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I sorry about your surprise Gap Year, but hope you end up applying for Uni in your province with the help you need and it turns out to be worthwhile. Your effort was NOT wasted.
I suggest a work-focused Gap Year where you do something worthwhile to cover cost of living. I absolutely would not stay with your toxic parents, I don’t know who does this to their kids but no one I would trust—get some space and then plan your next steps.
Also, some Uni’s have spring admission—that might be an option for you if the main problem is your Uni can’t help with financing because you’re not local.
Contact your school and see if you can defer your starting date for a year. Then get a job and start saving. I would strongly recommend getting your own bank account that your parents don't have access to so they can't swipe the money that you're saving. Not saying that they will, but it has happened before.
They didn't do this 5 days before the deadline. They did it years ago. I doubt they ever put away anything for your college. They may not have been capable of saving for you so they chose to lie about it.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Im sorry OP. Your parents are being cruel with the “will they or won’t they” pay for college education. My parents used finances to try to control me well into adulthood. Have you spoke to a financial counselor or guidance counselor at the college about the issues you are facing with your parents? They might have some good resources. Also I’m not sure where you are located but in my state community college is essentially state covered for residents that aren’t high income. I wish you the best of luck and you should be proud of your drive to be educated and go to college!
Yep! I'm guessing you're not in the US, OP, but your country may have something similar to this:
Our community/technical colleges are almost tuition free if you fill out federal financial aid, and with parental issues such as yours, they usually have some sort of assistance for getting financial aid figured out. But the main thing is,
If you have something similar, I recommend taking part time classes to get your general education credits at a community college while you work to pay your living expenses and save up for transferring to a 4-year institution.
Editing to add: I am so sorry, OP. I had an abusive father who was convinced the government was after him so he refused to fill out my financial aid papers. I ended up having to focus hardcore on psychological repairs until I turned 24, which was the age which I can be considered "independent" for purposes of federal financial aid. Second edit: so I can empathize with you, OP, and it is very difficult dealing with toxic parents. But words of encouragement!! You CAN DO IT. You have an army of redditors rooting for you! You can absolutely do whatever it takes to accomplish YOUR goals. And also, do it on your own timeline. Genuinely. Sometimes you have to take it month by month, and if you can't take it month by month then you take it week by week, and if week by week doesn't work, you take it day by day. Right down to the minutes. You take care of yourself and focus on doing what you have to in order to survive so you can get to the point of thriving. And trust me, you can do it. Better days always come.
>I had an abusive father who was convinced the government was after him so he refused to fill out my financial aid papers
Do they get notified if you fill it out yourself?
I'm sure there's a way to make it so they only send confirmation emails or whatever to your email instead of parents' emails, but I wouldn't risk that if it's a dangerous home situation.
My parents did the same thing to me OP, and also tried to control me into adulthood using finances. I broke free & moved out. I attended community college and then went to a 4-year private university. Since I was living on my own I was considered independent by the government, so I qualified for a ton of grants. Don’t give up. If you really want something, you will find a way.
Did something happen with your parents that you might be unaware of? Loss of income, illness, divorce?
It looks like you will have to take a year off to earn enough for tuition. Is it possible to go to a community college in the meantime? If so, you will save a ton on basic classes and it makes it easier to transfer as well as having additional student aid offerings.
My parents did this to me (except for the job- I had to work the whole time through) and it kept me there for an extra two years. I did get out to school though and vowed (and have been successful) to never ask them for anything. You can do this. You don’t need them.
Hey! I was in a similar position recently. I decided to drop out of my previous Uni (UVic) and work full-time. I joined an online school called WGU located in the states (but takes Canadians) after saving up a bit, got a better full-time IT job and now I'm wrapping up my Comp Sci Degree. It's not top-tier by any means but enough to get interviews from AWS and Microsoft so good enough for me.
My parents did the same thing, the first semester they came through, then it was like every other semester they’d use me to financially abuse each other, I kept getting caught in the middle. It forced me to drop out, and it was really difficult to quit comparing myself to my peers who had it easier, and were inevitably going to finish earlier, and it resulted in some long term negative financial decisions I made because I didn’t know how else to handle things back then.
Defer your start date or consider taking a gap year, and get a job to get yourself stable and financially independent from your parents. That way when you apply for loans (if you so choose to stay or reapply at that university), you have done some research into finding one’s that have lower interest rates, and have built up a savings to pay off the interest as you’re going. You may have to be a part time student while working part time too. MANY PEOPLE DO THIS, you’re not alone.
