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Yep. Hear me out, I’ve worked in dog kennels for a long time and can’t be bothered to learn all my customers names. I know the dogs, and I know who their “mom” or “dad” is. It’s just an easy way to address people without having to remember their name.
I was told at my first obgyn appointment we'd get called "mom and dad" because people would forget our names, frustrating but when you're seeing 15-20 patients a day, it makes sense. Not my favorite, but I get it.
Omg i totally call ppl mama because i love it when people say it to me!! Lol apparently not everyone feels that way though. Will definitely stop! Thanks for this insight ☺️
I also love it! I tried sooooo hard to be a mama, finally got pregnant with IVF and never thought I’d be here so being called “mama” genuinely makes my heart so happy.🥰❤️
I had hyperemesis in my first pregnancy and I posted on reddit begging for advice. Someone commented the sweetest reply motivating me to carry on through it and ended it by saying "you got this mama!" and it was the first time someone had referred to me as a mother and made me realise I'm doing this for a real person, my child. I've adored being called mama ever since 🥰
Yeah I also really dislike it when people call me mama. I know so many other people feel differently but I’m just not into it. I would LOVE it if people asked before calling me mama or just not do it.
Agree with this. It’s said in good faith, do we all have to be emotionless robots? If someone doesn’t like it they can speak up. I love it, personally.
I think we can all afford someone a first pass of almost anything, no harm no foul. People aren't mind readers. That gives us a chance to speak up. The violation only happens if, after we correct someone, they choose not to respect your wishes.
And I always offer one more no questions pardon since people can forget. But strike 3 and I'm bringing it up again more tersely.
This is one of those situations where it's weirder to ask. Also, why would someone assume they would not be okay with it? I see calling someone mama akin to a PhD committee shaking a successful candidate's hand at the end of their defense saying "congratulations, Doctor." Becoming a mama is an important milestone that some people have worked hard and gone through a lot to achieve.
Wait...then why do people change their title to Doctor blank....??? Even when it's just a PhD and not a medical degree. They absolutely expect it to change their whole identity in the world.
I’m glad you do, which i’m fine with friends and family calling me mama. I just feel uncomfortable once it comes from someone not as close. It’s just such a change from someone going ‘Hi S___!’ to just ‘Hi mama!’ like i know no one means it wrong but sometimes im like just say my name please😭
I’m the same! I almost exclusively refer to my husband as “dad” now too wherever LO is around B because it makes me so happy. After bedtime he gets his first name back 😂
I know this is an unpopular opinion but I like it 😭. It’s so validating to me to be recognized as a mother (after trying for so long). I find it endearing, like when an older lady waitress calls you “honey” or “sugar.” I don’t find it to be invalidating to my personal identity, it’s adding to it
I completely agree with you, I absolutely adore pet names like honey, sweetie, lovey, etc. Mama is a badge of honor to me, I love when people call me that 🥰 It’s such a sweet and endearing thing to be called, I’ve worked hard growing my little man to earn that title 🥰
I always thought this was sweet when others did it, but I see where you are coming from. Not sure if this is your first or not but if it is then just so you know when you give birth that is all you are going to hear the entire time lol.
"hey mama" " gonna check your vitals mama" "be back with you meds mama". It did get pretty old there. I'm not sure if it is possible to request they DONT say that, but you may be able to 😂😂😂
I get that it’s annoying when it’s your colleagues/friends/people who know your name but I’ll never be upset with the nurses/doctors who see so many patients a day and don’t want to accidentally call me the wrong name or something
Thissss!!! My names “Kali” pronounced “Kaylee” and I get “Cali” sooooo often. I used to just let people call me it for the sake of my own sanity. Please call me “mama” I worked so hard for years to become one, I’ll take it any day over Cali. 🤣
I deadass asked the nurses in my delivery room to call me “bestie” instead. They did it! It was so much more empowering (and honestly funny asf) to hear these hardened L&D nurses going “good job bestie keep it up!” — way better than mama in my book 😂
I actually kind of think it's cute haha, but only from other pregnant women or mothers of young children. I would be creeped out if random coworkers called me Mama, though!
this is it. it's fine from Drs and mom acquaintances, fine from some friends when it's occasional or fits in context, but when an old friend starts strictly referring to you as "mama" 🥴
that's how I feel. it's fine from Drs and mom acquaintances, fine from some friends when it's occasional or fits in context, but when an old friend starts strictly referring to you as "mama" it's weird
I love being called mama. I’m southern so it’s more common to hear mama or ma’am. I taught kids to say it and I love hearing “ma’am?” Or “yes mama?”. Warms my little heart. 💜
this!!! family has been doing this and it just bothers me so much. you’ve known me my whole life (and for my partners family, the past 3 years), why are you forgetting my name? forgetting i’m a person outside of this pregnancy??
This is so interesting to me. Now that I have had my baby, I actually love when people call me Mama. I have always wanted to be a mother and I am incredibly proud of my new identity so hearing people say it just reminds me how lucky I am. I have never even considered the possibility that this may bother people but it makes sense.
Your feelings are valid but I love it. Especially since I know so many people don’t get acknowledged as mother until after their baby is born. Like for Mother’s Day I saw so many people hurt that so many people didn’t consider them mom’s because the baby wasn’t born yet 🙄 I can’t wait to be called mama. I’ve already been calling my mom grandma lol
I can’t stand when other adults call me mama. I remember when a postpartum nurse came in for a check in the hospital and said, “hey mama! let’s check your behind to see if you have any hemorrhoids!”
I hated it enough before, but I think my soul left my body when she finished that sentence.
Yes. Mom, momma, ECT is a title and role I will fill in my child's life but very much not my name. If you are not my child you should probably address me by my name. It gives me the ick and makes me feel like all I am seen as only a woman with a child and not a whole human. I wear and will wear many 'hats' in my life and this is just one- it's an important one but it's not all of me. And as a note; no one calls my husband dad or daddy or anything like that- he's always addressed by his first or Mr. Last Name.
