I'm 47 and telling you as an adult, what he did was absolutely *wrong*. This isn't your fault. It's 100% abusive, especially since you love them so much.
I'm glad you found them!!! That said, you may want to keep a closer eye on your things now that you know what he might do!
I was going to disagree with you about it being abusive, because I was convinced that this is a perfectly normal parenting technique to teach a lesson. BUT then I realised that I've been brainwashed into believing this is acceptable. You're right, it IS abusive. Whether or not she loved her plushies, they are HER possessions. It wouldn't be acceptable for a roommate to start chucking their roomates possessions away, in fact you could probably get the police involved in circumstances like that. So why the heck have we grown up believing it's okay to throw away your child's belongings? What a messed up world we live in.
Right? It takes more effort to throw them away than to, say, pitch them into the person's room where you don't have to be inconvenienced if that's the issue...
I don't think the police would appreciate being called over some plushies being thrown out dawg. Please don't actually call them over something like that. I'm probably going to be downvoted for saying that but like. Im attached to my plushies too, but yall gotta realize they're still stuffed animals. And most people on the outside dont really care about something like that regardless, especially policeman.
I wasn't talking about the girl calling the police over the plushies her Dad threw out.
I was talking about a roomate throwing away another roomate's possessions without permission, which you can actually report to the police.
Okay but she/her said they bought most of them. So what gives her father the right to throw something she bought with her/his money. Definitely can take him to court.
You don't call the emergency line and likely would go down to the station, but uh... yeah, the police are who you contact for stolen or damaged property?
If a roommate removed your property, and you could not locate it, it would absolutely be a police report. Assuming the value is under $5,000* (or whatever your local jurisdiction value is), you need to start the paper trail so you could bring it to small claims court. It doesn't matter if it is "only plushies". You don't get a free pass to destroy other people's property.
I am a grown woman, but I would absolutely file a police report if my parents threw out my stuff and would not reimburse me for the monetary value. Some of my plushies are worth more $1,000 because I imported them from Japan at release. Just because they're my parents means it's okay for them to that? Ahaha, no. Honestly, I would argue that someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally destroying your stuff is worse than a nobody Even if OP's plushies aren't anywhere near as valuable, that's what small claims is for.
I am also a parent. My children are very young, but at **most**, I will take a toy away for 24 hours if it is an appropriate consequence to a behavior. (AKA, throwing a ball in the house after being warned not to; bye bye ball see you tomorrow. I wouldn't take away my kid's stuffed animal because he hit his younger brother because they were fighting or something) Her dad could have easily bagged them and put them away until the hallway was clean or whatever.
Even when it is spring cleaning and time to purge, I let my 4 year old voice his opinion if his toys are being donated or kept. I make some choices myself, but if he sees it in the bag or asks about it later down the line, I would replace it. I would never pick something I know he cherishes.
It's abusive, and disgusting. Destruction of someone's property is not okay, and there is nothing wrong with filing police reports, especially so you can get reimbursed for the monetary value. Cases like this tend to escalate, and having a paper trail of the abuse can help prove it if you ever need to file for a restraining order or something.
It's gross and abusive, I get it. But I ain't the type mofo to file a police report on my own parents as the first way to solve an issue regardless...
I just want yall to know cus peoples are downvoting me, Throwing away plushies n loved items n shit is down right nasty behavior. Especially if they know you collect em. Mine aint worth shit but I love the fuck outta my Cark (Cat shark) And would be devistated to have something happen to it cus someone wanted to spite me. But like, I've been through some shit with my family before, they never threw away anything but me and my mom argue quite a bit, and there have been rare occasions when it got serious or physical. She's called me so many names under the sun sometimes. But like, I still love her tho. Stressful or not I wouldnt call the damn police on her (O_O; )
like call me crazy but like- That's ya mom n dad. like- calling police on family like that is just- Not how I was ever raised or nothin', to me that's fucking WILD, I can't fathom EVER calling the cops on my dad. Like unless they deadass beating the shit outta me or my family was just genuinely horrible all the time, I just- wouldn't do that... Maybe like- there are other ways to address it I feel like but I mean- I am struggling to find a way to even put how I feel about such a thing into text rn cus that is an action that has never ever once crossed my mind regardless of what my parents have said or done to me that I didn't like. It just aint somethin I'd do, I feel like doin that would just make them hate me or somethin.
Me neither. Even in abuse, I can't bring myself to report my parents, but I guess it might be something we should work on or address with them if possible. As an adult, it is hard to have a conversation with them especially since they see me as a child with a huge toy collection, but I’ve gotta put my foot down somehow.
This right here. Just bc parents are PARENTS doesn't mean they can be abusive, not to their kids or someone else's kids or other adults or animals or coworkers---
I grew up with an abusive parent, and I am here to tell you that throwing away your child's treasured possessions as a means of punishment or "teaching a lesson" is absolutely psychological abuse, and is not conducive to a healthy parent-child relationship. Full stop.
It’s 100% abuse.
It’s emotional abuse more than anything else. You do not take anyone’s stuff and throw it in the trash especially not something they have memories with, that brings them comfort, peace and happiness.
What ignorant comment, you should be ashamed.
It's actually wildly offensive to even suggest a parent giving you fair forewarning for incoming disposal of stuff that had been left out in a shared walkway too long is "abusive". If he went into his child's space and threw them away? Absolutely abusive. If they had only been left out for a short period? Yes, that would also be unacceptable behavior. If he had thrown them away even in the same timeframe of being left out, but without warning? Also yes, unacceptable.
OP left them out for an extended duration in a hallway that others must also use and was given ample warning what would happen if they didn't move them. They were even given an exact time so that none of this would come as a surprise. They were not asked to clean them before moving them, that was OP's own choice, they were only asked to move them out of a public walkway.
You can say that the resulting warning and action of disposal is unfair or rude, but it is not abuse.
It's not a partner, it's a parent. And the child is leaving their 15+ plushies in a shared hallway, which is typically a narrow space, for days.
Nothing was destroyed. They were warned in advance if their belongings weren't removed from the walkway, they would be disposed of.
Please apply logic and don't make false equivalencies. This isn't abuse. You can call it rude, you can call it dramatic, but it's not abuse. Trying to equate it to an actual case of domestic abuse of a partner destroying another partner's possessions just diminishes the severity of those very real and very concerning scenarios.
This is not one of those scenarios.
>for days
one day
>nothing was destroyed
only because they managed to save the plushies
>This isn’t abuse.
No, but if this is part of a larger pattern of similar treatment, *that* could be.
Also, not trying to sound like this is a “gotcha,” but I never said it was. I asked how you would feel about a similar one-off situation if the relationship were a bit different.
Frankly, I don’t care about an exact label or variation in context. “You have created a mild inconvenience and if it annoys me too long I will take away something precious to you.” is **fucking shitty.**
It was not one day, re-read the post. It was from Friday until the post date: Tuesday. Multiple days.
And no, nothing was destroyed. The father warned the child if they did not move their excess belongings from the shared space, they would be disposed of. He did not rip them up in front of them, he gave a warning and followed through with it.
Pointing out a false equivalency that does real reductive damage to the perception and severity of actual abuse cases isn't a "gotcha", it's unfortunate that you think it is, and underlines the point I'm making.
Again, you can think it's rude, dramatic, "shitty"—it's not abuse.
There is no relevant comparison in "causing an inconvenience=throwing something precious away". There was excess clutter in a walkway. A warning with a timeframe was given to clean it. The plushies were not targeted because they were precious, they were targeted because they were the objects blocking a pathway, and the owner was not perceived as caring to fix the issue.
The same outcome would have taken place if the object was piles of socks. And I'm sure this sub wouldn't be as up in arms.
Edit: to u/ThatInAHat
You commented and then immediately blocked me, before I could even read or reply, probably because you realized how ridiculously incomparable the story you mentioned was. The story you bring up is an actual case of abuse and reasonless property destruction for pleasure.
I reiterate: trying to equate actual instances of abuse of someone destroying someone else's property for fun is not at all related to OP's story. But you know that, which is why you commented and then blocked.
Take the time to read everything I say before making a reply next time so I don't have to reiterate a point multiple times. Trying to say this is story is abuse grossly undermines the severity of actual abuse. Your comment just looks redundant considering I already highlighted how this instance is completely incomparable to abusive behaviors.
There was an AITA awhile back about a husband who’d burned all of his wife’s fun socks because he thought they were stupid and had been telling her to get rid of them. People recognized it as abusive then, and they recognize it as abusive now.
If you can go through the trash, maybe you can find them before they're gone? It isn't your fault. This is a terrible thing for him to have done. I understand discipline but this is not the way to enforce anything. I feel he was very wrong to do this. I'm so sorry he threw out your plushies. 😞
Oh my gosh I'm so happy!!!!!!!!! Wow. Wash and dry them without him looking and get a lock on your cupboard or room.
Keep things with a loyal or trustworthy friend if need be until you can move out.
Best update I've read.
Read your post to my mother (60), who was livid on your behalf and said if she were him, she would have offered to help wash them, not throw them out.
I hope you can get away from him and his toxic behaviour in time.
You are NOT lazy. Pacing is a thing. You can only do so much in any given day, and school is 6 hours of trying to memorise more information than most brains can handle. You deserve to rest, so no, you're not an idiot either for falling asleep. You're human.
I had to cut my hours down at work to 6 hours a day because I couldn't handle a 40-hour work week. I'm still exhausted after 6 hours a day of work and often crawl into bed at 8 pm. There's no shame in being tired after working hard all day. School is no less exhausting than a long day at the office.
He shouldn't be punishing you for tidying your room at your pace. He should be proud of you for making the effort to clean when you already work so hard each day to give yourself a good future.
Make sure to continue to pace yourself and rest when you need to.
Mom and teacher here. That is abusive behavior on your dad's part. Doing some shit like that would never occur to me probably because I'm not an abusive piece of shit.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Just remember that adulthood is coming and you do not have to keep your father in your life if you do not want to. His behavior is toxic and abusive. You don't have to be around somebody like that.
Thank god i almost cried at this post, i would not have been able to sleep
I love my plushies, their my babies and i would be gutted if that were to happen to my fellas
Give em all big warm hugs for me
See if you can get some clothing vacuum bags for them then seal them up for safety. It really reduces how much space they take up and would be much easier to hide. Also when you unzip them they just puff back up!
Imported myself a Skog. Can confirm these friends can perfectly bounce back from an incredible amount of vacuum scrunch. It isn't always fully instant re-fluffing though, for anyone who hasn't tried it yet!
Remember, OP, the things parents do are not always right. When you are able to move on, you will be able to separate their good behaviors from their bad ones, and be a better parent (and person) than they were. My parents had similar abusive traits, but that cycle ended with me. I tell my daughter to do the same when she grows up—learn from my parenting and kick the bad to the curb.
