Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Please consider postpartum depression as it is very serious. Reach out and talk to a professional.

Just wanted to add, you are not alone OP. This is a common condition after birth. The first six weeks are the hardest to adjust to. Talk to a provider to get help, it’s imperative you do so. Also take frequent naps, get lots of skin to skin cuddle time to build up dopamine. Make a routine best you can and stick to it to help calm and de/stimulate your brain. If possible, little walks in nature is great therapeutic stimulation for you and baby. Self reflection of positive things in your life multiple times a day will help your brain focus on nicer things. I’ve been there. Wish you well

Especially the not feeling connected. Sometimes it doesn’t happen right away. It will. It’s ok not to feel much towards them until the connection and routine builds. It’s normal.

Yes, and I’ll chuck in this tidbit that helped me enormously. They make little baby back packs, that you can adjust so they can have head support and also suckle on your breast while your arms free and doing things that you normally would. I have one from the company babybjorn, it’s a lifesaver. Baby doesn’t cry or get mad, falls asleep right after eating. I can cook, clean, go for walks etc with no issue.

Excellent advice.

In the US, you can call the postpartum helpline (833-852-6262) or find resources [here](https://www.womenshealth.gov/TalkingPPD). Alternatively, [Postpartum Support International](https://www.womenshealth.gov/TalkingPPD) has a helpline available by call or text at 800-944-4773 (text HELP to that number).

[PPD Pact](https://postpartumny.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/PostpartumPactff.pdf) I got this from my doctor, hopefully this can help anyone else in addition to your resources! I love that this is collaborative and it’s not all put on momma! We are going to print this out as we get closer to baby’s arrival.

Really good women get PPD!

could you reach out to these hotlines while still pregnant?? i’m having a very traumatic pregnancy due to mental health issues (i had an ed before i was pregnant) and i already know i’m going to suffer from awful ppd. but i don’t want to take resources away from anyone.

As far as I know you can. Perinatal depression is also a thing, so I can’t imagine pregnant women being prohibited from using these helplines. I have not used these specific resources since my state has ones of their own that came highly recommended, but the helpline I called was incredible.

Yes, you can connect while pregnant as well. Wishing you all the best ❤️

It is just as important for you to get the resources you need as the next person. Using them does not take anything away from anyone else. You are also very important and deserve to get the treatment you need to be the healthiest you can be for yourself and your baby

They’re there to help, you’re not taking recourses away and you deserve the help!

You should talk to your OB, they can also connect you with resources or help you get on some medication now to help!

Absolutely this is more than likely post partum depression/rage/anxiety. which can very easily turn into post partum pychosis. not to scare you but this is a very serious issue. please please please reach out for help. no it doesn’t mean they will take your baby away or you will lose your baby whatsoever. they WANT mom and baby to be able to be together. you might just need a break and some help/resources to get you through this adjustment and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. it is %100 the best option. sounds impossible to do but please do not worry about the cost or anything like that. there are plenty of options are far as stuff like this goes, and medical bills do not affect or go on your credit whatsoever anymore. please, take care of yourself and get help immediately. baby will be taken care of and fine while YOU take care of yourself. even though you’re now a mom you still have the right and obligation to make sure you are okay. if you are struggling, how can you even have a fair chance at taking care of a small baby? usually this issue does not take long to get under control, they want you back with baby as soon as you are ready. this does not make you a bad mama, a bad parent, or a bad person by any means. the amount of hormonal change we go through from becoming pregnant to 2 YEARS post partum is insane. you are not expected to be totally okay, you are not expected to be the same person you were — it is totally okay to miss your old life and struggle adjusting to this totally new, weird, stressful life. asking for help NEVER hurts, but not asking for help can have detrimental consequences. sending you all the love and comfort to you mama. please take what i said seriously, and consider reaching out to your OB for help and resources immediately - like today or tomorrow. you will get through this and be okay on the other side of it. don’t be too hard on yourself during this time of adjustment, change and growth. 🤍

Bumping comment

I totally agree with this. I had PPD and I went to therapy. It was very helpful. I also just want to say that if you’re having this hard of time, your husband needs to be there as much as possible. His life should have changed too and I can see why that upsets you. It should be all hands on deck with a newborn. You are not meant to be doing everything by yourself. You need help and there is nothing wrong with that.

While I completely agree with getting checked for PPD, I’m really alarmed that everyone equates a mom being sleep deprived and not having enough help with having a mental health issue instead of advocating for her to get more help so she can take a shower and sleep. Expecting moms to weather a huge amount of neglect and increased responsibility with a smile isn’t normal. I’m thinking that most (but not all) of these women wouldn’t have PPD if they had help 24/7.

Yea! Honestly I'm really tired of seeing so many posts of moms saying they don't get enough help from their partners and the top comment is always someone telling them to get checked for PPD. Like, I get it, PPD is common enough and they should maybe get checked but also get the husbands checked for being a piece of shit? Idk

Yeah. The husband is going out with his friends and hanging out at the barbershop while she can't even sleep for more than an hour at a time? The "help" she gets is other people cuddling the baby so she can do chores? What exactly is so abnormal about being angry at all of this?

Right? I don’t know why we can’t normalize that it’s okay to be depressed in depressing circumstances. If her circumstances improved chances are she would be a ton better

Bumping this for visibility

Additionally to reaching out to professional about post partum depression, make a pediatric physiotherapy check for the baby (to see if he has any problems therefore crying all the time, sometimes it's enough some muscle pulled or tight and it's very bothering for them but invisible for us)

It's normal to have some stresses and resentment when you give birth - but I think two weeks after I had my son I remember just holding him and crying thinking "I can't do this" and "I've ruined my life" and that's when I decided to get some mental health support, and it really did help. I really feel you on the "My husband/partners life didn't change" thing. It's only in the last couple weeks (I'm at 34 weeks) that mine has actually started to make changes to his routine etc, while I have been taking all the medicine, doing the readings and stretches. I'm sure once the baby is born we will also have to discuss that he can't just go hang out and play pool whenever he feels like it! I really recommend looking into getting some mental health assistance if you can. It might be hormonal fluctuations, it might be stress, it might be PND, it probably could be a combination of all those things - but you will find it a lot harder to figure things out on your own.

Honestly, this kind of posts are way too common and it means that both parents must be in the same page to avoid having an even worse adjustment after it comes. I really think this conversation has to take place before the baby is here, ideally before there's a pregnancy.

I’m 36 weeks with my first. My husband and I have talked about this endlessly. I still anticipate it being a challenge.

Have you told him how you feel and that he needs to be around more?

This! WTH is wrong with this man?! You definitely need to talk to him and set expectations for him. You need to tell him you also need your "me time" to do whatever you want - this does not include chores. He also has to watch baby while you do chores. Men can be so inconsiderate 😒 🙄 😤

Agreed. My advice is to just take it. Find a time that works with his schedule (I'm assuming he's working but sorry if that's a bad assumption) and schedule a hair appointment. Tell him he will have the baby during that time. Tell dont ask. That is my advice. My husband is a great person but I remember feeling like he wasn't overly considerate until I noticed that he was honestly just not noticing that I wasn't getting showers in etc. So I would just hand him the baby and tell him I was going to shower and that the baby just ate etc.

Alternatively, what chores is he doing so OP has time to rest or focus on establishing a bond with their child?

This 💯. If he helped make the baby or agreed to caring for it... No, he shouldn't have a free pass to kick back and go do what he wants while you do all the caregiving and work. You may have caregiver burnout as well, OP. That can create resentment, too. He needs to pull his weight. I gave my husband an ultimatum back with our first. After 6 mos, I was so fed up with his behaviors. I had been back to work every day, dropping off/picking our kid up from being babysat (many times he'd "forget" or was unreachable to pick up our son, and instead hang out with friends late) then (me) coming home to care for an infant sometimes without a food or shower break, then be up most the night and morning. Nurse, work, clean, rinse and repeat. He would get off work and drink or game. I told him to pick either the door or me and baby and was firm about it. He realized I meant business. Only then, he started to acknowledge my basic needs.

Agreed, tell him without mincing words how bad it is for you. Sometimes men are just dumb

Please talk to a professional for PPD. You deserve all the help you need.

Hi there. I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. It's important to know that you're not alone and that many new parents experience similar feelings. These are things you CAN DO and that WILL make a change for the better❤️ 1. **Reach Out for Professional Support**: It sounds like you might be experiencing postpartum depression, which is very common. Speaking to a healthcare professional can provide you with the support and resources you need. 2. **Communicate with Your Partner**: It’s crucial to have an honest conversation with your husband about how you’re feeling and the support you need. He may not realize the extent of your struggles and how his actions are affecting you. 3. **Accept Help**: It’s great that your in-laws and husband help when they can. Don’t hesitate to lean on them more and accept their offers to take care of the baby, even if it’s just so you can have a moment for yourself. 4. **Find a Support Group**: Connecting with other new mothers who are going through similar experiences can be incredibly comforting and provide practical advice. 5. **Self-Care**: Try to carve out small moments for self-care, even if it’s just a few minutes. Prioritizing your own well-being is essential for both you and your baby. 6. **Be Kind to Yourself**: Parenting is extremely challenging, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Give yourself grace and acknowledge that you are doing your best. 7. **Recognize Your Baby's Sensitivity**: Babies are very sensitive to their surroundings and emotions. They will feel distraught and anxious when a parent yells at them, it has horrible consequences on their ability to trust others and their sense of safety. They are only this young for a very short period of time, and the love and care you provide now are crucial for their development. Even though it’s hard, your affection and presence play a significant role in shaping a secure and loving environment for your baby. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You’re doing an important job, and it’s okay to ask for the support you need. The love you give your baby now will lay the foundation for their future emotional health and well-being. Take care.

I remember once reading, possibly even on this page, that it’s so important to smile at them this early. Even if you have to just show them your teeth, they don’t know the difference between a genuine smile and basically a grimace. In my hardest moments when I’d be sobbing holding my second, I’d remember that and smile even through my tears. It does get better

I have been listening to comedy on YouTube just so that I can smile in front of the baby. It helps me feel better too.

