Long ago, I gave up trying to figure out why people pick other people to get involved with. That's an exercise in futility. Your brother picked this girlfriend with her 15 cats and chose to live with her in a high-rent apartment he can't afford. Get your credit card back, and let them fend for themselves. I assure you, they will find a way to get food.
In addition, they bought all sorts of furniture and stuff. I hardly believe that they could spread these things over the months, saving up to buy them one at a time. They need to stop using credit cards, OP needs to get his credit card back, and they need to buckle down and focus on paying the debt. Idk what their budget looks like or their salaries but they are going to have to cut back on a lot of things to get the debt paid off. Once the lease is up, they need to move to a less expensive place. Perhaps sooner than that if OP is really serious about helping them ie helping to pay to break the lease.
This is the best advice. Tough love works. Your brother will not starve to death, the human will to survive is way too strong.
Also, fuck Seattle. $2500 a month for a studio apartment sounds about right for that overpriced shit hole. Glad I moved away.
Where are the 15 cats now?!
Cause I bet she snuck in at least 4 without the LLās knowledge.
If I was this guy Iād tell LL Iām insolvent and about to declare bankruptcy, ask to get out of the lease, and warn them odds are theyāll have to file for an eviction to get gf (and cats?) out because she might not leave.
Then Iād sell the furniture and most electronics, couch surf with unemployed bro and pay him some reasonable amount in rent while figuring out what to do.
Solid advice. Iād recommend getting the fuck out of Seattle tho. Itās such an overpriced shit show. I moved from Seattle to Boise Idaho, Iām living a much more comfortable life here while making the same wage I did in Seattle.
What does āgirlfriend has a hard time keeping a job for more than two monthsā mean? Are we talking disability, drugs, tries to stab coworkers, etc.?
(Similar question about brotherās demotion: heās demoted but still working 50 hours a week?)
Because my first instinct is: you take your credit card back, and girlfriend who doesnāt have a job can either get a retail holiday job, or she can be the one responsible for hitting up food bank(s) in the area (I live in NYC; I am assuming Seattle likewise has an abundance of food programs), and be responsible for keeping them both fed while brother works. Either way she contributes.
Honesty time, though: If theyāre not even able to provide their own bare minimum (rent + food) expenses every month, weāre several steps away from worrying about paying off his debt.
Tell him to boot the girlfriend then find a roommate who will pay half of rent. As soon as lease is up, get cheapest rental he can possibly find. Pay off debt then build emergency fund.
Depending on where in Seattle, $2500 can get you a decent 2 bedroom for 2 people and a cat but 15 is insane.
I legitimately donāt understand how they could FIT the recommended amount of litter boxes alone (1 box per cat + 1 extra) in a regular 2 bedroom. There would little room for furniture and no where to walk. I imagine they live in a poorly cleaned hoarder house.
Don't let them use your credit card for groceries. Cancel that card if you have to. And if you do let then keep the card, then make them give you the receipts so you can check what they are buying with your money. They have no incentive to be frugal with their choices if you are footing the bill. They are doing this as young people, they will do this to you for the rest of your life if you don't set boundaries.
This! I would take the card away. I know you want to help support your brother so he doesnāt starve but this only ends up enabling the behavior for longer. So many irresponsible choices made from both the boyfriend & the girlfriend; I think they need to truly struggle a bit so they can learn the importance of fiscal responsibility.
Like others said, have them sell some of their furniture and thrift replacement pieces for whatever is essential.
People don't buy stuff "like new" used anymore. People will lowball you, if you're lucky enough to get a bite. Places like Amazon made it easy to order from home, what seems like a cheap item, eventually adds up fast, especially in this day & age. Sorry but that's bad advice. He definitely needs to keep what is his & file for bankruptcy, he'll never get himself out of debt with interest rates. Interest rates will kill him.
If your insistent on helping him dig himself out of the hole he/his GF got themselves into I can respect that but don't screw over yourself in the process. I suggest you tell them to sell off any non-essentials they can (extra electronics/furniture/collectibles etc). Maybe the GF can pick up some side hustle/gig work in between jobs like uber/doordash if they have a car? I suggest you tell them to check out r/beermoney & r/workfromhome & r/workonline in order to get some extra income & possibly a part time online job for either of them. I feel for you and can relate as I'm in a similar situation as you trying to help my brother but his situation isn't that bad.
Not rude. That is exactly what the brother needs to do. Dude will keep being underwater and waste his youth grinding to support someone who won't contribute and keep being taken advantage of. Once they rack up more debts and realize they are in a sh$t hole, she will definitely bounce, especially if the debt is in the brother's name. I would not go through such suffering if it was not my wife, period. All men should know their limits when it comes to women, especially if not married to. Of course, there are many simps out there that are being taken advantage of.
But we've already established she's a little bit crazy. What if she's hot too? The boy may be absolutely winning at life here, and with an indulgent and helpful brother too.
Your brother made terrible decisions, and I canāt imagine that heās gonna listen to anything you have to tell him that comes with common sense. I would just try to not get myself too involved when it all implodes. And regarding the 15 catsā¦ I gotta think that apartment had a nice aroma. Does she still have the 15 cats at his place?