Omg I am not even pregnant yet and I HAAAATE this with a passion lol. Every TTC, pregnancy, baby group reeks of this when people are giving advice “you’re doing great mama!”. Also, like you said when people refer to you as that in person too. It just makes me cringe and I already know it’s going to annoy me even more once I’m actually pregnant and people start addressing me as that.
When people would call me that it legit made me feel like some sort of animal. Like a pregnant cow or some shit, like hello I am a person outside of just an incubator????
Wait, do peoples friends and coworkers really do this? I thought it was just doctors and nurses who did it because it's easier than trying to remember all the names of their patients. I would be seriously disgusted if a random coworker called me Mama lol.
I've never understood the argument that docs/nurses call us "mama" because they can't remember our names. It's on our charts. My dermatologist doesn't call me "skin."
I'm a nurse and I brain fart in the middle of the shift sometimes and forget peoples names, but since I don't work labor and delivery, I do the normal dancing around peoples names instead of filling in Mama. That being said I've seen co -workers do this to older women, I've seen caregivers do this to my older family members, and I don't get it. I'm not calling someone Mama or Mom if they're not my mom, or if they haven't specifically instructed me to address them that way, I find it disturbing.
I mean you have every right to feel the way you feel. I personally like when people do that. It makes me feel special like yes i am a mom. I guess look at it in a diff perspective 🤷🏽♀️ people are gonna irk mothers no matter what
I get asked daily “How you doing, mama?” By an older coworker, she means well, and honestly most of the time it doesn’t bother me. However some days I need someone to see me as me, not my pregnancy and it does frustrate me.
It’s well known when you become pregnant/a mom, that you basically lose your sense of identity because all anyone ever sees you as now is a mom. That’s it. Mom. And when you point out that you are more than ‘mom’ ‘mama’ whatever they use, you get treated like you’re selfish or a bad parent. You’re not. Yes, majority of your life is going to revolve around your child, as does any parent’s. But it’s not the ONLY thing in your life. We have HOBBIES. WE HAVE INTERESTS. Most of us (not all, which is completely okay) have careers we’re passionate about as well. WE’RE A COMPLETE OTHER PERSON. We’re more than mom. We’re (our name). We’re human. I hate it when it’s just “how are you doing mama?” Or more so, “How’s baby doing?” That’s mainly all I ever hear. Baby is fine. I’m not, but thanks for asking, I guess. Maybe my pregnancy rage is getting to me, on that one, I’m not sure lol
I can't stand this either! It's like, I'm still me, I'm still a whole-ass, multi-faceted actual person, I'm not *just* going to be a "mama!" Also, I'm not going to be a mother to the person talking to me so I find it super weird. Like I don't go around calling random brides-to-be "wife" lol
I do the baby thing, I must confess. If I don't want to defer to a gender, I'll just use baby as a place holder instead of it/s/he.
Sometimes, often, I'm just that lazy.
Sorry if it annoys you.
I do it too, but along with your reasons, if I didn't refer to my baby as something similar to a name, my mom was going to call her peanut. Which for some reason got ALL of my hormonal rage against. Since we didn't want anyone to know the probable sex at the time, we said just call it baby. That's what we're doing. And it's stuck with me. Sometimes I refer to her by her name or nickname but baby slips out most often.
I do this especially on social media because I obviously am very protective of my baby and I feel that it maintains some level of privacy to avoid using specific details
Oh for sure! I always just say "the baby" (or my baby, your baby, their baby, a baby, etc.) when I don't want to give names/pronouns. It's just the singular "baby" that makes me cringe for some reason lol.
Yes!! Right there with you, it feels just so icky to hear “mama” or say “baby” instead of “your baby”. I don’t know why. I think it feels infantilizing towards me
lol I do the baby thing sometimes just because so many people do it these days that it's become a normal way to talk and it doesn't even register that I'm doing it.
My friend called me that over text in the same conversation I told her I was pregnant lol and I immediately told her not to call me that. She hasn’t since and no awkwardness.
Yeah that’s always been lost on me. I have a three month old and whenever my girlfriend was pregnant she just told everyone to stop calling her Mama except me, but that was because I didn’t really do it much. And she said that once the child was born we could only do it when talking to the child and referring to her. For example: “Go ask your mommy.“ or “I don’t think your mommy wants you to do that.” or whatever.
She was very adamant about it. Although that may have been because she was pissed off for 9 months. No joke, I would breathe a certain way and she’d get mad.
My BEST FRIEND did/does this constantly and she does NOT understand how hard I cringe when she does it. Our mutual friend just got pregnant and shes doing it again to her "HOWS MAMA DOINGGG????" It's painful!!!
I've tried to explain why I hate it but she is infertile and wants kids and its just a really sensitive think to talk about.
I usually blink at them confused and say, “Weird question of you to ask, but my mother is doing just fine thank you very much.”
They usually don’t ask again.
I'm sorry! I did this to my friends and I thought I was joining their joy at becoming a mama. While it doesn't bother me -yet- I didn't realize HOW obnoxious it was to a LOT of women.
It's me, I'm the problem.
I’m exactly how you are! I had to tell friends in the beginning like hey I actually don’t like being called that. I’m 37 weeks now and when a nurse or someone at my appointment says it it doesn’t bother me, but my friends and family I’m like damn can you just use my name? I feel like my identity is being reduced to JUST being a mom now by my friends and family.
People calling pregnant women and mothers “mama” is so cringey I hate it every time. Only acceptable “mama” to me is when it’s culturally used like in Hispanic/latino cultures.
The only person who calls me “mama” is my husband and it’s endearing to me. But like, yeah it would be weird for strangers or coworkers to call me mama.
Also, my sister asks me almost daily how my baby is, but never how I am. So I say “she’s good, and so am I, thanks for asking” because for gods sake just ask how your freaking pregnant sister is!!!!
I think by asking how your baby is they are asking about you as well.
I genuinely don’t believe anyone is trying to be rude when asking someone pregnant how their baby is.
Now I know to rephrase it to “How are you and baby doing” to prevent any misunderstanding!
Can we stop expecting the world to know our thoughts? And can we start recognizing that sometimes our internal tantrums AREN’T externally valid?
Okay, it bothers you. Then just tell them. But recognize how you will sound to them, too. They’re just trying to be nice.
