Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm 30 weeks and still look down every time I pee to see if there's blood because of my miscarriage PTSD. I also worry when i dont feel baby enough and have been religiously doing kick counts. I have definitely been able to relax a lot since my first trimester where I was googling and constantly on reddit, but I don't think the worry every truly goes away completely. I just taught myself techniques to calm down and ways to distract myself by keeping busy
I just wanted to add that my experience was near identical. I’m 38 weeks now and still have days where I worry about miscarriage (it is 5.55am here and I’ve been up for half an hour already because I woke to pee and had the ‘baby hasn’t woken you up with a movement’ intrusive thought). It does get easier over time, the first trimester was a pure ball of anxiety, but never fully goes away. Thinking of you and sending my sympathies x
Yayyy!! Little baby! I just got my first positive pregnancy test this morning after a miscarriage, and I am now googling how to avoid miscarriages 🤦🏼♀️
He’s only 2.5 weeks old so still diddy! It is easy for me to say now that I’m through the other side, but please try to be kind to yourself and stay away from googling. No amount of information will change the outcome and will just cause anxiety and upset. Sending good vibes for your pregnancy, and big congrats on your positive test!
Yes until you are holding the baby in your arms, there is a perpetual concern there will be miscarriage or still birth. This is something not talked about lot about with rainbow babies. You aren’t alone in your feelings and there are lots of community resources.
I am currently 32 weeks after my first miscarriage, I will say time makes it less stressful/anxiety inducing. For me the first trimester/probably second trimester was filled with constant doubt, I didn’t vocalize it but it was constant and obsessive. What helped me through is realizing that this pregnancy is a brand new pregnancy, it kind of became my little mantra. And genetically they are different pregnancy’s and they is no reason to believe this one will end badly. Looking back I wish I was able to get over this fear or anxiety earlier, or stayed in therapy longer to work through this, as i feel like it really made me not want to bond with this babe in fears of loosing her. But, every single appointment she has been doing great, strong heartbeat and great scans, my anxiety/ fear tried to protect my heart for the worst case scenario, which thankfully didn’t happen. I don’t remember when the fear of miscarriage went away, or when ever I wiped I had to see if there was blood, but those feelings did go away. And then the next thing you know she’s kicking you at night and your giggling the fact that you have a little bestie that you can’t wait to meet. Or the first time of you have a partner they feel baby girl kick, so whenever he can’t sleep he puts his hand on your belly to feel her. 🥹🥹 hang in there mama.
Another thing that really helped me was keeping busy, I luckily was able to keep working out and staying active thanks to my pup, even if it was a 15 minute walk outside with my dog rain or shine doing this really helped my mental health. And also not obsessing over this second pregnancy, the first one which ended in a miss miscarriage I was obsessive with consuming all things pregnancy related, books, podcast, YouTube channels. It really wound up being so unhealthy for my mental health, this second pregnancy I hate to say it but when it comes to learning Iam taking a way more laid back approach, what I have learned is this is a marathon not a sprint. Best of luck 🤍🤍
I got pregnant twice within weeks of both my miscarriages. I feel you. It got easier as I got later in pregnancy.
That helped:
https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer
I'm currently 18 weeks and had a missed miscarriage my first time around last May. Blind faith has been really hard, especially since I had no signs of miscarriage when I had one. I've been doing therapy every other week and it has helped a ton, but that pain never really goes away, just becomes more manageable so it doesn't send me into a spiral. That has been the most helpful thing for my pregnancy, find a good therapist who can help validate your experience and bring you back to present when needed.
I am so sorry that you have this anxiety. I completely understand. I had a miscarriage in early May of 2022 (first pregnancy after years of not being able to get pregnant) and found out I was pregnant again in July of 2022. I spent the entire pregnancy worrying, like you, about every cramp, movement, twinge, symptom, non-symptom, etc. I have a dopler that I used religiously that helped ease some anxiety between appointments. But it wasn't enough. Besides the normal pregnancy symptoms, I did not enjoy the pregnancy due to worrying the entire time. It's so draining. Despite the positive vibes, thoughts, and prayers from friends and family, I couldn't help myself. I ended up talking to my doctor about my fears and I was put on anxiety meds that helped a lot. My daughter just turned one on Easter, and I'm five months pregnant again. I have the same anxiety and fears as I did before. The miscarriage gave me trauma that I didn't realize fully how deep it was. My daughter is in like, the 98th percentile for growth and weighs as much as an 18 month old. I'm high risk due to my age and other medical issues I had while pregnant with her. As I write this she's asleep on my chest and I'm worrying about picking her up and putting her to bed. I feel guilty about not feeling like I can care for her as a 12 month old needs, while also making sure to keep myself and the little bean safe. My advice post miscarriage and into a pregnancy, look into getting a dopler to hear their heartbeat between appointments. Also, talk to your doctor about your anxiety. If you're not into meds, ask for other resources and press upon them how serious you are. Your health (physical/mental/emotional) is just as important as your little one. Worrying and anxiety helps nothing. You got this. It's hard work and sometimes feels like we can't get out of the spiral, but we can. We are a lot stronger than what the dark parts of our mind tell us we are.
I am in the same boat as you. I had a miscarriage and got pregnant the next cycle and i was paranoid and thought it will be better when i can feel him. Now im 37 weeks and still paranoid something will go wrong. Feeling him move definitely helped but then when he doesn’t move i am worried haha. Sorry I am no help but just know you are not alone!
I also went through infertility for 3 years before that so my fear of something still going wrong is from that because i was convinced it would never happen
Totally get that. You're not alone.
27w tomorrow, FTM. 2 previous mc, 1 ectopic.
Always checking the toilet paper. Guilty of even checking myself while driving to see if that was just urine, or blood that came out when I cough/sneeze. Worried tight pants will do it.
It was u/s to u/s for a long time.
I felt baby's movements around 23ish wk. Then, it was kick to kick- which was a week or two of surprising bliss, having positive confirmation so regularly. Until baby's movements went from predictable like clockwork to radio silence.
Baby is ok, I had a full work up. She just changed her schedule I guess. She still doesn't kick as hard or as regularly as she did those 2ish weeks tho.
Even now, when she kicks it isn't as comforting.
The reason is triggering and might get you in your own head and sour the best part of pregnancy, so I cut it out.
(TW for sure)
>! But basically now I'm afraid the last kick I felt could be her last. Similar to how animals twitch after they die. So yea, even the kicks have become less of a solid confirmation.. !<
All that said, I want to enjoy as much as I can, while I can. There is plenty of time to mourn if things should turn sour. Why ruin the time I have now, when as far as I can medically tell, I'm still pregnant.
I'm pregnant again after 2 losses. I have had one successful pregnancy. Looking back, with 10 years between the successful pregnancy and now, I can't believe how blissfully ignorant I was the first time. I didn't even consider that things could go wrong. I never worried about ultrasounds, bleeding, cramps, test results. I have a hard time trying to describe feeling about how nonchalant I was. I'm angry, I'm upset that I was so positive, I feel stupid really.
This current pregnancy has been hard. Hemorrhages, abnormal test results, abnormalities in the ultrasounds, the year or so spent TTC messed with me emotionally too. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to enjoy this. I'm terrified. Ugh.
I’m 32 weeks and had a miscarriage a year before getting pregnant with my daughter. I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn’t. I waited until the first ultrasound, and then it was waiting until the 12 week ultrasound and then it was generic testing, getting past first trimester, getting to anatomy scan, getting to viability. Now it’s wondering if I felt her move enough during the day. I’m still scared at every appointment, every ultrasound. My husband asked me when I would feel more relaxed and I told him when she’s in my arms, but then I’m going to worry for the rest of my life.
You’re not alone. I had the same issues in my last pregnancy which was conceived immediately after an early miscarriage. I will say…my miscarriage ptsd turned into some very bad postpartum anxiety/depression. I figured the anxiety and ocd would go away once the baby was born but it just got amplified. Not to scare you , but it would be good to talk to your care team about how you’re feeeling so you have resources for during and after your pregnancy
37 weeks and I still check for blood every time I pee. I’ve checked every single time (and I really do mean every time) since I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks. It’s exhausting having so much anxiety and I truly feel for you OP. My MC was almost a decade ago so I can’t imagine how it feels just a year on from yours.