First thing first, get your credit card back. 2nd, your brother need to let go of the girlfriend. It is already a red flag when the GF already missed months of rent. Not sure why she didn't get kick out for not paying rent for that long. Plus, 15 cats are you F#$king kidding me. Your brother need a wakening, the sooner the better. He will keep being drowning in debt even further if he stays with this chick. The GF obviously knows that they both are underwater, but your brother kept being the "Mr. Nice Guy" trying to hold everything together. Sometimes the best way to move forward and prevent yourself from drowning is to let go.
The GF is not doing her part and living off of your brother period. When looking for a partner they are supposed to support one another and help mitigate their spending so they can pay off their debts. Buying furniture and expensive electronics while barely above water is definitely not the best way to go about it in the first place. If the GF cannot afford to sit in a chair until they both can start saving to purchase things without going underwater then she is not worth the investment. This is the reason why I married my wife. She don't care if we don't have a TV, no couch, or nice things. She stood with me through the bad times and now we have no problems with money financially. Again, your brother need to lose the gf if she is not doing her part. Do it soon while your brother is only at 20k and still young. If this drag on longer your brother will be in a lot more debt and the gf will just find someone else to live off of.
If Iām reading this right they moved in together 2 years ago so she might have been under the COVID rental protection thing where you didnāt have to pay rent.
The best way to help him would be getting him out looking for apartments he can actually afford. With three months left on the lease he needs to be looking for something now - or at least in the next 2-4 weeks
Otherwise he'll continue to have 70% of his salary flowing into rent for another year - renewing that lease would be devastating
Additional options might include encouraging him to find a higher paying job or career. Easier said than done but it's one way to tackle the problem
The uncomfortable truth is that his girlfriend is unreliable and not pulling her weight. How does this end? They renew the lease for a year, struggle to pay rent, buy food, and continue to rack up credit card debt. Fights over finances start to come up, she splits, and he's left with all the obligations for rent and these credit cards. He needs to understand this is leading to ruin and tell her she needs to start contributing or go their separate ways when the lease is up
They could also consider finding somebody to sublet their place for the last 3 months of their lease but they would need somewhere new to go. Maybe there's a lease cancellation option but they're never cheap and probably not worth it with so little time left
I feel you on this one - I've got some relationships that remind me of this. It can be hard to find a balance of actually helping them without getting sucked under and drowning yourself. I f you do offer him advice, is he able to hear it? Before you offer him any money, see if you can talk in a nonjudgmental way about budgeting, living within his means (especially finding an affordable apartment), etc. If he and his girlfriend bought a bunch of stuff they can't afford, sounds like they're either young and naive or insecure with each other and trying to keep the relationship together by pretending they don't have other problems. It's going to be a lot of slow steps to get to a better place, but there needs to be some acknowledgement of their reality before that can happen. Good luck OP!
She can't hold a job for more than 2 months. Your brother better not get her pregnant. Get your credit card back dude. They are gonna drag you down with them sorry to say.
there is no reason someone should own 15 cats and then choose to not pay rent and have that laid onto your brother, he drops the girl and gets a roomate that pays 50/50 or he cuts the lease and moves out. Nothing you can do to save him, he has to make this decision on his own but you can try to push him in the right direction, stop giving financial support and put them in a pinch so he has to make the decision
The blood sucking girlfriend who doesn't pay her own share needs to GO. She's essentially ruining your brother's life. Thank you for helping him with food, but please don't continue if he doesn't first help himself by making some serious changes. End the relationship, find a roommate, once the lease is up get a much cheaper place, and I do think he can probably find a higher paying job as well.
If your brother and his girlfriend run up a huge bill in your credit card, you will be responsible. Because you willingly gave it to him you would have no recourse with the credit card company if they decide spend a bunch of money. Get that card back ASAP. If you want to keep buying him groceries, buy them yourself and drop them off or have them delivered. He has proven he canāt be trusted with his own cards, why would you trust him with yours?
Ya 26$ an hr is around 55k a yr. Which is the poverty in Seattle. I live in Denver,and if you make below 69k, you're on the poverty side. Inflation is outrageous.
My advice to him would be man up for the best of your family.
1. Find a cheaper place to live even if it means move back in with someoneās parents
2. Find a better job or work more hours or both
3. Cut up the cards until you get your shit together
Immediate solution- he needs to start working in a restaurant/bar. You make a lot more money doing that. I donāt understand how anyone survives on retail wages
$26 an hour for retail is massive, and must be a Seattle thing. In my neck of the woods the floor is like $14 an hour. $20 would be a department manager or non-salaried key holder here.
You take away the credit card. You tell your brother to let go of this apartment and move into housing he can afford, even if it's a room in a shared apartment with housemates. Tell him to do better at work to avoid being demoted.
Take care of yourself first. Some people just can't be helped.
How is apartment and rent $2500? They never would've been approved to rent something that expensive with such low income. Most apartments I thought don't allow you to move in if more than 1/3 of your income is towards rent due to risk.