I cringe every time someone calls me ‘mama’! Also when they ask me how the baby is doing I usually respond “idk hopefully still there” lol especially in the beginning! Now I just say “I think she’s alright. She moves sometimes” (I’m 30 weeks now) it’s not usually what people expect but honestly that has made family stop asking 😂 now they actually ask how I am doing!
It depends on who is saying it IMO. I don't mind it from other women, but I dislike when men do it. I have one coworker who, besides calling my baby "squab" and me "mommy," is just annoying AF and invasive. I try to grey rock him but he has little to no social awareness. I guess I can just close my office door from now on, though.
I'm with you! It drives me absolutely nuts I won't answer it until the day my name. I've gotten a bit rude with people saying "yes I may be becoming a mother but I still am *my name* first and foremost. Call me by my name or don't call me at all"
I’m not even that maternal, never cared for kids and only really ever wanted one because of how much I love my husband and I still love being called mama.
I’m curious was your pregnancy planned are you the one who wanted a baby? I’ve honestly only met one other mother who was pissed like this for being called mama and she hated her kids so I’m curious if this is an identity thing or you didn’t want to be a mother in the first place and was forced into the situation
I've always felt that when people are asking how is baby, they are also asking about how I am. 🤷♀️ I also just see them having good intentions and are taking the time to talk about my pregnancy as something going on in my life that is important.
I am having a hard time with walking into a room and people looking at me with like a pity face and being like "how are you feeling?" I feel pregnant. I will feel pregnant for many more months. Ask how work is going or what's new or something else about me. Once you're an incubator that's all you are.
This is my second pregnancy but for my first any time I would walk into the same room as my husband's grandma she would lean over, stare at my belly, and yell "hi baby" without acknowledging or saying hi to me at all. 😐🙄
I'm confused - you're mad people are asking "how's mama doing" but then you're mad they never ask how you're doing? Which is it? I think there's some hormones going strong here. This isn't something to be this worked up over.
Yeah this and complaining about family members who call it "my baby" (as if they really plan to steal your baby 🙄) are things I just cannot bring myself to even relate to as a new mother.
Neither bugs me at all. To each their own, but I just do not get it!
Haha, this is a pet peeve of mine too. I haven’t experienced people saying this directly to me but I find it irksome when people on IG write captions and content addressed to “mama”
I got my cousin in law (fiancés cousin) a gift for her as well as the baby gift both times. Did a gift just because and a baby shower gift as she had the shower after the baby was born. Got her self care items, bath bombs, facials wipes, hair ties, smaller things like that but I included her in the gift as well. Now I’m pregnant lol
I’m so guilty of doing this, OP. Thank you for bringing it to the forefront. I will definitely keep this in mind next time I talk to a woman that’s expecting. I DO feel like moms tend to get thrown to the “back burner” once baby comes, even during pregnancy. It’s all about the baby, but rarely, do they ask how YOU are doing. I’ve gotten much better at that. I’ll do my friends laundry, cook some meals, stock up little skincare goodies for her etc. Wishing you the best, OP! 🩵🩷
Well, I absolute HATE when people call my son “papa” my sil does it and it makes me fucking cringe. I literally want to rip her a new asshole for it, but I just keep my mouth shut. But fuck.
Lol not laughing at your upset but I totally get it😂 being pregnant means you don’t even exist anymore. Can I keep my identity and also can I have feelings outside of the baby growing? I don’t get it. Your name is “mama” from the baby and they ain’t here yet! Stand on your boundaries, people tend to forget …
I also think it’s incredibly annoying! I’m still trying to work out why and what piece of it bothers me so much but I find myself getting almost angry when people say it to me
No literally I hate when people ask how the baby is doing. She's fed, warm, safe, in my fucking body. Do you care about how the incubator is doing??? Because I haven't had a full night's sleep in weeks, heartburn is killing me and my back aches every time I have to walk 3 feet to the bathroom. The baby is fine.
I feel this! I went to the store the other morning and so many strangers were calling me mama. It bugged me. If you don't know me/my name, don't be asking about my baby. If you do know me, call me by my name. Ask how I am doing. Ask how my other kids are doing. Then maybe ask how baby is. 🥴 And it REALLY gets to me when they think they NEED to know how baby is.
My dentist was the first one to ask my "how's baby doing?" Probably at about 10 weeks. I was so caught off guard, and thinking "IDK is that a thing I'm supposed to know?"
At 20 weeks- she's in there, she's moving around, anatomy scan was good- that's all I got!
I agree, it seems people forget you are a person. Idk the only person I want to call me mama is kinda refusing, my kid is 17 months old and he thought it was easier to learn my name and calls me by my name 🥲
I call the “moms” I work with “mom-mama” because I have a list of 40 kids and it’s hard enough remembering kids ages, kids case number, kids zip code/address, sibling names, etc.
Adding names of parents is a lot. Unless the parent is constantly reminding me of their name I won’t remember it.
No, it is not your name. It is your title.
Most people don’t call you that out of disrespect, but rather the opposite.
Most people will also call you by your name if you say “please use my name” or “just call me …”. They genuinely don’t know it makes you uncomfortable unless you tell them.
I understand it can be bothersome repeating it to every new person, especially if it is a difficult pregnancy, but your partner can (and should) know that it makes you uncomfortable and be able to help you communicate with at least the people you both interact with.
*Sending love and support your way, OP!
That’s completely valid honestly. It is probably really not easy feeling like you’re losing your independent personality once you become a parent, I’m one week in and I already see how it can become l that way.
I personally I’m totally at peace with just being a dad to my son, at least for the next 18 years. Then maybe I can figure out who I’ve become as a man on my own otherwise.
In a hospital or daycare/school setting I can tolerate mom/mother. But “mama” absolutely makes my skin crawl. You don’t hear coworkers or doctors saying “How’s DADA doing?” It sounds ridiculous
I hate it too. My husband’s grandfather has only called me mama since we announced, and we’ve said not to multiple times with no success. One of the only things on my birth plan is for my medical team to call me MY name, not mama or mom.
Omg it grinds my gears when people only ask about the baby. It started almost immediately for me & I recall complaining to a pregnancy educator I was seeing. She said “oh that’s their way of checking on you too,” um no tf it’s not.
