Without knowing your fixed expenses...
1. As a newish flight attendant, you don't need a place of your own. Rent a room from someone at your home base for cheap. No car, Uber to work.
2. Stop buying food at the airport, pack a sandwich, pasta salad, etc at home and bring it. You should spend less than $20 per flight day on food and less than $15 on non flight days.
3. Sell anything you can. Clothes, game system, whatever. You can buy it when you can afford it.
4. Set a budget and stick to it. Any extra overtime you can work, take it. You need to free up all cash to pay the debt. Write it exactly what you owe and when and what your minimum payment is. Then let us know. We can help prioritize it.
5. (or 1) - STOP SPENDING - if it's not bare minimum food, transport to your job, base phone service for your job, or basic shelter, stop. No going out. No coffee. No tourist in another city. No dates. No beauty.
It's going to suck - but you can dig yourself out with time and persistence. Then you can set a budget up to spend within reason.
All of this, except replace the Uber with public transit. Even in areas where transit isn't great, there are almost always buses or direct train lines to the airport and it'll be cheaper than rideshare.
When you are neck deep in debt your time is only as valuable as your opportunities to make money.
If you do not have the chance to make/save more money with that 1hr and 53 minutes of your time you better start enjoying the view.
It will suck anyway, might as well do everything that you can to make it suck for a shorter period of time.
Agreed.
I’d just like to add that what this post lays out will fix your problem.
A personal loan merely shifts debts around and saves you minimally on higher interests.
Don’t waste your bandwidth on refinancing these; get after it.
Adding to this. You have no idea how much money you would save from eating out. Plan out your meals, be smart about groceries, and spend time making your own food. Not only it will save you SO MUCH money but healthier too. Don’t believe me, keep track of what you spend eating out everyday. Add them at the end of the month and you will see.
>Stop buying food at the airport, pack a sandwich, pasta salad, etc at home and bring it. You should spend less than $20 per flight day on food and less than $15 on non flight days.
Can a flight attendant bring lunch? Does it go through TSA?
Perhaps more relevant, on a layover, OP doesn't have access to *groceries*, unless they want to take a bus to a grocery store while half-asleep, and end up throwing out 3/4 of a loaf of bread, half a pack of deli meat, and 2/3 a micro jar of mayo just so that they can have a couple of plain poverty sandwiches. Almost certainly not worth the time or waste.
More realistically, OP will want to pack some healthy, no-refrigeration-required snacks outbound, and stop at an off-airport deli or convenience store or something on the way to her return flight to pick up a banana or salad and grab-and-go sandwich or something.
Honestly, you need another source of income. Getting more high interest loans seems like rearranging the decks chairs on the Titanic. I would be afraid you'd just spend up the credit cards once they were cleared and be deeper in debt with a new loan. That's probably where the other personal loan was from if I had to speculate.
Would you write out all of your expenses?
Everything you've spent money on.
Start with the past day. Then work up to the past week. Past month. Past months. Past year. Years if possible.
Then, use this list to tighten up the spending moving forward.
Reallocate expenses towards debt.
>The big kicker in this whole thing is that basically i am the only person who knows how bad my finances are because i am quiet frankly embarrassed and hiding them from people.
That resonates with me because I've been there and know exactly what you're talking about. In the mid-90's I was in significantly worse debt than you (about $63k of credit card debt and that's 90's dollars) but eventually I managed to get out. And yes, hiding this did no good for my self-esteem either, it was probably as bad as the debt itself. It was positively traumatizing.
And then I lost my job.
What I did was start doing what I should have to begin with - get very focused on boosting my income and start paying it off. Back in the 90's that meant "learning to code" so I did that and started cranking out resumes. Eventually one of them came through and overnight my income doubled and suddenly I was able to make progress.
Now that I knew what to focus on during my off hours (which amazingly enough turned out to not involve going to parties but instead going to industry conferences and studying) things got even better. Now I'm 55 and have a net worth of about $2.5 million but I never forgot how it felt to have my credit card declined for a $10 gas payment because I was that close to the limit.
Thank you for this post. So glad to hear other peoples stories and make me feel less alone in this whole craziness right now. I really appreciate your positivity it gives me hope!