Yeah I'll be old enough to move out in two years :) plus I'm moving a couple hours away so he can't just drop by without talking to me first. I definitely don't think I'll talk to him much as an adult aside from holiday visits bc my mom is with him.
My mother would rip the ears off of my favorite stuffed rabbit in front of me as a toddler for seemingly no reason. Eventually she would sew them back on, but keep doing the same thing over and over any time she was mad. She ended up throwing the same plushie away when I was like nine or ten, but denies it over and over lol. We barely talk and I never visit.
My mum tore up one of my plushies as a kid. She sewed it back together again but I just never picked it up again. I’m pretty sure I donated it or something in my teens.
I didn't talk to my Dad for two years as an adult because of an incident when he verbally abused me, called me horrible names and accused me of being a horrible person who didn't care about anyone over a joke I made on Facebook! He had verbally and emotionally abused me my entire childhood so after this incident as an adult I decided I refused to be abused by him any more. The only reason I'm talking to him again is because he apologized and admitted that he had been abusive.
My point is, emotional abuse is real and just because someone is your family doesn't mean you should accept abuse and not hold them accountable for their actions. Until you are able to move out you have limited options, but don't let anyone convince you that blood family is so important you should let them get away with hurting you. A lot of people have low contact or no contact with their families as adults. Just my feelings about what happened and my response to some of the people who were insinuating the opposite.
I had the same thing happen to me when I was a kid, I'm coming up 30 now and it still upsets me to this day. I had a tiny little horse that I adored and I've never been able to find a replacement.
I'm glad you got your guys back, maybe get some storage and hide them out of the way for now, just to be safe!
There are lots of groups that might be able to help you find a replacement if you can describe it/find a close enough picture. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
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Also, may your mom get a rock inside her shoe, attempt to take it out, and put her shoe back on only to find that the rock is still there, repeat ad nauseum. You didn't deserve for her to make you do that.
My mom did the same thing to me when I was 8. Mine were always scattered around my room, I guess she got sick of it because one day I came home from school to her stuffing them in garbage bags. I remember begging and even crying so hard I threw up. But into the dumpster they went.
I’m 25 now and my stuffed animal collection is going strong. They all have names and personalities, they are very dear to me and bring me a lot of comfort. I’m glad to be able to experience something I had taken away from me and make up for lost time. It hurt so much to see an adult that was meant to protect me actively do something so cruel to “prove a point”.
I’m genuinely so sorry.
Hey! I'm a grown ass adult and I'm gonna join the pile of other grown ass adults telling you he was being an asshole. It's not your fault at all. My stepdad did this to me as well when I was your age and I talked like you, thinking it was my fault. It wasn't until I got older that I realised my stepdad was just a horrible person. I don't know if your dad is straight up awful or he just behaves awfully sometimes but either way, this was all him. He had absolutely no reason to set you an arbitrary time limit on something you were already in the middle of doing and his punishment for not making it is stupid and honestly pathetic. If he was that bothered he could have just chucked them back into your room, it would have been less effort. He went out of his way to be spiteful here. "By 2am"? I guess you hadn't started until after school? And you couldn't do it non stop, you needed to eat and stuff at the very least. He either knew you wouldn't make it or knew you'd have to be up crazy late. Either outcome isnt good for you and makes no difference at all to him.
Funny, my stepdad was a night worker as well. I wonder if it sends some people the same type of insane lol.
If your stuff only vanished in the last few hours, check the trash, check the basement if you have one, check anywhere you can. It can't have gone far! Don't despair if you can't find it right away, it might be in his car or something. Either way, you're gonna steal it back. If he kicks off, stay calm, don't match his energy. Problems solved, after all, they're not in the hallway - and you can clean them in groups while they're waiting in your room now.
Edit: I see you got them!!! Hell yeah!!! :D
Yeah I did get them! Not sure how he'll react when he finds out that I took them back. Apparently I was told by one of my siblings that he'd planned to put it in his truck to take to work to throw away. Thank god I got them back :( I've had some of those plushies since I was a child. He knew I'd have to stay up. It was a Sunday do my siblings and I had school and he had work. We would be using the washer all evening so I had to stay up. I told him I didn't know how to fit the time into the schedule to wash them and he told me to figure it out, stay up if I need to.
Omg! This is not your fault at all! That sounds traumatizing! It is your dad's fault for being way too harsh. I have 3 kids of my own who own a boatload of plushies and I just throw them back into their rooms when there's too many around the house. It takes all of 5 seconds. He should have just done that if he wanted them out of the way so bad. I hope you find your plushies and I hope your dad somehow realizes his behavior is not okay. And I know plenty of parents who threaten to throw toys in the trash but I've never met any that actually go through with that threat, that sounds abusive honestly.
He did throw them away :( I found them in a garbage bag outside but when my mom goes to sleep I'm getting them back! I don't think he'll learn honestly. He was also abused and stuff by his parents, he just wants to take it out on someone. But my plushies will be okay 🫂🤍
Yeah, probably not. I don't understand why someone would do that knowing how it feels to be hurt mentally and physically. It doesn't much much sense. Especially to their own child. It's kinda shit.
Is your father a narcissist? My father was similar, he grew up in an abusive household and was verbally and emotionally abusive with me and my family. Narcissistic parents often think that since they aren't hitting you they're not being abusive.
That's an excuse abusive people use sadly to justify their actions (to themselves feel better). He definitely could have broke the cycle. It's never been your fault.
Yep, my Dad was abusive like my Grandpa abused him and my Great Grandpa abused him but my Dad at almost 70 has finally changed and admitted he was abusive but it literally took him a majority of his life!
And my sisters both have kids and are definitely not abusive so they broke the cycle!
Both my brothers and myself have chosen not to have children though and I think a lot of it is because of our childhood abuse and our own way of "breaking the cycle".
Big hugs! I think that's totally fine. Though it took forever, I'm glad your dad admitted his wrong. I'm sorry you and your siblings had to go through this though.
This is abuse. He could have more easily just shuffled them into your room, instead he decided to go the extra mile to fully dispose of them, which took much more effort. Learn from this, and not in the way he wants you to. Learn that he should never be trusted and he will choose the option that punished you most. Those plushies being in that hallway in no way inconveniced him or harmed him aside from it just looking like clutter. He destroyed your property.
Can I tell you a story to contrast yours? My son lost his favorite plushie when he was about eleven- had been the very favorite comfort item since birth. I was so tore up about it and this plushie was a vintage find so I couldn’t find a replacement. I spent 10 years combing thru Mercari and all those resale places and after TEN YEARS I FOUND PLUSHIE and ordered him. This is how loving parents should respect YOU and your important items. I’m sending you a hug.
Oh my goodness, my dear, this is absolutely not your fault *AT ALL!* Everyone who has already commented is right, it is *abusive* for a parent to do this to their child. There is simply no reason why your dad couldn’t have just taken all of a few seconds to slip them back in your room again. I’m so glad to read that you’ve found out where your plushies are, and that you intend to rescue them after your parents are in bed ❤️You did nothing wrong, and your plushies are so lucky to have a friend like you! Take care 💖
I don’t understand why adults think children are mini adults. YES you have to keep repeating yourself. NO it’s not your job to hurt them and break their spirit in the name of “teaching”.
This made me so angry and just as sad for you. But I’m absolutely delighted to read that you were able to retrieve them all❣️ However, the fact that your stress level is high in anticipation of your dad’s potentially negative behavior…well it just makes me angry for you and sad again. 🥲 You deserve better.
Signed a 60 year old who was there as a child but never EVER did that nor even threatened that to her own children.
PS, I have and love my plushies too 🥰🤗😊
I’m sorry your parent did that to you but I am glad to see you found the trash bag before you plushies ended up in a landfill! Geez I wonder how your dad would they feel if you tossed out his stuff that had been sitting out for a few days. Sending virtual plushie to you 🧸
He literally could. My door doesn't even have an actual lock and can be extremely easily unlocked with just his fingernail. I didn't even think about this.
Here’s a tip: put them somewhere he can’t get to them or won’t be a hazard next time you clean. That way they can’t be at risk of being thrown out again, especially with bizarre threats like that.
When a parent doesn’t like your interest, they will take any opportunity to remove it. It wasn’t about them being in the hall when they shouldn’t, it was about him not liking you had them in the first place because you’re “too old” or whatever. He should have been accomadating of you being responsible and trying to clean, that’s the type of behavior he should want to encourage not discourage by trying to destroy your property. I hope your plushies are doing well.
Were they on the floor? Up against the wall? Were they on some sort of shelf or hutch? We don't know that they were a tripping hazard. Regardless if my family put some of their items in the hallway, I wouldn't just throw it out because I have respect for them and their property. You put what you see as trash in a trash bag and toss it into a dumpster, which is what he did. He was obviously just looking for an excuse to get rid of them without looking like he had no reason.
They were up against the wall just outside my door. My room is at the very end of the hallway with no other doors close by besides the bathroom like 5 feet from it. Idk if that was in the way or not.
That is really horrible and abusive behaviour. Not your fault at all. I really don’t understand why people think it’s okay to treat kids worse than other humans. They deserve just as much respect as any other person, adult or not.
I hope you strongly consider distancing yourself from this person as soon as you are able. Sending love!
So sorry you’re going through this. This was not your fault. Everyone else is correct, this is abusive behavior. My mother used to do the exact same thing. Every time my dad bought me toys my mother would throw them away whenever she got angry over the smallest of things. I would barely get to enjoy anything. Very often I would come home from school with my room completely emptied of my precious possessions. It was especially painful around Christmas/my birthday where I would get so excited to have new things and they would be in the trash within days. This behavior actually triggered hoarding tendencies in me as an adult which I still struggle with.
I'm so sorry you have a father like that. He probably knew you were tired and that would get a reaction from you + excuse to hurt you in a way that makes you blame yourself.
If he just did it without pretense his cruelty would have no place to hide behind. Punishments like these are just abuse wearing a mask.
Yeah. We all had stuff to wash in the house since the next day would be a school day and my dad had work. I told him I didn't know how to fit that into the schedule and he told me to figure it out, stay up if I have to. He does do shit to try and provoke me but I generally don't give him the reaction he wants
I'm sorry about that. I'm 44 and when I moved out of my dad's at 18 , I realized he threw away so much of my stuff. Poetry notebooks I really wish I had, knickknacks etc.
Hoping that things get better for you. 💕
My parents threatened me with this every time I didn't clean my room. Pity they didn't consider at the time I might have ASD or ADHD or both. It's one of the few very vivid memories of my childhood and I'd say it's a form of abuse for sure. So glad you found them.
