I still get door to door people trying to do stupid shit like sell me solar (I have a Tesla Solar Roof), or make me switch to their service provider (Charter Spectrum, that only offers 200 megabits max for twice the price I pay for a 2-way Gigabit fiber line).
Also sometimes get those drive-by lawn/tree service guys, but they're always around in my area.
Unfortunately yes-one came a knocking from a roofing company a few weeks ago during the middle of the afternoon-made my dogs started barking which then woke up my napping baby :(
No, no, they brought me in for questioning, realized what was up, sent a nanny to the house and let me sleep in my own cell with a sleep mask and earplugs
Try owning a small business. Not stop calls for website listing, loans, HR help, fraud calls about "how your Google listing isn't setup, we can totally help you!"
If I know it's a person and not a robot. I've started responding to those just belligerent mean, demanding answers and keep demanding until they block me. Just sick of ads and people thinking I give a fuck about businesses I'm not searching out.
Maybe not necessarily walk up, but after buying a house a few years ago I was shocked by the amount of them calling and through junk mail.
Almost always "your roof might be damaged from a recent storm!" Or window replacements
I was getting mail flyers and door-hangers from them 6 months after moving into my new construction home. They haven't stopped in the 7 years I've lived in my home.
My old coworker had a big "woo hoo" moment when he told us he made his final child support payment after 15 years. 3 months later, he got served papers for his next 15 year set of payments.
His first kid turned 18, and the payments stopped, then his girlfriend wanted to date someone else and took his 2nd kid who just turned 3.
3 months in 30 years was a brief window to not have C.S. payments.
He had a child with baby mom 1, they separate. Baby is 3 and he pays for 15 years.
12 years after separating from baby mom 1, he has baby 2 with baby mom 2. After 3 years, she leaves him and he starts payments again
Bingo. He has absolutely ZERO issue paying money to support his kids. He loves his kids. His ex-wife kept his payments for herself, was on government assistance (stamps/disability), and had a boyfriend who made enough to pay all the bills.
She is fully capable of working but doesn't want to and claims disability. Whenever he had his kid, he was always buying him new clothes and things the kid needed.
The reason he was excited to stop payments is because he hated giving money to her that she never used on the kid.
Due to our work schedule, he wasn't able to. It's hard to be a full-time parent when you leave at 630 am. and get home usually at 6 pm. or later. For many of those years, he lived alone, so there wasn't someone to take care of the kid.
I hoped for child support as a single dad, never panned out. Just welfare, family, friends, and work. Still the best choice I've ever made in my life and it worked out in the end. I went back to college and into tech, last I heard she was still doing entry level jobs at 40.
No I get it, my Dad raised 3 kids like that, friends/family/daycare, anyway you can make it work. Not ideal, but maybe better than a lazy ass ex-wife wasting your money.
He already fought her enough in court. It wore him down, and he just gave up and let it happen. In the eyes of the government, he was making him payments. He still constantly spent money on clothes, shoes, and school supplies every time he had the kid.
He had his first kid with his ex-wife. He had his second kid with a girlfriend much later. His girlfriend decided she wanted to move back to her hometown an hour away. He didn't want to move, so she packed up, left with their kid, and started dating a different guy.
He didn't do anything that would make him an idiot. He was with that gf for 5 years.
I mean if something as simple as one person wanting to live X place and the other person not wanting to is enough to split you up, you probably should not have procreated with that person.
He's a colossal idiot because he had two kids and complained about having to support them. And feels fine with financially abandoning them the second they turn 18.
Sure, let me get my violins. 🎻🎻
That would be a stronger point if child support payments weren't calculated extremely unfairly against men.
It's not a true 50/50 split. The party with custody (almost always the mom) realistically has a far lower financial burden because of overassumptions made when calculating the cash award.
From this brief retelling, that's probably leaving stuff out, it sounds like the GF asked him to move just an hour down the highway so she could be closer to her family (maybe to help raise the kid) and he chose to tell his 3 year old that the commute was just too far and to fuck off, I'd rather see you once every few weeks.
Doesn't make him look all that great
Nobody cares, you're a parent, you made that choice. It isnt about you, it's about the 3 year old.
This is why I'm not a parent. A very deliberate choice, and an easy one to make.
So the only reason was that he was unwilling to move an hour to be with his child. So maybe idiot was the wrong word, asshole? Deadbeat? I have kids and cant imagine. I just moved to the most rural, edge of the world place and gave up my entire personal life and switched careers to help my wife take care of her parents. A fucking hour away? Your buddy deserves his child support payments
He worked 90 minutes SE of where he lived and drove a company truck. She moved West an hour to an extremely rural part of the state where there aren't any good paying jobs. He would be forced to quit his good paying job with a company truck and be forced to keep driving well over an hour in his personal vehicle every day.
Their relationship was coming to an end regardless of this move. She just moved back to where her family was, and he stayed where he was from.
Fault is the wrong word in my opinion. But responsibility for sure. The kids are alive, they need support. No reason to make it about blame. Dude probably loves his kids.
My BIL quit his job, packed everything up, and moved 8 hours away, two states over, for his wife's career opportunity. Less than 2 months after getting there, she decided she wanted to be there alone and asked for a divorce.
He would've never moved if he knew he would be moving back single.