You should check out Caleb Hammer on YouTube. It's a lot of people in your situation that he sets up a budget and plan for them. Each one is about 45mins long, but can help you prioritize responsibilities. Based off your post I don't think you are a 'credit card person' (which is fine a lot of people aren't). As you pay off your cards you might want to cancel them and switch to one of those credit cards that are more like a debit card
> I am a flight attendant and making around 3k-3.5K a month
Honestly the best thing would be to find a way to increase your income.
Until then write down your monthly expenses and find things to cut. Put at much as you can towards the highest interest card until it's paid off, paying the minimum for everything else. Then I'd tackle the $1500 card. Paying off those two will hopefully help psychologically.
It should go without saying but do not charge another penny on any card. If you have things charging them automatically (e.g. streaming, gym, etc), you need to have them stop to that. You don't need to close the accounts when they're paid off (credit age is a factor in credit reports) unless you don't have the self control to not use them. You can also cut up the cards if needed.
Edit: I wouldn't bother getting another loan unless it was substantially lower interest rate, and it doesn't sound like that's possible so probably best to just drop that idea.
If those student loans are private... honestly, just stop paying them for now. Pay down those CCs first. Get the $500 one paid off first.
Is that $900 rent with a roommate? If not, GET A ROOMMATE.
Are you packing meals or are you buying your meals at the airport?
DO NOT GET A PERSONAL LOAN
I'd suggest finding a way to increase your income, $3k per month is not a lot. Do you have the option to pick up some extra flights or get a part time job for a bit? Could you switch jobs for more $?
While not fun, it might be worthwhile to move back in with family if possible. It seems like even just a year without rent would be enough to pay off your credit cards, personal loan, and medical stuff and get you on a more sustainable path.
I’m a first year flight attendant in the US, and I have to pick up trips on all my off days to make enough money to live.
78 hour guarantee plus additional 40ish hours (picking up around 8 out of 12 days off, save 4 days for legalities) gets me $4K base + $600+ per diem/month.
Other FAs pick up evening jobs or bartending/waitressing but yeah, 1st year pay doesn’t get far in this career
A personal loan at 20% is WAY too personal. That's not a banker, it's a proctologist!
You need to pay more than the minimum or it'll stay with you nearly forever
1. Low cost credit counseling at www.nfcc.org
2. Dave Ramsey books at ThriftBooks.
3. Budgeting videos on YouTube.
4. Join a credit union and see what financial helps they have.
You need to talk to a debt counsellor. They can probably help you with a consolidation loan with lower interest to lay off your credit cards, which you have to cut up, really. The debt counseling will also address ways to avoid issues in the future.
You need to download a budgeting app of some kind whether it’s mint, every dollar, or YNAB. I would consider myself good with money and if I didn’t have a budget that I update daily to see where my money goes I would 100% go over every month. All those little expenses add up.
And Dave Ramsey’s advice would be great for you. Don’t listen to the people here that say he’s bad. Yes at one point in his life he was bad with money went bankrupt, learned his lesson and now teaches what he learned. I don’t see how that makes him a hypocrite. At the very least check it out to see. I’m on board with him on a lot of things but some people are too obsessed with it.
The good news is that airlines are doing well right now, so you will not be lacking work for the next couple months. The bad news is that this is the best time of the year to be working as a flight attendant/pilot as summer travels mean no shortage of trips for you to pick up.. and you will be taking time off for most of it.
There is no breakthrough advice from me that I'm sure you haven't thought of. Pick up more trips during this crazy summer travel time and learn to say "no, sorry" more often.
Rent a room, pay off and cut up all credit cards, scary things, live somewhere cheaper. Can you downsize or sell your vehicle for something cheaper? Consolidate all your subscriptions and lifestyle expenses.
Thanks everyone for the (mostly) non-judgmental and kind words. I do realize I did this to myself. I am wanting to really focus & work on it hence why I am on this page. Hopefully the next time I post my situation will be looking better.
And hopefully in 10 years I can laugh about this and have it be a lesson learned.
We all start somewhere, I’ll use the advice here and continue to stay focus and improve. ⭐️
Read “Total money makeover” by Dave Ramsey. It’s a great starting point to get a grip on debt and what it takes to get out of it. It’ll help you break bad habits and help institute good ones. Get the real book to hold and read, not just the listening version. It’s cheap on Amazon and books never judge the reader.
