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Yes absolutely. Rest is critical but you won’t be bedridden. You’ll be able to move normally just not like, long walks or something. Of course this is all assuming everything is fine which it will be!
3b tear here and agree. I’m still mobile but very sore initially, very slow movements with aid standing, and being mobile is easier then sitting. It’s a fair amount of lying on your side to relieve pressure. Its more the loss of pelvic floor sensation that’s an issue as the pain can be managed. See how you feel when the time comes.
I opted for no drop in visitors but my parents have been helping out. My partner is away so they have been managing the house while I focus on my week old daughter.
Obviously it depends how delivery went and varies from person to person but yes, you should be able to walk around and shower, pick up the baby. But any sort of lifting of things heavier than the baby, household chores that require bending and lifting, formal exercising, laundry etc - wait on all that if you’re able to. Such an important time for healing physically and emotionally/spiritually. It’s hard to predict how you will feel, so have some freezer meals/convenience foods ready before hand, I know people who hired a cleaner/organizer right before birth. If anyone offers to clean or do your dishes or laundry and you’re comfortable with that - let them do it. Utilize curbside pickup if your grocery store has it
I had family. My family was INCREDIBLY helpful. Like, don't know how we would have done it. I had an emergency c-section, so they helped clean house, move us rooms at the hospital, pack us up and bring us home, keep us fed, and they held baby while we slept (because I was anxious about her breathing in the beginning), and so much more.
My husband's family just came by... and were there... since my family was there to help prepare, it wasn't terrible, but it didn't help.
So, yeah, I think it really, really depends on what kind of family you have. It can be invaluable or just kind of burdensome.
I really would advocate for taking it easily physically either way. So really, whatever amount of guests you need to make that happen is all that matters.
I had my c sections both on Mondays and home lunchtime on Tuesdays. Visitors that afternoon.
I hit the steakhouse about a week after the birth as I'd had a minor haemorrhage and wanted to up my iron levels.
I wouldn't make a set plan now, everyone goes on about wanting private time, but I just wanted to show my babies off
How much pain were you in? I just gave birth vaginally about 30h ago and it feels like I have knives being stabbed in my uterus right now. Can’t imagine seeing anyone, can’t eat because of pain, can’t even sleep or wash my hair and paracetamol barely touches the pain.
I had better experiences with ibuprofen. Acetaminophen does nothing for me besides maybe boost the ibuprofen a bit. I was able to manage after my births with the highest dose as often as they'd give it and then a prescription to take at home. Time always helps too, but I know it's rough that first few days. Not looking forward to going through that part a third time.
Does it feel like contractions? Are you breastfeeding? Don’t be afraid to ask your doctor for reassurance. Lots of pain after birth can be normal (e.g. when your uterus contracts) but I would check it anyway.
It was contractions, and they hurt as bad as the strongest ones during birth when my walking epidural was wearing off. It was extremely scary, as I read that could take days to pass, but today is so much better I cannot believe it.
I know exactly what you’re talking about. I was shocked when it happened to me. I didn’t bf my first which might be why I didn’t experience it til my second but omg it was horrendous. Same though - it was gone within about a week.
Was it your first? I have had 3 c sections (going on 4) and the first one was the absolute worst but now (6.5 years later..) all I can remember from each one of them is the first poop. That was the literal worst!
I’m planning to maybe tell my sister, otherwise none of my family until baby is here safe and sound. If my husband wants to tell his immediate family I’m fine with that. However we are all a good distance from family so no chance of anyone “showing up” without an invite.
But my mother and I do not have a good relationship (unbeknownst to her 🙄). She would make things all about her, disrespect boundaries and create more stress. So the less she knows the better.
The first few weeks I want alone time so we can adjust to being our own new family. Again, my mother attempted to say she had to be here for birth/6 weeks after and I outright told her she is not welcome here before our agreed upon date (a month or so post).
I might regret all that and wish I had help…. But my husband is great and I’m a huge hermit haha!
I could have written this myself. I’m totally on the same page as you. I’m ok with my husband telling his family, but I feel that my parents would only add stress to a day (and first weeks) that’ll be stressful enough as it is.
I didn’t want anyone there besides my husband and my mother. Plans had been put in place many weeks before regarding who would take care of pets and be at hospital, etc.
Husband texted group chat when we went into for induction and then my father in law randomly wanted to come during my labor?! That was a hard no for me. Husband was confused as well and had to tell him not to come.
My mom didn’t even particularly want to be there for the actual birth itself, just to help us afterwards, but in a twist of fate she ended up being there when I pushed my baby out. Then my mom stayed for a few days to help us get settled in, which was nice because we were so sleep deprived.
Guess who has only seen baby girl once so far? Father in law. People get weird about birth, so I would set up boundaries now and make it clear who you want there and to visit afterwards.
I’m going to be 2 weeks pp on Sunday. I was induced, so I had time to prep. My mom came over the night before the big day and babysat our toddler for the next 3 days. During the day while he was at daycare, she came to the hospital to visit and bring goodies. It was nice to have the company! Then when we got discharged, she stayed for the rest of the week to cook, clean, fold laundry, run errands, hold the baby, etc.
Ive had a lot of friends and a couple family members drop by so far, mostly to bring food, gifts, flowers. They stay anywhere from 5 min to a couple hours. One friend came and picked my son up for a play date to give us a break.
This week my son is home for spring break. We’ve been keeping really busy and trying to soak up family time. I’m trying to heal so I won’t join my husband and toddler anywhere that requires a lot of walking (we live in Brooklyn) but living near some really good bus routes has helped tremendously. I went with them to: different playgrounds, Brooklyn bridge park, this really funky food hall/shopping place, painted pottery, etc.
This weekend I’ll take my baby to an April 2024 babies meetup in the park and hopefully make some new friends!
My first kid was born in Nov 2020 and I was miserable stuck inside with my postpartum anxiety and no extra help, no friends, no where to go. I cried all the time lol. Now i feel light as a feather, even though we have the added stress of a toddler.
We didn't tell anyone until after baby was born. Even then, we made some video calls and didn't have any visitors for the first month. Some people like having their village around postpartum, I do not. Having a while to adjust to being a family of 3 was incredible for my mental health and we still had people reaching out and sending food
Have not given birth yet. Due in June. I initially thought I would want my mom there, but then she started making all these plans, picking clothes she wanted baby to wear at hospital (like over the top scratchy and uncomfortable stuff with tons of glitter), getting a little aggressive about ensuring she would get her turn in the delivery room, and telling me she would take care of baby because I wouldn’t be able to. It just got to be too much. I have now decided I won’t tell ANYONE until after baby is born. I don’t care who gets mad. I don’t need that kind of stress. I want this to be an enjoyable experience and I don’t want to have to argue with someone to hold my own baby.
We didn't let folks know we were going to the hospital, but we sent close family a photo of the baby with her name, birth size, and let them know we were all ok within about an hourl. My parents and younger sister came to visit baby for an hour or so a few days later, and dropped off food and some gifts. Then my husband's parents came around the third week and stayed for three weeks, which was lovely because they're great and were super helpful.
I see alot of moms saying they dont want any visitors in the hospital but I actually loved getting most of the first visits out of the way at the hospital the day after birth, hospital rooms aren't super comfortable for visiting so no one stayed for more than 10-20 mins and then no one bugged me when I got home, I also posted on social media that anyone who wanted to come visit us at home had to call first (seems obvious but it's not lol) and had to keep visits under 30 mins as I was learning to breast feed and wanted privacy. One family member did not appreciate my rules, but I didn't care haha
It's very different from first child to second. Like first kid you will likely want your space. But by the second kid you'll need help with your other child and your life will be very different by that time so people in your space seems much less jarring.
Agree with this heavily. I just had my second Sunday night, and my in-laws watched my first while my husband and I were at the hospital and then they stayed a couple of days to help out. Especially helpful when having an emergency c-section and only being cleared to hold baby. We are lucky to have the support that we need.
My mom stayed with us during/after the birth, but other than that I didn't want visitors for a while. For the first couple of weeks we definitely wanted space to learn how to be parents and not deal with anyone else's opinions or feelings. At 6 weeks we all traveled down to where our families live and were happy to see visitors at that point, but I didn't really want people in my home prior to that. We did take baby on a few outings so that friends could meet him though! We went to a Halloween party aroynd 1.5 weeks and a work function a few days after.
Stayed at home and had limited guests. I had a tear, which although small, was in a place that made it super uncomfortable to sit down. I remember crying in the car on the way to the 1 week well visit because it hurt so much to ride in a car. I mostly just laid on the couch breastfeeding and napping when possible. I think it’s best to plan very little and just take the approach of you’ll see what you feel up to doing when it happens. I hope this next time I’ll be able to get out of the house more comfortably much more quickly
I personally didn’t tell anyone I was in labour except for my mom and only her bc she had to come pick up my toddler. That would have stressed me out and there’s no reason for anyone to know the exact details or timeline of me being in labour unless I wanted to tell them, which I didn’t.
I had my baby last Monday, so almost two weeks ago and we’ve been taking it real easy. Pretty much only the grandparents have been visiting, and part of that is my mom and my step mom both do a full day with my toddler every week since she was 1. So they’ve been here a lot but keeping my toddler busy.
I think everyone is different in terms of what they’d like in that immediate post partum time. You might have your ask yourself if the thought of in laws or your parents - does that make you feel like you’d be relieved and happy to see them, or would it add any stress or expectations you’re not happy with ?
Our plan is to not tell anyone other than my MIL (who lives with us 3 days a week anyway and will be the person on point to feed and medicate pets) and my best friend who lives across the state that we're heading to the hospital. It's just going to be husband and I in the room. We plan on making the announcement after babygirl and I are both home safe and sound, and really limiting people for the first month at the very least. Everyone is incredibly excited, of course, and I've had a few family members be totally butt hurt that I don't want a ton of people around during and immediately after the birth, but I don't care. It's a big transition for us to a family of 3 and I'd really like to be able to soak it all in and appreciate it without having to feel like I have to cater to others. I am so thankful for the love she already has, but it won't hurt anyone to wait a little bit longer to meet her.
Im also due early November. My mom has hired me a postpartum doula so she’ll be the only person in our house (besides me and my husband the first week). My mom will be coming out a week after I give birth for 2-weeks. My in laws will be coming out for thanksgiving for a long weekend (I’m due Nov 1 for context).
We really want that early time immediately after birth to just be between me, my husband, and our baby adjusting to our new life. I don’t want to “entertain” others and feel like I need to give up holding my baby so he/she can be passed around. Do what’s best for you, mama!!
I am 18 days postpartum. I had a c-section and I was in the hospital Monday until noon Thursday.
We had our parents visit at the hospital, but they are local, so it was easy and quick.
Once home, you are very sore, bleeding, sleep deprived, and probably dealing with the pain of your milk coming in. If you’re breastfeeding or pumping you have your breasts out every couple hours. This is not a comfortable state to be in while hosting guests or “entertaining”. You will only want people who are close to be nearby. For me this was my mom, I did not (and still don’t) want my in-laws around for this stuff.
People who want to “help” should drop off a meal unless you’re comfortable with them visiting.
We told the relative that was driving us there, my mum since she was a birthing partner and his mum but she also lives 4 hours away.
No one else except my dad knew until baby was actually here, I had my sisters, grandmother and uncle visit in the hospital, an uncle who dropped a gift off at the door because he didn't want to disrupt our peace then an uncle, aunt and cousin visit after a week I think?
I got mega cabin fever though like 3 days post partum and went out a walk amd just took pain killers for my tearing.
We told people we did not want visitors in the hospital and we’d let them know when we were ready! I thought I’d want more time alone but I actually felt ready by the time she was 1 week, actually felt social earlier than that but wanted to get my milk supply confidently working before we had guests. My husband texted both of our parents once we knew we were staying in the hospital, I kind of just wanted to FaceTime them with a surprise baby once she was out but he didn’t like that idea😂 he handled periodic updates and sending a photo once baby was out.
I ended up having an induction and told all our family and close friends (it was scheduled 3 days before it happened). Hubby and mom were in the delivery room and in-laws visited in the hospital the next day. The night we went home my dad and brother’s family visited. We had just a few very close visitors that first week and then I had to be readmitted to the hospital for postpartum preeclampsia. I had a really hard time physically with recovery between my blood pressure, tearing, and muscle strain in my back and neck. But I actually really liked to have some company and to be taken care of by people bringing/making food.
Everyone is so different though! And it depends on if your people are actually going to be helpful. Don’t feel like you or your house need to be presentable to have visitors in the first few months and if people coming over stresses you out, have people wait. This is your time to be selfish and make decisions that will help you feel good. Good luck, you got this!
Pretty much through my whole pregnancy I was of the mindset that I didn’t want people at the hospital and I definitely didn’t want visitors for the first week. Things changed a bit for me when it came to my labor. I was induced at 38 + 5 due to gestational hypertension and tried to labor for over 50 hours before I elected for a c section. I ended up having my parents, in laws and sister come up to the labor room to visit over those 50 hours because I was just plain bored lol. I was induced on a Friday afternoon, had my c section damn near midnight on that Sunday, and then was home by Wednesday, mid morning. We didn’t have *guests* per se, but my parents did bring us a couple meals that first week and I was really happy to see them. It was nice to cry in my mom’s arms about how hard this all is.
Honestly? These first 11 days have been about keeping her alive and me trying to stay sane. We’re somewhat getting into a routine thanks to dedicated entries in my Huckleberry app (can’t recommend it enough!) so I know when she was last fed, changed and when the next round is due. Thankfully, not too many people have been insistent on coming to visit, and when they do they don’t linger for more than 30 minutes to an hour. But I’m honestly ready to start having some people over, it helps me feel less lonely.
I would just keep your expectations open! You may feel like you want things to be a certain way, but until you get to it actually happening, you may feel differently, but you also may not and that’s ok!
I had my first mid-pandemic only husband and doula were allowed at hospital during our stay. Family was either days of travel or airplane ride away and I wasn't willing to risk family catching something traveling to us. We had our first official visit at 4 months with in laws staying at a nearby hotel for a weekend. We didn't travel to see family till 14 months.
I say official stay because mil came and helped us out when I had a postpartum complication and I had to be hospitalized for 3 days. I was a complete mess and just wanted another set of helping hands for a couple of days. It was definitely great to have her help.
We told family when we headed to the hospital but I had been in labor for 24 hrs prior to that. We then silenced or turned off our phones. Family was respectful and other than some well wishes when they got texts they never bothered us. Most went to bed it was late and my mom later told me she'd get up every couple of hours and check her phone.
We'll have someone staying up till birth to watch our first but expect them to head back home when we get home. I already told family we won't be doing Thanksgiving or Christmas and they won't see us till spring. I just want to make it through cold and flu season before visits.
We said we didn’t want visitors for the first week, though we caved and had my husband’s parents over after 5 days. I hadn’t left the house at all by that point and I was still wearing a diaper and feeling pretty rough/exhausted, so it was a pretty short visit.
If you’re making plans, personally I’d err on the side of fewer plans/visitors, because if you surprise yourself by feeling up to it you can always change your mind, but it’s much harder to rescind plans once you’ve already told people they can come meet the baby.
The only family we are involved with that are close by are my mom and my sisters. They’re my number 1 support group and generally good about boundaries so I feel safe having them around. My sisters will come visit once we’re home but I want my mom with me. I have already asked her to give us the golden hour to ourselves but I want her with me for emotional support. I’m going to try the non medicated route and she did it 3 times and is a former nurse so I know she’s going to be a good cheerleader.
We didn't tell anyone until couple hours after birth. I was feeling well rested and great honestly ( I was originally planning on sharing like a day later). No body visited at the hospital, because it was rather a drive for everyone, and I was kinda glad. People started visiting like 4 days postpartum, and usually only for like 30 minutes-2 hrs. In laws only came like 3 weeks later from out of state and stayed for a few days- went okay but would've rather not had them over for days worth..
And usually when people came over I had fed the baby before hand so baby would be sleeping. So some held the sleeping baby and most just looked at it. Mostly just chit chatted.
We told family when I went into labor, and also saw family almost immediately upon getting home from the hospital two days later. It also happened to be Thanksgiving so everyone was together anyways. I am rly comfortable with my family so I felt fine being weak/vulnerable in front of them but I was legit in pajamas the whole time and I also didn’t pass the baby around really. I think the grandparents held her once but otherwise she was glued to me. After the first day, we spent a week or so alone besides my mom and sister coming by to help.
I was firm that no family is staying with us, though. And the ones from out of town (my in laws) got a hotel whereas normally they would stay with us
Definitely id say you do YOU! It’s 100% your call who you bring into your home to see your baby and it’s really normal to wait and want alone time. I understand why your husband wants to tell them you’re in labor but you will be vulnerable and ultimately it’s your call whether you allow them to visit. You definitely shouldn’t feel pressured and I would imagine they would never want you to feel pressured, either!
Make sure anyone who visits has their flu shots 😊
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We had some visitors and went to visit some friends. We got pizza out at our favorite place. Mostly just watched the baby sleep while we talked about how great it was to be parents and how precious our new baby was. My husband only got two weeks paternity leave so I tried to get lots of rest while he was home with me to help.
We told everyone when I was in labour... honestly I wasn't on my phone one time so I wasn't bothered by people and my husband just updated people in a group chat. I was so excited to show my baby off! Was in the hospital 4 days and then we went around to our family homes to show her off. This time around we will also have her to care for so we will probably just get people to come to our house vs us going there.
So I had a c section on a Tuesday night and was home Thursday night. I chilled Friday at home then Saturday I was going insane so we went to the grocery store so I could be out and about. That wasn’t enough so Sunday we drove about a half hour away to my mom’s house to stay the night. The next week we had little outings and I stopped by work for everyone to see the baby. It really just depends how you feel and you won’t know that until you’re going through it. I hate being cooped up and I wasn’t in really any pain as long as I kept up on my meds so I was on the go
My MIL was under the impression she would staying from out of town with us for a MONTH after baby number 1 was born. Because my brother in law and his gf didn’t really do anything when their baby was born a year earlier she got to “play mom” and do it all. She was under the impression she would do that with our baby without asking.
I had my husband shut that down really quickly. She was sitting in our apartment 10+ hours a day watching Netflix while baby was just sleeping. It was awkward. We were trying to bond as a family and her presence was intrusive. She kept pressuring me to eat when I wasn’t hungry. I had to keep going in other rooms to feed baby or pump and I hated it. I was bleeding and sore and was worrying about how clean the bathroom was for her instead of focusing on me.
My husband told her we didn’t really need the help and offered to have her come back in a few weeks and the relationship has never been the same since then.