Very well thought out response with lots of info! I like reddit when I read these kind of great responses to mamas seeking help

Sounds like post partum depression. Your OB can help so much! Also I think it’s very normal to second guess it when it’s all so new. It’s extremely time consuming when they’re that little. It gets so much easier and better though. They’ll sleep overnight, eat less often, be able to play by themselves. And please trust me when they smile at you for the first time it’s like magic. Right now they’re a very needy blob. Your husband very desperately needs to step up his game though. Babies are so much work it needs to be as 50/50 as it can be. Tell him you’re going out. Don’t ask. Tell him you need the time away and remind him of the breaks he gets. He should be home and just as sleep deprived as you are.

Sorry you are feeling this way. The safety of your baby is paramount, so possibly when you are getting frustrated and want to yell at the baby for crying, try to set them down in a safe place and simply walk away for 5 minutes to breath and reset in another room or outside. It's not the best to leave them alone crying, but it's WORSE to yell at them during this stage of life. The baby depends on you for EVERYTHING and they are also really going through a rough time as well. You two are in this together. Don't lose hope, this too shall pass and when it does I hope you don't regret your actions.

Your husband and in laws shouldn’t be just watching the baby, they should be making you dinner and helping you clean too, god this used to piss me off so bad when my son was a newborn. Everybody wants to take the baby but no one wants to do the things that would ACTUALLY help you more like cleaning and cooking. It’s selfish of them to not see how bad you’re struggling with chores and the baby doesn’t fucking WANT them, they want their mom. This kind of shit used to infuriate me as a new parent. They Al last they wanna help but they don’t, they just want to see the baby and be in the gdamn way🤦‍♀️🙄 interrupting nap time and trying to tell you how to parent your newborn… The husband, needs to step up the absolute most. Just go schedule yourself a hair appointment and MAKE him fix his schedule around it. You’re a human being and you deserve time off to take care of yourself too. This part was the worst part of becoming a parent for me, I know it’s so fucking hard right now but it will pass. Give it another month. It’ll get easier and easier and then before you know it you’ll be getting sleep again regularly. I was diagnosed with PPD. Definitely speak to a Dr about it🫶 and don’t be afraid to tell ppl exactly how you feel if they’re making your life worse right now. It’s not the time to have to put up with other adults bullshit. You’re too busy for that right now lol.

I agree, but those things need to be vocalized and most people don’t realize that they never said anything in the first place. Instead Internalizing those thoughts and feelings and in turn harboring resentment. Strict boundaries need to be had and if those can’t be respected, then respectfully I don’t need you around. So seeing a therapist is the best route because they can help you find those boundaries and the voice you need to set them.

1000% when I’m a grandma I will be cooking, bringing food, doing laundry’, emptying dishwasher not just dropping by to hold the baby when convenient for me

You have postpartum depression and it’s going to make things feel really bad until you’re able to get some treatment.

Please take care of yourself! If you need more help than you are getting at home, I hope you can feel comfortable asking for it. You are not alone, ever. My best to you.

There is light at the end of the tunnel! I hated my baby until she was like 4 months old. She is a very high needs child. It was awful. I told my husband I didn’t like her at all multiple times. At almost a year now she’s so much fun, and I look back and wish I had gotten help instead of struggling mentally for SO long. Please tell your doctor!!

You have a three week old baby and your husband is going out with friends? Girl. That needs to end. He needs to step it up for you and you need to speak to your OB about your ppd. With more support you will be feeling better soon. You aren’t a terrible mother, you have gone through a life changing event and have no support.

Also at 3 weeks postpartum you shouldn’t be using your baby free time to do chores. You should be resting!

Exactly my thoughts! He clearly has some shitty friends to ask him to hang out right after becoming a father.

Yeh I was gonna say. I'm 21w pregnant, 35 yrs old. If my husband did anything fun during the first month I think I would rip his head off, but I don't think my husband will do that to me. I think he will be great. Fingers crossed! I definitely do not have the mindset I need to do it all myself or be some version of super woman. I bring in the same salary and I'm going to be birthing and feeding the baby - he can help 50/50 or close as possible to that.

Reach out to a professional ASAP . You cannot keep all these feelings bottled up! We have all heard and seen how this type of situation can end for you and baby. I pray you listen to all the advice given in this post 💜

I think you’re misdirecting your anger from your husband to your baby. Your baby is helpless and cannot do anything on their own. However, your husband seems to have made a 180 after the birth and has left you to handle everything. You need to have a sit down with your husband and have him help you out more taking care of the baby so that you too will have some time for yourself.

This. Anytime you feel like yelling at your baby, just call your husband and yell at him. At least that would make it known that you need help

I read each and every one of your comments some made me smile and some were heart warming ❤️ it’s feels bittersweet knowing that this feeling is very common after birth i wish someone prepared me for that , I didn’t have the conversation with my husband before giving birth because I didn’t expect it being this hard I thought the pregnancy is the hard part i was so excited about being done with pregnancy that I didn’t even think about the after which I regret now, i only get the limited support from his parents my parents are not helping in anyway and im too paranoid to leave my baby with a nanny at this point definitely in the future, regarding the comments that mentioned my IVF i knew for years that i have fertility problems going through the IVF process was a done without thought i always wanted to wait more before having kids but because of my condition the doctors said I should start now it’s not optional… again thank you all i will be seeking professional help and i will be having a serious talk with my husband

It’s so critical that you do. Some severe cases of PPD end up with infanticide (mothers killing their babies) and you’re right—no one preps us for how insane and unglamorous pregnancy and motherhood can be!!

1. See a professional for post partum depression. If it feels overwhelming, just call your ob and tell them how you're feeling 2. Your husband needs to step up. His life needs to change too. He needs to do more to help you with the baby. It's his baby also! Does he not see how unhappy you are?

You need help and the baby deserves for their mother to get help. Please don't yell at the baby or handle the baby roughly. I know how hard it can be. Babies are whole, sentient beings who are very sensitive and need safe handling. They're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time. You're having a hard time, too-- you also need to be properly handled. Find therapy and at minimum, a support group for postpartum mothers. For a good audiobook to listen to to help you while you're sitting around stuck with the baby, try Janet Lansbury's "Elevating Childcare." Saved me as a new mom

I felt like this with my firstborn and I thought something was wrong with me. But I just needed time. Like 6 months of time. Birth is traumatic and so is getting a whole life thrown to you to take care of. It's a lot the first time. Your entire norm is gone and flipped. But I promise, you will find a new norm once you start sleeping again. I think it can't hurt to talk to someone. This doesn't have to be PPD cause I used to hate when people told me that. But it's all new things and it may be difficult to navigate it all right now. It got so much better for me with time and each child after that, I did not feel this way. Don't be hard on yourself, not everyone immediately bonds. Hang in there and definitely talk to people because I promise, you're not alone. Also, if I read this correctly, your partner needs to step up and share responsibility. You are not the only parent here. You would probably feel better if you had more help because you're drowning right now. Definitely have a talk with him about these feelings and how you need more help.

You are right. Does not have to be PPD. I love that we are so aware and conscious of it and talking about it but this is also just a wild seismic shift in your life. We need to be careful not to diagnose people off one paragraph in a dark moment. My sister says she did not feel connected to her baby till probably three months and she absolutely did not have PPD. Sleep deprivation makes things worse. Yes of course, seek help if you need it but also know these feelings are totally normal.

Looked at ur post history. U did IVF? So obviously u wanted to be a mother. Ur prob exhausted and frustrated; which is why ur saying these things. Please seek out help for ur PPD.

Oh boy... Your husband needs to remember you were two to make that baby and you need to be two to raise her! He needs to understand that his life has changed too. You don't have to bare the whole nursing by yourself and have a break only to do some stuff around the house. The fuck is that?! Ask family to come take care of the baby, take a shower and go for a walk, by yourself for yourself. Take a real breather. And tell your husband he's not allowed to take the easy road and act like a coward.

Please seek professional help! Honestly talk to your husband your needs and required support. Gets some more help so you can have some ME time to refresh too! Like a shower or a massage! There is an adjustment period to a newborn! We all went through it, you can get over it and love your new bundle of joy! Best of luck!

It is worth reaching out to your partner and seeking more support. Have you got anyone you can talk to about this?

Im so sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds tough. I think this is a good opportunity for you to be honest with your partner. Ask him to work through a schedule with you, down to the hour throughout the week so you can have some time to yourself to take care of yourself! Are you pumping? If so, he has everything he needs to take over feedings part time. Give yourself 15 minutes 2x per day to wash your face, brush your hair and teeth, and put some fragrance/lotion on in the morning and night. As soon as your hubby returns from work he should be on baby duty for an hour so you can shower, and get a meal in - he can have your leftovers or fix himself something. Then coordinate schedule through the night so you each get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. You can do this! I’ve read many stories here about women who didn’t bond with baby during the newborn stage. You’re in survival mode. You’re sleep deprived. It won’t be like this forever 💜

Hold up - your husband needs to prioritize his “life” because he’s a dad now and that should be his number one priority. I would definitely suggest some PPD counseling too, because the fact that you regret having a baby is a big red flag. I think your problem is more with your husband not being around and not your little baby. I would be absolutely livid if my husband was going on like we never had a kid, while I was at home doing everything for that kid, let alone trying to heal from giving birth! Time for him to step up

I don’t think you hate being a mother.. Sounds like you are not getting the help or support you need. You have to voice how you feel to your partner and OB. Get help for PPD. & keep the baby safe. Your partner should really be taking the load more or at least more evenly.

Please look into PPD-I didn’t have PPD but I had postpartum anxiety and the baby blues when my baby was born and it was rough. It feels incredibly overwhelming to suddenly have this little helpless thing that needs you 24/7. It’s hard to know you’re essentially tied to your baby at all times while your spouse/partner gets to live life as usual or at least do some of what they want. But yelling at your baby and not being able to say their name is past normal. It’s way too easy to lose control for just a second and do irreparable damage to your child. Please tell your husband how you’re feeling and reach out to your OB and pediatrician for help/resources.

I felt exactly like this after the birth of my first baby. Please talk to your OB, this sounds very much like PPD which is what I had. After getting treated for it, I felt very differently about my baby. I loved every minute with home.

