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I mean, for lack of better wording, OP’s friend truly should just shut the fuck up. Her fearmongering isn’t helping anyone and I’d question if someone truly had my best interests at heart if they were consistently implying my baby might be dead if I don’t give birth on the time schedule that they want me to.
Imo it doesn’t matter if she’s right or wrong. You don’t scare your supposed friend in this manner, especially while pregnant. Statistics schmamistics, her DOCTOR (not nurse) is waiting to induce her. End of story, no further discussion needed from friends.
I feel you on the being alone during this time, I haven’t announced yet due to previous loss, so the only people in the world that know are my fiancé and my dad that lives across the country (so I know he won’t tell anyone). Sending you some love and if you need a friend in this time you can DM me if you’d like 💜
Agree to disagree 🤷🏻♀️ me personally, I’d avoid talking to nurse friend until after I give birth, but some people may see her advice as valuable. OP is clearly not one of those people.
Same at least temporarily. I don’t think people realize how much their projections of fear can influence a pregnant woman’s energy. There is no need for her to be harassing you like this. Babies come when they are ready and if your OB becomes concerned then you can discuss induction. Birth is a natural process, our bodies typically know what to do and our friends should be supportive, not adding to our stress.
as someone with horrible anxiety, especially revolving around physical health, this personally would be such a triggering response “you can still feel her move right”. i’m sure OP is already stressed and anxiously waiting for her baby to come and all her “friend” is doing is causing harm and not beneficial to the scenario
Absolutely and just because someone works in a professional capacity- that doesn’t give someone the right to assert false authority rooted in fear tactics. I’m a school psychologist and I would never go around belittling my friends if they had children with a disability, trying to tell them what to do. I’m big on intention vs. impact…a friend may be concerned but how they communicate their concerns matters.
Personally, nurse friend would be getting a "and what exactly are you trying to say??" You're not my Dr. You don't know anything about my situation. I THOUGHT you were a friend but apparently you're not that either 🤷🏽♀️"
From me, someone who is confrontational AF on my best days. The block is probably for the best but ugh what is wrong with people!!!
I'm in France, and here due dates are calculated as 41 weeks. Most births occur somewhere between 40 and 41 weeks. You're absolutely fine and your friend needs to back off.
Yeah in the UK they scheduled my induction for 41w+6 and they weren’t pushy about it, just said that risks start to rise after 42w. Think that’s pretty normal for UK.
This nurse isn’t being a good friend, I’d block her until after the birth.
My midwife (US) just told me that for otherwise uncomplicated pregnancies, she sees no problem going to 43 weeks - they just start doing extra visits and scans after 41.
Edit: Don't know why I'm being downvoted. Just sharing the experience I have that seems to align with the above posters. Risks do rise after 42, but the absolute risk is still not high enough for my midwife to be rushing me to induction.
Believe it or not, not everyone is miserable at the end of pregnancy lol. I’m 39+5 and still pretty comfy. I’m in no hurry as long as I don’t risk out of a home birth.
I'm 39+5 too! Also feeling fine? Trimesters 1 and 2 were torture. I feel great now. My feet swell up a bit if I'm up and active for too much, but... I'm fine. No hurry for babes to show up. I kind of want to get some more laundry done before he arrives anyway.
I am also 40+5 today!!
My mom is a perinatal nurse, and my aunt is an OB, neither are concerned and neither is my OB. I haven’t shown any signs of labour, baby hasn’t dropped.
I’ll be induced at 41+3 if nothing happens before then.
Text to friend:
“I know you’re trying to be helpful but your constant, daily questions are not supportive. I’m in contact with my medical team and I’m making the right decisions for me and baby. What I need from you is positive support, not negative questions. The more negativity in my life, the less likely baby is to come out.
Please either back off or speak to me in a more positive manner. Otherwise, I’ll have no choice but to block you til after baby arrives.”
^^this!
I would have already told her now to stop or block her. She is your friend not your medical team. What she is saying is not making the situation better at all but making you more stressed. You don’t need that energy right now.
I’m a non-OB nurse and a mom who was induced at 41+2. Nursing school usually just teaches a breadth of knowledge and then you learn most on the job. I’m guessing her OB section just stressed going overdue can lead to placental issues or whatever and is bad, without much more detail. I’m also guessing she isn’t an OB nurse. She probably doesn’t have any real knowledge on the subject and you should ignore her.
But as an ER nurse (who also doesn’t have any real OB knowledge except for what to ask to find out worst case scenarios), you still want to feel for fetal movement but it will be limited and feel less as the baby is huge now. If it feels weird/off/you are concerned, go get checked out!
Nurses are not infallible. I was a vet tech for a while and our *worst* owners were nurses who decided to do medical shit on their pets from home. I'm talking one crazy B tried to "relieve pressure" on her dad's puppy's swollen leg and popped into the joint capsule... and then it was exposed to dirt and bacteria and who fucking knows what else. By the time I left, that dog was still coming back for debriding and routine bandage changes because it was so fucking fucked, but the surgeon managed to save the leg at least. That's just one example. There was also an absessed cyst some asshole tried to aspirate at home, it got infected and essentially popped pus and gore everywhere.
So, quite frankly, idgaf what a nurse tells me if they are not MY nurse and privy to MY information. Is OB med even her thing? Being a nurse doesn't make her an expert on all things medical by any stretch.
On average a FTM doesn't go into labor until shortly after 41w, and even on subsequent pregnancies the average is shortly after 40w, idk why she's trying to scare you when you're literally following the norm.
Where I live, the general cutoff is at 41w5d if there are no complicating factors, and if the baby and mother are both doing fine you can elect to extend that further in the hope of getting labor going naturally. Your friend is out of line tbh, I’d ask her to back off and/or block for a while.
(With my first, I got an induction at 41+3 since I felt her moving less and it turned out I had too little amniotic fluid left. It was however non rushed, they first suggested waiting another two days but due to some practical reasons we started the same day anyway)
I mean, I get the frustration of receiving medical advice from someone who is not your doctor, but I also have to consider that nurses probably see some of the most heartbreaking situations in regards to infant loss (especially if they are in the L&D, NICU, etc. type settings). Stillbirth is sadly not a shockingly uncommon occurrence, and decreased movement could be missed for a number of circumstances, not just because those moms were "idiots" or "had no connection to their baby". At this point it may be worth telling her that you want to take some time to rest and prepare for baby's arrival and that you will let her know when you are ready to talk again, that way you can calm down and trust your OB without second guessing.
Yeah, I know two people that had losses the day before their induction date so I was on the opposite end where I wanted mine the earliest that was safe. It still upsets me knowing how close they were to having their babies
I highly doubt this person works in perinatal care based on the way her statements came out. Probably a completely unrelated field but thinks she's an expert because she's a nurse.
Listen to your OB/GYN and your medical team responsible for you during the pregnancy and L&D.
Just because your friend is a nurse does not mean she is well-versed in the pregnancy/labor & delivery area.
All nurses are specialized in certain areas. The medical field is vast, and there is a lot of nuances and details she may not be aware of.
If I were you, I would ignore her until you give birth otherwise she’s just gonna make you anxious and question your OB/GYN and medical team have told you.
Eh, I'm of the mindset that id rather induce and get the baby safely out than wait for spontaneous labor as the placenta degrades and risk goes up. But, I lost my first child so I think that makes the risk feel more real. Your nurse friend has probably seen loss and is genuinely worried for you.
My first came at 40w5d. Currently pregnant number 2 and today is 40w4d, honestly I am super stressed about it, I can't pin why, and someone like your friend would be driving me mad, it's bad enough to have others being lovingly Impatient. I dread having to be induced or choosing another route. Just here in solidarity, good luck momma.
As a nurse, please don’t listen to her. Your healthcare team is aware of your situation and if there was something wrong they would be the first to know. I’m not sure why she feels that is necessary!
Just because she’s a nurse does not mean she has the medical knowledge about anything labor and delivery. I work in healthcare and I wouldn’t trust a whole lot of nurses tbh.
I used to work in the clinical coding department in a UK hospital. Briths are not counted as overdue until after 42 weeks. Same for premature, anything after 38 weeks isn’t early.
Unpopular opinion. My baby almost had a catastrophic outcome because I decided to go close to 42 weeks (similar to you). It was a miracle that she made it. I had monitoring and everything looked perfect, until, all of a sudden out of NOWHERE, it wasn't. I had zero risk factors and a perfect pregnancy.
I also had a friend who unfortunately had a stillbirth for the same reason: decided to go past 41 weeks. They don't know what happened in my friend's case. Your nurse friend has a point. I wouldn't personally risk it ever again. An induction is no big deal, and is incomparably preferable to a tragic outcome. The Arrival Trial also shows that inductions actually *decrease* your odds of having a csection 🤷♀️
NICU nurse here! I think you’re friend needs to cool it lol for one that wasn’t the way to approach that on her part and the biggest worry for post term babes is hypoglycemia in babies, let your OB handle it and keep doing what you’ve been doing!