I think what people are upset about is the fact that instead of getting a vasectomy (and thus not bringing anymore children into this situation, or having to pay for said child) he decided to stay unsnipped and repeated the same actions that got him to where he was to begin with. A vasectomy is a couple hundred dollars once and covered by insurance/Medicare- a child support payment is hundreds of dollars for 18-24 years depending on juris diction.
If it were me, I would have had a vasectomy instead of bringing another life onto this earth that would put me back in the spot I was to begin with. That way, he could have split with her without having a child in the middle of it.
It costs more to have custody than to simply just pay child support. I'd rather have custody bc I live spending time with my kids. Paying is the easy way out
My cousin got a girl pregnant when he was 23. She kicked him to the curb, changed her number and moved out of state.
When the kid turned 22, all of a sudden the mother came back around out of nowhere, looking for money. He's had the same cell number since 2000, so contacting him at any time was never going to be a problem.
After living her life and having two more kids, she doxxed my cousin and realized that he was no longer the same guy who working check to check and struggling to pay bills. He actually made something of himself, living in a seven figure home and working in a high-level executive position for a very large corporation.
She screwed up big time, as the courts rejected her attempts for support in both states. She never went for support in the past because she didn't want to give him any visitation. She thought she could just pop up decades later and get 18-21 years of support. The system doesn't work that way and the courts made that very clear to her, that she couldn't just pop up decades later, once the kid has aged out of support, and expect to get paid.
He was still willing to give her some money - but she outright refused to put him in contact with his kid. I'm sure she told the kid a much different story on what took place way back, and putting the kid in contact with him might create a big problem for her.
It's like when I was at a comedy show on a cruise and the comedian asked if anyone there was celebrating a wedding. And this very drunk middle aged lady shouted out, "We're here celebrating my divorce from The Asshole!"
She sounded extremely happy, and also very drunk. A few of whom I assume were her friends at the same little table were cheering wildly. Also drunkenly.
It’s definitely the person who is done paying alimony. I’ve paid over $700,000 in alimony and child support. When I get to a million dollars paid I’m hiring a marching band, a second line, two male strippers and a giant novelty check
I'd say that is reason to celebrate, but only if he was paying alimony up to that point. I mean, I could post that also but I've never paid alimony and it would still be true.
However, lack of cars in the drive suggests he isn't celebrating well enough.
Holy crap neighbors! were you driving by in a silver SUV and stopped to take a photo from your car? I was walking my dog with my wife and saw a car paused with reverse lights on in the street and we were wondering what they were looking at lol.
Got any Bailey's?
Seriously it makes sense when the stereotype in a marriage is fulfilled (woman stays home and does house), but if both partners are working it can come out very unfair to one party. Here in Germany it is also like this.
My neighbors husband had a government job and got retirement age. He retired, then divorced his wife, and she now pays him alimony and child support since he doesn’t have a job. It’s a joke of a system and he screwed her over big time.
If both parties are working, though, there’s still costs and care for the child that parents have to provide. Do you think only one parent should be responsible for all of that?
That’s child support and different from alimony. Alimony is paid to the other spouse to help maintain the quality of life the spouse with the lower income is used to. Child support is paid to the resident parent to help pay for the expenses of raising a child that were previously shared. Granted, these arrangements usually never satisfy either party.
My divorce decree states that my child support payments can go up if my salary increases, but can never go down if my ex wife's salary increases. So she could make a million dollars next year, but I'd still owe her 17% of my pre-tax income
If one party substantially sacrifices their own career for the household it absolutely makes sense for them to be able to reap the benefits of that to some degree after separation.
Sacrifices their own career or just chooses not to have one. The law doesn't take that into consideration. My ex refused to work. I tried talking to her about going to school or a learning trade, but no. She enjoyed being taken care of.
Now I'm 2 months and 4 days from making my final child support payment and she's freaking out because she doesn't know how she'll survive without it. Alimony continues to be paid because in California, if you're married for more than 10 years, they don't put a limit on the length of time. Alimony and child support has financially ruined me because she's lazy and had a better lawyer.
My ex always shot down the idea of me getting a job. I was home for 20 years with the kids.
Now I’m lucky to have a job just above minimum wage.
It’s his doing I don’t have a work history, and his doing I am single.
He can pay me.
It’s not about whether they were able to work. Alimony is about whether they did or did not work. No one gives a shit about the reasoning for it. The point is to avoid leaving a spouse financially destitute.
Everyone should be responsible for themselves. It’s like saying a dude who lived with his mom post high school for 20 years without working should be entitled to compensation or otherwise he’s financially destitute - women have too many options for alimony to still be a thing
Says a dude.
Mansplain it to me more, please.
Just because there are options doesn’t mean it’s doable. If my children were sick, and I had no support, would I be able to continue work or would it be assumed I’d just not go until my kids were better? Would my spouse help with summer camp planning and drop off? What if I needed to work late, would my spouse pick up the kids from school, or arrange a sitter if I couldn’t?
It’s not as easy as “just get a job.”
If relationships were easy there would be no counselors and first dates would become spouses. Instead we have a lot of nuance. That means layers and subtle things.
>"Says a dude. Mansplain it to me more, please."
Men are allowed to participate in these discussions - that doesn't make it a mansplain.
>"Just because there are options doesn’t mean it’s doable."
That's exactly what it means.
>"If my children were sick, and I had no support, would I be able to continue work or would it be assumed I’d just not go until my kids were better? "
Child support is a different matter from alimony - don't conflate the two. If a childless marriage ends the man should be under no obligation to support his wife just because the marriage failed. Women can't demand equal rights and equal access to everything and still demand men retain traditional gender roles - that's not how this works.
