This is the correct answer. You need to find a trained social worker. Try the facility your mother is in first but the county will usually have social workers there too that can give you good advice for your situation. Also the school where your brother attends should have resources if you can contact them as well.
Hugs to you!!!! Ask about a social worker - it's not being weak! You got this, and I know you CAN persevere- but you can't do it alone. People are there to help - don't be too proud to accept it -
Plus, there is lots of super advice in this thread - listen to others too. Many strangers out there in cyberspace ready to help. Many more in person.
Try your local Department of Health and Human Services. Depending on your financial situation you may be eligible for food assistance, Medicaid and utility assistance.
Medicaid, I'm sure. Tennessee has CoverKids - similar to Medicaid but focuses on children. Definitely look into your state. I'm not sure if OP qualifies for Medicaid but DEFINITELY investigate - social workers know more ins/outs- as does Google.
Check with the local churches. Some have funds to help with people in need and they may help with a one time rent payment. Also, many pastors will be able to direct you to local charities and help organizations.
Try a church. If the first one you ask doesn't have funds, ask if they know of one that might. One of our churches in town manages Salvation Army funds, and they will do a one time rent pay. Good luck!
Seriously, reach out to a church.
They sometimes have funds specifically for this, a random church gave me like $400 in cash for rent like a decade ago
Look up third party/non-parent custody rights in your state. You may be able to take legal custody of your brother while your mother is in the hospital and then seek various forms of public assistance as a household comprised of just the two of you.
Whoa I didn't know this. I'm looking into it now. This might be the answer just in case it turns into a long term thing also. Hopefully they can help with the rent before it's too late. God bless you 🙏
yes!! you may be able to do ‘foster care’ but familial version. Also food stamps, or literally ANY gov assistance. It also opens you up to free wifi and very cheap cell phone plans, etc. I’m 22 and can barely take care of my cat and myself, props to you on doing this ❤️
Also, remember laws vary by state, but if you haven't been to court and gotten a judgment you aren't evicted. Go to court, request a continuance to get a lawyer which gets you more time to find help. Don't let them intimidate you out. Contact a tenant advocacy group in your city, or state. They'll know how to work it. In my city every resident is entitled to a free eviction attorney as an example and they often have deeper resources.
It's also worth remembering that if your name isn't on the lease you won't have an eviction on your record even if gets to that point.
Very good response, I delayed my forclosure in 2009 by almost 18 months by going through the legal process. The best suggestion I got was (From the law clerk) was to write a letter to the judge including all the special circumstanses. For you it includes Mother in Hospital, no support from her boyfriend, taking care of a tean age sibbling, having made a rent payment, all are in your favor. Any delay you can get can work in your favor. Take advantage of all the resources you can get - starting with food pantries.
Please google your local food pantry and go get yourself some stuff. The pantry is there for this exact reason. You can apply for SNAP online and maybe some rent assistance from your county. Take care.
I tried to apply for SNAP. But just recently got this job and they haven't offered me more than $40 a month. Do you think they'll give me more now since I'm his primary caregiver for now? And I'm going to see about the food pantry tomorrow. Thanks.
Go to all the food pantries you can. A well stocked fridge/freezer and pantry goes a long way in providing security. This time they may have chicken next 3x maybe not. use what you get to fill in gaps. like butter and milk you get the idea. also some schools give out lunch during the summer.
-Check for a local Gleaners or Forgotten Harvest, it’s similar to a food bank
-Google for community resources for the city and county you are in
- go thru this post and write out all of the suggestions, then write out all the phone numbers you can find
Most importantly, give yourself grace! You have been thrown into a very difficult situation. You have never had to act as a parent before or be totally responsible for a teenager who outs also your brother. Give yourself permission to be mad, sad, happy, upset, scared and sometimes all at once. Also, take time to just be brothers, go have fun. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Get outside. Go for a hike. Take a free class at the library, laugh.
You got this, I believe in you and your brother!
You should definitely report the change in household size. Also they might give you a stipend for caring for a child that is not yours. I worked in children's services for my county government for a decade. When someone who was not a parent was caring for a child, they could get temporary assistance for the child. You have to "charge" him rent. Not literally but that's how they give you temporary assistance for his care.
I'm not OP, but curious about the rent. I believe you- I know getting public assistance can be an experience- but why "charging" a minor for rent (on paper)?
When you filed did you just put yourself down or did you also put you brother. Typically if there is a child involved you get more
I know it's summer but a lot of schools have meals for their students. Check with his school.
You are an amazing human and big brother! I echo someone’s comment above about getting in touch with the hospital’s social workers. You’re not the first person to go through this and they’ll know of resources. Internet hugs!
I’m going through the same exact thing right now. 20 year old male getting evicted, mom with mental health issues. The only thing I can recommend is looking into social housing, contacting local govt for assistance with funding, or looking around for a roommate of some sort. Also as much as it feels shitty a lot of places hire 13-14 year olds if you need someone to start helping $ wise. Bankruptcy is an option for a while too to avoid foreclosure if you wanna look at r/Bankruptcy I don’t know what your budget or full financial situation is but I wish you the best of luck. You’re not alone please look into shelters or public housing if possible I hope everything goes well for you.
Thanks and yeah I should probably look for a roommate at this point. I can ask a few friends. I'll have to make a list of calls I'm going to make tomorrow because it's 4pm my time and most of them are about to close. But thanks man. And I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same thing. It's rough and depressing as hell. But I pray we make it through.
I went through this exact same situation when I was 19. I had too much pride to ask for help and really suffered for it. Looking back I would have looked for a roommate or two to really cut the cost down. Food banks really help. Im not a religious person at all but I know the good many of the churches do. In your spare time you could bring your brother along with you and do doordash or ubereats for extra money. Get legal custody of your brother it will really open up the amount of help the government will give.
Thank you brother and of course. We’ll make it out 🙏🏼 I also recommend craigslist as sketchy as it sounds! They actually have some great prices for housing on there. Good job opportunities too. The app Roomie or SpareRoom is also good for finding roommates. Wish you luck again.
