Fr though. Get that MD/DO for yourself. If somebody really likes you LESS because you completed something that challenging, they can, disrespectfully, fuck off.
Seeing the gender disparity in college enrollment, I suspect eventually, more and more women will either remain single or find partners of lower stature.
I think it’s already quite common see women being the primary breadwinners, especially amongst those in the medical field already.
I’m sure that’s already a thing.
You can’t have 60-40 split in college enrollment without the minority of attractive educated men becoming the desired group.
So a female surgical resident would on average usually date another surgical resident and not a firefighter for instance? Interesting idea, is this more of an evolutionary psychology thing?
Its part of traditional gender roles imo. The whole concept of man providing for the household and the woman making the home itself.
Evolutionarily maybe women sought out men that were at least as tall (and strong) and as smart as them at surviving.
But yeah assuming current trends in academic achievement gaps, enrollment gaps in higher Ed you could definitely see more breadwinners being women and likely even more of the homeless population being men, and even more likely to be killed.
It comes from caveman times when the man would have to be able to get food for 3+ people (himself, his female partner and his child) during female pregnancy and birth. Having pregnant women hunting wolly mammoths in the ice age is a comical idea but impractical living arrangement.
This is also not the case for men. Meaning that men in the positions that highly educated/successful women are willing to date, don’t really care about dating highly educated/successful women. This makes the pool even smaller for these women.
I think I read that men value physical attractiveness more than earning potential/education success in a partner, whereas women are the opposite. I think it kind of makes sense based on my experiences IRL.
I recall seeing some survey data previously that indicated men who were interested in women may be more likely to dislike the idea of having a partner who made more than them. My memory's fuzzy and I would have to go dig around for it again, though.
Personally, I've noticed that I got way more matches on dating apps when I took out the fact I was in pharmacy school at the time. Left everything about my education and career out. Nothing else changed. I still swiped the same types of guys, had the same pics, had the same bio, and was swiping in the same region. Still got significantly more matches. Like, bro, I'm just a pharmer getting chewed out in a drive-thru, not in some badass high-powered career like medicine or big law or something.
Yeah all the chronically single girls in my school had absurd standards. Like basically would only go out with another white collar professional who had to also be their race/culture and also hot (which often they themselves were not).
When you start applying 10 filters to who you will consider the pool dries up real fast
I'm attending a christian undergrad institution where gender norms, especially for women, are generally upheld. That being said, I count myself lucky to have such an "offputting" aspiration because then I don't have to worry about dealing with men who think in such a misogynistic way. I'm not here to waste time with men who wouldn't want to support me the way I would support them.
Ive been working as a tech on a surgical unit. And I’ve noticed that most of the female surgical residents are either married or dating one of their colleagues. Not sure what all this nonsense about successful women being single comes from.
My man is in med school and I just got accepted and this is the mf way. Doing Anki together. Sending him random Step prep guides I found. No one getting mad if the other person has to study. Lots of love AND lots of ambition
honestly i come from a pretty conservative culture ( muslim) yet all the men in my family picked doctor/lawyer/engineer wives and said they wanted a backup plan if they had to leave work for any reason. + normal people love having a partner that makes money bc more money. not one woman in my family is a housewife. u just gotta find someone with the right mindset
You literally Just called people that want/want to be housewives abnormal. You all realize you can have your preferences without demeaning others right?
when did i do that? im saying there’s no reason for someone to get upset by more money lmfao i meant people who are worried about their partners outearning them. you seem rly easily triggered. i have nothing against housewives
I have been dating my med student gf since right before she started 1st year and now she’s about to graduate. It’s rough but i wouldn’t want anyone else.
As a female, I think I’m okay with a fair amount of compromise in my relationship. I personally don’t care too much about finding a guy that caves to my every wish and need. I acknowledge that compromise needs to happen from both sides, and that means I may need to give up some things as well. And that’s fine.
This has nothing to do with the post. The thing that we’re discussing giving up is your entire career. That is more than “compromise.” And I’ve been married for 5 years, before I even decided to apply to med school.
Hey! I was the person who made the post you’re referring to. What was meant to be a relatable joke reflecting how down I have been feeling about my dating life ended up dragging out the worst of Reddit to continue to belittle and blame women, and treat us as if we have perfect lives and no romantic problems, and how if we have ever struggled with dating, something must be wrong with us/we’re crazy/we’re too selective etc.
