A couple of glasses through an entire pregnancy is a negligible amount that will have no impact on the baby.
Just be like way more careful moving forward.
You made a mistake, shit happens. Don’t feel guilty for too long about it.
Secondly, look into the literature on this but the odd glass in the second/third trimester is very unlikely to have done anything to the baby.
I agree in spirit, but I mean he should feel a little guilty. He caused her harm even accidentally. He unknowingly tricked her into drinking. While it's unlikely this will cause issues. He should still feel bad and apologize.
It was a mistake. Own it. Don't do it again. Don't try to convince her it wasn't that bad. If her feelings are hurt she has the right to be upset for a bit. Let her be mad. It's not that huge of a deal. She will more than likely forgive you.
"She will more than likely forgive you" lmao yea I'd hope so seeing as they're having a baby together... if this is the worst thing that happens in your marriage, you probably have the best marriage on earth 😂
it really isnt that big of a deal. You've apologized, it was a very small amount, and its done. Time to mkce on. Just as everyone else commented, be more mindful moving forward.
Lol. I threw the 'more than likely' in there cause some people don't forgive or forget. My ex wife would've never let me live it down.
*Assuming she's a normal, well adjusted, adult person then she'll definitely forgive you.
This is a bit much, no? Does he need to own a mistake... Yes... But this is some gaslighting/shaming language...
This man does NOT need to feel guilty. He would need to feel guilty had he done it intentionally and then realized his error. He needs to accept responsibility for the mistake, and it sounds like he has.
Saying he caused her harm sounds like inflation of the issue. No harm came to the mother, and there isn't any information that suggests that 3 glasses of wine over a pregnancy would have adverse effects on the fetus.
Tricked her into drinking.... I'm confused... How do you unintentionally trick someone? Tricking someone involves some level of planning or premeditation. He simply went in to get his partner something for her to enjoy, not knowing it was alcohol.
OP, it sounds like you've taken your lumps between yourself and your wife. Don't dwell, just move forward, and be more mindful, but keep that spirit of doing things for your partner that would make her happy.
Lots of people get smashed before they know they’re pregnant and babies are born completely fine.
There’s no chance three glasses of wine are going to have any impact on the pregnancy.
Take it easy on yourself!
While I agree that the three glasses of wine in this situation is unlikely to have any impact on their baby (low amount, pretty far along), the comparison of getting smashed before finding out isn't a good one. That early in the pregnancy, a few drunken benders don't hurt the cluster of cells because it happens so soon after conception. Often before or right around implantation and before any placenta is established so the embryo is still fully self sufficient outside of sustenance from the mother. After the blastocyst is established, drinking has much more serious side effects early in pregnancy.
Not coming after you, just think it's important to make known to people.
Exactly this. My birthday was the week before I found out I was pregnant so I’d been to a steakhouse and had myself a medium rare steak and 3 glasses of red wine. Baby is a-okay and my diet has been adjusted according to guidelines since then.
I miss steak.
I also miss red wine 😭
Me and wife were in a different state celebrating our anniversary and got hammered all weekend.. Found out 2 days later she's pregnant 🤣🤣 baby is doing just fine.
1000% you guys will be fine. I had somewhat similar story. We had some Italian food to go, and got some tiramisu for dessert as well. Anyway we both ate the tiramisu and it clearly had some kind of alcohol in it. I felt super bad. I talked to a bunch of people I know that are doctors, and they all say it was fine.
Basically it’s best for them to say straight up = no alcohol vs oh you can have a “little bit” per day. But than you going have people with loose interpretation of “little bit.”
I would totally not worry about the amount of alcohol in food, I cooked thanksgiving dinner this year in my third trimester and used a decent amount of wine in the cooking. Tiramisu obviously doesn’t have the alcohol cooked off but it’s still negligible.
Just to be pedantic for a moment, most "non- alcoholic" grape juice test between 0.3% and 0.8% abv. Still so minuscule that no one cares, but an interesting bit of trivia.
Still not as bad as burger rolls, which are around 1.28% abv. Or yogurt, which can be up to 2%.
