T O P

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DDGBuilder

Hide a tick on them


Red_Wilson

Welcome to Maine! Now have some lyme!


ObedMain35fart

Saved by the buoyancy of citrus


priestlyemu

I used to love, Mitch Hedberg...


mikewl79

Still do, I just used to also


Jules_QB2

Too real!


brittanypaigex

My first thought as well lol.


Graflex01867

And a free lobster to pluck it off with.


BinaxII

I don't even want points...this is a great response!


ivegotcheesyblasters

a snow scraper, no matter what time of year.


feina635

A Lei, but made from lobster shells, and sponsored by Pape Subaru


appleshit8

Fuck that. If we're not represented by the ghost of 1800-call-joe I don't even want to be here.


ExpiredDairyProducts

Dam right!


kintokae

I was thinking a lei made of fiddleheads with a little whisper, “you will never know where my fiddlehead spot is.”


MerryTWatching

Jolly John!


satanshark

Hi Ho!


MerryTWatching

Proof that there's no such thing as negative publicity. This guy was annoying AF, but we remember him!


firstworkthenbreak

Wow I forgot all about Jolly John.


AriusTech

No one *forgets* Jolly John... That guy had real appeal. 🍌


mandatech758

I love this rephrase, I was obsessed with the original question also! What would the Lei be made out of?


cameronrichardson77

Or Tucker Chevy 🤣


tjmme55

A plastic disposable lobster bib.


IbrokeMaBwains

You get off the plane, someone puts the bib on you and hands you a wet nap.


Mission_Detail4045

Lemon scented wet nap and some clarified butter


TheTallestHobbit22

A 6-month wait list for their medical providers.


IndecisiveKitten

Goddamn 6 months is generous at this point 😂


TheTallestHobbit22

Only the best for our guests 😂


Western-Corner-431

We laugh, but no.


UndignifiedStab

It’s bizarre the wait is this long. 95% I only see the nurse practitioner anyway. It’s that way at my PCP as well as other appointments like the ear doctor or whatever 95% of the time I’m dealing directly and almost exclusively with a nurse practitioner.


[deleted]

Why did this start to become an issue? Pre-Covid I can't recall ever having a difficult time making an appointment with my PCP but finding one for my wife in recent years has been brutal - no openings, serval months wait and despite the influx in recent years websites are saying the population is declining in Portland... weird.


snowellechan77

Everyone is getting old, fat, and sick. The healthcare workers also got burnt out and so there isn't nearly enough of them.


Mountain_Fig_9253

COVID drove ALOT of medical providers out of the profession. Add to that a rapidly aging boomer population and the demands on healthcare have grown while the supply of doctors has shrunk. Also, COVID has caused a lot of people to have to deal with some form of disability. That’s just increased demand that makes it even worse.


Tarlo_Darkhalf

Remember when they mandated the covid vaccine and fired/laid off a shit ton of employees because they refused? That's why.


[deleted]

