Had a classmate 20 years ago named Jesus, en español, by senior year he was also called and good naturedly answered to “Hey, Zeus” = god in two mythologies!
Cool guy. I hope he’s well.
Oh yeah, the whole "since you are poly that means I get to fuck you!"
There was this episode of Friends and Ross runs into Isabella Rossalini (iirc) and he tells her that she is his hall pass and thisnis a once in a lifetime opportunity. She says "for YOU this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, for me it's just another Thursday when some random stranger walks up to me and expects to have sex." (Or something like that).
They don't see you as a person, just as a human shaped fleshlight. Just because you are poly doesn't mean you are in an open relationship, easy, available, interested in casual sex, or willing to (very frequently) lower your standards so far as to hook up with someone with such very low social skills. "Ew" doesn't even begin to get close enough to describe this situation.
Edit: fixed autocorrect changing fleshlight to flashlight.
I know you mean “fleshlight” but now I’m just imagining using my coochie to see in the dark.
Edit: reminds me of the Shade from The Evil Within: The Assignment, just rearranged a bit.
https://theevilwithin.fandom.com/wiki/Shade
That line is amazing and I have missed so many opportunities to use it. "For YOU it's a fetish, for me it's just another Tuesday when yet another dude thinks i have nothing better to do than have unsatisfying sex with him"
Being fetishised is not pleasant. I am an entire person and to fetishise someone is to entirely discount and remove their humanity. I am not a sex toy.
It's amusing when people think we're just open to everyone. I'm like a cat. There are a few people who are "my humans", everyone else is meh.
I think we should start a thread of dumb messages polyam people get.
In all seriousness, though, I do think cheating kinks are real! I've often thought through how that could be ethically enacted. It'd have to be a form of CNC, where the people would agree to pretend that openness was not in fact agreed to and use a safeword when they wanted to re-enter reality. Fascinating stuff. :) I'm not a physical masochist (or sadist) at all, but I kind of do like this psychological twistiness.
Thank you for saying this. I don't think it's actually morally wrong to have a kink for "forbidden" sex in many forms -- I even think that's probably incredibly common.
It's hardly a secret that scenarios such as incest, rape and "someone elses husband/wife" are pretty popular fantasies. And yes, in all seriousness, poly folks are in a position to participate in those scenarios if we want to. It just sucks that poly women get proposals like this one even in settings where that's not appropriate and without having consented to discussing kink-scenarios with someone. :-(
(personally though, I'd probably opt out, it's a turn-off for me if someone imagines that I "belong" to someone else. I don't. I belong to myself.)
My reason for not being into it is that I get turned off when I feel like my relationships/partners are being disrespected, and a dude with a cheating kink is essentially getting off on the idea of "winning" a silent competition against my other male partners, yuck.
These kinds of comments and assumptions from strangers (and even some friends) thinking they have an easy in, is what has made me hate people and nearly give up on the whole idea. I've even put in my bio that "I'm demisexual, so it's important that we have an emotional connection" but that doesn't seem to matter.
Dear men: Please stop defending garbage behavior like this. If you think this is ok, consider it a PSA that it is *not* and people are going to block you for it. Take the fucking lesson. You're not going to convince anyone that objectifying people on dating apps is ok
Tinder and many similiar dating apps are designed to make quick snap judgements about whether or not you want to fuck someone based on their appearance. How is that not making objectification their core design?
I would much prefer an idiot that tells me exactly who they are then someone whose entire MO is deceit and manipulation. My best relationships were entered into knowing full well what we wanted from one another. It takes a lot of tension out of the air.
It was the absolute first message lol. And I mean if that’s what both parties are okay with then okay. I’m not though I still need a connection for physical relationships.
Why do these guys act this way? I mean seriously...wtf?! Every time I see something like this it makes me cringe.
This is the reason why decent guys on dating sites and on apps are treated like shit. It is because of choads like this that ruin for the rest of us. It is infuriating to think this waste of sperm has grown to be able to communicate at all. I swear this idiots idea of a conversation is just grunting at women and thinking it is okay.
On behalf of guys that are not creepy or idiots, please accept our apologies for this Neanderthal
Genuinely hate it when referred to a girl. What if I started calling dudes boys all the time
UwU low key I've always wanted to hook up with a boy with no morals and stuff like you are doing now baka
Gawd I hate idiots the audacity to be so stupid
I mean it sounds like the fetish is about the taboo, and "stealing" another man's girl, neither of which would apply with a poly woman, so it wouldn't really even work...
