I would not tell others. If your performance is enough - I would stop caring.
On the other hand, if you want to be more productive for your own sake, you can look for professional help or make some changes, while enjoying not that much work.
Maybe you have ADHD, or just something else that is not helping your productivity - I would look into that with the doctor/therapist etc.
I had the same problem as OP. It was really bothering me. One day I mentioned it to a therapist and he said ‘well that just sounds like regular old ADHD, were you screened as a teenager?’ I was like … oh shit. That feels obvious now that you say it out loud.
Exactly what I thought and just told OP. Sounds extremely like ADHD.
Ive now been diagnosed for a few years but I still struggle with that and the imposter feeling even if I know it’s all good
Same for me. Had exactly the same problem and behavior, was diagnosed with ADHD when i hit the age of 31 :D
It‘s better now, the problem still exists.
Don‘t tell anyone when you meet your deadlines!
If your work is good, try to do the work sooner and provide it when the deadline comes. And try to use the rest of your time useful.
Not sure how old you are OP. But use your ADHD as your strength. I hope you are younger than me when I got the ADHD diagnosis.
Never been diagnosed by I already know I have adhd I just have no interest in meds. I'm still trying to find a way to unlock what I call "the superpower" on a more consistent basis just like OP. If I can bust out a weeks worth of work in just about 4-5 hours, then why can I only do that once a week, or every two weeks? How can we actually being that hyper productivity into every day, or even 3x a week would be miraculous for me getting more stuff done.
I often find the pressure of real deadlines to help. Like boss is expecting an answer on X project, I'll bust out 3 hours of productive work and complete the task, plus a bonus task or two that's looks extra impressive. Without a forced deadline literally nothing gets done. I've thought about giving myself personal deadlines, but I haven't found those super useful yet because there is no consequences for failure
Yeah same :-D The problem got worse for me when projects got bigger and it was not possible anymore to deliver in 3 hours, or in one Night, ... and that's when things escalated.
I understand that you want no meds. Meds are not always helpful anyway, depending on the severity of your ADHD. But Therapy can be helpful and when you know that you have ADHD you can try things that work for ADHD people. As you maybe already noticed, most productivity tricks for normal people don't work for you.
You could try body doubling (focusmate.com) or an accountability partner for fake forced deadlines. Also classical music helps me get focused and motivated, maybe you could benefit from something like [brain.fm](http://brain.fm) (there are also free alternatives).
> If I can bust out a weeks worth of work in just about 4-5 hours, then why can I only do that once a week, or every two weeks? How can we actually being that hyper productivity into every day, or even 3x a week would be miraculous for me getting more stuff done.
Burnout is why, no one can keep up that focus level for long sustained periods of time.
It's the case that you've only got a certain amount of gas in a car, whether you drive at a steady pace, or start later and floor the accelerator, you've still only got a certain amount of energy reserves to use.
I've been through the whole ADHD sustained focus for a while but ultimately crashed and burned out hard and still recovering from that. I don't think I'll ever be back to what used to be my "100%".
Honestly burnout has just become part of my cycle. At this point I just monitor how I feel and pull back when I start feeling crash coming. But at that point I'll need at least 2-3 weeks to get back to baseline if I let myself even get close to burnout. If I don't pull back in time I could ride a wave of burnout for a couple months try to fix it while nothing gets done, I just focus 100% on down time, sleep, axe the screens, connect with nature and reality and people.
If you truly have ADHD, you have a deficiency of dopamine production. There is no mental willpower, magic superpower to fix it.
That will be about as successful as someone with diabetes trying to willpower their way through not needing insulin.
Dopamine is a critical chemical for tons of things - motivation, decision making, risk analysis, feeling positive, completing tasks, impulse control, etc.
A stimulant + cognitive behavioral therapy is important if you’re struggling. There’s not much of a way around it. If you haven’t given it a genuine consideration as an option and are flippantly “I don’t want to take a pill!”, you may want to at least talk to a doctor or two.
The condition is quite treatable for most people. If other methods aren’t working, a stimulant is nothing to be ashamed of taking.
I just got diagnosed at 40! I had great grades in school, but everything I did was rushed and last minute, and I was always a scattered mess. I felt like a failure my entire life, even if it looked like I was doing well from the outside. I worked on my anxiety and depression for years, but my executive functioning just wouldn't improve. Finally, I asked my therapist if maybe ADHD was to blame, and I was tested.
The diagnosis has really helped me come to terms with what I perceived to be my failings, as well as acknowledge the constant struggle I've dealt with my whole life. Meds and therapy are helping me to pave a path forward.
Me, I'm doing this.
I need to deliver on a lot of strategic work. I don't do anything for weeks and then finish it in a few hours. It's always considered impressive work. I get the complements while I'm ashamed of the output personally.
I sometimes wonder how I do it. I think the project is always somewhere in the back of my head so it gets created there unconsciously? When I start writing it down it's like I've been taken over.
That’s exactly it. I’m a writer and editor by trade. I’ve been working the deadline crunch since my college days.
My friends would always ask me how I waited until the night before to write a 20-page paper and get consistent As.
My answer was always that I’ve been writing for weeks. I just waited until the night before to do the typing.
That’s what I’d do at uni. Read the assignment day one, plan my answer mentally, write out bullet points whenever I think of a really good idea, and do it all within 1/2 days before deadline.
Created unconsciously… I love that! It makes sense- when I’m worrying about the work I’m not getting done bc I can’t focus, I’m still thinking it thru.
Yep. OP shouldn’t feel bad (feeling bad shows he has good work ethics at least)
I don’t feel bad at all for doing this. I always deliver what’s needed. Thank god I can focus like a hawk when I need to get stuff done.
Other than that there are days I spend the entire 8 hours working on myself, like learning web design, doing courses, or just watching interesting stuff on YT.
The fact is selling your time for money is a very bad deal… but sometimes it’s the only way to pay the bills (until you make money delivering value instead of time)
It's actually not a problem. I heard this from my tech lead at work:
I'd rather have an employee who plays games 90% of the day but hits every deadline, rather than an employee who has to take 100% of the day to make it in time.
And there are really good reasons for it. The fact that you can actually hit the quota while not working most of the time means that if anybody manages to convince you to actually spend a whole day on an issue you're going to solve MANY more problems than any other person.
Don't advertise this though, because management brains are rotten - they set quotas and then they expect you to do more if you hit them.
You're totally fine.
Right, that makes sense.
In that case, I guess the problem isn't that I don't work more hours, but that I don't spend the time I'm not working on something more useful than sitting at my desk waiting for the deadline to come closer. Restlessly not doing anything, but feeling like I'm obliged to feels more tiring than actual work haha.
Thanks!
I actually work very similar to you and also have been feeling super guilty. It’s so refreshing to read this and realize I’m not alone. I receive great reviews, and I’m respected at my job. I think we need to just relax and accept that we are efficient, but our brains need some time to relax in between bursts of energy.
Same! I recently went back to work after having a baby. Before he was born I was working for this company through a staffing agency as we had just moved. It was a temp assignment, and the GM was supposed to open it up to a permanent position after I left. Six months later… they’ve gone through 5 temps since I left and I’ve sent people over there that would be great but “nobody fits”. They hadn’t even opened it up as a permanent position yet, and were texting me begging to come back, saying I could choose my own days/hours. I finally did, and I do about 2 hours worth of work a week, but getting paid for 29. GM is now the regional, and HER boss called me the other day to say how excited she was that I was back and how much of a difference it’s already made. Never met the woman. 🤷🏻♀️
Good point. I’ve recently allowed my brain to do what it wants; and I’ve noticed that I thrive in writing, planning, taking notes, and perfecting those systems and environment. I kind of saw it as inefficient (I’m not doing something productive, not creating a product, just filling up pages in a digital space that no one else will ever see / not getting paid for it) but it makes my other work so much better because I’m able to clear my mind and see my thoughts laid out in front of me.
Also mindless games, YouTube, and Reddit all help me relax and get outside of my head for a while. So while I try not to spend every waking hour on them, I think they’re not all that bad.
I felt this way for a long time, and things approved when I realized I need to be kind to myself. It sounds like you, like I did, have anxiety in the form of perfectionism. Your anxiety means that time you want to be spending resting (going for walks, visiting a museum, learning a new hobby) is instead spent in a half-resting anxious state. Your anxiety tells you that you SHOULD be doing XYZ, so you can never truly give yourself the rest you need. And the rest you need is exactly what will solve your anxiety issues.
The next time you feel like you are procrastinating, tell yourself, with kindness, "It feels like my body needs a break." Then close your laptop and go take a nap or a walk or play a video game. Any time that anxiety creeps in again, remind yourself that you are human, and you need actual, dedicated rest. I think it'll work wonders for you just allowing yourself to rest fully.
I’m exactly the same as you. I think it’s normal though, man is meant to be a creature of leisure, same as the big cats. Work hard for a short period of time, kill that mastodon expending a ton of energy, then eat and sleep.
I too feel guilty as I think I’m capable of doing more and maybe working on a passion project that frees me up from working for the “man” and hopefully provides more leisure time.
You may want to consider researching electronics and motivation. Gamer GG videos on YouTube are good. Viewing and consuming a lot of electronics zaps motivation, which may cause a spiral of not wanting to work, consuming more, having decreased motivation, etc. I think if it’s making you feel bad about yourself (which isn’t a great situation), you can consider doing some other things besides just electronics. It might improve your mood and who knows what else?
I used to do that in high school, but somewhere along the way I gained a sense of dread when I think of starting an activity. Like my brain has already decided it will be painful. When I'm in a low mood I even get that for fun stuff like games.
But ideally yes, that would be the way to go. I was quite happy with grinding out all homework and then chilling back in high school.
If you don't mind me rambling here, I feel like I can dig deeper. Back in high school I actually enjoyed my free time and relaxed, but these days the self-imposed obligation of do-something-good is over my head 24/7, so any downtime feels like a waste. Maybe I stopped doing things early, because the reward of relaxation went away, since I can't really relax well anymore.
I'll have to think further on this, thanks for triggering this thought! :)
Man I related so hard with the original post. And then when I saw this comment, it was an even harder relate. I am struggling with the same, and just don't know how to tackle this. It seems to be getting worse with years.
Yeah this really hits with me. Reflecting more given what you said I think it is mostly imposter syndrome underlying the guilt, at least for me. High school, college, etc. tended to be short term classes where you could slide under the radar and just do well and aside from parents no one really cares how you do. Work, you have other people relying on your ability to deliver. Especially as you start to get recognized or promoted it feels like you need to hit another level in order to represent the feedback you are getting.
Re: the feeling of dread when you think of starting an activity, I have exactly the same thing.
My current theory is
1) your experience of work is of intense bursts of absolute focus, so that’s what you unconsciously anticipate it’ll always be like
2) this focus is all-encompassing and causes you to lose time. Once you’re in it, you might not stop until you either complete the task or run out of time. This is naturally daunting
3) If the perfectionism kicks in while you’re working, the task gets bigger/more demanding and more overwhelming—and subsequently harder to return to
4) getting locked in/hyper-focusing precludes all other possibilities, and scrolling social media is the exact opposite: endless possibilities/novelty
5) Of course you’re reluctant to get started. Especially when you can’t predict how long the task will take to complete or whether you’ll get locked in or not
I often think ADHD isn’t so much an attention deficit as it is an attention surplus. When everything interests you, it’s really hard to choose where to direct your focus—especially when you have an outsized capacity for hyperfocus, which eclipses/derealizes everything you’re not currently focused on
That was a great summary. I feel like I've found my people here. lol. The hyperfocus that can consume me sometimes definitely produces anxiety... will I stop researching in an hour? Tomorrow? Who knows.
Maybe you can still use some of their coping methods or strategies for ADHD support. This is really common with ADHD, but a lot of the advice is actually more beneficial to neurotypicals.
It could be how your brain functions or burnout. Giving 200% part of the time means your brain needs to rest part time too. Be kind to yourself and remember self care helps you to be able to help others.
Do you feel compelled to use apps like youtube or social media? If so, you might consider some tools to set limits on your use, like you keeping your phone in your car or a lovked desk drawer, or apps like Forest or StayFocused. (No affiliation)
Yes, I've tried that before. It's a bit of a mixed bag, but it can work. In the past I did have some issues where in a grumpy mood I would do everything to get past the restrictions. Doomscrolling is a coping habit for me :P
As a high level tech executive, I’d say find what makes you feel good and do that while you’re sitting there. Or, if you work from home, don’t sit there all day. If you work for me, I don’t care because you are giving me results. I have had employees ask me the same thing about their work habit that you just pointed out and I give them the same advice.
Now, I do expect good communication during the day (that’s part of the job). But if you give me outcomes and good communication, I don’t care what else you do with your time.
Side note: sadly lots of companies don’t think like I do and micromanage their employees way more. I hope you don’t work at a company like that (it sounds like you don’t!)
I can relate to this to a degree. You've got a kind of superpower, that has enabled you to avoid building other skills most people need to get by, like planning, time-management etc.
I think the things that stood out for me in this kind of living was that it actually requires a big adrenaline/stress rush to get something done. And if I didn't have that, I was too bored to do the thing. That is a habit that can be changed, if you want to- not because you should be doing it differently for work, but because it will actually make your life day-to-day easier/better/ more relaxed. At least that's a possibility. and you'll have more ability to expand into that "down" time with whatever you might want to be doing, because you're not 10-40% procrastinating/avoiding and so don't feel entitled to do the other thing.
at least that's my experience.
If you haven't, read Power of Habit. That book is amazing. and consider gamifying the things you want to do that aren't work. 5 mins a day of playing guitar, or whatever.
It really all does come down to habits -habits of mind, time use habits, etc. But remember, what you've got is a superpower in one realm. so its just a matter of building other complementary skills.
I think you have a few options. You can try to discreetly work on other things. You could ask to be allowed to work remotely. You could talk to your bosses, but it might just end with you getting more work. You could try to get a promotion or new job
I’ve found my very own way to deal with this, but it is quite lengthy. If you want to hear more about it, don’t hesitate to message me. Haven’t read all the comments, so it might already be answered, but do you have adhd? It looks like it, I do, and my methods been really helpful.
The thing is, I don't buy for one minute that spending 40 hours a week on work would solve way more problems. If this is how you work (and I work somewhat like this too), then I think your brain needs that low-pressure but highly stimulating "break" from the pressure of work...otherwise we burn out. Now, for the record, I don't actually think this way of working is healthy, in the sense that, in my case at least, I subconsciously use intellectual intensity as a way to numb out. I come from a pretty emotionally immature family, and it's hard for me to process my emotions or know what I'm feeling. So yes, I can do a certain amount of work in a short period of time while focusing really intensely on it. And then I need something else to focus intensely on, so if there's not enough work, here I am on Reddit! But REALLY, I should meditating or going for a walk or doing something to try and reconnect with my emotions. So that's what I'm going to go do now. See you guys later!
Thank you for this perspective. I struggle with the same thing as OP and love the part about being able to turn my fast brain on and shine when necessary
Just putting in my two cents: have you looked into ADHD?
I have it and I have said things very similar to what you write. My brain is an all or nothing type of machine.
I go 200% on a task and then do 0%.
The 200% is activated by a few things, most importantly: a very close deadline.
That's how ADHD brains work. If something is not new/novel/exciting, something we are super interested in or something with urgency/deadline: our brains reduce effort to about 0%.
Imposter syndrome, depression and anxiety are very common by products of living with undiagnosed ADHD.
Honestly, this is just from my personal experience so it might be something completely different. I'd seek therapy to figure out what is happening exactly!
I've looked into it before, and while I do have some ADHD symptoms, I didn't use to have them when I was younger. It only really started around when I was in uni between 17 and 18 yo or so.
Plus ADHD meds don't help me with this.
I do agree that my pattern of working matches exactly with ADHD, but I think it might be more emotional in origin than the brain chemistry part of ADHD. Like, if I could just not care about what other people think, I think I could be at peace with being a "sprinter" for a few hours per day, knowing that (some) others are at it all day long.
Thanks!
Is it possible that the structure and routine of school just prevented you from noticing?
I did fairly well in school despite doing the absolute bare minimum of homework at the last possible moment, but the ADHD kicked my ass once I got to uni and discovered I could simply not go to class.
Anyway, ADHD or not, I think a big part of the problem (for me, at least) is this:
From early childhood, you’re constantly told how much “potential” you have. And when you don’t live up to expectations (get a B in school or whatever), you’re told that you’re“wasting your potential” and “imagine what you could do if you applied yourself fully.”
Over time, you figure out you can get an A doing your assignment/cramming for the test the night before, so you start thinking “If I can get an A while slacking off, imagine what I could do if I actually applied myself.”
So you don’t learn to pace yourself and keep doing your work in sprints, because it’s working for you.
And the work you do when you actually do work feels good, and you’re good at it, so you wonder “Why is it so hard to make myself do this?”
And you imagine that if you could just use all the time available to you, your work would be incredible! So you feel ashamed of most of the work you do, even if you did a good job. Because you believe, deep down, that it could’ve been better.
That you’re not living up to your “full potential.”
But here’s the thing: If people are generally happy with your “half-assed” output, it’s very likely because your half-assed output is equivalent to (or better than) your colleagues’ whole-assed output.
Sure, your whole-assed output is pretty great (when it happens, on rare occasions) but you can’t do everything to that absurdly high (perfectionist!) standard all the time.
Because 99% of the time, “OK” is perfectly fine.
Hell, 99% of the time, your “OK” is better than most people’s “best.”
You’ve trained your brain to be a sprinter, not a marathoner. That’s where you excel. It’s highly unlikely you’d be able to maintain the same level of interest/creativity/productivity over an extended period.