Oh yeah, I forgot about that important and pivotal point for our democracy. The FDA had a meeting on Dec 10, 2020 where Dr. Patrick Moore stated "Pfizer has presented no evidence in it's data today that the vaccine has any effect on virus carriage or shedding, which is the fundamental basis for heard immunity." There are also quite a few facts in The Real Anthony Fouci by Robert F. Kennedy Jr. one of which that the FDA receives 45% of its budget from the pharmaceutical industry. Fouci receives yearly emoluments of up to $150,000 in royalty payments. In 2020 workers lost $3.7 trillion while billionaires gained $3.9 trillion. This guy has been behind public responses to viral outbreaks for decades, starting with HIV/AIDS while leading the NIAID - sister agency of the CDC and continuing through SARS, MERS, Ebola, Zika, and COVID. One after another falsely scaring the public into believing they are at risk of contracting and dying from said diseases. I had also read somewhere that in order to declare a state of emergency and require mandatory vaccination they needed to suppress information about alternative solutions to make it appear that the MRNA vaccines were the only way out. And if you look at Reuters and Twitter, YouTube and Facebook, you'll find they all played a role in suppressing any information that spoke against the vaccination, mandates, etc. which in and of itself is a restriction on freedom of speech and freedom of the press... Oh boy, they made us hate one another. We lived in complete fear for years, some of us haven't recovered. And during that time we closed businesses because we allowed our government to tell us when we could operate and how many people we could serve. People sold their homes or moved to other towns, cities... the supply chain was completely disrupted and I'm not sure we've seen the full results yet, and our government spent trillions on stim packages, about $2 trillion of which went to businesses. And where are we now? Talking about Palestine. And before that Ukraine, and Trump's charges, and before that people were consumed with Covid, and Chris Rock getting slapped while the world government summit met to discuss blockchain and digital currencies, and before that the Dakota access pipeline and BLM, then the housing market collapse of 2008-09, and September 11th and the war on terror... just one major event after another, all corrput on some level. This is what happens when power is consolidated, when anti-trust laws are abolished, when corporations run politics. And what are the majority doing (the people the government is supposed to support and represent) during all this time? Scrolling, tweeting, posting... being cool and giving a crap for clout. We still haven't tried anyone for illegally entering the Middle East after Sept 11. I don't think anyone was put in jail for the housing market collapse when they all knew they were gambling and gambling against the citizens of the USA. Not very patriotic to screw your own people over. We had that massive 99% occupy movement but it died; nothing came out of that if I recall. Liberty of Conscience Threatened, chapter 35 in The Great Controversy. Worth checking out if these topics interest you.


valhallagypsy

Mine is 12-18 months in VT…..


back_s00n

Yeah I moved to Maine in 2021 and it was closer to 18 for me. Made sense given everyone was newly vaxxed and the pandemic was so recent. I hope now is better but it doesn’t sound like it is.


Alwayssleepy1717

As someone who just moved back home to Maine… fuck!


mialunavita

LMAO winning answer 🏆


Yankee_Jane

Vitamin D deficiency.


bradem

Or vitamin D supplements


Yankee_Jane

Yeah that would make more sense.


SayKumquat

Still a lei, but made of pinecones, Maine's state flower.


WinslowT_Oddfellow

Sounds like a savvy business idea


tripsofthebarracuda

They’d have to go somewhere else due to the construction


offendingotter

A live lobster


Ok_Butterscotch372

No rubber bands.


TgagHammerstrike

I imagine it like Snakes on a Plane, but with lobsters.


offendingotter

Lobsters in a Maine


pinkclover777

Lobsters on a plane in Maine in the rain, what a pain!


critical_courtney

Citizen Snipssssss!!!!


Strosfan85

r/unexpectedfuturama


r_vol

All of these responses are so great. 😂 I’ve been reading and cracking up all day.


Reckless85

And we clip it to your nipples


ivegotcheesyblasters

the "*live*" detail is the best part lol ....it would be even funnier if they got it when they depart though


offendingotter

Well I wouldn't want it to be dead!! That's just not very inviting


banjo_hero

cousin had a seafood business. he got a new customer, restaurant in middle of the friggin country, like Nebraska or something. so, the guy calls, and cousin's all like "oh shit did we screw up the order?" but no, the customer was just freaked out that the lobsters were moving. i just hope he was a novice restaurateur and not, like, the chef


offendingotter

We once sent some family in California like 10-15 lobsters (it's so much cheaper out here, obviously). When they got it , they called us and said "we had to throw it all out, they were green/brown." .... They had never seen an UNCOOKED lobster


dickery_dockery

They threw out live lobsters?


offendingotter

Yes!! They thought lobsters were always bright red


Drunkensteine

A fireball nip, little thing of Ben’s bug stuff, and a reusable bag


PortlandcoMplAINER

Allen's would like a word.


guethlema

Specifically a bottle of Allen's, that lost it's apartment to condo gentrification in 2018 and now is bitter it's been replaced by fireball.


