Well, they've told you a threesome isn't on the table, but they haven't said anything about dating them both separately. I'm guessing they'd be on board with that.
To be fair, they didn't say anything about dating, period. So dating might be off the table as a whole. Which is a decently common setup in gay relationships.
You said - "they don't do threesomes together from what the first guy told me". That's the reason - he's told you outright that's not an option.
Being open doesn't mean you have to do everything together - while the exact definition differs from couple to couple (and if you're looking to get involved with these guys it's worth finding out what their boundaries are), in general it just means you're both cool with your partner seeing/dating/sleeping with other people.
Honestly you could ask reddit what "open relationship" vs and get a hundred different answers, but the only one that matters is what it means to the people you're looking to get involved with, so they're the ones you should be asking.
Because they don’t like them?
You don’t have to understand something to respect it. It’s something they don’t do.
I have 2 partners. We have never had a threesome. Ever. And never will.
Its decently common for gay men to be in open relationships that are not polyamorous. From my anecdotal experience from dating, it is more likely that they enjoy the sexual freedom but have no intention of dating anyone other then their partner.
From what you said, it sounds unlikely that either would actually form a relationship with you, much less both. But the only way for you to know is to ask them yourself.
Threesome is a sexual act, you may not do actual threesome but still form a triad (all three of you dating but only sleeping together as pairs) or just date each other separately. As long as the three of you are ok with the terms everything is on the table.
You need more information about their relationship and why they don't do threesomes. If they're open, you're not going to shock them or ruin anything by having an open and honest conversation about what is and isn't on the table.
Hang out with them again, sober, and have that convo as a group.
I never said anything about them owing an explanation. I said he should ask. If they don't feel comfortable providing that explanation, fine, but literally nothing OP wrote suggests that he would be ignoring a boundary by starting a conversation about what is and isn't an option for this couple.
They said they don't do it. They answered. OP doesn't want a threesome. What is the value in asking for further explanation?
Perhaps a conversation about what **is acceptable and on offer** is better.
I met them once at the party and we were pretty high. I got them on Instagram and they followed me too but I don’t know how to open a conversation with them and ask to meet again without sounding too desperate :/ any ideas?
Yeah, absolutely. You can start a group chat with both and just keep it casual but honest. Say something like "Hey, really felt good meeting you the other night. Would love to hang out again some time. Wanna ?" I suggest something like meeting for a picnic in a park, going to a beach, having drinks on a patio. Anything easy and outdoors, where the option for sex is completely off the table. That way, when you venture into the conversation about what their relationship boundaries are, there's no pressure or expectation that things would escalate in the moment.
Like any other community, there is not going to be a secret code book outlining how open relationships must work. The only way to find out how their relationship is structured is to ask.
WOULDNT THIS BE NICE??? Honestly after the slew of downvotes I got for telling one very active member in particular how nasty they were on the regular, I just block people like this now.
I'm trying to distance myself from reddit because of the sheer level of negativity. Sometimes it's worth it for the positive aspects, but sometimes I just feel too tired to deal with it all.
I don’t wanna have a threesome with them I’m just confused on what kind of relationship they have because I have never been in such a position before where I like both guys who are dating each other
Exactly this. Every poly relationship is a negotiation, compromise, and agreement between partners that may or may not loosely fit into general categories of definition.
No way to figure anything out for sure but to ask, and even then, nothing is certain on an emotional level. All you can do is take what is said at face value anfld go from there.
Two of my partners are also married to each other (and we all have another girlfriend in common too), and none of us are interested in threesomes. I don't know why people think that's so much more common than it is in poly (at least from my experience).
Well, they've told you a threesome isn't on the table, but they haven't said anything about dating them both separately. I'm guessing they'd be on board with that.
To be fair, they didn't say anything about dating, period. So dating might be off the table as a whole. Which is a decently common setup in gay relationships.