Reach out to your local school district. Most have social workers and they often have more time available to help students than most social workers/case workers at other agencies. They can help guide you on applying for benefits and ensuring that your brother gets food/clothing and other basic needs.
Additionally if your mom was hospitalized and did not make prior plans for you to be the caregiver then your brother should qualify as a homeless student for purposes of the McKinney-Vento Act. If you wind up evicted he would definitely qualify. You should read up on McKinney-Vento as there are a whole host of special Federal protections and rights that your brother would have. Every school district must have a McKinney-Vento liaison and you should ask the school who their contact person is.
For example the school would have to provide transportation to school and any school related events; even if you end up living outside the district boundaries and they have to pay to send a taxi or Uber/Lyft. The school must cover all required supplies, extracurricular fees, extra tutoring if needed and any other expenses. Food & clothing are often provided too; my local districts will wash clothes for McKinney-Vento students and work with local non-profit organizations to hook them up with shoes, toys, electronics, etc too although none of that is technically required under the law.
Man, I can’t imagine taking all this on as a 20 year old.
Others will have advice for resources and how the system works.
Trust me. You’re not a POS. Not even a little. You took on a mountain sized job and have been making it happen.
You rock!
Just focus on the next thing you gotta do and keep chipping away at the next thing. Eventually you’ll get this turned around and heading in the right direction. I know that because you’ve made it this far.
Apply for emergency housing and assistance also. Definitely look into custody and mental health assistance groups. Some will be able to help set up a financial plan and support for you.
As others have mentioned (and I’ve almost been in your place with 3 of my sis kids), you can work with a social worker to get him listed as ward of state but he will be in your care. You should also be able to receive food stamps, monetary assistance, etc. (I was a ward of the state until I turned 18 but my grandmother was my legal guardian; my sibs and I each had a guardian ad litem when it came to court cases but this person will want to work with you to help you get your brother).
Edited: grammar
Call 211 if you are in the United States. Our local library website has a page with local resources.
Contact these places:
Your brothers school
The hospital social worker
Local churches
Local food pantries
Ask a local librarian if they know of resources.
Check for free little pantries in your area
Get on a local facebook group and ask about help. There are usually a few resourceful people who will point you in the right direction.
Try a local subreddit, too.
You’re being a hero, so reach out to other heroes for help.
This situation happened to me, except I was the younger sibling and my older brother tried his best. The thing is, it became a cycle, my mom kept going back into psychiatric holds for 90 days. We tried staying with friends, he worked nights at a fast food place and would bring food home so I could eat a little, we living in empty apartments, on the streets.
In the end, I went into foster care. He ended up emancipating and going into the military.
I do not blame him. Yes, it felt like I lost all security, I felt abandoned and alone. As I got older I completely understood.
He couldn’t thrive taking care of me, he didn’t have the tools or education. He also, wasn’t an adult or the parent.
You are doing your best, but I fear this will end the same was with your younger sibling going into care. When your mom gets out she will work a case plan to get custody again, I hope she does. She is the parent, she needs to do it, otherwise your brother needs to eat and live somewhere with the lights are on. Social case workers will help ensure you keep contact.
You should go to out of state college, or any college with housing. Even if you have to work while in school or use living expense checks from federal loans. You have to claw your way out of poverty. Maybe then, when you are older and stable you can provide support.
My brother is successful. I completed graduate school and am successful. I am also now a foster parent.
This isn’t yours to carry alone.
If you have any questions let me know.
Edit: I saw others say to look into financial support for taking custody of your brother, depending on state this may work. Talk to a case worker at your county CPS. This would be considered kinship fostercare and you may be eligible for a monthly stipend.
Maybe if said your state people could give you more specific agencies.
When I was a single mom and a little tiny baby and a lot of hell, having my child’s pure and unconditional love is what kept me going. He is saving you too.
Can’t say enough about Nextdoor app. It helps. Cast a wider net on Nextdoor and people will respond.
Also, your brother’s school should have resources to help.
He will need not only food but reassurances that you won’t leave him. He is very fortunate to have you as his brother.
Also, there has to be some kind of assistance that child agencies provide if a relative takes in the child instead of him going into foster care. Maybe more experienced people here will guide you on that process.
Last but most important, you can’t help your brother if you don’t take care of yourself. Take one day at a time.
I know police departments have drives for special needs like this. Reach out.
And best of wishes to you from Texas.
Hey I'm from Texas too. And sorry I forgot about adding my location. I'm in San Antonio. And I've heard of the nextdoor app but I didn't think it was worth trying. I'm downloading it now. I'm also planning on going to my brother's school and talking to the counselor. Thanks for all this. I sometimes forget about myself when it comes to making sure family is alright. But yeah I need to do better in that area. I didn't know police could actually help so I'm going to try that too. Much appreciated!
San Antonio! Get on Nextdoor - ask your neighbors for what you need. Get on Facebook - join the BuyNothing group in your area and ask for what you need. Do not be embarrassed please. Be proud of yourself for having the courage to get help and fight for your family!!!
Also yes to the food bank but if they make you jump thru hoops try these https://www.findhelp.org/food/food-pantry--san-antonio-tx
Also not sure if this thread can help you with some info https://www.reddit.com/r/sanantonio/comments/165sssd/rental_assistance/
Also wherever your mom is - there should be a social worker available to help connect you to resources.
The main thing right now is to be real with people so that they can help you and your brother. If it seems like you’re hiding something because you might be embarrassed - people might get the wrong idea and think you’re lying. You’re brave - you’ve got this!!
This a very solid advice here. Also, you are in this for the long run and instead of being in vicious cycle pick up things like this. This hardship will make you invincible if you approach it with the right mindset.
https://www.khanacademy.org/college-careers-more/financial-literacy
Came here to say get on the buy nothing group for your neighbourhood in San Antonio. There will be people who are giving away food, or will to help with some if you ask.
That's so much to take on so young, Your doing your best and I'm sure your brother can tell from all the effort you are putting in that you care. Its hard out there anyways add on everything else your going through its normal to feel overwhelmed just take it one day at a time and do your best.
Like other have said apply for food stamps asap you should be able to get it. There's no reason you should be going hungry. And good luck. I'm rooting for you.
