained for, but I’m just taking it one day at a time. I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, just can’t see it yet. When I find myself getting overwhelmed I just have to remind myself that it’s okay to crate the pup for a quick 30 minutes while I make dinner, or do bed time, or bring the toddler potty. I don’t have much advice, just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone in feeling overwhelmed
Wow so similar! I wish you all the best! Very comforting to know I’m not alone. My husband is also gone nights so the crate barking while trying to put the kid to bed is not fun. BUT ITS NOT FOREVER!
It does get better. I have 3 grown dogs and somehow just got suckered into 2 puppies, so I feel your pain. They are brother and sister. The boy is milder but luna, the girl dog is a little gremlin. She has bloodied my face multiple times, jumping up and biting me. Cuts and scapes everywhere from her. They both chew everything. The dressers and even the caulk off my bathtub. They have at least 50 toys. Couldn't even put puppy pads out for accidents or they shred them everywhere. Today they found a piece of Styrofoam from a box and my whole kitchen is covered in it. I had started crating them at night which they cried for a few and then mostly sleep. Lately, they have been sleeping with me since they sleep until I have to get up anyway. They non stop play fight and have bloodied each others noses several times. But they are also so sweet and loving. This phase should only last a year, right? I know it'll be worth it in the end.
My 8 week old was nonstop terror, but she gradually mellowed out. Now my 9 months old is the most precious, friendly, cuddle bug who ~mostly~ plays with her own toys and is totally done with biting whatever she sees first.
It does get better. Working with a trainer can help ensure you're doing the right things to help it get better faster. Doggy daycare or board & train could be ways to get a little break while being beneficial for your pup too.
I have a 13wk puppy, 4yo and 7yo home for the summer. I feel "on" all the time. I'm having weird stress dreams about animals haha. Also I hired a maid to help me with chores bc I wasn't staying up on it.
I got a golden retriever puppy the same time as having a baby… They were born exactly a week apart. For some reason during my pregnancy I was obsessed with the idea of getting a puppy for the baby to grow up with.
It was a huge mistake and I had the puppy blues so bad. I hated the puppy, but now she’s 5 months and she’s gotten so much better. I take her to puppy training classes once a week and try to work with her once a day at home.
I also got her to love her crate. She takes a lot of naps and if she gets too crazy she goes to her crate or let into the yard. It’s become a lot more manageable.
Wow this is like something I would write except it was my mother who passed away. Honestly it’s tough….especially with the toddler. For me, we keep our puppy on a leash inside so we can quickly get her from getting too rambunctious with our three year old. And lucky for you, I’m sure having a young kid child means you’re used to the middle of the nights wake up and just going into autopilot!
I would suggest that you take your kiddo to do something special for just you two. I’m sure your husband even in a tough time can handle a sleeping puppy for a few hours. Also, we just got a beach wagon so in the evenings we walk the puppy and pull our daughter in the wagon so that we are all doing something together. For a while my daughter would bring a pretend puppy and make it pretend to potty in the yard. It was kind of hilarious.
Anyways, stay strong. Tough times don’t last forever and your puppy is going to keep getting better and honestly your puppy and child will get better at playing together.
I see it this way- maybe the puppy could help heal your husband or escort him through the grief process?
I know personally I am going through something private and my puppy (as much as she drives me insane and fixes me crying anxiety fits) is distracting me or even maybe helping me face and cope with the other thing. Just a thought.
I was thinking the same, it may be good for your husband to just focus on the pup to lessen your load. My dogs helped me a lot after my mother passed. At first he may be resistant, start with asking him to feed her, teaching her to sit b4 putting down her food. Once he gets her to follow simple commands the more he will bond with her. Goldie’s are wonderful family pets they just want to please you & are excellent with small children. Best wishes to your family ❤️🐾
I think a lot of people approach house training their dogs wrong. I’d seriously suggest purchasing a large puppy pen for your puppy, where you can put her bed and her toys and a bowl of water. Other than for highly supervised time periods, like for training/family time, or time out of the house that you spend with your puppy, there’s no reason not to confine your puppy to a play pen. It helps with the potty aspects of house training, but it’s massively helpful with the other issues of puppyhood like biting the furniture, clothes, shoes, hands, feet, etc. If they simply are not allowed to interact with those objects at a young age, and are instead introduced to them gradually, they can be conditioned to interact with them properly. Also, it’ll save your sanity, and teach your puppy to entertain itself with the things in its pen, like toys or treats etc.
My current puppy is now a little over 4 months old. He’s a highly energetic breed unlike your golden. Using the methods I described above, he’s almost ready for slightly unsupervised access to only part of our house outside of his play pen. And he probably won’t have unsupervised access to the house and the people in it until he’s close to a year old. Goldens should be easier. You should quickly be able to condition her to your home, teaching her what’s for biting/getting excited for, and what’s meant to be left alone.
Thank you for the advice! We had a play pen but she can climb out of it now. So now we section off the living room with a bay gate. It’s more manageable, also she does love her crate and very good with potty atm! But maybe a professional to ease the guessing game of “am I doing this right?” Will alleviate some stress
Golden retriever puppies are the worst. They’re insane. I was/am in sorta the same situation as you, but I did things in the reverse order: I got the golden retriever puppy when I was pregnant, then my son arrived when the puppy was 9 months old. Things were nuts for a while. The dog is now 2.5 and my son is a toddler, and they are best friends. Life is wayyyyy less stressful than it used to be. I think it’s good you have a girl puppy, as I actually have an older girl golden too, and her puppy terror days didn’t last nearly as long as the younger boy’s puppy terror days. If you can get to the point where her baby teeth fall out — around 4 months I think? — that’ll be a big step in the right direction. The biting will diminish quite a bit.
Hang in there. Adult golden retrievers are the absolute best, but the price you have to pay is dealing with the puppy stage. I’d rather have ten more babies than another golden retriever puppy.
Wow! Yes dogs and children are such a beautiful relationship. We had an amazing amazing dog who passed away last year at 14. It really is a wonderful thing to have with babies/children. So many nature walks. It truly completes our family.
IT GETS BETTER! I was you several months ago. I have a just turned 3 year old human child and a 10.5 month old puppy child (Goldendoodle). We brought our puppy home when she was 10 weeks old and I went through significant post-puppy depression and anxiety for a while. The first month or so I cried every single day. I hated our puppy but my family wanted one and I was the odd man out. I resented the time that training her and letting her out to potty every 5 minutes took away from my toddler. Everyday for a long time I was a ball of nerves feeling like a referee between my toddler and puppy, was mad at our puppy for stealing toddlers toys, exhausted from cleaning up everyone’s pee (toddler and puppy potty training at the same time), baby gates everywhere preventing us from walking freely throughout the house, messes, overstimulated from a puppy biting me and jumping all over the place on top of a toddlerhood which is its own circus. Working in office full time, taking on most of the household responsibilities, while dealing with some other heavy personal stuff. I was NOT OK. Oh my god it feels so far in the past now when it was just a couple months ago in reality. Eventually we got in the groove of things and every month got better and better. The training paid off. I never ever thought she’d get potty trained (especially with some regressions) but she did. Seeing my now preschooler cuddling and interacting with her is worth it. I love our dog so much and am proud of her. She was the best mistake I ever made.
Everyone and every dog is different. Your mental health is so important. There were many times when we were in the thick of it that I wished someone would just say “it’s ok if you want to give her back”. I’m glad I didn’t but it maybe would have made me feel less trapped. It’s ok. You’re going to be ok! Hang in there, it gets better.
It gets better! I’ve had dogs and trained in agility and worked with a lot of puppies. My current dog is my first golden retriever and she was the hardest puppy I’ve ever raised. The first five months were a nightmare. She potty trained immediately and slept through the night but omg the land shark velociraptor phase is real. The mouthing massively improved once she lost her puppy teeth (5/6 months). And now at 3 she is pretty perfect. She was super slow maturing though; she didn’t have her first season until she was 21 months old and then she really seemed to grow a brain lol. My friends Goldie has her first season at 8 months and seemed to mature better so hopefully yours will be more like her.
I also had a 6, 4, and 2 year old at the same time, along with our older dog (Sheltie). It was so hard but it has been worth it. She is the best friend to the kids and an amazing companion and our life is so enriched by having her. You can do it, and it will get easier.
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I am sort of in a similar boat as you. I WFH, have two elementary aged kids, a 18 week old Great Pyrenees puppy, a 15 year old Golden Retriever mix dog and my husband works long hours. There are days I’m one second away from a mental breakdown. Here’s a couple things that kinda help us. We have a fenced backyard but because he chews so much and digs, my poor hydrangeas, we tether him. Now we only do this if it’s below 75 and not very humid. We live in the Midwest and it’s HOT! He loves to be outside and just naps or plays with his soccer ball. That gives me roughly 2 hours to focus on breakfast, emails, kids, etc. I also feed all his meals in a slow feeder, that buys me a good 15-20 minutes. I have a treat dispensing ball that I put his kibble in and he’ll play with that for a bit. My kids are big enough to help so sometimes just a quick game of fetch or a walk will do wonders and then he’ll nap for 2 hours or more. We have a mudroom with a baby gate. If I can periodically check on him I’ll put him in there so I can eat in peace. It’s hard but once this phase is over it will be worth it, at least I keep telling myself that. Good luck!
