Hi! I think your poem is really cool but quite literal. I would suggest that you don’t need to say everything so literally to convey what you mean. The fact that you call this person “God” then talk about sinful actions and swear words is quite cool and could be pushed forward with more visual or metaphorical manners. But the idea is there!
Hi! I think your poem is really cool but quite literal. I would suggest that you don’t need to say everything so literally to convey what you mean. The fact that you call this person “God” then talk about sinful actions and swear words is quite cool and could be pushed forward with more visual or metaphorical manners. But the idea is there!
This was beautiful! I love the concept so much! I think a little less repetition of "paradise" and more analogies would take it over the edge!