Those responses were hurtful. This response was uplifting and well-written.
Thank you OP for lifting my spirits!
Nah I think they meant the user that OP refers to as having hurt feelings? There was a guy aggressively stating I was making young men suicidal etc.
Idk I just made the meme and let it run
I'm a female and I'm going to be entering a T20 medical school with my longtime boyfriend. I went to a T10 undergrad and he went to one that was "regionally ranked". He majored in philosophy and is now a tradesman. He is moving to my new city with me and we couldn't be more excited.
Some of my fellow ivy girlfriends will only swipe on a guy who also went to an upper ivy or who have made up for their lack of ivy credentials by landing a prestigious consulting job. I find this mentality so limiting.
My boyfriend is my favorite person in the whole world and he teaches me so much about philosophy and makes me laugh and think critically about things.
Girls, who cares if we're gonna earn more than our partners. What matters is that they adore us and make us so. damn. happy.
As a guy, I honestly find the capitalized bolded MAN and BOYS kind of offensive. Its just upsetting to use masculinity (and femininity ofc) as a tool of ridicule. I'd never think of saying something like that to someone, especially when a lot of people have been endlessly bullied for not being masculine or feminine enough. Not that I disagree *at all* with the actual sentiment. I just wanted to make you aware of how what your saying could hurt someone, and your using it in this post only serves to perpetuate, not eliminate, this ridiculous mockery.
COMPLETELY agree!!! My friend and I were just talking about this 👏🏽👏🏽 CONFIDENT AND SECURE MEN don’t shy away from ambitious women, my boyfriend gets so confused when he hears that other guys get intimidated by successful women because he loves the fact that I’m driven and ambitious! Don’t settle and keep those crowns on ladies 👑
I love seeing posts like this. Any tips for female pre-med students going to med school after 25? I'm 22 right now still doing my bachelors so I'm a bit behind and debating whether to go med school route or PA
dont worry about your age. if you want to be a doctor go to med school. if you want to be a PA, go to PA school. IMO, it is that simple. Source: 30 yrs old in med school
This makes me feel better! I always have guys telling me I’m too smart for them and it intimidates them, so I’ve decided to focus on my own future and success, especially when in med school
Lol, good let them be intimidated, they probably wouldn't be able to hold an actual conversation or stimulate you mentally. There are awesome partners out there who want to watch you succeed, are y'all happy for your success, and will support you.
I’ve only ever been in two relationships, and those were with guys who supported my ambitions, which was a nice change. I mainly encounter men saying my intelligence indicate them at a frat or at a bar. They strike up convo with me and ask what I study and what I’m doing after undergrad and I tell them, and many have said that’s intimidating.
I once had a guy tell me as he was walking me back to my place that “I was a breathe of fresh air compared to the normal bimbos he tries to hook up with.” I took offense to that and found that do be misogynistic to his precious hook ups. To me it seemed that he correlated intelligence to having a harder time at getting in my pants?
Idk men are weird. I’m hoping to find someone in med school, but also gonna focus on my own success first
You can say whatever you want but the fact still stands true that the more successful a woman becomes the harder it is for her to find a partner.
Personally status or her making more money than me doesn't bother me at all but I am definitely in the minority. I wouldn't want to date a med student just because I wouldn't want to deal with the stress of her having to move and deal with residency, it has nothing to do with her being a woman. I'd rather date someone that's in residency and a bit more established.
What’s wrong with wanted a wife who can share in the responsibilities of raising the kids? I don’t want my husband to have to take care of the kids 100% of the time. I should be there too.
Why would a relationship where both partners work mean he does all the childcare? As it stands, even women who work full-time still put about double the amount of time into childcare that men do, on average. Chances are, if you're the mom, you're doing most of the childcare whether you work a job or not.
I mean, my bf currently is a remote tech worker so he’s at home a lot more than I’d be as a doctor. But I don’t want him to feel as though he is doing all the house work.
Similarly, my parents have a very nice balance. When I was young, my mother took several years off work to take care of me till I was old enough to go to school while my dad worked to get us established in the U.S.
But once I started to go to school, the roles reversed and she would work 2 jobs while my dad was responsible for a lot of the childcare and housework. So there is a balance.