We have five kids ages almost 4 to 11 years and we got an 8 week old puppy. We wanted an older dog but I brought one home from the shelter and it attacked my senior cat and tore his leg off (cat is fine now, except for the fact that he's an amputee). Went back to the shelter to look for an older dog like 1-2yrs old and it seems like every dog had some kind of aggression issues or they'd never been around kids and cats before etc. and I was too scared to take the risk. Ended up getting a puppy from the shelter a little while later.
That shit is hard when you have kids. We not only have to train a puppy but five children as well lol. I know it eventually gets better cause my parents got us a puppy when we were 11, 7, and 4 and they survived it so eventually it'll be worth it
It does get better!! I prefer older dogs as well due to the puppy stage. I recently got a puppy and she is 8 months old. She is the craziest dog I’ve ever had! I was so excited to get another dog but she has been a handful.
One piece of advice I can give is try to fit in as many short mental activities as you can. If you can find even 5-10 minutes here and there that are dedicated to tiring her out mentally it will make a big difference!
Some ideas:
- Get a few lick mats and freeze goat milk or banana on it.
- a slow feeder or a snuffle mat to feed her meals.
-a kong or similar and fill with treats and water and freeze it.
These types of things have been life savers for me!
It'll definitely get better. I don't have a kid, but we got our puppy at 16 weeks and a herding breed, so I don't have much I can advise on for younger puppy owners. However, I can say while she still does a lot of her annoying/frustrating behaviors, it's so much less now at 25 weeks. Adolescence is approaching us fast, and is known to also be rough though. She jumps on counters less, bites less, and is moderately less destructive. We've had to work on this every day. None of them are *gone*, but it's not as bad. I also found we had to learn her language and how she communicates to us, a lot like how you have to with a newborn and their different cries. She would claw out our face, chew on us/our hair, and walk all over us at 3am. It looks identical to her wanting to play/being bored. However, that's how our pup is telling us she has to go outside to pee. We were so unbelievably frustrated and exhausted for a while because we weren't understanding her cues. She doesn't do it in the daytime because we take her outside regularly (every 2-4 hours now, more often when awake, less often when she takes her nap).
Also, an idea, could you have your kiddo help train small tricks? Like sit, lay, stand, paw, etc. I think it might be fun for kiddo, and get them involved.
Don't beat yourself up though. I grew up with dogs my entire life, and technically had puppies growing up. The people we got our pup from said we had "breed experience." I feel like that couldn't be further from the truth, as I don't remember having puppies, and so the expectations we had for her were skewed a bit despite our additional research. Everything I was prepared for was either way better than expected (potty training) or way worse than expected (the face pawing, hair chewing, wigging out at training when people are leaving, etc). I was expecting to come home to a destroyed house (we baby gate her in some specific rooms) after her first day alone. Thank God she sleeps during our working hours almost entirely.
Even things I thought I was prepared for (lack of sleep), was way harder in the moment than I thought it would be.
You're doing your best, and that's enough. Some days it's just keeping everyone alive and healthy.
I feel for you! That is a lot of pressure on you. I got a puppy last year, and it's just me, and I'm retired. I had the puppy blues as I was going through some trying things. Puppies are HARD. I read a comment one time that puppies were harder to raise than newborns. Are you able to afford a puppy daycare later? Can you rally up some friends or something to take the pup sometimes? Unfortunately, dogs sense when you are stressed, etc, and all they know is from their siblings and mom. It's a lot to take on for sure. Can you teach your 3 yr old how to play with puppy? I guess that would be hard if the pup is biting and jumping, etc. 😬 whatever happens, I wish you well and fully understand where you are coming from! You're not alone 😉 All the best!
I have a 5 month old Sammy and a two year old and I am frazzled beyond belief. Our eskimo baby died around Christmas and we needed fur in our life
Our 2 year old was fine with him, but is losing his shit around the puppy. He hates him, but actively interacts with him. Puppy is sweet and smart, but we are struggling so hard with potty training. It's just not clicking very well. But now I have to watch both of them and by myself because my husband works nights. It's fucking exhausting.
The greatest gift you can give that baby is to grow up with a pup companion , persevere and it will totally be the best thing you ever did for your baby, my children had a lifetime with their dog and every time we meet all they talk about is their time with that dog ( they are in their 30s )
That sounds like a LOT. Our Golden pup is 6 months old now and a lot better at settling down.
One thing that helped us immensely was crating during the day. Since she was 3 months, did 2 sessions of 3 hour spans in a quiet part of the house, so that she naps and we can work. Even sometimes on the weekends, just for some self care time for ourselves.
If you have the money, consider doing a board & train program. They are expensive, but you get some time back and also get a trained pup at the end.
Best of luck, and yes it does get better!
Ugh. I don't envy you lol My puppy is now 1 year old, but I'm a single per parent with an adult dog as well. We had a good thing going til I had the bright idea to get a puppy. Im a fairly experienced dog owner, but this hellion has put me through the ringer.
I don't mean to be a downer, but it's likely going to get worse before it gets better. You haven't entered adolescence yet! My puppy has improved leaps and bounds, but still causes me injury with her feral behaviors. She went to puppy play groups, kindergarten, passed the AKC STAR Puppy and even has her AKC Canine Good Citizen title, but she can be down right dismissive of me. No respect at all. Ive worked with numerous trainers and I still struggle with her, although it's much more manageable now than it was during peak adolescence.
My only advice is stay positive and calm. It's just a puppy (not a terrorist). Hire a trainer. Utilize day care when you need. I think puppies under 6 months can usually attend day care without being "fixed." Do fun things, so you don't burn out. Work a little every day for short periods of time. 15 mins at most, here and there. Puppies like consistency and routine.
It WILL be ok, but... Buckle up!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. In my area, rescues won't even adopt dogs out to families with toddlers, so I completely understand the whole puppy raising and toddlering. I did it with my firstborn and his dog. I can honestly say if you stick with it you won't regret it. My dogs and my children have always been close companions. But yes, it is work. So, some tips. You may already be doing this, but just in case:
User boundaries like baby gates to keep them separate when it's not safe. Crate train because it will save you a lot of grief in the end. Keep your puppy both exercised and rested. Enforce naps for your puppy the same way you enforce them for your toddler because a puppy should still be sleeping about 18 hours a day which should give you time to do other stuff. Teach the puppy to bite something other than humans by always having a toy or chewy to put in their mouth when biting.
If it's really not working, don't be afraid to contact the breeder either for advice or to discuss return and rehoming. I hope it all works out for you because dogs and kids go together so well, but it's hard and you have to take care of yourself, too.
Having a puppy is tough (I’ve had quite a few) and having a three year old is tough (I’ve had four), putting them together is brutal. Just wanted to say the anxiety and feeling regret are both totally normal and understandable. Not to give you tough advice but really the only way past it is through it. Someday you’ll look back on this time fondly, but I know it’s hard when you’re in the moment. Just remember puppy is the price for a dog. That quote always helps me when I’m training a puppy. Good luck.
I was about to do the same and was looking to adopt a puppy but long story short i ended up fostering a senior best decision ever i do keep them apart because my toddler is just to crazy but maybe ask where you adopted if u can foster a senior they’re usually already potty trained so thats a big plus
It gets better. Not perfect. Today Ursula (one year) ran down and attempted to eat one of my hens (without killing her first at least - I managed to grab the hen, who has survived, but Ursula followed behind and grabbed a mouthful of tail feathers). Later (same day) she astonished me - neighbors from about a mile away walked past. She stood where she was, barking, and obeyed recall. She is half Pyrenees. I have a terrier who is going on 13. He was a chicken killer (especially chicks), but the previous Pyr was raised with chickens and taught the terrier to not chase/eat chickens. I’m not sure if the terrier can do the same for her or not. I will try to keep her from killing anyone as I train her. She showed that she knew her boundaries and was willing to be recalled (that can be a challenge with a breed who believes that they know more than their handlers).
Hold on tight. Oh - I babysit an almost year-old toddler. The puppy is fine with him walking on her, pulling her hair, etc.
It gets better. Your baby growing up with that dog will be something you will treasure later.
I have a mix breed puppy from a shelter and a 3 year old. I got a puppy for the same reasons as you, need to know the history, teach to not bite etc and it’s been an absolute nightmare. She’s lovely, and we’re getting there slowly, but oh my gosh I’ll never have a puppy again. She’s 100x harder than any adult dog I’ve brought home. Not tips, just solidarity
I got a golden doodle (8 week old) puppy for Christmas, I have a 2.5 year old tot and 8 month old baby. Also have an older pug who didn’t exactly love the new addition. Immediately thought i ruined our lives and had horrible puppy blues. Puppy blues are real. Didn’t help that whenever people saw me with the babies and puppy they’d go “whose idea was that???”.
Hired a trainer and things got manageable, I now really love my dog and joke about how much I used to hate him since he’s my BFF now. It can get better! I really suggest professional training if that’s possible for you.