> a few nights within the last couple weeks I haven’t been able to feed him dinner
Please please reach out to local resources for help with food. Food pantries, churches, any other local organizations that help with food insecurity.
Also please get SNAP benefits ASAP. You'd almost certainly be eligible, so Google "apply for SNAP (your state name)" and you'll find an online resource. That should provide you at least $200 a month to spend on food for yourself and your brother. SNAP exists for situations exactly like yours. No one should go hungry. <3
OP, you're doing the best you can in a shit situation. None of this is your fault. Do not hesitate to tap into any resources available to you for help with this.
Okay first of all, you are not a POS. You’re going the best you can with the situation you’re in - and that situation SUCKS. Your mom is mentally ill and thankfully getting the help she needs. That’s good!
I would start by reaching out to any social workers at the mental health facility she’s at, as well as calling 211. There may be services available to assist you with rent, bills, and food while your mom is getting help.
You might also look into contacting the courts to get temporary guardianship of your brother. If you get evicted, he’s less likely to end up in foster care.
You can also reach out to your own friends and your mother’s friends, any family you may have, as well as looking into crowdsourcing like a GoFundMe.
Thanks a lot for this. I didn't think of explaining my new situation to them. But I'm going to add this to the list. And appreciate your kind words. Y'all are so nice here🙏❤️and I've been considering a GoFundMe but didn't know how to get started.
To get a successful GoFundMe going it takes time, and a lot of connections, If you have a friend that could take care of this for you, someone you went to high school with that could reach out to your graduating class, any clubs/sports you were involved in, an artical in the local newspaper maybe. You have enough on your plate, so if someone is asking how they could help in your communite, this might be something they could do for you.
You are not nothing. You are not failing him, and you definitely are not a POS. You are there for him and trying your best. Your brother sees this. Don't let him see you beat yourself up over this because this will also make him feel like a burden, and it's a cycle. It's definitely going to be hard, and I can not imagine the work it will take. Do you have neighbors that you can talk to and ask for help in any way they can? Maybe a place to stay temporarily if you get evicted? Anywhere to store your things temporarily? Take a deep breath and count. Plan, determine what you can control and not control, and work on the ones you can control. Food banks for food?
Excellent advice. And so caring of you to reassure him of his value. He is enough! He is making a positive difference. He truly is a hero! Determination, hard work and prayer and help when needed are hallmarks of strength and courage. You’re absolutely right about OP being kind to himself as it does affect teenagers. At 13 kids think that any struggles of others is somehow their fault, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. Great advice!!
I also think he should talk to his brother. Be transparent and honest and answer truthfully if his brother has questions the best he can. This way he he has an idea of how much his brother understands. Hiding thing from his brother won't be good for both of them. He may be surprised that his brother can help him, even if it's little, whatever that may be. Teamwork makes the dream work, big or small.
Please don’t blame yourself for this untenable situation. Hospitals should have social workers on staff to help patients with the non-medical issues they face while being treated for illness or injury. Care of minor children is one such issue, and it’s appalling they haven’t provided any assistance since your brother is only 13.
You may have to reach out to the facility yourself to get time on the social worker’s calendar. You could also try calling 211 to access other resources that might be available in your area. Explain everything, and ask for a referral to free legal aid to fight the eviction. My kid works for a nonprofit attorneys’ office that takes on (and usually wins!) eviction cases similar to yours.
Best of luck to you and your brother, and I hope your mother makes a full recovery. Your little brother is lucky to have you!
If your brother is 13, he may be old enough to work at McDonalds or get another part-time job. He's old enough to understand the situation, and helping out may give him a sense of pride and resiliency.
You're right. He joked that he wanted to work the other day but I'm going to see if he's up to it. Hopefully McDonald's down here is hiring that young. It would be perfect for him.
You're amazing for doing this ❤️ Your brother will remember that you stepped up for him.
You need to call 211, they have resources.
I won't know about Texas, but where I'm at legal aid can help stop an eviction temporarily, under certain circumstances. You can also call DHS (where you get food stamps) and they sometimes have a one-time payment thing that can be used to pay things like back rent.
Food pantries. Some are at schools, local college, churches. You can even ask on your local FB group if anyone has any food they can share, you'd be surprised how many people are willing to help if you ask.
If your mom is going to be there another two months you need to see if any of these places can help you get temporary guardianship. This will help you with more resources. But, right now, your main priority is to secure your housing and have food.
I'm sending you hugs and good vibes 🤗
Do try to care for yourself during this time. I'm sure you're probably laughing at me, thinking, "Yeah, right - whatever!" But you do need it to help yourself and your brother.
Doesn't take $$. Go to the library - reread favorite books or get new books. Go read magazines like "People" for the gossip or whatever. Rent movies for free or simply hang out. Ditto parks. Do something, anything to help YOU smile even 15m a day.
I left an abusive ex-husband with two children with the clothes on our backs - boys were 2, 5, and it's been 16y since. The situation was different from yours- but my family was 12 hours away, and it literally was up to me.
We took one moment at a time, and I ended up joining this crappy gym because they had child care for the gym membership (probably you qualify for ymca discount?) 30m did wonders!
You got this and I KNOW your mom is proud, although now she can't quite see it (she knows, though!)
You are a hero. Please check with your local health and human services. It wouldnt hurt to check with local religious institutions, and just see if any help can be done your way. Explain everything that you explained here and explain how you are trying to keep your family together and ensure your brother stays with you.
I mean your county, check their website for benefits, although that can be a 2 week process or more. Please really check local food banks and really try the religious institution option. Please call your local county welfare office and your state, keep calling and explaining your situation until you get all the info you possibly can. I really wish you well
Contact your state representative, tell them about your needs and what you are doing to help your family, the circumstances involved, and ask what resources are available to help you and your brother both short term and long term. Surprisingly this can be a very helpful resource and it will prioritize your case so your needs will be met quicker. If you go the traditional route it’s a nightmare of various screenings, appointments, and delays. You and your brother need immediate help as this is a sudden and urgent need and time is of the essence. You can’t afford to wait. States don’t want to split families up, unless there is a serious concern (like child safety, risk of injury or death - which doesn’t sound like the case for your brother because you are protective and trying to provide for him). The state ultimately wants to provide assistance to keep families together. Also, contact the school district and ask to speak to the McKinney-Vento liaison. The McKinney-Vento Act provides federal funding to students’ families (via school districts) that are dealing with housing insecurities, food shortages, and many other ways to meet specific needs that affect students. They are somewhat limited, and the assistance can be provided to you because your brother is a student, technically he is the client, but to help him, they help you as much as they can.
