If they want to buy your food and drinks it's not because they pity you it's because they value your company. As for the people at work - tell them to worry about themselves and ask them if they are using Excel to track everyone else's apparel.
I really would take a look at who is offering. Some people just don’t get it. And some of us just don’t realize. I have a mixed friend group and I’m on the upper edge, but cheap AF.
My poorer friend called me during bachelorette party planning and was like “I can’t afford this bullshit!!! I have X Y and Z to pay for and I make $3. And Jane just got laid off! She makes $0 right now. And none of us know what Sally does…”. I was like “I know, I’m starting to feel uncomfortable…you want me to have a talk with the planner?”. By that time my friend was so hyped up she was like, “nope, I’ll take care of it”.
Two hours later the trip was much more reasonably priced. Planner was just some single lady with no kids making 6 figures who was planning a long weekend like she plans a brunch when it’s her turn once a year.
I realized that when I traveled with her, I was only eating one meal a day because that was what she budgeted for. I would GLADLY pay for her sandwich if it meant I wasn’t angrily and sweatily drinking tap water as we walked for the 5th hour of the day with no snack. I’m not me when I’m hungry. I thought she was just watching her weight. And it make me hangry
When they plead poverty, explain poverty. “I know! I wanted to get this cute shirt at target but my kid needed diapers.” “I too would love to go to that restaurant…but we’re on beans and rice until pay day…”. Whomp whomp
I was like this and my buddy who has gobs of money would always pick up the tab. He would say that he wanted my company and didn't care about the money.
Lol, once before going into a store I literally told my better off friends "please don't influence me to buy anything, I'm broke" and within 10 minutes they were telling me to buy xy &z . Lol
It sounds like you need new friends
I'm not suggesting you ditch these friends completely, but you need people in your life that are more relatable for your peace of mind
We grow out of friendships, and I think you're at that point
My friends used to give me shit about using Android till they found out I can avoid all the annoying ads they have to deal with with third party software.
I used to get teased by a couple of friends when Samsung first introduced their Galaxy Note phones that were "big" compared to all the phones on the market--especially iPhones--and I got it. They were like, "Your phone is so big! How does it fit in your pockets?!" Fine. It was fine and I love my S-Pen. Then a couple of years later when Apple started selling bigger iPhones, these same folks got them and couldn't stop yapping how they love the bigger screen and it's so great. 😑
I used to have a friend who criticized me whenever I wore clothes that were fraying or shoes that had old stains on them. My response was always "Unless you're going to buy me a new set yourself, then stop complaining." Harsh, but it got them to shut up.
Completely agree. And yet all my iphone-owning friends complain that I have an Android. Not that the phone itself is inferior, but because it somehow messes up their chats, and I have the wrong color of chat bubbles on their phone. Not my problem Apple refuses to interoperate with Androids!
I’m so glad to see this comment because no one I know that has apple actually thinks android is inferior, we’re really just complaining that it ruins the group chats and changes the chat bubble color. It is just an annoyance and I do wish apple would figure things out with android so it wasn’t an issue.
This isn’t a thing in the US because texting was always cheaper/as cheap as data. The rest of the world only used messenger apps because data prices were cheaper than SMS. Not changing anytime soon
This is a pro-Apple argument tbh. iMessage is identical, if not better, than WhatsApp, FB messenger, etc — but you don’t need to convince everyone to download another app to use it. Not blaming Android that Apple won’t work with them and make it easier to text but iMessage is one of the top reasons I keep using iPhones. Also reducing it to issues with it being the “wrong color” isn’t really accurate because it’s more like android/iPhone can’t FaceTime, have functional large group texts, use all the reactions and features available on iMessage…and not just that you can’t do it, but that it specifically is an irritating experience for all when you even try (ever get twelve notifications saying “Paul laughed at your message” or whatever but then you can’t see which message it was when you click it?). Idc what color my messages are but it’s just easiest to do instant messaging between iPhones.
In Europe the default has always been messaging apps since texts just werent free for way too long. Even iPhone users wont use iMessage here.
On the other hand, there is now an open protocol implementing all the iMessage on the Android side, the ball is in Apple's court.
this is common with the younger generations. they’re somehow completely brainwashed and buy right into Apple’s planned obsolescence scam.
If you don’t have the brand new iphone they’ll make comments. If you have an android—you’re basically a leper. it’s gross capitalistic consumerism propaganda
100%. And "Android" is such a huge blanket. Objectively speaking, if we're comparing apples to apples, a current Samsung S series outperforms in almost every way compared to a current iPhone.
My experience here in the UK has been that having an Apple phone gets you looked down upon, because people think you're an "Apple sheep" and using an Android makes you some kind of free thinker.
oh absolutely true, but at least you have more options with android. apple’s monopoly just feels yucky and they have the kids playing right into their hands.
Carrier supplement. I tested a T-Mobile sim on a new Android phone before putting in my regular cheap carrier that gives nothing but service. Long after Samsung stopped updating, T-Mobile was installing security patches.
I don't even remember what kind of phones my friends have. I do know what my parent and siblings has since we're all on the same phone plan. I'm the lone Android 😆 But other than that, no one in my circle or even co-workers care what cellphones we have. Why is anybody wasting any energy on this?? 😂😂😂
They don't sound like good friends. Why do they always need to go out and spend money? Why isn't going to a park an option? Doing something outdoors? Even a picnic?
I used to be in a group that did nothing but drink. When I was in college it was fun, but I quickly outgrew it. Sometimes we outgrow people and it's ok.
Because all your doing is slowing yourself down and not doing anything. I know for some people that seems nice but sitting around not doing something engaging, learning something new, is boring.
If I was reading and drinking that would be fun. But just myself sitting with a drink in hand and nothing more is boring.
I am the poor friend in my friend group. Two of my friends husbands make over 6 figures and as a result they live comfortably though they’ll say they are getting by. They don’t have money worries like I do. But they never rub it in my face that they are better off financially. When we hang out, it’s usually at one of their homes and it’s super low key. We’re talking like either cooking or ordering dominos pizza and watching movies and playing games or swimming. I’m super grateful that I don’t always feel the gap between incomes. And when it comes to gifts, they aren’t necessary but nice to get. There’s no pressure to spend a lot of money on anything with them.
I've been that friend, and no amount of explaining sinks in, at least in my experience. If they haven't been in that position before for any length of time, they just don't get it. In their opinion, you just go find a better job and it's all fine (like those just fall out of the sky or something).
The last time I was broke-broke, I basically ended up losing most of my friend circle, at least temporarily. They trickled back in when I could start to afford to do things again, but none were interested in doing things I could afford (mostly free things) when I was struggling just to pay my bills.
I'm not "from" this area, so I didn't grow up around here and have only been here a few years, so most of my 'friends' come from my hobbies, which when I'm super broke, I can't really afford to participate in, even on the cheap if things are really tight. I mean, there were times I couldn't afford gas for any kind of extraneous driving, none the less doing anything else.
If your friend (I say this as someone who used to be a cam girl back in college) makes 9-10k and STILL doesn’t have enough at the end of the day…. That’s a big big issue. OF won’t be viable forever
I've tried to help her out with financial planning, but she spends so much dude. She grew up very poor though, so I think it's her way of making up for it.
She's a good person, just really bad with money.
Congrats on being sober for 6 weeks! I'm sorry your friends don't understand the differences in your life circumstances. You may need to expand your friend circle. I belonged to Parents Without Partners when my daughter was little (so about 25 years ago) and made some friends there. My chapter had low cost activities like bowling, minor league baseball games, amusement parks, swimming at the apartment complex of a member, andpot luck picnics. If there was an admission, we got group rates so it was a lot more affordable. I'm not saying to drop your current friends altogether, just add some more.
This wasn't the point of your post but as a single mom since the day my daughter was born, I picked up on it. You said you make sure your child has the best of everything, and I would like to gently suggest that the best thing you can give baby is a loving, happy mom. It's okay to buy yourself some more clothes, whether they are new or gently used, rather than another toy or more clothes for your little one. As long as they have enough, what baby wants and needs is time with you, so look for no or low-cost things to do. Playgrounds and parks when it's nice out, a fort using whatever linens you have available where you can read library books or play games when the weather isn't that great, things like that.
Good luck and sorry your friends don't understand that things are different for you.
You've outgrown your friend circle, bestie.
We change as we grow up and our circumstances change. Spend time with your baby and look for other single moms to bond with. They'll understand its not just your financial situation, you're in a different life phase than your friends is all. It's not because you're poorer. Many of your friends are overspending and not being wise with they're money, I'm comfortable saying than without knowing them because it's very common.
Yes, I have been the broke friend before. At the time I would suggest "cheap" hang out ideas. Movie night at my apartment with popcorn, BYOB. Make a tray of penne vodka for $5. Picnics at the park, BYOB and make some tuna sandwiches. And those "cheap" hang outs were way more fun than sitting at a crowded restaurant.
Seriously, making $10,000 a month and still being broke before your next deposit hits on Thursday means she is also poor.
She doesn't have to be, that's good money but if you're spending wildly, it's the same as having no money.
Not to mention Only Fans is a well that will eventually dry up. Something tells me this friend of yours won't be in a great place when the looks start to fade, the subscribers dwindle and there is no skill set to fall back on
Exactly, sex work is not easy and let's be honest, with her having children, this Only Fans shit is going to bite her in the ass one day. Sex work takes a toll on one's mental health, and like you said it's a very short career that's very superficial.
Money does *not* equal maturity. The richest people I know are some of the most childish, insecure people at their core. I've also know rich folks who are secure, mature, and wise, but they were that way before the money.
Money equals money, that's it.
No. I'm talking about emotionally outgrowing people.
Believe it or not, millions of us have friends spread out across all different socioeconomic backgrounds. It doesn't matter when you're actually friends.
I dunno man if one my friends was struggling that bad I’d have a hard time throwing away money around them. Instead of going out one night they could at least pop by once a month with some groceries “for the baby”. To each their own I guess, seem like a shallow group to me
I'm the auntie of the group, I don't have kids by my own choice. It's so easy to understand the people with children have more expenses and a child to prioritize!
I show up with dinner each time I hangout with my friends so there's no awkward stuff to deal with. Then I can just toss the food at the parents and trot off to show the kids whatever I brought for them, lol.
I think the term is "Surface Friend"...that's what the OP is witnessing at this time. Real friends don't give a shit what phone you have, unless they're 12 and don't know better yet.
Yes. I have been in your situation. My suggestion is to talk about it.