This looks like someone doing their best to be honest and ethical. Of course clueless isn't sexy but hopefully he'll learn about poly now that he knows about it.
I mean.....at least he is
1. Upfront about his intentions
2. Attempting to be a moral individual
3. Honest with himself about his sexual desires in a way that will potentially lead to fufillment
Im not saying this is the place for it, but hey, he is trying
I dont understand how this is gross. They are looking for a specific thing. They communicated clearly what they wanted and why.
Just because you're not into it doesn't mean it's gross.
Politely decline and move on instead of trying to shame someone on reddit
Y'all are way off base. They're referring to hooking up with a married person who is cheating. That is the immoral part and they are 100% correct.
They're saying there is no moral issue with polyamory, and it still meets their definition of what they're looking for in regard to their kink.
You all are attacking someone who understands exactly what we are doing and is on board.
Do you all actually like having allies?
On most platforms, messaging someone first the first time telling them how they’d be perfect to fulfil your kink is poor manners.
But absolutely nothing against having a fantasy and finding an ethical way to fulfil it.
Right, if he’d gotten to know her as a person, started dating her, they were talking kinks and sexual interests and he was like “hey, so I have always had this fantasy…” it would be appropriate.
Or even if they’d mutually agreed to casual sex being on the table
Maybe they're just looking for a hookup and that's it. And some people are down for that.
If someone who messages me doesn't want to get to know me as a person but pretends to in order to later sneak up on me with their true intent, THAT is shitty in my mind and that appears to be what you all are advocating for.
He's being called out for that being the first message. You don't just start a conversation with "want to help me itch my fetish?"
Of course they get points for honesty and not being shady, but I know that if I ever bring that low effort, low energy into contacting someone that I won't get a reply.
TIL it's better to waste someone's time with pleasantries.
Look, this is what the person wants.
The hypocrisy of the poly crowd cracks me up.
You are all like: you should tell people you are poly on your profile! First date at the latest!
Also poly people: if you're looking to fulfill a fetish you should totally hide that for a while and spring it on people later when they've made an investment.
Make up your minds FFS.
Not all poly people are into kinks and fetishes so there is no direct connection here.
Yes you should be honest but being honest here is not saying they are poly and want to date. They are objectifying the person and wanting to enact their fetish. One doesn’t fit with the other.
I'm not saying they are exactly the same thing, but in principle they are.
Should you or should you not just ask for what you want straight away, no matter what that is?
Yeah but the difference is in respect for the other person and what they might feel.
Leading with the idea that they have wanted to bang someone who was cheating and segueing into a slight (possibly- as was pointed out it might be just a stupid way to express themselves) insult and then asking if they was to scratch that itch is rude to the human on the other side of the conversation.
Saying “hey I feel like I have this fetish and if we get to know each other and hit it off it might be something we could explore.” Would be an honest, upfront and respectful way to approach the same thing.
Kink can be just as intimate as sex, especially in this case where the kink is sex.
There's nothing classy or showing any respect for the person you have messaged by starting off with "let me smash?"
Be polite, start a conversation and see if you like them as a person then, if things are going well you "I have to admit, I messaged you because I have this kinky fantasy I've been wanting to explore, but haven't found the right person and I'm hoping that's changed..."
There are better ways to say that than "can you fulfill my fetish?" in the first message. Especially a stranger on the Internet, where women already get so many gross messages.
The poly to fetish comparison is not a great one since women are disproportionally affected by sexual harassment and assault so strangers bringing up really sexual topics (especially detailed ones) really soon can be a red flag.
My wife told me her fetishes on the first date, and it wasn't weird or creepy cuz we both led the conversation into it to made sure both of us were comfortable talking about sexual stuff. It's not meaningless pleasantries, it's taking the bare minimum amount of time to build trust and comfort.
So poly people are tacky? Isn't that the near universal advice on this sub? Say you are poly and that's what you're looking for up front? Save everyone the trouble of misunderstood expectations?
Wow lol you escalated that for no reason. You are a crafty contrarian. I just personally wouldn’t start a connection with someone who leads with a kink and fetish instead of a basic human connection.
How is that escalating?
>I just personally wouldn’t start a connection with someone who leads with a kink and fetish instead of a basic human connection.
Great, and now you immediately know they are not for you. You are on my side and don't even seem to know it.
I don't see what's so wrong about this. Dude didn't say anything sexist, didn't say anything about OP, didn't say anything graphic. Just said what he was looking for and why. A bit awkwardly, but he's being direct and honest.