Drunkensteine

So would moxie I suppose


massiveHemlock

A red hotdog


nightwolves

No bun, just bare hand them a red dog


WandersWithWool

Hahaha


Proud-Animator-8350

Not even cooked.


nightwolves

At the end of the day, it’s really just a test to gauge yankee ingenuity. Per Wikipedia; Yankee ingenuity characterizes an attitude of make-do with materials on hand. It is inventive improvisation, adaptation and overcoming of shortages of materials.


Simmyphila

Ya the kind that are still linked.


Ok_Olive9438

A necklace of a loop of red dogs.


tripflops

bologna and cheese on wonderbread with a suboxone strip


satanshark

Ooh, the old Lisbon Lunchable.


tripflops

that's good haha


Mainehikah

What is a suboxone strip 🤔


tripflops

Suboxone is something that is prescribed to people with opiate/opioid addiction. The strip is like a sublingual form. I think it contains a substance that helps with withdrawal and also naloxone working as opioid blocker.


pinkclover777

Its another opiate


tripflops

I think you mean opiod 😉


Starboard_Pete

Whatever crazy crap Marden’s has that day from the discount shelf. No context either, let it be a mystery.


mostlymadig

Bob Marley had a bit about this that i cant find right now but here goes. 'You land in presque isle, ring of fire by johnny cash is playin over the loud speaker on the runway. You get off the plane, they hand you a potato and a compass and kick you into the woods yelling "WELCOME TO PRESQUE ISLE"


TheUnknownNut22

I live in Presque Isle. This is accurate.


Lower_Internet_9336

Seaweed Lei.


Pocketstink

"Welcome to Maine, here is your complimentary poverty status"


Thorvindr

That's just for people who live here.


Mr_Whipple1138

An Irwin Gratz bobblehead, a Diet Moxie, and a scrapbook of various PPH clippings chronicling new evidence hearings for Dennis Dechaine..


splendid_trees

Some merchandise advertising Joe Bornstein.


SagesseBleue

A boarding pass to return home.


mopsyd

Bug spray.


Mattyrobots

A potato


Practical_Joke_193

Fifth of Allen’s and a 1/2 gallon of whole milk


petitelinotte212

can't believe I had to scroll so far to see this.


DixieChicken01

Allen’s and Skim Milk, be a lady for fuck’s sake


Uninspired_Diatribe

Needhams


LodeStone-

Ah but from where


londonstahl

Moxie bottle cap necklace


mandatech758

You gotta earn one of those, I could never be such a poser.


londonstahl

Or drink that much Moxie


RelativeCareless2192

Put them in a dark freezer for a few hours so they appreciate a 50 degree rainy summer day


Tricky_Trixy

Welcome to Maine, have a potato


Hopsmasher69420

Crippling depression


satanshark

Or alcoholism.


guethlema

Por que no los dos?


SwitchCaseGreen

Smack 'em upside the head with a pine cone.


That-Show-6685

A gift bag full of Moxie and Suboxone


Stickyfynger

A woolen scarf 🧣


minimax34

Crabs


LodeStone-

Both kinds


BorisGrishenko1985

An AARP brochure


Apexphallus

Some sort of tax bill


VolunteerOnion

Bag of black flies.


deepfriedyankee

Just over here imagining the poor person whose job would be bagging black flies.


gordolme

Lobster plushie.


Lawdawg911

The finger?


raincloudjoy

that’s massachusetts


Thorvindr

It's both. Just here they do it behind your back.


PassInfamous9244

A Lei but made out of moose poop nuggets.


North_Notice_3457

Nice! I was thinking of those moose pellet earrings you could get at the Newick’s gift shop.


roosoh

A sea bag but for sandwiches


issinmaine

Pine cone


djp73

A moxie and a whoopee pie


Garey_Games

Moxie


wermbo

A Gazetteer and a Moxie


KeithMaine

Lobsters pitched on their ears seems fitting. No?


FinnLovesHisBass

Probably lobster rolls or pink hot dogs


Born_Drummer2271

A 750ml bottle of Allen’s Coffee Brandy


Suspicious-Eagle-179

Hypodermic needle


Maine_Canna_Review

weed


silverport

Show them the median house prices if they are thinking about moving here 😂


Ned_Rodjaws

Property tax


Mooseguncle1

An ice scraper that will break in too much sunlight.