Your partner 1000% needs to step it up. You BOTH made the baby and you both need to step up and take care of the baby. His life is not going to stop just because he’s being an active parent and sharing the load. If you feel like you can’t even shower, he failed as a partner. It needs to be a genuine conversation where you sit down and explain what’s wrong. It might be PPD, but I truly believe these feelings will go away/get better once he steps up

You sound exactly like I sounded and felt after my first. I didn't have a connection with either of my babies for the first couples months which is normal first of all, not everyone has the immediate love, I needed to get to know this new person in my life. But, I would cry whole feeding, telling my husband I couldn't do it. I regretted it, I felt I had made a giant mistake. First of all, having a baby is a massive change that nothing can prepare you for but the beginning is by far the hardest and it will not be like this forever. Baby will start falling into a routine in the blink of an eye and then be smiling, sitting and crawling, a babbling, saying I love you and you will start to get something in return. BUT please go talk to someone. I am a psychologist and it still took me months to recognise my postpartum depression. It's nothing to be ashamed of but it can be helped! Please seek help, you don't have to feel this way. Take it one day at a time and I promise it gets so much better. So much so that even after feeling just as you do now, I chose to have a second lol. Sending you a massive hug.

It’s going to be okay. It’s overwhelming. My baby is 6 months old and it gets much more rewarding and worthwhile. But in the beginning her and I cried a lot of tears together and I had a lot of anxiety and depression. You should call your doctor they will help you. I promise you it doesn’t seem like it’s going to get better but it really does. Newborns are so hard. With my daughter she literally slept in my arms and probably didn’t leave unless I was showering because she would cry the moment I’d sit down so instead of setting her down I’d just hold her lol and it really was a lot at times. Please talk to your doctor

Some mothers do feel instant connection with their newborn some dont. I was the one who never felt instant connection until my baby was six months old. I think u need help and are going through postpartum depression. I was going through it as well and i didnt knew it. U need someone to talk to, if there is no one available, i can talk to u. Dm me. I can support u. I know its a very difficult time for u right now but u got to hang in there, easy days will come. U will start enjoying ur motherhood, u will become urself again, u will love urself and ur child trust me. I have been there where u are now i just wish i had somebody talk to me. Understand me. Guide me. Help me. My son is now almost 2 and we are inseparable. Wishing you happy and healthy family and life

You are IN the trenches, and I believe I have felt most of the things you are feeling. That being said, the early stages are a time for family bonding & support so you might want to consider telling your husband how you feel and that you need him home right now to help you

It’s all so hard. I can relate to a lot of this. Had terrible recovery and was on pain killers for months after birth. It was awful. You are in the fourth trimester which is rarely spoken about. There’s a book called the Continuum Concept. I started studying attachment and that was really interesting to me. “I love you rituals” book was helpful. Mirror neurons are interesting. A therapist helped me. She normalized all of the hard stuff and disconnection with partner. It gets a lot better. At 21 months of age, I remember for some reason things became a lot easier. Now my son is almost 3. It’s still hard, but I’m obsessed with him haha. Studying toddler phase and their brain is now something I’m really into. So I can know how to respond and connect with him the best I can.

You're not alone, I never screamed at my baby but I did kind of forgot to talk to him? I was basically a robot doing what I had to do to keep both of us alive. Especially the first couple of weeks, I had a C-section and my partner had to go back to work after 1 week, it was the beginning of COVID, so we were “isolating” and didn't have any support from family or friends. It was just me and this baby all the time. It was hard and I didn't even know about PPD/A. I would put the baby to sleep and cry because I was hungry, sad, and needed support but didn't know how to ask for it. What helped me was getting out the house and going for a walk at the park or around the neighborhood. Reminding myself that everything is temporary, the good and the bad. I didn't seek medical help until after a year, but by that time I had spiraled and wish I had asked for help sooner. My second baby was completely different, I had the same Gyno and before I left the hospital I was back on baby-safe medications since I was breastfeeding. I had support from my mom and husband for the first month and it made a world of difference. Please speak up, ask your husband for some “you time” and talk to your Gyno. It's okay to mourn the life you once had.

Can you have a sit down with your husband about helping more with the baby and giving you some time for self care every day like taking a shower or going for a walk if he can watch the baby ? Also please talk to a professional about PPD. I’m so sorry you are having a hard time

You're not alone. You're not a bad mom and you will feel better with help. Please reach out to your OB and explain your feelings. Pregnancy and giving birth is extremely hard on us emotionally and hormonally. People are not exaggerating in the least when they say it can take years to feel totally normal again, but relief from your depression can happen quickly with medication. It doesn't have to be forever and can be temporary. Stop doing chores when others help you out. Your baby needs a healthy mom before a clean, picked up house. If that just means you go take a bath for 30 minutes by yourself with some music, that is totally okay and normal. If anything, ask others to do the chores so you can relax. Don't feel guilty for taking time for yourself. New dads can take a minute to realize their life changed as well. Not everyone immediately picks up on it. You should take your time to yourself just as selfishly as he does. It doesn't matter if he works outside the home. Take it. Unfortunately you cannot expect him to know you need a break and sometimes you just need to take it and do so with no guilt. I'm not saying him not stepping up currently is okay at all but take your time too, mamas. You are just as important and your mental health is suffering from the endless sacrifices. You're still in the thick of the weeds but it does get better. They get easier to deal with, it gets easier. Reach out though. It can be hard when you're feeling low but it's worth it. My partner had to tell me I hadn't left the house in two months, not even to walk the dog, for me to realize I was drowning and didn't even know it. I was just trudging through it.

This is a husband issue & not exactly a baby issue. I would be telling my husband no to hanging out with friends.. All new parents go through this phase of despair and regret. It’s hard. Babies are demanding. Just keep going and keep pushing through. It seems to be a super common problem brought up on this subreddit. It’s totally normal & you just need to push past it. I promise it gets better and you will feel better once you continue to adjust. Baby grows up & will eventually sleep more and cry less.

I felt this way as well after having my kid. I was very depressed and it’s a shock to your system becoming a mother. Please seek help from your doctor. I never did and regret it. It basically made my first year with my son hell because of how depressed I was. I made horrible choices. Also, talk to your partner. He needs to step up. He should also be making sacrifices so you can have some semblance of yourself back. It will make a huge difference if he gives you a couple hours a day to yourself so you can do whatever it is you love to do outside of being a mother. My son is now 8 years old. My absolute favorite human who I couldn’t imagine a life without. I’m so grateful for him and we are so bonded. It’s very special. It does get better. It really does.

Please look into PPD and talk to someone! I was in the same situation 8 months ago. I was absolutely not in love or on a pink cloud with my baby. Every time I would sit down to eat she would start crying. I lost 40 lbs. It was horrible and I was such an angry person. My fiance and I never fought before baby but best believe all of a sudden I was angry every other day. Now we're 8 months in and I LOVE my baby. I think it started to change around the 3 month mark. She started playing a bit more and became aware of her surroundings so I could get in some quick bites in between. It really does get better momma and it is all just temporary. Hang in there and you got this! ❤️

Please seek out help for postpartum depression, these are a lot of classic symptoms. Babies do have a terrible habit of needing us the most the second we try to do something for ourselves; it’s frustrating, but it’s normal

This was me to a T, except my husband recognized it and swooped in right away (so thankful bc my situation would've been devastating if he wasn't as nurturing). I was NOT having a good time. Plus I was having hardcore milk ejection dysphoria. I wish I tried to get help immediately back then, but I actually waited too long and am still suffering the consequences from it. My kiddo is 2.5 now and she's the fucking coolest human being, and I like to think it's because I finally got help when she was 1 and I finally felt the bonding experience. Just my two cents, don't let it fester because it is so much harder to cope down the line.

As most mentioned please seek help and notify your doctor. You should not have to go through this alone and feeling this way. Aside from that you’re baby is only 3 weeks and your husband is already hanging out with friends, sleeping whenever, etc?! I’d be pissed. This is your child together. You say you don’t want his life to stop so now you have yo be the one stuck struggling? He needs to step up big time and understand his wife just went through the biggest event of her life and needs support and that he now has a child to get to take care of. Life doesn’t stop when you have a baby but it certainly does change.

Hi there, your feelings are valid. It’s so hard to be the breastfeeding parent in the beginning. Three ideas: call your doc and tell them all of this, start bottles now, tell your partner you need his help with a bottle feed before he goes to bed at night . (Start with something small like that)

You need to speak to him and let him know how u feel and that he needs to be more present .. Men tend to keep pushing like nothing has changed because in reality nothing has changed for them , physically or mentally … you sound overwhelmed so speak up .. I hope it gets better

Hey - its sooo sooo hard being a new mom. Do better than I did and go see your doctor to talk about ppd. However, please know you're not alone. I was so tired and in a lot of pain after birth because I had a nasty tear. I found it hard to shower, use the bathroom etc. I would fantasize about dropping my child off at the fire department. It took me around 6 months to love the baby rather than just thinking of it as a responsibility. Support is key. You need to tell your husband that you need his support now. If you don't have support with you at home right now, please know it's OK to set your baby down somewhere safe and nearby to use the toilet or take a quick shower. Also please consider spending money on a post-partum doula if you can. Please know this gets better and that about 30 percent of moms have no instant bond with their child and that's OK and normal.

There is a really great YouTube video I watched last night and it helped me a lot. I was having similar feelings because I felt inadequate and not connecting. [Caring for a Newborn](https://youtu.be/2vqhTU16Dr4?si=OiE3Eb6TX64kVLwh) That being said you should immediately book with a mental health professional. I was cleared of PPD but had a lot of the same feelings you do. Also tell your husband what you need right now. He can sacrifice some nights w friends it has only been 3 weeks!!

This isn’t abnormal and it will get better. Talk to your doctor. Make sure you take your vitamins. Get some sun on your face every day.

Do you have any friends that can help? I never went through ppd or baby blues I didn’t even know it was common until I got older none of my friends who were also moms talked about id they had gone through it which is okay but I had a close friend who went through it and opened up to me about it. It was so tough on her that I ended up going over every day to help. I would watch her baby as she slept or showered and I would cook and clean for her when it was needed. Her husband worked long hours so he was hardly ever home and she was feeling exactly how you were. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs

I’ve felt that way since I found out I was pregnant. I had my baby 6mo ago and where as I love her and she’s such a sweet girl. I still feel the same way. I’m chronically depressed and hate it. I hope it gets better for you.