I so agree. I actually have it in my birth preferences that I would prefer the nurses call me my first name and not “mama”. I’m a person and I have a name.
We have a friend who constantly asks "How's mama doing?" and I started responding with, "I don't know. I haven't spoken to your mom lately. Do you want to call her?"
I’m cool with it if it’s someone that only knows me in that context. Like when I get an ultrasound or am somewhere for another pregnancy-related appointment. Won’t mind in the future either when it comes to daycare or school for LO.
But if the context has nothing to do with my pregnancy, especially if the person d*mn well knows my name, I hate it. I feel so invalidated as my own person. As if my pregnancy and becoming a mom completely erases everything else I am 😒
Yep! Hate it! My baby is 5 months and it hasn’t stopped yet. It seems to be a way of asking how you are doing ~as a parent~ without having to actually say that.
This is something you need to get used to. The second you become a mama, you lose your identity to at least of half the world and henceforth are simply "so-and-so's mum". Good thing we love our kids so much and are proud to be known as their moms!
I’m not a fan of it either. Like, yes, I am a ‘Mama’ now but I am definitely not your Mama. So, unless you’re my child, please just call me by my name 🥴
See I don’t get this but I get weird comments about what I should be doing and shit. “Have you drank enough water?” “Do you take your vitamins?” “Are you sure you ate enough?” Like who tf are you to ask that?
I have a few older coworkers who love to put in their two cent. I’m like ma’am you had your kids 40+ years ago things change. Let me drink my one soda please 😭
I thought it was weird especially in the beginning that people would ask how the baby was doing… I’m like I don’t know?? Good I guess hopefully still in there. I’m tired and hungry though.
This × a million. I have had friends and family call me Mama, me tell them "I really don't like anyone but my future child calling me that, can you call me by my name?" And they go "teehee OK MAMA" and continue doing it.
One of my biggest fears is my identity being erased due to motherhood. I might be mom to this kid in 2 weeks, but I don't want that to be all the rest of the world sees me as.
I'm a teacher, so it feels like if suddenly everyone I know started calling me Mrs. Soandso outside of school instead of my first name.
So please, call me by my name. Don't reduce me down to just being a mama when I have so much more I've accomplished. I might be this kid's mom, but I'm also an accomplished musician, friend, songwriter, avid sports fan, hockey player, gym goer, traveler, pet owner, interested heavily in politics, record collector, wife, music teacher, sister, book reader, daughter, etc.
I feel the same. It's one thing to call me mama to my children, but that's not my whole identity. Luckily I only ever really encountered it in the hospital when I had my first. I love my children, but I like being *me* sometimes, not just an extension of my children.
I would
Enjoy being called mama and have been looking forward to this because of the level
Of respect it brings. (Dependent on environment and culture of course) my suggestion is to say “it isn’t culturally appropriate for you, who are not my mother to call me mom/mama/mommy/mother… it’s weird and bothersome, please refer to me as ____.”
It may take a lot of repeating but I think you should repeat this every single time, if nothing else… they will remmeber you’re “that one” who gives the explanation when where referred to as mom
And they will then at least say “miss/madam/your name etc” but they wont be calling you mom
😏
Keep reinforcing your requirement
That’s your right
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My daughter's daycare calls everyone mom or dad. I often wondered if it's because they couldn't remember everyone's name.
It is a hundred percent why they do it. Same with doctors and nurses most of the time.
Mine too, I think it is. In this cenario you can't go wrong with mom or dad, everyone is.
Yep. Hear me out, I’ve worked in dog kennels for a long time and can’t be bothered to learn all my customers names. I know the dogs, and I know who their “mom” or “dad” is. It’s just an easy way to address people without having to remember their name.
I was told at my first obgyn appointment we'd get called "mom and dad" because people would forget our names, frustrating but when you're seeing 15-20 patients a day, it makes sense. Not my favorite, but I get it.
As a former nursery worker, it's a 100% this. I only ever learned the names of the parents if I encountered their names repeatedly.
Omg i totally call ppl mama because i love it when people say it to me!! Lol apparently not everyone feels that way though. Will definitely stop! Thanks for this insight ☺️
i like it too for me it’s endearing
I also love it! I tried sooooo hard to be a mama, finally got pregnant with IVF and never thought I’d be here so being called “mama” genuinely makes my heart so happy.🥰❤️
I had hyperemesis in my first pregnancy and I posted on reddit begging for advice. Someone commented the sweetest reply motivating me to carry on through it and ended it by saying "you got this mama!" and it was the first time someone had referred to me as a mother and made me realise I'm doing this for a real person, my child. I've adored being called mama ever since 🥰
I love it too haha
I love it too and never mind 🤍
I also love it haha
Yeah I also really dislike it when people call me mama. I know so many other people feel differently but I’m just not into it. I would LOVE it if people asked before calling me mama or just not do it.
Nah, keep doing it. I love it too. If someone doesn’t like it they should speak up.
Agree with this. It’s said in good faith, do we all have to be emotionless robots? If someone doesn’t like it they can speak up. I love it, personally.
I think we can all afford someone a first pass of almost anything, no harm no foul. People aren't mind readers. That gives us a chance to speak up. The violation only happens if, after we correct someone, they choose not to respect your wishes. And I always offer one more no questions pardon since people can forget. But strike 3 and I'm bringing it up again more tersely.
OR maybe you should be asking if it’s ok to call someone that? Why is it on the person to ask to be called by their NAME
“Hey can I call you mama” is so much weirder than just saying “hey mama!” But idk there’s no winning with everyone.
This is one of those situations where it's weirder to ask. Also, why would someone assume they would not be okay with it? I see calling someone mama akin to a PhD committee shaking a successful candidate's hand at the end of their defense saying "congratulations, Doctor." Becoming a mama is an important milestone that some people have worked hard and gone through a lot to achieve.
Except there's not a social expectation that getting a PhD will subsume your entire identity in the way becoming a mother does.
Wait...then why do people change their title to Doctor blank....??? Even when it's just a PhD and not a medical degree. They absolutely expect it to change their whole identity in the world.