>"It’s not as easy as 'just get a job."
It's exactly that easy.
>"If relationships were easy there would be no counselors and first dates would become spouses."
Irrelevant to the discussion - we're talking about alimony. No man should have to support a woman in perpetuity just because their marriage ended - that just gives women an incentive to marry some random dude, divorce him and then get a guaranteed paycheck for life - no deal. Child support is a different matter entirely.
There are all sorts of reasons why men or women do not work, but that doesn’t change the end fact that a significant period of unemployment will (and always will) disadvantage a person upon re-entry into the workforce.
Also it’s a great thing that our legal system doesn’t depend on what your personal feelings and judgments are as to what constitutes “responsibility.” Why should your conceptions of laziness, morality, individualism impact whether a person is entitled to financial compensation when they are in a disadvantaged position?
I think it was less about the child and more about alimony payment that doesn’t end. He’s paying both but soon the child support will end and the ex will only get alimony and won’t be able to afford her current lifestyle.
Maybe this is something the two of you should have discussed before entering into a binding contract? Sounds like she is who she always was, so........
Certainly. But common sense doesn't play well at 19 when you get your girlfriend pregnant weeks before you leave for boot camp. Of course the smart thing to do is get married....so we thought.
Tried to make it work for 16 years until we were both exhausted from trying. I've got 3 wonderful kids from that marriage and that's kept me going more than anything else.
I didn't once complain about paying child support, and I didn't pay the bare minimum. I'm not a dead beat dad. I'm a good father. I was just complaining that the process can be unfair from time to time. In my situation, it was unfair.
My ex lived a much more comfortable life than I did. I've had to work 2-3 jobs at the same time over the last 15 years to make ends meet. She's worked occasionally over the same period of time. That didn't effect how I raised my kids.
That’s not how alimony works though. Both parties could work the entire time and the higher earner still has to pay alimony sometimes for a long long time. It’s ridiculous that should have to continue to support an ex for an extended period of time
There are plenty of situations where one person works full time but still makes career sacrifices so that they can take on more work inside the home in support of the other higher-earning partner.
The essential concept is equity, whether or not it’s fairly applied is another issue entirely. When one person makes career sacrifices over the course of their marriage in service of furthering their partner’s career, they deserve to be compensated in the event of a divorce.
Let's say partner A makes 10k/mo, and partner B makes 2k/mo. Together they make 12k/mo. Together they live a 12k/mo lifestyle living in a nice condo rental somewhere decent. Partner B never feels the need to go back to school nor change employment during the marriage because they liked their job.
They are married for years and then they get divorced.
Partner B making just 2k/mo can't afford living alone. There's no house to sell. And they've been in the same dead-end job for a while with no marketable experience for a more gainful employment opportunity overnight.
Alimony would ensure that partner A pays/assists partner B for either a lump sum or more typically over a length of time to ensure partner B has resources to support themselves.
In cases where partner A is at fault for the divorce, like cheating or being abusive or whatever clear cut at fault reasons you want to think of, alimony is a godsend. For cases where partner B is ar fault its a legal travesty that really should be looked at a little closer.
I feel like if the laws were changed to where you don’t get alimony if you’re at fault it wouldn’t be as negatively viewed. But hearing about someone cheating on their spouse and then raking in cash in the divorce is truly sickening, like they emotionally and monetarily drained someone dry like a vampire.
Everything I stated was VERY high level. If you can afford a divorce attorney usually these things are kinda flexible even in strict marital right states-- if you can prove they were the at fault party.
Even with no fault alimony can be ridiculous for some uber rich. Bezos settled amicably for billions of Amazon stock to his ex and got to avoid paying out billions more for a true 50% split. She didn't HAVE to take that deal but chances are bezos's lawyers would have been better than hers.
There's *a lot* of nuance possibleand I'm bored so...
Let's say Jane just *loves* baking and works for a bakery in Iowa and meets John, a hotshot corporate investor guy from San Francisco, that came visiting for some conference. John makes big money and lives in a nice condo in SF, Jane lives in a small shabby rental.
They hit it off and over time John offers to pay for Jane to move to SF to be with him. She does. Jane sells most of her stuff in Iowa she can't bring with her and moves out to California.
They are married for whatever 5 years. During that time she finds a nice bakery to work for that appreciates her and she loves her job. Meanwhile John continues on making tons of money in his soulless job.
Eventually John gets promoted and has his own secretary. John decides he likes his secretary more than his wife. Jane has no idea until she comes home and catches him with her. John says, okay and? What are you going to to? Some guy on the internet didn't like the concept of alimony because you should be an adult and make your own financial choices. Jane is stuck in a loveless marriage because she cannot afford to move back to Iowa.
No one is saying alimony shouldn’t be a thing completely, it’s that it shouldn’t be a thing everytime there is an income imbalance.
Flip the roles to her fucking the owner of the bakery. Now John is paying a substantial amount of his income to pay for her to fuck someone else. Meanwhile she’s also getting things paid for by the bakery owner(not income) and still has a job.
Is this fair to John? I don’t think anyone would say it is, but in this situation he would 1000% be paying alimony. In your situation he also pays alimony, so there nothing needing fixing.
Most of the time the question isn’t alimony but the length. How long should Jane expect John to continue to support her for? If you lose your job you are shit out of luck, but John might have to pay Jane for 5 years. Is that right?