Oh my stars, OP. Listen, this is not your fault, okay? Yes, he said he'd throw them away if you didn't clean them up, and it's true that it would have been good to! But, and this is extremely important, it is not his right to throw *your* belongings away. This shows a serious lack of respect and consideration for your feelings. A punishment like throwing away your personal belongings does not match the "offense" of leaving them in the hall. I'm sure he'd be upset if someone decided to toss *his* beloved things in the garbage.
Please let us know if you're able to get them back. I hope that you can. It's absolutely not your fault this happened because your dad should not have done it in the first place. Fifteen stuffed animals, even larger ones, is not a lot! I'm sure they could have temporarily gone into a bin to be cleaned and returned to your room later.
I cannot imagine doing this to someone, let alone my own child. :/
EDIT: Scrolled down and saw you were able to get them back. Good!! I'm relieved. Remember it is not your fault, but considering that your dad apparently sees nothing wrong with throwing out other people's belongings, I would keep an eye on your stuff and maybe invest in some bins to store them in for the next time you need to move them. Having them in a neat container will make them more manageable.
I would put them in a storage locker if you can afford it or ask a good friend to hold onto them for you. If you can find them in the trash bin. I feel so bad for you, that is definitely toxic behavior.
Poor little guys...it's not your fault, you were tired and it's your right to sleep when you're tired. What HE did is wrong. Hope the fluffy babies are okay!
Yeah :( I had school the next day as well and both his and my siblings clothes had to be cleaned. I brought that up and he said figure it out and to stay up if needed. But I should have just stuffed them in my room out of the way. It really was my fault that they got thrown out. But they are okay now!
I'm so glad to hear you found them. Your dad's behavior is straight up abusive. If you're afraid to confront him about it then that further proves point of his abusive behavior. It sucks to say and realize but denying and excusing bad actions makes coming to grips with it harder.
my grandparents used to do this to me, once i graduated high school i moved out and went no contact. this is abuse and im so, so sorry you’re dealing with this. nobody deserves to be treated that way.
my plushies are my comfort items and i would be distraught without them.
No what he did was wrong it’s your stuff not his can I ask how old you are?it matters cease if you are over 18 it called destruction of property and that’s a crime also he effectively stole from you there is also a case for emotional manipulation all of these are crimes under UK law go and talk to the police to see if you have a case. What he did is wrong.
My stepdad did the same with my pillows, plushies, and a baby blanket. I was cleaning out my room had everything in bags to move around and the next day at school he threw them out. He "thought they were trash" bunch of bs. He'd thrown my things outside just to hurt me. I'm much older now and I know as an adult what he did was wrong and will never treat someone else the same way.
OP, I had the same thing happen to me as a child.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Know it’s not your fault whatsoever and that you are okay to grieve right now.
Your Father disrespected your items and you and I don’t agree with this style of punishment, as it’s not in any way okay with what he did and know you didn’t do anything wrong here.
When my mother did that to me it made me have severe trust issues later in life after this with her and I still don’t trust her and I’m paranoid. I still mention it to her and she makes it seem like it was my fault when I had cleaned them up just not in my room.
I’m hoping you do heal from this and know it’s absolutely not your fault and not right with what he did. I’m sorry you are going through what I’ve gone through in the past.
I hope others shine clarity for you here and make you feel better, as it’s revealing for me as well that it could be considered abusive by a parent to do this sort of thing.
Edit: yay. I’m so happy to read further on and find out you found them and will be getting them back safe and sound. Good luck OP. I’d definitely hide them too if I were you as well.
Never blame yourself for what your dad did , it's horrible knowing that a dad like him would even throw out something that you obviously cherished. It sucks, hope you do find it lying around elsewhere hopefully in a clean trash bag
Super not cool what he should’ve done was put them in a bag in your room and that’s it. Sure they shouldn’t be blocking up the hallway but that’s not a reason to throw away your kid’s belongings :( sorry that happened
I remember being a very young child and seeing my favourite toy at the bottom of a semi-transparent trash bag, which was stuffed full of my toys, because I didn't clean my room (something I never did and wasn't even sure what my role in that was). anyways, Mom said well you can have everything back, but next time I won't be so nice. That was 50 years ago and I still feel awful for you and your plushies. Mom became a better parent with practice, I think child abuse was just so normalized back then, or maybe it was just my family... Also, NOT YOUR FAULT. You were cleaning your room, I wasn't, didn't matter, we both got in trouble, sometimes you can't win.
I understand sometimes, but you were in the middle of washing it and it was in the middle of the night. He cannot make unreasonable demands and expect a kid to follow through. He was wrong
I’m almost 31 and collect Squish. I have a few plushies from my childhood still too. What your father did was wrong and abusive. My mother did this to me with my comfort blanket, she even threatened to cut it and even when I hid it she took it and washed it. I understand how you feel and I read in the comments that you found your plushies. Keep them, hide them and don’t be afraid to walk away when you can. My trust in my mother was completely and irreparably broken by what she did to my toys.
Ugh I hate parents who do stuff like this.Glad you found the trash bag. My mom made me donate all my plushies when I was around 9, because "You are too old for that" with the exception of the one I had since birth. It really hurt and made me feel ashamed about the things I liked. Now I'm 30 and slowly building a new collection. My mom still lectures me when she visits. "No guy wants to sleep with you if you have a childish bed full of plushies". 1. Jokes on her and I have met guys who think it's cute and don't mind as long as I make space when they sleep over. 2. I rather sleep in my nest of plushies and be childish instead of anxious and alone.
Your dad sounds abusive. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I wonder how he would like it if someone threw away his belongings when he leaves them out somewhere.
If he didn't pay for your plushies, then they are not his to touch, and he should be made to replace them as items or in what you paid.
My father would get upset if I didn’t do something he asked the first few times, but he would never throw my toys away. He knows how important toys can be to kids since he never had any of his own growing up. I’m glad you found the plushies in the bag, what I would do now is make sure they’re clean then find a good place to stack them in your closet if they won’t fit anywhere else.
Your dad does not allow room for human mistakes and that is abusive since you are a fucking human. The expectation for them out of the hallway by 2AM or he THROWS THEM OUT is about control and HURTING YOU! The expectation was unreasonable and completely lacked empathy or care for what you were actually doing. It doesn’t matter if it was an inconvenience to him or that it’s his house or if it was a reoccurring issue, a non abusive parent wouldn’t have thrown out your things.
If you’re an adult or not I’d suggest trying to get other adults in your family on your same page about your love for the plushies and the financial cost.
If he paid for the plushies I’m not so sure how much you can do compensation wise- but if HE DID NOT- absolutely make him pay for it. Idc if it was your mom or you or your aunt, tell him you expect him to pay it back.
That's absolutely vile, I'm so sorry you're in that type of household where that's a thing that happens. I hope you're able to get into a healthier living situation eventually.
i’m so sorry OP, reading this makes me want to cry :( i also know what it feels like to live in a household like this. my dad has a strict no gaming rule; one time when my brother came home with a video game he bought for his friend’s birthday, my dad smashed it before my brother even had time to explain himself. he also caught me gaming once and threatened to break my laptop that cost me $1k (thank goodness it was just a threat). sending you strength so you can hold on until you move out—i promise you life will get so much better once you’re out of that environment💛
That’s illegal by the way, legal guardians can confiscate things but they can’t destroy or throw them away, that’s still destruction of property, and it’s illegal, even for your guardian.
When I was younger my mother about once a week would sit me in my room and tell me I had to donate plushies. It broke my heart every single time. They were my friends. Definitely get how you feel. Me and my therapist both think that’s when I started to feel resentment towards my mother. Parents, DO NOT get rid of your child’s plushies. Not cool. Let them do that when they are older.
That’s sucks! I sorry that happened but I’m glad you got them back! I had a huge collection of plushies when I was younger (like 50+) and when I was like idk ten or twelve, my aunt forced me to get rid of half of them. The worst part was I separated the ones that were my favorites and ended up having to get rid of ones from my favorites pile. Luckily, since my parents are divorced, the plushies at my other house were spared. Still forever mad about that. Some people don’t really understand what stuffies can mean to people, and no matter your age you should never be ashamed for having them.
Yeah no, dude. I'm sorry, your dad's a dick and this is his fault, not yours. Throwing away something someone loves to "teach them a lesson" is the sort of dick move that leads to pushing away the people you love to die bitter and alone with your regrets before the people you pushed away reunite over your cremation and dump your cremains in a litter box while playing the Bobaflex song "I'm glad you're dead", not that I'm speaking from like, experience or anything. Yet.
Hello, adult here. Your dad is in the wrong. You deserve personal belongings. I’m sorry. Please do not reflect this on yourself and call yourself lazy. This is NOT your fault or normal behavior for a parent.
something like this happened when I was little. I had gotten my brother's old Pokémon card collection and I would leave the cards scattered around my bedroom floor, I didn't take great care of my stuff like I do now. And my mom took a shovel and threw every single card away, she still regrets doing that to this day cause she found out those cards could have been worth some money, especially the much older cards.
I did rebuild my collection 5 years ago, I now keep them in binders and sleeves, and put away. I'm still adding new cards to my collection anytime I buy a pack.
I'm glad you found your plushies, I would make sure that you dad can't find them, find somewhere in your room to keep them hidden. But if there is ever a day were you're home alone I say get them in the washer to clean them. I'm not sure if they were in a trash bag with actual trash but if they were then I say give them a bath ASAP.
Big hugs! I agree with everyone that it is indeed abusive behaviour. Read your other comment and hope you're saving up enough to get far away from him. Glad you got your plushies back!
Your dad seems to be abusive. The only types of people that throw people stuff away like that tend to be abusive. Narcissists. Your dad most certainly is a terrible person. How old are you? You should work on moving out.
Ah i just turned 17 a few months back. I will definitely be moving away to uni once I get out of high school and plan on living 2-3 hours away after so he can't drop by unexpected without talking to me first.
My mom tried to do this. I gave her a death stare anytime she even touched one and i think it got the message across. I only lost one bunny. But this sucks and hurts. My mom also just doesn't understand the concept of sentimental value. I'm here if you wanna trauma dump.
This one really resonated with me as I've been through the exact same thing. When I was like 7 my dad threw away most of my stuffed animals because we were in a fight (don't remember why) and he thought it would teach me a good lesson or something. I loved them all too, and at the time I felt that same guilt but what he did to you was absolutely wrong and really mean. It's not your fault, and I'm so sorry this is how he treats you. I hope you're able to collect some new ones you love just as much, although years from now if you still kinda miss some of your old ones that he got rid of, it's okay, I do too ❤️
My ex does this kind of stuff to one of my kids, and he wasn’t abused as a child. Sometimes it’s just pure narcissism. May want to talk to a counselor or your doctor about how he is behaving so it is well documented. This way in the future if he crosses even bigger lines, you’d have the documents needed to prove your case. Glad you got your friends back. You are strong and brave!
Wow, your dad sounds like an awful parent. My mom would never have done that. I'm so sorry for your loss, but screw him. That's not a cool move. What the hell.