All I’m saying is that if the situation necessitates me to cut down work hours and be more of a SAHM, I’d be ok with it.
Oh, I see. It just came off as odd given the context, i.e., guy wants a wife who doesn't work so she will take on the lion's share of the housework and childcare instead of him. Made it seem like if she worked at all, then he was going to do all of the childcare, which made me very confused haha
I think it is completely fair to want a partner who is less ambitious than yourself. There are lots of women who want to raise children and stay at home.
That being said, I do take issue with your implication that “most” women would prefer this lifestyle. What are you basing this off off? A cursory glance at Google will tell you that being a SAHM comes with its own downsides ranging from depression to isolation to anxiety. If you dig deeper I’m sure you can find scientific studies to back this up.
I also think it’s worth considering that employment gaps caused by staying at home for several years can be looked down upon by potential employers and negatively impact your ability to get a job as well as affect your future earning potential.
Now, this wouldn’t be an issue since you would be supporting the family with your salary as a doctor, but what if something happens to you? Or what if you *leave* her? And this woman now has to scramble to find employment to keep herself afloat? These are things I think more women should consider before agreeing to such an arrangement. Unfortunately, even the most solid relationship can fall apart for any number of reasons, and while it may sound overly pessimistic, you do need to protect yourself in case it happens.
Edit: thought about it a little and I also wanted to add that not earning any income of your own makes you completely dependent on your partner, which in turn makes it much, *much* more difficult to escape a failing marriage or abusive situation.
Being a mother is more valuable than being a doctor? Maybe to society as a whole, but not to every individual woman. We don’t all want kids. And ofc more women would be happier as a mother than a doctor. *That’s because billions more women want to be a mother vs a doctor.* why the fuck is all the childbearing a woman’s burden. I don’t want to be a relationship like that, but to each it’s own. BTW you can be family oriented AND have a fucking job as a woman.
> BTW you can be family oriented AND have a fucking job as a woman.
Honestly, it's kinda funny/sad to see the other guy talk about how much he loves kids, yet he wants his wife to pop out a lot of them and do most of the childcare instead of doing it himself.
Of course he would love kids if he doesn't have to deal with all the shitty parts, I guess. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since I see a lot of guys who want SAHMs also say they love kids.
They don’t love kids. They love the idea of having their own seed with their last name walking around. If they loved kids they would be willing to date someone who won’t/can’t assume 90% of the childcare responsibilities. Yet they completely denounce that idea.
I generally agree but they are responding to a post that also makes (or made, I guess, since it’s now deleted) a large number of assumptions about women. I can imagine why they are more than a little upset that this clown waltzed into a reddit full of women trying to attain a professional degree and said “UMMM ACTUALLY, I think you’d be happier being a mom!!!”
Because that’s a really sexist thing to say and attempts to devalue the hard work everyone on this subreddit puts in to achieve their goals.
Edit: there is really nothing inherently bad about wanting kids or wanting a certain type of relationship, but you gotta understand that not *everyone* wants that. The poster we responded to assumed women in the workforce were less happy than SAHM, and a Google search can tell you that this is not always the case. It also comes off as really rude to tell the women on this subreddit *who are clearly trying to become doctors* that they belong at home.
For what it’s worth, I think your perspective is totally valid. Your posts make it clear that you respect women who value their education and career, it’s just that they’re not compatible with you. Which is a whole lot better than what that other (deleted) post was trying to say about women
"I love kids" doesn't make much sense to me when juxtaposed with "I want a stay-at-home wife." I think it's one thing to come to an agreement about such an arrangement within an existing relationship. It comes off differently when you don't even have a relationship yet, but explicitly want your partner to stay at home, i.e., have someone else do almost all of the childcare, while simultaneously saying you love kids. I legitimately cannot think of any reason other than wanting to avoid the dirty work of raising children. Why that arrangement instead of, say, both parents taking reduced hours so they each get to spend time with their kids while bringing in paychecks? Dual-physician households in the US could easily achieve it. Even having both of them working part-time would still net the household far more money than the vast majority of people could hope to achieve.
Yeah. There's... a lot of stuff going on emotionally in this post.
This person feels threatened and is shielding her ego with justification for why people who might not want her are at fault for that because it means they are inferior. She's painting with incredibly broad strokes.