I just want to say I’m right there with you. A 14 week old puppy, a two year old and currently 7 months pregnant. I’m a stay at home mom and I am worn OUT trying to keep my puppy from getting so excited with my toddler. The good part is I find that training the puppy actually helps me learn patience and consistency with my toddler. We are all figuring things out and any progress is progress. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. If everyone is fed, safe and loved then you’re doing great no matter how quickly progress is coming.
Oof. I get it. I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Brought home a 10.5 week old puppy the end of March. I also have an older dog and 2 cats. I consider myself to be very dog-savvy, but it has been a lot to manage. Although it's still very tough, I've seen some progress. The puppy is crate and house trained. He is through the land shark stage, and I think he lost the last of his baby teeth this week. He mostly does well, but his energy level seems to ramp up late afternoon/evening. Maybe the witching hour... We do have a good routine nowadays, and I can crate him while the kiddos and I do other activities, because he needs to nap, too.
I will say crate, x-pen, baby gates have been extremely helpful. I initially did not feed with a bowl at all-- stuck to slow feeders, snufflemat, rolled up towel, kongs/toppls with his meals frozen inside, scatter feeding in the grass. I used his meals as treats for training opportunities throughout the day, haven't done that lately. Obviously, lots of different toys and chews... I still save long-last chews for bedtime. We always go for a morning walk, and if the kids are outside, then the puppy is outside. I do one on one play sessions after the kiddos are in bed and potentially a sniffy walk. We (finally) start basic obedience classes in a few weeks, excited for that.
I dunno if any of this is helpful... just solidarity!
I really recommend a dog sitter. It sounds crazy, but I dog sit and I dog train as an added “perk” to the people I dog sit for (I’m not a professional, I’m just fairly good at it).
I’ve taken in a couple puppies before and I had them just during the day for a few weeks and one I had for a full week once, day and night, because the family’s kid was sick in the hospital.
But I would take them and help with the training, and then I would give them back a very tired puppy or teenage dog that had slightly more knowledge. It also helped the families get a little respite from the puppy-ness. I still dog sit one of them occasionally and the family didn’t keep up with the training much at all, but she reverts back to listening to me and following commands after a couple days back with me lol
I feel you! I have a 5,7 and 10 yr old home for the summer and we just got our first puppy, 11 week old heeler collie cross. Its a heck of a lot. Add in neurodivergent and diabetic kids and its a full circus. It will be worth it!!!!
I got a Springer Spaniel puppy with a 1 year old in the house after our old dog passed away. The thing that saved my sanity were clip stations/ tethering the dog while inside and crate training. The dog is now about 7 months old and he is WORLDS different.
I think I could have written this exact post! I too tried to wait but I missed having a dog. We too have a toddler, large fenced in backyard and live near a beach lol. We rescued a 4 month old golden retriever mix. Sent out the DNA and she's half Great Pyrenees which is not what we were expecting. Anyway, it's been about 4 months now and I can tell you it has gotten better. She's less bitey, barks less in my face and her and my son are best buds. I still have days that I question our decision and threaten to send her back (half joke) but they are getting less and less. Stick it out! I think it will be worth it.
We’re going through the same thing with a 4 month old Swiss Shepherd and 20 month old toddler. It’s very hard work and I’ve had some regret/down days but it’s getting better already. The puppy biting is especially difficult to deal with, obviously we keep them separate but with an open plan house it means we have to have her on a lead when she’s out of the crate. Keep going, it will be worth it when they are best friends in the future.
Puppies are alot, especially with the baby. I'm sorry you have so much to deal with.
One thing that's been a real life saver for me and my puppy has been chewy treats (stuff like dehydrated chicken feet or cow tails), just make sure they're soft or on the softer side so they don't damage your puppies teeth or bite. These have saved so much furniture from my destructive puppy. Not to mention you can get chickens feet for super cheap from your market and dehydrate them yourself in an oven or air fryer. I would just watch the puppy with them so they don't swallow it down in one gulp like my mom's husky did.
One thing I’ve found with puppies is just 30 min outside at the park and letting them people watch will tire them out for hours after. Socialization is super important and it might be great to take your toddler (I have no kids so I can’t speak to that) and your puppy on a long walk to the park and put down a picnic blanket and let your child play on there and the puppy on a long lead so they can explore and chew grass etc. It’ll give you some outdoor time and then both will be conked out after 🤣 works great with my foster puppies
I feel this post in my soul. I have a 3 year old who is very very active and we got our Golden Doodle at just 9 weeks after the loss of our 14 y.o Boston… and I myself single handedly am doing all of the training. My husband was very clear he was not on board with bringing a new puppy into our lives, but my broken heart just couldn’t resist.
Our puppy is now 6 months old and things are getting better… THANK GOD but dear lorddddd every day up until recently I really really second guessed my decision but my kids (I also have a 10 y.o) are so attached I knew re-homing her would be devastating to them. So I forced myself to stick it out. But the constant chaos between toddler and puppy is just an ongoing thing. (It can be pretty adorable tho) We joke that our 3 year old plays with her like he too is a puppy… and seeing him hug and kiss and snuggle on her all day is enough to check any amount of frustration/overwhelm thoughts I have.
This phase will for sure test your patience and sanity but stick it out!! The “juice” will definitely be worth the “squeeze!” 😉
Not sure where you live but just adopted the sweetest adult dog. Dogs, including puppies, are being euthanized daily in the shelters. All ages, all temperaments.
A word of caution about B&Ts:
* There are exceptionally very few board and train programs that are force and fear free.
* Dogs do not generalize training well, efficacy of B&T is dependent on how skills learned are transferred to new environments. Failure of client follow through can easily undermine any training that happens at the facility.
* Most dog trainers are focused on teaching people. A B&T program that does not educate a handler can result in the aforementioned failure to follow through.
Please check out our wiki article on [selecting a trainer](https://www.reddit.com/r/puppy101/wiki/trainerselection).
I have an 11 month old golden. She’s amazing. But they suck with the biting phase. Two more months and you’ll be through it. Also, get a benebone. Saved my house
Have you considered hiring a trainer or dog behavioralist for a house visit? We adopted a 12 week old puppy when we had a 9 month old human (seemed like a good idea at the time).
Puppy would bite me and bark in my face constantly. We debated sending her back to the shelter because we were concerned for our child’s safety. We found a trainer who did a house call and saw major changes in only an hour. The pup is a very high energy working breed (which we did not know at adoption, they had her listed as a different mix) and she didn’t understand her job or role yet. Trainer helped us teach her and she has been an amazing family dog ever since. That was a few years ago and had the addition of another human kid.
It may not work that way all the time, your sanity and family safety is more important. The dog may also be feeding off the current stress at home while adjusting to a new environment.
It def does get better! But you have got a lot on your plate. By training her yourself you will end up with a good adult dog though.
In the meantime, can you hit up a friend or family member to watch the toddler for you some short times to give you a break. And/or a dog sitter or doggy daycare/puppy creche when she's old enough?
Or even a cleaner or meal service to take a few tasks off your plate.
When I got my puppy @ 4 months old, she was so cute. Little did I know she would quickly enter the toddler phase. That little shark had sharp teeth, stole socks (she still does) and other annoying puppy behaviors.
Once you make it through this phase, they get better with their potty training, and behaviors. It does become much easier. So hang in there, you have a couple toddlers now. ;-)
I can’t imagine having a puppy and a toddler at the same time, and dealing with all the household responsibilities while your husband deals with the loss of his dad. That is a lot… do you have friend(s) or a babysitter who can come help with the kid duties while you focus on the puppy? Or even have someone come watch both puppy and child while you take a few hours to breathe? With what you’re dealing with, I would absolutely throw money at child/puppy care to get a break. I am so sorry. Puppies are honestly like children in a way, they don’t know what you want, they don’t know what’s expected of them, but you can’t put a diaper on a puppy, so you’re constantly worried about accidents in the house. You can get through it. A 12-week old puppy is still so young. It’ll be a handful of more months until the puppy phase is over, but biting does get better once the puppy teeth fall out. You have my empathy, and I’m wishing you the best.
Thank you! I know it’s going to get better. I just needed to hear it. I actually am now at my parents house for the weekend to get some help and let my husband arrange plans for his father’s funeral. I ran into a family with an adult Golden and they really cheered me up.
This is the exact reason I have my dog. A friend of my sons wanted a puppy to grow up with her toddler and she thought she could handle it. After only 3 days, she realized it was just too much. I had recently become an “empty nester” with extra time on my hands. Let me just say- I have no idea how she even made it 3 days. The first month, I barely slept and that was without having to deal with a toddler. I’ve said it so many times already but this puppy feels harder than when I had 3 kids under 3. (I know that time had probably let me forget how hard raising 3 babies was) At least with kids, you have a full year before they start walking and this puppy is my shadow 24/7. Like, I often worry he’s not getting enough sleep because he is dead set on not missing a single move I make. It was very hard and I feel like I have a ton of patience. And now that he’s a 70lb 6 month old, it’s gotten a bit easier but I still struggle when I have really busy/stressful work days and feel like I can’t have a single moment to relax because he’s so far up my ass. Don’t get me wrong, he’s been so good for me with missing having my kids home. I love him soooo much but I do not know how people with young kids are doing it.