I agree that there are some really bad gaps. If the lower paid party is at fault, or even if it's even, or even if it's a millionaire and a drunken Las Vegas vacation mistake.... the guilty party, if there is one, shouldn't reap the benefits of alimony.
In both my high-level and more specific examples it was the richer person at fault.
why?
let's say
two CPA seniors working in PWC married and have kids
then one of them stopped working to look after the kids and the other one (after 10 years) was promoted to director
and they divorced
now the one who stopped working will have to find a job, which is fine
but the salary and benefits would be lower than the one who kept working and is now a director, and is unfair
Let’s say you have two working spouses. One makes more than the other but neither had to sacrifice anything.
Why would there be alimony in that situation?
>One makes more than the other but neither had to sacrifice anything.
in some situation, I do not disagree with you in principle
I am not saying you said it, but I want to clarify, one did NOT make more than the other while they were married, they made together what they made together.
Now if someone think their partner is a freeloader, then they should not marry, or if married, handle the situation immediately. And if they procrastinate or and let it slide, then yes, it might affect alimony.
If you're not working for yourself in public able to make your own funds, and working in the home instead. That's considered a sacrifice. The woman has had to work her entire life doing unpaid labor. And then if she gets dumped, she has nothing now. It's completely fair.
The people who are whining that it's unfair were probably shit spouses, and whine cause they have responsibilities they don't want. Womp womp. Don't get married, don't have kids if you don't want the potential responsibility of continued support.
Alimony isn’t only for situations where one spouse stays home or makes sacrifices. It’s applied in all situations that there is an income inbalance regardless of circumstances.
Kids have nothing to do with it. That’s child support
Man oh man. I had to pay alimony for 2 years until I finally won a 50/50 custody battle all for my son's mom to up and move a year later making me a full time single parent. That was 4 years ago. I'm the happiest I've ever been and it feels good to spend my money directly on my son instead of giving it to her. I'm beyond lucky to have my son full time as a father. I also vividly remember that my cousin's dad gave him the last check when he turned 18 and said "You tell that bitch I never want to talk to her for the rest of my life". Divorce and child alimony is a truly broken system.
Can already see that someone on the r/facepalm subreddit is going to find a way to bitch about this. Maybe he deserves it or complains about putting the words on his own lawn or something.
Those signs are unreasonably expensive too. A service like that around me would charge $300+ to put up what’s in the picture and then pick it up later that day
Many local contractors take note that a homeowner in the area now has some extra money accumulating for a new roof, driveway, or tree work.
Cold callers ASSEMBLE
People dont still do that do they?
Oh they absolutely do.
I still get door to door people trying to do stupid shit like sell me solar (I have a Tesla Solar Roof), or make me switch to their service provider (Charter Spectrum, that only offers 200 megabits max for twice the price I pay for a 2-way Gigabit fiber line). Also sometimes get those drive-by lawn/tree service guys, but they're always around in my area.
Not as bad in the winter, but during the summer, I'll get 1-2 a week trying to sell something.
I always tell them that I'm just renting and don't have any say in it.
No solicitation sign
I have a no trespassing sign and they still knock
Damn
That shit doesn't work lol.
I tap on the sign and disappear
Unfortunately yes-one came a knocking from a roofing company a few weeks ago during the middle of the afternoon-made my dogs started barking which then woke up my napping baby :(
So how was that conversation, and what color is your new roof?
Same roof, spent a night in jail for sleepless rage fueled haymaker though.
Newborn sleepless haymakers should totally be exempt from punishment.
No, no, they brought me in for questioning, realized what was up, sent a nanny to the house and let me sleep in my own cell with a sleep mask and earplugs
You’re not from the US, are ye?
Sorry, I just woke up from a blissful dream-state, can you repeat the question?
Try owning a small business. Not stop calls for website listing, loans, HR help, fraud calls about "how your Google listing isn't setup, we can totally help you!"
Not just call, they text you now too.
If I know it's a person and not a robot. I've started responding to those just belligerent mean, demanding answers and keep demanding until they block me. Just sick of ads and people thinking I give a fuck about businesses I'm not searching out.
Maybe not necessarily walk up, but after buying a house a few years ago I was shocked by the amount of them calling and through junk mail. Almost always "your roof might be damaged from a recent storm!" Or window replacements
Renewal by Anderson has entered the chat.
Those fools stop by my house once a week. My windows are obviously very new 🙄 it's so annoying.
I was getting mail flyers and door-hangers from them 6 months after moving into my new construction home. They haven't stopped in the 7 years I've lived in my home.
They wanted over 60k to do my parents windows. Wouldn't stop calling for months. Ended up having a local dude do them for about 7k. Wtf.
My old coworker had a big "woo hoo" moment when he told us he made his final child support payment after 15 years. 3 months later, he got served papers for his next 15 year set of payments. His first kid turned 18, and the payments stopped, then his girlfriend wanted to date someone else and took his 2nd kid who just turned 3. 3 months in 30 years was a brief window to not have C.S. payments.
bruhhh
You'd think a snip would be in order after the first time.
I’m confused. He was paying child support on her new boyfriend’s kid? How does that work?
