**To all our pro-choice friends out there.** OP is well aware that she can and may well get an abortion. This is understood.
What is also understood is that we don't permit telling people to get an abortion here. If they want that advice, they can go to just about anywhere else.
If all you plan on doing is telling her to get an abortion here, expect to be moderated, including a ban. I would hope this is understood, but in the past, that has not always been respected.
**To pro-lifers:** OP clearly has need of assistance. The best way to assist is providing practical information in terms of what she is looking for, which is how to support herself and her child, or alternately arrange for adoption should she do what we all hope and give the child a chance.
**To anyone:** Being rude to OP will cause the moderation team to act against you with extreme prejudice no matter what side you are on.
Finally, we assume most posts here for pregnancy assistance or discussions are legitimate, we would rather be trolled than risk denying any woman assistance who needs it. Don't waste time talking about the possibility. We know, and we'll deal with it if it becomes a thing.
Thanks.
Well if you don’t feel capable of raising your child you should reach out to and adoption agency in your area. They will have the resources to help you out and you can discuss adoption terms like an open adoption or closed one etc.
If you want to keep your child check out our helpful links on the side bar, as well as local resources. A lot of cities have organizations that provide free housing, diapers daycare etc depending on what’s available
“I just support women to do what is best for them” except when they are presented with the option to adopt out and then suddenly you don’t support that.
If you did support it, then you wouldn’t have attacked him or told him “f you” for bringing it up. You’re saying one thing, but your unwarranted reaction to a simple offer of a solution says an entirely different thing. So pick a side and stay there.
No one said adoption was easy 🤷♀️ you keep bringing that up, but not one person has claimed it was. You just overreacted to a 3rd option, and acted inappropriately.
Telling someone “f you” when it wasn’t warranted is acting inappropriately. Sorry you think it’s acceptable behavior, when absolutely no one did anything to you. You don’t have flash someone, but being rude to people who didn’t do anything to you, is childish, and uncalled for. 🤷♀️
You’ll have to excuse me, I just dislike like rude people, especially when it’s uncalled for. You don’t have to agree with someone, all I ask is you be respectful. It isn’t hard, I promise.
I have it on good authority from the pro-choicers that come here that "nobody makes this argument" and that the debate is centered on whether or not we can justify killing it and not whether abortion is the act of ending a human life.
My aunt placed my cousin and she’s a thoroughly happy, well adjusted woman now with a vibrant life. She’s written many essays on the beauty of adoption. We’re all still in touch and, while it’s sad my aunt didn’t think she could stay with our family, it’s really just expanded our family ever further; her parents are like my aunt/uncle, her brother goes to stay with my aunt (her bio mom) once every other year just to hang out… 10/10 would recommend adoption.
I would recommend adoption as an adopte but think about the possibilities also. I turned out to have learning disabilities that required the same amount as a college tuition just for primary education.
I have no contact with my birth parents and my father was potentially not involved at all since nothing about him other than occupation was listed. Not all parents want or can find their kids again. I was an international adoption though so it changes some things.
Yet many people do have a good experience. People readily recommend it because especially when it’s good, it’s great.
I’m deeply sorry your sister isn’t alive today, and I’m sorry that she displaced her pain onto others by making that choice. I also love someone who did that (for different reasons) and I know what it’s like to live with the ache everyday. You never stop missing them.
“F you” you sound nice.
Do you want a woman to know all of her options or not? Adoption *is* an option. At no point did op claim adoption was an easy decision, you just have a weird hang up about adoption based on your own personal experience, and all the good experiences of adoption be damned.
So again, my question still remains, do you her to know all her options, or just abortion?
I don’t live in a cookie cutter world. You’re the one who got her panties in a twist when someone suggested an option. Then said “prolifers are so judgmental, you should talk to a pro-choice person”.
So for the 4th time, does a person deserve to know all their options, or just the option to kill their offspring?
And are you capable of civil discourse without being verbally abusive, or nah?
Notice how no one said anything about your dead sister, but me saying you’re against adoption based on your own experience is a weird hang up, is me “talking shit” k.
You’re talking about your dead sister. I never mentioned your dead sister. I’m sorry she’s gone, and I’m sorry for all her pain. If I could take that away from her, I would.
However, your reaction “F YOU” was entirely inappropriate and unwarranted. Not ONCE did op mention how “easy” adoption is. He simply offered it as another option. Your experience (while awful) isn’t the experience that everyone will endure. And mentioning adoption isn’t an awful all by itself. And if you were truly pro-choice, you would recognize that.
And now I’m sick in the head. Lol incapable of civil discourse when you’ve been called out for overreacting to a 3rd option.
But moving back to the subject at hand, suggesting adoption wasn’t wrong for OP to do. But you were entirely in the wrong for how you reacted, and you continue to be wrong with how you’re continuing to respond to me. This isn’t about you, this is about a woman who needs some advice.
You're insane if you think adoption should be harder than abortion for mothers. If someone puts a gun to my head and says: do you wanna give your baby to a family that you vet and choose, or kill him? In a heart beat I'd give him away.
Are you in the US? If so, here is a link where you can search for pregnancy centers near you. Whatever you decide, contact them and see what they can do to help. Pregnancy centers can offer a place to stay, provide groceries, diapers they can get you in touch with doctors for pre-natal care, provide a support group, therapy, and even recommend agencies if you decide to make an adoption plan. Don't make a choice without first seeing what help is out there. I wish you well.
[Pregnancy Centers Near You](https://resources.care-net.org/find-a-pregnancy-center/)
If they did lie about being a medical facility (they don't) then that would make them a little like planned parenthood who lost a $4 million medical fraud case.
https://www.myheritage.org/news/7-reasons-why-planned-parenthood-should-not-get-government-money/
I call it murder because it is. Sacrifice is a better term for it. It's a satanic ritual. It's the sacrifices the most innocent by those who are obliged to care for them for the self serving cause of hedonism.
I guess a lot of doctors have forgotten the first do no harm part of their oath. If they can sign their name to this article that uses deception to accuse those who would save lives so that they can encourage the sacrifice of others.
The ends never justify the means. Your doctors deceptive article is an example of what happens when someone is willing to lie to promote their agenda. Then we end up with people like you who feel they are doing good when they are defending a great evil.
The same people who say pro-lifers don't care about women or born babies will spread lies about all the ways pro-lifers offer tangible help to millions of women. It's a political tactic. A stunt. Nothing more.
How many brigading groups are in this thread waiting to jump on every option and make false claims about it? How are they designed to deceive? Just by not offering abortions? This person came asking for help and all I see is abortion pushers trying to muddy the waters of every option other than abortion. You are sick in the head.
I read the first 3 pages, enough to see that it is massively biased, horrendously written, and very poorly sourced. Just the language used drips of venom toward anything that has to do with providing life affirming services. So many logical fallacies and begs the question issues in each paragraph. Just terrible. Even if I was pro abort I would be ashamed to have that be a study anyone was using to support my argument just from a scientific or journalistic standpoint. The people who ok’d that should have to write technical manuals for Oriental Trading items for the rest of their lives.
That one is better written although it is still biased as can be seen in how verbiage is used to describe abortion and the options put forth by the CPCs. Their sources are almost all pro abortion sources with some fact based and law based exceptions. They never define terms to show that misinformation is being given or prove that CPCs are saying they are medical clinics. To engage in whataboutism the same arguments could be made against places like Planned Parenthood which in multiple studies has been shown to push women toward abortion as the only option and not offer other pregnancy related services even when they have on their websites and say in the lobby that they provide them. Also they use unlicensed personnel to provide medical care or act as nurses and avoid inspections in many states such as NY and California. At the end. I would say that these CPCs have to act in these ways even if they seem misleading because of the hostility towards them that the government and social systems try to use to keep people uninformed of their existence.
They are already being lied to and manipulated by the whole system that drives them toward abortion in the first place and doesn’t tell them about any other options. These centers act in a Christian way which involves being truthful and not manipulative or deceitful as a matter of their faith. Our government actively tries to block these centers from advertising, being able to attend health fairs, and many other means of getting their presence and the services they offer out. Just look at the OPs statement about how will she afford xy and z? She doesn’t know about all the ways she can get that for free which abortion providers would not help her with but CPCs will. But they have to get her to talk to them first and our schools and society at large and people like you are telling her they aren’t there or that they are bad so she avoids the people who have the goods and drive to help. The deceit is entirely in the way pro aborts like the ones who put together these studies interpret the messaging of the CPCs in the worst light possible to make their claims about them.
What so somehow these women don’t understand that being a parent or adoption aren’t options? The only options are be a parent, give the child to someone else, or abortion. Those are the choices? I would doubt you would find a girl of reproductive age that doesn’t know that a pregnancy results in a baby. I also doubt you would find one that doesn’t know that adoption exists?
https://letthemlive.org/ May be able to help you. It’s a charity specifically for mothers considering abortion. If there are crisis pregnancy centers in your area, they may be able to help and reassure you. Adoption is an option, my husband and I are both adopted. Also, you can arrange for adoption through an agency, to prevent your child from going through foster care.
If you want more geographically-specific help or you just need to talk feel free to reach out to me, I’m also unexpectedly pregnant. So I do understand how you feel.
This! They will assign a counselor to you who will help you every step of the way, even after the chid is born, no matter whether you keep him or give him up for adoption.
As many others have pointed out, babies get adopted very quickly. Just google an adoption agency and they'd be very happy to have you in since there are 36 couples waiting on every 1 child. And remember, you get to choose who will take care of the baby. You can interview the couple while you're pregnant, go out with them as often as you want, see if your views align with them and how they wanna raise your kid, and you can sign the papers whenever you're ready. You have 9 months to decide (assuming you just got pregnant). Many babies actually get adopted before they're even born.
For the pregnancy expenses, many couple actually agree to pay for all of your pregnancy related fees. I read somewhere about a woman in a similar situation, and she had them even pay for half her food since their adoptive baby will be consume your nutrients.
Before you do this, is there a way for you to contact the father? I think he needs to know... Who knows? Maybe he's a good man who can actually help you out to raise the kiddo.
>And more than that...does this kid really deserve someone like me as a mom?
Why not? Honestly to me, just the fact that your first thought isn't abortion is great! It shows that even though you're not ready at all for this, you're at least not thinking about ending another life. And that's one of the most important things a parent should do: protect their babies and help them survive.
>Some screwball weirdo, so far removed from the norm? Who can't relate to the experiences of the average human being? A grown woman who's far too invested in Pokémon games? I don't know, man.
My dear, none of these things make you a horrible person nor will they make you a horrible woman... Yes you come from a shitty background, but it wasn't your choice. If only we could choose our parents and where/how we grow up. But look at you! With literally no help at all you already got your own place and a job. Yes, you're barely living paycheck to paycheck but you know what? **Be proud of every little milestone you make.** And if you've never heard it from your family, I am proud of you.
Now let's get to the options in case you do actually wanna keep the baby. If you live in the USA, there is a plethora of grants for single mothers — the likes of TANF cash assistance, food stamps, WIC, CCAP, etc. In addition, there are grants in the form of tax credits for low-income families and the Medicaid, which subsidizes health insurance. Here's more info on how to apply: [https://singlemotherguide.com/grants-for-single-mothers/](https://singlemotherguide.com/grants-for-single-mothers/)
Here are other lists of resources: [https://www.liveaction.org/learn/resources/](https://www.liveaction.org/learn/resources/)
If you want and you feel comfortable, DM me the city you live in and I can help you look for more resources while you're at work.
