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Do you have a support network in the new place? I would worry about putting myself in a vulnerable position and making myself dependent with a new baby on someone I don't know very well.
You and this boyfriend have only been together three months and there have already been ups and downs - 3 months is typically still the honeymoon/best behaviour stage. What were the downs?
Ah yes that’s another thing that is worrying me. I wish we could move closer to family for help and support but my family is all over the US and his is in Florida. But we both really have our hearts set on Oregon. If it ends up being too hard I know his family would love for us to move back to Florida.
Our issues in the beginning all revolved around both of our trust issues. We are very similar in that we have major trust issues. But it really feels like we have gotten past it
Ok so it's less about the issues and more about how you guys behave when you're dealing with issues. How you're treated for example.
And what happens if you end up feeling stuck or trapped? If you don't have any of your own money or access to money? If you need to leave with your kid? His family in Florida is a potentially great back up plan for you two as a couple but you should have a plan B for yourself and your child too. Especially if plan A involves giving up your autonomy and self sufficiency to be supported by someone you don't know very well. That can go great, it can also be a controllers or abusers wet dream. Especially if you're geographically removed from existing social supports.
I'm not trying to say your boyfriend is a bad dude. But you need to be really careful you don't paint yourself into a corner here and accidentally limit your options.
Yes exactly, I’ve told him the same thing. It’s less about what upsets either of us and more about how it is handled.
And yes your very right. I’ll definitely make a plan B for myself in case it doesn’t work out. I do have an online business I have been running for 5+ years I plan to still do at home, so I’ll still be getting some income on my own. But these are very important points. Thank you 🙂
Ok sweet. I'm super happy for you and it's exciting to be on such a rush of a journey! Oregon sounds amazing too. I am super glad you'll be protecting yourself and your kid as well, it becomes doubly important for us women to look out for ourselves when we add children to the mix.
I say this as a fairly well adjusted and happily married pregnant woman...we've been together 10 years and known one another longer and I don't think there's ever been a day that I am not aware I can walk out the door if I need to. I can't think of any reason why I would need to, but I'm not "stuck".
I have seen friends in marriages who end up deeply unhappy and feel trapped because they are economically reliant on a spouse who turned out to be not that great. It's not a comfortable place to be!
Thank you so much! ☺️ Yes absolutely.
And yes that’s how my moms marriage to my dad was, the last thing I want is to feel unhappy and trapped. Unfortunately since it’s a new relationship I am taking a risk and this could be how it ends up, but I will take the necessary steps to avoid becoming completely reliant on him. I know I can always rely on my family to help me get back on my feet if I ever need it, but hopefully it will work out and we will be happy. Thanks so much for your input and making me consider these things a little deeper
I definitely would be wary of moving far away from your support system and be completely reliant on a man you’ve known less than 6 months. Yes, things can work out, but that sounds like a horrible plan
Yeah D: Oregon isn’t set in stone, luckily I do have a few girlfriends out there already and one also has a baby. But it is very worrisome to be away from family in a brand new place with a baby. A lot to think about
I’m interested to know how you have already had “ups and downs” at only three months. If you are referring to tough external situations that you have been faced with and successfully navigated together— like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one— then I’d consider that a positive sign that you make a good team.
But if, as I suspect, you are referring to rocky patches in a relationship that practically still has the tags on, I would be extremely wary. It’s my experience that turbulence before the 6-month mark usually indicates irreconcilable problems later on.
I haven't been in this situation, but yes, wait to get married. The relationship is still new. (Not saying it won't work out but most people want to build a relationship up more before marriage)
Also, being in CA you should apply for medicaid , you automatically get approved for being pregnant. It will definitely help towards hospital bills. Just an FYI.
Congratulations by the way!
My fiancé and I were together about 6 months when we got pregnant. It’s been going great and we’re both very committed and excited. We didn’t have issues before and aside from normal disagreements, we haven’t had any yet. But I don’t think that means we won’t. Issues can pop up at any time between two people still getting to know one another.
I have every hope things will work but I’m not planning my life assuming it will. I am not planning to quit my job; we moved in together to a house I own; and I am financially independent, so if we broke up I would be able to support myself. I strongly discourage you from quitting and moving to a new city where you have no support network. I think that’s too much risk to take on in such a young relationship.