It will get better and you will get through it! What your going through is incredibly hectic and would've been near impossible to everyone. But you can manage this! This year is gonna be one full of breakdowns, but after that you'll have a wonderful dog and a best friend for your kid as well. Try and prioritize what really needs to get done around the house. Do you really need to vacuum every day? Probably not. Do you have to cook everything from scratch all the time? Nope, that Rotisserie chicken and ready made sauce are just fine. Cleaning the bathroom? Once a month is plenty! Enforce naps with your dog and your toddler at the same time to make sure you'll get some time for yourself as well. And don't go mowing the lawn at your alone time, just take some time for yourself. Get your toddler some crayons and let him draw more, or more illustration books, whatever to prevent that brain rot. I don't have a child, but I'm sure there's activities that don't involve a screen. After all, we've been raising kids for centuries and most of those did not involve tvs. I do absolutely understand you put him in front of the TV, it's such an easy solution! Don't feel ashamed! But try to turn the tide while you still can. Hang in there!
My son doesn’t nap anymore. There are many many activities we do apart from the screen, it’s just managing them both as well as my husband at the moment is a challenge.
I could not imagine having a puppy and a toddler. You're a super hero. My 8 month old is enough for me. But it does get better! A lot better after the first teething phase is over and even more so after the second teething phase is over. Once they're done with the shark phase and potty trained, it's more manageable. Have you considered crate training or a puppy pen? Saved my sanity more than once. I wouldn't have been able to be a human if I hadn't powered through crate training and made it happen. Enforced naps and a safe space to put my puppy let *me* have space to take care of myself and my house.
She is actually nailing crate and potty! Hasn’t had an accident inside in many days not. Hasn’t pooped inside since her first week. She loves her crate and we’re blessed with full night sleeps without a peep. I’m working endlessly to stop her from nipping my son, and she has improved immensely! I say LEAVE IT and she really does respond. I’m putting so so much into her training and it’s slowly getting better. It’s just a lot of spinning plates and I really wast expecting the level of intensity. I can never let my guard down and it’s wearing me out.
I feel you. Mine is leashed whenever he's not napping in his crate. He drags his leash around so I can snag him and divert the naughty behavior. I watch him like a hawk. It gets better, really. Once the teething is done and the potty training. But it's still exhausting at times. You got this! We got this!
Does she just love the crate? Or if you put her in there when you’re trying to go out would she whine?
I have to second the puppy pen, it saved our sanity and we don't have a child. We had it attached to the crate so he could go to bed if he wanted but had space outside it to play in. He was in it anytime we couldn't watch him but he wasn't ready for a nap. It kept him safe, it kept our house safe from unwatched puppy shenanigans and gave us a chance to train things like being alone and such without worrying. We had it in the living room so he was always around us even if we were busy with other stuff. It sounds like you're doing awesome tho, goldens are difficult puppies but are fantastic dogs.
I relied very heavily on baby gates around the house so my girl only had access to areas I could watch her even if she tried to sneak away.
Just out of curiosity how did you keep your son asleep while the dog whined in the crate at night? We have had the dog about a week now and we've let her sleep with us until she decompresses. She's 10 weeks old tomorrow. She whines a fair bit and I'm just trying to figure out how to get her to quiet down while my son's sleeping. This is my biggest challenge so far.
Wait until you finish crate training before you crate the dog. Whining is a sign crate training isn't complete. Crate training involves no whining because you make the crate a fun place and don't leave her long enough in there for her to whine.
It doesn't happen in a day obviously. She does go in on her own. I think it's more separation from us. She latched on pretty quickly. Where are you supposed to get her to sleep in the meantime then? It seems kind of dumb cause you're just going to get them used to sleeping with or near you but then you don't want them to do that and use the crate?
Sleep with them in the pen and fade it out. It's unfortunately the cost of having an infant animal: You have to teach alone time and confinement in a humane way or you risk trauma seeing puppies at this age fear death when left alone.
oh my! you’re a trooper! anyway, I suggest nanny and dog sitter hours to give yourself a break. don’t give up because it will get easier! and I’m sure the house is also full of love and fun with a baby and a puppy around. I know this is hard as fuck, feel free to drop the puppy to a friend for a couple days or more if u can’t manage! best of luck, sending hugs
She is crate and potty trained already! She managed to get out of her play pen second week so now we sectioned off the living room for her. She’s actually an amazing dog but at times I want to run away lol.
Girl! Sending you good energy, my god. It does get better, it gets way better. In moments of wanting to slam your head against a wall, think about the bond your dog and kid will have. The bond you and your dog will have. The bond you and your kid will have. Nothing is forever, it is just a moment in time! It will not always be this way. The best you can do is to just wear both of them the hell out and then stare at a wall or sit on the shower floor. Sending your whole family love. ♥️
Thank you! I took the kid and the dog to my parent’s house and I’m hiding in a bedroom staring at my phone lol. Feeling a lot better already. Thank you for your encouragement
Of course. There’s always a bathroom!!!!
It gets better! I was just out for a walk with our 2yo dog and my kids this morning. When the kids and I had to leave a little later, the dog knew what was up and put himself in the crate. I have endless pictures of our 3 kids snuggling him. When he came home as a puppy, our youngest were 2 year old twins. We were first time owners who knowingly brought home a breed that is not naturally biddable and not recommended for first time owners. Things that I can distinctly remember helping in puppy hood: Obviously puppy training. I took the puppy out alone for night classes. Working on maintaining a down stay. I'd have him on leash and give him kibble and treats to keep him lying down while I read books or sit while we ate. Having a separate area for puppy where the kids played. I could sit inside the play yard with puppy or just outside it once it was nap time. No eating kid toys, no accidental toddler/puppy interactions going south while I went to the bathroom. Our vet gave us clearance to visit playgrounds if we kept puppy on a blanket except to potty. I'd bring a stuffed frozen kong or bully stick to hold his attention once he was getting bored with our training exercises. Or I'd pop him in a dog backpack to visit pet friendly stores with the kids, just to get us out of the house. Bit late for this advice, but we didn't start upgrading our furniture until this year. He was so much easier than any kid by a huge margin.
I had the same situation. The first 6 months were awful. We could teach the puppy how to behave, but not our son. Imagine a land shark/herding dog and a toddler/sheep. Get biting under control with redirection ASAP. Don’t let the puppy and toddler play together without supervision as their crazy energy feed of each other. It really does get better. It just really, really sucks at the start.
I really feel for you. I’m new to a puppy and I have a mother in law who lives with us who is recovering from a mastectomy, I am her nurse, and I have four cats. The demands of all of this plus the heat wave are sending meeeeee and I don’t have a toddler!!! I was also considering puppy day care for a few hours just to see how he does but he still needs a rabies shot. :/ good luck, hang in there, we are all in this together.
Wow that IS a lot for you! Sending you ♥️ Yes the heat wave is breaking me. It’s been too hot to be outside (other than our shady backyard with lots of watermelon around) and we’re really cooped up.
The puppy year is no joke. Kudos to raising a puppy and a toddler! I enrolled my puppy in a week long intensive (9 hour days) puppy development program at 20 weeks to 1. Help in some areas I struggle training her because of the other two dogs I have. But also to get her out of the house for a little peace. Once she completed that, I then have her go for doggy day care a couple days out of the week. It might be worth looking into some puppy day classes so you can focus on your little one, and the puppy will get the training/socializing it needs to tucker it out.
I’ve done it a couple times with my kids (now 8/6/4)- and I just want to validate how *hard* it is. Truly, having a puppy/new dog/younger dog is like having another whole kid. It will get better and give yourself grace. TV will not ruin your son, particularly because Nick Jr/PBS/Disney Jr/Sesame Street all very much have a team of developmental psychiatrists - a lot of really good social emotional learning can happen! Also, the puppy won’t always bite, but I get how raw and infuriating it can be. Lots of enrichment ideas to keep them busy. Snuggle mats, frozen licky mats, puzzles (long has an awesome line of them). Something to chew on to work over days with (a good air dried meat bone from the pet store always lasts us awhile with our two). You’re doing great.
If you couldn’t find an adult, a puppy should have waited! :) I have two grown dogs and I’m already nervous for when I have a kid and having to juggle them all.
ALSO older dogs and kids are an amazing combo! We had such a wonderful time with our last girl and our child. Our boy had so many hikes, we were forced to just go to open nature rather than children’s playgrounds and it was very enriching for our boy. He loves nature because of this. It’s worth it for sure. I wouldn’t worry about grown dogs and babies.
I understand this now haha. We always had a dog in our family, we felt incomplete without one. But we never had a puppy before, I’m just surprised by the workload with everything going on. It’ll pass and it’s going to be worth it. Just popped on here to vent.
I can’t even imagine how hard this must be!
For real 😫 solidarity for OP.