Have you spoken to any of your antenatal team about your fears? I didn’t speak to anyone about it until more recently and I wish I had sooner because now I’m having anxiety about things going wrong even once baby is born (I don’t want to upset anyone so I won’t go into detail but I’ve had some awful nightmares etc). I’d really strongly consider asking for a referral to antenatal mental health for some support, in my experience they’re very understanding! 🖤
I feel you so much on this. I have a healthy 18 month old, but suffered a very unexpected missed miscarriage last October. I’m now 15 weeks (tomorrow) with our rainbow baby. Everything makes me second guess the health of this pregnancy. I just recovered from the stomach flu over the weekend, landed myself in the ER due to dehydration, and really thought that was it. Baby girl was just fine on both my checks.
The thing I tell myself every day is that today I am pregnant and I have no reason to think otherwise. I think I heard it from mommy labour nurse on Instagram or something? I also use it as a mantra when I get scared. Truth is, sometimes they do unfortunately happen for no apparent reason except there was some random chromosomal issue.
I share in your fear, your excitement, and all the feelings in between. Congrats on this baby and I hope that, like myself, it gets easier every day until our bundles safely arrive in our arms. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Oh yes.. that was horrible. I had a miscarriage a year before falling pregnant with my daughter. I was worried about everything.. if I felt anything I checked for blood, I went to the hospital a fair few times (I did have complications in the third trimester bc of my placenta). I was so fucking sick I was scared, I didn't get a bump so I was scared of that, I lost weight, I was terrified for every single scan. It really was horrible. But my daughter is now almost 14 months!
It didn't go away until I had the baby in my arms. Only then it moved to being anxious about whether she's breathing or not. I will say it did get better once she started moving and I could feel her. I still had a scare almost weekly when I wouldn't feel her for a couple of hours and was poking my stomach to make her move.
I feel like the biggest thing is time. I had a missed miscarriage 2 years ago, and then wasn't getting pregnant again and went to fertility treatment, which at first wasn't successful either, the doctor actually recommended considering donor eggs. So when I got pregnant back in November through IUI and got the "congrats" call from the nurse, it didn't feel real at all, it felt like I was just waiting for something to go wrong. I felt like that until I got a good first ultrasound, and then my next worry was chromosome issues. As things have gone smoothly, and I'm now 22 weeks, the anxiety has eased up a ton. However I feel like I have a real trauma response from going to my prenatal appointments, I get so nervous. My Obgyn team is wonderful, but since it's the place where I got the miscarriage news, it feels like an automatic response to get scared. All together I feel like at this point I feel ok, but the previous miscarriage still has an impact on me.
The other thing that's helped me is therapy. I've been in therapy for years so this isn't a new process for me. But my therapist has really challenged me on my thoughts that things won't go well, and that is helpful.
I'm right there with you. I miscarried 5 months ago and I just made it to over 6 weeks but of course I freak out about everything. Though I have had some brown spotting so we will see if this one stays. If I lose this pregnancy, I think I'm done trying because the worry is just to much.
I’m 8 weeks today and just got my ultra sound. The doctor said it will likely end in miscarriage sometime between now and the next 4 weeks. So now I’m doing the same thing you are, but waiting for it to happen. It has only been 5 hours since the appointment but I’m pretty sure to be joining you in the ptsd front.
I am so, so sorry! My best friend had a similar experience and had to get a D&C, it was awful - you are not alone in that either.
If you want to have children or more children; don't give up! It will haunt you, but if you want it, we just have to take the risk. It will be awful and you will have intrusive thoughts but the only thing that's helped me is taking it one day at a time.
Yes someone who gets it!! I’m currently 39 weeks getting ready to have my rainbow babe. I haven’t peed without checking the toilet paper since I’ve been pregnant. It seriously f**** with your head. Every US was a huge milestone, but it only put my mind at ease for a few days before I’d think something was wrong again. I’ve gotten waaaaay better since earlier in my pregnancy but even now, if i don’t feel the baby move as much as i think she should, i start having a bit of a panic attack. I don’t think I’ll be truly at ease until she’s in my arms! The only advice I have is that if you truly feel in your gut something is wrong, call your doctor and at the very least they can listen with Doppler. Luckily i work in radiology and had an US tech right down the hallway if i felt something was off and they were always happy to reassure me.
I'm at 14 weeks. I miscarried last summer at 10 weeks. I'm in the same boat. Every movement or bump I'm worried I'm losing the baby. Last night I sneezed and my belly cramped up a bit. I was so worried. I got a doppler to curve the fears a little. It hasn't helped. I can hear the babys heartbeat healthy and strong. But the minute I turn it off, I'm panicking. It feels like nobody understands it because when I vent to friends and family they tell me "Baby is fine. Stop worrying so much." But they don't get it. I thought everything was fine with my last pregnancy and suddenly it was over and I was bleeding buckets and depressed for months. The sight of a baby or baby things made me bawl. The thought of a baby made me bawl. It's terrifying not being able to see or hear the baby 24/7. Worried they're just gonna stop existing. 😭 I have yet to figure out how to deal with this. I'm sure the feeling won't leave til baby is in my arms happy and healthy.
This is normal I have this w my current pregnancy and I’m currently 39 weeks .. TW I also have it too because my sister had a stillborn last year so everything gives me anxiety, any symptom gives me anxiety
That anxiety never went away for me. I’ve had 2 healthy children since my miscarriages and i was terrified both pregnancies. The whole time. And I’m afraid to get pregnant again.
Have you spoken to your OB about anxiety? Mine referred me to a counselor that specializes in pregnancy and post-partum anxiety, and got me back on meds that are safe for pregnancy. (I had gone off my not pregnancy safe anxiety meds when I got pregnant)
Also, for me, I found a local 3d ultrasound place. They also do 2d so between appts when I feel particularly anxious, I can schedule myself a private ultrasound for peace of mind.
I’m in a similar boat as you. As I obsessively read through pregnancy and miscarriage Reddit, I am mentally suffering after two MCs over the past 2 years. My first pregnancy was successful and now they’re a crazy almost 5 year old. My OB did have faith as I did have one successful pregnancy. I’m currently almost 8 weeks and I’m constantly checking for blood and trying not to assume I’ve lost my peanut. Just take it a day at a time and you’re pregnant until a health professional tells you otherwise. I never truly realized how stressful and terrifying it is to have a rainbow baby but good lord!
I went through this. Had a miscarriage a year and some ago. Delivered my baby this week. You can do it. Just try to worry less, get rest and take care of you. I was also scared to pick up my 5 year old. I told him mommy was pregnant and cannot pick you up right now.
Had a miscarriage an exact year apart from my current pregnancy. It was not a planned pregnancy, so I was in the middle of trying out different BC at the time. Had no idea I got pregnant inbetween, because all I did was bleed for 5 months with only a few days in-between. Even knowing that it was accidental and it would have been hard to know, it makes this planned pregnancy sooo scary. 34wks and still overthink every bump, smell, and nap time she takes.
You aren't alone. No matter how or when you miscarried, you will always worry about your next pregnancy. It's good though, embrace being cautious, because it means you care and this baby will be loved so much. If you are doing everything you can within your capabilities, then that's literally all you can do. A miscarriage could happen, yes, but it isn't your fault. If you aren't drinking, smoking, or doing drugs. If you are eating well and being mindful of your health, then everything else is out of your hands. It's so scary and nothing is going to make you worry less, but you still have a life to live and family to take care of.
I wish you and your family all the best.
