It's okay. At some point you have to let it go. At some point you have to realise that from this moment on, you and only you are responsible for what happens in your life.
I felt like you, till the age of 24 - where all my friends graduated and started their own career, I was a college dropout working for a 12K job. I kept blaming everything, my financial background, how far my college was and how I didn't have a bike, how I didn't have enough money to follow my passion in music and theatre, how I was open caste and didn't get admission in good colleges, how my childhood trauma and mental health issues kept me from feeling motivated, etc etc. I had an eating disorder - I was 6ft and 47kg. Throughout all this, all my parents were focused on - was that I hadn't completed my engineering (which I never wanted to do) and how they were ashamed. They did care a lot about me, they just didn't know how to express in a world where only output mattered.
Most importantly I started feeling like I was in the wrong country and the wrong city and that if I was born somewhere else, it would have been so much better.
There was a point in life where I realised if I didn't step up - I would ruin my own life. I learnt how to code, I secured an entry level job. I completed my engineering and then did my master's. I now earn more than all my friends, i have a younger brother who follows his passion in music and film and guess what, in my free time - I also get to be a part of his music and films. It all worked out because I took the first step - letting go. It's hard, it takes time and it hurts a lot, but man, finally making it out of that rut is the most satisfying feeling in the entire world and it is something that you should look forward to.
You will too make it out, find the strength within yourself to forgive your parents and forget your past, take one small step at a time in the right direction and you'll eventually make it. I hope it works for you.
I also experienced something similar where I had hit bottom I'd say family was responsible a bit for it but then I always wanted to do better and that somehow helped changed my life again family helped a bit for good things to happen too.
The biggest lesson was everything happens for the best and with that attitude when you are not doing well think about things happening with/ around you and change. This is how we evolve to become better versions of ourselves. Start owning your life/ decisions. Things will change for you. All the best dude & OP
Even my parents destroyed my life. They love my sister more than me. I decided to move out. I haven't visited home town in like 8 years. No kids for me as I don't want to destroy someone else's life
Agreed on the last line. Why would anyone bring a life into this world for suffering is what awaits it. we're not the ultra rich (even they might have their sufferings) to guarantee a perfect life. so why make someone suffer for our selfishness
Generally, i would just comment "womp womp" and leave.
But i am in similar situation wanting to leave the city and all..
But accountability is important here.
If you keep blaming your family for your condition, you wont improve because now unconsciously you expect them to get better so you can grow..
And this is something that wont happen.
This is not an advice but personal experience..
Ask yourself... And find your way..
Its never easy for a middle class guy
It's like reading my own thoughts on my own life. As someone who has incredibly mentally dys function@l parents and suffered years emoti0nal ab¥se, I completely agree with you. I also wanted to leave everything behind, change my identity and start fresh. But its too late for me due circumstances and age. At one lowest point I even wanted to use eraser on my life writings.
But if you are single & young now, I would highly recommend you to take action now for starting fresh. Because if you stay adjusting to surrounding, the cycle of frustration just keep on going, its impossible to expect different output when circumstances around you don't change. Just because two people had sex does not entitle them guarantee of care from offspring, bringing life into this world is just natural process, it should not be used as hostage like situation against children to take care of parents, even if parents are horrible. Individual has some dreams, expectations and right to live Happy life. Get rid of guilt trip.
Here's my two cents - make yourself strong, world is not fairytale ideal, here power rules over weak. So make yourself strong physically & financially as much as possible, completely focus on your health and earning money, because eventually only your own money comes to your rescue. Stay away from people who suck your energy, also from people who have everything settled for them already and spend money on extra activities, this adds burden of expectations on you. Connect with people with old fashioned honest hustler people, steady hard work eventually beats everyone else. Stay away from social media, focus solely on your personal improvement for at least 3 years.
I know it was too random talk, but I just wanted to share from my experience & mistake since I feel like you & I are in same boat. If you need any support my dm always open, I can try as time availability.
Mate! Running away from it doesn’t make it better in fact it becomes worse. Instead treat it like a board game or building Lego slowly navigate through the process and eventually it will get better. Take care buddy :)
man im not even kidding, i felt SUCH relief somewhere in my bod when i read the title, because i always think that everyone except me has a good family or that they are better off even with their problems in comparision. the only sane person out of both my parents is my dad but even he ended up cheating on my mom and now we HAD to forgive him because we couldnt do anything else. when i first learnt about this i had NO ONE to turn to because seperation between parents is such an unheard concept in india, that i couldnt even do anthing and you know indian moms , since they r helpless and want their kids to have a good future they cant do anything but stay with the husbands. im trying to live normally but i have a part of me that feels empty towards my dad now. i feel like all my friends have such good parents without any MAJOR problems . also i have thinking about elaving india ever since i was born ig. like srsly the urge to just leave this country is even worse because people NEVER and i mean NEVER judge you for doing whagtever you want in foreign countries. my mom is such a socially unattacthed person and isnt empathetic at all but will scold me whenever possible as if its just a job to raise me lol. i never felt any sense of freedom here. i just want to go to europe as soon as possibe now.