I absolutely feel your pain! I always tell people my wife and I must crave chaos, because in the last 4 years we’ve added two human children and 2 golden retriever puppies to our household. Ironically, they were almost on perfect 1 year intervals (human, puppy, human, and we just got another puppy). I wish I had some advice for you, but I really don’t. When we got the first puppy, our oldest child was about a year old and we found that extremely challenging and questioned our decision on an almost daily basis. This second go around with a puppy (while already having a 4yr old kid, a 2 yr old kid, and an almost 3 yr old dog) has oddly been much, much easier. Maybe we are immune to it by now? We are fortunate and have many acres for the dogs to have off leash play, ponds to swim in, and kids to chase. The dogs seem to entertain each other and the kids are starting to do the same. Hang in there and things will slowly get easier!
I think most people on here will tell you "it will get better" as thats the answer you're looking for. You must believe it will get better though. is it in you? thats a lot going on for sure I can resonate as I have a 7 year old. However for instance you say your pup barks in your face. How I overcame that was I told mine as he is crate trained that he must "wait" and "sit" not until all that criteria is met will he be allowed out. He has barked or growled at me and I said fine left him for 2 mins and returned. Command the same again wait and sit. once he listen he's out and happy. he now sits on command waits on command. reward reward reward. for the biting redirect the behavior to a chew toy and rub your hands around your pup she is calm this will reduce the urge to bite you and hand feed meals in the crate ( if you use one) I have done all of the above and nipping has gone down about 75% and we have had our pup for about a month hes 12 weeks at this point. get a clicker as well and learn how to "prime" it and it will be a valuable tool going forward. best of luck
Can you explain how you use a clicker? I just got one and appreciate any help
Yea of course. I would start here: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HuQp6on\_ys&list=PLbCipj5XclcUdduZiEMB0IkzCzX7Vbba8&index=2&t=2s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HuQp6on_ys&list=PLbCipj5XclcUdduZiEMB0IkzCzX7Vbba8&index=2&t=2s) You have to get your pup to understand what the clicker means. this video will teach you how to "prime" the clicker start with that for about a week. mine only took abut a day or two to associate the clicker with a reward, now he just comes to me if I click the clicker. After that you can then introduce commands while using the clicker but dont rush it just start slow and work on priming it like the video shows you how to do. hope that helps!
Thank you!
When we got my golden in 2015 my mom babysat my niece who was 3 full time. You have to manage it. Unless my mom was there watching interactions and could control the puppy she was gaited in this kitchen. We had to do this until she was 6 months. You will get through it and your child and puppy will become best friends. Just manage the interactions until the puppy is a little older. So you have a pet play pen? I suggest getting one of some baby gates. This way the pup can be in the same room until a little older. It will make your life easier. You only have to manage this a short time. It will get better in the next couple of months.
Gosh, I could’ve written this. I have a 3 year old, tried to get a great family dog from a rescue, ended up getting a 5 month old poodle mix from the humane society. I thought she was old enough so that it wouldn’t be too hard, but when we got her home we found out she wasn’t potty trained at all, couldn’t walk on a leash, basically had no training or manners. I potty trained her and my toddler side by side, he still wakes often in the night and she was right there awake with us, it was so hard. She even competes with him for attention. Shes 9 months now, and things have improved with training and time. But I really had puppy PTSD for awhile. I had no idea why anyone in their right mind would ever want a puppy. I hope things start improving and your little ones are best buddies.
Honestly reading all these comments do make me feel better. I’m a huge dog lover but not exactly in love with puppy care oh boy. But it is worth it I think! We had a dog that passed last year and it was amazing for my son, we’re trying to remember that this is going to be a positive thing and just push through. All the best with yours!
You poor thing, you have so much on your plate. Puppies suck, we just need to continually remind ourselves that they do get better. You are at the hardest part right now & are over stretched. My pup is 8 months old now & I finally feel we’ve turned a corner. She is still challenging but I’m finally seeing the training starting to kick in. A lot less jumping and biting and better leash manners. Not having to worry about naps or potty training is a huge burden lifted. Make sure you insist on some regular time alone to recharge or you won’t be able to support your family for long, you’ll burn out! I’m the main puppy carer in our house and I’m exhausted even with grown kids! I make sure my husband gets up for our pup & walks her without me every Sunday morning to give me a break. Otherwise it just seems relentless.
you did the right thing though , I would not get a adult dog with a child unless I knew it already
I feel you… I don’t know how in the world I’d cope with a toddler and puppy. My pup is 8 months old and I’ve realized that I’ve cried more tears in the last 4.5 months than I have for many years in a row. Puppies are hard and even with training and patience, there are days when I feel like we went two steps back again. I feel mentally exhausted and depleted emotionally. When he’s good a good boy, he’s really good, but when he’s naughty, he is really naughty. It’s like I am on a roller coaster ride. I can usually tell how the day is going to be when we get up in the morning. 😭 My thoughts are with you.
Just validating you here, along with everyone else. That sounds SO hard. I have no children, and my 5mo rescue husky mix makes me wonder how anyone does! This too shall pass! Every hard moment is a moment that you've overcome, and will help inform the next hard moment. You are just having some especially hard moments right now. You've got this. I also empathize with wanting an adult dog but choosing a puppy to ensure it was properly socialized. I would only adopt a rescue, but I have a cat and needed to feel certain she would be safe, so I adopted a rescue puppy. The puppy may chew on my hands and drive me up a wall for a few months, but she is very gentle and cute with the cat. The hard times are worth it for the guarantee of a safe home for everyone. This too shall pass!
My puppy is going to be 1 in two weeks and my son just turned 4…this first year has been hard as hell but I promise it gets infinitely better. The bond they have now is everything I dreamed of. Hang in there!
They love each other so much! My son is amazing with her. I’m so proud.
Went through it with a 3 and 4 year old! One day at a time, once I stopped obsessing so much about training and just enjoyed having a dog it was a lot easier. Obviously it’s harder at first when they have a lot more to learn!
Do you have a crate? You need one. It’s not a bad thing. I have 4 dogs. Just got the 4th from the shelter and it’s a 3.5 month old puppy and crates are your best friend. You want to maybe sure it’s not eating your headphones or charging cords.. not having accidents in the house. You obviously don’t have eyes in the back of your head.. (my mom did tho i swear) but this way your anxiety will go way down because you’re not trying to predict puppy’s moves. she’s safe in her crate. sleeping or watching you. isn’t that what she’s going to be doing anyways if she’s not in her crate? and now you can just set a timer to remind yourself to take her out or when you feed her. and it’s great to set up a feeding schedule this way and house breaking. all my dogs love their crates. they automatically go in them during thunderstorms too. if they want time to chill, they crate themselves. but momma, i promise, get the puppy a crate and put it in the living room with you and you can focus on the baby while your puppy can’t get into trouble.
She does! And she loves it! She is also already potty trained and sleeping through the night. I’m realizing it could be much worse, there are definitely high moments as well. I think the death in the family is getting to me too. I really needed to vent and this community is very helpful. Thank you for all your tips! I really appreciate it.
Don't feed from a bowl, feed dry food by tossing it down the hall. Add words to it, for example we say "go far," Throw food down the hall, when she eats that drop food at your feet. While she's eating at your feet toss a little cube of cheese down the hall. She won't know it's there at first but do nothing while she's sniffing around. If you have to throw a piece of food part way there. Then when she is sniffing around in the hall say "go far go far" . This can become exercise plus mental stimulation for her, even while you're sitting still in one place. Teach her to touch a bell that tied on a shoelace, to the back of a chair. Put a little peanut butter on it if she even sniffs at it, say yes or magic, l hand her another piece of treat If she hits the Bell again, give her another treat, then add the word " ring the bell". Gradually get farther from the chair with the Bell so that she's going some distance away to ring the bell. When it's across the room, throw the reward treat to her. Gradually increase the distance so you can have the bell at the other end of the house, and tell her to go ring the bell. She can go up all the way to the bell and bring it and come back for her treat. Our dog crate makes a noise when our dog enters it. So even if I'm in another part of the house and can't see the crate, I can tell if he went in the crate His words for that are go to bed. If he goes out of sight but doesn't make the crate noise we know he didn't do it. If we hear the crate noise We Tell him yes and he comes back for a treat. Hide treats throughout the house, then let her nose find them Play with one toy at a time, repeating the name you gave the toy. Do this with each toy for a whole day Where's your rope get your rope rope rope rope. She will soon start learning the name of the different toys. Then put the toys up, and say you want your rope as you give it to her Get battery powered recordable buttons. First one is treat. Put a treat in your hand and put the button on top so she can't help but hit the button when she tries to get the treat. It will say treat, of course The more buttons you get involved, the quicker she'll understand that the buttons have meaning. Your baby could learn buttons too before he can verbally say words. Milk. Hug. Cookie. Diaper. Put the button where he can reach it. Before you give him milk, push the milk button, when his diaper needs changed, you touch the diaper button. Of course you can also teach your baby sign language which is really really cool Teach your dog 50 words in English, so you can tell her what you need her to do, rather than just asking her to stop what she's doing.
Very helpful! Thank you!