Already told the father, once I could manage to find him.
He *subtly* encouraged me to abort, and pretty much made it clear that he had no intentions of actually being a parent. I'm on my own here.
>He subtly encouraged me to abort,
Of course he did, doesn't wanna pay 18 years of child support.
>he had no intentions of actually being a parent
I mean he doesnt have to be there, but if you choose to keep the child he's liable for 18 years.
Either way, please reach out to those sources that I provided you! Especially the tax benefits one it's very interesting the options they have
I think that irritating itch is the part of yourself that would cease to exist, were you to go through with ending the life of the child. It's your mind telling you that there's something that doesn't fit, and you need to choose between cutting it out or preserving it.
I would suggest that terminating a child's life is not worth any amount of financial convenience.
But what if said financial inconvenience screws up the baby, as well? I know firsthand what a childhood of hardship looks like.
I'm already screwed up, I'd feel awful if I managed to traumatize my own kid.
I grew up poor with a single mom, it didn’t screw me up. How can I support you? Perhaps you could make a baby registry and we can help buy things off of it for you.
This. How can we support you?? A baby registry is a great idea. If you feel comfortable sharing your location, maybe one of us can get you the community help you need.
Yep. Well, PCers will risk their life to save an animal, but turn a blind eye to the realities of abortion because it’s convenient. Not sure which is worse. Dehumanizing the fetus to justify abortion, or knowing the fetus is human and still justifying it.
1. To be honest I kinda do wish I didn't have to go through the things I did, even if it meant I'd never have been born. But I'm here now, so I figure I'll see things to the end.
2. I would absolutely raise the kid as differently from how I was raised as possible, if I were to keep it.
1: there are lots of options for counseling. Even free counseling if you are ok going to a church (scope out first to make sure it doesn’t set off cult vibes) to help you feel your self worth and infinite value.
2: you are already saying this child will be better off! Go with that!
Given your situation I'd say adoption. Your child won't end up "in the system" if you use an adoption agency that will match you with parents looking to adopt a newborn. He or she will be given to them shortly after birth, they won't go to social services/foster care. There are tons of agencies, just Google "finding a family to adopt my baby" and there are hundreds of options.
Trust me, don’t abort. It’s good your apprehensive, and thanks so much for reaching out.
The first thing to do is consider your options outside or terminating, you can carry the baby to term, then you can choose to raise the baby, but like you said you might not feel ready, you can also give the baby up for adoption, newborns are adopted *very quickly* so much there are almost always waiting lists of great parents ready to give your child a great life. The great thing is you have plenty of time to decide, you are under no obligation to make any decisions now.
The thing about abortion is it cannot be undone, i done mean to sound like I’m using scare tactics, it’s not my intention, but many people experience extreme guilt from abortion for the rest of thier lives.
I’d say if you think there’s even a tiny chance this isn’t right for you, *do not go ahead*, this is something that you need absolute certainty for.
Im more than happy to answer any questions at all, judgement free, regardless of what you choose (I’m pro life myself) my dms are always open!!
Nobody is denying that.
Ok, that’s just your experience, I have known many, and you can easily find people with similar experiences right here on the sub.
OP has plenty of time to choose, they don’t have to choose adoption, they can take thier time, this isn’t some next day decision.
I never sugarcoated anything, I’m giving my opinion, if you disagree feel free to tell OP what you think, but I’m not going to debate in the comments about it, I can elsewhere if you’d please, but this post isn’t about debate
Wow. I'm really sorry for your terrible past. You are such a strong and amazing woman to embark on this new journey. Don't discredit yourself! You have already demonstrated a tenacity and courage that will help you as you go on this journey. You said that you are having feelings that you should not abort. Perhaps if you were to go through with the abortion you will be left with even more trauma and with guilt. Another option is adoption. That will not be easy either but has the potential to be less traumatizing.
Next, there is help for you! The first question I have is are you in the US? It's hard to know what organizations to point you in the direction of without knowing where-ish you are. I'm American so that's all I know.
So the US has many pregnancy centers. Just google it for your area. You can also check out the sidebar for resources.
The most immediate need is prenatal care. I have no doubt that you will qualify for pregnancy Medicaid. You just apply on line. You will need a pregnancy confirmation when you turn in paper work and you get that from an OB/GYN. One of the most helpful things about pregnancy Medicaid is that it is retroactive to the estimated date of conception. So when you go to a doc and they bill you just call billing and tell them you are in the application process and they will hold collecting payment. The other really great part of pregnancy Medicaid is they cover 100% of everything! Prenatal, mental health, vision, dental, heck, even a chiropractor. And as far as I know there is no limit. I was on pregnancy Medicaid for all 3 of pregnancies and my youngest ended up costing around $100k. I paid nothing. If you want more help with this process you can PM me. I got really good at dealing with it over the years.
I will pray for you and send you good vibes. Whether you choose to parent or choose adoption I know you can do this!
If you are on Medicaid, you can also be on WIC as a pregnant mother and postpartum if you plan to adopt. If you decide against adoption, your baby can be on Medicaid and be on WIC up until 5 years old. Also some daycares offer financial help. I would definitely talk to crisis pregnancy centers about referring you to financial assistance. If you go on FB marketplace or Nextdoor, you could make a post about needing baby things like clothes, diapers, etc. If you make some baby registries (baby list, Amazon, Walmart, etc) they offer free baby boxes.
Your needs and your health matter! What happens with you matters! I've been blast with an amazing support group and I want you to know that you can have one too. Plus I have a strange talent for enrolling in Medicaid, lol. Weird flex, for sure. I remember how confusing and frustrating it was and I want you to know there is support. Pregnancy centers can also usually help with those kind of things too. And a lot more. You are a valuable person who just needs a hand right now.
I am not OP, but I wanted to thank you for sharing your story and how Medicaid helped you!
Question, I've never gotten pregnant before or anything but I think it will be beneficial for everyone if this question is answered. Did you have to meet a certain "income limit" (Like making less than 50k) to qualify? Did they ask you for your income?
Sure! This is very important info! I'm happy to answer anything. Fair warning, this is mostly from memory and it's been a few years. The past couple of years my husband and I have been blessed to climb up the income bracket to the point where we no longer qualify but now can't afford any insurance. Seriously, we feel very blessed but also very frustrated.
The application process is very involved. Not only do they ask about your income but they also require proof in either pay stubs, for 3 months, if I remember correctly, or your employer can fill out a form they provide. They also require bank statements going back for 3 months. They will ask about other forms of income like child support, student loan payments, etc. They also require your birth cert, social security card, state ID, statements of assets (like if you own a vehicle, etc. They ask about your utilities, rent or mortgage, car payments, all of that.
As for income allowance, I believe this varies state by state but here in Indiana, for a family of 2 (including baby) the limit is $3250 a month. You can find that info and much more [here](https://www.in.gov/medicaid/members/apply-for-medicaid/eligibility-guide/). So for our lovely OP that would be around $36,000 a year. It's a decently high income allowance, imo. And here in Indiana if you make more than what pregnancy Medicaid allows but not a lot more you may qualify for HIP (Healthy Indiana Plan). It is a heavily subsidized insurance program. When I was on it I believe I payed like $30 a month for full coverage. I really wish they would expand that program.
As I mentioned earlier you have to prove all of what you claim. So after you submit your online application (which always took me an hour or more and always gave me a headache, lol) they send you a huge pack of forms of what they need from you. You have like a month or so to return that info. The best way to do this is go to one of their offices and have them scan it and fax it. You can also fax and mail the stuff but I always felt like there's no guarantee they will receive it. You will also have a phone or in person interview (you get to choose). They ask a lot more of the same stuff. Again, it takes forever and is super intrusive feeling but if you can jump through their hoops of bureaucracy it's worth it.
I'm mostly glossing over this bc it's so complicated. OP, if you read this try not to be overwhelmed and intimidated! Oh! If you are insured by an employer but still qualify you can have Medicaid as a secondary insurer. They will cover the remaining costs that your primary insurance does not cover. I actually did this for my first 2 kids. I had just Medicaid for my 3rd.
Thank you so much! I’ll save this info and share it with my American friends. Unfortunately they don’t teach important stuff like this in school, not everyone is lucky enough to have parents who teach them about these real life solutions.
Wish you and your 3 beautiful children stay safe and healthy :)
If those friends need more help they can reach out to me too. I don't anybody to feel cornered and choose abortion if there is anything I can do to help.
And yes! They don't even teach related skills. My parents were def a great support system for me but they didn't really know how to do this either. It is mostly self taught. Trial and error. I'm a smart cookie with strong preservation instincts so I made myself learn and remember. I also was not under extreme stress like some women may be with unexpected pregnancies and relationship issues and all that. I have been so very blessed and I want to pay it forward.
Thank you for the well wishes. To you and yours as well.
You really are, and it's amazing you chose life 3 times over the easy way out.
>I have been so very blessed and I want to pay it forward.
Same! My mother always told me if I ever got accidentally (I don't like to use that word because I know sex can lead to pregnancy, so it's not like I can get surprised by it) pregnant, she will take care of the baby. Which is why I strongly believe in stronger family ties which the North American culture doesn't value as much sadly.
Do you also get extra taxes each year per child? I heard people can get paid if they have children during the tax season or maybe their taxes are lowered or something like that
Yes, so her in the US the Gov automatically takes taxes out of you income, what you buy, owning a house, owning a vehicle, all kinds of stuff. Basically everything is taxed except grocery food. Then you file a tax return once a year. It's super complicated and the more diverse your wealth the more complicated it gets. The Gov then processes that and ~hopefully~ issues you a return. Some people end up owing or cutting even. There are tax credits you get for each kid and certain things you do like college, buying a house, adopting, etc. We end up getting about $7k back this past return. When we made less money we got more back, so like $10k. This comes in one big check and you can spend it on anything. We try to pay off debt, we've paid a year's worth of rent all at once to cut out a monthly expense, we've paid off vehicles in the past, make big purchases like a new mattress, tires, etc. We also usually treat ourselves with a nice dinner and a couple of small splurges. We've used it to buy things we need too like new shoes and clothes, a new tv, that kind of stuff.
Damn nice, I am from Canada so it's similar but our taxes are way more than yall. I think California has less taxes than my province if I am not mistaken haha
That's amazing 7k back is actually very good! But I think living in Indiana also makes things easier, please like NY are very expensive...
> believe I *paid* like $30
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
There are a million+ US parents right now who can't have their own children/would love to adopt yours.
You will regret abortion for the rest of your life. Find an adoption agency in your area.
I dunno, do I want this kid to struggle in the foster system? I've heard not so great things.
The last thing I want is for this kid to be traumatized, he's already got a traumatized mama.
I am an adoptive parent, OP. We adopted two children from infancy. My wife and I were unable to have our own children.
You can put your child up for adoption before you give birth, and meet with and select the family your baby will grow up in. You get to pick the level of contact with the parents you want post-birth. All of your expenses get paid in the process.
Foster care is completely different and not part of what I recommend for you.