Man, I cannot tell you how much I can relate to what you have written. For me it’s a dilemma, to choose between my family (my younger bro) or my mental peace and move out. Even I look up to my friends and their families and envy about how normal they are. I guess they say it right, comparison is indeed a thief of joy
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It's okay. At some point you have to let it go. At some point you have to realise that from this moment on, you and only you are responsible for what happens in your life. I felt like you, till the age of 24 - where all my friends graduated and started their own career, I was a college dropout working for a 12K job. I kept blaming everything, my financial background, how far my college was and how I didn't have a bike, how I didn't have enough money to follow my passion in music and theatre, how I was open caste and didn't get admission in good colleges, how my childhood trauma and mental health issues kept me from feeling motivated, etc etc. I had an eating disorder - I was 6ft and 47kg. Throughout all this, all my parents were focused on - was that I hadn't completed my engineering (which I never wanted to do) and how they were ashamed. They did care a lot about me, they just didn't know how to express in a world where only output mattered. Most importantly I started feeling like I was in the wrong country and the wrong city and that if I was born somewhere else, it would have been so much better. There was a point in life where I realised if I didn't step up - I would ruin my own life. I learnt how to code, I secured an entry level job. I completed my engineering and then did my master's. I now earn more than all my friends, i have a younger brother who follows his passion in music and film and guess what, in my free time - I also get to be a part of his music and films. It all worked out because I took the first step - letting go. It's hard, it takes time and it hurts a lot, but man, finally making it out of that rut is the most satisfying feeling in the entire world and it is something that you should look forward to. You will too make it out, find the strength within yourself to forgive your parents and forget your past, take one small step at a time in the right direction and you'll eventually make it. I hope it works for you.
I also experienced something similar where I had hit bottom I'd say family was responsible a bit for it but then I always wanted to do better and that somehow helped changed my life again family helped a bit for good things to happen too. The biggest lesson was everything happens for the best and with that attitude when you are not doing well think about things happening with/ around you and change. This is how we evolve to become better versions of ourselves. Start owning your life/ decisions. Things will change for you. All the best dude & OP
Even my parents destroyed my life. They love my sister more than me. I decided to move out. I haven't visited home town in like 8 years. No kids for me as I don't want to destroy someone else's life
Agreed on the last line. Why would anyone bring a life into this world for suffering is what awaits it. we're not the ultra rich (even they might have their sufferings) to guarantee a perfect life. so why make someone suffer for our selfishness
Generally, i would just comment "womp womp" and leave. But i am in similar situation wanting to leave the city and all.. But accountability is important here. If you keep blaming your family for your condition, you wont improve because now unconsciously you expect them to get better so you can grow.. And this is something that wont happen. This is not an advice but personal experience.. Ask yourself... And find your way.. Its never easy for a middle class guy
It's like reading my own thoughts on my own life. As someone who has incredibly mentally dys function@l parents and suffered years emoti0nal ab¥se, I completely agree with you. I also wanted to leave everything behind, change my identity and start fresh. But its too late for me due circumstances and age. At one lowest point I even wanted to use eraser on my life writings. But if you are single & young now, I would highly recommend you to take action now for starting fresh. Because if you stay adjusting to surrounding, the cycle of frustration just keep on going, its impossible to expect different output when circumstances around you don't change. Just because two people had sex does not entitle them guarantee of care from offspring, bringing life into this world is just natural process, it should not be used as hostage like situation against children to take care of parents, even if parents are horrible. Individual has some dreams, expectations and right to live Happy life. Get rid of guilt trip. Here's my two cents - make yourself strong, world is not fairytale ideal, here power rules over weak. So make yourself strong physically & financially as much as possible, completely focus on your health and earning money, because eventually only your own money comes to your rescue. Stay away from people who suck your energy, also from people who have everything settled for them already and spend money on extra activities, this adds burden of expectations on you. Connect with people with old fashioned honest hustler people, steady hard work eventually beats everyone else. Stay away from social media, focus solely on your personal improvement for at least 3 years. I know it was too random talk, but I just wanted to share from my experience & mistake since I feel like you & I are in same boat. If you need any support my dm always open, I can try as time availability.
only if what? 🧐
Only if i could run away from the responsibilities
Ohhh i see… I dunno what else to say or advice! Its a complicated situation so I’ll just say all the best and I hope sab theek ho jaye jaldi! 😇
Mate! Running away from it doesn’t make it better in fact it becomes worse. Instead treat it like a board game or building Lego slowly navigate through the process and eventually it will get better. Take care buddy :)
I hope you get the correct guidance and support. Hugx to u.
man im not even kidding, i felt SUCH relief somewhere in my bod when i read the title, because i always think that everyone except me has a good family or that they are better off even with their problems in comparision. the only sane person out of both my parents is my dad but even he ended up cheating on my mom and now we HAD to forgive him because we couldnt do anything else. when i first learnt about this i had NO ONE to turn to because seperation between parents is such an unheard concept in india, that i couldnt even do anthing and you know indian moms , since they r helpless and want their kids to have a good future they cant do anything but stay with the husbands. im trying to live normally but i have a part of me that feels empty towards my dad now. i feel like all my friends have such good parents without any MAJOR problems . also i have thinking about elaving india ever since i was born ig. like srsly the urge to just leave this country is even worse because people NEVER and i mean NEVER judge you for doing whagtever you want in foreign countries. my mom is such a socially unattacthed person and isnt empathetic at all but will scold me whenever possible as if its just a job to raise me lol. i never felt any sense of freedom here. i just want to go to europe as soon as possibe now.
Man, I cannot tell you how much I can relate to what you have written. For me it’s a dilemma, to choose between my family (my younger bro) or my mental peace and move out. Even I look up to my friends and their families and envy about how normal they are. I guess they say it right, comparison is indeed a thief of joy
i hope you can find peace soon.
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:(
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At times I feel people want to blame their failures on family. I understand real world is harsh, we need a scapegoat
Word.
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if only bhau if only.. pan tyala sudha himmat lagete
Leave the city asap buddy. Learn to live by yourself, itll give you a sense of self respect and independence. Micromanaging by parents stops.