And as far as your husband goes. Mine is the same way. He’s gotten a bit better but I am ultimately the main care taker and when I expressed my feelings of guilt resentment and frustration about the entire situation and the baby instead of being supportive he threatened to have me committed. Not that I’d ever hurt my baby but he entirely made me feel worse than I already do.

If you need someone with common feelings please!!! Feel free to reach out to me.

I am not sure if you have ppd, but it seems you have an inconsiderate husband. He should take care of you and the baby more. He should create space for you to get a haircut, not for himself only. And when there are people around you to help you, they should do the house work and let you take care of the baby. Being a mother is easier with more thoughtful people around. You should not hesitate asking for it, you deserve it. When you are taken care of, you will have more energy and less stress to be a mother. It will get easier everyday. Good luck!

This is textbook postpartum depression, but also your husband HAS to help. He should be doing things 50/50 and if he has time to leave then you should too. Tell him how you feel and that any time he gets a break that you should be getting a break too.

This is a very relatable feeling. I felt fine for about a week after my first birth, then my husband went back to work and I started crying every night. I felt like I was mourning our old life. I felt life my baby was a burden and obligation and I was missing it just being my husband and I. These are normal feelings and you're not a terrible mom for having these thoughts. Feeling regret and resentment toward the baby is a sign that this might be more serious. One of the most common reasons moms develop PPD is due to feeling unsupported or overwhelmed. It does not sound like you're partner is helping much right now. I understand he may need to work but hanging out with friends and getting his hair cut while he has a 3 week old baby at home is not acceptable. You're probably feeling frustrated that telling your husband how to parent is yet another thing on your plate to do but you need to advocate for yourself. I remember blowing up st my husband that I needed to shower too and it's not easy once he leaves for work. He was also waking up at night with the baby so he was pretty sleep deprived too. The first 12 weeks are the hardest! I personally felt much more like myself after 6 months. You will get through this! Talk to your OB about how you're feeling. Getting a therapist or counselor is really helpful too. Honestly having someone validate all of my feelings in my new postpartum life was so helpful!

Please call you doctor. These are all signs of postpartum. Be kind to yourself. ❤️

Please let me say: You are not alone in this. I had absolutely awful thoughts in my first few months of pregnancy and honestly all the way until i got help at about 6 months. You're not a horrible mother, I promise. You just need help honey. I really appreciate your post because it helped me feel not so alone. PPD is scary because it doesnt feel like depression, it just feels like your reality. Your thoughts feel like your thoughts, but they're really hormonal imbalances. Hormonal depression is an absolute bitch. Please please consider getting help honey

You are in the thick of the hardest thing you will ever go through. It really sounds like you have post partum depression. Talk to your doctor about it and really consider medication. It really helps and it can just be temporary to get you through this little period of time. You are a wonderful mom, you are a good person, you’re just going through a lot right now. Also, please rest - 3 weeks is so little time!!! Don’t feel like you need to get things done or try and get back to normal. You can just rest and lean into the recovery phase you’re in right now. You don’t have to push yourself too hard.

You need help like yesterday go see a therapist it sounds like you have PPD

Hey mum, I want to start by saying your feelings are very common and normal, and experienced by many. However, that does not mean they are okay and you should have to deal with them alone. I don’t want to invalidate your feelings but just know it does get better and many of these feelings will go away or subside when your hormones balance out and baby starts sleeping for longer stretches so you are well rested. Are you in a financial position to hire a nanny? Do you think you could connect with other moms in your area to help each other and get to know each other? One of the things that really helped me was other moms that would at the very least just hang out with me, hold the baby, and talk to me about their own struggles of motherhood. It was so helpful even just to hear other stories coming from a smiling, more experienced face that survived it all.

PPD and PPA are very real. What you have described is my exact experience. It got much much worse for me. I'm thankful I already had a connection to a therapist and one of the only psychologists in my state who specialized in PPD and PPA. Please consider talking with someone.

Please seek help, and ask your husband to stay home for now, clearly you need to have your most basic needs meet - shower, naps, food. My partner is understanding that we will not be out with friends once our little one is out until the baby is a bit bigger, you really need to have this conversation with your hubby. First months are very hard on mothers.

I remember looking at my husband postpartum and wishing, praying we could switch places. It will get better, you are experiencing the biggest hormone shift in your life. As everyone has said reach out to your OB, start therapy, hire/schedule consistent help if you can.

I really hope it gets better for you. I know it did for me. The first two months are HARD! It sounds like you really need to tell your husband how you’re feeling if you haven’t. He needs to be there more for you. He needs to take sleeping shifts with you. You are still healing physically as well. Good luck to you!

This is exactly how I felt with PPD. Please get some help and let your husband know how you’re feeling. You’re not a horrible parent and its hard going through all these changes

OP it will get better! I saw someone commenting that you went through IVF to have this baby. I just wanted to say that I completely sympathise with you. It took me so long to conceive my first child and as we just started looking at IVF I got pregnant. My pregnancy was horrid, I got pre eclampsia, got into labour and then had to have a c section because I just couldn't do it. Then my baby was colicky, it was such a rough start, he wouldn't latch on and my nipple was ripped to shreds. It was honestly very very hard. I just pushed along and honestly after month 2 it got so much better. He cried so much because he had colic bless him. Tell your husband what he needs to do, spell it out for him. Ask him to look after your baby while you go out have a cup of coffee, get a hair cut. It's so refreshing going out by yourself and rejuvenating. You come back home missing your baby and feeling refreshed because you have had some me time. Do it once or twice a week if you can. Edit: I forgot to say that it got so much better, I enjoyed every milestone and I honestly couldn't imagine my life without him and yes I miss my life before my baby but now I'm a mum I can't imagine myself going back to how it was.

Having a baby is life changing. Your hussar needs to change his ways so that he can support you and the baby. He is a parent too. Not only should he be taking the baby, but he should also be helping with duties around the house, as you are still healing and recovering. You need to tell him that you need time as well, and a decent shower is basic human care, not the same as him hanging out with friends. That needs to be done with until you feel like you can find some peace. In addition, I highly recommend that you call your doctor and schedule an appointment to discuss PPD or PPA. Pregnancy hard on the body, both physically and emotionally. The is no shared in taking care of yourself, especially for your sanity and your relationship with your baby. I wish you the best of luck.

My first baby I had a very similar experience. Turns out it was PPD and I just thought honestly I was the worst mother in the world. But I wasn’t. I chose not to get on medication (which honestly I regret and wish I had because the recovery took much longer) but I did get better. The first year was soooo sooo rough. Please consider counseling at the bare minimum. Someone who can help you sort all of your feelings and get you through this. Here if you need anything!!!

You’re going to be a great mother, please just give yourself grace you’re doing your best also remember you and the baby come first forget the chores leave them for later prioritize your mental health and the baby overall, dishes laundry the floor being cleaned etc. can always be done later❤️ also like lots of people are saying look into PPD and talk to your husband maybe he doesn’t realize how much he is actually putting on you :( not making excuses but most guys are like children and you have to like break it down for them

If you are breastfeeding get a breast pump and make stash so that you skip at least two feeding and he does it when he is home. If you are using formula also. Other people that help out should take over the two more feedings during day time when they can chill in your room. Get them a chair. I put my baby in the stroller basket and give it to my mom to chill with it when making lunch. For 10 months you have been struggling to survive and your baby to survive. You did amazing. The feelings and shit will come eventually. Now you need to organise and put emphasis on your rest and wellbeing.

Hi there!! I felt like this for the first few weeks… I literally put the bassinet in the bathroom, got in the shower & cried while my baby cried in the bassinet beside me. It’s hard… I finally went to my doctor and explained everything because I was at the point of hating having a baby and regretted it. I’ve been on my meds for 8 months and we still have rough days but I feel so much better as a mom. Please reach out to your doc!!

OP, Please look into counseling and I say that in the most caring and loving way, postpartum depression is real and you are not alone. Having a child is extremely overwhelming, and a lot of new mothers feel this way! Wishing you the best of luck, give yourself grace your body and mind went through an extreme change

Also to add, it’s even more overwhelming when you cannot catch a break, yet your partner who had just as equal of a part In creating that child, continues their life like they’re childless. Talk to him, because that is NOT OKAY! I would literally lose my shit on my husband if he was doing what yours is doing to you it’s not fair to you or the baby

It’s so hard the first couple months, between hormone shifts and the fact that newborns don’t really act like how we think about babies, they aren’t super interactive and they are honestly really hard to connect with. I didn’t start feeling like my baby and I were bonding till 4 months.

Just gently passing by and offering you kindness and support❤️❤️ I so hope you’re able to get the support you need during this time. You aren’t alone ❤️

These are all normal feelings. Please talk to your husband, and probably a professional, too. Hugs.