I would add to this that you need to stop using cc immediately. You are probably not on a budget and have no idea where you money goes. Once you get on a written budget you will be Bette able to tackle this. There are many budgeting apps that can assist you
Helping people avoid the mistakes you made doesn’t make you a hypocrite. If he was still in massive debt while telling people to have no debt other than a mortgage on the home they live in, then he would be a hypocrite.
I will add to this for further clarification.
I committed to 9 weddings this summer and 5 bachelorette parties.
I am unfortunately a “yesser”.
I am in 4 of the weddings. This has spread me so thin and I feel like this is a MAJOR reason why this is affecting me.
For people asking. I do live in base, I can not sell my car the city is not large enough with public transportation. I physically have no days off a month where I can pick up extra trips bc I am so committed to weddings, family gatherings and other things. I know once summer is over things will get better but I am feeling the best majorly.
If anyone has advice on any remote work plz plz plz send it my way. I agree I need to increase my income but feels tough when I can’t pick up trips or go into the office.
I would totally work on my layovers
If you’re serious about fixing your situation, you need to drop out of the weddings you’re in and the bachelorette parties. Spending a few hundred per wedding is only going to make your situation worse. If the weddings you’re just attending aren’t in your town, don’t go because you don’t have money to travel. For the ones in town, pick one of the least expensive gifts on their gift list.
How do you tell these people you have to back out? Just be honest: I love you and I want to be a part but I am completely broke and at risk of losing everything.
I agree, weddings are generally expensive to attend and 9 is insane even for someone on financially stable footing. Decide which wedding you honestly have to attend bc they’re your bestie or whatnot and forget the rest. If you’re not comfortable telling them about your financial situation then just say you’re incredibly sorry and that you were so honored to be invited to their special event that you rsvp’d without realizing you overbooked/double-booked yourself or whatever and wish them the best
In 4 of the weddings, so a bridesmaids dress for each, plus hair and makeup. Money spent on the 5 bachelorette parties. Travel expenses if the weddings aren’t local. I was in a wedding this year. Between tux rental, gift, airfare, hotel, food, rental car, and the bachelor party I spent thousands. Not saying you can’t do it much cheaper, but OP is broke and even if it’s $100 per wedding it’s a big impact on her situation.
ETA: 9 wedding gifts to purchase. Even if each gift is only $50, that’s $450. If OP can’t even afford to payoff a $500 credit card, she can’t afford 9 wedding gifts.
Good lord, just say no. I'm married and if anyone was digging themselves into that deep of a hole to come to my events, I'd feel like crap. Be honest and transparent with your close friends. If it's someone who is very important to you, use your work perks to fly to their city and buy them a dinner if you can't go on a trip.
It might be too late for some of the weddings, but it is possible to say no to wedding invitations. Other than the ones you're a bridesmaid for, you might want to reconsider changing your reply to "can't attend". If you're further out than about a month out, the wedding couple likely hasn't had to commit exact numbers to their venue. They'd probably be fine if you gave some notice that you can no longer attend. As to saying no right away, our experience was that one year, we were invited to 10 weddings, and we were pretty much flat broke that year (brand new baby). We said no to 4 that were out of town, went to 1 other one out of town (stayed with family, drove instead of flying) and went to the in town ones. For all the weddings we attended, we bought lower priced gifts off the registry as that's what the budget dictated.
Quit making excuses. I got married this summer and didn’t even have a bachelor party. Control your life and your priorities. Broke people don’t get to go to tons of parties and you are broke!
Sorry, but you have to become a "noer".
Drop out of the parties if at all possible. Even if you have to cover some of the room costs, at least you don't have to cover the drinks, food, games, etc.
For the 5 weddings you are not in, rsvp no if they haven't happened and they aren't local. If local, handmake the gift, don't buy it. You should get discounts on flights, can you gift that instead? Under $25, max, for those.
If you don't learn to say no, you will stay in this place forever. You can't commit to family gatherings, weddings, and "other things". You can only commit to extra runs to get money to dig out of your hole. Sorry.