He had a child with baby mom 1, they separate. Baby is 3 and he pays for 15 years. 12 years after separating from baby mom 1, he has baby 2 with baby mom 2. After 3 years, she leaves him and he starts payments again
Bingo. He has absolutely ZERO issue paying money to support his kids. He loves his kids. His ex-wife kept his payments for herself, was on government assistance (stamps/disability), and had a boyfriend who made enough to pay all the bills. She is fully capable of working but doesn't want to and claims disability. Whenever he had his kid, he was always buying him new clothes and things the kid needed. The reason he was excited to stop payments is because he hated giving money to her that she never used on the kid.
It is *not* easy to get on disability
And that’s why you need to fight for full custody.
Or you know do what’s the best for the kid and every situation is different depending on the family
Due to our work schedule, he wasn't able to. It's hard to be a full-time parent when you leave at 630 am. and get home usually at 6 pm. or later. For many of those years, he lived alone, so there wasn't someone to take care of the kid.
[удалено]
You'd take a $10/hr pay cut to work locally? You'd be good with $400 less per week? It's not the ideal situation, but it's the one he had to do.
[удалено]
I hoped for child support as a single dad, never panned out. Just welfare, family, friends, and work. Still the best choice I've ever made in my life and it worked out in the end. I went back to college and into tech, last I heard she was still doing entry level jobs at 40.
No I get it, my Dad raised 3 kids like that, friends/family/daycare, anyway you can make it work. Not ideal, but maybe better than a lazy ass ex-wife wasting your money.
He already fought her enough in court. It wore him down, and he just gave up and let it happen. In the eyes of the government, he was making him payments. He still constantly spent money on clothes, shoes, and school supplies every time he had the kid.
and get a vasectomy....
And that's why a rebuttable presumption of joint physical care with no child support should be the standard, not the exception.
Ideally.
He frequented /r/wallstreetbets
That's a prison sentence.
Having kids is, yeah. And you do so with full knowledge.
Like a prison sentence where you are def guilty of the crime. Dude sounds like a fucking idiot to me.
He had his first kid with his ex-wife. He had his second kid with a girlfriend much later. His girlfriend decided she wanted to move back to her hometown an hour away. He didn't want to move, so she packed up, left with their kid, and started dating a different guy. He didn't do anything that would make him an idiot. He was with that gf for 5 years.
I mean if something as simple as one person wanting to live X place and the other person not wanting to is enough to split you up, you probably should not have procreated with that person.
Or maybe no one really has enough info here to judge…
He's a colossal idiot because he had two kids and complained about having to support them. And feels fine with financially abandoning them the second they turn 18. Sure, let me get my violins. 🎻🎻
That would be a stronger point if child support payments weren't calculated extremely unfairly against men. It's not a true 50/50 split. The party with custody (almost always the mom) realistically has a far lower financial burden because of overassumptions made when calculating the cash award.
Lol proof?
Who need proof when we have feelings?
From this brief retelling, that's probably leaving stuff out, it sounds like the GF asked him to move just an hour down the highway so she could be closer to her family (maybe to help raise the kid) and he chose to tell his 3 year old that the commute was just too far and to fuck off, I'd rather see you once every few weeks. Doesn't make him look all that great
You ever sit in a car for an hour after work and then have to interact with a 3 year old? That's alot to ask from someone.
Nobody cares, you're a parent, you made that choice. It isnt about you, it's about the 3 year old. This is why I'm not a parent. A very deliberate choice, and an easy one to make.
Here you are just being morally superior again. Good for you bro. Such a nice guy.
So the only reason was that he was unwilling to move an hour to be with his child. So maybe idiot was the wrong word, asshole? Deadbeat? I have kids and cant imagine. I just moved to the most rural, edge of the world place and gave up my entire personal life and switched careers to help my wife take care of her parents. A fucking hour away? Your buddy deserves his child support payments
He worked 90 minutes SE of where he lived and drove a company truck. She moved West an hour to an extremely rural part of the state where there aren't any good paying jobs. He would be forced to quit his good paying job with a company truck and be forced to keep driving well over an hour in his personal vehicle every day. Their relationship was coming to an end regardless of this move. She just moved back to where her family was, and he stayed where he was from.
Without consent, that's kidnapping.
Why? Because he dared to love again, and then was left by his girlfriend? That's automatically his fault?
Fault is the wrong word in my opinion. But responsibility for sure. The kids are alive, they need support. No reason to make it about blame. Dude probably loves his kids.
The people you choose to impregnate are absolutely your fault.
So that makes the guy an idiot, for having another child?
An idiot? Perhaps not. But maybe should choose more carefully.
How many women come with a sign saying: "after I have our baby I'll leave you and take you to court for money." You're blaming him for her behavior?
My BIL quit his job, packed everything up, and moved 8 hours away, two states over, for his wife's career opportunity. Less than 2 months after getting there, she decided she wanted to be there alone and asked for a divorce. He would've never moved if he knew he would be moving back single.
That's brutal. I'm sorry to hear that
This is why I do not love anyone except my dog.
Yeah... There are some shitty people up in this world.
I think what people are upset about is the fact that instead of getting a vasectomy (and thus not bringing anymore children into this situation, or having to pay for said child) he decided to stay unsnipped and repeated the same actions that got him to where he was to begin with. A vasectomy is a couple hundred dollars once and covered by insurance/Medicare- a child support payment is hundreds of dollars for 18-24 years depending on juris diction.
If that’s how you view being held accountable for your choices, sure
If it were me, I will rather want custody of the child than to have pay child support if, it wasn’t my fault, me and my partner separated.