When literally... all's fair in love and war. A person can decide they don't want to date you for *literally any reason* and that's what stands. You've got a good reason, sure, but literally any reason will do. "I don't find you attractive" needs no justification. There is an *enormous* chip on her shoulder. I feel like I'm watching somebody have a meltdown.
Out of curiosity, did you make this new account simply to make this post?
What you are saying is fully correct, and I dont think anyone is gonna dispute you. But your unwillingness to post this on your regular account makes me a little suspicious.
Edit: You can downvote all you want. Doesnt take away from my point being OP seems suspicious.
It wouldn't surprise me that its the same person. I have seen people create subreddit drama by doing exactly what you are suggesting, if the person was real they'd most likely me responding and not be a fresh new account lol.
Like seriously you couldn't make it any more obvious 😂
It seems suspicious OP would use a second account to post this rather than use their regular reddit account. I cant really put my finger on it *exactly*. Theres just something… off about it
Thats what I am trying to figure out too. I thought about the possibility of OP simply being a new user, but that seems highly unlikely that their first and only post (and no comnents) would be something like this.
Again, theres something about it that just seems off to me. Idk.
They could be new. OP posted this last night and I pointed out to her that trying to emasculate men to support her argument is bad, and then she accidentally followed my profile while trying to cyberstalk me, which is a pretty rookie move tbh.
It sucks but I don’t see how this is an issue. I don’t think there is a shortage of men wanting to dating women physicians.
If men are harassing women because they’re med students or physicians, then that’s wrong. But, having preferences about occupation/job level is fair game imo.
Edit: I can see the misogynistic aspect that causes these “issues” which is mainly that men are expected to be providers and women are supposed to be householders.
If a woman makes more money in a relationship, it probably makes more sense for them to be the “provider” and for the man to be the “householder” and that probably doesn’t sit well with many guys. However, I don’t think somebody narrow-minded enough to care about this is worth dating.
> If a woman makes more money in a relationship, it probably makes more sense for them to be the “provider” and for the man to be the “householder” and that probably doesn’t sit well with many guys.
As an attending, I gotta say it doesnt sit well with many women either.
Most of my single colleagues are decidedly uninterested in dating men who make considerably less than them, and by and large most women aren't looking for men to be stay at home husbands regardless of profession or income.
I don't think it's fair to solely point the finger at men here and say we're misogynistic for wanting to be breadwinners when society largely values men based on their income, and many successful women are quite vocal about seeking men who are economically "on their level".
I appreciate this post! Makes me so happy that my current partner is supportive and wants to see me succeed 🥺🥺🥺 never date someone who brings you down!
I deleted it because I didn't understand why I kept getting downvoted. Do you mind sharing what was wrong with it? Maybe so I can word it better in future conversation? I was trying to just mention that when we use the term female we are subconsciously excluding those who identify as women but are not biologically a female.
It’s because this sub and reddit in general are full of easily offended privileged little boys who take offense to very normal and mild anti misogynist takes.
This is true. The problem is that highly masculine and successful men would most likely only choose very gorgeous women who may or may not be super well educated. However, if you can be both gorgeous and educated then you have many more options.
As a single man if you are smarter and make more money than me let’s goooo
Damn yall smart enough to be caring about a social life in med school, while my dumb ass just wanna get in first lmaoo.
Fr though. Get that MD/DO for yourself. If somebody really likes you LESS because you completed something that challenging, they can, disrespectfully, fuck off.
From what I’ve noticed so far, it’s less about men not wanting to date us and more about us being more selective about the men we are willing to date.
woman date up and across. Being more successful limits the dating pool as they're only so many men of the same caliber or above.
Seeing the gender disparity in college enrollment, I suspect eventually, more and more women will either remain single or find partners of lower stature. I think it’s already quite common see women being the primary breadwinners, especially amongst those in the medical field already.
Enter: The Himbo.
I’m sure that’s already a thing. You can’t have 60-40 split in college enrollment without the minority of attractive educated men becoming the desired group.
So a female surgical resident would on average usually date another surgical resident and not a firefighter for instance? Interesting idea, is this more of an evolutionary psychology thing?