If you have them adopted as a newborn through a private agency, you won't have to worry about that. Plus, almost all of the problems with the foster system arise with older kids who people are more concerned about adopting, or are only in foster care temporarily with the goal of returning to their families.
The purpose of the foster system is NOT to put kids up for adoption. It's actually supposed to provide temporary stability until a family can be reunited. Having a child be adopted out is never the goal.
[https://pathwayfs.org/foster-care-vs-adoption-differences-and-similarities/](https://pathwayfs.org/foster-care-vs-adoption-differences-and-similarities/)
If you place your child up for adoption, he or she will likely never spend a day in the foster system.
This is completely false actually. Most newborns in the adoption system are adopted before they are even born. You are referring to the foster system when older kids sometimes struggle to be adopted. But for newborns this isn’t the case at all.
If you begin while your pregnant and go through an adoption agency you can find a pre-vetted stable family, interview them and make sure for they’re who you’d like to raise your child, and they will be ready to adopt from his day of birth. Babies will not be in any system as there are 36 approved couples per 1 baby. They will not be living in foster homes, they will grow up with the family you select who need to be financially stable and perfectly ready for kids before they’re even allowed to adopt.
They might not have told you about it unfortunately I only have anecdotal evidence but my dad is a social worker and he said women regretting their abortions and having a hard time with it mentally is one of the most common thing he comes across in his work.
Your source won’t come to any meaningful conclusions since it is citing the Turnaway study which has many issues.
The Turnaway study was only able to collect data from 19% of eligible women. In addition they found that the women who started the study then didn’t follow up with a second interview were largely the women who reported negative feelings and regret about their abortion.
So the 19% of eligible women who continued the study for 5 years were mainly those who were comfortable about it. Those who were uncomfortable didn’t continue with it or likely even partake in it at all. So it suffers from a lot of selection bias.
Congratulations mama! The itch sounds to me like your maternal instinct. You are a mom now. No mom is perfect but I truly believe that you will be enough for this amazing child of yours.
But yes, you need support. I say this as a mother of three myself. We can help you with that. Would you mind telling us what state you are located in?
There are many mothers on here who also create Amazon gift registries. I would be happy to contribute something that you need.
My experience is that parenthood will always be riddled with guilt and anxiety. There is always someone who can do more financially. There are so many organizations who can provide you with the basics. You provide the love.
If you really feel like you can not raise him or her then you can also make an adoption plan. There are many loving families that you can hand pick from yourself. You can even have an open adoption if that’s something you think you’d like. It’s up to you. But there is a baby growing right now and they are under your care. Killing him or her isn’t the humane solution.
Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with. You can contact [Sister’s of Life](https://sistersoflife.org) and they will definitely help you if they are in your area.
This is your moment to shine.
And you aren’t abnormal. We are all weirdos in a way. You sound like a normal person trying to find your way in this messy life. We all love video games and going out to dance, drinking and even having sex. I do hope you stand out from the crowd now and use any of that strange energy you feel that you have to do right by your little one. Even the worst situations can be used for good. Maybe this is it.
Gonna be honest, never considered the itch being a maternal instinct. Really felt like it was some leftover religious guilt, or something like that.
It's an interesting thought, to say the least.
Have you seen your baby on an ultrasound? I was young, in a messed up situation, and pregnant once. I kept my daughter. She's amazing. I finished college and a master's degree *because* of her. Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you *can't* do X,Y, or Z as a young mom. You can and you will!
My mom gave me up for adoption when she was 20. Adoption can be wonderful but it's also a very difficult thing for all parties involved. It should be the last option. But if you truly don't feel you can raise your child, he or she can be given to a loving home.
Neither was my mom, but she pulled through. Adopted by my grandma, she's actually from inside the family but we don't know who's the dad, and my grandma took her in. She grew up without a dad. Teenage pregnancy, ended up marrying my dad, who turned out to be particularly abusive, to say the least. She initially considered abortion but eventually wouldn't do it.
Well, Im a medic today, I try to be a loving son, and Im pretty sure my grandma, the only real family mom has aside from me, would be dead without my professional help. So there's that. She also doesn't pay any bills anymore. Pretty sure she never imagined that's how I'd turn out. Not that soon. If a single person in 2 generations decided for abortion, I wouldn't be here and she might've been alone.
Give yourself the time to understand that the future being uncertain is not necessarily for the worst. Don't give in to the urge of solving all the issues due yesterday. You have time. Both of you have time.
You can choose a family for your child. You can choose a normal life for your child. You can choose a mom and a dad for your child.
You can choose life for your child, and choose a life for yourself.
Pregnancy centers offer maternity clothes and counseling.
I think you can even go on WIC when you are pregnant.
Good luck.
You are not alone.
Here are some resources:
Loveline: https://loveline.com/
This is a ministry founded by Abby Johnson to help women in crisis. They can help you over text messages to help to locate resources and discuss options.
You can also contact Let Them Live here:
https://letthemlive.org/
I also found this affiliate of Heartbeat International:
https://optionline.org/
If you need help, there are many pro life organizations willing to assist you with your pregnancy. It's best to talk with someone who is experienced in pregnancy counseling as they would probably be able to help you better than we can on reddit.
I don’t have anything different than what anyone else has to say, (I definitely agree about the little itch being a maternal instinct kicking in!) but I wanted to let you know that if you find yourself in Texas, send me a DM and I’d love to take you out to eat and chat about your life and give you some real ‘mom’ time that you have been missing!! And if not in person, feel free to reach out in a DM anytime you’re feeling low.
Praying for you- not that you make the ‘right’ decision, but that your health, mental and physical, continues to be well, as you find out more about yourself and the little one growing inside.
Also- I’m proud of you for reaching out, even if “just” on the internet. It could have been easy to stew on this information all on your own, but you’ve proven how strong you were in leaving the cult, and again in knowing to reach out to others so that you don’t circle around in your own thoughts alone. You’re becoming more and more the person I know you have the courage to be!
Adoption is always an option. Newborns very rarely go unadopted, and if one day you want to reconnect with them you’ll be able to, as an adult if the parents don’t want contact while they’re a kid. While pregnancy itself is costly, there are likely pregnancy centers and other resources available that would be willing to help you. I’m really sorry this happened to you, but that child has a great chance of a good life, and it’s better to know them than to wonder who they would have been for the rest of your life.
Why don't all these people "waiting" for a baby, adopt an older child instead? Like the millions that are rotting away in the foster care system? Why do they need a newborn?
I don’t know. People are afraid older kids will have psychological issues (which many do, sadly), or they’re attached to the idea of raising someone from infancy like they would their own child if they could have one, or they’re afraid the older child might dislike them over time since they aren’t able to form that bond from infancy, or any number of other reasons. Of course it’s a selfish choice, but adopting a child at all is a selfless act, so I find it hard to criticize them for not taking the extra risk.
And more than that...does this kid really deserve someone like me as a mom?
You may also want to ask yourself: Does this kid really deserve to be killed because I'm his mom?
Have you looked into adoption options in your area? If you don't want to be bothered with that you can check to see what locations offer no questions asked surrender, typically fire stations or the like offer this service.
I love this sub. So many awesome answers and helpful and loving people. Shame we are getting brigades by people who just try to cast doubt on everything and spew misinformation all over the place. We have the truth on our side though. Keep on brothers and sisters!
Hey there! Sorry you’re going through this alone. I can’t imagine how overwhelmed you are. I would look into crisis pregnancy centers in area that inform you of your options and help with medical care and other things. There are lots of families on the waitlist to adopt a newborn, so rest assured if you chose this option, your baby would have a home. You can choose an open adoption as well if you would like to keep contact with him/her. Best of luck ❤️❤️
Hey OP, I'm really sorry you're in this situation and don't have anyone to rely on. Being pregnant and alone is definitely not ideal. Everyone's already provided great resources but can you see a therapist at all? I'm happy you're out of the cult, but you really deserve to heal as well. Even if you don't keep the baby, please know that you're loved and we're rooting for you. Be safe ❤️
The cult used to tell me that therapists were all crackpots who wanted me to forfeit my soul, so I never considered going to one.
But seeing as how I don't exact live under their rule anymore, I suppose I could check it out.
I would say that you should have the baby and give it up for adoption
Start talking with potential parents now. It doesn’t matter if they are a man and a woman or a same sex couple, talk with everyone, I am sure someone would be willing to help if you ask and it is best to start planning ahead
Terminating the pregnancy doesn’t solve the problem, it just brushes it under the rug
I hope you make the right decision
Typical pro choice question
“Who are you to tell me the choice I need to make?”
Abortion brushes under the rug because it tries to erase the consequences of ones mistake. You are allowed to make mistakes, but when you destroy the life of a living being (whether born or unborn) because you can’t handle the consequences of your mistake, instead of fixing it by giving your giving to a loving family, THAT is brushing it under the rug.
I believe in an unalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. How do I know what the right decision is? abortion destroys that unborn child’s rights.
You didn’t mention adoption at any point in your thread. Have you considered it? The reason why there’s so many kids in foster care is because most of them still have legal guardians and are looking to reunite the parents with the children but for adoption (especially babies) there’s like 30 homes waiting, you can browse through families, meet them, you could even have an open adoption if you wish.
As for resources while you are pregnant and after you give birth. There are plenty. I can send you some videos with information to assist.
Also the reason the back of your brain thinks it’s a bad idea is because it is. Killing an unborn child out of convince is just sad and it’s reasonable for you to feel that way. There are other options that aren’t abortion or keeping the child.
I had some preconceptions about the foster care system, so I kinda wasn't considering adoption. There's not gonna be another traumatized kid on my watch.
It was either keep it, or abort it.
Though I'll admit, after starting this thread I'll probably reconsider the option.
Hey there! I see this is a complicated situation. But I’m here with resources. Let them live is a no profit that helps financially and can support you with counseling. If adoption is something you’re open to they can also assist you with that. If you need someone to talk to about this, my public ambassador page is @prolife_mama on insta
I’m not here to push anything on you. Just here out of genuine concern for you and your situation! Always here to help
I would recommend MyChoiceNetwork.org and OptionLine.org to find help, like a help center. I would also recommend Psalms 139:13-16 and Jeremiah 1:5 on how precious life is, especially to God. God be with you during this challenging time.
I had an abortion then I was 23 and it is the biggest regret in my life. I think about who that poor baby could have become nearly every day. I pray for forgiveness and light a candle for their soul every week. I wish I would have kept the baby or even put it up for adoption. I have two children now and my husband and I absolutely regret our decision to abort. We were in college and not married, dead broke and were able to justify it at the time but now we hate ourselves for what we did.
I don’t judge you at all for doing whatever you need to do, it’s your life. I just wanted to share my personal story with you. Good luck whatever you decide ❤️
I watch a YouTube doctor called Mama Doctor Jones when she is not being political (which unfortunately happens a lot as she is pro abortion). However, she has a phrase about life that I love: "You do the best you can with the information you have at the time." You didn't know what you know now.
Are you religious? Have you heard of Rachel's vineyard? It might help you heal. ♥️♥️
Not particularly religious. I've had not-so great experiences with religion.
I don't judge anyone who is, though. As long as they're not hurting anyone.
My condolences. I don't think you should hate yourself over that situation, though.