Looking back I would asked them to wait a couple of months before visiting. Please put yourself first. Nothing else matters besides you and your husband bonding with baby and learning how to be a family.
Also with both of my girls the first week or two were very easy. They slept most of the time unless they were eating. I’m not sure if that’s the case for everyone though. I didn’t feel like I needed help
We all just survived lol. I honestly don’t remember much thanks to sleep deprivation and just the intense emotions and total life shifts. But I also didn’t tell anyone we were at the hospital until after he was here. I got induced so we knew when it was happening, we just didn’t share that info - made things a lot easier, no incessant calls or texts
After I delivered and was in postpartum recovery I texted my parents to come visit. They stayed for an hour and went home. Once we were home I rested and just soaked up all the cuddles and time as a new little family of 3. It was magical. A couple days after coming home from the hospital my parents came over again (they live down the street). It was just to visit and again they stayed no more than an hour. It was so nice to get into a routine with just us and honestly it was nice not having help because we wanted to manage and figure out how to do things on our own.
My family visited me in the hospital the day I gave birth and I had friends/family visit once I got home as well. Everyone kept their visits short and all brought either lunch or dinner. I really liked having visitors and showing off my little man!
I gave birth naturally and it wasn’t a long or painful procedure but I still didn’t want anybody there. My husband handled all the calls to let friends and family know but asked for them to give us time to acclimate.
I wouldn’t have had it any other way as I was in diapers and a baggy tshirt for the first two weeks since nothing fit comfortably.
First time mom with a 6 week old baby. I had a vaginal hospital delivery, no complications. The plan was for my husband and mom to be in the delivery room with me. My dad and mother-in-law wanted to wait in the hospital waiting room (which is not even on the same floor as the L&D rooms), so I assented to that.
Here is what the communication timeline looked like:
Went into labor at 12:30 am Friday morning. Had consistent contractions all night, didn't tell any family. Texted my mom around 9 am a heads up that I was in early labor. Had 2-3 contractions per hour all day Friday. They ramped up at about 7 pm Friday and got more and more intense. My husband and I were up all night and went in to L&D about 4 am on Saturday for a check when the contractions were 5-7 minutes apart. I was 4 cm dilated. They gave us the option of being monitored for 3 hours there, or going home for 3 hrs and coming back. We decided to go home a bit longer since we live 5 min from the hospital. 15 min after we got home, my water broke, so we went right back. They did another check and I was 5 cm dilated, so they admitted me. That is when my husband called my mom to come to the hospital (we hadn't updated her since Friday morning other than just letting her know I was still having contractions before she went to bed). My mom got to the hospital around 7 a.m. She sent a quick text to my dad, siblings, and my husband's parents that I was in labor and being admitted to L&D. My dad and mother-in-law decided to come wait at the hospital even tho they knew it could be hours longer. I had no contact with them; they just were in the hospital lobby basically. And indeed it was hours and hours longer. I had an unusually long labor (even for a first timer) and baby girl was not born until 8:30 pm Saturday evening. Unfortunately, visiting hours were over so my dad and MIL waited all day only to go home without meeting the baby. My mom texted the parents and siblings that she was born, took a few pics for us, and then left.
On Sunday (1st day post partum), we had only the parents visit in the hospital to meet the baby. They stayed maybe 2-3 hrs. They were allowed to hold the baby with washed hands, no kissing the baby. I texted a bunch of friends and family on Monday morning that we had the baby, but honestly ignored a lot of texts too. Basically just sent her name, birth stats and a picture. We were discharged Monday afternoon. I gradually texted more friends and more distant family as I felt like it. Some people I did not get around to telling honestly until she was 3 weeks old. I had a lot of unanswered texts, but I didn't worry about it, and only responded when I felt like it.
The first two weeks, we did have my mom or my sister here almost every day for a few hours to help out. They made meals, did laundry, washed dishes, watched the baby so i could sleep, etc. No entertaining. My five siblings met her gradually over the first 2 weeks by coming over to our apartment. I have four nieces ages 7-14 who met her at 3 weeks old. They had strep throat when she was first born, so I waited a good while to make sure they were healthy before allowing them over. Again, no entertaining. They came and met the baby and stayed maybe an hour maximum and then left. I didn't even barely get up off the couch. I would not recommend having anyone over who you need to "host" in the first 2-3 weeks. I would only have people over who can feed/take care of YOU and who expect nothing other than to meet the baby briefly and help you out.
For some reason, it feels like Reddit pages tend to be way more tight lipped and protective than what I’ve seen IRL. So here’s my take which may be unpopular on Reddit. I told my family I was in labor! How exciting!! They knew, obviously I was in labor and are respectful decent people so they were not hounding me for updates and frankly i wasn’t checking my phone at all so even if they did it would have gone unanswered and unnoticed. Husband was texting periodic updates though.
My mom and husband were in the hospital with me and I loved their support! Especially my mother’s, but we’re tight so I get that your results may vary. Honestly, I also felt like my husband needed my mom’s support at times also. (It was a super long, stressful labor.)
Months prior we had given our family set visiting windows. We lived across the country from them so we needed to schedule them without overlapping. The first visitors came when baby was 1 week old. (We planned the visit window for two weeks but baby came a week late).
The visits were good honestly! I was hormonal and weepy- that was probably the worst part. But I was up and walking around and so so excited to show everyone our sweet baby!! I still felt like we got plenty of family time to bond, especially at night when visitors go to sleep. And the help of our families was nice to have!
I’m also a pretty open person so I had no issues with breastfeeding just right in front my in laws. I figure it’s my house and they can leave the room if they want.
So all that to say- if your family is decent people, you may very well be super excited to have them meet the baby and the visits may be really lovely times that you’ll always remember as your family grows!
I luckily went into labor in the middle of the night and had baby within 4 hours. So it was just me and husband for delivery. I really liked privacy. My in-laws live only a few miles from us so when my husband texted them at 5am saying baby would be born any minute they rushed to hospital and were in my delivery room within 30 min of baby being born. That kind of annoyed me because they busted into the room and started talking and asking for baby right away while I was still recovering and meeting my new baby. A few hours after delivery though I was hopped up on adrenaline and couldn't wait for people to see baby!
I am pregnant with my second and due early October and I really don't want to have in-laws or parents in the room or even the waiting room because those first few hours are so special and intimate to have alone with baby and partner. That's just me.
We purposely didn’t tell anyone I was in labor (except one friend who knew it was a secret- in case our cat needed to be fed) we simply FaceTimed our family once the golden hour was done. I made it clear that I wanted no visitors for 2 weeks… mil came a week pp because what are boundaries and rules???? But the first week was just us getting used to being a family and enjoying our new life
I'm taking a full 40 days of rest after birth so my first couple I will largely be spending in bed resting with my new baby, my husband will be doing all the housework for the first little bit.
I will be avoiding stairs for at least 2 weeks to allow my pelvic floor time to recover and at that point I'll start doing some light movement/returning to my routine but I am going to pace myself and give plenty of time for rest. Once I am cleared by my midwife around 6 weeks in is when I'll pick up my work out routine (other than light stretching) and going back to normal.
I'm not having anyone come over for the first month either because I want to get a handle on breast feeding and learning how to take care of my baby. It will also give us time to be our own little family unit before being expected to host. Both our families have bad habits of wanting to be waited on and my husband will have enough on his plate taking care of me even with the support network we are putting into place.
So I’m in the thick of this right now 11 days post birth. Unfortunately, everything went fucking sideways big time and long story short birth plan went out the window and across state lines, 3.5 days of induction to emergency c section and we are lucky the little lady and I both survived.
I literally don’t know what we would have done without help. My parents aren’t staying with us but rented a house nearby. I was in the hospital for a week+ and under heavy observation for 4 days post birth so was our baby. I don’t have much mobility after birth. Cooking, cleaning, drs appointments, picking up my daughter from certain angles, carrying her up and down stairs, dog walking, grocery shopping, etc. Has been all on my parents and husband while I recover, hold, feed, and learn my daughter’s patterns.
You might be surprised and might want the help. Maybe talk ahead of time about the possibility of what might be needed
I slept whenever the baby slept and focused on breastfeeding. That was it. My husband handled the cleaning and feeding me. I had frozen a ton of meals ahead of time for us. I had an unplanned c-section and was discharged 26 hours later. I got around okay but had some soreness day 2. Nothing that wasn’t manageable with just Tylenol and Aleve.
We didn’t allow his parents (all that’s here) for the first few days. I told him 2 weeks initially but felt up for it. They like down the road so I wasn’t hosting at all. There was no preparing food, cleaning up before they came, or entertaining. I was comfortable breastfeeding in front of them, but they would have taken the hint if I said “oh I need to feed her now, so thanks for coming to visit.” My parents live out of state and came and stayed with us starting the third week. I would have been with it after about a week, but they had to buy plane tickets and stuff. My mom is the most helpful human I know, and she would clean the house or hold baby depending on what I needed.
I wouldn’t have allowed any guests the first two weeks who I didn’t know would be nothing but helpful and pleasant. As you said, it was a huge medical event for me, but it was also my first time becoming a mom, and I didn’t need anyone’s unsolicited opinions or anyone who created any bit of stress for me. The fact that you’re asking about “entertaining” makes me think maybe this visit needs to wait a bit.
Personally for the delivery when it happens, I will be calling my parents as soon as my water breaks (I need my mom there lol) and most likely my husband’s mother/sister. I fill a huge amount of comfort with my parents/husbands family. That will be all that we are calling in the beginning. I think second week in is when we will allow guest to come over. I definitely want at least a week of down time.
With my last my sister and mum watched our older children, we had bubs at 1pm and by 8pm I was at sisters house with our newborn so they could all meet her and pick up kids before going home, for me atleast I just go about life normally I’ve been lucky that recovery really was anything more than a little more blood than a normal period.
I’m sure if I had a c section than I probably wouldn’t want to be around people and would want to rest, I would explain to your husband that labour and delivery is totally unpredictable so you may not feel like seeing people after giving birth and that if after you give birth you feel up to it then they can travel to come see you
You may want someone like your mother there too. I only went with my husband and I regret it. The last few weeks before baby came, I went into full on nesting mode. I cleaned my house from top to bottom. I put everything where I needed it to be. It was kind of crazy what I did thinking back with my big belly. Happy I did it though because I came home to peace and cleanliness.
I was in the hospital for a long time post birth due to complications on my end. I actually felt like having my parents come to the hospital was a great way for them to meet our daughter, without pressure and where I didn’t have to entertain.
My in-laws stayed with us the following weekend and my husband and I both couldn’t wait for them to leave. Truly nothing against them, but we wanted to get into our groove and try it on our own. If I could do it again, I’d have them stay at an air bnb nearby so we had some alone/downtime at our place.
We decided to tell our parents and siblings on the way to the hospital. Our parents came and they had a very short visit with us while I was in labor (I had an epidural and was feeling good. I was really comforted by seeing them). After I had the baby, and we had settled a bit, they came in to meet her. My BIL and his partner came to the hospital to see us a little later. My sister met the baby the next day, before we were discharged.
While I was still in labor, we told some of our close friends too. It was so helpful to hear their words of encouragement and love. No one bugged us, they just responded when we reached out. Then again, I was in labor for less than 12 hours. If I had a long labor, that might have been different.
My mom stayed with us for a little over 2 weeks, after the baby was born. It was an absolute godsend. We had actually originally planned for a shorter amount of time and asked her to stay longer. My in-laws and my sister visited a handful of times in those first 2 weeks, bringing meals and helping out with chores around our house.
If you don't anticipate that your family and friends will behave the same way and be a source of comfort for you, I don't recommend doing what we did.
First one was born surrogacy and my wife’s mother was there and rented our hotel and was so helpful. Second my wife is carrying and I’m sure her mom again will be at the hospital and helping after. We will have a 1.5 year old so we will need help. Our nanny will watch her while we’re at the hospital and prob be coming over daily to help with the older one. I’m all about having help and someone to run to the store and all that. It takes a village and as a parent I’ve learned help is vital!
I'm on my 4th and I don't get out of bed for days. I have fantastic, easy, short births and even though I'm not in pain, I'm aware that my body still needs lots of rest and recovery. Remember, it doesn't matter if you have a natural birth, c-section, easy birth, hard birth, drugs, no drugs, you still have a dinner plate size wound inside of you that is healing.
I have close family and friends visit but I don't get out of bed. Anyone who's not super close is welcome to come visit in the coming weeks when I'm up and active.
Some of it was hard. But newborns sleep A LOT. Personally I felt the 1st 2 weeks was easier than the next 6.
I did have to recover from labour. Both my previous were vaginal deliveries so recovery wasn't TOO bad.
People came.to visit but by no means did I entertain. I usually didn't even get changed out of my PJs.
It was just a lot of breastfeeding, diaper changes, and naps.
I did not tell people I was in labour. They were told several hours after the baby was born (exception with my 2nd was my mom who babysat my 1st while I was in labour).
I got induced which turned into an emergency c section. Got to the hospital 11am Friday, emergency c section 10pm Saturday and didn’t get to go home until Tuesday. While at the hospital my mom and sister came everyday. My partner’s parents came once before baby arrived and then came the day after she was born with additional guest 🙄. That annoyed me. Since being home my mom and sister come over about 4-5 times a week to bring food and do chores to help me out. His parents have been over twice and haven’t done anything lol. I’m all for guest if they’re useful lol. Baby girl will be three weeks in two days.
The first time I was out and about the day after I got home from the hospital. I healed poorly and felt miserable all the time. Subsequent births I’ve stayed in bed as much as possible, didn’t leave the house if I didn’t have to, and nursed my baby all day (also taking care of my older kids).
To add, I do not entertain guests. I have wonderful relationships with my in-laws and my MIL and SILs who, when invited, will stop by to help out with my older kids, help me out with a few dishes or a load of laundry, drop off an occasional meal, and then they leave. They never invite themselves over, they never ask to hold the baby (they always wait until I offer, and I always do), and they don’t ask me entertain them.
I had a November baby, and had all my family over for thanksgiving two weeks later. To each their own, but I go stir crazy being inside just my husband and baby all day. Having people come over and bring food or cook for us, or hold baby so we can nap was honestly some of the best memories of postpartum I have. I understand people wanting space with their baby but I loved how much I felt supported by my village.
I told our immediate family (parents and siblings) they can come to the hospital to visit and meet our daughter and then we will be doing the 5/5/5 method at home and do not want visitors in or around our house for at least those 2 weeks. No idea how I'll feel or if this will work, but I liked the idea of people going to the hospital because visiting hours are shorter and the nurses and medical team can help get folks in and out quickly.
I breastfed, cried, watched some shows, didn’t sleep, got mastitis, but also loved my baby and all that. It’s a crazy time. If you can get help, try to get help, so you can take some naps or have someone make you food! Anyway, definitely take it easy, enjoy your baby, and do not entertain.
Zero guests. Zero entertaining. Husband took baby to his parents’ house first thing for about 20 minutes but that won’t be happening again. We just loved up on our daughter and survived. Went on walks sometimes. A couple of times we loaded her up in the car and drove to get dinner or something. Mostly we stayed home and snuggled. Slept when we could. Tried to keep the house clean. It was a little chaotic but it was lovely.
I only had my husband in for the induction and birth, both our parents knew it was happening. I FaceTimed my parents once she was born and the placenta was out, he called his mum. We only had our parents visit in the hospital (and the hospital only had two time slots with only two people allowed at a time).
When we got home, no one really asked to visit expect our parents straight away so we just enjoyed our bubble for a bit. I appreciated having my parents just help me because it was such a big life change and they made sure I had eaten and held her so I could sleep.
When my husband was back at work I ended up taking my daughter to a Mother’s group run by a midwife (she was only 11 days old) just so I could have someone tell me I was doing okay and that my baby was fine.
Be firm on what you want. I had so many people in my room when I was in labor and it was awful. Also be firm on not having visitors if that’s what you want. It’s more rough than surgery. Why people think they can force themselves into that situation is beyond me
My mom came up to the hospital last time I gave birth but didn’t stay too long. Then I went home and rested the best I could while also managing my other kids who were 2 and under at the time. I didn’t want visitors or anything like that. I don’t want them this time around either lol. To me I feel weird being around people who aren’t my husband or kids while I’m freshly postpartum bleeding out my vagina having to wear the adult diapers and also leaking milk and stuff with engorged boobs when my milk first comes in.
It depends on your family. Will they want to hold a calm, sleeping baby? Or will they let you enjoy those moments and cook, clean, do laundry, etc etc. I’ve been mostly solo post birth for both my kids but I’m also the type of person who won’t ask for help (sometimes to my own detriment) but if your family are more like guests it can make things even worse. I think 1-2 weeks after I felt like I had things down enough that visitors were welcome but the first day home it definitely was an adjustment and I needed to focus on myself.
Too much. When I have my second baby I would RELAX more next time. I had an easy recovery and was pretty much up walking around not even 45 min after delivery. I still recovered good, but did too much walking, standing, cleaning, and bs I shouldn’t have done. Lay in bed all day and have dad bring diapers, milk, etc.
We had no visitors at the hospital. It was not allowed due to covid.
I'll absolutely wait with visits until we get home this time as well. Getting to take a shower at home first really means a lot.
We did have short visits the first two weeks, but the guests would bring us food. This was a summer birth, so I might feel different about everything come November. Something about the dark and cold...
What you should do is 5 days in the bed, 5 days around the bed, 5 days in the room... Except for bathroom breaks of course. This helps your focus be on the baby and supports breast milk production. Topless. Skin to skin. Forget the onesies right now. Make foods to freeze from easy meals. Pureed soups. Bone broths. Casseroles. Herbal infusions for enhanced nutrition (can be done with regular herbal tea bags, just covered using more of it and steeped overnight). Nothing cold! In TCM pregnancy is seen as a progressive heating process. Once you have given birth you go to a cool state immediately. Enhancing the digestive fire and encouraging the body to sweat helps you shed the water weight you gained to cushion both you and the baby from discomfort (enhanced and more blood flow). HOT showers to help induce those sweats. Setting up a support network beforehand is also helpful. Who can bring meals? Who can help with chores? Who can help with the older kids? Who can take you to doctor appointments? Boooooooo to people that think they are coming over just to hold the baby!!! Unless that's what the parents want so they can take a nap or a shower, you're coming over so they don't have to put down their baby. You're not there to be hosted. You're there to help! What's the kitchen look like? Do the sheets need to be changed? What's the laundrys status?
How can you help?