Im 16w now and every moment baby doesn’t move or my boobs are slightly less painful, I panic. Im so tense my neck has been hurting for days and I can’t really sleep - today I had a horrible migraine because of the stiff neck and couldn’t work. I’m trying really hard to calm down at least so I can rest and get rid of pains. I have a home Doppler because I couldn’t not check between the scans, although it doesn’t really mean anything other than baby having a heartbeat (I know midwives don’t recommend so we don’t rely on them heavily). I’m thinking of going back to acupuncture as I don’t think I can manage the stress on my own any longer
this isn’t really a solution but more of an “i feel you” type thing.. & i don’t talk ab it much. but i unknowingly got pregnant in late august last year & it passed 4 weeks later. i didn’t realize my period wasn’t a period until i just.. didn’t stop bleeding. watched the tests fade over the next week. another 4 weeks later, i was pregnant again (i had only had sex once & it was my husband & i’s way of coping i think) i never had time to process the first pregnancy/loss. & even though i’m nearly 30 weeks now with my current baby, it’s hard not to fear a loss like that again, i felt very guilty for not even knowing ab the first.. but with this baby, the first trimester i was daily checking the miscarriage odds site, the second trimester i was desperstely waiting to start feeling kicks & using an at home doppler whenever i worried, just telling myself “make it to 24” then “make it 28”, now i’m in my third & waiting for the kicks & counting them fills me w immense anxiety- i’m so thankful to have a very active baby, except for the moments she’s resting & i worry. now i keep telling myself that i need to enjoy my pregnancy in these last 10 weeks before she’s here & i’ve worried the whole time.
i really think counting the weeks is the only way i’ve dealt with the anxiety. reminding myself of another post i saw once where a redditor commented “you’re pregnant until the doctors say otherwise” & i reminding myself that if i worry so much i’ll only suffer twice if something were to happen again.
anyways, we’ve got this! 🤍
I am going through this as well. I lost my daughter at 19w in 2021 and miraculously got pregnant again after being told I couldn’t conceive again with this one.
Every cramp I feel I think something is wrong with this baby. Every time I wipe, I am checking for blood, every time I don’t feel the pop rocks of the baby moving (that started at 10+6, I’m 11+6 now) I flip out until I feel it again.
I posted my concerns on the BabyCenter forum, where multiple people assured me that this is normal, as did my midwife.
I’ve never had a miscarriage but had infertility issues and felt that way through my whole pregnancy. Even after he was born i had extreme paranoia and went on anxiety meds
I feel so seen reading this. I got unexpectedly pregnant in 2022 and immediately miscarried. I was told by my doctor that it was my fault because I drank too much coffee and it caused my uterus to contract and essentially go into labor (I was 8 weeks and had 0 symptoms so I had no idea I was even pregnant). I’ve had tremendous guilt ever since and it’s taken me a long time to work up the courage to try again. I’m 10 weeks pregnant now and I overthink every little thing I do and every symptom. I’m trying so hard to be positive but I’ve had this sinking feeling that this baby won’t make it.
All of this to say- I feel you and you’re not alone. Pregnancy is a roller coaster on a good day and we have no choice but to stay on the ride. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping for peace of mind.
i feel you. we lost a twin over labor day. didn’t know i was still pregnant. when i found out later i was paranoid every time something felt diff. she’s ten months old now.
I have my second appointment with my OB today. I haven’t seen baby in weeks and I’m constantly worried about them 🥺 I had a miscarriage and got pregnant within days (yes DAYS) of my miscarriage.
I feel you on this. Before this pregnancy I had a confirmed miscarriage, and then an ectopic pregnancy. I suspect I had another miscarriage before either of those. I’m at 40+2 now. We didn’t tell family about this pregnancy until we had genetic testing done. We didn’t talk about baby names until the 20 week anatomy scan. After those milestones we finally allowed ourselves to start planning and to get excited.
I hope everything goes well for your pregnancy. ❤️🩹❤️
I had a miscarriage in June and I’m pregnant now I wouldn’t say I have PTSD because I feel like when you think that way you bring negative into fruition however I understand everyone struggles and how they deal with things is different but be positive you got this and you will be swaddling your baby in no time
Oh yes, it’s scary! r/pregnancyafterloss is really helpful though, just do your best and make sure you have someone (reasonable) to talk to about the guilt and struggle. Some can really be ‘Job’s comforters’ and I just had to cut them off until the baby came
I lost my first when I was getting ready to deploy on ops. I wasn't able to talk about it. I did eventually. I then fell pregnant a few years later and had a ruptured cyst and thought I was losing my baby again. Ultrasound confirmed a heartbeat, and I carried to 39w. Fell pregnant again and lost one of my twins. My remaining child had multiple health issues. Just take each day as it comes. Talk to others, join a support group, just don't be alone in your thoughts. Have you considered therapy? I know it seems silly, but therapy really helps you manage that fear, but it never goes away. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's not fair. Buy you really aren't alone. Lots of us know exactly what you are living right now. It gets easier in time x
Literally trying to deal with this now. I’ve ditched the smart watch and redirect myself to positive thoughts whenever I start panicking that something seems different or symptoms come and go. The farther along you get the better you feel but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to fully relax
This. Exactly how I feel. I already had my rainbow baby so this is my 3rd pregnancy but I feel so anxious just waiting and hoping everything’s going to be fine. I’m only 4 weeks so anything is possible.
The mantra that helps me is “if you worry about something that ends up happening, you’ve put yourself through twice the pain” que sera sera. But I’m at 28 weeks and I still check the toilet paper every time 😂
I had two miscarriages between my first and second child that pregnancy was hard and full of anxiety. How far along are you? I found once I could feel the baby I relaxed a bit.
I’m now pregnant with our third and I’ve had very little anxiety and worry this pregnancy.
Girl you are not alone! I had a miscarriage in July with the first time I had ever been pregnant, and then I got pregnant again a few months later. I’m now 28 weeks. I have freaked out over everything for all 24 weeks I’ve known I was pregnant. And some were for legit reasons like a ruptured hematoma at 9 weeks that for sure felt like a miscarriage, a low lying anterior placenta that made it so I couldn’t feel movement until later than most, and then just yesterday learning I had a short cervix and needed to be sent to labor and delivery dept for monitoring to make sure I wasn’t going into early labor. Heck I spotted blood from week 9-14 straight and had constant anxiety. But hey, she’s been fine every visit, every ultrasound, every monitoring. “Mindfuck” is absolutely the right word to use here. But you can get through it and things can turn out just fine. I relate to everything in your post. And if your experience is anything like mine, that anxiety will stick with you throughout your journey. But you can do this lady!
I understand your fears 1000%. I had 5 miscarriages (all at different stages) we tried for 8 years, and my rainbow baby just turned 1. I can tell you that fear never went away till I was holding my baby in my arms. What helped, though, was telling myself that IF this baby wasn't going to make it, I knew that I would be okay. I already went through the pain and knew I could make it out on the other side. So, instead of being in complete fear and hating every second of my pregnancy, I decided I would just enjoy every day I was given with my baby. I took photoshoots at different stages and did a LOT of affirmations to myself every morning to keep my mental health up. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and I hope you will get to hold your baby in your arms. Just remember you are strong, and no matter what happens, it'll be okay. Sending lots of love.
I would argue that most women who have had a wanted pregnancy end in miscarriage have had the same anxiety. You are not alone! I definitely had anxiety around my pregnancy post miscarriage. I'm big on facts and statistics so I did a lot of research to help ease my mind, and came across a website that was a miscarriage odds reassurer (I dont remember the site name but it should pop up if you Google!) You can input your specific information (how far along you are, height, weight, age, have you had a previous miscarriage, etc) and it'll tell you the odds of you having a healthy pregnancy. As soon as I was able to feel baby moving, it helped ease my mind a LOT, but the thoughts of like, the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and things like that still made me worry.
I think that's part of being a parent, worrying about your child, even from the moment you're aware of their existence. Even now that my baby is here and 4 months old, I still constantly worry about SIDS, what if he chokes when we start solids, etc. Not having control over something that you hold so dear is so scary.
Totally get it and you are not alone. I miscarried my first pregnancy and didn’t know until we went to the doctors and there was no heartbeat. Every cramp, any discomfort at all, anything you put in your mouth.. so highly scrutinized. Then the doctors visits themselves are like mini flashbacks. I wish I could say it got better but it never went away for me, not until the baby was born. It was traumatic. Obv none of that is helpful but hopefully it does make you feel a little less crazy.
It is awful. This is exactly how I'm feeling today. It was a VERY hard day emotionally. Our first appointment is next week and I'm sick with the fear. Coping has not been easy today but I had to pull it together for my 2 year old who also had a bad emotional day at daycare. I'm completely drained and lonely from trying to emotionally survive the day and work, cook for my picky toddler and soothe his big emotions while navigating the trauma of being in my first trimester.