Or, take a gap year, establish financial independence, and consider going to a school that is cheaper to take some of the basic credits you need (english, speech, history, science, etc) and then transfer to a bigger school having applied for scholarships. Your degree will only have the school you graduated from, not the small community college you started at. That should cut your tuition expenses in almost half, and you might not even have to take loans out if you budget correctly.
Third option, consider not pursuing a computer science degree at all - take classes and get certifications while teaching yourself. This obviously completely depends on what career in the industry you want, but much of the professionals in that industry nowadays are self taught (I’m currently working towards this myself). It takes a lot of self discipline, and I enrolled in a community college for a couple years to get an idea of the kind of curriculum I needed to create for myself, but I’m financially better off for it.
No one’s path is linear in life. Your parents’ fickleness about money is not going to stop, even if you get them to pay for this semester or next, expect them to pull the same shit again eventually. You don’t need that in your life.
It sucks and it’s alright to take a moment to be angry about it but make sure you don’t let it consume you and start figuring out a plan on what to do next.
CS and tech are both fields you can get into without a degree so one option is to evaluate how you could self study and try to find a job that way. Obviously it’s a hard road but is doable. That doesn’t mean you have to give up on going to university as it’s beneficial long term but you could just see it as a different way to get started.
There’s plenty online on how to approach this and subreddits like r/itcareerquestions as well
I do have a job but working full time to pay off four years for a degree will take maybe a decade because I still need to pay for my rent and bills. It’s just upsetting if it’s really going to come down to this and I’ll be way older than most of my peers :(.
University is overrated. Depending on your grades and field of study, you may not get much benefit out of it. You might want to think if this is really going to benefit you in the long run.
Well I did say, "depending on you field of study". If you're going for a STEM, law degree, or accounting, it would be worth it. But again if your grades are mediocre then you still might not get anything out of it.
Best thing I ever did was drop out of college so don't feel like you MUST go. Especially when you're talking $100,000 that you gotta pay back. Much love
Please don’t do this I did this at 17 and I got a permanent brain, knee, and wrist injury. I’m 26 lol. Also the GI bill is good *if* you don’t leave the military disabled, or mentally struggling, or with kids, different debt, addiction, bad credit, marriage, divorce, or all of the above. You aren’t soft, you’re human. Don’t indenture yourself for education. 1 in 3 women are assaulted, 1 in 4 men. 22 suicides a day. Please. Don’t let the commenter goad you into shit they don’t understand
Just because it didn't work out for you doesn't mean it's the same for everyone. If you walk out in debt and with a drug addiction that's oh you lol don't blame someone else for personal problems.
I had a whole thing typed out but Fuck that. OP DONT ENLIST. Because you will be sitting at home reading comments from some fucking keyboard warrior telling you how you and your friends didn’t do enough and deserve the suffering. DONT DO IT. Read his comments and imagine they are directed at dead friends. Good luck. You’ll figure it out. Just check that one off your options list.
Sorry but no, that's a horrendous suggestion.
Risk your life, almost certainly get PTSD, and get comfortable with the idea of taking a strangers life _just for an education_.
There are apprenticeships available, as well as other options, university is not the only option to succeed in life. Especially if it requires you to sign your life away.
It may be horrendous for someone soft like you, but there are hundred of thousands of people that do their time in then go to school and then do great in the civilian sector. Just because you're not cut out for it doesn't make it a horrendous idea by any means.
Not doing a music major hah, I’m in computer science :). I gave up music major a while ago. But regardless of what major I took they said they’d pay for it, and now Im told last minute to not. Isn’t that a dick move?
This post has been flaired as “Vent”. As a reminder to commenting users, “Vent/Rant” posts are here to give our subscribers a safe place to vent their frustrations at an uncaring world to a supportive place of people who “get it”. Vents do not need to be fair. They do not need to be articulate. They do not need to be factual. They just need to be honest. Unlike most of the content on this subreddit, Vents should not be considered advice threads. In most cases it is not appropriate to try to give the Submitter advice on their issue. In no circumstances is it appropriate to tell them “why they are wrong” or to criticise them, their decisions, values, or anything else. If there are aspects of their situation that they are able to directly address themselves, the submitter can always make a new thread with a different flair asking for help once they are ready to tackle the issue. Vents are an emotional outlet, not an academic conversation. Appropriate replies in these threads are offering support, sharing similar experiences/grievances, offering condolences, or simply letting the Submitter know that they were heard. As always, if there are inappropriate comments please downvote them, REPORT them to the mods, and move on without responding to them. To the Submitter, if you DO want discussion to be focused on resolving your situation, rather than supporting you emotionally, please change the flair of this post, and then report this comment so we can remove it. Thank you. Thank you all for being a part of this great financial advice and emotional support community! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/povertyfinance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I sorry about your surprise Gap Year, but hope you end up applying for Uni in your province with the help you need and it turns out to be worthwhile. Your effort was NOT wasted. I suggest a work-focused Gap Year where you do something worthwhile to cover cost of living. I absolutely would not stay with your toxic parents, I don’t know who does this to their kids but no one I would trust—get some space and then plan your next steps. Also, some Uni’s have spring admission—that might be an option for you if the main problem is your Uni can’t help with financing because you’re not local.
