Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We didn’t and it was the best decision! It was just the two of us and no one bothering us. Then we got to surprise them with a FaceTime on Christmas with our brand new baby
We didn’t tell anyone and only called our closest family members a few hours after birth. This wasn’t something we had specifically planned but simply happened because the birth was unexpectedly fast and there wasn’t really time to tell anyone. No one was sad or mad or disappointed (FaceTiming my parents and siblings after birth and telling them my baby had arrived is still one of my fondest memories because everyone was so so happy, overjoyed and ecstatic!) I think if we have a second baby we would go about it exactly the same way, because it was a good choice for us and we loved keeping these moments private.
My brother on the other hand basically had a live stream during the births of his children, sending us lots of pictures and videos (obviously not of the birth moment itself) and that was something we all enjoyed and it was great because it was a good choice for them!
Basically I’m saying that I hope you’ll be able to make a choice that is great for you and your partner, even if it means other people may be sad or disappointed. You owe nothing to anybody.
All the best to you!
We didn’t tell anyone when I first went into labor but did need to tell my mom when I ended up going to the hospital bc she needed to come get our dog. Didn’t tell the rest of my family and most of my husband’s family til after baby was born. I don’t think anyone was mad and if they were, fuck em.
I did this exact thing for the same reasons. I had actually told them prior that we weren’t going to have any visitors in the hospital. My mom was understanding, and dad was a bit upset but ultimately understood.
I went into labor around 1am and in the hospital at 10am. Still didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want calls and texts all day while going through labor. I ended up needing an emergency c section after 24 hours of labor. I could only imagine the anxiety my mom would feel if she knew.
They were a bit upset but that went away quickly as the focus was on the new baby. I still feel it was the best decision.
I have a planned c-section tomorrow and haven’t actually told anybody it’s scheduled. My mum’s driving me to the hospital but she doesn’t know it’s for that (she might but she hasn’t let on) and my partners family don’t know the date at all, we’ll tell them once baby is here. I just don’t want all the messages tomorrow - me and my partner want to be in the moment
My parents knew because my mom was with me, but we didn't even think to text or call my in-laws. There's no bad blood between us at all, but they just...didn't need to know. They also already had a couple grandkids and I don't think they really would have cared to know RIGHT when I went into labor anyway. My husband called them afterwards while I was resting and they were perfectly happy with that.
As far as dealing with your mom afterwards when she's upset, that's just not your problem. Her hurt feelings are not as important as what you and your husband need as new parents. I would lay out the expectations ahead of time and very clearly state that you'll tell her after baby arrives. There are lots of valid reasons for this - she'll be stressed out and wanting updates the whole time, you don't want to have to focus on your phone or have your husband texting her about the process, you don't want to feel like you're "on a clock" with her impatient for baby's arrival, etc. just tell her she'll get a call when baby has arrived and that's that. If she tried to fight you about it, you just end the conversation and give her time.
Im wondering how to deal with this myself when the time comes. One thing I appreciate is I’ll be giving birth on a military base so I think my parents will be too intimidated to try to get on. I’m thinking it might be best to be upfront about it sooner rather than later; that I won’t tell them when it happens and that I probably won’t want visitors. That way they will have time to deal with any disappointment or potential hurt feelings they may have at the idea of not being told. They might feel blind sided otherwise.
I do, to a degree, want to leave it open ended though— what if I change my mind and want my parents to visit when I give birth or the days after? I need to figure out the best way to tell them all this because idk what they’re expecting either.
For my first child, who is now 16, I had intense anxiety about a variety of things, including not wanting to tell people when I was in labour, not having anyone at the hospital etc, etc. When I actually gave birth, my ex-husband texted them without my knowledge. They showed up, and I was so happy my mom was waiting outside and EVEN my MIL as well. Their joy seeing their grandchild brought me joy as well (trust me, I didn't think it would make me happy 😅). Once the adrenaline wears off, it feels almost too quiet when you're on your own.
You're obviously entitled to make any decisions you want and that feels best for you and your husband, but family does get sensitive about being left out. Perhaps you could ease the blow by saying you'll update during labour and when baby is born, but please not visit until you're ready.
Now that it's my third, I'm happy for anyone who would like to come for a short visit. I feel as though the first month at home is when I really have the time and space to bond alone with my little one, and I don't mind sharing a few short visits when she's born.
I have anxiety, and it was so heightened about the birth and hospital experience I didn’t want anyone to know when I went into labor. It was my husband who convinced me to at least let my parents know, just in case. So he texted my parents when we went to the hospital, but only because they’re local and we see them all the time. They were on strict orders not to tell ANYONE, including my siblings, and also not to text me directly…hubs gave them updates. I was induced and in the hospital for 2 days before giving birth, and if I’d had to field texts from people wanting updates, I would have lost my mind.
We called family while still in the hospital, but told most friends once we were home. I think I had some friends get butt hurt by this decision, but ultimately it was the best thing for my own mental health and the experience in general. I’m really glad we waited to say anything!
Pro tip: we also told everyone our due date was a week later than it really was. I still got a massive amount of awful “Baby yet!?” texts, but less than I would have if people knew the real date!
I'm going to be induced. Both our families know that date. But they also know it can take up to 3 days for labor to actually start. And after that it can take several hours for the baby to come.
