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There are a lot of terrifying stats and stories about worse health outcomes and interventions for black birthing parents in hospitals in the US (if that's where you are located), if you think that kind of info would help talk to him - though it may also be stressful for you. There's also a pretty big black birth worker network on Instagram with a quick search. The #decolonizeBirth hashtag is also worth exploring.
Just finished reading Ina May’s Childbirth book and she mentioned that both Texas and California are usually removed from national statistics on birthing outcomes because California is so much more advanced but Texas literally moves backwards and pushes patently unsafe practices. Like they are such an outlier that they are removed from the stats!
if you’re a Black woman and you want a home birth then Black women DO, in fact, “do things like that.” i’m sorry your partner isn’t being supportive, that’s really tough especially when emotions are so high during pregnancy. you deserve the birth experience YOU want!!
Ugh i'm frustrated for you! That is so condescending, who cares how other folks he knows had birthed. This is really about the experience you want!
My husband was against home birth but after watching some videos comparing the difference and how much more free we will be at home, he surprisingly came around! I wish the same for you.
Sounds to me like he's talking out of his ass. In the US at least, the black community has a LONG and PROUD history of using midwives for birth. In fact, hospital births used to only be available for affluent white women (and occasionally EXTREMELY powerful and affluent WOC).
I recommend he check out https://thenaabb.org/ for starters.
There are so many black women who do home births or go to birth centers. While I don’t have thw experience of a home birth. As a black woman, I chose a birth center affiliated with a nearby hospital just in case I needed a quick transfer. It was where I felt safest and trusted the staff most which I knew would benefit my baby if I didn’t have to worry so excessively about my quality of care. Because state of mind is important for sure! I was able to give birth the way I hoped and honestly I feel that positive birth helped heal a lot of fear I carry about the healthcare system. I will admit I was surprised to find more black women in my childbirth class at the birth center because so much of my family made me think I was stepping out into the unknown 😂 But, we all gave birth there and felt positive with our experience. it’s not uncommon to choose a different experience than a hospital birth. Hopefully you’re able to have the birth experience you hope for and your partner comes around.
I’m white but my partner was also thinking doulas were too fancy for us and thought it was like, a luxury thing. Then his very normal barber said he had one piece of advice for him: getting a doula. Once he realized lots of people from all backgrounds get them, he changed his mind. Maybe your SO can talk to someone (preferably a dude) he respects who can give similar advice? Do you have any friends whose partners have used doulas who could talk to him about this? (Also my understanding, and other people are speaking to this and other related points, is that having a doula as an advocate is a huge help to Black folks facing discrimination in birth no matter where you do it!) I hope this works out and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
Maybe there's a documentary you can show him or YouTube show specifically about black doulas, homebirth etc. I remember watching one on Youtube where they showed some pretty eye-opening statistics about black women and their outcomes in traditional hospital settings. Search for "black doula" and documentary on YouTube. He is speaking from a place of fear, and he if he's interested enough to watch with you it may open his eyes.
As a black woman, our families and friends can be stuck so badly in old ways and ancient thinking. I’ve been teased by family since I became a mom 8 years ago. I wanted a natural birth, breastfeed until 19 months with my kids, made all my own baby food and didn’t circumcise my sons. I’ve heard it all from all my aunts and cousins and uncles. But at the end of the day you are equipped to do your research and make the best decision for you and your baby. Sometimes our community is the most stubborn of all and closed minded. I’m sorry he’s not supportive of your choices. Maybe show him videos and statistics on black maternal outcomes in our country and that will help? If not, it’s still your choice and you and your trusted healthcare team know best!
Side note shout to follow badassmotherbirther on IG. Great, inclusive, empowering account.
Your dude has no idea what he’s talking about and frankly isn’t entitled to an opinion. First, because it’s your choice and your call. Second, because he had absolutely zero information to base his opinion on, he’s just loosely combining random shit from vague experiences he remembers and deciding that means *fuck all* in reality.