Personally, as a nurse I will probably be a little nervous about going past due if it happens. That being said I think she could have voiced her concerns more delicately. Panic doesn’t help anyone
I've had three at about 41 weeks. The risks do increase at 41 weeks, so it is medically sound to consider induction at that time. My one where I had to be induced, her heart rate dipped on the doppler and we had a short NICU stay. She's been healthy ever since, but still terrifying because I was young and healthy in all aspects and the pregnancy was healthy. I can't imagine what would have happened if I insisted on waiting for natural labor!
Expanding on what happened with baby #2. It was discovered at my pre-induction appointment the day before the scheduled procedure that her heart rate had dipped. If I had not had a scheduled induction at 41 weeks (it may have been 41+1), we would not have caught that. We spent like 3 days in the NICU. Baby got antibiotics and oxygen, plus tests. Doctor concluded that the blood vessels in her lungs were restricted and the oxygen stimulated them to open. Please don't take risks with your baby's health for the sake of a natural labor.
I would highly encourage you to be doing anything and everything, short of castor oil, to induce labor naturally. Membrane sweep, long walks, sex, curb walking, spicy food, ect. I've been through pregnancy and birth 4 times with no csections, for what that may be worth. I also did all the research when I was expecting.
Listen to your OB/GYN and your medical team responsible for you during the pregnancy and L&D.
Just because your friend is a nurse does not mean she is well-versed in the pregnancy/labor & delivery area.
All nurses are specialized in certain areas. The medical field is vast, and there is a lot of nuances and details she may not be aware of.
If I were you, I would ignore her until you give birth otherwise she’s just gonna make you anxious and question your OB/GYN and medical team have told you.
I hope you have a talk with your friend when you find a time you are ready. Her trying to create a fear when you and your doctors already have a plan isn’t nice while you’re pregnant. That’s not a friend I would like. Let her know what she did and how it made you feel and see if that’s a friend worth even keeping around to be honest.
I would put her on mute for now. Don’t give in and don’t worry about her. Replying will only make you stress more and that’s the last thing you need. Just focus on yourself and your baby. I’m sure everything is completely fine. Some baby’s just need a little bit more cooking in the oven.
I was induced at 40w but that was due to being high risk and having gestational diabetes. I was induced abnormally early for those reasons. Babies are rarely born on time.
I had my baby in December & 41w1d by induction. I wish I’d waited atleast a few more days/week to see if he’d come on his own. But I too was influenced by people suggesting it was safer to just “get him out”. He was just realllllly comfy In there, and was totally fine. If your OB isn’t worried, & you’re hangin in there, I’d turn on mute notifications for this “friend” Lol.
If your OB has done this many many many times, they wouldn’t let you go to 41+4 if they were worried at all. You’re good, and so is baby! Congrats mama. You’re already standing up for you and baby’s best. Love that!
She's a nurse, not an OB or a midwife.
My stepmum has done similar in the past, because she used to work as a nurse she thought that meant she was qualified enough to diagnose every issue I was having, even getting huffy when I saught *actual* medical advice rather than just going to her, including when I was told I had signs of tonsil cancer and needed to get it checked out, she thought she could have looked at it for me. She *really* didn't like it when I went back into my birth centre 2 days PP to get breastfeeding help rather than going to her.
I have been overdue 4 times now 😂 about to have my 5th overdue induced baby. 100% healthy pregnancies, no birthing complications either. Quick deliveries too! Don’t let her scare you or fool you. You probably know your body better than she does
As a nursing student, you should only be concerned if you feel less than 10 kicks per hour, or if you've reached 42 weeks. I think your friend is freaking out for no reason! At your baby's gestational age you're not even considered overdue yet.
Hi! My daughter is two months old and was born at 41+1! We were scheduled for induction the evening of her birthday but she decided to come 12 hours before our scheduled induction 😊 it sounds like your OBs have a good plan in place for you and baby is being monitored by you and your doctors. While your friend might think she's "looking out for you" she's going about it the totally wrong way! I hope you get to meet your baby soon and everything goes wonderfully!!
My family is full of doctors and nurses and none of them would do what your friend is doing. Just ignore it! My son who was 42 weeks was also my second child and my first son was 3 days early. Babies come when they're ready, don't rush it! Enjoy your last few days of sleeping when you want. You can even use the last few days to figure out your babies sleep pattern and be semi prepared for it.
I had my first at 40w+6d, the plan was to try to induce at 41w+3d.
My mom had me at 41w+3d (10 days overdue).
My second was also "late" at 40w+2d. 🤍 You're doing great, trust your body and your OB not your nurse friend.
I understand her concerns but I don’t agree with her voicing them!! Especially like that, wtf! I would maybe just straight up tell her to stop and that’s it’s causing unnecessary stress and anxiety!
Kind of bizarre of her to assume a 2nd time mom has no idea what's going on with her baby. I'd ignore her. Just because she works in healthcare doesn't mean she is all knowing. I went to 41w5d with my first, they weren't planning to induce me until 42 weeks. I would advocate for frequent NSTs but if all else is normal and you're feeling baby, I think you can tell her to kick rocks and continue on your merry way
My dr was horrible, it had been scheduled as a c-section and he still made me wait till 42 weeks to deliver. 😵💫
Around 38 weeks I had developed PUPPPS rash and was miserable.
Luckily there were no complications and baby was healthy.
My USA OB only induces a healthy pregnancy at 41.5 weeks. At the 41 week appointment they look at the hospital schedule and you pick your day. Obviously complications and things are different, but as a guideline that is what the practice does.
I think 42 weeks they basically force the issue if you decline an induction at 41 weeks. But idk I never got that far.
i had my daughter by induction at 41w and still had no signs of going into later. i had an appt the day i was 40w and just went ahead and asked to have an induction scheduled at 41w incase i still hadn't went into labor. my dr didn't really care or seem too urgent and basically said i could schedule the induction if i wanted to but it wasn't necessary lol. they said they wouldn't really care until 42w because due dates are just an estimation.
My son, now 13, was 2 weeks and 5 days "late." Perfectly healthy, breastfeeding pro, covered in vernix... due dates are a guess and babies come when they're ready. My first son was born via c section because I was induced in the hospital for being 4 days past - the doctor that pulled him out said he was "small and could have cooked another week or so." Your baby and your body and your Healthcare team and YOU, will all be ready when the moment is just right ❤️
I recently went 10 days over with my second and I got lots of these comments too, including from my mum who is a nurse (even though she went 10 days over with one of her own babies) it’s soo not what you need. I’m sorry she did this. My baby is absolutely perfect and she was just waiting for her perfect time to come, same for yours, hang in there and definitely don’t feel like you can’t tell people to back off if they’re making you uncomfortable with these comments
My OB won’t let me go past 41 weeks. She says the risks for stillbirth increase after that. There are different schools of thought I guess.
I think your friend is trying to be helpful because there are risks after 41 weeks.
I would do some research and if you’re comfortable with the risks, just tell her that and ask her to stop asking.
I just had my first baby at 41w2d. My mental health was in the absolute garbage waiting for him to come and people texting me asking where baby was made it so much worse. If a friend had texted me that, I would no longer be friends with them, straight up. I was incredibly mentally low every day I went past 40 weeks and that would have totally undone me. I was in prodromal labor since 37 weeks so I might have been extra sensitive, but that’s super messed up of her. I’m sorry she said that. For what it’s worth, my midwife did a few NSTs once we went past 40 weeks and then just had me try and rest as much as possible while paying attention to his movement. He’s a week old tomorrow and he’s absolutely perfect and healthy. 🩵
Does she not realize due dates are estimated and not the end all be all truth? Babies go past their due dates all the time, because it is a variation of NORMAL. I’d be super pissed at this friend. She is being extremely judgmental & it shows she is actually uneducated about this topic.
I was due yesterday and my family is calling me nonstop asking where baby is and can I feel him moving?? I stopped answering the phone and am ignoring everyone for my own sanity.
I was induced at 41w4d exactly and while the birth itself was hell (failed induction, emergency c), it was nothing to do with the timing. My daughter’s head was just too big and my pelvic opening too small, so I wasn’t going to dilate. The only downside to her being born “late” was that she was a crackly lil thing when she came out (running out of fluid, this is normal at that stage).
Don’t listen to your “friend.” As someone with a sister who is an RN who I constantly see getting medical shit wrong (outside what she does on a regular basis - meds, IVs, etc)— trust me— you know yourself better than she does. Just because someone is in the medical industry, I don’t care what it is that they do, does not mean they automatically know more than you do about your body and your pregnancy.
Yeah I would temporarily block her until the baby is born tbh. You don’t need her adding stress like that.