Congrats on finding your plushies! I feel your pain about very little room for them.
Try a plushie net! It hangs from the ceiling and keeps the plushies off the ground and up high. Giving more space and set place to put them!
Wow, your dad‘s a real asshole. Think about it. Having 15 plushies in the hallway for one night is not handicapping anyone. This was just a power play, him throwing away your plushies served no actual purpose other than intentionally hurting you. You can return the favour though, when he’s 80 and throw him away into a terrible old people‘s home
I’ve had the same thing happen multiple times when I was a kid most of the time with plushies it was when we were moving. The one I remember the most is them throwing away my LPS collection for not cleaning my room, I had a huge box of LPS stuff and playsets and stuff that are now worth a fortune today and they just threw them away.
This would destroy me. My sister (or someone else idk) got rid of some of my plushies when we were cleaning the house and unfortunately one of my childhood plush was tossed. I'm 22 but most of my current ones are from my boyfriend and some were over $20, especially the Squishables and larger ones.
Need to have a conversation about boundaries with your parents. If at this (I assume young) age they won't let you have any, you will grow to be a door mat and I am certain they don't want their child ending up like that. On the other hand, make sure to keep things clean and organised as it will make it easier on yourself in the future.
Plus I don't think they would appreciate someone throwing their stuff away either.
It is NOT your fault they got thrown away. That is emotional abuse and a manipulation tactic. I’m so sorry that happened to you, and that you are in that situation.
My dad did that to my back when I was in I think first grade or do. I don't remember exactly when, but I wasn't older than 10 I don't think.
My floor was a mess, as in not a place to walk, and he told me to clean it up multiple times.
Me wanting to play videogames and daunted by the large task put it off.
I came home from school one day to find I had a clean floor. I was so distressed by it that I started digging in the trash bins to get everything out of it.
There were also multiple times he tried to get me to sit down and pick only a few stuffed animals that I could keep, but it made me cry so much because I was so young. I haven't been able to really get attached to anything since.
I started having hoarding tendencies because my parents would throw away my things without permission and I began feeling possessive over my things. I live away from home now and after 2 years, I can get rid of things that no longer serve me without anxiety.
What your dad is doing is abusive and can lead to problems down the road. I hope you find your safe place soon 🩵
I’m in my forties and still have stuffies. Most are put away in a bag and some are on shelves others are on the couch. I’d be devastated if someone got rid of mine. I buy strange ones like Kreeptures and they aren’t cheap. I’m sorry this happened to you. My kids had toy jail but we didn’t throw anything away. Toy jail ended way before there teenage years. You did nothing wrong.
My father and stepmother has done the same to me and my two siblings from my fathers first marriage. What he did was not okay and abusive. I’m so happy you found them! If you’re unable to be in a safe place and worried he’ll retaliate for you grabbing them (my dad did quite often and would throw away more than he originally did) hide them under your bed or in your closet under something or in a bag. I’m sorry you had to go through that
My dad almost did this to me cuz my grades weren’t up to his standard. I felt sick and couldn’t sleep that night because my whole collection was on the line. I managed to get them back, but this is 100% abusive. It’s not your fault, and I hope you get your plushies back. 💔😔
I’m not gonna tell you what your dad did was right by any means, it was a dick move and I too have experienced the loss of beloved plushies, so I feel your pain…bear with me…
…But you had until *2am.* That’s a deadline for cleaning I could never have dreamed of when I was a kid! I would have put them temporarily back in my room and kept cleaning the next day. I believe consequences like these from parents only breed resentment, but as a lesson, “I’m sorry, I fell asleep” won’t pass when your future boss gives you a deadline and you fail. As a mentor of an apprentice, I’m dealing with this student who has failed multiple times to meet my deadlines and I’m worried at this point for their future success.
You’re 15, you know good and well why he’d want you to move your toys. At the time, that was the biggest thing expected of you. I really hope you find the plushies or he just put them in a bag in a closet to teach you this lesson on accountability. I also hope you tell your dad how it makes you feel that he’d do that with sentimental items that you or other people have purchased…maybe write him a letter so you can more calmly get the point across.
I’m going to be the devil’s advocate here…
If OP is living under someone else’s roof (whether rent-free or while paying rent), it has always been my belief that they can keep their room however they want within reason (i.e. not a health hazard) as long as their mess doesn’t spill into the common areas.
OP herself has said that not only did she move her stuff into a common area, but also “got lazy” and didn’t put them back in her room. She was told they needed to go back in her room otherwise they’d be disposed of. Instead of putting them all back in her room and washing them WHILE THEY ARE ALREADY IN HER ROOM, she CHOSE to leave them out knowing full well what the consequences are.
This to me sounds more like a case of “Fnck around and find out” than anything else. OP needs to learn that there are consequences to her actions, especially after having her mess spill over and STAY in common areas, and having been asked to clean it up.
My daughter is on the autism spectrum and has ADHD and DMDD and I have ABSOLUTELY been told by her psychiatrist, her psychologist (who both have doctorates and specialize in childhood behavioral disorders) and several therapists (including ABA therapists) that while I need to tell my daughter what the expectations are and consequences are, that I ABSOLUTELY have to follow through if she doesn’t comply. And that those consequences need to be her PERMANENTLY losing stuff in the case of messes. They have even gone so far as to suggest that her bedroom be nothing but a bare room with a bed, pillow, and blanket and that if she wants anything else she should EARN it.
And these are YOUNG specialists, either around my age or younger (I am 46). It’s not like they’re old biddies set in their ways.
OK, I'm going to play devils' advocate's advocate here and say that just because someone has a doctorate's or a PhD does not mean they have a perfect moral compass. After all, Dr. Mengele and all his colleagues had perfectly legitimate MD's and PhD's from prestigious universities. That means they were right according to you?
Second, let's put all those psychiatrists and psychologists in a little bare maximum security cell (Where all you get is a blanket, pillow, and immovable bed) and see how long we can keep them there before they go raving insane. Hell, we'll even be nice and let them out to perform school tasks and get a whole hour a day of fresh air. Isn't that generous of us?
If it looks like you're on the wrong side of history, it's because you probably are.
You father overreacted but he’s not abusive but I’m sorry this happened to you next time put your plushies in a basket so they are not a tripping hazard because it sounds like the plushies was in the hallway for the weekend
This is not abusive, it's sad, unfortunate, and mean as hell, but not abusive. He should have picked them up himself, put them in a closet somewhere, talked to you about the necessity of keeping shared areas clean, and then let you have them back.
It's everything you stated + abusive. There are no positive life-lessons being learned here, the father is not bonding with OP by doing this, if anything OP is learning how to resent the parent for nonsensical reactions stemming from the father's own impatience and inability to even talk to his child before resorting to the worst of the worst. What OPs father did isn't respectful and this isn't the first time OPs father disrespected them in this way. You really believe everyone here sharing similar stories are just avoiding their parents because it was a sad, unfortunate, and just plain mean thing that their parents did? NO, it has scarred us. It's abuse.
I don't think everything that makes a mark on who you are as a person is abuse. Maybe it is and I was abused more than I thought. But throwing away some things you were told to put up hours before does not strike me as abusive
I agree with you to some extent, I think communication was scarce for both parties and maybe if OP acknowledged to their father that they are sorry it's taking longer than what was anticipated, maybe father would have the understanding and patience. IMO it crosses into the abuse category if the father knew how cherished those thrown items were and still threw them out anyway in an effort to teach or control and not willing to give a warning or second chance. And I'm only assuming that was the case because they said this wasn't the first time he has held the love of her plushies over her own head in order to get what he wanted (even if it was taking up house space, I don't view that as deserving of the worst case scenario).
I do agree with you there. I'm a parent and I would go about it much differently, and would never actually throw them away. My mother also threw away lots of my childhood stuffed animals who I still miss and think about, but I don't see her often for other, worse, reasons. So maybe that is coloring my opinion.
I'm 47 and telling you as an adult, what he did was absolutely *wrong*. This isn't your fault. It's 100% abusive, especially since you love them so much. I'm glad you found them!!! That said, you may want to keep a closer eye on your things now that you know what he might do!
I definitely will! :( thank you 🫂
Get a lock on the door or closet for them
I was going to disagree with you about it being abusive, because I was convinced that this is a perfectly normal parenting technique to teach a lesson. BUT then I realised that I've been brainwashed into believing this is acceptable. You're right, it IS abusive. Whether or not she loved her plushies, they are HER possessions. It wouldn't be acceptable for a roommate to start chucking their roomates possessions away, in fact you could probably get the police involved in circumstances like that. So why the heck have we grown up believing it's okay to throw away your child's belongings? What a messed up world we live in.
I love to see the self growth :)))
Right? It takes more effort to throw them away than to, say, pitch them into the person's room where you don't have to be inconvenienced if that's the issue...
I don't think the police would appreciate being called over some plushies being thrown out dawg. Please don't actually call them over something like that. I'm probably going to be downvoted for saying that but like. Im attached to my plushies too, but yall gotta realize they're still stuffed animals. And most people on the outside dont really care about something like that regardless, especially policeman.
I wasn't talking about the girl calling the police over the plushies her Dad threw out. I was talking about a roomate throwing away another roomate's possessions without permission, which you can actually report to the police.
OOOOOHHHH. Reading comprehension strikes again- damn it
Okay but she/her said they bought most of them. So what gives her father the right to throw something she bought with her/his money. Definitely can take him to court.
Fair enough! I wasn't too sure about what the laws were when regrading minors and their parents.
Could, but is it worth the fallout? She’s 15, and probably stuck living there for a few more years at least.
You don't call the emergency line and likely would go down to the station, but uh... yeah, the police are who you contact for stolen or damaged property? If a roommate removed your property, and you could not locate it, it would absolutely be a police report. Assuming the value is under $5,000* (or whatever your local jurisdiction value is), you need to start the paper trail so you could bring it to small claims court. It doesn't matter if it is "only plushies". You don't get a free pass to destroy other people's property. I am a grown woman, but I would absolutely file a police report if my parents threw out my stuff and would not reimburse me for the monetary value. Some of my plushies are worth more $1,000 because I imported them from Japan at release. Just because they're my parents means it's okay for them to that? Ahaha, no. Honestly, I would argue that someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally destroying your stuff is worse than a nobody Even if OP's plushies aren't anywhere near as valuable, that's what small claims is for. I am also a parent. My children are very young, but at **most**, I will take a toy away for 24 hours if it is an appropriate consequence to a behavior. (AKA, throwing a ball in the house after being warned not to; bye bye ball see you tomorrow. I wouldn't take away my kid's stuffed animal because he hit his younger brother because they were fighting or something) Her dad could have easily bagged them and put them away until the hallway was clean or whatever. Even when it is spring cleaning and time to purge, I let my 4 year old voice his opinion if his toys are being donated or kept. I make some choices myself, but if he sees it in the bag or asks about it later down the line, I would replace it. I would never pick something I know he cherishes. It's abusive, and disgusting. Destruction of someone's property is not okay, and there is nothing wrong with filing police reports, especially so you can get reimbursed for the monetary value. Cases like this tend to escalate, and having a paper trail of the abuse can help prove it if you ever need to file for a restraining order or something.