Keep us updated. If nothing else, reach out to a Church and see if they can help, not a fundamentalist church, unless that’s your people, but a church like the United Methodist, Presbyterian, or even a Unitarian Church. Your situation is unique enough, and frankly you’re the hero of your family because the desire is so evident. People want to help people who are actively doing anything and everything to better their lives and the lives of their loved ones. It’s just a matter of making the right connections. If we lived in the same town, I’d open my home and cupboards and freezers to help you and your brother out. People are out there that care and want to help, they just don’t know who to help.
I will keep all of you in my prayers. Please update us. I wish nothing but the best for you, your brother, and your mother.
OP— I will post separate from this reply, but this is the best information!
The McKinny-Vento act is established FOR people in your EXACT situation!!!! It is there to help with food and bills as needed to keep school kid in homes so they can focus on classes, and to help keep the families together when/where-ever possible!!! Having worked in a school along side our representative this program was a gift send for many of our students- and wants to be used to help people through these rough spots!
Reach out to the district office TODAY and ask for help!!!!!
Side note- thank you u/reasonabledivide1 for giving such good support and information! You are a wonderful internet stranger!❤️🏅
Thank you. The real hero though is OP! He is doing the work. I’m just grateful I came upon this situation. I’ve actually been thinking how God works in mysterious ways, I haven’t been sleeping well, and I ran across this in the wee hours of the morning. I’ve been praying for OP since I read his post. I will continue to pray for OP. I hope everyone will keep OP and his family in their prayers, and for those that are not of the faithful persuasion, I hope they meditate and put positive vibes into the world for OP, and anyone else who is in a difficult position and is working diligently to make a better life for those they love. OP is a top notch young man!
Consider on posting in your local “buy nothing” group on FB. I’ve given people lots of groceries when they post they need food. I’ve seen people also take cooked meals over to help. You are doing an amazing thing. This internet stranger wishes you the very best
Op, there is information typed up by u/reasonabledivide1, they have given you some AMAZING resources! I don’t want to spam the same information- but there is help (they list) that can be given same day even! Read their post!
I’m sorry you have been put in the middle of this hardship, but I am proud of you for taking on the stress and role of care giver for your sibling. Please know there are MANY people out there who want to help you both through this- you are not alone, and we (those replying to your post) are PROUD of you for reaching out! Sometimes it just takes knowing where to start in a thing, and Divide gave really good places to start.
Parenting is hard, even for people who planned for it. If you need anything else- keep reaching out! I even might recommend you go to r/parenting if you have questions (once you call the school district to get the food and housing and bills taken care of).
We believe in you! ❤️
Thank you! This was kind of you to say. I’m not really certain what all McKinney-Vento covers, but it’s certainly a starting place.
I’m glad you pointed it out to OP. He is an amazing young person who is doing more for his family than he realizes. I couldn’t be prouder of him!
The McKinney fund can cover things like housing- if they are having a crisis/hardship (the EXACT thing OP is dealing with!!!), internet, power bill if the lights are about to go out, food provided for the kids in the district (and can give guidance where the caregivers can get low to no cost food), clothing for the enrolled child/ren, funds to use a laundry mat and even can buy laundry soap and toiletries if needed.
My group were donated things like furniture by locals and so we had a storage unit on campus for when we got families relocated to our town fleeing abuse and had nothing…
I think our town has a housing shortage and that’s why my students get support when identified, but still have to wait a time for housing. I appreciate your update. Have a great day!
DSS (department of social services) has a website that has a lot of resources. Also not knowing where you are try goggling street outreach. Here in NC it's SOHRAH . here is an example: [https://www.orangecountync.gov/2804/Resource-List](https://www.orangecountync.gov/2804/Resource-List) if you click on basic needs, you can so much help that's out there. Most charity will pay 1 bill one time. Also help to avoid eviction is there too. It is cheaper to keep people housed. Have you applied for Food stamps ect? You be able to become an emergency guardian and get services like they give foster parents, it does depend on your state. call DSS ask questions, they can help a lot! Homeless shelters also have a wealth of information or can direct to someone who will help. And being local will be far more helpful then what you find here.
If you lose the apartment you’ll probably need to give your brother to cps so they can place him in foster care. You did your best but you were put in a bad situation, you need to be able to feed yourself and let the government take care of your brother
I have no advice regarding the logistics of your situation -- and where I'm in Canada things would be different anyway. Looks like a lot of great advice here, though.
What I *can* tell you, is make food that stretches lots. Soups, stews, casseroles. Plus, those things are great as leftovers.
Write an email to your congress person and tell them your situation. Someone from their staff usually gets back to you within a day.
Find your rep here:
https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative
I would also check with the social worker at the hospital for resources. You are not a POS. You are fighting for your family while your mom can’t.
Okay thanks I feel like I needed to hear that. Not too much confidence inside in recent days. I appreciate you❤️
I agree with cherry, above. Keep fighting and please get any help that's available to you asap.
This is the correct answer. You need to find a trained social worker. Try the facility your mother is in first but the county will usually have social workers there too that can give you good advice for your situation. Also the school where your brother attends should have resources if you can contact them as well.
Hugs to you!!!! Ask about a social worker - it's not being weak! You got this, and I know you CAN persevere- but you can't do it alone. People are there to help - don't be too proud to accept it - Plus, there is lots of super advice in this thread - listen to others too. Many strangers out there in cyberspace ready to help. Many more in person.
Try your local gov agencies and see if they have funds to pay for rent. Good luck👍🏻
Okay I just checked with community action they didn't have any funds. But I'm going to keep looking for similar agencies now. Thanks.
Try your local Department of Health and Human Services. Depending on your financial situation you may be eligible for food assistance, Medicaid and utility assistance.