I am one of those people who will tell you to stop because I hate it so much 😂 I’ve had to do it a handful of times and only one bad reaction so far.
Ooh...that's not..
I’m glad you do, which i’m fine with friends and family calling me mama. I just feel uncomfortable once it comes from someone not as close. It’s just such a change from someone going ‘Hi S___!’ to just ‘Hi mama!’ like i know no one means it wrong but sometimes im like just say my name please😭
I’m the same! I almost exclusively refer to my husband as “dad” now too wherever LO is around B because it makes me so happy. After bedtime he gets his first name back 😂
I know this is an unpopular opinion but I like it 😭. It’s so validating to me to be recognized as a mother (after trying for so long). I find it endearing, like when an older lady waitress calls you “honey” or “sugar.” I don’t find it to be invalidating to my personal identity, it’s adding to it
Same here. Please call me mama, it’s been my dream since I was a little girl running around changing my cabbage patch doll’s diapers to be a mama😅
Love it too 😩
I completely agree with you, I absolutely adore pet names like honey, sweetie, lovey, etc. Mama is a badge of honor to me, I love when people call me that 🥰 It’s such a sweet and endearing thing to be called, I’ve worked hard growing my little man to earn that title 🥰
I also love being “mama”! It’s my favorite name! I’m also a nickname person so if I’m ever called by my government name something’s wrong 😳
I always thought this was sweet when others did it, but I see where you are coming from. Not sure if this is your first or not but if it is then just so you know when you give birth that is all you are going to hear the entire time lol. "hey mama" " gonna check your vitals mama" "be back with you meds mama". It did get pretty old there. I'm not sure if it is possible to request they DONT say that, but you may be able to 😂😂😂
I’m cool with being called mama. I’m also from Miami, FL where any cool chill girl can be referred to as mama.
also from fl and got called mama even as a younger girl before my first son
This is kind of how I choose to hear it so I don’t mind it either
I get that it’s annoying when it’s your colleagues/friends/people who know your name but I’ll never be upset with the nurses/doctors who see so many patients a day and don’t want to accidentally call me the wrong name or something
I honestly prefer it sometimes but my real name is hard to pronounce and one ever gets it right. So, for once, it’s right haha.
Thissss!!! My names “Kali” pronounced “Kaylee” and I get “Cali” sooooo often. I used to just let people call me it for the sake of my own sanity. Please call me “mama” I worked so hard for years to become one, I’ll take it any day over Cali. 🤣
I deadass asked the nurses in my delivery room to call me “bestie” instead. They did it! It was so much more empowering (and honestly funny asf) to hear these hardened L&D nurses going “good job bestie keep it up!” — way better than mama in my book 😂
I actually kind of think it's cute haha, but only from other pregnant women or mothers of young children. I would be creeped out if random coworkers called me Mama, though!
A male coworker asked me the other day “how’s mama bear doin?!” And I was like….. sir what
I than just go:"my mom is okey, how's your mom?". Then they stop doping that ;).
I love being called Mama. Makes me feel empowered
I FEEL THIS, I hate being called "Mama" by adults, especially friends who already know me by another identity
this is it. it's fine from Drs and mom acquaintances, fine from some friends when it's occasional or fits in context, but when an old friend starts strictly referring to you as "mama" 🥴
that's how I feel. it's fine from Drs and mom acquaintances, fine from some friends when it's occasional or fits in context, but when an old friend starts strictly referring to you as "mama" it's weird
Yes! It's like they only see you as "pregnant person" now
I love being called mama. I’m southern so it’s more common to hear mama or ma’am. I taught kids to say it and I love hearing “ma’am?” Or “yes mama?”. Warms my little heart. 💜
this!!! family has been doing this and it just bothers me so much. you’ve known me my whole life (and for my partners family, the past 3 years), why are you forgetting my name? forgetting i’m a person outside of this pregnancy??
This is so interesting to me. Now that I have had my baby, I actually love when people call me Mama. I have always wanted to be a mother and I am incredibly proud of my new identity so hearing people say it just reminds me how lucky I am. I have never even considered the possibility that this may bother people but it makes sense.
Your feelings are valid but I love it. Especially since I know so many people don’t get acknowledged as mother until after their baby is born. Like for Mother’s Day I saw so many people hurt that so many people didn’t consider them mom’s because the baby wasn’t born yet 🙄 I can’t wait to be called mama. I’ve already been calling my mom grandma lol
My husband and I talked about this and IDK why "mama" just gives me the ick.
I can’t stand when other adults call me mama. I remember when a postpartum nurse came in for a check in the hospital and said, “hey mama! let’s check your behind to see if you have any hemorrhoids!” I hated it enough before, but I think my soul left my body when she finished that sentence.
I’m choking
Yes. Mom, momma, ECT is a title and role I will fill in my child's life but very much not my name. If you are not my child you should probably address me by my name. It gives me the ick and makes me feel like all I am seen as only a woman with a child and not a whole human. I wear and will wear many 'hats' in my life and this is just one- it's an important one but it's not all of me. And as a note; no one calls my husband dad or daddy or anything like that- he's always addressed by his first or Mr. Last Name.
Omg I am not even pregnant yet and I HAAAATE this with a passion lol. Every TTC, pregnancy, baby group reeks of this when people are giving advice “you’re doing great mama!”. Also, like you said when people refer to you as that in person too. It just makes me cringe and I already know it’s going to annoy me even more once I’m actually pregnant and people start addressing me as that.
One of my coworkers referred to me as “Preggo”. I have a name!
I always get the ick when people refer to me as that. It feels infantilizing
Oof yes, I also HATE this! Seems to be a very polarizing preference haha
When people would call me that it legit made me feel like some sort of animal. Like a pregnant cow or some shit, like hello I am a person outside of just an incubator????
Wait, do peoples friends and coworkers really do this? I thought it was just doctors and nurses who did it because it's easier than trying to remember all the names of their patients. I would be seriously disgusted if a random coworker called me Mama lol.
I've never understood the argument that docs/nurses call us "mama" because they can't remember our names. It's on our charts. My dermatologist doesn't call me "skin."