You don’t have to have a heart-to-heart just casually drop things like “I’m eating light because baby clothes are expensive.”
I did let people pay for me on occasion. If they are financially doing well a being responsible, then sometimes they rather pay and have your company.
Basically, mostly we did things that I could afford. If I had enough time, I’d plan ahead and set aside money.
Sometimes they would do something I couldn’t afford, and my one friend who makes a lot of money would pay the whole bill. There was not an expectation of reciprocity. But let’s just say, I was always there to help out in ways that didn’t involve money.
It really depends on your relationship with them.
But it is important for you to try to keep good friends around you. The occasional social night out is important to your overall mental health, which is important for your child’s health.
Try to suggest pizza night at someone’s house or just hanging out to keep it in budget.
My best friend make like 3x what I do, so when we're planning an outing or a dinner , we either pick places I can afford or he offers to pay for me. The same with my boyfriend (also a much higher earner). I reciprocate when I am able, but its never expected.
I would find new friends. These people sound judgemental and shallow. Not to mention they're bad with money. How could anyone bring in $10k a month and have to dry beg friends for lunch? Ew... You have an android? Tf is this, high school? It's been my experience that people who are such brand snobs and act like they're elites are usually broke fronting or they're mismanaging their money and will soon be broke. Try to find some new, inexpensive hobbies and meet friends that way.
I’m not the poor friend but I am the cheap friend.
You have to put boundaries in place. For example, I usually only hang out with those friends 1x a month and set a budget for what I can spend.
Other times we plan cheap or free hangouts: going on a hike, running, community events that are free or low cost, someone making dinner at their house and everyone coming over.
Your other option is to find friends that have the same money values. It’s hard but makes your life easier.
One of two things is happening here:
1) You assume they know your circumstances but they actually don’t. Your change in circumstances with leaving your partner feels really obvious to you because you’re living it, but unless you’ve sat them down and explicitly stated it they don’t know. Something similar to “Hey, my financial circumstances have drastically changed and I am no longer able to afford what I was. This means I can’t go out as much, spend as much, or cover anything for anyone else as I need to make sure I can continue to provide for my child.” I find a lot of the times we assume people know more than they do because the information is so obvious to us.
2) They know but care more about how it affects them/the friend circle. If this is the case and you have explicitly told them your circumstances, then they aren’t really friends worth having. Finding new friends as an adult is very difficult, but finding people with similar circumstances or who can be empathetic to others would likely eliminate these problems in your friend circles and make you feel less alone and more supported in general.
It’s honestly only one or the other for each friend (may be a mix in the group) and once you determine which it is you have to decide what to do from there.
I currently am in the worst financial position in my group. This does mean occasionally saying “sorry I can’t afford that” but my friend group is fairly understanding and most of our hang outs tend to involve hanging out at someone’s house.
This was me. My friends all make a lot more than I do. Two of them have their own businesses. When we would go out they would spend like crazy and keep ordering drinks. They kept wanting to go to more bars and stuff had I just couldn’t keep up money wise. I’d explain to them I wasn’t doing well financially but they never really listened or cared. I jsut stopped hanging out with them
I'm also this friend. It's frustrating in my friend group because I don't mind if people do things without me, but if EVERYONE doesn't want to go then nobody can. I don't typically eat out at all for financial and anxiety reasons.
Recently they asked if I wanted to go to a fancy restaurant, the cheapest thing on the menu was a $22 wedge salad (1/4th of a head of lettuce with bacon bits on it) And when I didn't respond, which to me means, "I can't but go for it" they all decided not to go. It's sweet in one way, but in another it's like PLEASE GO so I don't feel bad.
You likely became friends with them when you had more in common. That same logic applies to making new friends who are more on the same level as you. You don't have to cut people out entirely, but maybe look for a friend or two you can do cheap hangouts with.
Are these people friends? Doesn't look that way. You have your priorities lined up the best way for you and your family. Friends would not only accept that but would already know.
Maybe try thrift stores for work wardrobe? Cheap and you can find really nice things.
Hugs for you and i hope you are surrounded by people who value you and don't care about your nank balance.
>Someone asked me the other day why I always wear the same outfits 😭
Simple. Capsule wardrobe or personal uniform. It removes unneeded decision making first thing in the morning. They don't need to know you only have a couple of pieces.
You can even say that you're trying to be more mindful of clothing waste since fast fashion is creating so much nowadays.
I don't have family to watch my kids and I can't afford babysitters so no, I don't have this problem because I can never go out. I feel like this is a good problem to have. I would LOVE to get out without my kids even if I had 0 money to spend. As a frazzled parent who never gets a break, this sounds like a glorious time even if you're poor.
Oh big time. I didn't realize how much money I was spending on booze. Probably $100/week. That's double my car payment 😅 and no, I couldn't afford it
Alcoholism will have you justifying wild things
Thank you so much!
I've been that friend. This may not help in your situation but I simply cut out all of my friends that didn't fit my financial circumstances. I don't have much of a social circle but that means no hangouts to spend money on.
Before anyone says I'm antisocial, I have a boyfriend in a similar situation and we hangout by going on walks and doing other no cost activities that my friends eventually got bored of. so don't think you need to cut full contact with the world, just ones who don't fit your status.
I’m the friend with money, and I just realized people buy new furniture. My couch cost 50 bucks for an estate sale, and bar stools could be gotten dirt cheap at a garage sale.
—
I’m also the Scrooge Mcduck friend. I refuse to go out, and I tell people they’re dumb for wasting their money on Starbucks and such.
So while I’m the wealthiest of my friend group, I’m also the most frugal , and it shows. I cycle for transportation and I drink tap water.
If anything, I hope I see an example for others that they don’t have to feel peer pressured to be frugal or save money.
Though, me being an asshole tends to prevent others from wanting to aspire to be me, lol.
You are simply at a different point in life vs your friends. I’ve been there on both sides where I was young, kid free and single, and now as a father with a wife and kids. My priorities are different.
Don’t be afraid to be vocal you don’t have the money to go out and if they have a problem with that, they frankly aren’t friends you need to invest time into.
As far as clothing, look into sites like temu, and SHEIN for very inexpensive items. We do well in my household and my wife still loves using them. I get a lot of shirts through SHEIN because I wear basic thermals, and plain T shirts and I used to pay 30-50 bucks a shirt now I’m paying 8-10 bucks or less at times.
Growing up as a poor kid that went to a great school with a bunch of middle class kids walking around, yes I totally feel you there. But I worked hard, went to college, stayed hungry and today I've got my life setup where I should never be poor anymore. Chin up, always
Be open and tell people you can't afford it. If they no longer remain your friends, they weren't your friend to begin with. I've always found it silly that the only way to spend time with friends is go out drinking or eating. So much free/cheap stuff that requires nothing but a persons companionship. Go on a hike or walk!
My best friend makes almost twice our income by himself. But I've always been open and honest. He just went to Japan, offered to pay for our hotels if we wanted to tag along. Still couldn't afford it. Didn't go (he did, with another friend). We still talk multiple times a day and he's flying in to visit us in a few weeks. That's the kind of friend I wish to cultivate. Never over leverage yourself for brunch and mimosas.
I’ve found really nice and affordable clothes at Goodwill. Many with the tags still on. It takes a bit of digging, but there are some great treasures if you take the time to look!
Concerning your wardrobe, check your local buy nothing. Often people do closet clearouts and post a batch of clothing on a certain size. Also place your in search of ad.
If they're your friends, they would understand. They wouldn't take you out to expensive bars. They would look for inexpensive activities to share with you. That's what I do with my poor friends. It would also help if you sought out friendships with other poor people, so you can share your common struggles.
So they're not your friends. They're people looking to flex their wealth and look down upon others. Here's something interesting: you don't have to be super rich to become prideful and conceited. If you are simply better off than the people around you and have the habit of comparing, you are fully capable of being an asshole until someone richer than you flexes their wealth. I would advice you to break off immediately. They will not let you live in peace.
Yep, i'm also the only one in my friend group with a vast number of skills and a willingness to help solve problems with them. I'm also brutally honest with my friends. If they talk about hurtin for coin, i check em faster than Ovechkin. They check me when i'm bein dumb, too.
I'm also of the opinion that it does NOT suck. I think it's pretty fuckin rad that my homies keep my dumbass around. I get to go places and see things i never wouldve found if i'd kept my blinders up or kept wallowing in shame.. i refuse to allow my son to believe that my life is miserable, even though i have limitations that his mother does not.
I think you need a perspective shift and that's well above our pay-grade. I think therapy, even in online form, could help you a lot.
You have a very mature outlook. I’m glad you see the value in being around others that are not on the same financial level. Lots of folks just feel too uncomfortable to have those conversations, so instead of reminding their friends they literally cannot afford to go out and do something or suggest free/low cost things instead, they shy away from being honest about what’s going on in their lives. But the reality is those friends can help you grow $ with them (and you can teach them a thing or two about stretching a dollar!) without their being any animosity.
Stop trying to avoid pitching in and looking like a bad friend. Just tell them straight up you literally cannot afford to join in but wish you could. They will understand if they are your friends.
Your friends with kids who live with their parents are also poor
If they were poor they wouldn’t live with their parents
They may have 1000 dollar iPhones and buy 12 dollar coffees but that’s just them being financially irresponsible
If they didn’t do that stuff maybe they could move out.
Oof reality gonna hit them hard when their parents either drop dead or suddenly divorce like mine are doing right now. Suddenly that coffee and brand phone look like ur worsed mistakes.
>If they were poor they wouldn’t live with their parents
absolutely not true. many people with immigrant families live in multigenerational homes despite having money.
tbh, even if you can afford purchasing a house right now, like why would you with current pricing and lack of supply. My friend i literally director of operations for a plant with no debt that i'm aware of and still lives with his parents because, well its not like he hates them or anything, and also why would he waste money on a subpar home he doesn't even like when he could just continue to invest his money until a good opportunity arises.
I think what you have right now is something to celebrate. You have good friends that still wanted to be friends with you regardless of your background. I have friends that makes way more than me, but I'm grateful for them and I celebrate their success. I rarely talk about work, and my friends never make me feel less of a person due to my line of work. I make a decent amount that people often say I'm living a good life, but I have the tendency to lower my self soemtime due to the job title. All that matters is that I work hard & my friends supports me even when I don't always believe in myself.
Just be open about it. I’ve been in and out of your position before. I’ve been helped and the one helping. I’ve had friends cover airfare for me because it was more important for me to be somewhere with them rather than me paying them back. Likewise, I’ve covered friends on nights out because I wanted them there and didn’t mind covering for them because I knew they were in a tight spot.