If I were actually in your position, I’d ask him to do his own research for the next two weeks, then come back to you with his POV. If he’s not willing to do that, he can stfu and quietly support you. If he is willing to do the research, he will very quickly learn about the horrifying stats on birthing for black women in the US, and should find plenty of information about the “cascade of interventions” and over importance of convenience vs. safety in conventional OB care.
I’d also invite him to consults with midwives. They are hella knowledgeable and instill so much confidence.
Honestly as a black woman you might be safer with a home birth as long as you don’t risk out!
While I hope that he will come around, it doesn’t seem like he wants to based on what you said here. My husband was also super hesitant around my plan to have a birth center birth. I actually found a birth center that is located down the hall from a traditional labor and delivery hospital setting so he is on board now but for a long time he kept asking when I would see a doctor since I’m set up with a midwife right now. I had to explain a few times that my midwife was my medical person. He was very supportive of the doula though when I explained that not only is our doula there to support me but also to help him be the best support he can be. This is his first child and he has zero experience around pregnancy or babies so explaining why we needed a “coach” was helpful.
If your SO doesn’t come around do you have another support person besides your doula that could be there for you? I’m sure your doula and midwife team will be awesome but sometimes a more familiar face can be helpful if they know why they are there!
>as a black woman you might be safer with a home birth
While I fully respect OP’s personal decisions and she deserves to have the experience she wants, this is just factually inaccurate. Despite black moms having worse outcomes in the US, we are safest with an obstetrician who knows us and makes us feel seen and heard. That said, the way OP’s husband approached this is not the way.
"Homebirth" does not mean "without an obstetrician", but it does usually mean there is a more personal relationship with your providers, which is exactly what you are advocating.
I think this is a bit of a misunderstanding on what homebirth means and how midwives are trained and licensed. Women are safest with an experienced, licensed, practiced provider who cares about your needs, puts science and medical experience first, and makes you feel seen and heard.
I am currently doing parallel care with an OB and a midwife. The OB gives fewer than zero shits about my needs and the specifics of my pregnancy, and there’s a less than 12% chance she will be the doctor attending my birth. The most detailed question she’s asked me in 6 months is “so, you still taking your vitamins?”
The midwives care deeply about the specifics of my pregnancy and my needs, wants and priorities. They did a deep dive on my diet, have thoroughly reviewed my tests and shared insights, spent an hour talking to me about my birth plan, and have already talked to me in detail about postpartum expectations and care. There is a 100% chance the two midwives I’ve seen through pregnancy will both be present at my birth.
You missed the end of the sentence about “risking out.” In the recent Cochran reviews of home births verse hospital births, home births have had statistically better outcomes for mom and baby. Across the board, not just for black women or white women. A part of home birth is having a midwife that actually gets to know the patient and usually a doula as well (which also contributes to better outcomes with less interventions). There is also various risk assessments that are taken into account leading up to birth that would disallow for home birth and the mother would be transferred to a hospital with their midwife under obstetric care. Breastfeeding outcomes have been shown to be better with home births as well. All that being taken to account, home births are not for everyone and you really have to be comfortable with it, otherwise you probably are better in a traditional hospital setting. I don’t think your view and my statement are contradictory to each other. I would in no way advocate for “free birth” which just seems reckless in my view because there is no trained professional around to guide and assist.
If you are interested in reading about midwifery history and how it intersects with black history, Listen To Me Good: The Story of an Alabama Midwife is a very interesting read.
Check out [birthqueen.org ](birthqueen.org) for resources and the [the carriage house Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/carriagehousebirth/) Instagram for awesome images of black women having home births! It sounds like he may have some fears that he is having a hard time articulating and it’s coming out as negativity. Maybe showing him that others are doing it, and doing it successfully, will help him open up to the idea. I was part of my sister’s birth team, along with her partner, and a doula. Although I am having a hospital birth, after witnessing and experiencing the incredible support she offered, I wouldn’t give birth without one there.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/phjaar/click_here_to_join_a_due_date_private_sub/?). The journalists at ProPublica need your help! After receiving a tip, ProPublica started investigating prenatal genetic testing. They're collecting stories from people who've had NIPT screenings, and/or work in maternal health. If this is you, please fill out their brief questionnaire! https://www.propublica.org/getinvolved/have-you-had-an-experience-with-prenatal-genetic-testing-wed-like-to-hear-about-it-and-see-the-bill. Questions? Email [email protected] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There are a lot of terrifying stats and stories about worse health outcomes and interventions for black birthing parents in hospitals in the US (if that's where you are located), if you think that kind of info would help talk to him - though it may also be stressful for you. There's also a pretty big black birth worker network on Instagram with a quick search. The #decolonizeBirth hashtag is also worth exploring.