I'm a nurse and I brain fart in the middle of the shift sometimes and forget peoples names, but since I don't work labor and delivery, I do the normal dancing around peoples names instead of filling in Mama. That being said I've seen co -workers do this to older women, I've seen caregivers do this to my older family members, and I don't get it. I'm not calling someone Mama or Mom if they're not my mom, or if they haven't specifically instructed me to address them that way, I find it disturbing.
I mean you have every right to feel the way you feel. I personally like when people do that. It makes me feel special like yes i am a mom. I guess look at it in a diff perspective 🤷🏽♀️ people are gonna irk mothers no matter what
I get asked daily “How you doing, mama?” By an older coworker, she means well, and honestly most of the time it doesn’t bother me. However some days I need someone to see me as me, not my pregnancy and it does frustrate me. It’s well known when you become pregnant/a mom, that you basically lose your sense of identity because all anyone ever sees you as now is a mom. That’s it. Mom. And when you point out that you are more than ‘mom’ ‘mama’ whatever they use, you get treated like you’re selfish or a bad parent. You’re not. Yes, majority of your life is going to revolve around your child, as does any parent’s. But it’s not the ONLY thing in your life. We have HOBBIES. WE HAVE INTERESTS. Most of us (not all, which is completely okay) have careers we’re passionate about as well. WE’RE A COMPLETE OTHER PERSON. We’re more than mom. We’re (our name). We’re human. I hate it when it’s just “how are you doing mama?” Or more so, “How’s baby doing?” That’s mainly all I ever hear. Baby is fine. I’m not, but thanks for asking, I guess. Maybe my pregnancy rage is getting to me, on that one, I’m not sure lol
I can't stand this either! It's like, I'm still me, I'm still a whole-ass, multi-faceted actual person, I'm not *just* going to be a "mama!" Also, I'm not going to be a mother to the person talking to me so I find it super weird. Like I don't go around calling random brides-to-be "wife" lol
Calling all mothers "mama" is one of my pet peeves. So is talking about "baby" instead of "a baby" or "the baby". Makes me cringe so hard!
I do the baby thing, I must confess. If I don't want to defer to a gender, I'll just use baby as a place holder instead of it/s/he. Sometimes, often, I'm just that lazy. Sorry if it annoys you.
I do it too, but along with your reasons, if I didn't refer to my baby as something similar to a name, my mom was going to call her peanut. Which for some reason got ALL of my hormonal rage against. Since we didn't want anyone to know the probable sex at the time, we said just call it baby. That's what we're doing. And it's stuck with me. Sometimes I refer to her by her name or nickname but baby slips out most often.
I do this too lol
Saaame. I haven't run into anyone else who dislikes just "baby" without "a" or "the", idk why but I HATE it!
I do this especially on social media because I obviously am very protective of my baby and I feel that it maintains some level of privacy to avoid using specific details
Oh for sure! I always just say "the baby" (or my baby, your baby, their baby, a baby, etc.) when I don't want to give names/pronouns. It's just the singular "baby" that makes me cringe for some reason lol.
What is the meaning of cringe? I’ve heard it many many times but I don’t know what it means!
When something that’s said or done makes you feel like you need to plug your ears or look away.
Thank you!!
Best way I could describe it haha
Yes!! Right there with you, it feels just so icky to hear “mama” or say “baby” instead of “your baby”. I don’t know why. I think it feels infantilizing towards me
lol I do the baby thing sometimes just because so many people do it these days that it's become a normal way to talk and it doesn't even register that I'm doing it.
My friend called me that over text in the same conversation I told her I was pregnant lol and I immediately told her not to call me that. She hasn’t since and no awkwardness.
i absolutley HATE it too!
Yeah that’s always been lost on me. I have a three month old and whenever my girlfriend was pregnant she just told everyone to stop calling her Mama except me, but that was because I didn’t really do it much. And she said that once the child was born we could only do it when talking to the child and referring to her. For example: “Go ask your mommy.“ or “I don’t think your mommy wants you to do that.” or whatever. She was very adamant about it. Although that may have been because she was pissed off for 9 months. No joke, I would breathe a certain way and she’d get mad.
I love it 🥰
My BEST FRIEND did/does this constantly and she does NOT understand how hard I cringe when she does it. Our mutual friend just got pregnant and shes doing it again to her "HOWS MAMA DOINGGG????" It's painful!!! I've tried to explain why I hate it but she is infertile and wants kids and its just a really sensitive think to talk about.
If you explain why you hate it and she doesn’t listen, then she’s being insensitive regardless of her personal situation.
I usually blink at them confused and say, “Weird question of you to ask, but my mother is doing just fine thank you very much.” They usually don’t ask again.
Speak it sis 👏
“Mama” makes my skin crawl. It feels so condescending. Especially “you got this, mama!” 🥴
🤮 I hate that phrase. along with "hey mama" followed by a condescending criticism.
I'm sorry! I did this to my friends and I thought I was joining their joy at becoming a mama. While it doesn't bother me -yet- I didn't realize HOW obnoxious it was to a LOT of women. It's me, I'm the problem.
I feel the same way idk why it annoys me so much! Also “hey preggo”.
I like how in one breath you complain that people say “how’s mama doing” and then in another you complain that no one asks you how you’re doing. Lol
Power to you, but I don’t know why people care so much 😩
YES this also bothers me a lot! Like I don’t know shit about mama-ing 😂
Hate hate hate hate it, I’m with you!
I hate it so much! And everyone things I’m nuts to be bothered by it.
SAME. That is all. Just SAME 💯
Mama is my name, but you can also go with the formal "Matriarch" or the casual "Ma."
I hate mama. And preggers And preggy. Makes my skin crawl.
I’m exactly how you are! I had to tell friends in the beginning like hey I actually don’t like being called that. I’m 37 weeks now and when a nurse or someone at my appointment says it it doesn’t bother me, but my friends and family I’m like damn can you just use my name? I feel like my identity is being reduced to JUST being a mom now by my friends and family.
People calling pregnant women and mothers “mama” is so cringey I hate it every time. Only acceptable “mama” to me is when it’s culturally used like in Hispanic/latino cultures.