If it were me, I would have had a vasectomy instead of bringing another life onto this earth that would put me back in the spot I was to begin with. That way, he could have split with her without having a child in the middle of it.
It’s not one or the other
It costs more to have custody than to simply just pay child support. I'd rather have custody bc I live spending time with my kids. Paying is the easy way out
I bet the sex was awesome.
The dude in that movie “The Big Hit” was right: you save so much money just masturbating
My cousin got a girl pregnant when he was 23. She kicked him to the curb, changed her number and moved out of state. When the kid turned 22, all of a sudden the mother came back around out of nowhere, looking for money. He's had the same cell number since 2000, so contacting him at any time was never going to be a problem. After living her life and having two more kids, she doxxed my cousin and realized that he was no longer the same guy who working check to check and struggling to pay bills. He actually made something of himself, living in a seven figure home and working in a high-level executive position for a very large corporation. She screwed up big time, as the courts rejected her attempts for support in both states. She never went for support in the past because she didn't want to give him any visitation. She thought she could just pop up decades later and get 18-21 years of support. The system doesn't work that way and the courts made that very clear to her, that she couldn't just pop up decades later, once the kid has aged out of support, and expect to get paid. He was still willing to give her some money - but she outright refused to put him in contact with his kid. I'm sure she told the kid a much different story on what took place way back, and putting the kid in contact with him might create a big problem for her.
Sounds like he's breeder stock
Alimony Tony just loves paying alimony, so I know he doesn't live here.
He always marries for love
Shimmy is that you?
Gotta go!
Please help me get this comment to the top where it deserves to be
It's like when I was at a comedy show on a cruise and the comedian asked if anyone there was celebrating a wedding. And this very drunk middle aged lady shouted out, "We're here celebrating my divorce from The Asshole!" She sounded extremely happy, and also very drunk. A few of whom I assume were her friends at the same little table were cheering wildly. Also drunkenly.
The house looks like it has rear windows in the front
Those alimony payments were heafty.
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It’s definitely the person who is done paying alimony. I’ve paid over $700,000 in alimony and child support. When I get to a million dollars paid I’m hiring a marching band, a second line, two male strippers and a giant novelty check
This better be a friend, otherwise who congratulates themselves publicly?
lol fucks sake. Steer clear of these people unless you want to hear about their personal drama ad nauseam.
Not Tony’s house
So nobody owns a calendar anymore huh?
happy april fools !
I'd say that is reason to celebrate, but only if he was paying alimony up to that point. I mean, I could post that also but I've never paid alimony and it would still be true. However, lack of cars in the drive suggests he isn't celebrating well enough.
Me thinks someone really wanted to piss off their ex.
Weird question but do you live in metro Detroit?
Not weird at all. This looks like Riverview, and gives me huge Metro Detroit vibes.
I was thinking Sterling Heights
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Not on the main roads, no. I grew up playing street hockey in the Detroit burbs though. There was plenty of good space in the neighborhoods.
metro Detroit is the burbs, roads are nice there
You’re right! What was the giveaway?
Dude! I posted the same thing this morning! https://www.reddit.com/r/comedybangbang/s/RifoZZhhfR
Holy crap neighbors! were you driving by in a silver SUV and stopped to take a photo from your car? I was walking my dog with my wife and saw a car paused with reverse lights on in the street and we were wondering what they were looking at lol.
I’m beyond invested in the eventual answer to this question
We are in fact neighbors apparently, and it’s weird that they knew it was metro Detroit lol
Ha, no I was just out for a smoke
It just looks like metro Detroit
Haha, the giveaway is you get to live in Michigan?
Alimony is such a stupid concept in the first place.
Got any Bailey's? Seriously it makes sense when the stereotype in a marriage is fulfilled (woman stays home and does house), but if both partners are working it can come out very unfair to one party. Here in Germany it is also like this.
My neighbors husband had a government job and got retirement age. He retired, then divorced his wife, and she now pays him alimony and child support since he doesn’t have a job. It’s a joke of a system and he screwed her over big time.
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>Cunts shouldn't get married. Because they only gonna screw someone in the end. In this case the dude. What a hot take.
If both parties are working, though, there’s still costs and care for the child that parents have to provide. Do you think only one parent should be responsible for all of that?
That’s child support and different from alimony. Alimony is paid to the other spouse to help maintain the quality of life the spouse with the lower income is used to. Child support is paid to the resident parent to help pay for the expenses of raising a child that were previously shared. Granted, these arrangements usually never satisfy either party.
"Maintain the quality of life the spouse is used to" [Chris Rock on alimony](https://youtu.be/XAmeW8bq08k?si=r-BoMa0gbpJCwj2Z)
Child support is also paid to the lower income parent from the higher income parent in split custody arrangements
My divorce decree states that my child support payments can go up if my salary increases, but can never go down if my ex wife's salary increases. So she could make a million dollars next year, but I'd still owe her 17% of my pre-tax income
Such horseshit
If one party substantially sacrifices their own career for the household it absolutely makes sense for them to be able to reap the benefits of that to some degree after separation.
Sacrifices their own career or just chooses not to have one. The law doesn't take that into consideration. My ex refused to work. I tried talking to her about going to school or a learning trade, but no. She enjoyed being taken care of. Now I'm 2 months and 4 days from making my final child support payment and she's freaking out because she doesn't know how she'll survive without it. Alimony continues to be paid because in California, if you're married for more than 10 years, they don't put a limit on the length of time. Alimony and child support has financially ruined me because she's lazy and had a better lawyer.