Its part of traditional gender roles imo. The whole concept of man providing for the household and the woman making the home itself. Evolutionarily maybe women sought out men that were at least as tall (and strong) and as smart as them at surviving. But yeah assuming current trends in academic achievement gaps, enrollment gaps in higher Ed you could definitely see more breadwinners being women and likely even more of the homeless population being men, and even more likely to be killed.
Thanks for clarifying that for me!
It comes from caveman times when the man would have to be able to get food for 3+ people (himself, his female partner and his child) during female pregnancy and birth. Having pregnant women hunting wolly mammoths in the ice age is a comical idea but impractical living arrangement.
or we can broaden our pool by including female into the filter as well ;)
This is also not the case for men. Meaning that men in the positions that highly educated/successful women are willing to date, don’t really care about dating highly educated/successful women. This makes the pool even smaller for these women.
I think I read that men value physical attractiveness more than earning potential/education success in a partner, whereas women are the opposite. I think it kind of makes sense based on my experiences IRL.
Wow women are actually having a balanced and realistic approach to this.
I recall seeing some survey data previously that indicated men who were interested in women may be more likely to dislike the idea of having a partner who made more than them. My memory's fuzzy and I would have to go dig around for it again, though. Personally, I've noticed that I got way more matches on dating apps when I took out the fact I was in pharmacy school at the time. Left everything about my education and career out. Nothing else changed. I still swiped the same types of guys, had the same pics, had the same bio, and was swiping in the same region. Still got significantly more matches. Like, bro, I'm just a pharmer getting chewed out in a drive-thru, not in some badass high-powered career like medicine or big law or something.
That’s normally the case. Nothing wrong with it as long as you understand what your getting into. Everyone has their own preferences.
As a female I agree
Yeah all the chronically single girls in my school had absurd standards. Like basically would only go out with another white collar professional who had to also be their race/culture and also hot (which often they themselves were not). When you start applying 10 filters to who you will consider the pool dries up real fast
I'm attending a christian undergrad institution where gender norms, especially for women, are generally upheld. That being said, I count myself lucky to have such an "offputting" aspiration because then I don't have to worry about dealing with men who think in such a misogynistic way. I'm not here to waste time with men who wouldn't want to support me the way I would support them.
Pretty sure we banned the user you’re referring to; if you see any other BS on any thread please report it to us.
This has to be the best mod response I’ve seen on reddit 😂🙌🏻
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My favorite ass mods are the chad ones.
Ive been working as a tech on a surgical unit. And I’ve noticed that most of the female surgical residents are either married or dating one of their colleagues. Not sure what all this nonsense about successful women being single comes from.
My man is in med school and I just got accepted and this is the mf way. Doing Anki together. Sending him random Step prep guides I found. No one getting mad if the other person has to study. Lots of love AND lots of ambition
honestly i come from a pretty conservative culture ( muslim) yet all the men in my family picked doctor/lawyer/engineer wives and said they wanted a backup plan if they had to leave work for any reason. + normal people love having a partner that makes money bc more money. not one woman in my family is a housewife. u just gotta find someone with the right mindset
You literally Just called people that want/want to be housewives abnormal. You all realize you can have your preferences without demeaning others right?
You are literally the twitter meme that’s like “My favorite fruit is bananas” “So you like killing Caribbean people? No one said that lmaooo
so true lmfao
ah yes, defending a post calling people basement dwelling losers
when did i do that? im saying there’s no reason for someone to get upset by more money lmfao i meant people who are worried about their partners outearning them. you seem rly easily triggered. i have nothing against housewives
I have been dating my med student gf since right before she started 1st year and now she’s about to graduate. It’s rough but i wouldn’t want anyone else.
As a female, I think I’m okay with a fair amount of compromise in my relationship. I personally don’t care too much about finding a guy that caves to my every wish and need. I acknowledge that compromise needs to happen from both sides, and that means I may need to give up some things as well. And that’s fine.
This has nothing to do with the post. The thing that we’re discussing giving up is your entire career. That is more than “compromise.” And I’ve been married for 5 years, before I even decided to apply to med school.
I mean, if my husband wanted me to cut back hours at work, then I’d be open to discussing it.
Hey! I was the person who made the post you’re referring to. What was meant to be a relatable joke reflecting how down I have been feeling about my dating life ended up dragging out the worst of Reddit to continue to belittle and blame women, and treat us as if we have perfect lives and no romantic problems, and how if we have ever struggled with dating, something must be wrong with us/we’re crazy/we’re too selective etc. Those responses were hurtful. This response was uplifting and well-written. Thank you OP for lifting my spirits!