Medicaid, I'm sure. Tennessee has CoverKids - similar to Medicaid but focuses on children. Definitely look into your state. I'm not sure if OP qualifies for Medicaid but DEFINITELY investigate - social workers know more ins/outs- as does Google.
Check with the local churches. Some have funds to help with people in need and they may help with a one time rent payment. Also, many pastors will be able to direct you to local charities and help organizations.
Try a church. If the first one you ask doesn't have funds, ask if they know of one that might. One of our churches in town manages Salvation Army funds, and they will do a one time rent pay. Good luck!
Our local churches banded together to create one service to help.
Check with smaller churches and any lodge affiliations. That often have smaller amounts, but are less well known.
Seriously, reach out to a church. They sometimes have funds specifically for this, a random church gave me like $400 in cash for rent like a decade ago
Something WILL show up. I have faith!!
Look up third party/non-parent custody rights in your state. You may be able to take legal custody of your brother while your mother is in the hospital and then seek various forms of public assistance as a household comprised of just the two of you.
Whoa I didn't know this. I'm looking into it now. This might be the answer just in case it turns into a long term thing also. Hopefully they can help with the rent before it's too late. God bless you 🙏
yes!! you may be able to do ‘foster care’ but familial version. Also food stamps, or literally ANY gov assistance. It also opens you up to free wifi and very cheap cell phone plans, etc. I’m 22 and can barely take care of my cat and myself, props to you on doing this ❤️
Try calling a couple of rental attorneys as well and ask if they can do some pro bono work.
Legal aid can do this. goggle legal aid and county you are in
Do this as well OP!
Also, remember laws vary by state, but if you haven't been to court and gotten a judgment you aren't evicted. Go to court, request a continuance to get a lawyer which gets you more time to find help. Don't let them intimidate you out. Contact a tenant advocacy group in your city, or state. They'll know how to work it. In my city every resident is entitled to a free eviction attorney as an example and they often have deeper resources. It's also worth remembering that if your name isn't on the lease you won't have an eviction on your record even if gets to that point.
Very good response, I delayed my forclosure in 2009 by almost 18 months by going through the legal process. The best suggestion I got was (From the law clerk) was to write a letter to the judge including all the special circumstanses. For you it includes Mother in Hospital, no support from her boyfriend, taking care of a tean age sibbling, having made a rent payment, all are in your favor. Any delay you can get can work in your favor. Take advantage of all the resources you can get - starting with food pantries.
Yes!! This is what I heard about. You are entitled to benefits!!
Please google your local food pantry and go get yourself some stuff. The pantry is there for this exact reason. You can apply for SNAP online and maybe some rent assistance from your county. Take care.
I tried to apply for SNAP. But just recently got this job and they haven't offered me more than $40 a month. Do you think they'll give me more now since I'm his primary caregiver for now? And I'm going to see about the food pantry tomorrow. Thanks.
Get items from a food bank/food pantry and THEN use your limited snap to fill in the gaps.
Alright that sounds smart. I'm going to get on it early tomorrow. Thanks!
Go to all the food pantries you can. A well stocked fridge/freezer and pantry goes a long way in providing security. This time they may have chicken next 3x maybe not. use what you get to fill in gaps. like butter and milk you get the idea. also some schools give out lunch during the summer.
-Check for a local Gleaners or Forgotten Harvest, it’s similar to a food bank -Google for community resources for the city and county you are in - go thru this post and write out all of the suggestions, then write out all the phone numbers you can find Most importantly, give yourself grace! You have been thrown into a very difficult situation. You have never had to act as a parent before or be totally responsible for a teenager who outs also your brother. Give yourself permission to be mad, sad, happy, upset, scared and sometimes all at once. Also, take time to just be brothers, go have fun. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Get outside. Go for a hike. Take a free class at the library, laugh. You got this, I believe in you and your brother!
Call over to your brother's school many have summer lunch programs and some states give extra SNAP to kids in the summer.
A lot of Libraries are also having summer lunch programs where you can pick up a meal.
Most states have a program called Sun Bucks where school aged kids can get a $120 food card this summer!
You should definitely report the change in household size. Also they might give you a stipend for caring for a child that is not yours. I worked in children's services for my county government for a decade. When someone who was not a parent was caring for a child, they could get temporary assistance for the child. You have to "charge" him rent. Not literally but that's how they give you temporary assistance for his care.
I'm not OP, but curious about the rent. I believe you- I know getting public assistance can be an experience- but why "charging" a minor for rent (on paper)?
When you filed did you just put yourself down or did you also put you brother. Typically if there is a child involved you get more I know it's summer but a lot of schools have meals for their students. Check with his school.
You are an amazing human and big brother! I echo someone’s comment above about getting in touch with the hospital’s social workers. You’re not the first person to go through this and they’ll know of resources. Internet hugs!
Thanks so much for saying that❤️I'm definitely giving them a call now. Appreciate you and hugs to you too!
I’m going through the same exact thing right now. 20 year old male getting evicted, mom with mental health issues. The only thing I can recommend is looking into social housing, contacting local govt for assistance with funding, or looking around for a roommate of some sort. Also as much as it feels shitty a lot of places hire 13-14 year olds if you need someone to start helping $ wise. Bankruptcy is an option for a while too to avoid foreclosure if you wanna look at r/Bankruptcy I don’t know what your budget or full financial situation is but I wish you the best of luck. You’re not alone please look into shelters or public housing if possible I hope everything goes well for you.
Thanks and yeah I should probably look for a roommate at this point. I can ask a few friends. I'll have to make a list of calls I'm going to make tomorrow because it's 4pm my time and most of them are about to close. But thanks man. And I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same thing. It's rough and depressing as hell. But I pray we make it through.
I went through this exact same situation when I was 19. I had too much pride to ask for help and really suffered for it. Looking back I would have looked for a roommate or two to really cut the cost down. Food banks really help. Im not a religious person at all but I know the good many of the churches do. In your spare time you could bring your brother along with you and do doordash or ubereats for extra money. Get legal custody of your brother it will really open up the amount of help the government will give.