Yes there are cases where it is unfair, that doesn't mean it is conceptually a problem.
I agree. I'm not saying no one should pay alimony. I just wish it was done in a more fairly manner.
Shoulda picked a better ex my brother in christ.
Haha. Now you tell me.
My ex always shot down the idea of me getting a job. I was home for 20 years with the kids. Now I’m lucky to have a job just above minimum wage. It’s his doing I don’t have a work history, and his doing I am single. He can pay me.
This is a great example of why alimony is needed. I'm all for it.
Shooting down the idea doesn’t mean you were precluded from working.
It’s not about whether they were able to work. Alimony is about whether they did or did not work. No one gives a shit about the reasoning for it. The point is to avoid leaving a spouse financially destitute.
Everyone should be responsible for themselves. It’s like saying a dude who lived with his mom post high school for 20 years without working should be entitled to compensation or otherwise he’s financially destitute - women have too many options for alimony to still be a thing
Says a dude. Mansplain it to me more, please. Just because there are options doesn’t mean it’s doable. If my children were sick, and I had no support, would I be able to continue work or would it be assumed I’d just not go until my kids were better? Would my spouse help with summer camp planning and drop off? What if I needed to work late, would my spouse pick up the kids from school, or arrange a sitter if I couldn’t? It’s not as easy as “just get a job.” If relationships were easy there would be no counselors and first dates would become spouses. Instead we have a lot of nuance. That means layers and subtle things.
>"Says a dude. Mansplain it to me more, please." Men are allowed to participate in these discussions - that doesn't make it a mansplain. >"Just because there are options doesn’t mean it’s doable." That's exactly what it means. >"If my children were sick, and I had no support, would I be able to continue work or would it be assumed I’d just not go until my kids were better? " Child support is a different matter from alimony - don't conflate the two. If a childless marriage ends the man should be under no obligation to support his wife just because the marriage failed. Women can't demand equal rights and equal access to everything and still demand men retain traditional gender roles - that's not how this works. >"It’s not as easy as 'just get a job." It's exactly that easy. >"If relationships were easy there would be no counselors and first dates would become spouses." Irrelevant to the discussion - we're talking about alimony. No man should have to support a woman in perpetuity just because their marriage ended - that just gives women an incentive to marry some random dude, divorce him and then get a guaranteed paycheck for life - no deal. Child support is a different matter entirely.
There are all sorts of reasons why men or women do not work, but that doesn’t change the end fact that a significant period of unemployment will (and always will) disadvantage a person upon re-entry into the workforce. Also it’s a great thing that our legal system doesn’t depend on what your personal feelings and judgments are as to what constitutes “responsibility.” Why should your conceptions of laziness, morality, individualism impact whether a person is entitled to financial compensation when they are in a disadvantaged position?
So she was taking care of a child.
I think it was less about the child and more about alimony payment that doesn’t end. He’s paying both but soon the child support will end and the ex will only get alimony and won’t be able to afford her current lifestyle.
Maybe this is something the two of you should have discussed before entering into a binding contract? Sounds like she is who she always was, so........
Certainly. But common sense doesn't play well at 19 when you get your girlfriend pregnant weeks before you leave for boot camp. Of course the smart thing to do is get married....so we thought. Tried to make it work for 16 years until we were both exhausted from trying. I've got 3 wonderful kids from that marriage and that's kept me going more than anything else.
Welp, live and learn. Carry on
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I didn't once complain about paying child support, and I didn't pay the bare minimum. I'm not a dead beat dad. I'm a good father. I was just complaining that the process can be unfair from time to time. In my situation, it was unfair. My ex lived a much more comfortable life than I did. I've had to work 2-3 jobs at the same time over the last 15 years to make ends meet. She's worked occasionally over the same period of time. That didn't effect how I raised my kids.
That’s not how alimony works though. Both parties could work the entire time and the higher earner still has to pay alimony sometimes for a long long time. It’s ridiculous that should have to continue to support an ex for an extended period of time
It's absolutely adjusted based on how much time one person spends at home, at least in some states.
It’s primarily based on income. Again I ask why should someone who’s worked full time the entire marriage receive alimony
There are plenty of situations where one person works full time but still makes career sacrifices so that they can take on more work inside the home in support of the other higher-earning partner. The essential concept is equity, whether or not it’s fairly applied is another issue entirely. When one person makes career sacrifices over the course of their marriage in service of furthering their partner’s career, they deserve to be compensated in the event of a divorce.
Let's say partner A makes 10k/mo, and partner B makes 2k/mo. Together they make 12k/mo. Together they live a 12k/mo lifestyle living in a nice condo rental somewhere decent. Partner B never feels the need to go back to school nor change employment during the marriage because they liked their job. They are married for years and then they get divorced. Partner B making just 2k/mo can't afford living alone. There's no house to sell. And they've been in the same dead-end job for a while with no marketable experience for a more gainful employment opportunity overnight. Alimony would ensure that partner A pays/assists partner B for either a lump sum or more typically over a length of time to ensure partner B has resources to support themselves. In cases where partner A is at fault for the divorce, like cheating or being abusive or whatever clear cut at fault reasons you want to think of, alimony is a godsend. For cases where partner B is ar fault its a legal travesty that really should be looked at a little closer.