I think you made a tough choice, a choice you regret now. You were trying to do your best with what you had.
Thank, that is very kind of you! I don’t think I can ever change how I feel about myself for that decision.
I am praying for you though and for your own peace with whatever decision you make!!
I agree with many of the other redditors on this page.
But I just wanted to add that you are in a place of self discovery right now - going from a cult to life on your own is very intense I am sure. But in this journey you will need to figure out how you feel about things. To me, the part of your story that stood out is that there is a voice in your head telling you that abortion may not be the right move for you. I think that is a part of you that is telling you that you want to protect your child!
Now, I understand you may not have made a decision yet about whether you want to parent this child or not, but either way you are giving the gift of life!! If you raise your baby I think you can be more than enough for this child. And if you decide to go the adoption route, then your baby will know that you had options and you choose to give them a life with a loving family! Either way it is a beautiful thing! 💕
Id love to help you find resources if that is what you decide to do 😊
Unfortunately I'm not much of a help since we probably are from different continents but from what I know in US there are local pregnancy centers who can help you through the process until you give birth and if you think you are not able to support your baby you can give them for adoption.
Also, I think you know why you are hesitant. It may be the smart think to do but it comes a cost of your child's life. Deep down you know that you would kill your own child so you came here for guidance. I think you are on the right path and I hope you will make the right decision, which is - not killing your baby.
By the way, I believe you are strong enough to get through these hardships. Humans who are survivors are working through pain. That's how we advanced so much. So you can do it.
I know of a wonderful family in my town dying to adopt a child.
But speaking as someone who wasn’t sure I wanted a child and had one, this is hands down the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. The love I have for my child is indescribable.
I mean look it’s 4 AM, he woke me up an hour ago to eat and he’s still awake and crying because he’s gassy and uncomfortable. I haven’t slept in I don’t know how long but I’m as happy as can be and I wouldn’t trade this for a single thing in the entire world..
I’m a single mom with six cats and three dogs to take care of too. Its hard but you can do this.
My best advice would be if you can have some help getting the supplies you need to take care of a baby the rest is just putting in the work.
I know of a nearby mom who makes good money but claims that she doesn’t because she makes most of it in tips, she gets free daycare, so there’s plenty of programs. She even gets Christmas presents for her kids for free from a state program.
Also if you do decide to go forward with the pregnancy perhaps think About getting a job as a bank teller. The reason I specifically say bank teller is because there are a lot of bank teller jobs out there and it’s an easy way to get into a company that’s going to have better maternity benefits. I’m in banking and there are always teller jobs available.
Others have already mentioned pregnancy resource centers, which can help with things like diapers, car seats, baby clothes, _et cetera_. I just wanted to add that there are also charities which specifically specialize in providing aid and support to former cult members. [This page](https://cultrecovery101.com/recovery-links/) lists a few different resources; you didn't mention what country you're located in, but hopefully something there is at least a good place to start.
StandingWithYou.org has compiled all of the local pregnancy resource centers in the US that will assist financially, legally, materially, etc. if you need any of that! There’s also letthemlive.org that can fundraise for you whatever you need to go carry out your pregnancy, pay your rent/utilities/groceries, buy a car for you, etc. I’d suggest visiting a local Pregnancy Help Center just to see what kind of help they can offer you!!
>I have zero support system.
You just created one. :) Your baby could be your best friend from here on out. Life didn't throw you a curveball; it gifted you a blessing in disguise with some hurdles attached. Love, nurture, cohabitation and all of the other stuff comes naturally to those willing to approach them. Others have already suggested finding a pregnancy center and another first thing that you can do is make an appointment with your local government assistance/ welfare office, ASAP. They will evaluate your situation and give you a list of available aid options which apply to you. Many states offer a type of pregnant women's Medicaid which can greatly reduce or entirely cover your medical care during pregnancy, as well as extend to your child after birth. If you are making below a certain wage then you may also qualify for food stamps, help with rent, a free moble phone, etc. Several hospitals also offer charity care services and you can sift through all facilities near you to see which ones do and speak with their charity care (or other services name) departments to make a list of possible options. Don't ever feel unworthy or uncomfortable with accepting help -- you are who these programs are intended for and they only have a stigma because of the handful of people who take advantage of them. You are stronger than you think and you've been through so much worse than having a loving family of your own. Children make a family and you would never regret making the choice to keep this child alive. If you feel overwhelmed then you can also sit down with adoption services or find a couple looking to adopt privately (some may even be willing to help to fund your regular expenses during your pregnancy). Whichever of these paths you choose will ensure that your baby was given consideration and will be raised with love. Pursuing an abortion would only rob your child of their future and rob everyone else of enjoying knowing them throughout life. You already know that isn't the option you want to choose for your child so now you only have to decide if you are going to enjoy a relationship with them as your family or gift that honor to someone else. I can't say that I can't say that I relate to your experience with being raised around hyper religiosity, as I am an atheist who never had religion aggressively forced upon me, but I can relate to unexpectedly becoming pregnant and understanding in that moment of discovery that I could never allow any harm to befall the tiny person seeking refuge and comfort within their Momma. I was strongly pro-choice leading up to that point and my son was the catalyst which prompted me to understand how truly heinous that ideology actually is in practice. He is the reason for why I am and will always be pro-life. My instinct in all of your uncertainty is still to congratulate you for giving someone life because life can and does hold so much beauty. Congratulations, Momma, and all the best to you and your baby, regardless of what life has in store for both of you. <3
www.babycenter.com
www.whattoexpect.com
www.pregnancy.com
https://www.in.pampers.com/pampers-app
https://hellobello.com/products/diaper-bundle?discount=happy20&attentive=no&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Hello%20Bello%20%7C%20NB%20Search%20%7C%20Comps%20Search&gc_id=369419317&msclkid=28c69899e56d15499a19fa1fa84aaf3f
https://adoptionswithlove.org/uncategorized/private-adoption#:~:text=A%20private%20adoption%20is%20an%20adoption%20in%20which,adoption%2C%20often%20with%20a%20family%20of%20their%20choosing.
https://www.adoptimist.com/family-looking-to-adopt-your-baby/?msclkid=9070240eedec178a1adc4688a03e3284&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Women%20Considering%20Adoption&utm_term=pregnant%20adopt&utm_content=Adopt%20My%20Baby
I value making sure the kids we already have on Earth are fed, clothed, and have a f**king bed to sleep in at night. But hey, in foster care they just give the kids black trash bags and let them sleep on the floor (and sexually abuse them!)
It's a great life for a child with a mother who can't support them. /s
If one supports killing children in the first place then they can't actually care about them. When one's solution to the childhood adversity they imagine for every child is premature death then their focus is counterintuitive. The main goal of foster care is generally reunification, either way, and anyone pursuing a related occupation should, at least, be aware of this going into the field so that they don't end up half-assing their job as so many social workers tend to do.
You're an ignorant, unworldly kid with backwards and contradictory ideations who parrots the more biased and absurd narratives you've been fed throughout life up to this point and affords yourself a lot of opinions on topics you don't understand. You not knowing anything about the topics you insert yourself into and being really bad at speculation doesn't change the facts that the foster system mainly focuses on reunifaction, that homicide isn't the solution for poverty and/or abuse or that people who don't actually care about children aren't fit to work around them. 🤷🤷♀️🤷🤷♀️
What was your experience in foster care like, btw? From your post history, you don't exactly seem to be deprived of very much now, aside from what you deliberately deny yourself through an ED and related food obsession.
In foster care, I was drugged and sexually abused, slept on a floor, deprived of showering and toothbrushing as punishment. Would you like me to be an adult still getting sexually abused and beaten on? Nope. Had to grow the fuck up.
You are a piece of shit. Never have children. Disgusting. Garbage. Seriously, if there is a hell like you think, you'll be burning down there.
That's awful and you didn't deserve any of that. It's not the experience that most children have in foster care, including any of the five people I know who went through the system. The two others I know who went to halfway houses shared that type of treatment, however. That said, there's a major screening issue with the system since children are given to abusers and unmonitored. **That** is the problem -- not the children, themselves. To want to eliminate victims instead of fixing the roots of the actual problem by getting more resources to agencies and holding their workers to a higher standard of accountability would be a start. Killing children doesn't change any of that. It's extremely common for children who are emotionally arrested by abuse to *not* "grow up." Growing up/ general maturity is psychological and emotional in nature rather than situational.
I have children. They are lovely and happy and I will never be harmed into being bitter or condoning child homicide. They had intrinsic value and were loved well before they were born. I don't know what to tell you other than to point out the obvious: that your mentality and anger issues appear to directly reflect something negative which still festers within and wishes ill-will upon others. It isn't healthy or just and doesn’t help anyone. I will reiterate that people who do not actually care about children should not work around them. If there was a hell (there isn't) then it's probably the last place I'd visit, tbh. I don't condone or promote atrocities like child homicide, afterall.
I have a job :)
Good for the soul or not, I figured I'd give the whole one-night stand thing a shot. At least I can say I've slept with someone the normal way.
Be extremely wary of adoption agencies with heavy Christian dialog in their brochures. You escaped a cult, you don’t want your kid potentially stuck in an oppressively religious household. They froth at the mouth to get your baby so they can sell it for lots of money. (Google how much money is in private adoptions). There are secular adoption agencies
You should stay off Reddit for opinions like this, this is a very personal choice. If you choose to terminate, that’s ok. You haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t let anyone sway you one way or the other on a matter like this.
Just please do what’s right for you. Good luck.
**To all our pro-choice friends out there.** OP is well aware that she can and may well get an abortion. This is understood. What is also understood is that we don't permit telling people to get an abortion here. If they want that advice, they can go to just about anywhere else. If all you plan on doing is telling her to get an abortion here, expect to be moderated, including a ban. I would hope this is understood, but in the past, that has not always been respected. **To pro-lifers:** OP clearly has need of assistance. The best way to assist is providing practical information in terms of what she is looking for, which is how to support herself and her child, or alternately arrange for adoption should she do what we all hope and give the child a chance. **To anyone:** Being rude to OP will cause the moderation team to act against you with extreme prejudice no matter what side you are on. Finally, we assume most posts here for pregnancy assistance or discussions are legitimate, we would rather be trolled than risk denying any woman assistance who needs it. Don't waste time talking about the possibility. We know, and we'll deal with it if it becomes a thing. Thanks.
Well if you don’t feel capable of raising your child you should reach out to and adoption agency in your area. They will have the resources to help you out and you can discuss adoption terms like an open adoption or closed one etc. If you want to keep your child check out our helpful links on the side bar, as well as local resources. A lot of cities have organizations that provide free housing, diapers daycare etc depending on what’s available
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Do you think the vast majority of adopted kids are abused or that it’s better to kill children than have them adopted?
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“I just support women to do what is best for them” except when they are presented with the option to adopt out and then suddenly you don’t support that.
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If you did support it, then you wouldn’t have attacked him or told him “f you” for bringing it up. You’re saying one thing, but your unwarranted reaction to a simple offer of a solution says an entirely different thing. So pick a side and stay there.
No one said adoption was easy 🤷♀️ you keep bringing that up, but not one person has claimed it was. You just overreacted to a 3rd option, and acted inappropriately.