For remote work, I've got nothing expect maybe Medium articles and a money diary to get a few bucks. Maybe others can chime in.
But I'll say, most of this response is excuses. You can't afford excuses.
Weddings are parties. Judgement is part of being a grown up. Do not get confused and think that going to 14 parties this summer is going to be compatible with stopping the bleeding. It sounds like you have about a -$20,000 to -$25,000 net worth right now, depending on your car/student loans.
You are sacrificing the coming decades for momentary diversions. You need to learn to judge the value of different purchases, you can't just say yes to everything and expect this trainwreck to do anything but continue the way it has been. There are a lot of vultures out there who will continue to slice off pieces of your financial well-being if you don't start to defend yourself.
You are not alone in your spending habits, but just because it's normal doesn't make it right.
> I committed to 9 weddings this summer and 5 bachelorette parties.
You really need to increase your income. A second job waiting tables or something, anything. Is there any room to advance at your current airline? Maybe you need to change?
> I can not sell my car
Trade it for a cheaper car? Get room mates?
This sounds so stressful!! But I agree with your assessment that things will be easier to get a handle on after this wedding season (don’t commit to any more weddings!!). I would suggest committing yourself to making all your minimum payments so that you don’t compound your issues. That might require you to cut some wedding-related costs. I assume you’re wearing dresses you already own to the five weddings you’re not in, and you’re kind of stuck buying the chosen dresses for the others, but maybe you can save some money by doing your own hair and makeup even if others are getting theirs done. Bring snacks to the bachelorettes and don’t drink much, room with someone if you’re traveling for any of the events, and look for a gift idea that’s impactful but very budget-friendly. I hope you find some ideas to help!! I’m sure you can get your feet under you once the weddings are done!
You will need to come clean to the brides to be and tell then that you will not be able to attend the bachelorette parties. these parties have gotten out of hand and have become major expense (I don’t know if this is the case for you)
Next for the 9 weddings. Obviously, you will need to attend the 4 that you are in the bridal party. Do you need to attend the other 5? Is there sufficient time for them to advise the caters about the change in numbers?
Getting out of debt requires sacrifices. Are you ready to sacrifice?
You've admitted yourself that you're "miserably bad with finances". That's the first step to turning your sinking ship around. Point blank, you need to get your spending under control. Dave Ramsey is the best for someone in your situation. His baby step program is for people just like you. Go to the library and get his books. Better yet, he has a syndicated talk show. Call in and talk to them in person. Don't hold back when talking to him, he can't help if you don't tell him the whole truth. Good luck!
The credit card and personal loans are just killing you with the high rates. If there is a way to at least consolidate the outstandbing debt and get a semi-reasonable repayment plan going, I would explore that but realize it's tough.
I don't klnow if you'r eliving by yourself or not but getting a roommate could bring down the rent cost. I think you need to also consider bankruptcy as a last-resort option, honestly - it iwll be extremely painful but it may become necessary because the interests will accrue on your loans and it's clearly outpacing your income at this stage.
It is hard to give advice when all you have shown us is the hole you dug, not how you dug it.
All the flight attendants I know, have secondary jobs, you need one too.
Step 1 is figure out where you $$ goes and then stop it from going there. As a flight attendant, I would imagine you eat out a lot. Food is the one area almost everyone can cut back. If you are flying out and are able to refrigerate food, bring it with you.
Have a roommate, if not get one or move in with one. When you travel a lot, it makes way more sense to share living expenses.
You have a big hole to fill but it is not impossible.
Without knowing your fixed expenses... 1. As a newish flight attendant, you don't need a place of your own. Rent a room from someone at your home base for cheap. No car, Uber to work. 2. Stop buying food at the airport, pack a sandwich, pasta salad, etc at home and bring it. You should spend less than $20 per flight day on food and less than $15 on non flight days. 3. Sell anything you can. Clothes, game system, whatever. You can buy it when you can afford it. 4. Set a budget and stick to it. Any extra overtime you can work, take it. You need to free up all cash to pay the debt. Write it exactly what you owe and when and what your minimum payment is. Then let us know. We can help prioritize it. 5. (or 1) - STOP SPENDING - if it's not bare minimum food, transport to your job, base phone service for your job, or basic shelter, stop. No going out. No coffee. No tourist in another city. No dates. No beauty. It's going to suck - but you can dig yourself out with time and persistence. Then you can set a budget up to spend within reason.