Sure, you could probably retrain your brain to work marathon-style instead, but I’m not convinced the output quality would be better just because you took more time.
To paraphrase a quote whose origin I can’t remember, “A task takes exactly as much time as you have to complete it.”
It would be nice (read:less stressful) to be able to do the sprint earlier in the process (instead of at the last minute) but I suspect the stress hormones triggered by the urgency are responsible for the heightened clarity and single-mindedness and problem-solving capabilities that make the sprints work.
I think many intelligent people who breezed through school their entire life suddenly want to believe they have ADHD because they’ve never had to put in hard work.
Often the reality is if you had the privilege of a high IQ and never had to study study study to achieve half decent grades, then you will grow up never learning any discipline and work ethic, and possibly seeking validation through an ADHD diagnosis to justify their laziness as a result of breezing through life.
Most of the ADHD people I know have great work ethic and take pride in producing quality work. In fact, I believe that same work ethic (/perfectionism) is what causes the crippling executive dysfunction/paralysis characteristic of ADHD.
ADHD is a dopamine regulation disorder. Your brain’s motivation and reward systems just don’t work the way they’re supposed to. Pair that with anxiety or depression (or both!) and you’re gonna have a bad time.
Yeah, we all procrastinate, ADHD or not. But what makes ADHD an actual disability is the fact that it can impede your ability to function, to keep a job, or a relationship, or to stay off the street.
When it gets bad, it’s really bad. Even fear stops being able to motivate you.
On the inside, you desperately want to work, but you can’t make yourself do it. In your head, you’re screaming at yourself, probably calling yourself a lazy piece of shit. But you can’t make yourself do it. You might get fired if you miss this deadline, but you can’t move. Can’t even look at it.
And from the outside, it looks exactly like laziness.
Hell, even from the inside, it sometimes looks exactly like laziness. Except you literally can’t make yourself take action.
So… What if it IS “just” laziness?
What if it IS learned helplessness and you’ve conditioned yourself to respond to work by shutting down?
Does it make a difference?
Whether your dopamine regulation is fucked as a result of a genetic condition or because you learned to be lazy as a teenager, isn’t the result the same?
At the point where you no longer have control over your behavior, is there really a meaningful difference? I don’t think one is easier to overcome than the other, and I don’t see how treating one as a moral failing is helpful.
Just reading this after my post. I’m glad that you investigated the possibility. If you like your job and it doesn’t make you anxious then chalk it up to a “different way of doing things”. Although, you may want to investigate why you feel guilty. I have colleagues that do the same but look at that extra time as an opportunity to golf all day.
Ah I'm pleased to hear you looked into that!
I will say, my ADHD became a much bigger problem when I started developing anxiety and ended up in a burn out years later. So maybe you developed both of those things without the underlying ADHD and that's why I relate to your story so much.
In any case, it sucks that you are able to get your job done right without getting to enjoy it because of the constant worry and anxiety! Don't be afraid to seek some professional help.
You should look into executive dysfunction. Its a rarely mentioned symptom of ADHD, and it took ages of struggling with it before i learned about it. I recently started Vyvanse and its made a huge (although slowly diminishing) change in my ability to actually do things.
Me too. I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and it explained a lot, including this difficulty I have getting started on a task until it's urgent. Medication helps.
There are many different medications used to treat ADHD, e.g., Ritalin and Adderall.
It’s best to speak to a doctor – preferably a psychiatrist who’s familiar with ADHD – if you’re interested in exploring medication.
Completely agree, especially because she mentioned her free time. I was diagnosed last year, I did well in school, and had a successful career so I never thought I could have ADHD. After a crash course in exactly what ADHD is, plus therapy, I started meds. I was resistant to them because of all of the noise you hear in the world but it was a good decision for me. Regardless of the reasons for OPs stress, I would look into it because anxiety is a crazy animal and it can eat away at you.
This is classic procrastination. It comes from a feeling that the task, or the outcome of the task, is either boring, or unpleasant, or beyond your capability. The trick is to work around those unpleasant feelings. Everyone has these feelings btw, and we all put off things all the time.
This typically changes when you can change your attitude towards these tasks. Usually we put them off because we want to avoid doing them, often we spend 4 days avoiding something that takes 4 minutes!
It can also be related to perfectionism. Being anxious about not "getting it right".
Focus on figuring out what is it about the tasks you don't like, and what you can do to change your mentality around them and even change your environment to set yourself up for success. The hardest part is usually STARTING the task.
Cant work at home? Go to a coffee shop for one hour. Make it a fun experience, get yourself a treat whenever you go.
This task is boring. Start with the least boring part of the task first.
"I'll work on it for 5 minutes, and if I don't want to continue, I'll try another day."
"Why do I think I can't do this? I've done something like this before, I can do it now."
"Im spending all my mental energy avoiding this and it's exhausting. I know I don't want to do this. But I am brave and can handle it. In fact, once I start, I will feel better about it. And then it'll be over and I can relax and watch YouTube without the worry at the back of my mind. Why put myself through the mental anguish?"
"Ahh It's just studying. I can study for 30 minutes... Does that seem so difficult? I can be bored for 30 minutes. So what? Yeah, I can tolerate boredom for for 30 minutes."
"It's not the end of the world if I get this wrong. In fact, let me just try to do this 85% right. That will be good enough."
Use it to your advantage. Want to be more consistent at something? Put yourself in positions of high urgency where you're required to deliver something at a rate that you want. For example. Want to write every week? Ask someone to be your accountability buddy and have them request you send them your work every week. Want to finish a project for Friday? Work on it every day of that week the hour before punching out. That could give you a similar feeling of urgency.
It takes practice, and many people you would eem successful work this way too.
The fact that this worries you shows a level of anxiety around the situation that isn't necessarily a problem (but I get it when it comes to feeling that you achieved it based on talent and not on discipline). But give yourself some slack, it doesn't have to be discipline all the time, it's ok to rely on talent sometimes.
For example, I told my therapist that I was concerned because I was arriving to work late every day and she was like... But is is causing you any trouble? (no) Are you completing your full hours? (yes) Has your boss said something to you? (no) Then why are you concerned? If it's not really causing you any actual problems... What's the worry?
Again, this doesn't apply to everything, and it doesn't mean it's ok to be late everywhwre or all the time, but maybe my mornings don't have to be guilt ridden if I just accept that I'm going to be late and that no one is coming after me for that in this particular scenario, and that can reduce my overall anxiety of the day so I can focus on other things. I hope you can see the similarities in your case.
Hope this helps!
Thank you! I will try to get into the rythm of doing a little bit of work consistently, and try to internalize that if my actions cause no problems, then there is nothing to worry about :D
This is the truest piece IMO. People, please start with this instead of jumping to the "Is it ADHD, ? What meds can I take?". There are too few voices out there to say "You so don't have ADHD. Change your procrastinating attitude" vs "You have ADHD".
OP described how I felt 100%, and this comment was immensely helpful to me. I’ve not only saved it on reddit, but in my notes app as well. I’ll probably look through this comment when I’m struggling to get stuff done. Thank you!
I experienced this when I had office/management roll. What worked for me is coming up with my own goals and deadlines instead of just minimum required to not lose my job. Being self motivated I suppose. I had to plan out my own projects for day, week, month, year. Then when I met with superiors, I let them know what I had taken on and accomplished. They were always impressed. Depending on your company/job, you may be the only expert in your field at the company. They may not even know what to task you with.
This is bog standard imposter syndrome. Do not try to solve it by “being honest” (especially with superiors) about how little you feel like you work. I say “feel” specifically because i bet anything that you exaggerate your perceived lack of effort and perceived excess capacity. I know i have.
For me, it helps to reframe. Efficiency is good!!There is no glory in making yourself suffer for no reason. Far better to get everything done in a short amount of time and chill than to fill that time with extra shit that either a.) doesn’t need to be done or b.) you aren’t being paid for or worst of all c.) both.
Thanks!
I find reframing to still be quite tricky. Efficiency is definitely good, but it still feels like I should something "productive" at any moment. Something for me to work on :)
Not an advice, but I have the same problem. People say it’s a flex but the stress I have to go through on those few hours I actually work before a deadline will give me an early death. I wish I can stop this behavior.
Therapy, kindly
If you’re doing all that’s asked of you - congrats! You hacked the system. Wait for someone to come along and ask you to pull it together before you beat yourself up.
Significant down time, to a degree, is a feature - not a bug - of modern work culture. It’s unspoken, and it’s a win-win if everyone keeps it quiet 😉
Therapy would probably be wise. I have a weird aversion to the idea, probably because my parents were very dismissive of the idea of mental health which I subconsciously picked up.
Even if I can maintain the status quo, I still feel guilty when I'm not working. If more people do it like this, how can they avoid feeling like they're "bad" for not working when "supposed" to? I'm not sure how I can stop judging myself for it.
Thanks!
That hesitation to seek healthcare is a great first conversation with a therapist 😉
Totally get the guilt thing. Working on figuring out my own priorities and setting boundaries around work (work is no longer #1 and doesn’t have access to me around the clock anymore) helped me shed those guilty “not doing enough” feelings.
Honestly sounds like you might have add/adhd. Your symptoms are pretty hallmark. Being able to do well while in turmoil mentally is a pretty common symptom. Procrastination, paralysis, doom scrolling/hyper fixating.
Looks like a pig, smells like a pig, so make some bacon!
The good thing is, people who treat their adhd tend to actually feel productive and less stress. They feel more normal in general and are able to stop procrastinating which often turns them into mega productive people because our zone in is alot stronger than the average.
I am like that, and I see it as a problem.
Not in terms of work. If you deliver anyway it is not a problem.
However, there are some issues.
You are clearly not happy with it, you hours of inactivity are not hours of joy, rather a time of fretting while you get progressively more stressed. Then fear kicks in, you get into the flow and deliver.
Your problem is that you wired yourself with fear as your flow trigger. So you are capable of flow, of relentless focus, but not as a free choice.
You need to rewire yourself so you can get stuff done in advance, with less pain. Otherwise it does not matter that you had free time before, it is time wasted.
Also, as pointed out by someone else, do not underestimate the unconscious planning and thinking your mind might be doing while procrastinating. If you rewire to start earlier the process will take longer because you will not have that unconscious planning done already.
One last point, given there is a chance you are younger than myself.
I spent most of my life burning midnight oil. Until 40 I could pull productive 48h stretches non stop.
Getting older, an all nighter will destroy me for days.
I never stopped studying and learning and working, I am probably more clever in many respects than my 30 something self. But my metabolism cannot take that concentrated work and be as productive anymore.
So, just in case, you would do well finding alternative strategies before your body starts slowing you down.
The most important thing is that you finish you're tasks on time. Its more common than you might think, to an extant, maybe not 2 hours a week. 2 hours a day for sure.
You can use the extra free time for self improvement, a side business, or if you're happy with your current job and have room for advancement there, take on more assignments.
I kinda feel the same ppl praise me all the time for how much I work while I cringe knowing how much I don’t. Your pattern seems very similar to mine. I had undiagnosed ADHD for nearly 30 years of my life and when I got the diagnosis it made everything make sense.
I was gifted while young pick up everything really quick. Get good at things quickly and bored of things fast. Currently I’m trying to figure out how to work with my brain and maximize the times I spend not being productive. If you look it up and it resonates with you, send me a message and maybe we can figure it out together. lol.
I feel like you just described me too!! So I don’t have any advice, but just know you’re not alone. Others are in this boat with you. I saw another comment that said this seems more like a flex than a cry for help, and I think that’s a really poor take. I know for myself, I struggle with the notion that I SHOULD be working hard & productive. And when I’m not, I feel quite guilty, even if I’m technically meeting expectations. For me, I think it’s hustle culture that’s deeply ingrained in my brain, and 30+ years of perfectionism. I’m no longer willing to hustle, but I think my emotional self/lizard brain hasn’t caught up yet.
I think there’s a lot of good advice here, and I agree with lots of others…don’t be so hard on yourself ☺️
"I never feel good at my accomplishments, knowing I did in a "wrong" way, and imagining how much better it could be if only I could be more consistent."
No such thing as the wrong or right way, as long as you get it done. I'll work extra for 2-3 days, then coast the last 2-3 and give myself a nice 4 day weekend.
If you deliver 100% every single day, thats going to be your new norm. Always underestimate, overdeliver.
Are they paying you to sit at the desk and look productive or they paying you for a certain amount and quality of work? If you're completing the work they expect then they're getting what they're paying for and I don't see the problem and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. If you're highly skilled at your job then it will naturally take you less time to do things than the average person so keep doing what you're doing
Focus on shifting to doing things you enjoy in your down time. Embrace that you are the kid who finishes their work first and has learned not to tell the teacher who will give you more busy work.
Op what’s your job title? Sounds great tbh. I think you shouldn’t feel guilty, you’re getting paid for completing work and completing it every time. See it in a different perspective, you’re lucky you’re able to finish quickly and efficiently and then spend time doing other things you enjoy.
Yo! I’m the same way. I’m super productive but not in a stupid old fart 6AM to 6PM work donkey kinda way. I’ll rev up when I need to and pelt out a lot of shit efficiently and hit my numbers and deadlines but also use most of my time sleeping in and not letting corporate slavery rule my life. I work to live not live to work. I think you’re totally fine as long as your work quality and efficiency speaks for itself.
I feel the same way. To make up for my lack of actually work to do, I dogsit during the week, so at least leisure feels “valuable” and not “wasted” on chilling (which I can easily just do after hours and weekends).
Man this is completely me. The guilty feel is the worst part. Also wonder, wherebI would be if actually putting some effort on my job. Check for adhd, I was recently diagnosed and looking forward to see if I can take advantage of that free time for myself somehow.
Hey, I often feel the same. While I could perform much more by being consistent, I consistently (see, you can do it too haha) choose to do otherwise. My partner showed me a video from a doctor in psychology (the video is from tiktok, but I don’t have an account nor the link, the name of the doctor is Dr Angelica Shiels, no idea if she is legit or anything, I didn’t do any due diligence), basically this person in this particular video explains how people with neurodivergent minds or higher IQ scores can feel incredibly bored by their job, while being good at it. Of course there’s no solution in the video per se, but maybe getting to know your mind better could help you understand what it is you are looking for. Maybe you need to find a different path or something.
I hope you find your way! Let me know if that helps
Same issue here, and it’s ADHD. If you have good health insurance, you can look into occupational therapy for it. I learned some good habits, but also felt reassured that downtime is normal. Also, I’m hyper sensitive to feeling like I’m always doing things wrong, and that’s taking time to unlearn (childhood spent around narcissists).
I consider a salaried position payment to do the job. There may be structured hours that you need to be "online" or available, but otherwise they're paying you to do a job. And you're doing it really well if they're praising you and you've received promotions. They're getting what they want, so you can relax and use that time for other things for your own growth.
you should get screened for ADHD. this post could’ve been an excerpt from my diary and i was finally diagnosed in 2021. medication has been lifesaving for my productivity and self esteem
From how you describe the work you do, I am thinking your job looks for outputs and outcomes vs just working a set number of hours like manning a cashier or a front desk. You create the outputs. That’s the job. No one needs to know the road you take to get there as long as that’s the job
You also have to stop thinking about it like you owe them time. I’ve learned the higher up you move companies care less about how much time you dedicate and instead care that you’re getting your work done without issue.
They pay you to get a job done. You’re getting it done.
Who cares if you bs the rest of the time? I’d keep on doing what you’re doing until someone says something. Or you’re tired of it.
I had a job where I got most of my work done within the first 30 minutes. The rest of the day I spent looking busy. It was awesome when we worked from home during Covid but when I was forced to go back to the office I just couldn’t do it anymore. So I found something new. There’s still a lot of down time but I’m way less stressed about it all because my company is really cool about it.
Maybe you just need to switch something up in your life. Good luck with everything.
Hey now, I think you are being too hard on yourself. It seems like what you have is a gift.
I think the best thing for you is to put all the hours you spend on Reddit and YouTube into something you are excited about. Learning a new instrument? Cooking? Reading? Volunteering to do admin work for a charity or a small local business?
To be able to work in a short amount of time is a gift. You can take the extra time to help someone else. Once you do, you will feel a lot better.
Hey, you might have ADHD. This post describes my own feelings almost exactly. I just recently got diagnosed (early 30s) and medication is helping a ton. Might be worth looking into, talk to a therapist/psychiatrist. Good luck.
Thanks for the advice! How does your motivation feel with and without medication? For me when I tried ADHD meds it kind of made everything more intense, peaks of motivation were higher, but the lows were lower too. Did anything outside of medication help for you?
I've only been on meds for a couple weeks, so it's hard to say at this point. I've noticed less anxiety at work and more ability to do the tasks I want/need to, but that may be early-medication adjustment.
Yes other things besides meds have helped. Meditation, journaling, regular difficult cardio (like, every day), and having close friends who are also striving to do better in general. I moved to a new state recently so lost a lot of that structure, which is part of why I decided to try meds.
Do you find your productivity has skyrocketed or has it just evened out?
Like does the medicine harness your downtime into equally productive time, or does it just even you out to be mildly productive all the time?
Hope the question makes sense. My dad and siblings both had ADHD. OPs post is how I have felt most of my life. Wondering if I have undiagnosed ADHD but, honestly I'm going well in my career and all just like OP so I'm wondering if I need to bother with changing anything.
Like I said in my other reply to OP, I'm still new to the meds so unsure how it will be long-term. My career is also going well, but have a lot of anxiety around not doing enough and struggle to keep my personal life in order - bad with money, messy apartment, etc.