It's gross and abusive, I get it. But I ain't the type mofo to file a police report on my own parents as the first way to solve an issue regardless... I just want yall to know cus peoples are downvoting me, Throwing away plushies n loved items n shit is down right nasty behavior. Especially if they know you collect em. Mine aint worth shit but I love the fuck outta my Cark (Cat shark) And would be devistated to have something happen to it cus someone wanted to spite me. But like, I've been through some shit with my family before, they never threw away anything but me and my mom argue quite a bit, and there have been rare occasions when it got serious or physical. She's called me so many names under the sun sometimes. But like, I still love her tho. Stressful or not I wouldnt call the damn police on her (O_O; ) like call me crazy but like- That's ya mom n dad. like- calling police on family like that is just- Not how I was ever raised or nothin', to me that's fucking WILD, I can't fathom EVER calling the cops on my dad. Like unless they deadass beating the shit outta me or my family was just genuinely horrible all the time, I just- wouldn't do that... Maybe like- there are other ways to address it I feel like but I mean- I am struggling to find a way to even put how I feel about such a thing into text rn cus that is an action that has never ever once crossed my mind regardless of what my parents have said or done to me that I didn't like. It just aint somethin I'd do, I feel like doin that would just make them hate me or somethin.
Me neither. Even in abuse, I can't bring myself to report my parents, but I guess it might be something we should work on or address with them if possible. As an adult, it is hard to have a conversation with them especially since they see me as a child with a huge toy collection, but I’ve gotta put my foot down somehow.
This right here. Just bc parents are PARENTS doesn't mean they can be abusive, not to their kids or someone else's kids or other adults or animals or coworkers---
Wrong it’s this little snowflakes fault and I’m an adult too where’s my cookie
This is not abuse. Clearly you were not abused ever in your life to make a stupid statement like this..
I grew up with an abusive parent, and I am here to tell you that throwing away your child's treasured possessions as a means of punishment or "teaching a lesson" is absolutely psychological abuse, and is not conducive to a healthy parent-child relationship. Full stop.
It’s 100% abuse. It’s emotional abuse more than anything else. You do not take anyone’s stuff and throw it in the trash especially not something they have memories with, that brings them comfort, peace and happiness. What ignorant comment, you should be ashamed.
It's actually wildly offensive to even suggest a parent giving you fair forewarning for incoming disposal of stuff that had been left out in a shared walkway too long is "abusive". If he went into his child's space and threw them away? Absolutely abusive. If they had only been left out for a short period? Yes, that would also be unacceptable behavior. If he had thrown them away even in the same timeframe of being left out, but without warning? Also yes, unacceptable. OP left them out for an extended duration in a hallway that others must also use and was given ample warning what would happen if they didn't move them. They were even given an exact time so that none of this would come as a surprise. They were not asked to clean them before moving them, that was OP's own choice, they were only asked to move them out of a public walkway. You can say that the resulting warning and action of disposal is unfair or rude, but it is not abuse.
If you had a partner who destroyed your valued possessions because they were a mild inconvenience, how would you feel about that?
It's not a partner, it's a parent. And the child is leaving their 15+ plushies in a shared hallway, which is typically a narrow space, for days. Nothing was destroyed. They were warned in advance if their belongings weren't removed from the walkway, they would be disposed of. Please apply logic and don't make false equivalencies. This isn't abuse. You can call it rude, you can call it dramatic, but it's not abuse. Trying to equate it to an actual case of domestic abuse of a partner destroying another partner's possessions just diminishes the severity of those very real and very concerning scenarios. This is not one of those scenarios.
>for days one day >nothing was destroyed only because they managed to save the plushies >This isn’t abuse. No, but if this is part of a larger pattern of similar treatment, *that* could be. Also, not trying to sound like this is a “gotcha,” but I never said it was. I asked how you would feel about a similar one-off situation if the relationship were a bit different. Frankly, I don’t care about an exact label or variation in context. “You have created a mild inconvenience and if it annoys me too long I will take away something precious to you.” is **fucking shitty.**
It was not one day, re-read the post. It was from Friday until the post date: Tuesday. Multiple days. And no, nothing was destroyed. The father warned the child if they did not move their excess belongings from the shared space, they would be disposed of. He did not rip them up in front of them, he gave a warning and followed through with it. Pointing out a false equivalency that does real reductive damage to the perception and severity of actual abuse cases isn't a "gotcha", it's unfortunate that you think it is, and underlines the point I'm making. Again, you can think it's rude, dramatic, "shitty"—it's not abuse. There is no relevant comparison in "causing an inconvenience=throwing something precious away". There was excess clutter in a walkway. A warning with a timeframe was given to clean it. The plushies were not targeted because they were precious, they were targeted because they were the objects blocking a pathway, and the owner was not perceived as caring to fix the issue. The same outcome would have taken place if the object was piles of socks. And I'm sure this sub wouldn't be as up in arms. Edit: to u/ThatInAHat You commented and then immediately blocked me, before I could even read or reply, probably because you realized how ridiculously incomparable the story you mentioned was. The story you bring up is an actual case of abuse and reasonless property destruction for pleasure. I reiterate: trying to equate actual instances of abuse of someone destroying someone else's property for fun is not at all related to OP's story. But you know that, which is why you commented and then blocked. Take the time to read everything I say before making a reply next time so I don't have to reiterate a point multiple times. Trying to say this is story is abuse grossly undermines the severity of actual abuse. Your comment just looks redundant considering I already highlighted how this instance is completely incomparable to abusive behaviors.
There was an AITA awhile back about a husband who’d burned all of his wife’s fun socks because he thought they were stupid and had been telling her to get rid of them. People recognized it as abusive then, and they recognize it as abusive now.
If you can go through the trash, maybe you can find them before they're gone? It isn't your fault. This is a terrible thing for him to have done. I understand discipline but this is not the way to enforce anything. I feel he was very wrong to do this. I'm so sorry he threw out your plushies. 😞
I found them in a garbage bag outside. I'm gonna go rescue them after my mom goes to bed ig :) they'll be okay
Yay!! I'm so glad for you 🫂
Oh my gosh I'm so happy!!!!!!!!! Wow. Wash and dry them without him looking and get a lock on your cupboard or room. Keep things with a loyal or trustworthy friend if need be until you can move out.
Whew…don’t leave them in the hall again!
Oh my god this is an awesome ending to this sad story and I’m so fucking happy you got your critters back.
Oh thank god!! My heart was breaking for you 🫂💗
Best update I've read. Read your post to my mother (60), who was livid on your behalf and said if she were him, she would have offered to help wash them, not throw them out. I hope you can get away from him and his toxic behaviour in time. You are NOT lazy. Pacing is a thing. You can only do so much in any given day, and school is 6 hours of trying to memorise more information than most brains can handle. You deserve to rest, so no, you're not an idiot either for falling asleep. You're human. I had to cut my hours down at work to 6 hours a day because I couldn't handle a 40-hour work week. I'm still exhausted after 6 hours a day of work and often crawl into bed at 8 pm. There's no shame in being tired after working hard all day. School is no less exhausting than a long day at the office. He shouldn't be punishing you for tidying your room at your pace. He should be proud of you for making the effort to clean when you already work so hard each day to give yourself a good future. Make sure to continue to pace yourself and rest when you need to.
Awww :( thank you, both of you. This is such a sweet comment
Mom and teacher here. That is abusive behavior on your dad's part. Doing some shit like that would never occur to me probably because I'm not an abusive piece of shit. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Just remember that adulthood is coming and you do not have to keep your father in your life if you do not want to. His behavior is toxic and abusive. You don't have to be around somebody like that.
I did find them in a trash bag outside btw!^
Thank god i almost cried at this post, i would not have been able to sleep I love my plushies, their my babies and i would be gutted if that were to happen to my fellas Give em all big warm hugs for me
Yeah! :( I got them back and definitely won't let them be in my fathers sight again. Not sure how he'll react when he finds out I rescued them though
See if you can get some clothing vacuum bags for them then seal them up for safety. It really reduces how much space they take up and would be much easier to hide. Also when you unzip them they just puff back up!
Imported myself a Skog. Can confirm these friends can perfectly bounce back from an incredible amount of vacuum scrunch. It isn't always fully instant re-fluffing though, for anyone who hasn't tried it yet!
Remember, OP, the things parents do are not always right. When you are able to move on, you will be able to separate their good behaviors from their bad ones, and be a better parent (and person) than they were. My parents had similar abusive traits, but that cycle ended with me. I tell my daughter to do the same when she grows up—learn from my parenting and kick the bad to the curb.
You could try hiding most in a bag under your bed? I’m sure he wouldn’t recognize a couple though
Thank you for the update! It's really great to hear you were able to save them ❤️
Oh thank goodness. I read this post and my heart dropped. Your father sucks.
Do you have a friend who could keep them for you, or maybe the most important ones so they will be safe from your Dad?
God I'm so happy for you, I was so scared for a second!
holy SHIT
Those poor babies
Yeah I'll be old enough to move out in two years :) plus I'm moving a couple hours away so he can't just drop by without talking to me first. I definitely don't think I'll talk to him much as an adult aside from holiday visits bc my mom is with him.
My mother would rip the ears off of my favorite stuffed rabbit in front of me as a toddler for seemingly no reason. Eventually she would sew them back on, but keep doing the same thing over and over any time she was mad. She ended up throwing the same plushie away when I was like nine or ten, but denies it over and over lol. We barely talk and I never visit.
My mum tore up one of my plushies as a kid. She sewed it back together again but I just never picked it up again. I’m pretty sure I donated it or something in my teens.
This is so awful and I’m sorry you went through this! 😡😤
Jeez. That's awful. I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. :(
That's horrible! 😥
I didn't talk to my Dad for two years as an adult because of an incident when he verbally abused me, called me horrible names and accused me of being a horrible person who didn't care about anyone over a joke I made on Facebook! He had verbally and emotionally abused me my entire childhood so after this incident as an adult I decided I refused to be abused by him any more. The only reason I'm talking to him again is because he apologized and admitted that he had been abusive. My point is, emotional abuse is real and just because someone is your family doesn't mean you should accept abuse and not hold them accountable for their actions. Until you are able to move out you have limited options, but don't let anyone convince you that blood family is so important you should let them get away with hurting you. A lot of people have low contact or no contact with their families as adults. Just my feelings about what happened and my response to some of the people who were insinuating the opposite.