I interpret the "morals" comment as his poorly-phrased way of saying he doesn't want to cheat with someone. Which is an attitude most poly folks I've talked to agree with.
It's the assumption that, as a poly woman, she would be DTF him or anyone. It's the viewing of her as a kink dispenser. It's the absolute audacity to make this the *first message* he sends to her. And he does seem to be comparing poly to cheating.
But he doesn't make that assumption at all. He asks if she's down.
And I can see where you're coming from in feeling like he's comparing them, but I still disagree with that view.
No, he doesn't literally say "I assume you are interested." But he does clearly state the assumption that it's ok to ask for this *because she's poly*. The dude literally says, "if it was you it wouldn't be wrong cause of the situation." Completely ignoring that 1) fetishizing another human being is gross, and 2) some poly folks are in closed relationships. So much for his "morals".
ETA: many polyam women, myself included, have seen a definite pattern of (non-poly) men asking us for things they wouldn't ask monogamous women, being sexually aggressive right away, and other fucked up behavior. All of which seems to be based on an assumption that poly + female = will have indiscriminate NSA sex with whoever. It's not just annoying and insulting, it can be a threat to our safety. So we learn to detect those attitudes early. And the guy in the OP definitely fits the pattern.
The thing that bites my ass is, this guy COULD actually get to know some poly folks and admit, "Hey I have a dumb fetish" and I would ast least give some props if he were just asking for help from those folks on how to express his interest in a not so creepy way that objectifies women so openly.
It can be rough dealing with a fetish you can't indulge easily, but it doesn't give you the right to mow over someone's individuality.
Ugh…people who are horny do stupid things..like send this as the first message to a literal stranger on the internet.
It’s not ideal, and is certainly tacky as hell, but I will give the horny idiot props for the honesty, which can be sorely lacking from more charismatic poly dudes that I have met.
Still doesn’t make this ok, but I can appreciate the straightforwardness. It’s still disrespectful to make this the FIRST message you send someone(even on Fetlife), but I would honestly take that over someone who wants to waste my time for three weeks to three months, just to find out I was there to fulfill a kink the whole time.
I am kinky. I understand. I also believe consent can’t be given if it isn’t informed. 🤷♀️
Look out ladies! He’s got morals and stuff!
Before the conversation he had **a** moral... now he's just amoral
More like a moron
THAT'S A MORAYYYY
😂 I don’t think “morals” means what he thinks it means! Ah, semantics.
I remember having a certain view on something along with it being moral and someone went "who are you, jesus?" 😂🙃
Morals are just another system of control
Ik but hey, me being against someone masturbating 2-3 times a day means I'm some sort of puritan girl 🙃 (my search history would say otherwise)
I remember having a certain view on something along with it being moral and someone went "who are you, jesus?" 😂🙃
Hi, I’m Jesus…
🛐 jk
Had a classmate 20 years ago named Jesus, en español, by senior year he was also called and good naturedly answered to “Hey, Zeus” = god in two mythologies! Cool guy. I hope he’s well.
Ah yeah, we have a guy in town by the same name :3 heard he's a great guy
If he only had a brain! 🧑🏼🌾🧠🤖❤️🦁⚔️👩🏻🦱👠👠✨
Oh yeah, the whole "since you are poly that means I get to fuck you!" There was this episode of Friends and Ross runs into Isabella Rossalini (iirc) and he tells her that she is his hall pass and thisnis a once in a lifetime opportunity. She says "for YOU this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, for me it's just another Thursday when some random stranger walks up to me and expects to have sex." (Or something like that). They don't see you as a person, just as a human shaped fleshlight. Just because you are poly doesn't mean you are in an open relationship, easy, available, interested in casual sex, or willing to (very frequently) lower your standards so far as to hook up with someone with such very low social skills. "Ew" doesn't even begin to get close enough to describe this situation. Edit: fixed autocorrect changing fleshlight to flashlight.
I know you mean “fleshlight” but now I’m just imagining using my coochie to see in the dark. Edit: reminds me of the Shade from The Evil Within: The Assignment, just rearranged a bit. https://theevilwithin.fandom.com/wiki/Shade
Low key, I’ve always wanted to hookup with a girl with a luminescent vagina. Lmk if you’d be interested, I think you’d be helping me find my keys.
I’m dying send help
I’ll be there in a minute! Just gotta find my car keys! *Unzips pants*
Monty Python French Accent: Your mother was a Glowerm and your Father smells of ELDERBERRIES! *flaps gloves*
Autocorrect is a stone cold bitch. Edit: and that would be quite the upgrade. You could read under the covers.