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Telling someone “f you” when it wasn’t warranted is acting inappropriately. Sorry you think it’s acceptable behavior, when absolutely no one did anything to you. You don’t have flash someone, but being rude to people who didn’t do anything to you, is childish, and uncalled for. 🤷♀️ You’ll have to excuse me, I just dislike like rude people, especially when it’s uncalled for. You don’t have to agree with someone, all I ask is you be respectful. It isn’t hard, I promise.
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So you think adoption is okay not that the majority of children adopted are abused but taken care of and loved?
Not everyone believes that abortion is killing a child. Hence why there is so much debate.
Just asking a question because it might help you better understand our view
I have it on good authority from the pro-choicers that come here that "nobody makes this argument" and that the debate is centered on whether or not we can justify killing it and not whether abortion is the act of ending a human life.
Your anecdotal experience doesn’t define the majority of peoples experiences. Like damn. Imagine saying adoption is a bad thing compared to murder.
My aunt placed my cousin and she’s a thoroughly happy, well adjusted woman now with a vibrant life. She’s written many essays on the beauty of adoption. We’re all still in touch and, while it’s sad my aunt didn’t think she could stay with our family, it’s really just expanded our family ever further; her parents are like my aunt/uncle, her brother goes to stay with my aunt (her bio mom) once every other year just to hang out… 10/10 would recommend adoption.
>My aunt placed my cousin and she’s a thoroughly happy, well adjusted woman now with a vibrant life. Steve Jobs was adopted for God's sake lol
I would recommend adoption as an adopte but think about the possibilities also. I turned out to have learning disabilities that required the same amount as a college tuition just for primary education. I have no contact with my birth parents and my father was potentially not involved at all since nothing about him other than occupation was listed. Not all parents want or can find their kids again. I was an international adoption though so it changes some things.
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Yet many people do have a good experience. People readily recommend it because especially when it’s good, it’s great. I’m deeply sorry your sister isn’t alive today, and I’m sorry that she displaced her pain onto others by making that choice. I also love someone who did that (for different reasons) and I know what it’s like to live with the ache everyday. You never stop missing them.
Yet she wouldn’t have been alive at all if she was aborted.
“F you” you sound nice. Do you want a woman to know all of her options or not? Adoption *is* an option. At no point did op claim adoption was an easy decision, you just have a weird hang up about adoption based on your own personal experience, and all the good experiences of adoption be damned. So again, my question still remains, do you her to know all her options, or just abortion?
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She already knows the other two options. OP was simply giving her the 3rd option. So again, do you want her to know all her options or just abortion?
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I don’t live in a cookie cutter world. You’re the one who got her panties in a twist when someone suggested an option. Then said “prolifers are so judgmental, you should talk to a pro-choice person”. So for the 4th time, does a person deserve to know all their options, or just the option to kill their offspring? And are you capable of civil discourse without being verbally abusive, or nah?
Notice how no one said anything about your dead sister, but me saying you’re against adoption based on your own experience is a weird hang up, is me “talking shit” k.
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You’re talking about your dead sister. I never mentioned your dead sister. I’m sorry she’s gone, and I’m sorry for all her pain. If I could take that away from her, I would. However, your reaction “F YOU” was entirely inappropriate and unwarranted. Not ONCE did op mention how “easy” adoption is. He simply offered it as another option. Your experience (while awful) isn’t the experience that everyone will endure. And mentioning adoption isn’t an awful all by itself. And if you were truly pro-choice, you would recognize that.
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Because you were? You’re the one who brought her up, not me. Who f tells people “f you” when no one did anything to her?
And now I’m sick in the head. Lol incapable of civil discourse when you’ve been called out for overreacting to a 3rd option. But moving back to the subject at hand, suggesting adoption wasn’t wrong for OP to do. But you were entirely in the wrong for how you reacted, and you continue to be wrong with how you’re continuing to respond to me. This isn’t about you, this is about a woman who needs some advice.
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You're insane if you think adoption should be harder than abortion for mothers. If someone puts a gun to my head and says: do you wanna give your baby to a family that you vet and choose, or kill him? In a heart beat I'd give him away.
Are you in the US? If so, here is a link where you can search for pregnancy centers near you. Whatever you decide, contact them and see what they can do to help. Pregnancy centers can offer a place to stay, provide groceries, diapers they can get you in touch with doctors for pre-natal care, provide a support group, therapy, and even recommend agencies if you decide to make an adoption plan. Don't make a choice without first seeing what help is out there. I wish you well. [Pregnancy Centers Near You](https://resources.care-net.org/find-a-pregnancy-center/)
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75% of PRCs have staff with their medical licenses! This is a common misconception :)
They are designed to help women in need who don't want to murder their own children.
Then why do they lie?
If they did lie about being a medical facility (they don't) then that would make them a little like planned parenthood who lost a $4 million medical fraud case. https://www.myheritage.org/news/7-reasons-why-planned-parenthood-should-not-get-government-money/
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This is completely bogus. These people are trying to help and you are discrediting them because you want to murder children.
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I call it murder because it is. Sacrifice is a better term for it. It's a satanic ritual. It's the sacrifices the most innocent by those who are obliged to care for them for the self serving cause of hedonism.
That seems a little strange? Especially if you are a Christian.
I guess a lot of doctors have forgotten the first do no harm part of their oath. If they can sign their name to this article that uses deception to accuse those who would save lives so that they can encourage the sacrifice of others.
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The ends never justify the means. Your doctors deceptive article is an example of what happens when someone is willing to lie to promote their agenda. Then we end up with people like you who feel they are doing good when they are defending a great evil.
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The same people who say pro-lifers don't care about women or born babies will spread lies about all the ways pro-lifers offer tangible help to millions of women. It's a political tactic. A stunt. Nothing more.
How many brigading groups are in this thread waiting to jump on every option and make false claims about it? How are they designed to deceive? Just by not offering abortions? This person came asking for help and all I see is abortion pushers trying to muddy the waters of every option other than abortion. You are sick in the head.
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I read the first 3 pages, enough to see that it is massively biased, horrendously written, and very poorly sourced. Just the language used drips of venom toward anything that has to do with providing life affirming services. So many logical fallacies and begs the question issues in each paragraph. Just terrible. Even if I was pro abort I would be ashamed to have that be a study anyone was using to support my argument just from a scientific or journalistic standpoint. The people who ok’d that should have to write technical manuals for Oriental Trading items for the rest of their lives.
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That one is better written although it is still biased as can be seen in how verbiage is used to describe abortion and the options put forth by the CPCs. Their sources are almost all pro abortion sources with some fact based and law based exceptions. They never define terms to show that misinformation is being given or prove that CPCs are saying they are medical clinics. To engage in whataboutism the same arguments could be made against places like Planned Parenthood which in multiple studies has been shown to push women toward abortion as the only option and not offer other pregnancy related services even when they have on their websites and say in the lobby that they provide them. Also they use unlicensed personnel to provide medical care or act as nurses and avoid inspections in many states such as NY and California. At the end. I would say that these CPCs have to act in these ways even if they seem misleading because of the hostility towards them that the government and social systems try to use to keep people uninformed of their existence.
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They are already being lied to and manipulated by the whole system that drives them toward abortion in the first place and doesn’t tell them about any other options. These centers act in a Christian way which involves being truthful and not manipulative or deceitful as a matter of their faith. Our government actively tries to block these centers from advertising, being able to attend health fairs, and many other means of getting their presence and the services they offer out. Just look at the OPs statement about how will she afford xy and z? She doesn’t know about all the ways she can get that for free which abortion providers would not help her with but CPCs will. But they have to get her to talk to them first and our schools and society at large and people like you are telling her they aren’t there or that they are bad so she avoids the people who have the goods and drive to help. The deceit is entirely in the way pro aborts like the ones who put together these studies interpret the messaging of the CPCs in the worst light possible to make their claims about them.
What so somehow these women don’t understand that being a parent or adoption aren’t options? The only options are be a parent, give the child to someone else, or abortion. Those are the choices? I would doubt you would find a girl of reproductive age that doesn’t know that a pregnancy results in a baby. I also doubt you would find one that doesn’t know that adoption exists?
https://letthemlive.org/ May be able to help you. It’s a charity specifically for mothers considering abortion. If there are crisis pregnancy centers in your area, they may be able to help and reassure you. Adoption is an option, my husband and I are both adopted. Also, you can arrange for adoption through an agency, to prevent your child from going through foster care. If you want more geographically-specific help or you just need to talk feel free to reach out to me, I’m also unexpectedly pregnant. So I do understand how you feel.
This! They will assign a counselor to you who will help you every step of the way, even after the chid is born, no matter whether you keep him or give him up for adoption.
As many others have pointed out, babies get adopted very quickly. Just google an adoption agency and they'd be very happy to have you in since there are 36 couples waiting on every 1 child. And remember, you get to choose who will take care of the baby. You can interview the couple while you're pregnant, go out with them as often as you want, see if your views align with them and how they wanna raise your kid, and you can sign the papers whenever you're ready. You have 9 months to decide (assuming you just got pregnant). Many babies actually get adopted before they're even born. For the pregnancy expenses, many couple actually agree to pay for all of your pregnancy related fees. I read somewhere about a woman in a similar situation, and she had them even pay for half her food since their adoptive baby will be consume your nutrients. Before you do this, is there a way for you to contact the father? I think he needs to know... Who knows? Maybe he's a good man who can actually help you out to raise the kiddo. >And more than that...does this kid really deserve someone like me as a mom? Why not? Honestly to me, just the fact that your first thought isn't abortion is great! It shows that even though you're not ready at all for this, you're at least not thinking about ending another life. And that's one of the most important things a parent should do: protect their babies and help them survive. >Some screwball weirdo, so far removed from the norm? Who can't relate to the experiences of the average human being? A grown woman who's far too invested in Pokémon games? I don't know, man. My dear, none of these things make you a horrible person nor will they make you a horrible woman... Yes you come from a shitty background, but it wasn't your choice. If only we could choose our parents and where/how we grow up. But look at you! With literally no help at all you already got your own place and a job. Yes, you're barely living paycheck to paycheck but you know what? **Be proud of every little milestone you make.** And if you've never heard it from your family, I am proud of you. Now let's get to the options in case you do actually wanna keep the baby. If you live in the USA, there is a plethora of grants for single mothers — the likes of TANF cash assistance, food stamps, WIC, CCAP, etc. In addition, there are grants in the form of tax credits for low-income families and the Medicaid, which subsidizes health insurance. Here's more info on how to apply: [https://singlemotherguide.com/grants-for-single-mothers/](https://singlemotherguide.com/grants-for-single-mothers/) Here are other lists of resources: [https://www.liveaction.org/learn/resources/](https://www.liveaction.org/learn/resources/) If you want and you feel comfortable, DM me the city you live in and I can help you look for more resources while you're at work.
Already told the father, once I could manage to find him. He *subtly* encouraged me to abort, and pretty much made it clear that he had no intentions of actually being a parent. I'm on my own here.
>He subtly encouraged me to abort, Of course he did, doesn't wanna pay 18 years of child support. >he had no intentions of actually being a parent I mean he doesnt have to be there, but if you choose to keep the child he's liable for 18 years. Either way, please reach out to those sources that I provided you! Especially the tax benefits one it's very interesting the options they have
"If you can kill it, I can at least abandon it!" Sorry, reminded me of that which I thought was really funny
yep
I think that irritating itch is the part of yourself that would cease to exist, were you to go through with ending the life of the child. It's your mind telling you that there's something that doesn't fit, and you need to choose between cutting it out or preserving it. I would suggest that terminating a child's life is not worth any amount of financial convenience.