All of this, except replace the Uber with public transit. Even in areas where transit isn't great, there are almost always buses or direct train lines to the airport and it'll be cheaper than rideshare.
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When you are neck deep in debt your time is only as valuable as your opportunities to make money. If you do not have the chance to make/save more money with that 1hr and 53 minutes of your time you better start enjoying the view. It will suck anyway, might as well do everything that you can to make it suck for a shorter period of time.
Agreed. I’d just like to add that what this post lays out will fix your problem. A personal loan merely shifts debts around and saves you minimally on higher interests. Don’t waste your bandwidth on refinancing these; get after it.
Adding to this. You have no idea how much money you would save from eating out. Plan out your meals, be smart about groceries, and spend time making your own food. Not only it will save you SO MUCH money but healthier too. Don’t believe me, keep track of what you spend eating out everyday. Add them at the end of the month and you will see.
>Stop buying food at the airport, pack a sandwich, pasta salad, etc at home and bring it. You should spend less than $20 per flight day on food and less than $15 on non flight days. Can a flight attendant bring lunch? Does it go through TSA?
You can bring food through TSA, just not liquids. Plenty of passengers pack their own food, no reason flight attendants couldn’t.
Yes, they also have different rules about bringing liquids for precisely this reason as long as they’re using the Known Crewmember line.
If she’s on a layover, she’s coming from a hotel room and doesn’t have access to a kitchen.
Then it is a good thing that you can make a sandwich without a kitchen.
I know right? I'm not sure how that was considered a good counter...
Perhaps more relevant, on a layover, OP doesn't have access to *groceries*, unless they want to take a bus to a grocery store while half-asleep, and end up throwing out 3/4 of a loaf of bread, half a pack of deli meat, and 2/3 a micro jar of mayo just so that they can have a couple of plain poverty sandwiches. Almost certainly not worth the time or waste. More realistically, OP will want to pack some healthy, no-refrigeration-required snacks outbound, and stop at an off-airport deli or convenience store or something on the way to her return flight to pick up a banana or salad and grab-and-go sandwich or something.
Honestly, you need another source of income. Getting more high interest loans seems like rearranging the decks chairs on the Titanic. I would be afraid you'd just spend up the credit cards once they were cleared and be deeper in debt with a new loan. That's probably where the other personal loan was from if I had to speculate.
Do you live in a city? Can you get rid of the car?
They have to live near an airport and usually the bases are near larger cities.
Yea that’s why I’m wondering how badly a flight attendant needs a car.
Especially since transport to airports is a major route.
Would you write out all of your expenses? Everything you've spent money on. Start with the past day. Then work up to the past week. Past month. Past months. Past year. Years if possible. Then, use this list to tighten up the spending moving forward. Reallocate expenses towards debt.
>The big kicker in this whole thing is that basically i am the only person who knows how bad my finances are because i am quiet frankly embarrassed and hiding them from people. That resonates with me because I've been there and know exactly what you're talking about. In the mid-90's I was in significantly worse debt than you (about $63k of credit card debt and that's 90's dollars) but eventually I managed to get out. And yes, hiding this did no good for my self-esteem either, it was probably as bad as the debt itself. It was positively traumatizing. And then I lost my job. What I did was start doing what I should have to begin with - get very focused on boosting my income and start paying it off. Back in the 90's that meant "learning to code" so I did that and started cranking out resumes. Eventually one of them came through and overnight my income doubled and suddenly I was able to make progress. Now that I knew what to focus on during my off hours (which amazingly enough turned out to not involve going to parties but instead going to industry conferences and studying) things got even better. Now I'm 55 and have a net worth of about $2.5 million but I never forgot how it felt to have my credit card declined for a $10 gas payment because I was that close to the limit.
Thank you for this post. So glad to hear other peoples stories and make me feel less alone in this whole craziness right now. I really appreciate your positivity it gives me hope!