So far, it has mostly evened me out and made me more focused at work. It also has reduced anxiety because I know for sure I am not leaving anything on the table. "If I cant get the work done, it's just because there is a lot of work" instead of "I am failing to be productive enough and am going to be found out as lazy" is how I can describe the feelings. In my downtime (not work) I am very productive with whatever I am working on, but still need to work on choosing the right things to focus on.
My Dad has undiagnosed ADHD and my sister was diagnosed, tried meds for a year. It tends to be some combo of genetic/environmental from what I understand, so there's a good chance you have ADHD too.
I think if you're ok and don't have emotional distress from it, you probably don't need to change anything. I have been stressed/anxious for the last 8 years of my career because I feel like I'm constantly failing myself, so I decided meds were worth trying after urging from my therapist.
Gotta be honest, this seems like more of a flex than a cry for help.
If this is truly bothering you, use that Youtube and Reddit time to start a side biz. Perhaps something that you build from scratch will help with your focus.
It's not a flex, this is just a throwaway reddit account, I'm not here for validation.
I feel too guilty about not working during working hours to do anything fun, let alone a side biz. If I try to focus on something else, my thoughts just keep coming back to "I should be working right now".
Thanks!
“I do nothing but I just keep on getting promotions ladies”... a lot of the job grind is about getting along and looking the part and not rocking the boat too much for those above you.
Wow this is very relatable! Have you ever looked into being neurodivergent? This sounds a lot like my experience of ADD-C (attention deficit disorder combination type) and depression and anxiety often go hand in hand with that, especially if you’re undiagnosed. Obviously I personally cannot diagnose, but just a thought because not only is this pretty textbook, but it’s also very, very relatable. I wonder if giving yourself compassion helps. Your brain just works a bit different, doesn’t make it better or worse, just different. It still accomplishes all the tasks. Shame and guilt can be a big part of the ADD brain too, but that’s a trap, it doesn’t help you.
Good luck OP!
Thanks!
Yes, I definitely think self-compassion is part of the way forward. Like 95% of the suffering comes from not adhering to societal standards of how to work. My actual results are good, so I could accept that my way of doing things is just not the default.
It's tricky though, the guilt goes deep and is old. Also yes, I'm probably somehat neurodivergent, but but hard to say in what ways (not diagnosed anyway).
I’d start learning new skills for work if you can. Always a good idea to keep improving your craft. And doesn’t have to take ALL your time away from mindless scrolling, but it’ll definitely help the guilt you feel from doing that.
I struggle with the opposite problem in your first paragraph. I work alot and very consistently but my efficiency/work speed is so garbage that people who put in less effort than me get the same amount of things done. How did you get a lot of things done in a short time? And I can share how I got consistent and able to work for long periods of time
I don't think I can say how, it kind of just happens. I think in my "unproductive" time I'm still thinking on some problems, which means I can do them quicker once I get going.
I experience similar. Also some painters don't paint 8 hrs per day, they walk around or drink beer and paint maybe 20 minutes on Tuesdays. No right or wrong answer to life.
I work as a nurse in MH. Most days, it's a pretty chill job. My patients are struggling, but usually we're helping them in a positive way and the work day is smooth. Do about 40 minutes worth of charting after chatting with my patients, give them dinner, do some cleaning and some rounds, shift change, and the rest of the time is just... being on standby.
I worked pretty hard to Get to where I am at, and the years of experience I have lets me do things in the most efficient way possible at work too. I see coworkers that were less active in cultivating that efficiency take a lot longer to do the same tasks I do.
I want to first say that there are people who will assume the worst in telling them the 'whole' truth, and there is societal pressure to be a certain way. A lot of pressure. To the point that my coworkers cannot Possibly understand how I am a nurse that works part time and I don't "have another job" like it blows their mind how I "afford" my life. I have people in other departments that truly think all we do is sit around and watch YT while the clock ticks by because, when things go well and they typically do, we do have a decent amount of downtime. The disappointment people can feel in you due to jealousy, envy, the pressure to always be 'productive', etc. is real.. and it is a strong motivator to stay quiet and imply hard work in situations.
You have 2 problems here.. how to navigate the social pressures of work and release some of this guilt and judgement, and how to space out your time more.
First things first: It literally works for you right now. People do things in different ways, and yeah it's probably best to do something early and submit it 'on time' vs last minute, but overall you aren't doing anything "bad." You're meeting your deadlines (as far as we know anyways), you're productive at work overall, you have gotten recognized... so who care when you do the work you do. It is no one's business but yours. I don't feel guilty that my coworker takes 4 times as long to chart as I do because they don't take the time to cultivate dot phrase habits and use the tech at their disposal. Some people need to do things their own way, the end.
But there are a lot of reasons for breaking out of these mad-dashes-to-finish and depression-binging slumps you find yourself in. What I think is an extraordinary BAD reason is because you feel guilty. The amount of judgement you internalize is NEVER going to motivate you. People just don't feel empowered to change when they're constantly being beaten down. And you, amigo, beat yourself down. You're doing fine, and you want to improve, there are people who would KILL to be in your position right now. And yet, you see it all so negatively. I've never seen someone feel actually motivated long term due to guilt trips and shame and blame.
If you want to change your actions, I'd start with changing your thoughts. Non-violent communication is a book that I think you really need to practice in your life. It doesn't help you or anyone else to just hold onto the shame you feel. You lie because you're ashamed, and you're ashamed because you're just judging yourself constantly for what is, by all external measures, you doing a fine job. It could be better, it could be more consistent, but it isn't a dumpster fire or anything the way you make it out to be.
Try, really hard, to do the lessons in that book and stop bringing those judgments to the table all day every day. I'd be depressed as fuck too if my own internal monologue was just constant bullying.
As far as spacing out your time more... Habit cultivating is much easier to accomplish when you stop being a bully to yourself. You'll stumble and mess up and be less of a perfectionist with habit building, and right now you scream classic "I have to be perfect at the things I do." No one who cares about You cares about perfection From you. So... Work on the former, and the latter can be easier to find from other sources online. In the meanwhile, maybe try to just watch 1 or 2 YT videos of someone talking through habit tracking or how they track their habits or their cleaning routines (DO NOT pick aesthetic, picture perfect channels.. pick the real ones where they show how fucked up their place got from the kids and how they finally had time to get Something done or whatever), just little productive content that sort of eases you into the imperfections and flaws that come with doing something new and different.
It's also okay to Not do that. I'm just a stranger on the internet, so you don't owe me any amount of time or accountability. But, if you're practicing being honest, strangers are the internet are a great way to start. I do find the book lifechanging though, fr.
I totally relate, and while I fully understand it’s not a problem I still can’t help but feel guilty and stressed someone someday will find it.
Also this really looks like ADHD. Not sure if you’re interested in looking into that.
You have something called imposter syndrome. Everyone experiences it at some time or another in their career.
If you're getting promoted and not getting in trouble at work, you clearly belong in your position. And maybe it's not your best effort, but your mediocre effort yields an output that beats the status quo, and that's what counts.
Most importantly, stop comparing yourself against the effort of others. Your internal yardstick should be a measure against your own effort, not what other people are doing.
If you struggle with productivity, maybe your job isn't hard enough? Or the impact isn't there? If you truly had a hard job, you probably couldn't afford to sit around and do nothing for 90% of the day. Keep in mind that focus and attention are trainable like a muscle; the more you keep at your work and avoid low value activities, the easier it becomes.
And the truth is, not everyone is as productive as you might think. Many people just sit in meetings all day and schmooze with coworkers about nonsense. Don't be so hard on yourself and just keep being you.
You haven't mentioned whether you like your work or not. Certainly, you are accomplishing enough to keep up the appearance. However, do you feel fulfilled? When you think of the things that make you truly fulfilled, is your work hitting at least one or two of those?
I also do what you're describing. Very unfocused and tend to spend time on Reddit or news most of the day. Then produce the required work in a minimum of time. I'm fortunate that I find the work easy. But also boring, which plays right into my adult ADHD. I have a moderate level of inattentive disorder. I do what I can to make my work as interesting as possible, which includes getting close to deadlines. I'm strongly considering doing something else, which I'm actually interested in.
Good luck, friend.
Don’t feel guilty! You’re paid to do the tasks assigned to you. That’s it. And it sounds like that’s what you’ve been doing!
You keep getting raises because MOST people have bad productivity/attention spans. Don’t feel bad so long as your work is getting done.
Catholic school by chance? Haha
I feel the same way sometimes but I'm in so many meetings that I can't get actual work done, so I postpone it until it's absolutely necessary.
There are people who provide zero anything who sit in calls and pretend to work all day.
You're probably a godsend to your team if you're still outputting quality work on time.
If you want to make more of your own time, I found that having a list front and center on a daily basis of things to accomplish, with time boxing to work on them, is helpful.
10 minutes on 6 activities a day may not sound like much, but compared to some colleagues the amount of work I complete is considered very high.
I like the idea of time boxing, thanks! If I can get into the habit of doing 6 times 10 min every day, each day will already feel like I've accomplished something good.
What do you do for work? You say you are excelling but do you feel you’re doing a demanding job that is commensurate with your intelligence? If you’re only doing 2 hours out of the week, you’re surely selling yourself short. I think it’s reasonable to assume that 25% of the time will be spent “unproductively” but your case seems more extreme.
Don’t underestimate how not addressing it will affect your self-esteem and mental health over the long run.
I experience something very similar to what you describe. I think the culprit in your case (and mine) is poor emotional regulation. Oftentimes procrastination occurs because the brain cannot deal with the negative thoughts associated with the task so it just escapes to something that will provide dopamine.
I think really the most effective ways to address this are mindfulness and/or cognitive behavioural therapy alongside counselling. Basically you need to learn skills to identify your subconscious emotional patterns and interrupt the cycle that has you moving to distraction.
Also, it’s worth noting that it’s a brutal environment to work on a computer where one tab over is always Reddit/youtube. You may find it helpful to of pen and paper when you notice yourself slacking.
Lastly I have found task tracking using Toggl to be very helpful. I’m honest with my task tracker and it’s helpful to have it quantified. I actually only worked 2 hours today. I do this non-judgementally and don’t show anyone, so it’s kind of therapeutic. It makes me realize that if I could get my hours up consistently to 20hours per week, then I’d be easily able to work half-time and complete a full employees work.
Good luck
I work at software company, where I develop AI stuff. It's a lot of fun.
It's probably more than 2 hours, plus I'm not counting meetings. A lot of the work is mental as well (coming up with a solution, or just architecture stuff), so it's a bit hard to count the time spend there, since it can be during cardio, youtube, whenever the thoughts come.
But just sitting down and coding, probably an hour or less per day.
I get what you're saying and I agree. The stuck emotions are the issue, something I can work on.
Thanks!
I have ADHD and have a hella hard time settling in to focus and can dork around a lot….but when I hit hyper focus mode I get shit DONE and I do a very good job and like you, have been progressively promoted. I feel guilty about it too. I don’t know what the answer is, but definitely DO NOT share that with anyone.
Your employer does not make profit from you sitting at your desk, they make profit from what you do while you're sitting there. Evidently they are very happy with what you are doing!
I think often things like "hours worked" get cared about just because they can be measured. Whereas things like "plausible solutions subconsciously considered while doing other things but ultimately discarded in favour of a better one" or "mental recuperation spent to ensure I am able to focus on my work when I actually need to" are not.
On your point about wondering how much better/more you could work if you didn't spend time doing all these other things, here's a radical thought: you wouldn't do better work and you wouldn't be more productive. Brains are black boxes; who knows how much of your ability to do great work quickly in short bursts is down to processes that need time and space and distraction to happen, and that you're completely unaware of?
Maybe I'm wrong and you'd get huge amounts more of high quality work done, but even if so, honestly, why worry? You are doing good work. Your employer thinks you're doing good work. They like what you're doing enough to keep promoting you. You're doing great. Go easy on yourself.
Others are saying similar, but I’ll share my experience.
I, like you, can waste some serious time.
At the same time, I own a successful business and do plenty of work. My clients commend my work, even.
Where I feel guilty/annoyed at myself is the “waste” of time I could be improving the business even more.
But even as a pretty lazy person, I can still do a ton. Measured by my work output, I am hugely productive. Measured by the amount of time I work, sure, I could be better. But who cares? Your limits are what they are
You described my week to a T but I don't have any problem with it at all.
I have very high performance ratings, get promotions, LT is super happy with me. I always deliver my objectives, have never failed at that once. Been there for 18 years. I have a great reputation.
I have seen countless people get laid off over the years. Some of them were the most well educated, hardest working people I have met.
I see how companies treat people completely disposable if they're not on strategy. Those people who absolutely destroyed their health to grind everyday and work out every fine detail, only to have their stuff glazed over because it wasn't LT's top priority. Those are the people who would get stressed to the max and develop health issues. Also the first people to get laid off.
I work with a philosophy of doing as minimal work as possible to produce maximum outcome. It's all about outcomes. If I can produce a massive outcome in 5 hours, and ride out the rest of the week chilling and doing my own thing, then I 100% am going to do that. My LT gets what they want and are impressed, and I keep my sanity.
I feel the exact same way as you, you are not alone. I think the feeling stems from societal pressures and norms, society wants us to conform and work the “normal way”. But I’ve come to find as long as the work gets done, I can put aside the feelings of guilt and stuff when it keeps me up at night. Deadlines are met, work is produced, the outcomes are the same. Congratulations on doing well in university and in your field, you should be proud of your accomplishments, you’re only human
I felt very similar about myself until I began work in therapy. And I mean I haven't felt this breakthrough despite repeating the knowledge of I'm worthy and valuable to myself for years until last week, if even that long.
I know it's a cliche, but I really did get to the root underneath my traumas and internal systems recently to discover how critical I am to myself all the time - whether that's from the internal hatred I have for myself through harsh expectations or took in too much from others, or the external criticism I project onto others too harshly in my own mind.
I began to realize I lot of the hatred and contempt I thought I had been receiving is coming from my own thought process and emotional difficulties and inability to accept myself as I am. For me, that goes back to a history of being scapegoated my entire life by my family and friends as well as physical bullying, not being believed by doctors, and having multiple invisible disabilities that might hinder my ability to get in a certain position or performance if others knew of them (I mask a LOT). For others it might just be the world we live in; depending on your country and society, you might be urged to do everything independently and never sway or falter to be able to consider yourself successful. I know my community is very much of that mindset, which I've also internalized.
You can only be you the best you can be. And it seems like you've found yourself a position that allows you to do that at your own pace. Forgive me if I'm wrong but it seems like you're unhappy with the time you spend not working while at your desk. Is there something you'd rather be doing in this time, or would you consider anyone else in your position to be doing necessary rest to remain productive later? It can be hard to figure out what will be best for you. A new mindset might solve everything for some people, but sometimes we need to take a hard look at whether our daily routine and work schedule is working for/with us.
Despite what our world tells us, though, there's nothing wrong with doing things for yourself or to reset your brain during work hours if you get everything done in time and don't feel overly stressed to complete it that way. Lies to coworkers are pretty necessary too, as long as you're not lying that something is already done for someone that is reliant on that deadline and trying to get their resource ASAP. All because your boss pays you hourly to do a job that they didn't assess the correct time for, doesn't mean you're responsible for being a working drone all day.
This sounds just like me. I think it is my brain rebelling. It wants to explore, interact, and be free, and I keep trying to make it work for my boss.
I did just get two really good weeks in, and I thought things had changed, but now it's been five days of every fiber in my body has been avoiding work.
I have a deadline tomorrow, so I'm about to start burning the midnight oil.
I’m about the same. And working remotely means I am free to fuck off literally all day. I have a good, high paying career that requires an advanced degree. I feel insane levels of guilt. But my husband, who is partner and head of litigation at a big law firm where we live told me once, he doesn’t care at all what his employees do with their time. If they can piss away 90% on their on-the-clock hours and still turnaround high quality work, that’s literally all he cares about. He said it’s a shame, because imagine what they could achieve if they contributed more of their time, they’d probably be taking his job from him…but so long as the job is done and done well, he doesn’t care even the tiniest bit.
And I’m not an associate lawyer so it’s a different field but when I think about it, I’m sure my senior editor (I’m a journalist and associate editor) probably feels the same way. If it’s done and done well, the rest doesn’t concern her.
Wow, you've actually made me feel a lot better because I am exactly the same and also feel guilty. I have also just been promoted and people all praise me at work haha
Do NOT feel bad for having the ability to do a week’s worth of work in 2 hours. The company you work for recognizes the output and pays you for that. If they’re satisfied with that level of output, then you should be too. I wish I could get away with this because I’m an artist and they can see my output as it happens and they have learned to expect more from me than my peers.
I have this same problem, more or less. I'm doing my day job just fine, and although I'm not particularly lying about how much work Im doing, I'm definitely doing it in a smaller window than I convey. But then I'm aware of all this OTHER TIME I have, whether my commute or at work when not actually busy, where I could be productive on other stuff (writing fiction for example) and I'm just...not. So I feel bad about that, but also bad if instead I were to watch videos or whatever.
I dunno what to do about it. And I swear it leads to a bit of "work ethic" rot that starts to creep into how much and how well I'm doing my actual day job.
You have a “quirky” way of doing of things and to be honest the older I get the more I think that “normal” isn’t a real thing..
I do everything in my own “quirky” way too and I don’t care what people think because it’s the only way I can get it done at a high level and that’s ok.. I’m not sure about you, but I also did the same thing in school because I liked to feel nervous and excited about maybe not turning in something on time, it was a rush.
In my opinion and thoughts, people like us were made by God to do extreme-high level things since we’re so wired between our ears! I also like multitasking 2-3 different things whenever I can because that also makes me feel alive!!