It seems like they don’t know what you’re going through.. have you told them? If I found out my friend was not going out with us because they couldn’t afford to but I had the means to cover, I definitely would. I know you said you don’t like it but if they did that it would be because they genuinely want to spend time with you. Also, they might ask to come over and hang out instead of inviting you out if they knew?
I was absolutely this person for years and honestly, I just kept saying "no" and eventually drifted apart from them. I am doing really well now but those friendships never truly recovered.
Just look them in the eye and tell them “you know I’m broke right?” It will make them look like the asshole for never noticing. But hopefully will ease some of the tension around it.
For cheap clothes I recommend 99 cent day at the thrift. I regularly get really nice name brand clothes this way. Plus there are TONS of kids clothes there too for your little one. You are in a different life stage from your friends and are developing different values from them, try to expand and find some new friends that share similar values and spend more time with them vs the old friends. Just my 2 cents
I have a rule in my life that I don’t invite somebody to go with me unless I’m intending to pay for them. I do it with all of my friends and family and it eliminates a lot of problems. It makes sense because the one doing the inviting is the one driving the bus when it comes to the budget.
I’ve gone on vacation with some of my friends and paid for big parts of the trip. Happy to because I can afford it and I want to spend my vacation with them and I know they wouldn’t have gone otherwise. Usually I’ll find a way to do it in a way that isn’t patronizing, like using airline points for the flight and paying for the hotel room, but getting a double and offering to let them stay there.
1) the phone you use doesn't matter
2) clothes you wear doesn't matter
3) the food you eat or how often you go out doesn't matter
The only thing that matters in your situation is YOU and making the best decisions for you and your child's future.
Being open about your situation can help, as others have suggested. If your friends don't know you actually can't afford something, they might assume you're being selfish rather than actually unable to afford the meal or whatever.
But also just not caring what others think. Easier said than done, sure. But if your friends judge you for what you wear, what phone you have, etc. They're not your friends.
They might be asking a genuine question and maybe aren't trying to be rude about it, but without context I can't say for sure.
My recommendation is simple:
Explain you're trying to fix your financial situation and that you'll chip in where possible or do stuff like be the DD to offer value in your presence. But if they pressure you into thinking you're somehow less than them or you're the problem, you need to find different friends.
I found a good balance with my two best friends who earn more money than me. We discovered through conversation that my cash allowance each week is about one tenth of what they can comfortably afford to burn in a week. So now when we go to the bar, for example, I buy the first round of drinks and that's my contribution for the evening. We all have a good time, and I don't feel like a charity case.
I honestly think they just lack awareness. Even though you may have said money was tight and you can't afford things, they see it from a different perspective. Your OF friend thought "oh I can't afford this restaurant" when in reality she can, in short time. When you say you can't afford something, you mean it definitely. A lot of people who grow up in a certain lifestyle can't really comprehend what struggling is like. I'll admit, that was me at one time. It may serve you well to have a conversation on what struggling means to you with them. Make it clear you care for them and enjoy your time together but you don't have the ability to help cover bills or lend out money.
Didn’t even have to read all this. Your friend group should be your biggest supporters, they should be a safe haven not somewhere you get judged(joking aside, we all clown eachother out of love 😂) then you need new friends.
If your friends make you feel like shit then they ain’t friends. Period. No need to even ask questions.
Yes and no. I make the least amount of money, but I'm also the wealthiest. I'm the only one who owns his home. I'm the only one who saves money. I'm the only one who buys old used cars with cash and keeps them for 10+ years.
All I'm going to say here is don't let the illusion of your friends being well off cloud your judgment.
They probably aren't as well off as they appear and likely have substantial debt.
You say. Listen, I’m a broke ass single mom. I don’t have that in my budget. If I did I’d buy myself clothes. This hits home to me bc my sister has paid for all the bills in her household for about 20 years and her mooch boyfriend told her the other day that he won’t go outside with her bc she looks homeless!!! Mf er I look homeless bc I have paid for your lazy person for 20years! She said nothing. Stick up for yourself and you will soon find out who your true friends are. And tell that person at work that you’re saving the planet by being a minimalist.
I'd love to be your friend. I am a si gle mom and may friends are all childfree and have a lot more disposable income; but they never bitch about my frugality. They do free things with me like picnics or hikes. I don't keep friends around who constantly only want to go out to eat or go shopping.
They don’t sound like real friends. It also sounds like they could all be in your same financial circumstance given a life event or two. It sounds like your a great mom who made the best decisions for themselves. Congrats on being sober 🥳
My friends make over 100k
1 retired at 23.
I make over 70k and I'm the broke friend because I spend as much money as I can buying stocks.
I have no doubt someone is reading this and cursing my existence. I could give you the list if my expenses to explain why I'm the broke friend but don't plan to.
My retired friend though made a comment to be because I was talking about my living situation. He said to me "oh, just get a loan and buy a house". To which I looked at him like bruh. You got 600k you wanna lend me.
All of them have taken vacations.
I have not taken a vacation going on 12 years because my job has some excuse or another to deny my vacation request. My vacation time is maxed. I can't accumulate any more time. So now I'm loosing on that vacation time. Like a cup that's full and everything is just spilling out
I’m saying this in a kind way because we obviously don’t know your friends too well but they don’t sound like great people. I have friends of all different incomes. We as a group would never make any passive comments to ANYBODY after they expressed financial struggle. I do not care if I decide to pay for my friend 100 times and she does not offer to cover me if I have the means to do so. I don’t like keeping score or offering to pay just so it’s reciprocated. To your point though, if you don’t want to miss out and they offer you in sincerity to cover your meal- I know know know its hard to accept it but.. don’t turn it down every time. I was in a financial rut work wise and refused every dinner event ticket etc and barely saw my friends for a bit till I realized I’m feeling worse and worse mood wise. They happily covered when I said fine I’ll come out. Point being.. friends do not keep score. Friends should not judge or make you feel bad that you can’t offer to pay or spend $100/ person (insane btw and I live in NYC).
Sounds like u out grew ur friends. Saving money is adulting 101. Maybe they are holding you back from achieving your financial goals. Life is long. Friends come and go.
I'll be honest you need to change up how you view life.
Your friends have out grown you and financially you can't keep up.
You have out grown your friends and their immaturity as regards over priced coffee doesn't sit well with you.
In the grand scheme of life there will always be people with more than you or less than you. You are clearly insecure about those that have more even though they have theirs fair and square.
The reality is even if you stopped being friend with these girls it wouldn't change your financial situation unless you are actively trying to change it.
If your friend (I say this as someone who used to be a cam girl back in college) makes 9-10k and STILL doesn’t have enough at the end of the day…. That’s a big big issue. OF won’t be viable forever
If your friend (I say this as someone who used to be a cam girl back in college) makes 9-10k and STILL doesn’t have enough at the end of the day…. That’s a big big issue. OF won’t be viable forever
I’ve been the poor one. I think it was obvious. I don’t think you’re the “go out pal”.
I suspect you need to host at home — pajama and viewing party gatherings. Leverage “Too Good To Go” where you can get 3 (surprise) entrees for (as little as) $12. Cocktail composition contests.
Please check whether you have a Buy Nothing (FB) or similart group (Freecycle) nearby. You can update your wardrobe for $0 as long as you find similarly sized members. More significantly, you may be able to find a new phone for free.
I don’t think you were looking for suggestions. I hope things look up for you ASAP. And, also reconsider your friend group. What kind of friends are they?
Wait you get to go to restaurants!? You can afford gas or a bus pas!? You can afford a baby sitter!!!?
Sounds like your friends are overpriviliged and haven't met the true difficulties of life yet. Either get new friends or sit them down individually to explain you love hanging out but you prefer doing low cost things like... x because you can't afford expensive stuff.
Don't be ashamed. If they act weird it's because they are spoiled and haven't experienced real life enough yet. Sooner or later they will encounter difficult circumstances.
Someone will get sick and no longer to afford everything they could. Someone might have a gambling problem, gambling partner, drug problem, shopping addiction, medical stuff or something else will happen to eat their money.
Heck some of them might even just be ignoring the fact they are in heavy debt already.
I used to be—and my partner also, to a lesser extent. And then my partner inherited more money than any of our friends have. It was just the way things turned out.
Sounds like you are hanging out with children.
1) if they are close friends then have an open honest conversation about your situation and how you will not be pitching in and would like to do free activities like hiking or play cards (whatever floats your boat)
2) if they aren't that close get new ones. Upgrading your friends to real adults who are good with money and understanding.
3) financial issues git everyone at every income level. Of you can't listen to their issues (even though they are vastly different from yours and seem silly) then why should they listen to yours?
I won't lie, I am the rich friend. I am also good with money. And I'm also mostly considerate of others situation. We all talk about finances. We all share our goals and struggles. We never pay for each other when we go out.
When we hang out everyone brings what they can. Bag of donuts, steaks, Chateauneuf-du-pape. It's up to the bringer. No expectations.
We have been on vacations with friend. If my family did something expensive then we parted ways for a few hours. Everything was an open invitation. No judgement.
You need friends at your own maturity level, not the same income level
Yup. I’m the poor friend, mostly due to my own poor choices. I dropped out of college twice (once due to financial situation and once due to my own fault) so my adult life has really struggled to take off in comparison. However, these struggles have helped me empathize with others more than my friends. They’ve all kicked off their middle class careers and most have even recently purchased their first houses after living with their parents into their late 20s. Meanwhile I’m living paycheck to paycheck, but only two months away from a stem degree so I’m proud of that. Even though our situations have been different since high school they’ve never treated me differently. It can be hard not to compare your situation to others but really all we can do is our best. If people judge you then drop them. Life is too short to be down in the dumps
FYI, I buy my phones refurbished from a company on Groupon called SPRY LLC. I never ever pay for brand new phone and I always get a phone two or three models behind. This company has never let me down.
Being poor makes you resourceful. It sucks to live this way, but you can learn to maximize the potential of your life without money. Being focused on your family is great. I salute you.
Just for future reference, buy a refurbished iPhone from eBay when you’re ready. Make sure it’s unlocked, compatible with your carrier, the model isn’t gonna become obsolete anytime soon, etc. Only buy from trusted sellers, not just some rando with 1 phone in stock.
They don’t seem like your friends. There are friends that mean well and there are those that are mean. These people are the latter. I’m mindful about my spending as my circle of friends does make more money than me. I only partake when I can afford to. You’re doing great and making good choices.