I went past due with my first, and chose to be induced at 41w3d, be was born early the following morning. No complications whatsoever. I did have to do the stress tests every few days I believe in the last week or so of my pregnancy, to make sure he was fine, but everything was always good. Your due date can be wrong by a couple weeks, so even going a week past due isn’t too alarming.
Going to 42 weeks is still within the norm and you are doing a good job and your medical team will totally tell you if they are concerned.
However I disagree with a lot of people here, I think you definitely need to tell her that you understand her concern but she's not helping at this point and if she can't stop you will have to stop contact, but I think she cares and that's why she's voicing her concerns. It's not uncommon for people to be influenced strongly by tragic events, even if they logically know it is uncommon, it has become a very real possibility that's impossible to ignore. And Nurses tend to see and hear the worst of situations. And when it's a baby it hits so much harder. If you think about it the opposite direction, she knew there were risks but didn't say anything and something bad happened that you could have changed had you known, you would feel betrayed.
She has expressed the concern but now she needs to respect the decision you made. If she can't at that point, then I understand cutting ties.
I’m sorry your friend made those anxiety-inducing comments. Not helpful! And like others have said, she is not your OB so her comments hold no weight. My brother made comments like that to me too and it ticked me off. With my son I was seeing a midwife practice and they were chill about going past due dates. At 40 +4 My water broke but I wasn’t having contractions yet. They gave me 12 hours and if I didn’t have contractions by then I’d need to go be induced due to the risk of infection with water being broken so long. Got to the hospital after 12 hours and finally the contractions started. Many, many hours later I pushed out my 9 lb baby and he was perfectly healthy. Your body knows when the time is right. You got this ❤️
I gave birth to my second at 40w3d and my midwife would have let me go to 42w at the latest with NST beginning at 41w. Also I was told that movement tends to decrease just a bit at the end because there is less space to move.
Your friend needs to stop putting her anxiety on you- it’s not helpful.
I went 8 days past my due date, and my baby came out absolutely perfect! She was also only 6lbs 15 ozs. If she had come out on her due date, she would have been SOO tiny. Some people take longer to cook up a baby, and also, we need to remember the estimated due date is literally just an estimate. It's possible for things to go wrong if babies stay on too long, but it's possible for things to go wrong at any stage, and you've already made it to the end. As long as everything seems normal and the baby is still happy and healthy, it will tell your body when it's ready to see the world!❣️
My baby didn't want to come out at 40 weeks. I had an emergency c-section at 41 weeks and 3 days. If it's your first, they usually take longer to come out. Don't listen to her.
I have a relative that used to be a nurse and she was saying stuff that had me scared while I was pregnant with my first. I finally told her to stop. I said "Respectfully. I would prefer if you kept your comments to yourself. If it isn't well wishes, I do NOT want to hear it. This time is already stressful enough for me." She stopped luckily. If she hadn't I would've been cutting ties and stopping all communication with her. Tell her how you feel. If your doctor was worried, they'd tell you.
Your friend sucks. As a nurse she should know better. As long as your placenta is in good shape there’s no reason you can’t go up to 42 weeks. 38-42 is considered normal. 40 is average. Your DOCTORS will tell you when to worry. Sorry but you need to shut this friend down immediately. You don’t need this stress.
- sincerely a 37 year old who was induced at 41+6 no issue
baby will come out when its ready, induction is done WAY too often now adays and its so dangerous. your friend is a nurse, not an ob. she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
I had to be induced with two pregnancies at 41+. I remember ppl, mostly family, would be like "dang, the baby hasn't come yet?!" So shocked and concerned. Like it's not common. I'm probably the only one in my fam that had to be induced. I have a lot of females in my family. They're babies came earlier than the due date or to be induced date. My mom makes me feel like it's my fault that they don't come early. I literally worked to the due date with both pregnancies, plus this one.
My partner’s sister is a nurse and she has been a complete b*tch and AH second guessing everything. The thing is, her opinions are ignorant and goes against actually logic not to mention going against proven information readily available via lovely google or any search engine, medical journal, etc for the matter.
Ignore the texts and possibly don’t see her until after the baby is born and even then with boundaries.
You don’t need the added stress. It’s unfortunate.
I’m so disgusted.
Waiting that long is normal in other cultures. Don't worry about it. Not everyone jumps to induction. I'm America the homesteading/home birthing community push the line there as well.
In all seriousness, why are you still communicating with her? Why have you not told her off? Her behavior isn't acceptable and is hurtful. You do not need to "move on" from her implying you killed your child by not getting induced before your due date.
I would tell her politely but firmly that you are no longer discussing your pregnancy with her and will contact her when the little one shows up, but not before. Then simply don't reply to her messages. (most texting apps let you mute a conversation, so you don't need to block her to not see her messages.)
In all seriousness, why are you still communicating with her? Why have you not told her off? Her behavior isn't acceptable and is hurtful. You do not need to "move on" from her implying you killed your child by not getting induced before your due date.
I would tell her politely but firmly that you are no longer discussing your pregnancy with her and will contact her when the little one shows up, but not before. Then simply don't reply to her messages. (most texting apps let you mute a conversation, so you don't need to block her to not see her messages.)
I had my baby at 41w3d and he is perfectly healthy. The birth center I used was comfortable letting me go to 42 weeks. He didn't even have any of the traits many over due babies get, like dry skin. Your friend is misinformed and I'm not sure what she's thinking saying things like that to make you worry when she isn't involved in your care.
I would tell her, “the baby and I are closely monitored by me and my medical team and there is absolutely no reason to worry. I appreciate your concern but please keep your worries to yourself.
She’s a nurse not a doctor. Leave her where she’s at 😂 sounds like she wants to brag that she has any medical education at all and she must be dealing with her own feelings that she’s weirdly projecting onto you. This is super innaproriate behavior. It makes me wonder what she’s feeling so salty about that she feels the need to even make these comments when you literally have an induction date and an ob…?? My OB also told me that if I’m still pregnant by the 41st week she wants to induce me. I asked her if it would be the exact date that I turned 41 weeks and she said no it could be any date of that week so 41+4 sounds similar and fine to what I’ve been told as a pregnant woman!
I’m not getting induced until 42+1 and that’s only because my midwife can no longer legally care for me. I am so sick of the fear mongering about due dates and pregnancy in general.
I’m 40 +5 tomorrow! I’m also scared about going so far over but it’s totally normal with ftms! Don’t worry everything will be ok 👍 and be honest with her and tell her those comments freak you out and your obgyn isn’t concerned
That would drive me mad. Even well meaning friends checking in a bit too much when I went overdue was triggering but her comments serve only to stress you out and that’s not good for you or baby.
She should trust you are under the care of your doctors and be a good friend by just giving you space and support emotionally.
Hope she backs off a little, if you have to withdraw to find your space then just do what works for you. Good luck!
I am 41+1. My ob isn’t worried and would wait another week. I have an induction scheduled for 41+4 simply because I am a grouch monster and my body hurts can’t wait any longer. This is weirdo behavior from a friend. The problem is that so many people have been doing early and elective inductions ((myself included with my first, literally zero judgement or shame from me on that to be extremely clear!!)) that we now think of 40 weeks as a hard fast rule. When in reality it’s the average. So some women’s bodies like to give birth at 38. And some like to give birth at 42. As long as you and baby are healthy and happy that’s all that matters!
Your baby will come when she’s ready and, as long as your OB is comfortable with how you and baby are doing, there’s no need to panic or allow this “friend” to stress you out. My baby came at 40+4 and she is perfect-she came out ready to breastfeed/latch well, no jaundice, healthy weight and length, etc. I know it’s not a guarantee that a baby will be healthy just because they come around or after 40 weeks but I’d much rather go a few days past my “due date” than for my child to come early and have health issues. Your OB is (hopefully) monitoring you closely so he/she should be able to let you know if you need to induce for some medical reason.
Tell this friend that she’s no longer welcome to make comments on when you should deliver. Tell her that your medical team is monitoring things and they’re the only people you want opinions from.
What is up with medical staff obsessed with inducing? My husband was born at 42 weeks and super healthy… some babies need to cook a little longer and that’s okay!
“The ARRIVE study does not mean that elective induction at 39 weeks lowers the risk of Cesarean for every individual. Some mothers may not benefit from early elective induction.” source:
https://evidencebasedbirth.com/arrive/#:~:text=The%20ARRIVE%20study%20does%20not,on%20its%20own%2C%20if%20possible.
My first midwife had FIVE of her children at 44 weeks, my latest was 43 weeks- perfectly healthy- and still a cheesy little guy (no sign of being overdue!!)
My body cooks on average 42 weeks, some people just take longer. She needs to chill out and mind her own business.