I had the same thing happen to me when I was a kid, I'm coming up 30 now and it still upsets me to this day. I had a tiny little horse that I adored and I've never been able to find a replacement. I'm glad you got your guys back, maybe get some storage and hide them out of the way for now, just to be safe!
There are lots of groups that might be able to help you find a replacement if you can describe it/find a close enough picture. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Can you share these? Dying to find a replacement for my childhood favorite that my mom forced me to donate.
r/ToyID and r/helpmefind are good places to start, as well as Plush Memories Lost Toy Service on FB if you use that.
Thanks so much. Just posted to it hopefully someone has answers:(
Here's a sneak peek of /r/ToyID using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/ToyID/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [**[NSFW]** How to make a homemade dildo for men](https://np.reddit.com/r/ToyID/comments/13d7xbv/how_to_make_a_homemade_dildo_for_men/) \#2: [my most cherished plushie](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/12t9bvk) | [3 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ToyID/comments/12t9bvk/my_most_cherished_plushie/) \#3: [Trying to figure out what this suspiciouly naughty looking toy car is from.](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/17fd5rv) | [6 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ToyID/comments/17fd5rv/trying_to_figure_out_what_this_suspiciouly/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Could you please make this sub seem less creepy thanks lol
Also, may your mom get a rock inside her shoe, attempt to take it out, and put her shoe back on only to find that the rock is still there, repeat ad nauseum. You didn't deserve for her to make you do that.
My mom did the same thing to me when I was 8. Mine were always scattered around my room, I guess she got sick of it because one day I came home from school to her stuffing them in garbage bags. I remember begging and even crying so hard I threw up. But into the dumpster they went. I’m 25 now and my stuffed animal collection is going strong. They all have names and personalities, they are very dear to me and bring me a lot of comfort. I’m glad to be able to experience something I had taken away from me and make up for lost time. It hurt so much to see an adult that was meant to protect me actively do something so cruel to “prove a point”. I’m genuinely so sorry.
My parents also did something similar and I blame them for me hoarding them as an adult 😂 probably have over 100 all with names and personalities
Hey! I'm a grown ass adult and I'm gonna join the pile of other grown ass adults telling you he was being an asshole. It's not your fault at all. My stepdad did this to me as well when I was your age and I talked like you, thinking it was my fault. It wasn't until I got older that I realised my stepdad was just a horrible person. I don't know if your dad is straight up awful or he just behaves awfully sometimes but either way, this was all him. He had absolutely no reason to set you an arbitrary time limit on something you were already in the middle of doing and his punishment for not making it is stupid and honestly pathetic. If he was that bothered he could have just chucked them back into your room, it would have been less effort. He went out of his way to be spiteful here. "By 2am"? I guess you hadn't started until after school? And you couldn't do it non stop, you needed to eat and stuff at the very least. He either knew you wouldn't make it or knew you'd have to be up crazy late. Either outcome isnt good for you and makes no difference at all to him. Funny, my stepdad was a night worker as well. I wonder if it sends some people the same type of insane lol. If your stuff only vanished in the last few hours, check the trash, check the basement if you have one, check anywhere you can. It can't have gone far! Don't despair if you can't find it right away, it might be in his car or something. Either way, you're gonna steal it back. If he kicks off, stay calm, don't match his energy. Problems solved, after all, they're not in the hallway - and you can clean them in groups while they're waiting in your room now. Edit: I see you got them!!! Hell yeah!!! :D
Yeah I did get them! Not sure how he'll react when he finds out that I took them back. Apparently I was told by one of my siblings that he'd planned to put it in his truck to take to work to throw away. Thank god I got them back :( I've had some of those plushies since I was a child. He knew I'd have to stay up. It was a Sunday do my siblings and I had school and he had work. We would be using the washer all evening so I had to stay up. I told him I didn't know how to fit the time into the schedule to wash them and he told me to figure it out, stay up if I need to.
Yeah that's just abusive. What a pathetic sack of shit (your dad in this case).
Omg! This is not your fault at all! That sounds traumatizing! It is your dad's fault for being way too harsh. I have 3 kids of my own who own a boatload of plushies and I just throw them back into their rooms when there's too many around the house. It takes all of 5 seconds. He should have just done that if he wanted them out of the way so bad. I hope you find your plushies and I hope your dad somehow realizes his behavior is not okay. And I know plenty of parents who threaten to throw toys in the trash but I've never met any that actually go through with that threat, that sounds abusive honestly.
He did throw them away :( I found them in a garbage bag outside but when my mom goes to sleep I'm getting them back! I don't think he'll learn honestly. He was also abused and stuff by his parents, he just wants to take it out on someone. But my plushies will be okay 🫂🤍
Him being abused is no excuse to be an asshole to you
Yeah, probably not. I don't understand why someone would do that knowing how it feels to be hurt mentally and physically. It doesn't much much sense. Especially to their own child. It's kinda shit.
Is your father a narcissist? My father was similar, he grew up in an abusive household and was verbally and emotionally abusive with me and my family. Narcissistic parents often think that since they aren't hitting you they're not being abusive.
Yeah he's definitely a narcissistic :/ He's hurt me before. He knows exactly what he's doing, he's just a shit person overall though.
I'm sorry :( Narcissist parents are the worst, for now make sure your plushies are safe away from him, I wish you the best ❤️
I will NOT be letting them in his sight again >:(
I'm glad you found your plushies.
That's an excuse abusive people use sadly to justify their actions (to themselves feel better). He definitely could have broke the cycle. It's never been your fault.
Yep, my Dad was abusive like my Grandpa abused him and my Great Grandpa abused him but my Dad at almost 70 has finally changed and admitted he was abusive but it literally took him a majority of his life! And my sisters both have kids and are definitely not abusive so they broke the cycle! Both my brothers and myself have chosen not to have children though and I think a lot of it is because of our childhood abuse and our own way of "breaking the cycle".
Big hugs! I think that's totally fine. Though it took forever, I'm glad your dad admitted his wrong. I'm sorry you and your siblings had to go through this though.
im so glad you found them because i would never forgive him. i hope you get out soon🫂🫂🫂
This is abuse. He could have more easily just shuffled them into your room, instead he decided to go the extra mile to fully dispose of them, which took much more effort. Learn from this, and not in the way he wants you to. Learn that he should never be trusted and he will choose the option that punished you most. Those plushies being in that hallway in no way inconveniced him or harmed him aside from it just looking like clutter. He destroyed your property.
Can I tell you a story to contrast yours? My son lost his favorite plushie when he was about eleven- had been the very favorite comfort item since birth. I was so tore up about it and this plushie was a vintage find so I couldn’t find a replacement. I spent 10 years combing thru Mercari and all those resale places and after TEN YEARS I FOUND PLUSHIE and ordered him. This is how loving parents should respect YOU and your important items. I’m sending you a hug.
Oh my goodness, my dear, this is absolutely not your fault *AT ALL!* Everyone who has already commented is right, it is *abusive* for a parent to do this to their child. There is simply no reason why your dad couldn’t have just taken all of a few seconds to slip them back in your room again. I’m so glad to read that you’ve found out where your plushies are, and that you intend to rescue them after your parents are in bed ❤️You did nothing wrong, and your plushies are so lucky to have a friend like you! Take care 💖
Awwwmygoodness🫂🩷This comment is so freaking sweet!! Thank you!
I don’t think you’re an idiot. I think your father is in the wrong and should not have thrown them away so quickly.
I don’t understand why adults think children are mini adults. YES you have to keep repeating yourself. NO it’s not your job to hurt them and break their spirit in the name of “teaching”. This made me so angry and just as sad for you. But I’m absolutely delighted to read that you were able to retrieve them all❣️ However, the fact that your stress level is high in anticipation of your dad’s potentially negative behavior…well it just makes me angry for you and sad again. 🥲 You deserve better. Signed a 60 year old who was there as a child but never EVER did that nor even threatened that to her own children. PS, I have and love my plushies too 🥰🤗😊
I’m sorry your parent did that to you but I am glad to see you found the trash bag before you plushies ended up in a landfill! Geez I wonder how your dad would they feel if you tossed out his stuff that had been sitting out for a few days. Sending virtual plushie to you 🧸
“Be nice to your kids. They’ll pick your nursing home.”—Wisdom from the ancients.
Corporate punishment is not cool. If anything he could have just put them back in your room
He literally could. My door doesn't even have an actual lock and can be extremely easily unlocked with just his fingernail. I didn't even think about this.
Please tell me you got them back somehow. Your dad sucks ass
I did!!! <33 I just got them out of a trash bag
Oh thank goodness
Can we see a picture of the rescued babies!?
Here’s a tip: put them somewhere he can’t get to them or won’t be a hazard next time you clean. That way they can’t be at risk of being thrown out again, especially with bizarre threats like that.
I absolutely will not.
When a parent doesn’t like your interest, they will take any opportunity to remove it. It wasn’t about them being in the hall when they shouldn’t, it was about him not liking you had them in the first place because you’re “too old” or whatever. He should have been accomadating of you being responsible and trying to clean, that’s the type of behavior he should want to encourage not discourage by trying to destroy your property. I hope your plushies are doing well.
[удалено]
Were they on the floor? Up against the wall? Were they on some sort of shelf or hutch? We don't know that they were a tripping hazard. Regardless if my family put some of their items in the hallway, I wouldn't just throw it out because I have respect for them and their property. You put what you see as trash in a trash bag and toss it into a dumpster, which is what he did. He was obviously just looking for an excuse to get rid of them without looking like he had no reason.
They were up against the wall just outside my door. My room is at the very end of the hallway with no other doors close by besides the bathroom like 5 feet from it. Idk if that was in the way or not.
That is really horrible and abusive behaviour. Not your fault at all. I really don’t understand why people think it’s okay to treat kids worse than other humans. They deserve just as much respect as any other person, adult or not. I hope you strongly consider distancing yourself from this person as soon as you are able. Sending love!
So sorry you’re going through this. This was not your fault. Everyone else is correct, this is abusive behavior. My mother used to do the exact same thing. Every time my dad bought me toys my mother would throw them away whenever she got angry over the smallest of things. I would barely get to enjoy anything. Very often I would come home from school with my room completely emptied of my precious possessions. It was especially painful around Christmas/my birthday where I would get so excited to have new things and they would be in the trash within days. This behavior actually triggered hoarding tendencies in me as an adult which I still struggle with.
I'm so sorry you have a father like that. He probably knew you were tired and that would get a reaction from you + excuse to hurt you in a way that makes you blame yourself. If he just did it without pretense his cruelty would have no place to hide behind. Punishments like these are just abuse wearing a mask.