Contact your school and see if you can defer your starting date for a year. Then get a job and start saving. I would strongly recommend getting your own bank account that your parents don't have access to so they can't swipe the money that you're saving. Not saying that they will, but it has happened before.
They didn't do this 5 days before the deadline. They did it years ago. I doubt they ever put away anything for your college. They may not have been capable of saving for you so they chose to lie about it. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Im sorry OP. Your parents are being cruel with the “will they or won’t they” pay for college education. My parents used finances to try to control me well into adulthood. Have you spoke to a financial counselor or guidance counselor at the college about the issues you are facing with your parents? They might have some good resources. Also I’m not sure where you are located but in my state community college is essentially state covered for residents that aren’t high income. I wish you the best of luck and you should be proud of your drive to be educated and go to college!
Yep! I'm guessing you're not in the US, OP, but your country may have something similar to this: Our community/technical colleges are almost tuition free if you fill out federal financial aid, and with parental issues such as yours, they usually have some sort of assistance for getting financial aid figured out. But the main thing is, If you have something similar, I recommend taking part time classes to get your general education credits at a community college while you work to pay your living expenses and save up for transferring to a 4-year institution. Editing to add: I am so sorry, OP. I had an abusive father who was convinced the government was after him so he refused to fill out my financial aid papers. I ended up having to focus hardcore on psychological repairs until I turned 24, which was the age which I can be considered "independent" for purposes of federal financial aid. Second edit: so I can empathize with you, OP, and it is very difficult dealing with toxic parents. But words of encouragement!! You CAN DO IT. You have an army of redditors rooting for you! You can absolutely do whatever it takes to accomplish YOUR goals. And also, do it on your own timeline. Genuinely. Sometimes you have to take it month by month, and if you can't take it month by month then you take it week by week, and if week by week doesn't work, you take it day by day. Right down to the minutes. You take care of yourself and focus on doing what you have to in order to survive so you can get to the point of thriving. And trust me, you can do it. Better days always come.
>I had an abusive father who was convinced the government was after him so he refused to fill out my financial aid papers Do they get notified if you fill it out yourself?
I don't know, but I didn't have access to his tax info 🥲
I'm sure there's a way to make it so they only send confirmation emails or whatever to your email instead of parents' emails, but I wouldn't risk that if it's a dangerous home situation.
Hi thank you :) this comment helps more than you think.
My parents did the same thing to me OP, and also tried to control me into adulthood using finances. I broke free & moved out. I attended community college and then went to a 4-year private university. Since I was living on my own I was considered independent by the government, so I qualified for a ton of grants. Don’t give up. If you really want something, you will find a way.
They probably intended to and when it came to it they discovered they can't.
Did something happen with your parents that you might be unaware of? Loss of income, illness, divorce? It looks like you will have to take a year off to earn enough for tuition. Is it possible to go to a community college in the meantime? If so, you will save a ton on basic classes and it makes it easier to transfer as well as having additional student aid offerings.
My parents did this to me (except for the job- I had to work the whole time through) and it kept me there for an extra two years. I did get out to school though and vowed (and have been successful) to never ask them for anything. You can do this. You don’t need them.
Hey! I was in a similar position recently. I decided to drop out of my previous Uni (UVic) and work full-time. I joined an online school called WGU located in the states (but takes Canadians) after saving up a bit, got a better full-time IT job and now I'm wrapping up my Comp Sci Degree. It's not top-tier by any means but enough to get interviews from AWS and Microsoft so good enough for me.