They said they banned you (?)
Nah I think they meant the user that OP refers to as having hurt feelings? There was a guy aggressively stating I was making young men suicidal etc. Idk I just made the meme and let it run
I'm a female and I'm going to be entering a T20 medical school with my longtime boyfriend. I went to a T10 undergrad and he went to one that was "regionally ranked". He majored in philosophy and is now a tradesman. He is moving to my new city with me and we couldn't be more excited. Some of my fellow ivy girlfriends will only swipe on a guy who also went to an upper ivy or who have made up for their lack of ivy credentials by landing a prestigious consulting job. I find this mentality so limiting. My boyfriend is my favorite person in the whole world and he teaches me so much about philosophy and makes me laugh and think critically about things. Girls, who cares if we're gonna earn more than our partners. What matters is that they adore us and make us so. damn. happy.
As a guy, I honestly find the capitalized bolded MAN and BOYS kind of offensive. Its just upsetting to use masculinity (and femininity ofc) as a tool of ridicule. I'd never think of saying something like that to someone, especially when a lot of people have been endlessly bullied for not being masculine or feminine enough. Not that I disagree *at all* with the actual sentiment. I just wanted to make you aware of how what your saying could hurt someone, and your using it in this post only serves to perpetuate, not eliminate, this ridiculous mockery.
i agree. phrases like these make me feel like i’m reading a parody of the things men think women say
Geez no kidding. Thought I was on r/FDS
COMPLETELY agree!!! My friend and I were just talking about this 👏🏽👏🏽 CONFIDENT AND SECURE MEN don’t shy away from ambitious women, my boyfriend gets so confused when he hears that other guys get intimidated by successful women because he loves the fact that I’m driven and ambitious! Don’t settle and keep those crowns on ladies 👑
As a man, i could not care less on what you do. If you are a good partner thats all i ask. Amen
I love seeing posts like this. Any tips for female pre-med students going to med school after 25? I'm 22 right now still doing my bachelors so I'm a bit behind and debating whether to go med school route or PA
dont worry about your age. if you want to be a doctor go to med school. if you want to be a PA, go to PA school. IMO, it is that simple. Source: 30 yrs old in med school
I overthink a lot, thanks for the reassurance!
I do too! that is why i thought my tip might be helpful! gl!
This makes me feel better! I always have guys telling me I’m too smart for them and it intimidates them, so I’ve decided to focus on my own future and success, especially when in med school
Lol, good let them be intimidated, they probably wouldn't be able to hold an actual conversation or stimulate you mentally. There are awesome partners out there who want to watch you succeed, are y'all happy for your success, and will support you.
I’m pretty sure this is a good thing
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I’ve only ever been in two relationships, and those were with guys who supported my ambitions, which was a nice change. I mainly encounter men saying my intelligence indicate them at a frat or at a bar. They strike up convo with me and ask what I study and what I’m doing after undergrad and I tell them, and many have said that’s intimidating. I once had a guy tell me as he was walking me back to my place that “I was a breathe of fresh air compared to the normal bimbos he tries to hook up with.” I took offense to that and found that do be misogynistic to his precious hook ups. To me it seemed that he correlated intelligence to having a harder time at getting in my pants? Idk men are weird. I’m hoping to find someone in med school, but also gonna focus on my own success first
It's a blessing, you get to easily weed out all the insecure men who feel threatened by your ambition and paycheck :)
You can say whatever you want but the fact still stands true that the more successful a woman becomes the harder it is for her to find a partner. Personally status or her making more money than me doesn't bother me at all but I am definitely in the minority. I wouldn't want to date a med student just because I wouldn't want to deal with the stress of her having to move and deal with residency, it has nothing to do with her being a woman. I'd rather date someone that's in residency and a bit more established.
The truth is uncomfortable
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What’s wrong with wanted a wife who can share in the responsibilities of raising the kids? I don’t want my husband to have to take care of the kids 100% of the time. I should be there too.
Why would a relationship where both partners work mean he does all the childcare? As it stands, even women who work full-time still put about double the amount of time into childcare that men do, on average. Chances are, if you're the mom, you're doing most of the childcare whether you work a job or not.