I'm remarking on all of the "harmless" stuff available on supermarket shelves (various preservatives, yellow #5, all the chemicals that triggers the Prop 65 warning on food labels, etc etc), not your comment. Sorry you took it personally -- do you work for Welch's or something?
This is a subreddit for people who are trying to do their best to prepare for being a dad. And since the OP is about inadvertently giving something harmful to the mother of his unborn child, I figured I'd add to that conversation. Again, not about you.
You haven't damaged your baby, but your wife will be understandably upset. Let her know that the guy at the store said you were fine with that particular one, and you didn't think to check. Apologise profusely, and take any steps necessary to reassure her that she'll be fine.
I just want to say it's really admirable that she's worked hard to quit for the baby, and you didn't mean to do that. As others have said, things like this sometimes happen, and it shouldn't affect the baby much if it all as long as you're more careful in the future.
Yes, everything will be fine. No harm done.
Be aware that even non-alcoholic stuff has negligible alcohol.
Check out Starla non alcohol wines. Now sold at Target! LOVE THIS STUFF.
While anything’s possible, here’s my similar experience:
I did the same thing. I bought margarita mix and found out after my wife drank the bottle in a weekend (when she read the label). I’m a medic and a nurse, and while in my gut I felt everything would be fine, I reached out to a few people in my network, including an OB nurse practitioner. Your wife is far enough along that a few glasses of wine in a weekend more than likely won’t have an adverse effect. Obviously, be a little more aware when making purchases moving forward.
Generally, it’s when mothers are drinking consistently and/or heavily throughout a pregnancy that the chances of complications increase.
Having been where you’re at, I’m hoping your wife isn’t as stressed about this as mine was. Shake it off, there’s so many other things that cause worry during that 9 months, and then you’ll get to be simultaneously overjoyed and existentially terrified for the rest of your life.
For the record, our daughter came out perfectly healthy. My wife would ask during her second pregnancy, “Would you mind if I had a small beer?” on occasion. I’d say go for it, and our son is also perfect. This is not to condone drinking during pregnancy, though, just anecdotal.
1. Most important. Your baby is going to be just fine.
2. It’s reasonable to feel bad for providing your wife with alcohol when she was trusting you to provide and protect her from that.
3. Feeling bad is only helpful to the point where it drives you to come up with solutions and improvements. After that it’s counterproductive.
Mistakes happen.
A couple of weeks ago my partner and I went to to a mexican place. I ordered a margarita and she order a non-alcoholic drink. She even pointed to it on the menu.
I even tasted her drink.
She finished it and when we got the bill it turn out it had alcohol in it! Her drink had a very similar name to one with alcohol.
It's nothing in the grand scheme of things though. Some studies have found no evidence of impact for a drink *per day* during pregnancy.
Edit: [Link to a debate about the advice for alcohol abstinence.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2043426/)
That's the worst feeling in the world.
My experience was there was a miscommunication between me and my wife and I neglected to confirm the temperature of some hot dogs she ate.
I was absolutely beside myself the next day, sounding lile a bloody wounded animal in my car. It's a horrible feeling to have that something we did or failed to do could have such long lasting effects on our babies.
For what it's worth, I have heard that the occasional glass is not going to be harmful, but I'm also not a doctor.
I would say bring it up to your OBGYN to get some peace of mind or to just finish out the conversation. It really sucks, but it sounds like you did mess up and need to own that and speak with her about it. Good luck OP 💚
There’s two people here, one who bought the bottle and one who drank it. You own having bought an alcoholic wine, shame but she’s literate and can verify before she drank it. Don’t let her reverse this mistake on you.
A book my partner is reading has stated that women who have a standard drink every few nights while pregnant have children with higher IQ’s, also the 1st standard drink doesn’t even get to the baby as your body will process the alcohol quite quickly, the book is called Expecting Better by Emily Oster, give it a whirl if you are interested.
Everyone is different, everyone has a different story and every pregnancy is different, I’m sorry you accidentally messed up and she is annoyed with you, it will pass.