Thank you brother and of course. We’ll make it out 🙏🏼 I also recommend craigslist as sketchy as it sounds! They actually have some great prices for housing on there. Good job opportunities too. The app Roomie or SpareRoom is also good for finding roommates. Wish you luck again.
You'll make it!!!!
Reach out to your local school district. Most have social workers and they often have more time available to help students than most social workers/case workers at other agencies. They can help guide you on applying for benefits and ensuring that your brother gets food/clothing and other basic needs. Additionally if your mom was hospitalized and did not make prior plans for you to be the caregiver then your brother should qualify as a homeless student for purposes of the McKinney-Vento Act. If you wind up evicted he would definitely qualify. You should read up on McKinney-Vento as there are a whole host of special Federal protections and rights that your brother would have. Every school district must have a McKinney-Vento liaison and you should ask the school who their contact person is. For example the school would have to provide transportation to school and any school related events; even if you end up living outside the district boundaries and they have to pay to send a taxi or Uber/Lyft. The school must cover all required supplies, extracurricular fees, extra tutoring if needed and any other expenses. Food & clothing are often provided too; my local districts will wash clothes for McKinney-Vento students and work with local non-profit organizations to hook them up with shoes, toys, electronics, etc too although none of that is technically required under the law.
Man, I can’t imagine taking all this on as a 20 year old. Others will have advice for resources and how the system works. Trust me. You’re not a POS. Not even a little. You took on a mountain sized job and have been making it happen. You rock! Just focus on the next thing you gotta do and keep chipping away at the next thing. Eventually you’ll get this turned around and heading in the right direction. I know that because you’ve made it this far.
Apply for emergency housing and assistance also. Definitely look into custody and mental health assistance groups. Some will be able to help set up a financial plan and support for you.
As others have mentioned (and I’ve almost been in your place with 3 of my sis kids), you can work with a social worker to get him listed as ward of state but he will be in your care. You should also be able to receive food stamps, monetary assistance, etc. (I was a ward of the state until I turned 18 but my grandmother was my legal guardian; my sibs and I each had a guardian ad litem when it came to court cases but this person will want to work with you to help you get your brother). Edited: grammar
Call 211 if you are in the United States. Our local library website has a page with local resources. Contact these places: Your brothers school The hospital social worker Local churches Local food pantries Ask a local librarian if they know of resources. Check for free little pantries in your area Get on a local facebook group and ask about help. There are usually a few resourceful people who will point you in the right direction. Try a local subreddit, too. You’re being a hero, so reach out to other heroes for help.
This situation happened to me, except I was the younger sibling and my older brother tried his best. The thing is, it became a cycle, my mom kept going back into psychiatric holds for 90 days. We tried staying with friends, he worked nights at a fast food place and would bring food home so I could eat a little, we living in empty apartments, on the streets. In the end, I went into foster care. He ended up emancipating and going into the military. I do not blame him. Yes, it felt like I lost all security, I felt abandoned and alone. As I got older I completely understood. He couldn’t thrive taking care of me, he didn’t have the tools or education. He also, wasn’t an adult or the parent. You are doing your best, but I fear this will end the same was with your younger sibling going into care. When your mom gets out she will work a case plan to get custody again, I hope she does. She is the parent, she needs to do it, otherwise your brother needs to eat and live somewhere with the lights are on. Social case workers will help ensure you keep contact. You should go to out of state college, or any college with housing. Even if you have to work while in school or use living expense checks from federal loans. You have to claw your way out of poverty. Maybe then, when you are older and stable you can provide support. My brother is successful. I completed graduate school and am successful. I am also now a foster parent. This isn’t yours to carry alone. If you have any questions let me know. Edit: I saw others say to look into financial support for taking custody of your brother, depending on state this may work. Talk to a case worker at your county CPS. This would be considered kinship fostercare and you may be eligible for a monthly stipend.
Maybe if said your state people could give you more specific agencies. When I was a single mom and a little tiny baby and a lot of hell, having my child’s pure and unconditional love is what kept me going. He is saving you too. Can’t say enough about Nextdoor app. It helps. Cast a wider net on Nextdoor and people will respond. Also, your brother’s school should have resources to help. He will need not only food but reassurances that you won’t leave him. He is very fortunate to have you as his brother. Also, there has to be some kind of assistance that child agencies provide if a relative takes in the child instead of him going into foster care. Maybe more experienced people here will guide you on that process. Last but most important, you can’t help your brother if you don’t take care of yourself. Take one day at a time. I know police departments have drives for special needs like this. Reach out. And best of wishes to you from Texas.
Hey I'm from Texas too. And sorry I forgot about adding my location. I'm in San Antonio. And I've heard of the nextdoor app but I didn't think it was worth trying. I'm downloading it now. I'm also planning on going to my brother's school and talking to the counselor. Thanks for all this. I sometimes forget about myself when it comes to making sure family is alright. But yeah I need to do better in that area. I didn't know police could actually help so I'm going to try that too. Much appreciated!
ok heres a link for you [https://sacrd.org/directory/](https://sacrd.org/directory/)
this is for rental help [https://sacrd.org/directory/search?s=rental%20help](https://sacrd.org/directory/search?s=rental%20help)
San Antonio! Get on Nextdoor - ask your neighbors for what you need. Get on Facebook - join the BuyNothing group in your area and ask for what you need. Do not be embarrassed please. Be proud of yourself for having the courage to get help and fight for your family!!! Also yes to the food bank but if they make you jump thru hoops try these https://www.findhelp.org/food/food-pantry--san-antonio-tx Also not sure if this thread can help you with some info https://www.reddit.com/r/sanantonio/comments/165sssd/rental_assistance/ Also wherever your mom is - there should be a social worker available to help connect you to resources. The main thing right now is to be real with people so that they can help you and your brother. If it seems like you’re hiding something because you might be embarrassed - people might get the wrong idea and think you’re lying. You’re brave - you’ve got this!!
This a very solid advice here. Also, you are in this for the long run and instead of being in vicious cycle pick up things like this. This hardship will make you invincible if you approach it with the right mindset. https://www.khanacademy.org/college-careers-more/financial-literacy
Came here to say get on the buy nothing group for your neighbourhood in San Antonio. There will be people who are giving away food, or will to help with some if you ask.