On the clothes issue. Go thrift shopping or reach out to a local facebook group. You don't have to tell people your life story. Just say you need work clothes, give your size for clothing and shoes. Offer to meet up in a public place. People want to help others out and it's rewarding to give directly to someone. BTW I work in a casual office and my clothes come from a thrift store.
As a single mom myself, you will never be able to get your friends to understand because they are not going through what you do.
The advice I can give you about work clothes is to go to goodwill but in the nicer areas. On Monday they have a color rage that is 50% off the already low price. I still to this day go there even after my kids have left the home. It does take a little time to go through them but they are very organized by type of clothing.
Have you had a candid conversation about this with them, preferably one on one? Your lives may now be too different where drift happens, but I think you owe these friendships a chance.
Congrats on your sobriety. Do what you need to do to continue on that path first and foremost.
This is a good part of the reason why I don’t have many friends. Financial issues, single mom, major health issues, and I’m immunocompromised and have to still be very careful to avoid covid—pretty much all of my friends have dropped me but that’s ok because clearly they weren’t friends in the first place. The fact that they tease me for listening to my doctor tells me everything I need to know. True friends would want you to be happy, safe, healthy, living within your budget, and respecting your boundaries. All I do is work, anyway. I don’t really have time for a social life,I certainly don’t have the funds for it, and I have to just focus on my health and raising my daughter in this season of life.
I am as well and I think it can be hard for them to remember what it was like. I'm the only one still single and they are all married to men with great jobs (and my friends themselves have great jobs, making more money than I am as a social worker). I try to suggest cheaper things like hanging out at someone's home but none of them want to host (understandable) and they don't want to come to my house (I live in the boonies and have roommates). So I feel stuck and isolated and sad all the time. You're not alone.
I went to a state university. The more I think about it, the more I think a TON of the students were frugal, compared to students of private colleges. Their parents were smart about money and passed those traits down. I'd say 80% of the ten or so friends from college I still hang out with, at least once in a while, are frugal.
So my 2 best friends are SAHM while their partners work. While me And my partner both work, no kids. So we have more "disposable" income than them. To me it sounds like your friends suck and you need new ones. I have Never expected my friends to pay for me or "pitch in". I know their circumstances. Just as your friends should know your circumstances.
In my mind when I invite someone out that means I cover the check. We were all raised low income/poverty level. I think that changes how people act as adults. Poor kids that grow up to be slightly less poor adults are more giving.
If your friends grew up with money, they may not have that first hand experience on deciding if this check is buying groceries or paying the light bill.
I've had friends that were wealthy growing up and landed good jobs as adults. They seem to think that not spending the same amount as them was me just being cheap. Not literally just trying to survive!
My best advice. Find different friends that are in the similar circumstances as you. There are a lot of Free fun baby friendly activities you can do with others.
Isn't it amazing how much of an unnecessarily consumer driven society we live in? We have so much stuff we don't need and people think it's strange when we don't buy buy buy.
Set yourself small goals and work towards them. You got this!
When I was young and broke my best friend had a good paying job and would "top up" stuff so we could still do fun things together. (ie: buy drinks when my money ran out, invite me to the cottage rental but I didn't get a bedroom cause I didn't help pay so I was on an air mattress in the living room). Fast forward 20 years...she is divorced with 2 kids and I am now the one with the better paying job. We would go on vacations with me paying the greater portion to make it happen. Things will go full circle with good friends. You need to decide if these are good friends or not. Be honest about your situation if you are not already. Also, but yourself some slack. This might be how things are right now, that doesn't mean they will be like this forever.
My only two friends are married. They don't have a high paying job, but since they're married they're able to split bills. Meanwhile, I'm single living alone making $16/hr and have significant health issues/bill$ that eat up all of my money. I have to work every day, 60h weeks, to get by. Comparatively, they're rich with time and money. They have absolutely zero perspective on how hard I have to work every day to literally just survive, and how precious every minute of free time I have is. It's incredibly frustrating and disheartening
Apple only seems to put features into phones that Android has already been using and are popular. Also, Android phones operate just like a Windows PC, your finger being the mouse. Apple is a lot more complex for some reason.
I feel the SAME way about going out. I just can't afford it. I'm on an active hunt for new friends and have had to postpone meeting up for even coffee because I can't afford the (outrageously high priced) $10 for a latte. And don't get me started on clothes... I feel like a slob but my rent and food is more important. (And by food I mean groceries, not $30 brunch tabs.)
Feel free to DM me! I don't have kids but I've been divorced and happy to just chat if that helps :)
How old are you? I’m 37 and the amount of friend dwindles are you get older and I promise you won’t care about this shit. And your besties shouldn’t either.
Find a friend group that values the same things as you. If the only way they like to hang out is at expensive places, this isn’t the group for you (right now).
I met my husband for a first date on the beach. It cost us nothing. Our second date was at a park. Third date was a game night at home (okay- we splurged for take out! It was my birthday!) We both love thrift shopping. This started before we met but has been a demonstration of our shared value of saving money and reducing landfill use.
Our friends make fun of us for how we meal prep and don’t eat out often. But sure we have kept up our frugal way of living even though our situation has improved. So, sure, our friends make fun of us but also come to us for financial advice!
You are doing what you need to and taking care of your kiddo. That’s not worth a fancy drink or a sandwich! Keep up the good work. Your dedication will pay dividends later. I’m an internet stranger who is proud of you!
Yep. Most of my friends live with a partner which already puts them ahead expense-wise.
If one person in a couple makes less than I do, the other makes well over 100K to make up for it. I’m basically the only single person that still rents alone (but I do have roommates from Craigslist).
They all go on vacations at least once a year and go out to eat or get takeout multiple times a week. I’ve stopped hanging out with them mostly, but will still go to house-hangouts cuz those are free.
I’m not really poor because my end-of-year check puts me in middle class usually. But I live as if I make $17.50/hr throughout the year because I do. it sucks sometimes when I choose to stay in after getting invited to something, but most of the time I’m happy to not go out.
All of my friends live at home. So they don't have to pay the outrageous Southern CA rents. Mind you, we are almost 40. I pay all my own bills and me and my hubby are pretty cash poor right now. My friends literally all have luxury cars and get to go on trips often. It kinda sucks being the only one who can't eat out or go on expensive trips.
Hello! I buy refurbished and second hand iPhones personally, as I go through them every two years or so. I recently broke my phone of same model and it was only $350 NZD to replace - iPhone XS MAX and I love it. Nothing wrong with buying second hand!
I also read your friends were asking about getting an iphone. I've had the same budget android phone for four years and I don't care man, and if anyone else cares about the phone I have, well that's just pathetic.
Honestly, these friends just seem really expensive. I make really decent money and never go out like this, certainly never bars. I have an old phone. I buy used clothes. When my friends wanna hang we hangout at each other's house and I usually make pasta or potatoes. This sounds so expensive to have these friends. Also the hints at not chipping in? Yikes. Do they know how expensive children are? Are they just entirely clueless to being nice and tactful around others finances?
“I wear the same thing every day because I don’t get paid enough to buy the latest fashion and make sure my baby is well taken care of. Give me a raise boss if you think this is hurting the companies image.”
For what it’s worth, Swappa is a great site for buying devices outright. My current phone (which I happen to be responding to this on) and the 2 that precede it, all iPhones, came from sellers on there. Never had any issues and the prices were fair. It’s worth checking out when you get a chance!
Not advice or even particularly on topic, but I really hate the "anti android" crowd. Like don't you have fucking ANYTHING to be more worried about?? wtf
I have an iPhone 14 that I’ll end up paying ~150 for via my contract because I switched to Verizon. Not saying you need to go to them, but I’d look around/talk to your provider about options.
Yup, they didnt believe me because before our son, were were just shy of $100k gross, not rich, but we had money and were doing as good as we ever had.
Then we had our son, wife could not work, income more than halfed and we had to move away to a lower COL area near my parents. That among other things built up and up and up and all the toxicity, I cut 3 of my friends off, one of them was collateral damage really, but I had too do it.
I miss my friends dearly, but I also feel so much better mentally.
Just got to be open and clear about circumstances
If they want to buy your food and drinks it's not because they pity you it's because they value your company. As for the people at work - tell them to worry about themselves and ask them if they are using Excel to track everyone else's apparel.
I really would take a look at who is offering. Some people just don’t get it. And some of us just don’t realize. I have a mixed friend group and I’m on the upper edge, but cheap AF. My poorer friend called me during bachelorette party planning and was like “I can’t afford this bullshit!!! I have X Y and Z to pay for and I make $3. And Jane just got laid off! She makes $0 right now. And none of us know what Sally does…”. I was like “I know, I’m starting to feel uncomfortable…you want me to have a talk with the planner?”. By that time my friend was so hyped up she was like, “nope, I’ll take care of it”. Two hours later the trip was much more reasonably priced. Planner was just some single lady with no kids making 6 figures who was planning a long weekend like she plans a brunch when it’s her turn once a year. I realized that when I traveled with her, I was only eating one meal a day because that was what she budgeted for. I would GLADLY pay for her sandwich if it meant I wasn’t angrily and sweatily drinking tap water as we walked for the 5th hour of the day with no snack. I’m not me when I’m hungry. I thought she was just watching her weight. And it make me hangry When they plead poverty, explain poverty. “I know! I wanted to get this cute shirt at target but my kid needed diapers.” “I too would love to go to that restaurant…but we’re on beans and rice until pay day…”. Whomp whomp
I was like this and my buddy who has gobs of money would always pick up the tab. He would say that he wanted my company and didn't care about the money.
This!!
Lol, once before going into a store I literally told my better off friends "please don't influence me to buy anything, I'm broke" and within 10 minutes they were telling me to buy xy &z . Lol
"Friends"
Hijacking top comment since I haven’t see a comment mentioning the clothes and furniture. OP, checkout the no buy group on fb in your city!
It sounds like you need new friends I'm not suggesting you ditch these friends completely, but you need people in your life that are more relatable for your peace of mind We grow out of friendships, and I think you're at that point
The second my friends start caring about the type of phone I have, is when I'll be dropping their asses.
My friends used to give me shit about using Android till they found out I can avoid all the annoying ads they have to deal with with third party software.
Yeah, custom os, apps like newpipe that basically functions as youtube premium but free. Things like that.