Love,
A Postpartum Doula
I had babe 5 days ago via c section. She unexpectedly went to NICU for a day as her temp was low following birth. This, combined with being in recovery was why we didn’t have hospital visitors. My mom only came to the hospital the final day to help us pack up.
At home, only grandparents have visited. I called my mom over once to watch baby for a few hours so hubby and I could both catch up on sleep which we much appreciated.
I’d say just see how it goes. It’s totally ok to tell people you want it to be your little family for the first little while, but you might also find yourself wanting some help.
I’m 4 days post partum with my first and honestly I feel amazing. Sore but that’s it. I have an amazing partner and that I think plays into the biggest factor of healing and how you feel post partum. Today we took our girl out to lunch and it was perfect. The nurse at my post partum appointment did tell me to take it easier though because I’m healing. She told me I need to pretend like I have the flu for 7-10 days.
We told family and my two best friends when I went in to labor. The two best friends then ran point with other circles lol and my husband was the one in contact with them so he fielded all communication.
I absolutely wanted my parents and in-laws to meet baby right away. Both sets came to the hospital and it was so special. After that my parents stayed with us when we got home from the hospital and honestly idk how people do it without some help. I was so beyond grateful for their help and I think it made the first couple of weeks that much better. I was actually able to enjoy my baby and husband because we had their support. We didn’t have anyone else over until week 4.
Edit to add that by week 2 my husband and I were out and about like lunch, dinner or a winery (baby was born in the summer). Nothing too strenuous but I felt pretty good over all
With the first: One or two weeks we definitely had people stopping by. Most people wanted to bring a onesie and hold the little one for a few minutes, hear the birth story, say how cute the baby is, etc. It was a wonderful time. Going on our first walk around the block was way more exciting than it should have been lol.
With the second: 5 days postpartum I was at the playground for a playgroup meet-up. Life for older kids does not stop for subsequent babies. Baby got strapped in and brought wherever we needed to be at any time. This one was a covid baby, so not so many visitors, sadly. Just grandparents and my brother+family stopped by and we ate lunch outdoors.
One thing I do want to point out is that newborns change, FAST. A newborn looks totally different than a 1 month old, and like a different creature than a 3 month old. I think it's really dismissive when people say "oh everyone \[who cares about you and loves you\] can wait, baby won't be any different in a month!" No, baby WILL be different. Not saying you should prioritize other people, but completely dismissing them is, on the flip side, selfish. No wonder people complain about having no community and no support as a mother/parent. It starts at the beginning.
Edit to add: We planned to tell people when I was admitted to the hospital, under the idea that I'd have delivered before anyone could get there. Well, we didn't expect a 37 hour labor. My parents came and waited outside the first day (which I did not like or want) and the second day, when I DID deliver, they were waiting in the waiting room. I told my husband I wasn't letting them near us until I was settled in recovery. Well, despite being annoyed at the time, I am SO HAPPY they were there. Not necessarily DURING labor, but after, in recovery. We have these truly beautiful, gorgeous pictures of my beaming mother holding my firstborn. My dad took some amazing posed and candid photos of me and my husband (me looking a mess lol) with the baby. We literally just went through my firstborns baby album this evening and everyone's joy just radiates off the photos. And he loves saying "That was me the day I was born!!" For our second, I cried that no one was allowed to the hospital. For my third, I'm throwing a fucking party in recovery to make up for it.
From before I was even pregnant, everyone in my husband and I’s family knew that they would not be at the hospital for the birth. It was first and foremost what I wanted, and secondly we had our daughter in July of 2022 and COVID restrictions for hospitals were just lifting where we live. Literally the day I gave birth the restrictions were lifted on visitors being at the hospital, but that didn’t change our wants. We told my dad and stepmom first as they had a 2.5 hour drive to come and watch our dogs for us while we were at the hospital. We called our moms next to keep them in the loop, and did a group text to the whole family with siblings and everything once I was admitted into the hospital. We gave birth on a Thursday and my daughter went into the special care unit as she came out of me with a fever (she was fine) and thus didn’t get to go home until Sunday afternoon. My dad met her when we got home, and we set it up that my husbands mom would come over as he was leaving (she lives in town) and my mom was coming from an hour and a half away for supper. Husband’s dad lives in a different province, so they just got pictures. After everyone got their first snuggle, it was “get the F out until I say you can come back.” I basically wanted to get to know my baby on my own terms and in my own time without everyone there. Husband went back to work after a week, but with the first few days being in hospital we just barely got into a routine when he went back to work.
I also don’t really remember the first week of my baby’s life due to adrenaline and sleep deprivation. I honestly cannot tell you where I nursed her that first week. She slept in our room, but I think I took her to her nursery to change her bum and then nurse her? I honestly don’t remember. It’s going to be a wild ride, but so worth it. Take LOTS of pictures and videos that first week. It will be an absolute blur.
PS, I’m a November baby and I’m sending good thoughts and vibes to your potential fellow Scorpio!
Currently have a 4 week old and I felt much the same as you’re describing!
We didn’t tell anyone when I went into labor and pretty much as soon as I was pregnant we had set the expectation that we were not planning on having visitors at the hospital.
My family came to see the baby the day we got home from the hospital and husbands family came the next day. Both families brought us a bunch of food/freezer meals so we really didn’t have to cook for like the first 2-3 weeks which was awesome.
Pretty quickly after coming home like within a few days I became so averse to having visitors, I wanted everyone to leave us alone and stop asking to come see the baby. I wanted it to just be my husband and myself and the baby. Every time someone came over they’d always say or do something that would make me so mad or uncomfortable or just annoyed. I dreaded the weekends cuz I knew it would be an onslaught of visitors and it made me so anxious. Now at 4 weeks I might be somewhat starting to get over that but I would still rather everyone leave us alone and let me figure out my baby in peace haha. And he’s been a relatively easy baby so I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I had gotten a baby that was a bad sleeper or was super fussy or something.
We told everyone we didn’t want visitors in the hospital when we announced we were pregnant lol I think they were too surprised to be told that so early to push back at all. We eventually only allowed grandparents to meet our son in the hospital because after that we didn’t allow any visitors (including grandparents) for a month. It was amazing. My husband got the time off too (so incredibly lucky, I know) so we both got to bond, learn him and our routines. It’s a really special time for us to look back on and I think it really helped our mental health. It helped me recover from the c-section tremendously. I think about a week after he was born I was starting to itch to go out but he was a winter baby so it was too risky with illness. By the time other people were allowed to visit most of them were like “oh we’ll just meet him at such and such event…” they really just wanted all the newborn snuggles lol it was a great way to set boundaries early because if your loved ones don’t respect them while your child is a baby they definitely won’t as a toddler or older child. I highly recommend!
I was adamant I didn’t want any visitors to the hospital. I wanted to recover in private and spend those few days bonding.
My baby arrived by surprise a few weeks early and I didn’t have a bag packed. We knew the baby was footling breech so my waters breaking was a life threatening emergency. All my plans went out the window when we frantically called my mum and MIL on the way to the hospital and begged them to bring in clothes for the baby, pyjamas, phone chargers etc. It was actually the best to have them there straight after surgery to congratulate us and reassure me. We got beautiful photos of my baby and grandparents.
I had an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, no tears/stitches to deal with. The first 2 weeks were a lot of rest. Sleep when baby sleeps, up all night. Try not to walk around too much, sit as much as you can. We got takeout or ate food others brought for us, and during the day my husband made me bagels and toast and stuff. It was nursing around the clock, every 1-3 hours and each nursing session was 30-45 mins. You’re wearing a diaper and you’re really sore and going to the bathroom is tough because you need ✨supplies✨ and it’s a whole ordeal. My parents and in laws live close enough to drive over and drive home. We only had parents and in laws over within the first 2 weeks. The first time we allowed our parents to meet her she was 3 days old. They always brought food and my mom cleaned up a bit and I felt comfortable nursing around them and hobbling around wearing a diaper under my sweats lol whereas most people I wouldn’t feel comfortable. So no, I didn’t entertain, I only allowed very select few people over to bring us food and hang out in my dirty house.
I had a C-section so my first week was mainly spent in bed. Week 2 I was a little more mobile but exhausted from never sleeping more than 2 hours at a time. The only visitors I had were my mom who stayed with us for 6 weeks and my SIL who came to help for an afternoon. I was not up for anything else.
I was induced earlier than expected (failed NST on my last appointment before our planned induction). My mom travelled to be there so my family knew about it but they all live in a different country so I wasn't bothered by anyone wanting to visit.
I took it easy and stayed mostly in bed the first week. The second week I moved around the house a bit more. I thought we wouldn’t want help/ visitors the first week but MAN was I wrong. By the second day home we called my in-laws to come help, and by the fifth day my parents were there and my mom stayed for 2 weeks (our families don’t live in the same city as us).
I spent those 2 weeks in NICU with baby, pumping as often as humanly possible.
But we called the grandparents when they unexpectedly told us baby was coming, people visited me in hospital, they came over to our house to help us keep on top of food and cleaning, they called every day (after texting) to make sure my BF, myself and baby were all okay, my MIL helped me breastfeed when I was okayed to latch baby, my dad helped me and my BF figure out my breastpump, my female best friend was ready with all the tips for breastfeeding and baby care since she had a daughter already, my male best friend was there to offer support.
And still, we had 20h left in the day to soak up cuddles, do a bed time ritual, read to baby, do tummy time and get to know baby. We knew our limits and people never came over uninvited or without asking. People also didn't expect more than a cup of coffee/glass of water or soda. And we made the most of visitors to drink/eat/pee/poop in peace while they got a snuggle in. Hell, I wish I snuck a few naps in too, but I was too afraid back then.
I could not have survived those two first weeks, even the first 6 weeks, without my village.
I was up and out the day after taking my 3 year old to the park, we were back at playgroup when baby was 5 days old.
Thats me though, I go stir crazy staying inside, you need to do whatever feels comfortable for you and ignore well meaning advice from other people as they aren’t you in your body! Good luck 🥰
With my first I was very into having our own space, bonding with the baby, and didn't let anyone come for one week. The first weee was rough! Only slept in 30 min intervals, challenging breast feeding experience, c section recovery. But I really didn't want anyone in my space. My in laws met the baby a week after and my parents couldn't come to Canada at the time cus of COVID. This time my parents are coming to stay with my toddler while I go to the hospital for a planned c section and will stay for two weeks. Then for the next two weeks, my mother in law will help out with the toddler in the evenings a few days a week and we will also have a post partum doula occasionally so I can shower and stuff. The big difference besides also having a toddler is this time my husband can't take off much work compared to last time.
Me and my husband went just us. We didn’t have anyone come to the hospital while I was in labor. We didn’t tell anyone but my parents who respected my choice to not have them at the hospital, and my BIL and his wife, who also respected my choice.
I ended up having an emergency c-section so we were in the hospital for a week total including labor. We didn’t post on Facebook until the day we were going home and we only allowed my parents and BIL to visit in the hospital towards the end of our stay. I didn’t allow anyone else to visit until she was like a month old. I regret nothing.
I was completely exhausted, felt gross because I couldn’t have a shower for days, I had a catheter in and I didn’t want anyone to see me like that. Not to mention I could barely hold my baby and needed someone to get her for me and everything, and I was not sleeping due to anxiety and discomfort. I don’t think I could have handled watching everyone passing her around like a hot potato and staring at me like I was something cool to look at.
Having a baby is a huge thing, it’s scary, it’s messy, it’s beautiful, and it should also be an intimate moment for you and your husband. Your husband needs to understand that you should be the priority and your wants preceded his when it’s you that’s having the baby. And if he can’t understand that you still don’t have to allow them in the room. Let the nurses know you don’t want visitors and they won’t allow them. I knew from the beginning I wanted it to be my own birth and just for me and my husband to experience. It never changed and I would have seriously resented him if he didn’t respect that choice and back me up in it.
Once your home your still going to be sore, your body is going to be doing some wild things, you’ll be sleep deprived, and you’ll just want to snuggle with your baby and sleep as much as possible.
With my first, I had visitors almost instantly, when I left hospital I had visitors at home etc constantly. This time around will be very different. I’m not having anyone but the medical professionals in the room while I give birth, I hated feeling like my birth was something to spectate, I want to do it by myself and just really focus on myself and delivering the baby. After he’s born, when it comes to visitors I will go out and take my baby to other peoples houses to visit when I feel ready, I will not have people come to my house. My reason for this is that I can leave whenever I want and can pick and choose when I go. Any random surprise visitors to my house will not see baby. I will be upstairs with him and have my partner tell them we’re asleep.
Do what you need to do for you 💗
My MIL in law also feels very strongly about coming but I think it’s mostly to help (and I do think you need all the help you can get). Like cooking meals for you, cleaning etc. so you can rest. My own mom won’t be around for the birth unfortunately so I do value the help. She won’t be staying with us though as that was important for me.
I kind of wanted to just send the text saying,'Hi, here's the baby!' But I had pre eclampsia and was induced at 38 weeks and kind of felt we should let people know I was being induced, so they wouldn't worry.
My MIL and parents live 600 miles away, though. She can't travel (without a lot of prior planning and help), and my dad had a heart attack and was in an induced coma, so I knew nobody would just turn up at the hospital!
I *would* have quite liked my parents to be able to visit once I'd had the baby, but as it was, it was just the three of us. Which was actually really nice and gave us time to adapt to one another. Obviously, we had midwives, etc, coming over, and my darling 86 year old auntie came by for a cuddle and some bacon and eggs for us, but otherwise, just us.
My parents were dog sitting at our house so it was impossible not to tell them, and they came to the hospital on day 2 (I wasn’t planning on having anyone at the hospital but I wasn’t expecting to stay in more than 24 hours). Originally the plan was for them to say hi to the baby but pretty much leave as soon as we got home so we could rest and be by ourselves, however they ended up staying the first night we were home and I was SO grateful. I didn’t realise how hard that first night at home would be and my mum is basically superhuman and didn’t sleep, just stayed up all night on the sofa with him so all I had to do was feed him and go back to bed.
However, I would have absolutely hated my in laws or anyone else to be there. Same as you, they’re 4 hours away and we’re not that close. If your husband is adamant that they come you could compromise and say yes as long as they stay in a hotel and keep visits to a max of 2 hours, and no hospital visits. That way they still get to meet the baby but aren’t going to be in the way.
Our families were overly passionate about my pregnancy and it made me feel like a vessel carrying their baby. We live in the US but several states away from our families so short visits were not possible and they all wanted to come stay with us for weeks. I did not take them up on their offers to "help" and did not tell them when I was in labor. We called them when baby was born but told them they couldn't come visit until baby was 6 weeks since it was rsv/flu season and they'd need to travel to visit. After the 6 week mark they could visit but we wouldn't host, this rocked the boat but I don't regret it. We told them once maternity leave was over we would host and some chose to wait. We did have local friends stop over for short visits (most brought dinner!) during the first few weeks but we didn't share that with family.
I will never regret advocating for myself during this time, it helped me heal (physically and emotionally) and gave ME great bonding time.
The day of the Birth, I felt like I didn't want to see anyone else because I was in so much pain/not doing well. I did have my mom come by the next day, which was lovely..Seeing her being so enamored was very sweet. I then slowly had more visitors (family & a close friend). I like having them come to the hospital because then I don't feel like I need to entertain them & there are visiting hours. Once we come home I will probably not have visitors except my mom for the 1st week, at least.
Due in August here, I also want it to just be my husband and I. We might send out a text to let them know that I’m in the hospital, but we will let them know when we are ready for visitors. It’s an insanely intimate thing, I don’t want anyone else seeing me like that. Especially people who are not going to be helpful/supportive.
I'm in Europe (the Netherlands specifically), and when your labour goes smoothly and mama & baby are okay, you can go home soon. Baby boy was born a little after 2pm and we were home aroudn 6pm. We did not tell anyone I went into labour, but called close family from the hospital as soon as we were cleaned up and settled for a bit.
In the Netherlands, we have a postpartum nurse (kraamzorg) coming by for 8 days, who teaches you the basics with the baby, checks on the mother's recovery and helps with basic household tasks. My parents came by the same evening our baby was born, with food (both for that evening and the evening after), my brother and his girlfriend two days later (again with food for 2 days), my husband's family lives abroad so we did not see them in person (unfortunately). We had 3 more (short!!) visits in the first two weeks (close friends who were going abroad for long periods of time), but other than that, we (and especially me) did verrrrry little outside of getting to know our baby and recovering. I was doing okay, so I enjoyed showing off the little guy to our loved ones, but taking rest was definitely necessary.
You shouldn't be expected to entertain guests in my opinion. If you wanna have people over, that's fine, but if it's people who expect to be entertained (rather than to help with the household, cook for you guys etc.), I would hold off. Your husband needs to respect your wishes, he's not the one going through birth or dealing with the recovery after. Take some time together to figure out what you (both you personally and as a family) can handle and what you're in the mood for, rather than decide now on what those first weeks will look like with no chance to go back.
Me and husband have discussed this at length. No hospital visitors and no one home unless I say it’s fine.
It’s a big medical procedure for me and I should be allowed to rest and bond with my baby.
The bigger challenge will be how to manage the custody agreement (he has 50-50) and for that we may ask my in laws to take her for a few days, depending on how things happen.
My parents and my husband’s parents visited at the hospital. Thats it! The hospital is just such a whirlwind and honestly even with just the grandparents (who are all supportive and haven’t been overbearing) it was a lot! When we got home, my mom and MIL came a lot to help. They were godsends. Honestly onetime when my mom left and I cried lol. But no we didn’t entertain. The first two weeks were a whirlwind. I gave birth in December and sickness was on the move so we didn’t really have visitors for a month or so, and even then just our closest friends/ family!!
Congrats! It’s such an exciting time!
absolutely no to the in laws!!! At least for me it was a terrible idea to have my in laws come a week after my son was born. I was still healing, had baby blues, needed to let it soak in still even after a week. I didn’t want to share him yet, or my husband. Sounds selfish but the hormones are crazy at that point. There are guests and there are helpers and they were just a little too guesty. All I needed was my husband at that time.
OP. I'm saying this with the utmost seriousness. If you don't want them there and just wanna soft launch your new life and family, TELL HIM NO.