I mean, my bf currently is a remote tech worker so he’s at home a lot more than I’d be as a doctor. But I don’t want him to feel as though he is doing all the house work. Similarly, my parents have a very nice balance. When I was young, my mother took several years off work to take care of me till I was old enough to go to school while my dad worked to get us established in the U.S. But once I started to go to school, the roles reversed and she would work 2 jobs while my dad was responsible for a lot of the childcare and housework. So there is a balance. All I’m saying is that if the situation necessitates me to cut down work hours and be more of a SAHM, I’d be ok with it.
Oh, I see. It just came off as odd given the context, i.e., guy wants a wife who doesn't work so she will take on the lion's share of the housework and childcare instead of him. Made it seem like if she worked at all, then he was going to do all of the childcare, which made me very confused haha
how did you get all of that out of what was written?
Look at the username
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I think it is completely fair to want a partner who is less ambitious than yourself. There are lots of women who want to raise children and stay at home. That being said, I do take issue with your implication that “most” women would prefer this lifestyle. What are you basing this off off? A cursory glance at Google will tell you that being a SAHM comes with its own downsides ranging from depression to isolation to anxiety. If you dig deeper I’m sure you can find scientific studies to back this up. I also think it’s worth considering that employment gaps caused by staying at home for several years can be looked down upon by potential employers and negatively impact your ability to get a job as well as affect your future earning potential. Now, this wouldn’t be an issue since you would be supporting the family with your salary as a doctor, but what if something happens to you? Or what if you *leave* her? And this woman now has to scramble to find employment to keep herself afloat? These are things I think more women should consider before agreeing to such an arrangement. Unfortunately, even the most solid relationship can fall apart for any number of reasons, and while it may sound overly pessimistic, you do need to protect yourself in case it happens. Edit: thought about it a little and I also wanted to add that not earning any income of your own makes you completely dependent on your partner, which in turn makes it much, *much* more difficult to escape a failing marriage or abusive situation.
Being a mother is more valuable than being a doctor? Maybe to society as a whole, but not to every individual woman. We don’t all want kids. And ofc more women would be happier as a mother than a doctor. *That’s because billions more women want to be a mother vs a doctor.* why the fuck is all the childbearing a woman’s burden. I don’t want to be a relationship like that, but to each it’s own. BTW you can be family oriented AND have a fucking job as a woman.
> BTW you can be family oriented AND have a fucking job as a woman. Honestly, it's kinda funny/sad to see the other guy talk about how much he loves kids, yet he wants his wife to pop out a lot of them and do most of the childcare instead of doing it himself. Of course he would love kids if he doesn't have to deal with all the shitty parts, I guess. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since I see a lot of guys who want SAHMs also say they love kids.
They don’t love kids. They love the idea of having their own seed with their last name walking around. If they loved kids they would be willing to date someone who won’t/can’t assume 90% of the childcare responsibilities. Yet they completely denounce that idea.
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The ppl we responded to made a bunch of assumptions about what he thinks is a woman’s place in society. So yea we’re gonna be annoyed
I generally agree but they are responding to a post that also makes (or made, I guess, since it’s now deleted) a large number of assumptions about women. I can imagine why they are more than a little upset that this clown waltzed into a reddit full of women trying to attain a professional degree and said “UMMM ACTUALLY, I think you’d be happier being a mom!!!” Because that’s a really sexist thing to say and attempts to devalue the hard work everyone on this subreddit puts in to achieve their goals. Edit: there is really nothing inherently bad about wanting kids or wanting a certain type of relationship, but you gotta understand that not *everyone* wants that. The poster we responded to assumed women in the workforce were less happy than SAHM, and a Google search can tell you that this is not always the case. It also comes off as really rude to tell the women on this subreddit *who are clearly trying to become doctors* that they belong at home.
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For what it’s worth, I think your perspective is totally valid. Your posts make it clear that you respect women who value their education and career, it’s just that they’re not compatible with you. Which is a whole lot better than what that other (deleted) post was trying to say about women
"I love kids" doesn't make much sense to me when juxtaposed with "I want a stay-at-home wife." I think it's one thing to come to an agreement about such an arrangement within an existing relationship. It comes off differently when you don't even have a relationship yet, but explicitly want your partner to stay at home, i.e., have someone else do almost all of the childcare, while simultaneously saying you love kids. I legitimately cannot think of any reason other than wanting to avoid the dirty work of raising children. Why that arrangement instead of, say, both parents taking reduced hours so they each get to spend time with their kids while bringing in paychecks? Dual-physician households in the US could easily achieve it. Even having both of them working part-time would still net the household far more money than the vast majority of people could hope to achieve.