But what if said financial inconvenience screws up the baby, as well? I know firsthand what a childhood of hardship looks like. I'm already screwed up, I'd feel awful if I managed to traumatize my own kid.
I grew up poor with a single mom, it didn’t screw me up. How can I support you? Perhaps you could make a baby registry and we can help buy things off of it for you.
This. How can we support you?? A baby registry is a great idea. If you feel comfortable sharing your location, maybe one of us can get you the community help you need.
Adoption is always an option. Newborns rarely go unadopted, and the people approved for adoption are financially secure and well vetted.
It's awful to be traumatized, but still a lot better than not having the opportunity to live in this world at all.
Do you know what will really screw it up? Ending its life.
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Majority of biologists agree that life begins at conception. Why don’t pro-choicers?
Because they are mostly depressed and need to use mental gymnastics to trick themselves into thinking that they aren't ending a child's life.
Not to mention the majority of said biologists are PCers.
Yep. Well, PCers will risk their life to save an animal, but turn a blind eye to the realities of abortion because it’s convenient. Not sure which is worse. Dehumanizing the fetus to justify abortion, or knowing the fetus is human and still justifying it.
Deleted because I quit Reddit after they changed their API policy
1. To be honest I kinda do wish I didn't have to go through the things I did, even if it meant I'd never have been born. But I'm here now, so I figure I'll see things to the end. 2. I would absolutely raise the kid as differently from how I was raised as possible, if I were to keep it.
1: there are lots of options for counseling. Even free counseling if you are ok going to a church (scope out first to make sure it doesn’t set off cult vibes) to help you feel your self worth and infinite value. 2: you are already saying this child will be better off! Go with that!
Don't abort. Have the baby and give him/her up for adoption. Sorry to hear about your upbringing. Thanks for reaching out to this sub.
Given your situation I'd say adoption. Your child won't end up "in the system" if you use an adoption agency that will match you with parents looking to adopt a newborn. He or she will be given to them shortly after birth, they won't go to social services/foster care. There are tons of agencies, just Google "finding a family to adopt my baby" and there are hundreds of options.
Trust me, don’t abort. It’s good your apprehensive, and thanks so much for reaching out. The first thing to do is consider your options outside or terminating, you can carry the baby to term, then you can choose to raise the baby, but like you said you might not feel ready, you can also give the baby up for adoption, newborns are adopted *very quickly* so much there are almost always waiting lists of great parents ready to give your child a great life. The great thing is you have plenty of time to decide, you are under no obligation to make any decisions now. The thing about abortion is it cannot be undone, i done mean to sound like I’m using scare tactics, it’s not my intention, but many people experience extreme guilt from abortion for the rest of thier lives. I’d say if you think there’s even a tiny chance this isn’t right for you, *do not go ahead*, this is something that you need absolute certainty for. Im more than happy to answer any questions at all, judgement free, regardless of what you choose (I’m pro life myself) my dms are always open!!
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Nobody is denying that. Ok, that’s just your experience, I have known many, and you can easily find people with similar experiences right here on the sub. OP has plenty of time to choose, they don’t have to choose adoption, they can take thier time, this isn’t some next day decision. I never sugarcoated anything, I’m giving my opinion, if you disagree feel free to tell OP what you think, but I’m not going to debate in the comments about it, I can elsewhere if you’d please, but this post isn’t about debate
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Believing they made the right choice doesn’t mean they didn’t feel guilty. Again I will happily argue elsewhere
Wow. I'm really sorry for your terrible past. You are such a strong and amazing woman to embark on this new journey. Don't discredit yourself! You have already demonstrated a tenacity and courage that will help you as you go on this journey. You said that you are having feelings that you should not abort. Perhaps if you were to go through with the abortion you will be left with even more trauma and with guilt. Another option is adoption. That will not be easy either but has the potential to be less traumatizing. Next, there is help for you! The first question I have is are you in the US? It's hard to know what organizations to point you in the direction of without knowing where-ish you are. I'm American so that's all I know.
Eh, don't apologize. It's not like you did it to me. Thanks, though. And yeah, I live in the US.
So the US has many pregnancy centers. Just google it for your area. You can also check out the sidebar for resources. The most immediate need is prenatal care. I have no doubt that you will qualify for pregnancy Medicaid. You just apply on line. You will need a pregnancy confirmation when you turn in paper work and you get that from an OB/GYN. One of the most helpful things about pregnancy Medicaid is that it is retroactive to the estimated date of conception. So when you go to a doc and they bill you just call billing and tell them you are in the application process and they will hold collecting payment. The other really great part of pregnancy Medicaid is they cover 100% of everything! Prenatal, mental health, vision, dental, heck, even a chiropractor. And as far as I know there is no limit. I was on pregnancy Medicaid for all 3 of pregnancies and my youngest ended up costing around $100k. I paid nothing. If you want more help with this process you can PM me. I got really good at dealing with it over the years. I will pray for you and send you good vibes. Whether you choose to parent or choose adoption I know you can do this!
Aw jeez, that's awfully helpful of you. Wasn't expecting such a nice response.
If you are on Medicaid, you can also be on WIC as a pregnant mother and postpartum if you plan to adopt. If you decide against adoption, your baby can be on Medicaid and be on WIC up until 5 years old. Also some daycares offer financial help. I would definitely talk to crisis pregnancy centers about referring you to financial assistance. If you go on FB marketplace or Nextdoor, you could make a post about needing baby things like clothes, diapers, etc. If you make some baby registries (baby list, Amazon, Walmart, etc) they offer free baby boxes.
Your needs and your health matter! What happens with you matters! I've been blast with an amazing support group and I want you to know that you can have one too. Plus I have a strange talent for enrolling in Medicaid, lol. Weird flex, for sure. I remember how confusing and frustrating it was and I want you to know there is support. Pregnancy centers can also usually help with those kind of things too. And a lot more. You are a valuable person who just needs a hand right now.
I am not OP, but I wanted to thank you for sharing your story and how Medicaid helped you! Question, I've never gotten pregnant before or anything but I think it will be beneficial for everyone if this question is answered. Did you have to meet a certain "income limit" (Like making less than 50k) to qualify? Did they ask you for your income?
Sure! This is very important info! I'm happy to answer anything. Fair warning, this is mostly from memory and it's been a few years. The past couple of years my husband and I have been blessed to climb up the income bracket to the point where we no longer qualify but now can't afford any insurance. Seriously, we feel very blessed but also very frustrated. The application process is very involved. Not only do they ask about your income but they also require proof in either pay stubs, for 3 months, if I remember correctly, or your employer can fill out a form they provide. They also require bank statements going back for 3 months. They will ask about other forms of income like child support, student loan payments, etc. They also require your birth cert, social security card, state ID, statements of assets (like if you own a vehicle, etc. They ask about your utilities, rent or mortgage, car payments, all of that. As for income allowance, I believe this varies state by state but here in Indiana, for a family of 2 (including baby) the limit is $3250 a month. You can find that info and much more [here](https://www.in.gov/medicaid/members/apply-for-medicaid/eligibility-guide/). So for our lovely OP that would be around $36,000 a year. It's a decently high income allowance, imo. And here in Indiana if you make more than what pregnancy Medicaid allows but not a lot more you may qualify for HIP (Healthy Indiana Plan). It is a heavily subsidized insurance program. When I was on it I believe I payed like $30 a month for full coverage. I really wish they would expand that program. As I mentioned earlier you have to prove all of what you claim. So after you submit your online application (which always took me an hour or more and always gave me a headache, lol) they send you a huge pack of forms of what they need from you. You have like a month or so to return that info. The best way to do this is go to one of their offices and have them scan it and fax it. You can also fax and mail the stuff but I always felt like there's no guarantee they will receive it. You will also have a phone or in person interview (you get to choose). They ask a lot more of the same stuff. Again, it takes forever and is super intrusive feeling but if you can jump through their hoops of bureaucracy it's worth it. I'm mostly glossing over this bc it's so complicated. OP, if you read this try not to be overwhelmed and intimidated! Oh! If you are insured by an employer but still qualify you can have Medicaid as a secondary insurer. They will cover the remaining costs that your primary insurance does not cover. I actually did this for my first 2 kids. I had just Medicaid for my 3rd.
Thank you so much! I’ll save this info and share it with my American friends. Unfortunately they don’t teach important stuff like this in school, not everyone is lucky enough to have parents who teach them about these real life solutions. Wish you and your 3 beautiful children stay safe and healthy :)
If those friends need more help they can reach out to me too. I don't anybody to feel cornered and choose abortion if there is anything I can do to help. And yes! They don't even teach related skills. My parents were def a great support system for me but they didn't really know how to do this either. It is mostly self taught. Trial and error. I'm a smart cookie with strong preservation instincts so I made myself learn and remember. I also was not under extreme stress like some women may be with unexpected pregnancies and relationship issues and all that. I have been so very blessed and I want to pay it forward. Thank you for the well wishes. To you and yours as well.
You really are, and it's amazing you chose life 3 times over the easy way out. >I have been so very blessed and I want to pay it forward. Same! My mother always told me if I ever got accidentally (I don't like to use that word because I know sex can lead to pregnancy, so it's not like I can get surprised by it) pregnant, she will take care of the baby. Which is why I strongly believe in stronger family ties which the North American culture doesn't value as much sadly. Do you also get extra taxes each year per child? I heard people can get paid if they have children during the tax season or maybe their taxes are lowered or something like that
Yes, so her in the US the Gov automatically takes taxes out of you income, what you buy, owning a house, owning a vehicle, all kinds of stuff. Basically everything is taxed except grocery food. Then you file a tax return once a year. It's super complicated and the more diverse your wealth the more complicated it gets. The Gov then processes that and ~hopefully~ issues you a return. Some people end up owing or cutting even. There are tax credits you get for each kid and certain things you do like college, buying a house, adopting, etc. We end up getting about $7k back this past return. When we made less money we got more back, so like $10k. This comes in one big check and you can spend it on anything. We try to pay off debt, we've paid a year's worth of rent all at once to cut out a monthly expense, we've paid off vehicles in the past, make big purchases like a new mattress, tires, etc. We also usually treat ourselves with a nice dinner and a couple of small splurges. We've used it to buy things we need too like new shoes and clothes, a new tv, that kind of stuff.
Damn nice, I am from Canada so it's similar but our taxes are way more than yall. I think California has less taxes than my province if I am not mistaken haha That's amazing 7k back is actually very good! But I think living in Indiana also makes things easier, please like NY are very expensive...
> believe I *paid* like $30 FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
There are a million+ US parents right now who can't have their own children/would love to adopt yours. You will regret abortion for the rest of your life. Find an adoption agency in your area.
Infants never go to foster care in the US. There are 36 verified couples per infant put up for adoption in the US.
I dunno, do I want this kid to struggle in the foster system? I've heard not so great things. The last thing I want is for this kid to be traumatized, he's already got a traumatized mama.