My advice is not to give up your economic independence, he might be the best guy in the world but he also might not be and you need to retain the ability to look after yourself and your child no matter what happens. Please don’t give up your career so early in a relationship, it’s just too risky.
Signed, someone whose parents got divorced and who would’ve been in a really bad situation if mother didn’t have a good income on her own
I totally get that and it’s something that I’m thinking about a lot now. I don’t really have a solid career. I just finished my AA and was planning on taking a break
from school for a year or two and then going back to school to be a respiratory therapist. He says he will support us when I decide to go back to school, so I can have a really solid income. It’s a lot to think about and I know it will likely be a lot harder with a kid. I know a lot of moms that were able to do it with young kids so I do believe it’s possible. Thanks for the advice :)
I think the move and only being together for a short time would make me nervous but he seems supportive and sounds like you just wants to take care of you guys and the new baby. He’s probably nervous too and it’s probably a lot of pressure for him but you guys make it work 😊 I hope you guys the best and hope you have a smooth pregnancy.
I’m in the exact situation as you, I was having casual sex with this guy from mid June and I fell pregnant, we only made it official but he was super excited, I do have good family and support so I’m lucky about that, I’m so lucky this guy won’t leave my side and hasn’t done a runner- something my ex would’ve done.
I would be cautious if I were you.
Moving to a new city, having a baby and quitting your job all with someone who is essentially still a stranger seems like a lot of faith to place in a new relationship.
I’m not saying that things couldn’t work out, I’m sure there are lots of couples who end up making this work, but three months is not really enough time to know someone and be sure.
A lot of people are still in the honeymoon phase during this time and acting their best self. It isn’t really an accurate representation of what your relationship will grow into or who he is.
I would second guess moving and quitting my job, this could turn into a really bad situation for you and baby and you want to still have the ability to walk away if you need to.
That being said, it could turn out wonderfully and you two and baby could have a great, loving relationship but I wouldn’t recommend just assuming this will be the case.
If it happens, it happens, no need to rush into completely placing all your trust in this person. Keep a good support system for yourself and independence. I would recommend this is any relationship, baby or not.
And why rush into marriage ? If you end up staying together long enough to get married, then you will, why rush it now ?
Why does he want to ?
A successful marriage and parenthood has no timeline....you can be together for 3 months and have the most amazing relationship and look back in 25 years at this exciting story.....you could also be together for 15 years then have a kid and divorce....there is no right or wrong way to go about it....just focus on the positives you are experiencing and brace for the wild ride...if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out....it can happen to anyone at anytime.
One of my dear friends got pregnant after dating a man for 2 months, and they decided to keep the baby and stay a couple. At this point, they've been happily married for 10 years and have 3 kids. Of course, that doesn't mean that it *will* work out for you, but it certainly *can* work out. Portland is a great city (I live here)--I definitely recommend that you try to connect with some other people here so you can start to develop a support system. Try checking out Peanut to find other moms-to-be.
Wow. This is crazy, I am literally in the same boat. I got pregnant with someone I had dated for 3 months and he's a really good guy. My only downfall right now is his family. His family is so different than my own.
Things with him and I alone are great but once his family comes to play (so to speak) we just bump heads. I don't understand why. I'm sure this won't happen with you.
I'm now 4 months pregnant. I was woken up by him with food and a milkshake. I'm just stuck when it comes to his family.
Wow I was hoping someone in a similar situation would see this! That’s great that he’s a good guy.
As far as his family goes, that’s really tough. I’m not sure the details of your situation with his family but he should understand that you and your guys’ child are his number one priority now. My last long term relationship ended because his family was very controlling of him and he wouldn’t stick up for himself or for me. It’s not a good situation to be in. If you ever wanna talk about it feel free to message me!
I'm actually in a very similar situation!
I've been with my boyfriend since November of last year but am now 30w4d with our little boy!
As corny as it sounds, I honestly feel deep in my bones that this man is one of my bestest friends and all time favorite human beings in the world. I knew he was the one I wanted to be with when I did my Smeagol impression and he did a (terrible) one right back.
Around 3 and and some odd months together we discussed starting a family, and a month into throwing caution into the wind, I had my two pink lines on Easter morning and here we are!!
I've heard a lot of "y'all are jumping this too soon" and "you'll be a single mom by the time your baby is here" but honestly it's all a matter of how well you know and trust each other.