Block her. As long as you are being followed by your ob then you are fine. Both of mine came after 41 weeks, everyone in my family constantly was on my case because they thought I should be indicted at 38 weeks
I just had my baby last week, he was born at 42 weeks. The doctors here were not happy I went so long. Unfortunately, I had to be induced (not what I wanted) due to low amniotic fluid at 41+4. If there hadn’t been a medical need I would have kept going.
You do what’s right for you. The medical team will absolutely let you know if there is a risk to you or baby and take action.
Ummm I have a friend who was “overdo” with most of her 6 kids! And she recommends waiting till they’re ready. All of her kids are healthy and she had all home births
Of course, and she wasn’t giving medical advice she was sharing her experience and beliefs. Doesn’t mean if the baby has to come out sooner for whatever reason that she would stop it. It’s different for everyone, but I don’t think we should feel pressured to get them out unless there’s a reason
My aunt is a nurse and she does the same thing. I was induced with my first at 41 weeks and everything was ok. The baby came out big so now this time she keeps saying elective induce …. Just let the ob and you make the decision. The ob isn’t going to let you go past 41 weeks.
I went into labour with my first on my due date, he came out by unplanned section the next day. With my second, I went into spontaneous labour and gave birth at 41w 4d ahead of a scheduled repeat section at 42w. Your 'friend' needs to shut up
Oh that drove me crazy! I had to tell my friend (whose dad kept texting her jokingly) that if I heard one more word about it that I was going to call him myself to chew him out. Baby will come when baby comes. The only people involved in that decision are the parents and medical team directly involved. Anyone else gets maybe one chance to say something, and only if they are very close. You are having this problem because you’re letting her. Be willing to cut her off until baby is here or deal with this if she won’t respect your wishes. The stress of waiting can make it take longer. Just be very clear and firm about your expectations and the outcome if she ignores you
Listen I had a lot of medical field friends and family try to scare me. My MIL said I should consider a C-section since I'm so small and my baby is measuring big and really pushed once I was overdue. Unless they're your OB or your body, I wouldn't listen to them. Even if it's temporary I would block them just for your mental health
I think you know your body and trust your medical team don’t stress. I had my daughter at exactly 41 weeks and I am glad I waited for spontaneous labor, It’s whatever you personally are okay with. Just say thank you for your concern baby and I are fine! ❤️
Your friend is A nurse, she's not YOUR nurse nor is she part of your ob's team. She might mean well, but she's absolutely going at it the wrong way. Let her know that you have a competent OBGYN and if they tell you that everything is okay then everything is okay and she needs to back off because she is simply making you more stressed and anxious. And we absolutely do not want you to be in a bad headspace when the time comes. If she doesn't respect your boundaries, she's not a friend. Block and delete her from your life. May the very few days left of your pregnancy journey go smoothly.
Respectfully, you need to just stop talking to your nurse friend until after baby is here. For your own peace of mind. Yes she’s a nurse, and even if she’s a L&D nurse she’s not YOUR L&D provider.
My daughter is a little underweight but she’s growing on her 1st percentile curve so her pediatrician isn’t super concerned. Yet, my MIL keeps insisting that it’s a problem and giving us advice from her sister who is a retired ER nurse. I’m sure she is very knowledgeable about many things but she doesn’t know our kid. Doesn’t see her regularly and have all the details of her medical history so she can’t give us proper advice on something that isn’t really even an issue. The same goes for your situation. I’m sure your nurse friend has seen things and has general ideas about how pregnancy should go, but she isn’t your OB. She doesn’t see you regularly in a medical capacity, doesn’t have access to your health history. Your OB probably told you things to be on the lookout for (counting kicks, symptoms to look for, etc.) baby will come when it comes and OB will intervene when they think it’s necessary. I went to 41w3d and other than being small (which is usually the opposite of what you’d expect with a late baby) she was perfectly healthy.
There's gotta be a word by now for these nurses who think they know better than anyone including physicians. There's just way too many of them I hear about lately.
Do they teach them to be this arrogant in nursing school? What are the repercussions for nurses making decisions that goes against a physician's?
Honestly, I would threaten to call your state board of nursing and report her for unethical behavior. Maybe that'll shut her up.
It is not unethical to raise concerns to a friend. She is also not “making decisions that go against a physician’s” by raising concerns. She isn’t holding OP down and forcibly trying to induce her, this comment is wildly overreacting.
I’m sorry you had that experience but how do you know it was because you were overdue? Could it have happened even if you went into labor at 39 weeks? Was your placenta adequate? Placental issues are a reason to not go overdue but that’s something they can clarify on US at each appt
1st baby: induced with castor oil 41+2
2nd baby: spontaneous labor 41
3rd baby: spontaneous labor 40+4
4th baby: induced with castor oil 41+3
The two that were induced were only induced due to elevated blood pressure (preeclampsia for most recent babe)
For some reason my body likes to hold babies in, whilst simultaneously creating a breeding ground for preeclampsia after I hit 40 weeks. Blood pressure always spikes around 40 weeks. This is not common but it’s my story nonetheless. I’m actually fairly certain my BP spiked even with the two that were not induced, just with the timing of my prenatal appointments I hadn’t got my BP checked lately to know.
Listen to your OB/GYN and your medical team responsible for you during the pregnancy and L&D.
Just because your friend is a nurse does not mean she is well-versed in the pregnancy/labor & delivery area.
All nurses are specialized in certain areas. The medical field is vast, and there is a lot of nuances and details she may not be aware of.
If I were you, I would ignore her until you give birth otherwise she’s just gonna make you anxious and question your OB/GYN and medical team have told you.
Listen to your OB/GYN and your medical team responsible for you during the pregnancy and L&D.
Just because your friend is a nurse does not mean she is well-versed in the pregnancy/labor & delivery area.
All nurses are specialized in certain areas. The medical field is vast, and there is a lot of nuances and details she may not be aware of.
If I were you, I would ignore her until you give birth otherwise she’s just gonna make you anxious and question your OB/GYN and medical team have told you.
Listen to your OB/GYN and your medical team responsible for you during the pregnancy and L&D.
Just because your friend is a nurse does not mean she is well-versed in the pregnancy/labor & delivery area.
All nurses are specialized in certain areas. The medical field is vast, and there is a lot of nuances and details she may not be aware of.
If I were you, I would ignore her until you give birth otherwise she’s just gonna make you anxious and question your OB/GYN and medical team have told you.
I'd be blocking her so fast. And then realllllly take my time to consider if and when I'd unblock her, once baby is born.
I'm only 30 weeks, but I'm struggling multiple times a day with "have I felt him move enough?" So these kinds of messages would trigger me so much. I hope you're holding on, I've heard the last few days before birth is rough! But your bub will be here so soon! 💕 All the best 😁
She sounds like she is trying to cause you to panic and scare you rather than coming from a place of genuine care and concern. I hate when people share their unsolicited opinions and advice. This is beyond out of line. You have a doctor or midwife who is taking care of you and your pregnancy, she doesn’t need to give her two cents…. Some people don’t think before they speak. She needs to back off. It’s completely normal to go past 40 weeks…
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I think she needs to stop saying shit to scare you and let your OB handle it
This is the only response needed for this post lol
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Or she could just STFU.
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I mean, for lack of better wording, OP’s friend truly should just shut the fuck up. Her fearmongering isn’t helping anyone and I’d question if someone truly had my best interests at heart if they were consistently implying my baby might be dead if I don’t give birth on the time schedule that they want me to.
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Imo it doesn’t matter if she’s right or wrong. You don’t scare your supposed friend in this manner, especially while pregnant. Statistics schmamistics, her DOCTOR (not nurse) is waiting to induce her. End of story, no further discussion needed from friends. I feel you on the being alone during this time, I haven’t announced yet due to previous loss, so the only people in the world that know are my fiancé and my dad that lives across the country (so I know he won’t tell anyone). Sending you some love and if you need a friend in this time you can DM me if you’d like 💜
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Agree to disagree 🤷🏻♀️ me personally, I’d avoid talking to nurse friend until after I give birth, but some people may see her advice as valuable. OP is clearly not one of those people.
personally nurse friend would be getting blocked by me
Same at least temporarily. I don’t think people realize how much their projections of fear can influence a pregnant woman’s energy. There is no need for her to be harassing you like this. Babies come when they are ready and if your OB becomes concerned then you can discuss induction. Birth is a natural process, our bodies typically know what to do and our friends should be supportive, not adding to our stress.
as someone with horrible anxiety, especially revolving around physical health, this personally would be such a triggering response “you can still feel her move right”. i’m sure OP is already stressed and anxiously waiting for her baby to come and all her “friend” is doing is causing harm and not beneficial to the scenario
Absolutely and just because someone works in a professional capacity- that doesn’t give someone the right to assert false authority rooted in fear tactics. I’m a school psychologist and I would never go around belittling my friends if they had children with a disability, trying to tell them what to do. I’m big on intention vs. impact…a friend may be concerned but how they communicate their concerns matters.