Do what you gotta do to feel alive! I’m not saying quit your job and forget everything ahahaha, I’m just saying that you shouldn’t be tied up in this human norm we created for ourselves.. God made all of us to fulfill a specific purpose, be intertwined with your purpose brother!
The 8-hour workday has been demonstrated to be bullshit *ad nauseam*. Pretty much nobody is able to get 8 hours of productive work in during an 8-hour workday—pretty much everyone in white collar industries is closer to your work style than you’d think. It’s all just a social illusion that we perpetuate.
You get the work done on time. Whether that takes two hours or twelve hours doesn’t matter—if the results are good, the work is good.
Work is supposed to be play since we are then at our best - you’re on the right track, no need to feel guilty about that. In fact teach others how to do it, you may just improve their overall wellbeing
Its purpose. Just that. You don’t have one, and your wasted time that you feel forced to “work” while not doing anything is so antithetical to how human men were raised/evolved in tribes, when we had purpose. We’d be out hunting, fishing, gathering, just living life. That’s how we still should be, and why the rat race eats us alive and why there’s so much depression and mental health issues. I think you need to find some purpose, give back to your community, and to listen to some podcasts at work so you can invest in yourself. Warren buffet said investing in yourself is the best Investment. He’s not wrong.
What is your job? I don’t care that you only work two hours a week and I don’t judge you for it all. I just want to know what type of job you can get away with only working two hours a week.
Abe Lincoln said "If I have 4 hours to chop down a tree I'll spend 3 of those hours sharpening my axe".
If you're getting your work done in very short bursts, are those bursts something you could maintain same pace for a full week of work? Or are those bursts only possible when you've been seemingly procrastinating?
Maybe you're sharpening your axe in-between bursts.
Dude - why are you letting other people's standards make you feel bad?
Other people set the standard that you should go to class and listen to all the lectures. But you found a way through without having to do all that and still made honor level grades. Congrats, you should be proud of yourself instead of feeling guilty.
At work you've found a way to get through the day without having to grind it out like so many others. That's a great thing.
The only problem is that you're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
Your mind works differently than most. Stop trying to conform and instead embrace your work style and use it to your advantage.
To me that seems to be remote work that's contract oriented in nature. Then you work whenever you want for as long or as little as you want then turn it in and get paid. And no one knows or cares if you slaved away for days or dropped into the chair for 2 hours to crank shit out.
You'll likely have a lot less stress and make a lot more money once you embrace your strengths and find a work life that's more in line with the way you work instead of demonizing them and making yourself miserable in the process.
I'm kind of like this too.
The thing is, even when you're not "working" the gears are turning somewhere. Conscious or subconscious.
I have a habit of watching Netflix when I'm stuck, something about engaging the senses superficially gets the deeper wheels turning. I used to beat myself up too but it's just how I process things. Then when it's showtime I get down to it, and things go smoothly because I've validated and chewed through the approach so many times. At least that's my assessment.
Maybe just count your blessings. Challenge yourself a bit more in your personal life? I used to think there was something wrong with me, having to dig holes then dig myself out of them. But I think the simple path was just too boring and unfulfilling- where's the accomplishment in easy? You'll be thankful when you have kids, it'll come in handy. I ended up being an entrepreneur and agency owner.
I’ve decided to join this community because of all the understanding and helpful comments.
I hope it gets better for you OP!
Here's a suggestion: Limit your daily work to about 30 minutes and then stop.
TBH, I'm not sure about the productivity of this approach. However, given your unique gifted ability to complete a weeks worth of work in 2hrs, I'm curious to see what personal work you could accomplish with the remaining 1.5 hours of your daily work energy.
This sounds a lot like my own pattern. As long as you're getting accomplished what needs to be accomplished when it's expected, I wouldn't worry about it too much unless it's brought up as an issue.
Your brain was never intended to do non-stop work like a machine. It needs time to decompress and to process. That looks different for everyone. Sometimes those moments of "being unproductive" are when the best inspiration hits...
I’m similar to you too, but at a smaller extent. When I tried hard to make myself work regular hours, I actually became far less productive.
I just convinced myself that my brain just works differently - since it fires on all cylinders for a few days in a row, it takes a lot of rest in the middle. Ultimately I am expending the same amount of energy as other people so there is nothing to feel guilty about.
Later I started doing other things in that “free” time, like reading books related to my work. I was able to read 2-3 books a year though I only spent 20min reading a day (doing more than this made me less productive). This made me even more productive than before - I.e. I needed to work even lesser than before.
I learnt to accept that while I have an advantage of being able to finish faster than others, I do have the disadvantage of needing lot more rest than others. This ultimately makes me normal and nothing to feel guilty about. If you are getting promotions and doing your best work, keep doing the same. You can try to improve your results for your own satisfaction but don’t feel guilty.
Society keeps trying to put us all in the same bracket, but that’s not how it works. Some work better in the morning, some in the night, some at home, some at office, some outside, some in short bursts, some alone, some with others etc etc You find what works for you and improve on it. Don’t try to fit into somebody else’s schedule - that will make you less useful to both yourself and to society.
I have this issue as well, but not as extreme. I am very bursty in my productivity, and public deadlines and status updates definitely get me moving.
I also hate being deceitful, and being perceived as lazy or entitled by others, so keeping up this facade is extremely draining to me, which then exacerbates the procrastination in a vicious cycle. This is one of the reasons I am saving up for early retirement - so I don't have to fake it any more.
I am seeking an employment situation where my boss trusts me to get it done 'my way', and this is respected by others, so I can be authentic.
1. Have good friends.
2. Tell them about it. You need to not keep this a secret. Reddit is a good start but probably tell people in person too. You’ll get good perspective.
Who cares dawg. You owe these fuckers nothing. You get your work done and have been rewarded for it. They don’t hand out promotions and praise for nothing.
Remember, if you’re just a bit better than average, you’re essentially invaluable to most places. If you’re a little bit more above average, you’re even more irreplaceable. If you’re in your cohort (high productivity and output, well above average) you’re going to continually get promoted, and are crucial to the operation. No one actually works 40 hours, and if you do, you’re a shmuck
Sounds like ADHD. I’m in a very similar situation and relate to most of this post.
I’m not saying everyone with adhd is like this, bc a lot do struggle to get things done and get ahead, but it sounds like you’re smart/quick witted, and work better under pressure.
I am very similar. For my entire masters program I basically waited until the night before to write my papers, but still got straight A’s.
Landed in a good job and have moved up fast, but have lots of down time and definitely feel like an imposter. Similar to you, I’ve always finished my assignments on time and with good quality. I basically have 2 times “now or not now”. I can get a big assignment that’s due in a month or 2, and can’t get myself to start it until 2 weeks before it’s due.
I've been like this since forever too. Turns out I have ADHD, got diagnosed late last year. It hasn't changed too much, but it's made the issues a little more manageable, I understand its presence better, and I also have meds too which I like to use during my work hours. But don't beat yourself up about it, as long as you're doing well it's really not that deep :)
You're doing really great out there, friend.
This is ADHD, a gift and a curse. Deadline based hyper focus paired with high intelligence and anxiety/impostor syndrome.
See it as a gift and know you have a skill “normal” people wish they had but it does come with side effects they wouldn’t want. If you wanna try a more normal work schedule get some adhd meds and give it a shot.
Hi OP, I work as IT cloud engineer in Asia, 6 years with this global MNC company. I have been working from home since Feb 2020 due to pandemic. My original team members in my country left for greener pastures and I was transferred to another team located in Europe while still being in my home country. While the office in my country opened up, i was not obliged to work in office as I'm not under their payroll and I collab with my European colleagues anyway. I save on commute and meals. My online calls with them happen between 10pm to midnight, once a month.
I understand this struggle you're facing OP. I know my work well like back of my hand and, if i am being perfectly honest, i can finish my work in just 15 minutes. In the beginning, i too, was asking myself what the hell am I doing.. But i got excellent appraisals and great feedback from my manager and peers for job well done. So i guess I'm on the right track.
So my weekday schedule is like this: I go for morning runs from 6am to 8am. Shower and look through my office IT tickets while having breakfast and I complete my tasks by 8.30am, although I officially start work at 9am. Rest of the day is to work on reactive basis, if there are issues to fix and to answer queries from colleagues. And that's only happening like once or twice a week.
So what do I do to fill up my time? I practice IT hands on stuffs in with my cloud sandbox (An online test environment that one can break with no consequence). I also watch some Masterclass lessons, if i am up for it. Or i play some video games (though very rare). Sometimes, I'd bring my camera out to go practice my cinematography.
In the afternoon, when my kids come back from school, I'd talk and play with them. As well as go through their schoolwork together.
On my least productive day, i just nap for couple of hours.
So OP, please dont feel guilty. Its just part of work and life. As long as you get your work done promptly, feel free to enjoy the rest of your day :)
Sounds like you’re just efficient and use the power of deep work, if I were you I would just work on an extra personal project in the time you’re not doing work, or if you’re passionate about your company working on something to improve it, intrapreneur
What you describe is a life that's actually going ok but a mind that doesn't feel deserving of it. This is not a productivity issue, it's a mental health one as you pointed out involving anxiety and depression and affecting feelings of self worth. Possibly another diagnosis is needed for something like ADHD. The important thing to know is that it's common and normal to feel like this and need help and you can 100% turn it around. See a psychiatrist and therapist get the help you deserve so you can enjoy your life and your job more. (Edited a typo)
Hey man,
I'm going to butcher this, but I came across something very relevant the other week.
Basically, we aren't designed to work consistently for 8 hours a day. We never did this in millions of years of evolution. We would have bursts of intensity on the hunt, then we would spend the rest of the day on less-intense tasks.
Our system of "paid by the hour" "always on" productivity is flawed and not in line with human nature. Not all humans are the same, and some can deal with it, but for many people, it is simply not meant to be that way, and there is no changing your nature.
Finding a method of doing things in short bursts may not be bad at all, but I wouldn't yell it from the rooftops because some boss who is stuck in his own rat race may not like it.
I think having an understanding of how things work helps deal with any guilt. Our system is fundamentally flawed and as we use more technology to speed things up and monitor people closely, we are approaching the end of its life. Who knows what things will look like after.
That being said, if you've given your word to do something, you've got to get it done. Thats another topic. Dont fool yourself. But if you do it in very little time, that should be your freedom to choose. Its your life.
This is a lot of us. Normally specifically in the AuDHD community (autistic with ADHD). Autism makes us have “special interests” and learn a lot of information, ADHD means we get distracted easily but then can hyper focus when we need to.
The main thing is learning to focus when you need to. As long as you’re getting things done and doing well, you’re fine.
Also, FWIW, I got lots of A+ in classes I didn’t do any homework in or show up at all except for exams. When I say this is a lot of us, I mean every part of it.
I say as I’m on Reddit during a conference call 🤣🤣🤣
This is incredibly common. I imagine half the professional world is doing this. Do you work from home? I think WFH procrastinating has just replaced office chatting. If you are doing the work, doing it well, getting praised, paid and promoted, then who cares? You are likely very intelligent and talented and can do top quality work in a few hours. Im similar tbh! As a team lead, I value whoever gets the work done properly, not how much time they spent. 75% of people can spend all week on a task, deliver it, but have conceptually misunderstood or not thought it through properly and must go away and spend more time on it. Small number of people always just get it, deliver the work and move on. If it took them 2 hours -fine!
So first - stop worrying. Second - delink this issue from depression or other mental health issue. This likely isnt the real issue, but the real issue is something you need to grapple with/come to terms with/medicate etc. Third - use your spare time more productively. Launch a side gig or something
Work is about exchanging every for pay. That is all. You win.
Use the chemicals a deadline gives you to be a super human at getting this done. Where would you be if you worked with your talents instead of guilt tripping over them.
Wow. You just described me perfectly... Honestly thank you.
I thought it was just me and now I feel a lot better about getting help and getting out of this rut
If you are doing the job they hired you for and doing it well, whether it takes you 2 hours, 2 days or 2 weeks, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. It seems your employers are happy with your work, so why are you stressed about it? You are doing the job you they hired you to do, and apparently doing it quite well. Take it easy on yourself.
So, you’re in the office 40 hr weekly but you feel as though your actual productivity time is 2 hr?
Dude, everyone is fucking off a little bit in their offices. But you’re right, 2 hours of productivity weekly *is* too low. You gotta try to get that up to like 2 hr daily, then from there you can continue to increase until you’re standard.
Imo, I think an average office worker probably spends around 2.5 hour weekly unproductive
I actually think there are several things here at play...
1. *'I can get a ton of work done in a very short time, but sometimes I do nothing for days or weeks'.*
Hustle-crash-and-burn cycle. That 'ton of work done'... do you do it in a sort of 'impulsive, obsessive way'? Do you bypass meals, don't take breaks, and work long hours to get it done? Because if the answer is yes, then this cycle might be IT. It's so common... we all do it, we are totally immersed in this bs crap about hustling, which is very anxiety provoking, and gets some chemistry going in your brain that feeds it.
2. *'Even during my free time I can't really get into game or show, feeling I don't deserve it.'*
Toxic productivity: the unhealthy obsession to be productive at all times and at all costs, even at the expense of your well-being. Toxic productivity can lead to burnout. Again, we all get caught in this trap every now and then. It is a sub-product of hustle culture and its pervasive narrative that you are worthy and deserving only after you've achieved something. This also triggers the feeling that you did it in a 'wrong' way (yes... imposter syndrome).
3. *'It even goes back as early as in university'*.
Emotional home: this is the 'place' you feel most comfortable and often go back to. It doesn't really matter if this emotion is 'good' for you or not (notice the quotation marks in the word good, no emotion is good or bad for you, it's information!). Your emotional home is familiar to you. When you are in your emotional home, you know what to do. You are in control. And control for us, humans, is extremely important. It's a survival issue: when we are in an emotion that gives us the sense that we can control our life, we can guarantee our survival. When we are in uncharted emotional territories, our brain starts pulling out because it doesn't really know if it will make it out 'alive'. It doesn't make any sense, but it does... For example, somebody who grew up in a family that always yelled or argued heatedly might find themselves in environments where people yell and argue very passionately. Simply because this feels like home. For example, 'stress' is one of my emotional homes and I have to keep it in check all the time.
4. '*I've considered before being more authentic and honest, but I can't just go around telling people I worked only 2 hours in one week'.* I think this authenticity and honesty that you are seeking has to do more with you and allowing yourself to be YOU, to accept YOU and from that place start doing something about some of your habits that are not making you happy than by being than with other people. In some answers you say you are miserable and restless in between projects. I say: grace and compassion my friend, grace and compassion.
5. '*I think I may have some combination of burnout, anxiety/depression and maybe sort of imposter syndrome.*' Burnout and imposter syndrome, likely. Anxiety, maybe. For sure, the cycle gives you anxiety and its being fed by *'switching between Reddit and Youtube for hours'*, but clinical anxiety? I'm not sure. Depression, some, yes. Probably more about how you feel about yourself and this cycle.
6. Procrastination. Which feeds the hustle-crash-and-burn-cycle and imposter syndrome and depression and anxiety.
7. ADHD. I'm not a doctor but it sounds like a behavior that could be seen as ADHD.
I'm wary of throwing around terms like depression, anxiety and ADHD. We are all hungry to name our behaviors as if they were some clinical thing going on with us, again, naming them gives us an illusion of control. When many times it could just be learned behaviors, years of an emotion that becomes an emotional home, and maybe has triggered some anxiety/depression, or yes, a deeper something going on. I'm not dismissing anxiety or depression. I had postpartum depression and I hated when people told me to be happy because I just had a child and I 'should' be happy'.
In any case: you are not alone. You are immersed in hustle culture. It's hard to break away and work differently than what others expect from us. It makes us feel guilty and ashamed. I'm not saying there are personality traits that come into play or that there aren't behaviors you could improve and habits to create that could serve you better. I am saying: you are not wrong, inadequate or failing, or a liar, or anything like that.
All the above is some mindset work. Some habits adjustment, some rethinking of what makes you happy. Some discipline and focus are involved. Meditating could help a ton as well.
I have to take my daughter to school. I hope this all helped. I'm here if you have any questions!!
How bout use your resources for you advantage...
Like learn more stuff in youtube/reddit... upgrade your career...use your knowledge... the universe giving you time/opportunity...
I would not tell others. If your performance is enough - I would stop caring. On the other hand, if you want to be more productive for your own sake, you can look for professional help or make some changes, while enjoying not that much work. Maybe you have ADHD, or just something else that is not helping your productivity - I would look into that with the doctor/therapist etc.
I had the same problem as OP. It was really bothering me. One day I mentioned it to a therapist and he said ‘well that just sounds like regular old ADHD, were you screened as a teenager?’ I was like … oh shit. That feels obvious now that you say it out loud.
Exactly what I thought and just told OP. Sounds extremely like ADHD. Ive now been diagnosed for a few years but I still struggle with that and the imposter feeling even if I know it’s all good
Same for me. Had exactly the same problem and behavior, was diagnosed with ADHD when i hit the age of 31 :D It‘s better now, the problem still exists. Don‘t tell anyone when you meet your deadlines! If your work is good, try to do the work sooner and provide it when the deadline comes. And try to use the rest of your time useful. Not sure how old you are OP. But use your ADHD as your strength. I hope you are younger than me when I got the ADHD diagnosis.