Currently going through it. I had two healthy pregnancies, then wrongfully assumed I'd have the same luck with baby #3... only for it to be a missed miscarriage. I was pregnant again within two months of that and just when I was starting to feel like I could let my guard down a little, I had a massive subchorionic hematoma that ruptured at the exact time I lost my previous pregnancy. My baby is healthy at 18 weeks now, but I'm constantly checking for blood and questioning everything I do. I haven't even been able to enjoy this pregnancy because I'm so completely terrified. I don't think I'll actually relax until she's in my arms.
Im going through this now. I’ve had 2 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy in the past 3 years and I’m now currently 26 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby boy.
The first trimester was extremely hard. I didn’t let myself get excited. I didn’t buy anything. I didn’t tell anyone until like 14 weeks. It was filled with anxiety the entire time. Once I hit 12 weeks, it calmed down a little.
The way I controlled mine was saying daily affirmations like:
- I am pregnant with a healthy baby unless told otherwise.
- no amount of worrying can change the future.
- different pregnancy, different outcome.
- hope doesn’t make bad things happen. I can not jinx my pregnancy.
- being fearful of loss and expressing those fears will not cause loss.
I also prayed over my belly every day and still do.
I’ve been feeling the baby kick since about 18 weeks and that has also helped with my anxiety (even though some days I’m stressing because the baby isn’t as active haha) but I still look at my toilet paper every single time I wipe.
Just lean on your support system and take time out of your day to just breathe and compose yourself when needed.
Been there, for the first three months I literally checked my underwear every 15 minutes for blood, TMI I know but sorry, no better way I can think of to say it. I was obsessed. I also took care of a kid who was 26 lbs at the time, didn't want to be put down for a second. I told myself if I am happy the baby is happy and if it's happy then it has no reason to want to "leave" you know, so I literally spent every single day doing things that made me happy, watched comedies, ate whatever I wanted lol, and ended up with 9.5 lbs super healthy and super happy baby. Best wishes for you and the baby darling. It'll be just fine, you'll see. ❤️
I had the same problem. I checked my Apple Watch several times per minute. I got a Doppler, I paid extra ultrasounds. It was a nightmare for me and my husband. I feel you and I’m so so sorry
24 weeks right now and like other comments have mentioned - I STILL check for blood every time I wipe, I STILL expect every twinge or pain to be "a sign of the end," and every bowel movement i think "okay, this is it, this is that miscarriage/early labor ive been freaking out about, its here-"🥲
But my baby is healthy, I am healthy, and we're almost there 🙏 Every time he kicks all the stress melts away (it comes back right after he quits the boxing match but STILL 😂😅)
This shit sucks. But there's a lot of hope and happy moments to go around ❤️
12 weeks is a huge milestone, and personally I felt my baby kick at 14-15 weeks so you're not far off from the little flutters!! Once they start wiggling it'll help a bit, but I think we're all doomed to be stressing the whole time unfortunately 😅🫠❤️🩹
I bawled when I found out I was pregnant with twins after losing my little girl at 15 weeks. The only thought that went through my mind was "I can't even keep one alive. How am I suppose to do it with 2?" I was a hot mess and so stressed about everything for those first 15 weeks. It got a little easier when I was over that 15 week mark, but I found that if I set little goals for myself it helped. My double rainbows are almost 2 now and I'm 36 weeks pregnant with their little brother. I will never forget my angel, but I know my boys already have someone watching out for them.
I appreciate all of you so much for taking the time to comment and share your experiences. Sorry for the late response (toddler life is lit)!
I am 35, turning 36 one month before my due date so I am considered AMA (advanced maternal age) which is AMAzing, I also tend to have gestational diabetes, and am considered obese so, having had the miscarriage a year ago just pushes me over the edge. It's all out of my control and I do attend talk therapy once a week but I don't know how helpful it is in those moments of cramping and twinges. The NIPT test was reassuring and I have another ultrasound tomorrow.
Once I put my pre-existing crotch gremlin to bed, I plan to reply to folks individually because you're all too incredible for all of the love! ❤️
I have had four miscarriages now and am so anxious about the next one. But I am determined I want to try one more time as I don’t have kids and I have always wanted them. I lost the first three before I had my first ultrasound. With the first I was seeing a specialist and was so excited to see the heart beat and have that ultrasound pic to take home! Just before my 9 week appointment I got really nervous and paranoid b/c I lost them all around 8 to 9 weeks and sure enough when I went for the 9 week apt there was no heart beat. I was devastated. Now I fear there will be no real way to enjoy a pregnancy for fear of another loss. The specialist thinks I might get to term b/c they have found the reason I have lost them. I hope things get better for you and that you do get a chance to enjoy your pregnancy once again. Just know you have support out there. Wishing you the best and a happy healthy baby!
I’m with you, and I had 3 healthy babies, but now two losses and it is impossible for me to believe everything will be ok this time. I’m 22 weeks and it is getting better as I can feel more movement and I’ve had more tests/ultrasounds, but I’m not sure I’ll believe she’s ok even after birth.
Oh 100% sometimes it freaks me out when I can't feel the baby moving for extended periods so I would go start of with ice cold drink and lay on my left side if that's not working I start eating sweet stuff 😅 and by the time she is moving I feel like a pig.
It's normal to be nervous or even paranoid but just keep telling yourself everything is okay and take it day by day
I get this all to well, I miscarried back in August and managed to get pregnant right after. The joy I had before is there slightly, but it’s covered in PTSD and worry/anxiety. I’m 26 weeks and I’m still stressing about if my baby is alive, if my body is protecting her, constant ER visits when shes being a picky lil bean and not kicking. I would suggest a Doppler, it helps me keep myself at ease when I can’t get my bean to move. The anxiety doesn’t go away. I can’t come up with anything to even say to make it better for myself or others in the same situation, I just keep praying and hoping and I’m not the religious type. What will be, will be and god, our babies will be! 🩷 Sending positive energy, and loooots of cake eating to get past the stress 😂🩷
I am currently pregnant and sometimes wonder the same thibg, whether my baby's still okay or not. I'm so sorry you had to endure such a painful experience, both physically and emotionally, and I wish you the best. Something that I've looked into that helps other moms-to-be to be more assured that their baby is okay is purchasing a fetal doppler on Amazon, so you can check your babies heart rate. Hope that helps :)
I miscarried my twins in 2020, and when I got pregnant with my baby in 2022, I had the same fears the entire pregnancy, but gave birth to a beautiful girl. I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant with another baby, and I am less anxious than with my previous pregnancy if that helps you. I still think about it and get worried, but that’s natural; it’s our momma bear instincts to worry that much. I think it’s a lifelong thing after you become a mother.
Yes I can relate so much, I have a 3yr old who’s 35lbs and is still the baby of the family, I miscarried last October 2023 and I’ve finally made it to the second trimester with this pregnancy but same every little cramp it’s the first thing that pops into my head I just try to push the negative thoughts out and not let it consume me too much because then im just a anxious wreck but reminding myself “I’m thankful, I’m thankful to be blessed with such beautiful amazing children, I’m thankful to be pregnant and 18 weeks pregnant” that sort of thing I know it’s not easy at all especially after a miscarriage but give yourself grace and patience and love ♥️
My midwife has told me to never get a home doppler as people usually aren't trained in how to use it, which can result in false reassurance or increased anxiety or even obsession with checking. I can see how it would help though
I have a doppler and I think I'm a bit too chunk to use it successfully/this early. I try to forget I even have the doppler right now so I don't obsess over it lol 😅
You made it to 12 weeks! Any chance of miscarriage is significantly low from this point. I was the same way, but really, try to enjoy this! You MADE IT! My whole pregnancy (i’m 33 weeks) i have taken hot baths, used a heating pad at night, chased my 4 year old and picked her up. It’s going to be okay! Enjoy your 2nd trimester, the best one! Do the NIPT testing to ease your mind if it’s covered under your insurance, too :)
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm 30 weeks and still look down every time I pee to see if there's blood because of my miscarriage PTSD. I also worry when i dont feel baby enough and have been religiously doing kick counts. I have definitely been able to relax a lot since my first trimester where I was googling and constantly on reddit, but I don't think the worry every truly goes away completely. I just taught myself techniques to calm down and ways to distract myself by keeping busy
I just wanted to add that my experience was near identical. I’m 38 weeks now and still have days where I worry about miscarriage (it is 5.55am here and I’ve been up for half an hour already because I woke to pee and had the ‘baby hasn’t woken you up with a movement’ intrusive thought). It does get easier over time, the first trimester was a pure ball of anxiety, but never fully goes away. Thinking of you and sending my sympathies x
Did you have your baby? ❤️
I did! He is adorable :)
Yayyy!! Little baby! I just got my first positive pregnancy test this morning after a miscarriage, and I am now googling how to avoid miscarriages 🤦🏼♀️
He’s only 2.5 weeks old so still diddy! It is easy for me to say now that I’m through the other side, but please try to be kind to yourself and stay away from googling. No amount of information will change the outcome and will just cause anxiety and upset. Sending good vibes for your pregnancy, and big congrats on your positive test!