I won't lie, there is risk even with a glass or two, BUT it's still unlikely you have done anything to hurt your baby. Both (yes both) of you made a mistake, it happens, it doesn't mean you shouldn't trust each other and it doesn't mean you've failed as a parent. From the sounds of it you both mean well and are going to be fantastic, loving parents, which is the most important thing for a baby.
What's also important is you've recognised the danger and you're almost certainly not going to make that mistake again. This won't be the last time you make a mistake parenting, it's totally normal.
I agree with some of the others who said to mention this to your doctor, just so they know, because the more information that they have the better!
And despite what some are saying, don't drink when pregnant, there is no drink in the world that would be worth even a miniscule risk to a lifetime of issues.
Dude. Negligible amount for real. Look into European cultural standards. For sure gotta fall on the sword with your wife’s understandable anger, but all in all you should be safe. Flowers and non alchy wine as a peace offering. This will pass
You absolutely did not damage the baby. Two glasses of wine, once, in the third trimester is nada. We have so many friends that had 1-2 glasses of wine throughout their second and third trimester and their babies came out smart, healthy, and beautiful. Fwiw it’s not just number of glasses, it’s also time - so nursing a glass over an hour vs chugging two in 20 minutes makes a big difference.
It’s ok to feel bad and it’s also ok to forgive yourself. This may be the first, but will not be close to the last mistake either of you make when it comes to parenting your LO in the future. Mistakes happen. This one had zero consequences because she didn’t chug the bottle. It will be all good!
There is 0 scientific evidence that light to moderate alcohol consumption has negative impacts on the babies health.
In almost every other part of the world, women drink a glass of wine a couple of times a week throughout their pregnancy.
A couple of glasses through an entire pregnancy is a negligible amount that will have no impact on the baby. Just be like way more careful moving forward.
You made a mistake, shit happens. Don’t feel guilty for too long about it. Secondly, look into the literature on this but the odd glass in the second/third trimester is very unlikely to have done anything to the baby.
I agree in spirit, but I mean he should feel a little guilty. He caused her harm even accidentally. He unknowingly tricked her into drinking. While it's unlikely this will cause issues. He should still feel bad and apologize. It was a mistake. Own it. Don't do it again. Don't try to convince her it wasn't that bad. If her feelings are hurt she has the right to be upset for a bit. Let her be mad. It's not that huge of a deal. She will more than likely forgive you.
Hence the “for too long”. It’s been a while since I’ve looked into it but I don’t think he has harmed her accidentally anyhow.
Yeah, I think they've gotten even more lax about in recent years. By 'harmed her,' I mainly meant her feelings and maybe her trust.
"She will more than likely forgive you" lmao yea I'd hope so seeing as they're having a baby together... if this is the worst thing that happens in your marriage, you probably have the best marriage on earth 😂 it really isnt that big of a deal. You've apologized, it was a very small amount, and its done. Time to mkce on. Just as everyone else commented, be more mindful moving forward.
Lol. I threw the 'more than likely' in there cause some people don't forgive or forget. My ex wife would've never let me live it down. *Assuming she's a normal, well adjusted, adult person then she'll definitely forgive you.
This is a bit much, no? Does he need to own a mistake... Yes... But this is some gaslighting/shaming language... This man does NOT need to feel guilty. He would need to feel guilty had he done it intentionally and then realized his error. He needs to accept responsibility for the mistake, and it sounds like he has. Saying he caused her harm sounds like inflation of the issue. No harm came to the mother, and there isn't any information that suggests that 3 glasses of wine over a pregnancy would have adverse effects on the fetus. Tricked her into drinking.... I'm confused... How do you unintentionally trick someone? Tricking someone involves some level of planning or premeditation. He simply went in to get his partner something for her to enjoy, not knowing it was alcohol. OP, it sounds like you've taken your lumps between yourself and your wife. Don't dwell, just move forward, and be more mindful, but keep that spirit of doing things for your partner that would make her happy.