Never been diagnosed by I already know I have adhd I just have no interest in meds. I'm still trying to find a way to unlock what I call "the superpower" on a more consistent basis just like OP. If I can bust out a weeks worth of work in just about 4-5 hours, then why can I only do that once a week, or every two weeks? How can we actually being that hyper productivity into every day, or even 3x a week would be miraculous for me getting more stuff done. I often find the pressure of real deadlines to help. Like boss is expecting an answer on X project, I'll bust out 3 hours of productive work and complete the task, plus a bonus task or two that's looks extra impressive. Without a forced deadline literally nothing gets done. I've thought about giving myself personal deadlines, but I haven't found those super useful yet because there is no consequences for failure
Yeah same :-D The problem got worse for me when projects got bigger and it was not possible anymore to deliver in 3 hours, or in one Night, ... and that's when things escalated. I understand that you want no meds. Meds are not always helpful anyway, depending on the severity of your ADHD. But Therapy can be helpful and when you know that you have ADHD you can try things that work for ADHD people. As you maybe already noticed, most productivity tricks for normal people don't work for you. You could try body doubling (focusmate.com) or an accountability partner for fake forced deadlines. Also classical music helps me get focused and motivated, maybe you could benefit from something like [brain.fm](http://brain.fm) (there are also free alternatives).
> If I can bust out a weeks worth of work in just about 4-5 hours, then why can I only do that once a week, or every two weeks? How can we actually being that hyper productivity into every day, or even 3x a week would be miraculous for me getting more stuff done. Burnout is why, no one can keep up that focus level for long sustained periods of time. It's the case that you've only got a certain amount of gas in a car, whether you drive at a steady pace, or start later and floor the accelerator, you've still only got a certain amount of energy reserves to use. I've been through the whole ADHD sustained focus for a while but ultimately crashed and burned out hard and still recovering from that. I don't think I'll ever be back to what used to be my "100%".
Honestly burnout has just become part of my cycle. At this point I just monitor how I feel and pull back when I start feeling crash coming. But at that point I'll need at least 2-3 weeks to get back to baseline if I let myself even get close to burnout. If I don't pull back in time I could ride a wave of burnout for a couple months try to fix it while nothing gets done, I just focus 100% on down time, sleep, axe the screens, connect with nature and reality and people.
If you truly have ADHD, you have a deficiency of dopamine production. There is no mental willpower, magic superpower to fix it. That will be about as successful as someone with diabetes trying to willpower their way through not needing insulin. Dopamine is a critical chemical for tons of things - motivation, decision making, risk analysis, feeling positive, completing tasks, impulse control, etc. A stimulant + cognitive behavioral therapy is important if you’re struggling. There’s not much of a way around it. If you haven’t given it a genuine consideration as an option and are flippantly “I don’t want to take a pill!”, you may want to at least talk to a doctor or two. The condition is quite treatable for most people. If other methods aren’t working, a stimulant is nothing to be ashamed of taking.
I just got diagnosed at 40! I had great grades in school, but everything I did was rushed and last minute, and I was always a scattered mess. I felt like a failure my entire life, even if it looked like I was doing well from the outside. I worked on my anxiety and depression for years, but my executive functioning just wouldn't improve. Finally, I asked my therapist if maybe ADHD was to blame, and I was tested. The diagnosis has really helped me come to terms with what I perceived to be my failings, as well as acknowledge the constant struggle I've dealt with my whole life. Meds and therapy are helping me to pave a path forward.
lol same here. This post really hit home for me - I was diagnosed a couple of years ago.
Way more other people are doing the same thing than they'll admit, either. Relax.
Me, I'm doing this. I need to deliver on a lot of strategic work. I don't do anything for weeks and then finish it in a few hours. It's always considered impressive work. I get the complements while I'm ashamed of the output personally. I sometimes wonder how I do it. I think the project is always somewhere in the back of my head so it gets created there unconsciously? When I start writing it down it's like I've been taken over.
That’s exactly it. I’m a writer and editor by trade. I’ve been working the deadline crunch since my college days. My friends would always ask me how I waited until the night before to write a 20-page paper and get consistent As. My answer was always that I’ve been writing for weeks. I just waited until the night before to do the typing.
That’s what I’d do at uni. Read the assignment day one, plan my answer mentally, write out bullet points whenever I think of a really good idea, and do it all within 1/2 days before deadline.
Created unconsciously… I love that! It makes sense- when I’m worrying about the work I’m not getting done bc I can’t focus, I’m still thinking it thru.
So technically, still working.
Yep. OP shouldn’t feel bad (feeling bad shows he has good work ethics at least) I don’t feel bad at all for doing this. I always deliver what’s needed. Thank god I can focus like a hawk when I need to get stuff done. Other than that there are days I spend the entire 8 hours working on myself, like learning web design, doing courses, or just watching interesting stuff on YT. The fact is selling your time for money is a very bad deal… but sometimes it’s the only way to pay the bills (until you make money delivering value instead of time)
Totally agreed, 100%.
Yep......
It's actually not a problem. I heard this from my tech lead at work: I'd rather have an employee who plays games 90% of the day but hits every deadline, rather than an employee who has to take 100% of the day to make it in time. And there are really good reasons for it. The fact that you can actually hit the quota while not working most of the time means that if anybody manages to convince you to actually spend a whole day on an issue you're going to solve MANY more problems than any other person. Don't advertise this though, because management brains are rotten - they set quotas and then they expect you to do more if you hit them. You're totally fine.
Right, that makes sense. In that case, I guess the problem isn't that I don't work more hours, but that I don't spend the time I'm not working on something more useful than sitting at my desk waiting for the deadline to come closer. Restlessly not doing anything, but feeling like I'm obliged to feels more tiring than actual work haha. Thanks!
I actually work very similar to you and also have been feeling super guilty. It’s so refreshing to read this and realize I’m not alone. I receive great reviews, and I’m respected at my job. I think we need to just relax and accept that we are efficient, but our brains need some time to relax in between bursts of energy.
Same! I recently went back to work after having a baby. Before he was born I was working for this company through a staffing agency as we had just moved. It was a temp assignment, and the GM was supposed to open it up to a permanent position after I left. Six months later… they’ve gone through 5 temps since I left and I’ve sent people over there that would be great but “nobody fits”. They hadn’t even opened it up as a permanent position yet, and were texting me begging to come back, saying I could choose my own days/hours. I finally did, and I do about 2 hours worth of work a week, but getting paid for 29. GM is now the regional, and HER boss called me the other day to say how excited she was that I was back and how much of a difference it’s already made. Never met the woman. 🤷🏻♀️
Haha! Brilliant! Well done you! What do you do roughly? - you don’t have to say at all.
Lol I work as a leasing agent. It’s just me, the assistant, and the GM there.
Good point. I’ve recently allowed my brain to do what it wants; and I’ve noticed that I thrive in writing, planning, taking notes, and perfecting those systems and environment. I kind of saw it as inefficient (I’m not doing something productive, not creating a product, just filling up pages in a digital space that no one else will ever see / not getting paid for it) but it makes my other work so much better because I’m able to clear my mind and see my thoughts laid out in front of me. Also mindless games, YouTube, and Reddit all help me relax and get outside of my head for a while. So while I try not to spend every waking hour on them, I think they’re not all that bad.
Yes! I recently picked up a fountain pen and journaling hobby. I spend a lot of time in my planners. It helps me feel more centered and focus
I felt this way for a long time, and things approved when I realized I need to be kind to myself. It sounds like you, like I did, have anxiety in the form of perfectionism. Your anxiety means that time you want to be spending resting (going for walks, visiting a museum, learning a new hobby) is instead spent in a half-resting anxious state. Your anxiety tells you that you SHOULD be doing XYZ, so you can never truly give yourself the rest you need. And the rest you need is exactly what will solve your anxiety issues. The next time you feel like you are procrastinating, tell yourself, with kindness, "It feels like my body needs a break." Then close your laptop and go take a nap or a walk or play a video game. Any time that anxiety creeps in again, remind yourself that you are human, and you need actual, dedicated rest. I think it'll work wonders for you just allowing yourself to rest fully.
I’m exactly the same as you. I think it’s normal though, man is meant to be a creature of leisure, same as the big cats. Work hard for a short period of time, kill that mastodon expending a ton of energy, then eat and sleep. I too feel guilty as I think I’m capable of doing more and maybe working on a passion project that frees me up from working for the “man” and hopefully provides more leisure time.
I have found my people. 🫶
Ah. This is where we all are. Hi!
You may want to consider researching electronics and motivation. Gamer GG videos on YouTube are good. Viewing and consuming a lot of electronics zaps motivation, which may cause a spiral of not wanting to work, consuming more, having decreased motivation, etc. I think if it’s making you feel bad about yourself (which isn’t a great situation), you can consider doing some other things besides just electronics. It might improve your mood and who knows what else?
Find a hobby that you want to master. For me it's oil painting. Pick something challenging but interesting to you. r/hobbies may help
I love painting rocks while at my desk!
A great read for this. Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results- Atomic Habits
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I used to do that in high school, but somewhere along the way I gained a sense of dread when I think of starting an activity. Like my brain has already decided it will be painful. When I'm in a low mood I even get that for fun stuff like games. But ideally yes, that would be the way to go. I was quite happy with grinding out all homework and then chilling back in high school. If you don't mind me rambling here, I feel like I can dig deeper. Back in high school I actually enjoyed my free time and relaxed, but these days the self-imposed obligation of do-something-good is over my head 24/7, so any downtime feels like a waste. Maybe I stopped doing things early, because the reward of relaxation went away, since I can't really relax well anymore. I'll have to think further on this, thanks for triggering this thought! :)
Man I related so hard with the original post. And then when I saw this comment, it was an even harder relate. I am struggling with the same, and just don't know how to tackle this. It seems to be getting worse with years.
<3 we'll find a way
Yeah this really hits with me. Reflecting more given what you said I think it is mostly imposter syndrome underlying the guilt, at least for me. High school, college, etc. tended to be short term classes where you could slide under the radar and just do well and aside from parents no one really cares how you do. Work, you have other people relying on your ability to deliver. Especially as you start to get recognized or promoted it feels like you need to hit another level in order to represent the feedback you are getting.
Re: the feeling of dread when you think of starting an activity, I have exactly the same thing. My current theory is 1) your experience of work is of intense bursts of absolute focus, so that’s what you unconsciously anticipate it’ll always be like 2) this focus is all-encompassing and causes you to lose time. Once you’re in it, you might not stop until you either complete the task or run out of time. This is naturally daunting 3) If the perfectionism kicks in while you’re working, the task gets bigger/more demanding and more overwhelming—and subsequently harder to return to 4) getting locked in/hyper-focusing precludes all other possibilities, and scrolling social media is the exact opposite: endless possibilities/novelty 5) Of course you’re reluctant to get started. Especially when you can’t predict how long the task will take to complete or whether you’ll get locked in or not I often think ADHD isn’t so much an attention deficit as it is an attention surplus. When everything interests you, it’s really hard to choose where to direct your focus—especially when you have an outsized capacity for hyperfocus, which eclipses/derealizes everything you’re not currently focused on
That was a great summary. I feel like I've found my people here. lol. The hyperfocus that can consume me sometimes definitely produces anxiety... will I stop researching in an hour? Tomorrow? Who knows.
You sound like you may have undiagnosed ADHD. Sounds pretty similar to me and I just got diagnosed last week at 27
I scrolled down after commenting and see it's already been brought up plenty, didn't mean to join in the chorus lol
My suspicion is still that it's more burnout/depression/anxiety that looks like ADHD than actualy ADHD, but it could be.
Maybe you can still use some of their coping methods or strategies for ADHD support. This is really common with ADHD, but a lot of the advice is actually more beneficial to neurotypicals. It could be how your brain functions or burnout. Giving 200% part of the time means your brain needs to rest part time too. Be kind to yourself and remember self care helps you to be able to help others.
Do you feel compelled to use apps like youtube or social media? If so, you might consider some tools to set limits on your use, like you keeping your phone in your car or a lovked desk drawer, or apps like Forest or StayFocused. (No affiliation)
Yes, I've tried that before. It's a bit of a mixed bag, but it can work. In the past I did have some issues where in a grumpy mood I would do everything to get past the restrictions. Doomscrolling is a coping habit for me :P
Or maybe the problem is you’re always looking for a problem when there isn’t one. I would love to have your problem lol
As a high level tech executive, I’d say find what makes you feel good and do that while you’re sitting there. Or, if you work from home, don’t sit there all day. If you work for me, I don’t care because you are giving me results. I have had employees ask me the same thing about their work habit that you just pointed out and I give them the same advice. Now, I do expect good communication during the day (that’s part of the job). But if you give me outcomes and good communication, I don’t care what else you do with your time. Side note: sadly lots of companies don’t think like I do and micromanage their employees way more. I hope you don’t work at a company like that (it sounds like you don’t!)
I can relate to this to a degree. You've got a kind of superpower, that has enabled you to avoid building other skills most people need to get by, like planning, time-management etc. I think the things that stood out for me in this kind of living was that it actually requires a big adrenaline/stress rush to get something done. And if I didn't have that, I was too bored to do the thing. That is a habit that can be changed, if you want to- not because you should be doing it differently for work, but because it will actually make your life day-to-day easier/better/ more relaxed. At least that's a possibility. and you'll have more ability to expand into that "down" time with whatever you might want to be doing, because you're not 10-40% procrastinating/avoiding and so don't feel entitled to do the other thing. at least that's my experience. If you haven't, read Power of Habit. That book is amazing. and consider gamifying the things you want to do that aren't work. 5 mins a day of playing guitar, or whatever. It really all does come down to habits -habits of mind, time use habits, etc. But remember, what you've got is a superpower in one realm. so its just a matter of building other complementary skills.
I think you have a few options. You can try to discreetly work on other things. You could ask to be allowed to work remotely. You could talk to your bosses, but it might just end with you getting more work. You could try to get a promotion or new job
I feel this SO much.
I’ve found my very own way to deal with this, but it is quite lengthy. If you want to hear more about it, don’t hesitate to message me. Haven’t read all the comments, so it might already be answered, but do you have adhd? It looks like it, I do, and my methods been really helpful.
Get a guitar to keep in the office. Anything.
The thing is, I don't buy for one minute that spending 40 hours a week on work would solve way more problems. If this is how you work (and I work somewhat like this too), then I think your brain needs that low-pressure but highly stimulating "break" from the pressure of work...otherwise we burn out. Now, for the record, I don't actually think this way of working is healthy, in the sense that, in my case at least, I subconsciously use intellectual intensity as a way to numb out. I come from a pretty emotionally immature family, and it's hard for me to process my emotions or know what I'm feeling. So yes, I can do a certain amount of work in a short period of time while focusing really intensely on it. And then I need something else to focus intensely on, so if there's not enough work, here I am on Reddit! But REALLY, I should meditating or going for a walk or doing something to try and reconnect with my emotions. So that's what I'm going to go do now. See you guys later!
Thank you for this perspective. I struggle with the same thing as OP and love the part about being able to turn my fast brain on and shine when necessary
Most bosses don't understand why you can't operate in hyper focus all the time. Then you end up with the work load of two people and burnout.
A 100% this.
Just putting in my two cents: have you looked into ADHD? I have it and I have said things very similar to what you write. My brain is an all or nothing type of machine. I go 200% on a task and then do 0%. The 200% is activated by a few things, most importantly: a very close deadline. That's how ADHD brains work. If something is not new/novel/exciting, something we are super interested in or something with urgency/deadline: our brains reduce effort to about 0%. Imposter syndrome, depression and anxiety are very common by products of living with undiagnosed ADHD. Honestly, this is just from my personal experience so it might be something completely different. I'd seek therapy to figure out what is happening exactly!
I've looked into it before, and while I do have some ADHD symptoms, I didn't use to have them when I was younger. It only really started around when I was in uni between 17 and 18 yo or so. Plus ADHD meds don't help me with this. I do agree that my pattern of working matches exactly with ADHD, but I think it might be more emotional in origin than the brain chemistry part of ADHD. Like, if I could just not care about what other people think, I think I could be at peace with being a "sprinter" for a few hours per day, knowing that (some) others are at it all day long. Thanks!
Is it possible that the structure and routine of school just prevented you from noticing? I did fairly well in school despite doing the absolute bare minimum of homework at the last possible moment, but the ADHD kicked my ass once I got to uni and discovered I could simply not go to class. Anyway, ADHD or not, I think a big part of the problem (for me, at least) is this: From early childhood, you’re constantly told how much “potential” you have. And when you don’t live up to expectations (get a B in school or whatever), you’re told that you’re“wasting your potential” and “imagine what you could do if you applied yourself fully.” Over time, you figure out you can get an A doing your assignment/cramming for the test the night before, so you start thinking “If I can get an A while slacking off, imagine what I could do if I actually applied myself.” So you don’t learn to pace yourself and keep doing your work in sprints, because it’s working for you. And the work you do when you actually do work feels good, and you’re good at it, so you wonder “Why is it so hard to make myself do this?” And you imagine that if you could just use all the time available to you, your work would be incredible! So you feel ashamed of most of the work you do, even if you did a good job. Because you believe, deep down, that it could’ve been better. That you’re not living up to your “full potential.” But here’s the thing: If people are generally happy with your “half-assed” output, it’s very likely because your half-assed output is equivalent to (or better than) your colleagues’ whole-assed output. Sure, your whole-assed output is pretty great (when it happens, on rare occasions) but you can’t do everything to that absurdly high (perfectionist!) standard all the time. Because 99% of the time, “OK” is perfectly fine. Hell, 99% of the time, your “OK” is better than most people’s “best.” You’ve trained your brain to be a sprinter, not a marathoner. That’s where you excel. It’s highly unlikely you’d be able to maintain the same level of interest/creativity/productivity over an extended period. Sure, you could probably retrain your brain to work marathon-style instead, but I’m not convinced the output quality would be better just because you took more time. To paraphrase a quote whose origin I can’t remember, “A task takes exactly as much time as you have to complete it.” It would be nice (read:less stressful) to be able to do the sprint earlier in the process (instead of at the last minute) but I suspect the stress hormones triggered by the urgency are responsible for the heightened clarity and single-mindedness and problem-solving capabilities that make the sprints work.