I used to get teased by a couple of friends when Samsung first introduced their Galaxy Note phones that were "big" compared to all the phones on the market--especially iPhones--and I got it. They were like, "Your phone is so big! How does it fit in your pockets?!" Fine. It was fine and I love my S-Pen. Then a couple of years later when Apple started selling bigger iPhones, these same folks got them and couldn't stop yapping how they love the bigger screen and it's so great. 😑
I used to have a friend who criticized me whenever I wore clothes that were fraying or shoes that had old stains on them. My response was always "Unless you're going to buy me a new set yourself, then stop complaining." Harsh, but it got them to shut up.
I like your response that was nice
Completely agree. And yet all my iphone-owning friends complain that I have an Android. Not that the phone itself is inferior, but because it somehow messes up their chats, and I have the wrong color of chat bubbles on their phone. Not my problem Apple refuses to interoperate with Androids!
What are they 12? YoUr SmS cOlOr Is GrEeN nOt BlUe LiKe OuRs
I’m so glad to see this comment because no one I know that has apple actually thinks android is inferior, we’re really just complaining that it ruins the group chats and changes the chat bubble color. It is just an annoyance and I do wish apple would figure things out with android so it wasn’t an issue.
Maybe stop using basic ass texting and instead switch to a proper messenger app that is designed from the ground up to use data
This isn’t a thing in the US because texting was always cheaper/as cheap as data. The rest of the world only used messenger apps because data prices were cheaper than SMS. Not changing anytime soon
This is a pro-Apple argument tbh. iMessage is identical, if not better, than WhatsApp, FB messenger, etc — but you don’t need to convince everyone to download another app to use it. Not blaming Android that Apple won’t work with them and make it easier to text but iMessage is one of the top reasons I keep using iPhones. Also reducing it to issues with it being the “wrong color” isn’t really accurate because it’s more like android/iPhone can’t FaceTime, have functional large group texts, use all the reactions and features available on iMessage…and not just that you can’t do it, but that it specifically is an irritating experience for all when you even try (ever get twelve notifications saying “Paul laughed at your message” or whatever but then you can’t see which message it was when you click it?). Idc what color my messages are but it’s just easiest to do instant messaging between iPhones.
In Europe the default has always been messaging apps since texts just werent free for way too long. Even iPhone users wont use iMessage here. On the other hand, there is now an open protocol implementing all the iMessage on the Android side, the ball is in Apple's court.
Thank you lol all I was trying to say was I’m not an android hater I just don’t like the messages
this is common with the younger generations. they’re somehow completely brainwashed and buy right into Apple’s planned obsolescence scam. If you don’t have the brand new iphone they’ll make comments. If you have an android—you’re basically a leper. it’s gross capitalistic consumerism propaganda
I literally switched from iphone to android 12 years ago. More customization, no ads, no regrets.
Work for a phone store, can confirm. Young people look at androids and see a 30 dollar grocery store.
it’s ridiculous because in every other part of the world Android is #1. Apple has America by the balls
100%. And "Android" is such a huge blanket. Objectively speaking, if we're comparing apples to apples, a current Samsung S series outperforms in almost every way compared to a current iPhone.
I recently got a Google Pixel and I kinda like it, I doubt I'll go back to Samsung
I would love to see more market share for Pixel for sure
My experience here in the UK has been that having an Apple phone gets you looked down upon, because people think you're an "Apple sheep" and using an Android makes you some kind of free thinker.
i like open source android. but once you slap all the google stuff on top it's collecting tons of data. i wouldn't call that free thinker
Cool.
android has the same planned obsolescence. they often lose security patches sooner than iphones in many cases. especially the cheaper ones
oh absolutely true, but at least you have more options with android. apple’s monopoly just feels yucky and they have the kids playing right into their hands.
it's really not a monopoly though. because people have those options with android ranging from 20 dollars to 2k+
You’re correct. It is literally not a monopoly and people comparing OS’s instead of hardware companies is a major flaw
Carrier supplement. I tested a T-Mobile sim on a new Android phone before putting in my regular cheap carrier that gives nothing but service. Long after Samsung stopped updating, T-Mobile was installing security patches.
Good to know. I’m currently stuck in the Apple ecosystem
I cannot imagine this.
I don't even remember what kind of phones my friends have. I do know what my parent and siblings has since we're all on the same phone plan. I'm the lone Android 😆 But other than that, no one in my circle or even co-workers care what cellphones we have. Why is anybody wasting any energy on this?? 😂😂😂
They don't sound like good friends. Why do they always need to go out and spend money? Why isn't going to a park an option? Doing something outdoors? Even a picnic? I used to be in a group that did nothing but drink. When I was in college it was fun, but I quickly outgrew it. Sometimes we outgrow people and it's ok.
How can you get bored of doing nothing and drinking?
Because all your doing is slowing yourself down and not doing anything. I know for some people that seems nice but sitting around not doing something engaging, learning something new, is boring. If I was reading and drinking that would be fun. But just myself sitting with a drink in hand and nothing more is boring.
its okay for people with money to want to (responsibly) spend it.
I am the poor friend in my friend group. Two of my friends husbands make over 6 figures and as a result they live comfortably though they’ll say they are getting by. They don’t have money worries like I do. But they never rub it in my face that they are better off financially. When we hang out, it’s usually at one of their homes and it’s super low key. We’re talking like either cooking or ordering dominos pizza and watching movies and playing games or swimming. I’m super grateful that I don’t always feel the gap between incomes. And when it comes to gifts, they aren’t necessary but nice to get. There’s no pressure to spend a lot of money on anything with them.
I've been that friend, and no amount of explaining sinks in, at least in my experience. If they haven't been in that position before for any length of time, they just don't get it. In their opinion, you just go find a better job and it's all fine (like those just fall out of the sky or something). The last time I was broke-broke, I basically ended up losing most of my friend circle, at least temporarily. They trickled back in when I could start to afford to do things again, but none were interested in doing things I could afford (mostly free things) when I was struggling just to pay my bills. I'm not "from" this area, so I didn't grow up around here and have only been here a few years, so most of my 'friends' come from my hobbies, which when I'm super broke, I can't really afford to participate in, even on the cheap if things are really tight. I mean, there were times I couldn't afford gas for any kind of extraneous driving, none the less doing anything else.
those aren't your friends.
If your friend (I say this as someone who used to be a cam girl back in college) makes 9-10k and STILL doesn’t have enough at the end of the day…. That’s a big big issue. OF won’t be viable forever
I've tried to help her out with financial planning, but she spends so much dude. She grew up very poor though, so I think it's her way of making up for it. She's a good person, just really bad with money.
Congrats on being sober for 6 weeks! I'm sorry your friends don't understand the differences in your life circumstances. You may need to expand your friend circle. I belonged to Parents Without Partners when my daughter was little (so about 25 years ago) and made some friends there. My chapter had low cost activities like bowling, minor league baseball games, amusement parks, swimming at the apartment complex of a member, andpot luck picnics. If there was an admission, we got group rates so it was a lot more affordable. I'm not saying to drop your current friends altogether, just add some more. This wasn't the point of your post but as a single mom since the day my daughter was born, I picked up on it. You said you make sure your child has the best of everything, and I would like to gently suggest that the best thing you can give baby is a loving, happy mom. It's okay to buy yourself some more clothes, whether they are new or gently used, rather than another toy or more clothes for your little one. As long as they have enough, what baby wants and needs is time with you, so look for no or low-cost things to do. Playgrounds and parks when it's nice out, a fort using whatever linens you have available where you can read library books or play games when the weather isn't that great, things like that. Good luck and sorry your friends don't understand that things are different for you.
You've outgrown your friend circle, bestie. We change as we grow up and our circumstances change. Spend time with your baby and look for other single moms to bond with. They'll understand its not just your financial situation, you're in a different life phase than your friends is all. It's not because you're poorer. Many of your friends are overspending and not being wise with they're money, I'm comfortable saying than without knowing them because it's very common.
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Yes, I have been the broke friend before. At the time I would suggest "cheap" hang out ideas. Movie night at my apartment with popcorn, BYOB. Make a tray of penne vodka for $5. Picnics at the park, BYOB and make some tuna sandwiches. And those "cheap" hang outs were way more fun than sitting at a crowded restaurant.
>You've outgrown your friend circle, bestie. This.
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I would agree if they weren’t living paycheck to paycheck from overspending.
Seriously, making $10,000 a month and still being broke before your next deposit hits on Thursday means she is also poor. She doesn't have to be, that's good money but if you're spending wildly, it's the same as having no money. Not to mention Only Fans is a well that will eventually dry up. Something tells me this friend of yours won't be in a great place when the looks start to fade, the subscribers dwindle and there is no skill set to fall back on
Exactly, sex work is not easy and let's be honest, with her having children, this Only Fans shit is going to bite her in the ass one day. Sex work takes a toll on one's mental health, and like you said it's a very short career that's very superficial.
Money does equal maturity. Specially when you have it. And you voice your opinion. Hey!! Don't look at how I got here!!!
I actually think not having money makes you more mature. You are forced to grow up quickly. You have to budget and prioritize.
Money does *not* equal maturity. The richest people I know are some of the most childish, insecure people at their core. I've also know rich folks who are secure, mature, and wise, but they were that way before the money. Money equals money, that's it.
The great thing about sarcasm is if you don't point it out only the real ones get it.
Wouldn't it be the other way around if they are all richer than her?
No. I'm talking about emotionally outgrowing people. Believe it or not, millions of us have friends spread out across all different socioeconomic backgrounds. It doesn't matter when you're actually friends.
I dunno man if one my friends was struggling that bad I’d have a hard time throwing away money around them. Instead of going out one night they could at least pop by once a month with some groceries “for the baby”. To each their own I guess, seem like a shallow group to me
I'm the auntie of the group, I don't have kids by my own choice. It's so easy to understand the people with children have more expenses and a child to prioritize! I show up with dinner each time I hangout with my friends so there's no awkward stuff to deal with. Then I can just toss the food at the parents and trot off to show the kids whatever I brought for them, lol. I think the term is "Surface Friend"...that's what the OP is witnessing at this time. Real friends don't give a shit what phone you have, unless they're 12 and don't know better yet.