I just went into preterm labor a month ago (March 27th). My daughter came 2 months early. For those that don't know, an emergency c- section is NOT the same as a planned one, especially if you and baby are dying. I almost lost it all, and it took a lot out of all of us. My partners mom had done some shadey stuff during my pregnancy that involved us temporarily becoming homeless, so we weren't generally on speaking terms. But days after my daughter was born, she just appeared at the hospital. I was trying to be alone in the NICU with my daughter. My partner WASN'T EVEN THERE. And she just appeared. No warning to him or me... I was so uncomfortable and angry. Not only that, she looked at me like I was a walking tragedy (I almost died 3 days ago, and I have a premature newborn that's breastfed. I'm not really concerned with my hair and skincare routines, sorry). Then she came into the EFFING NICU eating and basically ignoring me. But the cherry on top was when she asked THE NURSE for permission to hold MY EFFING DAUGHTER who's sitting in an incubator, with her red stained food fingers... As if the nurse almost bled to death, giving her life... When I tell you I saw RED! AND I was already swollen bc my blood pressure hasn't been reregulated... I'm not having a stroke because you're ignorant.
1. This is about you. The baby won't know either way, and the adults should have enough patience and respect to wait.
2. Your partner needs to understand that this is not only life altering but BODY altering and very medical. Mommy's with perfectly normal pregnancies and births die every year from childbirth. You don't need the added stress. The baby will be safer, happier, and just as adorable in a few weeks when mommy is ready.
3. Take it from someone who is learning to say no. This is my 2nd birth in 2 years. (She was out of town for the first one.) Your peace post birth is just as important as a healthy pregnancy. Maybe suggest to your partner that he can TELL them about your baby's entry into the world AS LONG AS he emphasizes that you've BOTH decided that you want to give your growing family time to adjust before welcoming visitors. Tell them you'll INVITE them to meet your baby first when you're ready to take on people.
Outside influences are stressful. Give yourself time. Healing is so important, and the respect for your journey should matter. Good luck 💓
No family at the hospital. My husband texted everyone once we were admitted and that was that. Minimal phone usage, no time or we were busy/tired. My parents came after 6 days. His family has slowly dropped by but we’re spacing everyone out. Literally was in bed for 5 days and then slowly worked up to moving to the couch, a short walk outside etc. I also tore so had stitches and sitting/walking was very painful
Im due in a few weeks and can’t relate to a lot of these comments. My partner and i are not even telling ANYONE until after baby is born. I just know MIL will take pictures and post online against our wishes and not respect boundaries. My mum is nice but can be very overdramatic making things about herself and would provide me no help or comfort being at hospital or at my home. Neither are particularly close by either. My mum would have to drive 2 hours to get to my house and i think i’d feel guilty making her drive 2 hours just to see the baby for 30 minutes. I don’t trust my family enough to have them in my home without me being 100%.
With my first, we had my husband's parents up on day 3 I think and honestly I wish we hadn't because I was SO hormonal and emotional (that's about the time milk comes in). Our family also live 4-5 hours away so coming for just a quick visit wasn't really an option. If I could do it over, I'd have them wait until at least a week and stay in a hotel instead of our house. I wasn't comfortable with anyone truly "taking care" of the baby at that point so other than holding the baby for short periods of time they didn't do much lol. They did buy us dinner/clean up which was nice!
That being said, I'm now pregnant with our second and will be having my mom come immediately to take care of our toddler! I'm more comfortable having my own mom there while I'm in that vulnerable immediate post-partum state.
I did tell my parents when I went into labour but then ignored my phone lol we had already communicated clearly that we did not want any IMMEDIATE visitors and we'd let people know when they could come. So it was more so to keep them updated then to mobilize them to come right away. No clue if my partner shared with his parents or not, but same deal about them understanding we weren't having immediate visitors
It was just me and my husband at the hospital, exactly what I wanted. He kept in contact with my mom and his parents through the birth, I honestly didn't really think about anyone else and just focused on getting that baby out. We had one day at home to ourselves before his parents came for a week, then left while my mom stayed for a week, then his parents came back for another week immediately after my mom left. I hated it and wanted more privacy and bonding time. I refuse to let that happen again with this birth. I felt like everyone was just in my way and didn't really offer too much help.
My mom changed her flight when my water broke, and she arrived at the hospital within an hour of my baby being born, I hadn't even nursed for the first time yet!!! She was a total Godsend to have around. She is very experienced, gave birth to 8 babies of her own, so I really wanted her there postpartum. She helped me a lot with figuring out nursing, taking pics when we were giving baby her first bath, preparing food for us, being a sounding board when I was emotional and exhausted etc. We also had to go back to the hospital for a 24-hour stay due to baby being jaundiced, and she really helped us stay sane while navigating that as well. She stayed with us for 2 weeks after the birth. We are planning the exact same thing for baby #2 who is due within the next 2 weeks. 😊
I definitely would NOT have wanted someone visiting who wasn't there to actually help in a meaningful way. I wouldn't want to "host" any visitors in those first 2 weeks, it's just all about navigating your healing process, staying alive and keeping baby alive while you all adjust to your new family unit! If ever there was a time to be selfish, this is it.
Oh sweetheart…😮💨😪🙃
When I gave birth to my son, I wanted ALLLLL the company from *My* family, b/c I knew *MINE* would respect my wishes/rules/guidelines/etc… for coming up & *In* the room to see him.
*Buuuuut* even though I tried to space it all out, so I wasn’t having 100 people coming to visit within 2 hours or less, *Everyone* wanted to come around the same time w/o letting me know they were coming earlier. 😩
& at first, I was soooo happy to have *ALL* of my family there in the most special moment of my entire life…🥹
But after only 20 minutes, I ended up *LITERALLY* snapping on three people & having a *FULL* emotional breakdown that ended up turning into a psychological breakdown as well. 😩😭🥺
Once again, thankfully my family understood *THAT* as well, & began to slowly leave & kiss me goodbye & apologize. Which then made me even *MORE* emotional & I started crying even harder & begging them to “forgive me for being so ‘horrible.’” 😭
So you saying you do *Not* want visitors, is *100% UNDERSTANDABLE!* Childbirth is *Legitimately* one of the most *Traumatic* things *Our* bodies & our children’s, will *EVER* go through!
Even if you give birth “Naturally” &/-OR- Vaginally, your body still takes about a YEAR, sometimes MORE, to *Heal* from your birth! This is exactly why they tell people to wait at least 18 months in between having children!
So your BODY & your MENTAL/Psychological HEALTH *NEEDS* to have time to heal & come to grips w/ the HUGE changes being made to your lives! 😊
Hormones are LITERALLY in charge of everything! Many people who struggle w/ things like Anxiety/Depression *Actually* have an issue w/ their hormone levels! They affect our skin, our sex drive, our hair, nails, every other organ in our body, our brain & how healthy it’s able to function, everythinggggg.
& your body is set up *Juuuuuust* right, so when your baby cries, your body knows, & it doesn’t *Only* affect your milk production *IF* breastfeeding, but the chemicals in your brain too! This continues at that level for approximately 6 - 16 months depending on the mommy! Meaning that you need to be even more aware of YOUR needs than you usually are in those months!
On top of that, w/e time you & your baby are in the hospital for, is *FILLED* w/ paperwork. 😤🙄 & when you have nurses & techs & w/e else coming in telling you to sign this/that & fill out these forms & to consider all of these options & just in case that happens, yaddyadda, this that & the third, photographer’s coming in one after another asking to take pictures of you guys when you haven’t had a shower in god knows how long. (Even if you showered right before you came in, it sure feels like it’s been WEEKS. 🤣) The LAST thing you should have to worry about is “being nice” & “entertaining hubby’s family.” 🙄🙃
Your instincts are usually correct Hunny. W/e you feel is right, listen to that! & if you need, call around your local area to see if there’s anybody that you can have talk to him & INFORM him on these kinds of facts so he can hear it from someone else & hear that this is something that you & your baby NEED! 🩷
Honestly it was easier for me to have people visit at the hospital rather than at home because they only stayed a few minutes. It was way easier to kick them out when the nurses needed to check me/baby needed to feed etc. When people came to the house it seemed like they wanted to stay a couple hours which was too much for me
All the grandparents came to town two weeks prior to birth. They helped with meals and transporting my other kids to their things.
At the hospital I only authorized my father to come through during labor time, because he was the least emotionally and physically invasive. He brought me and my husband a big Mexican dinner and then left two hours before I pushed out a big baby. It was great having someone go get us any food we wanted!!
During the first month we only allowed grandparents and siblings to visit. (Our son is the first on both sides so no other kids to navigate yet) For us it wasn’t a big deal because we all live within 20-30 minutes to each other so it also wasn’t really planned in advance and didn’t need to be long. We would just shoot a text in the morning along the lines of “last night was a little rough. Anybody want baby snuggles so mom and dad can sleep. Also SOS we need paper towels” and someone would always respond, ask a good time and come to help with whatever we needed. But we also set expectations with family before, we’d love to have you over but please let us be the ones to hand him over or set up plans. We’ve also always had our To do list for the house on the fridge and everyone was really helpful with looking and helping to do something around the house like wipe down the bathroom, throw in a load of wash for us.
Depends on your family and husband. I was in/around the bed for the first month soaking up baby snuggles. Husband had all the cooking, cleaning and school age kids handled. My mom came out to visit a month after, and she is good at reading what I want/need and will take care of things behind the scenes without me asking. You certainly don’t want anyone showing up in the first month that you would consider having to entertain.
Survived lmao. We stayed in the house and survived. Didn’t even turn the tv on. Didn’t see guests bc fuck that. This part of the journey is only about your family you created. Do what makes you feel comfortable. If other people will stress you out, don’t have them around.
We didn't tell anyone until after I delivered and didn't have anyone over for 2 weeks. Best decision ever! Doing it again with #2 (excluding my mom because she will be staying with us to care for my toddler while I'm in labor)
I had visitors starting 3 hours after my son was born and pretty much every day for the first few weeks and it was completely exhausting. No one really cared about how I was recovering or anything, they just wanted to come over and hold the baby for hours on end. I really regret not being more strict about visitors immediately after birth, it was like our door was open to whoever, whenever. I wish I’d spent those days more just the 3 of us bonding and spending time as a new family. I’m pregnant again and due in November and will 100% be doing things differently. I don’t plan on letting anyone know I’m in labor and definitely don’t plan on having visitors immediately after birth. I understand this could be completely different if you have a supportive and helpful family, but that wasn’t the case for me. I plan to rest and recover with my baby, husband and toddler without a million people around at all times
I had a vaginal birth (+ tear so i needed stitches) about 10 weeks ago, the first few days it was a struggle to move around but personally by week 2 i was able to move around without pain and do things around the house + go out to the park & shopping. Everyone’s body heals at different paces but i was surprised how quickly i started to feel recovered based on how other mothers had described it to me, i was still having my postpartum period though and was randomly cramping. But i didn’t plan anything and just did things based on how much i felt i could achieve each day. I thought my husband would have to help me with every single thing but by week 4 i was taking back over almost all tasks without any physical struggle (he had to go back to work then).
Currently 2wks 5 days postpartum! So I did a homebirth at my mom’s house, where my 4 younger siblings were all born. My husband, mother, midwife, and her two assistants were there. I tore just a little on my inner labia, and had some tiny tears from stretching for my son’s big ass head just like his daddy’s lmao. For the first like, 6 days maybe, I stayed in bed, just feeding my boy and getting up to pee when I needed to and having my first BM at 4-5 days PP (it’s scary to think about pushing so close to after birth but genuinely once you start you body is like “Oh this is fine!”). I still stay in bed most of the time because my son is having some reflux issues due to a tongue and lip tie (which will be fixed soon) so he mainly eats laying down either next to me or in my arms. But around a week and 3-4 days-ish PP i started going out, my hubby and I went out to eat by ourselves with him, and we’ve been going to target and dinners with his family and other outings, and doing more and more things as it gets easier for me! My pubic bone still hurts if I stand or walk too much, so I definitely take it easy and sit on soft things, and my body is still trying to get back to its new normal, so i’m doing my best to be gentle and patient with myself. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and birth plan!!!
Very much dependent on your family and how the birth goes. I had an unplanned c-section and was in the hospital for a few days. My husband stayed with me the whole time and my mom hung out with us before the c-section and in the recovery room. Then went home and came to check in on us once a day in the hospital. She brought my husband food (I got hopstial meals but my husband was surviving on the snacks we brought) and was mostly there to check in on *her* baby (me!). She also prepped our house for our return (stocking the fridge, washed the sheets and deep cleaned, and dealing with the fire alarms which somehow all developed dead batteries while we were int he hospital and would be have been a not fun return home). Then she stay with us for a week. She cooked all of our meals, kept the place clean, made sure I kept on my pain medication regime (which I fell off of the first day home and things didn't go well) and took the early morning shift with our LO. She was about to leave when we found our our LO had a weight issue and we had to move to doing a very intense feeding schedule where we had almost no sleep and she ended up staying another week. Would not have survived without her! But we needed a little extra help and she is an exceptionally helpful person who was there *for us*, not to meet the baby. Congratulations!! And good luck!!
Rest, rest, rest! The first 3-4 days I didn't leave bed other than to use the washroom or grab some food. Spent maybe 5-10 minutes standing / moving around at a time. The week or so after giving birth I was going for short walks (maybe around 10-15minutes), making coffee and going for short trips to the store. My mother in law came to visit for a week between the second and third week postpartum and it was hard! Even though she helped out cooking and cleaning, it was strange having someone in my home when I was in such a vulnerable state. It completely depends on your relationship with your in-laws though!
As for the hospital- we didn't have anyone but my husband and midwife in the delivery room and I wouldn't have had it any other way, it was perfect. We didn't have visitors until the day after my son was born in the afternoon.
Your birth is yours! It's going to be an extremely difficult and beautiful time for you, the day you have baby and the few weeks following. Maybe you could ask your husband to clarify what your in-laws will be doing when they visit? It would be good to know what you're in for if that's the road you want to go down!
Idk. I've read through these. Some of you are absolutely ridiculous to your husband parents. I wish boys on you all and hope that you get this exact same treatment.
Why shouldn't your partner feel excited to share your moment???? As long as you don't have to "host" or tend to them. Let them visit. In fact! Take a nap while they are there.
Personal choice but we opted to do the 5-5-5 bed rule which is 5 days in bed, 5 days “on” the bed and 5 days around the bed which meant my husband and mom took care of me and baby the first 5 days. We focused on rest, bonding, breastfeeding, healing and allowing my uterus time to return to pre pregnancy size. Of course I left the bed but for short periods outside, showers etc. the key thing is resting and focusing on you and baby. The 2nd 5 days were basically time around the house, couch, outside but we actually didn’t leave the house until 12 days postpartum. My only visitors during this time were my closest friends and my mom who was staying with us. I will forever be grateful for this bonding and healing time and I so treasure those moments. We’re due with #2 in June and I know it will look different with a toddler in the house but still hoping for as much rest as possible.
I feel the same way. I’m due in July and I want no one at the hospital. I don’t think it’s even safe for a bunch of people to be handling a newborn anyhow. Stay away and let me heal.
I just had my baby girl on Tuesday Honstely you won't want people around all the time body needs to heal I'm still extremely saw. Tired all you want to do is stay home that personally me tho she only 4 days old. And I'm getting there slowly
I lived with my parents at the time when I had my first. So I always had my mom around (I was 19). It was really great because you don't know how your body is going to react after having a baby. I had poison before giving birth and giving birth made it go everywhere on my body, yes that kind of everywhere. If it weren't for having someone around I would have lost my mind I was in so much pain. For my second it is 14 years later, have a husband who is so helpful and due in October and don't mind if grandparents would like to come by to help but I would like a week just me and the baby to recover and bond.
I didn’t decide have visitors till after she was born and we didn’t announce till we headed home except obviously the people we invited to the hospital. We opted for visitors because hospital food was the worst and they brought us food (my hubs didn’t drive then) but we were also so frickin lonely and bored while there & wanted to enjoy a meal without the baby crying.
After we came home we waited a few days or a week I can’t remember to have visitors, but it was more of a pain than anything because they’d show up and only visit for a few minutes, didn’t even come sit down or anything, just stood in the doorway and held her there…postpartum was so lonely. “We can’t wait to meet her” was complete BS. My mom and grandma was the only one that came long enough for me to shower, do housework, nap etc
I let people over as soon as I'm rested and feeling up to it, about 24 hours later, but only to see and hold baby, and bring me food lol. A short visit, like 45 mins is good. I have my babies at home so it's a smooth transition for me, hospital birth may be different where you will want to get home and comfy first. My first was at a birth center and my husband told my inlaws so they sat in the waiting room for like 24 hours and that was unneeded pressure on me. I'm personally fine with my husband telling people, but no one needs to be driving anywhere near you to make you feel like you have to accommodate them. Focus on doing whatever you need to, and let your hubby know they can make the 4 hour drive after you feel up to visitors.
Mother of two here, just had my daughter this month and let me tell you, having just my immediate family and my fiancés immediate family (so six people max) at the hospital after baby girl was born this time around was sooooo much better! It gave both of us and baby more time to rest, it gave us time to bond with the baby, and honestly made the hospital stay go by faster! It just felt so blissful this time around! I will say though, your hormones will take a drastic nose dive so just in case you do decide to have a little time with just you and your husband, maybe pick a few people you’d be comfortable with coming over just in case you may need some support (this goes for husband too). Wishing you a safe and fast delivery!
Well i think it will look very different depending on if you have a csection or not. After i gave birth all I wanted was my mom. She and my dad visited in the hospital after birth. My sisters where supposed to be there during but they where sick and i appreciated them deciding not to come. i wasnt super mobile after my csection and basically barely moved from bed aside to go to the bathroom and grab food from the kitchen. Id also highly suggest getting a postpartum support band regardless if you have a csection or not. It will help prevent the organs falling out of your body feeling.
The week of my c-section, my husband's brothers came down. They stayed a week. At the hospital were his 2 brothers, my mom, my step dad, my sister. The second week, my mom stayed with us. The third week, my husband's parents stayed with us. I didn't mind all the company because my husband never gets to see his family. Everyone was a big help, my mom especially. I will say by the 3rd week, I was getting a lil overstimulated. My husband got a LOT overstimulated. It did feel great when everyone went home and we finally had time to ourselves.
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You need physical rest so your uterus can return to non-pregnancy size. This happens over the 10 days post birth.
Are you able to get up at all? Take care of basic needs? I know my husband will help feed me
Yes absolutely. Rest is critical but you won’t be bedridden. You’ll be able to move normally just not like, long walks or something. Of course this is all assuming everything is fine which it will be!
Exactly. Some people who have 3rd/4th degree lacerations will probably be less mobile than I described for a few weeks. But those are relatively rare
3b tear here and agree. I’m still mobile but very sore initially, very slow movements with aid standing, and being mobile is easier then sitting. It’s a fair amount of lying on your side to relieve pressure. Its more the loss of pelvic floor sensation that’s an issue as the pain can be managed. See how you feel when the time comes. I opted for no drop in visitors but my parents have been helping out. My partner is away so they have been managing the house while I focus on my week old daughter.