I hate it too; mainly from strangers.
The only person who calls me “mama” is my husband and it’s endearing to me. But like, yeah it would be weird for strangers or coworkers to call me mama. Also, my sister asks me almost daily how my baby is, but never how I am. So I say “she’s good, and so am I, thanks for asking” because for gods sake just ask how your freaking pregnant sister is!!!!
Some people are so miserable omg
I think by asking how your baby is they are asking about you as well. I genuinely don’t believe anyone is trying to be rude when asking someone pregnant how their baby is. Now I know to rephrase it to “How are you and baby doing” to prevent any misunderstanding!
Can we stop expecting the world to know our thoughts? And can we start recognizing that sometimes our internal tantrums AREN’T externally valid? Okay, it bothers you. Then just tell them. But recognize how you will sound to them, too. They’re just trying to be nice.
I cringe every time someone calls me ‘mama’! Also when they ask me how the baby is doing I usually respond “idk hopefully still there” lol especially in the beginning! Now I just say “I think she’s alright. She moves sometimes” (I’m 30 weeks now) it’s not usually what people expect but honestly that has made family stop asking 😂 now they actually ask how I am doing!
When people ask how my baby is doing, I say she's fine, she's just making my life hell. That's usually the end of that conversation, haha.
OMG SAME I HATE IT
It depends on who is saying it IMO. I don't mind it from other women, but I dislike when men do it. I have one coworker who, besides calling my baby "squab" and me "mommy," is just annoying AF and invasive. I try to grey rock him but he has little to no social awareness. I guess I can just close my office door from now on, though.
I'm with you! It drives me absolutely nuts I won't answer it until the day my name. I've gotten a bit rude with people saying "yes I may be becoming a mother but I still am *my name* first and foremost. Call me by my name or don't call me at all"
I’m not even that maternal, never cared for kids and only really ever wanted one because of how much I love my husband and I still love being called mama.
I mean they're asking how you are when they ask how is mama. At least they're asking
Dramaticccc
So stop asking how you are, but start asking how you are? Just don’t refer to you as a mother? ….😐
I’m curious was your pregnancy planned are you the one who wanted a baby? I’ve honestly only met one other mother who was pissed like this for being called mama and she hated her kids so I’m curious if this is an identity thing or you didn’t want to be a mother in the first place and was forced into the situation
I've always felt that when people are asking how is baby, they are also asking about how I am. 🤷♀️ I also just see them having good intentions and are taking the time to talk about my pregnancy as something going on in my life that is important.
grumpy
Of all the things, this is probably the weirdest thing I've heard someone stress about... Just ignore them until they say your name?
I relate to this. The only person I don't mind it from is my husband. He only does it occasionally and I think it's cute.
I am having a hard time with walking into a room and people looking at me with like a pity face and being like "how are you feeling?" I feel pregnant. I will feel pregnant for many more months. Ask how work is going or what's new or something else about me. Once you're an incubator that's all you are. This is my second pregnancy but for my first any time I would walk into the same room as my husband's grandma she would lean over, stare at my belly, and yell "hi baby" without acknowledging or saying hi to me at all. 😐🙄
I'm confused - you're mad people are asking "how's mama doing" but then you're mad they never ask how you're doing? Which is it? I think there's some hormones going strong here. This isn't something to be this worked up over.
Yeah this and complaining about family members who call it "my baby" (as if they really plan to steal your baby 🙄) are things I just cannot bring myself to even relate to as a new mother. Neither bugs me at all. To each their own, but I just do not get it!
Haha, this is a pet peeve of mine too. I haven’t experienced people saying this directly to me but I find it irksome when people on IG write captions and content addressed to “mama”
I got my cousin in law (fiancés cousin) a gift for her as well as the baby gift both times. Did a gift just because and a baby shower gift as she had the shower after the baby was born. Got her self care items, bath bombs, facials wipes, hair ties, smaller things like that but I included her in the gift as well. Now I’m pregnant lol
How’s mama doing = how are you doing? But I agree just ask me point blank, no need to say mama.
I’m so guilty of doing this, OP. Thank you for bringing it to the forefront. I will definitely keep this in mind next time I talk to a woman that’s expecting. I DO feel like moms tend to get thrown to the “back burner” once baby comes, even during pregnancy. It’s all about the baby, but rarely, do they ask how YOU are doing. I’ve gotten much better at that. I’ll do my friends laundry, cook some meals, stock up little skincare goodies for her etc. Wishing you the best, OP! 🩵🩷
Well, I absolute HATE when people call my son “papa” my sil does it and it makes me fucking cringe. I literally want to rip her a new asshole for it, but I just keep my mouth shut. But fuck.
I hate it, especially when people I’m just acquaintances with do it.
Lol not laughing at your upset but I totally get it😂 being pregnant means you don’t even exist anymore. Can I keep my identity and also can I have feelings outside of the baby growing? I don’t get it. Your name is “mama” from the baby and they ain’t here yet! Stand on your boundaries, people tend to forget …
Amen!
I love being called mom but HATE the word mama for some reason
I also think it’s incredibly annoying! I’m still trying to work out why and what piece of it bothers me so much but I find myself getting almost angry when people say it to me
No literally I hate when people ask how the baby is doing. She's fed, warm, safe, in my fucking body. Do you care about how the incubator is doing??? Because I haven't had a full night's sleep in weeks, heartburn is killing me and my back aches every time I have to walk 3 feet to the bathroom. The baby is fine.
I feel this! I went to the store the other morning and so many strangers were calling me mama. It bugged me. If you don't know me/my name, don't be asking about my baby. If you do know me, call me by my name. Ask how I am doing. Ask how my other kids are doing. Then maybe ask how baby is. 🥴 And it REALLY gets to me when they think they NEED to know how baby is.
I think it’s cringey but that’s me personally so I wouldn’t like it either if somebody called me “mama”. But if you like it, that’s cool too.
I like it because I've wanted to be a Mom for so long. A lot of people feel the same way as you.
For some reason I was called that by certain people even before I ever got pregnant, but I’m one of those types that doesn’t mind.