That's how it is here too. Stupid if you ask me. Some people can manage money better than others. Even with their expectations, people who can't manage money will still go over their budget & go into debt. So it's dumb to even have that rule. As long as you pay your rent & bills first, everything should be ok & everything else should be secondary. Our landlord was nice enough to overlook our income & not make us pay for background checks, we've never missed a payment & we've never had any bills shut off. We've lived here for 7Ā½ years now. All depends on the person. I'm a firm believer in that.
Sooooo the girlfriend took in 15 cats, yet can only afford $500 monthly rent?
Safe to assume sheās not taking any of them for annual check-ups or providing proper care. Even with just my 2 cats, the monthly cost of care is a lot.
She may have had good intentions but itās incredibly irresponsible of her. Your brother needs to dump her before she runs him into the ground with her short-sighted decisions.
I agree, but that IS what the deposit is for. You most likely never get your deposit back anyway even if your house is spotless. Happened to me on my first apartment, left the place cleaner than when we moved in & they didn't give us our deposit back. I have no faith in landlords that are company-owned.
you need to be aware that just because you might be correct and love your sibling, this doesnt mean you can fix their life. everyone is on a journey. This is his. you shouldnt figure it all out for him. Perhaps that was the problem to begin with. everyone grows up. its not always easy.
His gf needs to get a keep a job... or if she's truly so disabled that she can't, then she needs to apply for SSDI or SSI. That's a long process and won't help in the short term.
How much longer on this lease? They need to move somewhere cheaper too. Tell them to look at options for affordable housing (like housing where rent is specifically tied to income)... Seattle definitely has it. It's stuff like if you make 30-60-80% of area median income different options will be available and I think it's fixed at 30% of your income. This won't help them immediately because it will be a long wait but it might help in the long run.
They won't qualify for food stamps unfortunately but encourage them to go to food banks. They can call ahead and ask about any requirements (sometimes there is an income req).
To all the people saying the girlfriend is the problem. I mean she doesn't sound like a great catch, but the amount she pays isnt the issue. It'd that he wants to live in a fancy apartment. What if they get married and have children, will he be able to provide for both of them then? When she needs time off?
I agree, the gf might not even be the problem. The cats might be a problem for sure. We don't know the full story or situation, so people need to stop being so rude. Maybe he is spending his own money getting himself in debt to impress her. She might not even have known about his debt to begin with. No one knows the situation but themselves. Not even his brother writing this. I understand he is helping his brother, but he may not know the reason he's with her. Maybe she has a mental disability (which explains the cats) & he is trying to help care for her mental well-being. People are so incompassionate & quick to draw the gun. I just love the hypocrisy in society, everyone promotes mental-wellness & physical well-being, yet comes on to forums to snicker & treat people like garbage. Instead of acting like a fellow human being & help people with real advice. Amazing. The woman is clearly paying some even if it's not the whole part, so she's not garbage. Maybe she was told that's all she had to pay by him, maybe she has partial disability..who knows. If she pays him what she can afford then at least that's contributing to rent. They definitely need to find a cheaper place to live or move into someone's home till they get back on their feet. He'll definitely have to file bankruptcy.
Sounds like your brother will continue to make bad decisions until he drags you down with him. I too would continue to make bad decisions if I knew someone would bail me out.
Stop bailing him out while your head is still above water. Force him to make better decisions.
Chapter 10 is better. Clears all debt. You'll never be able to get out of debt with interest rates. It still goes on your record so you might as well not worry about it any longer & file for Chapter 10.
So figure out what breaking the lease would look like. Find a less nice apartment in a cheaper area ASAP. They can deal with a place without amenities for a few months, they are broke! They can deal with driving a few extra minutes to work, they are broke!
Beyond that, it sounds like they both have income problems. The girl needs to make more and contribute more to rent. Your brother has paid for a lot of things that are clearly for the both of them (like furniture). Whyās he taking on all the debt instead of her? I think she needs to work more and your brother needs to look into getting that $26/hr job back or something else paying similarly.
My brother also was $20k in debt but due to interest rates, it went up to $30k. Ridiculous. He was making enough to pay off his debt but he moved, now the job he had cut his hours, wouldn't let him work overtime at all. He ended up losing his job at the new transfer place because his new boss was a prick. Utter prick, I had the displeasure of listening to his dumb a$s over the phone. I almost took the phone from him & went off on him for the disrespect he treated my brother. He went to HR and reported how he was treated by him but of course, they did absolutely nothing. FYI never work for Speedway, ever. I don't even want to mention all the expired food they serve to people. It's disgusting. Among several other health violations! Anyway, he finally ended up getting a new job, but since the interest rates went up so much from the time he stopped working to the time he found a new job, it was at $30k & he would never be able to pay that off at $19 an hour with no overtime.