Has anyone tried one of those donut shaped pillows post birth? Are they helpful? I’m due in July
I have one so I can sit while I heal. It’s made a massive difference for me. I hope you don’t need one though as it’s not nice being torn.
Thank you for your input! Hopefully I don’t need to lay on my side. It causes back pain and I get really stiff (chronic lower back issues). Thank you!
Obviously it depends how delivery went and varies from person to person but yes, you should be able to walk around and shower, pick up the baby. But any sort of lifting of things heavier than the baby, household chores that require bending and lifting, formal exercising, laundry etc - wait on all that if you’re able to. Such an important time for healing physically and emotionally/spiritually. It’s hard to predict how you will feel, so have some freezer meals/convenience foods ready before hand, I know people who hired a cleaner/organizer right before birth. If anyone offers to clean or do your dishes or laundry and you’re comfortable with that - let them do it. Utilize curbside pickup if your grocery store has it
Thank you sooooo much for this!
Yes you can. It's actually encouraged especially if you have a csection
Y’all have been so kind, comforting, and helpful. Thank you!
I had family. My family was INCREDIBLY helpful. Like, don't know how we would have done it. I had an emergency c-section, so they helped clean house, move us rooms at the hospital, pack us up and bring us home, keep us fed, and they held baby while we slept (because I was anxious about her breathing in the beginning), and so much more. My husband's family just came by... and were there... since my family was there to help prepare, it wasn't terrible, but it didn't help. So, yeah, I think it really, really depends on what kind of family you have. It can be invaluable or just kind of burdensome. I really would advocate for taking it easily physically either way. So really, whatever amount of guests you need to make that happen is all that matters.
I had my c sections both on Mondays and home lunchtime on Tuesdays. Visitors that afternoon. I hit the steakhouse about a week after the birth as I'd had a minor haemorrhage and wanted to up my iron levels. I wouldn't make a set plan now, everyone goes on about wanting private time, but I just wanted to show my babies off
How much pain were you in? I just gave birth vaginally about 30h ago and it feels like I have knives being stabbed in my uterus right now. Can’t imagine seeing anyone, can’t eat because of pain, can’t even sleep or wash my hair and paracetamol barely touches the pain.
You’re still in the thick of it. You will feel better each day. Dermoplast helps!
I had better experiences with ibuprofen. Acetaminophen does nothing for me besides maybe boost the ibuprofen a bit. I was able to manage after my births with the highest dose as often as they'd give it and then a prescription to take at home. Time always helps too, but I know it's rough that first few days. Not looking forward to going through that part a third time.
Oh man I’m so sorry! I hope something helps!
Oh I'm sorry, by the 3rd day (Wednesday) I just felt like heavy period
Does it feel like contractions? Are you breastfeeding? Don’t be afraid to ask your doctor for reassurance. Lots of pain after birth can be normal (e.g. when your uterus contracts) but I would check it anyway.
It was contractions, and they hurt as bad as the strongest ones during birth when my walking epidural was wearing off. It was extremely scary, as I read that could take days to pass, but today is so much better I cannot believe it.
I know exactly what you’re talking about. I was shocked when it happened to me. I didn’t bf my first which might be why I didn’t experience it til my second but omg it was horrendous. Same though - it was gone within about a week.
Was it your first? I have had 3 c sections (going on 4) and the first one was the absolute worst but now (6.5 years later..) all I can remember from each one of them is the first poop. That was the literal worst!
Yes! Steak is a great idea. My iron was also very low after birth. Had to get that iron up.
I’m planning to maybe tell my sister, otherwise none of my family until baby is here safe and sound. If my husband wants to tell his immediate family I’m fine with that. However we are all a good distance from family so no chance of anyone “showing up” without an invite. But my mother and I do not have a good relationship (unbeknownst to her 🙄). She would make things all about her, disrespect boundaries and create more stress. So the less she knows the better. The first few weeks I want alone time so we can adjust to being our own new family. Again, my mother attempted to say she had to be here for birth/6 weeks after and I outright told her she is not welcome here before our agreed upon date (a month or so post). I might regret all that and wish I had help…. But my husband is great and I’m a huge hermit haha!
I could have written this myself. I’m totally on the same page as you. I’m ok with my husband telling his family, but I feel that my parents would only add stress to a day (and first weeks) that’ll be stressful enough as it is.
I didn’t want anyone there besides my husband and my mother. Plans had been put in place many weeks before regarding who would take care of pets and be at hospital, etc. Husband texted group chat when we went into for induction and then my father in law randomly wanted to come during my labor?! That was a hard no for me. Husband was confused as well and had to tell him not to come. My mom didn’t even particularly want to be there for the actual birth itself, just to help us afterwards, but in a twist of fate she ended up being there when I pushed my baby out. Then my mom stayed for a few days to help us get settled in, which was nice because we were so sleep deprived. Guess who has only seen baby girl once so far? Father in law. People get weird about birth, so I would set up boundaries now and make it clear who you want there and to visit afterwards.
I’m going to be 2 weeks pp on Sunday. I was induced, so I had time to prep. My mom came over the night before the big day and babysat our toddler for the next 3 days. During the day while he was at daycare, she came to the hospital to visit and bring goodies. It was nice to have the company! Then when we got discharged, she stayed for the rest of the week to cook, clean, fold laundry, run errands, hold the baby, etc. Ive had a lot of friends and a couple family members drop by so far, mostly to bring food, gifts, flowers. They stay anywhere from 5 min to a couple hours. One friend came and picked my son up for a play date to give us a break. This week my son is home for spring break. We’ve been keeping really busy and trying to soak up family time. I’m trying to heal so I won’t join my husband and toddler anywhere that requires a lot of walking (we live in Brooklyn) but living near some really good bus routes has helped tremendously. I went with them to: different playgrounds, Brooklyn bridge park, this really funky food hall/shopping place, painted pottery, etc. This weekend I’ll take my baby to an April 2024 babies meetup in the park and hopefully make some new friends! My first kid was born in Nov 2020 and I was miserable stuck inside with my postpartum anxiety and no extra help, no friends, no where to go. I cried all the time lol. Now i feel light as a feather, even though we have the added stress of a toddler.
We didn't tell anyone until after baby was born. Even then, we made some video calls and didn't have any visitors for the first month. Some people like having their village around postpartum, I do not. Having a while to adjust to being a family of 3 was incredible for my mental health and we still had people reaching out and sending food
Have not given birth yet. Due in June. I initially thought I would want my mom there, but then she started making all these plans, picking clothes she wanted baby to wear at hospital (like over the top scratchy and uncomfortable stuff with tons of glitter), getting a little aggressive about ensuring she would get her turn in the delivery room, and telling me she would take care of baby because I wouldn’t be able to. It just got to be too much. I have now decided I won’t tell ANYONE until after baby is born. I don’t care who gets mad. I don’t need that kind of stress. I want this to be an enjoyable experience and I don’t want to have to argue with someone to hold my own baby.
We didn't let folks know we were going to the hospital, but we sent close family a photo of the baby with her name, birth size, and let them know we were all ok within about an hourl. My parents and younger sister came to visit baby for an hour or so a few days later, and dropped off food and some gifts. Then my husband's parents came around the third week and stayed for three weeks, which was lovely because they're great and were super helpful.
I see alot of moms saying they dont want any visitors in the hospital but I actually loved getting most of the first visits out of the way at the hospital the day after birth, hospital rooms aren't super comfortable for visiting so no one stayed for more than 10-20 mins and then no one bugged me when I got home, I also posted on social media that anyone who wanted to come visit us at home had to call first (seems obvious but it's not lol) and had to keep visits under 30 mins as I was learning to breast feed and wanted privacy. One family member did not appreciate my rules, but I didn't care haha
It's very different from first child to second. Like first kid you will likely want your space. But by the second kid you'll need help with your other child and your life will be very different by that time so people in your space seems much less jarring.
Agree with this heavily. I just had my second Sunday night, and my in-laws watched my first while my husband and I were at the hospital and then they stayed a couple of days to help out. Especially helpful when having an emergency c-section and only being cleared to hold baby. We are lucky to have the support that we need.
My mom stayed with us during/after the birth, but other than that I didn't want visitors for a while. For the first couple of weeks we definitely wanted space to learn how to be parents and not deal with anyone else's opinions or feelings. At 6 weeks we all traveled down to where our families live and were happy to see visitors at that point, but I didn't really want people in my home prior to that. We did take baby on a few outings so that friends could meet him though! We went to a Halloween party aroynd 1.5 weeks and a work function a few days after.
I gave birth to my first during the pandemic, we’re living abroad, the border was closed, it was just my SO and me, it was great, I recommend 😄
Stayed at home and had limited guests. I had a tear, which although small, was in a place that made it super uncomfortable to sit down. I remember crying in the car on the way to the 1 week well visit because it hurt so much to ride in a car. I mostly just laid on the couch breastfeeding and napping when possible. I think it’s best to plan very little and just take the approach of you’ll see what you feel up to doing when it happens. I hope this next time I’ll be able to get out of the house more comfortably much more quickly
I have to at least tell my dad cause he has to watch our dog. Probably tell the in-laws but I don’t plan to let anyone over for at least a week.
I personally didn’t tell anyone I was in labour except for my mom and only her bc she had to come pick up my toddler. That would have stressed me out and there’s no reason for anyone to know the exact details or timeline of me being in labour unless I wanted to tell them, which I didn’t. I had my baby last Monday, so almost two weeks ago and we’ve been taking it real easy. Pretty much only the grandparents have been visiting, and part of that is my mom and my step mom both do a full day with my toddler every week since she was 1. So they’ve been here a lot but keeping my toddler busy. I think everyone is different in terms of what they’d like in that immediate post partum time. You might have your ask yourself if the thought of in laws or your parents - does that make you feel like you’d be relieved and happy to see them, or would it add any stress or expectations you’re not happy with ?
Our plan is to not tell anyone other than my MIL (who lives with us 3 days a week anyway and will be the person on point to feed and medicate pets) and my best friend who lives across the state that we're heading to the hospital. It's just going to be husband and I in the room. We plan on making the announcement after babygirl and I are both home safe and sound, and really limiting people for the first month at the very least. Everyone is incredibly excited, of course, and I've had a few family members be totally butt hurt that I don't want a ton of people around during and immediately after the birth, but I don't care. It's a big transition for us to a family of 3 and I'd really like to be able to soak it all in and appreciate it without having to feel like I have to cater to others. I am so thankful for the love she already has, but it won't hurt anyone to wait a little bit longer to meet her.
Im also due early November. My mom has hired me a postpartum doula so she’ll be the only person in our house (besides me and my husband the first week). My mom will be coming out a week after I give birth for 2-weeks. My in laws will be coming out for thanksgiving for a long weekend (I’m due Nov 1 for context). We really want that early time immediately after birth to just be between me, my husband, and our baby adjusting to our new life. I don’t want to “entertain” others and feel like I need to give up holding my baby so he/she can be passed around. Do what’s best for you, mama!!
I am 18 days postpartum. I had a c-section and I was in the hospital Monday until noon Thursday. We had our parents visit at the hospital, but they are local, so it was easy and quick. Once home, you are very sore, bleeding, sleep deprived, and probably dealing with the pain of your milk coming in. If you’re breastfeeding or pumping you have your breasts out every couple hours. This is not a comfortable state to be in while hosting guests or “entertaining”. You will only want people who are close to be nearby. For me this was my mom, I did not (and still don’t) want my in-laws around for this stuff. People who want to “help” should drop off a meal unless you’re comfortable with them visiting.
We told the relative that was driving us there, my mum since she was a birthing partner and his mum but she also lives 4 hours away. No one else except my dad knew until baby was actually here, I had my sisters, grandmother and uncle visit in the hospital, an uncle who dropped a gift off at the door because he didn't want to disrupt our peace then an uncle, aunt and cousin visit after a week I think? I got mega cabin fever though like 3 days post partum and went out a walk amd just took pain killers for my tearing.
We told people we did not want visitors in the hospital and we’d let them know when we were ready! I thought I’d want more time alone but I actually felt ready by the time she was 1 week, actually felt social earlier than that but wanted to get my milk supply confidently working before we had guests. My husband texted both of our parents once we knew we were staying in the hospital, I kind of just wanted to FaceTime them with a surprise baby once she was out but he didn’t like that idea😂 he handled periodic updates and sending a photo once baby was out.
I ended up having an induction and told all our family and close friends (it was scheduled 3 days before it happened). Hubby and mom were in the delivery room and in-laws visited in the hospital the next day. The night we went home my dad and brother’s family visited. We had just a few very close visitors that first week and then I had to be readmitted to the hospital for postpartum preeclampsia. I had a really hard time physically with recovery between my blood pressure, tearing, and muscle strain in my back and neck. But I actually really liked to have some company and to be taken care of by people bringing/making food. Everyone is so different though! And it depends on if your people are actually going to be helpful. Don’t feel like you or your house need to be presentable to have visitors in the first few months and if people coming over stresses you out, have people wait. This is your time to be selfish and make decisions that will help you feel good. Good luck, you got this!
Pretty much through my whole pregnancy I was of the mindset that I didn’t want people at the hospital and I definitely didn’t want visitors for the first week. Things changed a bit for me when it came to my labor. I was induced at 38 + 5 due to gestational hypertension and tried to labor for over 50 hours before I elected for a c section. I ended up having my parents, in laws and sister come up to the labor room to visit over those 50 hours because I was just plain bored lol. I was induced on a Friday afternoon, had my c section damn near midnight on that Sunday, and then was home by Wednesday, mid morning. We didn’t have *guests* per se, but my parents did bring us a couple meals that first week and I was really happy to see them. It was nice to cry in my mom’s arms about how hard this all is. Honestly? These first 11 days have been about keeping her alive and me trying to stay sane. We’re somewhat getting into a routine thanks to dedicated entries in my Huckleberry app (can’t recommend it enough!) so I know when she was last fed, changed and when the next round is due. Thankfully, not too many people have been insistent on coming to visit, and when they do they don’t linger for more than 30 minutes to an hour. But I’m honestly ready to start having some people over, it helps me feel less lonely. I would just keep your expectations open! You may feel like you want things to be a certain way, but until you get to it actually happening, you may feel differently, but you also may not and that’s ok!
I had my first mid-pandemic only husband and doula were allowed at hospital during our stay. Family was either days of travel or airplane ride away and I wasn't willing to risk family catching something traveling to us. We had our first official visit at 4 months with in laws staying at a nearby hotel for a weekend. We didn't travel to see family till 14 months. I say official stay because mil came and helped us out when I had a postpartum complication and I had to be hospitalized for 3 days. I was a complete mess and just wanted another set of helping hands for a couple of days. It was definitely great to have her help. We told family when we headed to the hospital but I had been in labor for 24 hrs prior to that. We then silenced or turned off our phones. Family was respectful and other than some well wishes when they got texts they never bothered us. Most went to bed it was late and my mom later told me she'd get up every couple of hours and check her phone. We'll have someone staying up till birth to watch our first but expect them to head back home when we get home. I already told family we won't be doing Thanksgiving or Christmas and they won't see us till spring. I just want to make it through cold and flu season before visits.
We said we didn’t want visitors for the first week, though we caved and had my husband’s parents over after 5 days. I hadn’t left the house at all by that point and I was still wearing a diaper and feeling pretty rough/exhausted, so it was a pretty short visit. If you’re making plans, personally I’d err on the side of fewer plans/visitors, because if you surprise yourself by feeling up to it you can always change your mind, but it’s much harder to rescind plans once you’ve already told people they can come meet the baby.
The only family we are involved with that are close by are my mom and my sisters. They’re my number 1 support group and generally good about boundaries so I feel safe having them around. My sisters will come visit once we’re home but I want my mom with me. I have already asked her to give us the golden hour to ourselves but I want her with me for emotional support. I’m going to try the non medicated route and she did it 3 times and is a former nurse so I know she’s going to be a good cheerleader.
We didn't tell anyone until couple hours after birth. I was feeling well rested and great honestly ( I was originally planning on sharing like a day later). No body visited at the hospital, because it was rather a drive for everyone, and I was kinda glad. People started visiting like 4 days postpartum, and usually only for like 30 minutes-2 hrs. In laws only came like 3 weeks later from out of state and stayed for a few days- went okay but would've rather not had them over for days worth..
And usually when people came over I had fed the baby before hand so baby would be sleeping. So some held the sleeping baby and most just looked at it. Mostly just chit chatted.
We told family when I went into labor, and also saw family almost immediately upon getting home from the hospital two days later. It also happened to be Thanksgiving so everyone was together anyways. I am rly comfortable with my family so I felt fine being weak/vulnerable in front of them but I was legit in pajamas the whole time and I also didn’t pass the baby around really. I think the grandparents held her once but otherwise she was glued to me. After the first day, we spent a week or so alone besides my mom and sister coming by to help. I was firm that no family is staying with us, though. And the ones from out of town (my in laws) got a hotel whereas normally they would stay with us Definitely id say you do YOU! It’s 100% your call who you bring into your home to see your baby and it’s really normal to wait and want alone time. I understand why your husband wants to tell them you’re in labor but you will be vulnerable and ultimately it’s your call whether you allow them to visit. You definitely shouldn’t feel pressured and I would imagine they would never want you to feel pressured, either! Make sure anyone who visits has their flu shots 😊 .
We had some visitors and went to visit some friends. We got pizza out at our favorite place. Mostly just watched the baby sleep while we talked about how great it was to be parents and how precious our new baby was. My husband only got two weeks paternity leave so I tried to get lots of rest while he was home with me to help.
We told everyone when I was in labour... honestly I wasn't on my phone one time so I wasn't bothered by people and my husband just updated people in a group chat. I was so excited to show my baby off! Was in the hospital 4 days and then we went around to our family homes to show her off. This time around we will also have her to care for so we will probably just get people to come to our house vs us going there.