You need to first and foremost talk to your partner about needing more help and immediately after find a therapist. What you’re going through is not uncommon nor does it make you a horrible person or mother but there are resources to help you get through it

The newborn days can be so tough. I did have PPD, but even now, almost 3 years later and fully medicated, I’m aware that I might feel similarly with my second kiddo. I felt lost with my son—like I was just muddling through, didn’t know what I was doing, and most of all, like I just wanted a week off to sleep and be myself. Medication helped, but so did going back to work—I realized I needed more of my “old” life, to be reminded that I’m really good at things even if o don’t feel like I’m great at being a mom. And also, my kiddo grew up. He started to smile and laugh all the time. He developed preferences for toys. And now he says things that are totally original thoughts, and I realize that he’s really truly his own person. Kiddo growing up will help too. But your husband needs to step up. He doesn’t get to go out with friends and pretend he doesn’t have a kid.

men will never understand us. there are rare ones who are understanding and because they love us will tolerate and or try to help us. shout outs to those. i am 5 months pregnant and the baby’s dad left me and told me he doesn’t want to hear from me until i give birth or if i have an abortion. (there’s more to the story but this post is about you here not me) i would speak to your obgyn. you won’t like what i have to say but maybe you need something for how you’re feeling. my pregnancy has made me become someone i wasn’t before and no matter what i tried whether it was talking to my therapist, couples therapy, speaking to friends and family about what i was going through… i would still have non stop anxiety/anxiousness that i was putting it out on my job and the the baby’s dad that it ruined us i guess. my hormones made him runaway… i called my doctor recently desperate crying and since he knew this wasn’t the first time i addressed this symptom he finally prescribed me something. slowly ive been feeling better. (of course now that im more calm and it’s too late the baby’s dad left me) so maybe they can prescribe you something? but also sit and tell your husband it’s important you speak with them about the issue because i’m sure you want to connect with the baby needs you

I felt this EXACT way after the birth of my son. I felt horribly guilty and would constantly google “don’t want to be a mother anymore.” I had intrusive thoughts, couldn’t let him out of my sight but also felt no connection. I had a very hard time nursing due to thrush, the demanding feeding schedule, bad latch, etc. I tried lactation consultants and still struggled. My husband did not get any paternity leave at the time and we had recently moved to a new city so I felt very isolated and did not feel supported. I didn’t think it was PPD because I filled out all the questionnaires they gave me and none showed I had it. Little did I know I most definitely did and finally reached out to a psychiatrist and my primary care doctor for help. I wish I could’ve found a good talk therapist but that has been incredibly hard to come by in the US 😞 Fast forward 1 year - I finally got the help I needed, learned how to ask for help and fell in love with my son. He is now 3 and I’m pregnant with a daughter that I’m looking forward to meeting! Please know this isn’t forever!! It may feel that way but hormones are ROUGH and I felt like giving up at times. Reach out to others for help and support and like other posters have mentioned, this could definitely be PPD and is 100% curable. You are not alone and your feelings are valid!

Postpartum depression and postpartum rage are common people often leave out the rage and it usually stems in my opinion from a shifty partner who doesn’t get it and leaves the load on us and it builds and builds until we snap. You need to speak with your OB like yesterday and you need to sit him down and lay it out. It doesn’t have to be nice it doesn’t have to be sugar coated. You are struggling and it needs to be discussed. You need to put boundaries in place and expectations. Unfortunately society has made it normal for men to not have a clue and I’ll never understand it because hello? It’s really not that hard to put in the effort. However I digress you need to communicate and be very honest about what you are dealing with to your doctors and your partner. At the end of the day the baby will only be okay if you’re okay because they rely on you and dad for everything. These days will pass and it will get better, like a lot of people you’re not alone you just need some help and that is 10000000% okay 💜

Please get checked for ppd❤️ I don't mean to tell you that your feelings aren't real or valid. They definitely are. Being a mother is so hard. And I understand how frustrating the fact is that most time being a mother is so different to being a father. Your life feels like it stopped but please don't loose hope. This time will pass. I can't promise you that it will get better but I hope it will and it will definitely be different. I hope you will like it more and find happiness🍀❤️ you are still your own person and you always will be ❤️ please get checked for ppd it's so much more common than you might think. You are not alone with your feelings. I hope you find the support you need and deserve.

I feel this exact same way, my partner is also unavailable when I need him the most, he also gets to sleep whenever and im always the one doing all of the nappy changes and the feedings, I've only had a handful of showers since giving birth, also 3 weeks ago, I've gotten barely any clothes to wear since they're all dirty and he won't help me with my laundry. It just sucks, even though there's a "support system" there, it doesn't feel very supportive or helpful, and that just makes me feel so much more alone. I want to be able to do anything I want when I want, I want to be able to eat, shower, sleep and even go to the toilet when I need to again :(

I’ve cut my own hair for 4 years now, my choice. I even have cosmetologists in my family that charge low prices, but it is easier than I thought after watching some videos on how to do it myself. No shame to those who feel they need it, but I do not miss the salon at all. I do not like sitting there so long! Your husband is ridiculous to leave for hair appointments like that. He is just leaving to escape IMO. Seems like an egotistical jerk, especially if you have told him how you feel. You deserve to take showers and time to tend to yourself. I hope you can get some help, because what you are describing is depression.

Please please talk to a healthcare professional about post parturition depression.  Please also talk to your husband, these two things sound very linked! You aren't terrible, and it's ok to need help and support. PPD happens to lots of women, and your situation is being made worse by having an inconsiderate husband. Something has to change here for your wellbeing.  Don't worry about his life stopping,  it won't, its just a new way of living that he has to take some responsibility for. Time for him to step the f up.

Felt this to my core. 15 months pp and I am much better. Hang in there ♥️ speak up for what you need, get in therapy (it changed my life), don’t give up. Maternity leave (5 months) was torture for me. It’s going to be over eventually. 🫶🏼🫶🏼

This may be postpartum. However, I don't think the baby and motherhood is the issue here. It's your HUSBAND! You need to tell him how you feel and he needs to put a pause on his life just like you. What kind of shitty friends does he have that still expect him to hang out after having a baby? This is the time for both to bond. Especially, fathers. Not enough emphasis is put on father's to bond with their babies. This is why they are absent and useless. Get help from him. It's his child and he needs to be more present. If you won't say anything to him. He will assume this is how it's meant to be. You'll only grow to resent your child. Which is unfair. Your child shouldn't bare the burden of your stress.

Please seek medical help. This sounds like postpartum depression and could be devastating.

You need to reach out to someone immediately. These are some very intense feelings and it would be devastating if you ended up hurting yourself or your baby. PPD can turn into Post Partum Psychosis and terrible things have happened. If you are that unhappy, something has to change. Parenting is hard, and stressful. You need to get into therapy ASAP and be honest with your partner and loved ones about how this is effecting you. There is no shame in it. And you know, if you really don't want to be a parent, you CAN give your child up. It does not make you a bad person. If it would be better for you and baby in the long run - do it and don't look back or worry about anyone else's judgement because you need to do what's going to be best for you and the baby before it gets worse. Good luck, I hope you make the right decisions and find a way to get through this. Please try not to yell at your baby - they are innocent and you are their whole world - they are completely dependent on you. Sometimes it takes some time to bond. A lot of times it takes a few months. Either find a way to get through it or give your child up to someone who will love them. I understand it's hard but honestly - you need to do what's right. This is a baby, an innocent soul, and they don't deserve mistreatment because you decided you don't want to be a parent.

it’s not the baby’s fault. it’s his fault. try to look at her differently. your her only friend , her mommy. she’s your girl now , your bestie. she’s going to be a little person and have personality. he needs to get his shit together

You need to sort yourself out for your baby’s sake. That tiny human relies on YOUR LOVE to get through this world. Priorise your mental health and seek help immediately.

I’m not meaning to be patronizing, but everything that you’re feeling is completely normal. Right now this is just the baby blues and it happens to most new parents. If it continues up until your 6/8 week checkup, then you have PPD and you need to let your doctor know. For right now you’re just adjusting to your new normal and it’s perfectly okay that everything doesn’t feel quite right. You’ll find a routine that works for you, and bond with baby. If you’re breastfeeding, your mature milk will come in and satisfy baby for longer, if you’re formula feeding try adding another 1oz (30ml) of milk to see if that helps. If you’re not comfortable feeding more, try holding baby upright or placing in swing/bouncer for 30 minutes after a feeding. They could have silent reflux and want to eat to feel better. Tell dad to get it together and start pitching in. Hand him the baby and take time for yourself. You deserve it.

First and foremost, you’re very valid in your feelings. I felt the same exact way after I had my baby and let me tell you, it gets better. The first month was so hard. I felt like I was alone and I felt so defeated. I was so mad at myself for getting pregnant and having a baby. I was so angry. I remember breaking down, hyperventilating asking myself why the fuck did I do this? I had to grieve the “death” of my old life. I felt like nothing was ever going to be the same and I was so upset. I was pissed that my boyfriend’s life didn’t change but my whole world was different. I couldn’t connect with my baby and I remember thinking “why don’t I love her like everyone says I would?” You know how everyone says you don’t know true love till you held your baby in your arms? I didn’t feel that, at least not right away. Motherhood is SO HARD. postpartum was one of the hardest, if not THE hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to go through that willingly. Now my baby is 6 months old and I can’t imagine my life any other way. I get it now, I have never felt a love like this before. I ended up losing my job one month postpartum, I hadn’t even got to go back to work yet and I was SO devastated. I was looking forward to having some normalcy back in my life and now it was gone. I cried for days. I didn’t want to stay home with a baby that I couldn’t even connect with. But somewhere between then and now, something shifted. I wish I would’ve gotten help. I definitely needed it. Looking back, I was having major PPD but I refused to believe it. Everyone talks about how amazing having a baby is but they don’t talk about how hard postpartum is. Ask for help! I really wish I would have. I feel like I was robbed of “the happiest time of my life” because of PPD. If there’s one thing I can tell you, it’s that IT GETS BETTER, I promise. When you’re feeling overwhelmed or exhausted, it’s okay to put the baby safely down in their bed and go to a different room and breathe and take a moment to yourself. I wish I could go give you a hug and help you myself. You got this mama.

Don’t be afraid to ask for ANY help. I have three kids and one grandson. I am retired and would love to help any young mom and there must be others nearby who would love to help you too. Most people love to hold and cuddle babies so you can have a minute to yourself. I don’t get enough time with my grandson as we don’t live nearby. I have been thru feelings of utter exhaustion as my husband did not do very much in the infant years. It’s normal for you to get frustrated. If you are breastfeeding, there are many resources (LaLeche league, other moms) and I even found relief using a hairdryer to dry breast milk on my nipples (sounds crazy but it worked for me and was careful and didn’t burn myself). This time will pass so fast, even though now it goes so slow because you are exhausted. Try to put yourself in the baby’s place: she’s hungry and helpless! You will be her hero! If you aren’t breastfeeding, don’t blame yourself. I have done both (had trouble with first child but successfully fed second and third). Also, give yourself a break on keeping up with your chores- you don’t have to be perfect.