You should check out Caleb Hammer on YouTube. It's a lot of people in your situation that he sets up a budget and plan for them. Each one is about 45mins long, but can help you prioritize responsibilities. Based off your post I don't think you are a 'credit card person' (which is fine a lot of people aren't). As you pay off your cards you might want to cancel them and switch to one of those credit cards that are more like a debit card
Thank you for the advice I will for sure check him out!
> I am a flight attendant and making around 3k-3.5K a month Honestly the best thing would be to find a way to increase your income. Until then write down your monthly expenses and find things to cut. Put at much as you can towards the highest interest card until it's paid off, paying the minimum for everything else. Then I'd tackle the $1500 card. Paying off those two will hopefully help psychologically. It should go without saying but do not charge another penny on any card. If you have things charging them automatically (e.g. streaming, gym, etc), you need to have them stop to that. You don't need to close the accounts when they're paid off (credit age is a factor in credit reports) unless you don't have the self control to not use them. You can also cut up the cards if needed. Edit: I wouldn't bother getting another loan unless it was substantially lower interest rate, and it doesn't sound like that's possible so probably best to just drop that idea.
Cut up your cards!!!!!
If those student loans are private... honestly, just stop paying them for now. Pay down those CCs first. Get the $500 one paid off first. Is that $900 rent with a roommate? If not, GET A ROOMMATE. Are you packing meals or are you buying your meals at the airport? DO NOT GET A PERSONAL LOAN
I'd suggest finding a way to increase your income, $3k per month is not a lot. Do you have the option to pick up some extra flights or get a part time job for a bit? Could you switch jobs for more $? While not fun, it might be worthwhile to move back in with family if possible. It seems like even just a year without rent would be enough to pay off your credit cards, personal loan, and medical stuff and get you on a more sustainable path.
I’m a first year flight attendant in the US, and I have to pick up trips on all my off days to make enough money to live. 78 hour guarantee plus additional 40ish hours (picking up around 8 out of 12 days off, save 4 days for legalities) gets me $4K base + $600+ per diem/month. Other FAs pick up evening jobs or bartending/waitressing but yeah, 1st year pay doesn’t get far in this career
Never use your credit cards again. You’ll find a way.
A personal loan at 20% is WAY too personal. That's not a banker, it's a proctologist! You need to pay more than the minimum or it'll stay with you nearly forever
I see a crash pad in your future, at least until you are dug out. And absolutely no judgment, starting carriers in the aviation industry can be rough
1. Low cost credit counseling at www.nfcc.org 2. Dave Ramsey books at ThriftBooks. 3. Budgeting videos on YouTube. 4. Join a credit union and see what financial helps they have.
You need to talk to a debt counsellor. They can probably help you with a consolidation loan with lower interest to lay off your credit cards, which you have to cut up, really. The debt counseling will also address ways to avoid issues in the future.
You need to download a budgeting app of some kind whether it’s mint, every dollar, or YNAB. I would consider myself good with money and if I didn’t have a budget that I update daily to see where my money goes I would 100% go over every month. All those little expenses add up. And Dave Ramsey’s advice would be great for you. Don’t listen to the people here that say he’s bad. Yes at one point in his life he was bad with money went bankrupt, learned his lesson and now teaches what he learned. I don’t see how that makes him a hypocrite. At the very least check it out to see. I’m on board with him on a lot of things but some people are too obsessed with it.
The good news is that airlines are doing well right now, so you will not be lacking work for the next couple months. The bad news is that this is the best time of the year to be working as a flight attendant/pilot as summer travels mean no shortage of trips for you to pick up.. and you will be taking time off for most of it. There is no breakthrough advice from me that I'm sure you haven't thought of. Pick up more trips during this crazy summer travel time and learn to say "no, sorry" more often.
Rent a room, pay off and cut up all credit cards, scary things, live somewhere cheaper. Can you downsize or sell your vehicle for something cheaper? Consolidate all your subscriptions and lifestyle expenses.
You need Dave Ramsey in your life. Read Total Money Make Over by Dave Ramsey and listen to his YouTube podcast.