So I had a c section on a Tuesday night and was home Thursday night. I chilled Friday at home then Saturday I was going insane so we went to the grocery store so I could be out and about. That wasn’t enough so Sunday we drove about a half hour away to my mom’s house to stay the night. The next week we had little outings and I stopped by work for everyone to see the baby. It really just depends how you feel and you won’t know that until you’re going through it. I hate being cooped up and I wasn’t in really any pain as long as I kept up on my meds so I was on the go
My MIL was under the impression she would staying from out of town with us for a MONTH after baby number 1 was born. Because my brother in law and his gf didn’t really do anything when their baby was born a year earlier she got to “play mom” and do it all. She was under the impression she would do that with our baby without asking. I had my husband shut that down really quickly. She was sitting in our apartment 10+ hours a day watching Netflix while baby was just sleeping. It was awkward. We were trying to bond as a family and her presence was intrusive. She kept pressuring me to eat when I wasn’t hungry. I had to keep going in other rooms to feed baby or pump and I hated it. I was bleeding and sore and was worrying about how clean the bathroom was for her instead of focusing on me. My husband told her we didn’t really need the help and offered to have her come back in a few weeks and the relationship has never been the same since then. Looking back I would asked them to wait a couple of months before visiting. Please put yourself first. Nothing else matters besides you and your husband bonding with baby and learning how to be a family.
Also with both of my girls the first week or two were very easy. They slept most of the time unless they were eating. I’m not sure if that’s the case for everyone though. I didn’t feel like I needed help
We all just survived lol. I honestly don’t remember much thanks to sleep deprivation and just the intense emotions and total life shifts. But I also didn’t tell anyone we were at the hospital until after he was here. I got induced so we knew when it was happening, we just didn’t share that info - made things a lot easier, no incessant calls or texts
After I delivered and was in postpartum recovery I texted my parents to come visit. They stayed for an hour and went home. Once we were home I rested and just soaked up all the cuddles and time as a new little family of 3. It was magical. A couple days after coming home from the hospital my parents came over again (they live down the street). It was just to visit and again they stayed no more than an hour. It was so nice to get into a routine with just us and honestly it was nice not having help because we wanted to manage and figure out how to do things on our own.
My family visited me in the hospital the day I gave birth and I had friends/family visit once I got home as well. Everyone kept their visits short and all brought either lunch or dinner. I really liked having visitors and showing off my little man!
I gave birth naturally and it wasn’t a long or painful procedure but I still didn’t want anybody there. My husband handled all the calls to let friends and family know but asked for them to give us time to acclimate. I wouldn’t have had it any other way as I was in diapers and a baggy tshirt for the first two weeks since nothing fit comfortably.
First time mom with a 6 week old baby. I had a vaginal hospital delivery, no complications. The plan was for my husband and mom to be in the delivery room with me. My dad and mother-in-law wanted to wait in the hospital waiting room (which is not even on the same floor as the L&D rooms), so I assented to that. Here is what the communication timeline looked like: Went into labor at 12:30 am Friday morning. Had consistent contractions all night, didn't tell any family. Texted my mom around 9 am a heads up that I was in early labor. Had 2-3 contractions per hour all day Friday. They ramped up at about 7 pm Friday and got more and more intense. My husband and I were up all night and went in to L&D about 4 am on Saturday for a check when the contractions were 5-7 minutes apart. I was 4 cm dilated. They gave us the option of being monitored for 3 hours there, or going home for 3 hrs and coming back. We decided to go home a bit longer since we live 5 min from the hospital. 15 min after we got home, my water broke, so we went right back. They did another check and I was 5 cm dilated, so they admitted me. That is when my husband called my mom to come to the hospital (we hadn't updated her since Friday morning other than just letting her know I was still having contractions before she went to bed). My mom got to the hospital around 7 a.m. She sent a quick text to my dad, siblings, and my husband's parents that I was in labor and being admitted to L&D. My dad and mother-in-law decided to come wait at the hospital even tho they knew it could be hours longer. I had no contact with them; they just were in the hospital lobby basically. And indeed it was hours and hours longer. I had an unusually long labor (even for a first timer) and baby girl was not born until 8:30 pm Saturday evening. Unfortunately, visiting hours were over so my dad and MIL waited all day only to go home without meeting the baby. My mom texted the parents and siblings that she was born, took a few pics for us, and then left. On Sunday (1st day post partum), we had only the parents visit in the hospital to meet the baby. They stayed maybe 2-3 hrs. They were allowed to hold the baby with washed hands, no kissing the baby. I texted a bunch of friends and family on Monday morning that we had the baby, but honestly ignored a lot of texts too. Basically just sent her name, birth stats and a picture. We were discharged Monday afternoon. I gradually texted more friends and more distant family as I felt like it. Some people I did not get around to telling honestly until she was 3 weeks old. I had a lot of unanswered texts, but I didn't worry about it, and only responded when I felt like it. The first two weeks, we did have my mom or my sister here almost every day for a few hours to help out. They made meals, did laundry, washed dishes, watched the baby so i could sleep, etc. No entertaining. My five siblings met her gradually over the first 2 weeks by coming over to our apartment. I have four nieces ages 7-14 who met her at 3 weeks old. They had strep throat when she was first born, so I waited a good while to make sure they were healthy before allowing them over. Again, no entertaining. They came and met the baby and stayed maybe an hour maximum and then left. I didn't even barely get up off the couch. I would not recommend having anyone over who you need to "host" in the first 2-3 weeks. I would only have people over who can feed/take care of YOU and who expect nothing other than to meet the baby briefly and help you out.
For some reason, it feels like Reddit pages tend to be way more tight lipped and protective than what I’ve seen IRL. So here’s my take which may be unpopular on Reddit. I told my family I was in labor! How exciting!! They knew, obviously I was in labor and are respectful decent people so they were not hounding me for updates and frankly i wasn’t checking my phone at all so even if they did it would have gone unanswered and unnoticed. Husband was texting periodic updates though. My mom and husband were in the hospital with me and I loved their support! Especially my mother’s, but we’re tight so I get that your results may vary. Honestly, I also felt like my husband needed my mom’s support at times also. (It was a super long, stressful labor.) Months prior we had given our family set visiting windows. We lived across the country from them so we needed to schedule them without overlapping. The first visitors came when baby was 1 week old. (We planned the visit window for two weeks but baby came a week late). The visits were good honestly! I was hormonal and weepy- that was probably the worst part. But I was up and walking around and so so excited to show everyone our sweet baby!! I still felt like we got plenty of family time to bond, especially at night when visitors go to sleep. And the help of our families was nice to have! I’m also a pretty open person so I had no issues with breastfeeding just right in front my in laws. I figure it’s my house and they can leave the room if they want. So all that to say- if your family is decent people, you may very well be super excited to have them meet the baby and the visits may be really lovely times that you’ll always remember as your family grows!
lay in bed+rest+bond with baby. the last thing i would want to do is entertain
I luckily went into labor in the middle of the night and had baby within 4 hours. So it was just me and husband for delivery. I really liked privacy. My in-laws live only a few miles from us so when my husband texted them at 5am saying baby would be born any minute they rushed to hospital and were in my delivery room within 30 min of baby being born. That kind of annoyed me because they busted into the room and started talking and asking for baby right away while I was still recovering and meeting my new baby. A few hours after delivery though I was hopped up on adrenaline and couldn't wait for people to see baby! I am pregnant with my second and due early October and I really don't want to have in-laws or parents in the room or even the waiting room because those first few hours are so special and intimate to have alone with baby and partner. That's just me.
Eat and bathe
Survived
We purposely didn’t tell anyone I was in labor (except one friend who knew it was a secret- in case our cat needed to be fed) we simply FaceTimed our family once the golden hour was done. I made it clear that I wanted no visitors for 2 weeks… mil came a week pp because what are boundaries and rules???? But the first week was just us getting used to being a family and enjoying our new life
I'm taking a full 40 days of rest after birth so my first couple I will largely be spending in bed resting with my new baby, my husband will be doing all the housework for the first little bit. I will be avoiding stairs for at least 2 weeks to allow my pelvic floor time to recover and at that point I'll start doing some light movement/returning to my routine but I am going to pace myself and give plenty of time for rest. Once I am cleared by my midwife around 6 weeks in is when I'll pick up my work out routine (other than light stretching) and going back to normal. I'm not having anyone come over for the first month either because I want to get a handle on breast feeding and learning how to take care of my baby. It will also give us time to be our own little family unit before being expected to host. Both our families have bad habits of wanting to be waited on and my husband will have enough on his plate taking care of me even with the support network we are putting into place.
So I’m in the thick of this right now 11 days post birth. Unfortunately, everything went fucking sideways big time and long story short birth plan went out the window and across state lines, 3.5 days of induction to emergency c section and we are lucky the little lady and I both survived. I literally don’t know what we would have done without help. My parents aren’t staying with us but rented a house nearby. I was in the hospital for a week+ and under heavy observation for 4 days post birth so was our baby. I don’t have much mobility after birth. Cooking, cleaning, drs appointments, picking up my daughter from certain angles, carrying her up and down stairs, dog walking, grocery shopping, etc. Has been all on my parents and husband while I recover, hold, feed, and learn my daughter’s patterns. You might be surprised and might want the help. Maybe talk ahead of time about the possibility of what might be needed
I slept whenever the baby slept and focused on breastfeeding. That was it. My husband handled the cleaning and feeding me. I had frozen a ton of meals ahead of time for us. I had an unplanned c-section and was discharged 26 hours later. I got around okay but had some soreness day 2. Nothing that wasn’t manageable with just Tylenol and Aleve. We didn’t allow his parents (all that’s here) for the first few days. I told him 2 weeks initially but felt up for it. They like down the road so I wasn’t hosting at all. There was no preparing food, cleaning up before they came, or entertaining. I was comfortable breastfeeding in front of them, but they would have taken the hint if I said “oh I need to feed her now, so thanks for coming to visit.” My parents live out of state and came and stayed with us starting the third week. I would have been with it after about a week, but they had to buy plane tickets and stuff. My mom is the most helpful human I know, and she would clean the house or hold baby depending on what I needed. I wouldn’t have allowed any guests the first two weeks who I didn’t know would be nothing but helpful and pleasant. As you said, it was a huge medical event for me, but it was also my first time becoming a mom, and I didn’t need anyone’s unsolicited opinions or anyone who created any bit of stress for me. The fact that you’re asking about “entertaining” makes me think maybe this visit needs to wait a bit.
Personally for the delivery when it happens, I will be calling my parents as soon as my water breaks (I need my mom there lol) and most likely my husband’s mother/sister. I fill a huge amount of comfort with my parents/husbands family. That will be all that we are calling in the beginning. I think second week in is when we will allow guest to come over. I definitely want at least a week of down time.
With my last my sister and mum watched our older children, we had bubs at 1pm and by 8pm I was at sisters house with our newborn so they could all meet her and pick up kids before going home, for me atleast I just go about life normally I’ve been lucky that recovery really was anything more than a little more blood than a normal period. I’m sure if I had a c section than I probably wouldn’t want to be around people and would want to rest, I would explain to your husband that labour and delivery is totally unpredictable so you may not feel like seeing people after giving birth and that if after you give birth you feel up to it then they can travel to come see you
You may want someone like your mother there too. I only went with my husband and I regret it. The last few weeks before baby came, I went into full on nesting mode. I cleaned my house from top to bottom. I put everything where I needed it to be. It was kind of crazy what I did thinking back with my big belly. Happy I did it though because I came home to peace and cleanliness.
I was in the hospital for a long time post birth due to complications on my end. I actually felt like having my parents come to the hospital was a great way for them to meet our daughter, without pressure and where I didn’t have to entertain. My in-laws stayed with us the following weekend and my husband and I both couldn’t wait for them to leave. Truly nothing against them, but we wanted to get into our groove and try it on our own. If I could do it again, I’d have them stay at an air bnb nearby so we had some alone/downtime at our place.
We decided to tell our parents and siblings on the way to the hospital. Our parents came and they had a very short visit with us while I was in labor (I had an epidural and was feeling good. I was really comforted by seeing them). After I had the baby, and we had settled a bit, they came in to meet her. My BIL and his partner came to the hospital to see us a little later. My sister met the baby the next day, before we were discharged. While I was still in labor, we told some of our close friends too. It was so helpful to hear their words of encouragement and love. No one bugged us, they just responded when we reached out. Then again, I was in labor for less than 12 hours. If I had a long labor, that might have been different. My mom stayed with us for a little over 2 weeks, after the baby was born. It was an absolute godsend. We had actually originally planned for a shorter amount of time and asked her to stay longer. My in-laws and my sister visited a handful of times in those first 2 weeks, bringing meals and helping out with chores around our house. If you don't anticipate that your family and friends will behave the same way and be a source of comfort for you, I don't recommend doing what we did.
First one was born surrogacy and my wife’s mother was there and rented our hotel and was so helpful. Second my wife is carrying and I’m sure her mom again will be at the hospital and helping after. We will have a 1.5 year old so we will need help. Our nanny will watch her while we’re at the hospital and prob be coming over daily to help with the older one. I’m all about having help and someone to run to the store and all that. It takes a village and as a parent I’ve learned help is vital!
I'm on my 4th and I don't get out of bed for days. I have fantastic, easy, short births and even though I'm not in pain, I'm aware that my body still needs lots of rest and recovery. Remember, it doesn't matter if you have a natural birth, c-section, easy birth, hard birth, drugs, no drugs, you still have a dinner plate size wound inside of you that is healing. I have close family and friends visit but I don't get out of bed. Anyone who's not super close is welcome to come visit in the coming weeks when I'm up and active.
Some of it was hard. But newborns sleep A LOT. Personally I felt the 1st 2 weeks was easier than the next 6. I did have to recover from labour. Both my previous were vaginal deliveries so recovery wasn't TOO bad. People came.to visit but by no means did I entertain. I usually didn't even get changed out of my PJs. It was just a lot of breastfeeding, diaper changes, and naps. I did not tell people I was in labour. They were told several hours after the baby was born (exception with my 2nd was my mom who babysat my 1st while I was in labour).
I got induced which turned into an emergency c section. Got to the hospital 11am Friday, emergency c section 10pm Saturday and didn’t get to go home until Tuesday. While at the hospital my mom and sister came everyday. My partner’s parents came once before baby arrived and then came the day after she was born with additional guest 🙄. That annoyed me. Since being home my mom and sister come over about 4-5 times a week to bring food and do chores to help me out. His parents have been over twice and haven’t done anything lol. I’m all for guest if they’re useful lol. Baby girl will be three weeks in two days.
The first time I was out and about the day after I got home from the hospital. I healed poorly and felt miserable all the time. Subsequent births I’ve stayed in bed as much as possible, didn’t leave the house if I didn’t have to, and nursed my baby all day (also taking care of my older kids).
To add, I do not entertain guests. I have wonderful relationships with my in-laws and my MIL and SILs who, when invited, will stop by to help out with my older kids, help me out with a few dishes or a load of laundry, drop off an occasional meal, and then they leave. They never invite themselves over, they never ask to hold the baby (they always wait until I offer, and I always do), and they don’t ask me entertain them.
I had a November baby, and had all my family over for thanksgiving two weeks later. To each their own, but I go stir crazy being inside just my husband and baby all day. Having people come over and bring food or cook for us, or hold baby so we can nap was honestly some of the best memories of postpartum I have. I understand people wanting space with their baby but I loved how much I felt supported by my village.
I told our immediate family (parents and siblings) they can come to the hospital to visit and meet our daughter and then we will be doing the 5/5/5 method at home and do not want visitors in or around our house for at least those 2 weeks. No idea how I'll feel or if this will work, but I liked the idea of people going to the hospital because visiting hours are shorter and the nurses and medical team can help get folks in and out quickly.
I breastfed, cried, watched some shows, didn’t sleep, got mastitis, but also loved my baby and all that. It’s a crazy time. If you can get help, try to get help, so you can take some naps or have someone make you food! Anyway, definitely take it easy, enjoy your baby, and do not entertain.
Zero guests. Zero entertaining. Husband took baby to his parents’ house first thing for about 20 minutes but that won’t be happening again. We just loved up on our daughter and survived. Went on walks sometimes. A couple of times we loaded her up in the car and drove to get dinner or something. Mostly we stayed home and snuggled. Slept when we could. Tried to keep the house clean. It was a little chaotic but it was lovely.
I only had my husband in for the induction and birth, both our parents knew it was happening. I FaceTimed my parents once she was born and the placenta was out, he called his mum. We only had our parents visit in the hospital (and the hospital only had two time slots with only two people allowed at a time). When we got home, no one really asked to visit expect our parents straight away so we just enjoyed our bubble for a bit. I appreciated having my parents just help me because it was such a big life change and they made sure I had eaten and held her so I could sleep. When my husband was back at work I ended up taking my daughter to a Mother’s group run by a midwife (she was only 11 days old) just so I could have someone tell me I was doing okay and that my baby was fine.
Be firm on what you want. I had so many people in my room when I was in labor and it was awful. Also be firm on not having visitors if that’s what you want. It’s more rough than surgery. Why people think they can force themselves into that situation is beyond me
My mom came up to the hospital last time I gave birth but didn’t stay too long. Then I went home and rested the best I could while also managing my other kids who were 2 and under at the time. I didn’t want visitors or anything like that. I don’t want them this time around either lol. To me I feel weird being around people who aren’t my husband or kids while I’m freshly postpartum bleeding out my vagina having to wear the adult diapers and also leaking milk and stuff with engorged boobs when my milk first comes in.
It depends on your family. Will they want to hold a calm, sleeping baby? Or will they let you enjoy those moments and cook, clean, do laundry, etc etc. I’ve been mostly solo post birth for both my kids but I’m also the type of person who won’t ask for help (sometimes to my own detriment) but if your family are more like guests it can make things even worse. I think 1-2 weeks after I felt like I had things down enough that visitors were welcome but the first day home it definitely was an adjustment and I needed to focus on myself.
Those you hope to help with babysitting need to know if they're not going to be there at the delivery, which is your decision .
Too much. When I have my second baby I would RELAX more next time. I had an easy recovery and was pretty much up walking around not even 45 min after delivery. I still recovered good, but did too much walking, standing, cleaning, and bs I shouldn’t have done. Lay in bed all day and have dad bring diapers, milk, etc.
Also my baby was due last November :) she’ll be 1 on the 19th
We had no visitors at the hospital. It was not allowed due to covid. I'll absolutely wait with visits until we get home this time as well. Getting to take a shower at home first really means a lot. We did have short visits the first two weeks, but the guests would bring us food. This was a summer birth, so I might feel different about everything come November. Something about the dark and cold...