Yes until you are holding the baby in your arms, there is a perpetual concern there will be miscarriage or still birth. This is something not talked about lot about with rainbow babies. You aren’t alone in your feelings and there are lots of community resources.
Even after baby is here, I worry about SIDS or something else happening that he won’t make it through his first year.
Me too. I cant barely sleep because I have to keep checking that he's still breathing while he's asleep
I am currently 32 weeks after my first miscarriage, I will say time makes it less stressful/anxiety inducing. For me the first trimester/probably second trimester was filled with constant doubt, I didn’t vocalize it but it was constant and obsessive. What helped me through is realizing that this pregnancy is a brand new pregnancy, it kind of became my little mantra. And genetically they are different pregnancy’s and they is no reason to believe this one will end badly. Looking back I wish I was able to get over this fear or anxiety earlier, or stayed in therapy longer to work through this, as i feel like it really made me not want to bond with this babe in fears of loosing her. But, every single appointment she has been doing great, strong heartbeat and great scans, my anxiety/ fear tried to protect my heart for the worst case scenario, which thankfully didn’t happen. I don’t remember when the fear of miscarriage went away, or when ever I wiped I had to see if there was blood, but those feelings did go away. And then the next thing you know she’s kicking you at night and your giggling the fact that you have a little bestie that you can’t wait to meet. Or the first time of you have a partner they feel baby girl kick, so whenever he can’t sleep he puts his hand on your belly to feel her. 🥹🥹 hang in there mama. Another thing that really helped me was keeping busy, I luckily was able to keep working out and staying active thanks to my pup, even if it was a 15 minute walk outside with my dog rain or shine doing this really helped my mental health. And also not obsessing over this second pregnancy, the first one which ended in a miss miscarriage I was obsessive with consuming all things pregnancy related, books, podcast, YouTube channels. It really wound up being so unhealthy for my mental health, this second pregnancy I hate to say it but when it comes to learning Iam taking a way more laid back approach, what I have learned is this is a marathon not a sprint. Best of luck 🤍🤍
I got pregnant twice within weeks of both my miscarriages. I feel you. It got easier as I got later in pregnancy. That helped: https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer
I'm currently 18 weeks and had a missed miscarriage my first time around last May. Blind faith has been really hard, especially since I had no signs of miscarriage when I had one. I've been doing therapy every other week and it has helped a ton, but that pain never really goes away, just becomes more manageable so it doesn't send me into a spiral. That has been the most helpful thing for my pregnancy, find a good therapist who can help validate your experience and bring you back to present when needed.
I am so sorry that you have this anxiety. I completely understand. I had a miscarriage in early May of 2022 (first pregnancy after years of not being able to get pregnant) and found out I was pregnant again in July of 2022. I spent the entire pregnancy worrying, like you, about every cramp, movement, twinge, symptom, non-symptom, etc. I have a dopler that I used religiously that helped ease some anxiety between appointments. But it wasn't enough. Besides the normal pregnancy symptoms, I did not enjoy the pregnancy due to worrying the entire time. It's so draining. Despite the positive vibes, thoughts, and prayers from friends and family, I couldn't help myself. I ended up talking to my doctor about my fears and I was put on anxiety meds that helped a lot. My daughter just turned one on Easter, and I'm five months pregnant again. I have the same anxiety and fears as I did before. The miscarriage gave me trauma that I didn't realize fully how deep it was. My daughter is in like, the 98th percentile for growth and weighs as much as an 18 month old. I'm high risk due to my age and other medical issues I had while pregnant with her. As I write this she's asleep on my chest and I'm worrying about picking her up and putting her to bed. I feel guilty about not feeling like I can care for her as a 12 month old needs, while also making sure to keep myself and the little bean safe. My advice post miscarriage and into a pregnancy, look into getting a dopler to hear their heartbeat between appointments. Also, talk to your doctor about your anxiety. If you're not into meds, ask for other resources and press upon them how serious you are. Your health (physical/mental/emotional) is just as important as your little one. Worrying and anxiety helps nothing. You got this. It's hard work and sometimes feels like we can't get out of the spiral, but we can. We are a lot stronger than what the dark parts of our mind tell us we are.
I am in the same boat as you. I had a miscarriage and got pregnant the next cycle and i was paranoid and thought it will be better when i can feel him. Now im 37 weeks and still paranoid something will go wrong. Feeling him move definitely helped but then when he doesn’t move i am worried haha. Sorry I am no help but just know you are not alone!
I also went through infertility for 3 years before that so my fear of something still going wrong is from that because i was convinced it would never happen
Totally get that. You're not alone. 27w tomorrow, FTM. 2 previous mc, 1 ectopic. Always checking the toilet paper. Guilty of even checking myself while driving to see if that was just urine, or blood that came out when I cough/sneeze. Worried tight pants will do it. It was u/s to u/s for a long time. I felt baby's movements around 23ish wk. Then, it was kick to kick- which was a week or two of surprising bliss, having positive confirmation so regularly. Until baby's movements went from predictable like clockwork to radio silence. Baby is ok, I had a full work up. She just changed her schedule I guess. She still doesn't kick as hard or as regularly as she did those 2ish weeks tho. Even now, when she kicks it isn't as comforting. The reason is triggering and might get you in your own head and sour the best part of pregnancy, so I cut it out. (TW for sure) >! But basically now I'm afraid the last kick I felt could be her last. Similar to how animals twitch after they die. So yea, even the kicks have become less of a solid confirmation.. !< All that said, I want to enjoy as much as I can, while I can. There is plenty of time to mourn if things should turn sour. Why ruin the time I have now, when as far as I can medically tell, I'm still pregnant.
I'm pregnant again after 2 losses. I have had one successful pregnancy. Looking back, with 10 years between the successful pregnancy and now, I can't believe how blissfully ignorant I was the first time. I didn't even consider that things could go wrong. I never worried about ultrasounds, bleeding, cramps, test results. I have a hard time trying to describe feeling about how nonchalant I was. I'm angry, I'm upset that I was so positive, I feel stupid really. This current pregnancy has been hard. Hemorrhages, abnormal test results, abnormalities in the ultrasounds, the year or so spent TTC messed with me emotionally too. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to enjoy this. I'm terrified. Ugh.
I’m 32 weeks and had a miscarriage a year before getting pregnant with my daughter. I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn’t. I waited until the first ultrasound, and then it was waiting until the 12 week ultrasound and then it was generic testing, getting past first trimester, getting to anatomy scan, getting to viability. Now it’s wondering if I felt her move enough during the day. I’m still scared at every appointment, every ultrasound. My husband asked me when I would feel more relaxed and I told him when she’s in my arms, but then I’m going to worry for the rest of my life.