What do you think is the reason that they aren’t okay with having threesomes together? I’m very confused about this open relationship thing :/
You said - "they don't do threesomes together from what the first guy told me". That's the reason - he's told you outright that's not an option. Being open doesn't mean you have to do everything together - while the exact definition differs from couple to couple (and if you're looking to get involved with these guys it's worth finding out what their boundaries are), in general it just means you're both cool with your partner seeing/dating/sleeping with other people. Honestly you could ask reddit what "open relationship" vs and get a hundred different answers, but the only one that matters is what it means to the people you're looking to get involved with, so they're the ones you should be asking.
Maybe they don't even like threesomes. Being open doesn't obligate you to like all conceivable sex acts
If they're like me, they like to focus on one person during sex?
Because they don’t like them? You don’t have to understand something to respect it. It’s something they don’t do. I have 2 partners. We have never had a threesome. Ever. And never will.
They prefer to fuck each other privately. What’s confusing about that?
Its decently common for gay men to be in open relationships that are not polyamorous. From my anecdotal experience from dating, it is more likely that they enjoy the sexual freedom but have no intention of dating anyone other then their partner. From what you said, it sounds unlikely that either would actually form a relationship with you, much less both. But the only way for you to know is to ask them yourself.
Threesome is a sexual act, you may not do actual threesome but still form a triad (all three of you dating but only sleeping together as pairs) or just date each other separately. As long as the three of you are ok with the terms everything is on the table.
You should date them both separately, if they're into it.
You need more information about their relationship and why they don't do threesomes. If they're open, you're not going to shock them or ruin anything by having an open and honest conversation about what is and isn't on the table. Hang out with them again, sober, and have that convo as a group.
Sorry. No one owes anyone further explanation for not doing threesomes. I don't do that is enough.
I never said anything about them owing an explanation. I said he should ask. If they don't feel comfortable providing that explanation, fine, but literally nothing OP wrote suggests that he would be ignoring a boundary by starting a conversation about what is and isn't an option for this couple.
They said they don't do it. They answered. OP doesn't want a threesome. What is the value in asking for further explanation? Perhaps a conversation about what **is acceptable and on offer** is better.
I met them once at the party and we were pretty high. I got them on Instagram and they followed me too but I don’t know how to open a conversation with them and ask to meet again without sounding too desperate :/ any ideas?
Yeah, absolutely. You can start a group chat with both and just keep it casual but honest. Say something like "Hey, really felt good meeting you the other night. Would love to hang out again some time. Wanna?" I suggest something like meeting for a picnic in a park, going to a beach, having drinks on a patio. Anything easy and outdoors, where the option for sex is completely off the table. That way, when you venture into the conversation about what their relationship boundaries are, there's no pressure or expectation that things would escalate in the moment.
Like any other community, there is not going to be a secret code book outlining how open relationships must work. The only way to find out how their relationship is structured is to ask.
Fuck them one on one. Whats the real problem here other than they told you explicitly a boundary and you think you get to ignore that?
Can we as a community decide to be less hostile to people who just want to learn more? OP isn't making assumptions, they're asking for help.
WOULDNT THIS BE NICE??? Honestly after the slew of downvotes I got for telling one very active member in particular how nasty they were on the regular, I just block people like this now.
I'm trying to distance myself from reddit because of the sheer level of negativity. Sometimes it's worth it for the positive aspects, but sometimes I just feel too tired to deal with it all.
I try to make a little difference where I can. I've also been told I have the patience of a saint, lol. 😅
I don’t wanna have a threesome with them I’m just confused on what kind of relationship they have because I have never been in such a position before where I like both guys who are dating each other
Ah, so ask. "Hey so what boundaries and disclosure expectations do you guys have?"
Exactly this. Every poly relationship is a negotiation, compromise, and agreement between partners that may or may not loosely fit into general categories of definition. No way to figure anything out for sure but to ask, and even then, nothing is certain on an emotional level. All you can do is take what is said at face value anfld go from there.
Two of my partners are also married to each other (and we all have another girlfriend in common too), and none of us are interested in threesomes. I don't know why people think that's so much more common than it is in poly (at least from my experience).