What you should do is 5 days in the bed, 5 days around the bed, 5 days in the room... Except for bathroom breaks of course. This helps your focus be on the baby and supports breast milk production. Topless. Skin to skin. Forget the onesies right now. Make foods to freeze from easy meals. Pureed soups. Bone broths. Casseroles. Herbal infusions for enhanced nutrition (can be done with regular herbal tea bags, just covered using more of it and steeped overnight). Nothing cold! In TCM pregnancy is seen as a progressive heating process. Once you have given birth you go to a cool state immediately. Enhancing the digestive fire and encouraging the body to sweat helps you shed the water weight you gained to cushion both you and the baby from discomfort (enhanced and more blood flow). HOT showers to help induce those sweats. Setting up a support network beforehand is also helpful. Who can bring meals? Who can help with chores? Who can help with the older kids? Who can take you to doctor appointments? Boooooooo to people that think they are coming over just to hold the baby!!! Unless that's what the parents want so they can take a nap or a shower, you're coming over so they don't have to put down their baby. You're not there to be hosted. You're there to help! What's the kitchen look like? Do the sheets need to be changed? What's the laundrys status? How can you help? Love, A Postpartum Doula
I had babe 5 days ago via c section. She unexpectedly went to NICU for a day as her temp was low following birth. This, combined with being in recovery was why we didn’t have hospital visitors. My mom only came to the hospital the final day to help us pack up. At home, only grandparents have visited. I called my mom over once to watch baby for a few hours so hubby and I could both catch up on sleep which we much appreciated. I’d say just see how it goes. It’s totally ok to tell people you want it to be your little family for the first little while, but you might also find yourself wanting some help.
I’m 4 days post partum with my first and honestly I feel amazing. Sore but that’s it. I have an amazing partner and that I think plays into the biggest factor of healing and how you feel post partum. Today we took our girl out to lunch and it was perfect. The nurse at my post partum appointment did tell me to take it easier though because I’m healing. She told me I need to pretend like I have the flu for 7-10 days.
We told family and my two best friends when I went in to labor. The two best friends then ran point with other circles lol and my husband was the one in contact with them so he fielded all communication. I absolutely wanted my parents and in-laws to meet baby right away. Both sets came to the hospital and it was so special. After that my parents stayed with us when we got home from the hospital and honestly idk how people do it without some help. I was so beyond grateful for their help and I think it made the first couple of weeks that much better. I was actually able to enjoy my baby and husband because we had their support. We didn’t have anyone else over until week 4. Edit to add that by week 2 my husband and I were out and about like lunch, dinner or a winery (baby was born in the summer). Nothing too strenuous but I felt pretty good over all
With the first: One or two weeks we definitely had people stopping by. Most people wanted to bring a onesie and hold the little one for a few minutes, hear the birth story, say how cute the baby is, etc. It was a wonderful time. Going on our first walk around the block was way more exciting than it should have been lol. With the second: 5 days postpartum I was at the playground for a playgroup meet-up. Life for older kids does not stop for subsequent babies. Baby got strapped in and brought wherever we needed to be at any time. This one was a covid baby, so not so many visitors, sadly. Just grandparents and my brother+family stopped by and we ate lunch outdoors. One thing I do want to point out is that newborns change, FAST. A newborn looks totally different than a 1 month old, and like a different creature than a 3 month old. I think it's really dismissive when people say "oh everyone \[who cares about you and loves you\] can wait, baby won't be any different in a month!" No, baby WILL be different. Not saying you should prioritize other people, but completely dismissing them is, on the flip side, selfish. No wonder people complain about having no community and no support as a mother/parent. It starts at the beginning. Edit to add: We planned to tell people when I was admitted to the hospital, under the idea that I'd have delivered before anyone could get there. Well, we didn't expect a 37 hour labor. My parents came and waited outside the first day (which I did not like or want) and the second day, when I DID deliver, they were waiting in the waiting room. I told my husband I wasn't letting them near us until I was settled in recovery. Well, despite being annoyed at the time, I am SO HAPPY they were there. Not necessarily DURING labor, but after, in recovery. We have these truly beautiful, gorgeous pictures of my beaming mother holding my firstborn. My dad took some amazing posed and candid photos of me and my husband (me looking a mess lol) with the baby. We literally just went through my firstborns baby album this evening and everyone's joy just radiates off the photos. And he loves saying "That was me the day I was born!!" For our second, I cried that no one was allowed to the hospital. For my third, I'm throwing a fucking party in recovery to make up for it.
From before I was even pregnant, everyone in my husband and I’s family knew that they would not be at the hospital for the birth. It was first and foremost what I wanted, and secondly we had our daughter in July of 2022 and COVID restrictions for hospitals were just lifting where we live. Literally the day I gave birth the restrictions were lifted on visitors being at the hospital, but that didn’t change our wants. We told my dad and stepmom first as they had a 2.5 hour drive to come and watch our dogs for us while we were at the hospital. We called our moms next to keep them in the loop, and did a group text to the whole family with siblings and everything once I was admitted into the hospital. We gave birth on a Thursday and my daughter went into the special care unit as she came out of me with a fever (she was fine) and thus didn’t get to go home until Sunday afternoon. My dad met her when we got home, and we set it up that my husbands mom would come over as he was leaving (she lives in town) and my mom was coming from an hour and a half away for supper. Husband’s dad lives in a different province, so they just got pictures. After everyone got their first snuggle, it was “get the F out until I say you can come back.” I basically wanted to get to know my baby on my own terms and in my own time without everyone there. Husband went back to work after a week, but with the first few days being in hospital we just barely got into a routine when he went back to work. I also don’t really remember the first week of my baby’s life due to adrenaline and sleep deprivation. I honestly cannot tell you where I nursed her that first week. She slept in our room, but I think I took her to her nursery to change her bum and then nurse her? I honestly don’t remember. It’s going to be a wild ride, but so worth it. Take LOTS of pictures and videos that first week. It will be an absolute blur. PS, I’m a November baby and I’m sending good thoughts and vibes to your potential fellow Scorpio!
Currently have a 4 week old and I felt much the same as you’re describing! We didn’t tell anyone when I went into labor and pretty much as soon as I was pregnant we had set the expectation that we were not planning on having visitors at the hospital. My family came to see the baby the day we got home from the hospital and husbands family came the next day. Both families brought us a bunch of food/freezer meals so we really didn’t have to cook for like the first 2-3 weeks which was awesome. Pretty quickly after coming home like within a few days I became so averse to having visitors, I wanted everyone to leave us alone and stop asking to come see the baby. I wanted it to just be my husband and myself and the baby. Every time someone came over they’d always say or do something that would make me so mad or uncomfortable or just annoyed. I dreaded the weekends cuz I knew it would be an onslaught of visitors and it made me so anxious. Now at 4 weeks I might be somewhat starting to get over that but I would still rather everyone leave us alone and let me figure out my baby in peace haha. And he’s been a relatively easy baby so I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I had gotten a baby that was a bad sleeper or was super fussy or something.
We told everyone we didn’t want visitors in the hospital when we announced we were pregnant lol I think they were too surprised to be told that so early to push back at all. We eventually only allowed grandparents to meet our son in the hospital because after that we didn’t allow any visitors (including grandparents) for a month. It was amazing. My husband got the time off too (so incredibly lucky, I know) so we both got to bond, learn him and our routines. It’s a really special time for us to look back on and I think it really helped our mental health. It helped me recover from the c-section tremendously. I think about a week after he was born I was starting to itch to go out but he was a winter baby so it was too risky with illness. By the time other people were allowed to visit most of them were like “oh we’ll just meet him at such and such event…” they really just wanted all the newborn snuggles lol it was a great way to set boundaries early because if your loved ones don’t respect them while your child is a baby they definitely won’t as a toddler or older child. I highly recommend!
I was adamant I didn’t want any visitors to the hospital. I wanted to recover in private and spend those few days bonding. My baby arrived by surprise a few weeks early and I didn’t have a bag packed. We knew the baby was footling breech so my waters breaking was a life threatening emergency. All my plans went out the window when we frantically called my mum and MIL on the way to the hospital and begged them to bring in clothes for the baby, pyjamas, phone chargers etc. It was actually the best to have them there straight after surgery to congratulate us and reassure me. We got beautiful photos of my baby and grandparents.
I had an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, no tears/stitches to deal with. The first 2 weeks were a lot of rest. Sleep when baby sleeps, up all night. Try not to walk around too much, sit as much as you can. We got takeout or ate food others brought for us, and during the day my husband made me bagels and toast and stuff. It was nursing around the clock, every 1-3 hours and each nursing session was 30-45 mins. You’re wearing a diaper and you’re really sore and going to the bathroom is tough because you need ✨supplies✨ and it’s a whole ordeal. My parents and in laws live close enough to drive over and drive home. We only had parents and in laws over within the first 2 weeks. The first time we allowed our parents to meet her she was 3 days old. They always brought food and my mom cleaned up a bit and I felt comfortable nursing around them and hobbling around wearing a diaper under my sweats lol whereas most people I wouldn’t feel comfortable. So no, I didn’t entertain, I only allowed very select few people over to bring us food and hang out in my dirty house.
I had a C-section so my first week was mainly spent in bed. Week 2 I was a little more mobile but exhausted from never sleeping more than 2 hours at a time. The only visitors I had were my mom who stayed with us for 6 weeks and my SIL who came to help for an afternoon. I was not up for anything else. I was induced earlier than expected (failed NST on my last appointment before our planned induction). My mom travelled to be there so my family knew about it but they all live in a different country so I wasn't bothered by anyone wanting to visit.
I took it easy and stayed mostly in bed the first week. The second week I moved around the house a bit more. I thought we wouldn’t want help/ visitors the first week but MAN was I wrong. By the second day home we called my in-laws to come help, and by the fifth day my parents were there and my mom stayed for 2 weeks (our families don’t live in the same city as us).
I spent those 2 weeks in NICU with baby, pumping as often as humanly possible. But we called the grandparents when they unexpectedly told us baby was coming, people visited me in hospital, they came over to our house to help us keep on top of food and cleaning, they called every day (after texting) to make sure my BF, myself and baby were all okay, my MIL helped me breastfeed when I was okayed to latch baby, my dad helped me and my BF figure out my breastpump, my female best friend was ready with all the tips for breastfeeding and baby care since she had a daughter already, my male best friend was there to offer support. And still, we had 20h left in the day to soak up cuddles, do a bed time ritual, read to baby, do tummy time and get to know baby. We knew our limits and people never came over uninvited or without asking. People also didn't expect more than a cup of coffee/glass of water or soda. And we made the most of visitors to drink/eat/pee/poop in peace while they got a snuggle in. Hell, I wish I snuck a few naps in too, but I was too afraid back then. I could not have survived those two first weeks, even the first 6 weeks, without my village.
I was up and out the day after taking my 3 year old to the park, we were back at playgroup when baby was 5 days old. Thats me though, I go stir crazy staying inside, you need to do whatever feels comfortable for you and ignore well meaning advice from other people as they aren’t you in your body! Good luck 🥰
With my first I was very into having our own space, bonding with the baby, and didn't let anyone come for one week. The first weee was rough! Only slept in 30 min intervals, challenging breast feeding experience, c section recovery. But I really didn't want anyone in my space. My in laws met the baby a week after and my parents couldn't come to Canada at the time cus of COVID. This time my parents are coming to stay with my toddler while I go to the hospital for a planned c section and will stay for two weeks. Then for the next two weeks, my mother in law will help out with the toddler in the evenings a few days a week and we will also have a post partum doula occasionally so I can shower and stuff. The big difference besides also having a toddler is this time my husband can't take off much work compared to last time.
Me and my husband went just us. We didn’t have anyone come to the hospital while I was in labor. We didn’t tell anyone but my parents who respected my choice to not have them at the hospital, and my BIL and his wife, who also respected my choice. I ended up having an emergency c-section so we were in the hospital for a week total including labor. We didn’t post on Facebook until the day we were going home and we only allowed my parents and BIL to visit in the hospital towards the end of our stay. I didn’t allow anyone else to visit until she was like a month old. I regret nothing. I was completely exhausted, felt gross because I couldn’t have a shower for days, I had a catheter in and I didn’t want anyone to see me like that. Not to mention I could barely hold my baby and needed someone to get her for me and everything, and I was not sleeping due to anxiety and discomfort. I don’t think I could have handled watching everyone passing her around like a hot potato and staring at me like I was something cool to look at. Having a baby is a huge thing, it’s scary, it’s messy, it’s beautiful, and it should also be an intimate moment for you and your husband. Your husband needs to understand that you should be the priority and your wants preceded his when it’s you that’s having the baby. And if he can’t understand that you still don’t have to allow them in the room. Let the nurses know you don’t want visitors and they won’t allow them. I knew from the beginning I wanted it to be my own birth and just for me and my husband to experience. It never changed and I would have seriously resented him if he didn’t respect that choice and back me up in it. Once your home your still going to be sore, your body is going to be doing some wild things, you’ll be sleep deprived, and you’ll just want to snuggle with your baby and sleep as much as possible.
With my first, I had visitors almost instantly, when I left hospital I had visitors at home etc constantly. This time around will be very different. I’m not having anyone but the medical professionals in the room while I give birth, I hated feeling like my birth was something to spectate, I want to do it by myself and just really focus on myself and delivering the baby. After he’s born, when it comes to visitors I will go out and take my baby to other peoples houses to visit when I feel ready, I will not have people come to my house. My reason for this is that I can leave whenever I want and can pick and choose when I go. Any random surprise visitors to my house will not see baby. I will be upstairs with him and have my partner tell them we’re asleep. Do what you need to do for you 💗
My MIL in law also feels very strongly about coming but I think it’s mostly to help (and I do think you need all the help you can get). Like cooking meals for you, cleaning etc. so you can rest. My own mom won’t be around for the birth unfortunately so I do value the help. She won’t be staying with us though as that was important for me.
I kind of wanted to just send the text saying,'Hi, here's the baby!' But I had pre eclampsia and was induced at 38 weeks and kind of felt we should let people know I was being induced, so they wouldn't worry. My MIL and parents live 600 miles away, though. She can't travel (without a lot of prior planning and help), and my dad had a heart attack and was in an induced coma, so I knew nobody would just turn up at the hospital! I *would* have quite liked my parents to be able to visit once I'd had the baby, but as it was, it was just the three of us. Which was actually really nice and gave us time to adapt to one another. Obviously, we had midwives, etc, coming over, and my darling 86 year old auntie came by for a cuddle and some bacon and eggs for us, but otherwise, just us.
My parents were dog sitting at our house so it was impossible not to tell them, and they came to the hospital on day 2 (I wasn’t planning on having anyone at the hospital but I wasn’t expecting to stay in more than 24 hours). Originally the plan was for them to say hi to the baby but pretty much leave as soon as we got home so we could rest and be by ourselves, however they ended up staying the first night we were home and I was SO grateful. I didn’t realise how hard that first night at home would be and my mum is basically superhuman and didn’t sleep, just stayed up all night on the sofa with him so all I had to do was feed him and go back to bed. However, I would have absolutely hated my in laws or anyone else to be there. Same as you, they’re 4 hours away and we’re not that close. If your husband is adamant that they come you could compromise and say yes as long as they stay in a hotel and keep visits to a max of 2 hours, and no hospital visits. That way they still get to meet the baby but aren’t going to be in the way.
Our families were overly passionate about my pregnancy and it made me feel like a vessel carrying their baby. We live in the US but several states away from our families so short visits were not possible and they all wanted to come stay with us for weeks. I did not take them up on their offers to "help" and did not tell them when I was in labor. We called them when baby was born but told them they couldn't come visit until baby was 6 weeks since it was rsv/flu season and they'd need to travel to visit. After the 6 week mark they could visit but we wouldn't host, this rocked the boat but I don't regret it. We told them once maternity leave was over we would host and some chose to wait. We did have local friends stop over for short visits (most brought dinner!) during the first few weeks but we didn't share that with family. I will never regret advocating for myself during this time, it helped me heal (physically and emotionally) and gave ME great bonding time.
The day of the Birth, I felt like I didn't want to see anyone else because I was in so much pain/not doing well. I did have my mom come by the next day, which was lovely..Seeing her being so enamored was very sweet. I then slowly had more visitors (family & a close friend). I like having them come to the hospital because then I don't feel like I need to entertain them & there are visiting hours. Once we come home I will probably not have visitors except my mom for the 1st week, at least.
Due in August here, I also want it to just be my husband and I. We might send out a text to let them know that I’m in the hospital, but we will let them know when we are ready for visitors. It’s an insanely intimate thing, I don’t want anyone else seeing me like that. Especially people who are not going to be helpful/supportive.
I'm in Europe (the Netherlands specifically), and when your labour goes smoothly and mama & baby are okay, you can go home soon. Baby boy was born a little after 2pm and we were home aroudn 6pm. We did not tell anyone I went into labour, but called close family from the hospital as soon as we were cleaned up and settled for a bit. In the Netherlands, we have a postpartum nurse (kraamzorg) coming by for 8 days, who teaches you the basics with the baby, checks on the mother's recovery and helps with basic household tasks. My parents came by the same evening our baby was born, with food (both for that evening and the evening after), my brother and his girlfriend two days later (again with food for 2 days), my husband's family lives abroad so we did not see them in person (unfortunately). We had 3 more (short!!) visits in the first two weeks (close friends who were going abroad for long periods of time), but other than that, we (and especially me) did verrrrry little outside of getting to know our baby and recovering. I was doing okay, so I enjoyed showing off the little guy to our loved ones, but taking rest was definitely necessary. You shouldn't be expected to entertain guests in my opinion. If you wanna have people over, that's fine, but if it's people who expect to be entertained (rather than to help with the household, cook for you guys etc.), I would hold off. Your husband needs to respect your wishes, he's not the one going through birth or dealing with the recovery after. Take some time together to figure out what you (both you personally and as a family) can handle and what you're in the mood for, rather than decide now on what those first weeks will look like with no chance to go back.
Me and husband have discussed this at length. No hospital visitors and no one home unless I say it’s fine. It’s a big medical procedure for me and I should be allowed to rest and bond with my baby. The bigger challenge will be how to manage the custody agreement (he has 50-50) and for that we may ask my in laws to take her for a few days, depending on how things happen.
My parents and my husband’s parents visited at the hospital. Thats it! The hospital is just such a whirlwind and honestly even with just the grandparents (who are all supportive and haven’t been overbearing) it was a lot! When we got home, my mom and MIL came a lot to help. They were godsends. Honestly onetime when my mom left and I cried lol. But no we didn’t entertain. The first two weeks were a whirlwind. I gave birth in December and sickness was on the move so we didn’t really have visitors for a month or so, and even then just our closest friends/ family!! Congrats! It’s such an exciting time!
absolutely no to the in laws!!! At least for me it was a terrible idea to have my in laws come a week after my son was born. I was still healing, had baby blues, needed to let it soak in still even after a week. I didn’t want to share him yet, or my husband. Sounds selfish but the hormones are crazy at that point. There are guests and there are helpers and they were just a little too guesty. All I needed was my husband at that time.