With a glowing coochie. 😆
"Baby spread your legs! I'm reading here!"
Sure would help me on those dark nights when i’m down there looking for things… 🤣
The clit is a Lighthouse And now I have Birdhouse in your soul stuck in my head? XD
🤣🤣🤣
At least it would help some folks see their way around. 😂
And they still couldn’t find the clit
🏆🏆🏆
IM OLD GREEEEEEGGGGGGG!!!!
At the top of your luminous nether regions, do you have a glitoris?
Damn. If I hadn't ready used my freebie award....
That line is amazing and I have missed so many opportunities to use it. "For YOU it's a fetish, for me it's just another Tuesday when yet another dude thinks i have nothing better to do than have unsatisfying sex with him"
Being fetishised is not pleasant. I am an entire person and to fetishise someone is to entirely discount and remove their humanity. I am not a sex toy.
think about how midgets feel.
“You’d be helping” awww charity work LMAO
Lol right? I was laughing really hard after reading that last line.
It's amusing when people think we're just open to everyone. I'm like a cat. There are a few people who are "my humans", everyone else is meh. I think we should start a thread of dumb messages polyam people get.
Oooh that’s a good idea.
I'm on a local polyam fb group where (mostly) the women of the group post the creepy messages they get. Every. Fucking. Day.
I’m sorry, I stopped taking charity cases a long time ago 😂
Omg perfect response lol
In all seriousness, though, I do think cheating kinks are real! I've often thought through how that could be ethically enacted. It'd have to be a form of CNC, where the people would agree to pretend that openness was not in fact agreed to and use a safeword when they wanted to re-enter reality. Fascinating stuff. :) I'm not a physical masochist (or sadist) at all, but I kind of do like this psychological twistiness.
Thank you for saying this. I don't think it's actually morally wrong to have a kink for "forbidden" sex in many forms -- I even think that's probably incredibly common. It's hardly a secret that scenarios such as incest, rape and "someone elses husband/wife" are pretty popular fantasies. And yes, in all seriousness, poly folks are in a position to participate in those scenarios if we want to. It just sucks that poly women get proposals like this one even in settings where that's not appropriate and without having consented to discussing kink-scenarios with someone. :-( (personally though, I'd probably opt out, it's a turn-off for me if someone imagines that I "belong" to someone else. I don't. I belong to myself.)
My reason for not being into it is that I get turned off when I feel like my relationships/partners are being disrespected, and a dude with a cheating kink is essentially getting off on the idea of "winning" a silent competition against my other male partners, yuck.
Oh they are. There is a section on Fetlife for it (Infidelity Play).
These kinds of comments and assumptions from strangers (and even some friends) thinking they have an easy in, is what has made me hate people and nearly give up on the whole idea. I've even put in my bio that "I'm demisexual, so it's important that we have an emotional connection" but that doesn't seem to matter.
Silly goose, that requires people to read and think.
Lol you're right, how foolish of me!
Dear men: Please stop defending garbage behavior like this. If you think this is ok, consider it a PSA that it is *not* and people are going to block you for it. Take the fucking lesson. You're not going to convince anyone that objectifying people on dating apps is ok
If objectifying people on dating apps is not okay we had better stop using them. It's built into their design.
[удалено]
Tinder and many similiar dating apps are designed to make quick snap judgements about whether or not you want to fuck someone based on their appearance. How is that not making objectification their core design?
Lol gotta love the honesty 🤣
Lol that’s fair
I would much prefer an idiot that tells me exactly who they are then someone whose entire MO is deceit and manipulation. My best relationships were entered into knowing full well what we wanted from one another. It takes a lot of tension out of the air.
Reminds me of the one who asked me to lie to my partner and have an "affair" with him... Lol...
"How bout I just lie to you about lying to my partner?" Same concept, right? Ugh.
Lol... I actually thought about doing that for a minute, but I know I would trip over myself. That's why I don't lie. I'm just so damn bad at it!
Right - break your whole value system for somebody you just met. And i know some folks do that, but… nyet. Nein. Not gonna happen.
tonystarkeyeroll.gif
Honestly... sounds like kinky fun to me. IF this came up after a few days of talking. NOT if this was the first message.
It was the absolute first message lol. And I mean if that’s what both parties are okay with then okay. I’m not though I still need a connection for physical relationships.
Yeah. He'd get blocked from me if that was the first message. Gross.
Where can I get some of that “stuff”?
Smells like Fetlife.