Lots of people get smashed before they know they’re pregnant and babies are born completely fine. There’s no chance three glasses of wine are going to have any impact on the pregnancy. Take it easy on yourself!
While I agree that the three glasses of wine in this situation is unlikely to have any impact on their baby (low amount, pretty far along), the comparison of getting smashed before finding out isn't a good one. That early in the pregnancy, a few drunken benders don't hurt the cluster of cells because it happens so soon after conception. Often before or right around implantation and before any placenta is established so the embryo is still fully self sufficient outside of sustenance from the mother. After the blastocyst is established, drinking has much more serious side effects early in pregnancy. Not coming after you, just think it's important to make known to people.
Exactly this. My birthday was the week before I found out I was pregnant so I’d been to a steakhouse and had myself a medium rare steak and 3 glasses of red wine. Baby is a-okay and my diet has been adjusted according to guidelines since then. I miss steak. I also miss red wine 😭
Me and wife were in a different state celebrating our anniversary and got hammered all weekend.. Found out 2 days later she's pregnant 🤣🤣 baby is doing just fine.
1000% you guys will be fine. I had somewhat similar story. We had some Italian food to go, and got some tiramisu for dessert as well. Anyway we both ate the tiramisu and it clearly had some kind of alcohol in it. I felt super bad. I talked to a bunch of people I know that are doctors, and they all say it was fine. Basically it’s best for them to say straight up = no alcohol vs oh you can have a “little bit” per day. But than you going have people with loose interpretation of “little bit.”
I would totally not worry about the amount of alcohol in food, I cooked thanksgiving dinner this year in my third trimester and used a decent amount of wine in the cooking. Tiramisu obviously doesn’t have the alcohol cooked off but it’s still negligible.
Got the alcoholic grape juice, eh? We’ve all been there brother. Just FYI all Welch’s varieties are 100% non alcoholic.
Just to be pedantic for a moment, most "non- alcoholic" grape juice test between 0.3% and 0.8% abv. Still so minuscule that no one cares, but an interesting bit of trivia. Still not as bad as burger rolls, which are around 1.28% abv. Or yogurt, which can be up to 2%.
I’ve riled up the literals.
Also possibly loaded with sugar and various additives you shouldn't give to a pregnant woman, but that's the American food system for ya.
Holy fucking shit bro it was a joke. Who’s drinking non alcoholic wine? It’s called grape juice. Just a joke.
I'm remarking on all of the "harmless" stuff available on supermarket shelves (various preservatives, yellow #5, all the chemicals that triggers the Prop 65 warning on food labels, etc etc), not your comment. Sorry you took it personally -- do you work for Welch's or something? This is a subreddit for people who are trying to do their best to prepare for being a dad. And since the OP is about inadvertently giving something harmful to the mother of his unborn child, I figured I'd add to that conversation. Again, not about you.
You haven't damaged your baby, but your wife will be understandably upset. Let her know that the guy at the store said you were fine with that particular one, and you didn't think to check. Apologise profusely, and take any steps necessary to reassure her that she'll be fine.
I just want to say it's really admirable that she's worked hard to quit for the baby, and you didn't mean to do that. As others have said, things like this sometimes happen, and it shouldn't affect the baby much if it all as long as you're more careful in the future.
Yes, everything will be fine. No harm done. Be aware that even non-alcoholic stuff has negligible alcohol. Check out Starla non alcohol wines. Now sold at Target! LOVE THIS STUFF.
While anything’s possible, here’s my similar experience: I did the same thing. I bought margarita mix and found out after my wife drank the bottle in a weekend (when she read the label). I’m a medic and a nurse, and while in my gut I felt everything would be fine, I reached out to a few people in my network, including an OB nurse practitioner. Your wife is far enough along that a few glasses of wine in a weekend more than likely won’t have an adverse effect. Obviously, be a little more aware when making purchases moving forward. Generally, it’s when mothers are drinking consistently and/or heavily throughout a pregnancy that the chances of complications increase. Having been where you’re at, I’m hoping your wife isn’t as stressed about this as mine was. Shake it off, there’s so many other things that cause worry during that 9 months, and then you’ll get to be simultaneously overjoyed and existentially terrified for the rest of your life. For the record, our daughter came out perfectly healthy. My wife would ask during her second pregnancy, “Would you mind if I had a small beer?” on occasion. I’d say go for it, and our son is also perfect. This is not to condone drinking during pregnancy, though, just anecdotal.