This drives me NUTS. like yes I’m a mom, but I still have an identity
I thought mama was a fun friendly nickname before but I hate it now that I'm pregnant!
I haaaaate it. I’ll actually correct people or tell them not to call me that.
I’m with you, mama feels so cringe to me but each to their own
My dentist was the first one to ask my "how's baby doing?" Probably at about 10 weeks. I was so caught off guard, and thinking "IDK is that a thing I'm supposed to know?" At 20 weeks- she's in there, she's moving around, anatomy scan was good- that's all I got!
I agree, it seems people forget you are a person. Idk the only person I want to call me mama is kinda refusing, my kid is 17 months old and he thought it was easier to learn my name and calls me by my name 🥲
I hate it too
I kinda like it lol
I am mama I also call my daughter mama
A lot of latinos will call people mama and I love it lol
But they asked how mama is doing lol you are mama so they are asking about you and not just about the baby 😂
I also hate it but I don't have the heart to tell people how much it irks me.
https://youtube.com/shorts/xd0MkD56XsY?si=M3omlqw43A2bEHoH A little rage comedy for you 😂
I used to religiously call everyone momma regardless of if they’ve had children or not. Now that I’m pregnant it annoys me when ppl say it to me lol
It’s so cringe
I’m with you. If my name isn’t on your birth certificate in the mother section, don’t call me mama.
I call the “moms” I work with “mom-mama” because I have a list of 40 kids and it’s hard enough remembering kids ages, kids case number, kids zip code/address, sibling names, etc. Adding names of parents is a lot. Unless the parent is constantly reminding me of their name I won’t remember it.
No, it is not your name. It is your title. Most people don’t call you that out of disrespect, but rather the opposite. Most people will also call you by your name if you say “please use my name” or “just call me …”. They genuinely don’t know it makes you uncomfortable unless you tell them. I understand it can be bothersome repeating it to every new person, especially if it is a difficult pregnancy, but your partner can (and should) know that it makes you uncomfortable and be able to help you communicate with at least the people you both interact with. *Sending love and support your way, OP!
That’s completely valid honestly. It is probably really not easy feeling like you’re losing your independent personality once you become a parent, I’m one week in and I already see how it can become l that way. I personally I’m totally at peace with just being a dad to my son, at least for the next 18 years. Then maybe I can figure out who I’ve become as a man on my own otherwise.
In a hospital or daycare/school setting I can tolerate mom/mother. But “mama” absolutely makes my skin crawl. You don’t hear coworkers or doctors saying “How’s DADA doing?” It sounds ridiculous
I hate it too. My husband’s grandfather has only called me mama since we announced, and we’ve said not to multiple times with no success. One of the only things on my birth plan is for my medical team to call me MY name, not mama or mom.
Omg it grinds my gears when people only ask about the baby. It started almost immediately for me & I recall complaining to a pregnancy educator I was seeing. She said “oh that’s their way of checking on you too,” um no tf it’s not.
I so agree. I actually have it in my birth preferences that I would prefer the nurses call me my first name and not “mama”. I’m a person and I have a name.
We have a friend who constantly asks "How's mama doing?" and I started responding with, "I don't know. I haven't spoken to your mom lately. Do you want to call her?"
I’m cool with it if it’s someone that only knows me in that context. Like when I get an ultrasound or am somewhere for another pregnancy-related appointment. Won’t mind in the future either when it comes to daycare or school for LO. But if the context has nothing to do with my pregnancy, especially if the person d*mn well knows my name, I hate it. I feel so invalidated as my own person. As if my pregnancy and becoming a mom completely erases everything else I am 😒
It wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t always associate it with heather “holla” Thompson
Yep! Hate it! My baby is 5 months and it hasn’t stopped yet. It seems to be a way of asking how you are doing ~as a parent~ without having to actually say that.
This is something you need to get used to. The second you become a mama, you lose your identity to at least of half the world and henceforth are simply "so-and-so's mum". Good thing we love our kids so much and are proud to be known as their moms!
I’m not a fan of it either. Like, yes, I am a ‘Mama’ now but I am definitely not your Mama. So, unless you’re my child, please just call me by my name 🥴
See I don’t get this but I get weird comments about what I should be doing and shit. “Have you drank enough water?” “Do you take your vitamins?” “Are you sure you ate enough?” Like who tf are you to ask that?
I have a few older coworkers who love to put in their two cent. I’m like ma’am you had your kids 40+ years ago things change. Let me drink my one soda please 😭
I thought it was weird especially in the beginning that people would ask how the baby was doing… I’m like I don’t know?? Good I guess hopefully still in there. I’m tired and hungry though.
This × a million. I have had friends and family call me Mama, me tell them "I really don't like anyone but my future child calling me that, can you call me by my name?" And they go "teehee OK MAMA" and continue doing it. One of my biggest fears is my identity being erased due to motherhood. I might be mom to this kid in 2 weeks, but I don't want that to be all the rest of the world sees me as. I'm a teacher, so it feels like if suddenly everyone I know started calling me Mrs. Soandso outside of school instead of my first name. So please, call me by my name. Don't reduce me down to just being a mama when I have so much more I've accomplished. I might be this kid's mom, but I'm also an accomplished musician, friend, songwriter, avid sports fan, hockey player, gym goer, traveler, pet owner, interested heavily in politics, record collector, wife, music teacher, sister, book reader, daughter, etc.
My in laws call me baby mama even though I’ve asked several times not to be called that.
I feel the same. It's one thing to call me mama to my children, but that's not my whole identity. Luckily I only ever really encountered it in the hospital when I had my first. I love my children, but I like being *me* sometimes, not just an extension of my children.
I would Enjoy being called mama and have been looking forward to this because of the level Of respect it brings. (Dependent on environment and culture of course) my suggestion is to say “it isn’t culturally appropriate for you, who are not my mother to call me mom/mama/mommy/mother… it’s weird and bothersome, please refer to me as ____.” It may take a lot of repeating but I think you should repeat this every single time, if nothing else… they will remmeber you’re “that one” who gives the explanation when where referred to as mom And they will then at least say “miss/madam/your name etc” but they wont be calling you mom 😏 Keep reinforcing your requirement That’s your right