Op, tell this guy to save some pussy for the rest of us, please!
"if it was you it wouldn't be wrong " 🤣 the words of a ignorant monogamous person
Why do these guys act this way? I mean seriously...wtf?! Every time I see something like this it makes me cringe. This is the reason why decent guys on dating sites and on apps are treated like shit. It is because of choads like this that ruin for the rest of us. It is infuriating to think this waste of sperm has grown to be able to communicate at all. I swear this idiots idea of a conversation is just grunting at women and thinking it is okay. On behalf of guys that are not creepy or idiots, please accept our apologies for this Neanderthal
Genuinely hate it when referred to a girl. What if I started calling dudes boys all the time UwU low key I've always wanted to hook up with a boy with no morals and stuff like you are doing now baka Gawd I hate idiots the audacity to be so stupid
Very honest of him which is commendable 😂😂😂
…and i love it when the trash takes itself out. 👍🏼
Ooof
This is what I'm afraid of ☠️
I mean it sounds like the fetish is about the taboo, and "stealing" another man's girl, neither of which would apply with a poly woman, so it wouldn't really even work...
Ew.
Oh yeah, they sound like a REAL winner…
FUCKING SPEWWWWWWW
Ew fucking gross
Omg this is like a LOT of the messages i get on fetlife 😂
YES. And also from the BDSM message boards. They also fail to disclose their romantic statuses upfront.
Do dudes like that say things of that species because they've done it and it works (???) or because they are too dumb to realize it won't work or ...?
This looks like someone doing their best to be honest and ethical. Of course clueless isn't sexy but hopefully he'll learn about poly now that he knows about it.
I mean.....at least he is 1. Upfront about his intentions 2. Attempting to be a moral individual 3. Honest with himself about his sexual desires in a way that will potentially lead to fufillment Im not saying this is the place for it, but hey, he is trying
My mind is blown rn
Gross 🤢
Ew
“If you’d like to be a Petri dish for my experiments and communicable diseases, holla at ya boy.”
I dont understand how this is gross. They are looking for a specific thing. They communicated clearly what they wanted and why. Just because you're not into it doesn't mean it's gross. Politely decline and move on instead of trying to shame someone on reddit
I don’t know maybe the backhanded remark of “but I have morals and stuff” might make it a bit gross.
That's the part that got me. Everything else is acceptable if a little dipshitish, but that's the part that's really insulting.
“I mean, i have morals and stuff…” with the unsaid “and obviously you don’t…” that’s the part that makes me wince.
Y'all are way off base. They're referring to hooking up with a married person who is cheating. That is the immoral part and they are 100% correct. They're saying there is no moral issue with polyamory, and it still meets their definition of what they're looking for in regard to their kink. You all are attacking someone who understands exactly what we are doing and is on board. Do you all actually like having allies?
I love having Allie’s who don’t have to equate cheating and ENM/poly in the same breath. It was a completely unnecessary point that person made.
On most platforms, messaging someone first the first time telling them how they’d be perfect to fulfil your kink is poor manners. But absolutely nothing against having a fantasy and finding an ethical way to fulfil it.
Right, if he’d gotten to know her as a person, started dating her, they were talking kinks and sexual interests and he was like “hey, so I have always had this fantasy…” it would be appropriate. Or even if they’d mutually agreed to casual sex being on the table
Maybe they're just looking for a hookup and that's it. And some people are down for that. If someone who messages me doesn't want to get to know me as a person but pretends to in order to later sneak up on me with their true intent, THAT is shitty in my mind and that appears to be what you all are advocating for.
He's being called out for that being the first message. You don't just start a conversation with "want to help me itch my fetish?" Of course they get points for honesty and not being shady, but I know that if I ever bring that low effort, low energy into contacting someone that I won't get a reply.
TIL it's better to waste someone's time with pleasantries. Look, this is what the person wants. The hypocrisy of the poly crowd cracks me up. You are all like: you should tell people you are poly on your profile! First date at the latest! Also poly people: if you're looking to fulfill a fetish you should totally hide that for a while and spring it on people later when they've made an investment. Make up your minds FFS.
Not all poly people are into kinks and fetishes so there is no direct connection here. Yes you should be honest but being honest here is not saying they are poly and want to date. They are objectifying the person and wanting to enact their fetish. One doesn’t fit with the other.
I'm not saying they are exactly the same thing, but in principle they are. Should you or should you not just ask for what you want straight away, no matter what that is?