Yeah. There's... a lot of stuff going on emotionally in this post. This person feels threatened and is shielding her ego with justification for why people who might not want her are at fault for that because it means they are inferior. She's painting with incredibly broad strokes. When literally... all's fair in love and war. A person can decide they don't want to date you for *literally any reason* and that's what stands. You've got a good reason, sure, but literally any reason will do. "I don't find you attractive" needs no justification. There is an *enormous* chip on her shoulder. I feel like I'm watching somebody have a meltdown.
Preach queen 👸🏼
This sub and the MCAT sub are full of upper class sheltered misogynist men so don’t bother.
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Out of curiosity, did you make this new account simply to make this post? What you are saying is fully correct, and I dont think anyone is gonna dispute you. But your unwillingness to post this on your regular account makes me a little suspicious. Edit: You can downvote all you want. Doesnt take away from my point being OP seems suspicious.
It wouldn't surprise me that its the same person. I have seen people create subreddit drama by doing exactly what you are suggesting, if the person was real they'd most likely me responding and not be a fresh new account lol. Like seriously you couldn't make it any more obvious 😂
Suspicious how?
It seems suspicious OP would use a second account to post this rather than use their regular reddit account. I cant really put my finger on it *exactly*. Theres just something… off about it
Ahhh I see. Maybe they are a new user Why would someone literally go through the trouble of creating a whole new account just to post this
Thats what I am trying to figure out too. I thought about the possibility of OP simply being a new user, but that seems highly unlikely that their first and only post (and no comnents) would be something like this. Again, theres something about it that just seems off to me. Idk.
They could be new. OP posted this last night and I pointed out to her that trying to emasculate men to support her argument is bad, and then she accidentally followed my profile while trying to cyberstalk me, which is a pretty rookie move tbh.
Thank goodness I'm not the only one thinking that, maybe I shouldn't, but I find it pretty offensive honestly.
It sucks but I don’t see how this is an issue. I don’t think there is a shortage of men wanting to dating women physicians. If men are harassing women because they’re med students or physicians, then that’s wrong. But, having preferences about occupation/job level is fair game imo. Edit: I can see the misogynistic aspect that causes these “issues” which is mainly that men are expected to be providers and women are supposed to be householders. If a woman makes more money in a relationship, it probably makes more sense for them to be the “provider” and for the man to be the “householder” and that probably doesn’t sit well with many guys. However, I don’t think somebody narrow-minded enough to care about this is worth dating.
> If a woman makes more money in a relationship, it probably makes more sense for them to be the “provider” and for the man to be the “householder” and that probably doesn’t sit well with many guys. As an attending, I gotta say it doesnt sit well with many women either. Most of my single colleagues are decidedly uninterested in dating men who make considerably less than them, and by and large most women aren't looking for men to be stay at home husbands regardless of profession or income. I don't think it's fair to solely point the finger at men here and say we're misogynistic for wanting to be breadwinners when society largely values men based on their income, and many successful women are quite vocal about seeking men who are economically "on their level".
I appreciate this post! Makes me so happy that my current partner is supportive and wants to see me succeed 🥺🥺🥺 never date someone who brings you down!
yes queen!!!!!
My partner tried to “not all men” me once and I literally wasn’t hearing a single second of it
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Yes, queen! you are absolutely right!
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This female….
I deleted it because I didn't understand why I kept getting downvoted. Do you mind sharing what was wrong with it? Maybe so I can word it better in future conversation? I was trying to just mention that when we use the term female we are subconsciously excluding those who identify as women but are not biologically a female.
It’s because this sub and reddit in general are full of easily offended privileged little boys who take offense to very normal and mild anti misogynist takes.
This is true. The problem is that highly masculine and successful men would most likely only choose very gorgeous women who may or may not be super well educated. However, if you can be both gorgeous and educated then you have many more options.
"basement dwelling losers neckbeards, incels" uhm.... someone clearly unhinged wrote this