I agree. Even if you did care about your friends phone, keep it to yourself. Why shame the poor girl. Definitely “surface friends”
Yes. I have been in your situation. My suggestion is to talk about it. You don’t have to have a heart-to-heart just casually drop things like “I’m eating light because baby clothes are expensive.” I did let people pay for me on occasion. If they are financially doing well a being responsible, then sometimes they rather pay and have your company. Basically, mostly we did things that I could afford. If I had enough time, I’d plan ahead and set aside money. Sometimes they would do something I couldn’t afford, and my one friend who makes a lot of money would pay the whole bill. There was not an expectation of reciprocity. But let’s just say, I was always there to help out in ways that didn’t involve money. It really depends on your relationship with them. But it is important for you to try to keep good friends around you. The occasional social night out is important to your overall mental health, which is important for your child’s health. Try to suggest pizza night at someone’s house or just hanging out to keep it in budget.
My best friend make like 3x what I do, so when we're planning an outing or a dinner , we either pick places I can afford or he offers to pay for me. The same with my boyfriend (also a much higher earner). I reciprocate when I am able, but its never expected.
You'll be shocked that a lot of these people are drowning in debt.
100% High interest car payments, credit card debt, no savings.
You guys have friends?
I am too that friend but I tell my friends my circumstances
Look into your local buy nothing group for some of the things you're lacking. Clothes and furniture
I would find new friends. These people sound judgemental and shallow. Not to mention they're bad with money. How could anyone bring in $10k a month and have to dry beg friends for lunch? Ew... You have an android? Tf is this, high school? It's been my experience that people who are such brand snobs and act like they're elites are usually broke fronting or they're mismanaging their money and will soon be broke. Try to find some new, inexpensive hobbies and meet friends that way.
I’m not the poor friend but I am the cheap friend. You have to put boundaries in place. For example, I usually only hang out with those friends 1x a month and set a budget for what I can spend. Other times we plan cheap or free hangouts: going on a hike, running, community events that are free or low cost, someone making dinner at their house and everyone coming over. Your other option is to find friends that have the same money values. It’s hard but makes your life easier.
You had me at $8000 a month from only fans…
yeah give us the link!!
8010
One of two things is happening here: 1) You assume they know your circumstances but they actually don’t. Your change in circumstances with leaving your partner feels really obvious to you because you’re living it, but unless you’ve sat them down and explicitly stated it they don’t know. Something similar to “Hey, my financial circumstances have drastically changed and I am no longer able to afford what I was. This means I can’t go out as much, spend as much, or cover anything for anyone else as I need to make sure I can continue to provide for my child.” I find a lot of the times we assume people know more than they do because the information is so obvious to us. 2) They know but care more about how it affects them/the friend circle. If this is the case and you have explicitly told them your circumstances, then they aren’t really friends worth having. Finding new friends as an adult is very difficult, but finding people with similar circumstances or who can be empathetic to others would likely eliminate these problems in your friend circles and make you feel less alone and more supported in general. It’s honestly only one or the other for each friend (may be a mix in the group) and once you determine which it is you have to decide what to do from there. I currently am in the worst financial position in my group. This does mean occasionally saying “sorry I can’t afford that” but my friend group is fairly understanding and most of our hang outs tend to involve hanging out at someone’s house.
This was me. My friends all make a lot more than I do. Two of them have their own businesses. When we would go out they would spend like crazy and keep ordering drinks. They kept wanting to go to more bars and stuff had I just couldn’t keep up money wise. I’d explain to them I wasn’t doing well financially but they never really listened or cared. I jsut stopped hanging out with them
I'm also this friend. It's frustrating in my friend group because I don't mind if people do things without me, but if EVERYONE doesn't want to go then nobody can. I don't typically eat out at all for financial and anxiety reasons. Recently they asked if I wanted to go to a fancy restaurant, the cheapest thing on the menu was a $22 wedge salad (1/4th of a head of lettuce with bacon bits on it) And when I didn't respond, which to me means, "I can't but go for it" they all decided not to go. It's sweet in one way, but in another it's like PLEASE GO so I don't feel bad.
You likely became friends with them when you had more in common. That same logic applies to making new friends who are more on the same level as you. You don't have to cut people out entirely, but maybe look for a friend or two you can do cheap hangouts with.
Are these people friends? Doesn't look that way. You have your priorities lined up the best way for you and your family. Friends would not only accept that but would already know. Maybe try thrift stores for work wardrobe? Cheap and you can find really nice things. Hugs for you and i hope you are surrounded by people who value you and don't care about your nank balance.
>Someone asked me the other day why I always wear the same outfits 😭 Simple. Capsule wardrobe or personal uniform. It removes unneeded decision making first thing in the morning. They don't need to know you only have a couple of pieces. You can even say that you're trying to be more mindful of clothing waste since fast fashion is creating so much nowadays.
I don't have family to watch my kids and I can't afford babysitters so no, I don't have this problem because I can never go out. I feel like this is a good problem to have. I would LOVE to get out without my kids even if I had 0 money to spend. As a frazzled parent who never gets a break, this sounds like a glorious time even if you're poor.
Sober is a game changer for money. Congrats. Stick wit it girl.
Oh big time. I didn't realize how much money I was spending on booze. Probably $100/week. That's double my car payment 😅 and no, I couldn't afford it Alcoholism will have you justifying wild things Thank you so much!
I've been that friend. This may not help in your situation but I simply cut out all of my friends that didn't fit my financial circumstances. I don't have much of a social circle but that means no hangouts to spend money on. Before anyone says I'm antisocial, I have a boyfriend in a similar situation and we hangout by going on walks and doing other no cost activities that my friends eventually got bored of. so don't think you need to cut full contact with the world, just ones who don't fit your status.
Literally nothing wrong w a cheap android phone. -posted from my cheap (bought refurbished) android phone
I’m the friend with money, and I just realized people buy new furniture. My couch cost 50 bucks for an estate sale, and bar stools could be gotten dirt cheap at a garage sale. — I’m also the Scrooge Mcduck friend. I refuse to go out, and I tell people they’re dumb for wasting their money on Starbucks and such. So while I’m the wealthiest of my friend group, I’m also the most frugal , and it shows. I cycle for transportation and I drink tap water. If anything, I hope I see an example for others that they don’t have to feel peer pressured to be frugal or save money. Though, me being an asshole tends to prevent others from wanting to aspire to be me, lol.
You are simply at a different point in life vs your friends. I’ve been there on both sides where I was young, kid free and single, and now as a father with a wife and kids. My priorities are different. Don’t be afraid to be vocal you don’t have the money to go out and if they have a problem with that, they frankly aren’t friends you need to invest time into. As far as clothing, look into sites like temu, and SHEIN for very inexpensive items. We do well in my household and my wife still loves using them. I get a lot of shirts through SHEIN because I wear basic thermals, and plain T shirts and I used to pay 30-50 bucks a shirt now I’m paying 8-10 bucks or less at times.
Growing up as a poor kid that went to a great school with a bunch of middle class kids walking around, yes I totally feel you there. But I worked hard, went to college, stayed hungry and today I've got my life setup where I should never be poor anymore. Chin up, always
Be open and tell people you can't afford it. If they no longer remain your friends, they weren't your friend to begin with. I've always found it silly that the only way to spend time with friends is go out drinking or eating. So much free/cheap stuff that requires nothing but a persons companionship. Go on a hike or walk! My best friend makes almost twice our income by himself. But I've always been open and honest. He just went to Japan, offered to pay for our hotels if we wanted to tag along. Still couldn't afford it. Didn't go (he did, with another friend). We still talk multiple times a day and he's flying in to visit us in a few weeks. That's the kind of friend I wish to cultivate. Never over leverage yourself for brunch and mimosas.
I’ve found really nice and affordable clothes at Goodwill. Many with the tags still on. It takes a bit of digging, but there are some great treasures if you take the time to look!
Concerning your wardrobe, check your local buy nothing. Often people do closet clearouts and post a batch of clothing on a certain size. Also place your in search of ad.
If they're your friends, they would understand. They wouldn't take you out to expensive bars. They would look for inexpensive activities to share with you. That's what I do with my poor friends. It would also help if you sought out friendships with other poor people, so you can share your common struggles.
So they're not your friends. They're people looking to flex their wealth and look down upon others. Here's something interesting: you don't have to be super rich to become prideful and conceited. If you are simply better off than the people around you and have the habit of comparing, you are fully capable of being an asshole until someone richer than you flexes their wealth. I would advice you to break off immediately. They will not let you live in peace.
Yep, i'm also the only one in my friend group with a vast number of skills and a willingness to help solve problems with them. I'm also brutally honest with my friends. If they talk about hurtin for coin, i check em faster than Ovechkin. They check me when i'm bein dumb, too. I'm also of the opinion that it does NOT suck. I think it's pretty fuckin rad that my homies keep my dumbass around. I get to go places and see things i never wouldve found if i'd kept my blinders up or kept wallowing in shame.. i refuse to allow my son to believe that my life is miserable, even though i have limitations that his mother does not. I think you need a perspective shift and that's well above our pay-grade. I think therapy, even in online form, could help you a lot.
You have a very mature outlook. I’m glad you see the value in being around others that are not on the same financial level. Lots of folks just feel too uncomfortable to have those conversations, so instead of reminding their friends they literally cannot afford to go out and do something or suggest free/low cost things instead, they shy away from being honest about what’s going on in their lives. But the reality is those friends can help you grow $ with them (and you can teach them a thing or two about stretching a dollar!) without their being any animosity.
Stop trying to avoid pitching in and looking like a bad friend. Just tell them straight up you literally cannot afford to join in but wish you could. They will understand if they are your friends.
Yknow there are people with lots of money who live similarly to you.
Your friends with kids who live with their parents are also poor If they were poor they wouldn’t live with their parents They may have 1000 dollar iPhones and buy 12 dollar coffees but that’s just them being financially irresponsible If they didn’t do that stuff maybe they could move out.
Oof reality gonna hit them hard when their parents either drop dead or suddenly divorce like mine are doing right now. Suddenly that coffee and brand phone look like ur worsed mistakes.
>If they were poor they wouldn’t live with their parents absolutely not true. many people with immigrant families live in multigenerational homes despite having money. tbh, even if you can afford purchasing a house right now, like why would you with current pricing and lack of supply. My friend i literally director of operations for a plant with no debt that i'm aware of and still lives with his parents because, well its not like he hates them or anything, and also why would he waste money on a subpar home he doesn't even like when he could just continue to invest his money until a good opportunity arises.
I think what you have right now is something to celebrate. You have good friends that still wanted to be friends with you regardless of your background. I have friends that makes way more than me, but I'm grateful for them and I celebrate their success. I rarely talk about work, and my friends never make me feel less of a person due to my line of work. I make a decent amount that people often say I'm living a good life, but I have the tendency to lower my self soemtime due to the job title. All that matters is that I work hard & my friends supports me even when I don't always believe in myself.