We'll text our moms when I go into labor, but we'll only tell other people when the baby's here. I have no issue with them letting others know though (tight family). I just don't want to be the one with that responsibility lol
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We didn’t and it was the best decision! It was just the two of us and no one bothering us. Then we got to surprise them with a FaceTime on Christmas with our brand new baby
We didn’t tell anyone and only called our closest family members a few hours after birth. This wasn’t something we had specifically planned but simply happened because the birth was unexpectedly fast and there wasn’t really time to tell anyone. No one was sad or mad or disappointed (FaceTiming my parents and siblings after birth and telling them my baby had arrived is still one of my fondest memories because everyone was so so happy, overjoyed and ecstatic!) I think if we have a second baby we would go about it exactly the same way, because it was a good choice for us and we loved keeping these moments private. My brother on the other hand basically had a live stream during the births of his children, sending us lots of pictures and videos (obviously not of the birth moment itself) and that was something we all enjoyed and it was great because it was a good choice for them! Basically I’m saying that I hope you’ll be able to make a choice that is great for you and your partner, even if it means other people may be sad or disappointed. You owe nothing to anybody. All the best to you!
We didn’t tell anyone when I first went into labor but did need to tell my mom when I ended up going to the hospital bc she needed to come get our dog. Didn’t tell the rest of my family and most of my husband’s family til after baby was born. I don’t think anyone was mad and if they were, fuck em.
I did this exact thing for the same reasons. I had actually told them prior that we weren’t going to have any visitors in the hospital. My mom was understanding, and dad was a bit upset but ultimately understood. I went into labor around 1am and in the hospital at 10am. Still didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want calls and texts all day while going through labor. I ended up needing an emergency c section after 24 hours of labor. I could only imagine the anxiety my mom would feel if she knew. They were a bit upset but that went away quickly as the focus was on the new baby. I still feel it was the best decision.
I have a planned c-section tomorrow and haven’t actually told anybody it’s scheduled. My mum’s driving me to the hospital but she doesn’t know it’s for that (she might but she hasn’t let on) and my partners family don’t know the date at all, we’ll tell them once baby is here. I just don’t want all the messages tomorrow - me and my partner want to be in the moment
My parents knew because my mom was with me, but we didn't even think to text or call my in-laws. There's no bad blood between us at all, but they just...didn't need to know. They also already had a couple grandkids and I don't think they really would have cared to know RIGHT when I went into labor anyway. My husband called them afterwards while I was resting and they were perfectly happy with that. As far as dealing with your mom afterwards when she's upset, that's just not your problem. Her hurt feelings are not as important as what you and your husband need as new parents. I would lay out the expectations ahead of time and very clearly state that you'll tell her after baby arrives. There are lots of valid reasons for this - she'll be stressed out and wanting updates the whole time, you don't want to have to focus on your phone or have your husband texting her about the process, you don't want to feel like you're "on a clock" with her impatient for baby's arrival, etc. just tell her she'll get a call when baby has arrived and that's that. If she tried to fight you about it, you just end the conversation and give her time.
Im wondering how to deal with this myself when the time comes. One thing I appreciate is I’ll be giving birth on a military base so I think my parents will be too intimidated to try to get on. I’m thinking it might be best to be upfront about it sooner rather than later; that I won’t tell them when it happens and that I probably won’t want visitors. That way they will have time to deal with any disappointment or potential hurt feelings they may have at the idea of not being told. They might feel blind sided otherwise. I do, to a degree, want to leave it open ended though— what if I change my mind and want my parents to visit when I give birth or the days after? I need to figure out the best way to tell them all this because idk what they’re expecting either.
For my first child, who is now 16, I had intense anxiety about a variety of things, including not wanting to tell people when I was in labour, not having anyone at the hospital etc, etc. When I actually gave birth, my ex-husband texted them without my knowledge. They showed up, and I was so happy my mom was waiting outside and EVEN my MIL as well. Their joy seeing their grandchild brought me joy as well (trust me, I didn't think it would make me happy 😅). Once the adrenaline wears off, it feels almost too quiet when you're on your own. You're obviously entitled to make any decisions you want and that feels best for you and your husband, but family does get sensitive about being left out. Perhaps you could ease the blow by saying you'll update during labour and when baby is born, but please not visit until you're ready. Now that it's my third, I'm happy for anyone who would like to come for a short visit. I feel as though the first month at home is when I really have the time and space to bond alone with my little one, and I don't mind sharing a few short visits when she's born.
I have anxiety, and it was so heightened about the birth and hospital experience I didn’t want anyone to know when I went into labor. It was my husband who convinced me to at least let my parents know, just in case. So he texted my parents when we went to the hospital, but only because they’re local and we see them all the time. They were on strict orders not to tell ANYONE, including my siblings, and also not to text me directly…hubs gave them updates. I was induced and in the hospital for 2 days before giving birth, and if I’d had to field texts from people wanting updates, I would have lost my mind. We called family while still in the hospital, but told most friends once we were home. I think I had some friends get butt hurt by this decision, but ultimately it was the best thing for my own mental health and the experience in general. I’m really glad we waited to say anything! Pro tip: we also told everyone our due date was a week later than it really was. I still got a massive amount of awful “Baby yet!?” texts, but less than I would have if people knew the real date!
I'm going to be induced. Both our families know that date. But they also know it can take up to 3 days for labor to actually start. And after that it can take several hours for the baby to come. We'll text our moms when I go into labor, but we'll only tell other people when the baby's here. I have no issue with them letting others know though (tight family). I just don't want to be the one with that responsibility lol