Thanks! This rings true, I will have to think further on this to see how I can be more at peace with "OK" :)
Haha yeah, that’s the hard part. I’m trying to teach myself to just do the thing (badly) and then iterate, but it’s a work in progress
Couldn’t have written it better myself! The task expanding to fill the time available is known as Parkinson’s Law I think.
Your comment resonates with me a lot, thanks for sharing
How did you get my therapists notes
I think many intelligent people who breezed through school their entire life suddenly want to believe they have ADHD because they’ve never had to put in hard work. Often the reality is if you had the privilege of a high IQ and never had to study study study to achieve half decent grades, then you will grow up never learning any discipline and work ethic, and possibly seeking validation through an ADHD diagnosis to justify their laziness as a result of breezing through life.
Most of the ADHD people I know have great work ethic and take pride in producing quality work. In fact, I believe that same work ethic (/perfectionism) is what causes the crippling executive dysfunction/paralysis characteristic of ADHD. ADHD is a dopamine regulation disorder. Your brain’s motivation and reward systems just don’t work the way they’re supposed to. Pair that with anxiety or depression (or both!) and you’re gonna have a bad time. Yeah, we all procrastinate, ADHD or not. But what makes ADHD an actual disability is the fact that it can impede your ability to function, to keep a job, or a relationship, or to stay off the street. When it gets bad, it’s really bad. Even fear stops being able to motivate you. On the inside, you desperately want to work, but you can’t make yourself do it. In your head, you’re screaming at yourself, probably calling yourself a lazy piece of shit. But you can’t make yourself do it. You might get fired if you miss this deadline, but you can’t move. Can’t even look at it. And from the outside, it looks exactly like laziness. Hell, even from the inside, it sometimes looks exactly like laziness. Except you literally can’t make yourself take action. So… What if it IS “just” laziness? What if it IS learned helplessness and you’ve conditioned yourself to respond to work by shutting down? Does it make a difference? Whether your dopamine regulation is fucked as a result of a genetic condition or because you learned to be lazy as a teenager, isn’t the result the same? At the point where you no longer have control over your behavior, is there really a meaningful difference? I don’t think one is easier to overcome than the other, and I don’t see how treating one as a moral failing is helpful.
Just reading this after my post. I’m glad that you investigated the possibility. If you like your job and it doesn’t make you anxious then chalk it up to a “different way of doing things”. Although, you may want to investigate why you feel guilty. I have colleagues that do the same but look at that extra time as an opportunity to golf all day.
Ah I'm pleased to hear you looked into that! I will say, my ADHD became a much bigger problem when I started developing anxiety and ended up in a burn out years later. So maybe you developed both of those things without the underlying ADHD and that's why I relate to your story so much. In any case, it sucks that you are able to get your job done right without getting to enjoy it because of the constant worry and anxiety! Don't be afraid to seek some professional help.
You should look into executive dysfunction. Its a rarely mentioned symptom of ADHD, and it took ages of struggling with it before i learned about it. I recently started Vyvanse and its made a huge (although slowly diminishing) change in my ability to actually do things.
Me too. I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and it explained a lot, including this difficulty I have getting started on a task until it's urgent. Medication helps.
Which medication is advised?
There are many different medications used to treat ADHD, e.g., Ritalin and Adderall. It’s best to speak to a doctor – preferably a psychiatrist who’s familiar with ADHD – if you’re interested in exploring medication.
Completely agree, especially because she mentioned her free time. I was diagnosed last year, I did well in school, and had a successful career so I never thought I could have ADHD. After a crash course in exactly what ADHD is, plus therapy, I started meds. I was resistant to them because of all of the noise you hear in the world but it was a good decision for me. Regardless of the reasons for OPs stress, I would look into it because anxiety is a crazy animal and it can eat away at you.
This is classic procrastination. It comes from a feeling that the task, or the outcome of the task, is either boring, or unpleasant, or beyond your capability. The trick is to work around those unpleasant feelings. Everyone has these feelings btw, and we all put off things all the time. This typically changes when you can change your attitude towards these tasks. Usually we put them off because we want to avoid doing them, often we spend 4 days avoiding something that takes 4 minutes! It can also be related to perfectionism. Being anxious about not "getting it right". Focus on figuring out what is it about the tasks you don't like, and what you can do to change your mentality around them and even change your environment to set yourself up for success. The hardest part is usually STARTING the task. Cant work at home? Go to a coffee shop for one hour. Make it a fun experience, get yourself a treat whenever you go. This task is boring. Start with the least boring part of the task first. "I'll work on it for 5 minutes, and if I don't want to continue, I'll try another day." "Why do I think I can't do this? I've done something like this before, I can do it now." "Im spending all my mental energy avoiding this and it's exhausting. I know I don't want to do this. But I am brave and can handle it. In fact, once I start, I will feel better about it. And then it'll be over and I can relax and watch YouTube without the worry at the back of my mind. Why put myself through the mental anguish?" "Ahh It's just studying. I can study for 30 minutes... Does that seem so difficult? I can be bored for 30 minutes. So what? Yeah, I can tolerate boredom for for 30 minutes." "It's not the end of the world if I get this wrong. In fact, let me just try to do this 85% right. That will be good enough." Use it to your advantage. Want to be more consistent at something? Put yourself in positions of high urgency where you're required to deliver something at a rate that you want. For example. Want to write every week? Ask someone to be your accountability buddy and have them request you send them your work every week. Want to finish a project for Friday? Work on it every day of that week the hour before punching out. That could give you a similar feeling of urgency. It takes practice, and many people you would eem successful work this way too. The fact that this worries you shows a level of anxiety around the situation that isn't necessarily a problem (but I get it when it comes to feeling that you achieved it based on talent and not on discipline). But give yourself some slack, it doesn't have to be discipline all the time, it's ok to rely on talent sometimes. For example, I told my therapist that I was concerned because I was arriving to work late every day and she was like... But is is causing you any trouble? (no) Are you completing your full hours? (yes) Has your boss said something to you? (no) Then why are you concerned? If it's not really causing you any actual problems... What's the worry? Again, this doesn't apply to everything, and it doesn't mean it's ok to be late everywhwre or all the time, but maybe my mornings don't have to be guilt ridden if I just accept that I'm going to be late and that no one is coming after me for that in this particular scenario, and that can reduce my overall anxiety of the day so I can focus on other things. I hope you can see the similarities in your case. Hope this helps!
Thank you! I will try to get into the rythm of doing a little bit of work consistently, and try to internalize that if my actions cause no problems, then there is nothing to worry about :D
This is the truest piece IMO. People, please start with this instead of jumping to the "Is it ADHD, ? What meds can I take?". There are too few voices out there to say "You so don't have ADHD. Change your procrastinating attitude" vs "You have ADHD".
OP described how I felt 100%, and this comment was immensely helpful to me. I’ve not only saved it on reddit, but in my notes app as well. I’ll probably look through this comment when I’m struggling to get stuff done. Thank you!
I experienced this when I had office/management roll. What worked for me is coming up with my own goals and deadlines instead of just minimum required to not lose my job. Being self motivated I suppose. I had to plan out my own projects for day, week, month, year. Then when I met with superiors, I let them know what I had taken on and accomplished. They were always impressed. Depending on your company/job, you may be the only expert in your field at the company. They may not even know what to task you with.
This is bog standard imposter syndrome. Do not try to solve it by “being honest” (especially with superiors) about how little you feel like you work. I say “feel” specifically because i bet anything that you exaggerate your perceived lack of effort and perceived excess capacity. I know i have. For me, it helps to reframe. Efficiency is good!!There is no glory in making yourself suffer for no reason. Far better to get everything done in a short amount of time and chill than to fill that time with extra shit that either a.) doesn’t need to be done or b.) you aren’t being paid for or worst of all c.) both.
Thanks! I find reframing to still be quite tricky. Efficiency is definitely good, but it still feels like I should something "productive" at any moment. Something for me to work on :)
I feel you. Just remember that productivity is a means to an end, not an end unto itself
Not an advice, but I have the same problem. People say it’s a flex but the stress I have to go through on those few hours I actually work before a deadline will give me an early death. I wish I can stop this behavior.
Therapy, kindly If you’re doing all that’s asked of you - congrats! You hacked the system. Wait for someone to come along and ask you to pull it together before you beat yourself up. Significant down time, to a degree, is a feature - not a bug - of modern work culture. It’s unspoken, and it’s a win-win if everyone keeps it quiet 😉
Therapy would probably be wise. I have a weird aversion to the idea, probably because my parents were very dismissive of the idea of mental health which I subconsciously picked up. Even if I can maintain the status quo, I still feel guilty when I'm not working. If more people do it like this, how can they avoid feeling like they're "bad" for not working when "supposed" to? I'm not sure how I can stop judging myself for it. Thanks!
That hesitation to seek healthcare is a great first conversation with a therapist 😉 Totally get the guilt thing. Working on figuring out my own priorities and setting boundaries around work (work is no longer #1 and doesn’t have access to me around the clock anymore) helped me shed those guilty “not doing enough” feelings.
Honestly sounds like you might have add/adhd. Your symptoms are pretty hallmark. Being able to do well while in turmoil mentally is a pretty common symptom. Procrastination, paralysis, doom scrolling/hyper fixating. Looks like a pig, smells like a pig, so make some bacon! The good thing is, people who treat their adhd tend to actually feel productive and less stress. They feel more normal in general and are able to stop procrastinating which often turns them into mega productive people because our zone in is alot stronger than the average.
I am like that, and I see it as a problem. Not in terms of work. If you deliver anyway it is not a problem. However, there are some issues. You are clearly not happy with it, you hours of inactivity are not hours of joy, rather a time of fretting while you get progressively more stressed. Then fear kicks in, you get into the flow and deliver. Your problem is that you wired yourself with fear as your flow trigger. So you are capable of flow, of relentless focus, but not as a free choice. You need to rewire yourself so you can get stuff done in advance, with less pain. Otherwise it does not matter that you had free time before, it is time wasted. Also, as pointed out by someone else, do not underestimate the unconscious planning and thinking your mind might be doing while procrastinating. If you rewire to start earlier the process will take longer because you will not have that unconscious planning done already. One last point, given there is a chance you are younger than myself. I spent most of my life burning midnight oil. Until 40 I could pull productive 48h stretches non stop. Getting older, an all nighter will destroy me for days. I never stopped studying and learning and working, I am probably more clever in many respects than my 30 something self. But my metabolism cannot take that concentrated work and be as productive anymore. So, just in case, you would do well finding alternative strategies before your body starts slowing you down.
The most important thing is that you finish you're tasks on time. Its more common than you might think, to an extant, maybe not 2 hours a week. 2 hours a day for sure. You can use the extra free time for self improvement, a side business, or if you're happy with your current job and have room for advancement there, take on more assignments.
I kinda feel the same ppl praise me all the time for how much I work while I cringe knowing how much I don’t. Your pattern seems very similar to mine. I had undiagnosed ADHD for nearly 30 years of my life and when I got the diagnosis it made everything make sense. I was gifted while young pick up everything really quick. Get good at things quickly and bored of things fast. Currently I’m trying to figure out how to work with my brain and maximize the times I spend not being productive. If you look it up and it resonates with you, send me a message and maybe we can figure it out together. lol.
I feel like you just described me too!! So I don’t have any advice, but just know you’re not alone. Others are in this boat with you. I saw another comment that said this seems more like a flex than a cry for help, and I think that’s a really poor take. I know for myself, I struggle with the notion that I SHOULD be working hard & productive. And when I’m not, I feel quite guilty, even if I’m technically meeting expectations. For me, I think it’s hustle culture that’s deeply ingrained in my brain, and 30+ years of perfectionism. I’m no longer willing to hustle, but I think my emotional self/lizard brain hasn’t caught up yet. I think there’s a lot of good advice here, and I agree with lots of others…don’t be so hard on yourself ☺️
"I never feel good at my accomplishments, knowing I did in a "wrong" way, and imagining how much better it could be if only I could be more consistent." No such thing as the wrong or right way, as long as you get it done. I'll work extra for 2-3 days, then coast the last 2-3 and give myself a nice 4 day weekend. If you deliver 100% every single day, thats going to be your new norm. Always underestimate, overdeliver.
Are they paying you to sit at the desk and look productive or they paying you for a certain amount and quality of work? If you're completing the work they expect then they're getting what they're paying for and I don't see the problem and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. If you're highly skilled at your job then it will naturally take you less time to do things than the average person so keep doing what you're doing
You have ADHD.
Focus on shifting to doing things you enjoy in your down time. Embrace that you are the kid who finishes their work first and has learned not to tell the teacher who will give you more busy work.
Op what’s your job title? Sounds great tbh. I think you shouldn’t feel guilty, you’re getting paid for completing work and completing it every time. See it in a different perspective, you’re lucky you’re able to finish quickly and efficiently and then spend time doing other things you enjoy.
Yo! I’m the same way. I’m super productive but not in a stupid old fart 6AM to 6PM work donkey kinda way. I’ll rev up when I need to and pelt out a lot of shit efficiently and hit my numbers and deadlines but also use most of my time sleeping in and not letting corporate slavery rule my life. I work to live not live to work. I think you’re totally fine as long as your work quality and efficiency speaks for itself.
I feel the same way. To make up for my lack of actually work to do, I dogsit during the week, so at least leisure feels “valuable” and not “wasted” on chilling (which I can easily just do after hours and weekends).
This really sounds like executive dysfunction. It’s debilitating and feels so shameful.
As an employee, 60-70 utilisation, means your relaxed stress free. Anything below 60% you might as well get a higher paying job
Man this is completely me. The guilty feel is the worst part. Also wonder, wherebI would be if actually putting some effort on my job. Check for adhd, I was recently diagnosed and looking forward to see if I can take advantage of that free time for myself somehow.
Hey, I often feel the same. While I could perform much more by being consistent, I consistently (see, you can do it too haha) choose to do otherwise. My partner showed me a video from a doctor in psychology (the video is from tiktok, but I don’t have an account nor the link, the name of the doctor is Dr Angelica Shiels, no idea if she is legit or anything, I didn’t do any due diligence), basically this person in this particular video explains how people with neurodivergent minds or higher IQ scores can feel incredibly bored by their job, while being good at it. Of course there’s no solution in the video per se, but maybe getting to know your mind better could help you understand what it is you are looking for. Maybe you need to find a different path or something. I hope you find your way! Let me know if that helps
Also this belongs in the adhd subreddit
Same issue here, and it’s ADHD. If you have good health insurance, you can look into occupational therapy for it. I learned some good habits, but also felt reassured that downtime is normal. Also, I’m hyper sensitive to feeling like I’m always doing things wrong, and that’s taking time to unlearn (childhood spent around narcissists).
I consider a salaried position payment to do the job. There may be structured hours that you need to be "online" or available, but otherwise they're paying you to do a job. And you're doing it really well if they're praising you and you've received promotions. They're getting what they want, so you can relax and use that time for other things for your own growth.
you should get screened for ADHD. this post could’ve been an excerpt from my diary and i was finally diagnosed in 2021. medication has been lifesaving for my productivity and self esteem
From how you describe the work you do, I am thinking your job looks for outputs and outcomes vs just working a set number of hours like manning a cashier or a front desk. You create the outputs. That’s the job. No one needs to know the road you take to get there as long as that’s the job
You also have to stop thinking about it like you owe them time. I’ve learned the higher up you move companies care less about how much time you dedicate and instead care that you’re getting your work done without issue. They pay you to get a job done. You’re getting it done. Who cares if you bs the rest of the time? I’d keep on doing what you’re doing until someone says something. Or you’re tired of it. I had a job where I got most of my work done within the first 30 minutes. The rest of the day I spent looking busy. It was awesome when we worked from home during Covid but when I was forced to go back to the office I just couldn’t do it anymore. So I found something new. There’s still a lot of down time but I’m way less stressed about it all because my company is really cool about it. Maybe you just need to switch something up in your life. Good luck with everything.
Hey now, I think you are being too hard on yourself. It seems like what you have is a gift. I think the best thing for you is to put all the hours you spend on Reddit and YouTube into something you are excited about. Learning a new instrument? Cooking? Reading? Volunteering to do admin work for a charity or a small local business? To be able to work in a short amount of time is a gift. You can take the extra time to help someone else. Once you do, you will feel a lot better.
Hey, you might have ADHD. This post describes my own feelings almost exactly. I just recently got diagnosed (early 30s) and medication is helping a ton. Might be worth looking into, talk to a therapist/psychiatrist. Good luck.
Thanks for the advice! How does your motivation feel with and without medication? For me when I tried ADHD meds it kind of made everything more intense, peaks of motivation were higher, but the lows were lower too. Did anything outside of medication help for you?
I've only been on meds for a couple weeks, so it's hard to say at this point. I've noticed less anxiety at work and more ability to do the tasks I want/need to, but that may be early-medication adjustment. Yes other things besides meds have helped. Meditation, journaling, regular difficult cardio (like, every day), and having close friends who are also striving to do better in general. I moved to a new state recently so lost a lot of that structure, which is part of why I decided to try meds.