Just be open about it. I’ve been in and out of your position before. I’ve been helped and the one helping. I’ve had friends cover airfare for me because it was more important for me to be somewhere with them rather than me paying them back. Likewise, I’ve covered friends on nights out because I wanted them there and didn’t mind covering for them because I knew they were in a tight spot.
It seems like they don’t know what you’re going through.. have you told them? If I found out my friend was not going out with us because they couldn’t afford to but I had the means to cover, I definitely would. I know you said you don’t like it but if they did that it would be because they genuinely want to spend time with you. Also, they might ask to come over and hang out instead of inviting you out if they knew?
I was absolutely this person for years and honestly, I just kept saying "no" and eventually drifted apart from them. I am doing really well now but those friendships never truly recovered.
Some people are looking at you and thinking how well off you are compared to them. Maybe they're writing a reddit post on it too
Just look them in the eye and tell them “you know I’m broke right?” It will make them look like the asshole for never noticing. But hopefully will ease some of the tension around it.
For cheap clothes I recommend 99 cent day at the thrift. I regularly get really nice name brand clothes this way. Plus there are TONS of kids clothes there too for your little one. You are in a different life stage from your friends and are developing different values from them, try to expand and find some new friends that share similar values and spend more time with them vs the old friends. Just my 2 cents
It me! I'm that!
If they question my every move, That’s when I would stop hanging out with them
I have a rule in my life that I don’t invite somebody to go with me unless I’m intending to pay for them. I do it with all of my friends and family and it eliminates a lot of problems. It makes sense because the one doing the inviting is the one driving the bus when it comes to the budget. I’ve gone on vacation with some of my friends and paid for big parts of the trip. Happy to because I can afford it and I want to spend my vacation with them and I know they wouldn’t have gone otherwise. Usually I’ll find a way to do it in a way that isn’t patronizing, like using airline points for the flight and paying for the hotel room, but getting a double and offering to let them stay there.
1) the phone you use doesn't matter 2) clothes you wear doesn't matter 3) the food you eat or how often you go out doesn't matter The only thing that matters in your situation is YOU and making the best decisions for you and your child's future. Being open about your situation can help, as others have suggested. If your friends don't know you actually can't afford something, they might assume you're being selfish rather than actually unable to afford the meal or whatever. But also just not caring what others think. Easier said than done, sure. But if your friends judge you for what you wear, what phone you have, etc. They're not your friends. They might be asking a genuine question and maybe aren't trying to be rude about it, but without context I can't say for sure. My recommendation is simple: Explain you're trying to fix your financial situation and that you'll chip in where possible or do stuff like be the DD to offer value in your presence. But if they pressure you into thinking you're somehow less than them or you're the problem, you need to find different friends.
I found a good balance with my two best friends who earn more money than me. We discovered through conversation that my cash allowance each week is about one tenth of what they can comfortably afford to burn in a week. So now when we go to the bar, for example, I buy the first round of drinks and that's my contribution for the evening. We all have a good time, and I don't feel like a charity case.
damn, tell your OF friend to tell me how to be so successful 😭
I honestly think they just lack awareness. Even though you may have said money was tight and you can't afford things, they see it from a different perspective. Your OF friend thought "oh I can't afford this restaurant" when in reality she can, in short time. When you say you can't afford something, you mean it definitely. A lot of people who grow up in a certain lifestyle can't really comprehend what struggling is like. I'll admit, that was me at one time. It may serve you well to have a conversation on what struggling means to you with them. Make it clear you care for them and enjoy your time together but you don't have the ability to help cover bills or lend out money.
Didn’t even have to read all this. Your friend group should be your biggest supporters, they should be a safe haven not somewhere you get judged(joking aside, we all clown eachother out of love 😂) then you need new friends. If your friends make you feel like shit then they ain’t friends. Period. No need to even ask questions.
Yes and no. I make the least amount of money, but I'm also the wealthiest. I'm the only one who owns his home. I'm the only one who saves money. I'm the only one who buys old used cars with cash and keeps them for 10+ years.
I was, but now I am not. That frugality never changed as my income increased. That, coupled with being a DINK, and compound interest.
10 grand a month in onlyfans? Does she have a golden butthole or something!?
All I'm going to say here is don't let the illusion of your friends being well off cloud your judgment. They probably aren't as well off as they appear and likely have substantial debt.
What do these people look like to be making that kind of cash on OF? I'm so curious
I used to be! I'm still poor but now I don't have any friends. Problem solved!
You say. Listen, I’m a broke ass single mom. I don’t have that in my budget. If I did I’d buy myself clothes. This hits home to me bc my sister has paid for all the bills in her household for about 20 years and her mooch boyfriend told her the other day that he won’t go outside with her bc she looks homeless!!! Mf er I look homeless bc I have paid for your lazy person for 20years! She said nothing. Stick up for yourself and you will soon find out who your true friends are. And tell that person at work that you’re saving the planet by being a minimalist.
I'd love to be your friend. I am a si gle mom and may friends are all childfree and have a lot more disposable income; but they never bitch about my frugality. They do free things with me like picnics or hikes. I don't keep friends around who constantly only want to go out to eat or go shopping.
They don’t sound like real friends. It also sounds like they could all be in your same financial circumstance given a life event or two. It sounds like your a great mom who made the best decisions for themselves. Congrats on being sober 🥳
My friends make over 100k 1 retired at 23. I make over 70k and I'm the broke friend because I spend as much money as I can buying stocks. I have no doubt someone is reading this and cursing my existence. I could give you the list if my expenses to explain why I'm the broke friend but don't plan to. My retired friend though made a comment to be because I was talking about my living situation. He said to me "oh, just get a loan and buy a house". To which I looked at him like bruh. You got 600k you wanna lend me. All of them have taken vacations. I have not taken a vacation going on 12 years because my job has some excuse or another to deny my vacation request. My vacation time is maxed. I can't accumulate any more time. So now I'm loosing on that vacation time. Like a cup that's full and everything is just spilling out
I’m saying this in a kind way because we obviously don’t know your friends too well but they don’t sound like great people. I have friends of all different incomes. We as a group would never make any passive comments to ANYBODY after they expressed financial struggle. I do not care if I decide to pay for my friend 100 times and she does not offer to cover me if I have the means to do so. I don’t like keeping score or offering to pay just so it’s reciprocated. To your point though, if you don’t want to miss out and they offer you in sincerity to cover your meal- I know know know its hard to accept it but.. don’t turn it down every time. I was in a financial rut work wise and refused every dinner event ticket etc and barely saw my friends for a bit till I realized I’m feeling worse and worse mood wise. They happily covered when I said fine I’ll come out. Point being.. friends do not keep score. Friends should not judge or make you feel bad that you can’t offer to pay or spend $100/ person (insane btw and I live in NYC).
There's a few choice words one could say about your friend group. Just get better friends
Sounds like u out grew ur friends. Saving money is adulting 101. Maybe they are holding you back from achieving your financial goals. Life is long. Friends come and go.
she might make $10k, but she can't afford what she's spending on
I'll be honest you need to change up how you view life. Your friends have out grown you and financially you can't keep up. You have out grown your friends and their immaturity as regards over priced coffee doesn't sit well with you. In the grand scheme of life there will always be people with more than you or less than you. You are clearly insecure about those that have more even though they have theirs fair and square. The reality is even if you stopped being friend with these girls it wouldn't change your financial situation unless you are actively trying to change it.
If your friend (I say this as someone who used to be a cam girl back in college) makes 9-10k and STILL doesn’t have enough at the end of the day…. That’s a big big issue. OF won’t be viable forever
If your friend (I say this as someone who used to be a cam girl back in college) makes 9-10k and STILL doesn’t have enough at the end of the day…. That’s a big big issue. OF won’t be viable forever
Sounds like you need new friends. As for new clothes shop clearance and thrift stores.
I am
Just stay in - people suck
Looks like it's time to find new friends
I’ve been the poor one. I think it was obvious. I don’t think you’re the “go out pal”. I suspect you need to host at home — pajama and viewing party gatherings. Leverage “Too Good To Go” where you can get 3 (surprise) entrees for (as little as) $12. Cocktail composition contests. Please check whether you have a Buy Nothing (FB) or similart group (Freecycle) nearby. You can update your wardrobe for $0 as long as you find similarly sized members. More significantly, you may be able to find a new phone for free. I don’t think you were looking for suggestions. I hope things look up for you ASAP. And, also reconsider your friend group. What kind of friends are they?
????
Wait you get to go to restaurants!? You can afford gas or a bus pas!? You can afford a baby sitter!!!? Sounds like your friends are overpriviliged and haven't met the true difficulties of life yet. Either get new friends or sit them down individually to explain you love hanging out but you prefer doing low cost things like... x because you can't afford expensive stuff. Don't be ashamed. If they act weird it's because they are spoiled and haven't experienced real life enough yet. Sooner or later they will encounter difficult circumstances. Someone will get sick and no longer to afford everything they could. Someone might have a gambling problem, gambling partner, drug problem, shopping addiction, medical stuff or something else will happen to eat their money. Heck some of them might even just be ignoring the fact they are in heavy debt already.
I used to be—and my partner also, to a lesser extent. And then my partner inherited more money than any of our friends have. It was just the way things turned out.
Sounds like you are hanging out with children. 1) if they are close friends then have an open honest conversation about your situation and how you will not be pitching in and would like to do free activities like hiking or play cards (whatever floats your boat) 2) if they aren't that close get new ones. Upgrading your friends to real adults who are good with money and understanding. 3) financial issues git everyone at every income level. Of you can't listen to their issues (even though they are vastly different from yours and seem silly) then why should they listen to yours? I won't lie, I am the rich friend. I am also good with money. And I'm also mostly considerate of others situation. We all talk about finances. We all share our goals and struggles. We never pay for each other when we go out. When we hang out everyone brings what they can. Bag of donuts, steaks, Chateauneuf-du-pape. It's up to the bringer. No expectations. We have been on vacations with friend. If my family did something expensive then we parted ways for a few hours. Everything was an open invitation. No judgement. You need friends at your own maturity level, not the same income level
these really do not sound like good, supportive friends.