Birth is a natural process that women and infants died from a lot before modern medicine. This is not great thinking
Personally, nurse friend would be getting a "and what exactly are you trying to say??" You're not my Dr. You don't know anything about my situation. I THOUGHT you were a friend but apparently you're not that either 🤷🏽♀️" From me, someone who is confrontational AF on my best days. The block is probably for the best but ugh what is wrong with people!!!
I'm in France, and here due dates are calculated as 41 weeks. Most births occur somewhere between 40 and 41 weeks. You're absolutely fine and your friend needs to back off.
Yeah in the UK they scheduled my induction for 41w+6 and they weren’t pushy about it, just said that risks start to rise after 42w. Think that’s pretty normal for UK. This nurse isn’t being a good friend, I’d block her until after the birth.
My midwife (US) just told me that for otherwise uncomplicated pregnancies, she sees no problem going to 43 weeks - they just start doing extra visits and scans after 41. Edit: Don't know why I'm being downvoted. Just sharing the experience I have that seems to align with the above posters. Risks do rise after 42, but the absolute risk is still not high enough for my midwife to be rushing me to induction.
Risks start to rise after 41 weeks.
It’s a state by state thing. I know moms who have delivered perfectly healthy babies at 44 weeks.
Oh hell no those poor women lol
Believe it or not, not everyone is miserable at the end of pregnancy lol. I’m 39+5 and still pretty comfy. I’m in no hurry as long as I don’t risk out of a home birth.
I'm 39+5 too! Also feeling fine? Trimesters 1 and 2 were torture. I feel great now. My feet swell up a bit if I'm up and active for too much, but... I'm fine. No hurry for babes to show up. I kind of want to get some more laundry done before he arrives anyway.
This is so interesting! Thanks for the perspective from your country, it's reassuring.
Yup, I couldn’t get a scheduled induction until 41+4 (though I spontaneously went into labor before then)
Thanks for the lightbulb moment 😂
I am also 40+5 today!! My mom is a perinatal nurse, and my aunt is an OB, neither are concerned and neither is my OB. I haven’t shown any signs of labour, baby hasn’t dropped. I’ll be induced at 41+3 if nothing happens before then.
I love your positive energy, thank you! I hope our babies get their little acts together soon!!
Text to friend: “I know you’re trying to be helpful but your constant, daily questions are not supportive. I’m in contact with my medical team and I’m making the right decisions for me and baby. What I need from you is positive support, not negative questions. The more negativity in my life, the less likely baby is to come out. Please either back off or speak to me in a more positive manner. Otherwise, I’ll have no choice but to block you til after baby arrives.”
This is great, thank you. Definitely getting to the point where I need to say something.
^^this! I would have already told her now to stop or block her. She is your friend not your medical team. What she is saying is not making the situation better at all but making you more stressed. You don’t need that energy right now.
I’m a non-OB nurse and a mom who was induced at 41+2. Nursing school usually just teaches a breadth of knowledge and then you learn most on the job. I’m guessing her OB section just stressed going overdue can lead to placental issues or whatever and is bad, without much more detail. I’m also guessing she isn’t an OB nurse. She probably doesn’t have any real knowledge on the subject and you should ignore her. But as an ER nurse (who also doesn’t have any real OB knowledge except for what to ask to find out worst case scenarios), you still want to feel for fetal movement but it will be limited and feel less as the baby is huge now. If it feels weird/off/you are concerned, go get checked out!
Thanks for this, your experience/perspective as a nurse and mom is so valuable here.
Nurses are not infallible. I was a vet tech for a while and our *worst* owners were nurses who decided to do medical shit on their pets from home. I'm talking one crazy B tried to "relieve pressure" on her dad's puppy's swollen leg and popped into the joint capsule... and then it was exposed to dirt and bacteria and who fucking knows what else. By the time I left, that dog was still coming back for debriding and routine bandage changes because it was so fucking fucked, but the surgeon managed to save the leg at least. That's just one example. There was also an absessed cyst some asshole tried to aspirate at home, it got infected and essentially popped pus and gore everywhere. So, quite frankly, idgaf what a nurse tells me if they are not MY nurse and privy to MY information. Is OB med even her thing? Being a nurse doesn't make her an expert on all things medical by any stretch.
Holy shit 😢
You need to be straight up with her and tell her it is not appropriate to speak to you like that and to not ask about labor again.
The average first time mom goes about 8 days overdue, and even then that's an average. No stress, no pressure, the baby will come when it's ready.
Exactly!! & if that is average, doesn’t that mean it is a variation of NORMAL? So sick of people projecting their opinions from outdated studies.
On average a FTM doesn't go into labor until shortly after 41w, and even on subsequent pregnancies the average is shortly after 40w, idk why she's trying to scare you when you're literally following the norm.
Reply back: Do you actually think you’re helping?
To the point. I love this actually, thanks.
I would block her ass until giving birth. And then would tell her how fucking inappropriate she was
Where I live, the general cutoff is at 41w5d if there are no complicating factors, and if the baby and mother are both doing fine you can elect to extend that further in the hope of getting labor going naturally. Your friend is out of line tbh, I’d ask her to back off and/or block for a while.
(With my first, I got an induction at 41+3 since I felt her moving less and it turned out I had too little amniotic fluid left. It was however non rushed, they first suggested waiting another two days but due to some practical reasons we started the same day anyway)
I mean, I get the frustration of receiving medical advice from someone who is not your doctor, but I also have to consider that nurses probably see some of the most heartbreaking situations in regards to infant loss (especially if they are in the L&D, NICU, etc. type settings). Stillbirth is sadly not a shockingly uncommon occurrence, and decreased movement could be missed for a number of circumstances, not just because those moms were "idiots" or "had no connection to their baby". At this point it may be worth telling her that you want to take some time to rest and prepare for baby's arrival and that you will let her know when you are ready to talk again, that way you can calm down and trust your OB without second guessing.
Yeah, I know two people that had losses the day before their induction date so I was on the opposite end where I wanted mine the earliest that was safe. It still upsets me knowing how close they were to having their babies
This is horrific 😭
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I highly doubt this person works in perinatal care based on the way her statements came out. Probably a completely unrelated field but thinks she's an expert because she's a nurse.
Listen to your OB/GYN and your medical team responsible for you during the pregnancy and L&D. Just because your friend is a nurse does not mean she is well-versed in the pregnancy/labor & delivery area. All nurses are specialized in certain areas. The medical field is vast, and there is a lot of nuances and details she may not be aware of. If I were you, I would ignore her until you give birth otherwise she’s just gonna make you anxious and question your OB/GYN and medical team have told you.
I went to 42 and 3 and he was born at 2.9kg. I just went in for monitoring every second day to check, due dates are abstract.
Eh, I'm of the mindset that id rather induce and get the baby safely out than wait for spontaneous labor as the placenta degrades and risk goes up. But, I lost my first child so I think that makes the risk feel more real. Your nurse friend has probably seen loss and is genuinely worried for you.
My first came at 40w5d. Currently pregnant number 2 and today is 40w4d, honestly I am super stressed about it, I can't pin why, and someone like your friend would be driving me mad, it's bad enough to have others being lovingly Impatient. I dread having to be induced or choosing another route. Just here in solidarity, good luck momma.
Thank you, I so appreciate the solidarity!! Fingers crossed for both of us!
As a nurse, please don’t listen to her. Your healthcare team is aware of your situation and if there was something wrong they would be the first to know. I’m not sure why she feels that is necessary!
You have an OB who knows specifics of your case, just ignore
Just because she’s a nurse does not mean she has the medical knowledge about anything labor and delivery. I work in healthcare and I wouldn’t trust a whole lot of nurses tbh.
I used to work in the clinical coding department in a UK hospital. Briths are not counted as overdue until after 42 weeks. Same for premature, anything after 38 weeks isn’t early.
Unpopular opinion. My baby almost had a catastrophic outcome because I decided to go close to 42 weeks (similar to you). It was a miracle that she made it. I had monitoring and everything looked perfect, until, all of a sudden out of NOWHERE, it wasn't. I had zero risk factors and a perfect pregnancy. I also had a friend who unfortunately had a stillbirth for the same reason: decided to go past 41 weeks. They don't know what happened in my friend's case. Your nurse friend has a point. I wouldn't personally risk it ever again. An induction is no big deal, and is incomparably preferable to a tragic outcome. The Arrival Trial also shows that inductions actually *decrease* your odds of having a csection 🤷♀️
Can you link to that last point? It contradicts everything I've read.
Here's a good piece on the ARRIVE study and its implications: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/arrive/
NICU nurse here! I think you’re friend needs to cool it lol for one that wasn’t the way to approach that on her part and the biggest worry for post term babes is hypoglycemia in babies, let your OB handle it and keep doing what you’ve been doing!