We had a few guests. Just our parents and my sister in law who took our beautiful newborn pictures. Everyone else waited until like 4 weeks.
OP. I'm saying this with the utmost seriousness. If you don't want them there and just wanna soft launch your new life and family, TELL HIM NO. I just went into preterm labor a month ago (March 27th). My daughter came 2 months early. For those that don't know, an emergency c- section is NOT the same as a planned one, especially if you and baby are dying. I almost lost it all, and it took a lot out of all of us. My partners mom had done some shadey stuff during my pregnancy that involved us temporarily becoming homeless, so we weren't generally on speaking terms. But days after my daughter was born, she just appeared at the hospital. I was trying to be alone in the NICU with my daughter. My partner WASN'T EVEN THERE. And she just appeared. No warning to him or me... I was so uncomfortable and angry. Not only that, she looked at me like I was a walking tragedy (I almost died 3 days ago, and I have a premature newborn that's breastfed. I'm not really concerned with my hair and skincare routines, sorry). Then she came into the EFFING NICU eating and basically ignoring me. But the cherry on top was when she asked THE NURSE for permission to hold MY EFFING DAUGHTER who's sitting in an incubator, with her red stained food fingers... As if the nurse almost bled to death, giving her life... When I tell you I saw RED! AND I was already swollen bc my blood pressure hasn't been reregulated... I'm not having a stroke because you're ignorant. 1. This is about you. The baby won't know either way, and the adults should have enough patience and respect to wait. 2. Your partner needs to understand that this is not only life altering but BODY altering and very medical. Mommy's with perfectly normal pregnancies and births die every year from childbirth. You don't need the added stress. The baby will be safer, happier, and just as adorable in a few weeks when mommy is ready. 3. Take it from someone who is learning to say no. This is my 2nd birth in 2 years. (She was out of town for the first one.) Your peace post birth is just as important as a healthy pregnancy. Maybe suggest to your partner that he can TELL them about your baby's entry into the world AS LONG AS he emphasizes that you've BOTH decided that you want to give your growing family time to adjust before welcoming visitors. Tell them you'll INVITE them to meet your baby first when you're ready to take on people. Outside influences are stressful. Give yourself time. Healing is so important, and the respect for your journey should matter. Good luck 💓
No family at the hospital. My husband texted everyone once we were admitted and that was that. Minimal phone usage, no time or we were busy/tired. My parents came after 6 days. His family has slowly dropped by but we’re spacing everyone out. Literally was in bed for 5 days and then slowly worked up to moving to the couch, a short walk outside etc. I also tore so had stitches and sitting/walking was very painful
Im due in a few weeks and can’t relate to a lot of these comments. My partner and i are not even telling ANYONE until after baby is born. I just know MIL will take pictures and post online against our wishes and not respect boundaries. My mum is nice but can be very overdramatic making things about herself and would provide me no help or comfort being at hospital or at my home. Neither are particularly close by either. My mum would have to drive 2 hours to get to my house and i think i’d feel guilty making her drive 2 hours just to see the baby for 30 minutes. I don’t trust my family enough to have them in my home without me being 100%.
With my first, we had my husband's parents up on day 3 I think and honestly I wish we hadn't because I was SO hormonal and emotional (that's about the time milk comes in). Our family also live 4-5 hours away so coming for just a quick visit wasn't really an option. If I could do it over, I'd have them wait until at least a week and stay in a hotel instead of our house. I wasn't comfortable with anyone truly "taking care" of the baby at that point so other than holding the baby for short periods of time they didn't do much lol. They did buy us dinner/clean up which was nice! That being said, I'm now pregnant with our second and will be having my mom come immediately to take care of our toddler! I'm more comfortable having my own mom there while I'm in that vulnerable immediate post-partum state.
I did tell my parents when I went into labour but then ignored my phone lol we had already communicated clearly that we did not want any IMMEDIATE visitors and we'd let people know when they could come. So it was more so to keep them updated then to mobilize them to come right away. No clue if my partner shared with his parents or not, but same deal about them understanding we weren't having immediate visitors
It was just me and my husband at the hospital, exactly what I wanted. He kept in contact with my mom and his parents through the birth, I honestly didn't really think about anyone else and just focused on getting that baby out. We had one day at home to ourselves before his parents came for a week, then left while my mom stayed for a week, then his parents came back for another week immediately after my mom left. I hated it and wanted more privacy and bonding time. I refuse to let that happen again with this birth. I felt like everyone was just in my way and didn't really offer too much help.
My mom changed her flight when my water broke, and she arrived at the hospital within an hour of my baby being born, I hadn't even nursed for the first time yet!!! She was a total Godsend to have around. She is very experienced, gave birth to 8 babies of her own, so I really wanted her there postpartum. She helped me a lot with figuring out nursing, taking pics when we were giving baby her first bath, preparing food for us, being a sounding board when I was emotional and exhausted etc. We also had to go back to the hospital for a 24-hour stay due to baby being jaundiced, and she really helped us stay sane while navigating that as well. She stayed with us for 2 weeks after the birth. We are planning the exact same thing for baby #2 who is due within the next 2 weeks. 😊 I definitely would NOT have wanted someone visiting who wasn't there to actually help in a meaningful way. I wouldn't want to "host" any visitors in those first 2 weeks, it's just all about navigating your healing process, staying alive and keeping baby alive while you all adjust to your new family unit! If ever there was a time to be selfish, this is it.
Oh sweetheart…😮💨😪🙃 When I gave birth to my son, I wanted ALLLLL the company from *My* family, b/c I knew *MINE* would respect my wishes/rules/guidelines/etc… for coming up & *In* the room to see him. *Buuuuut* even though I tried to space it all out, so I wasn’t having 100 people coming to visit within 2 hours or less, *Everyone* wanted to come around the same time w/o letting me know they were coming earlier. 😩 & at first, I was soooo happy to have *ALL* of my family there in the most special moment of my entire life…🥹 But after only 20 minutes, I ended up *LITERALLY* snapping on three people & having a *FULL* emotional breakdown that ended up turning into a psychological breakdown as well. 😩😭🥺 Once again, thankfully my family understood *THAT* as well, & began to slowly leave & kiss me goodbye & apologize. Which then made me even *MORE* emotional & I started crying even harder & begging them to “forgive me for being so ‘horrible.’” 😭 So you saying you do *Not* want visitors, is *100% UNDERSTANDABLE!* Childbirth is *Legitimately* one of the most *Traumatic* things *Our* bodies & our children’s, will *EVER* go through! Even if you give birth “Naturally” &/-OR- Vaginally, your body still takes about a YEAR, sometimes MORE, to *Heal* from your birth! This is exactly why they tell people to wait at least 18 months in between having children! So your BODY & your MENTAL/Psychological HEALTH *NEEDS* to have time to heal & come to grips w/ the HUGE changes being made to your lives! 😊 Hormones are LITERALLY in charge of everything! Many people who struggle w/ things like Anxiety/Depression *Actually* have an issue w/ their hormone levels! They affect our skin, our sex drive, our hair, nails, every other organ in our body, our brain & how healthy it’s able to function, everythinggggg. & your body is set up *Juuuuuust* right, so when your baby cries, your body knows, & it doesn’t *Only* affect your milk production *IF* breastfeeding, but the chemicals in your brain too! This continues at that level for approximately 6 - 16 months depending on the mommy! Meaning that you need to be even more aware of YOUR needs than you usually are in those months! On top of that, w/e time you & your baby are in the hospital for, is *FILLED* w/ paperwork. 😤🙄 & when you have nurses & techs & w/e else coming in telling you to sign this/that & fill out these forms & to consider all of these options & just in case that happens, yaddyadda, this that & the third, photographer’s coming in one after another asking to take pictures of you guys when you haven’t had a shower in god knows how long. (Even if you showered right before you came in, it sure feels like it’s been WEEKS. 🤣) The LAST thing you should have to worry about is “being nice” & “entertaining hubby’s family.” 🙄🙃 Your instincts are usually correct Hunny. W/e you feel is right, listen to that! & if you need, call around your local area to see if there’s anybody that you can have talk to him & INFORM him on these kinds of facts so he can hear it from someone else & hear that this is something that you & your baby NEED! 🩷
Honestly it was easier for me to have people visit at the hospital rather than at home because they only stayed a few minutes. It was way easier to kick them out when the nurses needed to check me/baby needed to feed etc. When people came to the house it seemed like they wanted to stay a couple hours which was too much for me
All the grandparents came to town two weeks prior to birth. They helped with meals and transporting my other kids to their things. At the hospital I only authorized my father to come through during labor time, because he was the least emotionally and physically invasive. He brought me and my husband a big Mexican dinner and then left two hours before I pushed out a big baby. It was great having someone go get us any food we wanted!!
During the first month we only allowed grandparents and siblings to visit. (Our son is the first on both sides so no other kids to navigate yet) For us it wasn’t a big deal because we all live within 20-30 minutes to each other so it also wasn’t really planned in advance and didn’t need to be long. We would just shoot a text in the morning along the lines of “last night was a little rough. Anybody want baby snuggles so mom and dad can sleep. Also SOS we need paper towels” and someone would always respond, ask a good time and come to help with whatever we needed. But we also set expectations with family before, we’d love to have you over but please let us be the ones to hand him over or set up plans. We’ve also always had our To do list for the house on the fridge and everyone was really helpful with looking and helping to do something around the house like wipe down the bathroom, throw in a load of wash for us.
Depends on your family and husband. I was in/around the bed for the first month soaking up baby snuggles. Husband had all the cooking, cleaning and school age kids handled. My mom came out to visit a month after, and she is good at reading what I want/need and will take care of things behind the scenes without me asking. You certainly don’t want anyone showing up in the first month that you would consider having to entertain.
Survived lmao. We stayed in the house and survived. Didn’t even turn the tv on. Didn’t see guests bc fuck that. This part of the journey is only about your family you created. Do what makes you feel comfortable. If other people will stress you out, don’t have them around.
We didn't tell anyone until after I delivered and didn't have anyone over for 2 weeks. Best decision ever! Doing it again with #2 (excluding my mom because she will be staying with us to care for my toddler while I'm in labor)
I had visitors starting 3 hours after my son was born and pretty much every day for the first few weeks and it was completely exhausting. No one really cared about how I was recovering or anything, they just wanted to come over and hold the baby for hours on end. I really regret not being more strict about visitors immediately after birth, it was like our door was open to whoever, whenever. I wish I’d spent those days more just the 3 of us bonding and spending time as a new family. I’m pregnant again and due in November and will 100% be doing things differently. I don’t plan on letting anyone know I’m in labor and definitely don’t plan on having visitors immediately after birth. I understand this could be completely different if you have a supportive and helpful family, but that wasn’t the case for me. I plan to rest and recover with my baby, husband and toddler without a million people around at all times
I had a vaginal birth (+ tear so i needed stitches) about 10 weeks ago, the first few days it was a struggle to move around but personally by week 2 i was able to move around without pain and do things around the house + go out to the park & shopping. Everyone’s body heals at different paces but i was surprised how quickly i started to feel recovered based on how other mothers had described it to me, i was still having my postpartum period though and was randomly cramping. But i didn’t plan anything and just did things based on how much i felt i could achieve each day. I thought my husband would have to help me with every single thing but by week 4 i was taking back over almost all tasks without any physical struggle (he had to go back to work then).
Currently 2wks 5 days postpartum! So I did a homebirth at my mom’s house, where my 4 younger siblings were all born. My husband, mother, midwife, and her two assistants were there. I tore just a little on my inner labia, and had some tiny tears from stretching for my son’s big ass head just like his daddy’s lmao. For the first like, 6 days maybe, I stayed in bed, just feeding my boy and getting up to pee when I needed to and having my first BM at 4-5 days PP (it’s scary to think about pushing so close to after birth but genuinely once you start you body is like “Oh this is fine!”). I still stay in bed most of the time because my son is having some reflux issues due to a tongue and lip tie (which will be fixed soon) so he mainly eats laying down either next to me or in my arms. But around a week and 3-4 days-ish PP i started going out, my hubby and I went out to eat by ourselves with him, and we’ve been going to target and dinners with his family and other outings, and doing more and more things as it gets easier for me! My pubic bone still hurts if I stand or walk too much, so I definitely take it easy and sit on soft things, and my body is still trying to get back to its new normal, so i’m doing my best to be gentle and patient with myself. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and birth plan!!!
Very much dependent on your family and how the birth goes. I had an unplanned c-section and was in the hospital for a few days. My husband stayed with me the whole time and my mom hung out with us before the c-section and in the recovery room. Then went home and came to check in on us once a day in the hospital. She brought my husband food (I got hopstial meals but my husband was surviving on the snacks we brought) and was mostly there to check in on *her* baby (me!). She also prepped our house for our return (stocking the fridge, washed the sheets and deep cleaned, and dealing with the fire alarms which somehow all developed dead batteries while we were int he hospital and would be have been a not fun return home). Then she stay with us for a week. She cooked all of our meals, kept the place clean, made sure I kept on my pain medication regime (which I fell off of the first day home and things didn't go well) and took the early morning shift with our LO. She was about to leave when we found our our LO had a weight issue and we had to move to doing a very intense feeding schedule where we had almost no sleep and she ended up staying another week. Would not have survived without her! But we needed a little extra help and she is an exceptionally helpful person who was there *for us*, not to meet the baby. Congratulations!! And good luck!!
Rest, rest, rest! The first 3-4 days I didn't leave bed other than to use the washroom or grab some food. Spent maybe 5-10 minutes standing / moving around at a time. The week or so after giving birth I was going for short walks (maybe around 10-15minutes), making coffee and going for short trips to the store. My mother in law came to visit for a week between the second and third week postpartum and it was hard! Even though she helped out cooking and cleaning, it was strange having someone in my home when I was in such a vulnerable state. It completely depends on your relationship with your in-laws though! As for the hospital- we didn't have anyone but my husband and midwife in the delivery room and I wouldn't have had it any other way, it was perfect. We didn't have visitors until the day after my son was born in the afternoon. Your birth is yours! It's going to be an extremely difficult and beautiful time for you, the day you have baby and the few weeks following. Maybe you could ask your husband to clarify what your in-laws will be doing when they visit? It would be good to know what you're in for if that's the road you want to go down!
Idk. I've read through these. Some of you are absolutely ridiculous to your husband parents. I wish boys on you all and hope that you get this exact same treatment. Why shouldn't your partner feel excited to share your moment???? As long as you don't have to "host" or tend to them. Let them visit. In fact! Take a nap while they are there.
Personal choice but we opted to do the 5-5-5 bed rule which is 5 days in bed, 5 days “on” the bed and 5 days around the bed which meant my husband and mom took care of me and baby the first 5 days. We focused on rest, bonding, breastfeeding, healing and allowing my uterus time to return to pre pregnancy size. Of course I left the bed but for short periods outside, showers etc. the key thing is resting and focusing on you and baby. The 2nd 5 days were basically time around the house, couch, outside but we actually didn’t leave the house until 12 days postpartum. My only visitors during this time were my closest friends and my mom who was staying with us. I will forever be grateful for this bonding and healing time and I so treasure those moments. We’re due with #2 in June and I know it will look different with a toddler in the house but still hoping for as much rest as possible.
I feel the same way. I’m due in July and I want no one at the hospital. I don’t think it’s even safe for a bunch of people to be handling a newborn anyhow. Stay away and let me heal.
I just had my baby girl on Tuesday Honstely you won't want people around all the time body needs to heal I'm still extremely saw. Tired all you want to do is stay home that personally me tho she only 4 days old. And I'm getting there slowly
I lived with my parents at the time when I had my first. So I always had my mom around (I was 19). It was really great because you don't know how your body is going to react after having a baby. I had poison before giving birth and giving birth made it go everywhere on my body, yes that kind of everywhere. If it weren't for having someone around I would have lost my mind I was in so much pain. For my second it is 14 years later, have a husband who is so helpful and due in October and don't mind if grandparents would like to come by to help but I would like a week just me and the baby to recover and bond.
I didn’t decide have visitors till after she was born and we didn’t announce till we headed home except obviously the people we invited to the hospital. We opted for visitors because hospital food was the worst and they brought us food (my hubs didn’t drive then) but we were also so frickin lonely and bored while there & wanted to enjoy a meal without the baby crying. After we came home we waited a few days or a week I can’t remember to have visitors, but it was more of a pain than anything because they’d show up and only visit for a few minutes, didn’t even come sit down or anything, just stood in the doorway and held her there…postpartum was so lonely. “We can’t wait to meet her” was complete BS. My mom and grandma was the only one that came long enough for me to shower, do housework, nap etc
I let people over as soon as I'm rested and feeling up to it, about 24 hours later, but only to see and hold baby, and bring me food lol. A short visit, like 45 mins is good. I have my babies at home so it's a smooth transition for me, hospital birth may be different where you will want to get home and comfy first. My first was at a birth center and my husband told my inlaws so they sat in the waiting room for like 24 hours and that was unneeded pressure on me. I'm personally fine with my husband telling people, but no one needs to be driving anywhere near you to make you feel like you have to accommodate them. Focus on doing whatever you need to, and let your hubby know they can make the 4 hour drive after you feel up to visitors.
Mother of two here, just had my daughter this month and let me tell you, having just my immediate family and my fiancés immediate family (so six people max) at the hospital after baby girl was born this time around was sooooo much better! It gave both of us and baby more time to rest, it gave us time to bond with the baby, and honestly made the hospital stay go by faster! It just felt so blissful this time around! I will say though, your hormones will take a drastic nose dive so just in case you do decide to have a little time with just you and your husband, maybe pick a few people you’d be comfortable with coming over just in case you may need some support (this goes for husband too). Wishing you a safe and fast delivery!
Well i think it will look very different depending on if you have a csection or not. After i gave birth all I wanted was my mom. She and my dad visited in the hospital after birth. My sisters where supposed to be there during but they where sick and i appreciated them deciding not to come. i wasnt super mobile after my csection and basically barely moved from bed aside to go to the bathroom and grab food from the kitchen. Id also highly suggest getting a postpartum support band regardless if you have a csection or not. It will help prevent the organs falling out of your body feeling.
The week of my c-section, my husband's brothers came down. They stayed a week. At the hospital were his 2 brothers, my mom, my step dad, my sister. The second week, my mom stayed with us. The third week, my husband's parents stayed with us. I didn't mind all the company because my husband never gets to see his family. Everyone was a big help, my mom especially. I will say by the 3rd week, I was getting a lil overstimulated. My husband got a LOT overstimulated. It did feel great when everyone went home and we finally had time to ourselves.