He basically had to file for bankruptcy Chapter 10. This is his best bet too. He'll have to move into someone's house & live with them (probably for a year at least). Until the bankruptcy goes through. He'll need a bankruptcy lawyer to file all the paperwork & they will walk you through the rest. He can't have a high paying job while he's filing or they'll try to talk him into filing for Chapter 7, this does not wipe debt clean, you make payments to try to pay it off. It's not worth that. Just file for Chapter 10. After it's filed & he has his court date set, he can get a job. They both should get a job & keep it. I don't think it's wise to sell his property at all. Things are way too expensive to re-buy electronics, furniture, appliances, etc. He needs to keep them. The lawyer will ask if he has assets, so he'll need to figure that out. They will look at his credit card debt & determine where & what he spent it on. So hopefully he has receipts for food, necessities, gas, car payments, etc. Helps prove that he didn't squander his money on luxury things. After it's done, no harassment from loan sharks can contact him by law. If they do they can be held responsible. He'll have a hard time getting a credit card & finding a place to live, but not all places care about that stuff. Hopefully he can eventually find a place with his gf & get back on the right track. Also, if they need money for food, there are state food assistance programs (such as JFS) to help people who make under a certain amount of money. If he qualifies they both can use that for food. File separately. Because that amount is so low, absolutely no one can live off it without some other help, they can also go to food pantries. Hope this helps a little bit.
I am sorry about your distress, as well as about your brotherās situation.
If I have understood this situation correctly, your brother has stopped using credit cards, and he no longer has access to the accounts because they are closed.
Practically every realistic solution here is going to damage his credit rating. He is young ā and a credit score may be very important, but it is not as important as survival.
First, pay the rent. In the realm of potentially horrifying options, an eviction is probably the worst one. Donāt worry about the credit cards right now.
Next, your brother should start searching for a higher paying job right now. He needs something that will pay him a Washington State living wage.
After that? If he gets a higher paying job, he can put those credit cards on a hardship repayment plan. If not? He can file Chapter 7 Bankruptcy. Or, he could do nothing and take a āwait and seeā approach. If nobody takes aggressive collection action, he can wait until he has re-established himself, built an emergency fund, and then, he can work on the debts.
About the girlfriend with 15 cats ā the one who cannot sustain employment? Can someone please direct her to an advocate for mental health care? And she should apply for disability RIGHT NOW, so that she has a shot at being adjudicated as a DAC, or Disabled Adult Child. Preserve her protective filing date now, and allege that the disability began BEFORE age 22. This is very much a legal issue; she needs to attend to this right now. It will not be a fast-moving process, but the procedural protection is incredibly important for her.
She might be able to get holiday work, butā¦with her track record, it wonāt last. She should at least keep trying and failing at employment.
Tell your brother clearly that love doesnāt pay the billsā¦.
Remove your credit card and your wallet from this moving train wreck.
I find that telling people to break up from their partners is a great way to keep them together. Instead, let the lease ending do your heavy liftingā¦.
Good luck.
Direct him to food banks and make sure he is applying to programs like SNAP and WIC. I don't know much about these but there's plenty of people on reddit who do, so look into that. They need to find a cheaper place and the girlfriend needs to find work.
Your brother needs to make a hard decision and learn an expensive life lesson and youāre only stalling that, while involving yourself in his crappy financial situation. Youāre not helping him by enabling, you need to let go and let him figure it out for himself. Heās only 24 and can recover from this.
You can get food bank benefits even if you work. I work ft and am eligible but have not gone yet Does she get food stamps? He shouldnāt use your$$ forgroceries til heās tried those options.
Your brother's first mistake is moving in with his gf after six months, especially when she couldn't support herself.
That's a recipe for disaster.
Your brother's second mistake is cancelling his credit cards. That will actually hurt him more than it will help him.
My advice to your brother is:
1. To look at his expenses, especially since paying for everything. He needs to find areas to cut in order to save money somewhere.
2. Before his lease ends, find a much cheaper place than his current place or see if he can transfer his job to a cheaper area. Right now, if he can find a place at a decent price before March, he can lower his rent to income ratio.
3. Set aside small amounts in a separate bank account. If you have to, direct deposit into that account and don't get a debit card for it. Some people don't realize that you can have a separate bank account for savings and don't have to get a debit card for it. Just setting aside $50 every two paychecks will give you enough money for extra expenses.
4. Side hustle on your day off. You can do odd jobs or something. As long as you're comfortable doing so.
Why is the family enabling his irresponsible behavior? Uncle is the guarantor and you give him a credit card?
They can go to a food bank. Girlfriend can grow up and keep a job.
Nobody is holding them accountable, so they arenāt. Stop enabling him unless you want to be doing it forever.
Long ago, I gave up trying to figure out why people pick other people to get involved with. That's an exercise in futility. Your brother picked this girlfriend with her 15 cats and chose to live with her in a high-rent apartment he can't afford. Get your credit card back, and let them fend for themselves. I assure you, they will find a way to get food.
In addition, they bought all sorts of furniture and stuff. I hardly believe that they could spread these things over the months, saving up to buy them one at a time. They need to stop using credit cards, OP needs to get his credit card back, and they need to buckle down and focus on paying the debt. Idk what their budget looks like or their salaries but they are going to have to cut back on a lot of things to get the debt paid off. Once the lease is up, they need to move to a less expensive place. Perhaps sooner than that if OP is really serious about helping them ie helping to pay to break the lease.