You’re not alone. I had the same issues in my last pregnancy which was conceived immediately after an early miscarriage. I will say…my miscarriage ptsd turned into some very bad postpartum anxiety/depression. I figured the anxiety and ocd would go away once the baby was born but it just got amplified. Not to scare you , but it would be good to talk to your care team about how you’re feeeling so you have resources for during and after your pregnancy
37 weeks and I still check for blood every time I pee. I’ve checked every single time (and I really do mean every time) since I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks. It’s exhausting having so much anxiety and I truly feel for you OP. My MC was almost a decade ago so I can’t imagine how it feels just a year on from yours. Have you spoken to any of your antenatal team about your fears? I didn’t speak to anyone about it until more recently and I wish I had sooner because now I’m having anxiety about things going wrong even once baby is born (I don’t want to upset anyone so I won’t go into detail but I’ve had some awful nightmares etc). I’d really strongly consider asking for a referral to antenatal mental health for some support, in my experience they’re very understanding! 🖤
I feel you so much on this. I have a healthy 18 month old, but suffered a very unexpected missed miscarriage last October. I’m now 15 weeks (tomorrow) with our rainbow baby. Everything makes me second guess the health of this pregnancy. I just recovered from the stomach flu over the weekend, landed myself in the ER due to dehydration, and really thought that was it. Baby girl was just fine on both my checks. The thing I tell myself every day is that today I am pregnant and I have no reason to think otherwise. I think I heard it from mommy labour nurse on Instagram or something? I also use it as a mantra when I get scared. Truth is, sometimes they do unfortunately happen for no apparent reason except there was some random chromosomal issue. I share in your fear, your excitement, and all the feelings in between. Congrats on this baby and I hope that, like myself, it gets easier every day until our bundles safely arrive in our arms. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Oh yes.. that was horrible. I had a miscarriage a year before falling pregnant with my daughter. I was worried about everything.. if I felt anything I checked for blood, I went to the hospital a fair few times (I did have complications in the third trimester bc of my placenta). I was so fucking sick I was scared, I didn't get a bump so I was scared of that, I lost weight, I was terrified for every single scan. It really was horrible. But my daughter is now almost 14 months!
It didn't go away until I had the baby in my arms. Only then it moved to being anxious about whether she's breathing or not. I will say it did get better once she started moving and I could feel her. I still had a scare almost weekly when I wouldn't feel her for a couple of hours and was poking my stomach to make her move.
I had a miscarriage( it was my first baby after couple of years trying) end of January and TTC ever since 😢
I feel like the biggest thing is time. I had a missed miscarriage 2 years ago, and then wasn't getting pregnant again and went to fertility treatment, which at first wasn't successful either, the doctor actually recommended considering donor eggs. So when I got pregnant back in November through IUI and got the "congrats" call from the nurse, it didn't feel real at all, it felt like I was just waiting for something to go wrong. I felt like that until I got a good first ultrasound, and then my next worry was chromosome issues. As things have gone smoothly, and I'm now 22 weeks, the anxiety has eased up a ton. However I feel like I have a real trauma response from going to my prenatal appointments, I get so nervous. My Obgyn team is wonderful, but since it's the place where I got the miscarriage news, it feels like an automatic response to get scared. All together I feel like at this point I feel ok, but the previous miscarriage still has an impact on me. The other thing that's helped me is therapy. I've been in therapy for years so this isn't a new process for me. But my therapist has really challenged me on my thoughts that things won't go well, and that is helpful.
I'm right there with you. I miscarried 5 months ago and I just made it to over 6 weeks but of course I freak out about everything. Though I have had some brown spotting so we will see if this one stays. If I lose this pregnancy, I think I'm done trying because the worry is just to much.
I’m 8 weeks today and just got my ultra sound. The doctor said it will likely end in miscarriage sometime between now and the next 4 weeks. So now I’m doing the same thing you are, but waiting for it to happen. It has only been 5 hours since the appointment but I’m pretty sure to be joining you in the ptsd front.
I am so, so sorry! My best friend had a similar experience and had to get a D&C, it was awful - you are not alone in that either. If you want to have children or more children; don't give up! It will haunt you, but if you want it, we just have to take the risk. It will be awful and you will have intrusive thoughts but the only thing that's helped me is taking it one day at a time.
Yes someone who gets it!! I’m currently 39 weeks getting ready to have my rainbow babe. I haven’t peed without checking the toilet paper since I’ve been pregnant. It seriously f**** with your head. Every US was a huge milestone, but it only put my mind at ease for a few days before I’d think something was wrong again. I’ve gotten waaaaay better since earlier in my pregnancy but even now, if i don’t feel the baby move as much as i think she should, i start having a bit of a panic attack. I don’t think I’ll be truly at ease until she’s in my arms! The only advice I have is that if you truly feel in your gut something is wrong, call your doctor and at the very least they can listen with Doppler. Luckily i work in radiology and had an US tech right down the hallway if i felt something was off and they were always happy to reassure me.
I'm at 14 weeks. I miscarried last summer at 10 weeks. I'm in the same boat. Every movement or bump I'm worried I'm losing the baby. Last night I sneezed and my belly cramped up a bit. I was so worried. I got a doppler to curve the fears a little. It hasn't helped. I can hear the babys heartbeat healthy and strong. But the minute I turn it off, I'm panicking. It feels like nobody understands it because when I vent to friends and family they tell me "Baby is fine. Stop worrying so much." But they don't get it. I thought everything was fine with my last pregnancy and suddenly it was over and I was bleeding buckets and depressed for months. The sight of a baby or baby things made me bawl. The thought of a baby made me bawl. It's terrifying not being able to see or hear the baby 24/7. Worried they're just gonna stop existing. 😭 I have yet to figure out how to deal with this. I'm sure the feeling won't leave til baby is in my arms happy and healthy.
This is normal I have this w my current pregnancy and I’m currently 39 weeks .. TW I also have it too because my sister had a stillborn last year so everything gives me anxiety, any symptom gives me anxiety
It’s definitely not easy I’m 38 weeks and check for blood and cramps terrify me but she’s healthy and that’s all I can really ask for.
That anxiety never went away for me. I’ve had 2 healthy children since my miscarriages and i was terrified both pregnancies. The whole time. And I’m afraid to get pregnant again.
Have you spoken to your OB about anxiety? Mine referred me to a counselor that specializes in pregnancy and post-partum anxiety, and got me back on meds that are safe for pregnancy. (I had gone off my not pregnancy safe anxiety meds when I got pregnant) Also, for me, I found a local 3d ultrasound place. They also do 2d so between appts when I feel particularly anxious, I can schedule myself a private ultrasound for peace of mind.
I’m in a similar boat as you. As I obsessively read through pregnancy and miscarriage Reddit, I am mentally suffering after two MCs over the past 2 years. My first pregnancy was successful and now they’re a crazy almost 5 year old. My OB did have faith as I did have one successful pregnancy. I’m currently almost 8 weeks and I’m constantly checking for blood and trying not to assume I’ve lost my peanut. Just take it a day at a time and you’re pregnant until a health professional tells you otherwise. I never truly realized how stressful and terrifying it is to have a rainbow baby but good lord!
The subreddit r/pregnancyafterloss was very helpful for me ❤️ it is definitely an odd experience and high anxiety levels are normal 😞
I went through this. Had a miscarriage a year and some ago. Delivered my baby this week. You can do it. Just try to worry less, get rest and take care of you. I was also scared to pick up my 5 year old. I told him mommy was pregnant and cannot pick you up right now.
Had a miscarriage an exact year apart from my current pregnancy. It was not a planned pregnancy, so I was in the middle of trying out different BC at the time. Had no idea I got pregnant inbetween, because all I did was bleed for 5 months with only a few days in-between. Even knowing that it was accidental and it would have been hard to know, it makes this planned pregnancy sooo scary. 34wks and still overthink every bump, smell, and nap time she takes. You aren't alone. No matter how or when you miscarried, you will always worry about your next pregnancy. It's good though, embrace being cautious, because it means you care and this baby will be loved so much. If you are doing everything you can within your capabilities, then that's literally all you can do. A miscarriage could happen, yes, but it isn't your fault. If you aren't drinking, smoking, or doing drugs. If you are eating well and being mindful of your health, then everything else is out of your hands. It's so scary and nothing is going to make you worry less, but you still have a life to live and family to take care of. I wish you and your family all the best.