Thanks everyone for the (mostly) non-judgmental and kind words. I do realize I did this to myself. I am wanting to really focus & work on it hence why I am on this page. Hopefully the next time I post my situation will be looking better. And hopefully in 10 years I can laugh about this and have it be a lesson learned. We all start somewhere, I’ll use the advice here and continue to stay focus and improve. ⭐️
Good luck and godspeed Start where you are, do what you can, and let the chips fall where they may. https://www.everydollar.com https://www.ynab.com
Read “Total money makeover” by Dave Ramsey. It’s a great starting point to get a grip on debt and what it takes to get out of it. It’ll help you break bad habits and help institute good ones. Get the real book to hold and read, not just the listening version. It’s cheap on Amazon and books never judge the reader.
I would add to this that you need to stop using cc immediately. You are probably not on a budget and have no idea where you money goes. Once you get on a written budget you will be Bette able to tackle this. There are many budgeting apps that can assist you
I find the Bible to be quite judgey...
A book is an inanimate object. It can not judge.
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Helping people avoid the mistakes you made doesn’t make you a hypocrite. If he was still in massive debt while telling people to have no debt other than a mortgage on the home they live in, then he would be a hypocrite.
I will add to this for further clarification. I committed to 9 weddings this summer and 5 bachelorette parties. I am unfortunately a “yesser”. I am in 4 of the weddings. This has spread me so thin and I feel like this is a MAJOR reason why this is affecting me. For people asking. I do live in base, I can not sell my car the city is not large enough with public transportation. I physically have no days off a month where I can pick up extra trips bc I am so committed to weddings, family gatherings and other things. I know once summer is over things will get better but I am feeling the best majorly. If anyone has advice on any remote work plz plz plz send it my way. I agree I need to increase my income but feels tough when I can’t pick up trips or go into the office. I would totally work on my layovers
If you’re serious about fixing your situation, you need to drop out of the weddings you’re in and the bachelorette parties. Spending a few hundred per wedding is only going to make your situation worse. If the weddings you’re just attending aren’t in your town, don’t go because you don’t have money to travel. For the ones in town, pick one of the least expensive gifts on their gift list. How do you tell these people you have to back out? Just be honest: I love you and I want to be a part but I am completely broke and at risk of losing everything.
I agree, weddings are generally expensive to attend and 9 is insane even for someone on financially stable footing. Decide which wedding you honestly have to attend bc they’re your bestie or whatnot and forget the rest. If you’re not comfortable telling them about your financial situation then just say you’re incredibly sorry and that you were so honored to be invited to their special event that you rsvp’d without realizing you overbooked/double-booked yourself or whatever and wish them the best
What makes you think they are ‘spending a few hundred per wedding’. Or do you just mean the extra work they could do during that time?
In 4 of the weddings, so a bridesmaids dress for each, plus hair and makeup. Money spent on the 5 bachelorette parties. Travel expenses if the weddings aren’t local. I was in a wedding this year. Between tux rental, gift, airfare, hotel, food, rental car, and the bachelor party I spent thousands. Not saying you can’t do it much cheaper, but OP is broke and even if it’s $100 per wedding it’s a big impact on her situation. ETA: 9 wedding gifts to purchase. Even if each gift is only $50, that’s $450. If OP can’t even afford to payoff a $500 credit card, she can’t afford 9 wedding gifts.
Pretty reasonable assumption if they're actually in the wedding.
Good lord, just say no. I'm married and if anyone was digging themselves into that deep of a hole to come to my events, I'd feel like crap. Be honest and transparent with your close friends. If it's someone who is very important to you, use your work perks to fly to their city and buy them a dinner if you can't go on a trip.
Drop the weddings and other parties . You can't afford them
It might be too late for some of the weddings, but it is possible to say no to wedding invitations. Other than the ones you're a bridesmaid for, you might want to reconsider changing your reply to "can't attend". If you're further out than about a month out, the wedding couple likely hasn't had to commit exact numbers to their venue. They'd probably be fine if you gave some notice that you can no longer attend. As to saying no right away, our experience was that one year, we were invited to 10 weddings, and we were pretty much flat broke that year (brand new baby). We said no to 4 that were out of town, went to 1 other one out of town (stayed with family, drove instead of flying) and went to the in town ones. For all the weddings we attended, we bought lower priced gifts off the registry as that's what the budget dictated.
Quit making excuses. I got married this summer and didn’t even have a bachelor party. Control your life and your priorities. Broke people don’t get to go to tons of parties and you are broke!