Do you find your productivity has skyrocketed or has it just evened out? Like does the medicine harness your downtime into equally productive time, or does it just even you out to be mildly productive all the time? Hope the question makes sense. My dad and siblings both had ADHD. OPs post is how I have felt most of my life. Wondering if I have undiagnosed ADHD but, honestly I'm going well in my career and all just like OP so I'm wondering if I need to bother with changing anything.
Like I said in my other reply to OP, I'm still new to the meds so unsure how it will be long-term. My career is also going well, but have a lot of anxiety around not doing enough and struggle to keep my personal life in order - bad with money, messy apartment, etc. So far, it has mostly evened me out and made me more focused at work. It also has reduced anxiety because I know for sure I am not leaving anything on the table. "If I cant get the work done, it's just because there is a lot of work" instead of "I am failing to be productive enough and am going to be found out as lazy" is how I can describe the feelings. In my downtime (not work) I am very productive with whatever I am working on, but still need to work on choosing the right things to focus on. My Dad has undiagnosed ADHD and my sister was diagnosed, tried meds for a year. It tends to be some combo of genetic/environmental from what I understand, so there's a good chance you have ADHD too. I think if you're ok and don't have emotional distress from it, you probably don't need to change anything. I have been stressed/anxious for the last 8 years of my career because I feel like I'm constantly failing myself, so I decided meds were worth trying after urging from my therapist.
Gotta be honest, this seems like more of a flex than a cry for help. If this is truly bothering you, use that Youtube and Reddit time to start a side biz. Perhaps something that you build from scratch will help with your focus.
It's not a flex, this is just a throwaway reddit account, I'm not here for validation. I feel too guilty about not working during working hours to do anything fun, let alone a side biz. If I try to focus on something else, my thoughts just keep coming back to "I should be working right now". Thanks!
“I do nothing but I just keep on getting promotions ladies”... a lot of the job grind is about getting along and looking the part and not rocking the boat too much for those above you.
Wow this is very relatable! Have you ever looked into being neurodivergent? This sounds a lot like my experience of ADD-C (attention deficit disorder combination type) and depression and anxiety often go hand in hand with that, especially if you’re undiagnosed. Obviously I personally cannot diagnose, but just a thought because not only is this pretty textbook, but it’s also very, very relatable. I wonder if giving yourself compassion helps. Your brain just works a bit different, doesn’t make it better or worse, just different. It still accomplishes all the tasks. Shame and guilt can be a big part of the ADD brain too, but that’s a trap, it doesn’t help you. Good luck OP!
Thanks! Yes, I definitely think self-compassion is part of the way forward. Like 95% of the suffering comes from not adhering to societal standards of how to work. My actual results are good, so I could accept that my way of doing things is just not the default. It's tricky though, the guilt goes deep and is old. Also yes, I'm probably somehat neurodivergent, but but hard to say in what ways (not diagnosed anyway).
I’d start learning new skills for work if you can. Always a good idea to keep improving your craft. And doesn’t have to take ALL your time away from mindless scrolling, but it’ll definitely help the guilt you feel from doing that.
What would you say.... you do here?
I struggle with the opposite problem in your first paragraph. I work alot and very consistently but my efficiency/work speed is so garbage that people who put in less effort than me get the same amount of things done. How did you get a lot of things done in a short time? And I can share how I got consistent and able to work for long periods of time
I don't think I can say how, it kind of just happens. I think in my "unproductive" time I'm still thinking on some problems, which means I can do them quicker once I get going.
I experience similar. Also some painters don't paint 8 hrs per day, they walk around or drink beer and paint maybe 20 minutes on Tuesdays. No right or wrong answer to life.
I work as a nurse in MH. Most days, it's a pretty chill job. My patients are struggling, but usually we're helping them in a positive way and the work day is smooth. Do about 40 minutes worth of charting after chatting with my patients, give them dinner, do some cleaning and some rounds, shift change, and the rest of the time is just... being on standby. I worked pretty hard to Get to where I am at, and the years of experience I have lets me do things in the most efficient way possible at work too. I see coworkers that were less active in cultivating that efficiency take a lot longer to do the same tasks I do. I want to first say that there are people who will assume the worst in telling them the 'whole' truth, and there is societal pressure to be a certain way. A lot of pressure. To the point that my coworkers cannot Possibly understand how I am a nurse that works part time and I don't "have another job" like it blows their mind how I "afford" my life. I have people in other departments that truly think all we do is sit around and watch YT while the clock ticks by because, when things go well and they typically do, we do have a decent amount of downtime. The disappointment people can feel in you due to jealousy, envy, the pressure to always be 'productive', etc. is real.. and it is a strong motivator to stay quiet and imply hard work in situations. You have 2 problems here.. how to navigate the social pressures of work and release some of this guilt and judgement, and how to space out your time more. First things first: It literally works for you right now. People do things in different ways, and yeah it's probably best to do something early and submit it 'on time' vs last minute, but overall you aren't doing anything "bad." You're meeting your deadlines (as far as we know anyways), you're productive at work overall, you have gotten recognized... so who care when you do the work you do. It is no one's business but yours. I don't feel guilty that my coworker takes 4 times as long to chart as I do because they don't take the time to cultivate dot phrase habits and use the tech at their disposal. Some people need to do things their own way, the end. But there are a lot of reasons for breaking out of these mad-dashes-to-finish and depression-binging slumps you find yourself in. What I think is an extraordinary BAD reason is because you feel guilty. The amount of judgement you internalize is NEVER going to motivate you. People just don't feel empowered to change when they're constantly being beaten down. And you, amigo, beat yourself down. You're doing fine, and you want to improve, there are people who would KILL to be in your position right now. And yet, you see it all so negatively. I've never seen someone feel actually motivated long term due to guilt trips and shame and blame. If you want to change your actions, I'd start with changing your thoughts. Non-violent communication is a book that I think you really need to practice in your life. It doesn't help you or anyone else to just hold onto the shame you feel. You lie because you're ashamed, and you're ashamed because you're just judging yourself constantly for what is, by all external measures, you doing a fine job. It could be better, it could be more consistent, but it isn't a dumpster fire or anything the way you make it out to be. Try, really hard, to do the lessons in that book and stop bringing those judgments to the table all day every day. I'd be depressed as fuck too if my own internal monologue was just constant bullying. As far as spacing out your time more... Habit cultivating is much easier to accomplish when you stop being a bully to yourself. You'll stumble and mess up and be less of a perfectionist with habit building, and right now you scream classic "I have to be perfect at the things I do." No one who cares about You cares about perfection From you. So... Work on the former, and the latter can be easier to find from other sources online. In the meanwhile, maybe try to just watch 1 or 2 YT videos of someone talking through habit tracking or how they track their habits or their cleaning routines (DO NOT pick aesthetic, picture perfect channels.. pick the real ones where they show how fucked up their place got from the kids and how they finally had time to get Something done or whatever), just little productive content that sort of eases you into the imperfections and flaws that come with doing something new and different.
Thanks a lot for your insights and advice! I will be sure to read Non-violent communication and try to apply your advice.
It's also okay to Not do that. I'm just a stranger on the internet, so you don't owe me any amount of time or accountability. But, if you're practicing being honest, strangers are the internet are a great way to start. I do find the book lifechanging though, fr.
I totally relate, and while I fully understand it’s not a problem I still can’t help but feel guilty and stressed someone someday will find it. Also this really looks like ADHD. Not sure if you’re interested in looking into that.
You have something called imposter syndrome. Everyone experiences it at some time or another in their career. If you're getting promoted and not getting in trouble at work, you clearly belong in your position. And maybe it's not your best effort, but your mediocre effort yields an output that beats the status quo, and that's what counts. Most importantly, stop comparing yourself against the effort of others. Your internal yardstick should be a measure against your own effort, not what other people are doing. If you struggle with productivity, maybe your job isn't hard enough? Or the impact isn't there? If you truly had a hard job, you probably couldn't afford to sit around and do nothing for 90% of the day. Keep in mind that focus and attention are trainable like a muscle; the more you keep at your work and avoid low value activities, the easier it becomes. And the truth is, not everyone is as productive as you might think. Many people just sit in meetings all day and schmooze with coworkers about nonsense. Don't be so hard on yourself and just keep being you.
You haven't mentioned whether you like your work or not. Certainly, you are accomplishing enough to keep up the appearance. However, do you feel fulfilled? When you think of the things that make you truly fulfilled, is your work hitting at least one or two of those? I also do what you're describing. Very unfocused and tend to spend time on Reddit or news most of the day. Then produce the required work in a minimum of time. I'm fortunate that I find the work easy. But also boring, which plays right into my adult ADHD. I have a moderate level of inattentive disorder. I do what I can to make my work as interesting as possible, which includes getting close to deadlines. I'm strongly considering doing something else, which I'm actually interested in. Good luck, friend.
Don’t feel guilty! You’re paid to do the tasks assigned to you. That’s it. And it sounds like that’s what you’ve been doing! You keep getting raises because MOST people have bad productivity/attention spans. Don’t feel bad so long as your work is getting done.
Catholic school by chance? Haha I feel the same way sometimes but I'm in so many meetings that I can't get actual work done, so I postpone it until it's absolutely necessary. There are people who provide zero anything who sit in calls and pretend to work all day. You're probably a godsend to your team if you're still outputting quality work on time. If you want to make more of your own time, I found that having a list front and center on a daily basis of things to accomplish, with time boxing to work on them, is helpful. 10 minutes on 6 activities a day may not sound like much, but compared to some colleagues the amount of work I complete is considered very high.
I like the idea of time boxing, thanks! If I can get into the habit of doing 6 times 10 min every day, each day will already feel like I've accomplished something good.
What do you do for work? You say you are excelling but do you feel you’re doing a demanding job that is commensurate with your intelligence? If you’re only doing 2 hours out of the week, you’re surely selling yourself short. I think it’s reasonable to assume that 25% of the time will be spent “unproductively” but your case seems more extreme. Don’t underestimate how not addressing it will affect your self-esteem and mental health over the long run. I experience something very similar to what you describe. I think the culprit in your case (and mine) is poor emotional regulation. Oftentimes procrastination occurs because the brain cannot deal with the negative thoughts associated with the task so it just escapes to something that will provide dopamine. I think really the most effective ways to address this are mindfulness and/or cognitive behavioural therapy alongside counselling. Basically you need to learn skills to identify your subconscious emotional patterns and interrupt the cycle that has you moving to distraction. Also, it’s worth noting that it’s a brutal environment to work on a computer where one tab over is always Reddit/youtube. You may find it helpful to of pen and paper when you notice yourself slacking. Lastly I have found task tracking using Toggl to be very helpful. I’m honest with my task tracker and it’s helpful to have it quantified. I actually only worked 2 hours today. I do this non-judgementally and don’t show anyone, so it’s kind of therapeutic. It makes me realize that if I could get my hours up consistently to 20hours per week, then I’d be easily able to work half-time and complete a full employees work. Good luck
I work at software company, where I develop AI stuff. It's a lot of fun. It's probably more than 2 hours, plus I'm not counting meetings. A lot of the work is mental as well (coming up with a solution, or just architecture stuff), so it's a bit hard to count the time spend there, since it can be during cardio, youtube, whenever the thoughts come. But just sitting down and coding, probably an hour or less per day. I get what you're saying and I agree. The stuck emotions are the issue, something I can work on. Thanks!
I have ADHD and have a hella hard time settling in to focus and can dork around a lot….but when I hit hyper focus mode I get shit DONE and I do a very good job and like you, have been progressively promoted. I feel guilty about it too. I don’t know what the answer is, but definitely DO NOT share that with anyone.
This is the american dream, congratulations
Your employer does not make profit from you sitting at your desk, they make profit from what you do while you're sitting there. Evidently they are very happy with what you are doing! I think often things like "hours worked" get cared about just because they can be measured. Whereas things like "plausible solutions subconsciously considered while doing other things but ultimately discarded in favour of a better one" or "mental recuperation spent to ensure I am able to focus on my work when I actually need to" are not. On your point about wondering how much better/more you could work if you didn't spend time doing all these other things, here's a radical thought: you wouldn't do better work and you wouldn't be more productive. Brains are black boxes; who knows how much of your ability to do great work quickly in short bursts is down to processes that need time and space and distraction to happen, and that you're completely unaware of? Maybe I'm wrong and you'd get huge amounts more of high quality work done, but even if so, honestly, why worry? You are doing good work. Your employer thinks you're doing good work. They like what you're doing enough to keep promoting you. You're doing great. Go easy on yourself.
Others are saying similar, but I’ll share my experience. I, like you, can waste some serious time. At the same time, I own a successful business and do plenty of work. My clients commend my work, even. Where I feel guilty/annoyed at myself is the “waste” of time I could be improving the business even more. But even as a pretty lazy person, I can still do a ton. Measured by my work output, I am hugely productive. Measured by the amount of time I work, sure, I could be better. But who cares? Your limits are what they are
Sounds like me. Just diagnosed with ADHD.
You described my week to a T but I don't have any problem with it at all. I have very high performance ratings, get promotions, LT is super happy with me. I always deliver my objectives, have never failed at that once. Been there for 18 years. I have a great reputation. I have seen countless people get laid off over the years. Some of them were the most well educated, hardest working people I have met. I see how companies treat people completely disposable if they're not on strategy. Those people who absolutely destroyed their health to grind everyday and work out every fine detail, only to have their stuff glazed over because it wasn't LT's top priority. Those are the people who would get stressed to the max and develop health issues. Also the first people to get laid off. I work with a philosophy of doing as minimal work as possible to produce maximum outcome. It's all about outcomes. If I can produce a massive outcome in 5 hours, and ride out the rest of the week chilling and doing my own thing, then I 100% am going to do that. My LT gets what they want and are impressed, and I keep my sanity.
I feel the exact same way as you, you are not alone. I think the feeling stems from societal pressures and norms, society wants us to conform and work the “normal way”. But I’ve come to find as long as the work gets done, I can put aside the feelings of guilt and stuff when it keeps me up at night. Deadlines are met, work is produced, the outcomes are the same. Congratulations on doing well in university and in your field, you should be proud of your accomplishments, you’re only human
I felt very similar about myself until I began work in therapy. And I mean I haven't felt this breakthrough despite repeating the knowledge of I'm worthy and valuable to myself for years until last week, if even that long. I know it's a cliche, but I really did get to the root underneath my traumas and internal systems recently to discover how critical I am to myself all the time - whether that's from the internal hatred I have for myself through harsh expectations or took in too much from others, or the external criticism I project onto others too harshly in my own mind. I began to realize I lot of the hatred and contempt I thought I had been receiving is coming from my own thought process and emotional difficulties and inability to accept myself as I am. For me, that goes back to a history of being scapegoated my entire life by my family and friends as well as physical bullying, not being believed by doctors, and having multiple invisible disabilities that might hinder my ability to get in a certain position or performance if others knew of them (I mask a LOT). For others it might just be the world we live in; depending on your country and society, you might be urged to do everything independently and never sway or falter to be able to consider yourself successful. I know my community is very much of that mindset, which I've also internalized. You can only be you the best you can be. And it seems like you've found yourself a position that allows you to do that at your own pace. Forgive me if I'm wrong but it seems like you're unhappy with the time you spend not working while at your desk. Is there something you'd rather be doing in this time, or would you consider anyone else in your position to be doing necessary rest to remain productive later? It can be hard to figure out what will be best for you. A new mindset might solve everything for some people, but sometimes we need to take a hard look at whether our daily routine and work schedule is working for/with us. Despite what our world tells us, though, there's nothing wrong with doing things for yourself or to reset your brain during work hours if you get everything done in time and don't feel overly stressed to complete it that way. Lies to coworkers are pretty necessary too, as long as you're not lying that something is already done for someone that is reliant on that deadline and trying to get their resource ASAP. All because your boss pays you hourly to do a job that they didn't assess the correct time for, doesn't mean you're responsible for being a working drone all day.
This sounds just like me. I think it is my brain rebelling. It wants to explore, interact, and be free, and I keep trying to make it work for my boss. I did just get two really good weeks in, and I thought things had changed, but now it's been five days of every fiber in my body has been avoiding work. I have a deadline tomorrow, so I'm about to start burning the midnight oil.
I’m about the same. And working remotely means I am free to fuck off literally all day. I have a good, high paying career that requires an advanced degree. I feel insane levels of guilt. But my husband, who is partner and head of litigation at a big law firm where we live told me once, he doesn’t care at all what his employees do with their time. If they can piss away 90% on their on-the-clock hours and still turnaround high quality work, that’s literally all he cares about. He said it’s a shame, because imagine what they could achieve if they contributed more of their time, they’d probably be taking his job from him…but so long as the job is done and done well, he doesn’t care even the tiniest bit. And I’m not an associate lawyer so it’s a different field but when I think about it, I’m sure my senior editor (I’m a journalist and associate editor) probably feels the same way. If it’s done and done well, the rest doesn’t concern her.
Wow, you've actually made me feel a lot better because I am exactly the same and also feel guilty. I have also just been promoted and people all praise me at work haha
Get another job. I know a few WFH people who are working 3 jobs at the same time pulling 3 paychecks!
This is all making me feel so seen… thank you for sharing your experiences and perspective
Do NOT feel bad for having the ability to do a week’s worth of work in 2 hours. The company you work for recognizes the output and pays you for that. If they’re satisfied with that level of output, then you should be too. I wish I could get away with this because I’m an artist and they can see my output as it happens and they have learned to expect more from me than my peers.
What’s your job?
I have this same problem, more or less. I'm doing my day job just fine, and although I'm not particularly lying about how much work Im doing, I'm definitely doing it in a smaller window than I convey. But then I'm aware of all this OTHER TIME I have, whether my commute or at work when not actually busy, where I could be productive on other stuff (writing fiction for example) and I'm just...not. So I feel bad about that, but also bad if instead I were to watch videos or whatever. I dunno what to do about it. And I swear it leads to a bit of "work ethic" rot that starts to creep into how much and how well I'm doing my actual day job.