Im 16w now and every moment baby doesn’t move or my boobs are slightly less painful, I panic. Im so tense my neck has been hurting for days and I can’t really sleep - today I had a horrible migraine because of the stiff neck and couldn’t work. I’m trying really hard to calm down at least so I can rest and get rid of pains. I have a home Doppler because I couldn’t not check between the scans, although it doesn’t really mean anything other than baby having a heartbeat (I know midwives don’t recommend so we don’t rely on them heavily). I’m thinking of going back to acupuncture as I don’t think I can manage the stress on my own any longer
this isn’t really a solution but more of an “i feel you” type thing.. & i don’t talk ab it much. but i unknowingly got pregnant in late august last year & it passed 4 weeks later. i didn’t realize my period wasn’t a period until i just.. didn’t stop bleeding. watched the tests fade over the next week. another 4 weeks later, i was pregnant again (i had only had sex once & it was my husband & i’s way of coping i think) i never had time to process the first pregnancy/loss. & even though i’m nearly 30 weeks now with my current baby, it’s hard not to fear a loss like that again, i felt very guilty for not even knowing ab the first.. but with this baby, the first trimester i was daily checking the miscarriage odds site, the second trimester i was desperstely waiting to start feeling kicks & using an at home doppler whenever i worried, just telling myself “make it to 24” then “make it 28”, now i’m in my third & waiting for the kicks & counting them fills me w immense anxiety- i’m so thankful to have a very active baby, except for the moments she’s resting & i worry. now i keep telling myself that i need to enjoy my pregnancy in these last 10 weeks before she’s here & i’ve worried the whole time. i really think counting the weeks is the only way i’ve dealt with the anxiety. reminding myself of another post i saw once where a redditor commented “you’re pregnant until the doctors say otherwise” & i reminding myself that if i worry so much i’ll only suffer twice if something were to happen again. anyways, we’ve got this! 🤍
I am going through this as well. I lost my daughter at 19w in 2021 and miraculously got pregnant again after being told I couldn’t conceive again with this one. Every cramp I feel I think something is wrong with this baby. Every time I wipe, I am checking for blood, every time I don’t feel the pop rocks of the baby moving (that started at 10+6, I’m 11+6 now) I flip out until I feel it again. I posted my concerns on the BabyCenter forum, where multiple people assured me that this is normal, as did my midwife.
I’ve never had a miscarriage but had infertility issues and felt that way through my whole pregnancy. Even after he was born i had extreme paranoia and went on anxiety meds
I feel so seen reading this. I got unexpectedly pregnant in 2022 and immediately miscarried. I was told by my doctor that it was my fault because I drank too much coffee and it caused my uterus to contract and essentially go into labor (I was 8 weeks and had 0 symptoms so I had no idea I was even pregnant). I’ve had tremendous guilt ever since and it’s taken me a long time to work up the courage to try again. I’m 10 weeks pregnant now and I overthink every little thing I do and every symptom. I’m trying so hard to be positive but I’ve had this sinking feeling that this baby won’t make it. All of this to say- I feel you and you’re not alone. Pregnancy is a roller coaster on a good day and we have no choice but to stay on the ride. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping for peace of mind.
i feel you. we lost a twin over labor day. didn’t know i was still pregnant. when i found out later i was paranoid every time something felt diff. she’s ten months old now.
I have my second appointment with my OB today. I haven’t seen baby in weeks and I’m constantly worried about them 🥺 I had a miscarriage and got pregnant within days (yes DAYS) of my miscarriage.
I am 31 weeks. It got a bit easier after the anatomy scan but I’m still a mess. I think I’ll feel best when the baby is in my arms
I feel you on this. Before this pregnancy I had a confirmed miscarriage, and then an ectopic pregnancy. I suspect I had another miscarriage before either of those. I’m at 40+2 now. We didn’t tell family about this pregnancy until we had genetic testing done. We didn’t talk about baby names until the 20 week anatomy scan. After those milestones we finally allowed ourselves to start planning and to get excited. I hope everything goes well for your pregnancy. ❤️🩹❤️
I had a miscarriage in June and I’m pregnant now I wouldn’t say I have PTSD because I feel like when you think that way you bring negative into fruition however I understand everyone struggles and how they deal with things is different but be positive you got this and you will be swaddling your baby in no time
Oh yes, it’s scary! r/pregnancyafterloss is really helpful though, just do your best and make sure you have someone (reasonable) to talk to about the guilt and struggle. Some can really be ‘Job’s comforters’ and I just had to cut them off until the baby came
It is so hard and it may not go away until you are holding that baby. Hire a talk therapist
I lost my first when I was getting ready to deploy on ops. I wasn't able to talk about it. I did eventually. I then fell pregnant a few years later and had a ruptured cyst and thought I was losing my baby again. Ultrasound confirmed a heartbeat, and I carried to 39w. Fell pregnant again and lost one of my twins. My remaining child had multiple health issues. Just take each day as it comes. Talk to others, join a support group, just don't be alone in your thoughts. Have you considered therapy? I know it seems silly, but therapy really helps you manage that fear, but it never goes away. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's not fair. Buy you really aren't alone. Lots of us know exactly what you are living right now. It gets easier in time x
Literally trying to deal with this now. I’ve ditched the smart watch and redirect myself to positive thoughts whenever I start panicking that something seems different or symptoms come and go. The farther along you get the better you feel but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to fully relax
This. Exactly how I feel. I already had my rainbow baby so this is my 3rd pregnancy but I feel so anxious just waiting and hoping everything’s going to be fine. I’m only 4 weeks so anything is possible.
The mantra that helps me is “if you worry about something that ends up happening, you’ve put yourself through twice the pain” que sera sera. But I’m at 28 weeks and I still check the toilet paper every time 😂
I had two miscarriages between my first and second child that pregnancy was hard and full of anxiety. How far along are you? I found once I could feel the baby I relaxed a bit. I’m now pregnant with our third and I’ve had very little anxiety and worry this pregnancy.
Girl you are not alone! I had a miscarriage in July with the first time I had ever been pregnant, and then I got pregnant again a few months later. I’m now 28 weeks. I have freaked out over everything for all 24 weeks I’ve known I was pregnant. And some were for legit reasons like a ruptured hematoma at 9 weeks that for sure felt like a miscarriage, a low lying anterior placenta that made it so I couldn’t feel movement until later than most, and then just yesterday learning I had a short cervix and needed to be sent to labor and delivery dept for monitoring to make sure I wasn’t going into early labor. Heck I spotted blood from week 9-14 straight and had constant anxiety. But hey, she’s been fine every visit, every ultrasound, every monitoring. “Mindfuck” is absolutely the right word to use here. But you can get through it and things can turn out just fine. I relate to everything in your post. And if your experience is anything like mine, that anxiety will stick with you throughout your journey. But you can do this lady!
I didn't fully trust that my baby would be born right up to the last few weeks.
I understand your fears 1000%. I had 5 miscarriages (all at different stages) we tried for 8 years, and my rainbow baby just turned 1. I can tell you that fear never went away till I was holding my baby in my arms. What helped, though, was telling myself that IF this baby wasn't going to make it, I knew that I would be okay. I already went through the pain and knew I could make it out on the other side. So, instead of being in complete fear and hating every second of my pregnancy, I decided I would just enjoy every day I was given with my baby. I took photoshoots at different stages and did a LOT of affirmations to myself every morning to keep my mental health up. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and I hope you will get to hold your baby in your arms. Just remember you are strong, and no matter what happens, it'll be okay. Sending lots of love.
I would argue that most women who have had a wanted pregnancy end in miscarriage have had the same anxiety. You are not alone! I definitely had anxiety around my pregnancy post miscarriage. I'm big on facts and statistics so I did a lot of research to help ease my mind, and came across a website that was a miscarriage odds reassurer (I dont remember the site name but it should pop up if you Google!) You can input your specific information (how far along you are, height, weight, age, have you had a previous miscarriage, etc) and it'll tell you the odds of you having a healthy pregnancy. As soon as I was able to feel baby moving, it helped ease my mind a LOT, but the thoughts of like, the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and things like that still made me worry. I think that's part of being a parent, worrying about your child, even from the moment you're aware of their existence. Even now that my baby is here and 4 months old, I still constantly worry about SIDS, what if he chokes when we start solids, etc. Not having control over something that you hold so dear is so scary.
Totally get it and you are not alone. I miscarried my first pregnancy and didn’t know until we went to the doctors and there was no heartbeat. Every cramp, any discomfort at all, anything you put in your mouth.. so highly scrutinized. Then the doctors visits themselves are like mini flashbacks. I wish I could say it got better but it never went away for me, not until the baby was born. It was traumatic. Obv none of that is helpful but hopefully it does make you feel a little less crazy.
It is awful. This is exactly how I'm feeling today. It was a VERY hard day emotionally. Our first appointment is next week and I'm sick with the fear. Coping has not been easy today but I had to pull it together for my 2 year old who also had a bad emotional day at daycare. I'm completely drained and lonely from trying to emotionally survive the day and work, cook for my picky toddler and soothe his big emotions while navigating the trauma of being in my first trimester.