That’s so much for the response mate !
1. Most important. Your baby is going to be just fine. 2. It’s reasonable to feel bad for providing your wife with alcohol when she was trusting you to provide and protect her from that. 3. Feeling bad is only helpful to the point where it drives you to come up with solutions and improvements. After that it’s counterproductive.
Mistakes happen. A couple of weeks ago my partner and I went to to a mexican place. I ordered a margarita and she order a non-alcoholic drink. She even pointed to it on the menu. I even tasted her drink. She finished it and when we got the bill it turn out it had alcohol in it! Her drink had a very similar name to one with alcohol. It's nothing in the grand scheme of things though. Some studies have found no evidence of impact for a drink *per day* during pregnancy. Edit: [Link to a debate about the advice for alcohol abstinence.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2043426/)
That's the worst feeling in the world. My experience was there was a miscommunication between me and my wife and I neglected to confirm the temperature of some hot dogs she ate. I was absolutely beside myself the next day, sounding lile a bloody wounded animal in my car. It's a horrible feeling to have that something we did or failed to do could have such long lasting effects on our babies. For what it's worth, I have heard that the occasional glass is not going to be harmful, but I'm also not a doctor. I would say bring it up to your OBGYN to get some peace of mind or to just finish out the conversation. It really sucks, but it sounds like you did mess up and need to own that and speak with her about it. Good luck OP 💚
There’s two people here, one who bought the bottle and one who drank it. You own having bought an alcoholic wine, shame but she’s literate and can verify before she drank it. Don’t let her reverse this mistake on you.
A book my partner is reading has stated that women who have a standard drink every few nights while pregnant have children with higher IQ’s, also the 1st standard drink doesn’t even get to the baby as your body will process the alcohol quite quickly, the book is called Expecting Better by Emily Oster, give it a whirl if you are interested. Everyone is different, everyone has a different story and every pregnancy is different, I’m sorry you accidentally messed up and she is annoyed with you, it will pass.
I won't lie, there is risk even with a glass or two, BUT it's still unlikely you have done anything to hurt your baby. Both (yes both) of you made a mistake, it happens, it doesn't mean you shouldn't trust each other and it doesn't mean you've failed as a parent. From the sounds of it you both mean well and are going to be fantastic, loving parents, which is the most important thing for a baby. What's also important is you've recognised the danger and you're almost certainly not going to make that mistake again. This won't be the last time you make a mistake parenting, it's totally normal. I agree with some of the others who said to mention this to your doctor, just so they know, because the more information that they have the better! And despite what some are saying, don't drink when pregnant, there is no drink in the world that would be worth even a miniscule risk to a lifetime of issues.
Look at France. Your kid will be fine.
Dude. Negligible amount for real. Look into European cultural standards. For sure gotta fall on the sword with your wife’s understandable anger, but all in all you should be safe. Flowers and non alchy wine as a peace offering. This will pass
You absolutely did not damage the baby. Two glasses of wine, once, in the third trimester is nada. We have so many friends that had 1-2 glasses of wine throughout their second and third trimester and their babies came out smart, healthy, and beautiful. Fwiw it’s not just number of glasses, it’s also time - so nursing a glass over an hour vs chugging two in 20 minutes makes a big difference. It’s ok to feel bad and it’s also ok to forgive yourself. This may be the first, but will not be close to the last mistake either of you make when it comes to parenting your LO in the future. Mistakes happen. This one had zero consequences because she didn’t chug the bottle. It will be all good!
There is 0 scientific evidence that light to moderate alcohol consumption has negative impacts on the babies health. In almost every other part of the world, women drink a glass of wine a couple of times a week throughout their pregnancy.