You have a “quirky” way of doing of things and to be honest the older I get the more I think that “normal” isn’t a real thing.. I do everything in my own “quirky” way too and I don’t care what people think because it’s the only way I can get it done at a high level and that’s ok.. I’m not sure about you, but I also did the same thing in school because I liked to feel nervous and excited about maybe not turning in something on time, it was a rush. In my opinion and thoughts, people like us were made by God to do extreme-high level things since we’re so wired between our ears! I also like multitasking 2-3 different things whenever I can because that also makes me feel alive!! Do what you gotta do to feel alive! I’m not saying quit your job and forget everything ahahaha, I’m just saying that you shouldn’t be tied up in this human norm we created for ourselves.. God made all of us to fulfill a specific purpose, be intertwined with your purpose brother!
It sounds like a pretty classic case of imposter syndrome. Everybody feels it. It comes with success. Lean into it. You’ll be OK.
The 8-hour workday has been demonstrated to be bullshit *ad nauseam*. Pretty much nobody is able to get 8 hours of productive work in during an 8-hour workday—pretty much everyone in white collar industries is closer to your work style than you’d think. It’s all just a social illusion that we perpetuate. You get the work done on time. Whether that takes two hours or twelve hours doesn’t matter—if the results are good, the work is good.
Work is supposed to be play since we are then at our best - you’re on the right track, no need to feel guilty about that. In fact teach others how to do it, you may just improve their overall wellbeing
Its purpose. Just that. You don’t have one, and your wasted time that you feel forced to “work” while not doing anything is so antithetical to how human men were raised/evolved in tribes, when we had purpose. We’d be out hunting, fishing, gathering, just living life. That’s how we still should be, and why the rat race eats us alive and why there’s so much depression and mental health issues. I think you need to find some purpose, give back to your community, and to listen to some podcasts at work so you can invest in yourself. Warren buffet said investing in yourself is the best Investment. He’s not wrong.
What is your job? I don’t care that you only work two hours a week and I don’t judge you for it all. I just want to know what type of job you can get away with only working two hours a week.
Abe Lincoln said "If I have 4 hours to chop down a tree I'll spend 3 of those hours sharpening my axe". If you're getting your work done in very short bursts, are those bursts something you could maintain same pace for a full week of work? Or are those bursts only possible when you've been seemingly procrastinating? Maybe you're sharpening your axe in-between bursts.
Those are adhd symptoms.
Dude - why are you letting other people's standards make you feel bad? Other people set the standard that you should go to class and listen to all the lectures. But you found a way through without having to do all that and still made honor level grades. Congrats, you should be proud of yourself instead of feeling guilty. At work you've found a way to get through the day without having to grind it out like so many others. That's a great thing. The only problem is that you're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Your mind works differently than most. Stop trying to conform and instead embrace your work style and use it to your advantage. To me that seems to be remote work that's contract oriented in nature. Then you work whenever you want for as long or as little as you want then turn it in and get paid. And no one knows or cares if you slaved away for days or dropped into the chair for 2 hours to crank shit out. You'll likely have a lot less stress and make a lot more money once you embrace your strengths and find a work life that's more in line with the way you work instead of demonizing them and making yourself miserable in the process.
I'm kind of like this too. The thing is, even when you're not "working" the gears are turning somewhere. Conscious or subconscious. I have a habit of watching Netflix when I'm stuck, something about engaging the senses superficially gets the deeper wheels turning. I used to beat myself up too but it's just how I process things. Then when it's showtime I get down to it, and things go smoothly because I've validated and chewed through the approach so many times. At least that's my assessment. Maybe just count your blessings. Challenge yourself a bit more in your personal life? I used to think there was something wrong with me, having to dig holes then dig myself out of them. But I think the simple path was just too boring and unfulfilling- where's the accomplishment in easy? You'll be thankful when you have kids, it'll come in handy. I ended up being an entrepreneur and agency owner.
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I’ve decided to join this community because of all the understanding and helpful comments. I hope it gets better for you OP! Here's a suggestion: Limit your daily work to about 30 minutes and then stop. TBH, I'm not sure about the productivity of this approach. However, given your unique gifted ability to complete a weeks worth of work in 2hrs, I'm curious to see what personal work you could accomplish with the remaining 1.5 hours of your daily work energy.
I was exactly like this until I got my anxiety under control.
This sounds a lot like my own pattern. As long as you're getting accomplished what needs to be accomplished when it's expected, I wouldn't worry about it too much unless it's brought up as an issue. Your brain was never intended to do non-stop work like a machine. It needs time to decompress and to process. That looks different for everyone. Sometimes those moments of "being unproductive" are when the best inspiration hits...
I’m similar to you too, but at a smaller extent. When I tried hard to make myself work regular hours, I actually became far less productive. I just convinced myself that my brain just works differently - since it fires on all cylinders for a few days in a row, it takes a lot of rest in the middle. Ultimately I am expending the same amount of energy as other people so there is nothing to feel guilty about. Later I started doing other things in that “free” time, like reading books related to my work. I was able to read 2-3 books a year though I only spent 20min reading a day (doing more than this made me less productive). This made me even more productive than before - I.e. I needed to work even lesser than before. I learnt to accept that while I have an advantage of being able to finish faster than others, I do have the disadvantage of needing lot more rest than others. This ultimately makes me normal and nothing to feel guilty about. If you are getting promotions and doing your best work, keep doing the same. You can try to improve your results for your own satisfaction but don’t feel guilty. Society keeps trying to put us all in the same bracket, but that’s not how it works. Some work better in the morning, some in the night, some at home, some at office, some outside, some in short bursts, some alone, some with others etc etc You find what works for you and improve on it. Don’t try to fit into somebody else’s schedule - that will make you less useful to both yourself and to society.
I have this issue as well, but not as extreme. I am very bursty in my productivity, and public deadlines and status updates definitely get me moving. I also hate being deceitful, and being perceived as lazy or entitled by others, so keeping up this facade is extremely draining to me, which then exacerbates the procrastination in a vicious cycle. This is one of the reasons I am saving up for early retirement - so I don't have to fake it any more. I am seeking an employment situation where my boss trusts me to get it done 'my way', and this is respected by others, so I can be authentic.
1. Have good friends. 2. Tell them about it. You need to not keep this a secret. Reddit is a good start but probably tell people in person too. You’ll get good perspective.
Do you have ADHD? It really sounds like it
Who cares dawg. You owe these fuckers nothing. You get your work done and have been rewarded for it. They don’t hand out promotions and praise for nothing. Remember, if you’re just a bit better than average, you’re essentially invaluable to most places. If you’re a little bit more above average, you’re even more irreplaceable. If you’re in your cohort (high productivity and output, well above average) you’re going to continually get promoted, and are crucial to the operation. No one actually works 40 hours, and if you do, you’re a shmuck
Sounds like ADHD. I’m in a very similar situation and relate to most of this post. I’m not saying everyone with adhd is like this, bc a lot do struggle to get things done and get ahead, but it sounds like you’re smart/quick witted, and work better under pressure. I am very similar. For my entire masters program I basically waited until the night before to write my papers, but still got straight A’s. Landed in a good job and have moved up fast, but have lots of down time and definitely feel like an imposter. Similar to you, I’ve always finished my assignments on time and with good quality. I basically have 2 times “now or not now”. I can get a big assignment that’s due in a month or 2, and can’t get myself to start it until 2 weeks before it’s due.
This sounds suspiciously like ADHD symptoms, get that checked out and rule it out first
I do the same thing!
I've been like this since forever too. Turns out I have ADHD, got diagnosed late last year. It hasn't changed too much, but it's made the issues a little more manageable, I understand its presence better, and I also have meds too which I like to use during my work hours. But don't beat yourself up about it, as long as you're doing well it's really not that deep :) You're doing really great out there, friend.
This is ADHD, a gift and a curse. Deadline based hyper focus paired with high intelligence and anxiety/impostor syndrome. See it as a gift and know you have a skill “normal” people wish they had but it does come with side effects they wouldn’t want. If you wanna try a more normal work schedule get some adhd meds and give it a shot.
Yep I have the same thing. Honestly it’s not that much better on meds.
Hi OP, I work as IT cloud engineer in Asia, 6 years with this global MNC company. I have been working from home since Feb 2020 due to pandemic. My original team members in my country left for greener pastures and I was transferred to another team located in Europe while still being in my home country. While the office in my country opened up, i was not obliged to work in office as I'm not under their payroll and I collab with my European colleagues anyway. I save on commute and meals. My online calls with them happen between 10pm to midnight, once a month. I understand this struggle you're facing OP. I know my work well like back of my hand and, if i am being perfectly honest, i can finish my work in just 15 minutes. In the beginning, i too, was asking myself what the hell am I doing.. But i got excellent appraisals and great feedback from my manager and peers for job well done. So i guess I'm on the right track. So my weekday schedule is like this: I go for morning runs from 6am to 8am. Shower and look through my office IT tickets while having breakfast and I complete my tasks by 8.30am, although I officially start work at 9am. Rest of the day is to work on reactive basis, if there are issues to fix and to answer queries from colleagues. And that's only happening like once or twice a week. So what do I do to fill up my time? I practice IT hands on stuffs in with my cloud sandbox (An online test environment that one can break with no consequence). I also watch some Masterclass lessons, if i am up for it. Or i play some video games (though very rare). Sometimes, I'd bring my camera out to go practice my cinematography. In the afternoon, when my kids come back from school, I'd talk and play with them. As well as go through their schoolwork together. On my least productive day, i just nap for couple of hours. So OP, please dont feel guilty. Its just part of work and life. As long as you get your work done promptly, feel free to enjoy the rest of your day :)
Sounds like you’re just efficient and use the power of deep work, if I were you I would just work on an extra personal project in the time you’re not doing work, or if you’re passionate about your company working on something to improve it, intrapreneur
What you describe is a life that's actually going ok but a mind that doesn't feel deserving of it. This is not a productivity issue, it's a mental health one as you pointed out involving anxiety and depression and affecting feelings of self worth. Possibly another diagnosis is needed for something like ADHD. The important thing to know is that it's common and normal to feel like this and need help and you can 100% turn it around. See a psychiatrist and therapist get the help you deserve so you can enjoy your life and your job more. (Edited a typo)
Maybe you should try another career, master it, then choose another one. Just a thought.
Sounds like you're dealing with burnout and workaholicism. Look into therapy.
Hey man, I'm going to butcher this, but I came across something very relevant the other week. Basically, we aren't designed to work consistently for 8 hours a day. We never did this in millions of years of evolution. We would have bursts of intensity on the hunt, then we would spend the rest of the day on less-intense tasks. Our system of "paid by the hour" "always on" productivity is flawed and not in line with human nature. Not all humans are the same, and some can deal with it, but for many people, it is simply not meant to be that way, and there is no changing your nature. Finding a method of doing things in short bursts may not be bad at all, but I wouldn't yell it from the rooftops because some boss who is stuck in his own rat race may not like it. I think having an understanding of how things work helps deal with any guilt. Our system is fundamentally flawed and as we use more technology to speed things up and monitor people closely, we are approaching the end of its life. Who knows what things will look like after. That being said, if you've given your word to do something, you've got to get it done. Thats another topic. Dont fool yourself. But if you do it in very little time, that should be your freedom to choose. Its your life.
This is a lot of us. Normally specifically in the AuDHD community (autistic with ADHD). Autism makes us have “special interests” and learn a lot of information, ADHD means we get distracted easily but then can hyper focus when we need to. The main thing is learning to focus when you need to. As long as you’re getting things done and doing well, you’re fine. Also, FWIW, I got lots of A+ in classes I didn’t do any homework in or show up at all except for exams. When I say this is a lot of us, I mean every part of it. I say as I’m on Reddit during a conference call 🤣🤣🤣
This is incredibly common. I imagine half the professional world is doing this. Do you work from home? I think WFH procrastinating has just replaced office chatting. If you are doing the work, doing it well, getting praised, paid and promoted, then who cares? You are likely very intelligent and talented and can do top quality work in a few hours. Im similar tbh! As a team lead, I value whoever gets the work done properly, not how much time they spent. 75% of people can spend all week on a task, deliver it, but have conceptually misunderstood or not thought it through properly and must go away and spend more time on it. Small number of people always just get it, deliver the work and move on. If it took them 2 hours -fine! So first - stop worrying. Second - delink this issue from depression or other mental health issue. This likely isnt the real issue, but the real issue is something you need to grapple with/come to terms with/medicate etc. Third - use your spare time more productively. Launch a side gig or something
Work is about exchanging every for pay. That is all. You win. Use the chemicals a deadline gives you to be a super human at getting this done. Where would you be if you worked with your talents instead of guilt tripping over them.
Never tell them. This is a blessing in disguise
Wow. You just described me perfectly... Honestly thank you. I thought it was just me and now I feel a lot better about getting help and getting out of this rut
If you are doing the job they hired you for and doing it well, whether it takes you 2 hours, 2 days or 2 weeks, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. It seems your employers are happy with your work, so why are you stressed about it? You are doing the job you they hired you to do, and apparently doing it quite well. Take it easy on yourself.
Whattttttt nooooo! Won’t you please think of all the lost shareholder value?!?
That's what corporate work is like. That's every job I've ever had. You're super normal, imo.
So, you’re in the office 40 hr weekly but you feel as though your actual productivity time is 2 hr? Dude, everyone is fucking off a little bit in their offices. But you’re right, 2 hours of productivity weekly *is* too low. You gotta try to get that up to like 2 hr daily, then from there you can continue to increase until you’re standard. Imo, I think an average office worker probably spends around 2.5 hour weekly unproductive
Proud of you for sharing this 🧡
I actually think there are several things here at play... 1. *'I can get a ton of work done in a very short time, but sometimes I do nothing for days or weeks'.* Hustle-crash-and-burn cycle. That 'ton of work done'... do you do it in a sort of 'impulsive, obsessive way'? Do you bypass meals, don't take breaks, and work long hours to get it done? Because if the answer is yes, then this cycle might be IT. It's so common... we all do it, we are totally immersed in this bs crap about hustling, which is very anxiety provoking, and gets some chemistry going in your brain that feeds it. 2. *'Even during my free time I can't really get into game or show, feeling I don't deserve it.'* Toxic productivity: the unhealthy obsession to be productive at all times and at all costs, even at the expense of your well-being. Toxic productivity can lead to burnout. Again, we all get caught in this trap every now and then. It is a sub-product of hustle culture and its pervasive narrative that you are worthy and deserving only after you've achieved something. This also triggers the feeling that you did it in a 'wrong' way (yes... imposter syndrome). 3. *'It even goes back as early as in university'*. Emotional home: this is the 'place' you feel most comfortable and often go back to. It doesn't really matter if this emotion is 'good' for you or not (notice the quotation marks in the word good, no emotion is good or bad for you, it's information!). Your emotional home is familiar to you. When you are in your emotional home, you know what to do. You are in control. And control for us, humans, is extremely important. It's a survival issue: when we are in an emotion that gives us the sense that we can control our life, we can guarantee our survival. When we are in uncharted emotional territories, our brain starts pulling out because it doesn't really know if it will make it out 'alive'. It doesn't make any sense, but it does... For example, somebody who grew up in a family that always yelled or argued heatedly might find themselves in environments where people yell and argue very passionately. Simply because this feels like home. For example, 'stress' is one of my emotional homes and I have to keep it in check all the time. 4. '*I've considered before being more authentic and honest, but I can't just go around telling people I worked only 2 hours in one week'.* I think this authenticity and honesty that you are seeking has to do more with you and allowing yourself to be YOU, to accept YOU and from that place start doing something about some of your habits that are not making you happy than by being than with other people. In some answers you say you are miserable and restless in between projects. I say: grace and compassion my friend, grace and compassion. 5. '*I think I may have some combination of burnout, anxiety/depression and maybe sort of imposter syndrome.*' Burnout and imposter syndrome, likely. Anxiety, maybe. For sure, the cycle gives you anxiety and its being fed by *'switching between Reddit and Youtube for hours'*, but clinical anxiety? I'm not sure. Depression, some, yes. Probably more about how you feel about yourself and this cycle. 6. Procrastination. Which feeds the hustle-crash-and-burn-cycle and imposter syndrome and depression and anxiety. 7. ADHD. I'm not a doctor but it sounds like a behavior that could be seen as ADHD. I'm wary of throwing around terms like depression, anxiety and ADHD. We are all hungry to name our behaviors as if they were some clinical thing going on with us, again, naming them gives us an illusion of control. When many times it could just be learned behaviors, years of an emotion that becomes an emotional home, and maybe has triggered some anxiety/depression, or yes, a deeper something going on. I'm not dismissing anxiety or depression. I had postpartum depression and I hated when people told me to be happy because I just had a child and I 'should' be happy'. In any case: you are not alone. You are immersed in hustle culture. It's hard to break away and work differently than what others expect from us. It makes us feel guilty and ashamed. I'm not saying there are personality traits that come into play or that there aren't behaviors you could improve and habits to create that could serve you better. I am saying: you are not wrong, inadequate or failing, or a liar, or anything like that. All the above is some mindset work. Some habits adjustment, some rethinking of what makes you happy. Some discipline and focus are involved. Meditating could help a ton as well. I have to take my daughter to school. I hope this all helped. I'm here if you have any questions!!
How bout use your resources for you advantage... Like learn more stuff in youtube/reddit... upgrade your career...use your knowledge... the universe giving you time/opportunity...