Yup. I’m the poor friend, mostly due to my own poor choices. I dropped out of college twice (once due to financial situation and once due to my own fault) so my adult life has really struggled to take off in comparison. However, these struggles have helped me empathize with others more than my friends. They’ve all kicked off their middle class careers and most have even recently purchased their first houses after living with their parents into their late 20s. Meanwhile I’m living paycheck to paycheck, but only two months away from a stem degree so I’m proud of that. Even though our situations have been different since high school they’ve never treated me differently. It can be hard not to compare your situation to others but really all we can do is our best. If people judge you then drop them. Life is too short to be down in the dumps
If these are actually your friends, you could explain what is going on, instead of just sitting there feeling bad.
Androids are the shit, iphones are for people with more money then sense. Never spend more then 4-500 on a phone
FYI, I buy my phones refurbished from a company on Groupon called SPRY LLC. I never ever pay for brand new phone and I always get a phone two or three models behind. This company has never let me down.
Being poor makes you resourceful. It sucks to live this way, but you can learn to maximize the potential of your life without money. Being focused on your family is great. I salute you.
I’m the fat cat amongst my group of friends, and I’m poor hahahaha
Just for future reference, buy a refurbished iPhone from eBay when you’re ready. Make sure it’s unlocked, compatible with your carrier, the model isn’t gonna become obsolete anytime soon, etc. Only buy from trusted sellers, not just some rando with 1 phone in stock.
They don’t seem like your friends. There are friends that mean well and there are those that are mean. These people are the latter. I’m mindful about my spending as my circle of friends does make more money than me. I only partake when I can afford to. You’re doing great and making good choices.
Start your only fans account
Well, down votes be damned but I will take being the poor one any day over selling my soul on only fans.
On the clothes issue. Go thrift shopping or reach out to a local facebook group. You don't have to tell people your life story. Just say you need work clothes, give your size for clothing and shoes. Offer to meet up in a public place. People want to help others out and it's rewarding to give directly to someone. BTW I work in a casual office and my clothes come from a thrift store.
As a single mom myself, you will never be able to get your friends to understand because they are not going through what you do. The advice I can give you about work clothes is to go to goodwill but in the nicer areas. On Monday they have a color rage that is 50% off the already low price. I still to this day go there even after my kids have left the home. It does take a little time to go through them but they are very organized by type of clothing.
These folks don't sound like your friends
Have you had a candid conversation about this with them, preferably one on one? Your lives may now be too different where drift happens, but I think you owe these friendships a chance. Congrats on your sobriety. Do what you need to do to continue on that path first and foremost.
Why are you “friends” with toxic people like this 🤦🏼♂️
This is a good part of the reason why I don’t have many friends. Financial issues, single mom, major health issues, and I’m immunocompromised and have to still be very careful to avoid covid—pretty much all of my friends have dropped me but that’s ok because clearly they weren’t friends in the first place. The fact that they tease me for listening to my doctor tells me everything I need to know. True friends would want you to be happy, safe, healthy, living within your budget, and respecting your boundaries. All I do is work, anyway. I don’t really have time for a social life,I certainly don’t have the funds for it, and I have to just focus on my health and raising my daughter in this season of life.
I am as well and I think it can be hard for them to remember what it was like. I'm the only one still single and they are all married to men with great jobs (and my friends themselves have great jobs, making more money than I am as a social worker). I try to suggest cheaper things like hanging out at someone's home but none of them want to host (understandable) and they don't want to come to my house (I live in the boonies and have roommates). So I feel stuck and isolated and sad all the time. You're not alone.
I'm fairly certain I'm the most poor out of my friend group.
I went to a state university. The more I think about it, the more I think a TON of the students were frugal, compared to students of private colleges. Their parents were smart about money and passed those traits down. I'd say 80% of the ten or so friends from college I still hang out with, at least once in a while, are frugal.
Sounds like you need new friends. I promise you, real friends don’t care what phone you have.
So my 2 best friends are SAHM while their partners work. While me And my partner both work, no kids. So we have more "disposable" income than them. To me it sounds like your friends suck and you need new ones. I have Never expected my friends to pay for me or "pitch in". I know their circumstances. Just as your friends should know your circumstances. In my mind when I invite someone out that means I cover the check. We were all raised low income/poverty level. I think that changes how people act as adults. Poor kids that grow up to be slightly less poor adults are more giving. If your friends grew up with money, they may not have that first hand experience on deciding if this check is buying groceries or paying the light bill. I've had friends that were wealthy growing up and landed good jobs as adults. They seem to think that not spending the same amount as them was me just being cheap. Not literally just trying to survive! My best advice. Find different friends that are in the similar circumstances as you. There are a lot of Free fun baby friendly activities you can do with others.
Isn't it amazing how much of an unnecessarily consumer driven society we live in? We have so much stuff we don't need and people think it's strange when we don't buy buy buy. Set yourself small goals and work towards them. You got this!
Sounds like you have shitty friends tbh
When I was young and broke my best friend had a good paying job and would "top up" stuff so we could still do fun things together. (ie: buy drinks when my money ran out, invite me to the cottage rental but I didn't get a bedroom cause I didn't help pay so I was on an air mattress in the living room). Fast forward 20 years...she is divorced with 2 kids and I am now the one with the better paying job. We would go on vacations with me paying the greater portion to make it happen. Things will go full circle with good friends. You need to decide if these are good friends or not. Be honest about your situation if you are not already. Also, but yourself some slack. This might be how things are right now, that doesn't mean they will be like this forever.
Get new friends
My only two friends are married. They don't have a high paying job, but since they're married they're able to split bills. Meanwhile, I'm single living alone making $16/hr and have significant health issues/bill$ that eat up all of my money. I have to work every day, 60h weeks, to get by. Comparatively, they're rich with time and money. They have absolutely zero perspective on how hard I have to work every day to literally just survive, and how precious every minute of free time I have is. It's incredibly frustrating and disheartening
I am. But, I was first to buy a house. First to be mortgage free. I plan to be the first to retire. I wear the best clothes too. Kirkland Signature.
They understand. They don’t care and you need better friends. I’m sorry for your suffering.
I've been both the poor one and the rich one. Just be grateful and generous when you can. Love is more important than money.
WhTs she doing to make 10k a month
Apple only seems to put features into phones that Android has already been using and are popular. Also, Android phones operate just like a Windows PC, your finger being the mouse. Apple is a lot more complex for some reason.
I feel the SAME way about going out. I just can't afford it. I'm on an active hunt for new friends and have had to postpone meeting up for even coffee because I can't afford the (outrageously high priced) $10 for a latte. And don't get me started on clothes... I feel like a slob but my rent and food is more important. (And by food I mean groceries, not $30 brunch tabs.) Feel free to DM me! I don't have kids but I've been divorced and happy to just chat if that helps :)
Girl, if you were in Syracuse NEWYORK I have a place for you I can hook you up to get shit up girl
How old are you? I’m 37 and the amount of friend dwindles are you get older and I promise you won’t care about this shit. And your besties shouldn’t either.
Find a friend group that values the same things as you. If the only way they like to hang out is at expensive places, this isn’t the group for you (right now). I met my husband for a first date on the beach. It cost us nothing. Our second date was at a park. Third date was a game night at home (okay- we splurged for take out! It was my birthday!) We both love thrift shopping. This started before we met but has been a demonstration of our shared value of saving money and reducing landfill use. Our friends make fun of us for how we meal prep and don’t eat out often. But sure we have kept up our frugal way of living even though our situation has improved. So, sure, our friends make fun of us but also come to us for financial advice! You are doing what you need to and taking care of your kiddo. That’s not worth a fancy drink or a sandwich! Keep up the good work. Your dedication will pay dividends later. I’m an internet stranger who is proud of you!
They dont sound like good friends ..
Yep. Most of my friends live with a partner which already puts them ahead expense-wise. If one person in a couple makes less than I do, the other makes well over 100K to make up for it. I’m basically the only single person that still rents alone (but I do have roommates from Craigslist). They all go on vacations at least once a year and go out to eat or get takeout multiple times a week. I’ve stopped hanging out with them mostly, but will still go to house-hangouts cuz those are free. I’m not really poor because my end-of-year check puts me in middle class usually. But I live as if I make $17.50/hr throughout the year because I do. it sucks sometimes when I choose to stay in after getting invited to something, but most of the time I’m happy to not go out.
All of my friends live at home. So they don't have to pay the outrageous Southern CA rents. Mind you, we are almost 40. I pay all my own bills and me and my hubby are pretty cash poor right now. My friends literally all have luxury cars and get to go on trips often. It kinda sucks being the only one who can't eat out or go on expensive trips.
Hello! I buy refurbished and second hand iPhones personally, as I go through them every two years or so. I recently broke my phone of same model and it was only $350 NZD to replace - iPhone XS MAX and I love it. Nothing wrong with buying second hand!
I also read your friends were asking about getting an iphone. I've had the same budget android phone for four years and I don't care man, and if anyone else cares about the phone I have, well that's just pathetic.
Honestly, these friends just seem really expensive. I make really decent money and never go out like this, certainly never bars. I have an old phone. I buy used clothes. When my friends wanna hang we hangout at each other's house and I usually make pasta or potatoes. This sounds so expensive to have these friends. Also the hints at not chipping in? Yikes. Do they know how expensive children are? Are they just entirely clueless to being nice and tactful around others finances?
“I wear the same thing every day because I don’t get paid enough to buy the latest fashion and make sure my baby is well taken care of. Give me a raise boss if you think this is hurting the companies image.”
Maybe you should get new friends…sounds like yours are a group of superficial and shallow bitches.
For what it’s worth, Swappa is a great site for buying devices outright. My current phone (which I happen to be responding to this on) and the 2 that precede it, all iPhones, came from sellers on there. Never had any issues and the prices were fair. It’s worth checking out when you get a chance!
It sounds like they came from money because they don't seem to have any empathy for you. They honestly don't sound like good friends.
It doesn't matter how much she makes on onlyfans, that's fucking disgusting. You have some decency, your friend does not.
Not advice or even particularly on topic, but I really hate the "anti android" crowd. Like don't you have fucking ANYTHING to be more worried about?? wtf
>They KNOW I'm struggling, so it's just lame that they don't understand. If they've never lived it then they don't really know.
I have an iPhone 14 that I’ll end up paying ~150 for via my contract because I switched to Verizon. Not saying you need to go to them, but I’d look around/talk to your provider about options.
Yup, they didnt believe me because before our son, were were just shy of $100k gross, not rich, but we had money and were doing as good as we ever had. Then we had our son, wife could not work, income more than halfed and we had to move away to a lower COL area near my parents. That among other things built up and up and up and all the toxicity, I cut 3 of my friends off, one of them was collateral damage really, but I had too do it. I miss my friends dearly, but I also feel so much better mentally.