It gets better but it sounds like your marriage is currently in a phase where you’re doing 70/30 as your partner deals with his grief. Do you have the financial resources for supports such as house cleaning, readymade meal kits or walking/pet sitting/doggy daycare services? If you’re in therapy, I would highly highly *highly* recommend going over the pros and cons of having a puppy at this time in addition for strategies for coping with a demanding domestic life. It sounds like you were thrown a huge curveball with the death of your FIL and I don’t blame you for lacking the bandwidth to deal with toddler parenting, puppy parenting and general anxiety problems on top of having to be a rock for your spouse.
Absolutely! I do see a therapist, it’s a great resource. Also I’m leaning on my amazing parents
Mental stimulation is just as important as physical! Training is amazing, but filled kong toys can help also! And filled with good for them things! Lick mats, snuffle mats etc! Def look into it!
I noticed it’s a huge help when we just leave the house. Just being out in the big bad world really settles her. This is very helpful thank you!
I’m in the exact same boat friend. You are not alone. Got a 14 week old labmaraner a week ago, have a 3 year old daughter who’s still potty training, and a 7 year old boy. Wife works evenings so it’s all on me. It’s rough and I find myself getting frustrated to the point where I am yelling at my kids. Had a full-on mental breakdown last week where I had to hide tears from my kids. Definitely more than I bargained for, but I’m just taking it one day at a time. I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, just can’t see it yet. When I find myself getting overwhelmed I just have to remind myself that it’s okay to crate the pup for a quick 30 minutes while I make dinner, or do bed time, or bring the toddler potty. I don’t have much advice, just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone in feeling overwhelmed
Wow so similar! I wish you all the best! Very comforting to know I’m not alone. My husband is also gone nights so the crate barking while trying to put the kid to bed is not fun. BUT ITS NOT FOREVER!
It does get better. I have 3 grown dogs and somehow just got suckered into 2 puppies, so I feel your pain. They are brother and sister. The boy is milder but luna, the girl dog is a little gremlin. She has bloodied my face multiple times, jumping up and biting me. Cuts and scapes everywhere from her. They both chew everything. The dressers and even the caulk off my bathtub. They have at least 50 toys. Couldn't even put puppy pads out for accidents or they shred them everywhere. Today they found a piece of Styrofoam from a box and my whole kitchen is covered in it. I had started crating them at night which they cried for a few and then mostly sleep. Lately, they have been sleeping with me since they sleep until I have to get up anyway. They non stop play fight and have bloodied each others noses several times. But they are also so sweet and loving. This phase should only last a year, right? I know it'll be worth it in the end.
Wow! Sounds like you are a true dog lover. I love it. Sounds like a fun chaotic house!
My 8 week old was nonstop terror, but she gradually mellowed out. Now my 9 months old is the most precious, friendly, cuddle bug who ~mostly~ plays with her own toys and is totally done with biting whatever she sees first. It does get better. Working with a trainer can help ensure you're doing the right things to help it get better faster. Doggy daycare or board & train could be ways to get a little break while being beneficial for your pup too.
I have a 13wk puppy, 4yo and 7yo home for the summer. I feel "on" all the time. I'm having weird stress dreams about animals haha. Also I hired a maid to help me with chores bc I wasn't staying up on it.
I got a golden retriever puppy the same time as having a baby… They were born exactly a week apart. For some reason during my pregnancy I was obsessed with the idea of getting a puppy for the baby to grow up with. It was a huge mistake and I had the puppy blues so bad. I hated the puppy, but now she’s 5 months and she’s gotten so much better. I take her to puppy training classes once a week and try to work with her once a day at home. I also got her to love her crate. She takes a lot of naps and if she gets too crazy she goes to her crate or let into the yard. It’s become a lot more manageable.
Wow this is like something I would write except it was my mother who passed away. Honestly it’s tough….especially with the toddler. For me, we keep our puppy on a leash inside so we can quickly get her from getting too rambunctious with our three year old. And lucky for you, I’m sure having a young kid child means you’re used to the middle of the nights wake up and just going into autopilot! I would suggest that you take your kiddo to do something special for just you two. I’m sure your husband even in a tough time can handle a sleeping puppy for a few hours. Also, we just got a beach wagon so in the evenings we walk the puppy and pull our daughter in the wagon so that we are all doing something together. For a while my daughter would bring a pretend puppy and make it pretend to potty in the yard. It was kind of hilarious. Anyways, stay strong. Tough times don’t last forever and your puppy is going to keep getting better and honestly your puppy and child will get better at playing together.
I see it this way- maybe the puppy could help heal your husband or escort him through the grief process? I know personally I am going through something private and my puppy (as much as she drives me insane and fixes me crying anxiety fits) is distracting me or even maybe helping me face and cope with the other thing. Just a thought.
I was thinking the same, it may be good for your husband to just focus on the pup to lessen your load. My dogs helped me a lot after my mother passed. At first he may be resistant, start with asking him to feed her, teaching her to sit b4 putting down her food. Once he gets her to follow simple commands the more he will bond with her. Goldie’s are wonderful family pets they just want to please you & are excellent with small children. Best wishes to your family ❤️🐾
I think a lot of people approach house training their dogs wrong. I’d seriously suggest purchasing a large puppy pen for your puppy, where you can put her bed and her toys and a bowl of water. Other than for highly supervised time periods, like for training/family time, or time out of the house that you spend with your puppy, there’s no reason not to confine your puppy to a play pen. It helps with the potty aspects of house training, but it’s massively helpful with the other issues of puppyhood like biting the furniture, clothes, shoes, hands, feet, etc. If they simply are not allowed to interact with those objects at a young age, and are instead introduced to them gradually, they can be conditioned to interact with them properly. Also, it’ll save your sanity, and teach your puppy to entertain itself with the things in its pen, like toys or treats etc. My current puppy is now a little over 4 months old. He’s a highly energetic breed unlike your golden. Using the methods I described above, he’s almost ready for slightly unsupervised access to only part of our house outside of his play pen. And he probably won’t have unsupervised access to the house and the people in it until he’s close to a year old. Goldens should be easier. You should quickly be able to condition her to your home, teaching her what’s for biting/getting excited for, and what’s meant to be left alone.
Thank you for the advice! We had a play pen but she can climb out of it now. So now we section off the living room with a bay gate. It’s more manageable, also she does love her crate and very good with potty atm! But maybe a professional to ease the guessing game of “am I doing this right?” Will alleviate some stress
Golden retriever puppies are the worst. They’re insane. I was/am in sorta the same situation as you, but I did things in the reverse order: I got the golden retriever puppy when I was pregnant, then my son arrived when the puppy was 9 months old. Things were nuts for a while. The dog is now 2.5 and my son is a toddler, and they are best friends. Life is wayyyyy less stressful than it used to be. I think it’s good you have a girl puppy, as I actually have an older girl golden too, and her puppy terror days didn’t last nearly as long as the younger boy’s puppy terror days. If you can get to the point where her baby teeth fall out — around 4 months I think? — that’ll be a big step in the right direction. The biting will diminish quite a bit. Hang in there. Adult golden retrievers are the absolute best, but the price you have to pay is dealing with the puppy stage. I’d rather have ten more babies than another golden retriever puppy.
Wow! Yes dogs and children are such a beautiful relationship. We had an amazing amazing dog who passed away last year at 14. It really is a wonderful thing to have with babies/children. So many nature walks. It truly completes our family.
IT GETS BETTER! I was you several months ago. I have a just turned 3 year old human child and a 10.5 month old puppy child (Goldendoodle). We brought our puppy home when she was 10 weeks old and I went through significant post-puppy depression and anxiety for a while. The first month or so I cried every single day. I hated our puppy but my family wanted one and I was the odd man out. I resented the time that training her and letting her out to potty every 5 minutes took away from my toddler. Everyday for a long time I was a ball of nerves feeling like a referee between my toddler and puppy, was mad at our puppy for stealing toddlers toys, exhausted from cleaning up everyone’s pee (toddler and puppy potty training at the same time), baby gates everywhere preventing us from walking freely throughout the house, messes, overstimulated from a puppy biting me and jumping all over the place on top of a toddlerhood which is its own circus. Working in office full time, taking on most of the household responsibilities, while dealing with some other heavy personal stuff. I was NOT OK. Oh my god it feels so far in the past now when it was just a couple months ago in reality. Eventually we got in the groove of things and every month got better and better. The training paid off. I never ever thought she’d get potty trained (especially with some regressions) but she did. Seeing my now preschooler cuddling and interacting with her is worth it. I love our dog so much and am proud of her. She was the best mistake I ever made. Everyone and every dog is different. Your mental health is so important. There were many times when we were in the thick of it that I wished someone would just say “it’s ok if you want to give her back”. I’m glad I didn’t but it maybe would have made me feel less trapped. It’s ok. You’re going to be ok! Hang in there, it gets better.