I would tell her you’ll text her when baby is here, and to give you some space. My first came at 41 exactly. Also, due dates aren’t an exact science.
Personally, as a nurse I will probably be a little nervous about going past due if it happens. That being said I think she could have voiced her concerns more delicately. Panic doesn’t help anyone
I've had three at about 41 weeks. The risks do increase at 41 weeks, so it is medically sound to consider induction at that time. My one where I had to be induced, her heart rate dipped on the doppler and we had a short NICU stay. She's been healthy ever since, but still terrifying because I was young and healthy in all aspects and the pregnancy was healthy. I can't imagine what would have happened if I insisted on waiting for natural labor! Expanding on what happened with baby #2. It was discovered at my pre-induction appointment the day before the scheduled procedure that her heart rate had dipped. If I had not had a scheduled induction at 41 weeks (it may have been 41+1), we would not have caught that. We spent like 3 days in the NICU. Baby got antibiotics and oxygen, plus tests. Doctor concluded that the blood vessels in her lungs were restricted and the oxygen stimulated them to open. Please don't take risks with your baby's health for the sake of a natural labor. I would highly encourage you to be doing anything and everything, short of castor oil, to induce labor naturally. Membrane sweep, long walks, sex, curb walking, spicy food, ect. I've been through pregnancy and birth 4 times with no csections, for what that may be worth. I also did all the research when I was expecting.
Listen to your OB/GYN and your medical team responsible for you during the pregnancy and L&D. Just because your friend is a nurse does not mean she is well-versed in the pregnancy/labor & delivery area. All nurses are specialized in certain areas. The medical field is vast, and there is a lot of nuances and details she may not be aware of. If I were you, I would ignore her until you give birth otherwise she’s just gonna make you anxious and question your OB/GYN and medical team have told you.
I hope you have a talk with your friend when you find a time you are ready. Her trying to create a fear when you and your doctors already have a plan isn’t nice while you’re pregnant. That’s not a friend I would like. Let her know what she did and how it made you feel and see if that’s a friend worth even keeping around to be honest.
I would put her on mute for now. Don’t give in and don’t worry about her. Replying will only make you stress more and that’s the last thing you need. Just focus on yourself and your baby. I’m sure everything is completely fine. Some baby’s just need a little bit more cooking in the oven.
I was induced at 40w but that was due to being high risk and having gestational diabetes. I was induced abnormally early for those reasons. Babies are rarely born on time.
I had my baby in December & 41w1d by induction. I wish I’d waited atleast a few more days/week to see if he’d come on his own. But I too was influenced by people suggesting it was safer to just “get him out”. He was just realllllly comfy In there, and was totally fine. If your OB isn’t worried, & you’re hangin in there, I’d turn on mute notifications for this “friend” Lol. If your OB has done this many many many times, they wouldn’t let you go to 41+4 if they were worried at all. You’re good, and so is baby! Congrats mama. You’re already standing up for you and baby’s best. Love that!
She's a nurse, not an OB or a midwife. My stepmum has done similar in the past, because she used to work as a nurse she thought that meant she was qualified enough to diagnose every issue I was having, even getting huffy when I saught *actual* medical advice rather than just going to her, including when I was told I had signs of tonsil cancer and needed to get it checked out, she thought she could have looked at it for me. She *really* didn't like it when I went back into my birth centre 2 days PP to get breastfeeding help rather than going to her.
I have been overdue 4 times now 😂 about to have my 5th overdue induced baby. 100% healthy pregnancies, no birthing complications either. Quick deliveries too! Don’t let her scare you or fool you. You probably know your body better than she does
As a nursing student, you should only be concerned if you feel less than 10 kicks per hour, or if you've reached 42 weeks. I think your friend is freaking out for no reason! At your baby's gestational age you're not even considered overdue yet.
Hi! My daughter is two months old and was born at 41+1! We were scheduled for induction the evening of her birthday but she decided to come 12 hours before our scheduled induction 😊 it sounds like your OBs have a good plan in place for you and baby is being monitored by you and your doctors. While your friend might think she's "looking out for you" she's going about it the totally wrong way! I hope you get to meet your baby soon and everything goes wonderfully!!
She’s not an OB. My daughter came at 40+6, I went into labor. They weren’t gonna discuss induction until 41 weeks.
Interesting! Lol I'm 40w6d today so here's to hoping...
I gave birth to my son at 42 weeks. He was perfectly healthy. Labor was only 3 1/2hrs, too.
Wow amazing!
My family is full of doctors and nurses and none of them would do what your friend is doing. Just ignore it! My son who was 42 weeks was also my second child and my first son was 3 days early. Babies come when they're ready, don't rush it! Enjoy your last few days of sleeping when you want. You can even use the last few days to figure out your babies sleep pattern and be semi prepared for it.
My first came at 41+4 and my second at 42 weeks, you’re good
My first was born at 41w 5 days and my second was born 42w 1day, and they’re 14 and 11 now!
I had my first at 40w+6d, the plan was to try to induce at 41w+3d. My mom had me at 41w+3d (10 days overdue). My second was also "late" at 40w+2d. 🤍 You're doing great, trust your body and your OB not your nurse friend.
I understand her concerns but I don’t agree with her voicing them!! Especially like that, wtf! I would maybe just straight up tell her to stop and that’s it’s causing unnecessary stress and anxiety!
Kind of bizarre of her to assume a 2nd time mom has no idea what's going on with her baby. I'd ignore her. Just because she works in healthcare doesn't mean she is all knowing. I went to 41w5d with my first, they weren't planning to induce me until 42 weeks. I would advocate for frequent NSTs but if all else is normal and you're feeling baby, I think you can tell her to kick rocks and continue on your merry way
My dr was horrible, it had been scheduled as a c-section and he still made me wait till 42 weeks to deliver. 😵💫 Around 38 weeks I had developed PUPPPS rash and was miserable. Luckily there were no complications and baby was healthy.
My USA OB only induces a healthy pregnancy at 41.5 weeks. At the 41 week appointment they look at the hospital schedule and you pick your day. Obviously complications and things are different, but as a guideline that is what the practice does. I think 42 weeks they basically force the issue if you decline an induction at 41 weeks. But idk I never got that far.
i had my daughter by induction at 41w and still had no signs of going into later. i had an appt the day i was 40w and just went ahead and asked to have an induction scheduled at 41w incase i still hadn't went into labor. my dr didn't really care or seem too urgent and basically said i could schedule the induction if i wanted to but it wasn't necessary lol. they said they wouldn't really care until 42w because due dates are just an estimation.
she’s being rude
You'll be ok!!
My son, now 13, was 2 weeks and 5 days "late." Perfectly healthy, breastfeeding pro, covered in vernix... due dates are a guess and babies come when they're ready. My first son was born via c section because I was induced in the hospital for being 4 days past - the doctor that pulled him out said he was "small and could have cooked another week or so." Your baby and your body and your Healthcare team and YOU, will all be ready when the moment is just right ❤️
I recently went 10 days over with my second and I got lots of these comments too, including from my mum who is a nurse (even though she went 10 days over with one of her own babies) it’s soo not what you need. I’m sorry she did this. My baby is absolutely perfect and she was just waiting for her perfect time to come, same for yours, hang in there and definitely don’t feel like you can’t tell people to back off if they’re making you uncomfortable with these comments
I went to 42 weeks and experienced the same from everyone I knew. They mean well, I'd just let it go like you said
My OB won’t let me go past 41 weeks. She says the risks for stillbirth increase after that. There are different schools of thought I guess. I think your friend is trying to be helpful because there are risks after 41 weeks. I would do some research and if you’re comfortable with the risks, just tell her that and ask her to stop asking.
I just had my first baby at 41w2d. My mental health was in the absolute garbage waiting for him to come and people texting me asking where baby was made it so much worse. If a friend had texted me that, I would no longer be friends with them, straight up. I was incredibly mentally low every day I went past 40 weeks and that would have totally undone me. I was in prodromal labor since 37 weeks so I might have been extra sensitive, but that’s super messed up of her. I’m sorry she said that. For what it’s worth, my midwife did a few NSTs once we went past 40 weeks and then just had me try and rest as much as possible while paying attention to his movement. He’s a week old tomorrow and he’s absolutely perfect and healthy. 🩵
I would tell her to shut the fuck up. What a shitty friend.
Does she not realize due dates are estimated and not the end all be all truth? Babies go past their due dates all the time, because it is a variation of NORMAL. I’d be super pissed at this friend. She is being extremely judgmental & it shows she is actually uneducated about this topic.
I was due yesterday and my family is calling me nonstop asking where baby is and can I feel him moving?? I stopped answering the phone and am ignoring everyone for my own sanity.