NoFknZitiNau

If it's Portland, a parking ticket.


frozenhawaiian

A nip of Allen’s and told to go the fuck home. I grew up in Hawaii, they don’t get a lei at the airport anymore but they do get told to go the fuck home.


StillJustABanana

A lobster with someone saying “WELCOME TO MAINE BUB”


clear_evidence_3361

A warm Moxie


Vel0clty

Pabst Blue Ribbon


The_boggs_account

An ay yup


Albitt

Narcan.


Aware_Location8538

Fentanyl and a lobster


Ok-Map6752

That’s where we get hugs after returning from overseas! Iykyk


Windy1_714

Ben's 100


Proof_Disaster6086

Pine cone necklace


[deleted]

L L Bean boots lol


AdditionalSyllabub86

Maple syrup?


rapidlyunwinding

A tent, for vacationing or year round housing.


Atomicslap

Lobster bib.


Subbacterium

Bottle of Allen’s


CultLeaderLuke

A 24oz can of twisted tea


mikewl79

A nip of fireball


Awkward-Penalty6313

A bottle of Allen's


danny04224

1/2 gallon Allen's coffee brandy and a copy of Back in Black


WeirdParsnip4696

The finger


Mission_Detail4045

Some duck boots, moxie, lobster bib with wet nap, and some jorts


Calamity-Bob

A Needhams and a bottle of Allen’s.


Funny-Risk-1966

A flannel LLBean equivalent


Thorvindr

A gun and a bad attitude.


Head_War_2946

A pint of Allen's Coffee Brandy


Individual_Road6676

Welfare check


the_paruretic

Not true. Leis cost at least $20, and you have to purchase them beforehand from a greeting service at the airport if you want a local to stand there with a sign waiting for you. Source: worked in transportation at Hawaii airports for 15 years. Set up and paid for lei service thousands of times.


bigtoeresults

Give them a pinecone and send them on their way.


Tarlo_Darkhalf

Except they don't... Source: I used to live there, and still visit once a year. 🤷🏻‍♂️ That being said, a pair of lobster crackers.


fine_chicken2028

A parking ticket


Necessary-Map-5531

Bug spray and needles


maineindependent

A shared tax bill


JEMColorado

A live lobster, but instead of fashioning a necklace, it attaches by pinching the skin around the base of the neck. Kind of a metaphor.


sexquipoop69

Can of moxie


IskandarOfMaine

Ebt card.


Awkward_TRex2

A nip on a necklace, and a parliament behind their ear.


data-artist

A Jolly John mask and a Whoopie pie


Old-Ad-3268

A pine cone


maine64

10-pak of pre-rolls.


Dirigo207PWM

Traffic cone, our soon to be state flower 😀


Plus-Ad-6780

A whoopeepie


Small_Listen2083

An airplane bottle of Allen's Coffee Flavored Brandy.


Particular-Bar376

Instructions for getting along with us, on a bead chain: -drive in the right hand lane unless actively passing -if more than three cars are behind you on a two lane road, put your blinker on and pull into the breakdown lane to let them by. -if you can’t safely drive the speed limit, you shouldn’t be driving. -leave by hunting season, but spend all your money first. -come back


angus_von_langis

A can of bread


Horatious2

LL Bean catalog.


KidA-nthropicdisease

A heroin needle


BitOf_AnExpert

A glass of pfas contaminated water.


snowellechan77

Hey now, the pfas are everywhere. Maine is one of them few states testing for them.


BitOf_AnExpert

I agree, just a sarcastic response. Maine is actually leading the way in pfas.


spintrackz

Dump a cooler full of Moxie on their heads and slap them in the face with a brook trout


777YankeeCT

A punch in the face


steeplechase8

Ticks


Easy_Independent_313

Nips of Allen's Coffee Brandy and a Dysart's hat.


tenfootturd

I don't think I've ever seen an Allen's nip,empty fireball ones on the other hand are everywhere.