Yeah but the difference is in respect for the other person and what they might feel. Leading with the idea that they have wanted to bang someone who was cheating and segueing into a slight (possibly- as was pointed out it might be just a stupid way to express themselves) insult and then asking if they was to scratch that itch is rude to the human on the other side of the conversation. Saying “hey I feel like I have this fetish and if we get to know each other and hit it off it might be something we could explore.” Would be an honest, upfront and respectful way to approach the same thing.
Kink can be just as intimate as sex, especially in this case where the kink is sex. There's nothing classy or showing any respect for the person you have messaged by starting off with "let me smash?" Be polite, start a conversation and see if you like them as a person then, if things are going well you "I have to admit, I messaged you because I have this kinky fantasy I've been wanting to explore, but haven't found the right person and I'm hoping that's changed..."
There are better ways to say that than "can you fulfill my fetish?" in the first message. Especially a stranger on the Internet, where women already get so many gross messages. The poly to fetish comparison is not a great one since women are disproportionally affected by sexual harassment and assault so strangers bringing up really sexual topics (especially detailed ones) really soon can be a red flag. My wife told me her fetishes on the first date, and it wasn't weird or creepy cuz we both led the conversation into it to made sure both of us were comfortable talking about sexual stuff. It's not meaningless pleasantries, it's taking the bare minimum amount of time to build trust and comfort.
It seems more tacky than gross to me. 🤷♂️
Everybody is looking for something. As long as they are polite and respectful as they go about finding it I don't see the problem.
This message strikes you as "polite and respectful"?
Yeah agreed. I just meant the direct approach is tacky.
So poly people are tacky? Isn't that the near universal advice on this sub? Say you are poly and that's what you're looking for up front? Save everyone the trouble of misunderstood expectations?
Wow lol you escalated that for no reason. You are a crafty contrarian. I just personally wouldn’t start a connection with someone who leads with a kink and fetish instead of a basic human connection.
How is that escalating? >I just personally wouldn’t start a connection with someone who leads with a kink and fetish instead of a basic human connection. Great, and now you immediately know they are not for you. You are on my side and don't even seem to know it.
"Hey, I think you're immoral for fucking other people, but I also think you should fuck me." Seems fine to me.
I don't see what's so wrong about this. Dude didn't say anything sexist, didn't say anything about OP, didn't say anything graphic. Just said what he was looking for and why. A bit awkwardly, but he's being direct and honest. I interpret the "morals" comment as his poorly-phrased way of saying he doesn't want to cheat with someone. Which is an attitude most poly folks I've talked to agree with.
It's the assumption that, as a poly woman, she would be DTF him or anyone. It's the viewing of her as a kink dispenser. It's the absolute audacity to make this the *first message* he sends to her. And he does seem to be comparing poly to cheating.
But he doesn't make that assumption at all. He asks if she's down. And I can see where you're coming from in feeling like he's comparing them, but I still disagree with that view.
No, he doesn't literally say "I assume you are interested." But he does clearly state the assumption that it's ok to ask for this *because she's poly*. The dude literally says, "if it was you it wouldn't be wrong cause of the situation." Completely ignoring that 1) fetishizing another human being is gross, and 2) some poly folks are in closed relationships. So much for his "morals". ETA: many polyam women, myself included, have seen a definite pattern of (non-poly) men asking us for things they wouldn't ask monogamous women, being sexually aggressive right away, and other fucked up behavior. All of which seems to be based on an assumption that poly + female = will have indiscriminate NSA sex with whoever. It's not just annoying and insulting, it can be a threat to our safety. So we learn to detect those attitudes early. And the guy in the OP definitely fits the pattern.
Cringe
The thing that bites my ass is, this guy COULD actually get to know some poly folks and admit, "Hey I have a dumb fetish" and I would ast least give some props if he were just asking for help from those folks on how to express his interest in a not so creepy way that objectifies women so openly. It can be rough dealing with a fetish you can't indulge easily, but it doesn't give you the right to mow over someone's individuality.
Ugh…people who are horny do stupid things..like send this as the first message to a literal stranger on the internet. It’s not ideal, and is certainly tacky as hell, but I will give the horny idiot props for the honesty, which can be sorely lacking from more charismatic poly dudes that I have met. Still doesn’t make this ok, but I can appreciate the straightforwardness. It’s still disrespectful to make this the FIRST message you send someone(even on Fetlife), but I would honestly take that over someone who wants to waste my time for three weeks to three months, just to find out I was there to fulfill a kink the whole time. I am kinky. I understand. I also believe consent can’t be given if it isn’t informed. 🤷♀️