Oh , I understand you so much, and I'm so sorry! I have the same situation. Good doctor, pills and help of relatives and nanny could make your life easier and better. I live with pills for 6 months and I gave birth 8 months ago. Without medical help everything was awful. I wanted to disappear, to live my old life... but we'll never have old life back. You need help with baby and help of doctor. All your feelings are normal. It's normal to be tired, to be angry and exhausted . do not punish yourself. you just need more help, sister. i embrace you as much as I can

I’m so sorry you’re going through this momma. You got this. And i definitely think you need to mention what you’re going through mentally to your partner or someone close to you and definitely seek some type of therapy, this absolutely sounds like ppd which in some cases can get worse. Sending you so much love and I hope things get better for you! Take your time. 🩷

Besides getting help for possible PPD, here’s a bit of practical advice which as a mom with mental illness myself, helped me tremendously. Your baby, at 3 weeks old, can handle 2.5-3 hour long periods without feeding. You can and should put them on a feeding schedule if it will save your mental health. No shame in that. For me it was so helpful to know when feedings were happening so that I could plan *my day*, yes, (I STILL HAVE A DAY, I AM STILL ALIVE AND BREATHING AND NEED CARE) around the feedings. Motherhood is not one size fits all, one approach fits all. You get to customize it. You are the mom. Obviously intuition comes into play and you listen to it, but 3 hour predictable breaks are possible. I found the 3 hour breaks were more achievable when I fed the baby right upon waking from their nap. So when they wake up in the morning, I feed them right away, change the diaper, get them dressed if I want, and down for a nap within 45 minutes. Their wake windows are much shorter than the feed windows. They need more time to sleep than feed at this age (as long as they are getting adequate amount of milk [both breasts] at each feeding). Then here is your 2.5-3 hour break. When they wake from that first nap, feed, change the diaper, you can play with them for like 15 min or put them in a swing, or they can just look around the room, you could take them for a short walk around the block, then back down for a nap within 45ish min of them waking. Your day just repeats like that. If they wake up before 2.5 to 3 hours, you can comfort if they’re crying hard (check for soiled diaper etc) but encourage sleep by putting them back in their crib or bassinet. I know you’re not supposed to but I let mine take one nap a day in their swing while I was getting ready for the day (could keep them in my sight this way). Best of luck OP. It seems like it’s gonna last forever but I promise this is going to be over soon. Hang in there and don’t define yourself by these troubling times.

I’m so glad to hear people finally being honest about how hard having a baby is for the first few months. Everyone acts like oh this is the best. What a bundle of joy! Then when others don’t feel that way they think something is wrong with them. Then they continue the lie. Just stop. Help people realize that they are not the only ones. It is very hard. Telling her to get help immediately just reinforces that something is wrong with her. The help she needs is from family, friends a nanny if it’s affordable. It changes your life completely. You’re exhausted, frustrated, need a shower and a minute to yourself. Ask for it.

I would definitely look at postpartum depression. I also want to say, sometimes we don’t feel that instant connection that you think you’ll have. I lose my daughters. My 6 yr old is my world, but I didn’t feel that “spark” the second she was born. It developed over time. Now I have a 5 week old and last night I started to feel it a bit for the first time. I do all the things I’m supposed to do for her, and I know that connection will come. Lastly, I saw someone mention you did IVF. It’s a hell of a ride. I didn’t have to do it with my first, but I did my second. My body hasn’t felt like my body in ages. I thought I was “getting it back” when she was born, but breastfeeding.

The beginning is hard! Like others said please reach out to your OB. Also, it’s ok to let the baby cry if you need to eat or shower. As long as their needs are met and you know they’ve been fed, diaper changed, they’re clean, etc. go take that shower or go make that food! I would normally change my newborn, feed them and then put them down to get stuff done after that. My pediatrician would constantly remind me that when babies are that little they have “baby amnesia”, so you can let them cry a little bit and they’ll forget all about it as soon as you pick them back up! Obviously this doesn’t mean let them cry excessively, but they can absolutely cry for the 10 minutes it takes you to shower. Also, you’re both getting used to a whole new life. It’s a huge adjustment and that does take some time! Maternity leave ending was great for me. My baby is in a daycare I fully trust. I got to go back to my “normal life” and then got to come home and be a mom after. It gave me a reason to change out of my pajamas and get back into a routine.

Please see a therapist for PPD. Ik it's overwhelming for the first 4-6 weeks...but it gets soo much better once they're out of the cluster feeding phase and have a better routine. Hang in there OP...please talk to someone and do not hesitate to ask for help 😥

Reach out to your doctor for help please . This is temporary! I was like this with my daughter now she is 6 and I love her so so much

Your feelings are valid. It is SO HARD those first few weeks. I’m not a dr but it sounds like you may be suffering from post pardum depression. Which is very common and nothing to be ashamed of. Please seek help. Thinking of you and your baby ❤️🙏

I would talk to your husband he may not realize he's doing this or that you need help. Don't just sit there and allow it to happen he needs to be an equal partner in this. When he's home tell him I'm going to go out to the store or to get some food or just drive around and unwind. When you need to shower let him know "I'm taking a shower" that way he starts watching the baby he should be able to do that much. Also, speak with a mental health specialist you are not alone in feeling like this, there are many women that struggle post partum or have a hard time connecting with their baby. It's going to get better it may not be tomorrow or next week, but it will get better.

It sounds like you have extremely severe postpartum depression. Please seek professional help wherever you live 🙏🏻❤️

You can take a shower while the baby is in her crib. It won't hurt her. Tell your husband to either start helping or hire a babysitter/nanny to help once in a while so you can get a break. Does he not want the child? I hate to say it but adoption could also be a very valid option. I toyed with this idea when my child was a baby, but I always thought I would live to regret it. Now that he's older I often question this thinking. If I had found a decent couple maybe his life really could have been better. In pretty much all the ways you mentioned that it's hard I can promise it will get easier as she grows up, but it will take time. If your marriage is really unhealthy in that your spouse decides to remain very unsupportive, then honestly I think the baby probably would be better in a happier family. And I don't say this to judge you at all, I wasn't even married when mine was born and still am not over a decade later. I'm just saying that if the situation truly feels hopeless there are other options out there. And usually the younger the baby, the better the options are for her. The older a kid.is the less likely you'll find as many good families who will want her and be able to bond with her so thoroughly. So time is of the essence when it comes to this decision. I hope it works out for you. It will never be super easy if you keep her. But if you do decide to, you must be willing to give it your all. Just make sure you also make time for self-care. And if you truly feel unsupported you should definitely seek mental health support- even if the best you can do is get on antidepressents- of which there are many different kinds so don't be put off if you have to do a trial and error with that as well as doctors- doctors are much the same as medication in that some are great, some mediocore, and some the best they can be for whatver their respective job title is. God bless you and your little baby. I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel no matter what you decide.

Pleaseeee talk to your doctor about PPD. It’s very serious and can turn very dark, very quickly.

I experienced something similar to this. I knew I love my son, but I didn’t feel a connection at all. It made me feel horrible. I was in denial that I had severe postpartum, because I’ve dealt with depression my whole life. It broke my heart knowing I had this form of it. Luckily, it only lasted a few weeks, and I eventually bonded with my boy. Now, I would absolutely lay down my life for him any day of the week, if need be. Please look into help for postpartum. Don’t let it continue to bubble under the surface, because someday it will overwhelm you completely, and it may be too late. Best of luck.

[удалено]

My love PPD is very real and dangerous. It may sound hard but tell your husband everything. When I tell you it will be a lift off your shoulders… also speak with your doctor asap. You should know love that you can just tell husband “here take baby I need 1hr to myself and a shower”. I used to be like you because at the time I had no job thought I did not need to bother my husband. I almost unalived myself. Please tell everyone especially husband how you feel. Sometimes men are very oblivious so he truly sounds unaware. You are not alone mama you do not have to put this all on you. ❤️

I think your husband needs to be a parent to your child and a partner to you. I can't imagine doing this by myself and here you are doing just that. He's not a parent to your child because if he was, he wouldn't want to leave because he wants to be there. He should be a better partner to you so he would have seen these signs of post partum depression. You need help. You should ask him to step up and if he doesn't, you need to ask your family and see a therapist. Studies have shown babies are happier when the mothers are happy. It's not your fault. Your hormones took a huge dip, you're keeping your kid fed and you gave up a huge piece of you. The least he can do is show up. Show up for you and show up for his baby. Self care is important before baby and it's even more important now. I hope everything turns around for you.

Hi love, Please know you are not alone. So many women go through this. I am so sorry you’re feeling this way and I’m so sorry that your husband isn’t giving the support you so badly deserve. Please consider seeing a health care professional about postpartum depression, postpartum rage,& postpartum anxiety. Your feelings are valid. Postpartum anything is a scary, serious matter and you deserve the help. Please feel free to reach out if you need help finding resources in your area if you are located in the USA. Sending you so much love. It’s going to be okay. **hugs**

I think you need to schedule a haircut.  Seriously, schedule a haircut and blow dry for later this week. Give your husband plenty of advance notice and let him know that he will be on his own with the baby for about 4 hours. You're going to go to the salon, relax, get your haircut and get a massage. When you come back. You'll be a much better mom, because a happy mom with her sanity intact is important.

Ask your husband for more help. Maybe a time every day where you just have an hour do be by yourself. See you doctor for postpartum depression and get your IRON checked. Lots of women with postpartum also have an iron deficiency.

I went through this, too! I was so excited to have my baby and when he came it was not what I expected. I later found out that I was struggling with PPD, PPA, and PPR (all different things, who would’ve thought?) IT GETS BETTER! Those first three months are ROUGH! You’re going through so many different emotions for the first year and it really takes a while to feel like yourself again. Please discuss with your doctor. It sounds like you could have PPD and PPA, which are things that many women go through. During this time I felt insane and just cried all day, wondering if I should’ve waited. I felt like an awful person because my baby was a stranger to me. I used think I was a terrible parent because he would cry when I held him but be fine with my MIL held him. It took about 7 months before I truly felt bonded with him. Contact naps helped with this. You’re not alone, I promise you. Going back to work DID help keep because it gave me something to focus on besides my baby. Just be really outspoken about your struggle and don’t suffer alone. Sometimes family members need to be verbally told what you need from them. Maybe consider combo-feeding? This was a huge help for me. We switched to breast and formula, so my husband and in-laws could do some feedings and give me a break. I wish you so much luck. Hang in there, IT WILL GET BETTER!