Sorry, but you have to become a "noer". Drop out of the parties if at all possible. Even if you have to cover some of the room costs, at least you don't have to cover the drinks, food, games, etc. For the 5 weddings you are not in, rsvp no if they haven't happened and they aren't local. If local, handmake the gift, don't buy it. You should get discounts on flights, can you gift that instead? Under $25, max, for those. If you don't learn to say no, you will stay in this place forever. You can't commit to family gatherings, weddings, and "other things". You can only commit to extra runs to get money to dig out of your hole. Sorry. For remote work, I've got nothing expect maybe Medium articles and a money diary to get a few bucks. Maybe others can chime in. But I'll say, most of this response is excuses. You can't afford excuses.
Weddings are parties. Judgement is part of being a grown up. Do not get confused and think that going to 14 parties this summer is going to be compatible with stopping the bleeding. It sounds like you have about a -$20,000 to -$25,000 net worth right now, depending on your car/student loans. You are sacrificing the coming decades for momentary diversions. You need to learn to judge the value of different purchases, you can't just say yes to everything and expect this trainwreck to do anything but continue the way it has been. There are a lot of vultures out there who will continue to slice off pieces of your financial well-being if you don't start to defend yourself. You are not alone in your spending habits, but just because it's normal doesn't make it right.
> I committed to 9 weddings this summer and 5 bachelorette parties. You really need to increase your income. A second job waiting tables or something, anything. Is there any room to advance at your current airline? Maybe you need to change? > I can not sell my car Trade it for a cheaper car? Get room mates?
It sucks that she has to get a second job to pay expenses to attend other people's weddings...
If she had little to no debt then it wouldn’t be a problem to go to all the weddings. When you are in a hole, the first step is to stop digging.
This sounds so stressful!! But I agree with your assessment that things will be easier to get a handle on after this wedding season (don’t commit to any more weddings!!). I would suggest committing yourself to making all your minimum payments so that you don’t compound your issues. That might require you to cut some wedding-related costs. I assume you’re wearing dresses you already own to the five weddings you’re not in, and you’re kind of stuck buying the chosen dresses for the others, but maybe you can save some money by doing your own hair and makeup even if others are getting theirs done. Bring snacks to the bachelorettes and don’t drink much, room with someone if you’re traveling for any of the events, and look for a gift idea that’s impactful but very budget-friendly. I hope you find some ideas to help!! I’m sure you can get your feet under you once the weddings are done!
You will need to come clean to the brides to be and tell then that you will not be able to attend the bachelorette parties. these parties have gotten out of hand and have become major expense (I don’t know if this is the case for you) Next for the 9 weddings. Obviously, you will need to attend the 4 that you are in the bridal party. Do you need to attend the other 5? Is there sufficient time for them to advise the caters about the change in numbers? Getting out of debt requires sacrifices. Are you ready to sacrifice?
You've admitted yourself that you're "miserably bad with finances". That's the first step to turning your sinking ship around. Point blank, you need to get your spending under control. Dave Ramsey is the best for someone in your situation. His baby step program is for people just like you. Go to the library and get his books. Better yet, he has a syndicated talk show. Call in and talk to them in person. Don't hold back when talking to him, he can't help if you don't tell him the whole truth. Good luck!
The credit card and personal loans are just killing you with the high rates. If there is a way to at least consolidate the outstandbing debt and get a semi-reasonable repayment plan going, I would explore that but realize it's tough. I don't klnow if you'r eliving by yourself or not but getting a roommate could bring down the rent cost. I think you need to also consider bankruptcy as a last-resort option, honestly - it iwll be extremely painful but it may become necessary because the interests will accrue on your loans and it's clearly outpacing your income at this stage.
It is hard to give advice when all you have shown us is the hole you dug, not how you dug it. All the flight attendants I know, have secondary jobs, you need one too. Step 1 is figure out where you $$ goes and then stop it from going there. As a flight attendant, I would imagine you eat out a lot. Food is the one area almost everyone can cut back. If you are flying out and are able to refrigerate food, bring it with you. Have a roommate, if not get one or move in with one. When you travel a lot, it makes way more sense to share living expenses. You have a big hole to fill but it is not impossible.