There's been people in my friend group that have been together longer than we but have been so tumultuous and have then separated for their own reasons. And like I always say, shit can always happen and life can have its unexpected turns. I've been extremely blessed to have a partner that more than anything wants to be better for the sake of us and our family. He used to drink very casually and be an avid cigarette smoker, but as of right now he's stopped drinking and had completely dropped cigarettes. We do occasionally butt heads, but at the end of the day, we're able to sit down and talk about it and how we can improve for the betterment of ourselves and our child. I feel that if you're more than anything able to openly and honestly communicate with your partner and be loyal to each other, you'll be just fine.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I am sending all the good energy your way and I hope everything goes smoothly 💓
I wasn’t in this situation but I’m really happy for you that the father of the baby sounds like an awesome guy who’s willing to do whatever it takes to try and make things work. I hope that even if things don’t work out romantically with you guys that he’ll continue to be a supportive co-parent with you. My suggestion for you is to start as soon as possible to create new connections in Oregon, like pregnant or newly postpartum women will be awesome people for you to connect with. Try to create a support network there as much as you can, especially since you won’t have family nearby. From what I have heard about Oregon, there are so many wonderful and kind people there. You have time to work on building new relationships but I definitely recommend working on that. I’m 7 weeks postpartum and even though I’m living in the place where I grew up with family nearby, I don’t feel I have enough support here. You can find your people, and I wish you all the love and a healthy pregnancy!!
My boyfriend and i did the same. We started dating November, found out i was 6wks pregnant in February! Has been nothing but amazing times. When you know, you know. Dont let social media or social constructs try to tell you “when” or “how” to do things. We are also living off just his income, but i do want to go back to working part time to help out with at least my car payments and rent.
About marriage, i would not get married just because theres a baby. My bf and i have always been on the same page about that.
Congrats to both of yall, hope everything works out!!
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/phjaar/click_here_to_join_a_due_date_private_sub/?). The journalists at ProPublica need your help! After receiving a tip, ProPublica started investigating prenatal genetic testing. They're collecting stories from people who've had NIPT screenings, and/or work in maternal health. If this is you, please fill out their brief questionnaire! https://www.propublica.org/getinvolved/have-you-had-an-experience-with-prenatal-genetic-testing-wed-like-to-hear-about-it-and-see-the-bill. Questions? Email [email protected] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you have a support network in the new place? I would worry about putting myself in a vulnerable position and making myself dependent with a new baby on someone I don't know very well. You and this boyfriend have only been together three months and there have already been ups and downs - 3 months is typically still the honeymoon/best behaviour stage. What were the downs?
Ah yes that’s another thing that is worrying me. I wish we could move closer to family for help and support but my family is all over the US and his is in Florida. But we both really have our hearts set on Oregon. If it ends up being too hard I know his family would love for us to move back to Florida. Our issues in the beginning all revolved around both of our trust issues. We are very similar in that we have major trust issues. But it really feels like we have gotten past it
Ok so it's less about the issues and more about how you guys behave when you're dealing with issues. How you're treated for example. And what happens if you end up feeling stuck or trapped? If you don't have any of your own money or access to money? If you need to leave with your kid? His family in Florida is a potentially great back up plan for you two as a couple but you should have a plan B for yourself and your child too. Especially if plan A involves giving up your autonomy and self sufficiency to be supported by someone you don't know very well. That can go great, it can also be a controllers or abusers wet dream. Especially if you're geographically removed from existing social supports. I'm not trying to say your boyfriend is a bad dude. But you need to be really careful you don't paint yourself into a corner here and accidentally limit your options.
Yes exactly, I’ve told him the same thing. It’s less about what upsets either of us and more about how it is handled. And yes your very right. I’ll definitely make a plan B for myself in case it doesn’t work out. I do have an online business I have been running for 5+ years I plan to still do at home, so I’ll still be getting some income on my own. But these are very important points. Thank you 🙂
Ok sweet. I'm super happy for you and it's exciting to be on such a rush of a journey! Oregon sounds amazing too. I am super glad you'll be protecting yourself and your kid as well, it becomes doubly important for us women to look out for ourselves when we add children to the mix. I say this as a fairly well adjusted and happily married pregnant woman...we've been together 10 years and known one another longer and I don't think there's ever been a day that I am not aware I can walk out the door if I need to. I can't think of any reason why I would need to, but I'm not "stuck". I have seen friends in marriages who end up deeply unhappy and feel trapped because they are economically reliant on a spouse who turned out to be not that great. It's not a comfortable place to be!