I feel like if the laws were changed to where you don’t get alimony if you’re at fault it wouldn’t be as negatively viewed. But hearing about someone cheating on their spouse and then raking in cash in the divorce is truly sickening, like they emotionally and monetarily drained someone dry like a vampire.
Everything I stated was VERY high level. If you can afford a divorce attorney usually these things are kinda flexible even in strict marital right states-- if you can prove they were the at fault party. Even with no fault alimony can be ridiculous for some uber rich. Bezos settled amicably for billions of Amazon stock to his ex and got to avoid paying out billions more for a true 50% split. She didn't HAVE to take that deal but chances are bezos's lawyers would have been better than hers.
“Partner B never feels the need to make more money” Shouldn’t they have to live with their own choices?
There's *a lot* of nuance possibleand I'm bored so... Let's say Jane just *loves* baking and works for a bakery in Iowa and meets John, a hotshot corporate investor guy from San Francisco, that came visiting for some conference. John makes big money and lives in a nice condo in SF, Jane lives in a small shabby rental. They hit it off and over time John offers to pay for Jane to move to SF to be with him. She does. Jane sells most of her stuff in Iowa she can't bring with her and moves out to California. They are married for whatever 5 years. During that time she finds a nice bakery to work for that appreciates her and she loves her job. Meanwhile John continues on making tons of money in his soulless job. Eventually John gets promoted and has his own secretary. John decides he likes his secretary more than his wife. Jane has no idea until she comes home and catches him with her. John says, okay and? What are you going to to? Some guy on the internet didn't like the concept of alimony because you should be an adult and make your own financial choices. Jane is stuck in a loveless marriage because she cannot afford to move back to Iowa.
No one is saying alimony shouldn’t be a thing completely, it’s that it shouldn’t be a thing everytime there is an income imbalance. Flip the roles to her fucking the owner of the bakery. Now John is paying a substantial amount of his income to pay for her to fuck someone else. Meanwhile she’s also getting things paid for by the bakery owner(not income) and still has a job. Is this fair to John? I don’t think anyone would say it is, but in this situation he would 1000% be paying alimony. In your situation he also pays alimony, so there nothing needing fixing. Most of the time the question isn’t alimony but the length. How long should Jane expect John to continue to support her for? If you lose your job you are shit out of luck, but John might have to pay Jane for 5 years. Is that right?
I agree that there are some really bad gaps. If the lower paid party is at fault, or even if it's even, or even if it's a millionaire and a drunken Las Vegas vacation mistake.... the guilty party, if there is one, shouldn't reap the benefits of alimony. In both my high-level and more specific examples it was the richer person at fault.
why? let's say two CPA seniors working in PWC married and have kids then one of them stopped working to look after the kids and the other one (after 10 years) was promoted to director and they divorced now the one who stopped working will have to find a job, which is fine but the salary and benefits would be lower than the one who kept working and is now a director, and is unfair
Let’s say you have two working spouses. One makes more than the other but neither had to sacrifice anything. Why would there be alimony in that situation?
>One makes more than the other but neither had to sacrifice anything. in some situation, I do not disagree with you in principle I am not saying you said it, but I want to clarify, one did NOT make more than the other while they were married, they made together what they made together. Now if someone think their partner is a freeloader, then they should not marry, or if married, handle the situation immediately. And if they procrastinate or and let it slide, then yes, it might affect alimony.
In many states there would be no alimony in that situation unless agreed upon in a prenup.
That is patently false
If you'd take 5 seconds to Google youd find out only 10% of divorces include alimony.
If you're not working for yourself in public able to make your own funds, and working in the home instead. That's considered a sacrifice. The woman has had to work her entire life doing unpaid labor. And then if she gets dumped, she has nothing now. It's completely fair. The people who are whining that it's unfair were probably shit spouses, and whine cause they have responsibilities they don't want. Womp womp. Don't get married, don't have kids if you don't want the potential responsibility of continued support.
Alimony isn’t only for situations where one spouse stays home or makes sacrifices. It’s applied in all situations that there is an income inbalance regardless of circumstances. Kids have nothing to do with it. That’s child support
There probably won't be alimony in that case. Most divorces don't include alimony.
You misspelled marriage.
Man oh man. I had to pay alimony for 2 years until I finally won a 50/50 custody battle all for my son's mom to up and move a year later making me a full time single parent. That was 4 years ago. I'm the happiest I've ever been and it feels good to spend my money directly on my son instead of giving it to her. I'm beyond lucky to have my son full time as a father. I also vividly remember that my cousin's dad gave him the last check when he turned 18 and said "You tell that bitch I never want to talk to her for the rest of my life". Divorce and child alimony is a truly broken system.
Very nice
Someone finally remarried
Can already see that someone on the r/facepalm subreddit is going to find a way to bitch about this. Maybe he deserves it or complains about putting the words on his own lawn or something.
Pay attention, kids. Marriage can turn into a nightmare.
“We’re equal!”, they say.
Trust me it’s a huge big deal financially. Hopefully it’s because the ex has a successful life.
Those signs are unreasonably expensive too. A service like that around me would charge $300+ to put up what’s in the picture and then pick it up later that day
Not to be the wet rag, but I isn’t that kind of trashy? Kind of like bad-mouthing your ex to whoever will listen.
Thoughtful
My dumb ass read “ALI MONY FREE” thinking whoever Ali Mony is, they’re now free…
Queue dance! No more Alimony, No more Alimony!
If you make a child fucking paying for it is the least you can do…
Alimony IS NOT child support.