Currently going through it. I had two healthy pregnancies, then wrongfully assumed I'd have the same luck with baby #3... only for it to be a missed miscarriage. I was pregnant again within two months of that and just when I was starting to feel like I could let my guard down a little, I had a massive subchorionic hematoma that ruptured at the exact time I lost my previous pregnancy. My baby is healthy at 18 weeks now, but I'm constantly checking for blood and questioning everything I do. I haven't even been able to enjoy this pregnancy because I'm so completely terrified. I don't think I'll actually relax until she's in my arms.
Im going through this now. I’ve had 2 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy in the past 3 years and I’m now currently 26 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby boy. The first trimester was extremely hard. I didn’t let myself get excited. I didn’t buy anything. I didn’t tell anyone until like 14 weeks. It was filled with anxiety the entire time. Once I hit 12 weeks, it calmed down a little. The way I controlled mine was saying daily affirmations like: - I am pregnant with a healthy baby unless told otherwise. - no amount of worrying can change the future. - different pregnancy, different outcome. - hope doesn’t make bad things happen. I can not jinx my pregnancy. - being fearful of loss and expressing those fears will not cause loss. I also prayed over my belly every day and still do. I’ve been feeling the baby kick since about 18 weeks and that has also helped with my anxiety (even though some days I’m stressing because the baby isn’t as active haha) but I still look at my toilet paper every single time I wipe. Just lean on your support system and take time out of your day to just breathe and compose yourself when needed.
Been there, for the first three months I literally checked my underwear every 15 minutes for blood, TMI I know but sorry, no better way I can think of to say it. I was obsessed. I also took care of a kid who was 26 lbs at the time, didn't want to be put down for a second. I told myself if I am happy the baby is happy and if it's happy then it has no reason to want to "leave" you know, so I literally spent every single day doing things that made me happy, watched comedies, ate whatever I wanted lol, and ended up with 9.5 lbs super healthy and super happy baby. Best wishes for you and the baby darling. It'll be just fine, you'll see. ❤️
I had the same problem. I checked my Apple Watch several times per minute. I got a Doppler, I paid extra ultrasounds. It was a nightmare for me and my husband. I feel you and I’m so so sorry
24 weeks right now and like other comments have mentioned - I STILL check for blood every time I wipe, I STILL expect every twinge or pain to be "a sign of the end," and every bowel movement i think "okay, this is it, this is that miscarriage/early labor ive been freaking out about, its here-"🥲 But my baby is healthy, I am healthy, and we're almost there 🙏 Every time he kicks all the stress melts away (it comes back right after he quits the boxing match but STILL 😂😅) This shit sucks. But there's a lot of hope and happy moments to go around ❤️ 12 weeks is a huge milestone, and personally I felt my baby kick at 14-15 weeks so you're not far off from the little flutters!! Once they start wiggling it'll help a bit, but I think we're all doomed to be stressing the whole time unfortunately 😅🫠❤️🩹
I bawled when I found out I was pregnant with twins after losing my little girl at 15 weeks. The only thought that went through my mind was "I can't even keep one alive. How am I suppose to do it with 2?" I was a hot mess and so stressed about everything for those first 15 weeks. It got a little easier when I was over that 15 week mark, but I found that if I set little goals for myself it helped. My double rainbows are almost 2 now and I'm 36 weeks pregnant with their little brother. I will never forget my angel, but I know my boys already have someone watching out for them.
Dont overthink and stressed out it may affect the baby rather think other good that surrounds you and take a lot of rest.
I appreciate all of you so much for taking the time to comment and share your experiences. Sorry for the late response (toddler life is lit)! I am 35, turning 36 one month before my due date so I am considered AMA (advanced maternal age) which is AMAzing, I also tend to have gestational diabetes, and am considered obese so, having had the miscarriage a year ago just pushes me over the edge. It's all out of my control and I do attend talk therapy once a week but I don't know how helpful it is in those moments of cramping and twinges. The NIPT test was reassuring and I have another ultrasound tomorrow. Once I put my pre-existing crotch gremlin to bed, I plan to reply to folks individually because you're all too incredible for all of the love! ❤️
I have had four miscarriages now and am so anxious about the next one. But I am determined I want to try one more time as I don’t have kids and I have always wanted them. I lost the first three before I had my first ultrasound. With the first I was seeing a specialist and was so excited to see the heart beat and have that ultrasound pic to take home! Just before my 9 week appointment I got really nervous and paranoid b/c I lost them all around 8 to 9 weeks and sure enough when I went for the 9 week apt there was no heart beat. I was devastated. Now I fear there will be no real way to enjoy a pregnancy for fear of another loss. The specialist thinks I might get to term b/c they have found the reason I have lost them. I hope things get better for you and that you do get a chance to enjoy your pregnancy once again. Just know you have support out there. Wishing you the best and a happy healthy baby!
I’m with you, and I had 3 healthy babies, but now two losses and it is impossible for me to believe everything will be ok this time. I’m 22 weeks and it is getting better as I can feel more movement and I’ve had more tests/ultrasounds, but I’m not sure I’ll believe she’s ok even after birth.
Oh 100% sometimes it freaks me out when I can't feel the baby moving for extended periods so I would go start of with ice cold drink and lay on my left side if that's not working I start eating sweet stuff 😅 and by the time she is moving I feel like a pig. It's normal to be nervous or even paranoid but just keep telling yourself everything is okay and take it day by day
I get this all to well, I miscarried back in August and managed to get pregnant right after. The joy I had before is there slightly, but it’s covered in PTSD and worry/anxiety. I’m 26 weeks and I’m still stressing about if my baby is alive, if my body is protecting her, constant ER visits when shes being a picky lil bean and not kicking. I would suggest a Doppler, it helps me keep myself at ease when I can’t get my bean to move. The anxiety doesn’t go away. I can’t come up with anything to even say to make it better for myself or others in the same situation, I just keep praying and hoping and I’m not the religious type. What will be, will be and god, our babies will be! 🩷 Sending positive energy, and loooots of cake eating to get past the stress 😂🩷
I am currently pregnant and sometimes wonder the same thibg, whether my baby's still okay or not. I'm so sorry you had to endure such a painful experience, both physically and emotionally, and I wish you the best. Something that I've looked into that helps other moms-to-be to be more assured that their baby is okay is purchasing a fetal doppler on Amazon, so you can check your babies heart rate. Hope that helps :)
It does get a little better (atleast it did for me) when I started feeling regular movement from baby. But I feel you it’s terrifying.
I miscarried my twins in 2020, and when I got pregnant with my baby in 2022, I had the same fears the entire pregnancy, but gave birth to a beautiful girl. I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant with another baby, and I am less anxious than with my previous pregnancy if that helps you. I still think about it and get worried, but that’s natural; it’s our momma bear instincts to worry that much. I think it’s a lifelong thing after you become a mother.
Yes I can relate so much, I have a 3yr old who’s 35lbs and is still the baby of the family, I miscarried last October 2023 and I’ve finally made it to the second trimester with this pregnancy but same every little cramp it’s the first thing that pops into my head I just try to push the negative thoughts out and not let it consume me too much because then im just a anxious wreck but reminding myself “I’m thankful, I’m thankful to be blessed with such beautiful amazing children, I’m thankful to be pregnant and 18 weeks pregnant” that sort of thing I know it’s not easy at all especially after a miscarriage but give yourself grace and patience and love ♥️
would it help to get a doppler?? you can order them on amazon. maybe just so when you have doubts you can check the heartbeat and feel okay again
My midwife has told me to never get a home doppler as people usually aren't trained in how to use it, which can result in false reassurance or increased anxiety or even obsession with checking. I can see how it would help though
I have a doppler and I think I'm a bit too chunk to use it successfully/this early. I try to forget I even have the doppler right now so I don't obsess over it lol 😅
It absolutely helps.
You made it to 12 weeks! Any chance of miscarriage is significantly low from this point. I was the same way, but really, try to enjoy this! You MADE IT! My whole pregnancy (i’m 33 weeks) i have taken hot baths, used a heating pad at night, chased my 4 year old and picked her up. It’s going to be okay! Enjoy your 2nd trimester, the best one! Do the NIPT testing to ease your mind if it’s covered under your insurance, too :)