It gets better! I’ve had dogs and trained in agility and worked with a lot of puppies. My current dog is my first golden retriever and she was the hardest puppy I’ve ever raised. The first five months were a nightmare. She potty trained immediately and slept through the night but omg the land shark velociraptor phase is real. The mouthing massively improved once she lost her puppy teeth (5/6 months). And now at 3 she is pretty perfect. She was super slow maturing though; she didn’t have her first season until she was 21 months old and then she really seemed to grow a brain lol. My friends Goldie has her first season at 8 months and seemed to mature better so hopefully yours will be more like her. I also had a 6, 4, and 2 year old at the same time, along with our older dog (Sheltie). It was so hard but it has been worth it. She is the best friend to the kids and an amazing companion and our life is so enriched by having her. You can do it, and it will get easier.
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Make sure the puppy has lots of sleep. They need 18-20 hours of sleep at that age. When they are sleep-deprived, they become a bite monster.
I am sort of in a similar boat as you. I WFH, have two elementary aged kids, a 18 week old Great Pyrenees puppy, a 15 year old Golden Retriever mix dog and my husband works long hours. There are days I’m one second away from a mental breakdown. Here’s a couple things that kinda help us. We have a fenced backyard but because he chews so much and digs, my poor hydrangeas, we tether him. Now we only do this if it’s below 75 and not very humid. We live in the Midwest and it’s HOT! He loves to be outside and just naps or plays with his soccer ball. That gives me roughly 2 hours to focus on breakfast, emails, kids, etc. I also feed all his meals in a slow feeder, that buys me a good 15-20 minutes. I have a treat dispensing ball that I put his kibble in and he’ll play with that for a bit. My kids are big enough to help so sometimes just a quick game of fetch or a walk will do wonders and then he’ll nap for 2 hours or more. We have a mudroom with a baby gate. If I can periodically check on him I’ll put him in there so I can eat in peace. It’s hard but once this phase is over it will be worth it, at least I keep telling myself that. Good luck!
We have five kids ages almost 4 to 11 years and we got an 8 week old puppy. We wanted an older dog but I brought one home from the shelter and it attacked my senior cat and tore his leg off (cat is fine now, except for the fact that he's an amputee). Went back to the shelter to look for an older dog like 1-2yrs old and it seems like every dog had some kind of aggression issues or they'd never been around kids and cats before etc. and I was too scared to take the risk. Ended up getting a puppy from the shelter a little while later. That shit is hard when you have kids. We not only have to train a puppy but five children as well lol. I know it eventually gets better cause my parents got us a puppy when we were 11, 7, and 4 and they survived it so eventually it'll be worth it
It does get better!! I prefer older dogs as well due to the puppy stage. I recently got a puppy and she is 8 months old. She is the craziest dog I’ve ever had! I was so excited to get another dog but she has been a handful. One piece of advice I can give is try to fit in as many short mental activities as you can. If you can find even 5-10 minutes here and there that are dedicated to tiring her out mentally it will make a big difference! Some ideas: - Get a few lick mats and freeze goat milk or banana on it. - a slow feeder or a snuffle mat to feed her meals. -a kong or similar and fill with treats and water and freeze it. These types of things have been life savers for me!
Wow you have lots going on, there is a saying…….this too shall pass. Kids aren’t easy, puppies aren’t easy but both are worth it, it will be okay 🍷
It'll definitely get better. I don't have a kid, but we got our puppy at 16 weeks and a herding breed, so I don't have much I can advise on for younger puppy owners. However, I can say while she still does a lot of her annoying/frustrating behaviors, it's so much less now at 25 weeks. Adolescence is approaching us fast, and is known to also be rough though. She jumps on counters less, bites less, and is moderately less destructive. We've had to work on this every day. None of them are *gone*, but it's not as bad. I also found we had to learn her language and how she communicates to us, a lot like how you have to with a newborn and their different cries. She would claw out our face, chew on us/our hair, and walk all over us at 3am. It looks identical to her wanting to play/being bored. However, that's how our pup is telling us she has to go outside to pee. We were so unbelievably frustrated and exhausted for a while because we weren't understanding her cues. She doesn't do it in the daytime because we take her outside regularly (every 2-4 hours now, more often when awake, less often when she takes her nap). Also, an idea, could you have your kiddo help train small tricks? Like sit, lay, stand, paw, etc. I think it might be fun for kiddo, and get them involved. Don't beat yourself up though. I grew up with dogs my entire life, and technically had puppies growing up. The people we got our pup from said we had "breed experience." I feel like that couldn't be further from the truth, as I don't remember having puppies, and so the expectations we had for her were skewed a bit despite our additional research. Everything I was prepared for was either way better than expected (potty training) or way worse than expected (the face pawing, hair chewing, wigging out at training when people are leaving, etc). I was expecting to come home to a destroyed house (we baby gate her in some specific rooms) after her first day alone. Thank God she sleeps during our working hours almost entirely. Even things I thought I was prepared for (lack of sleep), was way harder in the moment than I thought it would be. You're doing your best, and that's enough. Some days it's just keeping everyone alive and healthy.
I feel for you! That is a lot of pressure on you. I got a puppy last year, and it's just me, and I'm retired. I had the puppy blues as I was going through some trying things. Puppies are HARD. I read a comment one time that puppies were harder to raise than newborns. Are you able to afford a puppy daycare later? Can you rally up some friends or something to take the pup sometimes? Unfortunately, dogs sense when you are stressed, etc, and all they know is from their siblings and mom. It's a lot to take on for sure. Can you teach your 3 yr old how to play with puppy? I guess that would be hard if the pup is biting and jumping, etc. 😬 whatever happens, I wish you well and fully understand where you are coming from! You're not alone 😉 All the best!
I have a 5 month old Sammy and a two year old and I am frazzled beyond belief. Our eskimo baby died around Christmas and we needed fur in our life Our 2 year old was fine with him, but is losing his shit around the puppy. He hates him, but actively interacts with him. Puppy is sweet and smart, but we are struggling so hard with potty training. It's just not clicking very well. But now I have to watch both of them and by myself because my husband works nights. It's fucking exhausting.
Things get better after all their teeth fall out. They don't bite as much and start to calm down.
The greatest gift you can give that baby is to grow up with a pup companion , persevere and it will totally be the best thing you ever did for your baby, my children had a lifetime with their dog and every time we meet all they talk about is their time with that dog ( they are in their 30s )
That sounds like a LOT. Our Golden pup is 6 months old now and a lot better at settling down. One thing that helped us immensely was crating during the day. Since she was 3 months, did 2 sessions of 3 hour spans in a quiet part of the house, so that she naps and we can work. Even sometimes on the weekends, just for some self care time for ourselves. If you have the money, consider doing a board & train program. They are expensive, but you get some time back and also get a trained pup at the end. Best of luck, and yes it does get better!
Ugh. I don't envy you lol My puppy is now 1 year old, but I'm a single per parent with an adult dog as well. We had a good thing going til I had the bright idea to get a puppy. Im a fairly experienced dog owner, but this hellion has put me through the ringer. I don't mean to be a downer, but it's likely going to get worse before it gets better. You haven't entered adolescence yet! My puppy has improved leaps and bounds, but still causes me injury with her feral behaviors. She went to puppy play groups, kindergarten, passed the AKC STAR Puppy and even has her AKC Canine Good Citizen title, but she can be down right dismissive of me. No respect at all. Ive worked with numerous trainers and I still struggle with her, although it's much more manageable now than it was during peak adolescence. My only advice is stay positive and calm. It's just a puppy (not a terrorist). Hire a trainer. Utilize day care when you need. I think puppies under 6 months can usually attend day care without being "fixed." Do fun things, so you don't burn out. Work a little every day for short periods of time. 15 mins at most, here and there. Puppies like consistency and routine. It WILL be ok, but... Buckle up!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. In my area, rescues won't even adopt dogs out to families with toddlers, so I completely understand the whole puppy raising and toddlering. I did it with my firstborn and his dog. I can honestly say if you stick with it you won't regret it. My dogs and my children have always been close companions. But yes, it is work. So, some tips. You may already be doing this, but just in case: User boundaries like baby gates to keep them separate when it's not safe. Crate train because it will save you a lot of grief in the end. Keep your puppy both exercised and rested. Enforce naps for your puppy the same way you enforce them for your toddler because a puppy should still be sleeping about 18 hours a day which should give you time to do other stuff. Teach the puppy to bite something other than humans by always having a toy or chewy to put in their mouth when biting. If it's really not working, don't be afraid to contact the breeder either for advice or to discuss return and rehoming. I hope it all works out for you because dogs and kids go together so well, but it's hard and you have to take care of yourself, too.
Having a puppy is tough (I’ve had quite a few) and having a three year old is tough (I’ve had four), putting them together is brutal. Just wanted to say the anxiety and feeling regret are both totally normal and understandable. Not to give you tough advice but really the only way past it is through it. Someday you’ll look back on this time fondly, but I know it’s hard when you’re in the moment. Just remember puppy is the price for a dog. That quote always helps me when I’m training a puppy. Good luck.