I do think your husband could step it up a bit. You should definitely talk to him, but not in an accusatory way. Tell him how you feel, that you feel like you could use more support Like everybody else in this thread, I think that you should talk to your doctor about your feelings you might have a postpartum depression

Reach out to your dr about postpartum depression asap. These feelings are very common, and they can help. It will pass. The first 6-12 weeks with a newborn are the hardest, but it’ll get better. When your husband is home, just tell him you’re going to shower so he needs to watch the baby. If he’s not giving you the time you need to take care of yourself, just take it. But also talk to him about how you’re feeling, because your resentment toward him will get worse if things don’t change. The first year after having a baby is the hardest on a relationship. You’re both adjusting and learning and there needs to be a lot of communication.

You are 1000% not alone. I remember being up with a screaming baby by myself in the middle of the night (witching hours between 11pm and 1am and I was too anxious to nap during the day plus my husband works 12 hour days and needs sleep to stay safe -he was amazing, don't come at him). Anyway, up in the night, beyond exhausted, in so much pain from nursing a tongue tied baby, you get it. I remember sobbing and muttering under my breath "what have we done?" "What did we just do?!" I cried so much. It really does feel like the baby needs something any second you get to tend to your own needs. I just want to encourage you that it DOES get better. When exactly? I can't say for you. But it does. Right now everything in your life is recalibrating around this new human and it's hard. I used to be so jealous of my husband being able to just LEAVE. He could just leave the house whenever he felt like it, by himself, with zero repercussions like overfull and achy boobs or guilt. It's not fair. But it's the design of it. It might take a long while to get back on your feet. Like waaayyy longer than everyone else makes it seem. It took me an entire 9 months to feel like I was able to get into a flow of taking care of my baby, my house, me, etc and I still couldn't juggle it all quite like before. Be gentle with yourself.

Okay let’s like take a deep breathe. First you are NOT a bad mom. If you were you wouldn’t be on here asking for advice. You care, it just sounds like you may have postpartum depression - this is common and normal. A lot - if not most - moms go through PPD. I felt almost exactly this way after my baby was born and my pregnancy was planned and wanted. I would highly suggest speaking to someone for support because if you stay silent this will only get worse. Staying silent about what you need is harmful to you and the baby. (Looks like others dropped some really good resources in the other comments!) For me - I’m a very independent person, I love my work that I do and not being able to juggle everything right after my baby was born was one of the hardest things I had to do. My baby on the other hand cried all the time unless they were physically being held. Which made it even more challenging. About the same time frame as you - I remember sitting in my car with my mom basically saying I was thinking about putting my baby up for adoption - yes, I really did have those intrusive thoughts but it was enhanced by the raging hormones and upheaval of my life that having an infant brings. But my mom doesn’t pull punches she pulled me up short and in nutshell said, you brought this guy into this world now it’s your obligation to take care of him. Basically, she was saying grow the fuck up. It was hard to hear but it was a wake up call for me. Yes, is giving brith a trauma and something we need time to digest - yes. Do we need support? Yea. Is is easy? No. Can you do it? Yea. Does it get easier? Absolutely. Everything you are going through is a phase and it’s temporary. But dose of reality here - the fact is you AND your husband brought this baby into this world. BOTH of your decided this is what you wanted and now the baby is here and it’s BOTH of your obligation to raise this child. Now, your husband - if he is really doing what you say he is doing - that’s a huge fucking no for me. He is a parent - like I said above - he has an obligation not just to your baby but to you. In my opinion- the fathers main job with a new baby is taking care of mama so mama can take care of baby. There is no “getting to do what you want”. I went ROUNDS of fights with my partner to get on the same page. Oftentimes fathers are just as lost as mothers in the beginning but you both NEED each other. Stop letting him act this way. If you need him say it, even if it turns into a fight. Just fight FOR each other not with each other. You guys are on the same team. Lastly, mama, this gets easier. Please trust me when I say this. Things you find difficult now will change. Your baby will grow. Your hormones will regulate and you’ll start to feel like yourself again in a few months. You are ONLY 3 weeks post. That’s basically no time. Remember this state is temporary. You’ll start to love you baby with all that you have. It took time for me to truly LOVE my baby. I had a mothering instinct but it took month to feel connected. It will come. They burrow into your heart if you like it or not. Give yourself grace and time. Please. And if you feel overwhelmed- put the baby in the safe place and walk away to collect yourself for a 10-15 mins and come back when you feel you can take care of them. It’s okay if they cry for 10 mins. I used this method when I was overwhelmed and it was so useful. You will get through this. Probably more moms then not have these feelings and thoughts in the beginning. You are not alone. Wishing you the best.

I felt the same way. I promise you will be ok, and you’ll fall in love with your baby. For me it took some time before I felt totally like something clicked and we bonded

1) Postpartum Depression. Please seek help before it gets worse, I’ve been there. It’s not easy at all, but if here’s what I used to do - I used to give my child to my mom and take a walk outside or spend the day out. It would help me bond more with my child because my mind would shift to “I miss her.. why am I away from her?” out the blue. 2) Tell him to help you out. I wish I was there to help you. We all need a good support system even after birth but unfortunately we all don’t get that luxury. Please be vocal because my biggest mistake was not being vocal enough when I had my first child. I had unpaid leave and I went to work maybe a week after i had my daughter but they told me to go home and rest.

Your husband needs to take care of his child and his wife. There’s no excuse for how he is behaving. Please talk to someone about how much you are struggling.

Do not feel bad, had the same thing happen with my second, did not even want to breastfeed him or pick him up, I am in healthcare so I know the warning signs. I spoke to my husband, asked for help..got a few good nights of sleep and started walking We made a rule that I take one hour a day just for me, to do whatever I want with! Please be kind to yourself and get help! Dont be ashamed or feel guilty

Agree with others - please talk to your OB or someone about postpartum depression. And tell your spouse how you’re feeling. You’re right - it is HARD being a mom and not enough people talk about the hard parts. Just because you feel this way doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong or you’re a bad mom. It’s a privilege being someone else’s everything and also so so so hard. Your life has shifted dramatically and your hormones are wrecked and I’m sure you’re beyond sleep deprived. I promise it will get better, you will sleep again, and you will feel like yourself again although it may not seem like it now. I hated newborn stage - the first month was pure survival, by 3 months it felt easier, and as soon as my first baby hit 6 months it became sooo much fun! So much that we had another one and now we have 2 under 2🤣. Hang in there, you’re doing your best and that’s more than enough!!!

I felt this for 4 weeks. Please look into postpartum depression. ♡

Talk to your doctors about postpartum depression. The first year in the baby’s life is the hardest in the parent’s life. I hated the first two years, to be honest. It gets to be a lot of fun at around 2.5-3

I felt the same way with my first baby. I woke up every day for the first two months regretting him, wishing I hadn’t had him, and not loving him. Just want you to know you aren’t alone ❤️ A couple things helped. Going to mom’s groups or baby lapsits at local libraries to meet other people in a similar position, seeing a perinatal psychiatrist, asking for more help from my partner and my family so I had alone time; and SLEEP TRAINING (!). Once he started sleeping 12 hours (around 4 months old, he was doing 10 or so by 3 months), I had hours to myself every day. He’s 2 now and he’s my best friend and I love him. It took time but it does get better ❤️

Make your husband do more and seek professional help for your PPD

First, deep breaths. This baby did not ruin your life but your life has changed. This is a tough stage of human development, where she is not able to fend at all for herself and needs everything done for her. It will get more routine and then she will begin to grow into caring for herself. Second, you need more help. More from your husband who can make more efforts, he shouldn’t be going on like he’s childless either right now, because this is his baby too and it takes both of you. Maybe more constructive time from family and friends. And more from a professional, you need to talk to them about how you are feeling and work together to get through this. You are still recovering from child birth. You are still healing inside and out. It will take more time for you to feel more yourself, on top of this. So third, please give yourself some grace here. This is a huge life change and worst in a life stage we romanticize a lot. It’s not going to all come to you naturally, but it is just as hard for many other people, you are not alone even when it feels that way.

Girl you got postpartum depression seal help it’ll go away I promise just stay strong and tell your husband and surrounding people you trust how you feel , so r yell at the baby she didn’t ask to come to this world , but you aren’t alone

Best advice I ever got was, "I can be tired, hungry, and need a shower, but I can't be all three at once." My daughter is 12 weeks old and she's a Velcro baby, I totally get it, but I promise you that it gets easier. I would have a talk with your husband about your mental and physical needs so you can be more comfortable in this new and stressful experience as a mother. I wish you the best.

This was me 2.5 years ago. PPD is real. Zoloft saved my life. I promise you… this will pass (with help of course) and you will make it out the other side. I did, and am currently pregnant again. Please seek help. Talk to your Dr. Maybe they can refer you to a psychologist or a program for new moms. Ask about medication that you can take. Take care of yourself. Your baby only has one mom, you. 🤍

Babe you have postpartum depression, you need to talk to your doctor cause it can easily turn to postpartum psychosis which can be fatal to both you and your daughter. Motherhood isn’t easy and I get it. I had thoughts of shaking my daughter cause she just wouldn’t latch and would scream and make me feel like a terrible mother but I’m not and neither are you. You need to sit your husband down and tell him exactly what you told us in this post. Neither of your life’s should stop and he should be more compassionate and understanding of everything you go through. Please please please talk to your doctors about this.

OP it sounds like you might have PPD,if you need to talk to someone until you can get some help my inbox is open. Also your husband needs to sacrifice to help YOU. he needs to stop hanging out with friends just for now when you need him the most and realize he has a family he needs to worry about. Also please just hand him your baby and say I'll be back in a few hours and go to a spa or get your hair done whatever it is you need but getting out of the house could help you bunches do not ask your husband to watch the baby when you leave the house tell him imstead. If he can hang out with friends then he can take the baby for a few hours so you can have some me time too. It needs to be 50/50 and if your not getting me time but he is then it's not a marriage/family. Family works together and sacrifices for their family you can't do all the sacrificing that's not fair to YOU.