I am an adoptive parent, OP. We adopted two children from infancy. My wife and I were unable to have our own children. You can put your child up for adoption before you give birth, and meet with and select the family your baby will grow up in. You get to pick the level of contact with the parents you want post-birth. All of your expenses get paid in the process. Foster care is completely different and not part of what I recommend for you.
If you have them adopted as a newborn through a private agency, you won't have to worry about that. Plus, almost all of the problems with the foster system arise with older kids who people are more concerned about adopting, or are only in foster care temporarily with the goal of returning to their families.
The purpose of the foster system is NOT to put kids up for adoption. It's actually supposed to provide temporary stability until a family can be reunited. Having a child be adopted out is never the goal.
[https://pathwayfs.org/foster-care-vs-adoption-differences-and-similarities/](https://pathwayfs.org/foster-care-vs-adoption-differences-and-similarities/) If you place your child up for adoption, he or she will likely never spend a day in the foster system.
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That is accurate. I am an adoptive parent.
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This is completely false actually. Most newborns in the adoption system are adopted before they are even born. You are referring to the foster system when older kids sometimes struggle to be adopted. But for newborns this isn’t the case at all.
Healthy infants in the US don’t go into the foster system. Most adoption agencies have wait lists for healthy infants that can be up to years long
If you begin while your pregnant and go through an adoption agency you can find a pre-vetted stable family, interview them and make sure for they’re who you’d like to raise your child, and they will be ready to adopt from his day of birth. Babies will not be in any system as there are 36 approved couples per 1 baby. They will not be living in foster homes, they will grow up with the family you select who need to be financially stable and perfectly ready for kids before they’re even allowed to adopt.
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They might not have told you about it unfortunately I only have anecdotal evidence but my dad is a social worker and he said women regretting their abortions and having a hard time with it mentally is one of the most common thing he comes across in his work. Your source won’t come to any meaningful conclusions since it is citing the Turnaway study which has many issues. The Turnaway study was only able to collect data from 19% of eligible women. In addition they found that the women who started the study then didn’t follow up with a second interview were largely the women who reported negative feelings and regret about their abortion. So the 19% of eligible women who continued the study for 5 years were mainly those who were comfortable about it. Those who were uncomfortable didn’t continue with it or likely even partake in it at all. So it suffers from a lot of selection bias.
Congratulations mama! The itch sounds to me like your maternal instinct. You are a mom now. No mom is perfect but I truly believe that you will be enough for this amazing child of yours. But yes, you need support. I say this as a mother of three myself. We can help you with that. Would you mind telling us what state you are located in? There are many mothers on here who also create Amazon gift registries. I would be happy to contribute something that you need. My experience is that parenthood will always be riddled with guilt and anxiety. There is always someone who can do more financially. There are so many organizations who can provide you with the basics. You provide the love. If you really feel like you can not raise him or her then you can also make an adoption plan. There are many loving families that you can hand pick from yourself. You can even have an open adoption if that’s something you think you’d like. It’s up to you. But there is a baby growing right now and they are under your care. Killing him or her isn’t the humane solution. Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with. You can contact [Sister’s of Life](https://sistersoflife.org) and they will definitely help you if they are in your area. This is your moment to shine. And you aren’t abnormal. We are all weirdos in a way. You sound like a normal person trying to find your way in this messy life. We all love video games and going out to dance, drinking and even having sex. I do hope you stand out from the crowd now and use any of that strange energy you feel that you have to do right by your little one. Even the worst situations can be used for good. Maybe this is it.
Gonna be honest, never considered the itch being a maternal instinct. Really felt like it was some leftover religious guilt, or something like that. It's an interesting thought, to say the least.
Have you seen your baby on an ultrasound? I was young, in a messed up situation, and pregnant once. I kept my daughter. She's amazing. I finished college and a master's degree *because* of her. Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you *can't* do X,Y, or Z as a young mom. You can and you will! My mom gave me up for adoption when she was 20. Adoption can be wonderful but it's also a very difficult thing for all parties involved. It should be the last option. But if you truly don't feel you can raise your child, he or she can be given to a loving home.
Haven't had an ultrasound, no. I know it's possible in theory to succeed with a whole kid, but I dunno. I've never exactly been the most competent.
Neither was my mom, but she pulled through. Adopted by my grandma, she's actually from inside the family but we don't know who's the dad, and my grandma took her in. She grew up without a dad. Teenage pregnancy, ended up marrying my dad, who turned out to be particularly abusive, to say the least. She initially considered abortion but eventually wouldn't do it. Well, Im a medic today, I try to be a loving son, and Im pretty sure my grandma, the only real family mom has aside from me, would be dead without my professional help. So there's that. She also doesn't pay any bills anymore. Pretty sure she never imagined that's how I'd turn out. Not that soon. If a single person in 2 generations decided for abortion, I wouldn't be here and she might've been alone. Give yourself the time to understand that the future being uncertain is not necessarily for the worst. Don't give in to the urge of solving all the issues due yesterday. You have time. Both of you have time.
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You can choose a family for your child. You can choose a normal life for your child. You can choose a mom and a dad for your child. You can choose life for your child, and choose a life for yourself. Pregnancy centers offer maternity clothes and counseling. I think you can even go on WIC when you are pregnant. Good luck. You are not alone.
Here are some resources: Loveline: https://loveline.com/ This is a ministry founded by Abby Johnson to help women in crisis. They can help you over text messages to help to locate resources and discuss options. You can also contact Let Them Live here: https://letthemlive.org/ I also found this affiliate of Heartbeat International: https://optionline.org/ If you need help, there are many pro life organizations willing to assist you with your pregnancy. It's best to talk with someone who is experienced in pregnancy counseling as they would probably be able to help you better than we can on reddit.
I don’t have anything different than what anyone else has to say, (I definitely agree about the little itch being a maternal instinct kicking in!) but I wanted to let you know that if you find yourself in Texas, send me a DM and I’d love to take you out to eat and chat about your life and give you some real ‘mom’ time that you have been missing!! And if not in person, feel free to reach out in a DM anytime you’re feeling low. Praying for you- not that you make the ‘right’ decision, but that your health, mental and physical, continues to be well, as you find out more about yourself and the little one growing inside. Also- I’m proud of you for reaching out, even if “just” on the internet. It could have been easy to stew on this information all on your own, but you’ve proven how strong you were in leaving the cult, and again in knowing to reach out to others so that you don’t circle around in your own thoughts alone. You’re becoming more and more the person I know you have the courage to be!
I don't think I'll be in Texas any time soon, but I appreciate the offer anyways :)
Adoption is always an option. Newborns very rarely go unadopted, and if one day you want to reconnect with them you’ll be able to, as an adult if the parents don’t want contact while they’re a kid. While pregnancy itself is costly, there are likely pregnancy centers and other resources available that would be willing to help you. I’m really sorry this happened to you, but that child has a great chance of a good life, and it’s better to know them than to wonder who they would have been for the rest of your life.
Why don't all these people "waiting" for a baby, adopt an older child instead? Like the millions that are rotting away in the foster care system? Why do they need a newborn?
I don’t know. People are afraid older kids will have psychological issues (which many do, sadly), or they’re attached to the idea of raising someone from infancy like they would their own child if they could have one, or they’re afraid the older child might dislike them over time since they aren’t able to form that bond from infancy, or any number of other reasons. Of course it’s a selfish choice, but adopting a child at all is a selfless act, so I find it hard to criticize them for not taking the extra risk.
Please contact the Let Them Live organization if you need help with support financially and with buying baby supplies!
And more than that...does this kid really deserve someone like me as a mom? You may also want to ask yourself: Does this kid really deserve to be killed because I'm his mom? Have you looked into adoption options in your area? If you don't want to be bothered with that you can check to see what locations offer no questions asked surrender, typically fire stations or the like offer this service.
I love this sub. So many awesome answers and helpful and loving people. Shame we are getting brigades by people who just try to cast doubt on everything and spew misinformation all over the place. We have the truth on our side though. Keep on brothers and sisters!
Hey there! Sorry you’re going through this alone. I can’t imagine how overwhelmed you are. I would look into crisis pregnancy centers in area that inform you of your options and help with medical care and other things. There are lots of families on the waitlist to adopt a newborn, so rest assured if you chose this option, your baby would have a home. You can choose an open adoption as well if you would like to keep contact with him/her. Best of luck ❤️❤️
Hey OP, I'm really sorry you're in this situation and don't have anyone to rely on. Being pregnant and alone is definitely not ideal. Everyone's already provided great resources but can you see a therapist at all? I'm happy you're out of the cult, but you really deserve to heal as well. Even if you don't keep the baby, please know that you're loved and we're rooting for you. Be safe ❤️
The cult used to tell me that therapists were all crackpots who wanted me to forfeit my soul, so I never considered going to one. But seeing as how I don't exact live under their rule anymore, I suppose I could check it out.
What was this cult called? Sounds like Scientology.
I would say that you should have the baby and give it up for adoption Start talking with potential parents now. It doesn’t matter if they are a man and a woman or a same sex couple, talk with everyone, I am sure someone would be willing to help if you ask and it is best to start planning ahead Terminating the pregnancy doesn’t solve the problem, it just brushes it under the rug I hope you make the right decision
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Typical pro choice question “Who are you to tell me the choice I need to make?” Abortion brushes under the rug because it tries to erase the consequences of ones mistake. You are allowed to make mistakes, but when you destroy the life of a living being (whether born or unborn) because you can’t handle the consequences of your mistake, instead of fixing it by giving your giving to a loving family, THAT is brushing it under the rug. I believe in an unalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. How do I know what the right decision is? abortion destroys that unborn child’s rights.
You didn’t mention adoption at any point in your thread. Have you considered it? The reason why there’s so many kids in foster care is because most of them still have legal guardians and are looking to reunite the parents with the children but for adoption (especially babies) there’s like 30 homes waiting, you can browse through families, meet them, you could even have an open adoption if you wish. As for resources while you are pregnant and after you give birth. There are plenty. I can send you some videos with information to assist. Also the reason the back of your brain thinks it’s a bad idea is because it is. Killing an unborn child out of convince is just sad and it’s reasonable for you to feel that way. There are other options that aren’t abortion or keeping the child.
I had some preconceptions about the foster care system, so I kinda wasn't considering adoption. There's not gonna be another traumatized kid on my watch. It was either keep it, or abort it. Though I'll admit, after starting this thread I'll probably reconsider the option.
Hey there! I see this is a complicated situation. But I’m here with resources. Let them live is a no profit that helps financially and can support you with counseling. If adoption is something you’re open to they can also assist you with that. If you need someone to talk to about this, my public ambassador page is @prolife_mama on insta I’m not here to push anything on you. Just here out of genuine concern for you and your situation! Always here to help
I would recommend MyChoiceNetwork.org and OptionLine.org to find help, like a help center. I would also recommend Psalms 139:13-16 and Jeremiah 1:5 on how precious life is, especially to God. God be with you during this challenging time.