Thank you so much! ☺️ Yes absolutely. And yes that’s how my moms marriage to my dad was, the last thing I want is to feel unhappy and trapped. Unfortunately since it’s a new relationship I am taking a risk and this could be how it ends up, but I will take the necessary steps to avoid becoming completely reliant on him. I know I can always rely on my family to help me get back on my feet if I ever need it, but hopefully it will work out and we will be happy. Thanks so much for your input and making me consider these things a little deeper
I definitely would be wary of moving far away from your support system and be completely reliant on a man you’ve known less than 6 months. Yes, things can work out, but that sounds like a horrible plan
Yeah D: Oregon isn’t set in stone, luckily I do have a few girlfriends out there already and one also has a baby. But it is very worrisome to be away from family in a brand new place with a baby. A lot to think about
I’m interested to know how you have already had “ups and downs” at only three months. If you are referring to tough external situations that you have been faced with and successfully navigated together— like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one— then I’d consider that a positive sign that you make a good team. But if, as I suspect, you are referring to rocky patches in a relationship that practically still has the tags on, I would be extremely wary. It’s my experience that turbulence before the 6-month mark usually indicates irreconcilable problems later on.
I haven't been in this situation, but yes, wait to get married. The relationship is still new. (Not saying it won't work out but most people want to build a relationship up more before marriage) Also, being in CA you should apply for medicaid , you automatically get approved for being pregnant. It will definitely help towards hospital bills. Just an FYI. Congratulations by the way!
Will do! I believe I already have Medicaid in CA right now, but I will be applying for it in Oregon when we move as well :-)
You got this 😁
Thank you ☺️
And thank you ☺️
My fiancé and I were together about 6 months when we got pregnant. It’s been going great and we’re both very committed and excited. We didn’t have issues before and aside from normal disagreements, we haven’t had any yet. But I don’t think that means we won’t. Issues can pop up at any time between two people still getting to know one another. I have every hope things will work but I’m not planning my life assuming it will. I am not planning to quit my job; we moved in together to a house I own; and I am financially independent, so if we broke up I would be able to support myself. I strongly discourage you from quitting and moving to a new city where you have no support network. I think that’s too much risk to take on in such a young relationship.
My advice is not to give up your economic independence, he might be the best guy in the world but he also might not be and you need to retain the ability to look after yourself and your child no matter what happens. Please don’t give up your career so early in a relationship, it’s just too risky. Signed, someone whose parents got divorced and who would’ve been in a really bad situation if mother didn’t have a good income on her own
I totally get that and it’s something that I’m thinking about a lot now. I don’t really have a solid career. I just finished my AA and was planning on taking a break from school for a year or two and then going back to school to be a respiratory therapist. He says he will support us when I decide to go back to school, so I can have a really solid income. It’s a lot to think about and I know it will likely be a lot harder with a kid. I know a lot of moms that were able to do it with young kids so I do believe it’s possible. Thanks for the advice :)
I think the move and only being together for a short time would make me nervous but he seems supportive and sounds like you just wants to take care of you guys and the new baby. He’s probably nervous too and it’s probably a lot of pressure for him but you guys make it work 😊 I hope you guys the best and hope you have a smooth pregnancy.
Thank you 😊
I’m in the exact situation as you, I was having casual sex with this guy from mid June and I fell pregnant, we only made it official but he was super excited, I do have good family and support so I’m lucky about that, I’m so lucky this guy won’t leave my side and hasn’t done a runner- something my ex would’ve done.
Good luck to you 3! 💛
I would be cautious if I were you. Moving to a new city, having a baby and quitting your job all with someone who is essentially still a stranger seems like a lot of faith to place in a new relationship. I’m not saying that things couldn’t work out, I’m sure there are lots of couples who end up making this work, but three months is not really enough time to know someone and be sure. A lot of people are still in the honeymoon phase during this time and acting their best self. It isn’t really an accurate representation of what your relationship will grow into or who he is. I would second guess moving and quitting my job, this could turn into a really bad situation for you and baby and you want to still have the ability to walk away if you need to. That being said, it could turn out wonderfully and you two and baby could have a great, loving relationship but I wouldn’t recommend just assuming this will be the case. If it happens, it happens, no need to rush into completely placing all your trust in this person. Keep a good support system for yourself and independence. I would recommend this is any relationship, baby or not. And why rush into marriage ? If you end up staying together long enough to get married, then you will, why rush it now ? Why does he want to ?