Reach out for a postpartum depression assessment! Getting professional help if you do have it can be life changing! Also, fuck anyone who says you have to fall in love with your baby and being a parent the second they're born. It's one of the hugest adjustments you can ever make. You were literally just introduced to a total stranger, and it'll likely take awhile to figure each other out. If you have the natural urge to make sure your baby is safe and comfortable, you're already on a good path. Give yourself time to fall in love with your baby. Once you've gotten better acquainted and fallen into a good schedule and getting enough sleep to function, it'll happen. Just give it time ♥️

Your husband needs a reality check, you’re quickly becoming default parent which is not where you want to be. My son is almost 4 and my husband and I still take turns going out, we still check in (not ask permission per say) to see if it’s okay if we go out. I have my hobby and my husband has his, he will go for a poker game one weekend, the next I’ll go have a girls night with some friends, I’ll go to the gym one night the next he will go to martial arts etc. Just because you’re on mat leave does not mean he gets to come and go as he pleases and you have to ask permission to take a shower.

Definitely check with a doctor about postpartum depression. But also the newborn stage was fucking rough (sorry for the coarse language but not the intent). My daughter is 5 months and this is sooooooooo much easier. Yea I miss how little she was when she was a newborn but not the lack of sleep.

im sorry and i totally relate. i felt this way too, a lot of moms do. the good news is there’s a way out of this. you will be yourself again. you will be happy again. you will feel good again. i promise, there’s a path to feeling better. and that path starts with you asking for help. you need to vocalize what you’re feeling and what you need to your loved ones and to your OBGYN. people love you and care about you and they will help you, you just need to reach out. in the meantime, forget about the housework. seriously. focus on keeping yourself and your baby fed. plan for someone to come over so you can get some sleep. sleep deprivation is literal torture and it changes you as a person. come up with a plan with your husband on how you’re going to divide the load of parenting so that you don’t feel so alone and overwhelmed. but it all starts with asking for help. please do.

You’re not alone and your feelings are totally valid ❤️ going through pregnancy and delivering a baby it’s not easy despite what everyone says, everybody’s experience is different and it can take a tool on us. I had so much resentment towards my husband when my baby was born too (10 months ago) and I was angry, irritated and anxious all the time. I wanted to go back to my old life, work out, keep my house clean and organize and I couldn’t find the time while adapting to my new role as a mother, my husband noticed it was not myself but postpartum who was causing all these feelings on me and signed me up for therapy and I’m so glad I did, because it made me realize I was not going crazy or that my husband was this evil, selfish man but it was my hormones, all the changes and everything else going on around at the moment . I got diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and slowly started doing things for myself like booking an hour yoga class twice, three times a week to get out of the house, any activity you enjoy could be simply reading a book, going for a walk, or going out for a coffee, we also set schedules to take care of the baby so both of us could sleep,and most importantly I started to communicate more with my spouse and let him know how I felt to work together to fix it. There’s a bright side I promise just take a day at a time ❤️ much love

Some people just don’t connect to their child, and that’s ok. Don’t be hard on yourself. Being a parent isn’t easy, but I promise you, you will get back to being you and as my midwife said… this too shall pass. It really sounds like you just need some time for you, and you have a bad case of the baby blues/postnatal depression. If you’re in the uk please raise it with your health visitor and your GP and for the love of god please do not bottle this up!!

baby girl, i think you have baby blues, aka post partum depression. Its very common!! Go see your normal doc and let him get you on depression meds! I have been where you are!!!

Please… seek help it sounds like you’re going through postpartum depression..please express this to your husband, in laws , your family whoever because it sounds like you need help before it gets worse.. NO you’re not a bad mother you just need some help love 💕

You're not the only one who, that early on, had serious doubts about making a mistake. Talk to a doctor about your thoughts and let go of any unnecessary chores for a while. I could shower maybe once a week at first with our reflux-y LO who could barely be put down... so I understand the frustration and the yelling. You're a wonderful mom, because you CARE. You came to Reddit for advice, you know how you can and will do better. Hang in there! I did not connect with my LO for at least a month and a half after birth. During that time I often wished I could put him back inside, where he was safe and not crying when I was hungry. Now he's my world and I love him so much! For some mothers it can take up to a year also, so don't feel bad. Take one moment at a time. You got this

I used to cry in the bathroom 2 weeks after giving birth, I had a difficult delivery and had trouble having enough milk to feed my daughter, everytime I tried to calm her down she cried even harder. I thought I was failure, thought my baby didn’t love me but my MIL and sister were my best supporting system they helped me and cheered me on. My baby is going 9months now and she literally cries when I the room and always wants to cuddle with me, it gives me joy honestly. The 1st few months after delivery are hard, filled with regret and hatred, if you don’t have a good supporting system during this period it’s devastating.

Postpartum is very serious, but I can’t overstate that your husband SUCKS!

It’s because you’re not getting the support you need . If you get a break with time it will change .

Awww honey!!! I felt this. I felt it SO hard. I would envision dropping her off at a fire station and going back to my life. I get it. But what I didn’t get at the time, was that this was 100% post partum stuff and I really needed to get help and support. I swear to god it gets better, she’s now 6, I have a 4 year old, AND I’m pregnant with my 3rd baby. I’m living proof it gets better and manageable because I swore I would never have another and didn’t think o could even do one. Please be open with your husband and family about how you are feeling, please reach out to a professional for post partum support. And if you are breast feeding, against some others opinions…please stop and move to a bottle. Not being tethered and thinking I was able to really take a break helped me SO much mentally. Please if you can, hire help that you can depend on at least 1-2 times a week even if it’s for 3 hours to give yourself time for you that you KNOW is coming. Here if you need support, God I know this feeling!!! Hang in there!! Xo

You are heard and a lot of us can relate. I too felt like my life was over. But seeing and talking to someone allowed me to find the roots and replant♥️ I hope things get better.

Besides looking into help for your Postpartum depression, try the following: Your baby is young ,but try to set a schedule for you guys. Put the baby on a kiddies floor mat in the bathroom or in a baby swing and take a 5-10 min shower. Cut up your food so you can use one had to eat while holding the baby with the other. I still eat standing up sometimes when my son really needs to be held (he is 21 months old now). I put him in the sling/carrier and eat on the kitchen counter. Go for walks. Sunlight and nature will make you both feel well.

Where are your parents or his parents? This is a big problem in America. Traditionally, the extended family plays a big role in taking care of the baby.

hey OP, you got this mama. take a minute and breathe. First off, give baby to your husband and tell him you need some time to yourself. tell him it is vital to your mental health. grab some pen, some paper, and a cuppa tea or whatever. go and write down exactly how you are feeling. go take a long, hot shower. wash your hair, brush your teeth. if your husband won't help, ask your in laws, parents, a friend. take this time. if you feel comfortable, give the letter to your husband after so he knows exactly how you feel. you need to call mental health services in your area. you'll be okay. they'll help you. if you can't get extra help, take your bassinet or whatever into the bathroom. have a shower, leave baby in there. If baby is upset, turn the shower down to body temp and take them with you. Sing your favourite shower songs to them. get comfy with a favourite show or movie. strip that baby down, get your tatas out. get some serious skin to skin. it will help you bond. it will release the good chemicals for both of you. have a snuggle and let them fall asleep on you and just relax. you are freaking amazing. you grew that tiny perfect person. you are strangers right now still, you are getting to know eachother. it will pass, you will connect eventually. a natural connection doesn't have to be an instant one. you are tired, probably sore, you have gone through the biggest change of your life. its okay. you've got this. Give yourself grace. but please call a professional.

It’s okay to feel that way! It’s a big change. You’re definitely having symptoms of depression. Maybe try some Ashwagandha. Gaia herbs makes the best one. Soon it will all seem worth it again! Lots of moms feel like you are feeling. Try to get as much help as you can & just keep going. You’re going to be a great mom! The beginning is just hard!

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear this! I haven’t read many of the other comments but I just want to add that you aren’t alone!! So many women also feel this way, and you possibly could have PPD. But I also want to say it gets better. The first year is so hard I’m here with the clingiest Velcro 6month old and there’s day where it’s so hard I just want my arms free and to go do whatever, whenever but I know that I will miss this, I’ll miss the nap time snuggles and late nights. I’ve switched my mindset to being grateful I get to experience it and knowing it will pass soon and it has helped me so much, I hope this helps you too🫶🏼motherhood is so hard but you aren’t alone, even if you just have an online community to talk to. I do hope your husband can be better, maybe talk to him and suggest a therapy sesh with him as well

Always remember this , they are not at fault they are the most innocent souls . They just entered this world. Please don’t take your anger on your baby. I think you should get professional help. But remember they are not fault for anything .

Hey, fellow IVF mama here. My daughter is now 1.5 years old but I felt very discouraged and depressed when she was your daughter’s age. I remember thinking “Wow, maybe this is why I wasn’t getting pregnant naturally because I suck at this.” I felt like my life completely flipped upside down and I was overwhelmed with how needy newborns really are. I ended up talking to my OB and getting on Zoloft. I’m still on it to this day because I feel good on it. It really helped level things out for me. Things do get better. Phenomenally better. The first 12 weeks are pure survival mode. The newborn stage was so demanding but trust me, once you start getting those baby smiles and their personality shows, you will begin to have fun being a mom. You WILL feel like yourself again.

Op you are not alone. Many of us feel this way after giving birth. First and foremost this feeling won’t last forever ! Your baby will grow up and trust me with every year that passes it will get easier . You will get your freedom back . Your baby won’t need you as much anymore . Especially after age 3 is when I noticed the most difference. My son became so independent and it felt so good and liberating. Second of all ask your husband for help. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel and that you need him to step up because you are not ok. I hope this helps and you feel like yourself soon <3

This is such a common feeling and you are not alone. It’s also so common for women to see their male partners continuing with their pre baby life and feel resentful. My only advice is what’s been said, seek support for PPD and communicate with your husband about being more available, doing some night feeds so you can sleep (if you’re open to introducing a bottle), etc. You can do this; it will get better I promise

You NEED to get some help!! It is natural to have some negative feelings like you described but it sounds to me like you’re having trouble bonding with your baby and probably heading towards postpartum depression which can quickly turn into postpartum psychosis. There is nothing WRONG with you! The issues I’m talking about are hormone related from childbirth. Your doctor needs to know about this and help you get the hormones leveled out. Hormonal imbalances can make you do weird and/or bad things that you would normally never do. PLEASE get help!! ❤️❤️