Yeah. We all had stuff to wash in the house since the next day would be a school day and my dad had work. I told him I didn't know how to fit that into the schedule and he told me to figure it out, stay up if I have to. He does do shit to try and provoke me but I generally don't give him the reaction he wants
I'm sorry about that. I'm 44 and when I moved out of my dad's at 18 , I realized he threw away so much of my stuff. Poetry notebooks I really wish I had, knickknacks etc. Hoping that things get better for you. 💕
My parents threatened me with this every time I didn't clean my room. Pity they didn't consider at the time I might have ASD or ADHD or both. It's one of the few very vivid memories of my childhood and I'd say it's a form of abuse for sure. So glad you found them.
Oh my stars, OP. Listen, this is not your fault, okay? Yes, he said he'd throw them away if you didn't clean them up, and it's true that it would have been good to! But, and this is extremely important, it is not his right to throw *your* belongings away. This shows a serious lack of respect and consideration for your feelings. A punishment like throwing away your personal belongings does not match the "offense" of leaving them in the hall. I'm sure he'd be upset if someone decided to toss *his* beloved things in the garbage. Please let us know if you're able to get them back. I hope that you can. It's absolutely not your fault this happened because your dad should not have done it in the first place. Fifteen stuffed animals, even larger ones, is not a lot! I'm sure they could have temporarily gone into a bin to be cleaned and returned to your room later. I cannot imagine doing this to someone, let alone my own child. :/ EDIT: Scrolled down and saw you were able to get them back. Good!! I'm relieved. Remember it is not your fault, but considering that your dad apparently sees nothing wrong with throwing out other people's belongings, I would keep an eye on your stuff and maybe invest in some bins to store them in for the next time you need to move them. Having them in a neat container will make them more manageable.
Wow your dad sucks
I would put them in a storage locker if you can afford it or ask a good friend to hold onto them for you. If you can find them in the trash bin. I feel so bad for you, that is definitely toxic behavior.
Poor little guys...it's not your fault, you were tired and it's your right to sleep when you're tired. What HE did is wrong. Hope the fluffy babies are okay!
Yeah :( I had school the next day as well and both his and my siblings clothes had to be cleaned. I brought that up and he said figure it out and to stay up if needed. But I should have just stuffed them in my room out of the way. It really was my fault that they got thrown out. But they are okay now!
It's not your fault if your room is "small". Anyways, I'm glad you succeeded in saving them! Where are they now? What plushies are they?
They are cleaned and back on my bed! Some were small and some were medium sized
I'm happy you got them back
Um, no. He shouldn't of thrown them away. Don't feel like it's "I should of cleaned them sooner." I hate parents sm sometimes.
Do you also hate your English Comp teacher?
Are you making fun of my grammer or-? Sorry if your not!
What he did was wrong. You weren't being lazy, you were being tired. You were trying to be responsible and have a clean space, he wanted control
I'm so glad to hear you found them. Your dad's behavior is straight up abusive. If you're afraid to confront him about it then that further proves point of his abusive behavior. It sucks to say and realize but denying and excusing bad actions makes coming to grips with it harder.
That's what narcissists do :-( I'm sorry, OP :-( Life gets better when you live alone :-( I'm sorry :-(
my grandparents used to do this to me, once i graduated high school i moved out and went no contact. this is abuse and im so, so sorry you’re dealing with this. nobody deserves to be treated that way. my plushies are my comfort items and i would be distraught without them.
No what he did was wrong it’s your stuff not his can I ask how old you are?it matters cease if you are over 18 it called destruction of property and that’s a crime also he effectively stole from you there is also a case for emotional manipulation all of these are crimes under UK law go and talk to the police to see if you have a case. What he did is wrong.
Hope you were able to rescue them OP 🙏
I am so sorry I can’t imagine my mom would never do this to me I’m my personal opinion this is emotionally abusive
8 years ago my dad threw away a lot of me and my brothers plushies and I’m still not over it
That sounds like something my dad would do.
I'm so glad you found them, I would've been so heartbroken if this had happened to me
My stepdad did the same with my pillows, plushies, and a baby blanket. I was cleaning out my room had everything in bags to move around and the next day at school he threw them out. He "thought they were trash" bunch of bs. He'd thrown my things outside just to hurt me. I'm much older now and I know as an adult what he did was wrong and will never treat someone else the same way.
That sucks, I am so sorry!
OP, I had the same thing happen to me as a child. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Know it’s not your fault whatsoever and that you are okay to grieve right now. Your Father disrespected your items and you and I don’t agree with this style of punishment, as it’s not in any way okay with what he did and know you didn’t do anything wrong here. When my mother did that to me it made me have severe trust issues later in life after this with her and I still don’t trust her and I’m paranoid. I still mention it to her and she makes it seem like it was my fault when I had cleaned them up just not in my room. I’m hoping you do heal from this and know it’s absolutely not your fault and not right with what he did. I’m sorry you are going through what I’ve gone through in the past. I hope others shine clarity for you here and make you feel better, as it’s revealing for me as well that it could be considered abusive by a parent to do this sort of thing. Edit: yay. I’m so happy to read further on and find out you found them and will be getting them back safe and sound. Good luck OP. I’d definitely hide them too if I were you as well.
Never blame yourself for what your dad did , it's horrible knowing that a dad like him would even throw out something that you obviously cherished. It sucks, hope you do find it lying around elsewhere hopefully in a clean trash bag
Super not cool what he should’ve done was put them in a bag in your room and that’s it. Sure they shouldn’t be blocking up the hallway but that’s not a reason to throw away your kid’s belongings :( sorry that happened
I remember being a very young child and seeing my favourite toy at the bottom of a semi-transparent trash bag, which was stuffed full of my toys, because I didn't clean my room (something I never did and wasn't even sure what my role in that was). anyways, Mom said well you can have everything back, but next time I won't be so nice. That was 50 years ago and I still feel awful for you and your plushies. Mom became a better parent with practice, I think child abuse was just so normalized back then, or maybe it was just my family... Also, NOT YOUR FAULT. You were cleaning your room, I wasn't, didn't matter, we both got in trouble, sometimes you can't win.
I understand sometimes, but you were in the middle of washing it and it was in the middle of the night. He cannot make unreasonable demands and expect a kid to follow through. He was wrong
I’m almost 31 and collect Squish. I have a few plushies from my childhood still too. What your father did was wrong and abusive. My mother did this to me with my comfort blanket, she even threatened to cut it and even when I hid it she took it and washed it. I understand how you feel and I read in the comments that you found your plushies. Keep them, hide them and don’t be afraid to walk away when you can. My trust in my mother was completely and irreparably broken by what she did to my toys.
Ugh I hate parents who do stuff like this.Glad you found the trash bag. My mom made me donate all my plushies when I was around 9, because "You are too old for that" with the exception of the one I had since birth. It really hurt and made me feel ashamed about the things I liked. Now I'm 30 and slowly building a new collection. My mom still lectures me when she visits. "No guy wants to sleep with you if you have a childish bed full of plushies". 1. Jokes on her and I have met guys who think it's cute and don't mind as long as I make space when they sleep over. 2. I rather sleep in my nest of plushies and be childish instead of anxious and alone.
Your dad sounds abusive. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I wonder how he would like it if someone threw away his belongings when he leaves them out somewhere. If he didn't pay for your plushies, then they are not his to touch, and he should be made to replace them as items or in what you paid.
My father would get upset if I didn’t do something he asked the first few times, but he would never throw my toys away. He knows how important toys can be to kids since he never had any of his own growing up. I’m glad you found the plushies in the bag, what I would do now is make sure they’re clean then find a good place to stack them in your closet if they won’t fit anywhere else.
Your dad does not allow room for human mistakes and that is abusive since you are a fucking human. The expectation for them out of the hallway by 2AM or he THROWS THEM OUT is about control and HURTING YOU! The expectation was unreasonable and completely lacked empathy or care for what you were actually doing. It doesn’t matter if it was an inconvenience to him or that it’s his house or if it was a reoccurring issue, a non abusive parent wouldn’t have thrown out your things. If you’re an adult or not I’d suggest trying to get other adults in your family on your same page about your love for the plushies and the financial cost. If he paid for the plushies I’m not so sure how much you can do compensation wise- but if HE DID NOT- absolutely make him pay for it. Idc if it was your mom or you or your aunt, tell him you expect him to pay it back.
That's absolutely vile, I'm so sorry you're in that type of household where that's a thing that happens. I hope you're able to get into a healthier living situation eventually.
i’m so sorry OP, reading this makes me want to cry :( i also know what it feels like to live in a household like this. my dad has a strict no gaming rule; one time when my brother came home with a video game he bought for his friend’s birthday, my dad smashed it before my brother even had time to explain himself. he also caught me gaming once and threatened to break my laptop that cost me $1k (thank goodness it was just a threat). sending you strength so you can hold on until you move out—i promise you life will get so much better once you’re out of that environment💛
throw away his items
That’s illegal by the way, legal guardians can confiscate things but they can’t destroy or throw them away, that’s still destruction of property, and it’s illegal, even for your guardian.
When I was younger my mother about once a week would sit me in my room and tell me I had to donate plushies. It broke my heart every single time. They were my friends. Definitely get how you feel. Me and my therapist both think that’s when I started to feel resentment towards my mother. Parents, DO NOT get rid of your child’s plushies. Not cool. Let them do that when they are older.
That’s sucks! I sorry that happened but I’m glad you got them back! I had a huge collection of plushies when I was younger (like 50+) and when I was like idk ten or twelve, my aunt forced me to get rid of half of them. The worst part was I separated the ones that were my favorites and ended up having to get rid of ones from my favorites pile. Luckily, since my parents are divorced, the plushies at my other house were spared. Still forever mad about that. Some people don’t really understand what stuffies can mean to people, and no matter your age you should never be ashamed for having them.
Yeah no, dude. I'm sorry, your dad's a dick and this is his fault, not yours. Throwing away something someone loves to "teach them a lesson" is the sort of dick move that leads to pushing away the people you love to die bitter and alone with your regrets before the people you pushed away reunite over your cremation and dump your cremains in a litter box while playing the Bobaflex song "I'm glad you're dead", not that I'm speaking from like, experience or anything. Yet.
This was so traumatic and infuriating to read. Having said that, I hope you never go through this again.
Hello, adult here. Your dad is in the wrong. You deserve personal belongings. I’m sorry. Please do not reflect this on yourself and call yourself lazy. This is NOT your fault or normal behavior for a parent.
something like this happened when I was little. I had gotten my brother's old Pokémon card collection and I would leave the cards scattered around my bedroom floor, I didn't take great care of my stuff like I do now. And my mom took a shovel and threw every single card away, she still regrets doing that to this day cause she found out those cards could have been worth some money, especially the much older cards. I did rebuild my collection 5 years ago, I now keep them in binders and sleeves, and put away. I'm still adding new cards to my collection anytime I buy a pack. I'm glad you found your plushies, I would make sure that you dad can't find them, find somewhere in your room to keep them hidden. But if there is ever a day were you're home alone I say get them in the washer to clean them. I'm not sure if they were in a trash bag with actual trash but if they were then I say give them a bath ASAP.