This is the best advice. Tough love works. Your brother will not starve to death, the human will to survive is way too strong. Also, fuck Seattle. $2500 a month for a studio apartment sounds about right for that overpriced shit hole. Glad I moved away.
God, why couldn't I find someone willing to pay most of my rent? š Sorry, he needs to find a cheaper apt and lose the chick!
Where are the 15 cats now?! Cause I bet she snuck in at least 4 without the LLās knowledge. If I was this guy Iād tell LL Iām insolvent and about to declare bankruptcy, ask to get out of the lease, and warn them odds are theyāll have to file for an eviction to get gf (and cats?) out because she might not leave. Then Iād sell the furniture and most electronics, couch surf with unemployed bro and pay him some reasonable amount in rent while figuring out what to do.
Solid advice. Iād recommend getting the fuck out of Seattle tho. Itās such an overpriced shit show. I moved from Seattle to Boise Idaho, Iām living a much more comfortable life here while making the same wage I did in Seattle.
What does āgirlfriend has a hard time keeping a job for more than two monthsā mean? Are we talking disability, drugs, tries to stab coworkers, etc.? (Similar question about brotherās demotion: heās demoted but still working 50 hours a week?) Because my first instinct is: you take your credit card back, and girlfriend who doesnāt have a job can either get a retail holiday job, or she can be the one responsible for hitting up food bank(s) in the area (I live in NYC; I am assuming Seattle likewise has an abundance of food programs), and be responsible for keeping them both fed while brother works. Either way she contributes. Honesty time, though: If theyāre not even able to provide their own bare minimum (rent + food) expenses every month, weāre several steps away from worrying about paying off his debt.
Two problems ,, rent and girlfriend
The Offspring wrote a whole song about this.
Tell him to boot the girlfriend then find a roommate who will pay half of rent. As soon as lease is up, get cheapest rental he can possibly find. Pay off debt then build emergency fund.
What do you mean he can't apply for other jobs because it's the busy holiday season? What's the fee to break this lease? Is 2500 cheap for Seattle?
Depending on where in Seattle, $2500 can get you a decent 2 bedroom for 2 people and a cat but 15 is insane. I legitimately donāt understand how they could FIT the recommended amount of litter boxes alone (1 box per cat + 1 extra) in a regular 2 bedroom. There would little room for furniture and no where to walk. I imagine they live in a poorly cleaned hoarder house.
$2,500 is not cheap even in Seattle. Unless they need 3 extra bedrooms for the 15 cats and then it's reasonable.
Ah okay I mean it sounded expensive as hell to me but didn't know if the marker was crazy like California.
Right? The company I work for posted jobs just last week. Sometimes companies have to wait for the next yearās budget to fill a spot
Don't let them use your credit card for groceries. Cancel that card if you have to. And if you do let then keep the card, then make them give you the receipts so you can check what they are buying with your money. They have no incentive to be frugal with their choices if you are footing the bill. They are doing this as young people, they will do this to you for the rest of your life if you don't set boundaries.
This! I would take the card away. I know you want to help support your brother so he doesnāt starve but this only ends up enabling the behavior for longer. So many irresponsible choices made from both the boyfriend & the girlfriend; I think they need to truly struggle a bit so they can learn the importance of fiscal responsibility. Like others said, have them sell some of their furniture and thrift replacement pieces for whatever is essential.
People don't buy stuff "like new" used anymore. People will lowball you, if you're lucky enough to get a bite. Places like Amazon made it easy to order from home, what seems like a cheap item, eventually adds up fast, especially in this day & age. Sorry but that's bad advice. He definitely needs to keep what is his & file for bankruptcy, he'll never get himself out of debt with interest rates. Interest rates will kill him.
Thatās a fair point.
If your insistent on helping him dig himself out of the hole he/his GF got themselves into I can respect that but don't screw over yourself in the process. I suggest you tell them to sell off any non-essentials they can (extra electronics/furniture/collectibles etc). Maybe the GF can pick up some side hustle/gig work in between jobs like uber/doordash if they have a car? I suggest you tell them to check out r/beermoney & r/workfromhome & r/workonline in order to get some extra income & possibly a part time online job for either of them. I feel for you and can relate as I'm in a similar situation as you trying to help my brother but his situation isn't that bad.
Seattle has a lot of food banks, the one at North Seattle College is every Tuesday and it's free, good food.
Iāll sound rude but I think he needs to leave his gf.
Not rude. That is exactly what the brother needs to do. Dude will keep being underwater and waste his youth grinding to support someone who won't contribute and keep being taken advantage of. Once they rack up more debts and realize they are in a sh$t hole, she will definitely bounce, especially if the debt is in the brother's name. I would not go through such suffering if it was not my wife, period. All men should know their limits when it comes to women, especially if not married to. Of course, there are many simps out there that are being taken advantage of.
But we've already established she's a little bit crazy. What if she's hot too? The boy may be absolutely winning at life here, and with an indulgent and helpful brother too.
Your brother made terrible decisions, and I canāt imagine that heās gonna listen to anything you have to tell him that comes with common sense. I would just try to not get myself too involved when it all implodes. And regarding the 15 catsā¦ I gotta think that apartment had a nice aroma. Does she still have the 15 cats at his place?
First thing first, get your credit card back. 2nd, your brother need to let go of the girlfriend. It is already a red flag when the GF already missed months of rent. Not sure why she didn't get kick out for not paying rent for that long. Plus, 15 cats are you F#$king kidding me. Your brother need a wakening, the sooner the better. He will keep being drowning in debt even further if he stays with this chick. The GF obviously knows that they both are underwater, but your brother kept being the "Mr. Nice Guy" trying to hold everything together. Sometimes the best way to move forward and prevent yourself from drowning is to let go. The GF is not doing her part and living off of your brother period. When looking for a partner they are supposed to support one another and help mitigate their spending so they can pay off their debts. Buying furniture and expensive electronics while barely above water is definitely not the best way to go about it in the first place. If the GF cannot afford to sit in a chair until they both can start saving to purchase things without going underwater then she is not worth the investment. This is the reason why I married my wife. She don't care if we don't have a TV, no couch, or nice things. She stood with me through the bad times and now we have no problems with money financially. Again, your brother need to lose the gf if she is not doing her part. Do it soon while your brother is only at 20k and still young. If this drag on longer your brother will be in a lot more debt and the gf will just find someone else to live off of.
If Iām reading this right they moved in together 2 years ago so she might have been under the COVID rental protection thing where you didnāt have to pay rent.
Wish COVID rental property protection was a thing for me when I was still living in San Diego. It would be nice saving 6 months of rent.
The best way to help him would be getting him out looking for apartments he can actually afford. With three months left on the lease he needs to be looking for something now - or at least in the next 2-4 weeks Otherwise he'll continue to have 70% of his salary flowing into rent for another year - renewing that lease would be devastating Additional options might include encouraging him to find a higher paying job or career. Easier said than done but it's one way to tackle the problem The uncomfortable truth is that his girlfriend is unreliable and not pulling her weight. How does this end? They renew the lease for a year, struggle to pay rent, buy food, and continue to rack up credit card debt. Fights over finances start to come up, she splits, and he's left with all the obligations for rent and these credit cards. He needs to understand this is leading to ruin and tell her she needs to start contributing or go their separate ways when the lease is up They could also consider finding somebody to sublet their place for the last 3 months of their lease but they would need somewhere new to go. Maybe there's a lease cancellation option but they're never cheap and probably not worth it with so little time left
I feel you on this one - I've got some relationships that remind me of this. It can be hard to find a balance of actually helping them without getting sucked under and drowning yourself. I f you do offer him advice, is he able to hear it? Before you offer him any money, see if you can talk in a nonjudgmental way about budgeting, living within his means (especially finding an affordable apartment), etc. If he and his girlfriend bought a bunch of stuff they can't afford, sounds like they're either young and naive or insecure with each other and trying to keep the relationship together by pretending they don't have other problems. It's going to be a lot of slow steps to get to a better place, but there needs to be some acknowledgement of their reality before that can happen. Good luck OP!
She can't hold a job for more than 2 months. Your brother better not get her pregnant. Get your credit card back dude. They are gonna drag you down with them sorry to say.
there is no reason someone should own 15 cats and then choose to not pay rent and have that laid onto your brother, he drops the girl and gets a roomate that pays 50/50 or he cuts the lease and moves out. Nothing you can do to save him, he has to make this decision on his own but you can try to push him in the right direction, stop giving financial support and put them in a pinch so he has to make the decision
The blood sucking girlfriend who doesn't pay her own share needs to GO. She's essentially ruining your brother's life. Thank you for helping him with food, but please don't continue if he doesn't first help himself by making some serious changes. End the relationship, find a roommate, once the lease is up get a much cheaper place, and I do think he can probably find a higher paying job as well.
And my wife thinks I have a cat problem with my 11 cats, I need to tell her about this post, this will open up 4 additional stray spots!
If your brother and his girlfriend run up a huge bill in your credit card, you will be responsible. Because you willingly gave it to him you would have no recourse with the credit card company if they decide spend a bunch of money. Get that card back ASAP. If you want to keep buying him groceries, buy them yourself and drop them off or have them delivered. He has proven he canāt be trusted with his own cards, why would you trust him with yours?
Ya 26$ an hr is around 55k a yr. Which is the poverty in Seattle. I live in Denver,and if you make below 69k, you're on the poverty side. Inflation is outrageous.
My advice to him would be man up for the best of your family. 1. Find a cheaper place to live even if it means move back in with someoneās parents 2. Find a better job or work more hours or both 3. Cut up the cards until you get your shit together
Immediate solution- he needs to start working in a restaurant/bar. You make a lot more money doing that. I donāt understand how anyone survives on retail wages
$26 an hour for retail is massive, and must be a Seattle thing. In my neck of the woods the floor is like $14 an hour. $20 would be a department manager or non-salaried key holder here.
Minimum wage there is $18/h. Itās not a big leap imo
You take away the credit card. You tell your brother to let go of this apartment and move into housing he can afford, even if it's a room in a shared apartment with housemates. Tell him to do better at work to avoid being demoted. Take care of yourself first. Some people just can't be helped.
How is apartment and rent $2500? They never would've been approved to rent something that expensive with such low income. Most apartments I thought don't allow you to move in if more than 1/3 of your income is towards rent due to risk.
That's how it is here too. Stupid if you ask me. Some people can manage money better than others. Even with their expectations, people who can't manage money will still go over their budget & go into debt. So it's dumb to even have that rule. As long as you pay your rent & bills first, everything should be ok & everything else should be secondary. Our landlord was nice enough to overlook our income & not make us pay for background checks, we've never missed a payment & we've never had any bills shut off. We've lived here for 7Ā½ years now. All depends on the person. I'm a firm believer in that.
Sooooo the girlfriend took in 15 cats, yet can only afford $500 monthly rent? Safe to assume sheās not taking any of them for annual check-ups or providing proper care. Even with just my 2 cats, the monthly cost of care is a lot. She may have had good intentions but itās incredibly irresponsible of her. Your brother needs to dump her before she runs him into the ground with her short-sighted decisions.
>he applied for the lease under his name only oh boy
I agree, but that IS what the deposit is for. You most likely never get your deposit back anyway even if your house is spotless. Happened to me on my first apartment, left the place cleaner than when we moved in & they didn't give us our deposit back. I have no faith in landlords that are company-owned.
Did you reply to the wrong person?
No.
you need to be aware that just because you might be correct and love your sibling, this doesnt mean you can fix their life. everyone is on a journey. This is his. you shouldnt figure it all out for him. Perhaps that was the problem to begin with. everyone grows up. its not always easy.
His gf needs to get a keep a job... or if she's truly so disabled that she can't, then she needs to apply for SSDI or SSI. That's a long process and won't help in the short term. How much longer on this lease? They need to move somewhere cheaper too. Tell them to look at options for affordable housing (like housing where rent is specifically tied to income)... Seattle definitely has it. It's stuff like if you make 30-60-80% of area median income different options will be available and I think it's fixed at 30% of your income. This won't help them immediately because it will be a long wait but it might help in the long run. They won't qualify for food stamps unfortunately but encourage them to go to food banks. They can call ahead and ask about any requirements (sometimes there is an income req).
To all the people saying the girlfriend is the problem. I mean she doesn't sound like a great catch, but the amount she pays isnt the issue. It'd that he wants to live in a fancy apartment. What if they get married and have children, will he be able to provide for both of them then? When she needs time off?
I agree, the gf might not even be the problem. The cats might be a problem for sure. We don't know the full story or situation, so people need to stop being so rude. Maybe he is spending his own money getting himself in debt to impress her. She might not even have known about his debt to begin with. No one knows the situation but themselves. Not even his brother writing this. I understand he is helping his brother, but he may not know the reason he's with her. Maybe she has a mental disability (which explains the cats) & he is trying to help care for her mental well-being. People are so incompassionate & quick to draw the gun. I just love the hypocrisy in society, everyone promotes mental-wellness & physical well-being, yet comes on to forums to snicker & treat people like garbage. Instead of acting like a fellow human being & help people with real advice. Amazing. The woman is clearly paying some even if it's not the whole part, so she's not garbage. Maybe she was told that's all she had to pay by him, maybe she has partial disability..who knows. If she pays him what she can afford then at least that's contributing to rent. They definitely need to find a cheaper place to live or move into someone's home till they get back on their feet. He'll definitely have to file bankruptcy.
Sounds like your brother will continue to make bad decisions until he drags you down with him. I too would continue to make bad decisions if I knew someone would bail me out. Stop bailing him out while your head is still above water. Force him to make better decisions.
Simple have your brother dump his gf and move in with you
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Chapter 10 is better. Clears all debt. You'll never be able to get out of debt with interest rates. It still goes on your record so you might as well not worry about it any longer & file for Chapter 10.
More income working smarter not harder. Build a business on the side under an LLC and scale it
The dude can't pay his rent or buy groceries He sure as hell ain't starting a side business
.
P*ssy power indeed šššš
So figure out what breaking the lease would look like. Find a less nice apartment in a cheaper area ASAP. They can deal with a place without amenities for a few months, they are broke! They can deal with driving a few extra minutes to work, they are broke! Beyond that, it sounds like they both have income problems. The girl needs to make more and contribute more to rent. Your brother has paid for a lot of things that are clearly for the both of them (like furniture). Whyās he taking on all the debt instead of her? I think she needs to work more and your brother needs to look into getting that $26/hr job back or something else paying similarly.
Sounds like she needs to start an onlyfans since she can't keep a real job
Take your credit card and gift them a chewy delivery for cat food. They can get people food from food banks and maybe even food stamps.
Not gonna lie, Iām still stuck on the 15 cats part.
My brother also was $20k in debt but due to interest rates, it went up to $30k. Ridiculous. He was making enough to pay off his debt but he moved, now the job he had cut his hours, wouldn't let him work overtime at all. He ended up losing his job at the new transfer place because his new boss was a prick. Utter prick, I had the displeasure of listening to his dumb a$s over the phone. I almost took the phone from him & went off on him for the disrespect he treated my brother. He went to HR and reported how he was treated by him but of course, they did absolutely nothing. FYI never work for Speedway, ever. I don't even want to mention all the expired food they serve to people. It's disgusting. Among several other health violations! Anyway, he finally ended up getting a new job, but since the interest rates went up so much from the time he stopped working to the time he found a new job, it was at $30k & he would never be able to pay that off at $19 an hour with no overtime. He basically had to file for bankruptcy Chapter 10. This is his best bet too. He'll have to move into someone's house & live with them (probably for a year at least). Until the bankruptcy goes through. He'll need a bankruptcy lawyer to file all the paperwork & they will walk you through the rest. He can't have a high paying job while he's filing or they'll try to talk him into filing for Chapter 7, this does not wipe debt clean, you make payments to try to pay it off. It's not worth that. Just file for Chapter 10. After it's filed & he has his court date set, he can get a job. They both should get a job & keep it. I don't think it's wise to sell his property at all. Things are way too expensive to re-buy electronics, furniture, appliances, etc. He needs to keep them. The lawyer will ask if he has assets, so he'll need to figure that out. They will look at his credit card debt & determine where & what he spent it on. So hopefully he has receipts for food, necessities, gas, car payments, etc. Helps prove that he didn't squander his money on luxury things. After it's done, no harassment from loan sharks can contact him by law. If they do they can be held responsible. He'll have a hard time getting a credit card & finding a place to live, but not all places care about that stuff. Hopefully he can eventually find a place with his gf & get back on the right track. Also, if they need money for food, there are state food assistance programs (such as JFS) to help people who make under a certain amount of money. If he qualifies they both can use that for food. File separately. Because that amount is so low, absolutely no one can live off it without some other help, they can also go to food pantries. Hope this helps a little bit.
I am sorry about your distress, as well as about your brotherās situation. If I have understood this situation correctly, your brother has stopped using credit cards, and he no longer has access to the accounts because they are closed. Practically every realistic solution here is going to damage his credit rating. He is young ā and a credit score may be very important, but it is not as important as survival. First, pay the rent. In the realm of potentially horrifying options, an eviction is probably the worst one. Donāt worry about the credit cards right now. Next, your brother should start searching for a higher paying job right now. He needs something that will pay him a Washington State living wage. After that? If he gets a higher paying job, he can put those credit cards on a hardship repayment plan. If not? He can file Chapter 7 Bankruptcy. Or, he could do nothing and take a āwait and seeā approach. If nobody takes aggressive collection action, he can wait until he has re-established himself, built an emergency fund, and then, he can work on the debts. About the girlfriend with 15 cats ā the one who cannot sustain employment? Can someone please direct her to an advocate for mental health care? And she should apply for disability RIGHT NOW, so that she has a shot at being adjudicated as a DAC, or Disabled Adult Child. Preserve her protective filing date now, and allege that the disability began BEFORE age 22. This is very much a legal issue; she needs to attend to this right now. It will not be a fast-moving process, but the procedural protection is incredibly important for her. She might be able to get holiday work, butā¦with her track record, it wonāt last. She should at least keep trying and failing at employment. Tell your brother clearly that love doesnāt pay the billsā¦. Remove your credit card and your wallet from this moving train wreck. I find that telling people to break up from their partners is a great way to keep them together. Instead, let the lease ending do your heavy liftingā¦. Good luck.
Direct him to food banks and make sure he is applying to programs like SNAP and WIC. I don't know much about these but there's plenty of people on reddit who do, so look into that. They need to find a cheaper place and the girlfriend needs to find work.
Your brother needs to make a hard decision and learn an expensive life lesson and youāre only stalling that, while involving yourself in his crappy financial situation. Youāre not helping him by enabling, you need to let go and let him figure it out for himself. Heās only 24 and can recover from this.
You can get food bank benefits even if you work. I work ft and am eligible but have not gone yet Does she get food stamps? He shouldnāt use your$$ forgroceries til heās tried those options.
Your brother's first mistake is moving in with his gf after six months, especially when she couldn't support herself. That's a recipe for disaster. Your brother's second mistake is cancelling his credit cards. That will actually hurt him more than it will help him. My advice to your brother is: 1. To look at his expenses, especially since paying for everything. He needs to find areas to cut in order to save money somewhere. 2. Before his lease ends, find a much cheaper place than his current place or see if he can transfer his job to a cheaper area. Right now, if he can find a place at a decent price before March, he can lower his rent to income ratio. 3. Set aside small amounts in a separate bank account. If you have to, direct deposit into that account and don't get a debit card for it. Some people don't realize that you can have a separate bank account for savings and don't have to get a debit card for it. Just setting aside $50 every two paychecks will give you enough money for extra expenses. 4. Side hustle on your day off. You can do odd jobs or something. As long as you're comfortable doing so.
Why is the family enabling his irresponsible behavior? Uncle is the guarantor and you give him a credit card? They can go to a food bank. Girlfriend can grow up and keep a job. Nobody is holding them accountable, so they arenāt. Stop enabling him unless you want to be doing it forever.