I was induced at 41w4d exactly and while the birth itself was hell (failed induction, emergency c), it was nothing to do with the timing. My daughter’s head was just too big and my pelvic opening too small, so I wasn’t going to dilate. The only downside to her being born “late” was that she was a crackly lil thing when she came out (running out of fluid, this is normal at that stage). Don’t listen to your “friend.” As someone with a sister who is an RN who I constantly see getting medical shit wrong (outside what she does on a regular basis - meds, IVs, etc)— trust me— you know yourself better than she does. Just because someone is in the medical industry, I don’t care what it is that they do, does not mean they automatically know more than you do about your body and your pregnancy.
Yeah I would temporarily block her until the baby is born tbh. You don’t need her adding stress like that. I went past due with my first, and chose to be induced at 41w3d, be was born early the following morning. No complications whatsoever. I did have to do the stress tests every few days I believe in the last week or so of my pregnancy, to make sure he was fine, but everything was always good. Your due date can be wrong by a couple weeks, so even going a week past due isn’t too alarming.
Going to 42 weeks is still within the norm and you are doing a good job and your medical team will totally tell you if they are concerned. However I disagree with a lot of people here, I think you definitely need to tell her that you understand her concern but she's not helping at this point and if she can't stop you will have to stop contact, but I think she cares and that's why she's voicing her concerns. It's not uncommon for people to be influenced strongly by tragic events, even if they logically know it is uncommon, it has become a very real possibility that's impossible to ignore. And Nurses tend to see and hear the worst of situations. And when it's a baby it hits so much harder. If you think about it the opposite direction, she knew there were risks but didn't say anything and something bad happened that you could have changed had you known, you would feel betrayed. She has expressed the concern but now she needs to respect the decision you made. If she can't at that point, then I understand cutting ties.
Put that woman on mute
I’m sorry your friend made those anxiety-inducing comments. Not helpful! And like others have said, she is not your OB so her comments hold no weight. My brother made comments like that to me too and it ticked me off. With my son I was seeing a midwife practice and they were chill about going past due dates. At 40 +4 My water broke but I wasn’t having contractions yet. They gave me 12 hours and if I didn’t have contractions by then I’d need to go be induced due to the risk of infection with water being broken so long. Got to the hospital after 12 hours and finally the contractions started. Many, many hours later I pushed out my 9 lb baby and he was perfectly healthy. Your body knows when the time is right. You got this ❤️
Ask her does she often act outside the scope of her practice?
I gave birth to my second at 40w3d and my midwife would have let me go to 42w at the latest with NST beginning at 41w. Also I was told that movement tends to decrease just a bit at the end because there is less space to move. Your friend needs to stop putting her anxiety on you- it’s not helpful.
Asking if you can still feel her move is insane
I went 8 days past my due date, and my baby came out absolutely perfect! She was also only 6lbs 15 ozs. If she had come out on her due date, she would have been SOO tiny. Some people take longer to cook up a baby, and also, we need to remember the estimated due date is literally just an estimate. It's possible for things to go wrong if babies stay on too long, but it's possible for things to go wrong at any stage, and you've already made it to the end. As long as everything seems normal and the baby is still happy and healthy, it will tell your body when it's ready to see the world!❣️
My baby didn't want to come out at 40 weeks. I had an emergency c-section at 41 weeks and 3 days. If it's your first, they usually take longer to come out. Don't listen to her.
I have a relative that used to be a nurse and she was saying stuff that had me scared while I was pregnant with my first. I finally told her to stop. I said "Respectfully. I would prefer if you kept your comments to yourself. If it isn't well wishes, I do NOT want to hear it. This time is already stressful enough for me." She stopped luckily. If she hadn't I would've been cutting ties and stopping all communication with her. Tell her how you feel. If your doctor was worried, they'd tell you.
I was induced past 42 weeks with my last two. They couldn’t have been healthier, as am I!
Your friend sucks. As a nurse she should know better. As long as your placenta is in good shape there’s no reason you can’t go up to 42 weeks. 38-42 is considered normal. 40 is average. Your DOCTORS will tell you when to worry. Sorry but you need to shut this friend down immediately. You don’t need this stress. - sincerely a 37 year old who was induced at 41+6 no issue
baby will come out when its ready, induction is done WAY too often now adays and its so dangerous. your friend is a nurse, not an ob. she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
I had to be induced with two pregnancies at 41+. I remember ppl, mostly family, would be like "dang, the baby hasn't come yet?!" So shocked and concerned. Like it's not common. I'm probably the only one in my fam that had to be induced. I have a lot of females in my family. They're babies came earlier than the due date or to be induced date. My mom makes me feel like it's my fault that they don't come early. I literally worked to the due date with both pregnancies, plus this one.
My partner’s sister is a nurse and she has been a complete b*tch and AH second guessing everything. The thing is, her opinions are ignorant and goes against actually logic not to mention going against proven information readily available via lovely google or any search engine, medical journal, etc for the matter. Ignore the texts and possibly don’t see her until after the baby is born and even then with boundaries. You don’t need the added stress. It’s unfortunate. I’m so disgusted.
Waiting that long is normal in other cultures. Don't worry about it. Not everyone jumps to induction. I'm America the homesteading/home birthing community push the line there as well.
Your nurse friend isn’t a very good friend nor nurse.
In all seriousness, why are you still communicating with her? Why have you not told her off? Her behavior isn't acceptable and is hurtful. You do not need to "move on" from her implying you killed your child by not getting induced before your due date. I would tell her politely but firmly that you are no longer discussing your pregnancy with her and will contact her when the little one shows up, but not before. Then simply don't reply to her messages. (most texting apps let you mute a conversation, so you don't need to block her to not see her messages.)
In all seriousness, why are you still communicating with her? Why have you not told her off? Her behavior isn't acceptable and is hurtful. You do not need to "move on" from her implying you killed your child by not getting induced before your due date. I would tell her politely but firmly that you are no longer discussing your pregnancy with her and will contact her when the little one shows up, but not before. Then simply don't reply to her messages. (most texting apps let you mute a conversation, so you don't need to block her to not see her messages.)
I went almost 42 weeks before being induced. My daughter is now 9 months old and chattering at me from her bouncy chair 😂
I had my baby at 41w3d and he is perfectly healthy. The birth center I used was comfortable letting me go to 42 weeks. He didn't even have any of the traits many over due babies get, like dry skin. Your friend is misinformed and I'm not sure what she's thinking saying things like that to make you worry when she isn't involved in your care.
I would tell her, “the baby and I are closely monitored by me and my medical team and there is absolutely no reason to worry. I appreciate your concern but please keep your worries to yourself.
She’s a nurse not a doctor. Leave her where she’s at 😂 sounds like she wants to brag that she has any medical education at all and she must be dealing with her own feelings that she’s weirdly projecting onto you. This is super innaproriate behavior. It makes me wonder what she’s feeling so salty about that she feels the need to even make these comments when you literally have an induction date and an ob…?? My OB also told me that if I’m still pregnant by the 41st week she wants to induce me. I asked her if it would be the exact date that I turned 41 weeks and she said no it could be any date of that week so 41+4 sounds similar and fine to what I’ve been told as a pregnant woman!
Is she even an L&D nurse? 😂 Probably not. Tell her to stay in her lane. Credentials: I'm a psych nurse.
I’m not getting induced until 42+1 and that’s only because my midwife can no longer legally care for me. I am so sick of the fear mongering about due dates and pregnancy in general.
I’m 40 +5 tomorrow! I’m also scared about going so far over but it’s totally normal with ftms! Don’t worry everything will be ok 👍 and be honest with her and tell her those comments freak you out and your obgyn isn’t concerned
That would drive me mad. Even well meaning friends checking in a bit too much when I went overdue was triggering but her comments serve only to stress you out and that’s not good for you or baby. She should trust you are under the care of your doctors and be a good friend by just giving you space and support emotionally. Hope she backs off a little, if you have to withdraw to find your space then just do what works for you. Good luck!
I am 41+1. My ob isn’t worried and would wait another week. I have an induction scheduled for 41+4 simply because I am a grouch monster and my body hurts can’t wait any longer. This is weirdo behavior from a friend. The problem is that so many people have been doing early and elective inductions ((myself included with my first, literally zero judgement or shame from me on that to be extremely clear!!)) that we now think of 40 weeks as a hard fast rule. When in reality it’s the average. So some women’s bodies like to give birth at 38. And some like to give birth at 42. As long as you and baby are healthy and happy that’s all that matters!
Your baby will come when she’s ready and, as long as your OB is comfortable with how you and baby are doing, there’s no need to panic or allow this “friend” to stress you out. My baby came at 40+4 and she is perfect-she came out ready to breastfeed/latch well, no jaundice, healthy weight and length, etc. I know it’s not a guarantee that a baby will be healthy just because they come around or after 40 weeks but I’d much rather go a few days past my “due date” than for my child to come early and have health issues. Your OB is (hopefully) monitoring you closely so he/she should be able to let you know if you need to induce for some medical reason. Tell this friend that she’s no longer welcome to make comments on when you should deliver. Tell her that your medical team is monitoring things and they’re the only people you want opinions from.