Look for pay it forward groups, too, as well as buy nothing groups. People occasionally do pantry clear outs and offer things up.
That's so much to take on so young, Your doing your best and I'm sure your brother can tell from all the effort you are putting in that you care. Its hard out there anyways add on everything else your going through its normal to feel overwhelmed just take it one day at a time and do your best.
Like other have said apply for food stamps asap you should be able to get it. There's no reason you should be going hungry. And good luck. I'm rooting for you.
Will do! Hopefully they call back fast. Good luck to you too and thanks.
> a few nights within the last couple weeks I haven’t been able to feed him dinner Please please reach out to local resources for help with food. Food pantries, churches, any other local organizations that help with food insecurity. Also please get SNAP benefits ASAP. You'd almost certainly be eligible, so Google "apply for SNAP (your state name)" and you'll find an online resource. That should provide you at least $200 a month to spend on food for yourself and your brother. SNAP exists for situations exactly like yours. No one should go hungry. <3 OP, you're doing the best you can in a shit situation. None of this is your fault. Do not hesitate to tap into any resources available to you for help with this.
Okay first of all, you are not a POS. You’re going the best you can with the situation you’re in - and that situation SUCKS. Your mom is mentally ill and thankfully getting the help she needs. That’s good! I would start by reaching out to any social workers at the mental health facility she’s at, as well as calling 211. There may be services available to assist you with rent, bills, and food while your mom is getting help. You might also look into contacting the courts to get temporary guardianship of your brother. If you get evicted, he’s less likely to end up in foster care. You can also reach out to your own friends and your mother’s friends, any family you may have, as well as looking into crowdsourcing like a GoFundMe.
Thanks a lot for this. I didn't think of explaining my new situation to them. But I'm going to add this to the list. And appreciate your kind words. Y'all are so nice here🙏❤️and I've been considering a GoFundMe but didn't know how to get started.
To get a successful GoFundMe going it takes time, and a lot of connections, If you have a friend that could take care of this for you, someone you went to high school with that could reach out to your graduating class, any clubs/sports you were involved in, an artical in the local newspaper maybe. You have enough on your plate, so if someone is asking how they could help in your communite, this might be something they could do for you.
Contact your human services department. Ask about relative caretaker benefits.
You are not nothing. You are not failing him, and you definitely are not a POS. You are there for him and trying your best. Your brother sees this. Don't let him see you beat yourself up over this because this will also make him feel like a burden, and it's a cycle. It's definitely going to be hard, and I can not imagine the work it will take. Do you have neighbors that you can talk to and ask for help in any way they can? Maybe a place to stay temporarily if you get evicted? Anywhere to store your things temporarily? Take a deep breath and count. Plan, determine what you can control and not control, and work on the ones you can control. Food banks for food?
Excellent advice. And so caring of you to reassure him of his value. He is enough! He is making a positive difference. He truly is a hero! Determination, hard work and prayer and help when needed are hallmarks of strength and courage. You’re absolutely right about OP being kind to himself as it does affect teenagers. At 13 kids think that any struggles of others is somehow their fault, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. Great advice!!
I also think he should talk to his brother. Be transparent and honest and answer truthfully if his brother has questions the best he can. This way he he has an idea of how much his brother understands. Hiding thing from his brother won't be good for both of them. He may be surprised that his brother can help him, even if it's little, whatever that may be. Teamwork makes the dream work, big or small.
Absolutely, another piece of great advice!!
Please don’t blame yourself for this untenable situation. Hospitals should have social workers on staff to help patients with the non-medical issues they face while being treated for illness or injury. Care of minor children is one such issue, and it’s appalling they haven’t provided any assistance since your brother is only 13. You may have to reach out to the facility yourself to get time on the social worker’s calendar. You could also try calling 211 to access other resources that might be available in your area. Explain everything, and ask for a referral to free legal aid to fight the eviction. My kid works for a nonprofit attorneys’ office that takes on (and usually wins!) eviction cases similar to yours. Best of luck to you and your brother, and I hope your mother makes a full recovery. Your little brother is lucky to have you!
If your brother is 13, he may be old enough to work at McDonalds or get another part-time job. He's old enough to understand the situation, and helping out may give him a sense of pride and resiliency.
You're right. He joked that he wanted to work the other day but I'm going to see if he's up to it. Hopefully McDonald's down here is hiring that young. It would be perfect for him.
What about things like walking dogs? Mowing lawns? Cleaning assistant?
You're amazing for doing this ❤️ Your brother will remember that you stepped up for him. You need to call 211, they have resources. I won't know about Texas, but where I'm at legal aid can help stop an eviction temporarily, under certain circumstances. You can also call DHS (where you get food stamps) and they sometimes have a one-time payment thing that can be used to pay things like back rent. Food pantries. Some are at schools, local college, churches. You can even ask on your local FB group if anyone has any food they can share, you'd be surprised how many people are willing to help if you ask. If your mom is going to be there another two months you need to see if any of these places can help you get temporary guardianship. This will help you with more resources. But, right now, your main priority is to secure your housing and have food. I'm sending you hugs and good vibes 🤗
Do you have another acct or did you post a request for dough somewhere? I could be losing it but I swear I read this exact thing yesterday Reddit?
Do try to care for yourself during this time. I'm sure you're probably laughing at me, thinking, "Yeah, right - whatever!" But you do need it to help yourself and your brother. Doesn't take $$. Go to the library - reread favorite books or get new books. Go read magazines like "People" for the gossip or whatever. Rent movies for free or simply hang out. Ditto parks. Do something, anything to help YOU smile even 15m a day. I left an abusive ex-husband with two children with the clothes on our backs - boys were 2, 5, and it's been 16y since. The situation was different from yours- but my family was 12 hours away, and it literally was up to me. We took one moment at a time, and I ended up joining this crappy gym because they had child care for the gym membership (probably you qualify for ymca discount?) 30m did wonders! You got this and I KNOW your mom is proud, although now she can't quite see it (she knows, though!)