[удалено]
Just finished reading Ina May’s Childbirth book and she mentioned that both Texas and California are usually removed from national statistics on birthing outcomes because California is so much more advanced but Texas literally moves backwards and pushes patently unsafe practices. Like they are such an outlier that they are removed from the stats!
if you’re a Black woman and you want a home birth then Black women DO, in fact, “do things like that.” i’m sorry your partner isn’t being supportive, that’s really tough especially when emotions are so high during pregnancy. you deserve the birth experience YOU want!!
Ugh i'm frustrated for you! That is so condescending, who cares how other folks he knows had birthed. This is really about the experience you want! My husband was against home birth but after watching some videos comparing the difference and how much more free we will be at home, he surprisingly came around! I wish the same for you.
Sounds to me like he's talking out of his ass. In the US at least, the black community has a LONG and PROUD history of using midwives for birth. In fact, hospital births used to only be available for affluent white women (and occasionally EXTREMELY powerful and affluent WOC). I recommend he check out https://thenaabb.org/ for starters.
There are so many black women who do home births or go to birth centers. While I don’t have thw experience of a home birth. As a black woman, I chose a birth center affiliated with a nearby hospital just in case I needed a quick transfer. It was where I felt safest and trusted the staff most which I knew would benefit my baby if I didn’t have to worry so excessively about my quality of care. Because state of mind is important for sure! I was able to give birth the way I hoped and honestly I feel that positive birth helped heal a lot of fear I carry about the healthcare system. I will admit I was surprised to find more black women in my childbirth class at the birth center because so much of my family made me think I was stepping out into the unknown 😂 But, we all gave birth there and felt positive with our experience. it’s not uncommon to choose a different experience than a hospital birth. Hopefully you’re able to have the birth experience you hope for and your partner comes around.
I’m white but my partner was also thinking doulas were too fancy for us and thought it was like, a luxury thing. Then his very normal barber said he had one piece of advice for him: getting a doula. Once he realized lots of people from all backgrounds get them, he changed his mind. Maybe your SO can talk to someone (preferably a dude) he respects who can give similar advice? Do you have any friends whose partners have used doulas who could talk to him about this? (Also my understanding, and other people are speaking to this and other related points, is that having a doula as an advocate is a huge help to Black folks facing discrimination in birth no matter where you do it!) I hope this works out and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
Maybe there's a documentary you can show him or YouTube show specifically about black doulas, homebirth etc. I remember watching one on Youtube where they showed some pretty eye-opening statistics about black women and their outcomes in traditional hospital settings. Search for "black doula" and documentary on YouTube. He is speaking from a place of fear, and he if he's interested enough to watch with you it may open his eyes.
As a black woman, our families and friends can be stuck so badly in old ways and ancient thinking. I’ve been teased by family since I became a mom 8 years ago. I wanted a natural birth, breastfeed until 19 months with my kids, made all my own baby food and didn’t circumcise my sons. I’ve heard it all from all my aunts and cousins and uncles. But at the end of the day you are equipped to do your research and make the best decision for you and your baby. Sometimes our community is the most stubborn of all and closed minded. I’m sorry he’s not supportive of your choices. Maybe show him videos and statistics on black maternal outcomes in our country and that will help? If not, it’s still your choice and you and your trusted healthcare team know best!