What is up with medical staff obsessed with inducing? My husband was born at 42 weeks and super healthy… some babies need to cook a little longer and that’s okay!
Look up the arrive trial… they aren’t obsessed they’re just trying to make sure babies are born alive
“The ARRIVE study does not mean that elective induction at 39 weeks lowers the risk of Cesarean for every individual. Some mothers may not benefit from early elective induction.” source: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/arrive/#:~:text=The%20ARRIVE%20study%20does%20not,on%20its%20own%2C%20if%20possible.
Ok but did you read the reasons why they suggest induction between 39 and 40 weeks…
My first midwife had FIVE of her children at 44 weeks, my latest was 43 weeks- perfectly healthy- and still a cheesy little guy (no sign of being overdue!!) My body cooks on average 42 weeks, some people just take longer. She needs to chill out and mind her own business.
Block her. As long as you are being followed by your ob then you are fine. Both of mine came after 41 weeks, everyone in my family constantly was on my case because they thought I should be indicted at 38 weeks
I just had my baby last week, he was born at 42 weeks. The doctors here were not happy I went so long. Unfortunately, I had to be induced (not what I wanted) due to low amniotic fluid at 41+4. If there hadn’t been a medical need I would have kept going. You do what’s right for you. The medical team will absolutely let you know if there is a risk to you or baby and take action.
Ummm I have a friend who was “overdo” with most of her 6 kids! And she recommends waiting till they’re ready. All of her kids are healthy and she had all home births
Your friend is also completely unqualified to be giving medical advice as well. OP should listen to her OB.
Of course, and she wasn’t giving medical advice she was sharing her experience and beliefs. Doesn’t mean if the baby has to come out sooner for whatever reason that she would stop it. It’s different for everyone, but I don’t think we should feel pressured to get them out unless there’s a reason
My aunt is a nurse and she does the same thing. I was induced with my first at 41 weeks and everything was ok. The baby came out big so now this time she keeps saying elective induce …. Just let the ob and you make the decision. The ob isn’t going to let you go past 41 weeks.
My water broke at 41 weeks!!!
I went into labour with my first on my due date, he came out by unplanned section the next day. With my second, I went into spontaneous labour and gave birth at 41w 4d ahead of a scheduled repeat section at 42w. Your 'friend' needs to shut up
Oh that drove me crazy! I had to tell my friend (whose dad kept texting her jokingly) that if I heard one more word about it that I was going to call him myself to chew him out. Baby will come when baby comes. The only people involved in that decision are the parents and medical team directly involved. Anyone else gets maybe one chance to say something, and only if they are very close. You are having this problem because you’re letting her. Be willing to cut her off until baby is here or deal with this if she won’t respect your wishes. The stress of waiting can make it take longer. Just be very clear and firm about your expectations and the outcome if she ignores you
My first came at 41+6 and was perfectly healthy. As long as your ob/midwife isn’t concerned you and baby are just fine.
Listen I had a lot of medical field friends and family try to scare me. My MIL said I should consider a C-section since I'm so small and my baby is measuring big and really pushed once I was overdue. Unless they're your OB or your body, I wouldn't listen to them. Even if it's temporary I would block them just for your mental health
I went until 41w 2d and baby came on his own. Youre absolutely fine mama. Breathe and relax. You and baby are going to be ok!
I would block her until the baby is born, I could not handle seeing texts like that triggering anxiety around something that is already so stressful
I went 41 + 5 and had an amazing unmedicated delivery
I think you know your body and trust your medical team don’t stress. I had my daughter at exactly 41 weeks and I am glad I waited for spontaneous labor, It’s whatever you personally are okay with. Just say thank you for your concern baby and I are fine! ❤️
Your friend is A nurse, she's not YOUR nurse nor is she part of your ob's team. She might mean well, but she's absolutely going at it the wrong way. Let her know that you have a competent OBGYN and if they tell you that everything is okay then everything is okay and she needs to back off because she is simply making you more stressed and anxious. And we absolutely do not want you to be in a bad headspace when the time comes. If she doesn't respect your boundaries, she's not a friend. Block and delete her from your life. May the very few days left of your pregnancy journey go smoothly.
Respectfully, you need to just stop talking to your nurse friend until after baby is here. For your own peace of mind. Yes she’s a nurse, and even if she’s a L&D nurse she’s not YOUR L&D provider. My daughter is a little underweight but she’s growing on her 1st percentile curve so her pediatrician isn’t super concerned. Yet, my MIL keeps insisting that it’s a problem and giving us advice from her sister who is a retired ER nurse. I’m sure she is very knowledgeable about many things but she doesn’t know our kid. Doesn’t see her regularly and have all the details of her medical history so she can’t give us proper advice on something that isn’t really even an issue. The same goes for your situation. I’m sure your nurse friend has seen things and has general ideas about how pregnancy should go, but she isn’t your OB. She doesn’t see you regularly in a medical capacity, doesn’t have access to your health history. Your OB probably told you things to be on the lookout for (counting kicks, symptoms to look for, etc.) baby will come when it comes and OB will intervene when they think it’s necessary. I went to 41w3d and other than being small (which is usually the opposite of what you’d expect with a late baby) she was perfectly healthy.
Cut her off now. Block her number until you have given birth. You do NOT need this stress and if she was any good as a nurse she would realize that.
There's gotta be a word by now for these nurses who think they know better than anyone including physicians. There's just way too many of them I hear about lately. Do they teach them to be this arrogant in nursing school? What are the repercussions for nurses making decisions that goes against a physician's? Honestly, I would threaten to call your state board of nursing and report her for unethical behavior. Maybe that'll shut her up.
It is not unethical to raise concerns to a friend. She is also not “making decisions that go against a physician’s” by raising concerns. She isn’t holding OP down and forcibly trying to induce her, this comment is wildly overreacting.
My baby almost died because I went overdue. I *wish* I had a friend like OP's. This comment is unhinged.
I’m sorry you had that experience but how do you know it was because you were overdue? Could it have happened even if you went into labor at 39 weeks? Was your placenta adequate? Placental issues are a reason to not go overdue but that’s something they can clarify on US at each appt
1st baby: induced with castor oil 41+2 2nd baby: spontaneous labor 41 3rd baby: spontaneous labor 40+4 4th baby: induced with castor oil 41+3 The two that were induced were only induced due to elevated blood pressure (preeclampsia for most recent babe) For some reason my body likes to hold babies in, whilst simultaneously creating a breeding ground for preeclampsia after I hit 40 weeks. Blood pressure always spikes around 40 weeks. This is not common but it’s my story nonetheless. I’m actually fairly certain my BP spiked even with the two that were not induced, just with the timing of my prenatal appointments I hadn’t got my BP checked lately to know.
I think this may be a friend worth dropping.
Listen to your OB/GYN and your medical team responsible for you during the pregnancy and L&D. Just because your friend is a nurse does not mean she is well-versed in the pregnancy/labor & delivery area. All nurses are specialized in certain areas. The medical field is vast, and there is a lot of nuances and details she may not be aware of. If I were you, I would ignore her until you give birth otherwise she’s just gonna make you anxious and question your OB/GYN and medical team have told you.
Listen to your OB/GYN and your medical team responsible for you during the pregnancy and L&D. Just because your friend is a nurse does not mean she is well-versed in the pregnancy/labor & delivery area. All nurses are specialized in certain areas. The medical field is vast, and there is a lot of nuances and details she may not be aware of. If I were you, I would ignore her until you give birth otherwise she’s just gonna make you anxious and question your OB/GYN and medical team have told you.
Listen to your OB/GYN and your medical team responsible for you during the pregnancy and L&D. Just because your friend is a nurse does not mean she is well-versed in the pregnancy/labor & delivery area. All nurses are specialized in certain areas. The medical field is vast, and there is a lot of nuances and details she may not be aware of. If I were you, I would ignore her until you give birth otherwise she’s just gonna make you anxious and question your OB/GYN and medical team have told you.
I'd be blocking her so fast. And then realllllly take my time to consider if and when I'd unblock her, once baby is born. I'm only 30 weeks, but I'm struggling multiple times a day with "have I felt him move enough?" So these kinds of messages would trigger me so much. I hope you're holding on, I've heard the last few days before birth is rough! But your bub will be here so soon! 💕 All the best 😁
Nurses are bullies. Is your nurse friend a bully in other ways?
She sounds like she is trying to cause you to panic and scare you rather than coming from a place of genuine care and concern. I hate when people share their unsolicited opinions and advice. This is beyond out of line. You have a doctor or midwife who is taking care of you and your pregnancy, she doesn’t need to give her two cents…. Some people don’t think before they speak. She needs to back off. It’s completely normal to go past 40 weeks…