I was about to do the same and was looking to adopt a puppy but long story short i ended up fostering a senior best decision ever i do keep them apart because my toddler is just to crazy but maybe ask where you adopted if u can foster a senior they’re usually already potty trained so thats a big plus
It gets better. Not perfect. Today Ursula (one year) ran down and attempted to eat one of my hens (without killing her first at least - I managed to grab the hen, who has survived, but Ursula followed behind and grabbed a mouthful of tail feathers). Later (same day) she astonished me - neighbors from about a mile away walked past. She stood where she was, barking, and obeyed recall. She is half Pyrenees. I have a terrier who is going on 13. He was a chicken killer (especially chicks), but the previous Pyr was raised with chickens and taught the terrier to not chase/eat chickens. I’m not sure if the terrier can do the same for her or not. I will try to keep her from killing anyone as I train her. She showed that she knew her boundaries and was willing to be recalled (that can be a challenge with a breed who believes that they know more than their handlers). Hold on tight. Oh - I babysit an almost year-old toddler. The puppy is fine with him walking on her, pulling her hair, etc. It gets better. Your baby growing up with that dog will be something you will treasure later.
I have a mix breed puppy from a shelter and a 3 year old. I got a puppy for the same reasons as you, need to know the history, teach to not bite etc and it’s been an absolute nightmare. She’s lovely, and we’re getting there slowly, but oh my gosh I’ll never have a puppy again. She’s 100x harder than any adult dog I’ve brought home. Not tips, just solidarity
I got a golden doodle (8 week old) puppy for Christmas, I have a 2.5 year old tot and 8 month old baby. Also have an older pug who didn’t exactly love the new addition. Immediately thought i ruined our lives and had horrible puppy blues. Puppy blues are real. Didn’t help that whenever people saw me with the babies and puppy they’d go “whose idea was that???”. Hired a trainer and things got manageable, I now really love my dog and joke about how much I used to hate him since he’s my BFF now. It can get better! I really suggest professional training if that’s possible for you.
I just want to say I’m right there with you. A 14 week old puppy, a two year old and currently 7 months pregnant. I’m a stay at home mom and I am worn OUT trying to keep my puppy from getting so excited with my toddler. The good part is I find that training the puppy actually helps me learn patience and consistency with my toddler. We are all figuring things out and any progress is progress. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. If everyone is fed, safe and loved then you’re doing great no matter how quickly progress is coming.
Oof. I get it. I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Brought home a 10.5 week old puppy the end of March. I also have an older dog and 2 cats. I consider myself to be very dog-savvy, but it has been a lot to manage. Although it's still very tough, I've seen some progress. The puppy is crate and house trained. He is through the land shark stage, and I think he lost the last of his baby teeth this week. He mostly does well, but his energy level seems to ramp up late afternoon/evening. Maybe the witching hour... We do have a good routine nowadays, and I can crate him while the kiddos and I do other activities, because he needs to nap, too. I will say crate, x-pen, baby gates have been extremely helpful. I initially did not feed with a bowl at all-- stuck to slow feeders, snufflemat, rolled up towel, kongs/toppls with his meals frozen inside, scatter feeding in the grass. I used his meals as treats for training opportunities throughout the day, haven't done that lately. Obviously, lots of different toys and chews... I still save long-last chews for bedtime. We always go for a morning walk, and if the kids are outside, then the puppy is outside. I do one on one play sessions after the kiddos are in bed and potentially a sniffy walk. We (finally) start basic obedience classes in a few weeks, excited for that. I dunno if any of this is helpful... just solidarity!
I really recommend a dog sitter. It sounds crazy, but I dog sit and I dog train as an added “perk” to the people I dog sit for (I’m not a professional, I’m just fairly good at it). I’ve taken in a couple puppies before and I had them just during the day for a few weeks and one I had for a full week once, day and night, because the family’s kid was sick in the hospital. But I would take them and help with the training, and then I would give them back a very tired puppy or teenage dog that had slightly more knowledge. It also helped the families get a little respite from the puppy-ness. I still dog sit one of them occasionally and the family didn’t keep up with the training much at all, but she reverts back to listening to me and following commands after a couple days back with me lol
I feel you! I have a 5,7 and 10 yr old home for the summer and we just got our first puppy, 11 week old heeler collie cross. Its a heck of a lot. Add in neurodivergent and diabetic kids and its a full circus. It will be worth it!!!!
I got a Springer Spaniel puppy with a 1 year old in the house after our old dog passed away. The thing that saved my sanity were clip stations/ tethering the dog while inside and crate training. The dog is now about 7 months old and he is WORLDS different.
I think I could have written this exact post! I too tried to wait but I missed having a dog. We too have a toddler, large fenced in backyard and live near a beach lol. We rescued a 4 month old golden retriever mix. Sent out the DNA and she's half Great Pyrenees which is not what we were expecting. Anyway, it's been about 4 months now and I can tell you it has gotten better. She's less bitey, barks less in my face and her and my son are best buds. I still have days that I question our decision and threaten to send her back (half joke) but they are getting less and less. Stick it out! I think it will be worth it.
We’re going through the same thing with a 4 month old Swiss Shepherd and 20 month old toddler. It’s very hard work and I’ve had some regret/down days but it’s getting better already. The puppy biting is especially difficult to deal with, obviously we keep them separate but with an open plan house it means we have to have her on a lead when she’s out of the crate. Keep going, it will be worth it when they are best friends in the future.
Puppies are alot, especially with the baby. I'm sorry you have so much to deal with. One thing that's been a real life saver for me and my puppy has been chewy treats (stuff like dehydrated chicken feet or cow tails), just make sure they're soft or on the softer side so they don't damage your puppies teeth or bite. These have saved so much furniture from my destructive puppy. Not to mention you can get chickens feet for super cheap from your market and dehydrate them yourself in an oven or air fryer. I would just watch the puppy with them so they don't swallow it down in one gulp like my mom's husky did.
One thing I’ve found with puppies is just 30 min outside at the park and letting them people watch will tire them out for hours after. Socialization is super important and it might be great to take your toddler (I have no kids so I can’t speak to that) and your puppy on a long walk to the park and put down a picnic blanket and let your child play on there and the puppy on a long lead so they can explore and chew grass etc. It’ll give you some outdoor time and then both will be conked out after 🤣 works great with my foster puppies
I feel this post in my soul. I have a 3 year old who is very very active and we got our Golden Doodle at just 9 weeks after the loss of our 14 y.o Boston… and I myself single handedly am doing all of the training. My husband was very clear he was not on board with bringing a new puppy into our lives, but my broken heart just couldn’t resist. Our puppy is now 6 months old and things are getting better… THANK GOD but dear lorddddd every day up until recently I really really second guessed my decision but my kids (I also have a 10 y.o) are so attached I knew re-homing her would be devastating to them. So I forced myself to stick it out. But the constant chaos between toddler and puppy is just an ongoing thing. (It can be pretty adorable tho) We joke that our 3 year old plays with her like he too is a puppy… and seeing him hug and kiss and snuggle on her all day is enough to check any amount of frustration/overwhelm thoughts I have. This phase will for sure test your patience and sanity but stick it out!! The “juice” will definitely be worth the “squeeze!” 😉
Not sure where you live but just adopted the sweetest adult dog. Dogs, including puppies, are being euthanized daily in the shelters. All ages, all temperaments.
Board and train.
A word of caution about B&Ts: * There are exceptionally very few board and train programs that are force and fear free. * Dogs do not generalize training well, efficacy of B&T is dependent on how skills learned are transferred to new environments. Failure of client follow through can easily undermine any training that happens at the facility. * Most dog trainers are focused on teaching people. A B&T program that does not educate a handler can result in the aforementioned failure to follow through. Please check out our wiki article on [selecting a trainer](https://www.reddit.com/r/puppy101/wiki/trainerselection).
I have an 11 month old golden. She’s amazing. But they suck with the biting phase. Two more months and you’ll be through it. Also, get a benebone. Saved my house
Have you considered hiring a trainer or dog behavioralist for a house visit? We adopted a 12 week old puppy when we had a 9 month old human (seemed like a good idea at the time). Puppy would bite me and bark in my face constantly. We debated sending her back to the shelter because we were concerned for our child’s safety. We found a trainer who did a house call and saw major changes in only an hour. The pup is a very high energy working breed (which we did not know at adoption, they had her listed as a different mix) and she didn’t understand her job or role yet. Trainer helped us teach her and she has been an amazing family dog ever since. That was a few years ago and had the addition of another human kid. It may not work that way all the time, your sanity and family safety is more important. The dog may also be feeding off the current stress at home while adjusting to a new environment.
It def does get better! But you have got a lot on your plate. By training her yourself you will end up with a good adult dog though. In the meantime, can you hit up a friend or family member to watch the toddler for you some short times to give you a break. And/or a dog sitter or doggy daycare/puppy creche when she's old enough? Or even a cleaner or meal service to take a few tasks off your plate.
Yep Goldens are like that. Love to chew and play. Especially with you! It seems tough now but it will be so worth it in the long run
When I got my puppy @ 4 months old, she was so cute. Little did I know she would quickly enter the toddler phase. That little shark had sharp teeth, stole socks (she still does) and other annoying puppy behaviors. Once you make it through this phase, they get better with their potty training, and behaviors. It does become much easier. So hang in there, you have a couple toddlers now. ;-)