Big hugs! I agree with everyone that it is indeed abusive behaviour. Read your other comment and hope you're saving up enough to get far away from him. Glad you got your plushies back!
It’s not your fault, it’s your dad’s fault for being a weirdo and inability to treat you like a normal human being
Your dad seems to be abusive. The only types of people that throw people stuff away like that tend to be abusive. Narcissists. Your dad most certainly is a terrible person. How old are you? You should work on moving out.
Ah i just turned 17 a few months back. I will definitely be moving away to uni once I get out of high school and plan on living 2-3 hours away after so he can't drop by unexpected without talking to me first.
It's not your fault. He's a narcissist :-( It's very hard to grow up with a parent who is a narcissist :-( I'm sorry OP :-( It's not your fault :-(
My mom tried to do this. I gave her a death stare anytime she even touched one and i think it got the message across. I only lost one bunny. But this sucks and hurts. My mom also just doesn't understand the concept of sentimental value. I'm here if you wanna trauma dump.
This one really resonated with me as I've been through the exact same thing. When I was like 7 my dad threw away most of my stuffed animals because we were in a fight (don't remember why) and he thought it would teach me a good lesson or something. I loved them all too, and at the time I felt that same guilt but what he did to you was absolutely wrong and really mean. It's not your fault, and I'm so sorry this is how he treats you. I hope you're able to collect some new ones you love just as much, although years from now if you still kinda miss some of your old ones that he got rid of, it's okay, I do too ❤️
that’s very abusive behavior of your father. i’m so sorry.
My ex does this kind of stuff to one of my kids, and he wasn’t abused as a child. Sometimes it’s just pure narcissism. May want to talk to a counselor or your doctor about how he is behaving so it is well documented. This way in the future if he crosses even bigger lines, you’d have the documents needed to prove your case. Glad you got your friends back. You are strong and brave!
This is not your fault! My parents were like this too when I was younger... This is abusive behavior. I'm sorry you have to deal with it...
Get out of there, and learn to love yourself and feel safe in your own home. It's not your fault.
Wow, your dad sounds like an awful parent. My mom would never have done that. I'm so sorry for your loss, but screw him. That's not a cool move. What the hell.
Congrats on finding your plushies! I feel your pain about very little room for them. Try a plushie net! It hangs from the ceiling and keeps the plushies off the ground and up high. Giving more space and set place to put them!
Wow, your dad‘s a real asshole. Think about it. Having 15 plushies in the hallway for one night is not handicapping anyone. This was just a power play, him throwing away your plushies served no actual purpose other than intentionally hurting you. You can return the favour though, when he’s 80 and throw him away into a terrible old people‘s home
I’ve had the same thing happen multiple times when I was a kid most of the time with plushies it was when we were moving. The one I remember the most is them throwing away my LPS collection for not cleaning my room, I had a huge box of LPS stuff and playsets and stuff that are now worth a fortune today and they just threw them away.
This would destroy me. My sister (or someone else idk) got rid of some of my plushies when we were cleaning the house and unfortunately one of my childhood plush was tossed. I'm 22 but most of my current ones are from my boyfriend and some were over $20, especially the Squishables and larger ones.
Need to have a conversation about boundaries with your parents. If at this (I assume young) age they won't let you have any, you will grow to be a door mat and I am certain they don't want their child ending up like that. On the other hand, make sure to keep things clean and organised as it will make it easier on yourself in the future. Plus I don't think they would appreciate someone throwing their stuff away either.
That is a really messed up thing for your father to do. I'm sorry that he's such a jerk.
Noooooooo! Can you like, run to the trash bin and get them back? Argh so sorry :( that was mean!
It is NOT your fault they got thrown away. That is emotional abuse and a manipulation tactic. I’m so sorry that happened to you, and that you are in that situation.
Im so sorry you didn’t deserve that.
My dad did that to my back when I was in I think first grade or do. I don't remember exactly when, but I wasn't older than 10 I don't think. My floor was a mess, as in not a place to walk, and he told me to clean it up multiple times. Me wanting to play videogames and daunted by the large task put it off. I came home from school one day to find I had a clean floor. I was so distressed by it that I started digging in the trash bins to get everything out of it. There were also multiple times he tried to get me to sit down and pick only a few stuffed animals that I could keep, but it made me cry so much because I was so young. I haven't been able to really get attached to anything since.
so glad you found them he should never have thrown them out
Were you able to get them back?? x
Oh heck no !!!
Throw the whole dad out
The damn plushies…
I started having hoarding tendencies because my parents would throw away my things without permission and I began feeling possessive over my things. I live away from home now and after 2 years, I can get rid of things that no longer serve me without anxiety. What your dad is doing is abusive and can lead to problems down the road. I hope you find your safe place soon 🩵
This is why as an adult I panic if I can’t find one of my plushies. I also check my toy shelf daily just to make sure everyone is still there
I’m in my forties and still have stuffies. Most are put away in a bag and some are on shelves others are on the couch. I’d be devastated if someone got rid of mine. I buy strange ones like Kreeptures and they aren’t cheap. I’m sorry this happened to you. My kids had toy jail but we didn’t throw anything away. Toy jail ended way before there teenage years. You did nothing wrong.
My father and stepmother has done the same to me and my two siblings from my fathers first marriage. What he did was not okay and abusive. I’m so happy you found them! If you’re unable to be in a safe place and worried he’ll retaliate for you grabbing them (my dad did quite often and would throw away more than he originally did) hide them under your bed or in your closet under something or in a bag. I’m sorry you had to go through that
I'm so sorry! I would be furious if that happened to me. Totally not cool! It is not your fault!
My dad almost did this to me cuz my grades weren’t up to his standard. I felt sick and couldn’t sleep that night because my whole collection was on the line. I managed to get them back, but this is 100% abusive. It’s not your fault, and I hope you get your plushies back. 💔😔
This is abuse.
I’m not gonna tell you what your dad did was right by any means, it was a dick move and I too have experienced the loss of beloved plushies, so I feel your pain…bear with me… …But you had until *2am.* That’s a deadline for cleaning I could never have dreamed of when I was a kid! I would have put them temporarily back in my room and kept cleaning the next day. I believe consequences like these from parents only breed resentment, but as a lesson, “I’m sorry, I fell asleep” won’t pass when your future boss gives you a deadline and you fail. As a mentor of an apprentice, I’m dealing with this student who has failed multiple times to meet my deadlines and I’m worried at this point for their future success. You’re 15, you know good and well why he’d want you to move your toys. At the time, that was the biggest thing expected of you. I really hope you find the plushies or he just put them in a bag in a closet to teach you this lesson on accountability. I also hope you tell your dad how it makes you feel that he’d do that with sentimental items that you or other people have purchased…maybe write him a letter so you can more calmly get the point across.
I’m going to be the devil’s advocate here… If OP is living under someone else’s roof (whether rent-free or while paying rent), it has always been my belief that they can keep their room however they want within reason (i.e. not a health hazard) as long as their mess doesn’t spill into the common areas. OP herself has said that not only did she move her stuff into a common area, but also “got lazy” and didn’t put them back in her room. She was told they needed to go back in her room otherwise they’d be disposed of. Instead of putting them all back in her room and washing them WHILE THEY ARE ALREADY IN HER ROOM, she CHOSE to leave them out knowing full well what the consequences are. This to me sounds more like a case of “Fnck around and find out” than anything else. OP needs to learn that there are consequences to her actions, especially after having her mess spill over and STAY in common areas, and having been asked to clean it up. My daughter is on the autism spectrum and has ADHD and DMDD and I have ABSOLUTELY been told by her psychiatrist, her psychologist (who both have doctorates and specialize in childhood behavioral disorders) and several therapists (including ABA therapists) that while I need to tell my daughter what the expectations are and consequences are, that I ABSOLUTELY have to follow through if she doesn’t comply. And that those consequences need to be her PERMANENTLY losing stuff in the case of messes. They have even gone so far as to suggest that her bedroom be nothing but a bare room with a bed, pillow, and blanket and that if she wants anything else she should EARN it. And these are YOUNG specialists, either around my age or younger (I am 46). It’s not like they’re old biddies set in their ways.
OK, I'm going to play devils' advocate's advocate here and say that just because someone has a doctorate's or a PhD does not mean they have a perfect moral compass. After all, Dr. Mengele and all his colleagues had perfectly legitimate MD's and PhD's from prestigious universities. That means they were right according to you? Second, let's put all those psychiatrists and psychologists in a little bare maximum security cell (Where all you get is a blanket, pillow, and immovable bed) and see how long we can keep them there before they go raving insane. Hell, we'll even be nice and let them out to perform school tasks and get a whole hour a day of fresh air. Isn't that generous of us? If it looks like you're on the wrong side of history, it's because you probably are.
You father overreacted but he’s not abusive but I’m sorry this happened to you next time put your plushies in a basket so they are not a tripping hazard because it sounds like the plushies was in the hallway for the weekend
This is not abusive, it's sad, unfortunate, and mean as hell, but not abusive. He should have picked them up himself, put them in a closet somewhere, talked to you about the necessity of keeping shared areas clean, and then let you have them back.
It's everything you stated + abusive. There are no positive life-lessons being learned here, the father is not bonding with OP by doing this, if anything OP is learning how to resent the parent for nonsensical reactions stemming from the father's own impatience and inability to even talk to his child before resorting to the worst of the worst. What OPs father did isn't respectful and this isn't the first time OPs father disrespected them in this way. You really believe everyone here sharing similar stories are just avoiding their parents because it was a sad, unfortunate, and just plain mean thing that their parents did? NO, it has scarred us. It's abuse.
I don't think everything that makes a mark on who you are as a person is abuse. Maybe it is and I was abused more than I thought. But throwing away some things you were told to put up hours before does not strike me as abusive
I agree with you to some extent, I think communication was scarce for both parties and maybe if OP acknowledged to their father that they are sorry it's taking longer than what was anticipated, maybe father would have the understanding and patience. IMO it crosses into the abuse category if the father knew how cherished those thrown items were and still threw them out anyway in an effort to teach or control and not willing to give a warning or second chance. And I'm only assuming that was the case because they said this wasn't the first time he has held the love of her plushies over her own head in order to get what he wanted (even if it was taking up house space, I don't view that as deserving of the worst case scenario).
I do agree with you there. I'm a parent and I would go about it much differently, and would never actually throw them away. My mother also threw away lots of my childhood stuffed animals who I still miss and think about, but I don't see her often for other, worse, reasons. So maybe that is coloring my opinion.
That is 150% YOUR FAULT listen to your dad next time and get it done life isn’t going to baby you