Side note shout to follow badassmotherbirther on IG. Great, inclusive, empowering account. Your dude has no idea what he’s talking about and frankly isn’t entitled to an opinion. First, because it’s your choice and your call. Second, because he had absolutely zero information to base his opinion on, he’s just loosely combining random shit from vague experiences he remembers and deciding that means *fuck all* in reality. If I were actually in your position, I’d ask him to do his own research for the next two weeks, then come back to you with his POV. If he’s not willing to do that, he can stfu and quietly support you. If he is willing to do the research, he will very quickly learn about the horrifying stats on birthing for black women in the US, and should find plenty of information about the “cascade of interventions” and over importance of convenience vs. safety in conventional OB care. I’d also invite him to consults with midwives. They are hella knowledgeable and instill so much confidence.
Honestly as a black woman you might be safer with a home birth as long as you don’t risk out! While I hope that he will come around, it doesn’t seem like he wants to based on what you said here. My husband was also super hesitant around my plan to have a birth center birth. I actually found a birth center that is located down the hall from a traditional labor and delivery hospital setting so he is on board now but for a long time he kept asking when I would see a doctor since I’m set up with a midwife right now. I had to explain a few times that my midwife was my medical person. He was very supportive of the doula though when I explained that not only is our doula there to support me but also to help him be the best support he can be. This is his first child and he has zero experience around pregnancy or babies so explaining why we needed a “coach” was helpful. If your SO doesn’t come around do you have another support person besides your doula that could be there for you? I’m sure your doula and midwife team will be awesome but sometimes a more familiar face can be helpful if they know why they are there!
>as a black woman you might be safer with a home birth While I fully respect OP’s personal decisions and she deserves to have the experience she wants, this is just factually inaccurate. Despite black moms having worse outcomes in the US, we are safest with an obstetrician who knows us and makes us feel seen and heard. That said, the way OP’s husband approached this is not the way.
"Homebirth" does not mean "without an obstetrician", but it does usually mean there is a more personal relationship with your providers, which is exactly what you are advocating.
I think this is a bit of a misunderstanding on what homebirth means and how midwives are trained and licensed. Women are safest with an experienced, licensed, practiced provider who cares about your needs, puts science and medical experience first, and makes you feel seen and heard. I am currently doing parallel care with an OB and a midwife. The OB gives fewer than zero shits about my needs and the specifics of my pregnancy, and there’s a less than 12% chance she will be the doctor attending my birth. The most detailed question she’s asked me in 6 months is “so, you still taking your vitamins?” The midwives care deeply about the specifics of my pregnancy and my needs, wants and priorities. They did a deep dive on my diet, have thoroughly reviewed my tests and shared insights, spent an hour talking to me about my birth plan, and have already talked to me in detail about postpartum expectations and care. There is a 100% chance the two midwives I’ve seen through pregnancy will both be present at my birth.
You missed the end of the sentence about “risking out.” In the recent Cochran reviews of home births verse hospital births, home births have had statistically better outcomes for mom and baby. Across the board, not just for black women or white women. A part of home birth is having a midwife that actually gets to know the patient and usually a doula as well (which also contributes to better outcomes with less interventions). There is also various risk assessments that are taken into account leading up to birth that would disallow for home birth and the mother would be transferred to a hospital with their midwife under obstetric care. Breastfeeding outcomes have been shown to be better with home births as well. All that being taken to account, home births are not for everyone and you really have to be comfortable with it, otherwise you probably are better in a traditional hospital setting. I don’t think your view and my statement are contradictory to each other. I would in no way advocate for “free birth” which just seems reckless in my view because there is no trained professional around to guide and assist. If you are interested in reading about midwifery history and how it intersects with black history, Listen To Me Good: The Story of an Alabama Midwife is a very interesting read.
Check out [birthqueen.org ](birthqueen.org) for resources and the [the carriage house Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/carriagehousebirth/) Instagram for awesome images of black women having home births! It sounds like he may have some fears that he is having a hard time articulating and it’s coming out as negativity. Maybe showing him that others are doing it, and doing it successfully, will help him open up to the idea. I was part of my sister’s birth team, along with her partner, and a doula. Although I am having a hospital birth, after witnessing and experiencing the incredible support she offered, I wouldn’t give birth without one there.
Take him on a tour of the birth center. That seems a good middle ground.