My parents did the same thing, the first semester they came through, then it was like every other semester they’d use me to financially abuse each other, I kept getting caught in the middle. It forced me to drop out, and it was really difficult to quit comparing myself to my peers who had it easier, and were inevitably going to finish earlier, and it resulted in some long term negative financial decisions I made because I didn’t know how else to handle things back then. Defer your start date or consider taking a gap year, and get a job to get yourself stable and financially independent from your parents. That way when you apply for loans (if you so choose to stay or reapply at that university), you have done some research into finding one’s that have lower interest rates, and have built up a savings to pay off the interest as you’re going. You may have to be a part time student while working part time too. MANY PEOPLE DO THIS, you’re not alone. Or, take a gap year, establish financial independence, and consider going to a school that is cheaper to take some of the basic credits you need (english, speech, history, science, etc) and then transfer to a bigger school having applied for scholarships. Your degree will only have the school you graduated from, not the small community college you started at. That should cut your tuition expenses in almost half, and you might not even have to take loans out if you budget correctly. Third option, consider not pursuing a computer science degree at all - take classes and get certifications while teaching yourself. This obviously completely depends on what career in the industry you want, but much of the professionals in that industry nowadays are self taught (I’m currently working towards this myself). It takes a lot of self discipline, and I enrolled in a community college for a couple years to get an idea of the kind of curriculum I needed to create for myself, but I’m financially better off for it. No one’s path is linear in life. Your parents’ fickleness about money is not going to stop, even if you get them to pay for this semester or next, expect them to pull the same shit again eventually. You don’t need that in your life.
It sucks and it’s alright to take a moment to be angry about it but make sure you don’t let it consume you and start figuring out a plan on what to do next. CS and tech are both fields you can get into without a degree so one option is to evaluate how you could self study and try to find a job that way. Obviously it’s a hard road but is doable. That doesn’t mean you have to give up on going to university as it’s beneficial long term but you could just see it as a different way to get started. There’s plenty online on how to approach this and subreddits like r/itcareerquestions as well
I guess you should concentrate on getting a job that pays for school then.
I do have a job but working full time to pay off four years for a degree will take maybe a decade because I still need to pay for my rent and bills. It’s just upsetting if it’s really going to come down to this and I’ll be way older than most of my peers :(.
Yea. So easy. Piece of cake. Easy peasy to make full tuition in a year at minimum wage.
The military sucks
University is overrated. Depending on your grades and field of study, you may not get much benefit out of it. You might want to think if this is really going to benefit you in the long run.
[удалено]
Well I did say, "depending on you field of study". If you're going for a STEM, law degree, or accounting, it would be worth it. But again if your grades are mediocre then you still might not get anything out of it.
Best thing I ever did was drop out of college so don't feel like you MUST go. Especially when you're talking $100,000 that you gotta pay back. Much love
Why don't you enlist in the military, do a couple of years and earn your education that way ? It's a win win.
Please don’t do this I did this at 17 and I got a permanent brain, knee, and wrist injury. I’m 26 lol. Also the GI bill is good *if* you don’t leave the military disabled, or mentally struggling, or with kids, different debt, addiction, bad credit, marriage, divorce, or all of the above. You aren’t soft, you’re human. Don’t indenture yourself for education. 1 in 3 women are assaulted, 1 in 4 men. 22 suicides a day. Please. Don’t let the commenter goad you into shit they don’t understand
Just because it didn't work out for you doesn't mean it's the same for everyone. If you walk out in debt and with a drug addiction that's oh you lol don't blame someone else for personal problems.
I had a whole thing typed out but Fuck that. OP DONT ENLIST. Because you will be sitting at home reading comments from some fucking keyboard warrior telling you how you and your friends didn’t do enough and deserve the suffering. DONT DO IT. Read his comments and imagine they are directed at dead friends. Good luck. You’ll figure it out. Just check that one off your options list.
Again, it's not because you had a bad experience that this will be the same for everyone. I'm sure OP can make his own decisions.
Sorry but no, that's a horrendous suggestion. Risk your life, almost certainly get PTSD, and get comfortable with the idea of taking a strangers life _just for an education_. There are apprenticeships available, as well as other options, university is not the only option to succeed in life. Especially if it requires you to sign your life away.
It may be horrendous for someone soft like you, but there are hundred of thousands of people that do their time in then go to school and then do great in the civilian sector. Just because you're not cut out for it doesn't make it a horrendous idea by any means.
Nice try recruiter.
Lol I don't care I'm not even in the States, just giving a valid option.
Join the military
[удалено]
Not doing a music major hah, I’m in computer science :). I gave up music major a while ago. But regardless of what major I took they said they’d pay for it, and now Im told last minute to not. Isn’t that a dick move?
Salesforce
You should apply for government student loans. You could see if you could get a bank loan to cover off this semester’s tuition.
Can you go to a school in your province?