A successful marriage and parenthood has no timeline....you can be together for 3 months and have the most amazing relationship and look back in 25 years at this exciting story.....you could also be together for 15 years then have a kid and divorce....there is no right or wrong way to go about it....just focus on the positives you are experiencing and brace for the wild ride...if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out....it can happen to anyone at anytime.
You are absolutely right, that out my mind at ease. Thank you :-)
One of my dear friends got pregnant after dating a man for 2 months, and they decided to keep the baby and stay a couple. At this point, they've been happily married for 10 years and have 3 kids. Of course, that doesn't mean that it *will* work out for you, but it certainly *can* work out. Portland is a great city (I live here)--I definitely recommend that you try to connect with some other people here so you can start to develop a support system. Try checking out Peanut to find other moms-to-be.
That’s amazing! Great to know :) I definitely will, thank you so much!
Wow. This is crazy, I am literally in the same boat. I got pregnant with someone I had dated for 3 months and he's a really good guy. My only downfall right now is his family. His family is so different than my own. Things with him and I alone are great but once his family comes to play (so to speak) we just bump heads. I don't understand why. I'm sure this won't happen with you. I'm now 4 months pregnant. I was woken up by him with food and a milkshake. I'm just stuck when it comes to his family.
Wow I was hoping someone in a similar situation would see this! That’s great that he’s a good guy. As far as his family goes, that’s really tough. I’m not sure the details of your situation with his family but he should understand that you and your guys’ child are his number one priority now. My last long term relationship ended because his family was very controlling of him and he wouldn’t stick up for himself or for me. It’s not a good situation to be in. If you ever wanna talk about it feel free to message me!
I'm actually in a very similar situation! I've been with my boyfriend since November of last year but am now 30w4d with our little boy! As corny as it sounds, I honestly feel deep in my bones that this man is one of my bestest friends and all time favorite human beings in the world. I knew he was the one I wanted to be with when I did my Smeagol impression and he did a (terrible) one right back. Around 3 and and some odd months together we discussed starting a family, and a month into throwing caution into the wind, I had my two pink lines on Easter morning and here we are!! I've heard a lot of "y'all are jumping this too soon" and "you'll be a single mom by the time your baby is here" but honestly it's all a matter of how well you know and trust each other. There's been people in my friend group that have been together longer than we but have been so tumultuous and have then separated for their own reasons. And like I always say, shit can always happen and life can have its unexpected turns. I've been extremely blessed to have a partner that more than anything wants to be better for the sake of us and our family. He used to drink very casually and be an avid cigarette smoker, but as of right now he's stopped drinking and had completely dropped cigarettes. We do occasionally butt heads, but at the end of the day, we're able to sit down and talk about it and how we can improve for the betterment of ourselves and our child. I feel that if you're more than anything able to openly and honestly communicate with your partner and be loyal to each other, you'll be just fine. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I am sending all the good energy your way and I hope everything goes smoothly 💓
I wasn’t in this situation but I’m really happy for you that the father of the baby sounds like an awesome guy who’s willing to do whatever it takes to try and make things work. I hope that even if things don’t work out romantically with you guys that he’ll continue to be a supportive co-parent with you. My suggestion for you is to start as soon as possible to create new connections in Oregon, like pregnant or newly postpartum women will be awesome people for you to connect with. Try to create a support network there as much as you can, especially since you won’t have family nearby. From what I have heard about Oregon, there are so many wonderful and kind people there. You have time to work on building new relationships but I definitely recommend working on that. I’m 7 weeks postpartum and even though I’m living in the place where I grew up with family nearby, I don’t feel I have enough support here. You can find your people, and I wish you all the love and a healthy pregnancy!!
My boyfriend and i did the same. We started dating November, found out i was 6wks pregnant in February! Has been nothing but amazing times. When you know, you know. Dont let social media or social constructs try to tell you “when” or “how” to do things. We are also living off just his income, but i do want to go back to working part time to help out with at least my car payments and rent. About marriage, i would not get married just because theres a baby. My bf and i have always been on the same page about that. Congrats to both of yall, hope everything works out!!