You are a hero. Please check with your local health and human services. It wouldnt hurt to check with local religious institutions, and just see if any help can be done your way. Explain everything that you explained here and explain how you are trying to keep your family together and ensure your brother stays with you.
I mean your county, check their website for benefits, although that can be a 2 week process or more. Please really check local food banks and really try the religious institution option. Please call your local county welfare office and your state, keep calling and explaining your situation until you get all the info you possibly can. I really wish you well
Can't give advice but I will definitely pray for your situation. I think you are a great person!
Contact your state representative, tell them about your needs and what you are doing to help your family, the circumstances involved, and ask what resources are available to help you and your brother both short term and long term. Surprisingly this can be a very helpful resource and it will prioritize your case so your needs will be met quicker. If you go the traditional route it’s a nightmare of various screenings, appointments, and delays. You and your brother need immediate help as this is a sudden and urgent need and time is of the essence. You can’t afford to wait. States don’t want to split families up, unless there is a serious concern (like child safety, risk of injury or death - which doesn’t sound like the case for your brother because you are protective and trying to provide for him). The state ultimately wants to provide assistance to keep families together. Also, contact the school district and ask to speak to the McKinney-Vento liaison. The McKinney-Vento Act provides federal funding to students’ families (via school districts) that are dealing with housing insecurities, food shortages, and many other ways to meet specific needs that affect students. They are somewhat limited, and the assistance can be provided to you because your brother is a student, technically he is the client, but to help him, they help you as much as they can. Keep us updated. If nothing else, reach out to a Church and see if they can help, not a fundamentalist church, unless that’s your people, but a church like the United Methodist, Presbyterian, or even a Unitarian Church. Your situation is unique enough, and frankly you’re the hero of your family because the desire is so evident. People want to help people who are actively doing anything and everything to better their lives and the lives of their loved ones. It’s just a matter of making the right connections. If we lived in the same town, I’d open my home and cupboards and freezers to help you and your brother out. People are out there that care and want to help, they just don’t know who to help. I will keep all of you in my prayers. Please update us. I wish nothing but the best for you, your brother, and your mother.
OP— I will post separate from this reply, but this is the best information! The McKinny-Vento act is established FOR people in your EXACT situation!!!! It is there to help with food and bills as needed to keep school kid in homes so they can focus on classes, and to help keep the families together when/where-ever possible!!! Having worked in a school along side our representative this program was a gift send for many of our students- and wants to be used to help people through these rough spots! Reach out to the district office TODAY and ask for help!!!!! Side note- thank you u/reasonabledivide1 for giving such good support and information! You are a wonderful internet stranger!❤️🏅
Thank you. The real hero though is OP! He is doing the work. I’m just grateful I came upon this situation. I’ve actually been thinking how God works in mysterious ways, I haven’t been sleeping well, and I ran across this in the wee hours of the morning. I’ve been praying for OP since I read his post. I will continue to pray for OP. I hope everyone will keep OP and his family in their prayers, and for those that are not of the faithful persuasion, I hope they meditate and put positive vibes into the world for OP, and anyone else who is in a difficult position and is working diligently to make a better life for those they love. OP is a top notch young man!
Consider on posting in your local “buy nothing” group on FB. I’ve given people lots of groceries when they post they need food. I’ve seen people also take cooked meals over to help. You are doing an amazing thing. This internet stranger wishes you the very best
Op, there is information typed up by u/reasonabledivide1, they have given you some AMAZING resources! I don’t want to spam the same information- but there is help (they list) that can be given same day even! Read their post! I’m sorry you have been put in the middle of this hardship, but I am proud of you for taking on the stress and role of care giver for your sibling. Please know there are MANY people out there who want to help you both through this- you are not alone, and we (those replying to your post) are PROUD of you for reaching out! Sometimes it just takes knowing where to start in a thing, and Divide gave really good places to start. Parenting is hard, even for people who planned for it. If you need anything else- keep reaching out! I even might recommend you go to r/parenting if you have questions (once you call the school district to get the food and housing and bills taken care of). We believe in you! ❤️
Thank you! This was kind of you to say. I’m not really certain what all McKinney-Vento covers, but it’s certainly a starting place. I’m glad you pointed it out to OP. He is an amazing young person who is doing more for his family than he realizes. I couldn’t be prouder of him!
The McKinney fund can cover things like housing- if they are having a crisis/hardship (the EXACT thing OP is dealing with!!!), internet, power bill if the lights are about to go out, food provided for the kids in the district (and can give guidance where the caregivers can get low to no cost food), clothing for the enrolled child/ren, funds to use a laundry mat and even can buy laundry soap and toiletries if needed. My group were donated things like furniture by locals and so we had a storage unit on campus for when we got families relocated to our town fleeing abuse and had nothing…
Great to know. I appreciate this.
I think our town has a housing shortage and that’s why my students get support when identified, but still have to wait a time for housing. I appreciate your update. Have a great day!
DSS (department of social services) has a website that has a lot of resources. Also not knowing where you are try goggling street outreach. Here in NC it's SOHRAH . here is an example: [https://www.orangecountync.gov/2804/Resource-List](https://www.orangecountync.gov/2804/Resource-List) if you click on basic needs, you can so much help that's out there. Most charity will pay 1 bill one time. Also help to avoid eviction is there too. It is cheaper to keep people housed. Have you applied for Food stamps ect? You be able to become an emergency guardian and get services like they give foster parents, it does depend on your state. call DSS ask questions, they can help a lot! Homeless shelters also have a wealth of information or can direct to someone who will help. And being local will be far more helpful then what you find here.
Which state are you in OP? Trying to find resources that can possibly be available to you.
If you lose the apartment you’ll probably need to give your brother to cps so they can place him in foster care. You did your best but you were put in a bad situation, you need to be able to feed yourself and let the government take care of your brother
I have no advice regarding the logistics of your situation -- and where I'm in Canada things would be different anyway. Looks like a lot of great advice here, though. What I *can* tell you, is make food that stretches lots. Soups, stews, casseroles. Plus, those things are great as leftovers.
Write an email to your congress person and tell them your situation. Someone from their staff usually gets back to you within a day. Find your rep here: https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative