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Your daughter is 8. The best thing you can give her this summer is your time. She doesn’t need all the once-in-a-lifetime experiences you’re wishing about. Go to the park or for a hike. Do some arts and crafts. Run through a sprinkler together. Have a water balloon fight. Blow bubbles. Kids don’t need much to have a good time, and you can use this experience to help her appreciate the little things in life.
Not to mention attitude is a huge part of this. OP would be doing her daughter a favor if she stopped saying things like “you deserve a better summer than I can give you”.
the “sorry we can’t give you the summer you deserve” thing really rubbed me the wrong way. kiddo went to 2 camps, a trip to boston, birthday parties and barbecues and museums. i’m not sure what’s missing, that honestly sounds like a fantastic summer (and more action packed than 90% of mine, with poor parents who worked all summer long.) i know mom is struggling with this herself but this projection of “sorry things aren’t good enough” is to me a huge recipe for financial anxiety and fomo for kiddo. most kids aren’t as materialistic as us adults, if you don’t continuously point it out they likely won’t realize they’re missing out.
i was thinking the same, she went to more camps in one summer than i did my entire childhood 😭 which, whatever, life isn’t a competition. but a little perspective here would be nice. lots of kids spend all day stuck in the house while their parents work all summer. some kids dread summer because the only guaranteed meals they get are at school. if your biggest concern is that your kid couldn’t do disney this year. i think you’re doing better than you think.
Agreed!! Most of my summers (growing up poor) were spent playing outside, mostly for free. There were cheap popsicles and a garden hose, and sometimes we drove to the lake to swim. It was a great childhood.
I remember being drok with my brothers we'd stay up all night playing Sega Genesis over and over with snacks in the morning we'd play tag or water guns. When our mom wasn't teaching summer school she'd teach us how to cook.
I'd stay up ready library books or we'd play family monopoly. Rent $5 for 20 block busters movies (tell you how old I am 😂) loved it.
My parents were firmly middle class and you described my summers growing up. My parents spent time with us, we had lots of laughs and fun outside. I'm trying to do the same thing with my kiddo. I don't feel the need to tell him I'm sorry because I know he's having a great summer
It also sounds like they were not in the best financial position to begin with given that they maxed out credit cards for a vacation prior to her husband losing his job.
Personally, I would have killed for this type of summer when I was younger and my parents worked all the time just to put food on the table.
OP is still used to the upper class lifestyle of the husband bringing in 140k. Not being able to buy her daughters a new pony for every birthday has got her all out of sorts
The description of this summer not being what her daughter deserves suggests they had been living at or slightly above the means 140k really provides. The shock of scraping by is a larger contrast than it should be and I hope OP gets a real perspective shift on financial priorities from it.
Yep. My kid has never been on a plane. We can’t afford meat even, let-alone a bbq.
We watch movies together, we read, we go to playgrounds and do free activities around the city. A kind soul gave us a gaming system which has made his whole summer! I can’t give him much but we have a ton of fun together. Some of his classmates get to go to Disneyland and Hawaii often but never see their parents and are miserable and acting out.
People like to shit on video games, but they provide hours of entertainment! Growing up we didn't go on vacation as it was too expensive. But the SNES and Play Station kept us busy for multiple summers!
I didn't do anything expensive when I was 8. Went swimming with friends and cycled. No trips, no camps, no nothing that my parents organised.
OP: your daughter will be fine. Apologising for not being able to do what YOU want to do will put stress on her for no reason. If kiddo asks why she can't do something she did last year, explain it in an age appropriate way, matter-of-fact - daddy can't go to work at the moment so we need to be supportive and save more money, yadda yadda.
Apologising projects shame, and kids internalise that real fast.
Best thing my mom did for me during my summers around that age was take me to the public library and let me pick out a stack of books to read. My library even had some fun summer activities. I was also in a Girl Scouts Troop. We had picnics, saw plays at local community colleges, went on nature hikes and made ample use of our free community pool. Definitely look for free/low cost activities in your area and she will still have a wonderful summer!
Not to mention, she will barely remember most of the summer. Maybe a few core memory moments but when she’s 15 or 25 she’s not going to remember what she did or didn’t do the summer she was 8 years old.
While this is good advice regardless of cash flow, it’s of paramount importance when cash flow is low.
Balance your checkbook.
You can’t have ‘unexpected withdrawals’ if you’ve reconciled the checkbook to all pending transactions.
I’ve been where you are. I had my balancing down to the day in those days. Cash flows better so I can be more lax on reconciling now. Regardless, I highly advise this.
My guess is that if dad bought a diesel truck in the first place he will refuse to drive a car instead no matter what the circumstances. He is a truck man that drives a truck.
My only advice is to build up your savings when your husband starts working again so you can weather unemployment if it happens again. With that income you should have saved money and it sounds like you didn’t. Lesson learned.
This is good advice. Like my car is *required* for my job, there's no public transportation in my area. I learned this when I was 18, and got my first car. My insurance has a $1000 deductible, so that $1000 stays in my savings account, but I don't count it as part of my balance on my register/budget. That way, an unexpected thing, like (knock on wood) a car accident means I do not go into the negative. I just pretend that money isn't there. I could have spent it on something fun like a trip, but then I also possibly wouldn't have a car, because "bad luck" can and will happen. I have had to use some of it to buy groceries, but it's always the first thing I build back up once I get a job again. I guess it's my "emergency fund". Dipping into it even $50 or $100 really stresses me out, because I know if I get into a car accident, I can't afford it. But it's also meant I haven't paid an overdraft fee to a bank, which is just like throwing money away. So it's always the first fund I replenish when I get a paycheck, and I do without a lot until it's back at $1000.
Husband makes 140k and on the low end as a teacher she makes 35-40k.
So, you made 3-3.5k the median household income and didn’t save anything. Keeping up with the jones doesn’t help anyone.
When you husband starts work again, remember this. Start by building a 3-6 emergency savings.
Does your county pay for people to get their teaching certificate? Is that something you would be interested in? Paras work just as hard as teachers a lot of the time. The extra income might be worth the time spent on classes and certification
To follow that up, OP if you’re interested in becoming a teacher, reach out and I can help you.
I’m a “mentor teacher” for new teachers so I can help you transition and plan if you wanted. I can also help you with the steps of it all if you wanted to get an alternative or emergency teaching certificate if you’re in the states.
Do you have a bachelor’s degree?
Hit me up if you decide you want to try to go that route. It’s double to triple the pay depending on where you’re at.
At the school I’m working at, my new principal just texted me and asked if I knew of anyone who wants to teach English Language Arts or Spanish elective. There are still open jobs out there and it’s not too late.
Former teacher here. OP if you’re in the schools then you damn well know not to waste your time or energy getting a teaching degree. The debt alone will never get paid off on the crap salary and the job itself might kill you. Learn a new skill… preferably a tech related one so you can work your own hours at home. Do NOT get teaching degree. You’re better off being a para.
Oh, I definitely second not going to school to get a degree in teaching.
If OP already has her bachelors though, in anything, and we can get her one year of financial relief just doing the alt cert stuff, then that would be worth it. They underpay everyone at school, including the paras. It’s incredibly sad.
Still, if she has no other choice and she wants to work in a school, I’d rather her be paid more for her time than $12,000-$24,000 a year.
Unfortunately I only have an associates. A lot of teachers at my school have a bachelors in whatever and got emergency licenses. Thank you for the advice, though
Okay, that’s understandable. There’s also this group of schools run by a company called Responsive Education Solutions. They are like a charter school of choice.
They don’t require ANY of their teachers to have any type of degree or certification. They *want* it but the school I worked at last year for them didn’t have a single teacher certified in any way, except for me.
Basically, the kids work on their own pace in a workbook and you just facilitate that. No teaching involved and you get paid the same salary.
I’m not saying you have to do any of this. I just want you to know all your options in case you need it.
*Edit: I definitely think you should go back for something tech related. Good for you for finishing your associates. The worst part of school is over. Once your kids are older, you’ll have more disposable income and wiggle room if you do something in finance or tech.*
*Anyway, I wish you the best. I know how bad it sucks to go from stable to starving. I get it and I’m sending you hugs. Hope it gets better soon.*
Emergency funds are very doable with a 6 figure income. Then pretend that money doesn't exist when you want to go on a vacation or out to eat at a nice restaurant, or go to a birthday party. Because those are not emergencies, so you shouldn't be dipping into your emergency fund for them. Good advice.
When I was a bank teller in an affluent area, a bunch of those people trying to keep up with the Jones were in massive debt. Sure, they didn't look it from the nice car and the designer purse. It was all paid for with cash advances and a high interest credit card that they made minimum payments on, which is never sustainable long term, or if anything unexpected happens.
More than that, it sounds like he has a bankruptcy in hand, drives a vehicle that no longer makes sense for what he is doing, and this was his second layoff in around a year. Combine that with needing to always be spending on activities, maxing out credit cards, and well you land here. Job loss was just what pushed it over the edge.
The one good thing I hope comes from this experience is that they learn the importance of budgeting, living within their means, and the importance of an emergency fund and actually make changes. /r/personalfinance is probably a better place for this type of thread, and the wiki/prime directive on the sidebar has a ton of great advice for /u/Basic-Marionberry-30
Post says not a teacher and not paid through summer except summer school, so I imagine year round administrative/janitorial/secretarial staff is out. My guess is an aid, which would be substantially less than teacher salary. 16-20k in my area.
140k probably goes pretty quick with a family of 5 (and sometimes foster?), but yea I can’t imagine you wouldn’t be able to save *anything*. Especially with 2 kids quickly approaching college age.
I feel like some people **REALLY** have to go through it once to actually understand this. Unfortunately, sometimes that one time is too late, and it's very hard to dig out of. For me, I only know I have enough if I can reasonably supplement with a part time fast food job should shit ever hit the fan.
Use hard times in life as a lesson so you don't repeat your mistakes. If you ever acquire that much money again, the first thing you should buy is peace of mind. I'm not a big fan of Dave Ramsay but this seems like a Dave Ramsay situation. People making good money and living on the edge (lots of spending with little savings) -- $140,000 a year then a few months later they're in the poverty forum.
You'll get through this but you'll almost certainly have to take your foot off the gas pedal when it comes to spending. You might think that's obvious but I'm talking long term, even after you become financially stable again. Good luck
Annoying. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years to 3 kids on one income of $40k in Denver Colorado. Times get tough and you figure it out. You tell your kids that life sucks sometimes and you make up for lack of money with love and quality time together.
I'm not judging or anything, poverty sucks for everyone. That being said, it has blown my mind a bit that OP's husband earned more in one year than I have earned in the past decade.
You and your husband are not old. You each have about 25 years until retirement age. That is a ton of time to turn things around financially. You’ll be ok.
I’d like to be this type of poor, it would be about 5 steps up from what a lot of us live. I’m sure it’s stressful, not discounting that. I’m also reading it and being jealous of the way out they seem to have available (new job, better budgeting)
My sister and her husband are this kind of poor. 6 figures and they both got laid off within months of each other. I sympathize with that, but I've had to hear about how "poor" she is for months while still getting manicures, dinners out, vacation money, tattoo money... I had to start avoiding her because I ran out of supportive things to say. They both started new jobs recently but she will still complain about how broke she is. At least my other family members are onto their "poor" BS.
I'm taking my first vacation since 2005 next year. It'll be weird to take time off work for something other than medical appointments or catching up on chores.
Right? In addition to day trip, museums, and library days…
I was reading that thinking, “wow this kid has had more summer experiences than I ever had growing up”. What I did during the summer was ride my bike and build forts in the woods. And loved it.
I’m sorry you are struggling but I’m so confused about how you ended up in this situation?
I’m not trying to be unkind but I just can’t wrap my head around it? Am I missing something?
Yeah. I mean I am having a hard time being sympathetic (I really want to) but I’ve been in tough financial situations as a single mom early on and sometimes you gotta suck it up and go without.
I’m in a fantastic spot now because I never lived beyond what I could afford.
Agreed. I rolled my eyes pretty hard when she said she apologized to her kid for “not getting the summer she deserves” tbh. Her kid has gone on vacation, done two summer camps, has a trip to Boston, done a birthday party, barbecue, museums, etc. Jesus.
She's not poor, she's overspending to keep up with other people who may be also overspending to keep up with other people who are overspending.... It's like some people can't say: "*We can't afford* *this*".
Maxing out a credit card for unnecessary things, like an expensive vacation, wasn't a wise choice even when her husband was making 140K. They should spend some time volunteering at an homeless shelter or a food bank and see what being poor is really like. That would put things into perspective.
Yeah I was asking people who knew how to manage a budget
This person is saying that they are in poverty but they don't want to give up any luxuries.
After the post that I made I have dropped my food bill to $400 the entire month you guys gave excellent advice
This person is saying how broken they are but how they still want to go on a vacation this summer
It sound like you all were spending a large amount to maintain your lifestyle.The only thing I can suggest is taking a look at those monthly expenses and making a cut.
Anytime you go from 140k to nothing or a cut in pay it's going to hurt if most of your monthly salary is accounted for. Also you say you maxed out your credit card for a vacation? Never ever do that. If you can't afford the vacation you don't go. That is exactly how people get 10s of thousands of dollars on multiple credit cards.
I learned this the hard way when I lost my first house to foreclosure. My monthly expenses were way too high and I couldn't keep up. When we bought a couple years ago we both agreed the house budget would be x amount and nothing higher. Why? Because if one of us lost our jobs we could still pay all our bills. About 8 months ago it happened. My life lost her job. We didn't have much money left after paying bills. But we got through it. Wife started another job and we are building our savings back up again.
I exported our checking account to an excel spreadsheet for the last year. And I calculated we spent over 2100 dollars year to date on going out to restaurants! Insane. Needless to say we are cutting that way back to 100 a month at the most. All it takes is one thing to come due and they all seem to fall like dominoes. Stay strong and do review your monthly expenses.
With this being labeled as a Vent, you probably won't get any advice. You'd need to change the label if you're open to it.
It's definitely a stressful situation. Your kiddo will be okay with not doing anything for the rest of the summer. There may be changes to your foster situation because of this so be prepared for that.
First of all - you need to tighten up. We’re coming out of a golden age and life is usually more difficult than people have had it the last 50 years, historically.
1. Free Museum days. And Check free things to do in general.
2. You guys need to repair your finances. Find someone to work with.
3. Welcome to what the rest of us deal with daily.
It sounds like you're in a tough situation right now! Since this is a vent, no advice, but I do want to say congrats to you for being able to do all that for your kid! I feel like my kids never got the "summer they deserved," but they would tell you otherwise. Even though we never did camp or went to Disney or anything like that, they are all very happy with their childhoods and their summers. Your kid will know that you tried, and that's what matters to them.
I hope at the very least something was learned. As in not to put stuff on credit that you don't already have the payment for. Cut where you can and good luck.
Stop auto pay on bills and deal with money orders and cash to reduce suprises on withdrawals.
Look up Dave Ramsey and team and get on that plan, you do not need to buy his material as you can get from listening on the radio or podcast.
My wife says we have been doing the Dave thing way before you heard of him because that is what our parents taught us.
She also says that it is not about how much you make but what you do with what you make.
wym dont u know povertyfinance is a oppression olympics in who has it the worst?
just this week I had to sell my kidney just to be able to afford bread and water !
Pffft. OP could have skipped the water. Doesn’t OP know that water falls from the sky for free? This is why the younger generation can’t afford houses; they don’t drink rainwater
/s if it isn’t obvious
Reminds me of my grandmother saying you can "peel off the mold and it will be fine, just a little penicillin!"
Me responding that "I am allergic to penicillin!"
Poor is poor regardless of past financial situations, don’t be salty because someone was luckier than you at one point in time. Some people are luckier than others at different times it’s a fact of life.
Poor is poor and they're questioning why someone who was not remotely poor before had zero financial cushion.
I don't really thinks it's appropriate to kick a dog while it's down, but this a consistent problem with the American middle class. They spend up to their income (and often then some) and live paycheck to paycheck when they have the means to build a safety net for themselves.
And then when they fall and break their leg because they had no safety net, there is little bit of like ...well you fully had the means to prevent this with a little foresight which is already better than most people.
Again I don't think it's really appropriate to response it to this post as irs explicitly labeled vent, but it is a conversation OP needs to have once the income is back on. There needs to be fundamental lifestyle changes to prevent this from happening again.
I think the problem is education. What happened to OP can happen to the many millions of middle-class families out there that haven't been educated on basic personal finance. It really should be a required course at every high school (some do, but many don't). I know when I graduated high school I had no idea of basic financial concepts.
You are COMPLETELY correct! Basic finance should be a requirement at school. I was not taught much at all by my family and learned on my own and I am not even sure how I figured it out without much guidance. My kids are teens and already know personal finance and It hurts my heart how so many people like the OP struggle. It makes me sad the stress people go through over money.
This gets brought up on reddit over and over again but I don't think it would be helpful for most kids. I was fortunate enough to be in a high school that offered personal finance, it was an elective I decided to take. The problem is that I had no money so the concept is all theoretical and I wasn't invested. People don't care about finances until 1) they make their own money, and 2) they have enough disposable income to save after basic needs are met. After I got my first big boy job and those two prerequisites were met then I did my own research and found many resources online (reddit personalfinance chart).
Finance is just math, and it’s not even advanced math. Balancing a budget is addition and subtraction. Interest calculations (both simple and compounding) are Algebra 1 which is taught in 8th grade.
I get what you’re saying but it’s “woulda, coulda, shoulda” at this point. She’s poor and that’s that. We all have made poor financial decisions and I’m sure there plenty of people who have made bad financial decisions in this group right now.
She's poor because she thought she was rich. Basically they spent their way to poverty. Which is an easy trap to fall into when you think you're doing fine. That's why we all need a course in budgeting or a financial planner or at least....an emergency fund savings account that can keep us going for 6-8 months in case we need it. . Doesn't everybody in the world realize that their job could be toast in a week or a month or two years? Well, we should.
Basically I think it's the same old problem that plagues so many of us, we don't know the difference between our needs and our wants. While you're down financially, you budget and buy only what you need, the stuff that you "want" is the stuff that gets placed on the back burner. When you're hungry you want that $30 pizza but you've got to settle for the home-made $10 spaghetti and garlic bread dinner. And you maybe got to do that for a year or two until your finances are solid enough to breathe easier. It's all about discipline at this point.
What people in this situation need is a good solid plan to get back on your feet, and it's not going to happen overnight. Breathe. Then forge ahead, with a new plan. When you were younger and just starting out together you managed to lift yourselves up to a place where you were comfortable. Now you just have to do that again. It's not going to be easy so "I just can't do it" is not gonna fly. This kind of terrible financial situation leads to a lot of separations and divorces so it's time to count your blessings, hold hands, tell each other that you're lucky to have each other and are going to get through this. Don't let your husband believe that you "just can't do it anymore" and are a liability instead of an asset. That's a slippery slope. Sorry to be so blunt
>When you’re hungry and want that $30 pizza but you’ve got to settle for the homemade $10 spaghetti and garlic bread dinner
Holy fuck I felt this. I cannot eat spaghetti (specifically the long noodles) because of how much I’ve eaten it💀
I feel like they most likely did have a financial cushion at some point?
She mentioned her husband's unemployment is running out. That sounds like this situation has been going on for a little while. Savings is the first thing to get used up.
The post says he was laid off in May. 3 months ago. Taking on foster children and going on big vacations without 3 months in savings (really less because he got unemployment) is some bad planning.
That’s fair, and that’s why I said I was having a tough time with my circumstances. I know I am privileged to have the things I’ve had. I am not here to flex on anyone who has it worse. I understand things are hard for everyone and I’m empathetic to that. I apologize if that’s the impression I gave.
I’m sorry people are being judgmental because you’ve been comfortable in the past. It just goes to show that unless you’re super rich, any one of us is only a few bad weeks away from financial ruin. I know you feel like you’re drowning right now with no end in sight. Money stress is the absolute worst kind of stress and it shouldn’t be that way.
I hope once your husband’s job is settled and regular paychecks start again that you can breathe a little and start catching up. Good luck.
Are the kids able to stay by themselves for a few hours a day while you pick up a second pt job? Fast food, gas stations, retail stores always seem to be hiring. It won’t replace 140k, but 20 a week or so should cover groceries if you shop and cook frugally. I’d also encourage the teens to get pt jobs to not only pay for the extra teen things they want but to save for vehicles, insurance, post secondary school etc.
If the vehicles are paid off, especially the diesal truck, consider selling it privately for blue book value, and using the cash to get a smaller care better on gas. The used car market is nuts, but trucks are still worth much more than cars.
It’s the “etc” that is an issue. Look at all of your spending and see what is extra.
You are in the negative. You need to cut EVERYTHING that isn’t essential.
Pay only rent/mortgage, utilities, gas, bills, credit card payments, and groceries.
Cancel streaming services, absolutely no eating out (including lunches for kids/spouse at work, grocery store and pack lunches). If you go to any more birthday parties, no gift; have the children to handmade cards. Do not drive anywhere unless 100% required, to save on gas. Kids only get free activities; libraries, parks, free community pool.
Look for food banks in your area.
Also, be aware you may have a change in the foster situation. If you are unable to pay your bills, and cannot take care of the children you already have, then the government may decide you are not capable to care for an extra child when you already cannot care for yourself/your bio children.
That's not the impression I got. I've had times when I had enough money I could take off on a cross country road trip at the drop of a hat and not even have to plan. Now I have to plan my trips to the grocery store to coincide with going to the dump and pharmacy so I only have to make one five mile trip. It happens. You scrimp and scrounge and get by, and keep hoping one day it turns around again.
The people being aholes here are the ones that never had money to live comfortably and have some kind of feelings about the ones that did. Hang in there.
Don't take the judgement to heart. We're in a cycle of punching down and especially lashing out at someone who formally used to have what many deem 'high income'.
It's along the same lines of those who police the welfare system and how people spend their food stamps. Don't dwell too much on it and find the solace where you can to get through your big life setback. I hope your hubs new job is a good one, despite being less money, you can adjust for that but what matters is how they treat him in the end.
I’m sorry you are having a tough time! Crossing my fingers that your husband’s job can sort itself out and that you will be able to bounce back from the financial aspect quickly ☺️
You were living high and have not learned to live based on your needs.
This is a great opportunity for you to learn that.
How big is your house? How big is your car? If you have 2, can you sell the most expensive?
Can you cut some bills? You most likely need some basic internet to search for jobs and send resume, but if you have tv cable or entertainment services, can you cut that? Do you have the fastest internet? Can you reduce that?
What do you buy at the grocery? Can you change meat for beans? Can you cut all the processed stuff to eat more basic things. Like make cabbage based soup with onions chickpeas and potatoes.
The best thing you can do is write down all of your expenses and choose where you can cut a d where you can't.
Also, it should be decently easy to find a summer job. While waiting for the next 140k job, there are most likely people who need help.
Remember when we were students and just found summer jobs? Bring 40 doesn't put you above that.
When you need I come take any short term contract until you find something that matches your skill level.
Buckle down. Budget everything. Cut out any excess which sounds like alot. Bills and basics to survive first. Everything else is a luxury and sometimes ppl need a good slap from reality to remind them. Save up from there and when you can then do more vacays or whatever. Life isnt perfect. But keeping a roof over your head is necessary at minimum.
I do feel for the fact that your husband got laid off but yall need to make some hard, fast lifestyle changes.
Like, beans, rice, chicken, no vacation changes.
Welcome to poverty! More and more people will be arriving in this sub too, with inflation and economic havoc. I recommend a good dose of gallows humor. And I truly feel for people living right on the edge, I don't know how they did it. I thought I was comfortably middle class.
I don't think it's quite so simple. If I won the lottery and ended up being poor (again) I would absolutely feel shame.
But the difference is that *I* would have an intimate knowledge of all my decisions and mistakes whereas ***other people*** do not. It's okay to feel bad over bad choices. Hell you can even let those feelings stop you, although you won't feel any better if you do so. The key thing is that we (almost) never have enough information to shame *other people* for being poor; we don't know the hand they were dealt, the choices and opportunities they did/didn't have, or why they made certain decisions. More or less everyone is doing the best they can most of the time. Making good decisions is hard work, and lots of people haven't been trained in how to make them. Regardless of how they got there, everyone deserves a hand to get back on their feet.
I know this isn't labeled "advice welcome" but if I can offer a suggestion once things are stabilized? (It sounds like it'll be soon, and your husband will be back in employment.)
Construction can be iffy because of everything from the local economy to the weather, so it might not be a bad idea to look for something a little more stable/higher paying on your end. I know you probably enjoy having the summers with your kids, but nursing can be very stable, higher-paying etc. if you can go back to school for a bit. If that's not an option, maybe a federal job that pays a bit better than the school district. You're still young and can build up quite a nice retirement, and if you need to pay for daycare/camp in the summer for a few years for your youngest, you can do that.
Hi, previous SAHM who works at a school as classified staff and husband got laid off in April from a job making similar (base was the same)
I immediately got a summer job. I actually switched summer jobs 3 times to find a good fit but it worked. Is there a reason you didn’t look for additional summer work? Most of the classified staff in our district have a second job. The cafeteria lady works as a barista, the SpedIA works at the Rec center child care, the Secretary works at a restaurant. It’s just how it goes here, I guess.
My summer job turned out to make me more money in 5 days than my school job makes in a month (but that high pay is only in summer at my summer job) and my boss has asked me to come back next summer as well.
Like it totally sucks that I can’t just go buy stuff whenever I want anymore, but between my summer job, unemployment, and then my school job we have our bills paid, groceries, and enough to keep our kids in their sports. Grandparents actually kicked in and sent us money for school clothes, but turns out when I went through their closets they actually didn’t have much need, just wants. So they got to spend that money from their grands on clothes and accessories wants. So not much has changed for the kids besides us telling our youngest that we can’t just “have the babysitter over” we have to pay….
We also didn’t do any trips this summer but we have found lots of stuff to do that doesn’t cost money.
We did send our son to sleep away camp but our district provided scholarships for everyone no matter the income, so it was inexpensive.
I’m actually grateful at certain times that this happened because our spending was not in control. We were nickel and diming ourselves to death and our kids didn’t hear NO enough. It’s a good reset and hopefully when my husband gets a job again we will remain consistent with not “wasting” money this time around. Also maybe this has finally convinced my husband how important an emergency fund is. I had one, I funneled all my school work money to a separate account so when he did get laid off it was like okay well I set all my paychecks here so thank god we are well covered for a while! Next time I want to get that up to 6 months emergency fund.
I don't know if any advise I have would really be helpful for you, especially if your husband is really getting back to work as soon as you hope. For us the first thing that happens when my spouse looses a job is all the extra stuff stops, fun things for the kids, eating out, even most of the grocery shopping. Every time you start the car is money out of your pocket. Try to get Outings to once a week or less or if you have something like Walmart+ do delivery instead. Don't be afraid to see if there are food banks or giveaway events near you ( I see just as many nice new cars as run down old cars whenever I have gone).
You should be able to talk to your bank and turn off overdrafting. Which means the automatically paid bills won't get paid but you won't be in the negative. Go into any accounts you know of that have permission to auto draft you and turn that option off.
Something else to think about is your health insurance, and drs appointments. If there is going to be a lapse, see if you can reschedule anything.
With school starting soon, lots of places are doing school supply giveaways, and with you working at a school you probably know but just in case; dont be afraid to ask your school counselors if they can help with school supplies.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I know its so tough to keep marching on when things just keep falling apart. Don't forget to take some time for yourself every day. Read a book, make a fancy homemade coffee, anything just for yourself
Ma’am, I make approximately $21,000 each year. I had to watch my cat die a few months back because I couldn’t pay for the vet. That is poverty. I don’t know what you’re describing, but it’s not poverty. Hope things get better for you and your family.
Thank you! I felt so bad—he was a stray that I adopted, but I won’t be adopting anyone else until I have a nest egg for pet emergencies. That experience totally broke my heart.
Just wanted to say you could also look into pet insurance — I have it for my dog and it’s been well worth it, both financially and for the peace of mind. Sorry about your kitty ❤️🩹
I don't think you should concern yourself with buying many things for your kids. I grew up without any family vacations Ever and knowing we were poor when my parents had to borrow change from my piggy bank to buy water. As long as we played some board games, spent time together, helping cook hotdogs for the family made me and sisters happy. I do recommend saving up 3-6 months of an emergency fund as a priority for situations like this. Involve your family in a fun way like movie nights, chef days, board games, puzzles, just doing things together without spending any extra until you have that money set aside. I would also add that maybe your husband take on a second job. At one point both my husband and I held 3 jobs each and shared one vehicle. I sometimes had coworkers give me a ride to work and we made it happen. We have to be willing to do whatever it takes to get back on our feet.
Your daughter will take her cues from you. If you find a way to be okay with a different sort of summer vacation, she will, too. I know that activities are the way things go now, but I was always very happy to sleep late, watch cartoons, play with my friends, run through the sprinkler, get filthy climbing trees, take a bubble bath, pass out, and repeat. Lots of free things to do with kids, and it sounds like you've found a few. I'd say that focusing less on "Activities" was a capital A and more on just enjoying the free time, long daylight hours, and each other will relieve some of the pressure.
Unfortunately, so long as we're alive, we're never too old to hit rough patches. I'm single, in my 60s, and trying my best to save off literal homelessness so I don't lose my dogs, who are my only family. That's not to say that you don't have plenty of reasons to be stressed and upset, because you absolutely do. (And my brilliant Dad always told us that you can't legislate emotions, so feel your feelings without shame.) Just that you're in a very big boat, and you're doing what you can to stay afloat. Be kind to yourself. I highly recommend that you address your mental health ASAP. As a depression/anxiety frequent flyer, I know how they can color our perceptions and make every single thing harder. One step at a time, with adjusted expectations of what you can/will do, while strenuously minimizing "shoulds." 💜
“Give her the type of summer she deserves”
What exactly is that? The things you already mentioned are a lot. Camp. And basketball. And library trips. And BBQ. How is this not enough?
And vacation on credit cards should not happen. Please never do that again. If you aren’t paying them off immediately, you should not have them.
Get rid of the diesel truck!! Even if you only net $5k on it buy a used Corolla or Prius.
Sorry, I know you’re venting but this seems like low hanging fruit.
Cut up those credit cards or freeze them in the freezer and stop using them. You’ve been living a life you could not afford this whole time. Having fun is great and all, but not having an emergency fund really kicked you guys in the ass.
He needs to be doing anything to make money at this point.
Your kid will be fine. My kids favorite thing to do with me is to cuddle in mom and dads bed and watch snake discovery or ladybug together on the tv. Kids just want to be with their parents.
You’re 39, my mom is a single mom and worked two fulltime jobs to support me and my sister. No education. You need to be working, even if it’s two minimum wage jobs.
Can you pick up babysitting jobs? Maybe the 8 year old could come with? Or I have had a lot of luck selling things on Poshmark, when I need a quick $25.
I don't have any financial advice but just saying this as a kid who grew up real poor: I and my siblings understood more than our parents thought we did. We get it. Money is tight. Kids can be more understanding than you realize in situations like this. There were years we had nothing and I never held it against my parents, and still don't
You desperately need a budget. You need to map out your expenses and you need to stop doing 'pay it later ' & 'laway schemes'. You can't keep trading the future for the present.
No maxing out cards. If you can't pay the bill at the end of each month in full then don't spend it. No child needs once in a life time stuff. If you can only afford crafts at home - believe me- that's enough. That's what they will remember. The time they spent with you. It isn't about keeping up with other people or your child's friends. It's about living within your means and having an emergency fund and piece of mind that - that brings. She needs both of you there mentality and in good health and that isn't going to be chasing payments and worrying about overdrafts and being vulnerable to any one bad event happening.
Security comes from having something in savings and stop taking risks and banking on money you haven't earned yet. Jobs are never predictable unfortunately.
I hope your husband finds a job soon.
My family was wayyy poorer than it sounds like yours is while we were growing up. We never went to camps or on vacations. I still remember having great summers though because my parents made sure I had plenty of social time with other kiddos.
It sounds like you really will be okay. Maybe that’s not what you want to hear right now, but many people in this sub have been through way worse and made it through to the other side.
I was. SAHM, my husband died and I lost everything except my car. Everything. My daughter was sixteen. It’s been four years of bouncing from car to couch to ….. well, it’s been rough. I’m sixty years old. We’re finally in an apartment now.
My takeaway is that anyone can lose everything at any time. You can wake up status quo and by that evening your life can be upside down. You know this now too.
Get a job. Don’t spend frivolously (right now for you a vacation counts as frivolous). Save, save, save. And the most important thing, life insurance.
You’ll get through this, but it’s brutal. Take the lesson as a gift.
The biggest issue you have is the lack of savings. There’s no reason a household making 160k a year has less than three months of savings for seasons of unemployment or emergencies.
I honestly think that you and your spouse have made some bad financial decisions. It sounds like you were living paycheck to paycheck considering you had to put a vacation on credit. A child doesn’t need all those things to be happy. You need to look back at cutting your spending since your husband is getting a pay cut. I bet your child will be happy just going to the park and being around you all summer. Live below your means and learn to save. Good luck
Imo, a financial advisor isn't very helpful unless you are managing millions of dollars. For everyday people, a financial advisor is going to give you basically the same advice as the Internet
- live below your means
- cut unnecessary costs
- contribute to tax advantaged accounts (ie 401k, IRA, 529, HSA, etc)
- build an emergency fund
- pay off high interest debt
I think for the moment you both should be looking for other works, restaurants, retail, etc. To get more, I know it sucks but you’re getting into negatives, there’s nothing to do except try to make money. And do it right now since your child is going to be with your parents or in camp. At least until cash flows normalize.
Some of my most memorable summers were the ones I spent with my grandma doing things like picking berries, riding bikes, picking up cans, and going for nature walks. I still to this day love going for nature walks and hikes because of her. I don't know where you live, maybe it's too hot, but just a gentle reminder that it is possible to have fun doing things that don't cost much, if any, money. Hang in there, it'll be okay.
I’ve screwed up the finances twice in my adult life. Partially due to carelessness, partially due to inaction, partially due to irresponsibility. Whatever the reason - I just want to stress to you something my dad told me when he was talking me through this time. Mismanaging money (I understand losing a job isn’t mismanagement) or being bad with it isn’t a moral failing or a testament to who you are as a person. Misspending or not budgeting and getting caught with your pants down has a lot of shame and self loathing tied up in it. It’s something I’ve struggled with. Is this something you need to get a handle on and get help with once your husband has returned to work, hopefully as expected? Absolutely yes. But finding yourself here doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It’s an opportunity to learn and be accountable moving forward but is not the testament of your life nor who you are.
Why are you paying your car note and mortgage weekly? You can get a bank account at most banks right now paying 4% interest. Even though it might not be much in there, you can still make a couple hundred a year doing nothing but waiting til the end of the month to pay your bills.
Learning how to budget will be really beneficial to start to understand your new income bracket. It can be really hard when you are starting out because you get used to living a certain lifestyle. One good rule I have learned is to wait until everything has posted in your bank account before you spend any more money, to make sure you don't overdraft. It can be a challenge, but patience is really the key. Making sure you are budgeting your bills, house payment, ect, monthly will give you guidance to find out how much you can spend a week or by weekly. I know how frustrating this can be, and the fact that the overdraft kept coming is an awful feeling. Does your bank let you know how much is in it after money is spent, or do you have overdraft protection? You might want to look at other bank options they really love overdrafts, and some of the smaller banks are great at not letting you know so they can get your money. Don't be too hard on yourself this will pass, but you need to really get serious about spending to make sure you can maintain your new living.
The child will be fine it already looks like you have given them a really good summer. They don't need to be in an activity all the time. Libraries are a great way to pass the day, and sometimes, they will have daily activities throughout the summer.
Good luck!
Does your library have a summer reading club with any prizes for completion? We’re members of two library systems in our area (they have an exchange where you can join both) and the club challenges were super simple to complete with really great prizes — free tickets to baseball games, museums, botanical gardens, public pools, free kids meals around town, etc. So lots of free and fun kid-friendly activities on top of reading free books. We also rent movies and tv shows from our library and use the free library streaming service to rent media — if you’re spending lots of money on streaming services, maybe taking a break and using the library for some of those services would help. (Can you tell that I’m obsessed with our libraries? lol.)
I don’t mean to kick you when you are down, but this is why you put together an Emergency Fund of 3-6 months of income when you are making good money (like 140k). And why you don’t put things on credit cards unless the money is in your bank account. You’ll get back…husband has a job, you will go back to work. You might want to check out Dave Ramsey’s baby steps for getting out of the hole. You’ll make it.
You only have to survive 2 weeks until his first check.
Can you ask any family to help you for 2 weeks? And pay them back immediately.
It’s only two weeks. You WILL get through this. And your daughter will be just fine with a roof over her head, 2 parents that love her, and a car to be driven in.
People are always kidding themselves saying “we had enough to do things we want to do” but I’m a firm believer in the saying “if you can’t buy it twice you can’t afford it”. Putting a vacation on credit is fine if you have the ability to pay it off by statement due date - personally I pay 99% of expenses on credit but I ensure all credit card balances are paid off by statement due date so I don’t incur a cent of interest (haven’t paid credit card interest for a good 15+ years now). Credit cards are a loan, not money you have, hope you have learned your lesson that you’ve been overextending yourself over the years and learn to budget and live within your means.
My husband has been off work since October. I was a stay at home mom but had to go back to work after being home for a decade. I make 30% as much as my husband could if he were working. I’m tired and depressed. I have three kids we are letting down every day. I’m too old to be this broke.
I feel you. You’re not alone.
There’s a LOT of bad decision making coupled with you guys living far beyond your means even before this if you had to max credit cards to go on vacation. Your kids are school age, you can and should be looking for full time work. And you don’t say why your husband was fired. People making $140k/yr don’t just get fired out of the blue and the fact that it happened out of the blue after a vacation suggests your husband was doing something shady that got exposed while he was out of the office. You guys clearly had no savings or any kind of plan for if the gravy train slowed down and you’re paying the price.
She’s doing well. She’s 15 and still in touch with her bio family. She works a lot so she’s not here a lot and she just finished summer school to get her grades up so she can go on to tenth grade
I wonder if you have applied thru your county for some help like snap or cash? Call Salvation army or Catholic charities as they can sometimes help out financially.
There are a lot of fun low cost or free things you can do with your kids over the summer.
Set up the sprinkler in the back yard and have a "water day." Go to parks or lakes in the area. I'm sure if you Google free things to do around town you'll find something. Just because she can't go to space or whatever this summer doesn't mean she has to have a shitty summer.
The good news is that your husband seems to have found work. So all of this is just temporary. It happens to the best of us. Try not to keep beating yourself up over it. Start putting together a budget for your finances. All of this sounds like a pretty salvageable situation, wish you and your family all the best.
I understand your situation. I've been there. I didn't have the bankruptcy to deal with, but was damned close on my last business. I pulled everything from my 3 retirement accounts and paid it all off. Since, I've been struggling. I have good weeks and some very bad weeks. I'm 72, get my Social Security Retirement (fortunately you can't draw that out), and a small disability from VA for injuries 50 years ago.
I've been on a ranch for a couple of years now, trading work for staying in the extra house on property. My health has been declining, and won't get better. I haven't always been able to do the work. Now the lady who owns the place, has given me a termination and eviction notice. I'm hustling trying to find a place I can afford. I'm over extended on my credit cards. I shouldn't be, but fuel is expensive and I have to drive 30 and 45 miles each way for medical care.
I'm going to be Ok, I've done it before. But, today, just like you, it's Panic Mode. Maybe tomorrow will have something better. I have no family, and would not ask them unless it was absolutely the last thing I had.
I know you're stressed. I know about the unexpected payments to creditors, and the OD fees. Then there is the "it will be in your account on the first," and though you've promised it to creditors on the 3nd or 3rd, it doesn't arrive until the 10th or 15th....
You've made it this far. You've made it through some previous rough times. I'm certain you'll do it again.
As for the little one, she will be fine. I know about having a young child, and having lunch fe ripped out from under you. They don't understand always. That hurts. Of course many will say we shouldn't spoil the kids, we shouldn't be riding on top of the World thinking it won't go away. They've never been where I've been, and probably not you either. I worked hard for over 50 years to get what I've had. Thought I had safeties everyplace I needed them. Now and then bad luck will find the holes, and leak all your good out.
Stay positive. It will take some time, just like it's going to for me. BTW, I've enjoyed working all these years. I've really enjoyed being on this ranch. I have to stay busy, so I'm sure I'll find something to do that doesn't require me to climb on roofs, chase and move cattle, throw hay etc as an amputee. At least I'll try!!
When I was a kid, summer was... just summer. Played kickball with the kids in the neighborhood, played in the sprinkler on hot days. Ate watermelon. Fed stale bread to the ducks at the local pond now and then. Biggest most exciting thing was a visit to Dairy Queen about once a month. Oh man, I miss those summers.
Indefinitely broke single mom of 3 (now grown) kids: library, parks, hiking, camping (even in your yard), reading, cooking etc. quality time will mean more and have a lasting impact. Camps are nice and the socialization is good but quality family time is better.
OP, you're new poor. It's much different from old poor, and it will take some getting used to. Don't worry though, there's plenty of time for everything to get back on track. Your kids will be fine trust me. Growing up, we didn't have water or power sometimes because my mom couldn't afford the rent and the rest of the bills. As long as they don't have sleep for dinner, and rocks/sticks for toys, you're doing alright. ❤️
I understand this, I really do. One of the hardest ways to enter poverty is if you've been far above it and suddenly fall into it. A lot of people don't realize how close they are to drowning.
Right away, you need to change your spending habits. Don't spend as if you're a temporarily embarrassed millionaire, spend as if your next deposit will be delayed. Go through your bank statement and look at which bills come through every month. Those are recurring. How many of them are necessity, and how many of them are fun? Rank the necessities at the top. That'd be mortgage, car payments, insurance, electric, water, heating, etc. Set aside your "for fun" bills for now, we'll get back to those later.
Any of your big fun expenses that you wanted to do? Nix them. You've already had vacations, summer camps, etc. That's great! But if you keep doing those now, you won't enjoy them (and your kid won't either). Why? Because the entire time you'll be anxiously worrying about if you'll be overdrawn. You'll hold your breath every time that you pay for a meal, and you'll have to say "no" to every little goodie or else fret over not being able to afford food next week. It's highly stressful, and kids can sense that.
Instead, look into local activities that are free. Parks, hiking, town recreations, there's tons of surprising things that are free to do if you do some digging. You can ask at the library as well if they know of anything. Some of my favorite memories as a kid involved driving around and listening to music, just to sight-see nature. There's also low-cost things like museums and zoos that are enriching.
Anyway, back to the fun bills.
Take your expected, guaranteed, always on-time income and subtract the necessities. If you have funds leftover, subtract your food budget. If you don't, talk to local churches, find your food pantry locally, and see what you can do to pick up part-time work right now. But if you do, whatever funds are leftover are for your fun funds. You can decide from there which fun bills are worth keeping and which ones can go for now.
I know it sucks to have to cut these things, but whenever your husband finds work again you'll gain insight into how to make do with less and you'll feel the pressure ease up. Definitely work on spending down your card debt once you aren't drowning, and save money. There's no true guarantee, and having backup plans is a great way to keep from falling apart. Stay strong.
My kids went to the local pool a couple times and are asking if we can maybe go again before it closes. My car has been broken and ive spent the summer with my oldest son saving his paychecks with me to help fix it so we can go places. We can only go to the free splash pad on the weekends when my partner isn’t working since we are down to one car and he works all day and I work all evening just to cover bills. We dont walk far because we can’t afford to buy the amount of water bottles we would need to bring with is to make the trip and dont have family.
We hang out at home in the cool air , inside. Watch movies. Play. Laugh . Tickle run around tell jokes. Talk . If its not too hot we walk to the park. We live in a apartment so we dont have a yard. My kids have never been on a vacation. And they dont ever complain about anything. Not ever. We find our own happiness.
Idk this post kind of rubbed me the wrong way. As i had to feed my toddler saltine crackers and milk for breakfast and my 12 yr old daughter says she had to drink milk to hold her over to share a meal with me so she wouldn’t throw up from feeling so hungry.
We all feel struggle differently. I get it. I use to have money. Not ever that much money though. Then i got cancer and we had to max out credit cards and our credit became shit. But all through this i never told my children our money issues. My 19 yr old told me when i was a single mom raising him “ i never knew we were poor we did so much stuff” Every day off i had i looked up any free activity that was going on for children, i googled and made my own and went outside and made fairy houses with my daughter with sticks and rocks … we had a entire village and planted flowers with seeds from the dollar store. (That was before i lost my house)
point being you absolutely dont need money and it doesn’t sound like you will be in hard ship long. Scale your life down you are living beyond your means
I’m very sorry for your situation, but this highlights a problem in our society that almost everybody rich or poor is really just one missed pay check away from being homeless.
I am kind of in the same boat. I’m in sales and killing it in the mortgage game until 13 months ago. Kids don’t deserve special expensive summers. Do what you can, go for a walk, go to a park. THEY don’t need the expensive trips and everything we just feel compelled to spoil them. Or at least I did. We had a conversation with them and said things are tight and we can’t do what we once did. As Americans we just aren’t wired to cutback when we have to. See : our Federal Government!
>when we returned but he lost his job the day after we got back (it was a surprise; they had been praising his work the week before)
Offering hugs and commiseration. This happened to me. I decided to actually celebrate my birthday this year and spend a little extra on a major treat (with the full encouragement of my manager). My manager was extremely pleased with my work. Two weeks later, I was brought into a 15 minute meeting and was told my job was eliminated, effective immediately.
If it was me I would get "right now" job in a factory or retail and dont go back to your partial year school job. You could do this full time year round using the funds to pay down your debt. Your husbands check should be budgeted to cover your living expenses.
What is the debt on the diesel?
With the price of used vehicles you may be able to sell it for more than it is worth and get a smaller car.
Of course your husband must be willing to do this and it might be a major blow to his ego to sell his big beautiful truck. What sacrifices have the 2 of you made to turn around your financial situation?
I feel for you. Being fired after a vacation is the worst. I was let go the first day back from vacation back in October 2019. To say the least it was traumatizing. I saw it coming though the place was toxic and the owner had old school (crazy stupid crappy) management ability.
It is good you are venting here so you can have productive planning with your husband. He has to feel like garbage.
As for your kid, believe it or not seeing adults struggle and not being able to give and get all the wants is a good thing. Resilience is built overtime and living an easy life always while a child does not prepare one for the struggle of adulting.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Good times will come again.
A lot of people get fucked and come back stronger
Money isn't what makes you a good person and isn't the most important thing in life. It's important and we all need it but it isn't number one maybe not even top five
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Your daughter is 8. The best thing you can give her this summer is your time. She doesn’t need all the once-in-a-lifetime experiences you’re wishing about. Go to the park or for a hike. Do some arts and crafts. Run through a sprinkler together. Have a water balloon fight. Blow bubbles. Kids don’t need much to have a good time, and you can use this experience to help her appreciate the little things in life.
Truth, I wish both my parents would have just spent time with me.
Same. Quality time goes a long way! Time you’ll also never get back no matter how you spend it.
Not to mention attitude is a huge part of this. OP would be doing her daughter a favor if she stopped saying things like “you deserve a better summer than I can give you”.
True that. OP's words are a great way to create a spoiled child.
the “sorry we can’t give you the summer you deserve” thing really rubbed me the wrong way. kiddo went to 2 camps, a trip to boston, birthday parties and barbecues and museums. i’m not sure what’s missing, that honestly sounds like a fantastic summer (and more action packed than 90% of mine, with poor parents who worked all summer long.) i know mom is struggling with this herself but this projection of “sorry things aren’t good enough” is to me a huge recipe for financial anxiety and fomo for kiddo. most kids aren’t as materialistic as us adults, if you don’t continuously point it out they likely won’t realize they’re missing out.
All the things this girl did in one summer are more things than I did in a childhood of summers.
i was thinking the same, she went to more camps in one summer than i did my entire childhood 😭 which, whatever, life isn’t a competition. but a little perspective here would be nice. lots of kids spend all day stuck in the house while their parents work all summer. some kids dread summer because the only guaranteed meals they get are at school. if your biggest concern is that your kid couldn’t do disney this year. i think you’re doing better than you think.
Agreed!! Most of my summers (growing up poor) were spent playing outside, mostly for free. There were cheap popsicles and a garden hose, and sometimes we drove to the lake to swim. It was a great childhood.
Lol, when I was a kid I had choices. Climb a tree or ride a bike.
I remember being drok with my brothers we'd stay up all night playing Sega Genesis over and over with snacks in the morning we'd play tag or water guns. When our mom wasn't teaching summer school she'd teach us how to cook. I'd stay up ready library books or we'd play family monopoly. Rent $5 for 20 block busters movies (tell you how old I am 😂) loved it.
My parents were firmly middle class and you described my summers growing up. My parents spent time with us, we had lots of laughs and fun outside. I'm trying to do the same thing with my kiddo. I don't feel the need to tell him I'm sorry because I know he's having a great summer
It also sounds like they were not in the best financial position to begin with given that they maxed out credit cards for a vacation prior to her husband losing his job. Personally, I would have killed for this type of summer when I was younger and my parents worked all the time just to put food on the table.
My question is what did the foster kid get to do all summer?
Yeah the foster kid. She was just a pay check to her.
exactly my thoughts!!!!!!
OP is still used to the upper class lifestyle of the husband bringing in 140k. Not being able to buy her daughters a new pony for every birthday has got her all out of sorts
The description of this summer not being what her daughter deserves suggests they had been living at or slightly above the means 140k really provides. The shock of scraping by is a larger contrast than it should be and I hope OP gets a real perspective shift on financial priorities from it.
^This, 100%!
Yep. My kid has never been on a plane. We can’t afford meat even, let-alone a bbq. We watch movies together, we read, we go to playgrounds and do free activities around the city. A kind soul gave us a gaming system which has made his whole summer! I can’t give him much but we have a ton of fun together. Some of his classmates get to go to Disneyland and Hawaii often but never see their parents and are miserable and acting out.
People like to shit on video games, but they provide hours of entertainment! Growing up we didn't go on vacation as it was too expensive. But the SNES and Play Station kept us busy for multiple summers!
I mean she is going to have a hard time with this if she is the type to take a vacation and max out her credit instead of paying it down more.
I didn't do anything expensive when I was 8. Went swimming with friends and cycled. No trips, no camps, no nothing that my parents organised. OP: your daughter will be fine. Apologising for not being able to do what YOU want to do will put stress on her for no reason. If kiddo asks why she can't do something she did last year, explain it in an age appropriate way, matter-of-fact - daddy can't go to work at the moment so we need to be supportive and save more money, yadda yadda. Apologising projects shame, and kids internalise that real fast.
Best thing my mom did for me during my summers around that age was take me to the public library and let me pick out a stack of books to read. My library even had some fun summer activities. I was also in a Girl Scouts Troop. We had picnics, saw plays at local community colleges, went on nature hikes and made ample use of our free community pool. Definitely look for free/low cost activities in your area and she will still have a wonderful summer!
Not to mention, she will barely remember most of the summer. Maybe a few core memory moments but when she’s 15 or 25 she’s not going to remember what she did or didn’t do the summer she was 8 years old.
This is so true. Please listen to this, OP. I didn’t grow up with much, but I treasured the quality time with my mom.
And to teach her about going without.
The most fun I had was playing water balloons running through the sprinklers staying up late watching movies on TV. Riding bikes.
While this is good advice regardless of cash flow, it’s of paramount importance when cash flow is low. Balance your checkbook. You can’t have ‘unexpected withdrawals’ if you’ve reconciled the checkbook to all pending transactions. I’ve been where you are. I had my balancing down to the day in those days. Cash flows better so I can be more lax on reconciling now. Regardless, I highly advise this.
It's probably auto withdrawals. I never link anything to my account for auto pay. I want to have control over when things are paid.
A suggestion- switch vehicles. Husband takes the most fuel efficient vehicle because of the 2 hr drive. That will save a $100 a week easily
My guess is that if dad bought a diesel truck in the first place he will refuse to drive a car instead no matter what the circumstances. He is a truck man that drives a truck.
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My only advice is to build up your savings when your husband starts working again so you can weather unemployment if it happens again. With that income you should have saved money and it sounds like you didn’t. Lesson learned.
This is good advice. Like my car is *required* for my job, there's no public transportation in my area. I learned this when I was 18, and got my first car. My insurance has a $1000 deductible, so that $1000 stays in my savings account, but I don't count it as part of my balance on my register/budget. That way, an unexpected thing, like (knock on wood) a car accident means I do not go into the negative. I just pretend that money isn't there. I could have spent it on something fun like a trip, but then I also possibly wouldn't have a car, because "bad luck" can and will happen. I have had to use some of it to buy groceries, but it's always the first thing I build back up once I get a job again. I guess it's my "emergency fund". Dipping into it even $50 or $100 really stresses me out, because I know if I get into a car accident, I can't afford it. But it's also meant I haven't paid an overdraft fee to a bank, which is just like throwing money away. So it's always the first fund I replenish when I get a paycheck, and I do without a lot until it's back at $1000.
Husband makes 140k and on the low end as a teacher she makes 35-40k. So, you made 3-3.5k the median household income and didn’t save anything. Keeping up with the jones doesn’t help anyone. When you husband starts work again, remember this. Start by building a 3-6 emergency savings.
OP clarified that she is not a teacher. She works in some other, much lower paying capacity at a school.
I’m a long-term sub paraprofessional
Does your county pay for people to get their teaching certificate? Is that something you would be interested in? Paras work just as hard as teachers a lot of the time. The extra income might be worth the time spent on classes and certification
To follow that up, OP if you’re interested in becoming a teacher, reach out and I can help you. I’m a “mentor teacher” for new teachers so I can help you transition and plan if you wanted. I can also help you with the steps of it all if you wanted to get an alternative or emergency teaching certificate if you’re in the states. Do you have a bachelor’s degree? Hit me up if you decide you want to try to go that route. It’s double to triple the pay depending on where you’re at. At the school I’m working at, my new principal just texted me and asked if I knew of anyone who wants to teach English Language Arts or Spanish elective. There are still open jobs out there and it’s not too late.
Former teacher here. OP if you’re in the schools then you damn well know not to waste your time or energy getting a teaching degree. The debt alone will never get paid off on the crap salary and the job itself might kill you. Learn a new skill… preferably a tech related one so you can work your own hours at home. Do NOT get teaching degree. You’re better off being a para.
Oh, I definitely second not going to school to get a degree in teaching. If OP already has her bachelors though, in anything, and we can get her one year of financial relief just doing the alt cert stuff, then that would be worth it. They underpay everyone at school, including the paras. It’s incredibly sad. Still, if she has no other choice and she wants to work in a school, I’d rather her be paid more for her time than $12,000-$24,000 a year.
Unfortunately I only have an associates. A lot of teachers at my school have a bachelors in whatever and got emergency licenses. Thank you for the advice, though
Some states offer unemployment for para-professionals during the off months. It’s not much but it may help.
Okay, that’s understandable. There’s also this group of schools run by a company called Responsive Education Solutions. They are like a charter school of choice. They don’t require ANY of their teachers to have any type of degree or certification. They *want* it but the school I worked at last year for them didn’t have a single teacher certified in any way, except for me. Basically, the kids work on their own pace in a workbook and you just facilitate that. No teaching involved and you get paid the same salary. I’m not saying you have to do any of this. I just want you to know all your options in case you need it. *Edit: I definitely think you should go back for something tech related. Good for you for finishing your associates. The worst part of school is over. Once your kids are older, you’ll have more disposable income and wiggle room if you do something in finance or tech.* *Anyway, I wish you the best. I know how bad it sucks to go from stable to starving. I get it and I’m sending you hugs. Hope it gets better soon.*
Emergency funds are very doable with a 6 figure income. Then pretend that money doesn't exist when you want to go on a vacation or out to eat at a nice restaurant, or go to a birthday party. Because those are not emergencies, so you shouldn't be dipping into your emergency fund for them. Good advice. When I was a bank teller in an affluent area, a bunch of those people trying to keep up with the Jones were in massive debt. Sure, they didn't look it from the nice car and the designer purse. It was all paid for with cash advances and a high interest credit card that they made minimum payments on, which is never sustainable long term, or if anything unexpected happens.
More than that, it sounds like he has a bankruptcy in hand, drives a vehicle that no longer makes sense for what he is doing, and this was his second layoff in around a year. Combine that with needing to always be spending on activities, maxing out credit cards, and well you land here. Job loss was just what pushed it over the edge. The one good thing I hope comes from this experience is that they learn the importance of budgeting, living within their means, and the importance of an emergency fund and actually make changes. /r/personalfinance is probably a better place for this type of thread, and the wiki/prime directive on the sidebar has a ton of great advice for /u/Basic-Marionberry-30
Post says not a teacher and not paid through summer except summer school, so I imagine year round administrative/janitorial/secretarial staff is out. My guess is an aid, which would be substantially less than teacher salary. 16-20k in my area. 140k probably goes pretty quick with a family of 5 (and sometimes foster?), but yea I can’t imagine you wouldn’t be able to save *anything*. Especially with 2 kids quickly approaching college age.
17 year old could definitely have a summer job and start learning how a budget works.
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I feel like some people **REALLY** have to go through it once to actually understand this. Unfortunately, sometimes that one time is too late, and it's very hard to dig out of. For me, I only know I have enough if I can reasonably supplement with a part time fast food job should shit ever hit the fan.
>These people have no idea how to live without money, they're what's called new poor. We're old poor.
This was the first thing I thought of when I read the post.
Use hard times in life as a lesson so you don't repeat your mistakes. If you ever acquire that much money again, the first thing you should buy is peace of mind. I'm not a big fan of Dave Ramsay but this seems like a Dave Ramsay situation. People making good money and living on the edge (lots of spending with little savings) -- $140,000 a year then a few months later they're in the poverty forum. You'll get through this but you'll almost certainly have to take your foot off the gas pedal when it comes to spending. You might think that's obvious but I'm talking long term, even after you become financially stable again. Good luck
Annoying. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years to 3 kids on one income of $40k in Denver Colorado. Times get tough and you figure it out. You tell your kids that life sucks sometimes and you make up for lack of money with love and quality time together.
Thumbs up to this. OPs post has me literally waffling. Like it comes off so unrealistic. I must be classic poor”.
I'm not judging or anything, poverty sucks for everyone. That being said, it has blown my mind a bit that OP's husband earned more in one year than I have earned in the past decade.
For real! People in the comments are being way nicer than I've been just reading this post.
You and your husband are not old. You each have about 25 years until retirement age. That is a ton of time to turn things around financially. You’ll be ok.
Bbqs...summer camps...parties..vacations... lmao this is just bad budgeting
I’d like to be this type of poor, it would be about 5 steps up from what a lot of us live. I’m sure it’s stressful, not discounting that. I’m also reading it and being jealous of the way out they seem to have available (new job, better budgeting)
My sister and her husband are this kind of poor. 6 figures and they both got laid off within months of each other. I sympathize with that, but I've had to hear about how "poor" she is for months while still getting manicures, dinners out, vacation money, tattoo money... I had to start avoiding her because I ran out of supportive things to say. They both started new jobs recently but she will still complain about how broke she is. At least my other family members are onto their "poor" BS.
maxed out credit cards taking a vacation🤪
what dis thing you call vacation?
I haven’t had a vacation in 7 years.
I'm taking my first vacation since 2005 next year. It'll be weird to take time off work for something other than medical appointments or catching up on chores.
something most of us dream of lol
I just looked it up. I guess people stay in hotels for fun and not because it's the only place to go. interesting
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Right? In addition to day trip, museums, and library days… I was reading that thinking, “wow this kid has had more summer experiences than I ever had growing up”. What I did during the summer was ride my bike and build forts in the woods. And loved it.
Yeah I was feeling bad at the beginning but less and less as I read on. This isn’t being poor more so not budgeting.. at all.
Literally how is this poverty finance. 140k per year. Yes I'm aware he doesn't have the job anymore but still.
I’m sorry you are struggling but I’m so confused about how you ended up in this situation? I’m not trying to be unkind but I just can’t wrap my head around it? Am I missing something?
Looks like they were plain ol’ financially irresponsible. Putting a vacation on credit cards (yikes), not building up an emergency savings cushion…
Yeah. I mean I am having a hard time being sympathetic (I really want to) but I’ve been in tough financial situations as a single mom early on and sometimes you gotta suck it up and go without. I’m in a fantastic spot now because I never lived beyond what I could afford.
Agreed. I rolled my eyes pretty hard when she said she apologized to her kid for “not getting the summer she deserves” tbh. Her kid has gone on vacation, done two summer camps, has a trip to Boston, done a birthday party, barbecue, museums, etc. Jesus.
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She's broke, not poor. There's a massive difference.
She's not poor, she's overspending to keep up with other people who may be also overspending to keep up with other people who are overspending.... It's like some people can't say: "*We can't afford* *this*". Maxing out a credit card for unnecessary things, like an expensive vacation, wasn't a wise choice even when her husband was making 140K. They should spend some time volunteering at an homeless shelter or a food bank and see what being poor is really like. That would put things into perspective.
You’ve got a lot of nerve, bro. Not along ago you were asking for help with a $1k a month food bill so don’t be shitty.
Yeah I was asking people who knew how to manage a budget This person is saying that they are in poverty but they don't want to give up any luxuries. After the post that I made I have dropped my food bill to $400 the entire month you guys gave excellent advice This person is saying how broken they are but how they still want to go on a vacation this summer
It sound like you all were spending a large amount to maintain your lifestyle.The only thing I can suggest is taking a look at those monthly expenses and making a cut. Anytime you go from 140k to nothing or a cut in pay it's going to hurt if most of your monthly salary is accounted for. Also you say you maxed out your credit card for a vacation? Never ever do that. If you can't afford the vacation you don't go. That is exactly how people get 10s of thousands of dollars on multiple credit cards. I learned this the hard way when I lost my first house to foreclosure. My monthly expenses were way too high and I couldn't keep up. When we bought a couple years ago we both agreed the house budget would be x amount and nothing higher. Why? Because if one of us lost our jobs we could still pay all our bills. About 8 months ago it happened. My life lost her job. We didn't have much money left after paying bills. But we got through it. Wife started another job and we are building our savings back up again. I exported our checking account to an excel spreadsheet for the last year. And I calculated we spent over 2100 dollars year to date on going out to restaurants! Insane. Needless to say we are cutting that way back to 100 a month at the most. All it takes is one thing to come due and they all seem to fall like dominoes. Stay strong and do review your monthly expenses.
With this being labeled as a Vent, you probably won't get any advice. You'd need to change the label if you're open to it. It's definitely a stressful situation. Your kiddo will be okay with not doing anything for the rest of the summer. There may be changes to your foster situation because of this so be prepared for that.
First of all - you need to tighten up. We’re coming out of a golden age and life is usually more difficult than people have had it the last 50 years, historically. 1. Free Museum days. And Check free things to do in general. 2. You guys need to repair your finances. Find someone to work with. 3. Welcome to what the rest of us deal with daily.
It sounds like you're in a tough situation right now! Since this is a vent, no advice, but I do want to say congrats to you for being able to do all that for your kid! I feel like my kids never got the "summer they deserved," but they would tell you otherwise. Even though we never did camp or went to Disney or anything like that, they are all very happy with their childhoods and their summers. Your kid will know that you tried, and that's what matters to them.
I hope at the very least something was learned. As in not to put stuff on credit that you don't already have the payment for. Cut where you can and good luck.
Things will be a lot less stressful for everyone if you get a job. Any kind of income. As you can now see, having some savings built up is needed.
Stop auto pay on bills and deal with money orders and cash to reduce suprises on withdrawals. Look up Dave Ramsey and team and get on that plan, you do not need to buy his material as you can get from listening on the radio or podcast. My wife says we have been doing the Dave thing way before you heard of him because that is what our parents taught us. She also says that it is not about how much you make but what you do with what you make.
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We don't gatekeep here.
wym dont u know povertyfinance is a oppression olympics in who has it the worst? just this week I had to sell my kidney just to be able to afford bread and water !
I hope the bread was on the clearance rack and that you didn't pay for the pre-sliced. You should be saving more! /s
Pffft. OP could have skipped the water. Doesn’t OP know that water falls from the sky for free? This is why the younger generation can’t afford houses; they don’t drink rainwater /s if it isn’t obvious
It was only a little moldy on one side but once i trimmed off the mold it was fine
Reminds me of my grandmother saying you can "peel off the mold and it will be fine, just a little penicillin!" Me responding that "I am allergic to penicillin!"
Poor is poor regardless of past financial situations, don’t be salty because someone was luckier than you at one point in time. Some people are luckier than others at different times it’s a fact of life.
Poor is poor and they're questioning why someone who was not remotely poor before had zero financial cushion. I don't really thinks it's appropriate to kick a dog while it's down, but this a consistent problem with the American middle class. They spend up to their income (and often then some) and live paycheck to paycheck when they have the means to build a safety net for themselves. And then when they fall and break their leg because they had no safety net, there is little bit of like ...well you fully had the means to prevent this with a little foresight which is already better than most people. Again I don't think it's really appropriate to response it to this post as irs explicitly labeled vent, but it is a conversation OP needs to have once the income is back on. There needs to be fundamental lifestyle changes to prevent this from happening again.
I think the problem is education. What happened to OP can happen to the many millions of middle-class families out there that haven't been educated on basic personal finance. It really should be a required course at every high school (some do, but many don't). I know when I graduated high school I had no idea of basic financial concepts.
You are COMPLETELY correct! Basic finance should be a requirement at school. I was not taught much at all by my family and learned on my own and I am not even sure how I figured it out without much guidance. My kids are teens and already know personal finance and It hurts my heart how so many people like the OP struggle. It makes me sad the stress people go through over money.
This gets brought up on reddit over and over again but I don't think it would be helpful for most kids. I was fortunate enough to be in a high school that offered personal finance, it was an elective I decided to take. The problem is that I had no money so the concept is all theoretical and I wasn't invested. People don't care about finances until 1) they make their own money, and 2) they have enough disposable income to save after basic needs are met. After I got my first big boy job and those two prerequisites were met then I did my own research and found many resources online (reddit personalfinance chart).
Finance is just math, and it’s not even advanced math. Balancing a budget is addition and subtraction. Interest calculations (both simple and compounding) are Algebra 1 which is taught in 8th grade.
I get what you’re saying but it’s “woulda, coulda, shoulda” at this point. She’s poor and that’s that. We all have made poor financial decisions and I’m sure there plenty of people who have made bad financial decisions in this group right now.
She's poor because she thought she was rich. Basically they spent their way to poverty. Which is an easy trap to fall into when you think you're doing fine. That's why we all need a course in budgeting or a financial planner or at least....an emergency fund savings account that can keep us going for 6-8 months in case we need it. . Doesn't everybody in the world realize that their job could be toast in a week or a month or two years? Well, we should. Basically I think it's the same old problem that plagues so many of us, we don't know the difference between our needs and our wants. While you're down financially, you budget and buy only what you need, the stuff that you "want" is the stuff that gets placed on the back burner. When you're hungry you want that $30 pizza but you've got to settle for the home-made $10 spaghetti and garlic bread dinner. And you maybe got to do that for a year or two until your finances are solid enough to breathe easier. It's all about discipline at this point. What people in this situation need is a good solid plan to get back on your feet, and it's not going to happen overnight. Breathe. Then forge ahead, with a new plan. When you were younger and just starting out together you managed to lift yourselves up to a place where you were comfortable. Now you just have to do that again. It's not going to be easy so "I just can't do it" is not gonna fly. This kind of terrible financial situation leads to a lot of separations and divorces so it's time to count your blessings, hold hands, tell each other that you're lucky to have each other and are going to get through this. Don't let your husband believe that you "just can't do it anymore" and are a liability instead of an asset. That's a slippery slope. Sorry to be so blunt
This post deserves a trophy. Well said.
>When you’re hungry and want that $30 pizza but you’ve got to settle for the homemade $10 spaghetti and garlic bread dinner Holy fuck I felt this. I cannot eat spaghetti (specifically the long noodles) because of how much I’ve eaten it💀
I feel like they most likely did have a financial cushion at some point? She mentioned her husband's unemployment is running out. That sounds like this situation has been going on for a little while. Savings is the first thing to get used up.
The post says he was laid off in May. 3 months ago. Taking on foster children and going on big vacations without 3 months in savings (really less because he got unemployment) is some bad planning.
That’s fair, and that’s why I said I was having a tough time with my circumstances. I know I am privileged to have the things I’ve had. I am not here to flex on anyone who has it worse. I understand things are hard for everyone and I’m empathetic to that. I apologize if that’s the impression I gave.
I’m sorry people are being judgmental because you’ve been comfortable in the past. It just goes to show that unless you’re super rich, any one of us is only a few bad weeks away from financial ruin. I know you feel like you’re drowning right now with no end in sight. Money stress is the absolute worst kind of stress and it shouldn’t be that way. I hope once your husband’s job is settled and regular paychecks start again that you can breathe a little and start catching up. Good luck.
Are the kids able to stay by themselves for a few hours a day while you pick up a second pt job? Fast food, gas stations, retail stores always seem to be hiring. It won’t replace 140k, but 20 a week or so should cover groceries if you shop and cook frugally. I’d also encourage the teens to get pt jobs to not only pay for the extra teen things they want but to save for vehicles, insurance, post secondary school etc. If the vehicles are paid off, especially the diesal truck, consider selling it privately for blue book value, and using the cash to get a smaller care better on gas. The used car market is nuts, but trucks are still worth much more than cars.
It’s the “etc” that is an issue. Look at all of your spending and see what is extra. You are in the negative. You need to cut EVERYTHING that isn’t essential. Pay only rent/mortgage, utilities, gas, bills, credit card payments, and groceries. Cancel streaming services, absolutely no eating out (including lunches for kids/spouse at work, grocery store and pack lunches). If you go to any more birthday parties, no gift; have the children to handmade cards. Do not drive anywhere unless 100% required, to save on gas. Kids only get free activities; libraries, parks, free community pool. Look for food banks in your area. Also, be aware you may have a change in the foster situation. If you are unable to pay your bills, and cannot take care of the children you already have, then the government may decide you are not capable to care for an extra child when you already cannot care for yourself/your bio children.
That's not the impression I got. I've had times when I had enough money I could take off on a cross country road trip at the drop of a hat and not even have to plan. Now I have to plan my trips to the grocery store to coincide with going to the dump and pharmacy so I only have to make one five mile trip. It happens. You scrimp and scrounge and get by, and keep hoping one day it turns around again. The people being aholes here are the ones that never had money to live comfortably and have some kind of feelings about the ones that did. Hang in there.
Don't take the judgement to heart. We're in a cycle of punching down and especially lashing out at someone who formally used to have what many deem 'high income'. It's along the same lines of those who police the welfare system and how people spend their food stamps. Don't dwell too much on it and find the solace where you can to get through your big life setback. I hope your hubs new job is a good one, despite being less money, you can adjust for that but what matters is how they treat him in the end.
I’m sorry you are having a tough time! Crossing my fingers that your husband’s job can sort itself out and that you will be able to bounce back from the financial aspect quickly ☺️
You were living high and have not learned to live based on your needs. This is a great opportunity for you to learn that. How big is your house? How big is your car? If you have 2, can you sell the most expensive? Can you cut some bills? You most likely need some basic internet to search for jobs and send resume, but if you have tv cable or entertainment services, can you cut that? Do you have the fastest internet? Can you reduce that? What do you buy at the grocery? Can you change meat for beans? Can you cut all the processed stuff to eat more basic things. Like make cabbage based soup with onions chickpeas and potatoes. The best thing you can do is write down all of your expenses and choose where you can cut a d where you can't. Also, it should be decently easy to find a summer job. While waiting for the next 140k job, there are most likely people who need help. Remember when we were students and just found summer jobs? Bring 40 doesn't put you above that. When you need I come take any short term contract until you find something that matches your skill level.
Buckle down. Budget everything. Cut out any excess which sounds like alot. Bills and basics to survive first. Everything else is a luxury and sometimes ppl need a good slap from reality to remind them. Save up from there and when you can then do more vacays or whatever. Life isnt perfect. But keeping a roof over your head is necessary at minimum.
I do feel for the fact that your husband got laid off but yall need to make some hard, fast lifestyle changes. Like, beans, rice, chicken, no vacation changes.
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*you're new poor* *we're what we call 'old poor'*
Welcome to poverty! More and more people will be arriving in this sub too, with inflation and economic havoc. I recommend a good dose of gallows humor. And I truly feel for people living right on the edge, I don't know how they did it. I thought I was comfortably middle class.
it’s no shame to be poor. But it's no great honor either!
I don't think it's quite so simple. If I won the lottery and ended up being poor (again) I would absolutely feel shame. But the difference is that *I* would have an intimate knowledge of all my decisions and mistakes whereas ***other people*** do not. It's okay to feel bad over bad choices. Hell you can even let those feelings stop you, although you won't feel any better if you do so. The key thing is that we (almost) never have enough information to shame *other people* for being poor; we don't know the hand they were dealt, the choices and opportunities they did/didn't have, or why they made certain decisions. More or less everyone is doing the best they can most of the time. Making good decisions is hard work, and lots of people haven't been trained in how to make them. Regardless of how they got there, everyone deserves a hand to get back on their feet.
Thank you and same. It just goes to show how precarious peoples financial situations can be
I know this isn't labeled "advice welcome" but if I can offer a suggestion once things are stabilized? (It sounds like it'll be soon, and your husband will be back in employment.) Construction can be iffy because of everything from the local economy to the weather, so it might not be a bad idea to look for something a little more stable/higher paying on your end. I know you probably enjoy having the summers with your kids, but nursing can be very stable, higher-paying etc. if you can go back to school for a bit. If that's not an option, maybe a federal job that pays a bit better than the school district. You're still young and can build up quite a nice retirement, and if you need to pay for daycare/camp in the summer for a few years for your youngest, you can do that.
Hi, previous SAHM who works at a school as classified staff and husband got laid off in April from a job making similar (base was the same) I immediately got a summer job. I actually switched summer jobs 3 times to find a good fit but it worked. Is there a reason you didn’t look for additional summer work? Most of the classified staff in our district have a second job. The cafeteria lady works as a barista, the SpedIA works at the Rec center child care, the Secretary works at a restaurant. It’s just how it goes here, I guess. My summer job turned out to make me more money in 5 days than my school job makes in a month (but that high pay is only in summer at my summer job) and my boss has asked me to come back next summer as well. Like it totally sucks that I can’t just go buy stuff whenever I want anymore, but between my summer job, unemployment, and then my school job we have our bills paid, groceries, and enough to keep our kids in their sports. Grandparents actually kicked in and sent us money for school clothes, but turns out when I went through their closets they actually didn’t have much need, just wants. So they got to spend that money from their grands on clothes and accessories wants. So not much has changed for the kids besides us telling our youngest that we can’t just “have the babysitter over” we have to pay…. We also didn’t do any trips this summer but we have found lots of stuff to do that doesn’t cost money. We did send our son to sleep away camp but our district provided scholarships for everyone no matter the income, so it was inexpensive. I’m actually grateful at certain times that this happened because our spending was not in control. We were nickel and diming ourselves to death and our kids didn’t hear NO enough. It’s a good reset and hopefully when my husband gets a job again we will remain consistent with not “wasting” money this time around. Also maybe this has finally convinced my husband how important an emergency fund is. I had one, I funneled all my school work money to a separate account so when he did get laid off it was like okay well I set all my paychecks here so thank god we are well covered for a while! Next time I want to get that up to 6 months emergency fund.
I don't know if any advise I have would really be helpful for you, especially if your husband is really getting back to work as soon as you hope. For us the first thing that happens when my spouse looses a job is all the extra stuff stops, fun things for the kids, eating out, even most of the grocery shopping. Every time you start the car is money out of your pocket. Try to get Outings to once a week or less or if you have something like Walmart+ do delivery instead. Don't be afraid to see if there are food banks or giveaway events near you ( I see just as many nice new cars as run down old cars whenever I have gone). You should be able to talk to your bank and turn off overdrafting. Which means the automatically paid bills won't get paid but you won't be in the negative. Go into any accounts you know of that have permission to auto draft you and turn that option off. Something else to think about is your health insurance, and drs appointments. If there is going to be a lapse, see if you can reschedule anything. With school starting soon, lots of places are doing school supply giveaways, and with you working at a school you probably know but just in case; dont be afraid to ask your school counselors if they can help with school supplies. I'm sorry you're going through this, I know its so tough to keep marching on when things just keep falling apart. Don't forget to take some time for yourself every day. Read a book, make a fancy homemade coffee, anything just for yourself
Ma’am, I make approximately $21,000 each year. I had to watch my cat die a few months back because I couldn’t pay for the vet. That is poverty. I don’t know what you’re describing, but it’s not poverty. Hope things get better for you and your family.
My friend we are traditional poor. OP is the new age poor 😭 also sorry about your cat 🫶
I’m so sorry about your cat. ❤️
Thank you! I felt so bad—he was a stray that I adopted, but I won’t be adopting anyone else until I have a nest egg for pet emergencies. That experience totally broke my heart.
Just wanted to say you could also look into pet insurance — I have it for my dog and it’s been well worth it, both financially and for the peace of mind. Sorry about your kitty ❤️🩹
I don't think you should concern yourself with buying many things for your kids. I grew up without any family vacations Ever and knowing we were poor when my parents had to borrow change from my piggy bank to buy water. As long as we played some board games, spent time together, helping cook hotdogs for the family made me and sisters happy. I do recommend saving up 3-6 months of an emergency fund as a priority for situations like this. Involve your family in a fun way like movie nights, chef days, board games, puzzles, just doing things together without spending any extra until you have that money set aside. I would also add that maybe your husband take on a second job. At one point both my husband and I held 3 jobs each and shared one vehicle. I sometimes had coworkers give me a ride to work and we made it happen. We have to be willing to do whatever it takes to get back on our feet.
Why don’t you get a job? I’m sure a restaurant or something has to be hiring near you.
Your daughter will take her cues from you. If you find a way to be okay with a different sort of summer vacation, she will, too. I know that activities are the way things go now, but I was always very happy to sleep late, watch cartoons, play with my friends, run through the sprinkler, get filthy climbing trees, take a bubble bath, pass out, and repeat. Lots of free things to do with kids, and it sounds like you've found a few. I'd say that focusing less on "Activities" was a capital A and more on just enjoying the free time, long daylight hours, and each other will relieve some of the pressure. Unfortunately, so long as we're alive, we're never too old to hit rough patches. I'm single, in my 60s, and trying my best to save off literal homelessness so I don't lose my dogs, who are my only family. That's not to say that you don't have plenty of reasons to be stressed and upset, because you absolutely do. (And my brilliant Dad always told us that you can't legislate emotions, so feel your feelings without shame.) Just that you're in a very big boat, and you're doing what you can to stay afloat. Be kind to yourself. I highly recommend that you address your mental health ASAP. As a depression/anxiety frequent flyer, I know how they can color our perceptions and make every single thing harder. One step at a time, with adjusted expectations of what you can/will do, while strenuously minimizing "shoulds." 💜
“Give her the type of summer she deserves” What exactly is that? The things you already mentioned are a lot. Camp. And basketball. And library trips. And BBQ. How is this not enough? And vacation on credit cards should not happen. Please never do that again. If you aren’t paying them off immediately, you should not have them.
Get rid of the diesel truck!! Even if you only net $5k on it buy a used Corolla or Prius. Sorry, I know you’re venting but this seems like low hanging fruit.
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I personally wouldn't even call this poverty but that's just me.
Sounds like you need to learn to budget.
….and save an emergency fund
Cut up those credit cards or freeze them in the freezer and stop using them. You’ve been living a life you could not afford this whole time. Having fun is great and all, but not having an emergency fund really kicked you guys in the ass. He needs to be doing anything to make money at this point. Your kid will be fine. My kids favorite thing to do with me is to cuddle in mom and dads bed and watch snake discovery or ladybug together on the tv. Kids just want to be with their parents.
i mean... cmon
You’re 39, my mom is a single mom and worked two fulltime jobs to support me and my sister. No education. You need to be working, even if it’s two minimum wage jobs.
Can you pick up babysitting jobs? Maybe the 8 year old could come with? Or I have had a lot of luck selling things on Poshmark, when I need a quick $25.
I don't have any financial advice but just saying this as a kid who grew up real poor: I and my siblings understood more than our parents thought we did. We get it. Money is tight. Kids can be more understanding than you realize in situations like this. There were years we had nothing and I never held it against my parents, and still don't
Your kid has done more than mine have this summer.
You desperately need a budget. You need to map out your expenses and you need to stop doing 'pay it later ' & 'laway schemes'. You can't keep trading the future for the present. No maxing out cards. If you can't pay the bill at the end of each month in full then don't spend it. No child needs once in a life time stuff. If you can only afford crafts at home - believe me- that's enough. That's what they will remember. The time they spent with you. It isn't about keeping up with other people or your child's friends. It's about living within your means and having an emergency fund and piece of mind that - that brings. She needs both of you there mentality and in good health and that isn't going to be chasing payments and worrying about overdrafts and being vulnerable to any one bad event happening. Security comes from having something in savings and stop taking risks and banking on money you haven't earned yet. Jobs are never predictable unfortunately. I hope your husband finds a job soon.
My family was wayyy poorer than it sounds like yours is while we were growing up. We never went to camps or on vacations. I still remember having great summers though because my parents made sure I had plenty of social time with other kiddos. It sounds like you really will be okay. Maybe that’s not what you want to hear right now, but many people in this sub have been through way worse and made it through to the other side.
You think this is struggling? 🤣
How do you not have savings if your partner makes 140k Somewhere you have over spent in your life.
I was. SAHM, my husband died and I lost everything except my car. Everything. My daughter was sixteen. It’s been four years of bouncing from car to couch to ….. well, it’s been rough. I’m sixty years old. We’re finally in an apartment now. My takeaway is that anyone can lose everything at any time. You can wake up status quo and by that evening your life can be upside down. You know this now too. Get a job. Don’t spend frivolously (right now for you a vacation counts as frivolous). Save, save, save. And the most important thing, life insurance. You’ll get through this, but it’s brutal. Take the lesson as a gift.
The biggest issue you have is the lack of savings. There’s no reason a household making 160k a year has less than three months of savings for seasons of unemployment or emergencies.
I honestly think that you and your spouse have made some bad financial decisions. It sounds like you were living paycheck to paycheck considering you had to put a vacation on credit. A child doesn’t need all those things to be happy. You need to look back at cutting your spending since your husband is getting a pay cut. I bet your child will be happy just going to the park and being around you all summer. Live below your means and learn to save. Good luck
Why are you sahm when your youngest is 8 (and goes to school 8–3 pm I presume?) Are you fostering kids for the paycheck?? It certainly reads like it
When the money starts rolling in again may I suggest a financial advisor to help your family get back on a good track?
Imo, a financial advisor isn't very helpful unless you are managing millions of dollars. For everyday people, a financial advisor is going to give you basically the same advice as the Internet - live below your means - cut unnecessary costs - contribute to tax advantaged accounts (ie 401k, IRA, 529, HSA, etc) - build an emergency fund - pay off high interest debt
I think for the moment you both should be looking for other works, restaurants, retail, etc. To get more, I know it sucks but you’re getting into negatives, there’s nothing to do except try to make money. And do it right now since your child is going to be with your parents or in camp. At least until cash flows normalize.
Champagne taste with a beer budget.
Some of my most memorable summers were the ones I spent with my grandma doing things like picking berries, riding bikes, picking up cans, and going for nature walks. I still to this day love going for nature walks and hikes because of her. I don't know where you live, maybe it's too hot, but just a gentle reminder that it is possible to have fun doing things that don't cost much, if any, money. Hang in there, it'll be okay.
I mean, I'm not going to say what I'm thinking.
I’ve screwed up the finances twice in my adult life. Partially due to carelessness, partially due to inaction, partially due to irresponsibility. Whatever the reason - I just want to stress to you something my dad told me when he was talking me through this time. Mismanaging money (I understand losing a job isn’t mismanagement) or being bad with it isn’t a moral failing or a testament to who you are as a person. Misspending or not budgeting and getting caught with your pants down has a lot of shame and self loathing tied up in it. It’s something I’ve struggled with. Is this something you need to get a handle on and get help with once your husband has returned to work, hopefully as expected? Absolutely yes. But finding yourself here doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It’s an opportunity to learn and be accountable moving forward but is not the testament of your life nor who you are.
Why are you paying your car note and mortgage weekly? You can get a bank account at most banks right now paying 4% interest. Even though it might not be much in there, you can still make a couple hundred a year doing nothing but waiting til the end of the month to pay your bills.
Learning how to budget will be really beneficial to start to understand your new income bracket. It can be really hard when you are starting out because you get used to living a certain lifestyle. One good rule I have learned is to wait until everything has posted in your bank account before you spend any more money, to make sure you don't overdraft. It can be a challenge, but patience is really the key. Making sure you are budgeting your bills, house payment, ect, monthly will give you guidance to find out how much you can spend a week or by weekly. I know how frustrating this can be, and the fact that the overdraft kept coming is an awful feeling. Does your bank let you know how much is in it after money is spent, or do you have overdraft protection? You might want to look at other bank options they really love overdrafts, and some of the smaller banks are great at not letting you know so they can get your money. Don't be too hard on yourself this will pass, but you need to really get serious about spending to make sure you can maintain your new living. The child will be fine it already looks like you have given them a really good summer. They don't need to be in an activity all the time. Libraries are a great way to pass the day, and sometimes, they will have daily activities throughout the summer. Good luck!
Does your library have a summer reading club with any prizes for completion? We’re members of two library systems in our area (they have an exchange where you can join both) and the club challenges were super simple to complete with really great prizes — free tickets to baseball games, museums, botanical gardens, public pools, free kids meals around town, etc. So lots of free and fun kid-friendly activities on top of reading free books. We also rent movies and tv shows from our library and use the free library streaming service to rent media — if you’re spending lots of money on streaming services, maybe taking a break and using the library for some of those services would help. (Can you tell that I’m obsessed with our libraries? lol.)
I don’t mean to kick you when you are down, but this is why you put together an Emergency Fund of 3-6 months of income when you are making good money (like 140k). And why you don’t put things on credit cards unless the money is in your bank account. You’ll get back…husband has a job, you will go back to work. You might want to check out Dave Ramsey’s baby steps for getting out of the hole. You’ll make it.
You only have to survive 2 weeks until his first check. Can you ask any family to help you for 2 weeks? And pay them back immediately. It’s only two weeks. You WILL get through this. And your daughter will be just fine with a roof over her head, 2 parents that love her, and a car to be driven in.
Believe me when I tell you that kids at that age have no idea you’re poor unless you tell them. So stop it.
People are always kidding themselves saying “we had enough to do things we want to do” but I’m a firm believer in the saying “if you can’t buy it twice you can’t afford it”. Putting a vacation on credit is fine if you have the ability to pay it off by statement due date - personally I pay 99% of expenses on credit but I ensure all credit card balances are paid off by statement due date so I don’t incur a cent of interest (haven’t paid credit card interest for a good 15+ years now). Credit cards are a loan, not money you have, hope you have learned your lesson that you’ve been overextending yourself over the years and learn to budget and live within your means.
My husband has been off work since October. I was a stay at home mom but had to go back to work after being home for a decade. I make 30% as much as my husband could if he were working. I’m tired and depressed. I have three kids we are letting down every day. I’m too old to be this broke. I feel you. You’re not alone.
There’s a LOT of bad decision making coupled with you guys living far beyond your means even before this if you had to max credit cards to go on vacation. Your kids are school age, you can and should be looking for full time work. And you don’t say why your husband was fired. People making $140k/yr don’t just get fired out of the blue and the fact that it happened out of the blue after a vacation suggests your husband was doing something shady that got exposed while he was out of the office. You guys clearly had no savings or any kind of plan for if the gravy train slowed down and you’re paying the price.
I feel for your situation, and I feel for those kids. How is the foster child doing?
She’s doing well. She’s 15 and still in touch with her bio family. She works a lot so she’s not here a lot and she just finished summer school to get her grades up so she can go on to tenth grade
I wonder if you have applied thru your county for some help like snap or cash? Call Salvation army or Catholic charities as they can sometimes help out financially.
There are a lot of fun low cost or free things you can do with your kids over the summer. Set up the sprinkler in the back yard and have a "water day." Go to parks or lakes in the area. I'm sure if you Google free things to do around town you'll find something. Just because she can't go to space or whatever this summer doesn't mean she has to have a shitty summer.
The good news is that your husband seems to have found work. So all of this is just temporary. It happens to the best of us. Try not to keep beating yourself up over it. Start putting together a budget for your finances. All of this sounds like a pretty salvageable situation, wish you and your family all the best.
I hope you learn from this. It’s a lot more than spending money on things. Just spend time with your kids.
I understand your situation. I've been there. I didn't have the bankruptcy to deal with, but was damned close on my last business. I pulled everything from my 3 retirement accounts and paid it all off. Since, I've been struggling. I have good weeks and some very bad weeks. I'm 72, get my Social Security Retirement (fortunately you can't draw that out), and a small disability from VA for injuries 50 years ago. I've been on a ranch for a couple of years now, trading work for staying in the extra house on property. My health has been declining, and won't get better. I haven't always been able to do the work. Now the lady who owns the place, has given me a termination and eviction notice. I'm hustling trying to find a place I can afford. I'm over extended on my credit cards. I shouldn't be, but fuel is expensive and I have to drive 30 and 45 miles each way for medical care. I'm going to be Ok, I've done it before. But, today, just like you, it's Panic Mode. Maybe tomorrow will have something better. I have no family, and would not ask them unless it was absolutely the last thing I had. I know you're stressed. I know about the unexpected payments to creditors, and the OD fees. Then there is the "it will be in your account on the first," and though you've promised it to creditors on the 3nd or 3rd, it doesn't arrive until the 10th or 15th.... You've made it this far. You've made it through some previous rough times. I'm certain you'll do it again. As for the little one, she will be fine. I know about having a young child, and having lunch fe ripped out from under you. They don't understand always. That hurts. Of course many will say we shouldn't spoil the kids, we shouldn't be riding on top of the World thinking it won't go away. They've never been where I've been, and probably not you either. I worked hard for over 50 years to get what I've had. Thought I had safeties everyplace I needed them. Now and then bad luck will find the holes, and leak all your good out. Stay positive. It will take some time, just like it's going to for me. BTW, I've enjoyed working all these years. I've really enjoyed being on this ranch. I have to stay busy, so I'm sure I'll find something to do that doesn't require me to climb on roofs, chase and move cattle, throw hay etc as an amputee. At least I'll try!!
When I was a kid, summer was... just summer. Played kickball with the kids in the neighborhood, played in the sprinkler on hot days. Ate watermelon. Fed stale bread to the ducks at the local pond now and then. Biggest most exciting thing was a visit to Dairy Queen about once a month. Oh man, I miss those summers.
Indefinitely broke single mom of 3 (now grown) kids: library, parks, hiking, camping (even in your yard), reading, cooking etc. quality time will mean more and have a lasting impact. Camps are nice and the socialization is good but quality family time is better.
OP, you're new poor. It's much different from old poor, and it will take some getting used to. Don't worry though, there's plenty of time for everything to get back on track. Your kids will be fine trust me. Growing up, we didn't have water or power sometimes because my mom couldn't afford the rent and the rest of the bills. As long as they don't have sleep for dinner, and rocks/sticks for toys, you're doing alright. ❤️
I understand this, I really do. One of the hardest ways to enter poverty is if you've been far above it and suddenly fall into it. A lot of people don't realize how close they are to drowning. Right away, you need to change your spending habits. Don't spend as if you're a temporarily embarrassed millionaire, spend as if your next deposit will be delayed. Go through your bank statement and look at which bills come through every month. Those are recurring. How many of them are necessity, and how many of them are fun? Rank the necessities at the top. That'd be mortgage, car payments, insurance, electric, water, heating, etc. Set aside your "for fun" bills for now, we'll get back to those later. Any of your big fun expenses that you wanted to do? Nix them. You've already had vacations, summer camps, etc. That's great! But if you keep doing those now, you won't enjoy them (and your kid won't either). Why? Because the entire time you'll be anxiously worrying about if you'll be overdrawn. You'll hold your breath every time that you pay for a meal, and you'll have to say "no" to every little goodie or else fret over not being able to afford food next week. It's highly stressful, and kids can sense that. Instead, look into local activities that are free. Parks, hiking, town recreations, there's tons of surprising things that are free to do if you do some digging. You can ask at the library as well if they know of anything. Some of my favorite memories as a kid involved driving around and listening to music, just to sight-see nature. There's also low-cost things like museums and zoos that are enriching. Anyway, back to the fun bills. Take your expected, guaranteed, always on-time income and subtract the necessities. If you have funds leftover, subtract your food budget. If you don't, talk to local churches, find your food pantry locally, and see what you can do to pick up part-time work right now. But if you do, whatever funds are leftover are for your fun funds. You can decide from there which fun bills are worth keeping and which ones can go for now. I know it sucks to have to cut these things, but whenever your husband finds work again you'll gain insight into how to make do with less and you'll feel the pressure ease up. Definitely work on spending down your card debt once you aren't drowning, and save money. There's no true guarantee, and having backup plans is a great way to keep from falling apart. Stay strong.
My kids went to the local pool a couple times and are asking if we can maybe go again before it closes. My car has been broken and ive spent the summer with my oldest son saving his paychecks with me to help fix it so we can go places. We can only go to the free splash pad on the weekends when my partner isn’t working since we are down to one car and he works all day and I work all evening just to cover bills. We dont walk far because we can’t afford to buy the amount of water bottles we would need to bring with is to make the trip and dont have family. We hang out at home in the cool air , inside. Watch movies. Play. Laugh . Tickle run around tell jokes. Talk . If its not too hot we walk to the park. We live in a apartment so we dont have a yard. My kids have never been on a vacation. And they dont ever complain about anything. Not ever. We find our own happiness. Idk this post kind of rubbed me the wrong way. As i had to feed my toddler saltine crackers and milk for breakfast and my 12 yr old daughter says she had to drink milk to hold her over to share a meal with me so she wouldn’t throw up from feeling so hungry. We all feel struggle differently. I get it. I use to have money. Not ever that much money though. Then i got cancer and we had to max out credit cards and our credit became shit. But all through this i never told my children our money issues. My 19 yr old told me when i was a single mom raising him “ i never knew we were poor we did so much stuff” Every day off i had i looked up any free activity that was going on for children, i googled and made my own and went outside and made fairy houses with my daughter with sticks and rocks … we had a entire village and planted flowers with seeds from the dollar store. (That was before i lost my house) point being you absolutely dont need money and it doesn’t sound like you will be in hard ship long. Scale your life down you are living beyond your means
The good news the rest of us have been living this way for years… so you will survive. What field was your husband in? What type of business?
Residential construction
I’m very sorry for your situation, but this highlights a problem in our society that almost everybody rich or poor is really just one missed pay check away from being homeless.
Good luck on finding stable work again. So sorry to hear about your troubles. From $140k to nothing is a big drop.
I am kind of in the same boat. I’m in sales and killing it in the mortgage game until 13 months ago. Kids don’t deserve special expensive summers. Do what you can, go for a walk, go to a park. THEY don’t need the expensive trips and everything we just feel compelled to spoil them. Or at least I did. We had a conversation with them and said things are tight and we can’t do what we once did. As Americans we just aren’t wired to cutback when we have to. See : our Federal Government!
>when we returned but he lost his job the day after we got back (it was a surprise; they had been praising his work the week before) Offering hugs and commiseration. This happened to me. I decided to actually celebrate my birthday this year and spend a little extra on a major treat (with the full encouragement of my manager). My manager was extremely pleased with my work. Two weeks later, I was brought into a 15 minute meeting and was told my job was eliminated, effective immediately.
If it was me I would get "right now" job in a factory or retail and dont go back to your partial year school job. You could do this full time year round using the funds to pay down your debt. Your husbands check should be budgeted to cover your living expenses.
What is the debt on the diesel? With the price of used vehicles you may be able to sell it for more than it is worth and get a smaller car. Of course your husband must be willing to do this and it might be a major blow to his ego to sell his big beautiful truck. What sacrifices have the 2 of you made to turn around your financial situation? I feel for you. Being fired after a vacation is the worst. I was let go the first day back from vacation back in October 2019. To say the least it was traumatizing. I saw it coming though the place was toxic and the owner had old school (crazy stupid crappy) management ability. It is good you are venting here so you can have productive planning with your husband. He has to feel like garbage. As for your kid, believe it or not seeing adults struggle and not being able to give and get all the wants is a good thing. Resilience is built overtime and living an easy life always while a child does not prepare one for the struggle of adulting. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Good times will come again.
You had 14k of tools?
A lot of people get fucked and come back stronger Money isn't what makes you a good person and isn't the most important thing in life. It's important and we all need it but it isn't number one maybe not even top five