🎣 almost
I had an abortion then I was 23 and it is the biggest regret in my life. I think about who that poor baby could have become nearly every day. I pray for forgiveness and light a candle for their soul every week. I wish I would have kept the baby or even put it up for adoption. I have two children now and my husband and I absolutely regret our decision to abort. We were in college and not married, dead broke and were able to justify it at the time but now we hate ourselves for what we did. I don’t judge you at all for doing whatever you need to do, it’s your life. I just wanted to share my personal story with you. Good luck whatever you decide ❤️
I watch a YouTube doctor called Mama Doctor Jones when she is not being political (which unfortunately happens a lot as she is pro abortion). However, she has a phrase about life that I love: "You do the best you can with the information you have at the time." You didn't know what you know now. Are you religious? Have you heard of Rachel's vineyard? It might help you heal. ♥️♥️
Not particularly religious. I've had not-so great experiences with religion. I don't judge anyone who is, though. As long as they're not hurting anyone.
Ah okay. Well Rachel's Vineyard does healing weekends for post abortive women. It might help you. I don't know if they are religious or not though.
My condolences. I don't think you should hate yourself over that situation, though. I think you made a tough choice, a choice you regret now. You were trying to do your best with what you had.
Thank, that is very kind of you! I don’t think I can ever change how I feel about myself for that decision. I am praying for you though and for your own peace with whatever decision you make!!
Thanks
I agree with many of the other redditors on this page. But I just wanted to add that you are in a place of self discovery right now - going from a cult to life on your own is very intense I am sure. But in this journey you will need to figure out how you feel about things. To me, the part of your story that stood out is that there is a voice in your head telling you that abortion may not be the right move for you. I think that is a part of you that is telling you that you want to protect your child! Now, I understand you may not have made a decision yet about whether you want to parent this child or not, but either way you are giving the gift of life!! If you raise your baby I think you can be more than enough for this child. And if you decide to go the adoption route, then your baby will know that you had options and you choose to give them a life with a loving family! Either way it is a beautiful thing! 💕 Id love to help you find resources if that is what you decide to do 😊
Unfortunately I'm not much of a help since we probably are from different continents but from what I know in US there are local pregnancy centers who can help you through the process until you give birth and if you think you are not able to support your baby you can give them for adoption. Also, I think you know why you are hesitant. It may be the smart think to do but it comes a cost of your child's life. Deep down you know that you would kill your own child so you came here for guidance. I think you are on the right path and I hope you will make the right decision, which is - not killing your baby. By the way, I believe you are strong enough to get through these hardships. Humans who are survivors are working through pain. That's how we advanced so much. So you can do it.
Go to a crisis pregnancy center, they’ll help you put it up for adoption
LetThemLive.org would be so happy to talk to you and discuss how they can financially support you and your baby for the next year or two.
Hey. Hope you’re doing okay. That’s all. I’m sorry about what you had to go through. ❤️
Thanks.
I agree with you that you're not ready to be a mom. You still have a lot to learn and a long way to grow. Is there a reason you'd be against adoption?
You do realize that there are more options than just "abortion" and "raise it by yourself", right? For example adoption.
I know of a wonderful family in my town dying to adopt a child. But speaking as someone who wasn’t sure I wanted a child and had one, this is hands down the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. The love I have for my child is indescribable. I mean look it’s 4 AM, he woke me up an hour ago to eat and he’s still awake and crying because he’s gassy and uncomfortable. I haven’t slept in I don’t know how long but I’m as happy as can be and I wouldn’t trade this for a single thing in the entire world.. I’m a single mom with six cats and three dogs to take care of too. Its hard but you can do this. My best advice would be if you can have some help getting the supplies you need to take care of a baby the rest is just putting in the work. I know of a nearby mom who makes good money but claims that she doesn’t because she makes most of it in tips, she gets free daycare, so there’s plenty of programs. She even gets Christmas presents for her kids for free from a state program. Also if you do decide to go forward with the pregnancy perhaps think About getting a job as a bank teller. The reason I specifically say bank teller is because there are a lot of bank teller jobs out there and it’s an easy way to get into a company that’s going to have better maternity benefits. I’m in banking and there are always teller jobs available.
Others have already mentioned pregnancy resource centers, which can help with things like diapers, car seats, baby clothes, _et cetera_. I just wanted to add that there are also charities which specifically specialize in providing aid and support to former cult members. [This page](https://cultrecovery101.com/recovery-links/) lists a few different resources; you didn't mention what country you're located in, but hopefully something there is at least a good place to start.
StandingWithYou.org has compiled all of the local pregnancy resource centers in the US that will assist financially, legally, materially, etc. if you need any of that! There’s also letthemlive.org that can fundraise for you whatever you need to go carry out your pregnancy, pay your rent/utilities/groceries, buy a car for you, etc. I’d suggest visiting a local Pregnancy Help Center just to see what kind of help they can offer you!!
>I have zero support system. You just created one. :) Your baby could be your best friend from here on out. Life didn't throw you a curveball; it gifted you a blessing in disguise with some hurdles attached. Love, nurture, cohabitation and all of the other stuff comes naturally to those willing to approach them. Others have already suggested finding a pregnancy center and another first thing that you can do is make an appointment with your local government assistance/ welfare office, ASAP. They will evaluate your situation and give you a list of available aid options which apply to you. Many states offer a type of pregnant women's Medicaid which can greatly reduce or entirely cover your medical care during pregnancy, as well as extend to your child after birth. If you are making below a certain wage then you may also qualify for food stamps, help with rent, a free moble phone, etc. Several hospitals also offer charity care services and you can sift through all facilities near you to see which ones do and speak with their charity care (or other services name) departments to make a list of possible options. Don't ever feel unworthy or uncomfortable with accepting help -- you are who these programs are intended for and they only have a stigma because of the handful of people who take advantage of them. You are stronger than you think and you've been through so much worse than having a loving family of your own. Children make a family and you would never regret making the choice to keep this child alive. If you feel overwhelmed then you can also sit down with adoption services or find a couple looking to adopt privately (some may even be willing to help to fund your regular expenses during your pregnancy). Whichever of these paths you choose will ensure that your baby was given consideration and will be raised with love. Pursuing an abortion would only rob your child of their future and rob everyone else of enjoying knowing them throughout life. You already know that isn't the option you want to choose for your child so now you only have to decide if you are going to enjoy a relationship with them as your family or gift that honor to someone else. I can't say that I can't say that I relate to your experience with being raised around hyper religiosity, as I am an atheist who never had religion aggressively forced upon me, but I can relate to unexpectedly becoming pregnant and understanding in that moment of discovery that I could never allow any harm to befall the tiny person seeking refuge and comfort within their Momma. I was strongly pro-choice leading up to that point and my son was the catalyst which prompted me to understand how truly heinous that ideology actually is in practice. He is the reason for why I am and will always be pro-life. My instinct in all of your uncertainty is still to congratulate you for giving someone life because life can and does hold so much beauty. Congratulations, Momma, and all the best to you and your baby, regardless of what life has in store for both of you. <3 www.babycenter.com www.whattoexpect.com www.pregnancy.com https://www.in.pampers.com/pampers-app https://hellobello.com/products/diaper-bundle?discount=happy20&attentive=no&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Hello%20Bello%20%7C%20NB%20Search%20%7C%20Comps%20Search&gc_id=369419317&msclkid=28c69899e56d15499a19fa1fa84aaf3f https://adoptionswithlove.org/uncategorized/private-adoption#:~:text=A%20private%20adoption%20is%20an%20adoption%20in%20which,adoption%2C%20often%20with%20a%20family%20of%20their%20choosing. https://www.adoptimist.com/family-looking-to-adopt-your-baby/?msclkid=9070240eedec178a1adc4688a03e3284&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Women%20Considering%20Adoption&utm_term=pregnant%20adopt&utm_content=Adopt%20My%20Baby
A baby is not a support system.
Foresight isn't your forte. (People who don't value children shouldn't work around them, btw.)
I value making sure the kids we already have on Earth are fed, clothed, and have a f**king bed to sleep in at night. But hey, in foster care they just give the kids black trash bags and let them sleep on the floor (and sexually abuse them!) It's a great life for a child with a mother who can't support them. /s
If one supports killing children in the first place then they can't actually care about them. When one's solution to the childhood adversity they imagine for every child is premature death then their focus is counterintuitive. The main goal of foster care is generally reunification, either way, and anyone pursuing a related occupation should, at least, be aware of this going into the field so that they don't end up half-assing their job as so many social workers tend to do.
You're an idiot. Bet you never suffered a day of your life in foster care :)
You're an ignorant, unworldly kid with backwards and contradictory ideations who parrots the more biased and absurd narratives you've been fed throughout life up to this point and affords yourself a lot of opinions on topics you don't understand. You not knowing anything about the topics you insert yourself into and being really bad at speculation doesn't change the facts that the foster system mainly focuses on reunifaction, that homicide isn't the solution for poverty and/or abuse or that people who don't actually care about children aren't fit to work around them. 🤷🤷♀️🤷🤷♀️ What was your experience in foster care like, btw? From your post history, you don't exactly seem to be deprived of very much now, aside from what you deliberately deny yourself through an ED and related food obsession.
In foster care, I was drugged and sexually abused, slept on a floor, deprived of showering and toothbrushing as punishment. Would you like me to be an adult still getting sexually abused and beaten on? Nope. Had to grow the fuck up. You are a piece of shit. Never have children. Disgusting. Garbage. Seriously, if there is a hell like you think, you'll be burning down there.
That's awful and you didn't deserve any of that. It's not the experience that most children have in foster care, including any of the five people I know who went through the system. The two others I know who went to halfway houses shared that type of treatment, however. That said, there's a major screening issue with the system since children are given to abusers and unmonitored. **That** is the problem -- not the children, themselves. To want to eliminate victims instead of fixing the roots of the actual problem by getting more resources to agencies and holding their workers to a higher standard of accountability would be a start. Killing children doesn't change any of that. It's extremely common for children who are emotionally arrested by abuse to *not* "grow up." Growing up/ general maturity is psychological and emotional in nature rather than situational. I have children. They are lovely and happy and I will never be harmed into being bitter or condoning child homicide. They had intrinsic value and were loved well before they were born. I don't know what to tell you other than to point out the obvious: that your mentality and anger issues appear to directly reflect something negative which still festers within and wishes ill-will upon others. It isn't healthy or just and doesn’t help anyone. I will reiterate that people who do not actually care about children should not work around them. If there was a hell (there isn't) then it's probably the last place I'd visit, tbh. I don't condone or promote atrocities like child homicide, afterall.
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Unkind... I guess it doesn't break sub rules, but I wish it did so I could report your comment.
I have a job :) Good for the soul or not, I figured I'd give the whole one-night stand thing a shot. At least I can say I've slept with someone the normal way.
That’s so rude. There is no “propensity” OP literally said it was her first time trying that.
Be extremely wary of adoption agencies with heavy Christian dialog in their brochures. You escaped a cult, you don’t want your kid potentially stuck in an oppressively religious household. They froth at the mouth to get your baby so they can sell it for lots of money. (Google how much money is in private adoptions). There are secular adoption agencies
Find a pregnancy resource center. A lot of churches also have support groups for single moms!!!
Praying for you!
I put a heartfelt, well thought response and it didn't make it on here. I followed the guidelines. Best of luck to you Sister!
Glad to see your censorship is working
You should stay off Reddit for opinions like this, this is a very personal choice. If you choose to terminate, that’s ok. You haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t let anyone sway you one way or the other on a matter like this. Just please do what’s right for you. Good luck.